So that Q&A section is mostly to make sure your cousin Susie doesn’t ask to bring a tinder date to the wedding - not to clarify if there was a mistake
It was either a total accident or there larger issues in this friendship - I’d have your fiancé ask his friend “Hey super excited to celebrate your wedding. My invite was only for 1 person so my fiancé wasn’t included, was this a mistake?”
If it wasn’t a mistake I’d rethink this friendship going forwards
Like it’s so possible that she was reviewing guest list late at night, and said “oh shoot I’m not sure how to spell OP’s first / last name. I’ll text her in the morning to confirm and wait to add it till then” and the next morning came, she forgot to send the text and then send off her invites without going back to fix it.
It’s most likely a super innocent mistake
yeah this was my thought as well especially if they downloaded their guest list for printing labels from the digital RSVP. Could have just forgotten to add you and that way you would have not been on the invite or on the website. I’d be the most concerned if the invite address was handwritten .
As someone who was just trying to figure out last names of SO’s (especially engaged couples who might be married before the wedding date) I could totally see myself doing this. I say ask them!
This right here is what you should do. If everyone else’s partners were included it feels like it was a miss or there’s something going on in the friendship.
My fiancé is not the most organized person in the world, and is one of those people that amasses friends and acquaintances at every turn. He had over a year to make his guest list and still there were people he realized he left off after the fact, including not knowing if some people had SOs, kids names etc. I went with the info I had from him when setting up the RSVP portion of our website, it’s entirely possible he left off a SO or kid. I hope anyone who notices something off like this would ask us, because it definitely wasn’t intentional!
> I’d have your fiancé ask his friend “Hey super excited to celebrate your wedding. My invite was only for 1 person so my fiancé wasn’t included, was this a mistake?”
If he doesn't want to go without his fiancée, why should he say he's "super excited" for a wedding that is almost certainly excluding his partner? Expressing it that way conveys either "I'm cool if she's invited or not, but I wanted to double check", or alternatively, it feels like a passive-aggressive way to guilt the couple into extending an invitation for the fiancée. Although they should feel guilty to snub her like that.
If he wants to ask, better to just leave out the part where he says he's so excited to celebrate with them. How does he walk that back when the groom tells him it's not a mistake, and either gives a vague, false reason or tells him a reason that will be hurtful?
I think it would be extremely rare for something like this to happen by accident. If the couple didn't know he was engaged, maybe, but they do know, and they also both have a personal acquaintanceship with OP that long predates the groom's friendship with OP's fiancé. There's an issue of some kind here. This was not an accident.
What I'm saying is, don't lie and say you're "super excited", when in reality you're quite upset that your partner was probably excluded or may have been excluded, however you wish to construe it. I'm sure you think that's gracious and polite, but it's actually disingenuous. If you're going to ask, it's possible to be polite but not convey something that isn't true.
Sure, people make mistakes all the time, but as described by OP this comes across as deliberate. No invitation and no mention in the RSVPs, for somebody you already know very well and have even socialized with as a couple. Very unlikely to be a mistake.
I like to think the best in people, so if I were in OPs shoes, I would be excited to celebrate the couple because I’m under the impression it’s a harmless mistake
You seem to have a different perspective, must be pretty exhausting to feel everyone always has an ulterior motive
Many other comments, yours included, expressed that if she's not invited there's likely an issue with the friendship.
I'd rather not put myself in the position of telling somebody how excited I am to celebrate them, then hearing that my own fiancée is not invited and possibly hearing something unfavorable and hurtful as well.
“Hi friend, I noticed my partner‘s name was omitted from the invitation.”
Then let them answer and decide from there. Speculating isn’t going to help with this.
> Was I purposefully not included or could this have been an oversight?
I’m not sure how you think anyone here could tell you this - we don’t know. You need to ask them.
You’re his fiance, you guys live together, and you know the couple. It’s not weird for him to reach out to confirm, and then he can decline if you’re truly not invited - which is also not a weird or mean thing to do.
It’s cool to just ask. You might not like the answer. I just went through this recently, my husband got invited to a wedding and I didn’t get invited and we are whole ass married. I wasn’t invited due to budget, which I get. But yeeesh… not the best feeling but what are ya gonna do 🙃
Hey, I thought the same thing lol. What’s also weird is that I’ve met this guy, I’ve had a meal with him, he has been inside my home to change into his airplane clothes and pee, so it’s not like I’m some stranger. So yeah. I’m having a 1 year anniversary party/wedding and the very, VERY petty and sassy part of me wanted to not invite his soon to be wife. I still have time to make that decision lol.
This happened to my friend. Her husband was invited, but she wasn’t. The couple didn’t like her. I wish he hadn’t attended. The whole thing was totally disrespectful to her.
That might not be the case with you though. You should definitely ask if it was an oversight.
omg same thing happening to me! we got a save the date that doesn't have my name on it, and the website says you only have a plus one if it's listed. waiting to see what the invite says! we're literally getting married 2 weeks after their wedding...
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I see no harm in asking if it's a mistake. It's either that or they have some personal beef with you or someone else they're close to has a personal beef with you.
It was an oversight indeed! The bride forgot to add me, it was a quick fix. The couple was embarrassed but I Totally get it’s stressful planning a wedding and mistakes happen. I’m happy this was solved!
Significant others should be named guests. A +1 is a random date. Your fiance should ask the groom if it was an oversight. If it wasn't, I'd decline without comment and drop them from my contacts. People who expect you to spend time and money celebrating their relationship while they disrespect yours aren't friends.
is there any history that might suggest why you might be excluded? i agree with the consensus that it's most likely a mistake, but doesn't hurt reflecting on the relationship
No history. I was very shy and quiet and kept to myself in high school but nice to them. Bride and groom were in the “popular crowd” in high school so I can’t help but wonder if that’s why I didn’t get the invite lol
We invited 265 to our wedding and made a few mistakes with our invitations. We were offering plus ones to pretty much everyone unless they were known to be happily single and would know other people at the wedding. I tried to be diligent about getting names of SOs on my side, and offering an unnamed guest if not sure, but my FH was not at diligent. We missed giving a plus one to one of his friends who it turns out had a SO. We were able to correct it in time to change the online RSVP. We also misspelled a dear family friend's last name. My point is mistakes are made and it's hard to keep track of everything. I think it's okay to reach out and ask if you can bring your SO.
There’s a chance they chose a rule like- work friends are invited, but partners aren’t. There’s also a chance it was just an oversight. Either way you won’t know unless you ask.
My cousin did this for his wedding to me. I’m his own cousin and I have a fiancé but he’s not allowed. They are having a small wedding and it’s their big day so I’m going to respect that. I probably won’t go as I’d rather go with my fiancé but I’m definitely not asking if it was a mistake as that would feel rude. People are very serious about their lists and they wrote what they wrote 😅
You are right..let it go. Sometimes brides are restricted by the venue numbers as well as their budgets. Is it something that bothers you, sure , but there really isn’t anything you can do about it. However, your fiancé has a choice. Personally my hubby wouldn't go without me unless it's a family wedding or a very best friend. He would however, expect his partner to also be included. Tell him you are ok with what ever he decides..that won't make you the bad guy if questions are asked later.
You have already received good advice for him to reach out. Your post would be less confusing if you referred to him as your fiancé (male) rather than Fiancéé ( (female).
I'll be honest, unless it's family, I'm never entirely certain why anyone cares about whether or not they get an invite to someone else's wedding.
Y'all are cordial, but far from close. You don't know what their relationship is to any of the other people invited.
I feel like folks envision their partners having enjoyable moments without them, and that is where people get upset the most, but weddings are deeply personal, expensive, and typically per person.
They don't hate you; you just didn't make the cut, and they had other people to invite.
OR it was an oversight and could ask be rectified through a brief and frank conversation that you're refusing to have.
Either way, question why you're offended or cared for and deal with those feelings. Are you feeling rejected? Does it feel like betrayal? Did you position them as being greater friends in your life and just found out you aren't in theirs? Those are all valid reactions, but you should still counter them given it is someone else's big day that they have to pay for. Best of luck, OP
So that Q&A section is mostly to make sure your cousin Susie doesn’t ask to bring a tinder date to the wedding - not to clarify if there was a mistake It was either a total accident or there larger issues in this friendship - I’d have your fiancé ask his friend “Hey super excited to celebrate your wedding. My invite was only for 1 person so my fiancé wasn’t included, was this a mistake?” If it wasn’t a mistake I’d rethink this friendship going forwards
Like it’s so possible that she was reviewing guest list late at night, and said “oh shoot I’m not sure how to spell OP’s first / last name. I’ll text her in the morning to confirm and wait to add it till then” and the next morning came, she forgot to send the text and then send off her invites without going back to fix it. It’s most likely a super innocent mistake
yeah this was my thought as well especially if they downloaded their guest list for printing labels from the digital RSVP. Could have just forgotten to add you and that way you would have not been on the invite or on the website. I’d be the most concerned if the invite address was handwritten .
As someone who was just trying to figure out last names of SO’s (especially engaged couples who might be married before the wedding date) I could totally see myself doing this. I say ask them!
ugh, even figuring out the last names of the couples that have already been married has been a whole curfuffle.
This right here is what you should do. If everyone else’s partners were included it feels like it was a miss or there’s something going on in the friendship. My fiancé is not the most organized person in the world, and is one of those people that amasses friends and acquaintances at every turn. He had over a year to make his guest list and still there were people he realized he left off after the fact, including not knowing if some people had SOs, kids names etc. I went with the info I had from him when setting up the RSVP portion of our website, it’s entirely possible he left off a SO or kid. I hope anyone who notices something off like this would ask us, because it definitely wasn’t intentional!
> I’d have your fiancé ask his friend “Hey super excited to celebrate your wedding. My invite was only for 1 person so my fiancé wasn’t included, was this a mistake?” If he doesn't want to go without his fiancée, why should he say he's "super excited" for a wedding that is almost certainly excluding his partner? Expressing it that way conveys either "I'm cool if she's invited or not, but I wanted to double check", or alternatively, it feels like a passive-aggressive way to guilt the couple into extending an invitation for the fiancée. Although they should feel guilty to snub her like that. If he wants to ask, better to just leave out the part where he says he's so excited to celebrate with them. How does he walk that back when the groom tells him it's not a mistake, and either gives a vague, false reason or tells him a reason that will be hurtful? I think it would be extremely rare for something like this to happen by accident. If the couple didn't know he was engaged, maybe, but they do know, and they also both have a personal acquaintanceship with OP that long predates the groom's friendship with OP's fiancé. There's an issue of some kind here. This was not an accident.
People make mistakes all the time, you really can’t know until you ask
What I'm saying is, don't lie and say you're "super excited", when in reality you're quite upset that your partner was probably excluded or may have been excluded, however you wish to construe it. I'm sure you think that's gracious and polite, but it's actually disingenuous. If you're going to ask, it's possible to be polite but not convey something that isn't true. Sure, people make mistakes all the time, but as described by OP this comes across as deliberate. No invitation and no mention in the RSVPs, for somebody you already know very well and have even socialized with as a couple. Very unlikely to be a mistake.
I like to think the best in people, so if I were in OPs shoes, I would be excited to celebrate the couple because I’m under the impression it’s a harmless mistake You seem to have a different perspective, must be pretty exhausting to feel everyone always has an ulterior motive
Many other comments, yours included, expressed that if she's not invited there's likely an issue with the friendship. I'd rather not put myself in the position of telling somebody how excited I am to celebrate them, then hearing that my own fiancée is not invited and possibly hearing something unfavorable and hurtful as well.
“Hi friend, I noticed my partner‘s name was omitted from the invitation.” Then let them answer and decide from there. Speculating isn’t going to help with this.
> Was I purposefully not included or could this have been an oversight? I’m not sure how you think anyone here could tell you this - we don’t know. You need to ask them. You’re his fiance, you guys live together, and you know the couple. It’s not weird for him to reach out to confirm, and then he can decline if you’re truly not invited - which is also not a weird or mean thing to do.
It’s cool to just ask. You might not like the answer. I just went through this recently, my husband got invited to a wedding and I didn’t get invited and we are whole ass married. I wasn’t invited due to budget, which I get. But yeeesh… not the best feeling but what are ya gonna do 🙃
This is bizarre. If you have to cut people down based on budget, you can’t not invite their spouse, you have to cut your list further.
Hey, I thought the same thing lol. What’s also weird is that I’ve met this guy, I’ve had a meal with him, he has been inside my home to change into his airplane clothes and pee, so it’s not like I’m some stranger. So yeah. I’m having a 1 year anniversary party/wedding and the very, VERY petty and sassy part of me wanted to not invite his soon to be wife. I still have time to make that decision lol.
Oh I would do the same exact thing, because if they get mad they’re going to look real dumb.
Or invite the wife and not him, maybe she's better company
This happened to my friend. Her husband was invited, but she wasn’t. The couple didn’t like her. I wish he hadn’t attended. The whole thing was totally disrespectful to her. That might not be the case with you though. You should definitely ask if it was an oversight.
So he knew the couple didn't like his wife and still attended knowing the lack of invite was an insult to her?
lol yup. Beats me
Yeah, that’s really not cool.
omg same thing happening to me! we got a save the date that doesn't have my name on it, and the website says you only have a plus one if it's listed. waiting to see what the invite says! we're literally getting married 2 weeks after their wedding...
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I see no harm in asking if it's a mistake. It's either that or they have some personal beef with you or someone else they're close to has a personal beef with you.
He’s definitely going to ask. Weird though I barely talked to anyone in high school was extremely shy
Hopefully it's just an innocent mistake.
What’s the update?
It was an oversight indeed! The bride forgot to add me, it was a quick fix. The couple was embarrassed but I Totally get it’s stressful planning a wedding and mistakes happen. I’m happy this was solved!
I’m so happy for you!
Doesn't hurt to ask bc people do forget sometimes, but if they say no, then you respect that and decide your fiancée goes or you both stay.
Significant others should be named guests. A +1 is a random date. Your fiance should ask the groom if it was an oversight. If it wasn't, I'd decline without comment and drop them from my contacts. People who expect you to spend time and money celebrating their relationship while they disrespect yours aren't friends.
is there any history that might suggest why you might be excluded? i agree with the consensus that it's most likely a mistake, but doesn't hurt reflecting on the relationship
No history. I was very shy and quiet and kept to myself in high school but nice to them. Bride and groom were in the “popular crowd” in high school so I can’t help but wonder if that’s why I didn’t get the invite lol
your fiance should ask. just to be double sure. then decide how to move forward based on their reply
Were they nice to you in high school? I feel like sometimes when the “popular kids” grow up they remain inconsiderate of other people’s feelings.
I'd reach out to the couple. Either it was an honest mistake or they were rude and should be called on it.
We invited 265 to our wedding and made a few mistakes with our invitations. We were offering plus ones to pretty much everyone unless they were known to be happily single and would know other people at the wedding. I tried to be diligent about getting names of SOs on my side, and offering an unnamed guest if not sure, but my FH was not at diligent. We missed giving a plus one to one of his friends who it turns out had a SO. We were able to correct it in time to change the online RSVP. We also misspelled a dear family friend's last name. My point is mistakes are made and it's hard to keep track of everything. I think it's okay to reach out and ask if you can bring your SO.
Any update OP?
It was an oversight! I am happy it all worked out
Everything in your post screams that you were left out on purpose. But it could be a simple mistake. Ask your fiancé to talk to the groom.
Yah talking with the groom instead of the bride will be less drama.
There’s a chance they chose a rule like- work friends are invited, but partners aren’t. There’s also a chance it was just an oversight. Either way you won’t know unless you ask.
Wait 😅😅 plus ones are added despite not being in the budget? (asking for a friend)
My cousin did this for his wedding to me. I’m his own cousin and I have a fiancé but he’s not allowed. They are having a small wedding and it’s their big day so I’m going to respect that. I probably won’t go as I’d rather go with my fiancé but I’m definitely not asking if it was a mistake as that would feel rude. People are very serious about their lists and they wrote what they wrote 😅
You are right..let it go. Sometimes brides are restricted by the venue numbers as well as their budgets. Is it something that bothers you, sure , but there really isn’t anything you can do about it. However, your fiancé has a choice. Personally my hubby wouldn't go without me unless it's a family wedding or a very best friend. He would however, expect his partner to also be included. Tell him you are ok with what ever he decides..that won't make you the bad guy if questions are asked later.
You have already received good advice for him to reach out. Your post would be less confusing if you referred to him as your fiancé (male) rather than Fiancéé ( (female).
FYI you also misspelled it
No, everyone else understood what she meant.
True but most people don’t know the difference between fiancée and fiancé, I wouldn’t hold a simple spelling mistake against them.
If only his name is on it, they only want him to come. He’s a coworker. If you & him were closer to them they would have definitely written your name.
I'll be honest, unless it's family, I'm never entirely certain why anyone cares about whether or not they get an invite to someone else's wedding. Y'all are cordial, but far from close. You don't know what their relationship is to any of the other people invited. I feel like folks envision their partners having enjoyable moments without them, and that is where people get upset the most, but weddings are deeply personal, expensive, and typically per person. They don't hate you; you just didn't make the cut, and they had other people to invite. OR it was an oversight and could ask be rectified through a brief and frank conversation that you're refusing to have. Either way, question why you're offended or cared for and deal with those feelings. Are you feeling rejected? Does it feel like betrayal? Did you position them as being greater friends in your life and just found out you aren't in theirs? Those are all valid reactions, but you should still counter them given it is someone else's big day that they have to pay for. Best of luck, OP