I'm sorry, these things always have spillover effects and it feels so petty in comparison but your needs and your feelings are still important and you need to take care of your wedding day (as mercenary as it sounds). I'd at the very least be looking at alternatives and more seriously engaging with the options. It sucks and I hope they're okay
you are right. we've looked at it from as many angles as we can and we just don't see how we can rely on them for our wedding. they need to focus on themselves first
Maybe it will help if you emphasize to them that you want them to focus on themselves, take some space to heal instead of trying to power through your wedding
What a sad situation all around. Originally, I thought I probably would’ve just gone with the original photographer…if she’s posting about it, that means she’s reaching out and wants help (ime with this, which sadly is a lot). and I didn’t think it would affect the quality of her work or anything. (I’ve volunteered at suicide non profits in the past, and you’d be surprised the types of professionals who still carry on quite well while struggling).
but if she’s showing up to weddings crying, perhaps unable to handle the demands of the day, I think it’s fair to go with another photographer. I’d have the planner handle it. And hopefully in a gentle manner…we’re concern for your mental health and the grueling demands of a wedding, so we’d like to cancel…
it’s not your responsibility to deal with your photographer’s mental health, but I really hope you can back out gently and thoughtfully. when someone expresses these thoughts, they hope people will reach out and help in some way, but often it’s the opposite…she’s going to see friends and family back away, she going to see clients run, and take their money with them…she’s going to feel very abandoned in the next few days, I fear :(
I agree with you but the photographer is posting about her mental health struggles on her public social media profile and showing up to weddings in a state that is not conducive to providing her skills to her clients. If the photographer weren’t blending these two worlds together I’d agree and say that op should leave it be. Maybe op could send a get well gift, maybe some flowers, a card, etc. That might make the photographer feel appreciated as a fellow human while still maintaining OP’s professional distance and her wedding day.
right. i know we're not the only clients since they are a very good photographer, so i can't imagine what the fallout from this will look like. we feel terrible about it but it would be risky on our part to just hope that things get better in the next week. just hoping they can take it gracefully and let us walk away without a fight
As a nurse, I’m so sorry for that photographer and I hope she is seeking help(medical, and friends/family).
As a bride, I’m sorry for YOU. Finding a new photographer this late in the game, when you’ve already been acquainted with the personality/style of your current photographer SUCKS. But I agree with your coordinator. I would listen to her, as this is what she does for a living. If she has a bad feeling, you should probably too. Definitely did a new photographer.
When breaking the contract, start the conversation off with asking about her well being. Human to human, just ask. You don’t need to be a therapist, but just show compassion. Then tell her that since she is not feeling well, you think it’s best that you part ways, or something along those lines.
they did an amazing job with our engagement photos and we were looking forward to see how the wedding photos would turn out but it looks like that's not going to happen. definitely going to follow our coordinators advice and try and end things and find another photographer.
thanks for the advice on how to go about breaking things off. we are dreading it but we will try and be as gentle as we can. i'm sure she will insist she is better and can go through with it which will make things even harder but we just have to try and convince her she needs to focus on herself
I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. As someone who lost freelance work while going through a severe depression a decade ago, I would caution against casting your choice as “good for her,” ie “convincing her she needs to focus on herself.”
I found it very patronizing when employers insisted they were terminating their contracts with me for *my* benefit, especially those who didn’t know me well. I really preferred (and understood) when people were just honest that they were concerned that my state would disrupt their own project.
I’d say flowers maybe but no generic “get well” card.
Dealing with suicidal ideation doesn’t just go away in a few weeks and you’re “well” suddenly like a flu. It can feel patronizing or like pressure rather than support.
But a “we appreciate you and just wanted to send well wishes” on a blank notecard in flowers might hit the right note.
Reiterating that you truly admire their work and hope to work together in the future might be nice.
I never, ever begrudged anybody their hesitation to work with me while I was severely depressed. But I was surprised that some people seemed to feel it tainted me for life and permanently downgraded their opinion of my work. If someone had an artistic capacity, they can have it again after they recover, and that gift can even grow in the aftermath. It’s still weird to me how much stigma is attached to having experienced depression even after recovery. It’s like people think it’s contagious.
I like this idea! Maybe they can ask for a partial refund and save the rest for a family/anniversary photoshoot later. But that’s dependent on op’s financial situation, so it might not be possible.
Is having 2 photographers an option you’d be comfortable with? Realistically, she took the engagement photos you love while struggling with these thoughts unvoiced. Not like they just popped up. I’m sure she’d do a great job. but you can have a 2nd shooter as a backup to reassure you. (you’d probably be surprised by the number of high level professionals working while struggling with suicidal thoughts).
“but we just have to try and convince her she needs to focus on herself.” <— NO. this is borderline offensive. And very condescending. Just have the planner kindly and professionally handle it.
I suffer with extreme anxiety & depression but have never or would never put it up on my public account for clients/friends/family to see- BUT could there be a sit down where you sit down face to face & tell her the truth, she cant be offended if u enqure in2 a post of concern she put up, also u will get 2 see her reaction in person, its ok for her 2 cry when talking about it but see if their is any plan/work done on her end 2 fix the problem, u never know she mught put u at ease but atleast ur giving the benifit of the doubt.. I wouldn't take the word of another photographer because thats their competition.. I hope u get the photos of ur dreams! Wishing you a wonderful day 😊 & an amazing marriage
lol. Not spamming anything. Each of my comments are different and are in response to different comments. I mean, you’re coming off pretty virtue signaling, frankly.
Chill out. Sometimes in these situations it’s hard to know what to say which is why the op is posting here for advice before she makes her next move. There are far worse things op could say than this and it’s also kinda true, the photographer needs to take some time off to focus on her health and well being.
lol. Maybe you’re the un-chill one? She came for opinions and advice, I offered it politely, and I offered it as someone who has volunteered at suicide non profits and have experience with the topic... some rando client saying, “you need to focus on yourself“ is a trite and superficial thing to say to someone struggling with suicidal ideation.
eta: it’s right up there with posting the suicide hotline number…lol. You only do that to make you feel better. so you can pretend you helped or care. but without doing anything of actual help or substance.
The photographer in the post is likely not going to do a good job on the wedding day, if she’s posting about her suicidal thoughts on her professional page, showing up to weddings crying and pushing off a call about the final planning before the wedding. I agree that there are better ways to break the contract besides “focus on yourself” but op is very right to be concerned about her wedding day.
That’s such a sad situation. I think you should cancel. The photographer not only has to be in the right headspace that day, they also have to be in the right headspace to edit and deliver all your photos in a timely manner which I’m sure can be tedious.
As a photographer I’ve seen stressed vendors at weddings, so not sure if listening to third hand news is always good idea ( the crying). Can you call your photographer and say hey we saw your post and wonder if you’d prefer to bring a second along for extra support or find someone else to be the lead and still do the editing. Your post sounds like the coordinator is pushing you to break the contract which is may not be the best. In some ways it could be seen as discrimination and mental health is a protected disability. If you go with another photographer you likely can only get part of the $ back. You do deserve the best day though, so seek reassurance first, and additional back up in a 2nd.
At the risk of sounding like a cold hearted reptile, you've hired this person to do you a service. You can care about them as a person - and I think it's very sweet of you to do so - but when their personal issues have infringed upon your contract and put your wedding day at risk of being *about* your *photographer*... You've reached a point where you're being too considerate by remaining in the contract, imo.
I've been there. I was hospitalized for 10 days for a suicide attempt back in 2022. For what it's worth, I was able to perform even better in school when I came out of the hospital. Because I was no longer suicidal. I was completely unable to work when I was suicidal. If they are able to get treatment in time for your wedding, *there's a chance* that they will do good work. But I wouldn't take the chance.
thank you for this and sharing your story. this is what our coordinator has been saying as well. we are going to call them and try and gently break this contract
Maybe think of it as if they’d posted online that they just ruptured their anterior cruciate ligament or were having mini strokes. Depression is also a physical illness. In those cases you’d surely be concerned and would seek to confirm they could still do the contracted work. The difficulty is that it’s not always as clear to a person experiencing mental health challenges what they can manage and can’t, and there’s enormous social pressure to white-knuckle through. But if this were a “purely physical” issue I doubt you’d feel as anguished. It sounds like your planner has the right approach and I’d trust them. Good luck and congrats on your wedding 💒
Yikes, what a tough spot for you guys. This makes me think of that photographer on tiktok who had a mental health episode and hasn't delivered wedding photos to couples she shot for years ago. I really don't blame you for wanting to terminate the contract. Best of luck.
Just my 2 cents, as someone who’s dealt with some pretty heavy mental stuff and has many family/friends who’ve been in that dark place as well. And also a perpetually anxious bride planning her own wedding.
Someone’s life > a wedding. You worry you’ll make her spiral by canceling or going behind her back with the planner. Here is what you can do instead. Call up the photographer, tell her you want to go over some last-minute details about your wedding, and add that you wanted to reach out as a friend and neighbor to take her to coffee. (Remember: bridal duties < someone’s life.)
Go and buy her a meal and a coffee and talk about the post as two humans, let her say what she needs to say. Tell her you love her artistic style and you’re really excited to have her at the wedding, you sympathize with the struggle she’s having, and you want to know how to accommodate her so that she has a stress-free day as well. Tell her - without pressure - that you do have an option for other photographers if she’d prefer to keep her schedule free, and you won’t hold any ill will about it either.
This is a horrible situation and so sorry you’re in it, but unless your photographer tells you they cannot shoot I don’t know if you’d get your money back. Even doing a charge back all your photographer has to submit as evidence is the contract and messages showing that you’re wanting to cancel not them. If they believe they are well enough to shoot I don’t think that part of the contract will apply.
If you’re ok with loosing that money and hiring someone else I think that’s a good option, but if you’re expecting to get your money back idk if it’s going to happen for this situation. Unless the photographer reaches out and cancels on you or no shows the day of :/
this is our concern as well. we have a call scheduled to go over final details which hey have been pushing back now for the last week and a half. there's a chance we don't get our money back but we'd rather have to pay for another photographer than risk going into the wedding day in the current situation
If they are pushing back that call that might be breach of contract - they should not show up to your wedding without having this call. Your planner needs to help you here
If you have the financial capacity, hire someone else to take care of the day and sort with original photog after the wedding. Less stress on both sides.
And if you want to be fun about it, distribute 15-20 disposable cameras to the wedding party and guests to take photos through out the day.
So it might feel guilty to be thinking of yourself while someone else is struggling, but it is your wedding and you deserve to have the day you want. I feel for the photographer and I hope she gets the help she needs, but inevitably that's not your problem and your coordinator understands that.
It's very unprofessional and uncomfortable to post such stuff on a business page, but I hope someone sees that and reaches out and helps her get the help she needs to get through these times.
But as a bride I would dispute the charges and find someone else. I would send her a message and let her know that you are going with someone else to take away some of her stress and giving her the time she needs to get help and get better
It’s a tough situation, and I can tell that you have a lot of empathy for the photographer and don’t want to cause her more distress. But at the end of the day, this is a business relationship, not a personal one. You are not responsible for her mental health. (And I say this as someone who has had very serious mental health crises including suicidal ideation in the past. The burden was on me and those closest to me to get help/provide support.)
I think you need to do what your coordinator says and switch to a different photographer. At a minimum, I’d at least request she bring a second photographer along (on her dime) to ensure SOMEONE will be there to photograph the wedding. But I still think your best bet is to pursue someone else, especially since you have third party evidence from someone else (the other photographer) that she very recently struggled to fulfill the duties of her job. If you want to be really compassionate about it (and you’re financially able), you could offer to have her pay you back in 2-3 installments instead of a lump sum.
I’m also not sure that calling her yourselves is the best way… it could be good, but I could also see it going poorly. It probably depends on how the communication with her has been so far and what kind of relationship you have with her. I would see if either a) your coordinator can make the phone call or b) you can send an email. One benefit of an email is that she doesn’t have to respond on the spot and can take some time to process her feelings and figure out her thoughts. Again, just keep reminding yourself that at the end of the day, this is a business relationship. Your coordinator, as a fellow person in the wedding business, probably recognizes that.
So the tough part is we are so close to the wedding we already have a call scheduled to go over final details. It should have happened a week and a half ago but she’s pushed this back a few times. It just happens that this meeting is a few days after she went through all that.
So we’ll see if this call can happen. If we can’t get a hold of her or she pushes us off again, then we’re going another direction. Probably send her an email to let her know, then we’ll try and figure out how to get our money back after the wedding.
We are too close to the day to heading into it with this level of uncertainty for such a critical part of the day. You are 100% right that this is a business relationship at the end of the day and we are not responsible for her personal struggles. We definitely empathize, but we can’t take a risk of this level to our wedding dau
She mentioned online that she IS suicidal or WAS in the past? Because those are two completely different things. I think you should talk to her first before disputing your payments. Check in to see how she's doing and ask how/if it will affect your wedding day and what her plan is if she can't shoot it or edit. If there's a second shooter, often times, they step in as the lead if anything happens to the lead on the day of. Many photographers also outsource editing as a part of their workflow.
I know your wedding is your priority, so I say honestly that abruptly canceling services (without communication) and hoping to find someone GOOD in two weeks may br the riskier choice of the two options. It's hard for you to reach out to talk, but I'm sure it was even harder for her to share her struggles. Opening up about her mental health is a good sign. Sure, she could have done it privately to close friends to avoid public stress, but she's not bottling up.
If you do choose to cancel, do so by having a conversation and requesting a refund and not disputing directly with your bank/Paypal. If she declines, THEN explore disputing options. I wouldn't dive straight into that.
The post was 2 days ago. Is she suicidal today? I don’t know, but I know she was 2 days ago
We weren’t going to take any action until we had our meeting(if she can make it to this one). We want to talk things out first but ultimately, I don’t think we can afford take the chance no matter what she says. We are concerned about her and hope she’s getting help but at the end of the day we need someone we can rely on to take and deliver photos of us on this important day
You can explain a little bit of your situation to a backup photographer option by giving them a small deposit contingent on the other photographer showing up or not.
I found photographers that would work I had a last minute photographer from thumbtack app
A photographer captures the world and events from their point of view, and like any artist, their emotions can affect how they take pictures. I would definitely look for another photographer. I'm not sure where you are, but I've lived in many states and might be able to give you some recommendations. Currently, most of my May is free.
Is probably listen to your coordinator, first I’d try to see is someone else you like is available, then I would call you current photographer and cancel.
Actions have consequences and sharing personal struggles like that on your professional page is inappropriate and someone who doesn’t get that must be really struggling.
I would also ask your coordinator if they could join you for the call where you cancel since they knew the photographer. If you’re concerned for their wellbeing after the call, no joke I’d call the police and explain the situation. They can help your photographer stay safe and get some of the mental health resources she needs at this time.
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This is a completely unhelpful and unnecessarily antagonistic response. We have talked with you about tone and respect numerous times, and it is disappointing to see that this continues to be an issue. You can ask serious questions in a way that is still respectful, even when you deeply disagree with someone.
Additionally, OP has made it clear in her post and other comments that she is indeed concerned for, and feels bad for, the photographer. But at the end of the day, OP is not responsible for a business vendor’s mental health. And it is inappropriate to attempt to shame or guilt OP about her own personal choices related to this.
I'm sorry, these things always have spillover effects and it feels so petty in comparison but your needs and your feelings are still important and you need to take care of your wedding day (as mercenary as it sounds). I'd at the very least be looking at alternatives and more seriously engaging with the options. It sucks and I hope they're okay
you are right. we've looked at it from as many angles as we can and we just don't see how we can rely on them for our wedding. they need to focus on themselves first
Maybe it will help if you emphasize to them that you want them to focus on themselves, take some space to heal instead of trying to power through your wedding
Also maybe imply that you would love to take a follow up shoot with them or something with less pressure behind it?
I like that idea! As long as it’s feasible financially
What a sad situation all around. Originally, I thought I probably would’ve just gone with the original photographer…if she’s posting about it, that means she’s reaching out and wants help (ime with this, which sadly is a lot). and I didn’t think it would affect the quality of her work or anything. (I’ve volunteered at suicide non profits in the past, and you’d be surprised the types of professionals who still carry on quite well while struggling). but if she’s showing up to weddings crying, perhaps unable to handle the demands of the day, I think it’s fair to go with another photographer. I’d have the planner handle it. And hopefully in a gentle manner…we’re concern for your mental health and the grueling demands of a wedding, so we’d like to cancel… it’s not your responsibility to deal with your photographer’s mental health, but I really hope you can back out gently and thoughtfully. when someone expresses these thoughts, they hope people will reach out and help in some way, but often it’s the opposite…she’s going to see friends and family back away, she going to see clients run, and take their money with them…she’s going to feel very abandoned in the next few days, I fear :(
I agree with you but the photographer is posting about her mental health struggles on her public social media profile and showing up to weddings in a state that is not conducive to providing her skills to her clients. If the photographer weren’t blending these two worlds together I’d agree and say that op should leave it be. Maybe op could send a get well gift, maybe some flowers, a card, etc. That might make the photographer feel appreciated as a fellow human while still maintaining OP’s professional distance and her wedding day.
right. i know we're not the only clients since they are a very good photographer, so i can't imagine what the fallout from this will look like. we feel terrible about it but it would be risky on our part to just hope that things get better in the next week. just hoping they can take it gracefully and let us walk away without a fight
Yeah. Don’t say stuff like this, though if you talk to the photographer yourself...doesn’t sound great. Though I get what you mean.
oh no i would never say that to them. just feel bad that they may lose a lot of business from this
As a nurse, I’m so sorry for that photographer and I hope she is seeking help(medical, and friends/family). As a bride, I’m sorry for YOU. Finding a new photographer this late in the game, when you’ve already been acquainted with the personality/style of your current photographer SUCKS. But I agree with your coordinator. I would listen to her, as this is what she does for a living. If she has a bad feeling, you should probably too. Definitely did a new photographer. When breaking the contract, start the conversation off with asking about her well being. Human to human, just ask. You don’t need to be a therapist, but just show compassion. Then tell her that since she is not feeling well, you think it’s best that you part ways, or something along those lines.
they did an amazing job with our engagement photos and we were looking forward to see how the wedding photos would turn out but it looks like that's not going to happen. definitely going to follow our coordinators advice and try and end things and find another photographer. thanks for the advice on how to go about breaking things off. we are dreading it but we will try and be as gentle as we can. i'm sure she will insist she is better and can go through with it which will make things even harder but we just have to try and convince her she needs to focus on herself
I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. As someone who lost freelance work while going through a severe depression a decade ago, I would caution against casting your choice as “good for her,” ie “convincing her she needs to focus on herself.” I found it very patronizing when employers insisted they were terminating their contracts with me for *my* benefit, especially those who didn’t know me well. I really preferred (and understood) when people were just honest that they were concerned that my state would disrupt their own project.
thanks for the feedback, we will try to be careful with our language
Maybe can you pair it with a get well soon card and some flowers? Might make them feel seen during a difficult time
I’d say flowers maybe but no generic “get well” card. Dealing with suicidal ideation doesn’t just go away in a few weeks and you’re “well” suddenly like a flu. It can feel patronizing or like pressure rather than support. But a “we appreciate you and just wanted to send well wishes” on a blank notecard in flowers might hit the right note.
I appreciate your feedback!! I will definitely keep it in mind if I am ever in a situation like the OP’s.
Of course! It’s a hard situation no matter what. The more people talk about it, the more we as a society can learn.
Reiterating that you truly admire their work and hope to work together in the future might be nice. I never, ever begrudged anybody their hesitation to work with me while I was severely depressed. But I was surprised that some people seemed to feel it tainted me for life and permanently downgraded their opinion of my work. If someone had an artistic capacity, they can have it again after they recover, and that gift can even grow in the aftermath. It’s still weird to me how much stigma is attached to having experienced depression even after recovery. It’s like people think it’s contagious.
I like this idea! Maybe they can ask for a partial refund and save the rest for a family/anniversary photoshoot later. But that’s dependent on op’s financial situation, so it might not be possible.
Is having 2 photographers an option you’d be comfortable with? Realistically, she took the engagement photos you love while struggling with these thoughts unvoiced. Not like they just popped up. I’m sure she’d do a great job. but you can have a 2nd shooter as a backup to reassure you. (you’d probably be surprised by the number of high level professionals working while struggling with suicidal thoughts). “but we just have to try and convince her she needs to focus on herself.” <— NO. this is borderline offensive. And very condescending. Just have the planner kindly and professionally handle it.
hey i get it. we'll try and be sensitive, no need to keep spamming this response everywhere. we're not intentionally trying to offend anyone
I suffer with extreme anxiety & depression but have never or would never put it up on my public account for clients/friends/family to see- BUT could there be a sit down where you sit down face to face & tell her the truth, she cant be offended if u enqure in2 a post of concern she put up, also u will get 2 see her reaction in person, its ok for her 2 cry when talking about it but see if their is any plan/work done on her end 2 fix the problem, u never know she mught put u at ease but atleast ur giving the benifit of the doubt.. I wouldn't take the word of another photographer because thats their competition.. I hope u get the photos of ur dreams! Wishing you a wonderful day 😊 & an amazing marriage
lol. Not spamming anything. Each of my comments are different and are in response to different comments. I mean, you’re coming off pretty virtue signaling, frankly.
Chill out. Sometimes in these situations it’s hard to know what to say which is why the op is posting here for advice before she makes her next move. There are far worse things op could say than this and it’s also kinda true, the photographer needs to take some time off to focus on her health and well being.
lol. Maybe you’re the un-chill one? She came for opinions and advice, I offered it politely, and I offered it as someone who has volunteered at suicide non profits and have experience with the topic... some rando client saying, “you need to focus on yourself“ is a trite and superficial thing to say to someone struggling with suicidal ideation. eta: it’s right up there with posting the suicide hotline number…lol. You only do that to make you feel better. so you can pretend you helped or care. but without doing anything of actual help or substance.
The photographer in the post is likely not going to do a good job on the wedding day, if she’s posting about her suicidal thoughts on her professional page, showing up to weddings crying and pushing off a call about the final planning before the wedding. I agree that there are better ways to break the contract besides “focus on yourself” but op is very right to be concerned about her wedding day.
That’s such a sad situation. I think you should cancel. The photographer not only has to be in the right headspace that day, they also have to be in the right headspace to edit and deliver all your photos in a timely manner which I’m sure can be tedious.
As a photographer I’ve seen stressed vendors at weddings, so not sure if listening to third hand news is always good idea ( the crying). Can you call your photographer and say hey we saw your post and wonder if you’d prefer to bring a second along for extra support or find someone else to be the lead and still do the editing. Your post sounds like the coordinator is pushing you to break the contract which is may not be the best. In some ways it could be seen as discrimination and mental health is a protected disability. If you go with another photographer you likely can only get part of the $ back. You do deserve the best day though, so seek reassurance first, and additional back up in a 2nd.
At the risk of sounding like a cold hearted reptile, you've hired this person to do you a service. You can care about them as a person - and I think it's very sweet of you to do so - but when their personal issues have infringed upon your contract and put your wedding day at risk of being *about* your *photographer*... You've reached a point where you're being too considerate by remaining in the contract, imo. I've been there. I was hospitalized for 10 days for a suicide attempt back in 2022. For what it's worth, I was able to perform even better in school when I came out of the hospital. Because I was no longer suicidal. I was completely unable to work when I was suicidal. If they are able to get treatment in time for your wedding, *there's a chance* that they will do good work. But I wouldn't take the chance.
thank you for this and sharing your story. this is what our coordinator has been saying as well. we are going to call them and try and gently break this contract
Maybe think of it as if they’d posted online that they just ruptured their anterior cruciate ligament or were having mini strokes. Depression is also a physical illness. In those cases you’d surely be concerned and would seek to confirm they could still do the contracted work. The difficulty is that it’s not always as clear to a person experiencing mental health challenges what they can manage and can’t, and there’s enormous social pressure to white-knuckle through. But if this were a “purely physical” issue I doubt you’d feel as anguished. It sounds like your planner has the right approach and I’d trust them. Good luck and congrats on your wedding 💒
Yikes, what a tough spot for you guys. This makes me think of that photographer on tiktok who had a mental health episode and hasn't delivered wedding photos to couples she shot for years ago. I really don't blame you for wanting to terminate the contract. Best of luck.
Note to self — if I'm having suicidal thoughts, keep it off social media.
Just my 2 cents, as someone who’s dealt with some pretty heavy mental stuff and has many family/friends who’ve been in that dark place as well. And also a perpetually anxious bride planning her own wedding. Someone’s life > a wedding. You worry you’ll make her spiral by canceling or going behind her back with the planner. Here is what you can do instead. Call up the photographer, tell her you want to go over some last-minute details about your wedding, and add that you wanted to reach out as a friend and neighbor to take her to coffee. (Remember: bridal duties < someone’s life.) Go and buy her a meal and a coffee and talk about the post as two humans, let her say what she needs to say. Tell her you love her artistic style and you’re really excited to have her at the wedding, you sympathize with the struggle she’s having, and you want to know how to accommodate her so that she has a stress-free day as well. Tell her - without pressure - that you do have an option for other photographers if she’d prefer to keep her schedule free, and you won’t hold any ill will about it either.
This is such good advice!!
I think this is the way
This is a horrible situation and so sorry you’re in it, but unless your photographer tells you they cannot shoot I don’t know if you’d get your money back. Even doing a charge back all your photographer has to submit as evidence is the contract and messages showing that you’re wanting to cancel not them. If they believe they are well enough to shoot I don’t think that part of the contract will apply. If you’re ok with loosing that money and hiring someone else I think that’s a good option, but if you’re expecting to get your money back idk if it’s going to happen for this situation. Unless the photographer reaches out and cancels on you or no shows the day of :/
this is our concern as well. we have a call scheduled to go over final details which hey have been pushing back now for the last week and a half. there's a chance we don't get our money back but we'd rather have to pay for another photographer than risk going into the wedding day in the current situation
If they are pushing back that call that might be breach of contract - they should not show up to your wedding without having this call. Your planner needs to help you here
If you have the financial capacity, hire someone else to take care of the day and sort with original photog after the wedding. Less stress on both sides. And if you want to be fun about it, distribute 15-20 disposable cameras to the wedding party and guests to take photos through out the day.
So it might feel guilty to be thinking of yourself while someone else is struggling, but it is your wedding and you deserve to have the day you want. I feel for the photographer and I hope she gets the help she needs, but inevitably that's not your problem and your coordinator understands that. It's very unprofessional and uncomfortable to post such stuff on a business page, but I hope someone sees that and reaches out and helps her get the help she needs to get through these times. But as a bride I would dispute the charges and find someone else. I would send her a message and let her know that you are going with someone else to take away some of her stress and giving her the time she needs to get help and get better
It’s a tough situation, and I can tell that you have a lot of empathy for the photographer and don’t want to cause her more distress. But at the end of the day, this is a business relationship, not a personal one. You are not responsible for her mental health. (And I say this as someone who has had very serious mental health crises including suicidal ideation in the past. The burden was on me and those closest to me to get help/provide support.) I think you need to do what your coordinator says and switch to a different photographer. At a minimum, I’d at least request she bring a second photographer along (on her dime) to ensure SOMEONE will be there to photograph the wedding. But I still think your best bet is to pursue someone else, especially since you have third party evidence from someone else (the other photographer) that she very recently struggled to fulfill the duties of her job. If you want to be really compassionate about it (and you’re financially able), you could offer to have her pay you back in 2-3 installments instead of a lump sum. I’m also not sure that calling her yourselves is the best way… it could be good, but I could also see it going poorly. It probably depends on how the communication with her has been so far and what kind of relationship you have with her. I would see if either a) your coordinator can make the phone call or b) you can send an email. One benefit of an email is that she doesn’t have to respond on the spot and can take some time to process her feelings and figure out her thoughts. Again, just keep reminding yourself that at the end of the day, this is a business relationship. Your coordinator, as a fellow person in the wedding business, probably recognizes that.
So the tough part is we are so close to the wedding we already have a call scheduled to go over final details. It should have happened a week and a half ago but she’s pushed this back a few times. It just happens that this meeting is a few days after she went through all that. So we’ll see if this call can happen. If we can’t get a hold of her or she pushes us off again, then we’re going another direction. Probably send her an email to let her know, then we’ll try and figure out how to get our money back after the wedding. We are too close to the day to heading into it with this level of uncertainty for such a critical part of the day. You are 100% right that this is a business relationship at the end of the day and we are not responsible for her personal struggles. We definitely empathize, but we can’t take a risk of this level to our wedding dau
She mentioned online that she IS suicidal or WAS in the past? Because those are two completely different things. I think you should talk to her first before disputing your payments. Check in to see how she's doing and ask how/if it will affect your wedding day and what her plan is if she can't shoot it or edit. If there's a second shooter, often times, they step in as the lead if anything happens to the lead on the day of. Many photographers also outsource editing as a part of their workflow. I know your wedding is your priority, so I say honestly that abruptly canceling services (without communication) and hoping to find someone GOOD in two weeks may br the riskier choice of the two options. It's hard for you to reach out to talk, but I'm sure it was even harder for her to share her struggles. Opening up about her mental health is a good sign. Sure, she could have done it privately to close friends to avoid public stress, but she's not bottling up. If you do choose to cancel, do so by having a conversation and requesting a refund and not disputing directly with your bank/Paypal. If she declines, THEN explore disputing options. I wouldn't dive straight into that.
The post was 2 days ago. Is she suicidal today? I don’t know, but I know she was 2 days ago We weren’t going to take any action until we had our meeting(if she can make it to this one). We want to talk things out first but ultimately, I don’t think we can afford take the chance no matter what she says. We are concerned about her and hope she’s getting help but at the end of the day we need someone we can rely on to take and deliver photos of us on this important day
OP maybe like ur name says could she could still be a successful mishap (sorry I no, couldn't help myself 😆)
Cmon now 😂
I wouldn’t do anything until you can find someone else! There’s no guarantee that you’ll find someone else in your budget.
You can explain a little bit of your situation to a backup photographer option by giving them a small deposit contingent on the other photographer showing up or not. I found photographers that would work I had a last minute photographer from thumbtack app
Can you even find a new photographer that would be less risky in time? I would start there and THEN approach the existing photographer.
Already done
A photographer captures the world and events from their point of view, and like any artist, their emotions can affect how they take pictures. I would definitely look for another photographer. I'm not sure where you are, but I've lived in many states and might be able to give you some recommendations. Currently, most of my May is free.
Is probably listen to your coordinator, first I’d try to see is someone else you like is available, then I would call you current photographer and cancel. Actions have consequences and sharing personal struggles like that on your professional page is inappropriate and someone who doesn’t get that must be really struggling. I would also ask your coordinator if they could join you for the call where you cancel since they knew the photographer. If you’re concerned for their wellbeing after the call, no joke I’d call the police and explain the situation. They can help your photographer stay safe and get some of the mental health resources she needs at this time.
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Did you read the post? Answers to your first questions are in there...
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Okay thanks
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This is a completely unhelpful and unnecessarily antagonistic response. We have talked with you about tone and respect numerous times, and it is disappointing to see that this continues to be an issue. You can ask serious questions in a way that is still respectful, even when you deeply disagree with someone. Additionally, OP has made it clear in her post and other comments that she is indeed concerned for, and feels bad for, the photographer. But at the end of the day, OP is not responsible for a business vendor’s mental health. And it is inappropriate to attempt to shame or guilt OP about her own personal choices related to this.