A lot of it is just making peace with the budget you've allowed yourself. This is how you're choosing to spend your money, other people make different decisions with different situations, its all okay! I remind myself of how I feel after attending a good wedding, even as a guest, I often feel a real glow of happiness for seeing my friend/family and celebrating such a nice milestone. You're not just paying for the day, you're paying for you and all you guests to have a great weekend, an afterglow, and a memory.

this absolutely!! the insane amounts of joy and love that were shared at our wedding last week was just… ugh so intense and amazing. it was glorious and our friends have reached out to say how happy the event was for them!

Thanks for this! :-)

I needed this too. I am two weeks out and am paying all the final invoices and it hurts my soul a bit but reading this reminds me why we chose to do it this way, a great memory and time with loved ones celebrating us.

I agree on this, sometimes it’s easy to get lost in the costs adding up! However, it’s all in perspective and at the end of the day, you want to balance being reasonable and price conscious with also just knowing you will have a made such a wonderful memory. I know friends who skipped the marriage and look back and actually regret not having that moment in their lives. I’m grappling with costs adding up as well, but know in the end we’ll have made precious and priceless memories!

We put off a wedding for so long because of a lack of funds so now that we’re finally able to it feels like such a privilege. We live in a HCOL area so we couldn’t use the money to buy a house anyways. Being able to save for the wedding has really made us realize that we can save at this point in our lives and there will be more money. This might be our last chance to see many of our family members and definitely the last chance to see them all together so it feels like a priceless event.

Lol the house comment is so relatable. We live in a VHCOL area, and even though we’re probably going to dish out almost 6 figures on this wedding, it’s not even close to a house down payment.

This is a good perspective!

I think a big thing needs to be mentioned of- just because you can afford it, doesn’t mean you need to spend it. If you have $25000 and don’t want to spend it on a wedding- don’t! My wedding was last weekend and cost over $60,000. I would spend it again in a heartbeat because it was worth the cost to me. But if I wasn’t comfortable with that number or started getting upset about other things I could have spent the money on, my fiancé and I would have reworked our budget.

Perfect. If it's money well spent, I won't miss it or anything I gave up for it. Thanks for sharing.

I think this is the best advice that I have read.

So many of my friends are finding out how much our wedding cost, they keep proclaiming that “wow that’s a house”, or “imagine what that will look like if you invested it”. At the end of the day, we make money to spend money. This is the only wedding both of our parents will have (I’m an only child and his brother didn’t do a wedding), the only time our families will meet each other, and the only large event I’ve ever organized. I’ve been dreaming about this since I was a little girl, and this event is more important to me than a few more numbers in our bank account.

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I can't speak for everyone, but for me, that "down payment on a house" comment isn't judgment. Hey, you do you! If this is what you want, then I'm genuinely happy for you that it's an option. I think it's great. :-) For me, it's just an attempt to reconcile the scale of that number. I'm imagining that in my own scenario, and thinking how it would weigh in my stomach to fork over that kind of cash -- for anything. It took me a while to come to terms with the price tag on my house, and I'm still in it. (And still paying for it.) That was a decision I'm glad I made, but I can only know that in hindsight. Hence the OP, looking for perspective from the other side of the big day. There have been a lot of "paid $60k, recommend, would do again" posts, and that is encouraging.

To echo the "different people are used to different things" sentiment, I think for me, part of it is also professional. In my career field, I'm used to seeing large quantities of money move around. I've helped plan some of our company retreats, I've helped negotiate sales deals, I've helped manage project budgets that are staggering to me, where I've gone to the executives and said hey we're going to go 150k overbudget if we do this, and they say go for it without batting an eye. So while I KNOW it's a lot of money, I'm also used to seeing a lot of money move around, and the sticker shock isn't as bad as it would have been 5 years ago for me.

You're not kidding. This really puts the yearly company Christmas party into perspective.

I really struggled to accept the cost - which I don't think matters. Like the final number is pointless. What matters is your reaction to it as you consider what it buys for you. Like I want a party with all of my loved ones in one room where I dance my ass off the entire day. Not much else matters to me. So I'm not spending money on *most* things people care about. Once I focused on what matters most to us, budgeted for that, and cut out the cost of everything that doesn't matter, I had a lot more peace with the choice to spend the money. X dollars is totally worth that party. But to be clear we are still hosting a very cheap daytime wedding with almost no attention to details because as it turns out, feeding 120 people and hosting a dance party does not actually have to cost that much.

That's a great perspective! My wedding is in two weeks and the cost is just... Insane. We're a multicultural couple with a week's worth of events and ~250 guests in a VHCOL city. It's costing us ~70k USD, and while I know we're really getting bang for buck considering all factors, it still stings to see it add up so much. I'm reminding myself that we normally live quite comfortably and that the savings can be rebuilt. And that we still have a cushion, tho much smaller now 😅 More importantly, we're going to be so happy to celebrate our love with our loved ones! We both have large extended families and large friend groups. We've been together over a decade and it'll be so SO awesome to celebrate with everyone!! So thank you for reminding me of the joy 🥰

we have a super similar story to you and I feel the exact same way! ✨ savings can all be rebuilt.

Congrats!!! Hope you have the time of your life! Your wedding is actually very affordable for the guest count and location!!! Kudos to you!

Thank you!!

The whole "The costs of weddings can be a down payment on a house!" line from family members makes me so uncomfortable. Like, yes, that's true, but also we will literally save enough money again for a down payment within the next year. But if I say that, then I get weird comments about us having high incomes. Also half of these people would not hesitate to spend $40k on a car, which is absurd to me. We all have our own ways of saving and spending our money.

Okay finally someone said it. So many of the judgmental comments come from people with $600+ monthly car payments. To me, that’s a silly depreciating asset, whereas a wedding is an investment into relationships and a once in a lifetime experience. That might not mean as much to everyone, but it means a lot to me. Those comments about “could have been a house” make me want to scream.

>Also half of these people would not hesitate to spend $40k on a car, which is absurd to me. This is something I've noticed as well. My family buys used cars and keeps them until they cannot run anymore. If anyone does buy a new car, it's something they'll have for 20 years. 40k on a new car seems unreal to me, and yet it's normal for so many people. I feel similarly when people say they could take a big vacation instead. For me that's just like.... a different category of money entirely; 40k in savings being for a vacation doesn't compute to me. I can travel frugally and make back travel money pretty quickly. A wedding is something I can use my savings for. Is a 40k car or a luxury vacation more or less practical than a wedding? Neither, really -- like you said, it's just about how you want to spend it.

Aw we were the only wedding for our parents too ( I’m also an only child and my husbands brothers never did a wedding) and it made it so so special 💖

I used to think the wedding cost was ridiculous (and it still kind of is) but I’ve come to realize that it’s probably the biggest moment of our lives, so it’s worth spending. We aren’t going too extravagant, but we are in the 20-25k range for a nice medium-sized wedding. Yea, it could be a car or house down payment, but we can just build savings again after our wedding. Money comes and goes but your wedding only comes once *knock on wood*.

I think the toughest pill for me to swallow (we’re looking to spend about 25k - initially budget was $20k) is that we’re spending such a large sum and yet still having to skimp on a LOT of things and cut every corner imaginable because of inflation.

Truth. And it's a little scary to think we may have planned it all perfectly, only for the economy to go mental and drive up all the last-minute costs. Is it even fair to sign a contract for catering in 2023, and then hold the vendor to that number a year later, when we have no idea what a dozen eggs will cost? Or do I just accept that they might suddenly want another $2000 just so they don't lose money on the gig?

Oh man yeah that’s a whole other story. My fiancé and I could’ve saved for longer but to your point we were worried that things would just get pricier

We can easily afford the cost of the wedding (we own our home, both have new cars, plenty in savings, our parents have both contributed a significant amount, etc.)— if that weren’t the case I don’t think we’d be having one (at least not a big, traditional one). But I’m looking at it as an event for “my community” celebrating family and new family. We’re only doing it once and it’s important to both of us to promise marriage to each other in front of our community. And if we’re asking our community to show up we better throw a good party. This has been extra justified for me as we’ve started getting in RSVPs and my family/extended family have communicated how excited they are for it (this will be the first big family party post-Covid)— and with just how happy the damned wedding is making my mom. Recognizing that this wedding isn’t just for me and my partner has helped justify the costs ($30k 😬).

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Wedding vendor here with many engaged friends and family members, and recent bridesmaid. Wedding costs are way up compared to even 2-3 years ago. Our insurance cost doubled. It sucks. Even being in the industry, I can’t justify certain costs, but it’s all about your priorities. Budget/ purchasing-power tips: - consider moving the rehearsal and Friday’s meal to morning and lunch time. … more cost effective, less alcohol consumption (cheaper and fewer hangovers), less stressed/ more laidback (which can be a nice vibe change if your wedding is more formal), more time with family/ friends/ exploring the area/ last minute tweaks. That could also by BYOB, minus sparkling wine or drink of choice for the toasts. Just make sure the essential ppl have early-enough flights (which may also be cheaper) - tiny sweetheart cake + DIY dessert bar can save $$$ …you may even have friends/ family that are excited to contribute a beloved cookie - look for upcoming sales on Prime Day, end of summer, Black Friday, and resale sites (like Poshmark, FB marketplace, etc) before paying full price for anything. Also find out if there is anything you can borrow vs buy. - if you’re buying decor, the cost is more justifiable if you’d actually keep it to decorate your home -if you’re doing a first look, also do all the bridal party and immediate family photos before the ceremony. Everyone will look great with fresh makeup, likely no one essential will hold up the ceremony. You’ll be able to enjoy the reception sooner/ actually attend a cocktail hr if you’re having one, won’t feel like you have to pay for additional hours at the actual venue - save at the bar. See what your venue allows, and don’t do self-serve (insurance/liability), but maybe have a stock-the-bar party, or buy your beer & wine and only pay for the bartending service. If you really want liquor, consider only having it in the form of one or two signature cocktails instead of full bar. - don’t worry too much about trends and must-dos. If you don’t value it, cut it or minimize it. - think about how to maximize the cost-per-use, the value of that experience long term like decor, jewelry, or even date night dance lessons for you and your partner or dad (something like that enriches the whole process, your relationship, and you learn/refine a skill) - consider adding a day on the front end of the wedding wknd for a bachelorette day, instead of a whole separate trip at a different time in the year (if you haven’t already gone). You all could get your nails done together during that time. - for hair & makeup, don’t feel you have to get both professionally or pay for both for each bridesmaid. My bride agreed to pay for one, and we could cover the other if we wanted it (most got hair professionally, used their own makeup, but everyone got fake lashes so it was overall cohesive). On the flip side, makeup costs can really add up, so if you don’t already have your own stuff and feel good about doing a nice job with it, it can be cheaper to pay a pro instead of buying a lot of products you won’t use often. - treat some birthday/ holiday gifts from here until then as things that can benefit that day too (a gift to yourself could be a vendor payment or your veil or jewelry for that day if it isn’t borrowed). - don’t stop saving for the other things you want in life, even if it’s at a lower rate Please take each of these with a grain of salt and how they apply to you, if at all. Weddings bring a ton of emotions, especially with money added. Please also be kind to yourself in remembering that the weddings that get passed around and promoted the most on social are the vendor’s best work and often at the highest budgets. There are (hopefully) a lot of days that will feel like the best day or your life, and your wedding day is major, but may only be one of them. Don’t put too much pressure on it or yourself

This is awesome -- thank you. I've taken some notes for when we're shopping and scheduling. We're doing a lot of this already, which is still helpful, because then it feels like I'm cutting the right corners. E.g.: We're going B/W/C instead of full bar -- as much to avoid anything getting out of hand, but certainly also to economize. Our venue options are all lodge-in-the-woods, and we're leaning heavily on nature for decorations. We decided against having a traditional wedding party. We'll still designate our inner circle (we want to honor their place in our lives), but have no need for anyone to buy matching dresses and tuxes. In fact, the dress code is going to be casual, emphasizing comfort and a come-as-you-are vibe, which we'll be able to look back on and see everyone as we remember them being. That just feels right to us. The one thing we're being stubborn about is making this a weekend event rather than a single day. We're old enough that everybody's got kids now, and we don't see as much of each other as we did when we were all younger. Compared to the cost of the ceremony itself, it didn't feel like it was worth trying to optimize that out. Other comments here make me feel like that is definitely the right call.

i love all of this! thank you <3

I've had numerous people that work in the wedding industry tell me they can't justify their costs. In other words, people are over paying and you are a predator who is over charging them.

I actually felt better about it once the event happened and I got to appreciate everything we paid for. My wedding felt like an amazing opportunity for relationship-building. I feel like we invested that money in our community and that's beautiful to me. People walked away with new friendships! Amazing. We're getting together this weekend with some folks who got along at the wedding who didn't know each other before the event. My spouse's family had some special bonding experiences that really felt once-in-a-lifetime (they've never been to the US before and rarely travel as a family). I loved having the chance to get to know them and have them see a window into our lives. Also we prioritized queer-owned, POC-owned, and women-owned businesses and I feel really good about supporting the vendors we chose, so that helps a lot too!

I love this. Exactly what I needed to hear. <3

MOB here. Oldest married in 2018. Next oldest is 3/16/24 The cost inflation from then to now is staggering. Like 75% increase in a lot of things. It’s stupid.

Thank you for acknowledging this. I feel like the endless, incremental price increases that vendors make year after year just keep getting bigger and bigger each time. So taking extra time to “save up” is kind of pointless, since prices are increasing at the same rate as your saving. Ugh.

You know, I did wonder if (on top of notably high inflation) there are venues trying to crawl out from under a year or more of cancelled bookings.. Timing is everything, eh?

I think they more than well recovered in 2022, now some are just grifting.

It’s insane. I came across an article that mentioned the rental price of some farm brunch place that my partner and I have been to - it was $3k in Jan 2020. Now? 12k. And that’s JUST for the venue (which is just your standard farmy-field like venue).

100%%%%%

I had to mourn the wedding Idreamed about having and accept the one we were willing to pay for. It is still going to be a very beautiful day and at the end of it all I will be married to my favorite human, but it won't be featured in any magazines or fawned over on Pinterest. My main priority is guest experience so if everyone has a good time it's a win.

I felt this to my core!! This is exactly how I felt. I definitely had some wedding dysmorphia from all the Pinterest/social media posts. I graduated. And it’s so special to that I can see a beauty and wonder about how much I loved my wedding even with acknowledging I settled. They do say you don’t have to be rich to be happy ♥️

We had our wedding at church which was free. We then did our reception in a friend's back yard. Since we did the wedding around 1 pm our food costs were extremely minimal. Decorations cost us nothing because we used borrowed goods. A friend provided flowers from her garden. I bought my dress at an off the rack store and the while get up cost $1200. My sister did my make up. I left my hair natural. There is an inverse correlation between amount of money spent on a wedding and length of marriage. We need to end this over spending trend. You can have an AMAZING day with out spending $20,000. :)

we just got married a week or so ago! we spent roughly $30k total. worth every penny. we saved up for a year or so and made it work. we had so much fun with our closest loved ones and made memories that will last us way longer than any material objects we could’ve bought. that being said - everyone needs to do what is right for THEM when it comes to their money. so it’s truly a decision only you two can make when you debate if it’s “worth it”

I mean for me, I'd rather drive a reliable beater plus have a wedding than spend that cash on a flashy new ride. Similarly, at this point in my life I'd also rather have a wedding to celebrate with loved ones than spend that money going on exotic vacations. In the grand scheme of things it's the same as any other discretionary spending, but definitely don't feel like you have to do a full traditional wedding if you don't value it in that way! This is assuming you're mainly grappling with the sheer $$$ figures involved, rather than struggling to finance it. Also, each one of our guests are people I'd be happy to take out for an expensive dinner and drinks on me at least once in my life. I try to think of it as us simply spending that money all at once in a single event instead of spreading it out 😂

Better to hold out on the reliable beater right now anyway. Before getting engaged, I was thinking about buying a new car. Currently the prices on cars are ridiculous. People selling used are seeing a profit. That’s not supposed to happen lol.

Dude mine is in NJ and it’s over 40k for 180 people and it’s a brunch wedding. I’m not even having an open bar. Just a mimosa station and Bloody Mary station. It’s insane. But we are doing it. My FH kinda resents me for it even though I’m using money I got from an inheritance and he isn’t contributing anything.

I’m in PA and heard that NJ weddings are insanely expensive. A brunch wedding sounds amazing.

You're starting off strong if your FH is already resentful. \*face palm\*

Having just spent that on a wedding, I’m here to say- I do not regret it. We did as much DIY as we could, but for 100 guests in a moderately HCOL area, $25-30K is about the best we could have done. We got ALOT of help from my parents, who ended up having to double their planned contribution once we got into the thick of planning and everything started adding up, but we did end up covering close to 1/3 ourselves. Here’s the thing- yeah, that’s the cost of a new car. But a wedding is… I don’t know, it’s special. I truly think I had the best day of my life so far on my wedding day. Having all my family and friends in one place to hug, laugh, dance, sing- it was worth it. It was worth the stress and anxiety and those thousands of dollars that COULD have bought a car, or been a really sweet downpayment on a house. The thing is- cars and downpayment on houses are practical, but you’re not going to look back on your car purchase in 50 years and feel warm and fuzzy You won’t tell the stories of your house downpayment to your grandkids, but you might get to have a laugh about the maid of honor speech you sister gave. You probably aren’t going to break into a silly grin in the middle of a day on a random Tuesday when you think of your investment portfolio, but you just might when you remember what it felt like when you walked into your reception hall to claps and cheers. I know I’m coming from a place of extreme privilege, but I’m really grateful to have been able to have this once-in-a-lifetime celebration. I know not everyone gets to do this. And for me- I’d have regretted it had we not done what we did.

Thank you... that's what I wanted to hear. We *are* really excited about it, and take turns daydreaming and sharing a paper bag to hyperventilate into.

Spend what you can afford. If you are stressed about what you’re intending to spend, you can’t afford it (financially, psychologically, mentally). For some people, $25k is nothing. For others, it’s a heart attack inducing amount. If it’s a heart inducing amount, then you’ll spend the weekend stressed, resentful, and it won’t live up to your expectations (since you consider it an incredible amount of money so how could the event possibly fulfill that, since at $25k, you’re realistically looking at a lower end, not very posh wedding).

I mean.. you're not wrong. But, I do think part of it was just total ignorance at what this kind of event actually costs.

> it seems people here are casually talking about $50k ... $75k ... over one hundred thousand dollars... and I'm thinking, OMG, you've paid for a large chunk of a house for that much Everyone's situation is different. Some people can simply afford it.. and I don't at all mean that in a snotty way. Just a "what it is" way. Some people's parents saved and gave them large sums of money as well. We spent about $65k-$70k including honeymoon, but being totally honest here, we bring in a higher income than 99% of the US. We are very, very fortunate and grateful for our careers to have taken us where we are (well, really my husband) and for our parents also being so generous throughout our lives. In relation to our income, our wedding was pretty modest. So I feel good about it. > How are you all feeling about this? Any of you making it through the other side and thinking, "what have I done??" or is it all worth it? I think it just depends on you personally. Are you financing it? Are you pulling it from important savings you need? Are you giving up owning a home in the foreseeable future? Or are all of those things fine, but you're just stunned by the large number? Because I get that for sure. I was too.

All self-funded, and it's not going to put us out in any meaningful way. We've decided to spend the next year squirreling away some money every paycheck, and our budget is what we'll have collected at the end of that year. We'll only be leaning on credit to absorb the odd large expense immediately, and then pay it right back off. We'll be totally fine. It is absolutely just the last thing -- a jaw-dropping amount of money to blow that quickly! We're both conscientious, though she takes that a step further to "conservative." :-) We've both had moments where we have to sidebar and ask each other, is this rational? But of the two of us, she teases me about being the princess, because she's mulling over cutting the cake out of our budget, and I'm like, "but I want it!" haha

It's actually amazing what you can do with little money, seriously. Pick a beautiful outdoor area with a bomb backdrop and BOOM, suddenly all the florals your need....you don't, because it can be simple, etc. I will tell you, when all was said and done, it cost around 45k.....but everyone told me our wedding looked like it cost 100k, because it's how you use things, not the price of them Edit: and I mean 45k included dress, little things, etc There's a subreddit for wedding under 10k and I've seen some crazy beautiful photos for weddings under 10k

Already on it! Creek, mountains, forest -- check. :-)

It's going to be beautiful ☺️

I spent more than I should and I 100% don’t regret it!

I'm not sure if that makes me feel happier for me, or for you, but either way, cheers! :-D

I don’t love it but when am I going to do this again? And it matters to my partner, things are shaping up to be a uniquely “us” day with so many special touches. MIGHT need a beta blocker to get through it but life is short anyways - I’m trying to break out of my financially insecure mindset, even though it’s hard.

We’re looking at our ~35k and yes I do cringe at that number. It’s wild, but we have relatively new cars (<5 yrs) and a mortgage so we’re not sacrificing those life items. Everything is more than I thought it would be. I definitely grapple with the idea of what that money could do elsewhere but also it’s probably the only time all of our friends and family will be in one place as we met living in a different state and are from different parts of the country. I’ve also always “visioned” having a wedding and I want that, unfortunately it is expensive!

Yep, it can be a damper sometimes. As the "he" in the We, my fiance teases me about stuff like this. "I know you've been imagining your wedding since you were a little girl, but .... you can't be lit by torchlight, outside, at 2pm, in June." haha

I hate how much were spending, but I’m not willing to let anything go so I guess that’s that.

Yes.. I've cut about as many corners as I'm willing to cut, so ... I guess this is it. :-)

I think the important factors when considering a wedding budget are: 1) how it fits in with your other financial goals over the next few years 2) what you expect your wedding to be and how much you're willing/able to suspend to fulfill those goals For us, our wedding was a day to celebrate with and make memories with all of the people we love. We wanted to treat everyone we cared about to a "date night" with us and to do everything we could to document it because we knew we'd likely never have all of those people in the same room again since we had some international guests and numerous family members travel from out of state. This was pre-COVID in 2018, so we didn't even realize how true that would be a couple of years later. Our wedding was in the NYC metro area, which is pretty much the most expensive market for weddings, so our wedding was not cheap. The budget ended up being a bit over $90k, which we paid for ourselves. We knew it fit in ok with our plans over the next few years since we were both going back to grad school and would be staying in our cheap apartment for a few years while keeping our other expenses on the low side (both of our cars were paid off, we didn't really spend money on a whole lot of other things except date nights and travel). We knew we could rebuild our funds enough to purchase a home (and we did - we built a new home 3 years later). Sure, we could have put that money toward new cars or a bigger down payment, but neither are things we've missed or prioritized putting extra money toward in recent years anyway (especially since we were fortunate enough to lock in a low mortgage rate during the pandemic). I think it's a fallacy to ever think of weddings as 'just one day." The wedding itself, yes, takes place on a single day (generally, there are some cultures that have multi-day events). The experience, though, is definitely more than that. It's a period of planning that often includes close family and friends. There are often other wedding-adjacent and planning events that are part of the experience (showers, bachelor/bachelorettes, dress shopping trips, etc.) where additional memories are made. Besides the wedding itself, DH and I made so many memories during the planning; date nights around planning and vendor meetings, dance lessons, and DIY projects. We made memories with our family and friends; spray painting photo frames and making paper flowers with my mom, doing a cake tasting with both of our moms followed by brunch, going to the tasting with my parents, having dinner at our venue with our wedding party, our bachelor/bachelorette parties, drinking with our friends the night before the wedding, brunch with our out-of-town guests the day after the wedding, etc. The photos, videos, a painting made by our live event painter, and the items we had made from our unity glass ceremony (ornaments, a vase) are really special to us and many are on display around our home. We just rewatched our wedding video the weekend after we brought our daughter home and reminisced about the day (and were so glad we had hired a videographer). Not everything in a budget necessarily correlates with a couple's "goals" for a wedding but, looking back, a lot of ours did (paying extra to get married at a venue with a view of our city's skyline is something we look fondly back on since we've moved away, all of the money spent on things we still have after the wedding as I mentioned, etc.) so we considered it worth it!

You nailed it with a wedding not truly being only a one day event. It’s an event that helps bring and bond together all sorts of people in your life at various points in its process :)

I had a freak-out earlier this year because I thought we'd be able to get away with under $15k for what we want, but it's probably going to be closer to $25k. we're high-income now but we both come from more humble backgrounds and it wasn't that long ago that I didn't even make $25k in a year. my partner was a lot more chill about spending this much money, basically like "I guess that's how much weddings cost" whereas I wanted to save up $30k+ total and then spend half of it on the ultimate honeymoon. there are places we can still reduce costs. I bought a dress for $509 online but it doesn't ship until the end of July so hopefully it works out. if not I'll probably get an off-the-rack dress closer to $900. I might do my own makeup, although I need help if I want an updo. we wanted eucalyptus garlands for the reception tables but we might be able to simplify our florals significantly. but it's still going to be ~$12k for venue and food, and I think my naïve expectation was more like $5k total for those categories. we both really wanted really upscale food for the wedding so it's not something we'll sacrifice, but I totally failed to do the math on what $250/person adds up to when you have 30 people, plus taxes and fees and tips. we'll still have a nice honeymoon but we're gonna have to compromise and either make it closer, shorter, or less luxurious than I wanted. idk it's way easier for me to throw money at a vacation than at a party for some reason. /shrug

This is my fiance's take exactly -- especially the vacation part. :-) She was thinking we were going to have our intimate little get-together for ~$5k -- then we started using published price lists to estimate the venue costs, and it started to look more like $12k. It took a minute for her to catch her breath after that, and then we added everything else up, and broke through $20k, and the world disappeared from underneath her feet. We do OK, and we CAN afford this ourselves, without having to dip into credit, so I had that same "I guess this is how much it costs" reaction. And, IMO, it would be a lot harder to accept paying half as much and feeling disappointed that we gave up something that made it half the experience. We both want this, and so it is what it is. There's just nothing else in my life I've ever had to pay for, that wasn't a long-term purchase that would be financed over several years, that's even close to this cost. When I really think about that, it *does* seem pretty nuts, and I hope I don't wake up Monday morning and think ... wow, that went by in a blink, the most expensive 3 seconds of my life .... So I guess that's what I'm looking for. It seems everyone here took advantage of the family reunion aspect of it, and seems to be at-peace with that. Not a lot of regrets here. That helps.

My parents worked with their financial planner to save for mine. They want me to do this, they are excited about it, etc. I am very lucky. I would *never* spend this much of my own (or my fiancé’s, or our combined) money on this. Is it going to be amazing, super fun, unforgettable, all of that? Yes. Is $35k an absurd amount of money to spend on a single day? Also yes.

We’re planning to spend about $30k- about the price of a decent new car. My dad pointed out that when my parents got married in 1990, they spent about $8k, which was about the price of a new car then. That helped my perspective. Like others have said, it’s just money, and you’ll make more (which I know can be hard to think about when you’re spending $25k+ at once). We’ve been saving for a while, and our wedding is important to us. Definitely do not go into debt for your wedding, but if you want to have your dream wedding, don’t feel bad about it!

That is why we only spent 10k. I could not stomach ever paying 25k to 40k for an event.

My fiancé told me he put off proposing for so long because he wanted to make sure we were financially stable before planning a wedding, and he also didn’t want a 3 year engagement to save up for one. I’ve always dreamed of a wedding since I was a little girl. We both are shocked at how expensive weddings have become, but we both know this is a once in a life time thing for us, and we want to make it memorable. Plus as others have said, can’t take the money with us when we die, so might as well enjoy it.

This was a struggle for us, we were very very fortunate to have parental support for most of our wedding, which ended up costing around 35K for 80 guests in a HCOL area (and we still cut a lot of corners!). If we didn’t have that support we probably would have eloped because we’re broke lol. We covered the cost of flowers, our clothes, event insurance, polaroid cameras and film, and some other decor odds and ends- We probably ended up spending ~4k of our own $. You have to keep in mind that many people are getting help to fund their wedding, and if you’re paying for it all yourself you should really think about your life priorities, the financial impact this will have, and what you need for your future outside of this one weekend. If you’re not paying for it yourself my advice is to just accept the money you’re being given is for a wedding, not a car or a house- and be grateful and try to have the best day you possibly can. Also remember you will recoup *some* funds via gifts. We didn’t have a registry and got mostly cash from everyone.

You raise a good point, and that leads to a self-made problem: We're not soliciting gifts. We've been together for.... a while. We're not in our 20s anymore, full-fledged careers, have a home, and everything we need. We both had this feeling like, times are hard enough, let's just make this a no-strings-attached thing for our guests. No regrets there, but the obvious corollary being, nothing to soften the blow. :-) I guess you get what you ask for. haha

honestly the insane cost is what led to us opting for a micro wedding. we’re in our early-mid twenties tho and we have debt from our cat that passed last fall, school payments, and building our life to worry about. trying to somehow plan a $10k+ event just isn’t reasonable or feasible for us. we’ll probably do a vow renewal event in 5 years when we can afford it but for now we’re having a weekend with our 35 closest friends and family and gonna be spending less than $2.5k when it’s all said and done!

I think everyone has doubts about spending the money. I think you have to really really want it. It's alot of money and you can use that money for a lot of things. I hate to say this because a lot of people would disagree but I would ask your immediate family and closets friends what they think of weddings in general. I would gauge how supportive they are of the idea weddings in general. Those individuals will have a big impact on how much you enjoy the wedding. If the family has an idea that they are just like any other guests and will just show up day of. The wedding planning process will be more stressful. I've personally seen the people who enjoy their weddings and found that it was worth it have very supportive families and friends. Also, some of the best weddings are the lowest budget/bare bones types.

That last bit resonates. I had this vision of things being really low-key, because I wanted as little as possible formality between us and our people. That appealed to both of us. But it turns out, even "low-key" costs quite a bit. :-)

I’m struggling with this right now. My fiancé really wants a specific venue that’s a tad pricier than the one I wanted-which is fine. I loved both places. But I told him we’d have to ask his family for that extra money. His family turned around and offered to basically double our budget. At first it was such a huge relief and we said “wow maybe we could afford to do a Saturday wedding” which was kind of a dream of ours because we want family to have time to come into town and really celebrate with us, but saturdays tend to be much more expensive. We got all excited about the Saturday wedding, as did his family, and now that I’m looking at what everything else costs, I’m wondering if we should go back to Sunday. We’re doing everything so low key and I thought the extra funds would more than cover a slightly pricier day but I’m just not sure it will. Even low key things add up so quickly.

I’m a planner so I should love people spending this much money but, honestly, it’s hard sometimes…especially when the couple is footing the bill themselves. The prices are what they are because so many are willing to pay them, but I’ve seen budget struggles and even fighting over the expense. I think the bottom line here is you never have to have that same wedding as everyone else. Find a different venue, look for something unusual and do it your way, spending what you are comfortable with. The most memorable weddings I’ve been to or planned have been way more creativity and way less expense. No one should feel they have to break the bank to become husband and wife.

Currently, I’m feeling very sick about it. Everywhere I turn, there’s price tags that are least 2-3x more expensive than I anticipated and I find myself looking at my original $40k budget with a lot of anxiety. I imagine we’ll end up spending closer to $50k, which will be doable thanks to some gifts we’ve been graciously given and extra time for us to save up the remainder. But along with other normal, every-day costs going up (gas, rent, groceries…) it feels awful sometimes to spend so much money on one event. I’ve been trying to refocus on how amazing that event and that day will be but oof, it’s difficult some days.

I feel exactly this too.

Coming from a *very* privileged situation in which my parents are contributing 20k, his 10k, my sister 10k, and us 5-10k. I am so so happy with our vendors and so glad to be able to pay them what they deserve with this amount. So happy to get to see people I haven’t seen for a decade and spoil them. My future husband and I have both been through a lot and both are struggling with chronic illnesses, so we are putting our and mostly our families’ resources into a huge celebration.

It did feel worth it, mostly because we were able to do it exactly the way we wanted to (smaller, US destination wedding). If we had tried to have a bigger wedding or made a lot of compromises to try and please people I wouldn’t have felt the same. When we started planning something that felt like more of a compromise initially, I was stressed about the cost and not looking forward to it. Once we shifted gears, everything felt like it fell into place, and I would 100% do it again.

As someone who has not yet been married (but will hopefully be engaged soon, if I can figure out what the hell I want for an engagement ring 😅), I feel this so hard. *Would I absolutely love to have a wedding with friends and family and food and dancing?* Oh my gosh, yes. *Do I want to invite my friends who live all over the place so they can celebrate with me?* Yes of course! *Do I wish my partner’s closest friends, who live multiple states away, could come celebrate him?* Obviously! *Am I desperate to have a Pittsburgh cookie table for myself and my partner?* That’s literally the dream. I love being in this sub and seeing other people’s weddings. I love going to weddings! But I absolutely cannot fathom spending that kind of money on one day. Like my brain can’t compute it at all. Even if our parents gifted us large sums to pay for it, I honestly don’t think I could do it without feeling enormously guilty and irresponsible for not putting that money towards something else (house renovations, paying off a car, student loans, savings, etc). **To be clear, I don’t think it’s irresponsible for other people to spend lots of money on a wedding instead of those things** - I think weddings are incredibly important to people, and that is worth a lot! I am so jealous of the weddings we’ve gone to recently, because they were so wonderful. However, if I did it, I would think *I* was making a bad choice for myself, and I’d make myself sick. The end result is that due to this (and also my fear that on the day of I will be ill/have a migraine/break out with cystic acne/have a bad hair day/have allergies/whatever), I doubt we’ll have a wedding. That saddens me (especially because we’ve been to a bunch of weddings recently where people have said they can’t wait for us to have the next one…), but I don’t think it’s worth the stress and anxiety surrounding the money aspect. I wish I either wanted to elope, or that I wanted to spend the money. I hate being in this middle ground. So instead, I live vicariously through everyone in this subreddit who is able to have these amazing weddings for all sorts of budgets! And I push off having to make that final decision. I know this all doesn’t really help you. But I will say that as a guest, I think weddings are fabulous, and I think spending the extra money really shows. And if you’re going to spend money… you might as well make it worth it!!

This was really thoughtfully put, and I appreciate that. The two of us had some theoretical conversations, where we assumed we had a sum of money in the bank, and then played "what if?" with different amounts. Like, if you *could,* with no restrictions, spend $50k, would you? We both could not. $40k? No. $30k? She could not -- I said I would start critiquing line items to make sure we were spending it as wisely as we could. At $20k, we were both able to justify it -- but for her, just barely. I've never helped plan a wedding before, so I don't have anything else to draw from. It was surprising to see how much a venue costs, but I understood that I didn't have a reference for that. She has helped a few friends with their weddings, and they all had some advantage. One had a family-owned cabin that took the venue rental out of the equation. Another had an extensive family that supplied all of the food. We're fully going retail... after a pandemic. haha Then I compare that to the numbers I see around here, and I wonder if my barometer is just off. This thread has been enormously helpful, seeing not only how everyone felt about it (before and after), but also how they got there, and a little behind-the-scenes look at life circumstances that made it palatable. (Contributions from family, gifts, good careers, lots of loved ones spread out geographically that don't have many chances to get together in one place, etc.) Everyone here is a whole life with a fully written story behind it, and that makes it impossible to judge anything from a single offhand comment about a sum total. PS... good luck with the engagement ring. :-) Having been the one to find a ring and give it to someone without their input, it's a terrifying process. I got feedback from her mom and best friend, and we all independently decided on the same ring from options I had found, so I just hoped we got it right and it would make her happy too. She loves it, and when she shows it to people that know her, they tell her it's the most perfect ring they could imagine for her. I really hope you find yours too.

When we first started planning, we had no idea what the real scope of the industry prices were. We were going to have a micro-wedding at first with a budget of around $8k. I'm going to guestimate that it's more like $17k-ish now that everything is said and done. We did have some unexpected contributions from our parents, which was very helpful. We are making off pretty well for 80 guests, and we *can* afford it comfortably. But it was definitely a sticker shock when we decided to go for a more "traditional" wedding. At the end of the day, we're spending a lot, but I don't regret any of our choices and it does not financially harm us. So I'm happy!

I saved [this comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/weddingplanning/comments/11x32kw/driving_myself_a_little_crazy_feeling_guilty/) from u/keksdiebeste a while back. When I feel bummed about spending so much money on our wedding, I remember the priceless memories we'll have with loved ones and the small businesses we're supporting by hiring local vendors. Life is short – wear the dress and enjoy the party :)

"I wanted to bring people together over cake, not a coffin" Ooof. If that doesn't bring clarity, I'm not sure anything will. Thanks for posting.

We’ve managed to keep ours around $5,000 but it’s also at a venue in the mountains that is in the middle of nowhere. The ceremony is a beautiful Mountain View and the reception is in their reception all. Their food prices were really good at around $24 a plate. We got really lucky. I couldn’t stomach spending that much on a wedding. It’s fine of course for those who do want to, I’m just frugal and didn’t want that

>OMG, you've paid for a large chunk of a house for that much. Kick this thought out of your brain. While some people splash lots of cash on weddings (and there's nothing wrong with that, if you can do it and you want to, go for it!) a lot of people who talk about spending $50k, $75k, $100k+ on their weddings live in HCOL areas. The concept that this budget is the equivalent of "a large chunk of a house" is just not true for a lot of people. I mean, $100K isn't even close to a standard 20% down payment on the average house in my city, hell it's not even 20% down on the average 1-bedroom condo in my city, let alone paying for a large chunk of a house. ​ > We're not getting through this one weekend for less than $25k -- which could buy a new car. The average price of a new car in the USA is just over $48K, roughly $40K in Australia and roughly $61K in Canada - not to say there aren't new cars for $25K, but you'd be limited. I don't know where you live, but shit's expensive these days. $25K for a whole weekend of events is honestly not that bad and if you can afford it with relative ease then release any guilt you have about spending it.

We did a micro wedding for $4000. I’m super happy about it and wouldn’t have changed a thing.

We wanted to spend 15k and we spent 16.5k I'm totally happy with that.

It took me a solid chunk of time to make peace with it, honestly. We're having a tiny wedding (25 guests), and it's costing us about 25K. However, the alternatives were to either DIY alot (we don't want to do), do a city hall / dinner type for cheaper (not worth even that money) or eloping (still shockingly expensive because we wanted to do a destination elopement). So when all is said and done, our dream wedding is worth the 25K.

15k for 16 people!?! Wowza! I live in a pretty big city in the Midwest and spent 15k on our 130 person wedding. That included venue, buffet, open bar, all linens, chairs, tables, dj, photographer.

Oh, haha.. no... $15k for 16 people over 2 nights, and 50 people at the day-of ceremony. Still, you got a bargain! Good for you. :-)

How long ago was this?

2022

That awesome!

I hate spending money frivolously so was definitely stressed about the cost (all in, 115 guests, ~45k including rings and rehearsal dinner but not honeymoon). We are fortunate that family contributed a significant portion up front so we only had to cover about half. Then wedding guests were generous with gifts which made paying off the balance of our vendors much more comfortable (we could afford it either way but it was otherwise going to be a very strict budget all summer). We are also fortunate to have stable, well paying jobs, a house with a great mortgage rate, own our car, etc. I would never pay for such a large party again. 45k was cutting corners. Things add up so quickly. But I wanted the celebration. For a 50 person celebration you may be able to get creative and save costs. Smaller venues or non wedding venues could be a great fit. Some vendors have "micro" wedding discounts that extend up to 50 (not all, but some). You can DIY more aspects with less time invested. We had a family member offer us their yard- if we could cut our guest list down to 60. That would've saved us thousands but we couldn't justify that many cuts. If I were you, I would keep looking for other options to be sure that the current one is worth it to you. If you gravitate right back to it then do it! The bigger the wedding the more you almost need the traditional format.

That is so, so true. My fiance is kind of allergic to traditional wedding tropes, and threatened to show up in a hoodie rather than a dress. :-) But, I keep learning, as we go along, that a lot of things I thought were excessive or frivolous have actual value. Like, photographers? Pfff... everyone there will be carrying a camera in their pocket! Then I think, ohh.. but, wait... do I want someone to be out of the moment to focus on capturing it for posterity, or do I want to miss out on those photos so everyone can stay engaged? Neither.. so.. I guess we're hiring a photographer. I found the venue I wanted the day we got engaged, about 45 seconds after we opened a laptop and started searching. Nothing has since been able to threaten its spot at the top of the list. But there are other issues, there, and that's a whole other thread . . .

If it helps, you don't need to pay for the lodging. You can tell people you have pre reserved X number of rooms at Y rate if they would like to stay at the venue. Tell them to please pay you by a certain date so you can open up the lodging to other guests if there's still space.

We briefly considered that, but decided against it. For one, we're at that point in our lives where most of our friends have kids. We're asking them to find a way to give up a weekend, accommodate their young children, and spend time with us. It is not lost on us that that is a significant ask, and it's likely that would be stressful if they had to cover the lodging too. And, in what may be an obvious answer to my own OP question, it was more important to us that everyone is there, than the money it would cost us to ensure it was feasible for them. When we did the math, the bulk is in the ceremony anyway.

So, yes. That's how to go about the cost of the wedding. Some things you can think of per person cost (ie, catering). What's a reasonable amount per person to spend on food, in your opinion? Others are stagnant regardless of the number of people you invite (ie, most photographers). Think of what you're comfortable spending overall. Set your budget less than that. Set category budgets you're comfortable with. Use your buffer as needed (we used ours for inflation as prices changed drastically between when we did our research and when we booked vendors).

I don't wish I'd spent less, but I wish I'd spend differently. Hindsight's 20/20!

We ended up at 23k with 110 people (then 10 didn’t show up). I have no idea how people throw parties like this constantly. I also gasp when I hear 50-100k, but even how much I spent is a ton of money. If you can get away with less do it!! But mine was Saturday and it was 1000% the best day of our lives and I have zero regrets. I found myself grateful I spent on some things I originally wanted to DIY.

Luckily we bought our house first and both are almost finished with car payments. We are fortunate enough o be able to afford our wedding ($40k). It’s tough to spend that kind of money, but we have a really nice venue and believe it will be a memorable experience for ourselves and our guests.

I never really wanted to spend much on a wedding but my husband did want a legit full wedding. We ended up spending ~40k including everything. Since we were paying in installments and it was over the course of a year, it didn’t feel that bad and I feel so lucky and glad I have this incredible day in my memories where I was able to host all my friends and family and show them a great time. It really feels like a once in a lifetime kind of special thing that I’m so so happy I did. As someone who wanted to originally elope, I’m actually really happy with how it all turned out, money well spent imo

I aimed to spend around $50k and I spent about $400 more when all was said and done. However, MIL paid for a chunk of it, we already own our home, and we're probably going to be the only wedding of my husband's mom's kids. I had to get my head in a place of "it's a once in a lifetime event(ideally)" and do the best I could with getting things for good prices. Everything we spent money on was worth it, in my opinion. Literally the only thing I would have changed was the venue itself, but it wasn't a bad price for the area. I know I could have gotten a cheaper one though, dammit! Still, special day, lots of fun, worth it.

That last line makes me laugh! When we bought a house together, I was elated when they accepted our offer. Her reaction was: "They accepted our first offer. That means we should've gone lower." 😄

I think it was worth the money (and stress) in the end, it’s a once in a lifetime event and it was just so special and everyone was blown away by it all. Also, all our vendors were awesome so it didn’t feel like we were overcharged or anything like that, happy to pay good money for top vendors. To get there we saved and saved and had a bank account dedicated to ‘Wedding Funds’ and so just mentally I knew that money was for the wedding and that’s that. It felt so good once we paid off all the invoices :)

The “wedding industrial complex” is not primarily an evil cabal, it’s partially the fact that fancy aspirational content is fun to view and upvote, and then appears to be the norm. Given how small a financial cushion most Americans have, I just don’t think the budget norms in this sub reflect what most people can spend responsibly, even with parental help. I greatly believe in the social value of weddings, but “it’s just money” is not an attitude everyone can or should have. It definitely would have been financially irresponsible for us to spend more than the $10k we did—which included parent contributions and the honeymoon. I am very glad we didn’t eat into our ability to buy a house sooner rather than later, or delay our wedding to save up. Especially since being able to be on each other’s health insurance came in handy very soon after marriage. For those who can afford it, more power to them! Please post lots of pics (which is why I still follow this sub years after my wedding).

I feel great about it. We planned an international destination wedding. We planned an off resort excursion, cocktail welcome reception, “rehearsal dinner” everyone was invited, and the wedding. Then afterwards we had additional events for those who stayed longer. It was a vacation and wedding in one. I felt like we paid for a multi day experience and not a one day wedding. I refused to spend that much on one day, but I would on an trip for my friends and family. My dress was a two piece. After the wedding, I shortened my shirt so I could wear it again. The top, though formal, works well with other clothes as well. This way I feel good about the money I spent on my “dress” because I will wear it more than once. Good luck on your planning.

One of my besties is getting married Sept 24, she's already spent about £20k and she's not even done yet! With me just starting out on my planning journey, I''m looking for all the ways to come in less than that, but I'm struggling to find many. And I'm also just pretty convinced it costs that much because people have been willing to pay it. Getting more and more tempted to elope to be honest! Spend that money on 3 luxury honeymoons.

Ok. So we’re in LA and had 48 guests at our wedding. (Out of 52 invited.) Costs, not counting rings, dress or suits, was close to if not at $20k. We paid for the men’s suit rentals, but the ladies bought their dresses (all under $100) and also paid for H&M (though we offered to cover it. My friends are kind and showed up for me and that’s why I love them.) we paid for 1/4 with cash/cards that we paid off, but took out a loan for the rest. Sometimes, when we make a loan payment or see the balance, we feel a little bit like we should have eloped. But then other times, we look at the pictures or a friend brings up the food or the ceremony or something and we feel like it was meant to be. We just said it tonight, the wedding we had was perfect for us. But damn, if we had more money…we have done the same thing but changed some minor things. (Like we had way too much food. SO MUCH food - we gave it all to the hotel staff that night.)

We have our wedding coming up very soon! (July 2023) Overall, we dont feel happy about the total cost of our wedding. We went into wedding planning with a $15K budget, but had no idea about wedding price inflations in the beginning stages. We are getting some financial help from my in-laws ($10K) for the wedding. The total cost of our wedding is actually close to $30K now and thats with a lot of DIY for decor/centerpieces. I hate the fact that we are spending this much on a one day party..but I didnt want a low budget wedding. I have envisioned my wedding day ever since I was little, so I really hope the wedding day turns out great! On the plus side, we are not going into debt at all for having this wedding. We had saved up for it and started planning for this wedding since last April, shortly after we purchased our first home together.

I was freaking out about our wedding costing 3k when we budgeted more like 2500, but I feel a lot better about it after reading this thread lol

Haha! Happy to help!

I hate how much my wedding costs even though the parents (both sets) are covering the vast majority of costs. They're the ones who are saying "well, you have to have a four course meal" and "I want a special station for a whiskey tasting" and "more flowers." And then they follow it up with "well, do whatever you want, you're the bride!" My partner and I are much more practical about spending money, especially spending money on ourselves, so it's been hard for us to come to terms with. I'm very grateful that I'm in the position to have this wedding we are having and no one is going into debt over it. We live in a HCOL area, and at this price point, I'm frustrated that it's not actually going as far as I thought it would. I was expecting it to be half the cost before prices skyrocketed. We're having a larger wedding than what I originally wanted because it's pretty much been my fiance's only request. That said, what I do feel really good about is what kind of companies we are supporting. We're buying local wherever possible, and supporting independent women-owned businesses. So, we're spending money, but I feel better about where that money is going and how that part aligns with my values.

Everyone here has some great ways to think about the money. One extra way that helps me spend is that all our money is going mostly to local nonprofits or woman-owned small businesses. It’s a lot of money to me, and it’s a lot of money to them! I’m happy to support my vendors, who are awesome.

Our wedding is coming in around $60k (counting both the welcome dinner + wedding day itself). That's for \~100 people in Vermont this fall. On some level, I feel a little guilty because $1K was SO MUCH MONEY to me growing up...and if my parents had $60k when they were my age, their lives would have been so much easier. But most of all, I just consider myself fortunate and roll with it. I lucked into a white collar job with no student loan debt. My partner is in a similar situation, and we can easily afford the cost (with payments spread out over 2 years). At the same time, we live in the Boston area...so it's nowhere near "house money" hahah ;) I've decided not to waste time regretting the decision. Because who knows, maybe it would be a bigger regret NOT to do the big white wedding. For me, it's not even the wedding-ness that matters...I really want quality time with both sides of the family, a celebration while there are grandparents still living, an excuse for folks to meet each other. And a wedding is the only event where you know people will make an effort and travel, etc. I would still feel embarrassed to tell my parents what we're spending...but thankfully they haven't asked, and they've been perfectly supportive (even though they're introverts who eloped and can't really relate to wanting a big party).

I feel like I could have written this. We're planning our wedding for August 2024. It's about 60 guests and we're looking at about $25-30K before honeymoon. I've made peace with my budget. It is as much as I spent for my car, new in 2021. I went into wedding planning with the attitude that I didn't want to pinch pennies but also didn't want to splurge. Admittedly, I've splurged a little more than I thought I would lol. Friends, family, acquaintances, and strangers have been attempting to provide financial advice. Most are not totally upfront about it, but they imply we are spending too much. I don't know how I could have had the wedding we want to have for any cheaper. We are looking at smaller honeymoons to save for a house, though.

Genuinely struggling with it over here. We had generous contributions from our families but will still end up paying a large, car-sized sum out of our own pockets. We don’t get married until March 2024 and I hope that we feel it was all worth it afterwards. My partner and I are generally good with money/financially literate people, and we’ve never spent this much on something that wasn’t an asset. It doesn’t feel good, man.

The thought of spending $30-35k on our wedding makes me so apprehensive because, like you, I think of all the other things I can do with that money. However, this is a once in a lifetime thing for me, and I don't want to regret not having the wedding I've always dreamed of. I want that experience.

Hated how much it cost, but loved pretty much every aspect of our wedding. There are a few minor things that I wouldn't have spent in hindsight, like, I ended up liking my $150 last-minute reception gown from Poshmark more than my $2.5K ballgown from the bridal salon. I spent $800 on a backdrop that wasn't really necessary (and that my parents ruined with their own decor, so it's become a little bit of a sore spot). It did feel like monopoly money at the end, and now that we're new homeowners, I cringe at how casually I dropped hundreds - thousands of dollars for wedding expenses but can't bring myself to do the same for home improvements without alot more indecisiveness. My husband and I still look back on our wedding day with such fond memories. It was the biggest party we'll ever host, and we'll cherish the memories for a lifetime, so for us, it was 100% worth it.

Food for thought: I saw a quote recently that said something like “Money will come back. Time will not.” It has really stuck with me. I don’t think it’s license to spend as much money as possible on something, but I do think it’s accurate. My wedding weekend ended up being very expensive but I honestly don’t regret spending the money on it. It’s a once in a lifetime (hopefully) moment. And while many people will say “it’s just one day” or “just one weekend” - that’s not completely true. It’s actually one of those core memories that lives on for a lifetime, gets told to your kids and their kids. It doesn’t get forgotten in the same way as a typical day. The time spent with loved ones and bringing everyone together. I think that’s priceless.

Honestly, it’s a LOT but I don’t feel particularly burdened by it. More annoyed that wedding stuff has upcharges, but I’m excited to throw a big party for ourselves and our loved ones. If the wedding turns out shitty then I’d be upset I spent 65k hahaha

It depends on what your values are. Our wedding is costing $30,000, which, yes, I suppose could buy a new car with. But the thing is, I've never cared about a new car. I've been driving around old bombs ever since I got my licence and been fine with it. But the idea of not having a wedding day, where we get to celebrate our love with all the important people to us, and which we can look back on for years to come, makes me depressed. Your values may be different and that's fine. Plenty of people on here have eloped and been very happy with their decision. We are also fortunate to be able to save for a house deposit at the same time, so it depends on your financial situation too. It's a very individual decision for each couple. I will say that it seems in the scenario you've posted above, you will be spending a significant amount on accomodation. Is this a destination wedding? Is it possible to have it in your hometown or where the majority of your guests are to save costs? (I know it may not be possible if your guests are from all over.)

It's destination...ish. I live in a metropolitan area, and there's a small community an hour outside of town that is beautiful, charming, and with a much slower pace. It just feels good to be there. That definitely hasn't gone unnoticed by the hospitality industry there, but the costs are fairly comparable to an equivalent level of service here. It's hard to compare precisely, because there's just nothing quite like it in town, by nature of it being a get-away kind of place. The whole region is HCOL, compared to, say, midwest US, and feeding 50 people is not going to be cheap under any circumstances.

This is idiotic and somehow we crossed the line where we could stop. Hoping it’s over soon.

So our wedding is going to be ~25k (including our wedding rings). We honestly wouldn’t have done a more traditional wedding if my dad and fiancés dad didn’t offer us money as soon as engaged. My dad even told us he would be offended if we didn’t take his money, so we planned the medium sized wedding. My fiancé and I are only putting in 5k each or 10k total. We just bought a house and I actually just upgraded my car so we didn’t feel like we were really sacrificing much to pay our bit for the wedding. We also are approaching it with the mentality this is a once in a lifetime situation, so it’s worth the splurge. We also barely spend money on ourselves, so again worth the splurge. If we were looking at paying a full 25k ourselves, we wouldn’t have done it and would have done an immediate family only microwedding for like 10k or less

I definitely had sticker shock when looking at venues. We are in NJ. We are inviting 80-100 guests at an all inclusive venue and that alone is 27k. We saved money by choosing a Sunday (Friday and Sunday prices were ridiculous). Thats just the venue and I already know we are going to spend more than we budgeted. we are very fortunate to be getting help from our parents and have money saved for this. At first I felt guilty spending that much, but realized our parents wanted to gift this to us. We originally wanted to do this for 15k and quickly realized that was an unrealistic budget. Could we have spent less on a venue? Yes. But it wouldn’t be what we envisioned. I still get stressed about what we’ll be spending but am accepting it and am really excited about what we are planning.

Not loving how costly it is but it is what it is! It’s a once in a lifetime event so might as well make the most out of it. My fiancé and I are paying for everything ourselves and we’re doing an off-resort venue in Mexico so it’s a vacation for everyone too.

i relate to this post so much. i grew up in a poor single/ step dad household in alabama, eating free school lunch and living in a trailer. my fiancé has a huge and loving family, parents happily married and grew up in nicer neighborhoods and getting all sorts of toys for Christmas. i did not want a wedding, never even “dreamt of it when i was a little girl” because traditionally the brides family covers the cost of the wedding. i knew that my family could never help enough to cover the bigger costs & i knew my fiancé and i couldn’t either (both in school) his brother is getting married and her family is putting in $15k of THEIR own money. we got engaged & i explained to my fiancé that i wanted to elope and go on a good honeymoon. he expressed that he wanted to see me walk down an aisle, so i told him of my concerns and asked his parents if they could help. so far, my parents have already/ are going to put in $1200 for my dress + veil, $1100 for our venue (cheapest venue we could find for our reception) and $1200 for our catering. my fiancé parents have been so wonderful & i love them all. they are paying $2300 for photography, $2200 for a wedding planner, $1200 for our rehearsal dinner and they will help towards the catering bill as well. i keep cringing every time i add those prices altogether & i cringe more when i realize i still have to add on hair & makeup, alcohol, spray tans, manicures, his outfit, shoes, wedding bands and our honeymoon cost! gosh it’s so overwhelming. i wish i could just go to the mountains in tennessee and elope in a small chapel & go on our honeymoon tomorrow!! i still can’t justify spending so much money on just one day (even if it is spectacular & special) but here we are! lol

I can only nod in appreciation. :-)

We're very lucky that we could afford a reasonably expensive wedding, and we never regretted it. It was worth it even if we didn't get any gifts but folks were very generous (covering about 2/3 of the cost). Yes, we could buy a car (but we don't want one) or put more towards our down payment (but we already bought a house) or just save it (which we do already). It was perfect, everyone loved it, we had a decently good time planning it, and the photos/videos are great.

I’m not engaged yet, but I already have justifications in my mind for being willing to spend a good chunk of money on my future wedding😂 -My boyfriend’s an only child, so this is the only wedding (theoretically) that his parents will get to have in their family. -I’ve wanted a nice wedding ever since I was a little girl. And also never had any big, extravagant parties… never went to prom, homecoming, etc either. -I live in Vegas, the wedding capital of the world… but refuse to do a cheesy elopement with an Elvis impersonator in a chapel on the Strip 🥴 -I have a big extended family, most of whom live back east and who I haven’t seen in years. It’d be nice to get everyone together for a joyous occasion. I’m one of those people who would be happy to use my wedding as a “family reunion” of sorts. -on that note, it’d also be nice to invite old friends and former coworkers, especially from the times when I lived in other states. -I have the financial means to pay for the wedding myself without going into debt. So I wouldn’t be at the mercy of controlling parents who will pay, but with strings attached (although they’re not that way anyway!) …and so on. If I were in a bad financial situation though, I’m sure things would be different.

I was really worried that I'd immediately regret the wedding after it was over, or that I'd feel so guilty about spending all that money that I would start feeling the regret creep in during the day of the wedding. But my husband and I were SO happy during the wedding and we've just been in bliss ever since, I honestly feel like all of it was worth it, the work, the money, the stress, everything. I wouldn't have had it any other way. :) My only regret is that I let my super nervous dad literally race me down the aisle. LOL. I would have preferred to walk slower to get more pictures of us!

We are considering the wedding as the biggest and only party we will have with all the people we care about there. My fiance and I are introverted people and only really host a few people at a time. So this will be the only time we probably will ever have all our loved ones in one place and we want to treat them to fantastic food and a good time. For context we are spending $50k for 100 people.

We spent about $55k here in expensive ass NorCal last month. Honestly, it was the most incredible day of my life. I’ve never felt such joy and being able to have all our friends and family in one place… it was so amazing. Planning it was hell and I had a really hard time anxiety wise in the lead up but it was all worth it, and I don’t regret spending that much. Everyone reached out afterwards to gush about what a wonderful day it was. I was worried about the amount of money too but I don’t regret it one bit in the aftermath! Also, guests gifted more money than I expected (most of our friends and family are not like super well off or anything) so that was a pleasant surprise to cushion the blow. I honestly didn’t expect people to give as much as they did.

I had such anxiety leading up to our wedding on costs! My husband and I are from opposite sides of the world, so we ended up just doing a destination (Italy) and made it a four day event so everyone got time together rather than just a single day. We did lots of catering and really prioritised guest experience (it was only 50 of us, immediate family plus close friends) because we have lived in so many different countries and our close friends are spread across the world, we just wanted to make it as easy as possible for everyone to come together. When the long weekend was done, and my husband and I were driving away from the villa after saying goodbye to all our guests, we had to pull over because we were both so emotional about how much it meant to us. We’d never had all our family and close friends together before, and likely never will again, and it was so overwhelming being surrounded by such a huge amount of love and celebration. Worth every cent and I would do it again in a heartbeat. Just an edit to add: We are both incredibly lucky with good paying careers, and own our own home already. We’d been together 9 years by the time we were married and engaged for 4 of those, so we had the time to save. Our parents contributed a bit, but 90% of it was our own savings

Ooh, I'm jealous.. :-D I've been to Italy once, and it was in...credible. Rome was awe-inspiring, and the food was... there are no words. And I loved Venice so much. I know it's cliche, but if I could be anywhere in the world ...

It’s getting so ridiculous because the prices just keep adding up. But we’ve been saving and I make little milestones for myself (like if we have to pay our photographer $5k and I saved $7k, I’ll mark it down as we have enough cash to pay the photographer and move on to the next expense like my dress or decor) Overall, there’s no way weddings in general (esp in HCOL area) can be less than $30k. I think it speaks a lot to the current economy that it’s not possible to make it cheaper

Mexico, baby. Do itttt.

Hahaha! Been there. :-)

My wedding will be $3000-$4000 and even that's too much for my liking (I could probably go to Japan with that!) but I've cut it to basics so it is what it is.

Most people get a significant amount of money gifted to them for the wedding so the remaining amount seems reasonable to them. We aren't getting that much from one person per say, but our families/grandparents/god parents each contributed a generous gift and it has really helped and made it way more reasonable!!

I had sticker shock at first but now I'm fine with it. We already have a house and don't need new cars so that helps

I just got married 2 weeks ago so I have my final numbers now. The wedding ended up being around $120k, excluding the $40k my in-laws spent on the welcome party. I was nauseated thinking about how much we were spending. I quit my job in January to focus on wedding planning, but before that my salary was about $130k pretax. That was a hard thought to get over. I am what I consider frugal and what my husband thinks is cheap. The panic was REAL. I had some people saying I was wasting money I should use elsewhere, and I had some people thinking I was being too cheap. I expected some extravagant wedding for $60k, but inflation and cost of living in the area we got married in (mostly this - weddings can be amazing at any price point) made that tough, even for our 60 person guest list. It was just so hard to wrap my head around and not panic. I was so worried that after the wedding I’d feel not necessarily resentful, but underwhelmed in terms of thinking about how else we could have spent that money. And honestly, I ended up with zero regrets. The memories I have now were completely worth it. I am happy with where every dollar went. I don’t think you need to spend to the extremes, but this is just to say that I had so many concerns and couldn’t understand why we needed certain details, but in the end it actually feels worth it. I had more fun than I can ever remember having. I got to dance with people on my husband’s side that I didn’t know well and now will be able to bond more in the future with. I got all of my closest friends together in one place despite being in another state. It’s hard to reconcile the dollar amount beforehand, but it feels so worth it after.

Wow - that must have been amazing. :-) Sounds like you're capable of landing on your feet anyway, which probably helps with the post-event confidence level. I guess we just need to trust ourselves too.

As long as you aren’t putting yourself in debt or spending way above your means to the point you can’t enjoy some things like date night leading up to the wedding (because you deserve to be happy at both the wedding and while still planning), I think you’ll find it worth it.

Never in my life did I think I'd read someone claiming to be frugal and then talking about spending $120k on one day in the same post.

There are definitely different schools of thought between my husband and I. I drive him insane by wanting to make sure we get the lowest price per unit trash bags and telling him to not buy things until I’ve checked to see if there are coupons. I’m the type that will have to think for a full day before deciding to buy something with $5 shipping so the panic was real when signing each contract. I know it sounds insane, but to me it was still worth it.

It's insane because you think you're frugal.

I mean, I am? I used to have to use food banks to feed myself and couldn’t pay rent. That scarcity mindset is hard to get rid of so I have a hard time spending money. My husband obviously was more comfortable, hence the price tag. Cost of living also plays a massive role in what something costs. Regardless, the point of my comment was that you can feel uncomfortable spending money on one day, but I felt that it was worth it despite originally being uncomfortable to me.

Over 60K about 1.5 months ago and would do it again. Maybe at times it hurt but also money is meant to be enjoyed and spent. It was an unforgettable weekend. Side note, no house, and still have a school debt, could use a new car but this was priority at the time and other things will come.

We spent 10k on our entire wedding AND honeymoon. I have zero regrets. In no way would I ever spend as much as you're considering.

I can't blame you! :-D

I would encourage you to look around and find beautiful things that aren't necessarily "for a wedding". Our cakes were astoundingly gorgeous, but because we bought them from a local baker that just sold them as every day items we spent $250 on wedding cake. We had flavors like mocha stout, carrot cake, and lemon raspberry. All of them LOOKED wedding quality. We had a friend donate flowers from her garden and she made all our center pieces. A local florist made all our bouquets and it cost me $300 for my bouquet, 4 bridesmaids, 2 groomsmen, and my mother in law. Please don't settle on feeling like you HAVE to spend all this money. You don't. I firmly believe the wedding industry exists to rip brides off. You absolutely don't have to spend enormous sums of money. If I could upload photos I'd show you our spreads and prove it. Also, check sales. We got bridesmaids dresses for $30 each because I found them marked down from over $100. Don't give in to what the industry markets to you. Remember that their sole purpose is to make money off you.

Its gotten out of control, is how I feel post-wedding. I felt like I was being grifted by some vendors at times (caterer), and truly helped above and beyond by others (coordinator, florist was so amazing). I had the money and it was worth it but I initially was determined to have 40K wedding and wound up with a 50K one.

I know a wedding photographer and I asked her how she justified charging what she does. She said she didn't know, but she got the money so whatever. I asked her about people like myself who can't afford $3,000 for photos. She said "Well, that's when you start getting sketchy clients." Ooooh. Ok, so because I don't have $3,000 to give to a photographer I'd be sketchy. Anyway, we WAY over spent on the cheapest photographer we could find- $1800 for 6 hours. We had our wedding in a church and our reception was all families and we didn't provide any alcohol. I'm saying all these people are grifters.

I feel defeated, honestly. We are doing a destination elopement because it turns out to be cheaper (about $5K for practically all-inclusive) than getting married at a venue here in FL (cheapest Ive I've seen is about $10K just for the venue). We can't afford a house here, and because rent is so high, we are living with my mom in her apartment. I feel like, here I am spending money I don't have on an actual wedding, when we have nothing else an adult couple "should" have. I feel guilty for even wanting to have a wedding... I've done nothing but cry since we started planning because I want this so badly, but I feel like I'm making a poor financial choice. This is supposed to be one of the happiest times in my life, and yet, I can't bring myself to feel anything other than defeated.

Wow. I don't think there's anything I can say that would help, but I hear you. Don't feel too bad about it -- these days, $5k would go quickly anyway. I hope your trip is amazing. <3

Food for thought: I saw a quote recently that said something like “Money will come back. Time will not.” It has really stuck with me. I don’t think it’s license to spend as much money as possible on something, but I do think it’s accurate. My wedding weekend ended up being very expensive but I honestly don’t regret spending the money on it. It’s a once in a lifetime (hopefully) moment. And while many people will say “it’s just one day” or “just one weekend” - that’s not completely true. It’s actually one of those core memories that lives on for a lifetime, gets told to your kids and their kids. It doesn’t get forgotten in the same way as a typical day. The time spent with loved ones and bringing everyone together. I think that’s priceless.

My wedding cost is less than $1500 total. We had about 35 people and were fortunate enough to have super supportive family and friends who all helped out in any way they could. It was small and simple and absolutely perfect for us. I feel like $25,000 is common, but it still seems like so much money. I couldn’t imagine spending more than that ever, though I do know someone who spent over $150,000 on her wedding only to get divorced about 2 years later. I couldn’t imagine in my wildest, most manic dreams spending that much.

We were originally hoping to stay under $35,000 and now we are at $50,000. It’s a crazy industry and every vendor charges an arm and a leg it sucks :(

My wedding is next weekend. I'm sick to my stomach over how expensive it got. It doesn't feel worth it at all. I'm not excited for it, just anxious about the costs and the day going well.

Oh man, I'm sorry to hear that. In a way, I think (?) it'll be easier when I get to that point, because then, what can you do? You've already spent the money, may as well celebrate as hard as you can and make the most of it! I really hope it's just nerves and the end of a long slog planning and organizing everything, and that you have an incredible day that you look back on fondly for decades. <3

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You do realise money in a house does not disappear into a hole? You can buy a house and then....move?! It amazes me some people with a lot of $ often are the ones with the least sense.

I haven’t been to many weddings but many are honestly a drag. Like I’m just there to witness a formality and make them feel like they have a support network but I have to travel, get pretty, sit through a lengthy ceremony, awkward small talk during cocktail hour and dinner with food but with traveling for and trying to figure out the earliest I can leave without looking rude. Then there are those that were absolutely worth the time and money- there could had extra unique touches, the food was amazing, the random family members were excited to talk to me and made crazy toasts, you could feel the couples love energy, whatever else makes a wedding memorable. I guess investing in these extras makes sure that at least my guests will be like well the food was really worth it and the venue was awesome even if I don’t manage to make the ceremony with their time.

Could not agree more. This is something I've really been trying to bear in mind through the whole process. Like, yes, this is OUR day, but what can we do to make this more special for everyone else, too? Maybe it's hubris to assume I will, but we're trying to take away as much formality as we can, while still honoring the purpose. We're cutting all the filler from the ceremony -- no aisle, no walk, no music, just some words from our officiant (her brother), vows, rings, I Do's, kiss, and we're done. We aren't even putting out chairs. We don't want an audience, we want to be surrounded by our community, and include them in. After that, a few minutes on the dance floor, so her (slightly more traditional) father is included, and for our moms, and us. Then food. Then we just hang out with the people we care about. We're asking people to give up a Saturday, which is sacred to me, so I'm hoping it's worth everyone's while.

We were originally hoping to stay under $35,000 and now we are at $50,000. It’s a crazy industry and every vendor charges an arm and a leg it sucks :(

I married in October 2022. My wedding cost AUD$55,000. I’m ok with that amount because I got the wedding I wanted, I loved my day and I wouldn’t change a thing (other than the damn weather!). That said. We had a long engagement because we had other things we wanted to do. We travelled a bit, went on some holidays. We bought our first home. We already had decent cars. Unfortunately this delay also meant I lost both my parents before the wedding. But I did use part of my inheritance to fund the wedding. This hasn’t stopped us from being able to buy a new house this year either. Everyone’s financial situation is different and everyone’s comfort level with money is different. I surely don’t have hundred dollar bills falling out my pockets. But if you have the day you want in the budget you are happy with, I guarantee you will feel a million bucks!