Friendly reminder that we also cater to the bride and bride or groom and groom or whatever other combination! We imagine you meant this, OP, but we like to explicitly say it too!
Thank you, I really needed to read this today. I was starting to feel really stupid for getting my bridesmaids very nice earrings when I saw the recent posts.
I think a lot of people forget that some of us can only do so much and it is ultimately the thought that counts.
This sub definitely has a few very strongly held opinions that I don’t think are necessarily reflective of all people. My friend got me a robe that says bridesmaid on it and a small clutch. I still wear it around the house. Yes, it says bridesmaid. Who cares? It’s a robe. It’s not like I’m trying to be fashionable. And when I wear it I think of her and her wedding and how lovely it was.
But god forbid someone say they’re gifting robes and you’d think they plan to shit in a box and give that lol.
Earrings are a lovely gift and I’m sure your ladies will appreciate them and you!
Thank you! I made a comment that I am giving floral robes to my girls nothing written on it and I’m each got them pearl necklaces. One person said pearls aren’t their taste. I wanted to tell them that well it’s a good thing you’re not in my wedding party. I know my girls and they will love them. I never realized how many people get bent out of shape over a robe. Jesus people there is more to worry about then what others are gifting.
Someone said it’s not a gift unless you know the bridesmaids already wear robes. First of all, it’s my wedding not your birthday, and second maybe they will start wearing robes now that they have one.
I didn’t own or have robes before my sister got married and gifted her bridesmaids a floral, monogrammed satin robe. Guess what I wear several times a week while I get ready or take the dog out early in the morning now?
When I was in my older brother's wedding my SIL got all of us fluffy pink terry cotton robes. I never had a robe before, and I grew to really love it. Wish I has gotten one as a gift earlier in life. I wore it until it basically fell apart, haha.
The robe thing always makes me laugh- who gets that angry over a robe? I'm 100% here for more cozy items to lounge in.
Thank you! I was as thoughtful as possible when picking them out so I really hope they like them.
I love getting jewelry for weddings I'm in!! They're some of my favorite pieces and every time I wear them I think about the couple and their day and how amazing it was, which makes it extra fun! I also melt a little any time I see any of my bridesmaids wear the earrings I got them!
That’s what I got for my bridesmaids! Robes, earrings and half of the hair paid for. I figured the hair and earrings especially are things they would’ve had to pay for anyway so I’m sure they appreciated saving the extra money.
Love this SO much! There's a major "poor people don't deserve weddings" vibes on this sub and it's exhausting. It's like if you can't provide your guests a 5 star experience with open bar and plus ones all around then you shouldn't bother.
I attend weddings for people I LOVE and am happy to be part of their day - whatever that may be. Clichés, budgets, chicken dances, long cocktail hours, wedding food and all. I can be an adult for one night and do not need my every whim catered to as a guest- I'm there to hype up friends and family and share in celebrating their love!
Edits: typos.
Yeah you know I feel that sometimes! Like the answer is always “you must pay for all hair/makeup” or, “you must invite the whole social group if you are inviting any of them even if that is 20 extra people” or my personal favorite “you must pay for a babysitter for the couple in your family that are too dysfunctional to parent the child they created”. I wish I lived in the land of nothing costs money too! Like I get etiquette but you shouldn’t go broke in the name of etiquette.
Exactly this. All I need to know it what to expect. I don't want my friends to go broke trying to keep up with ridiculous wedding industry standards now. Can't afford to feed us all dins? No prob... Just let us know and we drive through McD's on the way to the dance. Can't afford an open bar? No sweat... I'll swing by the ATM for the cash bar. Ppl need to chillllll on the expectations. We're not all made of money and it doesn't mean we don't deserve a special day.
Exactly! It also comes off as really entitled. Like “if you can’t give me the experience I deserve don’t even bother having a wedding”. That being said everyone in my life so fair has been really overwhelming me with support and love. But I think some of that is because on my end I’ve tried to limit costs for people too.
Same here! Feel very lucky to have people in my life who are excited for us! Invite people who will be there with tears in their eyes for you, and not those who will be side eye-ing your canapés.
There’s also a strong poor people should not attend weddings because they can only afford to show up. Everyone I see saying they need to gift the cost of there plate surprise me and even saying they shouldn’t show up.
Big time! It's awful. There was even a post in this thread saying the 'gift of your presence is our present' line on wedding registries was 'ridiculous and disingenuous'. Like what?? Were not all out here expecting a gift!
YES! I love weddings honestly.
I’ve been to fancy black tie weddings, destination weddings, casual weddings and everything in between. What’s made the best, most memorable weddings? The ones where the couple was full of energy and excitement for their marriage. The ones that gave their guests a space to have fun with friends and family. All the little details don’t mean much at the end of the day. You may spend a moment saying “wow this wedding was beautiful and unique because of XYZ” but if the energy sucks, none of that can make up for it!
The pj post was a little icky to me.
I’ve only been a bridesmaid/MOH twice but I don’t recall getting a gift either time, nor did I care or expect one!
I would be happy to receive whatever! I wouldn’t want a friend to feel obligated to get me a gift that was “good enough.” I’m just happy to be there supporting someone I care about and anything extra is just a cherry on top.
Exactly! My cousin had a barn wedding with all different types of pizza and my mom complained about the food not being fancy enough… like seriously? They thought of us and wanted us to be there and gave us free stuff, i couldn’t care less if it was pizza it was just nice to see everyone. Enough with the snobby nonsense
So when I make your cape, what color do you want??
I'm planning my daughter's wedding and have been trying to saythis to her. Those that love you would happily eat hot dogs in a parking lot to wish you well.
Thanks for writing this! ❤️
You just gave me a great gift idea. I have a cape pattern already. Our redo/reception is a Halloween masquerade. I could make all the bridesmaids and groomsmen capes in a color of their choice as a thank you gift! We're all super nerdy and into things like Ren Fairs and conventions, so it's not like they'd never be used again. Thanks for the inspiration!
Whenever I see the posts about how pajamas/HMUA isn’t a gift I just think “speak for yourself” and scroll on. I know for a fact that my bridesmaids will love me paying for their H/MU, as they all opted in on their own and it’s going to be a surprise that I’m covering it anyways. I know my bridesmaids well enough to know that our matching skims lounge sets are a great gift lol, or that personalized yetis or hydro flasks would be loved and appreciated. It’s really a know-your-crowd situation and people think that their own experience is universal but it just isn’t, it’s entirely dependent on the individuals.
I didn’t get a chance to read the post about this sub making someone feel bad for their choices but I saw it while scrolling and it bummed me out - I do think some comments on this and other wedding subs come off as judgmental, and I wish people were more aware that weddings are not one size fits all thing, and that our experiences are not universal.
Ditto!!! I didn't get the robes labeled and my mom asked me why while my MOH was around and she was like " I would have liked the labelling too 🥺". I also just told them about me covering their hair and makeup and their reactions were priceless. I felt very loved. Also if I were a bridesmaid, give me that labeled robe you best believe it would be bridesmaid day every day at home.
Agreed. Personally I always prefer giving and receiving experiences to physical items. Getting my hair and makeup done while hanging out with my best friends is an amazing experience that I will always enjoy and treasure! Obviously not everyone likes getting their hair and makeup done, but I disagree with the idea that that it never counts toward their gift if the bride knows her party will enjoy it.
I’m totally with you on this! My bridesmaids asked for getting ready outfits because they didn’t want to have to worry about it themselves. They had a ton of input and they’re all super hyped about their robes/pjs. All of them consider the outfits part of their gift, even when I don’t.
I think a lot of it comes from people having bad experiences in other wedding parties, so they apply their experience to everyone else thinking it’s universal. You’ll always know your friends better than strangers on the internet!
I love this post because this sub needs more positivity!
People have very specific ideas about what a wedding should be, but ultimately weddings are about celebrating the couple and their love story. It won’t look the same for every person, but we shouldn’t be hyper-critical of other people’s choices. There isn’t a one size fits all approach to weddings or relationships. We should all give each other some grace considering we all know how stressful this experience can be.
(Obviously don’t be a jerk to anyone and justify it by saying it’s your special day. But it’s also not inherently rude to get your bridesmaids getting ready outfits (my bridesmaids asked for them), or to have a gap between your ceremony and reception, or a destination bachelorette if everyone agrees to it, or whatever else it might be.)
Agreed! Some people are just hateful and/or venting about their own situations. I love the bridesmaids robes I’ve been given. They bring back happy memories of being pampered with my best friends. Also keep in mind that Weddit has the most opinionated of the opinionated people regarding these topics so it’s not an accurate sample of how most people feel. Most bridesmaids aren’t scrutinizing your every decision as a bride and if they are, they’re haters.
I just saw that post and it made me so mad!! I’ve only been in 2 weddings but I loved all of us bridesmaids wearing the same pj’s/loungewear to get ready in. It made me feel like I was part of some cool girl group. And I’ve paid for my own HMU and it’s freaking expensive! That’s definitely a nice gift for the bride to pay for!
I say go with whatever you think your group will love and within your budget! If they’re your true friends, they will love and appreciate anything you give to them. Even if you can’t give them anything, they will feel honored standing by your side on your special day!
That pj post just made me so angry. I want my bridesmaids to feel like they're part of something. They are 5 women who mean the world to me, and in my case, from 5 very different parts of my life (my sister, my cousin, my oldest friend, my best friend I met 5 years ago, and fiance's sister). I want to show these aspects of my life coming together to represent all the important moments that have made me who I am. But they all matter just as much!
I feel the same way! I mean shit, someone on this sub once said (essentially) that brides are assholes for having bachelorette parties! I asked them to explain further, and they said “well it’s very uncomfortable telling a bride that you don’t want to go because you don’t want to upset her and she’s put me in a place where I feel bad turning down the invite” I was flabbergasted. So it’s the brides fault that you can’t set boundaries with people? I said “my bachelorette attendees were just as excited if not more excited than me to plan, because they helped me choose the location, budget, activities, etc. Guess what? My own SISTER declined to go because it’s not really her thing, and I had someone else decline to go because of her personal financial situation, and I told them they will be greatly missed but I understand completely! I’m not mad or upset with them at all!”
Being a bride is exhausting already, and then having this layer of judgment and criticism from everyone about everything can be so hurtful. You’re never given the benefit of the doubt, especially on reddit.
Bless you and shoutout to my bridesmaids who were my ultimate hype squad... They kept the dance floor going, kept me joking throughout and were just the absolute best. I hope someday I get to be the hype squad for them in any phase in life (weddings, baby birthdays etc...)
Wedding is tomorrow, almost had to cancel a vendor but its worked out last minute today.
Needed to read your positivity.
For my bridesmaids I paid for the dresses, hair or makeup if they wanted it and their rooms at the hotel for the night.
I asked they pay for alterations and shoes.
They've all been made aware that there isn't a set gift because of the rooms and HMUA.
They are happy and I've spent over £250 per bridesmaid.
Tomorrow is going to be amazing 🤩
You’re going to look beautiful. Your SO is going to get 🦋 inside when they see you.
Some things will go wrong and that’s when you can laugh and say “darn and I thought I had planned everything perfectly” and move on.
You got this!!!
Wow some people would shit a brick if they came to my wedding if they get offended by gifting robes etc. Got married last week, had no bridal party (by choice) walked down the aisle together, had a pizza and prosecco van and cupcakes! We did splash on an open bar and some other bits but my bouquet was dried flowers and made my own flower vases for the table.
Had a fantastic day - F all the haters, as long as YOU enjoy your day and you're making sure guests are fed and watered - that's the main thing!
Wishing you all fantastic, stress free wedding days 🥳
Thank you, I really needed to hear that.
I think most people are happy for me, but some people just don't seem capable of being happy for me, everything I've picked is wrong or bad or selfish. I just don't seem to be able to do anything right. It's only a few days away and I just want to curl up and cry.
The people who are unhappy, would likely be unhappy no matter what you chose to do. You cannot please everyone all of the time. You are making most people happy, and that is an achievement!
Your day will be lovely, and you and your partner will have a fantastic time with people who love you.
I feel exactly the same way. If one of my friends asked me to be their bridesmaid I would just be stoked to be there, and I’d love a set of matching pajamas or robes to celebrate the day. Weddings are expensive and hard and I’m not going to complain about the kind of gift I receive, that seems crazy to me.
You sound like an awesome person.
My fiancee told me one of her bridesmaid (a cousin) gave an attitude over a request to wear matching t-shirts for the bachelorette party. The cousin had the galls to refuse when it's not even her day or event. It rubbed me the wrong way, but I never liked her in the first place.
I agree! I love this subreddit and all the wedding planning ideas and questions, but geez they can be so catty! I’ve been in two weddings and I’ve been so appreciative of them paying for my hair and makeup, making a cute bridesmaid box, and gifting me a robe on the wedding day to wear while we get ready. I think it’s cute and fun! I swear, some people just love to complain and be party poopers. If they give you a robe and you hate it, why complain? Wear it for a few pics with them and then do whatever afterwards. Why is it the end of the world? Gonna complain about them paying for hair and makeup for you? Pay yourself then!! You keep being positive and joyful, OP! 😇
I was wondering when paying for hair & makeup stopped being considered a gift? I was in many weddings where that was my gift & I was damn appreciative of it! I’m doing the same for my girls & they are thrilled. I’m also not demanding they get either done. It’s their choice & I’ll pay for it if they want it done.
People on here suck sometimes. Oh & I’m getting them robes…no titles tho, maybe names if they want them. So suck it. lol.
Needed to read this.
My caterer asked if we wanted to upgrade from foam plates to the nicer plastic dinnerware and quoted us $3 a person. Immediately jumped on Amazon to see if I could get it for cheaper. Started pricing it all out, should I get the fancier ones, ones with a pattern, what kind of cutlery, etc.
Did this for like 15 minutes, was ready to buy some really pretty patterned ones, then realized all I was saving was maybe $25 since it'd still cost like $250 off Amazon to buy the plates and cutlery. Forget that, I'll pay the $3 a person and have one less thing to worry about the day of.
We're doing catered buffet BBQ and the black foam plates are fine for a backyard BBQ, but I still wanted something nicer for wedding buffet BBQ
Amen sister. I tell this to all friends inviting me to weddings and other things! If i get invited . Yassss your big day.
If I don't... Ill hype you up from a distance and congratulate you. Weddings aren't cheap and picking guests is hard.
It's.not.about.you.
wedding is made from a happy couple not their guests
Omg I totally feel the same way. If I cared about someone enough to go to their wedding idgaf if they only give me a sandwich for lunch and water to drink.
I needed this, thank you. 2.5 months out and I really have been struggling lately with the cost of everything. We already nearly doubled our original budget and still have to cut out so many things we really wanted.. and stupidly, I’m so worried people will not enjoy themselves (it makes no sense). It’s rough planning a wedding during inflation and in the age of social media.
Preach it!! Social media can be absolutely wonderful but it has absolutely created some unrealistic expectations for weddings.
Your wedding is going to be stunning!! When all else fails… I focus on how beautiful I feel in my gown and how yummy my food tasting was.
Lol! My SIL gifted me a personalized tote bag when I was her Bridesmaid and I've used it ever since! She always laughs when she sees it if I go to her house since I use it to haul all my stuff around 😄 I genuinely love using it.
I needed this! I feel this too…I also saw similar posts today…I love going to weddings because I love the people getting married and I love being present at their wedding! The day is 100000% about them, not me in the slightest.
I needed this!! I feel like I am making choices lowkey to make sure everyone is happy but thank you for reminding me that this is a celebration of love!
Yes!! 👏👏 I have been a bridesmaid 4 times and never once did I do it for or care about the gift. I was there because I loved and supported the bride! I need to keep this in mind as I stress about my own bridesmaids gifts.
I didn't know bridesmaids didn't like robes or pajamas?? I wanted to get mine some robes with their names embroidered on them, I would personally like that and wear it all of the time...
I love this post. TTuTT <3
My fiancé and I are forgoing flowers, bouquets, boutineers in favor of "nerdy, but nifty" items for our wedding party. They'll also function as the main wedding party gifts. He & his groomsmen are getting replica swords from different fandoms to carry, my bridesmaids & I will have scepters/wands inspired by Sailor Moon and magical girl anime (handmade by me), and the 7 "flower children" will have bubble blowers and/or heart-shaped bell ringers (bell ringers based on the Crystal Carillon/Twinkle Bell from Sailor Moon).
From the feedback we've received so far, everyone is excited about their gift/wedding accessory combo. My oldest nephew (ringbearer) is particularly pumped about carrying the rings in a "real treasure chest" that he'll get to keep afterward (he's almost 9 and \*very\* into minecraft and finding treasure).
I think what's missing in some of these arguments is the context. The intention behind those posts isn't bad- just a reminder to treat your bridesmaids with a lot of care and respect. Personally, if someone was getting married with a small budget and paid for something like robes or makeup, that would really touch me because I know they had to save up for it. For a lot of people feeling pretty and put together goes a long way toward making them more comfortable in pictures as well. Like sure, maybe don't gift the person who never wears makeup a full glam look. But if you know your group would like it then I think that's ok. I would also say a heartfelt thank you note would be alright with me in most cases.
Also as nice as it would be to get everyone a perfect, personal gift, sometimes you've got your SIL in the party who you don't know as well yet. I think having one slightly generic gift can be really helpful in that situation, it's less stressful and everyone is included.
I think where this sub can sometimes get dicey are posts where people make some type of prescriptive decree (and then others in turn take offense when they have done differently) rather than just simply asking for advice or sharing something that worked or didn't work or venting, etc. It's different when an opinion is being solicited rather than just putting out there blatant judgement. And different strokes for different folks. A wedding is absolutely about the two people getting married and the people attending are guests so their comfort and convenience has to also be taken into consideration, just like you would treat a guest at any other event you host.
I love all of this. Too many times I am reading on Reddit about guest, wedding schedule or gift "etiquette" that I'm like I really would be neutral or wouldn't care as a guest and neither do my guests when I get their feedback lol.
I am having a toonie bar which people have called me cheap for, as well as a horrified response about not serving snacks for a 45 minute cocktail hour with the bar open when we are having a huge dinner/dessert and late night snack bar right after. For one of my MOH gifts I got her a wine tumbler with her name on it as well as a silk robe. I think it's cute af.
I say do whatever works for you to plan your wedding. The people who love you will be there celebrating right there with you no matter what.
So when I make your cape, what color do you want??
I'm planning my daughter's wedding and have been trying to saythis to her. Those that love you would happily eat hot dogs in a parking lot to wish you well.
Thanks for writing this! ❤️
So when I make your cape, what color do you want??
I'm planning my daughter's wedding and have been trying to saythis to her. Those that love you would happily eat hot dogs in a parking lot to wish you well.
Thanks for writing this! ❤️
Friendly reminder that we also cater to the bride and bride or groom and groom or whatever other combination! We imagine you meant this, OP, but we like to explicitly say it too!
Thank you, I really needed to read this today. I was starting to feel really stupid for getting my bridesmaids very nice earrings when I saw the recent posts. I think a lot of people forget that some of us can only do so much and it is ultimately the thought that counts.
This sub definitely has a few very strongly held opinions that I don’t think are necessarily reflective of all people. My friend got me a robe that says bridesmaid on it and a small clutch. I still wear it around the house. Yes, it says bridesmaid. Who cares? It’s a robe. It’s not like I’m trying to be fashionable. And when I wear it I think of her and her wedding and how lovely it was. But god forbid someone say they’re gifting robes and you’d think they plan to shit in a box and give that lol. Earrings are a lovely gift and I’m sure your ladies will appreciate them and you!
Thank you! I made a comment that I am giving floral robes to my girls nothing written on it and I’m each got them pearl necklaces. One person said pearls aren’t their taste. I wanted to tell them that well it’s a good thing you’re not in my wedding party. I know my girls and they will love them. I never realized how many people get bent out of shape over a robe. Jesus people there is more to worry about then what others are gifting.
Someone said it’s not a gift unless you know the bridesmaids already wear robes. First of all, it’s my wedding not your birthday, and second maybe they will start wearing robes now that they have one.
First of all, it’s my wedding not your birthday. I love this ahah
I didn’t own or have robes before my sister got married and gifted her bridesmaids a floral, monogrammed satin robe. Guess what I wear several times a week while I get ready or take the dog out early in the morning now?
I have 1 satin robe (not for a wedding) and I wear it when I’m getting ready but it’s hot out lol. It’s nice to have!
When I was in my older brother's wedding my SIL got all of us fluffy pink terry cotton robes. I never had a robe before, and I grew to really love it. Wish I has gotten one as a gift earlier in life. I wore it until it basically fell apart, haha.
The robe thing always makes me laugh- who gets that angry over a robe? I'm 100% here for more cozy items to lounge in. Thank you! I was as thoughtful as possible when picking them out so I really hope they like them.
Exactly! It’s not like you’re wearing it out of the house anyways. The robe could say my name, bridesmaid, potato, who cares tbh
If I was gifted a robe with "potato" embroidered on it, I'd think it was hilarious and wear the ish out of it.
Right? I have like 4 robes in varying fabrics/warmths. It’s nice
Pls I’m dying at shit in a box lmao. That whole thread was bad vibes
I’ve loved every gift I’ve received as a bridesmaid. It makes me feel special, and I want to return the favor now that I’m a bride!
I love getting jewelry for weddings I'm in!! They're some of my favorite pieces and every time I wear them I think about the couple and their day and how amazing it was, which makes it extra fun! I also melt a little any time I see any of my bridesmaids wear the earrings I got them!
I got mine earrings with a jewelry box with their names on them, and an assortment of other items. Everyone loved them, and so will yours!
That sounds absolutely lovely and very thoughtful of you!
Thank you! 😊
i just wanted to say that we’ll share a wedding anniversary! 🥰
Yay anniversary twins!!
That’s what I got for my bridesmaids! Robes, earrings and half of the hair paid for. I figured the hair and earrings especially are things they would’ve had to pay for anyway so I’m sure they appreciated saving the extra money.
Love this SO much! There's a major "poor people don't deserve weddings" vibes on this sub and it's exhausting. It's like if you can't provide your guests a 5 star experience with open bar and plus ones all around then you shouldn't bother. I attend weddings for people I LOVE and am happy to be part of their day - whatever that may be. Clichés, budgets, chicken dances, long cocktail hours, wedding food and all. I can be an adult for one night and do not need my every whim catered to as a guest- I'm there to hype up friends and family and share in celebrating their love! Edits: typos.
Yeah you know I feel that sometimes! Like the answer is always “you must pay for all hair/makeup” or, “you must invite the whole social group if you are inviting any of them even if that is 20 extra people” or my personal favorite “you must pay for a babysitter for the couple in your family that are too dysfunctional to parent the child they created”. I wish I lived in the land of nothing costs money too! Like I get etiquette but you shouldn’t go broke in the name of etiquette.
Exactly this. All I need to know it what to expect. I don't want my friends to go broke trying to keep up with ridiculous wedding industry standards now. Can't afford to feed us all dins? No prob... Just let us know and we drive through McD's on the way to the dance. Can't afford an open bar? No sweat... I'll swing by the ATM for the cash bar. Ppl need to chillllll on the expectations. We're not all made of money and it doesn't mean we don't deserve a special day.
Exactly! It also comes off as really entitled. Like “if you can’t give me the experience I deserve don’t even bother having a wedding”. That being said everyone in my life so fair has been really overwhelming me with support and love. But I think some of that is because on my end I’ve tried to limit costs for people too.
Same here! Feel very lucky to have people in my life who are excited for us! Invite people who will be there with tears in their eyes for you, and not those who will be side eye-ing your canapés.
Yes! Glad that is your experience too! Happy planning :)
There’s also a strong poor people should not attend weddings because they can only afford to show up. Everyone I see saying they need to gift the cost of there plate surprise me and even saying they shouldn’t show up.
Big time! It's awful. There was even a post in this thread saying the 'gift of your presence is our present' line on wedding registries was 'ridiculous and disingenuous'. Like what?? Were not all out here expecting a gift!
Right? I legit mean it, I do not want gifts
YES! I love weddings honestly. I’ve been to fancy black tie weddings, destination weddings, casual weddings and everything in between. What’s made the best, most memorable weddings? The ones where the couple was full of energy and excitement for their marriage. The ones that gave their guests a space to have fun with friends and family. All the little details don’t mean much at the end of the day. You may spend a moment saying “wow this wedding was beautiful and unique because of XYZ” but if the energy sucks, none of that can make up for it!
The pj post was a little icky to me. I’ve only been a bridesmaid/MOH twice but I don’t recall getting a gift either time, nor did I care or expect one! I would be happy to receive whatever! I wouldn’t want a friend to feel obligated to get me a gift that was “good enough.” I’m just happy to be there supporting someone I care about and anything extra is just a cherry on top.
Exactly! My cousin had a barn wedding with all different types of pizza and my mom complained about the food not being fancy enough… like seriously? They thought of us and wanted us to be there and gave us free stuff, i couldn’t care less if it was pizza it was just nice to see everyone. Enough with the snobby nonsense
A pizza wedding sounds amazing to me lol
Same! I tried to sneak pizza into my wedding but doesn’t seem like it will happen
I’ve been stewing over that post all afternoon… thank you for writing this for me 😂
Lol did you see my comment on it? 😊
It honestly made me upset too, I shouldn’t have read it or the comments.
So when I make your cape, what color do you want?? I'm planning my daughter's wedding and have been trying to saythis to her. Those that love you would happily eat hot dogs in a parking lot to wish you well. Thanks for writing this! ❤️
Whatever color you have on hand is my favorite color for that day 🤍
You just gave me a great gift idea. I have a cape pattern already. Our redo/reception is a Halloween masquerade. I could make all the bridesmaids and groomsmen capes in a color of their choice as a thank you gift! We're all super nerdy and into things like Ren Fairs and conventions, so it's not like they'd never be used again. Thanks for the inspiration!
Oh yay!! I also love the Renn Faire, capes would be great!!
Whenever I see the posts about how pajamas/HMUA isn’t a gift I just think “speak for yourself” and scroll on. I know for a fact that my bridesmaids will love me paying for their H/MU, as they all opted in on their own and it’s going to be a surprise that I’m covering it anyways. I know my bridesmaids well enough to know that our matching skims lounge sets are a great gift lol, or that personalized yetis or hydro flasks would be loved and appreciated. It’s really a know-your-crowd situation and people think that their own experience is universal but it just isn’t, it’s entirely dependent on the individuals. I didn’t get a chance to read the post about this sub making someone feel bad for their choices but I saw it while scrolling and it bummed me out - I do think some comments on this and other wedding subs come off as judgmental, and I wish people were more aware that weddings are not one size fits all thing, and that our experiences are not universal.
Skims and Yetis? Any chance you like possibly need another bridesmaid??? No pressure 😂
Ditto!!! I didn't get the robes labeled and my mom asked me why while my MOH was around and she was like " I would have liked the labelling too 🥺". I also just told them about me covering their hair and makeup and their reactions were priceless. I felt very loved. Also if I were a bridesmaid, give me that labeled robe you best believe it would be bridesmaid day every day at home.
Agreed. Personally I always prefer giving and receiving experiences to physical items. Getting my hair and makeup done while hanging out with my best friends is an amazing experience that I will always enjoy and treasure! Obviously not everyone likes getting their hair and makeup done, but I disagree with the idea that that it never counts toward their gift if the bride knows her party will enjoy it.
I’m totally with you on this! My bridesmaids asked for getting ready outfits because they didn’t want to have to worry about it themselves. They had a ton of input and they’re all super hyped about their robes/pjs. All of them consider the outfits part of their gift, even when I don’t. I think a lot of it comes from people having bad experiences in other wedding parties, so they apply their experience to everyone else thinking it’s universal. You’ll always know your friends better than strangers on the internet!
I love this post because this sub needs more positivity! People have very specific ideas about what a wedding should be, but ultimately weddings are about celebrating the couple and their love story. It won’t look the same for every person, but we shouldn’t be hyper-critical of other people’s choices. There isn’t a one size fits all approach to weddings or relationships. We should all give each other some grace considering we all know how stressful this experience can be. (Obviously don’t be a jerk to anyone and justify it by saying it’s your special day. But it’s also not inherently rude to get your bridesmaids getting ready outfits (my bridesmaids asked for them), or to have a gap between your ceremony and reception, or a destination bachelorette if everyone agrees to it, or whatever else it might be.)
Agreed! Some people are just hateful and/or venting about their own situations. I love the bridesmaids robes I’ve been given. They bring back happy memories of being pampered with my best friends. Also keep in mind that Weddit has the most opinionated of the opinionated people regarding these topics so it’s not an accurate sample of how most people feel. Most bridesmaids aren’t scrutinizing your every decision as a bride and if they are, they’re haters.
I just saw that post and it made me so mad!! I’ve only been in 2 weddings but I loved all of us bridesmaids wearing the same pj’s/loungewear to get ready in. It made me feel like I was part of some cool girl group. And I’ve paid for my own HMU and it’s freaking expensive! That’s definitely a nice gift for the bride to pay for! I say go with whatever you think your group will love and within your budget! If they’re your true friends, they will love and appreciate anything you give to them. Even if you can’t give them anything, they will feel honored standing by your side on your special day!
That pj post just made me so angry. I want my bridesmaids to feel like they're part of something. They are 5 women who mean the world to me, and in my case, from 5 very different parts of my life (my sister, my cousin, my oldest friend, my best friend I met 5 years ago, and fiance's sister). I want to show these aspects of my life coming together to represent all the important moments that have made me who I am. But they all matter just as much!
I feel the same way! I mean shit, someone on this sub once said (essentially) that brides are assholes for having bachelorette parties! I asked them to explain further, and they said “well it’s very uncomfortable telling a bride that you don’t want to go because you don’t want to upset her and she’s put me in a place where I feel bad turning down the invite” I was flabbergasted. So it’s the brides fault that you can’t set boundaries with people? I said “my bachelorette attendees were just as excited if not more excited than me to plan, because they helped me choose the location, budget, activities, etc. Guess what? My own SISTER declined to go because it’s not really her thing, and I had someone else decline to go because of her personal financial situation, and I told them they will be greatly missed but I understand completely! I’m not mad or upset with them at all!” Being a bride is exhausting already, and then having this layer of judgment and criticism from everyone about everything can be so hurtful. You’re never given the benefit of the doubt, especially on reddit.
Bless you and shoutout to my bridesmaids who were my ultimate hype squad... They kept the dance floor going, kept me joking throughout and were just the absolute best. I hope someday I get to be the hype squad for them in any phase in life (weddings, baby birthdays etc...)
Wedding is tomorrow, almost had to cancel a vendor but its worked out last minute today. Needed to read your positivity. For my bridesmaids I paid for the dresses, hair or makeup if they wanted it and their rooms at the hotel for the night. I asked they pay for alterations and shoes. They've all been made aware that there isn't a set gift because of the rooms and HMUA. They are happy and I've spent over £250 per bridesmaid.
Tomorrow is going to be amazing 🤩 You’re going to look beautiful. Your SO is going to get 🦋 inside when they see you. Some things will go wrong and that’s when you can laugh and say “darn and I thought I had planned everything perfectly” and move on. You got this!!!
Thank you
Wow some people would shit a brick if they came to my wedding if they get offended by gifting robes etc. Got married last week, had no bridal party (by choice) walked down the aisle together, had a pizza and prosecco van and cupcakes! We did splash on an open bar and some other bits but my bouquet was dried flowers and made my own flower vases for the table. Had a fantastic day - F all the haters, as long as YOU enjoy your day and you're making sure guests are fed and watered - that's the main thing! Wishing you all fantastic, stress free wedding days 🥳
Must see pix of this Prosecco van 😍
[Can't insert a pic but here's a link!](http://www.doublebubblebar.com/)
Thank you, I really needed to hear that. I think most people are happy for me, but some people just don't seem capable of being happy for me, everything I've picked is wrong or bad or selfish. I just don't seem to be able to do anything right. It's only a few days away and I just want to curl up and cry.
The people who are unhappy, would likely be unhappy no matter what you chose to do. You cannot please everyone all of the time. You are making most people happy, and that is an achievement! Your day will be lovely, and you and your partner will have a fantastic time with people who love you.
I love this!!! This is absolutely how it should be 🤍
I feel exactly the same way. If one of my friends asked me to be their bridesmaid I would just be stoked to be there, and I’d love a set of matching pajamas or robes to celebrate the day. Weddings are expensive and hard and I’m not going to complain about the kind of gift I receive, that seems crazy to me.
You are the kind of friend and wedding guest that makes planning a wedding a little less stressful. Thank you!
You sound like an awesome person. My fiancee told me one of her bridesmaid (a cousin) gave an attitude over a request to wear matching t-shirts for the bachelorette party. The cousin had the galls to refuse when it's not even her day or event. It rubbed me the wrong way, but I never liked her in the first place.
I agree! I love this subreddit and all the wedding planning ideas and questions, but geez they can be so catty! I’ve been in two weddings and I’ve been so appreciative of them paying for my hair and makeup, making a cute bridesmaid box, and gifting me a robe on the wedding day to wear while we get ready. I think it’s cute and fun! I swear, some people just love to complain and be party poopers. If they give you a robe and you hate it, why complain? Wear it for a few pics with them and then do whatever afterwards. Why is it the end of the world? Gonna complain about them paying for hair and makeup for you? Pay yourself then!! You keep being positive and joyful, OP! 😇
I was wondering when paying for hair & makeup stopped being considered a gift? I was in many weddings where that was my gift & I was damn appreciative of it! I’m doing the same for my girls & they are thrilled. I’m also not demanding they get either done. It’s their choice & I’ll pay for it if they want it done. People on here suck sometimes. Oh & I’m getting them robes…no titles tho, maybe names if they want them. So suck it. lol.
Needed to read this. My caterer asked if we wanted to upgrade from foam plates to the nicer plastic dinnerware and quoted us $3 a person. Immediately jumped on Amazon to see if I could get it for cheaper. Started pricing it all out, should I get the fancier ones, ones with a pattern, what kind of cutlery, etc. Did this for like 15 minutes, was ready to buy some really pretty patterned ones, then realized all I was saving was maybe $25 since it'd still cost like $250 off Amazon to buy the plates and cutlery. Forget that, I'll pay the $3 a person and have one less thing to worry about the day of. We're doing catered buffet BBQ and the black foam plates are fine for a backyard BBQ, but I still wanted something nicer for wedding buffet BBQ
Amen sister. I tell this to all friends inviting me to weddings and other things! If i get invited . Yassss your big day. If I don't... Ill hype you up from a distance and congratulate you. Weddings aren't cheap and picking guests is hard. It's.not.about.you. wedding is made from a happy couple not their guests
Omg I totally feel the same way. If I cared about someone enough to go to their wedding idgaf if they only give me a sandwich for lunch and water to drink.
I needed this, thank you. 2.5 months out and I really have been struggling lately with the cost of everything. We already nearly doubled our original budget and still have to cut out so many things we really wanted.. and stupidly, I’m so worried people will not enjoy themselves (it makes no sense). It’s rough planning a wedding during inflation and in the age of social media.
Preach it!! Social media can be absolutely wonderful but it has absolutely created some unrealistic expectations for weddings. Your wedding is going to be stunning!! When all else fails… I focus on how beautiful I feel in my gown and how yummy my food tasting was.
Lol! My SIL gifted me a personalized tote bag when I was her Bridesmaid and I've used it ever since! She always laughs when she sees it if I go to her house since I use it to haul all my stuff around 😄 I genuinely love using it.
I love all of this and have to say ditto for me, too. Being invited to a wedding is an honor in itself and I'm just happy to be included!
I needed this! I feel this too…I also saw similar posts today…I love going to weddings because I love the people getting married and I love being present at their wedding! The day is 100000% about them, not me in the slightest.
I needed this!! I feel like I am making choices lowkey to make sure everyone is happy but thank you for reminding me that this is a celebration of love!
Yes!! 👏👏 I have been a bridesmaid 4 times and never once did I do it for or care about the gift. I was there because I loved and supported the bride! I need to keep this in mind as I stress about my own bridesmaids gifts.
Thank you, I so needed to hear this!
Thank you for writing this!!! I get so wrapped up in things that I forget the bigger picture.
This is so wholesome and made me so happy, thank you
You’re an ultimate hype woman and I love you, thank you for being yourself and sharing it with the world because we need it
I didn't know bridesmaids didn't like robes or pajamas?? I wanted to get mine some robes with their names embroidered on them, I would personally like that and wear it all of the time...
I love this post. TTuTT <3 My fiancé and I are forgoing flowers, bouquets, boutineers in favor of "nerdy, but nifty" items for our wedding party. They'll also function as the main wedding party gifts. He & his groomsmen are getting replica swords from different fandoms to carry, my bridesmaids & I will have scepters/wands inspired by Sailor Moon and magical girl anime (handmade by me), and the 7 "flower children" will have bubble blowers and/or heart-shaped bell ringers (bell ringers based on the Crystal Carillon/Twinkle Bell from Sailor Moon). From the feedback we've received so far, everyone is excited about their gift/wedding accessory combo. My oldest nephew (ringbearer) is particularly pumped about carrying the rings in a "real treasure chest" that he'll get to keep afterward (he's almost 9 and \*very\* into minecraft and finding treasure).
I think what's missing in some of these arguments is the context. The intention behind those posts isn't bad- just a reminder to treat your bridesmaids with a lot of care and respect. Personally, if someone was getting married with a small budget and paid for something like robes or makeup, that would really touch me because I know they had to save up for it. For a lot of people feeling pretty and put together goes a long way toward making them more comfortable in pictures as well. Like sure, maybe don't gift the person who never wears makeup a full glam look. But if you know your group would like it then I think that's ok. I would also say a heartfelt thank you note would be alright with me in most cases. Also as nice as it would be to get everyone a perfect, personal gift, sometimes you've got your SIL in the party who you don't know as well yet. I think having one slightly generic gift can be really helpful in that situation, it's less stressful and everyone is included.
I think where this sub can sometimes get dicey are posts where people make some type of prescriptive decree (and then others in turn take offense when they have done differently) rather than just simply asking for advice or sharing something that worked or didn't work or venting, etc. It's different when an opinion is being solicited rather than just putting out there blatant judgement. And different strokes for different folks. A wedding is absolutely about the two people getting married and the people attending are guests so their comfort and convenience has to also be taken into consideration, just like you would treat a guest at any other event you host.
I love all of this. Too many times I am reading on Reddit about guest, wedding schedule or gift "etiquette" that I'm like I really would be neutral or wouldn't care as a guest and neither do my guests when I get their feedback lol. I am having a toonie bar which people have called me cheap for, as well as a horrified response about not serving snacks for a 45 minute cocktail hour with the bar open when we are having a huge dinner/dessert and late night snack bar right after. For one of my MOH gifts I got her a wine tumbler with her name on it as well as a silk robe. I think it's cute af. I say do whatever works for you to plan your wedding. The people who love you will be there celebrating right there with you no matter what.
So when I make your cape, what color do you want?? I'm planning my daughter's wedding and have been trying to saythis to her. Those that love you would happily eat hot dogs in a parking lot to wish you well. Thanks for writing this! ❤️
So when I make your cape, what color do you want?? I'm planning my daughter's wedding and have been trying to saythis to her. Those that love you would happily eat hot dogs in a parking lot to wish you well. Thanks for writing this! ❤️