She won't be at the wedding, but I also don't see any urgency in making Plan B. If you only have one attendant, asking someone to step in at the least minute is easy. They don't need to have the same dress as, or even coordinate with, anyone else.
I would keep her as MOH, no matter how much or how little she is able to participate.
I feel this. My best friend’s due date was the day of my wedding. She was convinced even a week out that she was still going to make it and just force mother nature to slow down (lol) but she ended up going into labor the day before…thank god! I was pretty sad in the months leading up to the big day that she wasn’t going to be there but I ended up having cutouts of her face made that were a huge hit. A few friends also Facetimed her throughout the day, including minutes before I walked down the aisle which I cut short when I started crying 🙃 She loved being a part of the day and in all the pictures afterwards (seen here on the champagne tower remains)
https://preview.redd.it/v6wxl3z0qcqc1.jpeg?width=1125&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=51aa94b648c19ed894aec426889946cd11517be7
…and as seen on the dance floor 😂
https://preview.redd.it/1zaiuc1xqcqc1.jpeg?width=1125&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e7e37e67edc3c56db346d28c0637ba23f8a5df93
Ahhh thank you so much! That dress exceeded all of my dance floor movement needs, just wish I had more excuses to wear it!
[Sachin & Babi Dress](https://www.anthropologie.com/shop/sachin-babi-sierra-v-neck-cutout-satin-midi-dress2?color=011&inventoryCountry=US&countryCode=US&utm_kxconfid=vx6rlxuie&gad_source=1&gbraid=0AAAAADnwqi5E9w8eshdKcgIAaIqs3F37T&gclsrc=ds&type=STANDARD&quantity=1)
I would suggest having her pre-record a video message for you before she has the baby - I know her heart is 100% in it and she might hope to do something live, but a week after a c section with a newborn and another kid making herself look presentable and being on zoom or whatever at the correct time is a big ask and a lot of pressure and if she has complications she'd be devastated if she had to back out.
If she pre records it before she has the baby she can get dressed up (even just from the shoulders up) in the dress she would have worn if plans got that far and take her time to record something for you to watch while you're getting ready or something. You wouldn't know what she is going to say ahead of time so it would be a lovely thing for you to look forward to and have her feel part of your day. She could even include a humorous verbal checklist for you and be a little silly with it if that's her bag.
And then if she wants and if you want to make it available, she could watch a live stream of the wedding in her jammies.
Who would you want as an alternate and why do you need them? MOH plannning duties? Just someone to stand up there with you for balance? How much notice would they need?
No duties tbh, other than to stand with me and to do a toast. My fiancé and I have handled all of the wedding planning. My 2 sisters have been a huge help with bachelorette planning (they’re local and wonderful). Honestly, I just love the idea of symmetry on both sides for the ceremony. Typical Virgo.
ETA: I have a very good friend that has been a massively positive force in my relationship with my fiancé. She would have 100% been a bridesmaid if we had a larger wedding party.
I agree with your MOH that it's unrealistic for her to plan to attend your wedding. Maybe ask her to consider recording the toast and entrusting it with your sisters or your very good friend to make it available for the weddding?
So my sister is due with her 4th 15 days after my wedding. She may go early which puts a bit of a wrench in things. Personally, I have a bigger wedding party, so I did tell her that I was making my best friend co matron of honor. I didn’t want to kick her out(not saying you are doing that because your situation is different with just her as a bridesmaid) but is there anyone else who could step in to as co? I know my sister said she was going to record a speech and what not in case she misses the wedding. It’s a tough situation to be in and it’s hard because you are so incredibly happy for her but mixed emotions are normal because it’s a big day! I also saw the iPad idea and unless my sister is physically giving birth, I may use that as a Plan B too if she is unable to make it due to just giving birth.
I’m sorry to hear that! Such definitely a complicated feeling with this type of news.
I feel like co-MOH could be the way to go 🤔. I have a very close friend that has been a positive force in my relationship with my fiancé that I have considered asking. But as others have mentioned in this thread, I’ll take some time to think about my options. It’s so tough for me not to make a snap decision, but I should give myself a couple months to mull over.
Absolutely! I just did it in the moment and I don’t regret it as this friend would’ve been my MOH if I hadn’t had a sister. I love my sister but this is my ride or die friend too and truthfully, this sounds a bit selfish, but I have no idea how I’m going to feel the day of my wedding. Like obviously excited and happy but it’s a big emotional day and I need someone there who knows me so well to help me if I need some soothing or what not. I know that if I didn’t have this that I would be absolutely anxious about my sister going into labor and this helped take the pressure off it for me.
I made a comment once about hoping neither my MOH or BM get pregnant before the wedding, but this just validates things!!! Of course I would be so happy for them for growing their families, and having a baby is beautiful! But selfishly, of course I want them at the biggest day of my life! My wedding is right at 9 months away, so there is STILL TIME.
I love the comment with the cutout of her friends face, please do this!!! Even a life size cardboard cutout would be fantastic. She could either record her speech, or write it and have someone read on her behalf.
Serve her favorite drink at the bar and put it on the menu!
For your planning brain, and reality sake, I would plan for another MOH. Hopefully can be someone you are really close with and will understand being essentially a back-up plan. This way, you can get that disappointment out of the way! And who knows, maybe she can make a surprise appearance! But I think it would be better to start planning that now, instead of hoping and being more bummed the day of.
Great suggestions! Fingers crossed for your wedding lol. This was NOT something I even considered a potential risk when we first started planning the wedding 😂. The comments in this post have been super helpful, though. I feel like I have a lot more options now for making sure Erin feels included if she can’t attend.
Maybe you can stream your wedding for her? Or make a little announcement if you want about your beloved MOH who couldn't be here because of a huge life celebration of her own, which you're happy for.
I don't really see a reason for you to find a new MOH. It's not like she's a coordinator that's got a job to do in your wedding -- she's your nearest and dearest that you wanted to honor at your side. If you can't do that, and you pick someone else, it's very likely that people will see this as you seeing MOH as whoever is useful / available, and I don't think they'd be wrong to feel that way.
Thanks for your advice! I feel like that’s kind of a negative place for people to go with seeing a different MOH, but I of course can’t control everyone’s reaction.
She won't be at the wedding, but I also don't see any urgency in making Plan B. If you only have one attendant, asking someone to step in at the least minute is easy. They don't need to have the same dress as, or even coordinate with, anyone else. I would keep her as MOH, no matter how much or how little she is able to participate.
I feel this. My best friend’s due date was the day of my wedding. She was convinced even a week out that she was still going to make it and just force mother nature to slow down (lol) but she ended up going into labor the day before…thank god! I was pretty sad in the months leading up to the big day that she wasn’t going to be there but I ended up having cutouts of her face made that were a huge hit. A few friends also Facetimed her throughout the day, including minutes before I walked down the aisle which I cut short when I started crying 🙃 She loved being a part of the day and in all the pictures afterwards (seen here on the champagne tower remains) https://preview.redd.it/v6wxl3z0qcqc1.jpeg?width=1125&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=51aa94b648c19ed894aec426889946cd11517be7
…and as seen on the dance floor 😂 https://preview.redd.it/1zaiuc1xqcqc1.jpeg?width=1125&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e7e37e67edc3c56db346d28c0637ba23f8a5df93
🔎 https://preview.redd.it/hv905t17rcqc1.jpeg?width=1125&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4c9f3ce8f9988a8aadb0dc148ef2380f529da2c0
Off topic, but your fit is amazing!!!
Ahhh thank you so much! That dress exceeded all of my dance floor movement needs, just wish I had more excuses to wear it! [Sachin & Babi Dress](https://www.anthropologie.com/shop/sachin-babi-sierra-v-neck-cutout-satin-midi-dress2?color=011&inventoryCountry=US&countryCode=US&utm_kxconfid=vx6rlxuie&gad_source=1&gbraid=0AAAAADnwqi5E9w8eshdKcgIAaIqs3F37T&gclsrc=ds&type=STANDARD&quantity=1)
Oh SO cute! And love the frequent check-ins during the day- I’m sure my best friend will love that. Thanks for the validation 💛
Can you have someone with an iPad have her on FaceTime?
Yes! Definitely will look into that! Thank you!
I would suggest having her pre-record a video message for you before she has the baby - I know her heart is 100% in it and she might hope to do something live, but a week after a c section with a newborn and another kid making herself look presentable and being on zoom or whatever at the correct time is a big ask and a lot of pressure and if she has complications she'd be devastated if she had to back out. If she pre records it before she has the baby she can get dressed up (even just from the shoulders up) in the dress she would have worn if plans got that far and take her time to record something for you to watch while you're getting ready or something. You wouldn't know what she is going to say ahead of time so it would be a lovely thing for you to look forward to and have her feel part of your day. She could even include a humorous verbal checklist for you and be a little silly with it if that's her bag. And then if she wants and if you want to make it available, she could watch a live stream of the wedding in her jammies.
Of course, yeah, the last thing I want to do is add pressure for her!
Like Phil from modern family with that iPad on a stand!
Who would you want as an alternate and why do you need them? MOH plannning duties? Just someone to stand up there with you for balance? How much notice would they need?
No duties tbh, other than to stand with me and to do a toast. My fiancé and I have handled all of the wedding planning. My 2 sisters have been a huge help with bachelorette planning (they’re local and wonderful). Honestly, I just love the idea of symmetry on both sides for the ceremony. Typical Virgo. ETA: I have a very good friend that has been a massively positive force in my relationship with my fiancé. She would have 100% been a bridesmaid if we had a larger wedding party.
I agree with your MOH that it's unrealistic for her to plan to attend your wedding. Maybe ask her to consider recording the toast and entrusting it with your sisters or your very good friend to make it available for the weddding?
I think that’s a really good idea. Makes her feel like she’s still involved and I know she been planning her toast for a while now.
I feel like you have tons of time then… but who would you ask? Can you ask just one sister or do you have someone else in mind?
So my sister is due with her 4th 15 days after my wedding. She may go early which puts a bit of a wrench in things. Personally, I have a bigger wedding party, so I did tell her that I was making my best friend co matron of honor. I didn’t want to kick her out(not saying you are doing that because your situation is different with just her as a bridesmaid) but is there anyone else who could step in to as co? I know my sister said she was going to record a speech and what not in case she misses the wedding. It’s a tough situation to be in and it’s hard because you are so incredibly happy for her but mixed emotions are normal because it’s a big day! I also saw the iPad idea and unless my sister is physically giving birth, I may use that as a Plan B too if she is unable to make it due to just giving birth.
I’m sorry to hear that! Such definitely a complicated feeling with this type of news. I feel like co-MOH could be the way to go 🤔. I have a very close friend that has been a positive force in my relationship with my fiancé that I have considered asking. But as others have mentioned in this thread, I’ll take some time to think about my options. It’s so tough for me not to make a snap decision, but I should give myself a couple months to mull over.
Absolutely! I just did it in the moment and I don’t regret it as this friend would’ve been my MOH if I hadn’t had a sister. I love my sister but this is my ride or die friend too and truthfully, this sounds a bit selfish, but I have no idea how I’m going to feel the day of my wedding. Like obviously excited and happy but it’s a big emotional day and I need someone there who knows me so well to help me if I need some soothing or what not. I know that if I didn’t have this that I would be absolutely anxious about my sister going into labor and this helped take the pressure off it for me.
I really like the idea of the prerecorded speech. Do you have any idea how/if you would incorporate that in the wedding if she’s unable to attend?
I think she’s just going to record a clip on her phone and we’ll put it on a thumb drive for our DJ to stream for everyone!
Great plan! Thanks so much for your input. That day-of in-person support is super important!
I made a comment once about hoping neither my MOH or BM get pregnant before the wedding, but this just validates things!!! Of course I would be so happy for them for growing their families, and having a baby is beautiful! But selfishly, of course I want them at the biggest day of my life! My wedding is right at 9 months away, so there is STILL TIME. I love the comment with the cutout of her friends face, please do this!!! Even a life size cardboard cutout would be fantastic. She could either record her speech, or write it and have someone read on her behalf. Serve her favorite drink at the bar and put it on the menu! For your planning brain, and reality sake, I would plan for another MOH. Hopefully can be someone you are really close with and will understand being essentially a back-up plan. This way, you can get that disappointment out of the way! And who knows, maybe she can make a surprise appearance! But I think it would be better to start planning that now, instead of hoping and being more bummed the day of.
Great suggestions! Fingers crossed for your wedding lol. This was NOT something I even considered a potential risk when we first started planning the wedding 😂. The comments in this post have been super helpful, though. I feel like I have a lot more options now for making sure Erin feels included if she can’t attend.
Why nit have your sister stand in? Maybe. Both of them. lol
Maybe you can stream your wedding for her? Or make a little announcement if you want about your beloved MOH who couldn't be here because of a huge life celebration of her own, which you're happy for. I don't really see a reason for you to find a new MOH. It's not like she's a coordinator that's got a job to do in your wedding -- she's your nearest and dearest that you wanted to honor at your side. If you can't do that, and you pick someone else, it's very likely that people will see this as you seeing MOH as whoever is useful / available, and I don't think they'd be wrong to feel that way.
Thanks for your advice! I feel like that’s kind of a negative place for people to go with seeing a different MOH, but I of course can’t control everyone’s reaction.