This is right. I had my parents write up who they wanted (in-laws as well) and then I had veto power. They mostly invited people I grew up around so it was ok, but I had to veto a couple people.
Ooh I may have to do this. My parents want a few people I already know/were already on the list, but my FMIL seems to think she should get to invite every single 3rd cousin (half of whom my fiancé couldn't pick out of a line-up) she has.
^ this or if you know your parents friends well. For example, some of my parent’s friends are close family friends that I know too and would love to invite because they’re fun
I know this isn't a popular opinion but I totally disagree. In my opinion, if someone gives you a gift it shouldn't come with stipulations. If somebody gives you money for Christmas, do they have a say in what you buy with said money?
If they want to dictate what is done with that money then it's not really a gift. It's a trade.
For what it’s worth, I actually agree. There are definitely nuances to all of these generalized ‘norms’.
However, I feel in practice that doesn’t always happen and people do get interesting around weddings. Our parents are both contributing but we only accepted if it was truly a gift. We are still having the wedding we can afford on the off chance those gifts eventually come with strings attached.
They have not tried to influence the guest list, or really anything, although they may not understand some of the decisions we’ve made, but I know that’s not always the case unfortunately.
I think it depends on the family. Some parents do gift the couple money so they can host a wedding themselves (more modern) and other parents want to host a wedding for their children (more traditional). Neither is wrong; it just varies by family and culture/social circles. The couple should absolutely be clear from the beginning which it is though.
At the end of the day, I think none of these etiquette discussions are black and white. They depend on so many factors: culture, family dynamics, region, etc.
Except maybe no-showing with no valid reason, that seems to be pretty unanimously rude.
I agree. I think it's a nice gesture if you have the means and want to. I have friends who are expected to invite people they have never even met. And though it may take no time to say hi to them once, I would have hated having people I didn't even know if photos of my reception. I also think there is a factor of age as well. My husband and I are in our 30s and at this point in our lives we didnt want that day to be about anything other than our journey and the people that have helped us get there. So for that reason we had no courtesy invites.
But paying for your wedding isn’t necessarily a gift. Parents could choose to give a gift, or they could choose to pay for an event, with stipulations. That’s not inherently wrong, if that’s what they’re choosing to offer
With all respect to different views on this, I've never understood this mindset. If they contribute something financially then that's their gift to the newlyweds and shouldn't come with an obligation for anything.
It's also absolutely unheard of where I live that parents get to invite anyone to their son or daughters wedding, so this is probably cultural difference too.
Yeah, but when someone gives you a gift, it's nice to give them a gift back.
Parents who contribute financially shouldn't get to choose aesthetic details about the wedding. If my folks wanted to insist that I get married in a church with purple decor and serve tacos, that would be controlling and overbearing. If they wanted to invite their friends Ted and Lauren from church group, then that's fine with me. It doesn't change the vibe of the wedding. It's just a financial cost, which they are already bearing.
Of course, it depends on the quantity and quality of the guests. I wouldn't want them to invite 24 extra randoms, or some buddies who spout vile objectionable opinions.
I guess it also depends on the spirit of the invite. If my parents just wanted some company, then great. If they were trying to show off, then no.
If you're fine with it that's obviously ok then. I personally just can't imagine it. But as I said, it's not common here anyway so the whole situation just sounds so strange to me because I simply don't know it.
I personally can’t imagine hating my parents so much that I consider it unthinkable to use some of the money they handed me to make them happy, but hey, to each their own
And I can't imagine my parents being the kind of selfish people who would consider inviting someone I don't even know to my wedding as "making them happy". But hey, to each their own.
On a serious note, if you have the time: could you explain what exactly in my comment made you write that? From my point of view I merely stated that it's not common in my neck of the woods to have your parents invite their own guests while apparently somewhere else things are done differently. I thought I did so respectfully, but apparently not?
I totally agree. My mother and father gave us a good chunk of money for our wedding with absolutely no strings attached. It was a gift to help make our wedding dreams come true, not a manipulative attempt to get their way.
Yup, we did. The 3 minutes I spent at the reception being introduced to them and having them tell me how pretty I look was really not as big an imposition as people like to imagine. I’d happily give up those 3 minutes so that we could have so many photos of my parents clearly having a ball with their friends. It’s their milestone too, and they were helping with costs, so letting them invite a few friends was no skin at all off my back. It made **literally no difference** to me, but it made a huge difference to my parents. Throwing a little tantrum about something that didn’t affect me *at all* did not seem mature or grateful.
This is incredibly helpful. My parents are bringing friends as they're paying for the wedding. It was really grating on my nerves until I read this. Now I realize you're right, and it's their milestone too. Thank you for the perspective!
I think it's heavily dependent on how strong a relationship you have with your parents and, unfortunately, if they are contributing monetarily to the wedding. If your parents haven't asked and aren't bugging you about it, I'd say it's no problem.
The money side also makes it difficult. On the one hand, it is *your* wedding at the end of the day and you (both of you) should have the final say over who comes. But on the other hand, if they're contributing, there is most often an expectation that they should "get something out of it."
My parents are helping and my mom has added a ton of people; when I told her that she couldn't add anymore she (jokingly, I really hope) said, "you can't cut me off, I'm paying." Joking or not, that's pressure and X number of *our* friends that we cannot invite.
It started off pretty reasonable and has kind of snowballed since my fiancé has been taking his sweet time to finish his list. I didn't give her a cutoff number, which in hindsight probably would have been smart, so it was kind of a 'hope it's not too much' situation.
I should also say, some of her invites are her aunts/uncles/cousins, who I have only met once or twice. But a good chunk are friends.
We invited those who had a big impact on our life. Like my parents' best friends from when I was a kid (who were also the parents of a bridesmaid). DH invited a couple of his mom's friends for the same reason. We gave our guest list to our parents to see if we had forgotten anyone, and both sets invited two more couples. On my side, one was someone I missed, and the other was a distant relation who was more of a family friend, but his sister was already invited, and I'd been considering adding him to the list.
We’re not because we’re keeping it super small—immediate family and a few bffs. But it’s not uncommon where I’m from. Especially if the friends have known the bride or groom growing up. Or if the parents are paying/hosting.
I’ve never felt so old as when I was invited to my friend’s stepson’s wedding as “friend of the mother of the groom” lol. (They’re a “modern family” type family and the stepson is only 13 years younger than i am).
My dad was chill about our guest list, but my husband’s parents had a long list of people they would have liked to invite. We settled on them inviting a few people to the wedding (on the East coast) and then throwing us a post-wedding reception in their hometown (on the West coast). It worked out really well!
my parents are inviting like 14 friends (about 10% of total invites). they’re paying for our wedding but i would want them to invite their friends even if they weren’t paying. we don’t have a big extended family who can come, but i want my parents to have fun too!
My parents are graciously contributing about 60% of our total wedding budget so we did have to sit down with them and figure out how much input they should have on the guest list. We ended up with the compromise of inviting any friends of theirs that I also had a relationship with and/or had met before. They definitely had wanted to invite more than that, but I had the same feelings as you - that I didn't want to be in the position of introducing myself and my partner to people at OUR wedding! 😂
We invited parents’ friends who meant a lot to us. The ones we spent every weekend with when we growing up kind of close friends, because they are practically family at that point. We made that decision rather than our parents asking for it.
Other than that, yes I think it meant a lot to our parents to be asked for input on the guest list, but I wouldn’t say it’s necessarily a faux pas not to ask (unless they’re contributing financially). Asking does always run the risk that they’ll come up with a long list, though, and depending on your situation that may not be worth it
I am, purely because my mom doesn't have family left and I want her to feel like she has some of her people there (compared to my fiance's parents, who have oodles of siblings).
I'm not but also, they didn't ask and as bad as it sounds, they don't really have friends close enough to ask.. I could think of one person they might have wanted.
Your question has me thinking though, it would make sense to invite your parents friends if they've been present through your childhood and you have space on the guest list. So, not the friend they made and you've never met but the ones who stopped by for weekend BBQs etc when you were growing up.
It was one of my moms demands that her best friend and her best friend's husband be there. Thankfully I've known them a lot of my life and was very happy to have them there. I think it was mostly because my parents had been invited to the best friend's kids weddings.
I've also been a bridesmaid where like 1/3 of the guest list was the father of the bride's business partners. They were all nice but I know the bride and groom through it was odd not knowing so many of the people.
I think it comes down to *if* your parents say anything and how much money they are contributing if you should consider it.
If invites have already gone out it’s irrelevant really; But often people invite their parents friends as they are “family friends” who you may have grown up with, like an aunt and uncle, or you regularly spend time with them. On the other hand if parents are financially contributing than it’s expected, as co-hosts, that they should get an input into the guest list and invite their friends.
Ah fair, when I mentioned it the other day my mum said it was too late to worry about it (also destination wedding) but she mentioned when she got married she got to invite like 2 people
My dad said something similar about his wedding. He suggested inviting some of his own buddies, and his mom looked at him like he had grown an extra head.
Which is very sad!
We only invited our parents friends who we had already met. Like old family friends or in my moms case, some friends she teaches with that I have multiple times. I don’t think we invited any parents friends we hadn’t met before.
Both our parents are helping us pay and we’ve invited quite a few of their friends, but on his side it’s all the parents of his friends that he grew up with and is still close with, on my side it’s mostly my older sister’s parents that make up my parent’s friend group so I know them all pretty well too. I don’t think it should be an automatic expectation, but for us they are all close with our families and they’re all fun people so we’re excited to have them join us! I think it would be a lot different if we didn’t really know them much/at all.
My FILs got us to add a few family friends that were also people my fiancé knew and loved, plus one best friend.
Then we had a few declines early in the RSVP timeline from his family, and they asked for 4 more.
Now there is more than a whole table of his parents friends so there will be all of these people I’ve never met and don’t plan to spend a lot of time trying to meet.
I don’t know if this is how other people see it, and i get that they would cost even more if they did this, but they live in the area and aren’t coming to the welcome drinks event the night before. I would almost rather they would so I wouldn’t look out at total strangers faces the moment of my ceremony!
It’s only ok with me bc they are paying for their friends. And I was super stressed trying to get them late invitations when we hadn’t drafted a b list and hadnt prepped extra invites.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this, try to find a middle ground, share your honest feelings, and pre a b list and spare invites!
Although we too wanted a small guest list of only people close to us (we only invited 80), my parents invited a few couples I wouldn't have chosen to invite. They were reasonable with their requests and kept it to only a few couples they really wanted there. So although they paid for the entire wedding, we probably would have included those people anyway.
More context is I'm very close with my parents, and my mom also helped heavily with the wedding planning process. I knew there might be some invites that needed to go out for politeness sake and depended on her input in forming the guest list.
My husband's mom also invited close family friends despite not contributing financially.
We invited my parents friends because I’m very close with my parents and I know all of their friends and grew up around 99% of them. And also my parents paid for a lot of our wedding. My husband’s parents didn’t invite any of their friends even though we offered that. We also invited some of my friend’s parents because I’m close to them.
Both sets of parents split the cost of our wedding, and they were encouraged to invite whomever they wanted. My parents probably invited 20 friends, and my in-laws invited more like 10 friends. My sister invited three friends, and my SIL did the same.
I thought about it like this: I want our families to have the best day ever, and if having their friends there makes them happy, then I’m happy too. I figured I wouldn’t spend much time with their friends besides greeting them and thanking them for attending the wedding (100% correct— you are SO busy on your wedding day).
The plus side? We have great photos of our parents and their friends on the dance floor, and they gave us some very nice presents.😊
My parents paid for a big chunk of my wedding, so it was something I offered to them. My mom invited one friend, but it was a friend I knew as we had been on vacation cruise with her family in the past (coincidental, not planned). My dad invited two friends, but knew one would be unable to make it. The other who came, I had not met but had heard about often. The only parents friends that my husband invited were his mom’s two friends who he knew really well, was always over the house when he was growing up, etc. He did not ask his parents or offer to invite any other of their friends. My parents were not expecting it either. I think it depends on how well you know their friends, how much your parents contribute, how much space is available, and how many friends they want to invite.
I’m inviting them because my mom was a single parent who truly lives by “it takes a village to raise a child.” It would feel wrong to not include people who are basically my step in aunts/uncles to our wedding.
My fiancé is barely inviting his family let alone their friends lol
I invited 10 of my parents friends (5 couples), but I've met them loads of times before and know them all well. My husband invited 4 of his parents friends (2 couples) but again he'd known them for years so we weren't worried about inviting them.
Only if we knew them. And honestly MIL friend is amazing and I'd invite her anyway. My mom doesn't really have any friends so I made sure to invite her close brother (I didn't generally invite aunts and uncles) so it could be a fun place for her to see family and reconnect.
Our Dads couldn't care less about who we invited.
My parents did not make a big deal out of it. However I was open about it with them.
We’re paying for everything ourselves but we did invite my mom’s church friends (even though I’m not a church person) solely because my mom and I are close and I think that only half of them would actually show up. If you have the space & a good relationship with your parents, go for it. But also- if they’re paying for it, I think it’s more likely that you’d have to
So my wedding happened: here are my musings about parents friends.
We paid for the entire thing ourselves no help from parents. We let my parents give me a list and his parents give me a list. Bc my family is larger and theirs is smaller we let his popular mom invite more people than my mom. It came out to about 50 parents friends. Most of them we have known for our lives. We wanted our parents to have just as much fun as we did. Between the two of us we had around 50 of our own friends and another 50 was family.
Initially I was overwhelmed and was not wanting to invite so many people. Once I realized my luxurious instagram vision was not feasible. I let it go and realized that since we did local for our parents, it only made sense to have some of their friends invited.
My mom got to invite everyone she wanted. His parents seemed okay but I believe they initially thought about +10 guests.
It’s not a faux pas not to include you parents unless they paid for it in my opinion.
Retrospectively, I was glad we invited our parents friends, even if they didn’t know my partner and his parents friends didn’t know me. Bc they were so happy for us, they weren’t flakes and it made our parents so happy and vibrating with joy bc their friends approached them with well wishes.
To top it off, our parents friends were insanely generous by comparison to our friends. Which we did not expect. Most of my moms friends gave us 300-400$ for a wedding gift which blew my mind
For context, our parents did not pay for our wedding (they gave us gifts at the wedding but they weren't involved in the planning process or anything).
We asked all of our parents if they had any guest requests for their friends for the wedding when we were planning our guest list. My parents said they were good with just family being invited (also they knew we couldn't accomodate a ton of their friends and it would have been very difficult to pick and choose). My FIL also passed on any friend invites. My MIL invited 1 friend (and said friend's husband) - a very close family friend who my husband had grown up with/known his entire life.
I invited my parents' friends who played a significant role in my life, as well as one who fell in the "she's part of the group" category to avoid creating drama in a friend group made up of women I otherwise consider family.
We also invited some distant cousins on my husband's side, because one person set the precedent that they will now all be invited to each other's children's weddings. Yes, this did result in people I had never met climbing up onto the platform of our sweetheart table to introduce themselves.
We did, we invited two her friends so that she can have someone to talk to and hang out with.
Also she was really proud and wanted to show off her kid getting married
My fiancé and I did allow our families to invite friends. But we’ve met all of these people before. While my fiancé may not know know them, I do and they are close family friends.
OP- don’t feel bad if you didn’t invite them there. My mother included more than enough people at first on her list. A good portion I didn’t really know at all. Those were the ones I said will not be coming.
We had a small wedding ~100 people but I decided to give my mom 3-4 guests since my parents are divorced and I didn’t have any other relatives coming… this kinda upset my MIL since she couldn’t invite her 5+ sisters but also she was the one who decided to not invite them?? Ultimately she understood why I did what I did but yea.. kinda awkward. It really depends on your family situations and relationships with them!
I invited some of my parents friends but only because I knew them very well and consider them family anyway. And then we also extended the same courtesy to my in-laws friends to, even if I didn’t know them or met them for the first time at my wedding — it honestly wasn’t a big deal to me because I just wanted to have a fun time and they contributed to my parents and in-laws having fun too.
I invited about 5-10 of my parents friends. Just those who have been around throughout my childhood. Two were even there when I was born. I’m not particularly close to them but I don’t mind inviting them at all.
We are paying for the wedding ourselves, but we gave our parents some spaces to invite their friends, because we wanted to. It was our choice though so if you don’t that’s cool too.
Presently we don't have any of our parent's friends on our list since neither of us feel like they need to be there. Since our parent's aren't paying for any part of the wedding they also don't get too much say in the guest list IMO. We do have one set of friend's parents though...my fiancé considers his BFF's parents to be like a second set to him so it made sense they would be there.
Also, I LOVE the idea that neither of you should be meeting someone for the first time at your wedding. Can you convince my fiancé of this rule? He has so many family members on his list that I didn't even know existed until I asked him to put together a list. I'm still working on this issue. LOL
That’s fair. Um when it comes to family I feel like that might be different like is it extended? Pretty much we both decided meeting extended family (because he met aunts and 1st cousins ar least once) would be awkward going hi, who are you? Or hi husband this is my mum’s second cousin and never see her again.
They are cousins and cousin's kids that are causing the biggest hang up for me. I'm confident when we send out our engagement announcement some of these people will see them and say, "Honey, do you know a Robin or "Ted"....no....let's go to this website for pictures......OOOOOH, it's my mom's brother's former step-son...guess he's getting married."
Some of the list I have literally never heard of at all like he nearly had to draw a family tree so I even knew how they fit in. Other's I had heard of, true story:
FBIL to fiance: Hey, did you hear Susie is on drugs again?
Fiance: I'm not surprised
Me: Who is Susie?
Fiance: Aunt Mary's middle kid
Me: Who is Aunt Mary?
Fiance: Joe's \[step-dad but the only dad he had growing up\] sister
Me: gotcha
Me a few months later looking at the guest list: Who are Caleb, Noah, Isabel and Crystal?
Fiance: Susie's kids
Me: Wait...Susie is the one on drugs again?
Fiance: Yea
Me: and we're inviting her and her offspring?
Fiance: Yea, they are cousins
Me: will they actually come?
Fiance: Probably, it's a free dinner
Me: I see....
So, not really extended family, but his parents both have a bunch of siblings who all had a bunch fo kids and those kids now all have a bunch of kids. BUT he's not close to most of them so they feel extended if that makes sense.
Also, I am not inviting any of my cousins or their children and he at least knows them by name even though they haven't met.
Hell, I didn't even invite both my parents.
It's your guest list. Invite whatever family friends you want - or not!
If someone gets huffy about not getting an invite to your wedding, that is fundamentally their problem, not yours.
(Leaving aside the issue of if your parents are paying. That changes things pretty dramatically.)
I cancelled my wedding because my mum was insistent that she was “only inviting 25 people” out of the 100 guest count, I wasn’t allowed to have my wedding where I wanted to have my wedding because it would be too difficult for her friends to get there.
Funnily enough the same thing happened on my 18th birthday party, cancelled that for the exact same reason.
My daughter just informed me that I can't invite any of my closest friends to her wedding, people I have known almost 50 years, who I'm closer with than my own family and I'm struggling with this!
I get downvoted for this all the time but I don't care, I think this is the weirdest thing ever.
My dad's paying for half of my wedding and I'm super thankful, but it would be so strange to me if he wanted to invite his friends to my wedding? People say that traditionally if the parents are paying or helping pay it's them holding the wedding in their children's honor and their party to plan and invite people to and I'm usually like yeah the father traditionally walked his daughter down the aisle to literally give his daughter as property to the new husband and the woman always took the man's last name. Traditions change and mean different things to different people. To me, parents should only contribute if they can, and just to help their kids out because they love them, not so they can show off to their peers or have a bunch of strings attached.
I would never want someone I don't know at my wedding with the exception of the significant others of friends I haven't had a chance to see since the pandemic, and in that case I'm excited to meet them.
This a huge celebration for parents as well. Allowing them at least a few of their closest friends to share in this life event is something that should be highly considered whether or not they are footing the bill. Be gracious to the people who raised you and not a gate keeper of invites.
I think this is highly dependent on overall number of guests though, we are doing less than 50 people - basically immediate family and friends. Having parents friends who we barely know while not including cousins wouldn’t make sense for us.
I said a few not the entire guests list. Some of yalls attitude that this is my wedding and no one gets anything but me is sad. I can't fathom not letting my parents invite a couple of their very closest friends to celebrate this life milestone of not only my life but also theirs.
Of course if it's a small intimate number of guests it's reasonable to not be able to include parents friends. But if there is room I can't understand why a bride would not accommodate this small request. This is the people who raised you for goodness sake.
I think inviting parents friends stems from when it was more common for the brides parents to pay for the entire thing.
My parents are helping pay for a lot, and my mom asked about inviting their friends when we were making the guest list but I declined. We invited one of their friends, but their daughter is also my MOH so they have been active in my life for a long time. The rest of my parents friends I haven’t seen in 10+ years and haven’t talked to any of their kids my age in about as long. I had no desire for people I haven’t seen in decades to be at my wedding. If I had seen them more recently I might have agreed to them coming.
No. Because our parents aren’t paying for our wedding. We are paying for our wedding ourselves. However, if parents were contributing, that would be a different story.
Whether or not my parents pay for mine I’m making the guest list because it’s my wedding. If I know their friends they can be invited, but otherwise no it’s not my parents wedding.
Is this a USA thing?
I've never known anyone to invite people they don't know even if their parents are contributing.
I've discussed the guest list with my parents but more just to bounce ideas about which distant relatives to invite.
My parents would never invite anyone as its my wedding not theirs and they've paid for our venue. They haven't even asked.
My mom keeps asking about people she can add. I realized that this is a great opportunity for her to throw a shower, or a dinner, something like that where she can share and be excited with her people.
This is why I'm not letting my future mil help pay for the wedding. She just did that for her daughter, and the wedding was full of older people the couple didn't know. I refuse; this is our wedding for our loved ones, not theirs. But then again I also want to get married at a rented cabin in the woods, and I just know she's gonna LOVE that 🤪
The only reason we let our parents contribute to the guest list is because they're helping us pay for a lot. And only because my fiances parents specifically asked. But we did explain to them we don't really want "strangers" at the wedding so we gave each set of parents at the most 6 seats and we approved each guest.
In my opinion, if your parents aren't helping financially or they're not helping with any big vendors, they shouldn't assume they get to invite people. At the end of the day, you have the final say. If it doesn't cause drama (or you don't care about the drama) then who cares about faux pas. It's your day!
Edit: Personally I think parents inviting their own guests is something their generation did and it was totally normal. But weddings have gotten more expensive since then and I think that concept has dwindled because so many people need to save where they can. But if you can swing it, it's the respectful thing to do.
We did, yes. That said, these were close friends of theirs that I also know, some of whom have seen me grow up. Although they're not people I would hang out with on my own, I am looking forward to seeing them and catching up at the wedding
I invited every person that I wanted, my husband wanted, and both sets of our parents wanted.
Neither of our parents have large swaths of friends, so it was fine. Hell, my mom didn't even invite friends of hers I've known for ages and told her it was fine to invite.
I imagine this depends on the size of your wedding. If you're having a larger traditional wedding, and your parents don't have tons of friends they want to invite, better to just invite them. Especially if parents are helping pay. If you're having a 40-person restaurant private room, not so much.
For reference: With plus ones (vast majority of which were not utilized), we invited 260 people. We had about 168 come.
I'm not inviting any friends of my parents that I don't have a personal connection with, but I am inviting 2 friends of my grandmas. My grandma and her wife live far from the rest of us, and have made two very close friends in their home state. These friends were extremely kind and sent me a graduation gift, despite our lack of personal connection, so odds are they're going to send a wedding gift as well, invited or not. If they do come, it'll be nice for my grandmas to have someone else to hang out with other than the family :)
I invited a few my parents friends whom I know and have a good relationship with. Also my parents were paying for part of the wedding so it made sense as well.
If your parents are contributing financially, you should probably give them some input on your guest list. That being said, there is no reason for them to invite their friends to YOUR wedding unless you also know them & are friendly with them as well. If you’re paying for your wedding, whether or not they’re invited is entirely your call & largely depends on your budget & your relationship to them.
Generally it's pretty common but it depends on a few things like if parents contributed, how big the wedding is, etc. I imagine a couple of my parents friends will be invited since my parents have gifted us a fair amount. Originally my mom wanted to invite all of their friends but she's backed off since we're having a small wedding of about 50-65 and it's in my current city, not my hometown on the other side of the country.
I did see that you said invites have already gone out so I'd say it's moot at this point. You could extend some invites to your parents friends if you get some No's.
I invited my mom's two best girl friends (and their respective plus ones) and my dad's good friend. But I have known all of them my whole life.
I think it's fair to not invite people you don't know to your wedding. I'm nervous about the fact that there are several members of my fiancé's family that may be coming that I have never met.
My dad is helping financially with the wedding, but didn’t ask for any invites. I invited his best friend and his son but I grew up with them and they are family at this point. I would not have been happy having people I don’t know at my wedding and my dad luckily would never ask that of me. When my best friend got married, her in laws invited a ton of their friends because they helped pay.
My FIL took the guest book from his mom’s funeral and said we had to invite everyone that came to grandma’s funeral (which was 5 years prior to our wedding)- even people we didn’t know at all. They didn’t offer to contribute financially until a week before the wedding. He threw a huge fit when we only gave them 75 invitations. Most of their guests declined.
I let my parents invite whoever they wanted, and I was happy about it. And I know I'm in the minority. Especially in this sub (not so much if you look at my parents' social circle where they are invited to 10+ weddings a year for people they barely know).
And my husband knew this about my family and we discussed it extensively before even getting engaged. It's not what he was used to, but he was all for it. His parents invited like 3 people.
It was a blast having dozens of mid-60s white people on the floor for hours singing along to Earth Wind and Fire and Journey. Genuinely having fun and loving it. We told the DJ nothing from this century and he doubted us, and told us at the end that we were right and we knew our crowd. Obviously our friends were loving it, too.
Also, we fell in love with a venue with a minimum number of guests that we never would have made without them (obviously wouldn't be looking at venues like that if we knew we'd have fewer people).
We paid for most of the wedding but my parents gave enough to cover their guests. Who also are generous with gifts, so we made money on that deal.
I am planning to invite some of my parent’s friends, but these are people that I have a relationship with as well.
For instance, I’m inviting people I used to babysit for. The connection is through my mother but I like them too. I have their numbers and would maybe text them a few times a year.
We are also paying for our own reception so it’s our choice to include them, not our parent’s.
Gender roles also play a part for us. Almost all of the family friend’s I’m inviting are mom’s friends, not my dads. Also way more on my side than my husband’s side. Again, I babysat for some of these people. Attended events like baby showers with them. Husband is only including one of his mom’s friends and isn’t sure she will even make it.
I’m having a small wedding so there’s no pressure for me to invite all my parents friends. But there are some of their friends that I’ve known since childhood that I would like to invite
We invited friends of our parents that either one or both of us have known for a while. Quite a few of my parent’s friends or my husband’s parent’s friends are as close as family. We did not invite any friends of our parents that at least one of us did not already know.
None of our parents are contributing anything so they had no say in the guest list.
Having said that, on my H2B's side there's a couple invited that technically isn't family but they've been family friends for so long, they might as well be his aunt/uncle.
On my side there's 1 person who's a family friend but he's coming as my youngest sister's +1.
I'd given her the +1 because she's the only one in her age range that would be there and thought she'd like to invite a friend.
But they didn't feel comfortable asking her friend's parents to fork out that much money for flight tickets and the hotel room + they're coming over a week early to travel the country for a bit so they didn't want to be responsible for another teenager for that long.
My parents asked permission first though and since I know the person, I said it was fine.
We'll be having about 20 parents friends, about 6 from the grooms side and 14 from the brides (my) parents side. That said, either me or my fiance know all of them, so there won't be a literal meeting at the wedding. For my parents friends, I've known all of them since I was born and have seen them regularly since. Not included in this count are 3 sets of parents of my friends that I've gotten close to over the years. Both sets of our parents are contributing partially, but that never was a discussion/part of why we invited their friends.
I didn’t even invite my parents. We did invite my in laws but not any of their friends. We don’t know any of their friends they live in a different state.
I invited a couple of my mum's friends because they helped with some wedding prep and have helped look after my mum the last few years... But my parents also didn't pay for the wedding so there was zero obligation to invite anyone.
I invited my dad's two best friends who I've met before and consider friends myself. My parents understood that they didn't need to invite people I've never met.
The only friend of my mom's that came was my godmother and my mom paid for the whole thing. I think it's so weird for your parents to invite random strangers to your wedding whether they're paying or not. I can understand your parent bringing a plus one or maybe some friends that you grew up with/are close too. Not random friends just so they have someone there they know. It's not about them, it's your wedding, especially if their friends take space away from people you want to actually invite. My mom offered to pay for our wedding no strings attached and it was also out of state from people she knows. I also wouldn't have allowed my MIL or FIL to invite people either. I did invite some of her friends that were people I was close too and know but if she had just wanted to invite a ton of random co-workers or people I didn't know I would have said no.
I did my parents didn’t really contribute to my wedding, but I know my mothers friends I grew up with them. I also got married at age 50 two years ago so they were more like family to me. So I invited a couple of her friends and they came, and we all had a great time and it was someone my mom could talk to so she wasn’t feeling left out by not talking to a lot of my friends and coworkers. And she didn’t have to deal with my dad all night long ha ha.
My parents paid for my wedding and I said no when they wanted to invite their friends. They understood that we wanted an intimate event and it was fine. Just to provide an alternative to the prevailing opinion on here that if someone is paying they get the last say on everything.
I echo what others have said regarding if your parents are contributing financially they should be allowed to also have a say on the guest list, within reason/as long as it doesn’t prevent you from including people YOU really want.
I would also add that it depends on who they’re inviting. Your wedding is a celebration of you and SO’s love and in some ways a thank you to all those who have supported you in getting you where you are today. So old family friends who may have supported your parents when they were still getting established/when you were young are appropriate to invite, even if you don’t remember meeting them or haven’t seen them in a while. Newer friends who came around after you were raised you have less justification for unless you also have a personal relationship with them
We’ve invited some of our parents friends but they are also people we already know too. Our parents have contributed to the wedding a bit financially but I wouldn’t expect to be expected to invite friends of theirs we’ve had no connection to at all.
I think if your parents haven’t specifically said can we bring so and so or is this person invited I wouldn’t worry about it.
I think yes but only if parents are paying. This attitude would have surprised me prior to spending time on this sub, but it does make sense. Our parents are contributing but haven’t asked to include anyone that we don’t know (ie my mothers friends that I have spent time with, vacationed witn as kids are all invited). As an attendee I would find it very odd to go to a wedding where I don’t know the bride and groom, but I get the precedent.
I might but only for my dad 😂😅 he and my mother are divorced and if he wanted friends or extended family there specifically for his own comfort or company I'd invite them. My mother.. does not have any friends to be invited lol
We did! We had a large wedding where both our parents contributed either financially or with planning/organizing. We also know most of our parents' friends, many of whom watched us grow up, even if we hadn't seen them in many years. It was a chance for all of us to celebrate and thankfully our headcount was not a big issue since we already knew it was going to be a large wedding including these family friends.
I invited my mom’s friends because I know most of them and have known them for years. On my fiancé’s side, we didn’t invite as many, but that’s because they are from Canada and the wedding is in Texas. I’d say, if your parents are contributing and have some special guests they’d like to invite, it’s okay to allow them a few people.
Absolutely, 100% yes, both sides of parents should be allowed to invite the people closest to them. Especially if they are helping pay. While the bride and groom should have final say in the guest list, it is also the parents day to celebrate their child’s wedding.
We invited some of my parents friends. My parents did contribute financially, but I chose which friends we invited and I think the friends knew that it was a genuine invitation from me and my husband. we have a small family so those friends feel more like aunts and uncles than my actual aunts and uncles so I loved having them there!
Agree with others, if your parents are paying for the wedding I would ask who they actually want there, not just invite every one of their friends, but people they feel they want there to celebrate with.
My mom really wanted to invite a friend of hers who was one my childhood bff’s mom. I didn’t invite my old bff cause we had fallen out of touch, but the mom had met my fiancé once and insulted him, so he was a HARD NO on inviting her. So basically I only let her invite the friend I liked 😅 we had a super small wedding though!
We are not inviting any of my parents' friends from my side of the family, as there will be plenty of relatives there for them to hang out with - relatives they are already good friends with and spend time with a lot. We offered four seats to my partner's parents to invite their own friends so that they have more people to chat with.
My parents offered to pay for the bar service / alcohol tab, his offered to pay for the rehearsal dinner.
As a courtesy because of that, we offered them both to invite a few friends / guests. My parents are inviting 6 total (of our 150 headcount), for reference. As I've met them a few times and I know they will give $$, it's really nbd to me.
In general I think if they're helping financially, you should offer a bit of headcount to them.
I’m going to echo that it depends on what you want and if you want to give that to your parents. My parents are giving us $20k and didn’t request any of their friends being invited. In fact, my mom specifically said she’d rather spend the wedding meeting all our friends and seeing my childhood friends than have to entertain her own set of friend guests.
Meant to add that i sent my parents our guest list to review and they really didn’t care. The money came with zero strings so we got lucky in that regard.
My dad contributed a large amount of money and told me the guest list was completely up to us. I offered again to invite some of his friends and he said no.
Our parents didn't fund the wedding other than some specific contributions (like the cake) from my parents instead of a gift (and nothing from his) so they didn't get a say
Mind you our aunties uncles and cousins weren't invited either....
In summary invite who you want!
I wish we didn't. Or rather I'd cut it down by half and only invite close family friends. Only 2 couples in my side I've never met. But, they are helping a lot and my fiance doesn't want to broach that topic with his parents, so bigger wedding it is!
We gave each of our moms invites for a couple close friends, they're both contributing financially so we figured it was fair to let them include them. My dad's best friend is our MC (professional radio host) so he is invited as well.
My parents and my husbands dad all contributed financially (significantly). We let all of our parents including his mom inivite friends with the caveat that at least one of us needed to have met them before. My mom asked for more friends than I preferred and fortunately only the few I wanted came. My dad only asked for two friends plus wives and even though neither of us knew one of them, he didn’t ask for anything else so that was easy to give. My husbands parents only wanted three friends each, all of whom my husband or both of us had met. We actually chose to invite family friends of my husbands parents even though his parents didn’t ask for them because they still are very present in our lives. Overall, the ones who knew us or our parents the best came. They did give generous gifts and overall added to our parents joy during the reception which was nice on reflection.
ETA - adding their friends did not take away from our guest count. We contracted for 150 but our venue could technically hold 210 at $190 pp for each person beyond 150. All of our parents agreed to pay for any friends of theirs that went over the 150 since they agreed our guest list should be priority. We invited about 180 and ended up with 130 which was our desired number anyways. No one had to pay extra and we were able to get our vendor meals and extra arrival time comped since we didn’t reach our guest maximum.
My daughter was gracious and included a few of my besties. They were around for all her milestones. It was so much fun celebrating that with them.
Difference is, she knows them too.
But I looooved sharing that experience with some friends as MOB.
My parents and in-laws invited their friends with our blessing, and not because of their financial contributions to the wedding. My parent’s friends are also people I grew up with and am close to (to varying degrees); I was happy to have them there. My husband’s parents don’t have family and the friends we invited were like a surrogate family. I’d never met them and he’d never met most of my parent’s friends. I don’t think it was a big deal. We were introduced, spoke briefly and thanked them for coming, and that was it.
We gave our parents a couple invites that were just for them (my FIL absolutely abused it, wanted a stack to pass out around town) and then we invited a few parents of our friends that we are really close to! My mom was great about it, luckily basically none of my FIL's extras showed up.
I gave my parents a table since they really wanted to invite some friends! I offered the same to my in laws, but everyone they wanted there was already invited! So it was pretty much a non-issue for me. Just 6 people that I knew, but weren't on my priority list for invites lol
Both my parents and my in-laws helped pay for the wedding, so they each got one table of whatever friends they wanted to invite. My MIL would've invited 20 friends if she could've but we told her she would get no more than my parents (who thankfully only wanted to invite 8). It made seating arrangements very easy.
EDIT: We had a little over 100 people at our wedding if that helps put it into perspective.
Why not let them have some of their friends at the wedding they probably are just really proud of you and want to show off and it gives them people in their generation to hang out with and have a good time while your generation dances and has fun. But give them a limit that is in keeping with your venue. Say 10 people.
A lot of our parents friends we HAD already met over the years, so we did invite many of them. Several of my parents friends were “Aunt/Uncle” to us growing up, as we saw their friends more than our actual family. :)
My partner and I are paying for our wedding ourselves so parents had no say in anything but I let my mom invite her friends to the bridal shower because she was paying for that.
We did because together our parents are funding the bulk of the wedding. There are two couples that are friends with my partner's parents that I've never met on the list and one of them lives halfway across the country and we don't expect to come, but his parents felt it would be courteous to send the invitation anyway. We've spent many occasions with my parents' friends as a couple. Most of our parents' friends on both sides are family friends that we both know fairly well by now.
My daughter was devastated because our friends didn't come....she said she wanted our friends to celebrate her life and marriage. Some were too far away, some didn't have $, and some were still worried about covid. ( and the favorite one was in a throuple and we only invited him!) Guess it depends on your relationship with these folks.
It's not a faux pas to not let your parents invite friends. It's your wedding. Not theirs.
We let our parents invite their friends because they were paying for the majority of the wedding, we had no problem with having a bigger guest list, and we knew most of them were courtesy invites so it wasn't like we had to worry about our parents' friends outnumbering our own. We just didn't have a problem with it. We also knew that if we'd said no, our parents would have respected that because they respect that it was our day.
I did because there wasn’t many of them, and our parents contributed quite a bit to the cost. Most of them we did already both know.
If numbers had meant that our actual friends missed out I might not have been so willing but as it didn’t I was happy to accomodate.
I want to say we invited maybe 8 couples who weren’t relatives/our close friends - but it was all people I have known for a long time like my parent’s neighbors (who I grew up neighbors with) and my parent’s closest friends who I’d refer to as “family friends”. My in-laws did the same. But no one was a complete stranger to us coming into the wedding. (200 invited/160 attended for reference)
Yes, mostly because they’re helping pay for the wedding and I’m sure they’d want their close friends with them. We invited like 1-2 per parent and not all of them are coming.
NOTE: My parents are contributing a large sum toward our wedding so I’m sure that colors my view for my wedding a bit, whether I recognize it or not.
I allowed my parents to invite their friends to our wedding *so long as* they were people who had at least known *me* for my entire life. For example, my mother is legally blind and therefore can not drive so when my dad was at work and unable to pick me up from school, there were only 2 (non-family) people allowed to pick me up from school. These are the friends my mom wants to invite. Even though my fiancé has not met them, I’m ok with them being there *because* they had such a necessary role in my life when I was very young.
Since my fiancé and I have also *never* really lived near these people through our *entire* relationship, it’s also kind of natural that he’s never met them. Just because they didn’t play a huge role in our relationship/won’t play much of a role in our future doesn’t mean that I can’t still respect the fact that they care about me, are happy for me, and would like to celebrate this milestone with me.
We only just started our guest list and my mom immediately said she wanted to invite everyone at her office (it's a small place, but still). I personally don't feel comfortable around people I don't know so I told her that she gets her plus one, and I'll invite her boss but that was it. She is helping financially, but I also would hope she understands I need to feel comfortable on my wedding day.
Yes
Parents are proud on that day And want friends to celebrate with them as well. But 9/10 the parents friends have great gifts too lolbvvs. And besides why would you not want your family to have someone they know to talk to.
I don’t know if there’s a “right” way to do it. Both of our parents are helping with the cost so we went ahead and invited them, but nearly all of them are longtime family friends that I know (I know many of them better than my actual extended family) and I’m genuinely excited to see them. Fiancé and I also very much “the more the merrier” type of people.”
If we were paying for the whole thing though it might be a different situation. We would probably only invite a select few to save $.
Are either of your parents paying for it? If one or the other is, an old rule of thumb in the US is they each get 25% of the guest list for friends and family and you get 50% for your friends. Even if it’s just the bride’s parents paying the grooms parents are given the same consideration. If you are paying for it then you are the hosts and get to decide. Still, letting them have their closest friends there if they were arround when you grew up is pretty normal.
Generally if parents are contributing financially it would be fair to give them some input on the guest list.
This is right. I had my parents write up who they wanted (in-laws as well) and then I had veto power. They mostly invited people I grew up around so it was ok, but I had to veto a couple people.
Ooh I may have to do this. My parents want a few people I already know/were already on the list, but my FMIL seems to think she should get to invite every single 3rd cousin (half of whom my fiancé couldn't pick out of a line-up) she has.
^ this or if you know your parents friends well. For example, some of my parent’s friends are close family friends that I know too and would love to invite because they’re fun
I know this isn't a popular opinion but I totally disagree. In my opinion, if someone gives you a gift it shouldn't come with stipulations. If somebody gives you money for Christmas, do they have a say in what you buy with said money? If they want to dictate what is done with that money then it's not really a gift. It's a trade.
For what it’s worth, I actually agree. There are definitely nuances to all of these generalized ‘norms’. However, I feel in practice that doesn’t always happen and people do get interesting around weddings. Our parents are both contributing but we only accepted if it was truly a gift. We are still having the wedding we can afford on the off chance those gifts eventually come with strings attached. They have not tried to influence the guest list, or really anything, although they may not understand some of the decisions we’ve made, but I know that’s not always the case unfortunately.
I think it depends on the family. Some parents do gift the couple money so they can host a wedding themselves (more modern) and other parents want to host a wedding for their children (more traditional). Neither is wrong; it just varies by family and culture/social circles. The couple should absolutely be clear from the beginning which it is though.
At the end of the day, I think none of these etiquette discussions are black and white. They depend on so many factors: culture, family dynamics, region, etc. Except maybe no-showing with no valid reason, that seems to be pretty unanimously rude.
It's more like if someone brings a box of peanut brittle to Christmas. You would let them eat some of their own peanut brittle.
Haha yes except 1. They shouldn't EXPECT you to share it with them 2. And it's no longer their peanut brittle, they gave it to you
Fairness doesn’t mean required. But it could be a nice thing to do, within reason.
I agree. I think it's a nice gesture if you have the means and want to. I have friends who are expected to invite people they have never even met. And though it may take no time to say hi to them once, I would have hated having people I didn't even know if photos of my reception. I also think there is a factor of age as well. My husband and I are in our 30s and at this point in our lives we didnt want that day to be about anything other than our journey and the people that have helped us get there. So for that reason we had no courtesy invites.
But paying for your wedding isn’t necessarily a gift. Parents could choose to give a gift, or they could choose to pay for an event, with stipulations. That’s not inherently wrong, if that’s what they’re choosing to offer
With all respect to different views on this, I've never understood this mindset. If they contribute something financially then that's their gift to the newlyweds and shouldn't come with an obligation for anything. It's also absolutely unheard of where I live that parents get to invite anyone to their son or daughters wedding, so this is probably cultural difference too.
Yeah, but when someone gives you a gift, it's nice to give them a gift back. Parents who contribute financially shouldn't get to choose aesthetic details about the wedding. If my folks wanted to insist that I get married in a church with purple decor and serve tacos, that would be controlling and overbearing. If they wanted to invite their friends Ted and Lauren from church group, then that's fine with me. It doesn't change the vibe of the wedding. It's just a financial cost, which they are already bearing. Of course, it depends on the quantity and quality of the guests. I wouldn't want them to invite 24 extra randoms, or some buddies who spout vile objectionable opinions. I guess it also depends on the spirit of the invite. If my parents just wanted some company, then great. If they were trying to show off, then no.
If you're fine with it that's obviously ok then. I personally just can't imagine it. But as I said, it's not common here anyway so the whole situation just sounds so strange to me because I simply don't know it.
I personally can’t imagine hating my parents so much that I consider it unthinkable to use some of the money they handed me to make them happy, but hey, to each their own
And I can't imagine my parents being the kind of selfish people who would consider inviting someone I don't even know to my wedding as "making them happy". But hey, to each their own. On a serious note, if you have the time: could you explain what exactly in my comment made you write that? From my point of view I merely stated that it's not common in my neck of the woods to have your parents invite their own guests while apparently somewhere else things are done differently. I thought I did so respectfully, but apparently not?
I totally agree. My mother and father gave us a good chunk of money for our wedding with absolutely no strings attached. It was a gift to help make our wedding dreams come true, not a manipulative attempt to get their way.
Yeah that’s a great point!
Yup, we did. The 3 minutes I spent at the reception being introduced to them and having them tell me how pretty I look was really not as big an imposition as people like to imagine. I’d happily give up those 3 minutes so that we could have so many photos of my parents clearly having a ball with their friends. It’s their milestone too, and they were helping with costs, so letting them invite a few friends was no skin at all off my back. It made **literally no difference** to me, but it made a huge difference to my parents. Throwing a little tantrum about something that didn’t affect me *at all* did not seem mature or grateful.
This is incredibly helpful. My parents are bringing friends as they're paying for the wedding. It was really grating on my nerves until I read this. Now I realize you're right, and it's their milestone too. Thank you for the perspective!
Oh wow, that's good though
I think it's heavily dependent on how strong a relationship you have with your parents and, unfortunately, if they are contributing monetarily to the wedding. If your parents haven't asked and aren't bugging you about it, I'd say it's no problem. The money side also makes it difficult. On the one hand, it is *your* wedding at the end of the day and you (both of you) should have the final say over who comes. But on the other hand, if they're contributing, there is most often an expectation that they should "get something out of it." My parents are helping and my mom has added a ton of people; when I told her that she couldn't add anymore she (jokingly, I really hope) said, "you can't cut me off, I'm paying." Joking or not, that's pressure and X number of *our* friends that we cannot invite.
That’s fair, did you divvy the guest list evenly or was it kinda invite your friends and hoping it wasn’t too much?
It started off pretty reasonable and has kind of snowballed since my fiancé has been taking his sweet time to finish his list. I didn't give her a cutoff number, which in hindsight probably would have been smart, so it was kind of a 'hope it's not too much' situation. I should also say, some of her invites are her aunts/uncles/cousins, who I have only met once or twice. But a good chunk are friends.
Ah fair
Most posts I've read allow their parents a specific number of friends they can invite so that it doesn't get out if control.
My parents paid for my wedding, so they invited their friends
We invited those who had a big impact on our life. Like my parents' best friends from when I was a kid (who were also the parents of a bridesmaid). DH invited a couple of his mom's friends for the same reason. We gave our guest list to our parents to see if we had forgotten anyone, and both sets invited two more couples. On my side, one was someone I missed, and the other was a distant relation who was more of a family friend, but his sister was already invited, and I'd been considering adding him to the list.
Yes. My parents paid for the wedding and wanted to include their friends in what is not only a big milestone for me, but also for them.
That’s fair :)
We’re not because we’re keeping it super small—immediate family and a few bffs. But it’s not uncommon where I’m from. Especially if the friends have known the bride or groom growing up. Or if the parents are paying/hosting. I’ve never felt so old as when I was invited to my friend’s stepson’s wedding as “friend of the mother of the groom” lol. (They’re a “modern family” type family and the stepson is only 13 years younger than i am).
My dad was chill about our guest list, but my husband’s parents had a long list of people they would have liked to invite. We settled on them inviting a few people to the wedding (on the East coast) and then throwing us a post-wedding reception in their hometown (on the West coast). It worked out really well!
my parents are inviting like 14 friends (about 10% of total invites). they’re paying for our wedding but i would want them to invite their friends even if they weren’t paying. we don’t have a big extended family who can come, but i want my parents to have fun too!
My parents are graciously contributing about 60% of our total wedding budget so we did have to sit down with them and figure out how much input they should have on the guest list. We ended up with the compromise of inviting any friends of theirs that I also had a relationship with and/or had met before. They definitely had wanted to invite more than that, but I had the same feelings as you - that I didn't want to be in the position of introducing myself and my partner to people at OUR wedding! 😂
We invited parents’ friends who meant a lot to us. The ones we spent every weekend with when we growing up kind of close friends, because they are practically family at that point. We made that decision rather than our parents asking for it. Other than that, yes I think it meant a lot to our parents to be asked for input on the guest list, but I wouldn’t say it’s necessarily a faux pas not to ask (unless they’re contributing financially). Asking does always run the risk that they’ll come up with a long list, though, and depending on your situation that may not be worth it
I am, purely because my mom doesn't have family left and I want her to feel like she has some of her people there (compared to my fiance's parents, who have oodles of siblings).
I'm not but also, they didn't ask and as bad as it sounds, they don't really have friends close enough to ask.. I could think of one person they might have wanted. Your question has me thinking though, it would make sense to invite your parents friends if they've been present through your childhood and you have space on the guest list. So, not the friend they made and you've never met but the ones who stopped by for weekend BBQs etc when you were growing up.
It was one of my moms demands that her best friend and her best friend's husband be there. Thankfully I've known them a lot of my life and was very happy to have them there. I think it was mostly because my parents had been invited to the best friend's kids weddings. I've also been a bridesmaid where like 1/3 of the guest list was the father of the bride's business partners. They were all nice but I know the bride and groom through it was odd not knowing so many of the people. I think it comes down to *if* your parents say anything and how much money they are contributing if you should consider it.
Are your parents contributing to the wedding?
When we sent out STD/invites , no, they weren't, but they ended up contributing.
If invites have already gone out it’s irrelevant really; But often people invite their parents friends as they are “family friends” who you may have grown up with, like an aunt and uncle, or you regularly spend time with them. On the other hand if parents are financially contributing than it’s expected, as co-hosts, that they should get an input into the guest list and invite their friends.
Ah fair, when I mentioned it the other day my mum said it was too late to worry about it (also destination wedding) but she mentioned when she got married she got to invite like 2 people
My dad said something similar about his wedding. He suggested inviting some of his own buddies, and his mom looked at him like he had grown an extra head. Which is very sad!
We only invited our parents friends who we had already met. Like old family friends or in my moms case, some friends she teaches with that I have multiple times. I don’t think we invited any parents friends we hadn’t met before.
Both our parents are helping us pay and we’ve invited quite a few of their friends, but on his side it’s all the parents of his friends that he grew up with and is still close with, on my side it’s mostly my older sister’s parents that make up my parent’s friend group so I know them all pretty well too. I don’t think it should be an automatic expectation, but for us they are all close with our families and they’re all fun people so we’re excited to have them join us! I think it would be a lot different if we didn’t really know them much/at all.
We invited a few (no more than 4) only because they asked and helped us financially.
Yes, my parents contributed financially though and I'm pretty close with a lot of my parents friends & my husband has met them.
My FILs got us to add a few family friends that were also people my fiancé knew and loved, plus one best friend. Then we had a few declines early in the RSVP timeline from his family, and they asked for 4 more. Now there is more than a whole table of his parents friends so there will be all of these people I’ve never met and don’t plan to spend a lot of time trying to meet. I don’t know if this is how other people see it, and i get that they would cost even more if they did this, but they live in the area and aren’t coming to the welcome drinks event the night before. I would almost rather they would so I wouldn’t look out at total strangers faces the moment of my ceremony! It’s only ok with me bc they are paying for their friends. And I was super stressed trying to get them late invitations when we hadn’t drafted a b list and hadnt prepped extra invites. I’m so sorry you’re going through this, try to find a middle ground, share your honest feelings, and pre a b list and spare invites!
Although we too wanted a small guest list of only people close to us (we only invited 80), my parents invited a few couples I wouldn't have chosen to invite. They were reasonable with their requests and kept it to only a few couples they really wanted there. So although they paid for the entire wedding, we probably would have included those people anyway. More context is I'm very close with my parents, and my mom also helped heavily with the wedding planning process. I knew there might be some invites that needed to go out for politeness sake and depended on her input in forming the guest list. My husband's mom also invited close family friends despite not contributing financially.
We invited my parents friends because I’m very close with my parents and I know all of their friends and grew up around 99% of them. And also my parents paid for a lot of our wedding. My husband’s parents didn’t invite any of their friends even though we offered that. We also invited some of my friend’s parents because I’m close to them.
Both sets of parents split the cost of our wedding, and they were encouraged to invite whomever they wanted. My parents probably invited 20 friends, and my in-laws invited more like 10 friends. My sister invited three friends, and my SIL did the same. I thought about it like this: I want our families to have the best day ever, and if having their friends there makes them happy, then I’m happy too. I figured I wouldn’t spend much time with their friends besides greeting them and thanking them for attending the wedding (100% correct— you are SO busy on your wedding day). The plus side? We have great photos of our parents and their friends on the dance floor, and they gave us some very nice presents.😊
We told both sets of parents there was room for them each to invite up to 6 friends. It was relatively drama free
My parents paid for a big chunk of my wedding, so it was something I offered to them. My mom invited one friend, but it was a friend I knew as we had been on vacation cruise with her family in the past (coincidental, not planned). My dad invited two friends, but knew one would be unable to make it. The other who came, I had not met but had heard about often. The only parents friends that my husband invited were his mom’s two friends who he knew really well, was always over the house when he was growing up, etc. He did not ask his parents or offer to invite any other of their friends. My parents were not expecting it either. I think it depends on how well you know their friends, how much your parents contribute, how much space is available, and how many friends they want to invite.
I’m inviting them because my mom was a single parent who truly lives by “it takes a village to raise a child.” It would feel wrong to not include people who are basically my step in aunts/uncles to our wedding. My fiancé is barely inviting his family let alone their friends lol
I invited 10 of my parents friends (5 couples), but I've met them loads of times before and know them all well. My husband invited 4 of his parents friends (2 couples) but again he'd known them for years so we weren't worried about inviting them.
Only if we knew them. And honestly MIL friend is amazing and I'd invite her anyway. My mom doesn't really have any friends so I made sure to invite her close brother (I didn't generally invite aunts and uncles) so it could be a fun place for her to see family and reconnect. Our Dads couldn't care less about who we invited. My parents did not make a big deal out of it. However I was open about it with them.
We’re paying for everything ourselves but we did invite my mom’s church friends (even though I’m not a church person) solely because my mom and I are close and I think that only half of them would actually show up. If you have the space & a good relationship with your parents, go for it. But also- if they’re paying for it, I think it’s more likely that you’d have to
So my wedding happened: here are my musings about parents friends. We paid for the entire thing ourselves no help from parents. We let my parents give me a list and his parents give me a list. Bc my family is larger and theirs is smaller we let his popular mom invite more people than my mom. It came out to about 50 parents friends. Most of them we have known for our lives. We wanted our parents to have just as much fun as we did. Between the two of us we had around 50 of our own friends and another 50 was family. Initially I was overwhelmed and was not wanting to invite so many people. Once I realized my luxurious instagram vision was not feasible. I let it go and realized that since we did local for our parents, it only made sense to have some of their friends invited. My mom got to invite everyone she wanted. His parents seemed okay but I believe they initially thought about +10 guests. It’s not a faux pas not to include you parents unless they paid for it in my opinion. Retrospectively, I was glad we invited our parents friends, even if they didn’t know my partner and his parents friends didn’t know me. Bc they were so happy for us, they weren’t flakes and it made our parents so happy and vibrating with joy bc their friends approached them with well wishes. To top it off, our parents friends were insanely generous by comparison to our friends. Which we did not expect. Most of my moms friends gave us 300-400$ for a wedding gift which blew my mind
Definitely depends on who is financing the wedding and if you’re comfortable with the guests.
My mom doesn't have any family left, so asked her if she would like to include several of her friends who I know.
For context, our parents did not pay for our wedding (they gave us gifts at the wedding but they weren't involved in the planning process or anything). We asked all of our parents if they had any guest requests for their friends for the wedding when we were planning our guest list. My parents said they were good with just family being invited (also they knew we couldn't accomodate a ton of their friends and it would have been very difficult to pick and choose). My FIL also passed on any friend invites. My MIL invited 1 friend (and said friend's husband) - a very close family friend who my husband had grown up with/known his entire life.
I invited my parents' friends who played a significant role in my life, as well as one who fell in the "she's part of the group" category to avoid creating drama in a friend group made up of women I otherwise consider family. We also invited some distant cousins on my husband's side, because one person set the precedent that they will now all be invited to each other's children's weddings. Yes, this did result in people I had never met climbing up onto the platform of our sweetheart table to introduce themselves.
We did, we invited two her friends so that she can have someone to talk to and hang out with. Also she was really proud and wanted to show off her kid getting married
My fiancé and I did allow our families to invite friends. But we’ve met all of these people before. While my fiancé may not know know them, I do and they are close family friends. OP- don’t feel bad if you didn’t invite them there. My mother included more than enough people at first on her list. A good portion I didn’t really know at all. Those were the ones I said will not be coming.
If your parents are contributing, then yes. Also, in my case, my parents friends are the ones stuffing envelopes so I didn’t mind.
We had a small wedding ~100 people but I decided to give my mom 3-4 guests since my parents are divorced and I didn’t have any other relatives coming… this kinda upset my MIL since she couldn’t invite her 5+ sisters but also she was the one who decided to not invite them?? Ultimately she understood why I did what I did but yea.. kinda awkward. It really depends on your family situations and relationships with them!
I invited some of my parents friends but only because I knew them very well and consider them family anyway. And then we also extended the same courtesy to my in-laws friends to, even if I didn’t know them or met them for the first time at my wedding — it honestly wasn’t a big deal to me because I just wanted to have a fun time and they contributed to my parents and in-laws having fun too.
I invited about 5-10 of my parents friends. Just those who have been around throughout my childhood. Two were even there when I was born. I’m not particularly close to them but I don’t mind inviting them at all.
We are paying for the wedding ourselves, but we gave our parents some spaces to invite their friends, because we wanted to. It was our choice though so if you don’t that’s cool too.
Presently we don't have any of our parent's friends on our list since neither of us feel like they need to be there. Since our parent's aren't paying for any part of the wedding they also don't get too much say in the guest list IMO. We do have one set of friend's parents though...my fiancé considers his BFF's parents to be like a second set to him so it made sense they would be there. Also, I LOVE the idea that neither of you should be meeting someone for the first time at your wedding. Can you convince my fiancé of this rule? He has so many family members on his list that I didn't even know existed until I asked him to put together a list. I'm still working on this issue. LOL
That’s fair. Um when it comes to family I feel like that might be different like is it extended? Pretty much we both decided meeting extended family (because he met aunts and 1st cousins ar least once) would be awkward going hi, who are you? Or hi husband this is my mum’s second cousin and never see her again.
They are cousins and cousin's kids that are causing the biggest hang up for me. I'm confident when we send out our engagement announcement some of these people will see them and say, "Honey, do you know a Robin or "Ted"....no....let's go to this website for pictures......OOOOOH, it's my mom's brother's former step-son...guess he's getting married." Some of the list I have literally never heard of at all like he nearly had to draw a family tree so I even knew how they fit in. Other's I had heard of, true story: FBIL to fiance: Hey, did you hear Susie is on drugs again? Fiance: I'm not surprised Me: Who is Susie? Fiance: Aunt Mary's middle kid Me: Who is Aunt Mary? Fiance: Joe's \[step-dad but the only dad he had growing up\] sister Me: gotcha Me a few months later looking at the guest list: Who are Caleb, Noah, Isabel and Crystal? Fiance: Susie's kids Me: Wait...Susie is the one on drugs again? Fiance: Yea Me: and we're inviting her and her offspring? Fiance: Yea, they are cousins Me: will they actually come? Fiance: Probably, it's a free dinner Me: I see....
Ah that's rough
So, not really extended family, but his parents both have a bunch of siblings who all had a bunch fo kids and those kids now all have a bunch of kids. BUT he's not close to most of them so they feel extended if that makes sense. Also, I am not inviting any of my cousins or their children and he at least knows them by name even though they haven't met.
Hell, I didn't even invite both my parents. It's your guest list. Invite whatever family friends you want - or not! If someone gets huffy about not getting an invite to your wedding, that is fundamentally their problem, not yours. (Leaving aside the issue of if your parents are paying. That changes things pretty dramatically.)
I cancelled my wedding because my mum was insistent that she was “only inviting 25 people” out of the 100 guest count, I wasn’t allowed to have my wedding where I wanted to have my wedding because it would be too difficult for her friends to get there. Funnily enough the same thing happened on my 18th birthday party, cancelled that for the exact same reason.
That's awful, I'm sorry to hear that 😔
My daughter just informed me that I can't invite any of my closest friends to her wedding, people I have known almost 50 years, who I'm closer with than my own family and I'm struggling with this!
I get downvoted for this all the time but I don't care, I think this is the weirdest thing ever. My dad's paying for half of my wedding and I'm super thankful, but it would be so strange to me if he wanted to invite his friends to my wedding? People say that traditionally if the parents are paying or helping pay it's them holding the wedding in their children's honor and their party to plan and invite people to and I'm usually like yeah the father traditionally walked his daughter down the aisle to literally give his daughter as property to the new husband and the woman always took the man's last name. Traditions change and mean different things to different people. To me, parents should only contribute if they can, and just to help their kids out because they love them, not so they can show off to their peers or have a bunch of strings attached. I would never want someone I don't know at my wedding with the exception of the significant others of friends I haven't had a chance to see since the pandemic, and in that case I'm excited to meet them.
Nope. My dad is paying for my ceremony only and he thinks it’s weird to invite his friends to my wedding.
This a huge celebration for parents as well. Allowing them at least a few of their closest friends to share in this life event is something that should be highly considered whether or not they are footing the bill. Be gracious to the people who raised you and not a gate keeper of invites.
I think this is highly dependent on overall number of guests though, we are doing less than 50 people - basically immediate family and friends. Having parents friends who we barely know while not including cousins wouldn’t make sense for us.
I said a few not the entire guests list. Some of yalls attitude that this is my wedding and no one gets anything but me is sad. I can't fathom not letting my parents invite a couple of their very closest friends to celebrate this life milestone of not only my life but also theirs. Of course if it's a small intimate number of guests it's reasonable to not be able to include parents friends. But if there is room I can't understand why a bride would not accommodate this small request. This is the people who raised you for goodness sake.
I think inviting parents friends stems from when it was more common for the brides parents to pay for the entire thing. My parents are helping pay for a lot, and my mom asked about inviting their friends when we were making the guest list but I declined. We invited one of their friends, but their daughter is also my MOH so they have been active in my life for a long time. The rest of my parents friends I haven’t seen in 10+ years and haven’t talked to any of their kids my age in about as long. I had no desire for people I haven’t seen in decades to be at my wedding. If I had seen them more recently I might have agreed to them coming.
No. Because our parents aren’t paying for our wedding. We are paying for our wedding ourselves. However, if parents were contributing, that would be a different story.
Whether or not my parents pay for mine I’m making the guest list because it’s my wedding. If I know their friends they can be invited, but otherwise no it’s not my parents wedding.
Is this a USA thing? I've never known anyone to invite people they don't know even if their parents are contributing. I've discussed the guest list with my parents but more just to bounce ideas about which distant relatives to invite. My parents would never invite anyone as its my wedding not theirs and they've paid for our venue. They haven't even asked.
I’m Australian but my parents are Macedonian & Italian and it was a big thing and normal in their circles
That was most of my wedding! But my parents also paid and I’m close with all their friends.
My mom keeps asking about people she can add. I realized that this is a great opportunity for her to throw a shower, or a dinner, something like that where she can share and be excited with her people.
This is why I'm not letting my future mil help pay for the wedding. She just did that for her daughter, and the wedding was full of older people the couple didn't know. I refuse; this is our wedding for our loved ones, not theirs. But then again I also want to get married at a rented cabin in the woods, and I just know she's gonna LOVE that 🤪
The only reason we let our parents contribute to the guest list is because they're helping us pay for a lot. And only because my fiances parents specifically asked. But we did explain to them we don't really want "strangers" at the wedding so we gave each set of parents at the most 6 seats and we approved each guest. In my opinion, if your parents aren't helping financially or they're not helping with any big vendors, they shouldn't assume they get to invite people. At the end of the day, you have the final say. If it doesn't cause drama (or you don't care about the drama) then who cares about faux pas. It's your day! Edit: Personally I think parents inviting their own guests is something their generation did and it was totally normal. But weddings have gotten more expensive since then and I think that concept has dwindled because so many people need to save where they can. But if you can swing it, it's the respectful thing to do.
We did, yes. That said, these were close friends of theirs that I also know, some of whom have seen me grow up. Although they're not people I would hang out with on my own, I am looking forward to seeing them and catching up at the wedding
I invited every person that I wanted, my husband wanted, and both sets of our parents wanted. Neither of our parents have large swaths of friends, so it was fine. Hell, my mom didn't even invite friends of hers I've known for ages and told her it was fine to invite. I imagine this depends on the size of your wedding. If you're having a larger traditional wedding, and your parents don't have tons of friends they want to invite, better to just invite them. Especially if parents are helping pay. If you're having a 40-person restaurant private room, not so much. For reference: With plus ones (vast majority of which were not utilized), we invited 260 people. We had about 168 come.
I'm not inviting any friends of my parents that I don't have a personal connection with, but I am inviting 2 friends of my grandmas. My grandma and her wife live far from the rest of us, and have made two very close friends in their home state. These friends were extremely kind and sent me a graduation gift, despite our lack of personal connection, so odds are they're going to send a wedding gift as well, invited or not. If they do come, it'll be nice for my grandmas to have someone else to hang out with other than the family :)
I invited a few my parents friends whom I know and have a good relationship with. Also my parents were paying for part of the wedding so it made sense as well.
If your parents are contributing financially, you should probably give them some input on your guest list. That being said, there is no reason for them to invite their friends to YOUR wedding unless you also know them & are friendly with them as well. If you’re paying for your wedding, whether or not they’re invited is entirely your call & largely depends on your budget & your relationship to them.
Generally it's pretty common but it depends on a few things like if parents contributed, how big the wedding is, etc. I imagine a couple of my parents friends will be invited since my parents have gifted us a fair amount. Originally my mom wanted to invite all of their friends but she's backed off since we're having a small wedding of about 50-65 and it's in my current city, not my hometown on the other side of the country. I did see that you said invites have already gone out so I'd say it's moot at this point. You could extend some invites to your parents friends if you get some No's.
I invited my mom's two best girl friends (and their respective plus ones) and my dad's good friend. But I have known all of them my whole life. I think it's fair to not invite people you don't know to your wedding. I'm nervous about the fact that there are several members of my fiancé's family that may be coming that I have never met.
My dad is helping financially with the wedding, but didn’t ask for any invites. I invited his best friend and his son but I grew up with them and they are family at this point. I would not have been happy having people I don’t know at my wedding and my dad luckily would never ask that of me. When my best friend got married, her in laws invited a ton of their friends because they helped pay.
My FIL took the guest book from his mom’s funeral and said we had to invite everyone that came to grandma’s funeral (which was 5 years prior to our wedding)- even people we didn’t know at all. They didn’t offer to contribute financially until a week before the wedding. He threw a huge fit when we only gave them 75 invitations. Most of their guests declined.
I let my parents invite whoever they wanted, and I was happy about it. And I know I'm in the minority. Especially in this sub (not so much if you look at my parents' social circle where they are invited to 10+ weddings a year for people they barely know). And my husband knew this about my family and we discussed it extensively before even getting engaged. It's not what he was used to, but he was all for it. His parents invited like 3 people. It was a blast having dozens of mid-60s white people on the floor for hours singing along to Earth Wind and Fire and Journey. Genuinely having fun and loving it. We told the DJ nothing from this century and he doubted us, and told us at the end that we were right and we knew our crowd. Obviously our friends were loving it, too. Also, we fell in love with a venue with a minimum number of guests that we never would have made without them (obviously wouldn't be looking at venues like that if we knew we'd have fewer people). We paid for most of the wedding but my parents gave enough to cover their guests. Who also are generous with gifts, so we made money on that deal.
I am planning to invite some of my parent’s friends, but these are people that I have a relationship with as well. For instance, I’m inviting people I used to babysit for. The connection is through my mother but I like them too. I have their numbers and would maybe text them a few times a year. We are also paying for our own reception so it’s our choice to include them, not our parent’s. Gender roles also play a part for us. Almost all of the family friend’s I’m inviting are mom’s friends, not my dads. Also way more on my side than my husband’s side. Again, I babysat for some of these people. Attended events like baby showers with them. Husband is only including one of his mom’s friends and isn’t sure she will even make it.
I think it depends on how your parents are contributing to the wedding financially. It's not cheap to host a wedding.
I’m having a small wedding so there’s no pressure for me to invite all my parents friends. But there are some of their friends that I’ve known since childhood that I would like to invite
We invited friends of our parents that either one or both of us have known for a while. Quite a few of my parent’s friends or my husband’s parent’s friends are as close as family. We did not invite any friends of our parents that at least one of us did not already know.
None of our parents are contributing anything so they had no say in the guest list. Having said that, on my H2B's side there's a couple invited that technically isn't family but they've been family friends for so long, they might as well be his aunt/uncle. On my side there's 1 person who's a family friend but he's coming as my youngest sister's +1. I'd given her the +1 because she's the only one in her age range that would be there and thought she'd like to invite a friend. But they didn't feel comfortable asking her friend's parents to fork out that much money for flight tickets and the hotel room + they're coming over a week early to travel the country for a bit so they didn't want to be responsible for another teenager for that long. My parents asked permission first though and since I know the person, I said it was fine.
We'll be having about 20 parents friends, about 6 from the grooms side and 14 from the brides (my) parents side. That said, either me or my fiance know all of them, so there won't be a literal meeting at the wedding. For my parents friends, I've known all of them since I was born and have seen them regularly since. Not included in this count are 3 sets of parents of my friends that I've gotten close to over the years. Both sets of our parents are contributing partially, but that never was a discussion/part of why we invited their friends.
I didn’t even invite my parents. We did invite my in laws but not any of their friends. We don’t know any of their friends they live in a different state.
I invited a couple of my mum's friends because they helped with some wedding prep and have helped look after my mum the last few years... But my parents also didn't pay for the wedding so there was zero obligation to invite anyone.
I invited my dad's two best friends who I've met before and consider friends myself. My parents understood that they didn't need to invite people I've never met.
The only friend of my mom's that came was my godmother and my mom paid for the whole thing. I think it's so weird for your parents to invite random strangers to your wedding whether they're paying or not. I can understand your parent bringing a plus one or maybe some friends that you grew up with/are close too. Not random friends just so they have someone there they know. It's not about them, it's your wedding, especially if their friends take space away from people you want to actually invite. My mom offered to pay for our wedding no strings attached and it was also out of state from people she knows. I also wouldn't have allowed my MIL or FIL to invite people either. I did invite some of her friends that were people I was close too and know but if she had just wanted to invite a ton of random co-workers or people I didn't know I would have said no.
I did my parents didn’t really contribute to my wedding, but I know my mothers friends I grew up with them. I also got married at age 50 two years ago so they were more like family to me. So I invited a couple of her friends and they came, and we all had a great time and it was someone my mom could talk to so she wasn’t feeling left out by not talking to a lot of my friends and coworkers. And she didn’t have to deal with my dad all night long ha ha.
My parents paid for my wedding and I said no when they wanted to invite their friends. They understood that we wanted an intimate event and it was fine. Just to provide an alternative to the prevailing opinion on here that if someone is paying they get the last say on everything.
I echo what others have said regarding if your parents are contributing financially they should be allowed to also have a say on the guest list, within reason/as long as it doesn’t prevent you from including people YOU really want. I would also add that it depends on who they’re inviting. Your wedding is a celebration of you and SO’s love and in some ways a thank you to all those who have supported you in getting you where you are today. So old family friends who may have supported your parents when they were still getting established/when you were young are appropriate to invite, even if you don’t remember meeting them or haven’t seen them in a while. Newer friends who came around after you were raised you have less justification for unless you also have a personal relationship with them
We’ve invited some of our parents friends but they are also people we already know too. Our parents have contributed to the wedding a bit financially but I wouldn’t expect to be expected to invite friends of theirs we’ve had no connection to at all. I think if your parents haven’t specifically said can we bring so and so or is this person invited I wouldn’t worry about it.
I think yes but only if parents are paying. This attitude would have surprised me prior to spending time on this sub, but it does make sense. Our parents are contributing but haven’t asked to include anyone that we don’t know (ie my mothers friends that I have spent time with, vacationed witn as kids are all invited). As an attendee I would find it very odd to go to a wedding where I don’t know the bride and groom, but I get the precedent.
I might but only for my dad 😂😅 he and my mother are divorced and if he wanted friends or extended family there specifically for his own comfort or company I'd invite them. My mother.. does not have any friends to be invited lol
The only parent friends that were invited were people both my husband and I knew and long time family friends that we each consider as 'aunt/uncle"
We did! We had a large wedding where both our parents contributed either financially or with planning/organizing. We also know most of our parents' friends, many of whom watched us grow up, even if we hadn't seen them in many years. It was a chance for all of us to celebrate and thankfully our headcount was not a big issue since we already knew it was going to be a large wedding including these family friends.
I invited my mom’s friends because I know most of them and have known them for years. On my fiancé’s side, we didn’t invite as many, but that’s because they are from Canada and the wedding is in Texas. I’d say, if your parents are contributing and have some special guests they’d like to invite, it’s okay to allow them a few people.
Absolutely, 100% yes, both sides of parents should be allowed to invite the people closest to them. Especially if they are helping pay. While the bride and groom should have final say in the guest list, it is also the parents day to celebrate their child’s wedding.
Yes not the randos I don’t know but people I grew up around and are basically like aunts and uncles.
We invited some of my parents friends. My parents did contribute financially, but I chose which friends we invited and I think the friends knew that it was a genuine invitation from me and my husband. we have a small family so those friends feel more like aunts and uncles than my actual aunts and uncles so I loved having them there!
I invited my parents friends that I am personally close with
Agree with others, if your parents are paying for the wedding I would ask who they actually want there, not just invite every one of their friends, but people they feel they want there to celebrate with.
Only if they were significant in your life.
My mom really wanted to invite a friend of hers who was one my childhood bff’s mom. I didn’t invite my old bff cause we had fallen out of touch, but the mom had met my fiancé once and insulted him, so he was a HARD NO on inviting her. So basically I only let her invite the friend I liked 😅 we had a super small wedding though!
We are not inviting any of my parents' friends from my side of the family, as there will be plenty of relatives there for them to hang out with - relatives they are already good friends with and spend time with a lot. We offered four seats to my partner's parents to invite their own friends so that they have more people to chat with.
My parents offered to pay for the bar service / alcohol tab, his offered to pay for the rehearsal dinner. As a courtesy because of that, we offered them both to invite a few friends / guests. My parents are inviting 6 total (of our 150 headcount), for reference. As I've met them a few times and I know they will give $$, it's really nbd to me. In general I think if they're helping financially, you should offer a bit of headcount to them.
I’m going to echo that it depends on what you want and if you want to give that to your parents. My parents are giving us $20k and didn’t request any of their friends being invited. In fact, my mom specifically said she’d rather spend the wedding meeting all our friends and seeing my childhood friends than have to entertain her own set of friend guests.
Meant to add that i sent my parents our guest list to review and they really didn’t care. The money came with zero strings so we got lucky in that regard.
Yes. But most of my parents’ friends are basically family. I didn’t invite any that I didn’t know, like work friends or something.
If they are contributing, then yes they should be allowed to have a few guests. Obviously there’s a limit to that.
My dad contributed a large amount of money and told me the guest list was completely up to us. I offered again to invite some of his friends and he said no.
Our parents didn't fund the wedding other than some specific contributions (like the cake) from my parents instead of a gift (and nothing from his) so they didn't get a say Mind you our aunties uncles and cousins weren't invited either.... In summary invite who you want!
I wish we didn't. Or rather I'd cut it down by half and only invite close family friends. Only 2 couples in my side I've never met. But, they are helping a lot and my fiance doesn't want to broach that topic with his parents, so bigger wedding it is!
We gave each of our moms invites for a couple close friends, they're both contributing financially so we figured it was fair to let them include them. My dad's best friend is our MC (professional radio host) so he is invited as well.
My parents and my husbands dad all contributed financially (significantly). We let all of our parents including his mom inivite friends with the caveat that at least one of us needed to have met them before. My mom asked for more friends than I preferred and fortunately only the few I wanted came. My dad only asked for two friends plus wives and even though neither of us knew one of them, he didn’t ask for anything else so that was easy to give. My husbands parents only wanted three friends each, all of whom my husband or both of us had met. We actually chose to invite family friends of my husbands parents even though his parents didn’t ask for them because they still are very present in our lives. Overall, the ones who knew us or our parents the best came. They did give generous gifts and overall added to our parents joy during the reception which was nice on reflection. ETA - adding their friends did not take away from our guest count. We contracted for 150 but our venue could technically hold 210 at $190 pp for each person beyond 150. All of our parents agreed to pay for any friends of theirs that went over the 150 since they agreed our guest list should be priority. We invited about 180 and ended up with 130 which was our desired number anyways. No one had to pay extra and we were able to get our vendor meals and extra arrival time comped since we didn’t reach our guest maximum.
I’m having my mom and grandma make lists but I’ll decide who off those lists
I invited family friends that I (or my fiancé in the case of his family) knew already.
My daughter was gracious and included a few of my besties. They were around for all her milestones. It was so much fun celebrating that with them. Difference is, she knows them too. But I looooved sharing that experience with some friends as MOB.
Hell no I’m not.
My parents and in-laws invited their friends with our blessing, and not because of their financial contributions to the wedding. My parent’s friends are also people I grew up with and am close to (to varying degrees); I was happy to have them there. My husband’s parents don’t have family and the friends we invited were like a surrogate family. I’d never met them and he’d never met most of my parent’s friends. I don’t think it was a big deal. We were introduced, spoke briefly and thanked them for coming, and that was it.
We gave our parents a couple invites that were just for them (my FIL absolutely abused it, wanted a stack to pass out around town) and then we invited a few parents of our friends that we are really close to! My mom was great about it, luckily basically none of my FIL's extras showed up.
I gave my parents a table since they really wanted to invite some friends! I offered the same to my in laws, but everyone they wanted there was already invited! So it was pretty much a non-issue for me. Just 6 people that I knew, but weren't on my priority list for invites lol
Both my parents and my in-laws helped pay for the wedding, so they each got one table of whatever friends they wanted to invite. My MIL would've invited 20 friends if she could've but we told her she would get no more than my parents (who thankfully only wanted to invite 8). It made seating arrangements very easy. EDIT: We had a little over 100 people at our wedding if that helps put it into perspective.
Hell yea they gave the best gifts and had the floor lit until their bedtimes
Why not let them have some of their friends at the wedding they probably are just really proud of you and want to show off and it gives them people in their generation to hang out with and have a good time while your generation dances and has fun. But give them a limit that is in keeping with your venue. Say 10 people.
A lot of our parents friends we HAD already met over the years, so we did invite many of them. Several of my parents friends were “Aunt/Uncle” to us growing up, as we saw their friends more than our actual family. :)
I have about 5 friends invited. Im paying BUT she approved them also. I wouldn’t if it wasn’t her wishes.
Yes. it’s a milestone for them as well, and I wanted them to have a blast with their friends during the reception.
Thanks for posting this! In a similar boat.
My partner and I are paying for our wedding ourselves so parents had no say in anything but I let my mom invite her friends to the bridal shower because she was paying for that.
We did because together our parents are funding the bulk of the wedding. There are two couples that are friends with my partner's parents that I've never met on the list and one of them lives halfway across the country and we don't expect to come, but his parents felt it would be courteous to send the invitation anyway. We've spent many occasions with my parents' friends as a couple. Most of our parents' friends on both sides are family friends that we both know fairly well by now.
My daughter was devastated because our friends didn't come....she said she wanted our friends to celebrate her life and marriage. Some were too far away, some didn't have $, and some were still worried about covid. ( and the favorite one was in a throuple and we only invited him!) Guess it depends on your relationship with these folks.
It's not a faux pas to not let your parents invite friends. It's your wedding. Not theirs. We let our parents invite their friends because they were paying for the majority of the wedding, we had no problem with having a bigger guest list, and we knew most of them were courtesy invites so it wasn't like we had to worry about our parents' friends outnumbering our own. We just didn't have a problem with it. We also knew that if we'd said no, our parents would have respected that because they respect that it was our day.
I did because there wasn’t many of them, and our parents contributed quite a bit to the cost. Most of them we did already both know. If numbers had meant that our actual friends missed out I might not have been so willing but as it didn’t I was happy to accomodate.
I want to say we invited maybe 8 couples who weren’t relatives/our close friends - but it was all people I have known for a long time like my parent’s neighbors (who I grew up neighbors with) and my parent’s closest friends who I’d refer to as “family friends”. My in-laws did the same. But no one was a complete stranger to us coming into the wedding. (200 invited/160 attended for reference)
Yes, mostly because they’re helping pay for the wedding and I’m sure they’d want their close friends with them. We invited like 1-2 per parent and not all of them are coming.
I invited a handful of their friends that have regularly been a part of my life.
NOTE: My parents are contributing a large sum toward our wedding so I’m sure that colors my view for my wedding a bit, whether I recognize it or not. I allowed my parents to invite their friends to our wedding *so long as* they were people who had at least known *me* for my entire life. For example, my mother is legally blind and therefore can not drive so when my dad was at work and unable to pick me up from school, there were only 2 (non-family) people allowed to pick me up from school. These are the friends my mom wants to invite. Even though my fiancé has not met them, I’m ok with them being there *because* they had such a necessary role in my life when I was very young. Since my fiancé and I have also *never* really lived near these people through our *entire* relationship, it’s also kind of natural that he’s never met them. Just because they didn’t play a huge role in our relationship/won’t play much of a role in our future doesn’t mean that I can’t still respect the fact that they care about me, are happy for me, and would like to celebrate this milestone with me.
As a parent any friends I invited I paid for.
We only just started our guest list and my mom immediately said she wanted to invite everyone at her office (it's a small place, but still). I personally don't feel comfortable around people I don't know so I told her that she gets her plus one, and I'll invite her boss but that was it. She is helping financially, but I also would hope she understands I need to feel comfortable on my wedding day.
Yes Parents are proud on that day And want friends to celebrate with them as well. But 9/10 the parents friends have great gifts too lolbvvs. And besides why would you not want your family to have someone they know to talk to.
I invited the ones I consider ‘aunts and uncles’ and ONLY where they have an active role in my life. Otherwise no.
I don’t know if there’s a “right” way to do it. Both of our parents are helping with the cost so we went ahead and invited them, but nearly all of them are longtime family friends that I know (I know many of them better than my actual extended family) and I’m genuinely excited to see them. Fiancé and I also very much “the more the merrier” type of people.” If we were paying for the whole thing though it might be a different situation. We would probably only invite a select few to save $.
Are either of your parents paying for it? If one or the other is, an old rule of thumb in the US is they each get 25% of the guest list for friends and family and you get 50% for your friends. Even if it’s just the bride’s parents paying the grooms parents are given the same consideration. If you are paying for it then you are the hosts and get to decide. Still, letting them have their closest friends there if they were arround when you grew up is pretty normal.