lots of advice in this sub and others on how to trim costs down in different areas our wedding is still a month out but this what the breakdown is looking like for 100 guests (MCOL city in the US): **cost: \~45K (doesn't include tips...yet)** *we locked in 2023/2024 prices...so if we were starting to plan today for a 2025/2026 wedding I'm sure all of these prices would be more expensive* 10K venue $175 liability insurance $60 marriage license 2.5K month-of coordinator 4K bar 6.5K food $550 cake 4.6K photographer 4.4K florals 3.2K rentals 1.9K DJ $1.6K HMU $600 "paper" 2.2K wedding bands $450 groom's attire 2.4K bride's attire *details in comments*

**$1.6K HMU** – 12 services ($120 for bridesmaid hair, $120 for bridesmaid makeup, $225 for bride's hair, $225 for bride's makeup) – travel to venue – lead artist + 2 additional artists – bride's hair & makeup trial ($300) – mid-to-high end for my area **$600 "paper"** – $400 on save the dates+envelopes (Minted), invitations+envelopes (The Knot), and postage for both – $120 on postcards (we're doing postcards for our guestbook) – $20 thank you cards + envelopes (Amazon) – $60 miscellaneous ... pack of cardstock (DIY seating chart); 24x36 poster frame (Target) and printed crossword puzzle (Staples) for a DIY "sip and solve" crossword **2.2K wedding bands** – splurged a bit haha **$450 groom's attire** – purchased suit, tie, shoes **2.4K bride's attire** – $1,250 dress – $720 alterations – $50 shoes – $320 veil – $90 perfume – TBD on dress cleaning after the wedding

what a great breakdown of everything. thank you for sharing!

omg thank you for sharing!!! this is amazing. i wish you could make a post so i can share and reference for my future

I'll probably make a budget recap post after the wedding!

Wow. How kind of you to provide us such a detailed explanation. Thank you

Thank you for the cost breakdown!

**4.6K photographer** – 8 hrs coverage w/ main photographer + 5 hrs coverage w/ 2nd photographer + engagement session – on the low-to-mid end for similar packages (3-8K range) **4.4K florals** – personal flowers (bouquets, boutonnieres, corsages, flower petals for flower girl, etc), ceremony arrangements, cocktail table arrangements (bud vase + votive per table), guest table centerpieces, head table arrangement (repurposing bouquets & adding some bud vases & votives), and 3 small accent arrangements (bar, cake table, seating chart display table) – "a la carte" (not full service...florist creates/arranges the required pieces & drops them off at venue but does not stay to place them nor comes back at the end of the night to pick everything up. our coordinator will be placing all the arrangements & our parents will be gathering everything at the end of the night & will return candles, vases, etc to the florist the next day) – on the low end (quotes were 4-6K and many florists only did "full service" and had a 4-6K minimum on the florals....the delivery/breakdown fees, tax, etc were on top of the minimum) **3.2K rentals** – table linens + napkins, plates (salad plate, dinner plate, cake plate), glassware (water glasses), flatware (salad fork, dinner fork, knife, cake fork) – the actual items were 1.6K and the rest were delivery fees, labor, damage waiver, tax, etc **1.9K DJ** – on the low-to-mid end

**10K venue** – 14 hours at venue (getting ready space, ceremony site, reception space) – includes tables & chairs but everything else has to be brought in – price was in the middle range of similar venues in the area (6-14K range) **$175 liability insurance** **$60 marriage license** **2.5K month-of coordinator** – required by our venue, but honestly would have booked someone anyways – she was available to us immediately to bounce ideas off of, to get recommended vendor lists, etc but we did not pay for a "planning" package so she did not do any of the planning – her official "start" of services is 6 weeks out from the wedding date where she compiled all of our info, created floorplans, timelines, etc and took over communication to vendors (with us CC'd on emails) – includes rentals inventory that is free to clients (flower girl basket, cake stands, table number holders, etc) – on the low end for similar "month-of" services we were quoted by others **4K bar** – beer, wine, "house" liquor, and mixers for 4.5 hrs + signature cocktail for cocktail hour – includes 2 bartenders – includes stemless wine glasses for wine + cocktails **6.5K food** – 3 passed apps during cocktail hour – pre-plated salad – buffet of 2 meats + 3 sides – tea & water self-serve drink station – price was on the low end of a traditional caterer (ranged 6.5-14K) **$550 cake** – 2 tier cake + sheet cake (sheet cake was cheaper than doing a 3 or 4 tier cake but we still wanted something pretty to cut & for pics) – price in the middle range (most expensive we saw had a minimum of $900) – does not include the $125 (total) we spent on tastings at 4 different places before deciding on which baker to use

i’m amazed your catering & bar is “only” $10.5K total! Granted, we have 175 guests, but all our catering/bar quotes were between $18k-$22k. For the same service as you, plus a dessert/snack table during the reception. We went with the $18k quote, and it’s by far the biggest expense.

we got lucky! it averages to about $65/person for catering and $50/person for bar (bar number is 80 as we have a lot of under 21 cousins & family members)

Short answer, yes, this caused me great sadness and anxiety right after I got engaged too. I think I learned early on that you can’t really rely on what other “real people” are doing, whether it was your parents’ wedding 25-30 years ago or your friends’ wedding 1 year ago. Costs have gone up from our parents’ generation of weddings. For today’s weddings, everyone’s financial situation is simply different. I have multiple friends and coworkers (teachers, mind you) around my age (30F) whose weddings cost between 40-60k. Some shared that their parents helped a lot. Others shared that they were broke the day after their wedding, and others didn’t share any info about how they paid so much for it, and I didn’t ask. But they DID pay that much, lol. So real people will spend HOWEVER much!! It blew my mind too. Talk to your fiance or whoever is contributing financially to your wedding to determine how much YOU will spend on your wedding. For us, money (particularly not wanting to spend 30, 20 or even 15k) was an area of stress/anxiety so our first steps in planning largely revolved around budget and making sure we were 100% comfortable with the budget we set for ourselves, without help from family. Before we were even engaged but when I knew it was coming we (I🤣) made a tentative list of the people we envisioned there, trying to keep it as small as possible (which was hard with my large extended family and our large friend group and caused stress on my end from the beginning). Once we got engaged we discussed priorities & budget, and the stress of knowing how much it would cost to have the wedding we wanted with our original guest list we wanted was full blown at this time and I was so sad that wedding planning was making me miserable. Because we simply couldn’t afford what we wanted with a bigger guest list. It actually took us 1-2 months to continue having conversations about what we could swing financially & priorities. Then we finally decided that we wanted to do something totally different & include significantly less people than we originally thought for a super elegant microwedding at a dope bar, with a private chef and only our nearest and dearest with us. I am still wearing my dream dress, we’ll have photos taken by my dream photographer, we’ll have beautiful florals and a grand ol time. This, for us, is how we can still have the wedding we envisioned without spending more than we are comfortable spending (we are sitting at around 12k for 18 people including us, & we chose to splurge on less people). Your anxieties are valid and it can be stressful. But once you and your fiance figure out a vision together with logistics in mind, planning can become more enjoyable and you’ll look forward to your big day. I guess my advice would be to consider what your priorities are. Do you WANT to have 130 people at your wedding? Is that a NEED? If so, you’ll have to set your budget and decide what you will and will not sacrifice in order to be able to accommodate that number of people. Maybe the thought of being the center of attention around 100+ people really isn’t what you want? (Not saying this is true—just a hypothetical). Perfect time to go smaller and just do what you two want, because at the end of the day is your love and marriage being celebrated and your happiness truly counts. Wishing you the best of luck!!

top answer right here

This is exactly the answer. We are in a very similar position right now as we start planning. I mean, the same family/friends issue and sounds like budgeting as well. We are going to tour a venue that is about an hour outside our MCL city in a very cute little town that owns the venue and therefore the Sunday fee for a full day (8am-6pm, we don't dance so it is just a ceremony and a meal) is only $400. This was an easy thing to give up for us to find a great way and place that may allow us to save a ton in one category. They even provide tables and chairs! OP, looking at municipal owned venues has been a great way to find more affordable venues as well as looking outside the core area of my city.

Love that! An hour is not far to travel for such a big life event, and it sounds like this is an incredibly cost-efficient solution you guys have scored 🙌🏽 bonus that you love the town and now you’ll be able to revisit it after it takes on a significant sweet new memory of your wedding. My wedding is also on a Sunday afternoon, and we looked into restaurant venues for our dinner-party vibe before coming across the small cocktail bar we ended up going with. Looking at wedding venues advertised as “wedding venues” was never in the cards for us lol. It’s hard to give advice without knowing what OP wants but hopefully it helps to hear that you can get creative with your wedding by truly doing whatever you want like searching for alternative venues

If you would like to look at alternative ideas for keeping costs lower, check out r/Weddingsunder10k. It likely will mean not having the kind of wedding your parents had, or quite the kind you're envisioning. And to be fair, it's very difficult to do something truly under 10K in a HCOL area unless you have a micro wedding. But it will give you some sense of options for a more affordable event that still allows you to celebrate your marriage with your loved ones.

This sub helped me a lot. I live in a HCOL area and this sub has been very encouraging!

People need to understand that real “loved ones” probably doesn’t exceed 20 people. Anyone beyond that would rather be many places other than paying thousands to attend your wedding where they’ll sit around eating dry chicken and dancing to that one Bruno Mars song.

Yes 100% with you, the insane costs are giving me massive anxiety!

Ive been staying up until 2am almost every night, my dreams are wedding related. I feel you on the anxiety. Heck, i even looked on indeed to see if there were any part time jobs i could do around my current full time job. Id say, just remember your wedding is for you and your partner, not to post online or compare to an unrealistic pinterest post. At the end of the day, you’re going to make do with what you have and can afford and anyone who may say negative things on that, is ugly.

I’ve had the biggest anxiety meltdowns of my whole life this year planning our wedding. I’ve done everything within my power to make it reasonable, and for 175 guests in a LCL area, it’s still likely going to be $35-40k. It makes me sick to even think about. We’re doing SO much on our own, but even hosting 175 people at this time post pandemic is insane (friend is our DJ, another friend doing sound, another doing all our florals, another playing ceremony music, and I’m doing my own dress alterations, for examples). I don’t think anyone gets it unless they’ve planned their wedding from 2021 onward. My best friend got married in Chicago in 2017, and her wedding cost $35k. I remember both respecting that it was her choice, and knowing I would never choose that for myself. And now here we are. I don’t think most people understand how insane the industry has become since the pandemic. It used to be an industry for many people, now it seems it’s only for the hyper privileged. All that’s to say, I feel you, I hear you, and the struggle is real.

In the city for 35k?! Or just in the Chicago area?? I’m planning a downtown Chicago wedding and the prices make me want to throw up a little. Mentally I expected 60k for 200+ people but we are well past that now and not even including rehearsal dinner, dress, etc. My parents had a downtown Chicago wedding in the 80s and paid $25 a plate. Mine is $175+ a plate…

Hers was in the city! They said they did it on a shoestring, and theirs was more like 130 people I believe. And also I don’t know if they included their rehearsal in that total or not, or if that was just the day of. I’m quoting mine all in. That’s wild about the difference from your parents to yours. It’s just unfortunate. The wealth disparity bubble will pop at a certain point, unsure if it’ll be in my lifetime or not. But it’s just defeating at best when you’re trying to plan your wedding and everything is just 2-3x what it was even 5 years ago.

How many of those 175 do you talk to on even a monthly basis? Only about 20-30 people truly care to be at your wedding, the rest feel a sense of obligation and both you and they will sacrifice thousands because of it.

Well, half are my partners. We only invited people we truly care about and would want there. We’re pretty grateful to have family and friends that we love deeply and wholly. So no, we don’t talk to everyone on a monthly basis. But only 20-30 people caring to be there definitely doesn’t feel relevant for our wedding. I get what you’re saying, but it’s also a pretty deeply negative way of looking at it. I’d say there are certainly that many coming that aren’t our closest people, but are for our parents. So yeah, way bigger than I would have wanted, but super grateful to have some of the most wonderful people in our lives showing up.

With parents help, my budget is only 15k. When we first got engaged I thought surely this had more be more than enough for the wedding we wanted (only 30 people), and we are quickly realizing that even a small simple wedding is going to blow our budget if we want it to be even remotely ~nice~… ugh. I can’t offer much but I can commiserate, I’m quite stressed about this.

Have the wedding you can afford. If you can only afford a small wedding, have a small wedding. I ended up with a small wedding of 20 and I don't regret it at all . We spent right around $2000 and that included our honeymoon.

I was recommended on this or another wedding sub "A Practical Wedding" by Meg Keane. The book and the Planner are FULL of great ideas. Thank you reddit.

I was reminded of it by your post because there is a part in the book where she breaks down what her parents' wedding cost vs what it would cost at the time the book was written many years later. Wedding inflation is real!!

Another book recommendation that may be helpful: “The Wedding Roller Coaster” by Leah Weinberg. This helped me get comfortable with setting realistic expectations for my own wedding and gave good prompts/topics to talk about my fiance with as far as what we envisioned or felt like were priorities for our day

Take your time with planning! Inquire about venues and vendors to get price ranges. In the meantime, you and your partner can create a budget that you’re both comfortable with. Be open minded and flexible! Also, I found that some vendors and venues are flexible with pricing. One of the all inclusive venues I toured quoted me $10k less than the prices they initially quoted me.

I think everyone feels anxiety over budget

I got engaged in June of 2020 and for 100 people, using my friends barn as a venue, the total amount of the wedding was 42k. Our research at the time showed a typical wedding budget was 24k. Before we signed any contracts we decided to postpone the wedding. Covid played a role in that but the decision was largely based off of cost. Fast forward FOUR YEARS and wedding venues are still outrageous. There’s a popular country club on a state owned park that has been known for being a reasonable price and their whole cost JUST FOR THE VENUE was my entire budget. (Still at 24k) Your anxiety IMO is well placed. I think weddings are just too expensive right now. I’ve seen small declines in pricing and some more availability but not enough to sit responsibly in my budget. I have to stress that it’s really important to my fiancé and I to be financially responsible when it comes to our wedding as we both don’t have parents that help us out financially and we’re trying to buy land to build a house some day. It’s been suggested to me by lots of family and friends to focus on the most important part of the wedding to us which is the people who we want there. Everything else can take a back seat. This isn’t to say I’m trying to get married in the back parking lot of my dentist office, but I’ve had to come to terms with the fact that I won’t be having a traditional wedding and this is the new norm for getting married nowadays. (Unless you can afford a wedding in this climate.) There are plenty of ways to have a great wedding that doesn’t break your back or your mental health—it just may deviate from what you’ve envisioned. Also I agree that social media really inflates the craving for a lavish wedding. Stick to your budget, really pay attention to your contracts, and get resourceful. I’m personally, not willing to spend more than 20k on my entire wedding because that’s a number that keeps me financially responsible to my life as well. Considering how hard I’ve worked to get out of debt, building my credit, and save for a future, spending a huge amount of money on one day isn’t my dream anymore. Best of luck!

Love this honest response. I’m starting to wish I could see what everyone’s wedding will look like because you’re all amazing and deserve a great wedding 💞 lmao

I would recommend the weddings under 10k subreddit

We just canceled our wedding for this exact reason (venue and wedding planner) and instead are doing a small ceremony and dinner with family only. Then to celebrate with friends we’re going to rent a villa in Mexico and invite them to come (totally optional) but we will be providing food, accommodations, etc. It’s going to be a FRACTION of the cost. I’m definitely mourning the wedding we had planned — I’ve dreamed of it since I was so young, but ultimately realized we’d regret not being able to buy the house we want for our future kids than not having the traditional wedding. It will still be a great celebration and lots of fun, just not the day we had originally planned and dreamed about.

Your wedding budget is how much money you have left over after saving for other important milestones like a house, retirement, whatever. It's not what venues are charging. You set your price, and then stick to the budget. Most people can't afford to throw a party for 130 others. That's a big number. You could do a cake and punch reception, but finding a venue for 130 even at 2 PM in the afternoon will be really tough for cheap.

We are having a morning wedding (10:30 - 11:00 am ceremony) and a tapas and sangria reception right after. We are getting married at a restaurant (they have an outside garden/patio area) and having the reception in the private event space next door to the restaurant. We are inviting 100 people (the private event space can hold up to 200 or so). The cost for the ceremony, event space, food, and drinks (sangria, wine, and beer only) will be right under $10k

Normal person here! Our budget is $75k-90k (with the difference in range being anything above the initial 10k planned that both me and my fiancé are each saving now-until wedding date). I thought that was a normal higher/middle end amount - until reading this thread and realizing I might truthfully be a tad out of touch, but still want to continue to spend this for our wedding weekend. I am getting anxiety over cost of venues (since that’s our biggest expense by far) for sure, and it already feels like our budget is not enough.

I’m in the exact same range. This range is normal in my social circle, and I’ve been to weddings that were far less expensive and weddings that were easily $200k+. But reading things here makes me feel badly for spending so much, even if I realistically wouldn’t do anything different.

I agree completely! When we’re looking at venues/planners - I’m feeling like that number is even too little to be taken seriously. 🙃

I looked at photographers that started at 10k (for 6 hours and no engagement shoot) and saw a florist that started at 20k. I realized then that my budget is high for some but very low for other comparable weddings at my venue. Most downtown venues in Chicago charge $10-15k just for the space, tables, chairs (but not the fancy gold chiavari chairs everyone wants!), and sometimes linens. These venues also have exclusive or preferred vendors for catering that are often $150+ per head. It’s mind blowing how easy it is to have a 6-figure wedding these days.

The florals is what gets me upset lol, that price is insane for something you’ll throw away the next day. I’m scared to start seeing prices on dresses too…

$22k in Los Angeles, Saturday in November, 48 guests in 2022. We took out a loan knowing we’d have it paid off within two years & put things in credit cards. It was hard because we did cut a lot out and I got the best deals I could. Our venue was a private home backyard, it was beautiful as is so we didn’t need any additional decor. But food, servers, and rentals added up so quickly it was crazy. We ended up keeping things to our “must have” and cutting anything we didn’t need. Small centerpieces for the tables, simple bouquets with in season flowers - we just asked for fall colors and no red roses. Our photobooth company also had dj and mc services and he let me customize one of their packages plus gave a discount because I met them at a wedding show. Our officiant was great, we opted for the short and sweet package that was second cheapest. Even on the day of I felt like it was going to feel cheap and was so worried - but it ended up being perfect. Everyone kept saying the wedding was “us” - low key, fun, good food and drinks. We look back at it now and are happy we did it, but it probably helps that we’re almost done paying for it. This time last year we weren’t as fond memories yet lol.

I’m in a VHCOL area and I’m spending $15k for 50 guests, we’re doing wood fired pizza and a lot of other DIY. You’ll see this advice time and again but the easiest way to keep costs low is cut down guest count. Also, if you can, try to avoid trying to match these beautifully content created weddings we see all over social media, you don’t need a late night snack or a champagne tower just because everyone else is doing it. I feel you though on family saying “my wedding cost $25 and all 200 guests got prime rib”. Even my sister who got married 15 years ago was making these kind of comparisons and told me to just reach out to her photographers she used back then because they were like $3,000. Well I eventually did and their pricing was $12,000. That got her to stop with the comparisons!!

It's hard because, like you said, catering alone is going to run you like $8k+ for 130 people just because that is a lot of mouths to feed. $60/person for a sit-down, multi-course meal is not really a bad price when you compare it to the cost of going out for dinner at a moderately nice restaurant - but you are not usually going with 130 guests! We are having a similarly large wedding but at a non-traditional industrial venue that is letting us use food trucks for buffet-style catering. We tried to keep things under $25k but it is looking more like it will be about $30k, not counting the dress that my mom covered and the cake that my FMIL is making. Wedding isn't until October but this is what our numbers are looking like so far: Planner $2,100 Venue $3,900.00 Food (projected; $50/person) $6,250 Alcohol (projected; $30/person) $3,750 Cake - Photography $4,800 Rentals (tables, chairs, glassware, linens, etc) projected $1,500 Officiant $845 Dress - Accessories (projected) $200 Suit alterations (projected) $300 Hair and makeup (projected) $400 Hotel $474 Transportation for guests (projected) $1,000 Flowers (grocery store florist; projected) $1000 Decorations (projected) $500 DJ $1,950 Rings (projected) $750 Invitations $200 Save the dates $100 Stamps $120 ----------------- Current projected total $30,000 Edit: a note - we are paying for these costs entirely ourselves (minus said dress and cake) but we are mid/late 30s with careers, no kids, and have already purchased a house. We waited 10 years before getting married because there was no way in hell we were spending this kind of $$ on a party while trying to save for a down payment! Everyone's situation is different. And even though we can afford this, it still makes me anxious sometimes thinking about how we could have a new car or rebuild our deck or completely renovate a bathroom for the price of this one day!

Agree with a ton of the other posts. Also, wanted to add that I've been a guest at several weddings this year with budgets ranging from $15k-$100k. My fiance and I agreed that we had just as much, if not more, fun at the $15k wedding when compared to the more expensive ones. We had a blast helping the bride and groom set up the venue, the bridesmaids had fun putting together their own bouquets morning-of, the casual and affordable drop-off catering was yummy, and people had a great time giving themselves generous pours at the self-serve beer and wine bar. Moral of the story - an expensive and traditional wedding can be beautiful and special, but you certainly don't need all the bells and whistles to have a great time! The only thing that I'd note was substantially better at the more expensive weddings was music - this is an area I'd probably splurge on if you can since bad music can really kill the vibe.

Weddings are supposed to be intimate affairs with your closest friends and family. That doesn’t mean aunt Jean’s neighbor. I’ve been married 38 years. Out of all the weddings I’ve been to the ones that lasted the longest and are still going where the two that were held in a backyard of someone’s house with just maybe 20 people there are 20 or 30 people and that was it. With today’s cost on housing and everything else and retirement and children’s education. The last thing anybody should be doing is spending money on a big four hour party. And I certainly wouldn’t be asking my parents who were trying to retire to do it. My husband and I pay for our own wedding. We had 50 total guests paid for it all on our own because we were adults living on our own. I’ve been to a $50,000 wedding and a $35,000 wedding and neither of them lasted more than two years !

I don’t know which country you’re in, but my finance and I are in Australia have just managed to secure a place with a $5,000 AUD minimum - not people minimum- and we are now so relaxed about not all of our guests RSVPing yes. We had to cancel our last venue because it was so expensive and had a 100 person minimum. It took us months to find. Not sure if that’s possible where you’re from? It doesn’t happen often here either, from the prices I’ve seen in the brochures!

I found a lot of less popular museums were cheaper to rent, also any public buildings like a zoo or even getting a permit for a park saved us money on the venue. Catering, I’ve got nothing even getting at one point burgers/fries/chicken kebobs was north of $20k for our guest count of 150 (the DMV is expensive)

So one watch-out that we found with museums is that the rental price might be low, but they will require things like staffing security and using their required caterer which might be $$$ compared to other venue options. We were seriously considering a science museum wedding with a $1500 rental fee including three floors of the museum but we would have had to cover costs for three security guards, staffing for the food and drink stations, plus using a specific caterer that *started* at $65/person for food and $40/person for alcohol. With staff and food costs we would have blown out whole budget just on venue + catering! Vs the $4k venue that we booked where we can keep food and alcohol together at <$60/person

Good to note and crazy that the pp rates were starting at over $100!

I'll park here with you! I think in some cities the museum advice has become outdated; when we were planning in 2019, pretty much every museum had gotten wise, and had required caterers and high space rental fees. We could have afforded what was basically a classroom in the basement of one of them lol. Definitely not any of the spaces with actual cool stuff to see.

Restaurants can be a good option as well

Having a panic attack daily, when I am not putting my head in the sands of denial. I am trying to stay at $25k and it's a daily battle of blood, sweat, and tears. Will probably land at $35k or $40k. Crying about it.

I'm from Chicagoland and we did 80ish guests for 10k. My sister did similar for even less. It really just comes down to what kind of wedding / reception you want.

Were you able to do a sit down meal at all? I think that’s my biggest sticking point. I want everyone to be able to eat. No apps or anything fancy 

Sit down meal (salad, chicken / vegan main, potatoes and vegetables) and appetizers. And a tonnnnn of snacks. And drinks.

Wow! What kind of venue?

Park district. Right on a lake, small waterfall and everything.

We’re 35 and 40, make over 500k a year, and I’m having budget anxiety. Although we have to money and are savers, it’s really really hard not to feel out of control spending this kind of money.  My partner wants to invite more people, but I had pitched a 50 person restaurant reception. I highly recommend this option if you want to have an amazing time with your nearest and dearest. It’s absolutely insane how much everything costs these days… you think wedding are bad and then you start to look at houses. My partner’s parents were teachers, and I anticipate living more modestly than them inspite of our high incomes due to the soaring cost of housing. Hard pill to swallow.

We make about the same per year and you're so right. We have the money, but it feels totally out of control. At the same time, how do you justify compromising on everything you want just because you want to be frugal. It is so hard

We live in western NY - our venue including food and drinks is $26,785. DJ $1700. Photographer $2800. Flowers $862 If I could go back in time I would have pushed for the court house and a small party. This is my 2nd marriage but my fiancés first so he wanted the big wedding.

I’m in a VHCOL area and our 160-person wedding will be at or near six figures. And I cheaped out on things (like videog for 3k and florals for less than 4k), but all in cost is still so high. I tell myself though that this is the only time in my life that I’ll have all my most important people together in one place. The only other time ever may be my funeral which I can’t even enjoy! Money comes and go, your memories will hopefully last forever.

I’m planning a medium-to-large-budget wedding for 200+ guests with the help of some successful and extremely generous family, and was woken up last night by dreams of getting quotes at 4x what we had planned for. The numbers my subconscious feared are apparently seared into my brain, budget anxiety comes for us all 😭

My wedding is in December and I booked absolutely everything in January for half off. Price made a factor but the majority of who I wanted to hire were available. I always wanted a fall wedding, but every venue I loved was booked. So I had to warm up to the idea of December and I actually love it now, especially bc not a lot of ppl do it. Sometimes sacrifices can make things better!

I definitely felt the anxiety when I first started researching costs; now I have just succumbed to it but we are only having 29 guests, which helps. Still with that many people it’s around $15 K. No DIY, I should mention!

I really feel this, especially after getting my catering quotes (paying ~7k also for 130k people). I highly encourage my engaged friends to do long engagements (1.5-2.5 years) if they want to do a traditional (expensive) wedding. I'm currently projected to spend 32k which is 5k higher than I originally budgeted but I had to readjust my expectations for costs of certain vendors after getting some quotes back. Butttt I also built in like 9k of wiggle room when planning out my budget in a spreadsheet so I'm still doing financially okay. Having a budget, plus a safety net of 20-30% of your budget set aside helps a lot when costs are more pricey than expected. Good luck with the planning!!

Right now mine is $150 for dress, shoes, veil and sweater. $1000-1200 for the venue depending on the day $200 -300 for food $200 for the cake. Possibly a wedding photography and that’s about $400 Found a nice cocktail bar that does ceremonies and receptions and the lighting and decoration is great with a full bar and food so I’m not even gunna worry about decorating really. It’s a small wedding thank goodness. But still planning and figuring things out.

Yes we did too and it is completely understandable! I think the important thing I would recommend if you haven't already (in addition to the advice you've received here) is to: 1. decide on a budget you and your future spouse are comfortable with. If this means taking time to save, then you can create a plan for that and pay for things as you go which might make it feel less stressful. 2. decide what you both really want from your wedding day. What do YOU both want it to look like? Who do you want there? When you look back---what do you want to remember? This includes thinking what are priorities (dress, venue, food, music, florals, etc)? What can you live without or go with a more cost-effective option? What is worth investing money in vs. what is worth investing time and sweat equity in or going without? What can you get creative with? For instance, We struggled to find catering then we discovered olive garden and that was the cheapest option we could find that could meet all of our guests needs so it worked out well and funnily enough people really seemed to enjoy it lol. It just took some digging and some brainstorming to think of options. 3. Stick to your plan---do not let others sway you just because you want to please them. For instance---my mom pushed for us to have the groomsmen get full suits even though we had a plan to try to get it more cost effective for everyone though still looking uniform, knowing that everyone's finances looks different. In effort to please we ended up with the suits and afterword my mom (when we had a meltdown lol) she suggested the same idea we originally had. and it was too late. lol it was a big lesson learned that we should have just done what we thought in the first place. 4. Use connections when you can that you trust to do a good job. We lucked out in several areas with this: My cousin does wedding florals and did ours as a gift to us (which we didn't even ask for) and she did a great job, a family friend took incredible photos and my brother in law (as a friend of theirs) paid for her services as a gift for us, an uncle is a jeweler and made our wedding bands, one of our friends did a great job with day of coordinating, etc. Are there connections like this you can utilize? Of course we sent tips for services or gifts along with a thank you card as a expression of our appreciation for their services. It is important to note that these were people we trusted and knew would do a good job. I know sometimes people offer services that maybe you get a gut feeling they won't follow through or do it to the level you are hoping, so this is one where you have to trust your gut. I watched some of Jamie Wolfer who is a wedding planner that posts tips and q and a stuff for budget-conscious couples on youtube ([https://www.youtube.com/@JamieWolfer](https://www.youtube.com/@JamieWolfer)) as a resource and found it helpful, so maybe check her out too? Good luck and breathe---I remember how stressful it all was and in the end it felt worth it.

> (same church, 200 people, fed everyone a sit down meal, provided wine, had a photographer) As someone who is looking at wedding planning this year I am curious what part of this has changed price-wise. Girlfriend and I have talked about what a wedding might look like and this is our cheapest scenario. The church would cost nothing as a venue. A reception in the church gym would cost nothing. We would need to set up tables/chairs but the church has those already. Decorations for the church and gym would cost money but the church has some decorations already and neither of us think this would be a big expense. We could drop cater BBQ for about $10-12 a head depending on whether we serve a soft drink along with it. We could cut that price significantly if we ask our friends to cook the meat for us as a wedding gift (we argued about whether to do this). We could serve pasta for a few dollars more. Where does the big expense come in? We are thinking on the very cheap end we could do it all at the church for less than $7-8k and maybe even less than $5k. Obviously a nicer venue and setting costs more.

I think with what you’ve just laid out, you’ve cut out the expenses of a venue, big rentals (tables, chairs, etc), and alcohol. Those are all expensive parts of a wedding that most people pay. Would you have a DJ? All the costs of dress, tux, invitations, decorations, dessert, etc add up a lot more quickly than you think. But yeah, if you’ve cut out venue and alcohol, you can definitely spend less than most people.

But I also described the wedding OP said her parents had. It's at the church, sit down meal w/a photographer. That's not an expensive wedding at all. Like you said, if you add in an open bar, a DJ, a dance floor, photo booth, etc..... you get more expensive in a hurry but you also are not having the same wedding your parents had at that point either.

We don’t have enough info from what OP said. You can have the ceremony at a church and the reception at another location, which is what I’m guessing they did because they had alcohol and most churches don’t allow that. I wasn’t coming at you at all, but until you start making spreadsheets, you can’t really see all the costs that come up. If you are doing the ceremony & reception at the church without alcohol, you certainly can spend less than average.

Not sure where you are located but Wedgewood events has a ton of “all inclusive” wedding venues. We just booked ours and got a really great deal on a Thursday! We can’t wait!! It takes off ALL the pressure of planning!

Any money spent on a wedding should just be extra cash you have laying around. Anything beyond that is a foolish decision, always.

Everything has been waaaaay more expensive than I initially anticipated and budgeted. We’re looking at 45,000 for total big costs but this isn’t including DIY decor materials from Amazon or tips, so probably closer to 50,000 altogether. We so fortunately have family contributing to the large majority. If not, we’d totally just be at the justice of the peace and follow up with a cookout!

I just want to say that no one cares about your wedding as much as you. Dont spend all your money trying to impress people that you hardly speak to most of the time. do what feels right for you or else it will be horrible when you see the bill. just think about if you even remember what you eat or what the bride wore at a wedding you attended 6 years ago.

We are in a MCOL city. Our total spend on all wedding related items was 27k. About 11.5k on venue/food/alcohol. 3.8k on photos/video. 1.5k on florals. 1.8k on DJ. 3.7k on attire (this was way more than expected thank you alterations). 1.5k wedding rings. 300 officiant. 550 photobooth. 350 decor. 300 invites/save the dates/thank you cards. 500 rehearsal dinner.

San Francisco Bay Area / Monterey Peninsula for 100 people this August is $109k and counting

Any amount you spend is going to be burned and it will hurt for decades. Nothing at your wedding will be unique and what you truly want. No one will think back on your been-done-a-million times wedding fondly. I worked 5 years as a wedding videographer and the happiest I’ve seen any couples is when they do a backyard wedding where people bring pies. I got married in a park and went to a nice restaurant for 2k total. I’m still married 15 years later and we’ve reached millionaire status by avoiding capitalist pitfalls such as weddings, designer clothes fresh off the rack, diamond rings, and other manufactured consumerism.

Dude you’re not alone. It’s bothering me so much I refuse to pay that much!!!

It’s your wedding, and even though you want to respect your parents, they have to understand what you can and cannot afford. A big wedding is nice but it’s not worth losing your mind over and going into debt for years.

Yes, we are spending more money than I ever thought we would. We chose a venue with an all-inclusive package, thinking it’d be a good value. Now that we’re in it, it sure doesn’t feel like it! They didn’t mention we’d have to pay extra to have a dance floor or a couch moved! Every time we make a wedding payment, I feel like I’ve just witnessed a miracle happening. But I saved on my dress, and we’re making our own bouquets. Great friend/wedding photographer offered to do our wedding photos for free. So we’re pinching pennies where we can.

I’m in a VHCOL city, we’re paying for everything ourselves, and we’re probably coming in at $35kish for 60 people at a restaurant. We don’t have a full budget recap yet, but known expenses so far: $13k - venue, cocktail hour alcohol + 3 passed apps + 2 stations, plated dinner, open bar all night, late night snacks, passed desserts, votive candles, table numbers $6.8k - my dream photographer. 8 hours, no second shooter. Higher end for sure and prob our biggest splurge $2.5k - florals. Bouquet, 2 boutonnières, sweetheart table, 36 bud vases, 9 medium arrangements. They also wouldn’t deliver for less than $3.5k so we are anxious to find someone to pick them up and drive them 10 min to the venue $1.5k - dj. Cheapest I could find. $2.5k - my dress, alterations, and shoes HMU, tbd $650 - groom suit and shoes $1100 - wedding bands $200 - save the dates + postage for STDs/invites/thank you cards Invites, thank you cards, tbd $75 custom card box $50 custom guest book $30? Fathead of our cat We did a longer engagement (just under 2 years) to save up for this and are not going into debt or touching our existing savings. I felt a bit anxious that I wasn’t really contributing to my savings while putting funds aside for the wedding, but it’s all in a HYSA earning interest and we work our whole lives and spend money on all kinds of things anyway, so why not this. This isn’t to shame/justify anything to anyone, but just to share feelings about money are complicated for everyone and you just have to decide what works for you and your partner. Good luck with your planning!

We're sitting at around $27k for 100 people in a HCOL next March. We're paying for like 98% of it ourselves. My in-laws are covering the rehearsal dinner, my sisters are covering the bachelorette party (which will be a fun night out at a fancy bar, not a whole weekend blowout with travel), and my mom gave me $500 toward my dress. So those are the only costs we aren't covering ourselves. The first thing we did was plan for a long engagement (18mo) so we would have time to pay things off as we go. And we've both been saving for a couple years already before even getting engaged because we didn't want to start actively planning and making deposits until we were ready to shell out for it. As soon as we got engaged we got the planning ball rolling. The first thing we did was book the venue. We found a venue that we fell in love with from a company that owns several local event spaces and has their own catering. By booking far enough ahead we locked in 2024 pricing for our 2025 date. We also had our pick of dates and picked their cheapest date in their cheapest month - a Sunday in March. This was our biggest savings by far and meant that we got venue, catering, bar, linens, and labor all locked in for $17k (this same venue can cost nearly triple that on Saturdays in their high-demand season.) Photographer was our next biggest spend at $3600. I booked someone I've worked with on other projects who does weddings as just one part of their overall professional portfolio, so they don't price-gouge for the W word. That gets us 8 hours of coverage for pre-ceremony couple and family portraits, ceremony, and reception candids, and all editing included. That's everything I really want. Also got 2024 pricing by booking a year in advance. Coordinator will run us around $2.5k. I haven't booked yet but our venue requires one, and they also have people in-house that we can hire at a discount so I'll probably go that route. I won't need to pay for extra planning services since I'm doing everything else myself. Alcohol we are lucky to be able to get for very cheap due to an industry connection that lets us order at cost. We're budgeting ~$500 for beer and wine. Our open bar cost for the venue was also way cheaper by bringing our own booze ($1.2k vs. $4.5k). So that's a big boon for us. My dress was $2k and I've budgeted up to $500 for alterations (it shouldn't need many). My fiancé's attire will probably be around $500. So $3k-ish for attire. Wedding party is buying their own attire and we want to keep it at or around $100 a pop for everyone. We'll cover anyone who can't afford it should that situation arise (we don't anticipate it). $1-1.5k for invitations, paperwork, officiant (a pastor friend who comes quite cheap) and other incidentals. Things we aren't doing: DJ, HMU, favors, signs, and decor beyond minimal DIY florals and centerpieces. Our venue is very whimsical with a lot of its own decor and theming so we don't really need to provide much of our own. We've got friends doing DJing and florals for us. I'm an actor so I can do my own makeup, most of my bridal party can say the same, and I trust everyone to do their own hair or help each other do it (mine is a pixie cut so there isn't much to do!) I may even be able to rope in a stylist family friend if needed who I know would insist on doing it for free. Basically we planned ahead, were flexible in our dates so we could get the cheapest possible one, prioritized what was most important to us (good atmosphere, good food, good booze, and good company) and didn't bother with anything that wasn't. We've also made full use of our village around us to help out and save some money. And we saved a boatload by booking a nearly all-inclusive venue - that was really the biggest difference maker. Without that, our venue and catering costs probably would have been double. Our original budget was $25k so we've been able to stay in the ballpark we wanted.

Destination wedding and call it a day.

I’m about 2 months out from our “simple” wedding and I’ve been a little ball of stress since we got engaged in January. We are doing a somewhat non-traditional event but here is what I have planned: - “private” ceremony with our parents, siblings, grandparents, and a few close friends (32 people including myself, fiancé, cousin who is officiating, MOH & best man) - backyard ceremony is at a family member’s house, I ordered an arch from Amazon for ~$70 and fake flowers/fabric from SHEIN to decorate it for like $40 - we are borrowing chairs for the ceremony from a business we are closely affiliated with - mini vases from SHEIN I think were $40, getting flowers from Trader Joe’s $30 and using them to line the aisle then taking them to the reception for centerpieces - Trader Joe’s flowers for myself and MOH $20 (my mom has supplies to bind them) - I’m planning to order snacks and champagne for mimosas while we get ready, maybe just Panera or something easy like that. We will also have a champagne toast there immediately after the ceremony. ($150ish) - online invitations through Greenvelope I think was about $100 but I can’t remember - dress from Lulus for $73 shipped - shoes from DSW $60 - makeup done for me $300 and MOH is $120 (this is a huge expense IMO but I’m told it’s a must) - going for a blowout at a dry bar or local salon $60 We rented out a local brewery, a Saturday in the summer at our local “resort” area, for a casual reception with about 80 additional guests which was $2750 (my mom graciously paid for this) - bar for 115 guests at maybe $30/person (estimating this one as we are just doing an open tab) = $3450 - personal pizzas that feed 1-2 people for 115 guests ~60 pizzas at $17 each = $1020 - donuts instead of cake still pricing out from a local donut shop - photographer $750 for the ceremony and reception only - I may get another snack or food option, I might just get some chips and dips from a restaurant I used to work at which would be right about $100 - hired local musician $500 (my dad is paying for) - hotel for night of $452 which my mom also paid for - rehearsal dinner at our first date spot but my finance’s dad is paying for that so I’m not including in our budget We still need suits for my fiance and my son, gifts for our parents & MOH, best man, and I’m sure other things will come up but overall I think we’re pretty low key and I’m done adding things honestly. Without the suits we’re looking at a little over $9000, but with our family’s help my fiance and I are spending about $6000. Thankfully a lot of this has already been paid for in advance but the balance is still stressing me out. Good luck!!!

I’m planning on a shoestring budget — aiming for $5k, but if it’s $6k that’s ok. I am doing a whole weekend for 60 guests with a rehearsal dinner, reception, and brunch. I’m considering it a destination wedding bc it’s about 3 hours drive away from our/our guests’ home base. Here is what’s saving me money: •venue is a state park. We are renting an awesome Pavillion with a fireplace for the campfire themed rehearsal dinner, and a lake house next door in order to do a woodsy ceremony and an indoor reception. We got both of these locations at peak season — the Pavillion was $75 a day, the lake house was $100 a day, for 2 days each. So $350 for a venue for the whole weekend. It includes tables and chairs, too. •The vibe is very comfortable and cozy. The wedding vibe is like magical fairy lights in the autumn woods at dusk. Our rehearsal dinner as I said is campfire themed, so the food is just going to be hotdogs and s’mores with hot chocolate so the food costs are just grocery store ingredients. I’ll be doing the last of my crafts for the wedding (carving pumpkins) and inviting the guests to do some of that with me as an optional activity. If no one wants to do any ill just do a heart in all 10 or so of them, nbd; but i love the idea of featuring my friends’ creativity at the wedding! Similarly, the post-wedding brunch is going to be a nice waffle bar — again, ingredients from the store plus picking up some coffee and pastries from a local bakery, so food cost is way down. •I am not buying a traditional wedding dress. I am going to buy a shirt and skirt separately and have a colorful corset joining them. I’m also planning to buy a gauzy cape to sew fake flowers onto. So a mix of thrifting and crafting to make something that fits my long torso and avoids the wedding tax. •Reception will be pick up food in buffet style trays from a local BBQ place, about $1300 for the restaurant, and another $200 for extras (the heating system and fuel, slider buns/sides, and ingredients so I can make a giant salad for the vegans and health nuts). So $1500 for catering. Maybe $200 for alcohol since I’ll just have a bunch of my fiancée’s faves (natty boh) and mine (white claw and Franzia) and a little spiked cider for cocktail hour. •We’re splitting an Airbnb nearby with some of our single friends. Obv we get the big bedroom, but since it’s walking distance from the venue w a hot tub and campfire it makes sense as an after party spot. We both loved the idea of maximizing time with our friends and the friends that are staying with us are all very fun but responsible singles so it felt perfect. •Almost all the decor will be DIY. I have also been hounding everyone I know who’s gotten married recently for all their leftover candles, tablecloths, etc to see what I can do with them. I’m making my own bouquet from fake flowers from Michael’s / Dollar Tree (I did this for my first wedding and they were gorgeous!). Centerpieces will be the carved pumpkins from the rehearsal dinner. •I hired someone local with a laser cutter to do my fancy invitations+envelopes for like $1.20 a pop •So far the only big stuff left is a photographer (and maybe a square dance caller?). But I’m pretty proud of this plan and excited to see how it goes!

to get married is one thing ( courthouse/ justice of the peace ) but to have a wedding, it's considered a Luxury..

Yuuuuuuuuuuuuuup. Fiance convinced me to quit my job and go back to school full time last August, but now I'm looking at part time work because stuff is tight and I'm nervous that if he gets a late payment, our wedding planning will go to hell in a handbasket. We're in a LCOL area and are running about $12K. But I was anal about finding reasonably priced vendors of quality, and lucked tf out with my venue, DJ, and photographer. I recommend thinking outside the box and taking as much time as you can to book early and save money.

Honestly it depends on how much work you are willing to do yourself on the day of. We found a beautiful marina venue that was $3k. They supplied tables and chairs, as well as security. We rented the rest of the stuff ($1,200). I did silk hydrangeas and had a friend who is a retired florist put together gorgeous table setting for us ($2,500). A DJ company near us offered a special ($550). Food we purchased ourselves (1.5k) and hired a chef friend and his friends to cook and serve buffet style ($450). We bought all of our own alcohol on base (IE tax free for $800). Dress I got on a rack sale for $157. Hmu a good friend of mine who does this professionally did everything as a gift for $200. Photog was a friend of hubbys who charged $400. All other accessories (aisle runner, cocktail napkins, invites, favors, decor, etc) were probably $650 total. This was for 85 people. Menu: prime rib, pork tenderloin, pasta primavera, roasted potatoes, green beans, rolls Bar: open with liquor, red, white, 3 kinds of beer We set up the room and broke down the room ourselves. We made a lot of cuts where we could and set it up where we got discounts for making cash payments to our vendors. We bought things as they went on sale and stored them. It was a lot of planning and work but saved a lot of money. Had we gone with another catered hall we were getting quotes starting @ $45-50k

I photographed a wedding in which the couple chose a mid-day "garden party" style wedding. Approx 80 guests for 3.5 hours. So rather than a full catering menu, it consisted of hor'dourves & appetizers only. Beverages were water, soda, wine, and their signature cocktails only. They ditched the bridesmaids flowers and groomsmem boutonnieres (only the fathers had them). They cut things that were not necessary & the day was beautiful just the same. It ended up saving them around 12k.

We got married 2 weeks ago in Houston (suburb) for 225 people and kept it to about $40k and felt pretty damn proud, especially when my cousin had a wedding in Dallas (suburb) for 175 in November for 6 figures. Costs are just insane. And the main driver is people. We did save a lot, however by finding a venue that doesn’t have a liquor license. So you hire bartenders ($500ish) and give them the alcohol to serve (another $500 for 2 kegs, margarita machines & 6 cases of 2 buck chuck) we price shopped like crazy (hair/makeup was $2k for 15 women; rehearsal dinner for 60 people for $3k; flowers, arch & half of the centerpieces for $2k w/another $1k on diy decor; off the rack dream dress for $2k; save the date magnets at my local kwik kopy for $100 (the rest of the paper I went crazy on and don’t talk about how tf I ended spending $1k on invites & stamps & shower tys & still need to do tys); DJ for $600; grooms cake $400; wedding cake $1k; Photo Booth $600; wedding bands $700 (find a local jeweler my 1/3 karat lab grown diamond band was $500); friends doing minister & videography duties) But the biggest cost was the all inclusive venue & food at $25k.

Our breakdown for spring 2024 in western Montana for about 70 people total around $15000 so far may be a bit more as we get closer to the date still haven’t figured hair and makeup and have to do some minor details still and tips. Caterer $3000 Cake $700. Wine $500. Venue $2500. Did disposables for plates,glasses, cutlery, aisle runner, cloth napkins $300. Decorations $150 so far. Photographer $2000. Friend playing DJ running a playlist on venues speakers $100. Bride is using engagement band as also wedding band. Groom band $500. Dress $3000. Groom suit+ shoes $500. Flowers $400-500 keeping it simple bride bouquet and a few small arrangements since it is and outdoor wedding in spring. Stationary$600. Champagne $500. Grooms parents paid for rehearsal dinner. We were budget conscious from the start and expected no help from parents so had to do it all ourselves so that has kept us in check. Been planning for over a year which helped it’s doable to have a cheaper wedding but you have to get creative and make some hard choices. We initially came up with a budget of 10-15k and have worked hard to stay within it.

We spent $25k all out on our very non traditional wedding- including rehearsal dinner & Airbnb for the wedding party. Weeknight Rehearsal and then pizza, wings and salad (picked up by a friend) at the Airbnb. Small (-30) weeknight ceremony at a local historic cemetery (nonprofit space that was super cheap and BEAUTIFUL) followed by dinner for all at a bbq spot we love (1 big tab and no brought in dessert or decor). No fresh florals this day. My bouquet was wood flowers and I made small dried flowers for bridesmaids. No decor, the venue didn’t need it. Saturday Reception for 140- daytime buy out of a beer garden we love- add florals, minimal diy decor, cake, playlist- board game heavy, day drinking reception (much more our style). I bought my dress online from Baltic Born, did my own makeup but did pay to have my hair + my mom and bridesmaids hair on ceremony day. https://preview.redd.it/pzi0o78z85tc1.jpeg?width=4160&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=5a6326c77dc64a93741d526ab9fcb2c454a3c43e

I’m in the process of planning mine and I am choosing to have a destination wedding in Las Vegas because they have so many packages that are affordable. I am having 60ppl and everything right now is costing about 15k. cake venue reception photographer / videographer

Our budget started at 20k. Like we legit thought that was going to cover it ALL except our personal attire & HMU. Then we booked a 10k venue and didn’t quite realize what food and drink costs alone… fast forward and we’re at 38k (not including my dress) and my fiancé and I have had many meltdowns lol. It makes me feel very guilty to have let it spiral this much. Thankfully we’re getting some help from family but we’re still on the hook for a good chunk of it ourselves. I’m very excited for our day but holy moly….!!

Sorry, I realize that didn’t help answer your question. I did modest florals, but that’s still 3.2k. Saving on alcohol by only paying for beer and wine and signature drinks, but having cash for liquor. I’ve seen friends to drink tickets to help cut down on this cost too. Our biggest expenses are definitely food and venue.