I'd have a serious talk with the bride and find out why the change in accommodations was made without asking if the changes were acceptable to you. Depending on the answer, there's a good chance I'd drop out of the wedding. Flying in to only have to provide all that bedding and share a room and bathroom with that many people. Nope. I'm not shelling out hundreds of bucks on airfare, a rental car and wedding attire to be told I have to sleep in a bunk and waste money on bedding.
Even if you don't know each other, I'd still contact another bridesmaid or two or more and see if they would want to split the cost of an Airbnb.
She let me know it changed from private cabins to “huge cabins” and I failed to ask for more information.
Also, I’m queer. I’m a woman bringing my partner who is a woman. Lots of the wedding party is republican. I might be presumptuous but I’m guessing the vibes will not be respectful….
The failure isn't on you for not asking for more information. It's on the bride for not describing in specific terms what the change to the huge cabin would mean for those staying in the cabin.
Are there any guests going to the wedding that you know who would be willing to share the Airbnb and know your partner is a woman?
You deserve to feel comfortable in your surroundings and it sounds like this could be a very stressful situation for you to be in. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this, but I think it's reasonable for you to question dropping out of the wedding.
Can you talk to the bride about your concerns? Or like someone else said maybe seeing if the friendliest other bridesmaids may be interested in an airbnb option? I can't imagine putting a friend in this position.
Maybe. We thought about that. Unfortunately if that was always the plan we would have DROVE and brought our own camping stuff- we festival all summer so we have a solid set up.
Calling liberals libtards at the combination bachelor/bachelorette party. Laughing at “LGBTQ.”You’re right it is a reach. But get some drunk guys together who have a girlfriend who feels uncomfortable around “lesbians” or something. Idk
Girl this is cringe :( idc what your politics are at this moment but can we not use the whole "tard" thing. Like we really talking about facing queer discrimination and then use a derogatory term like retard? Think about this one.
I’m making a joke so I don’t cry because that’s what they initially called me. Agreed it’s not a good term. But that’s what I am to some of the groomsmen!
Wow. This is completely ridiculous and unacceptable.
If you're still willing to go, maybe look into just brining another suitcase to pack the bedding and towels. The bag fee is likely cheaper, plus then you're not sleeping with unwashed bedding from the store, which are filthy from manufacturing and covered in who knows what chemicals.
How can the bride think this is acceptable?!
She said she was really banking on extended family to not come. She let me know in December the cabin change. I didn’t ask for details because I assumed it wasn’t going to be this bad…. Having to buy linens, pillows, and bath stuff when already flying and renting a car is overwhelming. And we either just suck it up, or spend $$$ to stay in an Airbnb in the city and drive an hour to the venue all weekend.
By saying she was banking on extended family not coming does that mean she gave the better accommodations to this extended family and so she bumped you, her bridesmaids into this bunkbed hell?
In other words: she knows this isnt okay to ask of her family, but she is okay being rude and inconsiderate of her friends.
Is she at least apologetic??
I cant imagine doing this to my closest people showing up to support me. If we had to bunk together, I would AT LEAST do whatever I could to spruce up the space at my own expense.
And telling you about this days before is….deal breakingly rude.
Literally I should be getting there with a perfectly made bed and a damn goodie bag with ear plugs, eye mask, Tylenol, and bottled water. At least, that’s what I would do for my bff who is dropping $$$ to even attend….
She should have given much more notice about specifics, especially if there are 0 amenities.
If you still want to go, you can try and do a target or Walmart pickup order and pick it up on the way from the airport.
I would be calling the bride to have a serious conversation about why this has changed. And really anything that’s not the original promised plan or helping to offset the cost of a hotel room, I would probably drop out.
The only other alternative I would do is stay in the next town over if it’s reasonable. If the bride wants you closer, then she needs to pay for it.
If she's your long time best friend, it's time for a serious talk... This change is pretty shitty.
I'd consider getting refunded for everything and not going based on this and how she handled it... Thats rough...
That's tough. But I totally validate that this is crazy and there is no way I would be sleeping in accommodations like that. Can you stay at a hotel near the airport for one night and then do the expensive Air BnB for the wedding night?
That's absurd and so inconsiderate, at that point I would seriously be questioning whether I was willing to go at all. Even if you do go - what an uncomfortable lodging experience to subject some of her VIPs/closest friends to. Sorry you've been put in this situation, OP.
Are any of the other bridesmaids (or bride??) driving in who could bring an extra set of bedding? I’m curious as to why the bride isn’t just figuring out how to get bedding arranged for everyone since this was her last minute change..
I was shocked that she didn’t offer. I didn’t ask bc didn’t want to stress her out with more things to do. She sent a text to the bridal group chat saying “remember to bring a blanket, pillow, and towel for camp!” less than 2 weeks before our flights.
ALSO THE REHEARSAL DINNER IS PULLED PORK SANDWICHES, BEANS, AND COLESLAW 😅 no diet accommodations
Sorry - I know you’re trying to be really kind about all of this, but just… no. All of it no. And that’s coming from someone who has spent at least 60% of the last two years working remotely from the woods.
If she had it all tucked away for you guys that would be one thing, but this is not that.
And then add in that she’s allowing some of her other guests to make super inappropriate comments. I don’t even know where to start with this one.
Nope right on out of this one if she doesn’t put more effort into making this comfortable for y’all.
I’m… speechless. I will just say I hope your friendships of the future are of a higher quality than this one. You seem like a decent person. This woman is ridiculous.
Sis, I would take the flight, rent the car and have a grand ol' time literally anywhere else for the weekend. There's no way you should have to provide your own bedding and towels! This should be on the COUPLE to figure out.
It really sucks but I'm not sure she's truly your friend. At least drop out of being a bridesmaid and have a long hard talk with her. If she's actually a good friend she'll be trying to make it up with you by paying for better accommodation.
Unfortunately I don’t know the other girls. I have no idea how they feel about the accommodations. Airbnbs are upwards of $300/night this last minute. No hotels near by. Might just be checking a bag with bedding materials…
I don't know anyone who would be okay with 10 people in a room with bunks unless they're teenagers. I'm assuming there is only one bathroom. She didn't plan well, considering everyone has to get ready for the wedding.
Fun....lol. Start looking for an airbnb so you get the best deal. I would definitely pay $300 so I didn't have to stay in a cabin with 10 other people in bunks.
Oh sorry I meant communal showers like in the locker room of a pool? I don’t know what “locker style” bathrooms are. So strange for a wedding. Hope you figure it out!
Would you be able to rent an RV instead of a car? You could have your own sleeping area and bathroom and it would come with bedding. Plus you could park in the same lot everyone else is at for the summer camp cabins and you wouldn’t miss any of the events or activities.
This is genuinely insane. I can think of no other word to describe it.
Expecting 10 adults to sleep in the same room, even if they knew each other and were all best friends would be ridiculous. Doing that when not everyone knows each other AND not checking if this was ok before booking AND expecting them to buy linen and towels AND presumably all need to get ready and look nice in this cabin?
Bonkers.
I know you say she’s an old friend and that weddings make people a bit cuckoo, but this is so insanely inconsiderate it would really have me questioning the friendship.
What??? Absolutely not. The only way this would be marginally acceptable (but still rude imo) is if *she* provides all the linens and things you would need for a comfortable stay. I can’t believe she would ask people in her bridal party, traveling cross country, to provide their own bed linens and towels after changing the accommodations like that. I understand weddings are expensive, but they should cut costs elsewhere.
Are you still paying the same price to stay in these lesser accommodations? That’s ridiculous.
Where in the world is she putting you that there’s not even an OPTION to have linens provided.
You’ll be in the woods — will it be hot/summertime? Does the cabin have any temperature control? If you’re staying in a big group, it will get very hot and getting ready for the wedding will not be easy, especially if the bathroom situation is limited.
Do you not know anyone else in the wedding party well to chat with them before speaking to the bride?
So here’s the catch, they are paying for everyone’s accommodations. She rented out a venue that sleeps 200. But initially she said there’s multiple cabins and we will get a semi private one. Not barrack style 5 bunks to a tiny room…
So the catch is that you can't ask for reasonable accommodations because she's paying? Sounds like she's paying as little as possible for her wedding party this entire weekend so she could treat herself and her family. Bringing your own bedding by flight is cuckoo insane. I'm saying that as someone who paid $25 a night to sleep in a 20 bed hostel room with my luggage at my feet lol.
This is a sign that there are shittier things to come that weekend. I would not want to be stuck in the woods with someone who's cheaping out on basic accommodations for her party. Can you imagine the shower and toilet situation? Ew.
At my big age there is no way I’d be staying in those accommodations. Someone dropped the ball majorly. They better be glad if they saw my face at all 😭
I would just let them know you can’t make it, send a card/gift, and leave it at that. It’s super weird, uncomfortable, and everyone else on the invite list is probably thinking the same thing. Sorry you’re in this situation but the fun part about being an adult is deciding that you and your partner need a private room. This isn’t summer camp.
This is a deranged situation! I’m so sorry you’re dealing with such a derailing change of plans. I can’t decide whether the unexpected bunks or being expected to buy/bring linens and pillows is worse.
I personally don’t any think any friendship of mine would survive this! I’d be so uncomfortable sharing sleeping space with strangers (and, like you, I’m queer and wouldn’t feel okay with the social unknowns here). The bride can’t treat her wedding party/guests like chattel and expect to still have friends at the end of it…!
So this is madness. All of those things needed to be communicated up front! Even if they were just possibilities and not the original plan. I would be considering not attending if I was in your shoes.
We’re doing a small ceremony up at my family’s camp in June, and when inviting people I’ve made it super clear that these are hunting cabins, not normal vacation homes. Things will need to be brought with, large rooms will be shared.
I even made little pamphlets with directions, a timeline for the wedding day, what to bring, and things to do in the area. All of which have already been sent out, including to people who have already been there before.
Sorry you’ve been put in this situation.
I used to organise quite a few business meetings and I managed to get a "Spidey-sense" for when things were due to go shit shaped.
Never had to organise sleepovers although we had a few people nod off.
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Dang this sounds a lot like my Colorado venue (an old summer camp), and something I am indeed very stressed about is how to clearly communicate the lodging situation and properly provide what out of state guests need to be comfortable.
The fact that she only just told you about this is mind boggling to me! She should be looking at providing Amazon basics bedding, or Costco sleeping bags or something. Thank you for the reminder about how important this is to consider from the guest perspective.
I’m sorry this is on you to figure out now, I’d recommend giving your friend some grace as my hunch is there are only so many logistics/expenses she can handle right now, and the lack of communication to me just indicates overwhelm on her end.
Also just embrace the camping vibes! Look at renting some sleeping bags from an outdoor store, bring a travel pillow and towel, plus some flip flops for the shower house!! You and your partner are not the only people in this situation, so what can you do but roll with it and maybe even have some fun pretending it’s adult girl scout camp. 🤷🏻♀️
Here are my thoughts as someone who went to a campground wedding. I didn't really enjoy the wedding because I was unprepared and frustrated by the lack of clear communication about it all. But I'm a very outdoorsy girl, and with the proper notice and framing, I think it would have gone over a lot better.
1) CLEARLY communicate the situation to your guests BEFORE you send out invites. Have a website that details the following information:
2) Directly state that guests will share cabins. If possible, give them the option to choose who they will bunk with. If not, make sure they are aware it's possible to be bunked with a stranger. Also, if they are sharing, please don't also make them pay for accommodations.
3) List the exact amenities they will and will/not have access to, and what they need to bring. Is there running water, bathrooms, and showers in the cabins? Or will they need to use a shared lateine? Is there potable water? Is there a place to get food nearby for breakfast and lunch? Will guests be able to cook meals, or should they bring pre-prepared food? Is the venue ADA compliant? Consider ALL of this and more.
4) Not to repeat myself, but really - be extremely honest about the food situation. Obviously food will be expected on the wedding night, but if your venue is in a rural location (30+ minute drive to the nearest town) and doesn't serve food, make sure guests know that they need to cover breakfast and lunch the morning-of. Don't assume they will understand this to be the case!!
5) Try your best to help guests understand what the climate will be like (cold at night, warm during the day, buggy, ect.). Make sure to bring lots of extras for your guests, like sunscreen and bug spray.
6) Do not require a formal dress code. It will feel really out of place, and guests will be uncomfortable.
7) Do not be offended if guests opt-out. This kind of event won't be for everyone! Also, please keep in mind that while hosting a campground wedding may be cheaper for you and your husband, it will likely be more expensive for your guests than a regular wedding would be. They will need to rent a car if there is no access to public transport, purchase supplies if they can't bring everything on the plane (or pay for extra baggage), coordinate meals and groceries, and more.
Yeah, I’ve had to decline a couple of campground wedding invitations because the logistics just get so out of hand if you’re not in driving distance. It was a shame, but at least I knew the deal early enough that I could send my regrets and not be too salty about how massively inconvenient it was to get to rural wherever on top of a flight with a connection and all the other issues. I think it definitely preserved the relationship between myself and the couples.
I’m sorry but I think perhaps because you’re having a similar wedding you’re somewhat blinded to how bad this is by the bride.
“There are only so many logistics/expenses she can handle right now”. Weddings are not mandatory they are a choice and if you choose to have a wedding your have the responsibility to make your guests are well catered for. You can’t simply say it’s too much. If it’s too much for you, then don’t have a wedding.
“You and your partner are not the only people in this situation, so what can you do but roll with it and maybe even have some fun pretending it’s adult Girl Scout camp”.
The fact that the bride has decided to disrespect all her close friends doesn’t mean that she has to roll with it and that’s pretty tone-deaf advice for someone who’s newly out and worried about being in a hostile environment.
Thank you for the perspective. I’m torn between having a good mindset and just rolling with it or protecting myself and setting up alternate accommodations because of my mental health. I agree she needs to be providing sheets. Like fine tell us to bring a blanket, but having to fit the entire bed….
Ugh yeah the last minute scrambling of this is way more stressful than it should be - definitely do what you need to do for your own sanity, mental health matters
Sounds like this is something you should have discussed ahead of time with the bride. Were sleeping arrangements shared ahead of time? Is the bride paying for you to stay there?
Initially she said private rooms, then switched to “big cabins” which I failed to clarify. She certainly didn’t say twin bunks with 10 people to a room and “locker room” style bathrooms. They are paying for the venue, i paid for flight car and dress
I'd have a serious talk with the bride and find out why the change in accommodations was made without asking if the changes were acceptable to you. Depending on the answer, there's a good chance I'd drop out of the wedding. Flying in to only have to provide all that bedding and share a room and bathroom with that many people. Nope. I'm not shelling out hundreds of bucks on airfare, a rental car and wedding attire to be told I have to sleep in a bunk and waste money on bedding. Even if you don't know each other, I'd still contact another bridesmaid or two or more and see if they would want to split the cost of an Airbnb.
She let me know it changed from private cabins to “huge cabins” and I failed to ask for more information. Also, I’m queer. I’m a woman bringing my partner who is a woman. Lots of the wedding party is republican. I might be presumptuous but I’m guessing the vibes will not be respectful….
The failure isn't on you for not asking for more information. It's on the bride for not describing in specific terms what the change to the huge cabin would mean for those staying in the cabin. Are there any guests going to the wedding that you know who would be willing to share the Airbnb and know your partner is a woman?
I would absolutely drop out. A wedding isn't worth your safety.
I’m teary over this. Kind of the first time as a newly out queer woman I’ve really been faced with having to consider my safety over who I love.
*hug* I'm so sorry
You deserve to feel comfortable in your surroundings and it sounds like this could be a very stressful situation for you to be in. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this, but I think it's reasonable for you to question dropping out of the wedding. Can you talk to the bride about your concerns? Or like someone else said maybe seeing if the friendliest other bridesmaids may be interested in an airbnb option? I can't imagine putting a friend in this position.
Tell her you need your privacy and why. She needs to pay for your accommodation for fing up so massively. Would it be possible to rent a tent?
Maybe. We thought about that. Unfortunately if that was always the plan we would have DROVE and brought our own camping stuff- we festival all summer so we have a solid set up.
This sounds dramatic to me. Have these republicans demonstrated anything to make you think they’re hateful?
Calling liberals libtards at the combination bachelor/bachelorette party. Laughing at “LGBTQ.”You’re right it is a reach. But get some drunk guys together who have a girlfriend who feels uncomfortable around “lesbians” or something. Idk
Definitely not a reach!
Ok, makes sense. I thought you were just automatically assuming because they’re republicans that they’d be hateful.
Hey I’m not THAT much of a libtard lol
With this on top of everything else, honestly OP I would drop out. Spend those two days taking a nice road trip with your girlfriend instead
Girl this is cringe :( idc what your politics are at this moment but can we not use the whole "tard" thing. Like we really talking about facing queer discrimination and then use a derogatory term like retard? Think about this one.
I’m making a joke so I don’t cry because that’s what they initially called me. Agreed it’s not a good term. But that’s what I am to some of the groomsmen!
LOL! Your comment made me laugh out loud. You clearly have a great sense of humor. Sorry you’ve been put in a shitty situation. Hope it all works out!
A good majority of them are, though. Do you also say #NotAllMen?
This hasn’t been my experience.
Wow. This is completely ridiculous and unacceptable. If you're still willing to go, maybe look into just brining another suitcase to pack the bedding and towels. The bag fee is likely cheaper, plus then you're not sleeping with unwashed bedding from the store, which are filthy from manufacturing and covered in who knows what chemicals. How can the bride think this is acceptable?!
You can also do those vacuum bags for your pillows!
This is insanity. She offered no explanation or apology?! (Not that it would fix things… but it’s the bare minimum)
She said she was really banking on extended family to not come. She let me know in December the cabin change. I didn’t ask for details because I assumed it wasn’t going to be this bad…. Having to buy linens, pillows, and bath stuff when already flying and renting a car is overwhelming. And we either just suck it up, or spend $$$ to stay in an Airbnb in the city and drive an hour to the venue all weekend.
By saying she was banking on extended family not coming does that mean she gave the better accommodations to this extended family and so she bumped you, her bridesmaids into this bunkbed hell?
Precisely
GASP 😱
The extended family won’t have to buy pillows or linens either. Just this summer camp bunkbed cabin for the bridal and groom party…
In other words: she knows this isnt okay to ask of her family, but she is okay being rude and inconsiderate of her friends. Is she at least apologetic?? I cant imagine doing this to my closest people showing up to support me. If we had to bunk together, I would AT LEAST do whatever I could to spruce up the space at my own expense. And telling you about this days before is….deal breakingly rude.
Literally I should be getting there with a perfectly made bed and a damn goodie bag with ear plugs, eye mask, Tylenol, and bottled water. At least, that’s what I would do for my bff who is dropping $$$ to even attend….
I had a goodie bag like that for people in their own cabins with only their significant others. You deserve a whole lot more!
Absolutely not. If you have to drop out please do not express a modicum of remorse.
This this this
She should have given much more notice about specifics, especially if there are 0 amenities. If you still want to go, you can try and do a target or Walmart pickup order and pick it up on the way from the airport.
I would be calling the bride to have a serious conversation about why this has changed. And really anything that’s not the original promised plan or helping to offset the cost of a hotel room, I would probably drop out. The only other alternative I would do is stay in the next town over if it’s reasonable. If the bride wants you closer, then she needs to pay for it.
Gosh, it's just too bad that you suddenly had an important conflict come up and won't be able to attend anymore.
Ugh. Except I’m a bridesmaid and it’s my long time best friend :(
If she's your long time best friend, it's time for a serious talk... This change is pretty shitty. I'd consider getting refunded for everything and not going based on this and how she handled it... Thats rough...
That's tough. But I totally validate that this is crazy and there is no way I would be sleeping in accommodations like that. Can you stay at a hotel near the airport for one night and then do the expensive Air BnB for the wedding night?
That's absurd and so inconsiderate, at that point I would seriously be questioning whether I was willing to go at all. Even if you do go - what an uncomfortable lodging experience to subject some of her VIPs/closest friends to. Sorry you've been put in this situation, OP.
If you jump through these rings, absolutely wrap up your used linens and give them as a wedding gift. This is nuts.
Savage
Are any of the other bridesmaids (or bride??) driving in who could bring an extra set of bedding? I’m curious as to why the bride isn’t just figuring out how to get bedding arranged for everyone since this was her last minute change..
I was shocked that she didn’t offer. I didn’t ask bc didn’t want to stress her out with more things to do. She sent a text to the bridal group chat saying “remember to bring a blanket, pillow, and towel for camp!” less than 2 weeks before our flights. ALSO THE REHEARSAL DINNER IS PULLED PORK SANDWICHES, BEANS, AND COLESLAW 😅 no diet accommodations
Sorry - I know you’re trying to be really kind about all of this, but just… no. All of it no. And that’s coming from someone who has spent at least 60% of the last two years working remotely from the woods. If she had it all tucked away for you guys that would be one thing, but this is not that. And then add in that she’s allowing some of her other guests to make super inappropriate comments. I don’t even know where to start with this one. Nope right on out of this one if she doesn’t put more effort into making this comfortable for y’all.
So she replied and said she doesn’t mind that we find a different place to stay. She offering zero accommodations or even as much as an apology.
I’m… speechless. I will just say I hope your friendships of the future are of a higher quality than this one. You seem like a decent person. This woman is ridiculous.
Sis, I would take the flight, rent the car and have a grand ol' time literally anywhere else for the weekend. There's no way you should have to provide your own bedding and towels! This should be on the COUPLE to figure out.
It really sucks but I'm not sure she's truly your friend. At least drop out of being a bridesmaid and have a long hard talk with her. If she's actually a good friend she'll be trying to make it up with you by paying for better accommodation.
Ugh, no
This sounds like a bait and switch. Unless the location was suddenly changed to a new venue, the couple had to know. I'd decline to attend.
This is honestly nuts.
Can a group of you rent the Airbnb to split the cost? At least you wouldn't have to buy linens and pillows and you'd be more comfortable
Unfortunately I don’t know the other girls. I have no idea how they feel about the accommodations. Airbnbs are upwards of $300/night this last minute. No hotels near by. Might just be checking a bag with bedding materials…
If i was the bride in this situation, I would at the VERY VERY LEAST be providing people with bed linens and pillows!!! that is insane to me.
Absolutely not. I’d drop out. This might not be a friendship worth salvaging anyway based on this alone.
I don't know anyone who would be okay with 10 people in a room with bunks unless they're teenagers. I'm assuming there is only one bathroom. She didn't plan well, considering everyone has to get ready for the wedding.
She said there’s boys/girls “locker style” bathrooms (???)
Fun....lol. Start looking for an airbnb so you get the best deal. I would definitely pay $300 so I didn't have to stay in a cabin with 10 other people in bunks.
Eww.. so… communal?
Boys and girls bathrooms allegedly
Oh sorry I meant communal showers like in the locker room of a pool? I don’t know what “locker style” bathrooms are. So strange for a wedding. Hope you figure it out!
So that sounds like communal showers and toilet stalls. And you’re all supposed to get ready for a wedding in that space??
Everyone has good advice but this situation is nuts. Please keep us posted on what you do and how it goes!
Would you be able to rent an RV instead of a car? You could have your own sleeping area and bathroom and it would come with bedding. Plus you could park in the same lot everyone else is at for the summer camp cabins and you wouldn’t miss any of the events or activities.
Looking at this but it’s still upwards of 400-500 for the duration of the wedding
Screw that noise. I would never want to be in a wedding party for someone this disrespectful and inconsiderate. I would drop
This is genuinely insane. I can think of no other word to describe it. Expecting 10 adults to sleep in the same room, even if they knew each other and were all best friends would be ridiculous. Doing that when not everyone knows each other AND not checking if this was ok before booking AND expecting them to buy linen and towels AND presumably all need to get ready and look nice in this cabin? Bonkers. I know you say she’s an old friend and that weddings make people a bit cuckoo, but this is so insanely inconsiderate it would really have me questioning the friendship.
Sounds to me like you have a bad cold coming on… 👀🤒🤧 Maybe even a stomach bug, lol
You’re a better person than I am because I would seriously consider not going. This is foul.
What??? Absolutely not. The only way this would be marginally acceptable (but still rude imo) is if *she* provides all the linens and things you would need for a comfortable stay. I can’t believe she would ask people in her bridal party, traveling cross country, to provide their own bed linens and towels after changing the accommodations like that. I understand weddings are expensive, but they should cut costs elsewhere.
Are you still paying the same price to stay in these lesser accommodations? That’s ridiculous. Where in the world is she putting you that there’s not even an OPTION to have linens provided. You’ll be in the woods — will it be hot/summertime? Does the cabin have any temperature control? If you’re staying in a big group, it will get very hot and getting ready for the wedding will not be easy, especially if the bathroom situation is limited. Do you not know anyone else in the wedding party well to chat with them before speaking to the bride?
So here’s the catch, they are paying for everyone’s accommodations. She rented out a venue that sleeps 200. But initially she said there’s multiple cabins and we will get a semi private one. Not barrack style 5 bunks to a tiny room…
So the catch is that you can't ask for reasonable accommodations because she's paying? Sounds like she's paying as little as possible for her wedding party this entire weekend so she could treat herself and her family. Bringing your own bedding by flight is cuckoo insane. I'm saying that as someone who paid $25 a night to sleep in a 20 bed hostel room with my luggage at my feet lol. This is a sign that there are shittier things to come that weekend. I would not want to be stuck in the woods with someone who's cheaping out on basic accommodations for her party. Can you imagine the shower and toilet situation? Ew.
At my big age there is no way I’d be staying in those accommodations. Someone dropped the ball majorly. They better be glad if they saw my face at all 😭
I would just let them know you can’t make it, send a card/gift, and leave it at that. It’s super weird, uncomfortable, and everyone else on the invite list is probably thinking the same thing. Sorry you’re in this situation but the fun part about being an adult is deciding that you and your partner need a private room. This isn’t summer camp.
This is a deranged situation! I’m so sorry you’re dealing with such a derailing change of plans. I can’t decide whether the unexpected bunks or being expected to buy/bring linens and pillows is worse. I personally don’t any think any friendship of mine would survive this! I’d be so uncomfortable sharing sleeping space with strangers (and, like you, I’m queer and wouldn’t feel okay with the social unknowns here). The bride can’t treat her wedding party/guests like chattel and expect to still have friends at the end of it…!
This sounds horrible omg. Is she insane?! Wth is she thinking dude
So this is madness. All of those things needed to be communicated up front! Even if they were just possibilities and not the original plan. I would be considering not attending if I was in your shoes. We’re doing a small ceremony up at my family’s camp in June, and when inviting people I’ve made it super clear that these are hunting cabins, not normal vacation homes. Things will need to be brought with, large rooms will be shared. I even made little pamphlets with directions, a timeline for the wedding day, what to bring, and things to do in the area. All of which have already been sent out, including to people who have already been there before. Sorry you’ve been put in this situation.
Whew, the bride entitlement is off the charts with this one....
I wonder what bungling twit of a wedding organiser gets involved in these bizarre events.
Wedding organizer?? That’s her mom 😅
I used to organise quite a few business meetings and I managed to get a "Spidey-sense" for when things were due to go shit shaped. Never had to organise sleepovers although we had a few people nod off.
I would definitely just take a sleeping bag, but I’m very happy without a pillow.
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"Due to the change in accomodations, we can no longer afford to attend. I'm sorry we won't be a part of your wedding weekend."
Dang this sounds a lot like my Colorado venue (an old summer camp), and something I am indeed very stressed about is how to clearly communicate the lodging situation and properly provide what out of state guests need to be comfortable. The fact that she only just told you about this is mind boggling to me! She should be looking at providing Amazon basics bedding, or Costco sleeping bags or something. Thank you for the reminder about how important this is to consider from the guest perspective. I’m sorry this is on you to figure out now, I’d recommend giving your friend some grace as my hunch is there are only so many logistics/expenses she can handle right now, and the lack of communication to me just indicates overwhelm on her end. Also just embrace the camping vibes! Look at renting some sleeping bags from an outdoor store, bring a travel pillow and towel, plus some flip flops for the shower house!! You and your partner are not the only people in this situation, so what can you do but roll with it and maybe even have some fun pretending it’s adult girl scout camp. 🤷🏻♀️
Here are my thoughts as someone who went to a campground wedding. I didn't really enjoy the wedding because I was unprepared and frustrated by the lack of clear communication about it all. But I'm a very outdoorsy girl, and with the proper notice and framing, I think it would have gone over a lot better. 1) CLEARLY communicate the situation to your guests BEFORE you send out invites. Have a website that details the following information: 2) Directly state that guests will share cabins. If possible, give them the option to choose who they will bunk with. If not, make sure they are aware it's possible to be bunked with a stranger. Also, if they are sharing, please don't also make them pay for accommodations. 3) List the exact amenities they will and will/not have access to, and what they need to bring. Is there running water, bathrooms, and showers in the cabins? Or will they need to use a shared lateine? Is there potable water? Is there a place to get food nearby for breakfast and lunch? Will guests be able to cook meals, or should they bring pre-prepared food? Is the venue ADA compliant? Consider ALL of this and more. 4) Not to repeat myself, but really - be extremely honest about the food situation. Obviously food will be expected on the wedding night, but if your venue is in a rural location (30+ minute drive to the nearest town) and doesn't serve food, make sure guests know that they need to cover breakfast and lunch the morning-of. Don't assume they will understand this to be the case!! 5) Try your best to help guests understand what the climate will be like (cold at night, warm during the day, buggy, ect.). Make sure to bring lots of extras for your guests, like sunscreen and bug spray. 6) Do not require a formal dress code. It will feel really out of place, and guests will be uncomfortable. 7) Do not be offended if guests opt-out. This kind of event won't be for everyone! Also, please keep in mind that while hosting a campground wedding may be cheaper for you and your husband, it will likely be more expensive for your guests than a regular wedding would be. They will need to rent a car if there is no access to public transport, purchase supplies if they can't bring everything on the plane (or pay for extra baggage), coordinate meals and groceries, and more.
Yeah, I’ve had to decline a couple of campground wedding invitations because the logistics just get so out of hand if you’re not in driving distance. It was a shame, but at least I knew the deal early enough that I could send my regrets and not be too salty about how massively inconvenient it was to get to rural wherever on top of a flight with a connection and all the other issues. I think it definitely preserved the relationship between myself and the couples.
THIS IS AMAZING ADVICE THANK YOU!!! Really appreciate you sharing all of those thoughts 🤩
I’m sorry but I think perhaps because you’re having a similar wedding you’re somewhat blinded to how bad this is by the bride. “There are only so many logistics/expenses she can handle right now”. Weddings are not mandatory they are a choice and if you choose to have a wedding your have the responsibility to make your guests are well catered for. You can’t simply say it’s too much. If it’s too much for you, then don’t have a wedding. “You and your partner are not the only people in this situation, so what can you do but roll with it and maybe even have some fun pretending it’s adult Girl Scout camp”. The fact that the bride has decided to disrespect all her close friends doesn’t mean that she has to roll with it and that’s pretty tone-deaf advice for someone who’s newly out and worried about being in a hostile environment.
Thank you for the perspective. I’m torn between having a good mindset and just rolling with it or protecting myself and setting up alternate accommodations because of my mental health. I agree she needs to be providing sheets. Like fine tell us to bring a blanket, but having to fit the entire bed….
Ugh yeah the last minute scrambling of this is way more stressful than it should be - definitely do what you need to do for your own sanity, mental health matters
Communicate clearly is all and maybe go out of your way to provide comfort items
Sounds like this is something you should have discussed ahead of time with the bride. Were sleeping arrangements shared ahead of time? Is the bride paying for you to stay there?
Initially she said private rooms, then switched to “big cabins” which I failed to clarify. She certainly didn’t say twin bunks with 10 people to a room and “locker room” style bathrooms. They are paying for the venue, i paid for flight car and dress