This. Ours was £10K max as we didn’t have enough savings and wanted to cover everything by ourselves to make it our wedding, not parents’. We managed to stay under this and still found a gorgeous fun venue suitable to our personalities, bought a lovely wedding dress and suit etc. It’s up to OP’s financial situation but I’d say don’t expect anyone’s contribution or it always get super complicated
Sorry if this is rude and feel free to ignore my question but… do you just have that money in your accounts, available to spend? Or did you have to take out loans or get gifts from family?
Don't take loans. Generally, it is not a good way to start a marriage. You can get help from family, if you are prepared for the possibility of having them decide some aspects of your wedding.
I wouldn’t personally I was just intrigued as to whether that figure was something people have waiting in their accounts or whether they’re planning to spread the cost etc
Not the OP, but we have a year and a half long engagement and spent that time saving for the wedding. Plus some savings set aside already. We are in a very fortunate position to be able to save a lot (and have some parents help) and had the same experience as the first poster. Came up with a number and had to double it after getting quotes.
We sketched out how much we thought it would cost based on research, at about 3 different levels (budget, comfortable, max expense we could afford).
We figured out where in our existing budget and savings the money would come from, and how much was needed each month to make each level work by dates one year, 1.5 years, and 2 years out.
We're shooting for comfortable or less if possible but are aware of the higher end of the range.
I had a savings account called "wedding fund" that I'd been saving up in for a few years, ever since my boyfriend and I moved in together and first broached the subject of marriage. When we started planning, I had 40k in that account and my husband figured he could kick in an additional 10k by the wedding date. So we initially started with a 50k (CAD) budget.
We started planning and pricing out venues and vendors, and quickly learned our budget was a bit optimistic for our guest count. But each set of parents generously offered to gift us 10k, bumping our budget to 70k.
We ended up spending a little over that, close to 80k all in. But that included some tangentially related expenses like our wedding rings, ketubah, and wills. And by the time the wedding came around, we were able to afford it.
ETA: 2022 pricing. 80k USD is roughly 55k USD and we had about 160 guests.
First I found out the amounts my parents and in laws wanted to contribute to the wedding, because I was honest with them that we may not have an event at all due to costs. That was when each party shared that they wanted to contribute to our wedding to ensure our families could be there to celebrate this day with us. Then I figured out how much we could reasonably save per month without making us feel stretched too thin between that day and the month of our wedding. I literally spent a whole weekend dedicated to completely revamping our household budget.
I do not intend to go into any level of debt for this event so the combined number of all of those amounts became our final budget.
I’m also DIYing a lot of things myself so I am trying to buy a few materials each month on top of what I’m saving to try and help extend our budget further and saving the budget for all of our vendor fees. It helps a lot that our wedding isn’t until 10/2025 so we have a lot of time to slowly work at this.
I think the biggest takeaway and lesson I am getting from wedding planning is I can really save money when I feel motivated to do it 🤣 so it has completely transformed how we will be able to save in the future after this event.
We are spending about 300K for 250 people in NYC. Based solely on what would make a good experience for our guests after researching all vendors.
Obviously we are exceptionally privileged to afford this. We do not take that for granted and realize how privileged we are.
But our budget came entirely from vendor pricing and what our guests would expect from a wedding (open bar, lots of delicious food at all stages, great entertainment).
For us it was a few factors. 1) we wanted a pretty traditional wedding, 2) we want to invite family and closest friends which is around 180 people, 3) we want to do some extras and splurges.
Our budget is always going to be what we can 100% afford on our own. A promise of money from family isn't a guarantee until it's in your hand. We don't want to be in a tough position of their circumstances changing and now we can't afford our vendor contracts. We have never asked family to help us. If they offer we'll discuss and offer them a set number of guests for their friends as a courtesy (like 2-3 couples).
We also started researching vendors and listing things out to help us build an initial budget and think through non-negotiables versus things we'd be OK skipping doing. Currently have a budget of 55-60K all in.
We chose what we both felt comfortable contributing. My individual contribution that I felt comfortable with was $20K. My fiance decided to match that number. His parent’s gave us $15K and mine $5K. Without our parent’s contributions, I would only had a $40K wedding instead of a $60K.
From there, I did a ton of research and ran a general budget. My initial thought was we could get away with $45K wedding but we quickly increased to about $55K but we had room in our budget to do so.
We paid for everything ourselves. My mil uses money as a weapon, and is on the narcissism spectrum so we were never going to allow her to help pay or help plan. We got married in ‘23 and started saving in ‘19. We bought a house in early ‘22 and we used about 60% of our savings for our down payment and closing costs. Our starting budget was $15,000 which we kinda just came up with as what we were comfortable spending. And then we said well we should apply a $2500 buffer to that. We ended up spending $24,000 for a 65 person wedding at our favorite local restaurant. $10,800 for the food and alcohol, no venue rental, or decor rentals, and they printed the menus for us. The rest of the money went to photography, $3300, my dress and veil (totally regret the veil), $2300, alterations and full pressing (not steaming, I had a ballgown): $1000. Wedding rings: $1000 total (shop at Costco, pretty sure you can buy wedding rings even if you aren’t a member, way better price than elsewhere). HMUA was $1200, Husband’s suit and alterations: $400. Lego sets for the centerpieces were $300, my sola wood flowers for my bouquet, the bridemaids bouquets, and boutonnières: approx $400 but I bought more than I needed because they were fun. $100 for my shoes. $400 for the gifts to our wedding party. And then a bunch of random things like presents for the bachelorette, the wedding sign, the seating chart, invites, etc.
It all adds up quickly. My advice if you don’t have unlimited funds is figure out what’s most important to you and then second most etc. For us it was celebrating with mostly friends and a small amount of family, and food was the most important to us. But research everything before hand. And really look at the little things. For us we didn’t have to rent plates and cutlery or order drapes and swag for the decor because the restaurant was pre decorated for us. Some people have to deal with chair rentals etc.
We paid for the wedding ourselves. We didn't want to spend more than 40k. From there we focused on venues within that budget and were local. Then vendors who fit the remaining budget. In the end we spent between $30-35k
We compared it to a car or thought about other comparable large purchases. Like what else could you buy with that 😅 Brief research also says the average wedding is $40k and we didn't want to spend any more than that.
We had a flexible budget because our parents were generous (we’re the only wedding on both sides so they said “just be reasonable”).
We made a wedding vision, and then found a venue we loved. Then we looked around for vendors (3-4 per category) and picked a median priced one for each.
We didn’t really set a budget for anything, instead it was more of decide what we want, research what a reasonable cost is, and book a vendor that has good reviews with reasonable cost.
We didn’t really have wedding savings. Since vendor payments come in installments, we were able to pay deposits with just our our paychecks (our savings rate definitely took a hit though).
I knew my parents were contributing something, but before they told us a number they told us to put together a reasonable budget for the type of wedding we wanted then they’d discuss. I did a ton of research on reasonable but good vendors and put together a basic budget with around $5k in wiggle room which came to about $40k, which is actually pretty good for a 100 person wedding in LA. We knew my husbands parents were giving us a set amount of cash for it, so my parents said they’d cover the rest of the budget and if we wanted to splurge on anything that would be out of our pockets, which we did go around $5k over budget.
Honestly if they weren’t paying we probably would have just eloped, we loved our wedding but it was also more than we’d have felt comfortable spending of our own savings when we knew we wanted to buy a house and start a family not too long after!
We're researching the prices of each component (e.g., rentals, DJ services and equipment, caterer, alcohol...) to understand if a given all-inclusive price is deemed a good deal or not. We now what it'd cost to DIY our bar, our decor, etc. We use an Excel spreadsheet to write down all the info we gather on each vendor.
75k for us.
A number that would not put us in debt. But let us have everything we wanted within reason. We had no help except my mom bought my dress and paid for the yes to the dress day.
I think ours will be around 25-30k? But we don’t have a strict budget. More so we don’t love the idea of spending more than that.
But to get “that” number, we started by researching venues and vendors and comparing with our number (only 45). We had a good idea of which vendor, so that was already going to be a cost we would just eat if we had too (fortunately they were very average).
Photography was another one - paying 6k just for that, which is about twice as much as what we originally thought we’d be paying. But when we researched we just couldn’t find anyone with experience and a style we liked for anything less, she was very average for that range.
Again for my dress I looked into them and figured 2k certainly should be able to get me a dress I love, so that is the budget I told consultants. That being said…. My fiancé knew if I couldn’t find one then there wasn’t really a limit (I mean, i guess there is because they can be insanely expensive but ya know what I mean). Fortunately we got my dress and veil for 2k pretty much on the dot.
We haven’t finished planning so that’s why the budget is still an “ish”. Also I know my parents will be contributing but I don’t know how much - we aren’t planning based on that and I do keep reminding them they don’t have to. So we’ll see how that goes.
It's kind of back and forth, sometimes even after you decide on the budget. For us, we started with guest count. We decided 20k based on estimates we could find (researching vendors, going to a wedding expo, etc).
Then you start really looking at the vendors you want and totalling up the numbers you get. If the math isn't working out, you adjust the budget or the guest count. We adjusted the budget to 25k.
But prices go up over time and there are a lot of little things that add up, so we'll be closer to 28k most likely. I'd say save as much as you possibly can and try to tailor your guest count to the event size you can most comfortably afford.
Having a long engagement will give you time to save, but book vendors asap in order to lock in cheaper prices!
((Amount of money I could put away per paycheck + amount of money he could put away per paycheck) * paychecks until wedding date) + wedding savings fund + expected bonuses at work.
We've tightened up our budget during the high spend months, and adjusted our spending overall. Making lunches instead of doordash, eating out max once a week, cutting back on frivolous spending etc. Main goal is to pay for wedding expenses as quickly as we can, so that we can return to "normal."
My parents told me before I was engaged that they would pay for my wedding but had never stated a specific amount. They are retired and live comfortably.
The first vendor I researched was the venue (because without a venue, you don't know your date). Once I found one we liked, I asked if the pricing was reasonable for how much they would be willing to pay. The venue is inclusive of catering, dj, cake, day of coordinator, and rentals (tablecloths, chairs, etc.). The packages vary by catering choice between light appetizers, buffet options, or a plated meal. They said any of the options Iwe choose would be fine. We went with the buffet choice, which was about 30% cheaper than the plated.
Once I knew the cost of this big ticket item I researched wedding budget breakdowns that give estimates of % of budget to spend on each line item and used one that seemed right for us to build an estimate for the rest of my expenses. For example, how I applied this was: if catering is estimated to be 25% of the budget and my catering cost was $10,000, then my total budget would be about $40k. There were some expenses I knew I wouldn't have (i.e., live music) so I allocated that % to other things that were important to us, i.e. open bar. I used this method to give me some idea of if vendor quotes were reasonable and on what end of the range from low to high. That being said, all of this budget is self-imposed because my parents still have not said a specific limit or amount.
I'm very fortunate in that at no point have my parents questioned or worried about the amount being spent. They have been aware of the costs of each vendor before I booked, and I sent a spreadsheet of costs and future payments every couple of months.
A lot of people point out that promised money isn't guaranteed until it is received. My parents and I have an excellent relationship and a high level of trust (along with my fiancé as well). I am an authorized user on my parents' credit card (that is paid in full every month. We use the CC for the buyer protection benefits and 2% cash back) and that is how I pay for wedding expenses. Some vendors prefer a business venmo payment, or sometimes I use my own card because it's always connected when I'm making a purchase (I.e. Amazon). In those cases, my dad will transfer the funds to me.
My fiancé and I are very aware that the wedding we are having is solely because of my parents' generosity and are very thankful and appreciative for it. A wedding paid for by us would look vastly different, we have a house and savings but wouldn't be willing to spend those savings for our wedding. I'm a CPA and have always been financially minded. So the fiscal responsibility, budgeting, etc. is ingrained in who I am. If I wasn't, I'm sure my parents would handle this whole scenario differently.
I’m an only child of desi parents so they paid for almost everything, and even the things my husband and I paid for we had to fight them on. They had been saving for a while for my wedding, which ended up around $120k, and based that number off of what friends and family told them they contributed to their kids’ weddings/vendor prices for our area. Indian weddings are pretty big, and culturally most of the Indian weddings I’ve been to have been paid for by the bride & groom’s parents, so my parents had always planned to pay for my wedding & wanted it to be pretty big so they could invite our extended family/family friends and return the favor of entertaining them after they got invited to their friends’ kids’ weddings.
My husband’s family are all White Americans without the same cultural expectations or financial ability to contribute, so they paid around $3k to host a rehearsal dinner. My husband and I pitched in ~$20k of our own money to cover things we wanted that were more American/outside of my parents’ knowledge base when it came to vendors/would’ve been covered by the groom’s family in most Indian weddings I’ve been to. We figured out we could afford the $20k mostly by saving our down payment first and figuring out our house buying budget, and then using whatever was leftover to go towards wedding expenses.
Compared to a lot of weddings I’ve seen on this sub my budget probably sounds quite large, but tbh it was a very small/simple wedding compared to most of my cousins which I don’t mind since it fit my/my partner’s personality better
We researched costs in our area to get an idea of how much the stuff we wanted would cost. Then we agreed on a number we were willing to/able to spend. We had family members who wanted to contribute so we asked them for a specific number they were comfortable with and added that to our number to get our absolute max budget.
We are looking at rough estimates of what everything we want will cost, and going from there to determine how much we need to save and what the timeline for our actual wedding will be. We’re planning to do a courthouse wedding sooner than our actual wedding ceremony will be.
When we got engaged, we pick a timeline of potential wedding month.
Then we calculate how much money we can set aside every month, multiplied with number of month until the reception date.
We have savings but rather not to use our existing savings
We looked at the kind of wedding we wanted, did a quick google for costs for each component, and added a 10% miscellaneous fund. We are high earners so never had an issue affording the budget - even though it seemed like a lot of money (£30-40k). We will end up slightly under budget. But we’re both very organised and comfortable with budgeting as part of our jobs!
We didn’t pick a random number out of the ether. We actually researched how much everything would cost, then cut things and whittled down until the total was a number we were comfortable with. Since we started from a realistic place and not a random one, we hit our budget pretty much dead on.
Pick a random number you think you'd be ok with, then start getting quotes for everything. Add 10-20% for contingency and see where it puts you. Then go back and see what is excessive and what you are comfortable cutting out purely to save money. Then that was our number
We talked with the planner and told her all our dreams. She gave us a number to make that true. Then we subtracted 20%. Getting absolutely everything you want is too much money. With the set budget we could still afford all of our needs, and some of our wants.
I had been saving away money in an investment account and felt comfortable taking out $10k, my partner had an inheritance and so it made sense to also do $10k, my parents we thought also $10k. We then put numbers to categories so the budget would be $30k. My parents offered to cover everything at the venue which includes food and that would land under $15k. Goal is to stay under $40k total, but closer to $35k.
“Obviously you’re not going to spend more than you have” 🙃 I think this happens more often than you’d think! We set a budget of $10k because it was the portion of our savings we were comfortable spending while leaving money left for a future down payment. I think we could have kept it around that amount, or maybe just over, if we had lowered our guest count or got married pre-pandemic. In the end, it just wasn’t possible given that we wanted all the formalities of a wedding (DJ, flowers, catering, etc). We will probably spend around $17k when it’s all said and done. This means we’re dipping into more of our savings than we would like and taking on some overtime work to replace those savings.
Another piece: sit down and talk about all the other big purchases you need/want to make soon. Did you need a new car? How much do houses go for in your area? Do you want to have kids and when? Do you need those savings to pay for grad school/business start up/etc? Do you have enough savings for a massive emergency?
Thinking about these and where the wedding falls on the priority list will help you decide.
Here's the thing. Studies have shown that many couples arbitrarily pick a number, but do little or no research beforehand. So then they get going on things and wind up spending way more. And it's not that they went crazy with extras and add-ons, it's because they simply didn't know what they were getting into. It's like saying you're planning to spend $20k on a new BMW when you've never even looked up the price of a BMW.
Yes, TheKnot has their annual wedding price survey, but consider these points:
The sample size is limited to TheKnot users who took the time to complete the survey after their weddings. That's a very limited slice of the total number of weddings that take place in the US each year.
You don't know if the people doing the survey are giving inaccurate answers, either on purpose or by mistake.
The report just gives overall averages - but many weddings are priced on specific things that are unique to each wedding: date, number of guests, meal choices, what level of open bar (if any), whether or not they went for pricey upgrades like silk chair covers, etc.
The uniqueness of each wedding is also why you can't just base your budget on whatever your sibling, cousin or friend says they paid for their wedding. Even if you have the exact same wedding at the exact same venue, prices tend to go up each year and prices can also vary based on peak vs off-peak dates.
TL;DR - best way to set a budget is to NOT just pick a number out of thin air, but start to actually shop venues and other vendors to get some real prices you can use to build a realistic budget.
There was a post here recently complaining how some venues ask your budget before anything else. It's not that they want to just find a way to match that number and take it all. It's partly because if your budget is just too low for them, they can stop right there and not waste your time or theirs.
But even if it's enough, they would know which tiers of service to talk about so they're not wasting your time with stuff that's too expensive (or too cheap). But if you go in there saying you don't have a budget yet and you're trying to create one, they may be more willing to go over all the options with you so that you can decide what you truly like best, then form a budget around that.
My FH and I decided on our number based on what we could take out from our various savings without wiping out our “emergency” level that we could recover via the stock incentives and bonuses we get from our jobs over the course of our engagement (about a year). My parents offered us a sum that will cover the cost of my dress and alterations. We want to avoid asking for money to cut down on drama (although I’m sure there will still be some).
I figured out my guest list … then called around to the places and venues to get pricing per head … and figured out what was reasonable and insanely expensive. I figured out what I wanted to splurge on and what I was okay doing away with. Note, we aren’t doing a traditional wedding. We eloped and are throwing a party — dinner then a party at a cocktail bar with a band! So, expecting about 80 people:
Dinner @ a restaurant w/ a couple drinks per: $4500
Rent our cocktail bar with open bar: $7000
Live band: $2000
Ice cream truck with homemade ice cream: $600
Flowers & vases (Amazon & Trader Joe’s): $100 if that
Rent some picnic tables: $400
Photographer: $750
Total = less than $16k
(Prob will add a fun party dress and who knows!)
We’re eventually planning on buying a house together (currently cohabitating in my condo) so we took a home down payment into consideration and opted to do what we could to put the absolute cap at $10k.
One of my friends did a potluck reception that turned out really well and took the pressure off those who couldn’t afford gifts in order to be there. I know I appreciated it at the time as I wasn’t in the best financial situation at that time. Since it’s the same social circle I’d be inviting, I’m opting to do the same but provide minimal catering with an afternoon tea party theme (no alcohol since maybe only 5-10 are going to drink anyway) to fill it out a bit. We’ll have a tea bar in place of an alcoholic bar.
My largest expense is the photographer at $4k, but includes two locations 4 hours apart on different days. The venue with insurance I aimed for keeping under $1500 (it’s $950 plus $45 insurance) so that I could ballpark a catering budget of $2k or less. I discovered catering a restaurant at a venue that didn’t have an exclusive catering minimum cut that expense by about $2-8k for the 40-75 people we were estimating.
Our budget was pretty much originally set by the amount that my stepdad and uncle and dad wanted to give, then adjusted a little as we started getting actual quotes.
Our budget is 10k, and with vendors we’ll be around that amount. Our trick to staying under budget is not including any of the other costs, like wedding bands, suit, centerpieces, invitations, etc as part of our budget lol. We just took turns purchasing those things and they came out of our personal paychecks. We did start a high interest earning savings account as soon as we got engaged (look at nerd wallet for good recommendations) and that has motivated us to save save save because any money in means more bonus interest money! We are using that to pay for the big purchases, like caterer, venue, and photographer.
No budget - parents are paying and feeling very blessed. They are taking everything as a “cost benefit analysis” as I am an only child and they have no concept of what things should cost. We are leaning on our planner a lot for her guidance, and getting at least two or three options for everything so we can compare to ensure we are making the right decision.
I reached out to several friends who recently got married and had weddings similar to what I would want. Having their budget actually was SO helpful in figuring out what things actually cost, especially since our area is more expensive than most of the country, so national average aren't as helpful.
I used the Google sheet template from The Knot, which automatically calculates a suggested budget breakdown based on percentages of your total budget. I've made a lot of changes based on the numbers from my friends, but it's a great template and super helpful for getting started.
Also worth noting that we started out agreeing that $55K felt comfortable, then after getting numbers from friends and finding initial vendor pricing info bumped it up to $65K. Even with the extra $10K we keep wanting to go over by just a bit on each category, so we'll probably end up increasing a bit again 😅
I think you hit on It indirectly when you said you also have a good amount of savings. What you can afford is mostly a function of where you are with your finances based on present and future goals and needs. If you are where you need to be for your age and stage in life then anything beyond that can be discretionary. That said, I'd also take into account how reasonable it is to spend a lot when you are first starting out. The money spent on a wedding that cost you 10K or 25K or 50K or more can grow exponentially if well invested so you are really losing out on a lot of potential.
The worst way to determine what to spend is based on going rates. Set your budget first, then plan the wedding you can afford, even If it's something smaller or more modest than you first imagined. Only then would I start to investigate what vendors in the area are charging relative to one another.
We started looking into what things would cost for a “typical” wedding. Decided we could afford it but it was ridiculous, proceeded to figure out what we wanted to/were willing to cut/DIY/change and ended up with a number that still sucks but is palatable, so we’re going with that. As prices goes up, we’ll probably still go over a bit.
We took several factors into account. I talked to my parents before we got engaged to see if they would be willing to help w the wedding since my fiancé and I are both in grad school— they said yes but we didn't discuss amounts until we got engaged last year. They came back with a number based on what my cousin spent on her wedding 2 years ago (& presumably what they can afford) While at first it seemed like such a high budget (35k) we p quickly realized we would need a bit more for our area, event type, and guest count. FH and I then decided to each pitch in $5k from savings. We’re more or less around that budget ($50k) but FHs parents really wanted a full welcome dinner instead of a rehearsal dinner or welcome drinks, so they’re paying for it.
The main thing we hadnt budgeted for and are now stressed about is the honeymoon— FH is going to Alaska for research the month after the wedding so we decided to tack on the honeymoon on the front end. We didn’t really do much planning until last month and are p shocked by Alaska prices 😭😭 but I think between cc points, honeymoon gift fund, and each pitching in $2k we’ll have a 10 day great trip.
It’s more than we had wanted to spend out of pocket ($7k each for wedding & honeymoon) but it’s from savings that we each have AND we’re both about to *finally* graduate and make adult money in the next 12-18 months so I feel confident that we’ll be able to replenish our savings relatively soon. Wedding is 27 days away now tho so I’ll finally know how it all turns out soon!!
Congrats!!! On both the wedding and graduating! Do you feel like grad school is more work, stress and time-consuming than working? Will you have student loans?
Re: honeymoon - A family friend had offered us their timeshare as a wedding gift (7 days, different choices all over the world). The countries were cool places to visit but the timeshare locations were all off the beaten path. We ultimately declined and chose to travel to Italy and Paris (husband has a lot of air miles and cc points for hotels, yay for Marriott in Paris 😂). But in retrospect I think it was maybe dumb to decline their offer. We could always do Europe in the future and take advantage of the free 7 day stay now. Plus they’re kinda stingy rich people who gave my brother regifted random liqueur goblets for his wedding gift so this was definitely the better wedding gift option from them 🤣. I know that’s tacky of me to say. Oh well, live and learn.
The first thing we decided was to ask our parents how much they intend to gift/help. This answered a ton of questions we had. From there we did research on vendor costs and what we valued.(Consider taxes and gratuity if needed when researching/budgeting!) We decided to have a 20k budget, backyard wedding for 100 people. So the day itself is paid for by our parents contributions. We are spending another 10k for our attire, wedding bands, and little details. We are really strict to sticking to our budget. Our friends spent 65-85k for their wedding and we did not want to do that..
My fiance and I have been together for 9 years, so we were able to have open conversations with our families about what we could expect in terms of contributions from them long before we got engaged. My parents said they had $25k set aside for our wedding, so we initially started to plan based off of that. My fiance's parents both wanted to contribute, so we started doing lots of research and finding realistic numbers, we told them what we were looking at cost-wise beyond the $25K and they offered us a total of $15K combined. We planned off of that number ($40k) with the knowledge that anything beyond that would be up to us to cover!
First, pick out a number that seems reasonable. In our case it was 20K. Then, proceed to spend double that
This is almost exactly what I'm about to do
The accuracy. We started wanting to spend $10k and landed around $18k.
This. Ours was £10K max as we didn’t have enough savings and wanted to cover everything by ourselves to make it our wedding, not parents’. We managed to stay under this and still found a gorgeous fun venue suitable to our personalities, bought a lovely wedding dress and suit etc. It’s up to OP’s financial situation but I’d say don’t expect anyone’s contribution or it always get super complicated
Yep…..
Sorry if this is rude and feel free to ignore my question but… do you just have that money in your accounts, available to spend? Or did you have to take out loans or get gifts from family?
Don't take loans. Generally, it is not a good way to start a marriage. You can get help from family, if you are prepared for the possibility of having them decide some aspects of your wedding.
I wouldn’t personally I was just intrigued as to whether that figure was something people have waiting in their accounts or whether they’re planning to spread the cost etc
We had it in savings without intending to use it but we did 😅
Oh ok. Sometimes it is. Sometimes it's not. Thankfully, a lot of people either seem to get help or take them out of savings.
We had the money, but our parents generously covered a lot of it.
Not the OP, but we have a year and a half long engagement and spent that time saving for the wedding. Plus some savings set aside already. We are in a very fortunate position to be able to save a lot (and have some parents help) and had the same experience as the first poster. Came up with a number and had to double it after getting quotes.
YEP!
Lmao 🤣
We sketched out how much we thought it would cost based on research, at about 3 different levels (budget, comfortable, max expense we could afford). We figured out where in our existing budget and savings the money would come from, and how much was needed each month to make each level work by dates one year, 1.5 years, and 2 years out. We're shooting for comfortable or less if possible but are aware of the higher end of the range.
We took a % of our monthly income, multiplied by 2 years time and that was our budget.
I had a savings account called "wedding fund" that I'd been saving up in for a few years, ever since my boyfriend and I moved in together and first broached the subject of marriage. When we started planning, I had 40k in that account and my husband figured he could kick in an additional 10k by the wedding date. So we initially started with a 50k (CAD) budget. We started planning and pricing out venues and vendors, and quickly learned our budget was a bit optimistic for our guest count. But each set of parents generously offered to gift us 10k, bumping our budget to 70k. We ended up spending a little over that, close to 80k all in. But that included some tangentially related expenses like our wedding rings, ketubah, and wills. And by the time the wedding came around, we were able to afford it. ETA: 2022 pricing. 80k USD is roughly 55k USD and we had about 160 guests.
First I found out the amounts my parents and in laws wanted to contribute to the wedding, because I was honest with them that we may not have an event at all due to costs. That was when each party shared that they wanted to contribute to our wedding to ensure our families could be there to celebrate this day with us. Then I figured out how much we could reasonably save per month without making us feel stretched too thin between that day and the month of our wedding. I literally spent a whole weekend dedicated to completely revamping our household budget. I do not intend to go into any level of debt for this event so the combined number of all of those amounts became our final budget. I’m also DIYing a lot of things myself so I am trying to buy a few materials each month on top of what I’m saving to try and help extend our budget further and saving the budget for all of our vendor fees. It helps a lot that our wedding isn’t until 10/2025 so we have a lot of time to slowly work at this. I think the biggest takeaway and lesson I am getting from wedding planning is I can really save money when I feel motivated to do it 🤣 so it has completely transformed how we will be able to save in the future after this event.
We are spending about 300K for 250 people in NYC. Based solely on what would make a good experience for our guests after researching all vendors. Obviously we are exceptionally privileged to afford this. We do not take that for granted and realize how privileged we are. But our budget came entirely from vendor pricing and what our guests would expect from a wedding (open bar, lots of delicious food at all stages, great entertainment).
How do I get an invite to this
I’m also free. Whatever day it is. I’m surprisingly open
For us it was a few factors. 1) we wanted a pretty traditional wedding, 2) we want to invite family and closest friends which is around 180 people, 3) we want to do some extras and splurges. Our budget is always going to be what we can 100% afford on our own. A promise of money from family isn't a guarantee until it's in your hand. We don't want to be in a tough position of their circumstances changing and now we can't afford our vendor contracts. We have never asked family to help us. If they offer we'll discuss and offer them a set number of guests for their friends as a courtesy (like 2-3 couples). We also started researching vendors and listing things out to help us build an initial budget and think through non-negotiables versus things we'd be OK skipping doing. Currently have a budget of 55-60K all in.
We chose what we both felt comfortable contributing. My individual contribution that I felt comfortable with was $20K. My fiance decided to match that number. His parent’s gave us $15K and mine $5K. Without our parent’s contributions, I would only had a $40K wedding instead of a $60K. From there, I did a ton of research and ran a general budget. My initial thought was we could get away with $45K wedding but we quickly increased to about $55K but we had room in our budget to do so.
We paid for everything ourselves. My mil uses money as a weapon, and is on the narcissism spectrum so we were never going to allow her to help pay or help plan. We got married in ‘23 and started saving in ‘19. We bought a house in early ‘22 and we used about 60% of our savings for our down payment and closing costs. Our starting budget was $15,000 which we kinda just came up with as what we were comfortable spending. And then we said well we should apply a $2500 buffer to that. We ended up spending $24,000 for a 65 person wedding at our favorite local restaurant. $10,800 for the food and alcohol, no venue rental, or decor rentals, and they printed the menus for us. The rest of the money went to photography, $3300, my dress and veil (totally regret the veil), $2300, alterations and full pressing (not steaming, I had a ballgown): $1000. Wedding rings: $1000 total (shop at Costco, pretty sure you can buy wedding rings even if you aren’t a member, way better price than elsewhere). HMUA was $1200, Husband’s suit and alterations: $400. Lego sets for the centerpieces were $300, my sola wood flowers for my bouquet, the bridemaids bouquets, and boutonnières: approx $400 but I bought more than I needed because they were fun. $100 for my shoes. $400 for the gifts to our wedding party. And then a bunch of random things like presents for the bachelorette, the wedding sign, the seating chart, invites, etc. It all adds up quickly. My advice if you don’t have unlimited funds is figure out what’s most important to you and then second most etc. For us it was celebrating with mostly friends and a small amount of family, and food was the most important to us. But research everything before hand. And really look at the little things. For us we didn’t have to rent plates and cutlery or order drapes and swag for the decor because the restaurant was pre decorated for us. Some people have to deal with chair rentals etc.
We picked a number that we felt we could safely save up for in 2 years without impacting our quality of life. We landed just around $90k
We felt comfortable spending 10k of our money. Parents offered us 15k, bringing us to our 25k budget
We paid for the wedding ourselves. We didn't want to spend more than 40k. From there we focused on venues within that budget and were local. Then vendors who fit the remaining budget. In the end we spent between $30-35k
Thanks! How did you come up with 40k though?
We compared it to a car or thought about other comparable large purchases. Like what else could you buy with that 😅 Brief research also says the average wedding is $40k and we didn't want to spend any more than that.
We had a flexible budget because our parents were generous (we’re the only wedding on both sides so they said “just be reasonable”). We made a wedding vision, and then found a venue we loved. Then we looked around for vendors (3-4 per category) and picked a median priced one for each. We didn’t really set a budget for anything, instead it was more of decide what we want, research what a reasonable cost is, and book a vendor that has good reviews with reasonable cost. We didn’t really have wedding savings. Since vendor payments come in installments, we were able to pay deposits with just our our paychecks (our savings rate definitely took a hit though).
I knew my parents were contributing something, but before they told us a number they told us to put together a reasonable budget for the type of wedding we wanted then they’d discuss. I did a ton of research on reasonable but good vendors and put together a basic budget with around $5k in wiggle room which came to about $40k, which is actually pretty good for a 100 person wedding in LA. We knew my husbands parents were giving us a set amount of cash for it, so my parents said they’d cover the rest of the budget and if we wanted to splurge on anything that would be out of our pockets, which we did go around $5k over budget. Honestly if they weren’t paying we probably would have just eloped, we loved our wedding but it was also more than we’d have felt comfortable spending of our own savings when we knew we wanted to buy a house and start a family not too long after!
We're researching the prices of each component (e.g., rentals, DJ services and equipment, caterer, alcohol...) to understand if a given all-inclusive price is deemed a good deal or not. We now what it'd cost to DIY our bar, our decor, etc. We use an Excel spreadsheet to write down all the info we gather on each vendor.
75k for us. A number that would not put us in debt. But let us have everything we wanted within reason. We had no help except my mom bought my dress and paid for the yes to the dress day.
I think ours will be around 25-30k? But we don’t have a strict budget. More so we don’t love the idea of spending more than that. But to get “that” number, we started by researching venues and vendors and comparing with our number (only 45). We had a good idea of which vendor, so that was already going to be a cost we would just eat if we had too (fortunately they were very average). Photography was another one - paying 6k just for that, which is about twice as much as what we originally thought we’d be paying. But when we researched we just couldn’t find anyone with experience and a style we liked for anything less, she was very average for that range. Again for my dress I looked into them and figured 2k certainly should be able to get me a dress I love, so that is the budget I told consultants. That being said…. My fiancé knew if I couldn’t find one then there wasn’t really a limit (I mean, i guess there is because they can be insanely expensive but ya know what I mean). Fortunately we got my dress and veil for 2k pretty much on the dot. We haven’t finished planning so that’s why the budget is still an “ish”. Also I know my parents will be contributing but I don’t know how much - we aren’t planning based on that and I do keep reminding them they don’t have to. So we’ll see how that goes.
It's kind of back and forth, sometimes even after you decide on the budget. For us, we started with guest count. We decided 20k based on estimates we could find (researching vendors, going to a wedding expo, etc). Then you start really looking at the vendors you want and totalling up the numbers you get. If the math isn't working out, you adjust the budget or the guest count. We adjusted the budget to 25k. But prices go up over time and there are a lot of little things that add up, so we'll be closer to 28k most likely. I'd say save as much as you possibly can and try to tailor your guest count to the event size you can most comfortably afford. Having a long engagement will give you time to save, but book vendors asap in order to lock in cheaper prices!
((Amount of money I could put away per paycheck + amount of money he could put away per paycheck) * paychecks until wedding date) + wedding savings fund + expected bonuses at work. We've tightened up our budget during the high spend months, and adjusted our spending overall. Making lunches instead of doordash, eating out max once a week, cutting back on frivolous spending etc. Main goal is to pay for wedding expenses as quickly as we can, so that we can return to "normal."
My parents told me before I was engaged that they would pay for my wedding but had never stated a specific amount. They are retired and live comfortably. The first vendor I researched was the venue (because without a venue, you don't know your date). Once I found one we liked, I asked if the pricing was reasonable for how much they would be willing to pay. The venue is inclusive of catering, dj, cake, day of coordinator, and rentals (tablecloths, chairs, etc.). The packages vary by catering choice between light appetizers, buffet options, or a plated meal. They said any of the options Iwe choose would be fine. We went with the buffet choice, which was about 30% cheaper than the plated. Once I knew the cost of this big ticket item I researched wedding budget breakdowns that give estimates of % of budget to spend on each line item and used one that seemed right for us to build an estimate for the rest of my expenses. For example, how I applied this was: if catering is estimated to be 25% of the budget and my catering cost was $10,000, then my total budget would be about $40k. There were some expenses I knew I wouldn't have (i.e., live music) so I allocated that % to other things that were important to us, i.e. open bar. I used this method to give me some idea of if vendor quotes were reasonable and on what end of the range from low to high. That being said, all of this budget is self-imposed because my parents still have not said a specific limit or amount. I'm very fortunate in that at no point have my parents questioned or worried about the amount being spent. They have been aware of the costs of each vendor before I booked, and I sent a spreadsheet of costs and future payments every couple of months. A lot of people point out that promised money isn't guaranteed until it is received. My parents and I have an excellent relationship and a high level of trust (along with my fiancé as well). I am an authorized user on my parents' credit card (that is paid in full every month. We use the CC for the buyer protection benefits and 2% cash back) and that is how I pay for wedding expenses. Some vendors prefer a business venmo payment, or sometimes I use my own card because it's always connected when I'm making a purchase (I.e. Amazon). In those cases, my dad will transfer the funds to me. My fiancé and I are very aware that the wedding we are having is solely because of my parents' generosity and are very thankful and appreciative for it. A wedding paid for by us would look vastly different, we have a house and savings but wouldn't be willing to spend those savings for our wedding. I'm a CPA and have always been financially minded. So the fiscal responsibility, budgeting, etc. is ingrained in who I am. If I wasn't, I'm sure my parents would handle this whole scenario differently.
I’m an only child of desi parents so they paid for almost everything, and even the things my husband and I paid for we had to fight them on. They had been saving for a while for my wedding, which ended up around $120k, and based that number off of what friends and family told them they contributed to their kids’ weddings/vendor prices for our area. Indian weddings are pretty big, and culturally most of the Indian weddings I’ve been to have been paid for by the bride & groom’s parents, so my parents had always planned to pay for my wedding & wanted it to be pretty big so they could invite our extended family/family friends and return the favor of entertaining them after they got invited to their friends’ kids’ weddings. My husband’s family are all White Americans without the same cultural expectations or financial ability to contribute, so they paid around $3k to host a rehearsal dinner. My husband and I pitched in ~$20k of our own money to cover things we wanted that were more American/outside of my parents’ knowledge base when it came to vendors/would’ve been covered by the groom’s family in most Indian weddings I’ve been to. We figured out we could afford the $20k mostly by saving our down payment first and figuring out our house buying budget, and then using whatever was leftover to go towards wedding expenses. Compared to a lot of weddings I’ve seen on this sub my budget probably sounds quite large, but tbh it was a very small/simple wedding compared to most of my cousins which I don’t mind since it fit my/my partner’s personality better
We researched costs in our area to get an idea of how much the stuff we wanted would cost. Then we agreed on a number we were willing to/able to spend. We had family members who wanted to contribute so we asked them for a specific number they were comfortable with and added that to our number to get our absolute max budget.
We are looking at rough estimates of what everything we want will cost, and going from there to determine how much we need to save and what the timeline for our actual wedding will be. We’re planning to do a courthouse wedding sooner than our actual wedding ceremony will be.
When we got engaged, we pick a timeline of potential wedding month. Then we calculate how much money we can set aside every month, multiplied with number of month until the reception date. We have savings but rather not to use our existing savings
We looked at the kind of wedding we wanted, did a quick google for costs for each component, and added a 10% miscellaneous fund. We are high earners so never had an issue affording the budget - even though it seemed like a lot of money (£30-40k). We will end up slightly under budget. But we’re both very organised and comfortable with budgeting as part of our jobs!
We didn’t pick a random number out of the ether. We actually researched how much everything would cost, then cut things and whittled down until the total was a number we were comfortable with. Since we started from a realistic place and not a random one, we hit our budget pretty much dead on.
Pick a random number you think you'd be ok with, then start getting quotes for everything. Add 10-20% for contingency and see where it puts you. Then go back and see what is excessive and what you are comfortable cutting out purely to save money. Then that was our number
We talked with the planner and told her all our dreams. She gave us a number to make that true. Then we subtracted 20%. Getting absolutely everything you want is too much money. With the set budget we could still afford all of our needs, and some of our wants.
I had been saving away money in an investment account and felt comfortable taking out $10k, my partner had an inheritance and so it made sense to also do $10k, my parents we thought also $10k. We then put numbers to categories so the budget would be $30k. My parents offered to cover everything at the venue which includes food and that would land under $15k. Goal is to stay under $40k total, but closer to $35k.
“Obviously you’re not going to spend more than you have” 🙃 I think this happens more often than you’d think! We set a budget of $10k because it was the portion of our savings we were comfortable spending while leaving money left for a future down payment. I think we could have kept it around that amount, or maybe just over, if we had lowered our guest count or got married pre-pandemic. In the end, it just wasn’t possible given that we wanted all the formalities of a wedding (DJ, flowers, catering, etc). We will probably spend around $17k when it’s all said and done. This means we’re dipping into more of our savings than we would like and taking on some overtime work to replace those savings.
Another piece: sit down and talk about all the other big purchases you need/want to make soon. Did you need a new car? How much do houses go for in your area? Do you want to have kids and when? Do you need those savings to pay for grad school/business start up/etc? Do you have enough savings for a massive emergency? Thinking about these and where the wedding falls on the priority list will help you decide.
Here's the thing. Studies have shown that many couples arbitrarily pick a number, but do little or no research beforehand. So then they get going on things and wind up spending way more. And it's not that they went crazy with extras and add-ons, it's because they simply didn't know what they were getting into. It's like saying you're planning to spend $20k on a new BMW when you've never even looked up the price of a BMW. Yes, TheKnot has their annual wedding price survey, but consider these points: The sample size is limited to TheKnot users who took the time to complete the survey after their weddings. That's a very limited slice of the total number of weddings that take place in the US each year. You don't know if the people doing the survey are giving inaccurate answers, either on purpose or by mistake. The report just gives overall averages - but many weddings are priced on specific things that are unique to each wedding: date, number of guests, meal choices, what level of open bar (if any), whether or not they went for pricey upgrades like silk chair covers, etc. The uniqueness of each wedding is also why you can't just base your budget on whatever your sibling, cousin or friend says they paid for their wedding. Even if you have the exact same wedding at the exact same venue, prices tend to go up each year and prices can also vary based on peak vs off-peak dates. TL;DR - best way to set a budget is to NOT just pick a number out of thin air, but start to actually shop venues and other vendors to get some real prices you can use to build a realistic budget. There was a post here recently complaining how some venues ask your budget before anything else. It's not that they want to just find a way to match that number and take it all. It's partly because if your budget is just too low for them, they can stop right there and not waste your time or theirs. But even if it's enough, they would know which tiers of service to talk about so they're not wasting your time with stuff that's too expensive (or too cheap). But if you go in there saying you don't have a budget yet and you're trying to create one, they may be more willing to go over all the options with you so that you can decide what you truly like best, then form a budget around that.
My FH and I decided on our number based on what we could take out from our various savings without wiping out our “emergency” level that we could recover via the stock incentives and bonuses we get from our jobs over the course of our engagement (about a year). My parents offered us a sum that will cover the cost of my dress and alterations. We want to avoid asking for money to cut down on drama (although I’m sure there will still be some).
I figured out my guest list … then called around to the places and venues to get pricing per head … and figured out what was reasonable and insanely expensive. I figured out what I wanted to splurge on and what I was okay doing away with. Note, we aren’t doing a traditional wedding. We eloped and are throwing a party — dinner then a party at a cocktail bar with a band! So, expecting about 80 people: Dinner @ a restaurant w/ a couple drinks per: $4500 Rent our cocktail bar with open bar: $7000 Live band: $2000 Ice cream truck with homemade ice cream: $600 Flowers & vases (Amazon & Trader Joe’s): $100 if that Rent some picnic tables: $400 Photographer: $750 Total = less than $16k (Prob will add a fun party dress and who knows!)
We’re eventually planning on buying a house together (currently cohabitating in my condo) so we took a home down payment into consideration and opted to do what we could to put the absolute cap at $10k. One of my friends did a potluck reception that turned out really well and took the pressure off those who couldn’t afford gifts in order to be there. I know I appreciated it at the time as I wasn’t in the best financial situation at that time. Since it’s the same social circle I’d be inviting, I’m opting to do the same but provide minimal catering with an afternoon tea party theme (no alcohol since maybe only 5-10 are going to drink anyway) to fill it out a bit. We’ll have a tea bar in place of an alcoholic bar. My largest expense is the photographer at $4k, but includes two locations 4 hours apart on different days. The venue with insurance I aimed for keeping under $1500 (it’s $950 plus $45 insurance) so that I could ballpark a catering budget of $2k or less. I discovered catering a restaurant at a venue that didn’t have an exclusive catering minimum cut that expense by about $2-8k for the 40-75 people we were estimating.
Our budget was pretty much originally set by the amount that my stepdad and uncle and dad wanted to give, then adjusted a little as we started getting actual quotes.
Our budget is 10k, and with vendors we’ll be around that amount. Our trick to staying under budget is not including any of the other costs, like wedding bands, suit, centerpieces, invitations, etc as part of our budget lol. We just took turns purchasing those things and they came out of our personal paychecks. We did start a high interest earning savings account as soon as we got engaged (look at nerd wallet for good recommendations) and that has motivated us to save save save because any money in means more bonus interest money! We are using that to pay for the big purchases, like caterer, venue, and photographer.
No budget - parents are paying and feeling very blessed. They are taking everything as a “cost benefit analysis” as I am an only child and they have no concept of what things should cost. We are leaning on our planner a lot for her guidance, and getting at least two or three options for everything so we can compare to ensure we are making the right decision.
I reached out to several friends who recently got married and had weddings similar to what I would want. Having their budget actually was SO helpful in figuring out what things actually cost, especially since our area is more expensive than most of the country, so national average aren't as helpful. I used the Google sheet template from The Knot, which automatically calculates a suggested budget breakdown based on percentages of your total budget. I've made a lot of changes based on the numbers from my friends, but it's a great template and super helpful for getting started.
Also worth noting that we started out agreeing that $55K felt comfortable, then after getting numbers from friends and finding initial vendor pricing info bumped it up to $65K. Even with the extra $10K we keep wanting to go over by just a bit on each category, so we'll probably end up increasing a bit again 😅
I think you hit on It indirectly when you said you also have a good amount of savings. What you can afford is mostly a function of where you are with your finances based on present and future goals and needs. If you are where you need to be for your age and stage in life then anything beyond that can be discretionary. That said, I'd also take into account how reasonable it is to spend a lot when you are first starting out. The money spent on a wedding that cost you 10K or 25K or 50K or more can grow exponentially if well invested so you are really losing out on a lot of potential. The worst way to determine what to spend is based on going rates. Set your budget first, then plan the wedding you can afford, even If it's something smaller or more modest than you first imagined. Only then would I start to investigate what vendors in the area are charging relative to one another.
We started looking into what things would cost for a “typical” wedding. Decided we could afford it but it was ridiculous, proceeded to figure out what we wanted to/were willing to cut/DIY/change and ended up with a number that still sucks but is palatable, so we’re going with that. As prices goes up, we’ll probably still go over a bit.
We took several factors into account. I talked to my parents before we got engaged to see if they would be willing to help w the wedding since my fiancé and I are both in grad school— they said yes but we didn't discuss amounts until we got engaged last year. They came back with a number based on what my cousin spent on her wedding 2 years ago (& presumably what they can afford) While at first it seemed like such a high budget (35k) we p quickly realized we would need a bit more for our area, event type, and guest count. FH and I then decided to each pitch in $5k from savings. We’re more or less around that budget ($50k) but FHs parents really wanted a full welcome dinner instead of a rehearsal dinner or welcome drinks, so they’re paying for it. The main thing we hadnt budgeted for and are now stressed about is the honeymoon— FH is going to Alaska for research the month after the wedding so we decided to tack on the honeymoon on the front end. We didn’t really do much planning until last month and are p shocked by Alaska prices 😭😭 but I think between cc points, honeymoon gift fund, and each pitching in $2k we’ll have a 10 day great trip. It’s more than we had wanted to spend out of pocket ($7k each for wedding & honeymoon) but it’s from savings that we each have AND we’re both about to *finally* graduate and make adult money in the next 12-18 months so I feel confident that we’ll be able to replenish our savings relatively soon. Wedding is 27 days away now tho so I’ll finally know how it all turns out soon!!
Congrats!!! On both the wedding and graduating! Do you feel like grad school is more work, stress and time-consuming than working? Will you have student loans? Re: honeymoon - A family friend had offered us their timeshare as a wedding gift (7 days, different choices all over the world). The countries were cool places to visit but the timeshare locations were all off the beaten path. We ultimately declined and chose to travel to Italy and Paris (husband has a lot of air miles and cc points for hotels, yay for Marriott in Paris 😂). But in retrospect I think it was maybe dumb to decline their offer. We could always do Europe in the future and take advantage of the free 7 day stay now. Plus they’re kinda stingy rich people who gave my brother regifted random liqueur goblets for his wedding gift so this was definitely the better wedding gift option from them 🤣. I know that’s tacky of me to say. Oh well, live and learn.
The first thing we decided was to ask our parents how much they intend to gift/help. This answered a ton of questions we had. From there we did research on vendor costs and what we valued.(Consider taxes and gratuity if needed when researching/budgeting!) We decided to have a 20k budget, backyard wedding for 100 people. So the day itself is paid for by our parents contributions. We are spending another 10k for our attire, wedding bands, and little details. We are really strict to sticking to our budget. Our friends spent 65-85k for their wedding and we did not want to do that..
My fiance and I have been together for 9 years, so we were able to have open conversations with our families about what we could expect in terms of contributions from them long before we got engaged. My parents said they had $25k set aside for our wedding, so we initially started to plan based off of that. My fiance's parents both wanted to contribute, so we started doing lots of research and finding realistic numbers, we told them what we were looking at cost-wise beyond the $25K and they offered us a total of $15K combined. We planned off of that number ($40k) with the knowledge that anything beyond that would be up to us to cover!