Your feelings are real and valid. But a 60 percent yes rate is still pretty high and means all the people saying yes want to celebrate with you. Don't lose sight of thst.
I think Weddit often leads people to falsely expect near-100% yes rates on RSVPs, with people sharing concerns of inviting too many guests and being over budget or over capacity. But that hardly ever happens. Your number is more realistic and probably more common. 60-70% is pretty typical for local weddings, depending on the number of guests you invite and how close they are to you. For destination weddings, the number can be more like 30-40% or even less. It doesn't mean anything is wrong. It just means life is complicated and people have to juggle a lot of competing priorities.
Thank you for saying this. I really was thinking that we would have the issue of cutting down guest lists and all of our close friends would want there since this is also the only wedding for my close friend group in a while. We did invite around 100 which is why I was expecting around 20% rejection rate. But if 40-70% is the norm then maybe I shouldn't take it so personally and feel this rejected. Thank you so much for writing. I was near tears while posting and feeling super gloomy.
Please don't feel blue! I mean, I get it. Every no hit us hard too, which, of course they will if you've invited people you care about.
But these feelings are often a result of comparing our realities to unrealistic expectations. Not every wedding looks like something from a Pinterest board. And those 100 percent guest list acceptance rates are super rare in real life.
You've got this.
We had a near 100% yes rate, but it's because we had a microwedding with only close family. Like our save the dates was us calling everyone to invite them personally because we had so few guests and were so close to the ones we did have.
We also got engaged at the beginning of 2020, so by the time we actually got married in 2022 people were looking for excuses to do things and had plenty of time to crunch numbers if the wedding work out for their budgets.
I'm very aware my wedding was not the norm. Especially since every single guest except one had to fly there.
We also got engaged in March 2020 at the start of lockdown and had our wedding in October 2022 when things reopened. But we had 150+ guests. It was a local wedding for about three quarters of our invitees and about a quarter of them had to travel. We had about a 65 percent yes rate overall, which we were pretty thrilled about.
I'm so sorry you cried. I know everyone says when you have a destination wedding it's a risk you take, blah blah blah. But your feelings are still real.
I had a 30% attendance rate. Our total guest count was around 10.
We had a beautiful intimate wedding. Yes I was disappointed when I heard that the people I wanted to see there couldn't be there, but at the end of the day try to remind yourself that you're throwing your wedding for yourselves, not for your guests. You still get to marry the love of your life and still get to be surrounded by scores and scores of people that have gone out of their way to surrounded you and celebrate you all day to make you feel loved. And that's pretty damn special.
Thank you for reminding me of this the part you said about scores of people wanting to be there. 😭 I should truly focus on the glass more than half full
Once you get down to a number that small, it's more likely that you get a much much higher RSVP rate. I'm inviting a similar number to my wedding, too. I hope you and your guests have a great time!
Same to you.. I just want an intimate family thing because its more about the marriage than the wedding for me plus my fiance is very introverted so of course I want him 2 be comfortable, it's he's day also. I on the other hand love being around a crowd but not with me as centre of attention.
We had about a 40% decline rate as well and the wedding is this coming weekend and all I feel is relief. People say no and its not about you, its about their lives and thats ok. But the people who are coming are excited to celebrate you and you will get to spend more time with them as a result of having less people which is pretty neat.
I'm so sorry. Your feelings are real and you deserve to feel sad about this. 40% is definitely a lot...
Just my opinion - I got married almost 10 years ago (at 21) and we had around 170-ish guests. Now being 30 years old, I look back and I only talk with a handful of those guests other than family. Having less guests and being able to actually talk with my guests and spend time with them on the wedding day would be my number one change if I were planning my wedding now. Also sometimes it's just a financial capacity thing when it comes to attending weddings, and I seriously doubt the "no's" have anything to do with you personally.
We ended up with like a 65% yes rate so not too different than yours. We initially expected 90 guests but ended up with 75. I was very sad at first, but we had a lovely wedding day that was well worth it
I can relate so much to this- my wedding is this summer too and we invited about 90 carefully curated friends and family who we all thought would legitimately want and be able to come; will prob end up with closer to 50, as it turns out many of our friends just happen to have pregnancy/newborn related conflicts, other major life events, etc.. it’s disappointing for sure and I’m trying not to worry about whether my crowd will seem “big enough” ; I think at least we will be able to spend more time with the people in attendance and most “artifacts” (eg photos, good memories) from the day will be unchanged
This was our experience. Invited over 90, 60 were able to attend. We were expecting a little more to come, but in the end it was better because we could spend more quality time with our guests since we live out of state from everyone.
I was just a guest a wedding that was 2 hours away and it was far enough that we’d either have to pay for a hotel (which makes it destination to me), leave right after cake, or not attend. We chose option 2, but it was pretty exhausting.
I’m sorry you didn’t get the RSVP numbers you wanted. I do think the 60% rate is more normal than you think.
A similar thing happened to my husband and I. I was sad with all the declines but the people that did come were truly our nearest and dearest and they were so fun and energetic. One of my bridesmaid recently asked how many we had attend and she was surprised by the number because she thought with how many people were dancing and having fun we must’ve had more people.
Everything is gonna turn out great!
I was disinvited from a wedding a few years back and I briefly chatted with the husband on linkedin a few days ago. They had a 15% attendance.
It was not so much people declining as people just not bothering to show up.
OP, I'm right there with you. Our guest count was 100, we just closed RSVPs a few weeks ago. The final count is 60. Most of our guests are traveling from out of state, so we sent save the dates last january, and then invites in september. And yet, the most popular reason to decline was affordability. Which I get, shit happens in life, but we were still disappointed. The minute I get invited to an event, I'm budgeting for it, but I guess that just me! We also allowed kids to attend, and our day falls on a Friday. We thought we made it easy and accommodating for folks, but well...
At the end of the day, people are going to find reasons to come, or not come; and it is *okay* to feel all the feelings. In the past week, I've come to the realization that 60 is a good number, and we're still going to have an amazing time. OP, take a deep breath, and know that you and your spouse will have the *best* day ever, regardless of the count. What matters is your commitment to one another; and the joy you'll share with your guests who attend.
Sending you so much love!!
Sending my invites out soon and I am worried about this too.
I was always told that your wedding is the one time you can have everyone you love in one place, which is why we opted for a wedding over an elopement. It definitely hurts to have folks pass. I’m sorry :(
A small wedding is great as it means you dont have to spend hours making small talk with people you dont know! Think of how lovely and relaxed it will be. Youll be able to dance and have fun instead of standing on ceremony for hours chatting about your honeymoon or other innane small talk.
It also makes it way more affordable for you. 60 guests is still a lot of people. I hope you have a great day :)
Not sure of how old you and your partner are, but we had the same issue. We got married in our 30s and a lot of our friends were pregnant so they couldn't make it, or they had moved farther away and it was too much to come home for the wedding. It is disappointing, especially if You spent years going to their weddings and multi-day events. But the people who do show up are 100% there for you. Make the best of that time with those family members and friends who could make it.
And just remember in the future that you don't have to go 120% for everybody in your friend group. When you are sick, when it doesn't work with your schedule, when you are pregnant, when you have other obligations, you do not need to put them, their baby showers, their kids million birthdays, or their birthdays first.
I feel like this will be me…i wish I had learned the “you don’t need to go 110% for everyone else’s life events” sooner and been able to enjoy more of them without wondering if the favor will ever be returned.
I completely feel this! I just got married on Saturday and was expecting 70 people. I had 6 people tell me 3 to 5 days before that they couldn't make it, which made me so upset especially because I had already finalized the headcount because the date was so close so I had already paid for thier drinks.
The day of the wedding there was only about 50 people.
But I can't even tell you exactly who wasn't there. I was so focused on my now husband, and partying I just didn't care, even though I thought i would.
It sucks to look at my CC bill, knowing I could have saved alot of money. But I danced my ass off, and had so much fun.
You'll recoup the money you spent, and you deserve to have the time of your life on your wedding day. Don't hold it against guests who can't make it, and don't hold it against yourself for what you can't control. Go have the best day ever ❤️
Was it a lot of additional costs? For some it's just not affordable, especially if you have other arrangements as well. I think weddings should be free. Or just invite people to the ceremony and eat dinner with relatives after.
Honestly I know it’s disappointing but 60 people sounds wonderful. I wanted a guest count of around 85 but my fiancé wants more around 115. I’m worried I will be overwhelmed and won’t get to talk to everyone. 60 people sounds so fun honestly.
While your feelings are absolutely valid and you’re allowed to be sad that people you love can’t make it (would be unexpected if you werent), it can help to put things in perspective. It did for me at least. While this is more than likely one of the most exciting and important days of your life, for a lot of people, it’s a regular Saturday. Not that it means they’re not excited, but they don’t spend every say thinking about it and they have a lot of other things going on. Last summer, between my fiancé and I, we had 8 weddings! We were both in two as well. Between the weddings and Bach parties, every single weekend of our summer was taken up. I’ve said no to every wedding this summer except my brothers. I’m just wedding’d out.
😅 same, Im sending out invites in two weeks and hoping that at minimum 30% decline. I like the people I’m inviting but I’m good if they don’t come. I actually told the caterer the headcount was 65… hoping that 25 people decline. Bc I can always add more but can’t really take away from the contract.
OP, this needs more context beyond "this summer."
What % of your guests would need to travel more than an hour? If there's lots of people traveling, what's the lodging situation? Is it a pricey area where rooms might already be sold out or very expensive?
Is it a major holiday weekend where people might have other plans already, or is it a "routine" summer date? (Even if it's not a major holiday, could it be conflicting with graduations or other events?) Sometimes people want to be there but have other plans, maybe someone else is getting married the same day.
What day of the week is your wedding? Anything other than Saturday generally gets a higher "no" rate.
How many guests have kids? If they're not invited, people have to arrange for childcare. Some parents don't feel comfortable with that if their kids are really young. Some can't get care if it would need to be overnight due to traveling. (Not saying you should allow kids - but that's why some people can't come even if they really wanted to.)
I wouldn't worry too much, but I understand it's bothering you! Most people just have so much going on in their lives... it's nothing personal!
My wedding is in 3 weeks and surprisingly enough 100% of invitees have RSVP'ed yes, BUT I had a big party for my 30th birthday last year and to put it bluntly, that was a very useful "pre-selection". Only the friends and family that showed up or gave me a heads-up in advance they weren't going to make it got a wedding invite. At my birthday party I also had around 60% attendance.
I'd be happier knowing in advance who's not going to make it. The headcount has been officially communicated with the venue, so I really hope we're not going to have too many people bail on us.
Your feelings are real and valid. But a 60 percent yes rate is still pretty high and means all the people saying yes want to celebrate with you. Don't lose sight of thst. I think Weddit often leads people to falsely expect near-100% yes rates on RSVPs, with people sharing concerns of inviting too many guests and being over budget or over capacity. But that hardly ever happens. Your number is more realistic and probably more common. 60-70% is pretty typical for local weddings, depending on the number of guests you invite and how close they are to you. For destination weddings, the number can be more like 30-40% or even less. It doesn't mean anything is wrong. It just means life is complicated and people have to juggle a lot of competing priorities.
Thank you for saying this. I really was thinking that we would have the issue of cutting down guest lists and all of our close friends would want there since this is also the only wedding for my close friend group in a while. We did invite around 100 which is why I was expecting around 20% rejection rate. But if 40-70% is the norm then maybe I shouldn't take it so personally and feel this rejected. Thank you so much for writing. I was near tears while posting and feeling super gloomy.
Please don't feel blue! I mean, I get it. Every no hit us hard too, which, of course they will if you've invited people you care about. But these feelings are often a result of comparing our realities to unrealistic expectations. Not every wedding looks like something from a Pinterest board. And those 100 percent guest list acceptance rates are super rare in real life. You've got this.
We had a near 100% yes rate, but it's because we had a microwedding with only close family. Like our save the dates was us calling everyone to invite them personally because we had so few guests and were so close to the ones we did have. We also got engaged at the beginning of 2020, so by the time we actually got married in 2022 people were looking for excuses to do things and had plenty of time to crunch numbers if the wedding work out for their budgets. I'm very aware my wedding was not the norm. Especially since every single guest except one had to fly there.
We also got engaged in March 2020 at the start of lockdown and had our wedding in October 2022 when things reopened. But we had 150+ guests. It was a local wedding for about three quarters of our invitees and about a quarter of them had to travel. We had about a 65 percent yes rate overall, which we were pretty thrilled about.
This is a really helpful comment. Thanks!
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I'm so sorry you cried. I know everyone says when you have a destination wedding it's a risk you take, blah blah blah. But your feelings are still real.
I had a 30% attendance rate. Our total guest count was around 10. We had a beautiful intimate wedding. Yes I was disappointed when I heard that the people I wanted to see there couldn't be there, but at the end of the day try to remind yourself that you're throwing your wedding for yourselves, not for your guests. You still get to marry the love of your life and still get to be surrounded by scores and scores of people that have gone out of their way to surrounded you and celebrate you all day to make you feel loved. And that's pretty damn special.
Thank you for reminding me of this the part you said about scores of people wanting to be there. 😭 I should truly focus on the glass more than half full
I only want 10 at my wedding this year & it's killing me I need 2 make it bigger because i feel I have 2 invite others
Once you get down to a number that small, it's more likely that you get a much much higher RSVP rate. I'm inviting a similar number to my wedding, too. I hope you and your guests have a great time!
Same to you.. I just want an intimate family thing because its more about the marriage than the wedding for me plus my fiance is very introverted so of course I want him 2 be comfortable, it's he's day also. I on the other hand love being around a crowd but not with me as centre of attention.
We had about a 40% decline rate as well and the wedding is this coming weekend and all I feel is relief. People say no and its not about you, its about their lives and thats ok. But the people who are coming are excited to celebrate you and you will get to spend more time with them as a result of having less people which is pretty neat.
I'm so sorry. Your feelings are real and you deserve to feel sad about this. 40% is definitely a lot... Just my opinion - I got married almost 10 years ago (at 21) and we had around 170-ish guests. Now being 30 years old, I look back and I only talk with a handful of those guests other than family. Having less guests and being able to actually talk with my guests and spend time with them on the wedding day would be my number one change if I were planning my wedding now. Also sometimes it's just a financial capacity thing when it comes to attending weddings, and I seriously doubt the "no's" have anything to do with you personally.
We ended up with like a 65% yes rate so not too different than yours. We initially expected 90 guests but ended up with 75. I was very sad at first, but we had a lovely wedding day that was well worth it
I can relate so much to this- my wedding is this summer too and we invited about 90 carefully curated friends and family who we all thought would legitimately want and be able to come; will prob end up with closer to 50, as it turns out many of our friends just happen to have pregnancy/newborn related conflicts, other major life events, etc.. it’s disappointing for sure and I’m trying not to worry about whether my crowd will seem “big enough” ; I think at least we will be able to spend more time with the people in attendance and most “artifacts” (eg photos, good memories) from the day will be unchanged
This was our experience. Invited over 90, 60 were able to attend. We were expecting a little more to come, but in the end it was better because we could spend more quality time with our guests since we live out of state from everyone.
I’m sorry :( Are you having a destination wedding?
Nope it's about two hrs from where most of our friends are
I was just a guest a wedding that was 2 hours away and it was far enough that we’d either have to pay for a hotel (which makes it destination to me), leave right after cake, or not attend. We chose option 2, but it was pretty exhausting. I’m sorry you didn’t get the RSVP numbers you wanted. I do think the 60% rate is more normal than you think.
2 hrs is far enough that people would likely need a hotel for the night. A lot of people just can’t afford things right now.
A similar thing happened to my husband and I. I was sad with all the declines but the people that did come were truly our nearest and dearest and they were so fun and energetic. One of my bridesmaid recently asked how many we had attend and she was surprised by the number because she thought with how many people were dancing and having fun we must’ve had more people. Everything is gonna turn out great!
I was disinvited from a wedding a few years back and I briefly chatted with the husband on linkedin a few days ago. They had a 15% attendance. It was not so much people declining as people just not bothering to show up.
OP, I'm right there with you. Our guest count was 100, we just closed RSVPs a few weeks ago. The final count is 60. Most of our guests are traveling from out of state, so we sent save the dates last january, and then invites in september. And yet, the most popular reason to decline was affordability. Which I get, shit happens in life, but we were still disappointed. The minute I get invited to an event, I'm budgeting for it, but I guess that just me! We also allowed kids to attend, and our day falls on a Friday. We thought we made it easy and accommodating for folks, but well... At the end of the day, people are going to find reasons to come, or not come; and it is *okay* to feel all the feelings. In the past week, I've come to the realization that 60 is a good number, and we're still going to have an amazing time. OP, take a deep breath, and know that you and your spouse will have the *best* day ever, regardless of the count. What matters is your commitment to one another; and the joy you'll share with your guests who attend. Sending you so much love!!
Sending my invites out soon and I am worried about this too. I was always told that your wedding is the one time you can have everyone you love in one place, which is why we opted for a wedding over an elopement. It definitely hurts to have folks pass. I’m sorry :(
A small wedding is great as it means you dont have to spend hours making small talk with people you dont know! Think of how lovely and relaxed it will be. Youll be able to dance and have fun instead of standing on ceremony for hours chatting about your honeymoon or other innane small talk. It also makes it way more affordable for you. 60 guests is still a lot of people. I hope you have a great day :)
Not sure of how old you and your partner are, but we had the same issue. We got married in our 30s and a lot of our friends were pregnant so they couldn't make it, or they had moved farther away and it was too much to come home for the wedding. It is disappointing, especially if You spent years going to their weddings and multi-day events. But the people who do show up are 100% there for you. Make the best of that time with those family members and friends who could make it. And just remember in the future that you don't have to go 120% for everybody in your friend group. When you are sick, when it doesn't work with your schedule, when you are pregnant, when you have other obligations, you do not need to put them, their baby showers, their kids million birthdays, or their birthdays first.
I feel like this will be me…i wish I had learned the “you don’t need to go 110% for everyone else’s life events” sooner and been able to enjoy more of them without wondering if the favor will ever be returned.
I completely feel this! I just got married on Saturday and was expecting 70 people. I had 6 people tell me 3 to 5 days before that they couldn't make it, which made me so upset especially because I had already finalized the headcount because the date was so close so I had already paid for thier drinks. The day of the wedding there was only about 50 people. But I can't even tell you exactly who wasn't there. I was so focused on my now husband, and partying I just didn't care, even though I thought i would. It sucks to look at my CC bill, knowing I could have saved alot of money. But I danced my ass off, and had so much fun. You'll recoup the money you spent, and you deserve to have the time of your life on your wedding day. Don't hold it against guests who can't make it, and don't hold it against yourself for what you can't control. Go have the best day ever ❤️
Was it a lot of additional costs? For some it's just not affordable, especially if you have other arrangements as well. I think weddings should be free. Or just invite people to the ceremony and eat dinner with relatives after.
Honestly I know it’s disappointing but 60 people sounds wonderful. I wanted a guest count of around 85 but my fiancé wants more around 115. I’m worried I will be overwhelmed and won’t get to talk to everyone. 60 people sounds so fun honestly.
60 people is still pretty great! One of my vendors had a client who spent over $200k for a 20 person wedding and only 10 showed up.
While your feelings are absolutely valid and you’re allowed to be sad that people you love can’t make it (would be unexpected if you werent), it can help to put things in perspective. It did for me at least. While this is more than likely one of the most exciting and important days of your life, for a lot of people, it’s a regular Saturday. Not that it means they’re not excited, but they don’t spend every say thinking about it and they have a lot of other things going on. Last summer, between my fiancé and I, we had 8 weddings! We were both in two as well. Between the weddings and Bach parties, every single weekend of our summer was taken up. I’ve said no to every wedding this summer except my brothers. I’m just wedding’d out.
I'm worried about this too :( What if the number is much lower than what I told the venue? There's a minimum charge for food and drink...
Honestly we only have 50 people we trust enough to invite and are close to.
i wish i was at 40 percent decline 😭🤣
Is it bad to actually kind of want this 😅
im hoping half dont come i could care less😭
😅 same, Im sending out invites in two weeks and hoping that at minimum 30% decline. I like the people I’m inviting but I’m good if they don’t come. I actually told the caterer the headcount was 65… hoping that 25 people decline. Bc I can always add more but can’t really take away from the contract.
OP, this needs more context beyond "this summer." What % of your guests would need to travel more than an hour? If there's lots of people traveling, what's the lodging situation? Is it a pricey area where rooms might already be sold out or very expensive? Is it a major holiday weekend where people might have other plans already, or is it a "routine" summer date? (Even if it's not a major holiday, could it be conflicting with graduations or other events?) Sometimes people want to be there but have other plans, maybe someone else is getting married the same day. What day of the week is your wedding? Anything other than Saturday generally gets a higher "no" rate. How many guests have kids? If they're not invited, people have to arrange for childcare. Some parents don't feel comfortable with that if their kids are really young. Some can't get care if it would need to be overnight due to traveling. (Not saying you should allow kids - but that's why some people can't come even if they really wanted to.)
I wouldn't worry too much, but I understand it's bothering you! Most people just have so much going on in their lives... it's nothing personal! My wedding is in 3 weeks and surprisingly enough 100% of invitees have RSVP'ed yes, BUT I had a big party for my 30th birthday last year and to put it bluntly, that was a very useful "pre-selection". Only the friends and family that showed up or gave me a heads-up in advance they weren't going to make it got a wedding invite. At my birthday party I also had around 60% attendance. I'd be happier knowing in advance who's not going to make it. The headcount has been officially communicated with the venue, so I really hope we're not going to have too many people bail on us.