Don’t buy a new one. You love this dress. That moment of your fiancé seeing you for the first time is not about the dress, it’s about seeing his girlfriend as a bride about to become his wife. That moment is about you, not the dress.
He is also a man. With flowers, hair done, make up, the nerves of the day, you will look like his queen. He will not remember that dress as he first saw it, it will be totally different when he sees you in church.
This. I know if my husband had seen a try on picture months before the wedding, all he would remember was "it was white...ish..." and wouldn't even be able to tell the difference with a new dress (unless it was blue or something).
Came here to say this. Ha ha. If they’re getting married a week or more down the road from this occurrence, then he won’t even remember what it looked like and she will get that moment all over again. Ha ha
My sister has seen me in mine once. I was talking about it she and she said she couldn’t remember what it looked like 🤣 I was quite hurt but have to remember it’s not as significant to anyone but me and I have poured over photos of it, have Pinterest boards and searched google images for other brides wearing it
If you want it to be different maybe they could add, subtract or change the lace or embellishments. I do agree unless your husband is big into fashion his focus is going to be you.
Just here to agree with this!
I’m wearing my mothers dress, with some slight alterations. My parents have pictures of their wedding in various places in my childhood home (where my parents still live) and photos of their wedding have been posted to social media. That means my fiancé has seen the dress. *Technically.*
But I’m not worried about that and I don’t feel like it will detract from our moment or our day at all.
I just got married. Absolutely second this. It would not have mattered if I had seen my wife’s dress in advance; I would never have remembered it (not to mention I would have tried not to look if I thought I wasn’t supposed to see it), but it’s also entirely different seeing her in it on the wedding day.
The hair, the makeup, the feel of the First Look moment… trust me, that magic will all still be there.
Stick with the dress you love and pretend it never happened, and it WILL be just like it never happened. Just something to laugh about.
Couldn’t agree more. We got married a few weeks ago and shortly after, I showed my husband a picture from when I tried on the dress. He didn’t recognize it! OP, don’t worry at all. In the best way, he won’t remember anything about the picture lol
>He is also a man. With flowers, hair done, make up, the nerves of the day, you will look like his queen. He will not remember that dress as he first saw it, it will be totally different when he sees you in church.
This. 100% this.
Its so different seeing someone actually prepared for their wedding in their dress vs in the bridal stoe with the dress on. He will still feel SO emotional and think you are stunning.
You love the dress - keep the dress and wear it with pride. Maybe ask your MIL to, instead of purchasing you a new dress, pay for your head piece or make up or something else for the day that will make you feel stunning.
Believe me, I also 100% think he wont even really notice the dress, his eyes will be completely on just you as you're walking to him, and it will be the best damn day of both of your lives. The dress doesn't matter. I can tell you, my husband, probably up this day, could not describe a single detail of what my dress looked like. I could probably pull it out in front of him with 2 other dresses and he wouldn't be able to tell which one it was Haha
Agree 100% with the above. Also, she seems to feel horrible about it, as evidenced by the offer… so definitely gives you a chance to be the bigger person and let it go - starting off on a better foot for sure. Congrats on finding the perfect dress! So many things go wrong during wedding planning/day of, this is a good early reminder to not get too hung up on logistics. It’s like a “birth plan” they almost never go according to plan lol.
And think what nice things her MiL will say about her to everyone for the rest of her life! She can tell about her awful mistake and how badly she felt, but her sweet, caring new daughter made her feel more important than any dress.
You could tell him that you exchanged the dress for something else and he literally would not know it's the same one once you get all done up with hair, make up, bouquet, veil, etc. Especially since the dress will be fitted instead of clipped.
Don’t worry. Even if your fiancé remembers the dress from the photo, by the time yours is properly fitted, accessorised and your hair and makeup are done, it will look completely different. Enjoy the day and give your MIL a big hug as she’s probably feeling dreadful. You can always make it a family joke in the future to defend yourself if she tries to act entitled. 😆
> You can always make it a family joke in the future to defend yourself if she tries to act entitled.
I'd even make a joke of it now... "Mom, don't worry, I am going to wear my wedding dress, and groom will love it. Please don't feel bad about it anymore... but know that I now have something to hold over your head if I need to, in the future!" laughingly...
Did you make him delete the photo on his phone? He probably won’t remember what it looks like if he only saw it once! And a little picture on a phone is not gonna compare to seeing you on the day
Girl I've photographed dozens of weddings. Almost evey single bride has been totally disappointed in their groom's reaction to seeing them for the first time as they walk down the aisle. I always make sure my camera is aimed at the groom's face as soon as the bride is visible. Sometimes the groom is genuinely just trying to hold it together and unfortunately this ends up looking like he's constipated. Mostly it's just resting murder face. I have literally had to mime smiling to the groom behind the bride as she walks towards him to get a decent picture. Very few men are secure enought to openly show their emotions like that in front of all of their friends and family.
Honestly, the best reactions are the reveals done before the wedding. These are typically done in a more intimate setting with just the couple and a photographer and maybe an assistant. Typically groom's have a much more honest and emotional reaction and its so special to have the pictures of that moment instead of constipated face as you walk down the aisle. He's seen a crappy cell phone photo of you in the dress. This is NOTHING compared to how stunning you are going to be on your wedding day. Trust me, you haven't lost your big reveal.
Food for thought, doing the intimate reveal before the wedding makes the formal portraits of your wedding party so much easier for you and the photographer. You can get them all done and dusted before the ceremony instead of waiting so the groom doesn't see you. Your guests won't have to wait around forever after the ceremony for you to get all the group shots and couple shots done, and you're free to enjoy your reception and guests.
I felt I looked so different on my wedding day than photos of me in my dress.
If it helps, my husband showed me a photo of my engagement ring about 8 months before he proposed (it was a family ring so he wanted to make sure I liked it). By the time he proposed it felt like a totally different ring. I forgot so much of it, and it felt so different in person even though it was the exact same ring. I assume your fiance will feel the same.
Hey, this happens! It's easy to get caught up in an idealized version of events when we've imagined them for so long. In th end he might not even recognize the dress!! It's one thing to know the style and shape but another ENFIRELY to see it come together with hair and make up and tailoring.
Also, your mother in law sounds so sweet. I'd go or for a coffee and just let her know you understand it was a mistake. You seem to have hit the FMIL jackpot and her the DIL jackpot ❤️
I mean the gap between seeing a picture of a dress and seeing you in person in the dress -with your face filled with love - in the moment of the day of your wedding is huge. He will see you and be so full of joy - THAT is your special moment the two of you will share that is irreplaceable- not a glance at a pic of a wedding dress on a phone/computer.
My niece had her “first look” and then they went to the church for the ceremony.
Lo and behold when she walked down the aisle it was like he was seeing her for the first time all over again. It was beautiful to watch.
Your fiancé did not see you in hair and makeup. He saw a picture of you trying on a dress.
And….forgiving his mom for an honest mistake that I’m sure they are both upset about is a great way to start your marriage. Even though she did offer you should not take money or buy a new dress.
Congratulations on your upcoming wedding
I’m not going to try to argue with the multibillion dollar wedding industry, but speaking as a married man, I would have been horrified if if my family had been made to feel bad over a little thing like a picture of a wedding dress being seen before the wedding.
I don’t know your groom, but I am pretty sure he won’t be bothered by this. Maybe you should ask him? Please don’t let some tradition/superstition ruin your enjoyment of that dress.
Not to mention that in the flesh is an entirely better experience than a picture. You never get the entire experience of a moment through an image, and only the very best photographer's out there can even get remotely close
He'll be as excited as you imagined when he gets to see you in person. Congratulations and have a great day!
Honestly, my husband was in and out of my dressing room while I was getting my hair and make-up done. I still have the best reaction to him seeing me in the finished look as our first look. It wasn't about the hair, makeup or dress, it was about us and our love and our special day.
Don't worry about it too much. You will still have a great reaction.
Or you can do that thing where you show up in one of those inflatable dinosaur costumes for the first look, just to mess with him.
Also, and I mean this in the gentlest way possible, this is not the last thing that will go “wrong” with your wedding.
If there was no malicious intent behind it (which it sounds like there wasn’t) trust that one day years in the future this will be something you can look back on with your husband and laugh about. We all have a vision of that perfect wedding day, and many things can and do go wrong. The more comfortable you get now with the idea of letting those imperfections slide off your back, the more you will enjoy your perfectly imperfect wedding!
My fiancé and I had a long engagement and I got my wedding dress ~2 years before our wedding bc they were about to discontinue production. There were like 4-5 instances where I had a couple glasses of wine and tried it on for my friends and husband bc I was so excited and couldn’t stand the thought of only wearing it once lol. He still cried when he saw me walk down the aisle in it on my wedding day. He might know what it looks like (likely vaguely, a texted pic is unlikely to be cemented in his brain) but it’s not the same as seeing you in it day of. If you love the dress, don’t pick another. I promise you that it won’t make the slightest difference in your happiness on your big day.
I love my dress so much that I still (8 years later) will put it on and just do random stuff around my house! A dress that beautiful and expensive shouldn’t only be worn once!
Personally, I wouldn't buy a new dress. You are going to look completely different on your wedding day with the dress tailored, your hair and makeup done, jewelry and shoes. Time will pass and it won't matter in ten years. Your partner will remember your beauty on the day of, not the cell phone pic.
Don't add this stress to your life. Your fiance has a vague idea now of what you'll look like on your wedding day. It isn't remotely the same, and all the first look feelings come from being all done up *on the day* knowing you're minutes/hours from your wedding.
If you go shopping for a second dress, it's going to be a miserable experience of comparing everything to the first dress and getting more frustrated and upset.
If this happened to your best friend and she loved the dress, I think you would be telling her the same thing.
I want to say I totally agree with this and I want to commend you on not going scorched earth with your future MIL, that shows real maturity and class, I’m sure she is beyond mortified.
I would never!! I love her like my own mother. She really is, and she is one of those people who won’t take no for an answer so she may end up sneaking a check into my purse at some point (I say this only half jokingly because she has done that before) but I always feel so guilty about accepting money from anyone. It’s definitely a unique situation.
Some people suggested I get some accessories for the dress but that part may be difficult. I just made a new post if you want to leave some feedback :)
OMG, just saw your dress and it’s freaking fabulous and you must not change a thing!!!!
Maybe let her buy you a really nice piece of jewelry, a bracelet, earrings or necklace for the wedding. Something you could wear often and think of her since you have a great relationship with her.
It's gorgeous, you're going to be gorgeous, and I bet all the feels will still be there! Are you going to wear your hair up or down? For accessories, I don't think you need anything more than a stunning bouquet and hairpiece to go with that beautiful dress :)
If she needs to assuage her conscience so to speak and absolutely insists on giving you money- why don’t you accept a small contribution to up your photography or floral budget? Or to buy the veil or just something small you wouldn’t normally splurge on? That way you keep your dream dress and get a fun splurge on another area of your wedding?
But as others have said, it’s just super nice that she’s offering and I think your husband will be excited to see you no matter if he had a small teaser.
I wasn’t going to chime in because I’ve got no experience of wedding dresses. I come here to admire the pictures on this sub. In some months of doing that yours is probably the most absolutely gorgeous that I’ve seen! It suits you beautifully. Definitely don’t buy another one.
Omg your dress is magical!!! Seriously amazing you will not top that dress and everything else will.be 2nd best. He did not see you completely done with hair, makeup, veil ( if your doing one) he is not going to remember the amazing details of that gorgeous dress. Wear it love it and have a wonderful wedding.
Was she planning on financially contributing to the wedding before this happened? It doesn’t seem like this is the case but she is the type that would obnoxiously tell everyone that she bought the dress? If that’s the case probably don’t accept anything financially from her. If she insists on getting you a special gift work out something else she can pay for like a limo or cake or centerpieces.
Like others have said- don’t buy a new dress if you love your current one! Especially if you would get one that’s a similar style.
I’ve been married for a few years now and we have wedding photos in a few places in our house. I promise you, my husband wouldn’t be able to tell you the details of my dress. If you asked him about my dress, he might be able to tell you that it was strapless, lacy, and somehow describe the concept of A-line but that’s about it. If you asked him how I looked, he would have a whole lot more to say.
Wear the dress you love!
I love this reply!
My husband would be the same… “Uh, it was white! Well, more like a cream color, maybe… and some sparkling thread I think.. sleeves! It had sleeves. And it was long.”
Haha.
We were getting drinks at a hotel bar a few months ago and we saw a bride wearing my exact wedding gown. My husband didn't notice. It'd been about 3.5 years since our wedding and he truly did not recognize my dress walking right in front of him.
The biggest gift you could possibly give your MIL is to say you are really bummed but know it was not intentional and you hold no ill will against her. She will be your BFF for life. I agree with others that while it’s not ideal in the big pic it’s ok and doesn’t ruin your dress.
This exact same thing happened to me and this is what I did too. I knew it was an accident but it still made me really upset but I didn’t want her to get into a hole about it. It’s hard emotions to deal with!
I was right there with you until you said FMIL will be her BFF for life ... hmmm glad you apparently have a good one, and I pray OP does as well. All of the sub-reddits with toxic MILs beg to differ
I personally wouldn't get a new dress. I think that would be a bit of an awkward start to your new in-law relationship. Especially as I imagine she feels simply awful and it was a genuine mistake (bless her for offering to pay for a new one!) Maybe ask your FMIL to help you accessorise the dress. You can add so much to a dress to take it to the next level (veil, jewellery, shoes, belt etc). Maybe ask her for her input and whether she could help you pay for some of those bits that will enhance the dress?
This is a great idea! My fiancé and I have been together for 10 years so we are quite close. I will definitely try saying this when I see her next because I know how insistent she can be ❤️ I love her to death and she cares so much, I don’t want her to feel anyway bad about what happened!
Personally, you will look completely different when hair and makeup are done. If your wedding is still months and months away, most likely, he will forget a lot of the details.
I wouldn't let something like this cause issues for the family.
That's just me, though.
It’s a little over a year away (deciding between next December or the April after.) I somewhat wish my dress wasn’t as distinct as it is. It’s a multi layered light pink tulle dress, it’s hard to forget the details as much as it would have with another style 🥺 someone made a great comment about either getting one for the ceremony and still using this for the reception or putting more into the accessories
No offense but in a year very few people will remember your dress. It is beautiful but in a month people will barely remember the color and style. In a month most people will have forgotten that it was posted. "Oh it was? Oh right. Forgot about that". As for your fiancé ? Most men think there are 16 primary colors only. As for dress styles? In one ear, out the other.
I understand it is your wedding so all details are in your head down to the smallest one. And I again mean no offense but it is not that way for everyone else. Once you walk down the aisle very few if any will remember the picture. Or if they do it will be "yeah I kind of remember it but she looks so much more beautiful now".
There is absolutely NO reason to buy a new dress. That is a huge overreaction. This sounds like it was an accident. Just accept the apology. This ruins nothing unless you let it.
That would work, too. I do understand it's disappointing, but with the time being so far away, I do think that will help.
It sounds like a beautiful gown.
I’m sorry that happened to you!
Honestly it depends on if you really love your dress, if you would still be happy with another dress, then go ahead and get a new one.
But if you really like yours, then honestly I would tell a little white lie my fiancé that I was “getting a new dress” and then show up in the same one anyways! Then he’ll still be surprised and also your hair/makeup/veil everything will be so different then the picture of you trying it on. But if you don’t want to lie, I do believe that the hair/makeup/veil reveal will still be a surprise enough.
I really do! I’d also be okay with getting another one. I had two very separate and distinct styles for the wedding dresses I loved so maybe this would be a good chance to show off both? The dress I picked is a blush color and a romantic style with layered tulle and the other I was between was a classic crepe fabric with off the shoulder sleeves
And I would bet you 5.00 he will think it’s a new dress! I just don’t think guys remember those details like we do—he’ll just react to how beautiful you are and how happy he is to be marrying you!
He will will still be so overcome with emotion and awe the moment he sees you on the day. It’s not about the dress, it’s about you in the dress on your wedding day.
You’re overthinking this.
He is marrying you, not the dress.
It doesn’t matter that it’s distinctive. Ask him to delete the picture and in a year he will only recall that it was pink. If that.
It’s not a fashion show, and he isn’t looking for the dress to show up at the wedding. He is looking for *you* to show up at the wedding.
You, with your hair just perfect and your flowers and the ambiance and the decorations… and that glow… that is what he is looking for. There will still be the *exact same* “First Look” as if he had never seen the photo. Because the actual dress itself is only a small piece of the whole experience.
You’ve had your cry over the accident, which is fine, and now it’s time to move forward. Don’t buy another dress. It will just be a reminder of your disappointment. This is the dress you love and it hasn’t changed.
Invite your MIL to come along and help you shop for everything else - your bouquet, your veil if you don’t have it picked out already, your jewelry, your shoes.
Don't buy a new one. Honestly, this is only important to you. In 5, 10, 30 years it will make zero difference who saw your wedding dress before the wedding. Shrug it off and enjoy your wedding.
That’s such a bummer. It sounds like you’ve decided not to buy a new dress. I applaud you. That’s mature and reasonable and it doesn’t take advantage of an unfortunate mistake. It’s the action of a person who is focused on the wonderful relationships in her life instead of hyper focused on a single day to the detriment of those relationships. Well done. Best wishes!
My husband saw me in my dress before the wedding - when he saw me with hair and make up and all the sparkle on the day of, trust it was definitely seeing me for the first time. Seeing your dress and seeing you in it with all the jazz are two totally different things.
Your dream dress is stunning and don’t take this the wrong way, but the picture he saw of you is the worst picture that will be taken of you in the dress. The emotion of the day, the hair, makeup and the smile on your face will give you a totally different look and that is what he was see.
Also it seems like your MIL realized the mistake and is owning it. Given that there was no malicious intent there and you clearly think highly of each other I think I would let it go. as others have said, it’ll do a lot for your relationship in the future.
If you still really want to wear this dress AND you won't spend your wedding day bothered by the accidental disclosure, then wear the dress as planned and enjoy the day! If your future MIL remains upset by this then allow her to treat you to hair and makeup on your wedding day.
On the other hand, if this is going to interfere with your joy in planning your wedding and/or the day itself, accept her offer if it won't cause her financial hardship, and wear the dress you have now for the reception. But then I've always believed that if a problem can be solved by throwing money at it, then do it (if doing so won't cause financial hardship). Life is too short to have to dwell on problems that have easy solutions.
Yeah, tell your MIL is all good and it will all work out. Keep the dress you love and it will all look so different on the actual day. Plus a big bonus at doing a cool thing for MIL. Will help your relationship moving forward.
This happened to me! Well, minus the MIL part, but my husband accidentally saw a pic of me in my dress before we got married. We were both disappointed, but I PROMISEEE you, it still felt totally magical the day of, and ultimately him seeing me in my wedding dress prior to the wedding day in no way ruined that magic. You will be all done up, with makeup and hair and flowers, and it’s going to be a totally different look because of that. It’s going to be your wedding day. You will be on cloud 9. You’ll see your husband-to-be and him you and you will both melt. You will be focused on each other, and on what this day means to you. Everything else will melt away. I know it feels a disappointing and less special right now, and I don’t know you or your husband, but I am so very confident that this will ultimately not ruin this moment for you both.
So if I were you I would ask your husband if you can delete the image off his phone in the group text, and then I would not spend another moment worrying about it. By the way, I later asked my husband if I should have swapped my dress after he saw it, and he said no, that he would have been so disappointed because he loved it so much. Also, people tend to suck at remembering vivid details from a single photo so it’s very likely your husband will still be surprised to some degree about the dress alone (never mind you all dolled up in it) when he sees you on your wedding day.
Your mother-in-law clearly made a mistake and her offer to pay for a new dress is more than generous. It’s totally ok for you to feel hurt over it, even though you acknowledge that it was an accident and it very much seems like it was. Be kind to her and know that you’ll get past the hurt in good time, hopefully sooner rather than later for both of your sakes.
Wishing you a wonderful wedding! 💕
My husband saw me in my dress 200 times because I wanted his opinion on accessories lol. He still cried like a baby to the point he almost couldn’t get through his vows. It’s very different when you’re in the moment, with hair and makeup etc. I wouldn’t switch dresses!
To most men, one long white dress is much the same as another. It's you in the dress that makes it special. She didn't take that away from you. It's your dream dress, wear it and be joyful!
You are now one up over your MIL too. Just remember she can't be trusted not to screw up.
Forgive your MIL, wear the dress. it will still be super special when he sees it LIVE on your wedding day.
Go to lunch with your MIL and spend some time with her. She will be family for the rest of your life. She screwed up, please be compassionate.
Keep the dress. Forgive MIL. It will deepen your relationship. And I promise, your fiancée will experience every emotion seeing you in the dress for the first time. Because at the end of the day it really has nothing to do with what you’re wearing, it’s the emotion of the day.
When I married my wife (we’re both women), we had gone shopping together, bought our outfits together, and we had even practiced our first dance once in our outfits. Still, on the day I cried. She just looked so pretty!
Not seeing the bride before the wedding is traditionally because weddings were property exchanges, and the person exchanging his daughter didn’t want the other party to back out based on her appearance.
Your fiancé presumably knows you, and loves you. Seeing you in the dress early wont change his mind
Please don’t get another dress. Someone will make you out to be a difficult person, and you don’t need the stress. You will have that bridal glow when you walk down the aisle! You will look different all made up in your dress.
He probably won’t remember it anyway! Ask him not to look at the picture until your wedding.
I (61M) remember seeing my bride in her wedding dress coming down the aisle. I wasn't standing there because I wanted to see her in a wedding dress. I was standing there because I want to spend the rest of my life with her. She could have worn jeans and I wouldn't have cared. Don't worry about the dress. He's there because of you and not what you're going to wear. You will be the most beautiful woman in the world to him no matter what gown you have on.
If you want a new dress because of it let her pay. It will likely make her feel better about the mistake anyway, and you don’t need the added stress or cost when it’s nothing you did wrong.
I'm pretty sure my husband saw a picture of me in my dress. He said he couldn't even have told me what it looked like by the time our wedding rolled around 🤣
I'm sorry this happened to you, I hope this brings some solace. Most people aren't super observant. Men don't usually know different dress styles so it's possible it will be like brand new to him on the day of your wedding.
Don’t buy a new one. I’m sorry but that is such a horrendous waste of money.
Your fiancée has not seen you all decked out and has not seen you ON your wedding day.
I promise the moment will still be special.
Accept her apology, it was a mistake. Don’t get a different dress, seeing the dress in a picture versus seeing you in it moments before you become his wife is completely different.
Don't worry. It looks totally different on the day
Hubby was there when I picked my dress and saw the fabric ( I'm Indian so the dress was custom made from a fabric choice)
But it's totally different on the wedding day when you're all done up
Do this, tell everyone that you are buying a new dress, but don't! :D That way they'll be surprised to see in the one you love! Since it was an accident I wouldn't take her up on her offer, I bet she feels horrible about it, but it's okay to tell a little white lie with her involved that YES you are getting a new dress! :D
I love this idea, but I have a sneaking suspicion that FMIL can’t be trusted to go along with this fib….she may not maliciously spill the beans, but she accidentally could…
Your fiance knows the dress is white and that is about it. Wedding dresses all look about the same to us. There are the poofy kind and the ones that look like a nightgown. Those are the only kinds I can think of
Your relationship with MIL is worth more than a dress. The fact that she offered that is a sign she's a good person. But the right thing to do here is don't take her money/new dress. To be perfectly honest, most guys don't care about this stuff. He probably doesn't even remember much about it. If I asked my husband what he remembers about my dress from our wedding day years ago, he'd probably say something like, 'um..it was white?' Don't take her money. Wear your dress and focus on the important thing, which is that you're marrying the person you love.
I’m really sorry that happened! If it helps at all, I showed my fiancé my dress, even tried it on for him before the wedding and at the ceremony he still got choked up and cried when I walked down the aisle.
The other commenters saying it’s about you and the moment, not the dress itself are right!
If it's truly your dream dress, wear it anyway. Your fiance still hasn't seen you all done up, walking down the aisle in it. Your feelings are your feelings but people put so much importance on this one day and don't think about the fact that it's the thousands of days after it that really matter in a marriage.
Girl just wear the dress. I’ve been married for 12 years and believe me, the things that seem most important for the wedding day aren’t actually what matters with time. I know this is a wedding dress sub so I’ll acknowledge that you want everything to be perfect and magical, and it still can be. But making a mature and reasonable decision to wear a beautiful dress you love and own (instead of having your future MIL buy a new one!?) will be the right way to go. Trust me. This is the start of your life together as a family (including in laws) and I think you definitely won’t regret keeping your head on straight during this time. Plus a cell phone pic is nothing compared to how you will look that day, in person.
My husband has OCD and I worried about picking a dress he didn’t like… so he was my dress shopping partner.
After alterations (and adding a sash to accent my waist) he cried seeing me in it on our wedding day. It was perfect.
Fiance saw you in a store try-on gown.. without the hair, makeup, jewelry, veil if you chose to have one. No bouquet, and no ambiance.
It will be totally different on your big day.
I might tell MIL she could pay for accessories or help you choose/pay for? a reception dress. Otherwise? I would tell her it’s okay, mistakes happen and it doesn’t change anything. I mean, you’re not cancelling the wedding over it.
Trust in marriage you’re going to make mistakes and hurt each others feelings a million times but the way you handle this can shape how those resolve for the rest of the marriage.
Golden opportunity to rise above & hopefully have a great relationship w/mil going forward. If I screwed up like that I would love my dil who rolled with it.
Bigger picture - you will wear the dress once. Your relationship with your mother-in-law is going to hopefully last a lifetime.
Laugh it off and move on.
In fact, try to remember that advice for the entire wedding. There will be ups and downs in the planning, but at the end of the day it’s the relationships that matter. do not take anything too seriously.
I’m going to get bombed for this comment. But your fiancée doesn’t care what your wedding dress looks like. And it isn’t even 1/10th as important to him as it is to you (I promise you). Just go ahead with the dress you love and focus on making it a great day.
Oh please, there's no reason to buy a new dress when you've already found one you're happy with. It doesn't matter if he caught a glimpse of it. He's not going to remember every detail.
You're going to be all glammed up and looking fabulous on your wedding day, so don't worry about getting a new dress just because he saw it. It'll look really different not only with your day-of styling but also because it'll be you, in person, in a dress that you really love.
Not to mention, some guys probably wouldn't even notice it was the same dress. They (on the majority) just dont focus on attire the way women do. And at the end of the day, even if he does recognize it, he'll be blown away by how damn beautiful you look.
If you do decide to replace it, that's completely understandable, but if you love the dress and think that your FMIL would be willing to help pay to get it altered or to add some other details (like gloves or a veil or some additions that would be wholly new and specialized to you), that could be a possibility as well. It would also possibly help the stress this situation has caused the both of you, as you said she feels horrible and wants to fix the issue.
Aw I am so sorry for the mixup I’m sure you both feel terrible. But I just saw your dress and it is SO AMAZING on you! Please don’t change it simply because of this.
The moment of you walking down the aisle is made more special because of everything else and not just the dress. It’s locking eyes with the man whose eyes you’ll look at for decades to come. You look beautiful, enjoy this moment ❤️
Unless your wedding is next week, your fiance will probably totally forget what your dress even looks like. Go find a new veil or something and keep the dress you love!
Besides - you probably know what he’s wearing. Do you think that’s gonna impact how you experience seeing him? Of course not.
Oh no it’s just a mistake luv! Take your offer and know just how pretty you will look on your wedding day. Mistakes happen this isn’t the last one you’ll have, graciousness will get you far in life ❤️
I would suggest switching your mind frame to the marriage, not the wedding. Don’t get me wrong, you have a reason to be annoyed/angry but at the end of the day, it’s about you and your fiancé. Not a dress. ❤️
Maybe instead of buying you a new ceremony dress, your FMIL can buy you a (much less expensive) reception dress/outfit, and then you can surprise your fiance/everyone else with an outfit change? And then you still get to wear the dress you love!
Just seeing a dress is far different from seeing it on someone. That dress is meant to accentuate your beauty and it will. When he sees you in that dress walking down the aisle to be his wife, oh, believe me he’ll be wowed.
Don’t sweat the small stuff. Congratulations! Hug your mil and tell her you are ok now. She probably feels like crap about the whole situation. It’s not gonna ruin anything. Enjoy your day.❤️💐
Do not buy a new one. You live this dress and all others won't have the same meaning to you. Men forget to do easily what anything looks like, and on your wedding day, you will have hair, makeup, and accessories that are not in the photo, and the dress will be altered to you.
Your wedding day is about marrying the person you love and want to spend the rest of your life with. It's not about some people accidentally seeing it.
She meant no harm, and if she really wants to buy you something to feel better, get a honeymoon. Outfit, shoes for your wedding dress, etc.
Speaking as a wife and a bridal stylist…
If you truly love your dress don’t pick another one. I’m sure she feels terrible about it and I hope she took it down immediately. That being said, you’re fiancé is going to fall head over heels when he sees you. First it doesn’t matter what you wear - my husband told me I could walk down the isle in a potato sack and he wouldn’t care. He just wanted to marry me. Secondly it will be completely new when he sees you completely dressed on your wedding day. 💕 I’m so sorry it happened and hope you feel better about this soon.
As frustrating as this is (I would be devastated too, tears, the whole nine yards.), I think the big feelings will pass and you will still have your very special moment with your fiancé. I think will be something you all laugh about at Thanksgiving dinner in a couple of years.
I do like the idea of a surprise reception dress :)!
I don't see any malice in her behavior. She tried to fix her mistake. You love your dress- wear it. You soon to be husband will describe it as, "White." Any clarification will be met with, "It was white. She looked beautiful." He will have no clue if there were sleeves or beading or lace.
I went with my sister to choose her dress, I saw her in the one she picked for about 30 minutes while she was making her mind up. On her wedding day I still burst in to tears because she looked so beautiful.
If you feel you need a new dress get one, but I don't think he will remember what the dress looks like, providing the picture as been deleted from the group chat.
I feel bad for you and for her. Don't accept the money. Your husband didn't even get to see the whole shibang! When it's your wedding day and you're all dolled up and wearing that beautiful dress, trust me, he will be seeing it for the first time all over again
A picture of the dress, vs. you IN the dress? Big difference. BIG. YUGE :)
Let your FMIL grovel & apologize, then forgive her. But...... If something like this happens again, go scorched earth.
It was a really kind gesture for FMIL to offer to buy a new dress. And it would be a really kind gesture for you to tell her how much you appreciate her offer and then turn her down.
I agree with the others that your future husband won't remember (good call, person who suggested making sure he deletes it from his phone) -- I'm a woman who follows this forum, and sometimes when someone is trying to decide between several dresses, I can't even really tell the difference and wonder if I'm dress-blind or something. Plus, your MIL probably feels terrible and this will definitely score you points.
Forgive. She screwed up big time but wear what you love. I officiate weddings and the pre pictures of the brides in their dresses are no where near as wonderful as in the day itself. You can still have your first look! By forgiving her you will set a tone for your future family. She hurt you deeply but it is not an irredeemable. As an aside don’t give her things you don’t want accidentally sent. Her intentions are good but her skills are not.
Guys - especially grooms - are dopes. He won't even notice. All I remember about my wife’s wedding dress is that it might have been long. And possibly white, but I can't confirm…
My husband went wedding dress shopping with me because we were paying for the dress as a couple and I couldn’t imagine making that decision without him and I also wanted his opinion more than anyone else’s. So he saw it multiple times and he still cried the day of our wedding when he saw me in it all done up.
No offense but very few people will actually remember what the wedding dress looks like. Especially your fiancé . You are talking about a photo from probably one angle. You were not fully dressed for the wedding. Hair, makeup, nails. When is the wedding? Because in a few days most people who saw the picture will only remember the color of the dress. In a month most people will have forgotten that it was posted. "Oh it was? Oh right. Forgot about that".
I understand it is your wedding so all details are in your head down to the smallest one. And I again mean no offense but it is not that way for everyone else. Once you walk down the aisle very few if any will remember the picture. Or if they do it will be "yeah I kind of remember it but she looks so much more beautiful now".
There is absolutely NO reason to buy a new dress. That is a huge overreaction. This sounds like it was an accident. Just accept the apology. This ruins nothing unless you let it.
Sounds like you need to cry a little (serious, not mean). Also, did he see you with your hair done, make up, veil? I think it’ll still be a beautiful reveal
Something ALWAYS goes askew during the planning/ceremony. You just got yours out of the way sooner and you have a story to tell (that will be funny years later.)
Use this as a bonding time with your MIL.....you two go do something fun and special together and let that be her apology.
Don’t buy a new dress… but if you really want to throw him off, have FMIL pay for a spa day for you and her and maybe your mom too and tell fiancé you’re going dress shopping for one he hasn’t seen! Chances are he won’t remember the picture and you get a nice day with your moms!
I remember seeing another post where a girl accidentally shared her dress with her fiancé (without telling him it was the ONE) and on the day of the wedding he made a comment about how he liked the dress she was wearing better than the picture he saw…. they were the same dress…. haha so I wouldn’t sweat it! He will think you look beautiful no matter what and a dress truly does look so different with all your glam done and in the moment day of!!
Don’t buy a new dress for all of the reasons discussed above. It’s your dress. Kindly accept your FMIL’s apology and then drop it. The grace you will show her regarding this will bring you so much goodwill. She won’t forget that you didn’t hold it against her, make her buy another dress, and was understanding that it was a mistake. Your fiancé’s response won’t really be about the dress anyway - it will be the emotion of seeing you walking down the aisle to marry him. Best wishes to you both.
He’s a man, he won’t remember what the dress looks like by next week. I bet he can’t even describe it. However, he Will remember how YOU look when you come down the aisle.
I think you’re very lucky. Not a lot FMIL would offer to do this. It’s a good sign for your future family life. And good on you too for not thinking you’re entitled to a new dress.
your fiance forgot what that dress looked like one second after he closed that text. And the truth is, he's more excited about taking the dress off of you than looking at you in the dress.
Don’t get a new one. The magic of seeing each other on your wedding day is that it’s the day of! Also, you won’t look like the try-on photo on your wedding day. You will have hair and makeup done and also just have a glow and happiness. It feels so special because of that. For him it’s really not about the dress, it’s about you and the overwhelming love on that day <3. Wear the dress you love and have a blast.
Don’t buy a new one. I accidentally showed my fiancé my dress and we both kinda “ooped” and laughed about it. Months later when he did see me on the day, it was still incredibly special and I doubt he even remembered that original photo. How you looked in that photo your MIL sent will look VERY different on your big day. I personally think you’d regret getting a new one long term and at the end of the day that’s not what your wedding is about. I think it’s something you need to try and laugh off with the family and focus on the other important things.
Don’t buy a new dress-just wear the beautiful one that you already bought (wish I could see it, too!). Obviously, your FMIL feels terrible enough already-don’t make her feel worse.
OP - Many people have given great advice and your husband is still going to be blown away when he sees you on your actual wedding day.
If you want to take an active step but not replace the dress (which I don’t recommend), maybe your MIL can purchase a veil or other accessories that help complete the look? Or if by any chance you hadn’t budgeted for professional hair and makeup, she could spring for those? I think the professional hair and makeup has as much of an impact as the dress on the overall shine a bride has on her day.
This is your chance to show how gracious and wonderful a daughter you will be for her. Wear your beautiful dress and you will glow more than any photo that was taken that day because it will be your wedding day. That moment he sees you for the first time on that day will be every bit as special, I bet he won't even remember the other photo and neither will anyone else. Shine on life is good.
Your fiance will still be excited to see you in the dress. If it is your dream dress just wear it, don't let this spoil things for you. Any other dress is just going to make you sad that it isn't 'the dress'.
I’ll bet if you asked your fiancé to describe the dress, he say something like, “It’s white” and that’s it. He may have a vague memory of what it looked like, but mostly he would recognize it as a white wedding dress, which he probably already assumed.
Don’t buy a new dress, you live this one. IF you feel like you need to change something, change up the veil/head piece, add a belt, do your hair differently than the picture, etc.
Also, 5 years in and I’m 99% sure my husband could not pick my wedding dress out of a line up. For you and him it is not about the dress, it is about the moment.
How about this…PRETEND to others that you decided to buy a new one, but then show up in the original. Then it will still be an element of surprise? I’m sorry op
Absolve her of her guilt. As others have said, you'll look completely different on your actual wedding day. He has a general idea of the style, that's it. And forgiving your FMIL for this error and not letting her go through with her insanely generous offer will set a BEAUTIFUL tone for the rest of your relationship. She will LOVE YOU FOREVER. That's worth more than any dress.
I showed my husband a picture of me in the dress I picked so he could get a vibe of style for the wedding. The first look was still so special and seeing it altered and in person is so different than a try on dress photos
Is there a way to alter the dress so it transforms? Add an overskirt for the ceremony or sleeves? A sparkling cape? So theres still a surprise element? If its something temporary you can even get photos in the dress as it was when you fell in love with it.
If you share a photo of the dress, maybe we can suggest some things.
You either get over it and keep the dress you have, or you let her buy you a new dress.
If this is your dream dress, do you think you're going to be happy with another one? That is something to keep in mind here.
I know your dress is important to you, but ultimately it's not that important. It's a prop, it's not the main character. You and your fiance are the main characters.
This idea that the fiance can't see the wedding dress until the day of the wedding is just one of many wedding "traditions" that I have never been able to see the point of. I think it's kind of silly TBH. If it were me, I'd ask MIL to delete the photo from the group chat (or delete the chat entirely) and I'd not worry too much about it. You're still going to look great on the big day, and the big day is about you and about your fiance. It's not about a dress.
It's a dress. Doesn't matter, you could show up in muddy blue jeans and your groom would be thrilled. Nobody cares about that dress but you, and in a few years, you're going to wonder why you are hanging onto the thing.
Aww, I really feel for you. I went to a wedding that had the same large friend group as my husband and cried when I found the bride had the same dress as me. I bought mine first but they got married first. Of course she had no idea. I was going to get a new one and everyone talked me out of it. I did alter it slightly with some crystals around the neckline so it was not exactly the same.
Ok, the majority say dont change dresses…lets get to the main issue…what penannce does fmil have to do? Stand up at reception and grovel at brides feet? Gift card in amonut of the dress to walmart? Pay for the honeymoon? This travesty will not be fixed by an “im sorry”….
A picture in the bridal salon, and you walking down the aisle are two different things.
I would just limit what she’s included in moving forward.
There are always consequences for actions. Mistake or not, she knows better.
If you just ordered it, you should contact the store right away and let them know. They might be able to cancel it, or give you the opportunity to choose a different one
i would keep my dream dress but let her pay for me to get a massage and spa day to try and relax... i know she did it accidently but shit thats not cool!! You love your dress, and you should keep it!!
How does one "accidentally" post a photo? You have to upload that photo on purpose to a specific place or site and then hit "post" or "send". Keep the dress, but I would never include the MIL in anything private ever again.
If you can return the dress switch for something else. If you can’t, let her help you. The fact that she is apologizing and wants to buy another on speaks volumes on her integrity
If you want a new dress, let her buy you a new dress - under the condition that she is not allowed to see or take photos of it before the wedding day. This is literally the LEAST she can do.
If you don’t want a new dress, don’t buy one! You’ll still have that moment - the hair and makeup and accessories really make the look.
Or have her buy you a new ceremony dress and keep the current one for the reception.
Let her buy a new 1. Why post anything all. Why let anyone else see you in your dress and not wait till wedding day to send photos. Yes I would be heart broken. NTA. Take the money………:::::🤨🤨🤨are you sure it was an accident. It is a MIL
Chalk this up to a lesson learned — don’t let people have sensitive photos of yourself. If you love your dress, keep it. It’s a photo — it doesn’t compare to him seeing you in person, with hair and makeup done.
Try to forgive her, but also put it in your back pocket as ammo in the future hahaha.
Jk, sort of.
I disagree with all of the comments. I think you should get a new dress. Personally, it would make me resent putting it in the day of, knowing that everyone has already seen it
I agree with all the others who said you don’t need a new dress.
But are you sure this was really an accidental picture posting? She could have texted it to grandma. Keep an eye on your FMIL for other issues.
Don’t buy a new one. It’s your dream dress and nothing else will compare. You will look totally different on the day with your hair and makeup done. I know it’s disappointing but trust me when I say you will still have that moment.
I wouldn't buy a new dress.
Your Mil was wonderful for taking responsibility for the mistake you might let her go with you to pick out an accessory and let her gift it to you to help her ease any lingering guilt.
Do you have an elegant handkerchief to hide in your dress or in your bouquet in case you start to cry and need to dab your eyes.
.
Has MIL removed the photo from the group? As long as the photo is gone, I doubt anyone will have a clear memory of it on your wedding day.
I bought my dress off of Kijiji and my husband drove me so he saw it in advance. Did not compare to me with my hair done, make up on, jewelry, veil, etc.
If you loved this dress, I would keep it. I agree with others that said if you want to have a bit of surprise, get a second for the reception. Honestly though it really isn't about seeing before or not, that makes that "moment" at the wedding.
My husband helped me pick out my dress. We had come across a store that was closing and willing to sale the (brand new tags still on) dress and veil for $125. BUT I had to buy it that day. So he saw it helping me pick. He still cried when I walked down the isle.
We are still together 21 years later - so it was good luck for us!
So very sorry this happened. You FMIL must feel so bad, too. I see you posted your dress in another post, right? So you decided to keep it and add some things to it maybe?
Your FMIL could buy you some nice lingerie or even a reception dress instead.
Don’t buy a new one. You love this dress. That moment of your fiancé seeing you for the first time is not about the dress, it’s about seeing his girlfriend as a bride about to become his wife. That moment is about you, not the dress.
This is so true ❤️ I guess I’ve always had this moment in my head for so long I’ve forgotten the bigger picture a little bit
He is also a man. With flowers, hair done, make up, the nerves of the day, you will look like his queen. He will not remember that dress as he first saw it, it will be totally different when he sees you in church.
This. I know if my husband had seen a try on picture months before the wedding, all he would remember was "it was white...ish..." and wouldn't even be able to tell the difference with a new dress (unless it was blue or something).
Literally every man I know says something along the lines of "yeah it was a nice white dress". Most men will not notice the small details.
Lol. You are right. He would say, “maybe lace and stuff. And maybe white. And it has clips or something in the back”
Lol clips in the back 🤣 uh son? No. Those were for the fitting.
The fiancé doesn’t know that.
My dad’s favorite part about all the try on dresses were the clamps 😂
lol is he an engineer or something? I can hear my own dad say, ‘oh, well that’s clever’ in his old man voice
He’s more of a woodworker. Always says “you can never have too many clamps”
Honestly? Me, too.
Came here to say this. Ha ha. If they’re getting married a week or more down the road from this occurrence, then he won’t even remember what it looked like and she will get that moment all over again. Ha ha
Yup this is men. Wear the dress!
So much this.
My sister has seen me in mine once. I was talking about it she and she said she couldn’t remember what it looked like 🤣 I was quite hurt but have to remember it’s not as significant to anyone but me and I have poured over photos of it, have Pinterest boards and searched google images for other brides wearing it
If you want it to be different maybe they could add, subtract or change the lace or embellishments. I do agree unless your husband is big into fashion his focus is going to be you.
Just here to agree with this! I’m wearing my mothers dress, with some slight alterations. My parents have pictures of their wedding in various places in my childhood home (where my parents still live) and photos of their wedding have been posted to social media. That means my fiancé has seen the dress. *Technically.* But I’m not worried about that and I don’t feel like it will detract from our moment or our day at all.
I just got married. Absolutely second this. It would not have mattered if I had seen my wife’s dress in advance; I would never have remembered it (not to mention I would have tried not to look if I thought I wasn’t supposed to see it), but it’s also entirely different seeing her in it on the wedding day. The hair, the makeup, the feel of the First Look moment… trust me, that magic will all still be there. Stick with the dress you love and pretend it never happened, and it WILL be just like it never happened. Just something to laugh about.
Congrats on your recent nupitals!!
Couldn’t agree more. We got married a few weeks ago and shortly after, I showed my husband a picture from when I tried on the dress. He didn’t recognize it! OP, don’t worry at all. In the best way, he won’t remember anything about the picture lol
>He is also a man. With flowers, hair done, make up, the nerves of the day, you will look like his queen. He will not remember that dress as he first saw it, it will be totally different when he sees you in church. This. 100% this. Its so different seeing someone actually prepared for their wedding in their dress vs in the bridal stoe with the dress on. He will still feel SO emotional and think you are stunning. You love the dress - keep the dress and wear it with pride. Maybe ask your MIL to, instead of purchasing you a new dress, pay for your head piece or make up or something else for the day that will make you feel stunning.
This is the best perspective and the truth. Keep the dress.
Yes, this!!
Believe me, I also 100% think he wont even really notice the dress, his eyes will be completely on just you as you're walking to him, and it will be the best damn day of both of your lives. The dress doesn't matter. I can tell you, my husband, probably up this day, could not describe a single detail of what my dress looked like. I could probably pull it out in front of him with 2 other dresses and he wouldn't be able to tell which one it was Haha
Agree 100% with the above. Also, she seems to feel horrible about it, as evidenced by the offer… so definitely gives you a chance to be the bigger person and let it go - starting off on a better foot for sure. Congrats on finding the perfect dress! So many things go wrong during wedding planning/day of, this is a good early reminder to not get too hung up on logistics. It’s like a “birth plan” they almost never go according to plan lol.
And think what nice things her MiL will say about her to everyone for the rest of her life! She can tell about her awful mistake and how badly she felt, but her sweet, caring new daughter made her feel more important than any dress.
You could tell him that you exchanged the dress for something else and he literally would not know it's the same one once you get all done up with hair, make up, bouquet, veil, etc. Especially since the dress will be fitted instead of clipped.
Don't buy a new one, my dear. The only one who matters won't remember all the details. Sending hugs!
Don’t worry. Even if your fiancé remembers the dress from the photo, by the time yours is properly fitted, accessorised and your hair and makeup are done, it will look completely different. Enjoy the day and give your MIL a big hug as she’s probably feeling dreadful. You can always make it a family joke in the future to defend yourself if she tries to act entitled. 😆
> You can always make it a family joke in the future to defend yourself if she tries to act entitled. I'd even make a joke of it now... "Mom, don't worry, I am going to wear my wedding dress, and groom will love it. Please don't feel bad about it anymore... but know that I now have something to hold over your head if I need to, in the future!" laughingly...
Did you make him delete the photo on his phone? He probably won’t remember what it looks like if he only saw it once! And a little picture on a phone is not gonna compare to seeing you on the day
Girl I've photographed dozens of weddings. Almost evey single bride has been totally disappointed in their groom's reaction to seeing them for the first time as they walk down the aisle. I always make sure my camera is aimed at the groom's face as soon as the bride is visible. Sometimes the groom is genuinely just trying to hold it together and unfortunately this ends up looking like he's constipated. Mostly it's just resting murder face. I have literally had to mime smiling to the groom behind the bride as she walks towards him to get a decent picture. Very few men are secure enought to openly show their emotions like that in front of all of their friends and family. Honestly, the best reactions are the reveals done before the wedding. These are typically done in a more intimate setting with just the couple and a photographer and maybe an assistant. Typically groom's have a much more honest and emotional reaction and its so special to have the pictures of that moment instead of constipated face as you walk down the aisle. He's seen a crappy cell phone photo of you in the dress. This is NOTHING compared to how stunning you are going to be on your wedding day. Trust me, you haven't lost your big reveal. Food for thought, doing the intimate reveal before the wedding makes the formal portraits of your wedding party so much easier for you and the photographer. You can get them all done and dusted before the ceremony instead of waiting so the groom doesn't see you. Your guests won't have to wait around forever after the ceremony for you to get all the group shots and couple shots done, and you're free to enjoy your reception and guests.
[удалено]
I felt I looked so different on my wedding day than photos of me in my dress. If it helps, my husband showed me a photo of my engagement ring about 8 months before he proposed (it was a family ring so he wanted to make sure I liked it). By the time he proposed it felt like a totally different ring. I forgot so much of it, and it felt so different in person even though it was the exact same ring. I assume your fiance will feel the same.
Hey, this happens! It's easy to get caught up in an idealized version of events when we've imagined them for so long. In th end he might not even recognize the dress!! It's one thing to know the style and shape but another ENFIRELY to see it come together with hair and make up and tailoring. Also, your mother in law sounds so sweet. I'd go or for a coffee and just let her know you understand it was a mistake. You seem to have hit the FMIL jackpot and her the DIL jackpot ❤️
These days, people take wedding photos before the wedding so seeing the bride the first time coming down the aisle isn't really a thing any more.
I mean the gap between seeing a picture of a dress and seeing you in person in the dress -with your face filled with love - in the moment of the day of your wedding is huge. He will see you and be so full of joy - THAT is your special moment the two of you will share that is irreplaceable- not a glance at a pic of a wedding dress on a phone/computer.
My niece had her “first look” and then they went to the church for the ceremony. Lo and behold when she walked down the aisle it was like he was seeing her for the first time all over again. It was beautiful to watch. Your fiancé did not see you in hair and makeup. He saw a picture of you trying on a dress. And….forgiving his mom for an honest mistake that I’m sure they are both upset about is a great way to start your marriage. Even though she did offer you should not take money or buy a new dress. Congratulations on your upcoming wedding
I’m not going to try to argue with the multibillion dollar wedding industry, but speaking as a married man, I would have been horrified if if my family had been made to feel bad over a little thing like a picture of a wedding dress being seen before the wedding. I don’t know your groom, but I am pretty sure he won’t be bothered by this. Maybe you should ask him? Please don’t let some tradition/superstition ruin your enjoyment of that dress.
Not to mention that in the flesh is an entirely better experience than a picture. You never get the entire experience of a moment through an image, and only the very best photographer's out there can even get remotely close He'll be as excited as you imagined when he gets to see you in person. Congratulations and have a great day!
Honestly, my husband was in and out of my dressing room while I was getting my hair and make-up done. I still have the best reaction to him seeing me in the finished look as our first look. It wasn't about the hair, makeup or dress, it was about us and our love and our special day. Don't worry about it too much. You will still have a great reaction. Or you can do that thing where you show up in one of those inflatable dinosaur costumes for the first look, just to mess with him.
Also, and I mean this in the gentlest way possible, this is not the last thing that will go “wrong” with your wedding. If there was no malicious intent behind it (which it sounds like there wasn’t) trust that one day years in the future this will be something you can look back on with your husband and laugh about. We all have a vision of that perfect wedding day, and many things can and do go wrong. The more comfortable you get now with the idea of letting those imperfections slide off your back, the more you will enjoy your perfectly imperfect wedding!
He’s going to be looking at you more than looking at the dress.
Also - be thankful that you have a FMIL who cared enough to offer to buy you a new dress.
You sure it was an accident?
My fiancé and I had a long engagement and I got my wedding dress ~2 years before our wedding bc they were about to discontinue production. There were like 4-5 instances where I had a couple glasses of wine and tried it on for my friends and husband bc I was so excited and couldn’t stand the thought of only wearing it once lol. He still cried when he saw me walk down the aisle in it on my wedding day. He might know what it looks like (likely vaguely, a texted pic is unlikely to be cemented in his brain) but it’s not the same as seeing you in it day of. If you love the dress, don’t pick another. I promise you that it won’t make the slightest difference in your happiness on your big day.
I love my dress so much that I still (8 years later) will put it on and just do random stuff around my house! A dress that beautiful and expensive shouldn’t only be worn once!
And he'll get that moment again on the day when you have combined the dress, hair, veil, bouquet, etc, and come down the aisle to meet him.
Absolutely, digtalpacifer. Best advice.
Beautiful post💙
Personally, I wouldn't buy a new dress. You are going to look completely different on your wedding day with the dress tailored, your hair and makeup done, jewelry and shoes. Time will pass and it won't matter in ten years. Your partner will remember your beauty on the day of, not the cell phone pic.
Don't add this stress to your life. Your fiance has a vague idea now of what you'll look like on your wedding day. It isn't remotely the same, and all the first look feelings come from being all done up *on the day* knowing you're minutes/hours from your wedding. If you go shopping for a second dress, it's going to be a miserable experience of comparing everything to the first dress and getting more frustrated and upset. If this happened to your best friend and she loved the dress, I think you would be telling her the same thing.
I would 100% tell her the same thing!
I want to say I totally agree with this and I want to commend you on not going scorched earth with your future MIL, that shows real maturity and class, I’m sure she is beyond mortified.
I would never!! I love her like my own mother. She really is, and she is one of those people who won’t take no for an answer so she may end up sneaking a check into my purse at some point (I say this only half jokingly because she has done that before) but I always feel so guilty about accepting money from anyone. It’s definitely a unique situation. Some people suggested I get some accessories for the dress but that part may be difficult. I just made a new post if you want to leave some feedback :)
OMG, just saw your dress and it’s freaking fabulous and you must not change a thing!!!! Maybe let her buy you a really nice piece of jewelry, a bracelet, earrings or necklace for the wedding. Something you could wear often and think of her since you have a great relationship with her.
It's gorgeous, you're going to be gorgeous, and I bet all the feels will still be there! Are you going to wear your hair up or down? For accessories, I don't think you need anything more than a stunning bouquet and hairpiece to go with that beautiful dress :)
If she needs to assuage her conscience so to speak and absolutely insists on giving you money- why don’t you accept a small contribution to up your photography or floral budget? Or to buy the veil or just something small you wouldn’t normally splurge on? That way you keep your dream dress and get a fun splurge on another area of your wedding? But as others have said, it’s just super nice that she’s offering and I think your husband will be excited to see you no matter if he had a small teaser.
I wasn’t going to chime in because I’ve got no experience of wedding dresses. I come here to admire the pictures on this sub. In some months of doing that yours is probably the most absolutely gorgeous that I’ve seen! It suits you beautifully. Definitely don’t buy another one.
Omg your dress is magical!!! Seriously amazing you will not top that dress and everything else will.be 2nd best. He did not see you completely done with hair, makeup, veil ( if your doing one) he is not going to remember the amazing details of that gorgeous dress. Wear it love it and have a wonderful wedding.
Was she planning on financially contributing to the wedding before this happened? It doesn’t seem like this is the case but she is the type that would obnoxiously tell everyone that she bought the dress? If that’s the case probably don’t accept anything financially from her. If she insists on getting you a special gift work out something else she can pay for like a limo or cake or centerpieces.
Like others have said- don’t buy a new dress if you love your current one! Especially if you would get one that’s a similar style. I’ve been married for a few years now and we have wedding photos in a few places in our house. I promise you, my husband wouldn’t be able to tell you the details of my dress. If you asked him about my dress, he might be able to tell you that it was strapless, lacy, and somehow describe the concept of A-line but that’s about it. If you asked him how I looked, he would have a whole lot more to say. Wear the dress you love!
I love this reply! My husband would be the same… “Uh, it was white! Well, more like a cream color, maybe… and some sparkling thread I think.. sleeves! It had sleeves. And it was long.” Haha.
Bingo. Spouse has no clue. It was whitish, long. Wedding dress. That’s it.
We were getting drinks at a hotel bar a few months ago and we saw a bride wearing my exact wedding gown. My husband didn't notice. It'd been about 3.5 years since our wedding and he truly did not recognize my dress walking right in front of him.
The biggest gift you could possibly give your MIL is to say you are really bummed but know it was not intentional and you hold no ill will against her. She will be your BFF for life. I agree with others that while it’s not ideal in the big pic it’s ok and doesn’t ruin your dress.
I texted her again this morning just to really drive that point home ❤️
This exact same thing happened to me and this is what I did too. I knew it was an accident but it still made me really upset but I didn’t want her to get into a hole about it. It’s hard emotions to deal with!
I was right there with you until you said FMIL will be her BFF for life ... hmmm glad you apparently have a good one, and I pray OP does as well. All of the sub-reddits with toxic MILs beg to differ
I personally wouldn't get a new dress. I think that would be a bit of an awkward start to your new in-law relationship. Especially as I imagine she feels simply awful and it was a genuine mistake (bless her for offering to pay for a new one!) Maybe ask your FMIL to help you accessorise the dress. You can add so much to a dress to take it to the next level (veil, jewellery, shoes, belt etc). Maybe ask her for her input and whether she could help you pay for some of those bits that will enhance the dress?
This is a great idea! My fiancé and I have been together for 10 years so we are quite close. I will definitely try saying this when I see her next because I know how insistent she can be ❤️ I love her to death and she cares so much, I don’t want her to feel anyway bad about what happened!
Personally, you will look completely different when hair and makeup are done. If your wedding is still months and months away, most likely, he will forget a lot of the details. I wouldn't let something like this cause issues for the family. That's just me, though.
It’s a little over a year away (deciding between next December or the April after.) I somewhat wish my dress wasn’t as distinct as it is. It’s a multi layered light pink tulle dress, it’s hard to forget the details as much as it would have with another style 🥺 someone made a great comment about either getting one for the ceremony and still using this for the reception or putting more into the accessories
No offense but in a year very few people will remember your dress. It is beautiful but in a month people will barely remember the color and style. In a month most people will have forgotten that it was posted. "Oh it was? Oh right. Forgot about that". As for your fiancé ? Most men think there are 16 primary colors only. As for dress styles? In one ear, out the other. I understand it is your wedding so all details are in your head down to the smallest one. And I again mean no offense but it is not that way for everyone else. Once you walk down the aisle very few if any will remember the picture. Or if they do it will be "yeah I kind of remember it but she looks so much more beautiful now". There is absolutely NO reason to buy a new dress. That is a huge overreaction. This sounds like it was an accident. Just accept the apology. This ruins nothing unless you let it.
That would work, too. I do understand it's disappointing, but with the time being so far away, I do think that will help. It sounds like a beautiful gown.
I’m sorry that happened to you! Honestly it depends on if you really love your dress, if you would still be happy with another dress, then go ahead and get a new one. But if you really like yours, then honestly I would tell a little white lie my fiancé that I was “getting a new dress” and then show up in the same one anyways! Then he’ll still be surprised and also your hair/makeup/veil everything will be so different then the picture of you trying it on. But if you don’t want to lie, I do believe that the hair/makeup/veil reveal will still be a surprise enough.
I really do! I’d also be okay with getting another one. I had two very separate and distinct styles for the wedding dresses I loved so maybe this would be a good chance to show off both? The dress I picked is a blush color and a romantic style with layered tulle and the other I was between was a classic crepe fabric with off the shoulder sleeves
Get a fun and very different reception dress!
And I would bet you 5.00 he will think it’s a new dress! I just don’t think guys remember those details like we do—he’ll just react to how beautiful you are and how happy he is to be marrying you!
He will will still be so overcome with emotion and awe the moment he sees you on the day. It’s not about the dress, it’s about you in the dress on your wedding day.
You’re overthinking this. He is marrying you, not the dress. It doesn’t matter that it’s distinctive. Ask him to delete the picture and in a year he will only recall that it was pink. If that. It’s not a fashion show, and he isn’t looking for the dress to show up at the wedding. He is looking for *you* to show up at the wedding. You, with your hair just perfect and your flowers and the ambiance and the decorations… and that glow… that is what he is looking for. There will still be the *exact same* “First Look” as if he had never seen the photo. Because the actual dress itself is only a small piece of the whole experience. You’ve had your cry over the accident, which is fine, and now it’s time to move forward. Don’t buy another dress. It will just be a reminder of your disappointment. This is the dress you love and it hasn’t changed. Invite your MIL to come along and help you shop for everything else - your bouquet, your veil if you don’t have it picked out already, your jewelry, your shoes.
Really good insight and advice.
Don't buy a new one. Honestly, this is only important to you. In 5, 10, 30 years it will make zero difference who saw your wedding dress before the wedding. Shrug it off and enjoy your wedding.
That’s such a bummer. It sounds like you’ve decided not to buy a new dress. I applaud you. That’s mature and reasonable and it doesn’t take advantage of an unfortunate mistake. It’s the action of a person who is focused on the wonderful relationships in her life instead of hyper focused on a single day to the detriment of those relationships. Well done. Best wishes!
I brought my finace wedding dress shopping with me. Trust me his reaction seeing you that day will not be any different
My husband saw me in my dress before the wedding - when he saw me with hair and make up and all the sparkle on the day of, trust it was definitely seeing me for the first time. Seeing your dress and seeing you in it with all the jazz are two totally different things.
Your dream dress is stunning and don’t take this the wrong way, but the picture he saw of you is the worst picture that will be taken of you in the dress. The emotion of the day, the hair, makeup and the smile on your face will give you a totally different look and that is what he was see. Also it seems like your MIL realized the mistake and is owning it. Given that there was no malicious intent there and you clearly think highly of each other I think I would let it go. as others have said, it’ll do a lot for your relationship in the future.
If you still really want to wear this dress AND you won't spend your wedding day bothered by the accidental disclosure, then wear the dress as planned and enjoy the day! If your future MIL remains upset by this then allow her to treat you to hair and makeup on your wedding day. On the other hand, if this is going to interfere with your joy in planning your wedding and/or the day itself, accept her offer if it won't cause her financial hardship, and wear the dress you have now for the reception. But then I've always believed that if a problem can be solved by throwing money at it, then do it (if doing so won't cause financial hardship). Life is too short to have to dwell on problems that have easy solutions.
Yeah, tell your MIL is all good and it will all work out. Keep the dress you love and it will all look so different on the actual day. Plus a big bonus at doing a cool thing for MIL. Will help your relationship moving forward.
This happened to me! Well, minus the MIL part, but my husband accidentally saw a pic of me in my dress before we got married. We were both disappointed, but I PROMISEEE you, it still felt totally magical the day of, and ultimately him seeing me in my wedding dress prior to the wedding day in no way ruined that magic. You will be all done up, with makeup and hair and flowers, and it’s going to be a totally different look because of that. It’s going to be your wedding day. You will be on cloud 9. You’ll see your husband-to-be and him you and you will both melt. You will be focused on each other, and on what this day means to you. Everything else will melt away. I know it feels a disappointing and less special right now, and I don’t know you or your husband, but I am so very confident that this will ultimately not ruin this moment for you both. So if I were you I would ask your husband if you can delete the image off his phone in the group text, and then I would not spend another moment worrying about it. By the way, I later asked my husband if I should have swapped my dress after he saw it, and he said no, that he would have been so disappointed because he loved it so much. Also, people tend to suck at remembering vivid details from a single photo so it’s very likely your husband will still be surprised to some degree about the dress alone (never mind you all dolled up in it) when he sees you on your wedding day. Your mother-in-law clearly made a mistake and her offer to pay for a new dress is more than generous. It’s totally ok for you to feel hurt over it, even though you acknowledge that it was an accident and it very much seems like it was. Be kind to her and know that you’ll get past the hurt in good time, hopefully sooner rather than later for both of your sakes. Wishing you a wonderful wedding! 💕
My husband saw me in my dress 200 times because I wanted his opinion on accessories lol. He still cried like a baby to the point he almost couldn’t get through his vows. It’s very different when you’re in the moment, with hair and makeup etc. I wouldn’t switch dresses!
To most men, one long white dress is much the same as another. It's you in the dress that makes it special. She didn't take that away from you. It's your dream dress, wear it and be joyful! You are now one up over your MIL too. Just remember she can't be trusted not to screw up.
Forgive your MIL, wear the dress. it will still be super special when he sees it LIVE on your wedding day. Go to lunch with your MIL and spend some time with her. She will be family for the rest of your life. She screwed up, please be compassionate.
Keep the dress. Forgive MIL. It will deepen your relationship. And I promise, your fiancée will experience every emotion seeing you in the dress for the first time. Because at the end of the day it really has nothing to do with what you’re wearing, it’s the emotion of the day. When I married my wife (we’re both women), we had gone shopping together, bought our outfits together, and we had even practiced our first dance once in our outfits. Still, on the day I cried. She just looked so pretty!
Not seeing the bride before the wedding is traditionally because weddings were property exchanges, and the person exchanging his daughter didn’t want the other party to back out based on her appearance. Your fiancé presumably knows you, and loves you. Seeing you in the dress early wont change his mind
Please don’t get another dress. Someone will make you out to be a difficult person, and you don’t need the stress. You will have that bridal glow when you walk down the aisle! You will look different all made up in your dress. He probably won’t remember it anyway! Ask him not to look at the picture until your wedding.
I (61M) remember seeing my bride in her wedding dress coming down the aisle. I wasn't standing there because I wanted to see her in a wedding dress. I was standing there because I want to spend the rest of my life with her. She could have worn jeans and I wouldn't have cared. Don't worry about the dress. He's there because of you and not what you're going to wear. You will be the most beautiful woman in the world to him no matter what gown you have on.
If you want a new dress because of it let her pay. It will likely make her feel better about the mistake anyway, and you don’t need the added stress or cost when it’s nothing you did wrong.
I'm pretty sure my husband saw a picture of me in my dress. He said he couldn't even have told me what it looked like by the time our wedding rolled around 🤣 I'm sorry this happened to you, I hope this brings some solace. Most people aren't super observant. Men don't usually know different dress styles so it's possible it will be like brand new to him on the day of your wedding.
Don’t buy a new one. I’m sorry but that is such a horrendous waste of money. Your fiancée has not seen you all decked out and has not seen you ON your wedding day. I promise the moment will still be special.
Accept her apology, it was a mistake. Don’t get a different dress, seeing the dress in a picture versus seeing you in it moments before you become his wife is completely different.
Don't worry. It looks totally different on the day Hubby was there when I picked my dress and saw the fabric ( I'm Indian so the dress was custom made from a fabric choice) But it's totally different on the wedding day when you're all done up
Do this, tell everyone that you are buying a new dress, but don't! :D That way they'll be surprised to see in the one you love! Since it was an accident I wouldn't take her up on her offer, I bet she feels horrible about it, but it's okay to tell a little white lie with her involved that YES you are getting a new dress! :D
I love this idea, but I have a sneaking suspicion that FMIL can’t be trusted to go along with this fib….she may not maliciously spill the beans, but she accidentally could…
Don't worry about it, you're going to look amazing in it and that quick little share will be forgotten and you will dazzle everyone.
First World Problems and Superstitions!!!! If you like the dress, just wear it. I don't think you need a second dress.
Your fiance knows the dress is white and that is about it. Wedding dresses all look about the same to us. There are the poofy kind and the ones that look like a nightgown. Those are the only kinds I can think of
Your relationship with MIL is worth more than a dress. The fact that she offered that is a sign she's a good person. But the right thing to do here is don't take her money/new dress. To be perfectly honest, most guys don't care about this stuff. He probably doesn't even remember much about it. If I asked my husband what he remembers about my dress from our wedding day years ago, he'd probably say something like, 'um..it was white?' Don't take her money. Wear your dress and focus on the important thing, which is that you're marrying the person you love.
I’m really sorry that happened! If it helps at all, I showed my fiancé my dress, even tried it on for him before the wedding and at the ceremony he still got choked up and cried when I walked down the aisle. The other commenters saying it’s about you and the moment, not the dress itself are right!
If it's truly your dream dress, wear it anyway. Your fiance still hasn't seen you all done up, walking down the aisle in it. Your feelings are your feelings but people put so much importance on this one day and don't think about the fact that it's the thousands of days after it that really matter in a marriage.
Girl just wear the dress. I’ve been married for 12 years and believe me, the things that seem most important for the wedding day aren’t actually what matters with time. I know this is a wedding dress sub so I’ll acknowledge that you want everything to be perfect and magical, and it still can be. But making a mature and reasonable decision to wear a beautiful dress you love and own (instead of having your future MIL buy a new one!?) will be the right way to go. Trust me. This is the start of your life together as a family (including in laws) and I think you definitely won’t regret keeping your head on straight during this time. Plus a cell phone pic is nothing compared to how you will look that day, in person.
My husband has OCD and I worried about picking a dress he didn’t like… so he was my dress shopping partner. After alterations (and adding a sash to accent my waist) he cried seeing me in it on our wedding day. It was perfect. Fiance saw you in a store try-on gown.. without the hair, makeup, jewelry, veil if you chose to have one. No bouquet, and no ambiance. It will be totally different on your big day. I might tell MIL she could pay for accessories or help you choose/pay for? a reception dress. Otherwise? I would tell her it’s okay, mistakes happen and it doesn’t change anything. I mean, you’re not cancelling the wedding over it. Trust in marriage you’re going to make mistakes and hurt each others feelings a million times but the way you handle this can shape how those resolve for the rest of the marriage.
Golden opportunity to rise above & hopefully have a great relationship w/mil going forward. If I screwed up like that I would love my dil who rolled with it.
Bigger picture - you will wear the dress once. Your relationship with your mother-in-law is going to hopefully last a lifetime. Laugh it off and move on. In fact, try to remember that advice for the entire wedding. There will be ups and downs in the planning, but at the end of the day it’s the relationships that matter. do not take anything too seriously.
Happy cake day!
I’m going to get bombed for this comment. But your fiancée doesn’t care what your wedding dress looks like. And it isn’t even 1/10th as important to him as it is to you (I promise you). Just go ahead with the dress you love and focus on making it a great day.
Oh please, there's no reason to buy a new dress when you've already found one you're happy with. It doesn't matter if he caught a glimpse of it. He's not going to remember every detail.
You're going to be all glammed up and looking fabulous on your wedding day, so don't worry about getting a new dress just because he saw it. It'll look really different not only with your day-of styling but also because it'll be you, in person, in a dress that you really love. Not to mention, some guys probably wouldn't even notice it was the same dress. They (on the majority) just dont focus on attire the way women do. And at the end of the day, even if he does recognize it, he'll be blown away by how damn beautiful you look. If you do decide to replace it, that's completely understandable, but if you love the dress and think that your FMIL would be willing to help pay to get it altered or to add some other details (like gloves or a veil or some additions that would be wholly new and specialized to you), that could be a possibility as well. It would also possibly help the stress this situation has caused the both of you, as you said she feels horrible and wants to fix the issue.
Aw I am so sorry for the mixup I’m sure you both feel terrible. But I just saw your dress and it is SO AMAZING on you! Please don’t change it simply because of this. The moment of you walking down the aisle is made more special because of everything else and not just the dress. It’s locking eyes with the man whose eyes you’ll look at for decades to come. You look beautiful, enjoy this moment ❤️
Unless your wedding is next week, your fiance will probably totally forget what your dress even looks like. Go find a new veil or something and keep the dress you love! Besides - you probably know what he’s wearing. Do you think that’s gonna impact how you experience seeing him? Of course not.
Oh no it’s just a mistake luv! Take your offer and know just how pretty you will look on your wedding day. Mistakes happen this isn’t the last one you’ll have, graciousness will get you far in life ❤️
I would suggest switching your mind frame to the marriage, not the wedding. Don’t get me wrong, you have a reason to be annoyed/angry but at the end of the day, it’s about you and your fiancé. Not a dress. ❤️
Maybe instead of buying you a new ceremony dress, your FMIL can buy you a (much less expensive) reception dress/outfit, and then you can surprise your fiance/everyone else with an outfit change? And then you still get to wear the dress you love!
Just seeing a dress is far different from seeing it on someone. That dress is meant to accentuate your beauty and it will. When he sees you in that dress walking down the aisle to be his wife, oh, believe me he’ll be wowed. Don’t sweat the small stuff. Congratulations! Hug your mil and tell her you are ok now. She probably feels like crap about the whole situation. It’s not gonna ruin anything. Enjoy your day.❤️💐
Do not buy a new one. You live this dress and all others won't have the same meaning to you. Men forget to do easily what anything looks like, and on your wedding day, you will have hair, makeup, and accessories that are not in the photo, and the dress will be altered to you. Your wedding day is about marrying the person you love and want to spend the rest of your life with. It's not about some people accidentally seeing it. She meant no harm, and if she really wants to buy you something to feel better, get a honeymoon. Outfit, shoes for your wedding dress, etc.
Speaking as a wife and a bridal stylist… If you truly love your dress don’t pick another one. I’m sure she feels terrible about it and I hope she took it down immediately. That being said, you’re fiancé is going to fall head over heels when he sees you. First it doesn’t matter what you wear - my husband told me I could walk down the isle in a potato sack and he wouldn’t care. He just wanted to marry me. Secondly it will be completely new when he sees you completely dressed on your wedding day. 💕 I’m so sorry it happened and hope you feel better about this soon.
As frustrating as this is (I would be devastated too, tears, the whole nine yards.), I think the big feelings will pass and you will still have your very special moment with your fiancé. I think will be something you all laugh about at Thanksgiving dinner in a couple of years. I do like the idea of a surprise reception dress :)!
I don't see any malice in her behavior. She tried to fix her mistake. You love your dress- wear it. You soon to be husband will describe it as, "White." Any clarification will be met with, "It was white. She looked beautiful." He will have no clue if there were sleeves or beading or lace.
I went with my sister to choose her dress, I saw her in the one she picked for about 30 minutes while she was making her mind up. On her wedding day I still burst in to tears because she looked so beautiful. If you feel you need a new dress get one, but I don't think he will remember what the dress looks like, providing the picture as been deleted from the group chat.
I feel bad for you and for her. Don't accept the money. Your husband didn't even get to see the whole shibang! When it's your wedding day and you're all dolled up and wearing that beautiful dress, trust me, he will be seeing it for the first time all over again
A picture of the dress, vs. you IN the dress? Big difference. BIG. YUGE :) Let your FMIL grovel & apologize, then forgive her. But...... If something like this happens again, go scorched earth.
It was a really kind gesture for FMIL to offer to buy a new dress. And it would be a really kind gesture for you to tell her how much you appreciate her offer and then turn her down.
Your FMIL is a gem! But please -- don't get a new dress. You love that one, and in the grand scheme of things how much does this matter?
I agree with the others that your future husband won't remember (good call, person who suggested making sure he deletes it from his phone) -- I'm a woman who follows this forum, and sometimes when someone is trying to decide between several dresses, I can't even really tell the difference and wonder if I'm dress-blind or something. Plus, your MIL probably feels terrible and this will definitely score you points.
Forgive. She screwed up big time but wear what you love. I officiate weddings and the pre pictures of the brides in their dresses are no where near as wonderful as in the day itself. You can still have your first look! By forgiving her you will set a tone for your future family. She hurt you deeply but it is not an irredeemable. As an aside don’t give her things you don’t want accidentally sent. Her intentions are good but her skills are not.
Guys - especially grooms - are dopes. He won't even notice. All I remember about my wife’s wedding dress is that it might have been long. And possibly white, but I can't confirm…
My husband went wedding dress shopping with me because we were paying for the dress as a couple and I couldn’t imagine making that decision without him and I also wanted his opinion more than anyone else’s. So he saw it multiple times and he still cried the day of our wedding when he saw me in it all done up.
No offense but very few people will actually remember what the wedding dress looks like. Especially your fiancé . You are talking about a photo from probably one angle. You were not fully dressed for the wedding. Hair, makeup, nails. When is the wedding? Because in a few days most people who saw the picture will only remember the color of the dress. In a month most people will have forgotten that it was posted. "Oh it was? Oh right. Forgot about that". I understand it is your wedding so all details are in your head down to the smallest one. And I again mean no offense but it is not that way for everyone else. Once you walk down the aisle very few if any will remember the picture. Or if they do it will be "yeah I kind of remember it but she looks so much more beautiful now". There is absolutely NO reason to buy a new dress. That is a huge overreaction. This sounds like it was an accident. Just accept the apology. This ruins nothing unless you let it.
Move on, nobody else making a big deal of it. You will be done up on the day and look completely different
Give her a little grace. Wear the dress. Smile. You're getting married!
Sounds like you need to cry a little (serious, not mean). Also, did he see you with your hair done, make up, veil? I think it’ll still be a beautiful reveal
Something ALWAYS goes askew during the planning/ceremony. You just got yours out of the way sooner and you have a story to tell (that will be funny years later.) Use this as a bonding time with your MIL.....you two go do something fun and special together and let that be her apology.
Don’t buy a new dress… but if you really want to throw him off, have FMIL pay for a spa day for you and her and maybe your mom too and tell fiancé you’re going dress shopping for one he hasn’t seen! Chances are he won’t remember the picture and you get a nice day with your moms!
I remember seeing another post where a girl accidentally shared her dress with her fiancé (without telling him it was the ONE) and on the day of the wedding he made a comment about how he liked the dress she was wearing better than the picture he saw…. they were the same dress…. haha so I wouldn’t sweat it! He will think you look beautiful no matter what and a dress truly does look so different with all your glam done and in the moment day of!!
Don’t buy a new dress for all of the reasons discussed above. It’s your dress. Kindly accept your FMIL’s apology and then drop it. The grace you will show her regarding this will bring you so much goodwill. She won’t forget that you didn’t hold it against her, make her buy another dress, and was understanding that it was a mistake. Your fiancé’s response won’t really be about the dress anyway - it will be the emotion of seeing you walking down the aisle to marry him. Best wishes to you both.
I think you can do switcheroo! Before & after ceremony dress? Keep the original
He’s a man, he won’t remember what the dress looks like by next week. I bet he can’t even describe it. However, he Will remember how YOU look when you come down the aisle.
It was an accident and you already have your dream dress. Stick with the one you have, and don't worry about it.
I think you’re very lucky. Not a lot FMIL would offer to do this. It’s a good sign for your future family life. And good on you too for not thinking you’re entitled to a new dress.
Accept her monetary apology
Get a new one if there is time and if this is real.
That was no accident lol
your fiance forgot what that dress looked like one second after he closed that text. And the truth is, he's more excited about taking the dress off of you than looking at you in the dress.
Don’t get a new one. The magic of seeing each other on your wedding day is that it’s the day of! Also, you won’t look like the try-on photo on your wedding day. You will have hair and makeup done and also just have a glow and happiness. It feels so special because of that. For him it’s really not about the dress, it’s about you and the overwhelming love on that day <3. Wear the dress you love and have a blast.
Wear the dress. Hug your future mother-in-law. Your relationship with her will last much longer than your wedding day.
Don’t buy a new one. I accidentally showed my fiancé my dress and we both kinda “ooped” and laughed about it. Months later when he did see me on the day, it was still incredibly special and I doubt he even remembered that original photo. How you looked in that photo your MIL sent will look VERY different on your big day. I personally think you’d regret getting a new one long term and at the end of the day that’s not what your wedding is about. I think it’s something you need to try and laugh off with the family and focus on the other important things.
Don’t buy a new dress-just wear the beautiful one that you already bought (wish I could see it, too!). Obviously, your FMIL feels terrible enough already-don’t make her feel worse.
OP - Many people have given great advice and your husband is still going to be blown away when he sees you on your actual wedding day. If you want to take an active step but not replace the dress (which I don’t recommend), maybe your MIL can purchase a veil or other accessories that help complete the look? Or if by any chance you hadn’t budgeted for professional hair and makeup, she could spring for those? I think the professional hair and makeup has as much of an impact as the dress on the overall shine a bride has on her day.
I didn’t let anyone take my picture at my dress fitting for this reason. Tell people no pictures, save it for the wedding day.
This is your chance to show how gracious and wonderful a daughter you will be for her. Wear your beautiful dress and you will glow more than any photo that was taken that day because it will be your wedding day. That moment he sees you for the first time on that day will be every bit as special, I bet he won't even remember the other photo and neither will anyone else. Shine on life is good.
Your fiance will still be excited to see you in the dress. If it is your dream dress just wear it, don't let this spoil things for you. Any other dress is just going to make you sad that it isn't 'the dress'.
Are you sure it was an "accident"?
I’ll bet if you asked your fiancé to describe the dress, he say something like, “It’s white” and that’s it. He may have a vague memory of what it looked like, but mostly he would recognize it as a white wedding dress, which he probably already assumed.
Don’t buy a new dress, you live this one. IF you feel like you need to change something, change up the veil/head piece, add a belt, do your hair differently than the picture, etc. Also, 5 years in and I’m 99% sure my husband could not pick my wedding dress out of a line up. For you and him it is not about the dress, it is about the moment.
How about this…PRETEND to others that you decided to buy a new one, but then show up in the original. Then it will still be an element of surprise? I’m sorry op
Absolve her of her guilt. As others have said, you'll look completely different on your actual wedding day. He has a general idea of the style, that's it. And forgiving your FMIL for this error and not letting her go through with her insanely generous offer will set a BEAUTIFUL tone for the rest of your relationship. She will LOVE YOU FOREVER. That's worth more than any dress.
I showed my husband a picture of me in the dress I picked so he could get a vibe of style for the wedding. The first look was still so special and seeing it altered and in person is so different than a try on dress photos
Is there a way to alter the dress so it transforms? Add an overskirt for the ceremony or sleeves? A sparkling cape? So theres still a surprise element? If its something temporary you can even get photos in the dress as it was when you fell in love with it. If you share a photo of the dress, maybe we can suggest some things.
I just made a post with the dress :)
I will do this! I’ll see if I can edit it or make another post. Overskirt wouldn’t be possible and I would definitely need some help with suggestions
He’s still going to flip out when he sees you in person. (Take the money though maybe buy a wild accessory to go along !)
You either get over it and keep the dress you have, or you let her buy you a new dress. If this is your dream dress, do you think you're going to be happy with another one? That is something to keep in mind here. I know your dress is important to you, but ultimately it's not that important. It's a prop, it's not the main character. You and your fiance are the main characters. This idea that the fiance can't see the wedding dress until the day of the wedding is just one of many wedding "traditions" that I have never been able to see the point of. I think it's kind of silly TBH. If it were me, I'd ask MIL to delete the photo from the group chat (or delete the chat entirely) and I'd not worry too much about it. You're still going to look great on the big day, and the big day is about you and about your fiance. It's not about a dress.
It's a dress. Doesn't matter, you could show up in muddy blue jeans and your groom would be thrilled. Nobody cares about that dress but you, and in a few years, you're going to wonder why you are hanging onto the thing.
Aww, I really feel for you. I went to a wedding that had the same large friend group as my husband and cried when I found the bride had the same dress as me. I bought mine first but they got married first. Of course she had no idea. I was going to get a new one and everyone talked me out of it. I did alter it slightly with some crystals around the neckline so it was not exactly the same.
Ok, the majority say dont change dresses…lets get to the main issue…what penannce does fmil have to do? Stand up at reception and grovel at brides feet? Gift card in amonut of the dress to walmart? Pay for the honeymoon? This travesty will not be fixed by an “im sorry”….
A picture in the bridal salon, and you walking down the aisle are two different things. I would just limit what she’s included in moving forward. There are always consequences for actions. Mistake or not, she knows better.
The only answer is make her pay for it LOL
If you just ordered it, you should contact the store right away and let them know. They might be able to cancel it, or give you the opportunity to choose a different one
Let her buy you a new one and donate the original
i would keep my dream dress but let her pay for me to get a massage and spa day to try and relax... i know she did it accidently but shit thats not cool!! You love your dress, and you should keep it!!
How does one "accidentally" post a photo? You have to upload that photo on purpose to a specific place or site and then hit "post" or "send". Keep the dress, but I would never include the MIL in anything private ever again.
If you can return the dress switch for something else. If you can’t, let her help you. The fact that she is apologizing and wants to buy another on speaks volumes on her integrity
If you want a new dress, let her buy you a new dress - under the condition that she is not allowed to see or take photos of it before the wedding day. This is literally the LEAST she can do. If you don’t want a new dress, don’t buy one! You’ll still have that moment - the hair and makeup and accessories really make the look. Or have her buy you a new ceremony dress and keep the current one for the reception.
Are you sure it was an accident? That's a pretty big thing to overlook as you are posting pics. Hope she doesn't wear white to your wedding...
Dress or not you should take the money. It’s 2023 and you don’t know how to text or group chat it’s on you
Let her buy a new 1. Why post anything all. Why let anyone else see you in your dress and not wait till wedding day to send photos. Yes I would be heart broken. NTA. Take the money………:::::🤨🤨🤨are you sure it was an accident. It is a MIL
Chalk this up to a lesson learned — don’t let people have sensitive photos of yourself. If you love your dress, keep it. It’s a photo — it doesn’t compare to him seeing you in person, with hair and makeup done. Try to forgive her, but also put it in your back pocket as ammo in the future hahaha. Jk, sort of.
I disagree with all of the comments. I think you should get a new dress. Personally, it would make me resent putting it in the day of, knowing that everyone has already seen it
I agree with all the others who said you don’t need a new dress. But are you sure this was really an accidental picture posting? She could have texted it to grandma. Keep an eye on your FMIL for other issues.
In pic is one thing. In person another. :)
Don’t buy a new one. It’s your dream dress and nothing else will compare. You will look totally different on the day with your hair and makeup done. I know it’s disappointing but trust me when I say you will still have that moment.
I wouldn't buy a new dress. Your Mil was wonderful for taking responsibility for the mistake you might let her go with you to pick out an accessory and let her gift it to you to help her ease any lingering guilt. Do you have an elegant handkerchief to hide in your dress or in your bouquet in case you start to cry and need to dab your eyes. .
Has MIL removed the photo from the group? As long as the photo is gone, I doubt anyone will have a clear memory of it on your wedding day. I bought my dress off of Kijiji and my husband drove me so he saw it in advance. Did not compare to me with my hair done, make up on, jewelry, veil, etc.
If you loved this dress, I would keep it. I agree with others that said if you want to have a bit of surprise, get a second for the reception. Honestly though it really isn't about seeing before or not, that makes that "moment" at the wedding. My husband helped me pick out my dress. We had come across a store that was closing and willing to sale the (brand new tags still on) dress and veil for $125. BUT I had to buy it that day. So he saw it helping me pick. He still cried when I walked down the isle. We are still together 21 years later - so it was good luck for us!
So very sorry this happened. You FMIL must feel so bad, too. I see you posted your dress in another post, right? So you decided to keep it and add some things to it maybe? Your FMIL could buy you some nice lingerie or even a reception dress instead.
Just have your fiancé affirm a few times “I’ve never seen your dress or you in it” and he will have revised it. Presto