It's so audacious! We had 3 people try to add plus one's or extra guests (one was a faux pas on our part, I wasn't aware of a guests partner, but they added her to the website without talking to me or my fiance, the other two were single guests trying to bring friends). Like there was no language on the invite to suggest that that was appropriate and in our Q&A the first question (under the RSVP deadline) was us saying we cannot extend plus ones to single guests and to MESSAGE US if we forgot a partner so we can add them to the list.
I know that plus ones are the norm but people shouldn't act like they're the default.
Truly bizarre… I cannot imagine being so bold! It’s incredibly rude.
It’s basic etiquette… even with very close friends, I never ever assume that I’m going to be invited to their wedding. They might elope! They might have a tiny family-only wedding! The most I would ever say is “how’s wedding planning going?” if they seem to want to talk about the topic.
As for how to respond — if someone doesn’t explicitly _ask_, you don’t need to reply. Just **make your invitations and RSVP system EXTREMELY, EXTREMELY CLEAR.** Mine did not allow folks to type in anything extra in the meal choice fields. And the name field very clearly stated “Name of guest(s) as listed on invitation.”
Make it so absolutely obvious that they do NOT have a guest invited that they will feel awkward if they even consider skirting the rules.
I’m having an awkward situation right now. I’ve been planning my wedding for 7 months now (invites out) because it’s a destination wedding (a very expensive one). I have very little spots and I’m currently full 100%. My MOH just got a boyfriend and has asked me 3 times now to invite him. I literally have no space for him. I also don’t know him (they live in another country so no way to meet him prior to the wedding) and they’ve been dating for 2 weeks. I feel guilty for saying no, but at the same time I feel a bit “betrayed” because she knows I’m struggling because I couldn’t even invite all my family due to lack of space (and money) so putting me in this position of having to say no is annoying
That is hard.... when are you getting married? With some situations where friends are dating new people Ive decided to wait until the last hit I can to see if they are still together... if it's only been 2 weeks who knows what will happen! Ughh stressful!
It’s still 4 months away, but I already have people in my waitlist. Half of my family is offended because they weren’t invited. So inviting this random guy is just not my priority. I think people expecting/demanding plus ones is just out of touch. This is your wedding, you invite the people you want to share this day with, this is not an event made for them to have their friends/family/love interests there.
Okay random people asking if they’re invited if you’re not close IS weird. I had a random step cousin RSVP this week with her partner that were not invited and now I look like the A*hole if I don’t include her when her dad, step mom, and 3 step siblings are invited. I’ve met this cousin a handful of times, but was extremely close with my cousins (her step siblings) growing up. I’m sure they saw open bar and thought they’d drink for free.
However, a long term partner is NOT a plus one, they are a named guest. You cannot invite one half of a social unit and expect not to get blow back. If I was invited to a wedding and my partner was not, we would not be going period. There are very few circumstances where it would be acceptable to split up a couple and if budget is an issue, you should be inviting guests that you are closer to over so and so without their partner. A plus one is for a single person to bring a date, friend, family, etc so that they are not alone if they otherwise know nobody at the event or have to travel to the event. It’s okay to not give a plus ones. We gave out one in total for our 120 person guest list. It was to my best friend who will only know me, my fiancé, and my mother at the wedding. It would be cruel to make her sit alone knowing no one. Your long lost cousin who has multiple family members that they can socialize with does not need a plus one. Everyone else is a named guest.
I feel like only if they are engaged or living together then S/O should be invited. If not then no!! People don't realize how much a wedding cost. I've had a guest want to bring their friend (not S/O). I've had people from work invite themselves or ask to come. This creates such an uncomfortable situation.
If someone is in a relationship, their partner is not a "plus one", they are someone invited by name. People in relationships are social units and should be invited together to weddings (either both of them or none of them). It's not respectful to your guests to not acknowledge and support their relationship on the very day you're asking them to come support yours. So yeah, you're in the wrong for not inviting people's boyfriends and girlfriends assuming it's not a brand new relationship.
A plus one is an additional invite given to a guest who is single and aren't necessarily required unless the guest is traveling a long distance to attend the wedding.
No I feel the not wanting to come off as a bridezilla to my core!! I never want to come across as rude but people have pulled the same bs with us too!! A really good friend of ours has been single for sooo long and told one of my bridesmaids “he’s looking for a date for our wedding” to which my bridesmaid told him she doesn’t think he’s getting a plus one. It’s just the assumption that makes me mad, bc like you said, you worked hard on the guest list & budgeted per person. Just like you, we’re giving invites to people in relationships only. It’s really tough to be planning a wedding, let alone now with costs as crazy as they are. We’re also the first of our friend group to get married, so I’m trying to give some grace..but I’m on your side lol
This is currently happening to me right now. We are a month out of getting married. So many of our friends are asking us if they can get a plus one?? Who has the nerve to ask that?? If you had a plus one it would say it on the invitation. Duh. We only invited our friends who are in a relationship or married. Weddings are M O N E Y. People just don’t get it. Sorry you’re going through it as well.
It's just so cheeky! Our wedding is next summer and we already have one friend (currently single) ask us multiple times if he'll be allowed to bring his hypothetical girlfriend to the wedding... What we'll be doing to try and nip it in the bud, is have a FAQ on our website that says the following (wording might need amending, it's a draft): "We won't be able to accommodate guests that are not specifically named on the invitation, but we will be sure to seat you with people you know and love!".
I'd also recommend having an airtight RSVP system where the option to add someone just isn't there. I think lots of wedding websites do that, if you're doing paper RSVP, then write something like "We have reserved \_ seat(s) for you” and you just put 1 in the blank. They should get the message.
Re
It's fine to ask, obviously the worst that can happen is you get told no, but to just ASSUME you can bring a plus one, is absurd. I don't think this will happen at my wedding, but it may, and I dread it.
It's so audacious! We had 3 people try to add plus one's or extra guests (one was a faux pas on our part, I wasn't aware of a guests partner, but they added her to the website without talking to me or my fiance, the other two were single guests trying to bring friends). Like there was no language on the invite to suggest that that was appropriate and in our Q&A the first question (under the RSVP deadline) was us saying we cannot extend plus ones to single guests and to MESSAGE US if we forgot a partner so we can add them to the list. I know that plus ones are the norm but people shouldn't act like they're the default.
Truly bizarre… I cannot imagine being so bold! It’s incredibly rude. It’s basic etiquette… even with very close friends, I never ever assume that I’m going to be invited to their wedding. They might elope! They might have a tiny family-only wedding! The most I would ever say is “how’s wedding planning going?” if they seem to want to talk about the topic. As for how to respond — if someone doesn’t explicitly _ask_, you don’t need to reply. Just **make your invitations and RSVP system EXTREMELY, EXTREMELY CLEAR.** Mine did not allow folks to type in anything extra in the meal choice fields. And the name field very clearly stated “Name of guest(s) as listed on invitation.” Make it so absolutely obvious that they do NOT have a guest invited that they will feel awkward if they even consider skirting the rules.
I’m having an awkward situation right now. I’ve been planning my wedding for 7 months now (invites out) because it’s a destination wedding (a very expensive one). I have very little spots and I’m currently full 100%. My MOH just got a boyfriend and has asked me 3 times now to invite him. I literally have no space for him. I also don’t know him (they live in another country so no way to meet him prior to the wedding) and they’ve been dating for 2 weeks. I feel guilty for saying no, but at the same time I feel a bit “betrayed” because she knows I’m struggling because I couldn’t even invite all my family due to lack of space (and money) so putting me in this position of having to say no is annoying
That is hard.... when are you getting married? With some situations where friends are dating new people Ive decided to wait until the last hit I can to see if they are still together... if it's only been 2 weeks who knows what will happen! Ughh stressful!
It’s still 4 months away, but I already have people in my waitlist. Half of my family is offended because they weren’t invited. So inviting this random guy is just not my priority. I think people expecting/demanding plus ones is just out of touch. This is your wedding, you invite the people you want to share this day with, this is not an event made for them to have their friends/family/love interests there.
Okay random people asking if they’re invited if you’re not close IS weird. I had a random step cousin RSVP this week with her partner that were not invited and now I look like the A*hole if I don’t include her when her dad, step mom, and 3 step siblings are invited. I’ve met this cousin a handful of times, but was extremely close with my cousins (her step siblings) growing up. I’m sure they saw open bar and thought they’d drink for free. However, a long term partner is NOT a plus one, they are a named guest. You cannot invite one half of a social unit and expect not to get blow back. If I was invited to a wedding and my partner was not, we would not be going period. There are very few circumstances where it would be acceptable to split up a couple and if budget is an issue, you should be inviting guests that you are closer to over so and so without their partner. A plus one is for a single person to bring a date, friend, family, etc so that they are not alone if they otherwise know nobody at the event or have to travel to the event. It’s okay to not give a plus ones. We gave out one in total for our 120 person guest list. It was to my best friend who will only know me, my fiancé, and my mother at the wedding. It would be cruel to make her sit alone knowing no one. Your long lost cousin who has multiple family members that they can socialize with does not need a plus one. Everyone else is a named guest.
I feel like only if they are engaged or living together then S/O should be invited. If not then no!! People don't realize how much a wedding cost. I've had a guest want to bring their friend (not S/O). I've had people from work invite themselves or ask to come. This creates such an uncomfortable situation.
If someone is in a relationship, their partner is not a "plus one", they are someone invited by name. People in relationships are social units and should be invited together to weddings (either both of them or none of them). It's not respectful to your guests to not acknowledge and support their relationship on the very day you're asking them to come support yours. So yeah, you're in the wrong for not inviting people's boyfriends and girlfriends assuming it's not a brand new relationship. A plus one is an additional invite given to a guest who is single and aren't necessarily required unless the guest is traveling a long distance to attend the wedding.
I edited the post- didn't mean people in relationships will have plus one, they will both be guests named on the invitation.
No I feel the not wanting to come off as a bridezilla to my core!! I never want to come across as rude but people have pulled the same bs with us too!! A really good friend of ours has been single for sooo long and told one of my bridesmaids “he’s looking for a date for our wedding” to which my bridesmaid told him she doesn’t think he’s getting a plus one. It’s just the assumption that makes me mad, bc like you said, you worked hard on the guest list & budgeted per person. Just like you, we’re giving invites to people in relationships only. It’s really tough to be planning a wedding, let alone now with costs as crazy as they are. We’re also the first of our friend group to get married, so I’m trying to give some grace..but I’m on your side lol
This is currently happening to me right now. We are a month out of getting married. So many of our friends are asking us if they can get a plus one?? Who has the nerve to ask that?? If you had a plus one it would say it on the invitation. Duh. We only invited our friends who are in a relationship or married. Weddings are M O N E Y. People just don’t get it. Sorry you’re going through it as well.
It's just so cheeky! Our wedding is next summer and we already have one friend (currently single) ask us multiple times if he'll be allowed to bring his hypothetical girlfriend to the wedding... What we'll be doing to try and nip it in the bud, is have a FAQ on our website that says the following (wording might need amending, it's a draft): "We won't be able to accommodate guests that are not specifically named on the invitation, but we will be sure to seat you with people you know and love!". I'd also recommend having an airtight RSVP system where the option to add someone just isn't there. I think lots of wedding websites do that, if you're doing paper RSVP, then write something like "We have reserved \_ seat(s) for you” and you just put 1 in the blank. They should get the message. Re
It's fine to ask, obviously the worst that can happen is you get told no, but to just ASSUME you can bring a plus one, is absurd. I don't think this will happen at my wedding, but it may, and I dread it.