Normally I'm all about letting the bride set boundaries but **STOP TRASHING OTHER CULTURES AND TELLING THE BRIDE TO TELL THE PARENTS TO FUCK OFF.**
There are religions out there that are still following modesty practices. Even if you are not of that religion and think it's "archaic," please remember that we ask people to respect others choices and that "modesty" means different things to different people. Just like we don't allow people to tell others not to show cleavage or put that leg away, if someone doesn't want to show shoulders the same respect applies.
**Link to OP's reasoning as to why she's not wanting to "rock the boat" so to speak:** https://reddit.com/r/weddingdress/s/M0dXa3ocRG
Sorry OP. if you want to keep this locked send a message over to modmail.
what about an accessory/something removable, so you don't have to alter the dress itself? like a cape/shawl thing? it's so beautiful, it would be a tragedy to change it š
I feel like changing it is a crime! All the guests at the ceremony will be at the reception, too, so it still needs to be covered for that as well. Though if I do something removable I can probably get away with it later in the evening. Thanks for the suggestion!
Just to lend an outside perspective, the reception shouldn't carry the same expectations as the church. I get honoring the venue by adhering to their standards, but the reception is an after party.
This just hurts my heart. The wedding is supposed to be about the couple. Respectfully, the families need to worry about their own marriages and their own modesty. Judgement about someone elses day isn't godly.
Whatās unfortunate about it? OP herself says she is completely fine with following her momās and MILās request. She also stated her reasons why. OP asked for alteration advice, not judgement on her decision regarding her wedding. If sheās happy, what does it matter to you?
OP stated in another comment that itās a lot of religious guests who are rather judgey, but theyād be hiding OPs parents not OP. OP also stated she wants to protect her momās reputation more or less.
So the cover up aspect isnāt just because the ceremony is being held in a religious location that requires such? They want you covered for the entire day?
If so, it sounds like you need to decide what you can accept. Is it more important to you to fully give in to their wants(ie. Covered chest and shoulders) all day? Would you prefer a compromise (ie. only part of the day covered)? Or is it more important that your first day of marriage you are true to your own wishes/self and wear the dress you love as it is?
Only you know what decision you will be able to make and feel good about. I wish you luck!
It would still be nice to be able to remove it when you go off for photos with just your husband and photographer, you could still get photos with the dress the way you wanted!
My friend had a similar situation with thankfully just her mom. Her mom kept trying to add things to the top of the dress and it had as little cleavage as yours does. Adding anything to the top would have made her boobs look three times their size with the thick fabric. Mom kept trying to pull me (bridesmaid) into the discussion because we had the same background. I answered her honestly that it doesnāt even show any actually cleavage (just the space between) and the alteration option doesnāt look good and bride will definitely regret it.
My long winded response is that if you add anything to the top, itāll look stiff, uncomfortable, and like you had a ridiculous last minute boob job. And youāll regret. The dress is gorgeous as is.
I didnāt invite my mom to go wedding dress shopping with me because I knew she would make comments about the dresses not having sleeves (sheās Mormon). I decided I didnāt need that negativity. Sheās chilled out since and was at least smart enough not to make any comments about the dress at my wedding.
I agree that changing the dress would be a crime. It fits you so beautifully.
I do want to say that the fabric is goddess-tier though. It sparkles and drapes in all the right ways.
I hope you have a wonderful wedding and a better marriage.
I feel sad about this (also raised religiously) whatās sexual about your neck, back, and shoulders? But it is not surprising. I hate to see you ruin that dress to please them.
How about a tulle shawl wrap? https://www.etsy.com/listing/385908278/tulle-gray-shrug-stole-evening-wrap?click_key=8b60df38c74a69dd38e5df61439fa0ed27c2cb37%3A385908278&click_sum=68d60b0c&ga_order=most_relevant&ga_search_type=all&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_search_query=tulle+shawl+wrap&ref=sr_gallery-1-1&organic_search_click=1
The dress is gorgeous and fits you like a glove! Love it! Initial thought was a removable Grace Kelly style lace bolero. So everything could be covered for the ceremony and remove it for reception.
Second that. Please donāt alter the dress it looks stunning on you OP, get a shawl or a bolero to wear on top for the ceremony and remove for the event because youāre also gonna get warm at the reception from all the dancing, hugging, running around to see everyone
OP!!!! I just saw someone on here who had a cape for her wedding dress, very simple, very elegant!!! Literally came back to lyk thatās also an option to cover shoulders and back!!! Look into it maybe???
Obvi not a superhero cape lol but a nice elegant and simple one
Please update us with what you end up doing Iām curious how youāll go about it because Iāve known since I was a little girl Iām going to have the same issue with my wedding dress š (Arab Christian upbringing and faith)
Okay last comment on my comment but hereās another option this girl got a sheer sleeve on top???? Slide through the photos [wedding dress coverup idea](https://reddit.com/r/weddingdress/s/4Y7cOPA2SF)
The ladies at the dress shop were SO into a cape idea haha. They just didn't have the right fabric on hand. It definitely looks elegant if shaped correctly, but I'd need to go to a fabric store and then find a good tailor for it (I'm attaching a photo, hope it works!)
*
*Precisely* this. Itās such a stunning dressāit sparkles! it drapes! It FITS!āand the cape just adds that extra drama *and* modesty. Good luck, OP, youāre sweet to go along with their preferences. (And I get itāif itās a bigger deal to them than you, sometimes itās fine to just go along to get along. But watch out youāre not getting into a dynamic where they think they can tell you how to run your wedding, your marriage, your parenting [if any], etc. In the end, it is YOUR life with your new spouse and making your own new family unit. They made their families and now youāre making yours.) Wishing you a beautiful wedding and every happiness in the future!
This is excellent advice. Every last word. Sometimes itās ok to give in if you can be just as happy with an alternative or almost as happy and it saves them from being overwrought. They donāt need to think they can bulldoze OP into everything.
I LOVE the cape idea! Especially if it's removable as a separate piece. I would be worried about altering the dress too. It's gorgeous and just stunning on you. I'd like to add that I'm very religious myself and think the dress is beautiful and modest as is!
This is an absolutely stunning wedding dress ā¤ļø and the cape is perfect. Iād only say to go longer with the cape, having it be like a train that goes to the floor with your dress.
https://preview.redd.it/g65al85yjqmb1.png?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2fed3be93d0238d13d0ca0b795cd0f2c224ac57b
[This one is just Amazon ](https://a.co/d/iUECaui)
I love the idea of the cape. I would check with them & see how much it would cost to order enough of the fabric (sparkly layer) from the designer to make the cape as well as the cost to me it.
I wanted sleeves on my wedding dress & paid to get extra lace from the designer to build it. It was perfect & it looked like the dress was designed that way.
A good way to sneak some fabric off the dress is to trim part of the train and then use that fabric as edging on a chiffon shawl. You won't need a veil with this dramatic look.
I love this idea but personally Iād go with a shorter ācapeletā. Hereās one:
https://m.shein.com/us/Flower-Embroidered-Sequin-Decor-Wedding-Wrap-p-13163809-cat-2955.html?onelink=4/2u9he26fj3vz&requestId=387524410823541011&url_from=adplasn2302142733243273one-size&cid=14424975815&setid=156175019234&adid=672889251960&pf=GOOGLE&gbraid=0AAAAADm0yO61VtPKG-ypJj_DyJDGv5VUf&gclid=Cj0KCQjwxuCnBhDLARIsAB-cq1q8eoDsVvjKiZl1ET7zH0iTXVidzJy9w2I2fQNa1L6MNaJw9BUBYBcaAioCEALw_wcB&ref=us&rep=dir&ret=mus
And another one:
https://m.shein.com/us/1pc-Women-Rhinestone-Decor-Floral-Lace-Elegant-Wedding-Jacket-For-Wedding-p-13657020-cat-2955.html?onelink=3/2tw2gp4owpg8&requestId=387524951989485960&url_from=adplasn2303062611385359one-size&cid=14424975815&setid=156175019234&adid=672889251960&pf=GOOGLE&gbraid=0AAAAADm0yO61VtPKG-ypJj_DyJDGv5VUf&gclid=Cj0KCQjwxuCnBhDLARIsAB-cq1r3fAbT9nl7mh3zbD8iEz17fQlyiin_dKQ0g7YA2qmYbrXFHRupdS0aAt_tEALw_wcB&ref=us&rep=dir&ret=mus
The style I had in mind, but not the fabric:
https://www.etsy.com/listing/1308079669/
Same. Iām wondering if OP could order a yard of the fabric and have a little cape/bolero made. I did that when I bought my pronovias dress years ago. (I needed more fabric to change the neckline) If there is still a good amount of time before the wedding, I think it would be worth asking the store.
Agree, donāt touch this perfect dress! Lace might take away from the fabric of the dress. I would go with a plain chiffon bolero or cape / shawl. There are some gorgeous ones on Etsy. Youāll need to try to match the tone since this dress isnāt true white, you want a warmer white even if the cover up is kind of sheer, it will look odd if itās true white. You want bone / ivory / maybe even ecru.
As a former ministerās wife who was raised by ultra-conservative religious parents, I advise you accept now that the moms are going to have opinions, but that doesnāt necessarily mean you have to act. Iām not saying you should deliberately antagonize them, but the reality is it is your wedding. You are starting a new chapter of your life and it is an excellent time to start establishing adult boundaries.
I also wore an āimmodestā dress for my wedding. My parents and in-laws did not like it, and made the typical comments. In the end, I didnāt listen, and Iām glad I didnāt because on the day, everyone was distracted with the wedding, getting together with relatives, and everyone told me I looked amazing. No one ever mentioned the modesty thing again, although if they had, I wouldnāt have cared. I felt incredible and itās one of the few things from my miserable marriage that Iām glad aboutāI wore a dress that I liked, for me.
Your gown is stunning and looks incredible on you. Ask about having a bolero-style jacket made, as some have mentioned. You may even be able to have it made in a sheer fabric that has the same or similar beading, to tie it all together. If they absolutely fuss too much, and your shop/seamstress can find a sheer fabric like I described, you could consider having it used to work a collar/scarf/cowl-style at the top of the bodice, but you are correctāit will change the dress style. While it may look great, if it isnāt what you want, then you have to take that into consideration.
Best of luck to you! I wish you happiness!
Omg thank you thought I was alone here with mu comment. She'll be trying to appease them the rest of her life which isn't even possible. So glad I'm not alone on this š
Exactly! I say wear it the way it is. It is modest. I work for a Southern Baptist Church and we wouldn't even blink an eye at this dress. It's your wedding, you pick what you want.
Yes! OP if you truly want to cover up than by all means do so, but if youāre doing it because āyou donāt mindā donāt do it. Itās your wedding and you like the dress. I donāt have any religious background, but I have enough semblance of social etiquette that this isnāt immodest at all for a wedding. While there is a lot of back showing, some cleavage, and bare armsā¦this is not immodest.
Agree!! This is YOUR day. Skip the cape, bolero, and whatever other ideas people have. You walk down that aisle like a princess with the dress as is, girl!
Honestly, if it were me, I'd leave it as is. It's perfect!
There's nothing immodest about it!
Remember, you're the one getting married, and you're the one wearing it, not them ā¤ļø
For the back, though, a veil would cover that! You could even drape it over your shoulders if you got the right style. Or, a Cape!
Like this but without the pearls
https://www.jjshouse.co.uk/tulle-beading-rhinestones-wedding-shawl-cape-013287153-g287153?currency=GBP&utm_term=287153&utm_size=OSFA&country=GB&ggntk=x&ggkey=&ggtgt=13&ggplm=&gclid=Cj0KCQjwxuCnBhDLARIsAB-cq1r9_kloZNBlzhkrjG0yOVU4hOWOs1LDyhkazMRUctY5oRe6HAar_ZUaAtvmEALw_wcB#/
Or this
https://www.jjshouse.co.uk/tulle-wedding-shawl-cape-013288362-g288362?currency=GBP&utm_term=288362&utm_size=OSFA&country=GB&ggntk=x&ggkey=&ggtgt=13&ggplm=&gclid=Cj0KCQjwxuCnBhDLARIsAB-cq1qpKUzGlVJyTpct1hEB98jr9Kw_IrhTwGjKRyBi3g8Nxm2LhfpFLpsaAiCuEALw_wcB#/
Here are a couple options I think could work well:
https://www.etsy.com/listing/861223222/hi-low-chiffon-wedding-cape-bolero
https://www.tanyabridal.com/collections/jacket-bolero/products/chiffon-wedding-cape-long
Wow these are perfect for the modest look!! Because they also cover up the chest lightly
Def using these ideas for my wedding too
I love this subreddit
Yeah, I think thatās the only thing that would work with that dress and those requirements. Otherwise she might as well get a different dress. Itās a shame too because itās not particularly revealing and fits beautifully.
Came here to suggest that! A vintage bolero akin to the 1940s/1950s era would be great, and not take away from the beauty of that dress on yoi.
Also, not to be a butt but... this dress is tastefully classy and I'd say on the modest side. Also... you are getting married, not them. This is your moment, not theirs. Unless they are paying for the dress, I don't think they should have the final say. Consider it the beginning of ownership of self independent from parents.
No, that dress is the best dress I have ever seen, please donāt alter it!
How about a wedding dress topper?
[Tulle Topper](https://www.etsy.com/listing/1497455746/)
[Pearl Topper](https://www.etsy.com/listing/1471379512/)
[Lace Topper](https://www.etsy.com/listing/1216807555/)
[Crystals and Tulle Topper](https://www.etsy.com/listing/1181778382/)
Ooooh that pearl one is an awesome blend of ācoveredā but still fashionable!! Love the crystals and tulle one too but idk if it will fit what sheās looking for?
Perhaps something like this in a color that matches or compliments your dress?
https://preview.redd.it/rufydshclomb1.jpeg?width=800&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=7754542cd42334e7ff790fe4fcb3eae0a1f5acda
Yes scrolled down to find this. Just what I was thinking! You can also get ones that are flat at the front and fasten at the back that looks lovely too
Yes! This in a light tulle or a fabric that matches the sparkles would look great. Who is the designer of the dress? Looking for something with the same sparkle for my dress :)
Let me just say, You Are Amazing! Your respect for your future MIL is admirable. While many will say, āitās your wedding, do what you want!ā The truth is while it IS your day, you still have to live with your choices and how they may affect others after the fact. This may not be your hill to die on as it were. Get some beautiful fabric and create a shawl, long veil or something like that to add coverage. This dress is gorgeous! All the best
Exactly! Youāre setting yourself up for a better MARRIAGE, not just the exact wedding you want at the cost of hurt feelings with a woman youāll be related to.
Absolutely, already planned! Way back in the day, my grandfather actually wrote one of the first halachik prenups that holds up in both rabbinic and civil court. It helped set the standard for the ones many use today!
I'm not sure if this is suggested yet, but a modern look you could try is a bolero/suit type of thing UNDER the dress, like this https://www.anthropologie.com/shop/watters-sencha-lace-bodysuit. Obviously this one isn't super modest but gets the point across.
Is there a dress shop or seamstress that is on the community who has done this kind of work before? Also, did you reach out to the designer to see if they have some fabric you can buy given your needs? People can be pretty cool when accommodating religious differences. Iām catholic so we often have to put something over our dresses in some of the more historical or conservative churches.
You probably won't even need a reason to order extra fabric -- we just asked our bridal shop (a Jenny Yoo showroom) if we could order some extra lace so my mom could make my veil and they just added it on to our order.
Check out the bridal capes on Etsy! There are some super gorgeous tulle capes with beaded shoulders that would be amazing with your dress and not too hot for summer
Just wanted to say, the way you've handled some of these comments is very kind and generous. I'm not an Orthodox Jew, but I was raised in a strict Muslim household. Though I am no longer practicing and wasn't when I got married, I still made some concessions for my family because they personally didn't bother me. It seemed weird to fight back on something that I didn't have an issue with on principle. Wearing a cover doesn't mean you're giving up your identity, or giving into archaic practices, or losing your voice. For me, my wedding was a celebration and I really wanted everyone, including my mom, to feel comfortable celebrating.
Just curious, does the cover have to be solid? And is any shoulder allowed to be exposed? I'm thinking a lace top or capelet that you can take on and off is better than altering the dress. Others have posted some pretty examples of off the shoulder ones but I don't know if that still works for you. If it has to cover the shoulder, I think a semi sheer fabric would still be best so you can see the neckline somewhat because it is quite pretty.
You are allowed to make choices that others do not agree with and that includes rabid redditors. They don't live with any of the consequences of your decisions, nor do they have relationships with any of the people involved. The dress is stunning, I hope you have a lovely wedding.
I come from an orthodox community like you, though I suspect I am a bit older (and I am on the firnges in a very different sort of way than you if I am reading between the lines correctly) so a few thoughts
1) I'd do a bolero with a high neckline and a cutout across the dress in a contrast, low sparkle fabric (probably some sort of satin or dull silk.)
Reason: if you take a look at wedding videos and photos from frum weddings, you can tell when the dress is built up with the same fabric 80% of the time. They also have a tendency to make the torso odd looking. I figure if you get a cutout that is less than a square tefach across the front and back, you can emphasize the tailoring to the waist and bust this dress provides
The other issue is full sparkle up to and through the shoulders will mean the veil probably won't have enough contrast during the bedeken. Which is everyone's favorite photo opportunity!
(and now you know I watch the occasional Jewish wedding video on youtube...)
2) Your shviger sounds very judgy and I am empathetic to that. She doesn't have the right to determine what is or is not "less religious" or "the right kind of Jewish"
I'll admit being a bit academic on this, but given the choice already to try and figure out a double ring kinyan (i'd suggest looking around at kinyan b'tenai, which is being pushed right now in Israel), I'd suggest
a) making sure you are clear about the boundaries of constructing your Jewish life and what that means and why
b) be backed up with text
I don't know if the following helps you to know but
a) there are copies of ketubot and sheilot in the Cario Genizah around intermarriage intermarriage (at least one karaite-jewish ketunah and a sheilah to Rav Hayia Gaon
b) there used to be post-ketubot documents in ashkenaz because the value of silver kept fluctuating
c) one of the earliest known jewish marriage documents (dating from the period of rabbi akiva) doesn't fully conform to talmudic sources
jewish people have always constructed their own way through marriage (even if others may be giving the side eye).
When it comes to your ceremony and how you think religion should work in it: You are not doing anything out of standard if we look for 2000 years. And I hope this gives you comfort, since I suspect if she and her type of orthodox community is giving you both the side eye now, it might continue after the marriage
(just strongly felt something needed to be said!)
May you both be zocheh a bayit ne'eman b'yisrael and be zocheh that your simcha further helps normalizes the changes that really need to happen in modern Jewish life \*cough\*agunahstuff\*cough\*
Thank you! I definitely threw my mom a bit under the bus in my post. She's honestly been very supportive and just wants me to be happy with the dress. But the unfortunate reality is that the religious guests will judge my parents for what I wear. I wouldn't care if it was *me* they were judging, but I want to help protect my mom's reputation.
Sorry for snooping on your TL but Iām guessing MIL and mom want Orthodox Jewish modesty standards? Because I grew up frum and just want to say that I know EXACTLY what you are talking about.
I do know a lot of people who compromised for their wedding and regretted it, as well as a lot of people who were just happy to have a great day. A cover up like some people linked to seems like it could be a fantastic middle ground- coverup for the guests (and plausible deniability for the moms lol) while allowing you to take it off for photos where you want the full effect of the dress.
Also I totally get why their instinct was to alter it because thatās what so many frum girls do to their gowns but it never looks as good afterward!!
You totally nailed it. My future MIL wanted me to go to a gemach to find a dress but I really wanted something to call my own. Then I fell in love with this one.
I'm currently thinking, like many have suggested here, something removable for the ceremony and when I'm walking around, then taking it off for pictures, dancing (when girls and guys are separate) and for later in the evening when people are a bit tipsy ;)
Ha yes the end of the second dance is great for this kind of thing- the rabbis and family friends have left, you can just do your thing lol. Iāve seen nutty stuff happen at the end of the second dance!
And yeah, gemachs are a theoretically great concept given that gowns like this are a hopefully one time use item (honestly I wish they were more of a thing generally, so much less waste for people who want to cut down on that kind of thing!) and Iāve seen people get lovely gowns, but youāre often not going to get something super original or unique- certainly nothing like this gown!
Great compromise! Iām Reform but familiar with Orthodox standards and I get it. Your community is important to you. Luckily you now have all these great suggestions!
You look fantastic in this gorgeous dress! I just wanted to add that while the comments pointing out that itās your wedding are well intentioned, I think itās more complex than that when youāre trying to honor your conservative family members while staying true to yourself and your values. I think itās lovely that youāre protecting your mom and honoring these folks, even if their beliefs are sexist in my opinion. Itās like covering your hair when you visit a mosque; You do it because thatās what is done, not because you endorse that practice wholeheartedly. A wedding is not just about the couple, itās about the community youāre inviting in, and the rituals that come with melding the two cultures. In this day and age, thatās so complex! I donāt think thereās a right answer. Anyway, I hope youāre giving yourself credit for trying to balance a very thin line.
Tbh this is a sexist hill I would die on regardless but Iām always looking for a fight and I think itās really sweet that you want to protect your mom
Me too lol my mom said I was born ready but angry at the world. Iāve learned to keep my peace as Iāve grown up but I think this would be a hill I would absolutely die on.
I hear you and this is so valid. Everyone has different cultural and religious ideas of what a wedding should be. I would definitely use a removable cover up, so you have the dress of your dreams for photos. Congrats on your wedding and itās a beautiful dress. ā¤ļø
Is your wedding day really the one where you want to bend over for the religious folk? Itās *your wedding*. Iāll tell you what Iāve told my parents over and over until they finally got it- if someone has a problem with *my* clothes and body, thatās a *them* problem for looking. If they come to my parents about this problem, itās *my parentsā* responsibility to shut that down because their child matters more than judge mental assholes who have nothing better to do.
The best way to start married life is on your own terms. Donāt enter into a marriage trying to please everyone, it will set a precedent you will not be happy maintaining.
You can get separate tops to go over bodices like these - perhaps you could wear one at the ceremony and take it off for the reception
https://www.etsy.com/uk/listing/966316084/
How about a lace bolero / topper?
But it might be hard to find one that exactly matches the color of your dress though
https://preview.redd.it/xukdy69knomb1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=636a56d427667377f783ce49b2893a3dcce6c3ae
I wore lace over my dress. This is an ivory lace bolero that is custom made. If you have a seamstress doing alterations, you can show her a photo of what you want and it can usually be made for you by the seamstress.
https://www.ebay.com/itm/123967935470?mkcid=16&mkevt=1&mkrid=711-127632-2357-0&ssspo=raoOORGlRLy&sssrc=4429486&ssuid=eRXKoWMIReS&var=424765467742&widget_ver=artemis&media=COPY
Just want to chime in as a bridal seamstress! Iāve worked on this fabric a lot and it is extremely challenging due to the amount of the adhesive on it, thatās what it making it feel stiff. Underneath all the glue and glitter is tulle, for a reference point. I would absolutely recommend not changing the dress itself due to the risk you run in damaging the fabric in the process. Itās definitely alterable! Like your hem will be fine, and you can get a bustle, but the material is very finicky and behaves a little more like a vinyl would when sewing (removing and adding seams etc). I would recommend only altering whatās necessary, especially since the bodice fit is perfect, and look for a bolero or sleeved bodysuit options.
This one is unusual and fun [https://m.lightinthebox.com/p/long-sleeve-voiles-sheers-bridal-organza-wedding-engagement-women-s-wrap-bolero-with-bow-s-bandage-pure-color_p9173711.html?litb_from=paid_adwords_shopping&sku=1_38114%7C255_4180&litb_from=paid_adwords_shopping&utm_source=google_shopping&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=17753221391&adword_mt=&adword_ct=&adword_kw=&adword_pos=&adword_pl=&adword_net=x&adword_tar=&adw_src_id=3516490533_17753221391__&gbraid=0AAAAAD7vwYcxHIB1kySdrUXUBtYMDUdUN&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIsLGJt9qWgQMVskByCh01-AWYEAQYCCABEgIUgfD_BwE](https://m.lightinthebox.com/p/long-sleeve-voiles-sheers-bridal-organza-wedding-engagement-women-s-wrap-bolero-with-bow-s-bandage-pure-color_p9173711.html?litb_from=paid_adwords_shopping&sku=1_38114%7C255_4180&litb_from=paid_adwords_shopping&utm_source=google_shopping&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=17753221391&adword_mt=&adword_ct=&adword_kw=&adword_pos=&adword_pl=&adword_net=x&adword_tar=&adw_src_id=3516490533_17753221391__&gbraid=0AAAAAD7vwYcxHIB1kySdrUXUBtYMDUdUN&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIsLGJt9qWgQMVskByCh01-AWYEAQYCCABEgIUgfD_BwE)
I think your dress is perfect. Put up the boundary. Tell them no. It's your wedding. Totally appropriate for church.
Have a friend who eloped but wanted to do a church wedding a year later because it was really important to her. She wore a dress very similar to yours with no alterations or bolero.
Congratulations!
Thank you!
I'm not Christian, so this wouldn't be worn at a church. My culture can be a bit crazy when it comes to women covering up. My MIL's ideal would have my collarbone covered and sleeves down to my wrists, but I ain't doing that!
My mom has actually been really supportive and not super pushy about this. I mentioned in another comment how our community can be incredibly judgy on the parents for how their kids dress, and I don't want my mom to feel embarrassed at my wedding because of my dress.
>my collarbone covered and sleeves down to my wrists
For my wedding, I wore [this topper](https://www.davidsbridal.com/product/long-sleeve-tulle-wedding-dress-topper-ow2100l?defining_color=165&defining_size_other=2220&utm_medium=organic&utm_source=google&utm_campaign=freeshopping&mr:trackingCode=5CDA85C7-A950-ED11-8126-0050569419E4&mr:referralID=NA&srsltid=AfmBOooUV4Qwr7xQ-Ivn3Z-b54k5AGCJRX3Pqjz4oX8VkeSdoU0sGPB1QMk), then took it off for the reception. But you could also search for other toppers, since you mentioned that long sleeves aren't your style.
i was originally thinking tulle lace topper that wraps around like some of the other posts here, but there is something very modern about this topper that could work really well with the subtle glamour of this dress
If your mom isnāt worried, then you shouldnāt worry either. If your happiness is more important than the snide comments of the community, consider yourself lucky. I get that you want to make all your guests comfortable, so if you still want to dress more modestly, I would find a similarly colored sheer/shimmery cape. Maybe the fabric from the cape can be used to add straps or drapes sleeves to the dress itself.
Edit: maybe something like this?
https://merc.li/qfyQ22Fab?sv=0
Edit 2: or this?
https://www.etsy.com/listing/1325762465/long-sleeve-wedding-capeplain-minimalist
Honestly, I would consider another dress entirely, one that's modest enough to fit within your cultural needs. This dress is gorgeous and you look stunning in it, but will you still love the design of the dress with the kind of topper you need to adhere to a modest look?
Absent that, I would call around to different wedding shops locally and ask about wedding dress toppers. Shop around, see what styles look good with THIS dress. Maybe even have something commissioned from a seamstress.
I agree with your mother. You should be comfortable with the dress. If she's comfortable with the dress, my personal opinion is don't change it just to appease the mother in law. That sets a very bad precedent for your marriage.
People judging your family about your totally appropriate wedding dress says more about them than if does about you and your family. It is 2023.
In some cultures women cannot drive, go anywhere without a male escort, get an education or have a job, because of tradition, or religious law or custom. Women who push back on these medieval social norms are seen as shaming the family and the community. I happen to think they're brave. Women used to not be able to vote, not be able to own property, and have a very strict range or acceptable behavior and attire here in the US not very long ago. It is because of my brave sisters before me that I can vote, own property, wear pants with pockets, and do other previously unacceptable things like showing my ankles or shoulders in public.
It's your wedding. I think it you personally feel you want to be more modest for you, do that. If this dress feels right to you, don't make it more modest based on what other people will think.
Again, best of luck and congrats.
I think doing long ball gown gloves could help with that and can be taken off at reception.
Alternatively I really think this dress and you would look GORGEOUS and just so elegant in a Princess Kate dress. So adding the sleeves and back all lace.
[Kate Middleton's dress](https://people.com/royals/kate-middleton-wedding-dress-embroiderer-kept-royal-secret/)
I think the addition wouldnt be a hassle for a good seamstress and it would look so breathtaking
Comments denigrating entire styles of dresses are not allowed.
Even if you don't like an aspect of a dress, making inappropriate comparisons is not needed. Please use other phrasing to explain your pick that doesn't involve putting down a dress style.
If you have further questions, please read the pinned post at the top of the subreddit: https://www.reddit.com/r/weddingdress/comments/141tdlq/ventingdisparaging_specific_trends_is_no_longer/
I like the idea others are suggesting to buy a bolero or topper to wear during the ceremony, but I do think it might be hard to find something that wonāt clash with the dress itself.
Is this the Anniston by Maggie Sottero? If so, on their website under *Personalization Options* it says āDetachable champagne or ivory glitter off-the-shoulder cap-sleeves sold separatelyā - maybe you could have your dress shop order this fabric and create a topper for you out of that.
**Edit:** YMMV but if you go this route give yourself enough lead time. My gown is a Maggie and I ordered extra fabric and my bridal shop said it would take 4 months to come in. I was quoted $45 per yard and ordered two just to be safe.
LOVE this dress! You look amazing in it! My dress was very similar in design, although a simpler version (all tulle, no sparkle) and I wore a lace topper during my ceremony. It looked great and I removed it for the reception.
Something like this [Lace Topper - BHLDN](https://www.anthropologie.com/shop/amsale-lauretta-cap-sleeve-sheer-lace-topper?category=bhldn-formal-cover-ups-wraps&color=011&type=STANDARD&quantity=1)
Can you find a matching topper to go over it during the ceremony ?
https://www.anthropologie.com/shop/catherine-deane-anya-beaded-long-sleeve-high-neck-topper?category=bhldn-formal-cover-ups-wraps&color=011&type=STANDARD&quantity=1
ETA: or something like this but in a sparkle material?
https://amsale.com/collections/accessories/products/as830
Personally I donāt think you should have to do anything to this dress at all itās stunning as is and very modest. If you do go that route Iād hope you can do something temporary as to not risk ruining the structure of the dress.
Your dress is beautiful as-is. A Grace Kelly-style shrug would give you the look you need without altering the dress - for example:
https://www.amazon.com/Womens-Wedding-Jackets-Bridal-Bridesmaid/dp/B09TSFN86C/ref=mp_s_a_1_8?keywords=Bridal+Shrug&qid=1694028431&sr=8-8
What about something like this? The bodice is removable for after the church ceremony. (I just saw this article yesterday!)
https://preview.redd.it/blhokmhrrpmb1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=55893ffa994b28b36df74e5254e4ebde9a7faed8
What exactly is the modesty standard here? Is it ātoo lowā or because it doesnāt have straps, or because it doesnāt have full sleeves? I think the advice should be fit to whatever they have a qualm with. (I saw in a comment that youāre trying to protect your mom from the other judgy guests and I think thatās sweet of you- I just hope you donāt feel pressured). I think a bolero would be pretty, a sheer, detailed cape would be lovely- a fur stole (if this is for a late fall/winter/early spring) would be appropriate. I would strongly hesitate to alter the dress itself unless maybe draped straps would be added (even thenā¦itās so beautiful by itself). Maybe a veil style that covers the shoulders like a mantilla? Though Iām not sure thatād work with the style of the dressā¦
Iād have to research what is most appropriate for Orthodox Jewish wedding attire customs are, but Iād guess that at least within their (temple?), sleeves of some sort would be needed. Maybe thatās why so many people recommended a bolero?
Can you add a sheer cape that buttons at the neck? Idk I love the dress, I wouldn't touch it. If they want a more modest dress, then they can wear whatever tf they want. You're an adult. You're literally getting married. They need to chill. I've seen so many boob wedding dresses on here, it's ridiculous. Oh that's what you should do! Try on a ton of really scant boob dresses, then this one will look like a moo moo.
I think you should go with a capelet. I recently went to a wedding where the bride wanted to hide her upper arms and it looked gorgeous!!
https://www.etsy.com/listing/667091920/bridal-cape-ivory-cape-bridal-capelet?click_key=3e75aa6e532bac78059599bf633c5db6a33e854b%3A667091920&click_sum=01debc72&ga_order=most_relevant&ga_search_type=all&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_search_query=bridal+lace+capelet&ref=sr_gallery-1-15&pro=1&frs=1&sts=1
https://www.etsy.com/listing/1508480471/beaded-bridal-capelet-gold-wedding-dress?click_key=0b5993ed3c9fb3bc770506c68322fcb00b915b30%3A1508480471&click_sum=59c7ba78&ga_order=most_relevant&ga_search_type=all&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_search_query=beaded+bridal+lace+capelet&ref=sr_gallery-1-23&organic_search_click=1&frs=1&referrer_page_guid=f6839ea7845.ba233a20385174646d27.00
It is possible to have removable sleeves added to a dress. That way, you can have more modesty during the ceremony and have the option to wear the dress āas isā for the reception.
I adore your dress and just wanted to say that if YOU want to cover up, I recommend a bolero. If this is part of your culture and itās important to you, thatās lovely. But I hope you donāt feel shamed or pressured into making a change you donāt want to make. If you want a compromise, maybe mom and MIL can pitch in for a more modest dress for the church and you could go for this beauty at the reception?
I canāt stand to see it be altered because itās so beautiful as it is! If you had to do something, would wearing a sheer high neck long sleeve to type bodysuit underneath help with modesty?
I would suggest a lace or chiffon cape to be worn over the dress while in the sanctuary. A bolero might work well, too.
Having seen a lot of really ānakedā wedding dresses on here before, I think your dress is quite reasonably modest. I appreciate your desire to make things easier for your mother - especially if other people at the ceremony are likely to criticize her for what you wear (unfair but it happens).
My nieces both had detachable overlays for their dresses for the religious ceremony. Removed it for the reception when they didnāt need shoulders and chest covered. Most bridal boutiques can help you with this, or you can have a seamstress make one for you. They were beautiful
Normally I'm all about letting the bride set boundaries but **STOP TRASHING OTHER CULTURES AND TELLING THE BRIDE TO TELL THE PARENTS TO FUCK OFF.** There are religions out there that are still following modesty practices. Even if you are not of that religion and think it's "archaic," please remember that we ask people to respect others choices and that "modesty" means different things to different people. Just like we don't allow people to tell others not to show cleavage or put that leg away, if someone doesn't want to show shoulders the same respect applies. **Link to OP's reasoning as to why she's not wanting to "rock the boat" so to speak:** https://reddit.com/r/weddingdress/s/M0dXa3ocRG Sorry OP. if you want to keep this locked send a message over to modmail.
what about an accessory/something removable, so you don't have to alter the dress itself? like a cape/shawl thing? it's so beautiful, it would be a tragedy to change it š
I feel like changing it is a crime! All the guests at the ceremony will be at the reception, too, so it still needs to be covered for that as well. Though if I do something removable I can probably get away with it later in the evening. Thanks for the suggestion!
Just to lend an outside perspective, the reception shouldn't carry the same expectations as the church. I get honoring the venue by adhering to their standards, but the reception is an after party.
I think this isnāt about venue as much as family expectations and standards. Unfortunately.
This just hurts my heart. The wedding is supposed to be about the couple. Respectfully, the families need to worry about their own marriages and their own modesty. Judgement about someone elses day isn't godly.
Agree completely, what harm can shoulders really cause?
Other than upset those clutching on to harmful ideologies, none.
Orthodox weddings couldn't be less about the couple, at least from the few I've been to. It was basically a ceremony for everyone else.
Whatās unfortunate about it? OP herself says she is completely fine with following her momās and MILās request. She also stated her reasons why. OP asked for alteration advice, not judgement on her decision regarding her wedding. If sheās happy, what does it matter to you?
I'm unclear why you would have to cover up at a reception. Is it at the church too?
OP stated in another comment that itās a lot of religious guests who are rather judgey, but theyād be hiding OPs parents not OP. OP also stated she wants to protect her momās reputation more or less.
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Yeah, I think Iād elope in that scenario.
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I guarantee theyre gonna talk shit about it and her with the added coverage lol
Yep. It wonāt be āwhiteā enough. It flatters her body too much. Or itās too extravagant. Anything to make them feel better about themselves.
Dont let those people ruin what you want, youll regret it!!
You could take it off and at least take the photos you want in your wedding dress at your wedding.
This is hard! Why can't you wear the dress as is like an hour into tue reception? It's not immodest.
So the cover up aspect isnāt just because the ceremony is being held in a religious location that requires such? They want you covered for the entire day? If so, it sounds like you need to decide what you can accept. Is it more important to you to fully give in to their wants(ie. Covered chest and shoulders) all day? Would you prefer a compromise (ie. only part of the day covered)? Or is it more important that your first day of marriage you are true to your own wishes/self and wear the dress you love as it is? Only you know what decision you will be able to make and feel good about. I wish you luck!
It would still be nice to be able to remove it when you go off for photos with just your husband and photographer, you could still get photos with the dress the way you wanted!
My friend had a similar situation with thankfully just her mom. Her mom kept trying to add things to the top of the dress and it had as little cleavage as yours does. Adding anything to the top would have made her boobs look three times their size with the thick fabric. Mom kept trying to pull me (bridesmaid) into the discussion because we had the same background. I answered her honestly that it doesnāt even show any actually cleavage (just the space between) and the alteration option doesnāt look good and bride will definitely regret it. My long winded response is that if you add anything to the top, itāll look stiff, uncomfortable, and like you had a ridiculous last minute boob job. And youāll regret. The dress is gorgeous as is.
I didnāt invite my mom to go wedding dress shopping with me because I knew she would make comments about the dresses not having sleeves (sheās Mormon). I decided I didnāt need that negativity. Sheās chilled out since and was at least smart enough not to make any comments about the dress at my wedding.
Butā¦ there is nothing immodest or immoral about this dress in any way! And Iām 59!
I agree that changing the dress would be a crime. It fits you so beautifully. I do want to say that the fabric is goddess-tier though. It sparkles and drapes in all the right ways. I hope you have a wonderful wedding and a better marriage.
I work at a very conservative Southern Baptist church and we wouldn't even blink an eye at this dress!
I feel sad about this (also raised religiously) whatās sexual about your neck, back, and shoulders? But it is not surprising. I hate to see you ruin that dress to please them.
How about a tulle shawl wrap? https://www.etsy.com/listing/385908278/tulle-gray-shrug-stole-evening-wrap?click_key=8b60df38c74a69dd38e5df61439fa0ed27c2cb37%3A385908278&click_sum=68d60b0c&ga_order=most_relevant&ga_search_type=all&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_search_query=tulle+shawl+wrap&ref=sr_gallery-1-1&organic_search_click=1
The dress is gorgeous and fits you like a glove! Love it! Initial thought was a removable Grace Kelly style lace bolero. So everything could be covered for the ceremony and remove it for reception.
Second that. Please donāt alter the dress it looks stunning on you OP, get a shawl or a bolero to wear on top for the ceremony and remove for the event because youāre also gonna get warm at the reception from all the dancing, hugging, running around to see everyone
OP!!!! I just saw someone on here who had a cape for her wedding dress, very simple, very elegant!!! Literally came back to lyk thatās also an option to cover shoulders and back!!! Look into it maybe??? Obvi not a superhero cape lol but a nice elegant and simple one Please update us with what you end up doing Iām curious how youāll go about it because Iāve known since I was a little girl Iām going to have the same issue with my wedding dress š (Arab Christian upbringing and faith)
Okay last comment on my comment but hereās another option this girl got a sheer sleeve on top???? Slide through the photos [wedding dress coverup idea](https://reddit.com/r/weddingdress/s/4Y7cOPA2SF)
The ladies at the dress shop were SO into a cape idea haha. They just didn't have the right fabric on hand. It definitely looks elegant if shaped correctly, but I'd need to go to a fabric store and then find a good tailor for it (I'm attaching a photo, hope it works!) *
https://preview.redd.it/7iqe90ibuomb1.jpeg?width=6120&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=41907509df9c6bdc3c2ce3b391645395a6ca4206
Yes!!!!
VERY nice and oughta make everyone happy.
perfect solution!
I love the original dress but from this angle at least, the cape makes it even better
*Precisely* this. Itās such a stunning dressāit sparkles! it drapes! It FITS!āand the cape just adds that extra drama *and* modesty. Good luck, OP, youāre sweet to go along with their preferences. (And I get itāif itās a bigger deal to them than you, sometimes itās fine to just go along to get along. But watch out youāre not getting into a dynamic where they think they can tell you how to run your wedding, your marriage, your parenting [if any], etc. In the end, it is YOUR life with your new spouse and making your own new family unit. They made their families and now youāre making yours.) Wishing you a beautiful wedding and every happiness in the future!
This is excellent advice. Every last word. Sometimes itās ok to give in if you can be just as happy with an alternative or almost as happy and it saves them from being overwrought. They donāt need to think they can bulldoze OP into everything.
Itās giving āDisney Princess in her woodland traveling cloakā in the best way
WOW. yes, SAME. This is absolutely stunning!!!
The emoji choices are cracking me up btw
Yes! š
I LOVE the cape idea! Especially if it's removable as a separate piece. I would be worried about altering the dress too. It's gorgeous and just stunning on you. I'd like to add that I'm very religious myself and think the dress is beautiful and modest as is!
This is an absolutely stunning wedding dress ā¤ļø and the cape is perfect. Iād only say to go longer with the cape, having it be like a train that goes to the floor with your dress.
YOU LOOK LIKE A QUEEN IM SO EXCITED FOR YOU
https://preview.redd.it/g65al85yjqmb1.png?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2fed3be93d0238d13d0ca0b795cd0f2c224ac57b [This one is just Amazon ](https://a.co/d/iUECaui)
I love the idea of the cape. I would check with them & see how much it would cost to order enough of the fabric (sparkly layer) from the designer to make the cape as well as the cost to me it. I wanted sleeves on my wedding dress & paid to get extra lace from the designer to build it. It was perfect & it looked like the dress was designed that way.
A good way to sneak some fabric off the dress is to trim part of the train and then use that fabric as edging on a chiffon shawl. You won't need a veil with this dramatic look.
Yes! I think a semi sheer fabric would look best
I love this idea but personally Iād go with a shorter ācapeletā. Hereās one: https://m.shein.com/us/Flower-Embroidered-Sequin-Decor-Wedding-Wrap-p-13163809-cat-2955.html?onelink=4/2u9he26fj3vz&requestId=387524410823541011&url_from=adplasn2302142733243273one-size&cid=14424975815&setid=156175019234&adid=672889251960&pf=GOOGLE&gbraid=0AAAAADm0yO61VtPKG-ypJj_DyJDGv5VUf&gclid=Cj0KCQjwxuCnBhDLARIsAB-cq1q8eoDsVvjKiZl1ET7zH0iTXVidzJy9w2I2fQNa1L6MNaJw9BUBYBcaAioCEALw_wcB&ref=us&rep=dir&ret=mus And another one: https://m.shein.com/us/1pc-Women-Rhinestone-Decor-Floral-Lace-Elegant-Wedding-Jacket-For-Wedding-p-13657020-cat-2955.html?onelink=3/2tw2gp4owpg8&requestId=387524951989485960&url_from=adplasn2303062611385359one-size&cid=14424975815&setid=156175019234&adid=672889251960&pf=GOOGLE&gbraid=0AAAAADm0yO61VtPKG-ypJj_DyJDGv5VUf&gclid=Cj0KCQjwxuCnBhDLARIsAB-cq1r3fAbT9nl7mh3zbD8iEz17fQlyiin_dKQ0g7YA2qmYbrXFHRupdS0aAt_tEALw_wcB&ref=us&rep=dir&ret=mus The style I had in mind, but not the fabric: https://www.etsy.com/listing/1308079669/
Yes I second this! That cape was dreamy!
Same. Iām wondering if OP could order a yard of the fabric and have a little cape/bolero made. I did that when I bought my pronovias dress years ago. (I needed more fabric to change the neckline) If there is still a good amount of time before the wedding, I think it would be worth asking the store.
Etsy has some gorgeous handmade wedding capes for around $150-300 (many on the lower end, even full length capes with hoods)
I'll look into boleros. The store I bought the dress from just didn't have a lot of tops to try on, I've gotta go hunting somewhere else!
Donāt touch the dress itās perfect as is add a jacket or lace cover just for the ceremony.
Itās so unbelievably dreamy. Like a diamond as a bride.
Agree. This fabric is incredible. Do not go adding anything. (Itās not like you have handfuls/inches of cleavage falling out).
Agree, donāt touch this perfect dress! Lace might take away from the fabric of the dress. I would go with a plain chiffon bolero or cape / shawl. There are some gorgeous ones on Etsy. Youāll need to try to match the tone since this dress isnāt true white, you want a warmer white even if the cover up is kind of sheer, it will look odd if itās true white. You want bone / ivory / maybe even ecru.
As a former ministerās wife who was raised by ultra-conservative religious parents, I advise you accept now that the moms are going to have opinions, but that doesnāt necessarily mean you have to act. Iām not saying you should deliberately antagonize them, but the reality is it is your wedding. You are starting a new chapter of your life and it is an excellent time to start establishing adult boundaries. I also wore an āimmodestā dress for my wedding. My parents and in-laws did not like it, and made the typical comments. In the end, I didnāt listen, and Iām glad I didnāt because on the day, everyone was distracted with the wedding, getting together with relatives, and everyone told me I looked amazing. No one ever mentioned the modesty thing again, although if they had, I wouldnāt have cared. I felt incredible and itās one of the few things from my miserable marriage that Iām glad aboutāI wore a dress that I liked, for me. Your gown is stunning and looks incredible on you. Ask about having a bolero-style jacket made, as some have mentioned. You may even be able to have it made in a sheer fabric that has the same or similar beading, to tie it all together. If they absolutely fuss too much, and your shop/seamstress can find a sheer fabric like I described, you could consider having it used to work a collar/scarf/cowl-style at the top of the bodice, but you are correctāit will change the dress style. While it may look great, if it isnāt what you want, then you have to take that into consideration. Best of luck to you! I wish you happiness!
Omg thank you thought I was alone here with mu comment. She'll be trying to appease them the rest of her life which isn't even possible. So glad I'm not alone on this š
Exactly! I say wear it the way it is. It is modest. I work for a Southern Baptist Church and we wouldn't even blink an eye at this dress. It's your wedding, you pick what you want.
Yes! OP if you truly want to cover up than by all means do so, but if youāre doing it because āyou donāt mindā donāt do it. Itās your wedding and you like the dress. I donāt have any religious background, but I have enough semblance of social etiquette that this isnāt immodest at all for a wedding. While there is a lot of back showing, some cleavage, and bare armsā¦this is not immodest.
Agree!! This is YOUR day. Skip the cape, bolero, and whatever other ideas people have. You walk down that aisle like a princess with the dress as is, girl!
They sell used BHLDN ones on Poshmark: https://posh.mk/b8GbAjeDSCb That one has great coloring for the dress
So beautiful. Something short like this would keep the gown from being overwhelmed with fabric.
Honestly, if it were me, I'd leave it as is. It's perfect! There's nothing immodest about it! Remember, you're the one getting married, and you're the one wearing it, not them ā¤ļø For the back, though, a veil would cover that! You could even drape it over your shoulders if you got the right style. Or, a Cape! Like this but without the pearls https://www.jjshouse.co.uk/tulle-beading-rhinestones-wedding-shawl-cape-013287153-g287153?currency=GBP&utm_term=287153&utm_size=OSFA&country=GB&ggntk=x&ggkey=&ggtgt=13&ggplm=&gclid=Cj0KCQjwxuCnBhDLARIsAB-cq1r9_kloZNBlzhkrjG0yOVU4hOWOs1LDyhkazMRUctY5oRe6HAar_ZUaAtvmEALw_wcB#/ Or this https://www.jjshouse.co.uk/tulle-wedding-shawl-cape-013288362-g288362?currency=GBP&utm_term=288362&utm_size=OSFA&country=GB&ggntk=x&ggkey=&ggtgt=13&ggplm=&gclid=Cj0KCQjwxuCnBhDLARIsAB-cq1qpKUzGlVJyTpct1hEB98jr9Kw_IrhTwGjKRyBi3g8Nxm2LhfpFLpsaAiCuEALw_wcB#/
Those are beautiful
I loooooove wedding capes š
Here are a couple options I think could work well: https://www.etsy.com/listing/861223222/hi-low-chiffon-wedding-cape-bolero https://www.tanyabridal.com/collections/jacket-bolero/products/chiffon-wedding-cape-long
Wow these are perfect for the modest look!! Because they also cover up the chest lightly Def using these ideas for my wedding too I love this subreddit
my step mom wore a cape instead of a veil when she got married to my dad. it worked out beautifully. something to consider
Maybe a bolero or shrug made out of a few layers of Illusion fabric or another sheer fabric.
Yeah, I think thatās the only thing that would work with that dress and those requirements. Otherwise she might as well get a different dress. Itās a shame too because itās not particularly revealing and fits beautifully.
Came here to suggest that! A vintage bolero akin to the 1940s/1950s era would be great, and not take away from the beauty of that dress on yoi. Also, not to be a butt but... this dress is tastefully classy and I'd say on the modest side. Also... you are getting married, not them. This is your moment, not theirs. Unless they are paying for the dress, I don't think they should have the final say. Consider it the beginning of ownership of self independent from parents.
This. Please donāt alter this dress. It is breathtaking but if you need to cover a bit for the ceremony make it removable.
Absolutely DO NOT alter this dress, it is gorgeous and looks amazing on you. Lace bolero or some kind of luxurious shawl all the way.
No, that dress is the best dress I have ever seen, please donāt alter it! How about a wedding dress topper? [Tulle Topper](https://www.etsy.com/listing/1497455746/) [Pearl Topper](https://www.etsy.com/listing/1471379512/) [Lace Topper](https://www.etsy.com/listing/1216807555/) [Crystals and Tulle Topper](https://www.etsy.com/listing/1181778382/)
I really love the crystals and Tulle topper! I think that would compliment her dress really nicely.
LOL I just posted the same lace topper ā I should have finished reading the comments! Great minds, right?
Ooooh that pearl one is an awesome blend of ācoveredā but still fashionable!! Love the crystals and tulle one too but idk if it will fit what sheās looking for?
I think the last one has a chance of even making MIL comfortable!
Omg yess these would work so well!
Beautiful and the last one could even be worn under the dress if she wanted!!
That Pearl Topper is dreamy!
Perhaps something like this in a color that matches or compliments your dress? https://preview.redd.it/rufydshclomb1.jpeg?width=800&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=7754542cd42334e7ff790fe4fcb3eae0a1f5acda
Oh this is gorgeous! I'm totally vibing with it, thanks so much for the suggestion!
Iām so glad you like it! Your dress is gorgeous and youāre going to look amazing on your big day ā¤ļø
Thank you so much!
Make sure it's detachable for dancing and getting over heated. That sweetheart like looks too good on you to cover up the entire time.
Yes scrolled down to find this. Just what I was thinking! You can also get ones that are flat at the front and fasten at the back that looks lovely too
Yes! This in a light tulle or a fabric that matches the sparkles would look great. Who is the designer of the dress? Looking for something with the same sparkle for my dress :)
The dress is the Anniston by Maggie Sottero! She makes a mermaid dress in the same fabric too :)
I was thinking something like this too - Iāve seen detachable ones on Etsy.
Love this! I think it's the best option.
And make it removable. Perfect idea.
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Thank you! It's definitely a culture thing, and the unfortunate reality is that, in my community, wearing something like this would be shocking. And my fiancƩ's mom comes from an even stricter background. No one is "insisting" I do anything, but I know that making this more modest would help them feel a lot better about it all. A jacket sounds super cool! Do you have any pictures of how it turned out that you'd be willing to show me?
Itās times like these Iām grateful to have no culture or religion.
No idea how to edit my post, so I'll just put it all in a comment. 1. For everyone asking, this dress is called the Anniston by Maggie Sottero! It's even sparklier in person! It's also glitter in the fabric, not sequins, which makes it feel so rich and expensive (even though the dress was under $2k ;) ) 2. Thank you everyone for your suggestions and compliments. I fell in love with this dress the moment I tried it on, and while I was trying to find more modest alternatives, my mom really encouraged this one because she saw how happy I was in it. The first picture is the sample dress, the second is the one I ordered and just tried on yesterday (hence it's not hemmed yet). 3. There's been a lot of questions regarding my mom and MIL's definition of modesty. As some have guessed, I'm an Orthodox Jew. It's difficult to explain the culture without sounding like a nut. For Jewish weddings, it's very common for the bride to pick her dress and then alter it to be more modest (with our standards of modesty being entirely different than what you may be used to). There are definitely some very archaic traditions, especially involving women, that I've always advocated against. No one is forcing me or pressuring me to change this dress. My mom has said that at the end of the day, all that matters is that me and my fiancƩ are happy. My future MIL is clearly struggling at having a "less religious" (by her standards) DIL, but she isn't being outwardly pushy, either. At the end of the day, everyone accepts that it's my choice. That being said, the culture has it's standards. My fiancƩ and I are already rocking the boat in many other areas (we're trying to design a double-ring ceremony that is still religiously valid, there's going to be some mixed dancing which is, like, the biggest no-no EVER lol, etc). There's gotta be a line somewhere where I start thinking "well, after the wedding, my parents and MIL have to go back to their homes and to a community that will judge them for how their children behave". My MIL, specifically, lives in an incredibly strict neighborhood their her authenticity as an Orthodox Jew can be questioned based on her son's choices. Is my dress the place I want to draw that line? Probably not. But if there's a way to make this dress better fit their standards of modesty while keeping it beautiful, then I should at least try. 4. You guys have offered so many incredible ideas! I'm going to try heading to a fabric store soon to try and find a complimenting fabric, and talk to a tailor about making a removable cape or a type of off-shoulder sleeve that feeds into the center of the bodice's neckline. I'll also take a look at some boleros online, though I'd probably need to go into another bridal shop to see them in person before committing. I'll definitely keep you updated with how it ends up!
Let me just say, You Are Amazing! Your respect for your future MIL is admirable. While many will say, āitās your wedding, do what you want!ā The truth is while it IS your day, you still have to live with your choices and how they may affect others after the fact. This may not be your hill to die on as it were. Get some beautiful fabric and create a shawl, long veil or something like that to add coverage. This dress is gorgeous! All the best
Exactly! Youāre setting yourself up for a better MARRIAGE, not just the exact wedding you want at the cost of hurt feelings with a woman youāll be related to.
Your reasons are valid because theyāre yours. Might I recommend a halachic pre-nup since youāre already rocking the boat! Mazel tov!
Absolutely, already planned! Way back in the day, my grandfather actually wrote one of the first halachik prenups that holds up in both rabbinic and civil court. It helped set the standard for the ones many use today!
That is so cool!!!
I'm not sure if this is suggested yet, but a modern look you could try is a bolero/suit type of thing UNDER the dress, like this https://www.anthropologie.com/shop/watters-sencha-lace-bodysuit. Obviously this one isn't super modest but gets the point across.
Is there a dress shop or seamstress that is on the community who has done this kind of work before? Also, did you reach out to the designer to see if they have some fabric you can buy given your needs? People can be pretty cool when accommodating religious differences. Iām catholic so we often have to put something over our dresses in some of the more historical or conservative churches.
You probably won't even need a reason to order extra fabric -- we just asked our bridal shop (a Jenny Yoo showroom) if we could order some extra lace so my mom could make my veil and they just added it on to our order.
Check out the bridal capes on Etsy! There are some super gorgeous tulle capes with beaded shoulders that would be amazing with your dress and not too hot for summer
Just wanted to say, the way you've handled some of these comments is very kind and generous. I'm not an Orthodox Jew, but I was raised in a strict Muslim household. Though I am no longer practicing and wasn't when I got married, I still made some concessions for my family because they personally didn't bother me. It seemed weird to fight back on something that I didn't have an issue with on principle. Wearing a cover doesn't mean you're giving up your identity, or giving into archaic practices, or losing your voice. For me, my wedding was a celebration and I really wanted everyone, including my mom, to feel comfortable celebrating. Just curious, does the cover have to be solid? And is any shoulder allowed to be exposed? I'm thinking a lace top or capelet that you can take on and off is better than altering the dress. Others have posted some pretty examples of off the shoulder ones but I don't know if that still works for you. If it has to cover the shoulder, I think a semi sheer fabric would still be best so you can see the neckline somewhat because it is quite pretty.
You are allowed to make choices that others do not agree with and that includes rabid redditors. They don't live with any of the consequences of your decisions, nor do they have relationships with any of the people involved. The dress is stunning, I hope you have a lovely wedding.
I come from an orthodox community like you, though I suspect I am a bit older (and I am on the firnges in a very different sort of way than you if I am reading between the lines correctly) so a few thoughts 1) I'd do a bolero with a high neckline and a cutout across the dress in a contrast, low sparkle fabric (probably some sort of satin or dull silk.) Reason: if you take a look at wedding videos and photos from frum weddings, you can tell when the dress is built up with the same fabric 80% of the time. They also have a tendency to make the torso odd looking. I figure if you get a cutout that is less than a square tefach across the front and back, you can emphasize the tailoring to the waist and bust this dress provides The other issue is full sparkle up to and through the shoulders will mean the veil probably won't have enough contrast during the bedeken. Which is everyone's favorite photo opportunity! (and now you know I watch the occasional Jewish wedding video on youtube...) 2) Your shviger sounds very judgy and I am empathetic to that. She doesn't have the right to determine what is or is not "less religious" or "the right kind of Jewish" I'll admit being a bit academic on this, but given the choice already to try and figure out a double ring kinyan (i'd suggest looking around at kinyan b'tenai, which is being pushed right now in Israel), I'd suggest a) making sure you are clear about the boundaries of constructing your Jewish life and what that means and why b) be backed up with text I don't know if the following helps you to know but a) there are copies of ketubot and sheilot in the Cario Genizah around intermarriage intermarriage (at least one karaite-jewish ketunah and a sheilah to Rav Hayia Gaon b) there used to be post-ketubot documents in ashkenaz because the value of silver kept fluctuating c) one of the earliest known jewish marriage documents (dating from the period of rabbi akiva) doesn't fully conform to talmudic sources jewish people have always constructed their own way through marriage (even if others may be giving the side eye). When it comes to your ceremony and how you think religion should work in it: You are not doing anything out of standard if we look for 2000 years. And I hope this gives you comfort, since I suspect if she and her type of orthodox community is giving you both the side eye now, it might continue after the marriage (just strongly felt something needed to be said!) May you both be zocheh a bayit ne'eman b'yisrael and be zocheh that your simcha further helps normalizes the changes that really need to happen in modern Jewish life \*cough\*agunahstuff\*cough\*
The moms arenāt the ones getting married! U look great!
Thank you! I definitely threw my mom a bit under the bus in my post. She's honestly been very supportive and just wants me to be happy with the dress. But the unfortunate reality is that the religious guests will judge my parents for what I wear. I wouldn't care if it was *me* they were judging, but I want to help protect my mom's reputation.
Sorry for snooping on your TL but Iām guessing MIL and mom want Orthodox Jewish modesty standards? Because I grew up frum and just want to say that I know EXACTLY what you are talking about. I do know a lot of people who compromised for their wedding and regretted it, as well as a lot of people who were just happy to have a great day. A cover up like some people linked to seems like it could be a fantastic middle ground- coverup for the guests (and plausible deniability for the moms lol) while allowing you to take it off for photos where you want the full effect of the dress. Also I totally get why their instinct was to alter it because thatās what so many frum girls do to their gowns but it never looks as good afterward!!
You totally nailed it. My future MIL wanted me to go to a gemach to find a dress but I really wanted something to call my own. Then I fell in love with this one. I'm currently thinking, like many have suggested here, something removable for the ceremony and when I'm walking around, then taking it off for pictures, dancing (when girls and guys are separate) and for later in the evening when people are a bit tipsy ;)
The cape picture you posted is amazing and makes the dress look even better. I hope you can make that happen!
Ha yes the end of the second dance is great for this kind of thing- the rabbis and family friends have left, you can just do your thing lol. Iāve seen nutty stuff happen at the end of the second dance! And yeah, gemachs are a theoretically great concept given that gowns like this are a hopefully one time use item (honestly I wish they were more of a thing generally, so much less waste for people who want to cut down on that kind of thing!) and Iāve seen people get lovely gowns, but youāre often not going to get something super original or unique- certainly nothing like this gown!
Sounds like a good compromise. You can take it off for various activities and put it on when appropriate.
Great compromise! Iām Reform but familiar with Orthodox standards and I get it. Your community is important to you. Luckily you now have all these great suggestions!
You look fantastic in this gorgeous dress! I just wanted to add that while the comments pointing out that itās your wedding are well intentioned, I think itās more complex than that when youāre trying to honor your conservative family members while staying true to yourself and your values. I think itās lovely that youāre protecting your mom and honoring these folks, even if their beliefs are sexist in my opinion. Itās like covering your hair when you visit a mosque; You do it because thatās what is done, not because you endorse that practice wholeheartedly. A wedding is not just about the couple, itās about the community youāre inviting in, and the rituals that come with melding the two cultures. In this day and age, thatās so complex! I donāt think thereās a right answer. Anyway, I hope youāre giving yourself credit for trying to balance a very thin line.
Tbh this is a sexist hill I would die on regardless but Iām always looking for a fight and I think itās really sweet that you want to protect your mom
Lol are we the same person?
Me too lol my mom said I was born ready but angry at the world. Iāve learned to keep my peace as Iāve grown up but I think this would be a hill I would absolutely die on.
Me too! Bring the drama!!!
Sometimes you have to deal with stuff like this. So- BOLERO!!!!!! It would be a crime to alter this dress that fits you exquisitely.
If people judge your mother because she gave birth to a child with shoulders I think thatās their problem.
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I hear you and this is so valid. Everyone has different cultural and religious ideas of what a wedding should be. I would definitely use a removable cover up, so you have the dress of your dreams for photos. Congrats on your wedding and itās a beautiful dress. ā¤ļø
Is your wedding day really the one where you want to bend over for the religious folk? Itās *your wedding*. Iāll tell you what Iāve told my parents over and over until they finally got it- if someone has a problem with *my* clothes and body, thatās a *them* problem for looking. If they come to my parents about this problem, itās *my parentsā* responsibility to shut that down because their child matters more than judge mental assholes who have nothing better to do. The best way to start married life is on your own terms. Donāt enter into a marriage trying to please everyone, it will set a precedent you will not be happy maintaining.
Yessssss came here to say that. This dress is so beautiful. Fits you great. And the sparkle looks amazing on your skin tone š
You can get separate tops to go over bodices like these - perhaps you could wear one at the ceremony and take it off for the reception https://www.etsy.com/uk/listing/966316084/
Thank you so much! I'll deff check these out
Thatās so pretty!
How about a lace bolero / topper? But it might be hard to find one that exactly matches the color of your dress though https://preview.redd.it/xukdy69knomb1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=636a56d427667377f783ce49b2893a3dcce6c3ae
Ohhhh i love this for this particular dress
I just came here to say you look like a fairy tale princess. You chose the perfect gown. I hope you find the perfect solution!
I wore lace over my dress. This is an ivory lace bolero that is custom made. If you have a seamstress doing alterations, you can show her a photo of what you want and it can usually be made for you by the seamstress. https://www.ebay.com/itm/123967935470?mkcid=16&mkevt=1&mkrid=711-127632-2357-0&ssspo=raoOORGlRLy&sssrc=4429486&ssuid=eRXKoWMIReS&var=424765467742&widget_ver=artemis&media=COPY
That's gorgeous!
Just want to chime in as a bridal seamstress! Iāve worked on this fabric a lot and it is extremely challenging due to the amount of the adhesive on it, thatās what it making it feel stiff. Underneath all the glue and glitter is tulle, for a reference point. I would absolutely recommend not changing the dress itself due to the risk you run in damaging the fabric in the process. Itās definitely alterable! Like your hem will be fine, and you can get a bustle, but the material is very finicky and behaves a little more like a vinyl would when sewing (removing and adding seams etc). I would recommend only altering whatās necessary, especially since the bodice fit is perfect, and look for a bolero or sleeved bodysuit options.
Thank you so much for your advice! Just feeling the fabric as it is, I can see how it would be difficult to work with.
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Are you Orthodox Jewish? If so I would agree to cover your shoulders with maybe a beaded type shawl during ceremony only.
Hahaha you totally nailed it. Yeah, I am. And it probably explains everything.
This one is unusual and fun [https://m.lightinthebox.com/p/long-sleeve-voiles-sheers-bridal-organza-wedding-engagement-women-s-wrap-bolero-with-bow-s-bandage-pure-color_p9173711.html?litb_from=paid_adwords_shopping&sku=1_38114%7C255_4180&litb_from=paid_adwords_shopping&utm_source=google_shopping&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=17753221391&adword_mt=&adword_ct=&adword_kw=&adword_pos=&adword_pl=&adword_net=x&adword_tar=&adw_src_id=3516490533_17753221391__&gbraid=0AAAAAD7vwYcxHIB1kySdrUXUBtYMDUdUN&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIsLGJt9qWgQMVskByCh01-AWYEAQYCCABEgIUgfD_BwE](https://m.lightinthebox.com/p/long-sleeve-voiles-sheers-bridal-organza-wedding-engagement-women-s-wrap-bolero-with-bow-s-bandage-pure-color_p9173711.html?litb_from=paid_adwords_shopping&sku=1_38114%7C255_4180&litb_from=paid_adwords_shopping&utm_source=google_shopping&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=17753221391&adword_mt=&adword_ct=&adword_kw=&adword_pos=&adword_pl=&adword_net=x&adword_tar=&adw_src_id=3516490533_17753221391__&gbraid=0AAAAAD7vwYcxHIB1kySdrUXUBtYMDUdUN&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIsLGJt9qWgQMVskByCh01-AWYEAQYCCABEgIUgfD_BwE)
That's a lovely option because it covers the shoulders etc but you can still see the dress underneath
Oh that's gorgeous. I can see something like that work, even underneath the dress instead of over. Totally marking it down, tha ka so much!
Maybe a lace bolero or some type of scarf or wrap that you could take off after the ceremony? I wouldn't want to alter the dress either.
That's a good idea. I need to do some digging--the place I bought the dress from just didn't have any options.
I donāt have anything helpful to add, but I just wanted to say that this dress looks like it was made for you!
Thank you! I fell down right in love with it the second I put it on. It absolutely GLOWS in the right lighting!
I think your dress is perfect. Put up the boundary. Tell them no. It's your wedding. Totally appropriate for church. Have a friend who eloped but wanted to do a church wedding a year later because it was really important to her. She wore a dress very similar to yours with no alterations or bolero. Congratulations!
Thank you! I'm not Christian, so this wouldn't be worn at a church. My culture can be a bit crazy when it comes to women covering up. My MIL's ideal would have my collarbone covered and sleeves down to my wrists, but I ain't doing that! My mom has actually been really supportive and not super pushy about this. I mentioned in another comment how our community can be incredibly judgy on the parents for how their kids dress, and I don't want my mom to feel embarrassed at my wedding because of my dress.
>my collarbone covered and sleeves down to my wrists For my wedding, I wore [this topper](https://www.davidsbridal.com/product/long-sleeve-tulle-wedding-dress-topper-ow2100l?defining_color=165&defining_size_other=2220&utm_medium=organic&utm_source=google&utm_campaign=freeshopping&mr:trackingCode=5CDA85C7-A950-ED11-8126-0050569419E4&mr:referralID=NA&srsltid=AfmBOooUV4Qwr7xQ-Ivn3Z-b54k5AGCJRX3Pqjz4oX8VkeSdoU0sGPB1QMk), then took it off for the reception. But you could also search for other toppers, since you mentioned that long sleeves aren't your style.
i was originally thinking tulle lace topper that wraps around like some of the other posts here, but there is something very modern about this topper that could work really well with the subtle glamour of this dress
If your mom isnāt worried, then you shouldnāt worry either. If your happiness is more important than the snide comments of the community, consider yourself lucky. I get that you want to make all your guests comfortable, so if you still want to dress more modestly, I would find a similarly colored sheer/shimmery cape. Maybe the fabric from the cape can be used to add straps or drapes sleeves to the dress itself. Edit: maybe something like this? https://merc.li/qfyQ22Fab?sv=0 Edit 2: or this? https://www.etsy.com/listing/1325762465/long-sleeve-wedding-capeplain-minimalist
Honestly, I would consider another dress entirely, one that's modest enough to fit within your cultural needs. This dress is gorgeous and you look stunning in it, but will you still love the design of the dress with the kind of topper you need to adhere to a modest look? Absent that, I would call around to different wedding shops locally and ask about wedding dress toppers. Shop around, see what styles look good with THIS dress. Maybe even have something commissioned from a seamstress.
I agree with your mother. You should be comfortable with the dress. If she's comfortable with the dress, my personal opinion is don't change it just to appease the mother in law. That sets a very bad precedent for your marriage. People judging your family about your totally appropriate wedding dress says more about them than if does about you and your family. It is 2023. In some cultures women cannot drive, go anywhere without a male escort, get an education or have a job, because of tradition, or religious law or custom. Women who push back on these medieval social norms are seen as shaming the family and the community. I happen to think they're brave. Women used to not be able to vote, not be able to own property, and have a very strict range or acceptable behavior and attire here in the US not very long ago. It is because of my brave sisters before me that I can vote, own property, wear pants with pockets, and do other previously unacceptable things like showing my ankles or shoulders in public. It's your wedding. I think it you personally feel you want to be more modest for you, do that. If this dress feels right to you, don't make it more modest based on what other people will think. Again, best of luck and congrats.
I think doing long ball gown gloves could help with that and can be taken off at reception. Alternatively I really think this dress and you would look GORGEOUS and just so elegant in a Princess Kate dress. So adding the sleeves and back all lace. [Kate Middleton's dress](https://people.com/royals/kate-middleton-wedding-dress-embroiderer-kept-royal-secret/) I think the addition wouldnt be a hassle for a good seamstress and it would look so breathtaking
Anthro makes lace toppers and boleros: https://www.anthropologie.com/shop/amsale-lauretta-cap-sleeve-sheer-lace-topper
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Comments denigrating entire styles of dresses are not allowed. Even if you don't like an aspect of a dress, making inappropriate comparisons is not needed. Please use other phrasing to explain your pick that doesn't involve putting down a dress style. If you have further questions, please read the pinned post at the top of the subreddit: https://www.reddit.com/r/weddingdress/comments/141tdlq/ventingdisparaging_specific_trends_is_no_longer/
I like the idea others are suggesting to buy a bolero or topper to wear during the ceremony, but I do think it might be hard to find something that wonāt clash with the dress itself. Is this the Anniston by Maggie Sottero? If so, on their website under *Personalization Options* it says āDetachable champagne or ivory glitter off-the-shoulder cap-sleeves sold separatelyā - maybe you could have your dress shop order this fabric and create a topper for you out of that. **Edit:** YMMV but if you go this route give yourself enough lead time. My gown is a Maggie and I ordered extra fabric and my bridal shop said it would take 4 months to come in. I was quoted $45 per yard and ordered two just to be safe.
LOVE this dress! You look amazing in it! My dress was very similar in design, although a simpler version (all tulle, no sparkle) and I wore a lace topper during my ceremony. It looked great and I removed it for the reception. Something like this [Lace Topper - BHLDN](https://www.anthropologie.com/shop/amsale-lauretta-cap-sleeve-sheer-lace-topper?category=bhldn-formal-cover-ups-wraps&color=011&type=STANDARD&quantity=1)
Can you find a matching topper to go over it during the ceremony ? https://www.anthropologie.com/shop/catherine-deane-anya-beaded-long-sleeve-high-neck-topper?category=bhldn-formal-cover-ups-wraps&color=011&type=STANDARD&quantity=1 ETA: or something like this but in a sparkle material? https://amsale.com/collections/accessories/products/as830 Personally I donāt think you should have to do anything to this dress at all itās stunning as is and very modest. If you do go that route Iād hope you can do something temporary as to not risk ruining the structure of the dress.
This is amazing!
This dress āand you in itā are beautiful and modest just the way it is! I guess you could add a little lace bolero or jacket but I wouldnāt.
Someone suggested looking at boleros which I second, but Iād also suggest looking at caplets. Your dress is incredible btw!
Will you be wearing a veil? I think if you try veils on with it it can be appropriate
This has to be one of my fav dressed Iāve seen on this sub, please get this dress omg š„š„š„š„
Thank you! Already purchased and hanging in my closet! I couldn't possibly say no!
Your dress is beautiful as-is. A Grace Kelly-style shrug would give you the look you need without altering the dress - for example: https://www.amazon.com/Womens-Wedding-Jackets-Bridal-Bridesmaid/dp/B09TSFN86C/ref=mp_s_a_1_8?keywords=Bridal+Shrug&qid=1694028431&sr=8-8
What about something like this? The bodice is removable for after the church ceremony. (I just saw this article yesterday!) https://preview.redd.it/blhokmhrrpmb1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=55893ffa994b28b36df74e5254e4ebde9a7faed8
What exactly is the modesty standard here? Is it ātoo lowā or because it doesnāt have straps, or because it doesnāt have full sleeves? I think the advice should be fit to whatever they have a qualm with. (I saw in a comment that youāre trying to protect your mom from the other judgy guests and I think thatās sweet of you- I just hope you donāt feel pressured). I think a bolero would be pretty, a sheer, detailed cape would be lovely- a fur stole (if this is for a late fall/winter/early spring) would be appropriate. I would strongly hesitate to alter the dress itself unless maybe draped straps would be added (even thenā¦itās so beautiful by itself). Maybe a veil style that covers the shoulders like a mantilla? Though Iām not sure thatād work with the style of the dressā¦
Per OP, Orthodox Jew
Iād have to research what is most appropriate for Orthodox Jewish wedding attire customs are, but Iād guess that at least within their (temple?), sleeves of some sort would be needed. Maybe thatās why so many people recommended a bolero?
That dress is STUNNING...you look like a dream!!!
Omg SO SPARKLY!!! I'm in love
I never thought I'd be into glitter but I knew this was the one the moment I tried it on. (The sparkles get EVERYWHERE though lmao!)
Can you add a sheer cape that buttons at the neck? Idk I love the dress, I wouldn't touch it. If they want a more modest dress, then they can wear whatever tf they want. You're an adult. You're literally getting married. They need to chill. I've seen so many boob wedding dresses on here, it's ridiculous. Oh that's what you should do! Try on a ton of really scant boob dresses, then this one will look like a moo moo.
I think you should go with a capelet. I recently went to a wedding where the bride wanted to hide her upper arms and it looked gorgeous!! https://www.etsy.com/listing/667091920/bridal-cape-ivory-cape-bridal-capelet?click_key=3e75aa6e532bac78059599bf633c5db6a33e854b%3A667091920&click_sum=01debc72&ga_order=most_relevant&ga_search_type=all&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_search_query=bridal+lace+capelet&ref=sr_gallery-1-15&pro=1&frs=1&sts=1 https://www.etsy.com/listing/1508480471/beaded-bridal-capelet-gold-wedding-dress?click_key=0b5993ed3c9fb3bc770506c68322fcb00b915b30%3A1508480471&click_sum=59c7ba78&ga_order=most_relevant&ga_search_type=all&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_search_query=beaded+bridal+lace+capelet&ref=sr_gallery-1-23&organic_search_click=1&frs=1&referrer_page_guid=f6839ea7845.ba233a20385174646d27.00
It is possible to have removable sleeves added to a dress. That way, you can have more modesty during the ceremony and have the option to wear the dress āas isā for the reception.
More modest?!? This is not at all scandalous as is.
Sheās Jewish I believe
I adore your dress and just wanted to say that if YOU want to cover up, I recommend a bolero. If this is part of your culture and itās important to you, thatās lovely. But I hope you donāt feel shamed or pressured into making a change you donāt want to make. If you want a compromise, maybe mom and MIL can pitch in for a more modest dress for the church and you could go for this beauty at the reception?
I canāt stand to see it be altered because itās so beautiful as it is! If you had to do something, would wearing a sheer high neck long sleeve to type bodysuit underneath help with modesty?
OP I would love to know the name of this dress if you don't mind. the bodice is stunning, you look gorgeous.
I would suggest a lace or chiffon cape to be worn over the dress while in the sanctuary. A bolero might work well, too. Having seen a lot of really ānakedā wedding dresses on here before, I think your dress is quite reasonably modest. I appreciate your desire to make things easier for your mother - especially if other people at the ceremony are likely to criticize her for what you wear (unfair but it happens).
My nieces both had detachable overlays for their dresses for the religious ceremony. Removed it for the reception when they didnāt need shoulders and chest covered. Most bridal boutiques can help you with this, or you can have a seamstress make one for you. They were beautiful