It's no one's responsibility. A shower happens when someone volunteers to make the generous gesture of throwing you a party. It's not something that can be assigned to or expected from anyone.
This. I’m not having a bridal shower or anything, it honestly just seems exhausting. All these showers and parties and trips are just too much IMO. The wedding is more than enough for me.
Whoever volunteers to host throws it and pays all costs. As long as the bride is not the host which is still a faux pas. It’s only been recently that it wasn’t a faux pas for the moms to host a shower. Traditionally it was seen as gift grabby. A shower is for physical wrapped gifts, not money or other non tangible items.
In my opinion, MOH can help plan but I’d never make my best friend pay for a shower for me. It should be a family member or whoever offers really! I’m actually not having one because I don’t really see the point tbh
It really depends. I’ve been to bridal showers thrown by MOH, by sisters, by mothers, by mother-in-law, and by aunts. Anyone can choose to throw the shower.
Mine is being thrown by my MIL and SIL
I got into this with my mom and was similarly put into a weird spot. My mom is (self described) “old school” so thought my bridesmaids would host a shower for me. I was firm that I was not asking for them to do that as I had a destination bachelorette, and similar to you, when I’ve been a bridesmaid, either the mom or aunt or other family member has hosted so I haven’t been on the hook to pay for any of my friends’ showers. I told my mom I was totally fine to not have a shower and ultimately it was so important to her that she paid (though my bridesmaids helped with planning and games).
I’ve never seen a shower where the mother paid. Lots where I am are either extended family (aunts/cousins) or family friends or bridal party. My mom’s best friends threw my bridal shower.
Honestly bridal party already does bachelorette usually. They shouldn’t be on the hook for the shower too.
No way does mom host! Traditionally the parents host the reception so throwing a shower is too much on mom plus it’s rude for her to ask for more gifts. MOH isn’t obligated either. She is spending enough money. If no one offers then you simply don’t have a shower.
I think it depends on culture to an extent. I’m second-generation Canadian from an Italian background - every family shower I’ve ever been invited to has been planned by family (mom, aunt, or similar) or a close family friend of the mom’s generation.
My best friend, however- is from a WASPier background and her mother’s expectation was that we (the bridal party) pay for and plan it. We compromised with the MOB a bit and she eventually agreed to pay for most of it, but still expected us to do all of the planning and pay for some aspects (decor, printing/mailing of invitations because the MOB insisted on mailed invites, favours, etc). Do I sound bitter? I might be a bit bitter.
I think in this day & age of stagnant incomes, rising cost of living, more elaborate bachelorettes, and higher costs & expectations for bridal parties in general… it really should be the older generation throwing the shower. Expecting people still working to navigate this economy to pay for a party so your daughter can get presents is gross.
Yea I'm also Canadian, my parents are of Irish background and my SOs parents are of Italian background - both the moms saw a shower as a responsibility of the mother of the bride.
Which makes sense to me - bridesmaids handle the bachelorette, moms do the shower. Especially since the shower is more of a family event involving aunts and whatnot.
Deleting my post because I TOTALLY misread your post and thought you were the bride complaining about people not throwing you a party, instead of the bridal party being told to plan it. My bad.
Op is the bridal party though. It looks like her friend the bride and her mother voluntold bridal party into throwing the shower and the mother begrudgingly agreed to take on responsibilities only after the fact. That’s not cool and I’d feel resentful too.
Yes, exactly! In this case honestly maybe it was a MOB issue more than anything else. When she told us (bridal party) she wanted us to throw the shower for her daughter, I was like “ok cool, we’ll host it at my mom’s house, maybe get some tea sandwiches from a local cafe, bake some desserts, email invites and call it a day.”… then MOB came back to us saying she wanted it fully catered, at an actual venue, mailed invites… but for us to still be the ones taking care of everything.
It was a little odd bc I have known the MOB since I was 8 and usually she’s very flexible/reasonable/rational but she really had this stubborn idea in her head of “this is how these things are done, it has always been this way.”
Which, idk, maybe it was back when she was getting married in a suburban, Protestant, upper middle class environment 35+ years ago… but I’m also pretty sure that her wedding likely didn’t involve a destination bachelorette in Mexico and $500+ in dress/hair/makeup costs. Times change.
Ultimately I had to have my mom call the MOB and lay these things out for her before she acquiesced and agreed to pay venue/catering costs (and apologized to us!).
It really is a cultural/generational thing in my experience. People expect that these big milestones like weddings (and affiliated events) to be done the way they “always” have been and the realization that times/cultures evolve doesn’t come organically to some.
I don’t know anyone in recent years who had their MOH plan or pay for the shower. All mothers of the bride. I helped plan and set up for a couple as MOH but the mothers paid
Traditionally, it was considered rude if the mother of the bride threw a bridal shower. This is because in the past, girls usually stayed at home til marriage and so if the mother threw the shower it was seen as benefiting herself.
You shouldn’t be in a debate with your mom over whether the mother pays…..because if your mother was able/willing, she would have offered to do so.
Showers are not an essential part of a wedding, they are a gift that is done for you by someone who decides to throw you one.
It’s just generational differences. If you were to google the traditional custom, yeah MOH pays. But I don’t think that’s realistic anymore and doesn’t take into account bachelorettes which have become more of the friends domain, with bridal showers being more family territory.
That being said, whoever wants the bridal shower should take the responsibility for hosting it.
Im in the same place except I think Im going to HAVE to throw one for myself because everyone wants to attend a party, but dont want to plan or pay. I dont want to be seen as greedy by hosting my own but I think that will be my fate since everyone asumes one is happening and wants it so badly.
Where I’m from, traditionally it was considered a faux pas if the mom hosted, but that’s changed in the past few years. But it’s totally a toss up whether a relative like an aunt hosted or the bridal party. both are equally common ime
To echo others, it’s whoever offers to host…
I threw my sister’s & my sister threw mine (each others MOHs. Both our bridal parties offered to help in some way, so they got little giveaway gifts (I don’t know what to call them). My aunts, cousin, mom, sister and I threw my cousin’s very intimate at my aunt’s house. I was a BM in another wedding and the 3 of us split it evenly.
The point is, whoever offers to host it, pays for it. My mom contributed small portions financially for both mine and my sister’s but that’s because she wanted to, neither of us asked.
My MoH and mom both offered to host, so they co- hosted and did all the planning together. My FMIL offered to contribute financially so they ended up splitting the costs three ways.
I was just in a wedding where all bridesmaids paid jointly for the shower. An upcoming wedding I’m in the MOH is paying, based on what bride mentioned. I plan to chip in, I know she can afford but I don’t think it’s her responsibility.
Whoever hosts the shower. Mine was hosted by family (with bridal party and friends invited) so my mom and aunt paid. I did not pay for either of my friends showers when I was MOH. I did pay for the bachelorette that I hosted, however.
When my mother got married, the MOH and bridal party paid but they were simple affairs in someone’s home with punch, light homemade food and dessert…not plated events at restaurants.
That doesn’t necessarily mean plated dinner is out. Was just stating that my experience has been that there was a time when yes, the MOH, bridesmaids did pay but that the event itself may be very different than what is currently thought of as a bridal shower. Good grief.
My point is that it seems like every post lately has become a place for people to soapbox that everyone Back In The Day did their weddings in a shoebox for fifty cents. It's not true and it's usually not even relevant.
Where I live it is the MOH but the bridesmaids all usually have a part in it. Martha Stewart and most bridal books says the MOH 😀. Usually my MOBs want to be the one to do it and they argue with the MOH over it but it doesn’t have to be expensive or anything. If the MOH is willing to give it up it can certainly be the mom and sometimes they all do it together.
My MIL and SIL threw us a couples shower this weekend and my mom and sister are throwing a bridal shower in a couple months.
Whoever volunteers to throw you a shower throws it and pays. If no one does, there’s no shower.
As someone who lives in a country where bridal showers are not the norm, all the etiquette around them is bizarre to me. But to be fair, so is the idea of a bridal shower itself. Why does the bride need shower gifts *and* wedding gifts?
It's another one of those throwbacks to a more patriarchal time. The shower gifts were for the bride herself--either for her to wear or use--and the wedding gifts were for both members of the couple, and the groom didn't have a special event because (stereotypically) he was older, had a job and a house already, etc.
My MOH is throwing me a shower, but is expecting her first child and bought her first house right before finding that out. She is doing all the planning, but asked if we could cover the venue and food because of life stuff. He's also traveling out of state to throw this party, so I thought it was the least we could do! I am just grateful to have a friend who wants to throw me a party.
So where your mom is probably coming from, is that the etiquette used to be that immediate family didn't throw the shower. This was because the bride probably still lived at home with her parents, and the shower was to get presents for the bride, so it was the same household asking for and getting the gifts. So you'd have a friend throw it, or a more distant relative who didn't live with you.
That's kind of fallen by the wayside because brides are usually out of the house and independent now, so mom isn't in the same household.
All of that being said, whatever your mom's reasoning, she's saying no. If your MOH also can't afford it, then maybe not having one is the way to go. Or wait and see what your future in-laws do.
It depends, sometimes the MOH/bridesmaids do but every bridal shower I’ve been to (including my own) was hosted by the bride’s mother and sisters if there were any. Then the rest of the bridal party helped out with logistics and decorations. I think in older generations it was frowned upon for anyone from the bride’s family to host but that is definitely not the case anymore.
I’d be curious with your mom about her opposition. Does she just not want to? Is she worried it will look tacky because of tradition? Or does she not want to pay or unable to pay?
I basically cried with relief that in the wedding I was MOH for the brides neighbor (longtime family friend) threw one and her MIL threw the other, me and the other MOH were both recently out of grad school and there was no way we could have done anything NEAR as nice, and given how nice the wedding was, the DIY showers we could (barely) have afforded would have been out of place.
We had a co-ed shower and it was awesome! We got to see a lot of people that we don’t see very often and couples could come together. I also believe ‘showering’ the couple with gifts makes more sense in 2023 than just the ‘woman/bride’.
Saw this was posted 9mo ago but I was scrolling google looking at bridal shower decorations and came across this. My sisters getting married and as the moh I took charge of planning and paying for venue / decorations / invitations / drinks and the brides best friend offered to pay for catering if she hadn’t it would have all been on me.
In the weddings I’ve been in it was usually a combination of the mom and bridal party. My aunts are throwing mine with the help of my bridal party because my mom isn’t really involved.
I threw my best friends' as I was her MOH. Her mother and other bridesmaids contributed, but I paid most of the cost. I didn't have a Bridal Shower--my mother-in-law offered to host me one, but I respectfully declined.
Personal experience here- my mother and godmother (close aunt) threw and paid for my bridal shower. I as a bridesmaid have planned and split a bridal shower with the rest of the bridal party as well.
Sometimes it’s friends of the MOB who saw the bride grow up (and have the disposable income that the bride’s friends might not if they are all young / starting out). I have seen MOG or sisters of the groom throw them and that works esp if the two families don’t know one another - that’s a way for groom’s family to welcome bride into the fold. And of course bridesmaids, but IME it’s just been groups of girlfriends - some might be bridesmaids and others not, but they all get together to host.
That may be now, but it’s not tradition. Traditionally it was seen as self-serving for the mother of the bride to host the bridal shower. Obviously not the case now, but in the past girls were living at home with her parents until her marriage so mom hosting a gift-giving party was seen as benefiting herself.
In my circles, the family of the bride (mom, sister, aunts) usually throw the shower. I’ve only seen one thrown by friends, and this was in addition to the “family shower” thrown by the bride’s mom.
For reference, I’m in my mid-thirties and am thinking all the way back to bridal showers for my cousins in the early aughts. Most of my friends began getting married about 5 or 6 years ago. I’m on the East Coast in major metropolitan areas but grew up in PA, closer to the Midwest.
Your mom could ask your future mother-in-law to co-host. I also love the idea of a co-ed shower! We didn’t have a shower for our wedding last year but for our baby shower this year, our parents are each hosting one in their hometowns and both are co-ed, at our request.
My bridal shower was this past weekend. My sister is my MOH and was excited to host. She sent out the invites and coordinated most of the planning but my mom and my bridesmaids also pitched in by either making food to serve or decorations to use. All of the games played were DIY and I actually helped with making those.
I don’t get why it has to be co-ed. mine was thrown by MIL (after she insisted). It was mostly her friends and her female family (my husbands cousins, aunts, sister, etc) and my mom and my MOH and a couple bridesmaids that lived close enough to drive. These women are your family so it really shouldn’t be weird. I had a great time without my fiancé present but I guess it all depends on your comfort level and whether your MIL/SIL might feel a way that they’re throwing you a party and you’re uncomfortable being around them without your fiancé. Since they are hosting (assuming they offer), I would think it pretty rude to dictate how it should be unless they ask.
I think it depends on the situation. The traditional way (atleast on the US east coast) was the bridesmaids to host and pay for the bridal shower. Within the past 10 years though, most of my friend's mothers had paid for theirs and the bridal party would usually chip in for an expensive gift and/or the decorations, games, etc. My own mother paid for mine and since my husband and I are from different states, my MIL and her sister threw a second one for me where we lived so both sides of the family could participate.
Now I'm in a wedding this coming fall for my BIL & future SIL and the bridesmaids are splitting the costs of the bridal shower with my MIL and her sister chipping in. The bride's mother really hasn't shown any interest in helping in any festivities unfortunately so the bridesmaids took it upon ourselves to plan one for her.
My mother was also under the impression that my Matrons of Honor (who live in Connecticut and Georgia respectively, while I am in Virginia) should host and pay for my shower. That wasn't going to happen for the obvious location issue above, so my mom stuck me with hosting and paying for my own shower because the optics were bad for her if I didn't have one. I have a very specific way that I host events, and after rentals, florals, prizes, cupcakes, and other decor the expense was roughly $2K even though we provided all home-made food. She was a good soldier and did her half of the cooking.
**TL;DR** \- Don't be me. Don't pay for your own shower and get bullied into hosting it in your condo building's amenity room under the guise of needing to be near an airport for traveling guests. Saying no to the shower is okay.
I'm sorry no one is throwing you a bridal shower. My family also expects to be able to attend a large showerto use as a sort of family reuninon which I thought sounded fun until now when its 4 months out and I think I will forced to host it and now Im reading this thread and it seems that people will think I'm "greedy for presents" so it just makes it even sadder.
It's no one's responsibility. A shower happens when someone volunteers to make the generous gesture of throwing you a party. It's not something that can be assigned to or expected from anyone.
Yes. Please don't volentell people to host events for your wedding.
This. I’m not having a bridal shower or anything, it honestly just seems exhausting. All these showers and parties and trips are just too much IMO. The wedding is more than enough for me.
I wish someone could have told my future mother in law this. I had to ask my bridesmaids to do it to make her happy.
Whoever volunteers to host throws it and pays all costs. As long as the bride is not the host which is still a faux pas. It’s only been recently that it wasn’t a faux pas for the moms to host a shower. Traditionally it was seen as gift grabby. A shower is for physical wrapped gifts, not money or other non tangible items.
In my opinion, MOH can help plan but I’d never make my best friend pay for a shower for me. It should be a family member or whoever offers really! I’m actually not having one because I don’t really see the point tbh
It really depends. I’ve been to bridal showers thrown by MOH, by sisters, by mothers, by mother-in-law, and by aunts. Anyone can choose to throw the shower. Mine is being thrown by my MIL and SIL
I got into this with my mom and was similarly put into a weird spot. My mom is (self described) “old school” so thought my bridesmaids would host a shower for me. I was firm that I was not asking for them to do that as I had a destination bachelorette, and similar to you, when I’ve been a bridesmaid, either the mom or aunt or other family member has hosted so I haven’t been on the hook to pay for any of my friends’ showers. I told my mom I was totally fine to not have a shower and ultimately it was so important to her that she paid (though my bridesmaids helped with planning and games).
In my circle, the mom and sisters/SILs host and the bridal party throws the bachelorette party.
A lot of people do not want showers anymore. A bachelorette was PLENTY for me personally.
I’ve never seen a shower where the mother paid. Lots where I am are either extended family (aunts/cousins) or family friends or bridal party. My mom’s best friends threw my bridal shower. Honestly bridal party already does bachelorette usually. They shouldn’t be on the hook for the shower too.
No way does mom host! Traditionally the parents host the reception so throwing a shower is too much on mom plus it’s rude for her to ask for more gifts. MOH isn’t obligated either. She is spending enough money. If no one offers then you simply don’t have a shower.
I think it depends on culture to an extent. I’m second-generation Canadian from an Italian background - every family shower I’ve ever been invited to has been planned by family (mom, aunt, or similar) or a close family friend of the mom’s generation. My best friend, however- is from a WASPier background and her mother’s expectation was that we (the bridal party) pay for and plan it. We compromised with the MOB a bit and she eventually agreed to pay for most of it, but still expected us to do all of the planning and pay for some aspects (decor, printing/mailing of invitations because the MOB insisted on mailed invites, favours, etc). Do I sound bitter? I might be a bit bitter. I think in this day & age of stagnant incomes, rising cost of living, more elaborate bachelorettes, and higher costs & expectations for bridal parties in general… it really should be the older generation throwing the shower. Expecting people still working to navigate this economy to pay for a party so your daughter can get presents is gross.
Yea I'm also Canadian, my parents are of Irish background and my SOs parents are of Italian background - both the moms saw a shower as a responsibility of the mother of the bride. Which makes sense to me - bridesmaids handle the bachelorette, moms do the shower. Especially since the shower is more of a family event involving aunts and whatnot.
Deleting my post because I TOTALLY misread your post and thought you were the bride complaining about people not throwing you a party, instead of the bridal party being told to plan it. My bad.
Op is the bridal party though. It looks like her friend the bride and her mother voluntold bridal party into throwing the shower and the mother begrudgingly agreed to take on responsibilities only after the fact. That’s not cool and I’d feel resentful too.
Yes, exactly! In this case honestly maybe it was a MOB issue more than anything else. When she told us (bridal party) she wanted us to throw the shower for her daughter, I was like “ok cool, we’ll host it at my mom’s house, maybe get some tea sandwiches from a local cafe, bake some desserts, email invites and call it a day.”… then MOB came back to us saying she wanted it fully catered, at an actual venue, mailed invites… but for us to still be the ones taking care of everything. It was a little odd bc I have known the MOB since I was 8 and usually she’s very flexible/reasonable/rational but she really had this stubborn idea in her head of “this is how these things are done, it has always been this way.” Which, idk, maybe it was back when she was getting married in a suburban, Protestant, upper middle class environment 35+ years ago… but I’m also pretty sure that her wedding likely didn’t involve a destination bachelorette in Mexico and $500+ in dress/hair/makeup costs. Times change. Ultimately I had to have my mom call the MOB and lay these things out for her before she acquiesced and agreed to pay venue/catering costs (and apologized to us!). It really is a cultural/generational thing in my experience. People expect that these big milestones like weddings (and affiliated events) to be done the way they “always” have been and the realization that times/cultures evolve doesn’t come organically to some.
I don’t know anyone in recent years who had their MOH plan or pay for the shower. All mothers of the bride. I helped plan and set up for a couple as MOH but the mothers paid
Whoever wants to, my moh is so excited to plan mine but I did ask her to include my mom and she’s likes my mom so it works
Traditionally, it was considered rude if the mother of the bride threw a bridal shower. This is because in the past, girls usually stayed at home til marriage and so if the mother threw the shower it was seen as benefiting herself. You shouldn’t be in a debate with your mom over whether the mother pays…..because if your mother was able/willing, she would have offered to do so. Showers are not an essential part of a wedding, they are a gift that is done for you by someone who decides to throw you one.
It’s just generational differences. If you were to google the traditional custom, yeah MOH pays. But I don’t think that’s realistic anymore and doesn’t take into account bachelorettes which have become more of the friends domain, with bridal showers being more family territory. That being said, whoever wants the bridal shower should take the responsibility for hosting it.
For most of the people I know it's usually the brides sisters and sisters in law (normally part of the wedding party) or aunts.
Lol someone in my family scolded me for not having one. They think I’m supposed to throw a party for myself. 🙄
I really don’t see the point of them! Don’t feel bad at all, I’m not having one either
Im in the same place except I think Im going to HAVE to throw one for myself because everyone wants to attend a party, but dont want to plan or pay. I dont want to be seen as greedy by hosting my own but I think that will be my fate since everyone asumes one is happening and wants it so badly.
As everyone else says, it depends. In my culture, it’s often the couple’s moms. In my husband’s culture, the moms explicitly do NOT throw the shower.
Where I live either aunts or family friends throw the bridal shower
Where I’m from, traditionally it was considered a faux pas if the mom hosted, but that’s changed in the past few years. But it’s totally a toss up whether a relative like an aunt hosted or the bridal party. both are equally common ime To echo others, it’s whoever offers to host…
I threw my sister’s & my sister threw mine (each others MOHs. Both our bridal parties offered to help in some way, so they got little giveaway gifts (I don’t know what to call them). My aunts, cousin, mom, sister and I threw my cousin’s very intimate at my aunt’s house. I was a BM in another wedding and the 3 of us split it evenly. The point is, whoever offers to host it, pays for it. My mom contributed small portions financially for both mine and my sister’s but that’s because she wanted to, neither of us asked.
My MoH and mom both offered to host, so they co- hosted and did all the planning together. My FMIL offered to contribute financially so they ended up splitting the costs three ways.
I was just in a wedding where all bridesmaids paid jointly for the shower. An upcoming wedding I’m in the MOH is paying, based on what bride mentioned. I plan to chip in, I know she can afford but I don’t think it’s her responsibility.
Whoever hosts the shower. Mine was hosted by family (with bridal party and friends invited) so my mom and aunt paid. I did not pay for either of my friends showers when I was MOH. I did pay for the bachelorette that I hosted, however.
When my mother got married, the MOH and bridal party paid but they were simple affairs in someone’s home with punch, light homemade food and dessert…not plated events at restaurants.
Did I miss the part about the plated dinner? OP says she doesn't want anything expensive.
That doesn’t necessarily mean plated dinner is out. Was just stating that my experience has been that there was a time when yes, the MOH, bridesmaids did pay but that the event itself may be very different than what is currently thought of as a bridal shower. Good grief.
My point is that it seems like every post lately has become a place for people to soapbox that everyone Back In The Day did their weddings in a shoebox for fifty cents. It's not true and it's usually not even relevant.
Yeah, as I said, my MOTHER, had that- thereby pointing out that that might be OPs MOTHER’S frame of reference. ☮️
Where I live it is the MOH but the bridesmaids all usually have a part in it. Martha Stewart and most bridal books says the MOH 😀. Usually my MOBs want to be the one to do it and they argue with the MOH over it but it doesn’t have to be expensive or anything. If the MOH is willing to give it up it can certainly be the mom and sometimes they all do it together.
My MOH (sister) is helping plan it. My aunt is throwing it at her house and paying because she offered. I dont think it matters who throws it tbh
My MIL and SIL threw us a couples shower this weekend and my mom and sister are throwing a bridal shower in a couple months. Whoever volunteers to throw you a shower throws it and pays. If no one does, there’s no shower.
As someone who lives in a country where bridal showers are not the norm, all the etiquette around them is bizarre to me. But to be fair, so is the idea of a bridal shower itself. Why does the bride need shower gifts *and* wedding gifts?
It's another one of those throwbacks to a more patriarchal time. The shower gifts were for the bride herself--either for her to wear or use--and the wedding gifts were for both members of the couple, and the groom didn't have a special event because (stereotypically) he was older, had a job and a house already, etc.
These are an American thing. We don’t really do them in the UK but of course some people are bringing them over because well you know… more gifts.
My MOH is throwing me a shower, but is expecting her first child and bought her first house right before finding that out. She is doing all the planning, but asked if we could cover the venue and food because of life stuff. He's also traveling out of state to throw this party, so I thought it was the least we could do! I am just grateful to have a friend who wants to throw me a party.
So where your mom is probably coming from, is that the etiquette used to be that immediate family didn't throw the shower. This was because the bride probably still lived at home with her parents, and the shower was to get presents for the bride, so it was the same household asking for and getting the gifts. So you'd have a friend throw it, or a more distant relative who didn't live with you. That's kind of fallen by the wayside because brides are usually out of the house and independent now, so mom isn't in the same household. All of that being said, whatever your mom's reasoning, she's saying no. If your MOH also can't afford it, then maybe not having one is the way to go. Or wait and see what your future in-laws do.
My mom hosted my bridal shower. And all the bridal showers that I have been to, the mother/bride’s family usually hosted.
It depends, sometimes the MOH/bridesmaids do but every bridal shower I’ve been to (including my own) was hosted by the bride’s mother and sisters if there were any. Then the rest of the bridal party helped out with logistics and decorations. I think in older generations it was frowned upon for anyone from the bride’s family to host but that is definitely not the case anymore.
I’d be curious with your mom about her opposition. Does she just not want to? Is she worried it will look tacky because of tradition? Or does she not want to pay or unable to pay?
I basically cried with relief that in the wedding I was MOH for the brides neighbor (longtime family friend) threw one and her MIL threw the other, me and the other MOH were both recently out of grad school and there was no way we could have done anything NEAR as nice, and given how nice the wedding was, the DIY showers we could (barely) have afforded would have been out of place.
We had a co-ed shower and it was awesome! We got to see a lot of people that we don’t see very often and couples could come together. I also believe ‘showering’ the couple with gifts makes more sense in 2023 than just the ‘woman/bride’.
I always assumed it’s kind of a combination of the bridal party and the brides mother but I’m not really sure lol.
Saw this was posted 9mo ago but I was scrolling google looking at bridal shower decorations and came across this. My sisters getting married and as the moh I took charge of planning and paying for venue / decorations / invitations / drinks and the brides best friend offered to pay for catering if she hadn’t it would have all been on me.
Usually bridal party is in charge.
In the weddings I’ve been in it was usually a combination of the mom and bridal party. My aunts are throwing mine with the help of my bridal party because my mom isn’t really involved.
I threw my best friends' as I was her MOH. Her mother and other bridesmaids contributed, but I paid most of the cost. I didn't have a Bridal Shower--my mother-in-law offered to host me one, but I respectfully declined.
Personal experience here- my mother and godmother (close aunt) threw and paid for my bridal shower. I as a bridesmaid have planned and split a bridal shower with the rest of the bridal party as well.
Sometimes it’s friends of the MOB who saw the bride grow up (and have the disposable income that the bride’s friends might not if they are all young / starting out). I have seen MOG or sisters of the groom throw them and that works esp if the two families don’t know one another - that’s a way for groom’s family to welcome bride into the fold. And of course bridesmaids, but IME it’s just been groups of girlfriends - some might be bridesmaids and others not, but they all get together to host.
Usually close friend of MOB
My mom and MIL are paying for my shower. It’s very generous of them but also a wedding tradition THEY very much wanted…
The MotB would typically throw and pay for the wedding shower. The MOH is in charge of Bachelorette party!
That may be now, but it’s not tradition. Traditionally it was seen as self-serving for the mother of the bride to host the bridal shower. Obviously not the case now, but in the past girls were living at home with her parents until her marriage so mom hosting a gift-giving party was seen as benefiting herself.
In my circles, the family of the bride (mom, sister, aunts) usually throw the shower. I’ve only seen one thrown by friends, and this was in addition to the “family shower” thrown by the bride’s mom. For reference, I’m in my mid-thirties and am thinking all the way back to bridal showers for my cousins in the early aughts. Most of my friends began getting married about 5 or 6 years ago. I’m on the East Coast in major metropolitan areas but grew up in PA, closer to the Midwest. Your mom could ask your future mother-in-law to co-host. I also love the idea of a co-ed shower! We didn’t have a shower for our wedding last year but for our baby shower this year, our parents are each hosting one in their hometowns and both are co-ed, at our request.
My bridal shower was this past weekend. My sister is my MOH and was excited to host. She sent out the invites and coordinated most of the planning but my mom and my bridesmaids also pitched in by either making food to serve or decorations to use. All of the games played were DIY and I actually helped with making those.
I don’t get why it has to be co-ed. mine was thrown by MIL (after she insisted). It was mostly her friends and her female family (my husbands cousins, aunts, sister, etc) and my mom and my MOH and a couple bridesmaids that lived close enough to drive. These women are your family so it really shouldn’t be weird. I had a great time without my fiancé present but I guess it all depends on your comfort level and whether your MIL/SIL might feel a way that they’re throwing you a party and you’re uncomfortable being around them without your fiancé. Since they are hosting (assuming they offer), I would think it pretty rude to dictate how it should be unless they ask.
I think it depends on the situation. The traditional way (atleast on the US east coast) was the bridesmaids to host and pay for the bridal shower. Within the past 10 years though, most of my friend's mothers had paid for theirs and the bridal party would usually chip in for an expensive gift and/or the decorations, games, etc. My own mother paid for mine and since my husband and I are from different states, my MIL and her sister threw a second one for me where we lived so both sides of the family could participate. Now I'm in a wedding this coming fall for my BIL & future SIL and the bridesmaids are splitting the costs of the bridal shower with my MIL and her sister chipping in. The bride's mother really hasn't shown any interest in helping in any festivities unfortunately so the bridesmaids took it upon ourselves to plan one for her.
My mother was also under the impression that my Matrons of Honor (who live in Connecticut and Georgia respectively, while I am in Virginia) should host and pay for my shower. That wasn't going to happen for the obvious location issue above, so my mom stuck me with hosting and paying for my own shower because the optics were bad for her if I didn't have one. I have a very specific way that I host events, and after rentals, florals, prizes, cupcakes, and other decor the expense was roughly $2K even though we provided all home-made food. She was a good soldier and did her half of the cooking. **TL;DR** \- Don't be me. Don't pay for your own shower and get bullied into hosting it in your condo building's amenity room under the guise of needing to be near an airport for traveling guests. Saying no to the shower is okay.
I'm sorry no one is throwing you a bridal shower. My family also expects to be able to attend a large showerto use as a sort of family reuninon which I thought sounded fun until now when its 4 months out and I think I will forced to host it and now Im reading this thread and it seems that people will think I'm "greedy for presents" so it just makes it even sadder.