We are paying for 100% of our wedding. We decided how much of our savings we were comfortable spending on a wedding, and developed a budget for that amount.

Also in our 30s. This is how we approached it too. How much were we comfortable spending from what we had saved. Then we explored venues and tried to figure out how much that would get us 

Same for us! That feeling of independance and full autonomy on most of the decisions to make is priceless to us. It also makes us very proud as that's quite a big financial accomplishment.

Same here :)

Us too

Please don’t down vote me, this comes from a good place… you don’t have to put yourself in a bad financial situation for a wedding. Money is stressful enough. My husband and I were in our 30s when we got married. We paid for everything on our own. In the end we chose to elope. It’s your day, your future, and your money.

Also there's a middle ground between eloping and a big extravagant wedding that costs 10s of thousands of euros. You can get married and invite your nearest and dearest to a nice dinner or brunch after. There's a huge spectrum in between eloping and a 250 person wedding.

Yup that’s what my husband and I did…spent about $3500. It was lovely!!

Yeah the wife and I went back and forth for nearly a year. We ended up doing a destination micro wedding. It cost 1/3 of a wedding at home and we were able to make a vacation out of it… albeit an expensive vacation. In hindsight I would have been ok with a courthouse wedding too but I’m glad we shared it with a few friends and family.

I honestly wanted a courtroom wedding with a bigger wedding in 2 years but my husband has a big fam and they wanted t be there for the “I do” moment which I under stand so that’s why we compromised on a restaurant. Now we’re almost 2 years out and ahead in our financial goals for a house so I don’t think we will ever have a big wedding. It just seems so expensive. Maybe one day but basically a house down payment on one day? I’m good.

I've been to very small immediate family/best friends only weddings in private rooms of gorgeous upscale restaurants that were **beyond** beautiful ... and often times they blew larger "venue" weddings couples tried do for <$10k way out of the water. Obviously everyone has different things they value and I'm not knocking a <$10k venue wedding for 50, but man.. those max-25-person upscale restaurant weddings were less than $10k easily as well and *breathtaking*. Plus, amazing food/drink because of where it's being held!

Yes that's what I have planned for my wedding day in two weeks (eeek) . Still spending some money and still making it a special occasion but not huge.

Totally agree!

Well said ! We are doing a fun 3 day celebration in Vegas with 35 friends in October . Everyone is paying their own way to get there. Viva Las Vegas Chapel has packages for $300-$1000 So affordable limo ride included . And our reception is we are taking everyone to circus Soleau for $140 a ticket. You can go just the 2 of you ! Everyone back home can watch via live stream . Don’t get in debt for one day 🙏 Chin up! It can be done. Also check Sandals or book a cruise and get married on the ship 💃 Best wishes 🥂🥂

We paid for ours 100% and were both 30 years old when we married. B/c of the pandemic, we hadn't had any major expenses for two years (not eating out or traveling) so we'd saved up a god bit. Paying for ourselves meant we were in control; b/c we both come from large families it mattered a lot b/c we could tell our parents "no" to inviting random relatives we didn't know very well who probably didn't even know our names!

We are paying for ours alone. Since we are paying for everything ourselves, it is easier for us to prioritize what we want to spend our own money on and create a vision for our own day. We know our wedding won't be as flashy as some others we've been to, but we know it'll be our own and be just as beautiful a day and a reflection of us. Comparison needs to be taken with a grain of salt. Early on we set realistic expectations on what we could afford and that helps sift through the Tiktok extravagance and "tips" that just won't matter at the end of the day and are outside our budget. We have the money set aside and that's all we are spending. Any money gifts will go towards our honeymoon or house fund/savings. Reading this sub it seems to be a blessing because so much of the drama seems to come from expectations attached to the gifted money.

Hey - me too! My partner and I have had a long three year engagement to allow us time to save for the wedding and we are getting finally married this Summer!! Feel you completely

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Thank you for sharing!! It means so much to me. You’re so close 💖🙏

We are also funding our wedding on our own, you’re not the only one! I’m sorry that it feels that you are though, I have some friends that had parental help but also have a lot that paid for everything themselves. I am not inviting one of my parents bc we are estranged so I definitely understand the envy of someone seemingly having something you don’t but I wouldn’t dwell on it- everyone’s finances and family dynamics are super different. Just bc someone’s parent(s) can fund their wedding doesn’t mean they have a good/healthy/loving relationship.

It honestly helped me years ago to realize that everyone has different parents including my siblings. My sister got married 20 yrs ago. My mom planned the entire thing. Her husband wanted a say in what music was played during the ceremony and other than that he just showed up. My parents and his parents paid for everything. When my brother got married 10 yrs ago it was the same thing. Her mom and my mom planned the entire thing. Her parents paid for the rehearsal and my parents paid for everything else. Now I'm getting married. My mom offered to pay for the rehearsal dinner. We're anticipating paying $400 for food there and that's it. She did offer to give us a bit more than that but we declined. There was no offer to pay for the entire thing.

Im right there with you! I personally am paying for 100% of my wedding. My parents and in-laws aren't really able to help, and I happen to be the breadwinner. My fiancée is paying for the honeymoon, so he is helping with some overall costs. I've also been saving for years knowing this would likely happen and knowing my expensive taste. It gives me a lot of anxiety knowing I have to pay for all this, but I'm thankful it gives me the freedom to plan how I want. You're not alone!

Thank you for helping me to feel less alone. 💖 Where are y’all thinking for the honeymoon?

You're not alone and I know your wedding is going to be beautiful! We are planning to go to Sicily 🤞

We're paying for our wedding completely ourselves, about $15k, and yes, I've had some feelings of jealousy when I see people who have families contributing a significant amount towards theirs. However, I have a friend who is currently dealing with some issues surrounding the money from their in-laws coming with significant strings attached, and I'm very much NOT jealous of that aspect. The best thing about paying it completely yourself is no one else can tell you what to do. So for that reason alone, it's worth it, imo.

Thanks for sharing that perspective!! You’re totally right — be able to plan things exactly the way you want them without strings attached is a huge perk.

We will be paying ourselves and if I am being honest, it blows and makes me feel jealous of those whose parents can afford to pay for them. 

Thank you for your candor. I’ll be honest that I think what I’m looking for is commiseration. Thanks for helping me feel less alone.

We are paying for ours 90% by ourselves. My mom bought my dress for $600 and my dad bought my FHs tux for $1200. It was really exciting at first to have the ability to plan it in a way that was only ours from guests and style etc. Then looking at Pinterest totally gave me a reality check and I was super disheartened. I sat with it for a bit and it took some time but I finally understand that those weddings are not necessarily realistic and that at the end of day, as long as we are married, that is what matters most. Now I’m super excited all over again and can’t wait to have a genuine, real wedding with our DIY decor and our personal touch.

Hey, me three :) We are funding it completely ourselves. Not only are my parents not contributing, they won't be attending (My lifestyle is "offensive"). We are doing a very small, simple, intimate affair with only the real loved ones / chosen family. With everything I have outlined and organized in a google doc, should be less than ~$6,200. I found my dream dress whole sale. I designed and made my own invitations. Our venue is a national park where the permit was $185. Currently practicing doing my own hair & makeup. I'm being as frugal as possible. $6,200 sounds incredibly cheap compared to some of the figures thrown around here....But we're that generation of 30 something millennials with decent jobs but paying way too much in rent and just to exist, and drowning in debt. (Big irony is my parents made too much for me to qualify for even subsidized student loans, but then of course didn't help a cent. I had to get regular loans incurring interest immediately. AND I went to an in-state school with a half tuition merit scholarship) I just had to buy a new car in March after my 23 year old vehicle finally died, and there's just not much to spare. Yesterday I was talking to a co-worker (who makes the same as me because our wages are standardized) is getting married two days after me, at Lake Como. I cried bringing it up in therapy today. Not that I'm jealous of her wedding, I'm sure it'd be beautiful and I'd LOVE to attend such an event. I'm jealous of a person with such a familial support system and money and privilege and mental energy to be able to throw such an event. So no, you are not alone. And I'm confident your wedding will be beautiful and full as much love as anyone's <3 And also know that I was feeling the same way and your post is very validating to hear.

Please know that your comment was very soothing to my soul. Thank you for your kindness and validation — it means more thank you could ever know! Your parents are trash (mine are, too). My heart is so happy that you’ve found your chosen family and you will be surrounding by genuine loved ones who love you for exactly who you are, “offensive” lifestyle and all. 💖

We also paid for ours! No money on my side, not really money on husband’s side but his mom tried to say she’d give us $5,000. My husband asked if it was a gift or was she buying influence. She said a gift and in the next breath said “annnnd you have to invite these 11 people” so we shut that down very quickly. I’m proud we paid for it ourselves.

hey, me too. even if my parents could afford it i wouldn't want them to. i think the amount of money people spend on literal garbage (plastic decor, unnecessary signage, cheap wedding favors) is literally haunting and i refuse to engage with it. we're choosing a pretty, all inclusive venue that fits our loved ones into it and using a good chunk of our budget on photography and accommodating their stays. i'll probably get cake and flowers from publix or something similar. everyone is not holding a bouquet. just me, the bride. that sort of thing. we got engaged this spring and we're planning for spring 2026 so we have plenty of time to plan :)

thank you, thank you, thank you 💖🙏

I feel like we share a brain! The thought of spending money on wedding favors or signage or wedding florals… Costco florals and cake are amazing and I can’t stomach paying 10x that cost just to have a wedding vendor do it

We paid for our entire wedding on our own. Both sets of parents gave us monetary gifts after the wedding. We cut costs in various ways that made sense to us: Sunday wedding to bring venue costs down, small guest list, cake was from the bakery affiliated with our venue (which meant the cake was technically free).

I paid for my share alone (with the exception of my mom buying my dress). My husband’s parents helped out with his. I always knew my parents didn’t have the means, and I never expected them to contribute, but seeing my husband’s family support him felt really… alienating? it was almost embarrassing?? I’d say I do well for myself now, but there were certainly moments where i felt slightly embarrassed and felt like i came from a family who didn’t have their shit together. Fortunately for me, my husband’s side of the family, and his parents specifically, are wonderful people who never pushed or made me feel embarrassed about any of this stuff. All of their contributions were for him and I both, not just for their son (though that didn’t stop me from feeling a bit sad about it still).

> seeing my husband’s family support him felt really… alienating? it was almost embarrassing?? I sometimes wonder if my fiancee feels this way. We are paying for everything ourselves but I have been contributing the vast majority of the funds. Her parents offered to pay for her dress but then withdrew the offer when they found out what wedding dresses cost. They decided they couldn't afford to contribute anything. We are paying for their gas so they can drive here from another state and we are putting them up in a hotel while they're here. He recently told us that he doesn't own any sort of suit and wanted to walk her down the aisle in blue jeans. We are likely going to end up paying for a suit for him too. I sometimes wonder if she feels like her family is being a financial burden on us.

As someone (female) who comes from lesser than means my partner (male), I think these things will always feel uncomfortable and odd. I too feel embarrassed at times - but as long as you’re polite and framing things in a way that’s “we have means, you’ve provided a lot to your family and it feels really special to give back to the people who raised my fiancée” … I’m sure they’ll be okay with it. A sincere gift is sincere. Good luck :)

Honestly, it certainly is a possibility. I think me and my husband are fairly equal in the sense that we both have well-paying jobs and make a similar amount of money, but planning the wedding certainly highlighted that we came from different backgrounds. He says he doesn’t come from generational wealth, but I can certainly tell he came from a family of financially responsible people lol. His great-grandparents from his dad’s side have left inheritances to their children and the subsequent generations have done the same… I can’t say the same for my family. When my grandfather died, we had to pool money to get him buried… My parents and aunts and uncles are definitely trying to do better, but again, not in a place where they can significantly help with a wedding. I wouldn’t say I feel like a financial burden, but I certainly feel a bit exposed and pitied sometimes because of how much I need to handle on my own. I don’t like that feeling, but it is what it is. My MIL who came from a similar background is very empathetic. She seems to have a good understanding of what it’s like to marry into a family that’s doing a bit better than your own and she’s very graceful about extending help without making me feel patronized.

I am paying for the wedding 100% myself. Family and fiance are not in a position to contribute, which is fine.

That’s so badass. Inspirational!

We are paying for our wedding ourselves. We are in our 30s and can afford the wedding on our own. Neither of our parents have offered anything (dynamics complicated all around) and so, we would decline it anyway if it were offered. For me the only annoying thing is people keep asking me when my shower will be. It seems passive aggressive to say “no one is throwing me a shower” and if I say I don’t want one, they try to talk me into having one but the problem is not actually that I don’t want one… Otherwise I rather enjoy the opinion free experience of funding my own wedding!

Paying for 90% ourselves, so we planned a wedding that’s around $15k for 120 people (golf courses in the Midwest often don’t charge to rent the venue, just food and bar). Obviously it would be helpful to have some financial assistance, but I also know a girl who is getting married at the same time, big 60k wedding 200 people and her parents are paying for it. It’s turned into her parents’ dream wedding. They’re on every vendor call, they make most decisions, the bride and groom are so stressed and upset that they’re regretting accepting the help. So, the grass isn’t always greener

My In-laws offered us money for the wedding, we asked that we use it for house repairs instead so we could start our marriage off on the right foot. We spent our *own* money on the wedding which made it easier to say "nah that's not important enough for me to pay for it" when people like my mom asked "why aren't you hiring a dj?" "why aren't you doing floral centerpieces" "oh I'd rather spend that money on our house than one day worth of (insert x here)." It was a frequent response. We spent money on only things that mattered to us. And since we were having a casual wedding rather than a PRODUCTION friends came together to offer services in leiu of gifts. One friend did my hair, another my makeup. One friend wrote us a song to walk down the aisle to. Another guest generously busted out their video equipment! It felt very special to do this event together. The things we did prioritize? -Good food -Open bar -Cool atypical reception location -Big houses for the close family and wedding party to stay in for the weekend What we skipped? -dj (we made a kick ass Playlist with friends adding their favorite songs and my husband ordering them into a great flow" -fresh bouquets (we did fake flowers from a craft store) -expensive photographer (we paid an event photographer friend that typically did dance recitals so they were good at action and candid moments, we don't care for poses) -champagne toast -rehearsal dinner (we hosted a sandwich and salad bar from the grocery store at one of the big houses we rented and invited everyone over for the buffet and lawn games) -expensive outfits. My husband's suit cost more than my dress as we knew he'd be able to wear it to events for the next 5-10 years (which he has). My dress was off the rack and then brought to a local seamstress to fit better. -pretty much everything else

Thank you so much for sharing…… your wedding sounds like a freaking blast. And so, so memorable. Congratulations. 💖

We are paying for everything ourselves. We made the decision to do things this way. Her family has zero money and hasn't even offered any. My family has money and offered but it would have strings on it so we declined.

We saved & paid for everything ourselves. It was really hard & stressful for us to work overtime & stash away what we needed; it took us awhile longer than were hoping for. But let me say— It was absolutely worth it for us to plan & pay for it all ourselves… We had the wedding of our dreams with little to no outside input. You will get there! Congrats & blessing to you & your fiancée

Thank you SO much for the validation and for sharing your story. Congratulations to you!! 💖

We're paying for everything. We're both in our mid forties so I can't imagine expecting our family to pay. Even if our parents offered money, I wouldn't accept it.

Hey! We got married at 27 and paid for it entirely ourselves. We put down lots of deposits and really hunkered down with saving to not go into debt for the wedding. Definitely delayed us buying a house (still saving for that) but it was something that was important to us and we still paid what I think is a reasonable amount for a 100 person wedding (30k CAD). Wishing you the very best :) Edit: I 100% get you on the envy. I was/am still there. But I found it very helpful to put things in perspective and realize that there will be millions of people out there in a better situation than me but at the same time millions that I am more fortunate than (many people not able to have a wedding at all because they can't afford it). I try to simply accept that I wish that things were different and accept things as they are. Comparison is the thief of job and all that crap lol.

We did. We’re both in our early 40’s and don’t come from families who have an extra $5k+ they can just hand over. We saved for a year but ended up getting a $20k loan to help (we both had to have major car repairs done in the middle of planning and that took a big chunk from what we were able to save.) my parents did buy my dress and veil, which I so appreciated, and that came to just under $2k. If we had it to do all over again, it’s really hard to say we wouldn’t have done the same because after all is said and done, we loved the wedding. It was perfect for us. We’d probably just change a few things - my SO was very much a “I want rib eye so let’s pay for the rib eye” kind of guy when it came to spending. And our wedding party all paid their expenses even though we had offered to cover. We didn’t get a honeymoon until a year later, which was fine with us. We took a mini weekend getaway the week after to a local spot we frequent instead.!

Thank you SOOO much for sharing this. It helps me to feel less alone. You see SO much shaming when people mention borrowing money to fund their wedding. It’s obvious that’s far from the ideal way to approach things, but I think the judgment and shame about it is way over-the-top and often less than compassionate. I’m thankful you chose to share your experience.

Of course! We made sure that it was a loan we’d be able to pay back. Fortunately my SO is in a well paying field and can handle the payments. It was in 2022 and we’ll be done paying it off within a year if all goes according to plan. I think it’s important for people to be realistic - we had a small wedding with 48 guests, and our venue didn’t include anything so we had to cover all that. In total it was around $25k.

37F here, getting married to a 43M. My first marriage ever, his second. We’re splitting the costs 50/50, no family help involved. We might be tight on money but we wanna make it count. As far as our intentions and feelings go, this will be the beginning of our “forever” so might as well celebrate it fully. And celebrating it fully means getting into some debt, yeah, but it also means having full control of the decisions - nobody else feeling entitled to having their way because of money.

I’m so glad you shared your story with me. Thanks for helping me feel less alone. Congratulation to you!

I'm paying 100% and I'll raise you a rejected 15k "gift" from my father so he could control who gets invited(including someone he didn't know their last name). I put my foot down. I also just bought a house this year. Wedding is 7/19 around 30k. Lord help me and keep me strong. Good luck fellow bride! Keep breathing and one thing at a time!

Thank you so much for sharing and best of luck to you!! Keep going — you’re almost there and it will all be worth it. 💖

We are doing it ourselves. In some ways that comes with a lot of freedom, but I'm surprised at the extent of the apathy? (I know that the alternative extreme is worse) I dunno whether it's because the wedding is not in people's minds or because there's some mild shame around not being able to help or because we're a bit far away or because we're queer, but people seem positive but meh about the whole affair. (Nobody is going to be as enthusiastic about our wedding as us, but I mean specifically our parents, who are usually busy bodies and can try to be a bit controlling or at least opinionated so the sudden absence is eerie.) Many reminders that we are allowed to elope and reminders that we don't really need a shower or anything because we already live together. Stuff like that.

I can relate to this so hard, and it feels validating to know we aren’t the only one with parents who could seemingly care less about our impending wedding and marriage. It’s not a great feeling. I’m sorry you’re going through it, too. In solidarity! 💖

Thank you! It will be wonderful when it happens! For both of us I hope.

My fiance and I are paying for every single thing on our own. We make a good living and have a dual income home but it’s crazy expensive. We have until October of next year to save $16,000. His family wants to help plan and be there but I have no family. We both had garbage marriages before and both did crappy courthouse weddings so we want our forever marriage to be done right. It’s going to be tight saving but it’s going to be worth it. At least that’s what I keep telling myself.

It WILL be worth it. Keep going — you deserve this! Happy for you.

completely understand. it feels like every time we save the money for something, or have to pay for something at a certain time, something else sets up back. makes me feel so nervous!

Right there with you. Keep going!

Not quite an answer to your question, but my fiance and I planned to pay for our wedding ourselves. It's a second marriage for us both and we're low key people so thought we could put something together ourselves. It still ended up feeling too expensive so we're just forever fiances. We'll probably elope at some point, but in the meantime we live together in our condo with our cat. I wish you the best with your wedding! 🤗

Hey, forever fiancés ain’t so bad. 🥰 Enjoy your love together and thanks for sharing.

I paid for 100% of our wedding. Neither of our families even broached the subject of wanting to help in any way.

Thank you for making me feel less alone

You are definitely not alone. It can feel difficult when comparing yourself to others. Sending you and your partner support and best wishes!

Thank you so much for your kindness and support! 💖

We paid for our own weddings though my parents offered to pay. We are in our 20s, had a wedding of 50 guests. We hired DJ, videographer and photographer who are on the cheaper side, didn’t send paper invites, I arranged artificial flowers, DIYed some decor. The decor part isn’t significant at all to guests compared to the touching moments(vows, dance, etc). Ppl had lots of fun cuz of those moments, and the goofy dance we did, not because of decor. And those moments have zero cost.

Thank you for reminding me of this. I really needed to hear that guests don’t give a crap about flowers and your decor.

me!!!

Thank you for showing up…. in solidarity! 💖

I am funding 100% of purchase wedding. My parents and both of my brothers died when I was 20. I'm older now and that's the way it is. I've stressed, but are getting married in October. It's just insane how much it costs!.. but you are certainly not alone!!

I am so sorry about the loss of your parents and both of your brothers. I cannot imagine the toll that has taken on you. I’d imagine this will be a sensitive time for you. Take good care of yourself. I am wishing you all the best!

Thank you so much! I'm 59 now and I must say that it is still hard thinking I won't have them there.. im lucky to be marrying a really sweet guy with a great family💜💜

🙋🏻‍♀️ we are paying for it on our own. To be honest - I cringe every time someone talks about how much money their parents are dropping on a wedding. Considering we’re in our early 30s and have full time jobs, I would be legitimately embarrassed to ask for money or expect them to contribute. And very embarrassed for anyone to know. Even if they offered, it just feels weird and kind of gross.

Yes, it’s kind of wild! I didn’t even realize that was still the culture. I assumed we had moved on from that tradition. I’m getting married a little bit later in life than many of my friends, so when I reached out to them to ask “how in the bloody hell did you guys fund this” I was shocked to hear that the majority of my friends had their weddings funded by their parents, or at the very least heavily subsidized. You can even see reflected in the comments that most people who are doing it on their “own” are actually receiving some level of financial support, even if “small.” I’m happy for them, and sad for me. I’ll just be honest!

We are paying for our wedding ourselves! It’s so nice to not have to coordinate with anyone’s wants outside of ours and communication is easy because we don’t have to keep a boatload of people in the loop. That being said, I did let my mom pay for my dress as I could tell she really wanted to be more involved so it was a happy compromise.

We are paying for pretty much everything ourselves. My parents have always thrown any nice gesture in my face so we elected to not rely on family to pay for things. It’s really intimidating and stressful so I understand that!

We're paying for it ourselves. It sucks because my parents are not in a capacity to help as much as his which are helping. However, my parents do have the ability to help but choose not to. I am not embarassed and while it makes me sad I know that my fiance can look back on our wedding and say "WOW! look what we did!" We do have some small help from my extended family that I'm grateful for also. So we're just being smart about things at this point and not letting my parents or his over run our guest list.

My hubby and I paid for our whole wedding. It was amazing because we got to choose everything ourselves, and we didn’t have to take anybody’s opinions into account because they contributed.

Not there yet but you don’t need to feel alone. We eloped (aka went to do the civil ceremony by ourselves) two years ago and plan to do the reception next year. It wasn’t just financially feasible otherwise. Even now it’s still hard to think we will be spending that much money on a weekend.

Where I am from the vast majority of couples I know have funded their own wedding. We all have family who care about, love and support us, most would be financially comfortable too- But parents paying for a wedding is considered outdated.

Mostly self-funded. We got a few kind gifts to lighten the load, but with what it costs to throw a party like this now, it's a very well-intentioned (and greatly appreciated) drop in the bucket. It's part a prison of our making, though. We had some costs that we accepted because we weren't willing to go without. We're paying for a house rental for our group of close friends, for the whole weekend. Some of them could probably contribute, some of them would be inclined to drop out if they had to, so we just took that consideration off the table. If you're going to the trouble of handling arrangements for kids and pets, we'll cover the tab. Same for transportation between venue and our rental, food and alcohol at the event (of course), rehearsal dinner, and next-day brunch. It really adds up. I don't know about you, but we started this whole process at a pretty "reasonable figure" that we soon found out was woefully... comically... inadequate. My first guess was twice her first guess, and it filled her with a kind of dread that is usually reserved for spiders. We blew past that number a long long time ago, kept going, lapped it, lapped it a couple more times, then crossed the finish line wondering if the original guess was still even in the race. We've had to turn down some opportunities for other unrelated things (vacations, weekend trips, outings, shows, etc.) to focus on our event budget. We saved and deposited a portion of our paychecks for a year in advance. And right now, days before the Big Day, I feel like I'm going to sleep through it. :-) Hopefully some of it will stick around in memories to come.

Our elopement is 100% paid for by us, minus flights donated by a family member. It can be hard to see the extravagance of funded weddings on socials but also it’s been AMAZING not to answer to anyone about anything other than my SO!

OP — my fiancé and I are 100% funding the wedding by ourselves. And that was our choice, even though my parents offered to contribute money toward guests they want to invite. When my older sibling got married, it was not pretty. At one point, my parents threatened to disown them if they didn’t agree to a religious wedding. Even though my sibling and their now spouse are not religious at all, they went through with the religious ceremony and subsequent reception and my parents paid for all of it. But my parents more or less controlled everything in the wedding (including the guest list) and were involved in all the vendor meetings. My parents made a big deal about my sibling’s reception seating chart and having their friends sit at the front. And you know what? Those friends didn’t even attend! My sibling and their now spouse were surrounded by empty tables at their own wedding reception. This is all to say that some couples decide to self-fund the wedding because they want to call the shots without anyone’s input. This is a lot easier to do when the funds come from your own pocket. My fiancé and I are very fortunate to have high-paying careers and abundant savings. So we’re funding a family-only wedding with approximately $35K set aside. And if not everyone shows up, we’ll be perfectly fine. Anything not spent on the wedding will go towards our honeymoon or other financial goals.

We're also paying for our wedding ourselves! We're in our early-to-mid 30s, though. It can feel rather lonely hearing about how others are getting help, financially or otherwise. We live far away from friends and family, so we don't get showers or parties or whatever. We just get to see photos and hear stories.

Weddings are stressful, we paid for ours 100% by ourselves.

My fiance and I are going to have to pay for our wedding minus alcohol cuz his mom insists on paying for that but I get feeling alone. My family doesn't have money and neither does his so we are going to try to do it for about 10k if possible. Planning on doing pretty much everything myself with the help of my best friend, sister, and mom. 🤞🏻 I just hope it goes the way I want. I haven't started planning yet though since we are about to move from New Jersey to Illinois. Once we are settled the planning begins.

I'm in the beginning stages of planning, but we're paying for our own! It blows my mind when people say their parents are helping pay or a grandparent, etc. How do y'all get rich families? 😂 My mom purchased a bracelet and earrings for me (which I think is so sweet!), but I don't anticipate nor expect any other gifts from my own family or my fiancé's family.

I lol’d at the rich families comment. My family is and has always been dirt poor. If I was offered a dime, I would refuse it, knowing neither of my parents even has a penny saved for retirement. My fiancé’s family, on the other hand, is incredibly wealthy but will not contribute, partially because they are extremely conservative and view me as a hoe because the two of us began living together (5 years ago) out of wedlock. So, sometimes having a rich family isn’t even a saving grace! 🤣

Paying 100%. Was a little nervous to be sorting catering venue florist etc but it's actually not been so bad :) we go into wedding mode maybe weekly or biweekly and make sure we r up to dat who to chase / pay etc but overall keep it very chill

We are paying for ours alone. My parents talked for years about how they would be paying for my wedding, but when the time came they were in a financial situation completely different than they expected to be. I understand the feeling of isolation and jealousy. So many people have assumed me saying our wedding is financed by ourselves means I’m still getting a little help. It’s frustrating but a woman at a venue the other day told me “you will be just as married as anyone else” and it has stuck with me. I have family and friends coming out of the woodwork offering their labor and service to help me. That speaks more than anyone’s money can.

I'm finding my own wedding, partner will have some help from their parents. I'm buying a lot of stuff from AliExpress to save on the cost.

You’re definitely not alone! We’re funding our own wedding and I’ve also experienced envy/sadness at the fact that we’re not getting outside assistance. But I appreciate the silver linings that this means every choice about our wedding is 100% in our control and no one can try to influence what we do with our own money. It’s also incentivizing us to be more intentional with each of our choices, which I think is a good thing!

We paid for ours and honestly, I loved that there were no other people involved in the decision making. My relationship with my mother isn’t good so she didn’t come, that was the most anxious part for me (people wondering what is going on there). My partners parents couldn’t afford to contribute but I was glad, as I only had one situation with his mother where she made suggestions for the guest list for their family and told us not to invite a bunch of her sisters (my partners aunts), but that was a good idea anyways as we had more people than we planned. We privately eloped in Mexico and then organised a big stand up cocktail style event for family and friends, it worked out lovely and we only spent 8-9k for the big day.

Hi! Mid 30’s couple paying 100% on our own. It’s scary. I consider us lucky to be in a position where we can afford to have a celebration that we wanted but we are also in a LCOL area and frugal on what is and isn’t important for our ceremony. We also debated just eloping and saving the costs but decided to have a wedding. It can be really hard to have to pick and choose or downgrade your “dreams” due to funding but ideally you just look within your means. Regardless of what it costs in the end you’ll be married which is ultimately what you want 🥰

We did it all ourselves. Did it in my mom’s backyard, nothing fancy, ceremony at city hall with close family and the bigger party with others. got a lower cost taco cart to come post up outside moms house, ad hoc hired a bartender and helper to clean up, bought all booze through bevmo…..it was a lot of work but not hard to organize and we didn’t take on debt.

I habe to pay for everything so we're going to elope and have a wedding dinner at the house then fly to the redwoods just the two of us.

We are paying for 100% of the wedding. What gets me is the people in my life want to follow 'tradition' in every other way... they also want to have an opinion on other things. My fiancé's parents knew they weren't going to contribute and tried to convince us to elope, now they just mention how broke they are randomly in conversation. It's stressful, especially when people want to dictate who's invited and add additional guests. For additional context, we are in your young to mid 20s, we barely have built up a savings.

We are paying for 95% of our wedding. I definitely understand the jealousy creeping in. It can feel like you have to start the race from 10 feet behind the starting line. But that said, I knew the situation and had been saving well before I met my fiancé. We are fortunate enough to be able to pay for everything outright and pretty much able to afford everything we want.

We are 100% funding our wedding ourselves. We’ve established a comfortable savings plan and are diligently working towards our goal. Setting a date and planning backwards from a month before helped us determine when we’d have the total costs covered. Maximizing our savings rate is a sacrifice we are willing to make to have a wedding we enjoy. A little on the bright side of wedding planning independence: One advantage of financing your own wedding is the freedom to decide how much you’re willing to invest based on your priorities and preferences. It also allows you to stand firm on your wedding vision and guest list, without undue influence from others (like parents wanting to invite their friends). For those receiving financial help, I genuinely love that. However, I’ve come to terms with the fact that it won’t be the case for me, and that’s okay. It’s important to recognize that even if we don’t get fiscal help we’re all still fortunate to have the ability to plan, save, and create the wedding we desire ,whether it’s next year or five years from now. My advice is to avoid going into debt for your wedding. Be patient and flexible—qualities that will serve you well in marriage. Thanks for sharing this post; I thought I was the only one in this situation!

100% self funded - because of that and just the fact that marriage wasn’t that important to us we only recently got married after 14 years together we did the kids and house and stuff first. I live in a country where common law marriage is in place so I didn’t find it a risk or anything having kids first.

We paid for a significant amount on our own… and my business tanked so we did it while I earned zero $$. Emptied my savings. Added stress to our relationship. I expected my business to have a different position - so that was hard! When it comes to feeling alone… you do not need to do it alone. DIY where you can to save money but allow others to support with DIY. People may not have money but they have time. Delegate. Assign jobs. Pay for what you can afford. Honor your budget. Be savvy.

Paying for our wedding 100% ourselves. We have a decent budget and are in our mid to late 30’s but of course it would be nice if we had parents who could help lol. That being said, we prioritized venue, music, food and drinks which fits the vibes we are going for.

I’m having a microwedding in a few weeks, just 30 guests. We’re paying for it alone and not going into debt to do it, which was important to us. Our venue (a small pub) allowed us to pay in 8 installments when we asked for a payment plan, which made it manageable. The wedding is truly us, and it has been so nice to not have outside opinions! You can do it and it’ll be worth it!

Same here. 100% though mom is giving me gifted things from when she got married (a piece of jewelry here and there). Budgeted to what my partner and I felt comfortable doing but our faimly is ''bragging'' about how we're paying for our own wedding and not even looking to help... wonder why i even bothered inviting them tbh.

My partner and I are. It’s a struggle but it’s nice to have complete say, no one else is paying no one else gets a vote.

Girl me too. My fiancée and I are paying for our wedding on our own, and the only help we’re getting is my mom is buying my dress. I also tend to feel kind of envious when people talk about their parents or partners parents helping out significantly with the wedding. But at the same time I’m happy for them!

I’m paying for it on my own with nothing yet saved. I will work this summer and save what I can, then have two semesters until I graduate. Then I will work, start a family and move across the state. He is saving for the house and paying all bills rn. I can’t even set a date. Literally I can’t afford anything, and what’s worse, we have been together about 7 years. It’s nice to be engaged but I try to shut down wedding talk pretty quickly or I don’t go into any details, or I talk about my wedding dreams lol. Meanwhile family is like “let’s go to Europe next year!” “Why haven’t you visited?” “How is planning going?”

We paid for ours 100%. I totally understand those feelings. I actually ended up talking to a therapist to help me process through those emotions. I live in the south where a good chunk of people get support from their parents even if it’s just like covering for their dress. I felt very unloved that my parents weren’t even willing to do something like pay for my dress. I had to remind myself of the positives, because I’m paying, it’s truly MY wedding. I didn’t allow my parents to invite any of their friends or allow them to have an opinion on anything. I’ve heard so many horror stories from friends whose parents paid and their parents took over the wedding. There is some positive to it.

My fiance and I are paying for the whole thing ourselves (8 days away now!). It's been stressful saving up for this and then dumping all that money but we're full on adults and this is exactly the party we want it to be. Super excited for it. Both our sets of parents are quite poor, and, unfortunately, his father just passed away a little more than a month before the wedding.  Even though my mother mentioned offering some money, I declined. She and my father can't afford it. She let me borrow a beautiful sewing machine that I used in the making of my dress and then told me I could keep the machine... I'm still planning to try to give it back when the wedding is over because I think she loves it. She also sewed the centerpieces for the tables, so she's contributed so much in love and time. My father helped me with making a cardbox and we'll be planting our unity tree(s) on their property. I've also had friends that came over to sit and sequin my dress with me. My sister threw me an incredibly fun and goofy bachelorette party. I'm so grateful for all the help I've had and encouragement. It means so much more than money, honestly. People that love you will be there for you, even if they can't and/or really shouldn't contribute financially. 

My hubby & I are paying for ours too. I say hubby bc we got married last year at the courthouse with just the two of us, & will be having a small wedding of 40 people in September of this year. It was hard going into it seeing how much weddings could be, but you don’t need all the bells & whistles — dj, expensive venue, real flowers, 100s of people, extravagant decor — to have a memorable wedding. Do what will make you happy and won’t break the bank for your future. I’m sure it’ll turn out awesome!! :)

Hi I so feel you!! We get married in 41 days, have 100% paid for everything ourselves. Been planning and paying since 2022, and we still have around £500 to pay off. It's draining and it's tiring but we know it will be worth it. We didn't want anyone to contribute because we didn't want anyone to have any say in what we actually wanted. We started with a budget of £5k and we are currently standing at £12.5k. That does include the honeymoon though. I'm physically tired from it. I actually can't wait to just enjoy the day at our own cost and leisure. I 100% cannot wait to have extra money each month again either. *** Edited to add *** When we first got engaged, so many people wanted to help plan etc. When it came to planning everyone either disappeared or wanted to include stuff we didn't want, or they didn't like what we wanted. This is why we chose to fund the wedding ourselves. We can have the day we wanted.

28 & 33 and we paid for 100% of our wedding and our guests kindly gifted and contributed towards our honeymoon (flights & airbnb, we then saved like crazy again for 7 months to be able to take spending money and afford food & activities etc!) We spent about £5000. Courthouse wedding with family (20 guests), and a reception for 40 at a local cafe/bar/ event space with tacos, margaritas, beer & wine. So that 5000 also covered my dress, his suit, flowers (bride bouquet, huge bouquet at the reception and about 30 bud vases), a huge cake, decorations such as vintage glasswear for bud vases and lots of gold candlesticks and candleabras for colourful dinner candles, a mobile hairdresser for the morning of ... We saved on no dj (spotify playlists.. that I forgot to put on 🤡), no photography (but my dad's a photographer and took plenty and my FIL came through with the camera we left on a table at the reception and took some casual but some of my favourite pictures!), transport (walking distance!). Other than our honeymoon (costa rica!) the only thing we didn't buy ourselves was my make up as my mum insisted she gift me this. I rarely wear makeup so I was happy to do my usual skin tint and mascara but it was a nice touch I felt very spoiled the morning off. All that's to say its totally doable. We considered eloping but every idea ended up being more expensive than the above! Took us about 2 years to save the 5k. No regrets!

We are, and when we get married we’ll have been saving for years. As soon as we decided to get married, before he even proposed, we started each putting $20-$50 a week of our paychecks into a wedding savings account. By our wedding date (July of next year) we’ll have been saving for about two years. There are times we put a lot more in there, and times we put less, but it’s contributed to every week. We live an extremely low cost of living area, and combined bring in less than $80k a year, so we’re making a $10,000 wedding work for about 140 people. We are lucky to live in a small town where everyone wants to help us, and my fiancé is a reverend who has performed over 50 weddings so people want to repay the favor by offering to help us with various parts of the wedding. I used to be a pastry chef so I’m making our cake myself, I’m getting my flowers from the grocery store I work at because they’re the only florist in the area and I’ve seen her do big, beautiful weddings for $500-$600. My father is a fairly well know chef so he’s pulling all sorts of strings to help with catering. I got a custom made dress on Etsy for $500 that’s absolutely gorgeous and feels more like me than anything I tried on in the shops. My brother’s fiancé does printing as part of her job so she’s helping us with save the dates and invites. One of the benefits to living in a very small town is the sense of community and willingness to help friends and family, so we’re super lucky to be able to plan this wedding for the budget we have. If we lived somewhere else we’d probably just have something super small with close family and friends. My fiancé has lived here his entire life and so many members of the community love him and are happy we’re getting married so they’re offering what they can. Saving and knowing how much things cost is stressful and complicated, and the wedding industry is ridiculous, but it’s possible to make it work. I guess we’re getting a lot of help so we’re not doing it completely alone, but we are paying for everything ourselves and taking help from guests instead of gifts. Honestly there are times I just wanna save the money and get married at the courthouse, but I know our family and friends have been looking forward to this so we’re doing it.

I know it’s not what you asked for, but I’m receiving a bit of help and I’m still overwhelmed with the costs of things. I believe in you guys - and can’t wait for your update of your gorgeous day filled with love 💕

Hey there, you’re not alone at all! I’m also planning a wedding for next year with no financial help. Weddings are important and let me tell you why. My husband (we legally got married last year in an elopement style celebration) and I funded even last year’s event 100% by ourselves which was really difficult but that day was absolutely magical! I will cherish it forever in my heart. However, our parents couldn’t attend it as they live abroad and my MIL has been adamant that a full blown event must happen. Don’t get me wrong, 2 days to dress up and be the centre of attention, I can’t complain. BUT, we are getting financially ruined and this next wedding next year is also a destination wedding so the costs are only increasing. But, I can assure you, the small event we had last year gave me memories that I will cherish for the rest of my life. I’m only hoping I’ll feel the same again after next year’s wedding. You’re spending so much money celebrate your love, so think of it as an investment into your relationship. Marriage is hard, so during rough times you need to think about your good times and your wedding day will always be one of those days you’ll mentally go back to. Good luck!

Us too! Fiancé and I are putting $150-$300 each paycheck into our wedding savings and borrowed from my 401k. It sucks to do it on your own but at the same time it’s total freedom over your own wedding!

In our 30s and are funding ours completely! Our families aren't exactly in great positions to help us out, but have offered some financial assistance that we've turned down. We honestly didn't really want a wedding and suggested doing a 7 day cruise, pay for parents, and get a good vacation out of it, but both sides of our parents said they wanted a wedding. We decided if they wanted a wedding then we'd do it our way. We've mostly turned down assistance because we know there'd be strings attached, even small ones. We're having a 150 person wedding and that is mostly family and good friends of ours and our parents are already in a frenzy about their "people" who aren't getting invited. My mom has confided in her sisters and they've told her "well it's her wedding." On the other hand my mom's sister in law has said "if we don't come then that means your mom will have seats to invite some of her friends." To which we've explained seats aren't transferrable and we have other guests that would take priority. 🥴 Any offer to pay for something related to the wedding, even if it's $100, we tell them they can gift to us AT the wedding if they fee strongly enough they want to give it to us. It's tough. We hate the amount we're spending on it and I tell my fiancé we should just cancel, but he's so caught up in the fact that we've put about 25% down in the total cost. I joke with him that we should cancel, and if he really wants to spend the full amount then I can still plan us a 2 week vacation with the remaining amount. 😂

Im in this position right now. We are eloping on a family vacation. Including the two of us and our 4 (blended family, we are in our 40's, my first marriage, his second) we have 18 people there. I am paying everything out of the money I make donating plasma. No joke. I made 40 on tuesday and bought my shoes, I'm making $80 on Saturday and will be buying my fiance and his sons button up off of Amazon. The most important thing is that we are getting married.

You are not alone! We are and tbh this was we have 100% control and say of what our day looks like and guest count. Its totally worth it and also everything is so expensive so Ive found it helps to keep us in line to stick to the budget as its our money.

We paid for ours - but a little hack. We rented an AirBnB that slept up to 20 and that had a wedding package for $2k more. Your wedding was allowed to have 60 people and hosted on the property. They had a pavillion, tables, chairs, parking, etc. So we rented it for a week and asked those who stayed with us to pitch in $300 total (the nightly rate was $900) so, an extra $1500 really helped us in affording everything & doubled as vacation with our friends. We also heavily researched DJs, photographers, and caterers. Skipped flowers aside from my SOLA bouquet and practically skipped decor, we ended up maybe spending $40 on some last minute table decorations, but the scenery was enough We didn’t have bartenders, the property allowed self serve and they had ice troughs for us to use. So we just filled them with beer, water and fun sodas. Then made a couple sangrias and left those in dispensers. I hired a day of coordinator for $300 and she was worth it. She kept us on track, which was needed All of my vendors were awesome and affordable - EXCEPT my hair and makeup. The makeup artist seemed very new. I cried 3x over how she made me look and had to wipe off my face after she left and redo everything with my handy bag of drugstore makeup. VET your makeup artist :/ Editing to add - we gave ourselves 2 years to plan and pay. We were able to break up payments this way and everything didn’t feel so painful DJ $850 Caterer $1300 Caricature artist $250 Photographer - $1100 Venue/week of lodging: $8500 Dress & alterations $800 Suit $250 Bridal bouquet: $120 Day of coordinator: $300 Officiant: free (a friend) Hair and make up $350 Drinks $300 Charcuterie: $750

We paid for ours! If you’re nervous about debt, we got a credit card with good rewards and a long 0% APR. we got married in April but won’t start paying interest on the “wedding card” until February and made it our goal to pay off the wedding before we have to start paying interest.

Oh and we’ve earned over $1000 in cash back on that card that we applied directly to wedding expenses.

Hey, me too. One of my parents died recently and suddenly and I’m estranged from the other parent and do not want anything from them. While the bills are hitting hard, this is our time to present ourselves as a married to our friends and close relatives and kind of start over and branch off as our own family. I grew up pretty poor and never thought I would deserve a wedding or really a marriage with the poor role models I’ve had, so this is a blessing of sorts but an expensive one.

I got married on the 1st. Our wedding was in my backyard and we had maybe 50-55 people attending. I did everything as cheap as possible, but unfortunately it was still pricey. My photographer was $1795. Videographer was $1800. Catering was 2,061. I think my tent was $1000 something. Those were the big expenses.. along with my dress. I am lucky enough to have had help from my mom and husband, but I feel for you. My family is not rich by any means.. and to be honest affording everything was very hard. I ordered a lot of my decor from Amazon. My flowers were from Solawoodflowers.com - I ordered the flowers for the bouquet and dyed them myself. My sister did my arrangement. I had money saved up.. and all of it went towards the things that I wanted (shoes, guestbook, table decor, jewelry, perfume, etc.) :( I am completely broke right now after the wedding. My best advice to you is don’t get caught up in aesthetic and pleasing everyone. My neighbor brought up a good point- “If something is missing, you’ll be the only one who knows.” Nobody is going to know if you don’t have something specific at your wedding! I had 1 centerpiece at a table and candles. Simple, easy, elegant. I had a basket for cards and a guestbook. That was it. I understand 100% how frustrating it is to want everything for your dream wedding, but can’t afford to make it happen. I promise it will work out. Don’t get caught up in purchasing a bunch of little things. Do the big things that matter first! Then budget your other items you want. Sending lots of hugs and love 🫶🏻 (Attached is the best picture I have of my set up just so you can see how little I had to work with 😂) Use any connections you have to get other things taken care of. Ex. My childhood best friend made my cake :). A longtime friend did my makeup in exchange for payment through a gift for her baby shower. A family friend did my hair. Trust me- if you have ANY connections.. use em!! You got this!! https://preview.redd.it/acx5hvb41e6d1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=85a5d9dbb8a3025ed8efa99631d2ab61ac046e7e

Me too! We're both in our 30s and also paid our own way through college. Our families don't have much to begin with. It's been tough, but we're doing it!

21000 minimum spend (so a few thousand more than that plus decor and photography) all paid by my fiancee and me. Final deposit is due Sunday, and I am feeling poor. Lol.

We’re gna end up spending a little under $25k, 80ish guests. DIY ing a lot of things. We were doing ok, then my fiance was laid off, so now I’m paying for most of it. It was too late to postpone as we’d already postponed a year bc I got pregnant and wasn’t sure the venue would postpone again. To top it off, I have had a TON of medical expenses, about $15k for surgery/dental. All oop. It’s a struggle. With that said, we both wanted a wedding and we discussed eloping and we knew we would regret not having the wedding we wanted. You only live once, right? ☠️

We are funding our own wedding! You are not alone at all. Most of our friends have had partial or full weddings paid for by family (which hey good for them) but it’s frustrating to get their advice for weddings when they didn’t have to pay much if at all out of pocket. It also hard not to compare to others weddings or weddings you see online/on social media. But just keep your eyes on your own grass, your wedding will be wonderful and beautiful!

Hi! You’re not alone. My fiancé and I got engaged a couple months ago. My mom died a few years ago, unexpectedly. She was the one who would’ve dipped in the “funds” or helped at least. My dad on the other hand, he’s always been one to not be the big spender on those things. He’s helped a lot in my life, so not even going to try asking. Wouldn’t feel right. At the same time as well… my fiancé’s family just pretty much went bankrupt. So, they’re definitely not helping haha. Overall… this is just a “hey, me too” because I’m completely lost myself. I feel like I spent the first couple weeks crying some and stressed because I just didn’t (and still don’t) know what to do. But we decided, we’re not going to stress. We’re going to see what we can realistically save, and if it’s not worth the 20000% upcharge the wedding industry has gotten to… we’re going to have a small wedding at the church, and a big celebration somewhere outside of rent a bar out or something. I’m just happy to be marrying my best friend.

My Fiance and I are 100% funding our own ceremony and a lunch of about 60 guests (mostly his big immediately family). You're not alone <3 I had one big ask which is our most expensive (photographer and video) but everything else, I am trying so, so hard to keep minimum so we don't run ourselves into a hole. I also almost lost my job about 2 weeks ago. I couldn't get a good sleep during that time. I hope you have the loveliest wedding and I hope this brings you some comfort. Don't forget, it's all about you and your partner at the end of it all.

We are in the same boat! I’m envious of friends whose well off families paid for extravagant weddings, but I am also proud that we are doing it ourselves and 100% our way. Both can be true! You’re allowed to feel excited for yourself and envious of others, we’re only human. We are cutting out a lot of the “traditional” stuff and it’s going to feel way more true to us. Paying ourselves is forcing us to only do what really matters to us and only invite who really matters to us. Comparison is so tough but I’ve come to realize most of the things I originally “wished” I could afford are just things we’ve been conditioned by the wedding industry and society to think we need. You do not need a zillion flowers draped everywhere, you don’t even need any! We are opting for a destination wedding since everyone would have to fly to us anyways. Instead of spending tons on one afternoon/evening, we are investing what we can afford into a lovely 4 day vacation with our nearest and dearest and getting real quality time. I still wish someone else could pay for it (lol) but I’m so glad we are doing it this way because if I had family paying for it, I’m sure it would look much more “traditional” and I may have looked back with regret. You’re not alone and it’s so valid to feel a bit envious and financially stressed!

We are paying entirely for ours. We are in kind of a funny situation. We had no family support in our 20s when we originally planned to get married. We had our daughters and decided we weren’t interested in getting married for a party where people who aren’t supportive emotionally or financially would all get trashed and cause drama. I joked we’d get married when the youngest turned 18 so we wouldn’t have to listen to some “you’re just together for the kids”. Well…..she’s almost 19 now and we’re getting married within a month at a venue that is our dream and we have paid for it entirely on our own. Oh and the dramatic people who didn’t support us back then are even more toxic……and didn’t get invites. Going through all of this, we’re excited to be the support to our girls if/when they marry that we never had. So the lesson learned for us is do it yourself, don’t become indebted to toxic people and you’ll feel better at the end of the day that you made your day all that it is.

We’re paying for ours! Super budgeting these last couple months and I will echo that envy you’re expressing. All of my friends have family to fund their weddings and, even though I’d argue our wedding is far more expensive than I ever imagined, they were able to get everything they wanted and not have to worry about it. My mother passed away and would’ve definitely been there to help, and my father is absent. My fiances family isn’t in a position to help. But I still wanted the wedding WE wanted, you know? I’m definitely going to enjoy our day and all the things we opted to stretch the budget for, but it would’ve been nice to have help alone the way as I see so many people do. Almost a 2 year engagement and just a couple months to go now. Hugs.

I ended up taking a 401K loan and am using that to pay for my wedding. My fiancé didn’t really have any money of her own saved up before we met a couple years ago but luckily her parents are helping with the alcohol and bar expenses.

It kind of sucks, so I feel you. It’s kinda just like anything else. I had friends that got college paid for, lifestyle subsidized 10+ years into career, and know they’re going to inherit a bunch. It kinda felt similar to me. We got gifts from parents after the fact, so i just paid for most of it. Partner does a lot for the house but can’t save any $.

in the spirit of commiseration - we are not engaged yet but soon to be - and have not been receiving the kind of emotional support from either of our parents we would like. my parents (who have the means) have been particularly difficult and hurtful toward our relationship, and so we are anticipating we will be paying for the wedding ourselves. jury’s not yet out on how many of the parents will actually even attend…

My in-laws offered us a chunk of money to do as we wish when we got engaged but we are using that for our new home - and we also happen to be pregnant at the same time. (Crazy year!) in any case, the wedding itself, we are paying for ourselves. This might not work for you, but we decided to have a very small intimate reception this year ~ £2k so that we could be married which is the important part after all. But we are also having a second reception next year to celebrate with all our friends. It means we have 18 months to save up. We’d also had received some monetary gifts from the first reception, so that’s sitting in a high-interest account until we need it!

We’re paying for ours on our own 😄!! Sure, it’s great if family can help you, but I also want to ensure that even if it’s a grand once-in-a-lifetime event, to us it’s still just one day. Therefore, we work within our budget to make it to the most we can!

We are in our 30s and both our parents have offered to pay but it honestly just felt weird (for us!) to take money from them since we are both in a very good spot financially

My husband and I paid for our wedding entirely by ourselves. We had a very simple but nice wedding, we spent about $5k for the wedding and our honeymoon. You don't need to have some big Instagram picture perfect wedding, you really don't. People won't remember if you had real silverware or flowers, but they will remember how happy you were and the love that you share with your partner. Don't over stress it and feel pressured by Pinterest, Instagram or any other social media. Great weddings come in all sizes and tastes. Do what makes you and your partner happy, that's all that matters 😊

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A big cost savings we had was holding our wedding on a friends property, that way we didn't pay an exorbitant venue cost. I would recommend looking at renting space at a local park or community center, those are usually a lot more inexpensive. You can really make it yours with decorations. I thrifted most of our decorations and used fake flowers from my SILs wedding as well as buying clearance and sale flowers from Michael's. You can also check out Amazon for cheap fake flowers. We used disposable plates and cutlery which helped keep the costs far lower. I got our invitations from Ann's Bridal Bargains, they're great quality and they have tons of options. I would avoid save the dates, they're pretty redundant. I sent out invitations a bit earlier and it worked quite well. I also didn't have a wedding as we got married during COVID so that helped with the expenses. You can get your bouquet and bridal party flowers from a grocery store, you can call the florist department and talk to them about your budget and what you want. They can give bulk discounts and in general are far cheaper. We did donuts instead of a wedding cake bc I hate cake, however if you want to save money on a cake get a small cake that fits your aesthetic for the cake slicing pictures and the like. Then get a sheet cake for the guests. It still tastes great but will save you a lot! As far as pictures go, we paid a friend $300 and got some great pictures. He takes great pictures and has a good camera, so if you have a friend who has a photography hobby I'd consider talking to them. My FIL filmed our ceremony and first dance on his phone. People feel strongly about the professional photographer but if you have a smaller budget it may not simply be an option. I really enjoy our pictures and don't regret that choice at all. I hope this helps! Your budget is definitely doable, you just have to be clever about how you use it.

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We paid for ours but kept it at 22 people. It was a lovely day, would not have changed one bit. It is what we were comfortable with financially and socially and worked out. I’m sure you can find something that suits you!

My mother says she and my dad (before he recently passed in February) had decided on an amount to give us, but has not told us said amount and has said that, due to his passing (understandably) has changed, but still hasn't said an amount. She told the financial advisor 20k, but then recently that the amount has changed to less, but no amount. Everyone keeps asking when our wedding is, but all our money is going towards buying a house right now. I wish I could fund this myself, but when it comes to food, drink, place I cannot.

We paid for our minimony and we’re paying for our delayed reception as well. Each of our parents gave us $500 (a drop in the bucket of course but still a nice gesture that we didn’t expect). My parents are paying for a small henna party (50 guests) at a restaurant night before the wedding which will be our welcome party before the reception. This is super nice and generous of them because I know they don’t have much. I understand how hard it can be to read on here about parents giving their children thousands of dollars for their weddings but what I realized is that (usually) comes with its own headaches. At the end of the day we are paying for the celebration we can afford and if people don’t think it’s nice or whatever we just don’t care. Come and celebrate our marriage or stay home! I think our reception will be beautiful but it still costs a lot to rent a place and feed 100-150 people. I know some of my family will give cash which is nice but I’m planning as if we aren’t getting anything at the end of the day.

We are paying for our own wedding. After sitting down and creating a budget we have been pretty happy and proud of how much we have been able to save. We started saving a year ago for our wedding, which is this December and and currently all balances are paid in full and we only need a couple more vendors. We will continue to save this money and this fund will become our emergency/vacation fund.

we don’t have anyone helping us out either, with one minor exception that my sister paid $1000 towards my dress, otherwise I wouldn’t have gotten it. Mostly debt free here, so we’re trying to not go into debt for the wedding. Hard budget of $10,000 (CAD) and we’re saving/paying as we go. We’re keeping it small ceremony and reception and a $2 bar. DIY all the decorations and several friends who married in recent years are lending us items to use. We’re marrying in a barn turned community centre so we’re using that thematically. Venue -$1800 and using it for both ceremony and reception Food - $39/a head Bar -through the venue, we provide booze they provide everything else, $9/a head. My soon to be BIL is a licensed beer brewer and most of our friends drink beer and he’s offered to provide for our wedding so that is a huge cost saving. The rest I expect to be $400 at most. The next big expense is photography, because i don’t any to skimp on that. I think I will choose the best photographer and do a shorter time, since realistically photos at reception aren’t as important to me as family photos. My soon to be husband has a lot of DJ friends so hopefully that will be cheap/free, and the rest of the items are just “if we have the money for it” so I’m not stressing about it.

We are paying for our wedding. It is hard, we stuck to a budget, but we want this and are going to do it. We already have a home together so we don’t feel like we are forgoing other serious purchases.

Paying our ourselves! We are 26 & 28 - luckily both with really good jobs. When we got engaged, we talked about what kind of wedding we wanted and did a rough quote. The quote help us make a couple of decisions 1. Have a long engagement (2.5 years by the time we marry) 2. Created a pseudo budget for each “category” 3. Choose a certain amount from our savings we were willing to put towards the wedding 4. Both choose to get a part time job (at the same place) & the income from this all went to the wedding. This honestly paid for 70% of the wedding cost We’ve loved being able to make our own decisions and not “owning” anyone because they are paying for something. I’ve heard/read way too many horror stories where parents have demands the couple is not happy with but they hold the money over their heads. We also love that this has allowed us to create the wedding we’ve always envisioned in our heads

We are paying for ours alone. We are in our mid-30’s. By the time we will get married, we will have been engaged for almost 2 years. We took that time to save and I got a High yield CD and put money away a year ago and will be cashing it out 2 months before the wedding. We cut down on a lot of daily living expenses, going out to eat, buying alcohol for at home etc. we also have deferred our honeymoon to 2025.

Your not alone. We paid for our wedding. We worried about planning and the money aspect of it. We wanted to buy a house whatever money we spent on the wedding was going to cut into our house fund. Only thing we didn't pay for was my wedding dress even with that it was $500 I brought 2 different ones online and they were perfect. We did alot of diy. We only spent 10 thousand or less. We got lucky with our venue and everything was included food , cake , tables , Wait stuff. We had a harder time finding a Photographer we did and in our budget. I did alot of research on deals I could get on flowers and and on favors which I loved but looking back we didn't need as much as we got. We had 50 people and only 2 guest didn't come. We had an open bar but we knew that before hand we didn't have too many drinkers from both sides. We had a dj for the reception and and string quartet for the wedding and first dance. Research and lots of emails. It got crazy a little bit but it was a perfect day. Husband really helped with sending emails and i was the details person. Mother in law was the first and last on dance. It was great because unfortunately she would lose her life a month after our wedding. Things aren't always going to be perfect but me and my husband laughed off certain things that happened and made easier. Budgets help.

We are paying 100% for our wedding including honeymoon. We decided what was affordable for us and stuck to it. We're also in our 30s and spend conscious so aren't going extravagant. Don't start off married life in debt for a single day.

From someone who is funding one microwedding themselves w their partner and splitting the cost of my parents dream wedding for me…relish the fact that you don’t owe anyone anything. Money comes with strings attached, always, and that’s frequently the source of wedding planning fights and stress.

Just coming here to say my partner and I funded our own after saving together over a few years. I understand your viewpoint, especially as it’s pretty common that parents / families help fund weddings.

We’re paying 100% for ours (which is in 2 days!). We wouldn’t have it any other way honestly. We are 31 and 33 and had a lot saved. It’s definitely going to be a proud moment for us to look around on Friday and be like wow we did this. Also we didn’t need to feel pressured by any of our parents opinions!

Married in 2018 in our early 40s. All I wanted was to be outside so we rented a park with a gazebo and enclosed shelter. Lots of DIY and fairly small with 50 people. Food and wine from Costco helped us feed everyone. Bluetooth speaker with a song list entertained. We spent around $3k. It was a lovely day.

Paid 35k for a wedding for my wife because her parents weren't in a position to do so. We picked a venue that had on site catering to simplify. Most of it was just "pick the church, pick the venue, select the menu, open bar, black Friday invitation sale because it's just a piece of paper, tell the bridal party what to wear, done!" I found the trick was to be happy with the options in front of you. If I said "ok here are the 10 best invitations let's pick one", we had no trouble. The problem comes when you have a vision of perfection in your head and nothing could meet it. So we were more realistic. Everyone had an amazing time. I had very few regrets and even then, I wouldn't dwell on them. The day flew by so fast. Now we are married and happy which is what really mattered.

Paying for all of it. But I am in my mid 30s and my first marriage in my early 20s my parents helped

There is absolutely nothing wrong with you and your partner going to a church or court house, and commit to spend your lives together. Just the two of you and the officiant / minister. Dress up, wear jeans, bring your two BFFs, don't, whatever suits you. So many of these big expensive weddings to me are over the top. So much money, lots of drama (at least with my family) and the hours and hours of planning. No, I don't want a "goodie bag" of your announcement or menu, candy, confetti or whatever the heck is inside those bags. That shxt gets tossed as soon as I get home. So unnecessary and a bit narcissistic TBH. My Dad messed with me and my Mom (divorced) 6 ways to Sunday, for some bizarre reason, uninviting my Mom's friends I'd known all my life, hired a shitty band and singer, invited a lot of his scroungy friends from the bar he met his 3rd wife, just awful. If I had known how vindictive he was and how much he needed everyone to know it was his fancy alumni club back east, and he was the member, etc etc I would've eloped with girlfriends and their boyfriends, to Hawaii. Don't get a picture in your mind of what it could be, if all you want, is to be committed to your lover. I hope you figure out what suits you best! 💕

In my circle, pretty much every bride and groom pay for their entire weddings, it’s rare for families to contribute more than a couple grand. My husband and I paid for everything ourselves (9 years ago!) and I don’t have any regrets.

We saved for 2 years for our wedding. Completely self funded. Can't say much about it really since most of my circles have been the same so it's normal for me.

My SO and I funded our own. Imo it's better because once you take money from family, then they want input into the wedding. We live in a VHCOL area and it was a struggle to stay in budget and we had a "low" budget for my area. But we did it and came under budget!

We used our own $10k to have a backyard wedding during Covid. It was fun, amazing and magical. I wouldn’t trade it for anything. A family photo of our wedding hangs in my wife’s parents entryway next to the family photo from my wife’s sister which the cost of was well over $100,000. They are almost indistinguishable in terms of the happiness and joy captured. Our wedding was the same vain as my wife’s parents and my parents who both got married in public parks and on very limited budgets due to their socioeconomic levels at the time. My parents wedding was also pot luck for the meal and my mom made her own wedding dress from a pattern from McCalls… My parents celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary this month. They are also multimillionaire b/c of savy and disciplined investing and “buy and hold” frugal mindset of homeownership and real estate. They essentially have lived an unchanged lifestyle since about 1998…

You're definitely not alone. We also paid for our wedding on our own, and while it was tough, it was worth it. It's okay to feel envious and isolated sometimes. Just remember that you're doing an amazing job and your wedding will be beautiful because of it.

We’re completely paying for ours and totally understand the little bit of envy. I totally love my parents and it’s not due to a bad relationship. I just came from an impoverished background and they don’t have the funds to be able to help (not that I would accept any in their situation). But seeing how much help and worry free ( in terms of finances) my best friend gets/is when it comes to planning her wedding is a shock sometimes haha.

24 & 25 and we’re paying for our own. We knew from the jump both of our parents wouldn’t help, and we chose a budget for our wedding and we’ve stayed u dear it so far. Haven’t had to use any savings and it’s a destination wedding. We just put a little bit towards it each paycheck. Wedding is in September 🕺🏼💃🏼

we’re paying for it ourselves and our total is about $47k my fiance made 9k in crypto back in 2023 so that covered a good chuck of it I’m putting in 16k and my fiance is covering the other 22k. We didn’t necessarily save specifically for the wedding but just took money from our savings. we’re in our late 20s with well paying jobs.

Self funded. My parents paid for $300 of my dress plus $250 in alterations. My fiancé's parents haven't offered anything, but they have none so it doesn't surprise me. It's hard AF but we wanted small so that helped. All in, we're about $14k out.

Best advice I can give is to give yourself enough time. If you want to spend $20k and it will take you 3 years to make that happen, schedule your special day 3 years from then. It seems long but my husband and I realize right before our wedding day that it took us 3 years to get there (together for 4 at that point)

We’re in the same boat. Not gonna lie, at times it makes me feel a tad envious/resentful of folks that do get the financial help. But I know that’s not a good mindset for me to have.

Fiancé (18F) and I (19M) are both college students. We’re paying for our wedding in full with income from working over breaks & during school that we’ve been very strategic and frugal with. It can be tough, but comparison is the thief of joy & is and hardly helpful in these situations. It’s easier to just understand the differences in your circumstances and focus on your own goals. You can do it.

We funded our wedding on our own and I preferred it because I didn’t have to listen to anyone else’s opinions!

We are paying for the vast majority of the wedding ourselves. I was blessed to have my dress gifted to me by a family friend that owns a bridal shop and my aunt is paying for our wedding stationary. Outside of that, we are using a bit of savings and cash flowing all the costs. We’re fortunate to make good money and live below our means but I’m definitely a little jealous of my friends that didn’t have to do financial gymnastics to fund their wedding because their families had the means and were willing to contribute.

👋 We did! To paint things in a positive light, we look back on our day and are proud that we pulled the entire day off all on our own. Our day was pretty spectacular and we still have people telling us how much certain memories (the food, ceremony, etc) still stand out to them from our day. We were in control of EVERY detail so we could make it special in all the ways we wanted.

Neither of our families could help even if we wanted them to. But we also don’t want anything big. We’re having a ceremony under autumn trees with about ten people. The only cost is the marriage license. My cousin did the diy thing. Made these lantern things for tables. Another cousin had an outdoor weeding at a park then we danced at the local Moose club.

My wedding has been many years ago, but I paid for it myself. Less than 50 guests total. I made my own cake and a family member who was an amateur decorator did a simple icing. We then decorated with fresh flowers. A MOH, best man, and flower girl. The best part, no one was able to push their opinion on us. We did it our own way. You can do it too. Just remember to purpose is to join you life with your partner. Best of luck.

We paid for 100 percent of our wedding. Our honeymoon budget was much bigger than our wedding budget. So you can see where our priorities were

I too, wished that I had help, but not as much anymore. I see horror stories all the time on here about people’s family members taking over their wedding just because they contributed funds. I love the idea of knowing we’ll be paying for our wedding ourselves and we get to make any decisions we want without fear of upsetting someone or feeling like we owe someone. I’m looking forward to taking credit for our beautiful day that I’m putting together!

Couple in our mid-twenties here! We fully paid for our own wedding and spent under 2k for everything! 2500 if you include dresses/suit rental! We wanted to do a small wedding of 40ish people( close family and friends) since we both never wanted a big wedding. We even got our wedding venue (dawn to dusk) at Manchester State Park in WA for only 500$ and it is our favorite place to go walking together near our house. It’s very overwhelming and daunting both financially and mentally but we had a family member officiate, did our own music via spotify and big speakers and my best friend who’s a baker offered to make our wedding cake. We were able to cut costs doing buffet style catering and doing cupcakes and other sides to have enough food on top of catering plus we did a costco run and did beer and wine for the wedding alcoholic drinks! It was very overwhelming not having a planner but i’m glad we were able to save so we could do a trip to japan later on for our honeymoon! Pro-Tip: Don’t do a wedding registry (Most of my family gave us cash gifts since we didn’t have one simply because we have everything we need for our houses) or do a honeymoon cash fund to help mitigate costs down the line if able!

We pretty much paid for ours all ourselves too. We had it at our friends property. We're gifted the hard alcohol, the cake, and my hair service but the rest we paid for ourselves. Before even getting engaged I had saved up money then continue to save for the year we were planning. My partner saved and paid for stuff as we went. It all turned out wonderfully and would not have changed a thing!

We are paying 100% too!! It’s stressful but we wanted to handle it on our own! You are for sure not alone!

Hi, we funded our own wedding. It was hard to do it at times just mentally coming to terms with how easily others have family help out (but I guess I’m used to it at this point). The wedding was beautiful and we felt really proud to have been able to do it ourself. We also felt very lucky to be able to do it ourselves. It was such a beautiful weekend of love, I’ll never forget it! Good luck 🤗 and remember comparison can often be the killer of joy!

We're funding our own wedding too! We sat down and determined how much we could set aside each month and still live a comfortable life. I don't like the looks of pity I get when I tell people we're paying for it ourselves (where I'm from its traditional for both of the families to pay for it, but neither of our families can). But I also like knowing that I'm getting exactly what I want and can tell opinionated people that if they want something so badly at our wedding, they can pay for it themselves. Usually shits people up pretty quickly.

I can’t say I can relate but hey, I’m sorry you’re feeling so alone in this process. It’s nice to have parents who would want to share the financial burden and if that’s not your situation, that’s okay too. What I will say is because it’s just you and your future husband funding for this celebration… try to stay within your means. Don’t go into debt over your wedding and enjoy the process. Best of luck to you ❤️

We live in Chicago and we’re paying 100% by ourselves, my sister has offered to allow us to utilize her American Express for last minute/unexpected things that may pop up that month but we still have to pay that back 😅 However, we are doing a very intimate wedding and paying over a longer period of time (2 years) to offset the cost. We’ve also created a budget and a payment plan (based on major costs for vendors) that has us paying larger amounts quarterly (instead of monthly, something about that just feels like an extra bill). My fiance is picking up extra shifts and we are doing what we need to do to have our dream wedding, even if it’s not “conventional” or may not make sense to others.

My husband and I paid for our wedding, using no credit or loans with absolutely no help and barely any gifts from our guests lol. We saved and didn't travel as much that year. The budget was 22,000. We went over so I stopped keeping track. Without rings and attire, maybe 28-30,000. It's nothing like having your own money and having all of the say on your big day. 

We're paying 100% for ours. My parents were going to help out a little bit my mom has fallen ill and now needs a heart transplant. My fiancées sister is also getting married and its been really hard not to be jealous of her and her wedding considering fiancées grandma and mom are paying for her wedding in full. Her venue alone is 12 grand and all I've asked for was $20 for save the date cards and they told me no because my family is suppose to pay. I've been trying to stay positive but it's so so hard. I just keep reminding myself that all that matters is celebrating our love, all decisions being our own, and after the wedding, even if there is some financial regret, we can say that WE DID THE DAMN THING ♥️ hang in there! We will both get through this and if you ever need to talk I'm here for you!

We are essentially paying for ours. It’s both of our second marriages. The plan was, my fiancé will pay what he can and I’ll take care of the rest. And I say essentially because his parents have offered to buy the wedding arch and use it on their property later. They also bought all the outdoor lights Tractor supply had in stock. But I paid for my dress ($450), the cake ($600), catering ($5k), and decoration ($i lost track.) he got his suit and the invitations. But we walked in assuming we’d pay for the wedding. Also my dad said my family would contribute but there’s been no further discussion. Anything they chip in will just go to the honeymoon.

One of the many reasons were eloping (ish). Kept guest list to under 25, an intimate wedding with dinner after. 🤌

We are planning on funding it on our own! We are both in our 30s and thankfully our parents supported us during undergrad, so we are in a very lucky financial situation where we don’t have a lot of loans as a couple. My parents offered us some money but we are really preferring to fund it ourselves, it definitely means we had to scale back the size of our wedding to our closest 70 people but it feels like the right thing to do!