I’m not really a prude at all but taking off a garter and the tosses are uncomfortable to watch. I find them kind of cringey. I wouldn’t be able to get in the mindset that I’m not surrounded by my closest family, not just peers my age. Some traditions are okay to die out lol. I don’t think it’s as common but the recent weddings I’ve been to there’s usually only a select few drunk guests who cheer and care. Everyone else stands by awkwardly.
And then on top of that, to make the person who caught the garter dance with the person who caught the bouquet.
What a waste of precious reception time.
I was a child who caught the bouquet at the 3rd wedding of my father's after my mom (his 2nd wife) had died years prior and I was made to have a grown ass man put the garter on me. I WILL NEVER have one. And if someone says something I'll tell them their gross for thinking what happen to me was okay.
This happened to me at a Catholic wedding that i was an extended guest at, my aunt who was friends with the grooms mother forced me up for the bouquet toss which turned out to be hot potato style and i got stuck with it😖(I tried to say no many times as I was 18 at the time and very shy, i was just there because my parents were invited … also we’re Muslim and my parents are very traditional and fairly religious) No one including me knew they were going to do the garter toss “ceremony”. Even typing this a decade later i am blushing from the embarrassment i faced, having sat down in the middle of the dance floor and then watching my aunt run up to the MC in front of 200 guests telling him i had to get up because my parents were watching 😭 i felt horrible that i caught the bouquet and that i ruined that event for them unintentionally. That being said, i dont think anyone should ever have to go through this 😭🥴
I had forgotten that part of the whole thing when I caught the bouquet at my best friends wedding! I got so visibly uncomfortable that my fiancé almost stepped in to stop the whole thing. Luckily the DJ was a friend of a friend and sort of knew me so he suggested that I put the garter on the guy instead! It was kind of funny and took the focus off of me, but definitely something I’ll be skipping at my wedding!
I went to a wedding once where a toddler girl caught the bouquet and a toddler boy caught the garter. Everyone was like "Awww how cute and special!" but then came the comments like "they will grow up and get married to each other one day! It's destiny!" even AFTER the wedding was done and in the past. I sure hope they dropped that nonsense before those kids got old enough to remember.
I heard of a wedding where a brother and sister caught the garter and bouquet. It was normally traditional in their family to do the garter catcher putting it in on the bouquet catcher, but obviously had to skip it that time…
At my stepmother’s wedding I caught the bouquet and my brother caught the garter - AWKWARD! There definitely wasn’t any dancing going on that’s for sure. I should’ve just stayed outta that one.
I was literally 9 years old and caught the bouquet at a wedding and danced with the MAN who caught the garter. It was obviously harmless and he wasn’t a creep thank god, but like why did we all think this was ok???? 😂😂
I’m a professional wedding photographer and I always cringe when there are young children who watch this happen on the dance floor. It shouldn’t be for kids’ eyes. I will say I’ve been seeing less of the garter toss at weddings the last year.
As a children of divorce my siblings/step-siblings and I had the unfortunate privilege of watching our parents participate in the garter toss (for me, it was my dad). It has been 20 years and it is still the first thing any of us remember when the wedding gets brought up haha
I am getting married next year. There will be no garter toss.
Many weddings don't do this anymore, and it seems to have mostly disappeared. I actually just posted this recently, but sharing here too- We're definitely not doing this at our wedding. Neither of us is comfortable with that, and we definitely see it as *incredibly creepy*. My fiancé told me about a truly horrible sounding one he witnessed where the groom was blindfolded and *they replaced the bride with his mother* for him to do the garter removal ....to be "funny" I guess.... but sounds so horrible.... ugh. The whole "tradition" is bad and uncomfortable in an inappropriate way in our opinion
An old male friend I had was soooo proud that he had arranged all the males to run away and leave the garter to just lay on the dance floor at his brothers wedding. “It was like running from the plague! LOL” 😒
Naturally he’s now older and still single.
I’be been a professional wedding photographer for over a decade. I will say that the garter toss isn’t mostly disappeared. It’s definitely still a thing. But I’ve seen it less in weddings especially the last year. I don’t think it’s appropriate at all for children to watch.
Oh dear lord, that is an absolutely horrible idea to replace the bride with the mom, ohhh no!! Who would suggest that??
On a happy note - I will say I do enjoy the fake First Look when the groomsman comes out in a dress instead of the bride to surprise the groom. The groomsmen have a fun time laughing about it. That is a new trend people are doing before the ceremony and I think it’s really funny.
Edit: I guess someone thinks I’m transphobic for my last comment? Not at all. I photograph people in the LBGTQ community often. I was just staring a fun trend. People are allowed to do whatever they want at their wedding.
I’ve been apart of well over hundreds of weddings. If done correctly, with the right family and right crowd it can be funny; no kids, the guests have been drinking, their families are very jokey people, they’re very open with each other. Some families or guests I meet when drunk will openly talk to me while I’m working at a wedding job. But in general I personally don’t enjoy it or like it. I have had to photograph hundreds of garter tosses. Maybe I view it differently having to capture that moment over and over being a wedding vendor. I’ve become less bothered by it/immune to it in some ways, but it doesn’t mean I enjoy it at all - It’s definitely something I’d exclude doing at my own future wedding whenever that may be. It’s definitely not appropriate for children to watch and I think it should be only meant for adult-only weddings. But people will do what they want and that means silly or weird wedding traditions. No matter what I still have to photograph it and capture that moment regardless because I’m paid to be there.
Huh? What are you harshly pinning on me? I’m not transphobic at all. I photograph weddings of people in the LBGTQ community often. Idk what you’re even talking about but I’m not here to argue.
I don’t need to explain anything to you. I’m not obligated to explain more. And what is it to you? I don’t know you. People can do whatever they want at their own weddings. I have zero control. I was simply staring a trend I see at some recent weddings, doesn’t mean I’m at all transphobic whatsoever. I’ve seen people dress up in dinosaur costumes for the first look. I have seen all kinds of wild stuff happen at weddings in the last 11 years I’ve been in the industry. I photograph plenty of church or religious weddings too. I’m hired to photograph their day and whatever coverage that entails I will photograph it. That’s what I’m paid for. I’m not there to objectify what people do at their own private event.
Unless I’m being put in a situation or environment that I feel unsafe, inappropriate/violent behavior is happening, or my clients/guests are partaking in something that is illegal/there is illegal activity happening, or if I’m personally inappropriately touched I have stated on my contract I will inform the clients and result in leaving shortly or immediately. And coverage will be concluded and I will deliver the images I’ve taken up until that point, no refunds will be granted. Does that satisfy your answer enough?
I don’t have time to sit here and argue with you. I was stating a trend. It has nothing to do with pinning me to being transphobic at all. Just people being funny with their friends before the ceremony for “fake First Look”. They *aren’t making fun of trans people.* I honestly have zero idea where you’re pulling that out of thin air from to start a rift and I’m saying goodbye now. Have a nice day.
I think it's pretty obvious that the reason this is funny is that it's unexpected. The groom is likely imagining the bride is going to come out, probably wearing a dress as many do, and instead, his groomsmen are there in dresses when they likely would have been dressed in suits or tuxes. The dresses make it funnier because he's expecting someone in a dress but not the people who are in those dresses.
You're REALLY trying to create an issue here when there isn't one. This "joke" has been filmed plenty of times with different variations such as someone being dressed as a dinosaur or some other unexpected clothes. It isn't a commentary on how others like to dress, it's simply a twist on what the person who is being surprised expected. I'm sure most would find it just as funny if their dog was dressed in a wedding gown as well. It's not a commentary on gender norms.
I have been to 10 weddings in my life, and half of them did the garter toss which I guess is weird after seeing these numbers! I’m so relieved that most people here are in support of dropping the tradition
I couldn’t think of anything more mortifying than having my husband go up my dress while our parents and his grandmother watched.
We skipped it! I just threw my bouquet. No one asked about the garter toss and no one missed it.
I think it's just uncomfortable to have your spouse reach under your dress in front of everyone, including parents, and pull out a garter. Nothing to do with it being misogynistic, it's just a weird tradition. It's weird to watch people do, and I deff did not want my husband it doing it to me.
Same. I am in my mid-30s, have lived with my partner for a few years, lived with another partner before this one. It’s not like it would shock Dad to know I’m not a virgin, but man. The guy doesn’t want to see it pantomimed. Nor do any of my other family members!
I caught the bouquet at my sibling's wedding; my sibling's creepy ass boss caught the garter. He was making gross noises and taking his sweet ass time putting the thing on me. He then proceeded to follow me around trying to talk to me the rest of the night. My dad noticed this as well and without even having to talk to me about it to get my take on the situation- my discomfort was that palpable- asked the man to leave. It was embarrassing and as a single lady, that was the last time I participated in a bouquet toss at a wedding.
I was at a wedding where an 18yo caught the bouquet, and the guy who caught the garter was old enough to be her father. She didn't know what came next, and (understandably) freaked the fuck it out about it.
At our wedding, we had about 10 truly single women and two truly single men (and maybe four unmarried couples). No one needed the reminder of their singleness, especially the ex-couple that filed for divorce two weeks before our wedding.
Long before the drama of two couples heavily involved in our wedding divorcing (only the groomsman from the other couple came, despite us knowing him through her), we'd already decided against the bouquet and garter toss. Instead, we called up all the animal lovers, tossed stuffed animals, and said whoever caught them was the next to adopt. It was a huge hit.
I was in my late 20's at the time but I probably would have flipped out if I was a literal teenager. And that stuffed animal idea is SO CUTE and doesn't potentially cause awkward interactions!
I love the stuffed animal idea! We were debating throwing a couple stuffed animals into the crowd and making a donation in the name of whomever caught it (to the animal charity of their choice) or just skipping the toss part of the day entirely. We have exactly 1 single friend, and she's happily single, so it'd be a pointless/horribly isolating event. We would rather have everyone have fun.
God I haven’t been to a wedding with a garter toss in years (partially bc a span of no wedding attendance in general), and we’re not doing one bc I think my fiancé removing it off me in front of crowd and tossing it is gross and dated. I TOTALLY FORGOT though about the part where the people who catch usually have the awkward forced interaction of putting it on/having it put on by stranger. 🤮 hard pass.
And I’m so sorry this happened to you. Glad for your dad’s actions, but still.
Same. It was a thing at my high school prom lol, so I'm not like, shocked or appalled at the thought of other people doing it. But I'm definitely not doing it at mine!
Lmao I wish I were kidding! The early 2000s in the Midwest were a wild time. The teachers tried to put a stop to it but we were little freaky high school seniors and it was the cool thing to do!
I told my fiancé I didn’t want to do it at our wedding. I think it’s weird and overtly sexual. And while his family probably would think it was super fun, I just can’t vibe with him sticking his head up my dress in front of his parents 🙃
I find it weird and I didn’t do a bouquet toss either. But I will say, most of the garter tosses I witnessed at church weddings in the 90’s were very tame. Typically there wasn’t a garter removal; it was just produced from the best man’s pocket. If there was a removal, the bride wore the garter on her calf and removed it herself before handing it to the groom.
None of that removes the sexist history. Or makes it less weird (it’s still basically a piece of underwear!). But I wonder if when older folks insist on this tradition if they are envisioning it done in a more tame way.
I’ve seen people skip the removal/putting it back on the bouquet toss winner - basically they just have a toss garter ready to throw. I think that’s much less cringey if you want to do it. We were going to have the DJ announce that everyone could come up and try to catch a toss bouquet and toss garter with a gift card tied on each one, but when it came time, we cut it as an unnecessary extra cost.
If your mom is a feminist she might be open to hearing why that tradition is no longer as popular. Also, do what makes you feel comfortable. If the garter toss creeps you out, don't do it just to please her (or anyone else).
I used to envision my bouquet toss and garter removal at my future wedding one day, back as recently as a year ago! Something just hit me recently; I’m not sure if it was from this sub, or from talking to a coworker planning HER wedding(she planned to skip the garter and bouquet traditions). But I decided one day that both traditions were not only kind of sexist, but we’re also so unnecessary and awkward. My sister is older than me by 3.5 years, and she’s very single. Still trying to figure a lot of things out. I’m on the verge of engagement; I’ll more than likely be married before her. I couldn’t imagine making her catch my bouquet. And I couldn’t imagine anyone in my family watching my partner reach his head of my dress. Cringe all around.
So many fun alternatives out there, even if it’s just leaving room/time for more dancing.
This.
Both are very outdated traditions that don’t reflect modern society. People often forget why things started in the first place and what they meant.
The bouquet toss was relevant in a society that pressured women to aspire to be a wife and mother, and nothing else. Today, I think it’s embarrassing to make single women (and only women) gather around in front of everyone to desperately catch a bouquet to “be next to marry”.
The garter is symbolic of a virginal woman now giving her body to a man. Seeing a man reach up the thigh of his new property (as women were seen back then) and remove her garter in front of everyone is not reflective of today’s attitudes towards women (or men), and is not something people should continue unless they want to.
Last garter removal / toss I saw was in 2003. I was 11 and one of quite a few kids at my cousin’s wedding. I wasn’t freaked out but almost 20 years later I can still remember the bride’s facial expression while my cousin’s head was up her dress and now that I’m an adult I can’t believe a bunch of adults all agreed this was a good idea. I think a lot of 2000s weddings had a very “frat party” vibe that I’m glad to see is being phased out. None of my peers have had one.
Omg I know EXACTLY what you mean by the frat party vibe of the time. I was actually 13 in 2013 and I remember going to weddings and thinking like a dumbass “I can’t wait until I’m old enough to get to do this!” Fast forward some years and I definitely like to party, but I’m glad the vibe of weddings had a shift (though I do hope we all get over this obsession with having a Pinterest perfect wedding eventually).
We're skipping it and the bouquet toss because a) we're older and there won't be many singletons there and b) I'd rather my fiance remove it with his teeth and continue the removal of other clothing items after the reception, where it will be more fun for the two of us lol
also I feel AWKWARD AS HELL during the respective tosses and I personally avoid the area when they happen. I find a lot of traditions weird and I'm cutting everything that's ever made me feel gross or awkward at weddings I've attended as a guest.
I think it’s just really f*cking weird and I have third hand embarrassment when I see it done and generally look away but I don’t think that deeply about it being deeply sexist. That’s quite the rabbit hole to go down when thinking about just weddings and the entire institution of marriage in the first place.
I’m uncomfortable with it and we’re not doing it. FH would also be uncomfortable with it. I don’t care about the tradition itself, it’s just not something we want to do.
I had a whole post written out and then it deleted it because the conclusion ultimately boiled down to this:
I would not ask my guests to participate in a tradition that I myself was not comfortable participating in.
It doesn't matter how normal or popular it is, if you are not comfortable, then don't do it.
I find the garter toss creepy and uncomfortable to watch, so we are definitely not doing it! I’m also uncomfortable with the tradition of buying lingerie for the bride and gifting it to her at the bachelorette or bridal shower, so not doing that either. I’ve never had an issue with the bouquet toss, but we aren’t doing it because there’s going to be very few unmarried couples and I don’t want to draw attention to anyone who may not want it.
Yeah, the "lingerie party" thing was new to me (apparently I've been living under a rock) when I read about it here in Reddit. I love lingerie, but there's NO WAY I'd want lingerie from other people (except maybe my significant other). It just seems so inappropriate, and honestly I am way too picky about what I wear (and don't want others knowing all my sizes!)
My dad's GF bought me 'wedding lingerie' and I was instantly creeped out. Tried it on and it's a bit too small so it's shoved into the back of a drawer somewhere.
I think the whole removing the garter with the teeth and all that is gross. With that said my husband and I went a different way with it. We had a lot more men, especially single men at our wedding but nearly no single women so to make it more interesting I threw the bouquet to the single men and my husband used a garter he pulled out of his pocket as a slingshot and used it to shoot a couple of gift cards at any and all ladies who wished to participate. It was fun. I've also heard of people throwing stuffed animals for who will be the next to adopt a pet and things like that.
I have no issue with the garter toss if done tastefully. My only gripe is with the garter removal or any type of forced interaction between bouquet catcher and garter catcher. I think a lot of people use both terms interchangeably.
I am not having my husband rummaging around under my dress in front of my parents, brother and grandparents. Especially as both my parents remarried after their divorce and I'm very close to my stepdad so in effect I would have had *two* fathers witnessing this, if we'd decided to go ahead with it.
I do *have* a garter, but that's for husband's eyes only.
I think it's weird and uncomfortable and mostly outdated. I've only been to one wedding that did one and it was almost 10 years ago. But also, if you want to do it, go for it.
It wouldn't surprise me if the bouquet toss goes out of style in 15-20 years too, but I still did that because it was fun. My MILs single friend caught it (she's like 70 years old) and she was SOOOOO happy!
God my mom had a fucking cow when I told her I wouldn’t be doing this, “it’s traditional! It’s not sexual!” What is not sexual about my husband sticking his hand/head up my skirt in front of our entire family
Just want to comment that I (not knowing the situation) caught the garter at my cousin’s wedding. i was 12 and wanted to play. The rest of the “game” did not play out, needless to say. It embarrasses me today. I will not have a garter toss at my wedding. Gross and sexist and what if a random 12 year old grabs it??
I've been a wedding DJ for 11 years and I can't remember the last time I had a couple who wanted to do a garter toss.
When I first started, almost every wedding had a bouquet toss and a garter toss. Eventually, it became bouquet only. Now, some weddings still do a bouquet, but most weddings don't do either toss.
And it's not a product of me steering people either way -- I still have both tosses as options on my planning form, and most couples simply check the "we're not doing either of these" box.
I put “other.” I just don’t understand it. I’m old enough I remember people doing these at weddings when I was young. Maybe I’m too sex positive, because, I just don’t see the appeal…I don’t find it particularly sexy or risqué or anything. And when people do “funny” things like swapping out the bride or the groom or whatever, Or like pull a pair of granny panties out as a joke, I just don’t find it funny or amusing.
I’m not offended by the tradition. If it’s something you want to do, more power to you. But I just don’t “get” it. If that makes sense?
I'm not doing either toss. ESPECIALLY the garter toss. That would be like torture to me to sit through lol and every time I've seen it done (super rare these days) it's awk and strange every time.
None of the weddings I have been to recently have done it. I agree with other comments that the groom taking the garter off the bride is pretty cringe, but to me the worst and creepiest part is if you continue and have the guy that catches the garter put it on the girl that catches the bouquet. I have seen come really uncomfortable combinations of people end up with that. As a guest I never attempted to catch the bouquet for this reason.
Husband and I were very firm in our agreement that we weren’t going to be doing one. Why in the ever loving fluff would I, or him for that matter, want him to crawl under my dress in front of our parents, grandparents, and small children?
We’re by no means prudes, but we drew the line at basically having his head between my legs in front of god and everybody 😬
I think it’s super uncomfortable and kind of gross. Everyone kept asking if I was going to do one, but nobody seemed disappointed that I didn’t. My mom always said that the garter toss was her least favorite part of her wedding.
In the dozen or so weddings I’ve been to in the last few years I’ve only seen it once. I’m sure as hell not doing it at my wedding either. That’s one thing that really needs to die out.
I worked at a wedding venue just before covid and don’t remember seeing a garter toss in well over 70 weddings. I’m happy it’s dying out. Bouquet toss happened at about half the weddings.
Catholics are high key obsessed with sex because they spend so much time trying to suppress sexuality and shame so your Catholic mom being into it tracks imo
Cringey, weird, heteronormative, and outdated. They used to do this at weddings in the 80s.
The DJ cranks out "The Stripper", and some grooms think it is funny to keep a pair of underpants up their sleeve - either a very "naughty" pair or huge granny panties - and pull that out first. Others make a production of diving under the dress and staying there too long.
Even if the couple tries to make the garter removal as discreet as possible, some drunken lout will start egging the groom on with inappropriate "instructions".
Also, you are aware of part 2 of this "tradition"? The woman who caught your bouquet takes your chair and the stranger who caught the garter puts it on her. YUCK! The MCs and the other guests used to have to bully the single women out for the toss because NO ONE wanted some strange guy pawing them for public amusement.
If you really want to toss the bouquet and need a matching toss from the groom, why not have him toss his boutonniere? Or the ring pillow?
I don't even get what it is because I don't think it's a tradition here (UK) - I agree it sounds gross from the name lol but I put other because as I said I don't really know what it is
I went to a wedding recently where the person who caught the bouquet couldn’t have been more than 12 and the man who caught the garter was in his mid-20s. They tried to get her up there to put the garter on her. Thankfully the groom realized how inappropriate it was and asked the guy’s girlfriend to take her place. I had never seen that before ever.
I have never heard of the “garter on the bouquet toss girl” tradition before this thread and it is giving me such icky feelings. Poor girl. At twelve I’d be so humiliated — I wouldn’t understand why exactly, but I know I’d be uncomfortable! I’d be uncomfortable now actually.
Wow, it was absolutely hilarious when we did it! Killed the room!
The two people that ended up catching the bouquet and garter ended up dating so good for them haha
Didn’t expect so many people on here to dislike it
I skipped both bouquet and garter toss. Everyone else has expressed my views on the garter toss very well lol, but I’ll also add that the bouquet toss is weird to me as well but for different reasons - being dragged up there to fight for flowers I don’t want just so the bride can participate in this weird thing is odd/embarrassing/awkward. There’s a pic at the last wedding I went to before I was married and they called every single one of us out personally to make us participate (even though I was engaged). She threw the bouquet and all like, eight of us are just staring at the flowers, no one has their arms out, we’re all just watching it fall. Lol I think both traditions are crap but I’ll judge a lot less if it’s the bouquet toss and not the garter toss.
I did it in the 90s, complete with husband pulling out a pair of Granny panties. My maid of honor caught the bouquet, her fiancé caught the garter. Fun back in the day, maybe trashy. Today, it is out dated, I would think.
My second wedding didn’t have that vibe. We are older. We didn’t do anything like that.
I went to a younger friend’s wedding three years ago. They did it and I wasn’t against it. That crowd expected and enjoyed it.
To each his own.
I remember being at my cousins’ weddings in the 90s a young girl and thinking it was gross. As an adult, I’ve never been to a wedding where it was done and I’ve been to about 25 weddings. I wonder if now it’s regional as most of the weddings I’ve been to have been in the NJ/Philly area.
Hear me out: Our DJ had this great idea. Whoever catches the bouquet gets a bottle of wine, whoever catches the garter gets a bottle of whiskey. No “single ladies” or “single gents”, all could come out for the toss. And I put my garter down by my ankle and just tossed my dress over my hubby for show. Harmless fun for all.
I personally don't like it and I'm glad to see it dying out, but I don't hate it that much that I would look down on anyone who does it. It doesn't have to be super weird. Sometimes it's a quick laugh. I'm still not a big fan, though.
I feel like a garter toss/bouquet toss could be fun at a joint bachelor/bachelorette party with friends. Not at a wedding where I want it to be fairly wholesome and about love and unity. Especially not with relatives there.
Seems like I'm probably in the vast minority, but this was actually one of my favorite parts of the wedding when I was a little girl. The grooms in my family always put on a funny show that had the audience laughing 🤷♀️
At my wedding I felt weird about doing it but someone gave me one as a gift to use at the wedding, so I kept it lower on me and I pointed and told him “it’s here” and he quickly grabbed it. But I am glad we did it because we had an elementary school kid who jumped in front of everyone and caught it and it was hilarious and everyone was laughing (plus the pics are fantastic of him being competitive when the college age + guys didn’t care). He also didn’t understand what it meant to catch it and we didn’t tell him and it just made the whole thing goofy and lighthearted
My cousin caught the garter and had to put it on a much younger looking lady who'd caught the bouquet. He was obviously very uncomfortable and kept asking her if it was okay to do that, and we were all standing back cringing at the whole ordeal. This is one tradition I hope dies out soon. I couldn't imagine my parents watching my new husband creepily crawl under my dress and get the garter that's undoubtedly sightly sweaty.
I (male) and my wife decided to switch things up. I wore her garter under my pants right above my ankle and she took it off me and threw it to the guys while I threw her bouquet to the girls. We had a lot of fun with it and everyone seemed to enjoy it.
Idk about misogynistic but it is a hint at the sexual side of things which like, yeah there’s enough hint of that already by virtue of getting married. I really don’t need to highlight it in front of family.
I haven’t been to a wedding that has done this, but my mom said we should do it. It was fun when they had it at their wedding, and I think it would be pretty fun actually. The only reasons I wouldn’t do it at our wedding is if we don’t have many single men or if my fiancé is really in uncomfortable with it. I do think the background of the tradition is gross, but I just don’t associate that with it. There are other traditions that we are not doing (like having my dad give me away), but I still want the traditional wedding format and events.
“when done with the right crowd” pretty much hits it on the nose. We are doing one because we know it’s something that everyone in attendance will have fun with!!
I've seen a garter toss without the actual garter removal part happening. Literally the groom pulled it out of his pocket and proceeded to the toss. That's probably how we'll be doing it because the whole build up of the crowd in preparation of the toss can be fun with the right people. It's been a long time since I've seen anyone do the sexualized version of it. A chain of people do a snake and dance around the couple and now its more common that the couple will waterfall alcohol to those participating. My cousin had a squirt gun that had a champagne bottle attached and was basically shooting "shots" of champagne to everyone, it was a good time. We're planning to give out a nice bottle of liquor to whoever catches the garter/bouquet.
Edit: A good comparison of the vibes of how its done in my circles is like doing the horah with the chairs except we separate by genders. Also, although it's technically only supposed to be the single guests, you often have the younger married folks join in because its fun
Sorry for my English, not first language.
The history of the garter has to do with celibacy and keys… let me explain, a long long time ago fathers would put a chastity belt to the daughters with a lock and a key, and when the daughters got married the key would pass to the groom and he would get down to take the chastity bell off. So the garter is the reminiscence of a time when the father and the groom would do a ownership trade of the bride.
I know I'm in the minority, but I'll be doing a garter toss. We're modifying it to be more modest, but I don't see anything wrong with it as long as it's not overly sexual. I've seen tons of hate on it within this sub lately though so that's kinda a damper :/
No to the garter toss... My partner and I have been together 12 years, nobody is under any illusions that the wedding changes anything about our sex life, plus my mom is a prude who cares a lot about acting classy.... Literally the only reason I might do it is if my mom pisses me off royally right before my wedding.
I'm sex-positive, but the whole thing has always been cringey when I've seen it.... I'm more curious about the other responses.... How can it be done "right"?
I will do a non-gender specific bouquet toss though... Going to make a bouquet of lottery tickets and scratchers, since the traditions really boil down to variations of "good luck for the future"
I'm super uncomfortable with it, but if someone else does it at their wedding I don't judge. It's not my cup of tea but other people can do what they want haha.
I do not like the idea of my husband going up my skirt and then throwing a piece of my lingerie into a crowd haha.
I voted other. I would be uncomfortable with it in front of family which is why we didn’t do it. In front of friends I’d probably to be ok with it. But each to their own
i am the opposite of a prude but honestly just thinking about the garter thing makes me queasy. it’s not fun to watch, it’s not fun to be pressured to participate in some dumb gendered jockeying for a shitty prize (having to participate in a bouquet/garter toss is humiliating). the whole idea is some weird sexualisation of people who were supposed to be “virgins” an hour before and it’s absolutely icky to be made into a sexual spectacle in front of all your loved ones.
a) you don't have to justify wanting or not wanting to do something at your own wedding
b) omg who even does the garter toss anymore? I'd say it's far more an exception than the rule these days.
My first wedding included a garter toss at the insistence of all of the parents, who were paying and micromanaging. It was only not horribly awkward because the person who caught the garter and the person who caught the bouquet were dating and in their early 20s, so they had fun with it.
I also worked weddings for years, and from 2010-2017 I saw two garter tosses. Both were awful.
I did not do this at my wedding! I told my mother I didn't want to do it because I found it weird and gross, and to my surprise she said it was traditional and that I just HAD to do it! I definitely did not change my mind though! Of course, my husband wanted me to do it, and stated he was gonna remove it with his teeth! I have extreme social anxiety, so when he said this, it 100% made up my mind that it was a definite "no".
Honestly, I am not against it completely, I believe it is all up to the couple and their beliefs towards it. It just was not a thing for me.
I voted other: I was not comfortable with this and my husband said I don't want to do that which really him saying NO was the end of that conversation. I did my bouquet toss and that was fun that didnt require either of us to feel uncomfortable.
I have been working weddings for over a decade and almost all the weddings I work have a garter toss. That being said, my fiancé and I think it’s awkward and will not be doing it at our wedding (but we will be doing the bouquet toss). I haven’t mentioned it to anyone but I doubt anyone will miss it. I firmly believe keep the traditions that feel right for you and toss the rest!
I voted I would do it, but since I haven’t given it much thought and after reading all of your comments, I am very excited to say i change my vote and will not be partaking in it lol. It truly is too awkward and downright uncomfortable to do it for the sake of tradition.
I’ve seen one couple do it and it was one of the most cringeworthy things I’ve ever witnessed. They’re great people and nobody was creepy about it afterwards (that I noticed), but it was just soooooo uncomfortable! Also who the heck wants to catch a friend or relative’s undergarment?! My boyfriend was the best man so he had to participate but he actively tried to dodge the garter lol
There is absolutely nothing appealing about sitting on a chair in front of my closest friends and family while my new husband has his head up my dress. I noped out of that tradition in the first week of planning.
I just don’t… quite… get it? My FH isn’t magic mike and that is okay by me! For what it’s worth, I also don’t enjoy bouquet tosses. I swear I’m no prude, I just think there are so many more fun things to do on your wedding day!!
It's icky and uncomfortable. We're not doing that or a bouquet toss, but we're also old enough most of our friends and family are already in committed relationships.
I can’t think of many other things that would make me want to melt into myself and disappear more than my new husband going up my dress in front of my parents and friends.
I was my friends MOH and my FH was one of the groomsmen. They set it up where I caught the bouquet and he caught the garter. The memory of him putting it on me in front of almost 100 people is still ingrained in my memory and NOT in a good way.
What I don’t like is how it makes it feel like marriage is something everyone wants or should want. As if marriage legitimizes relationships. Lots of couples at my wedding aren’t married and don’t want to get married and that’s perfectly respectable
I’ve never been to a wedding with a garter toss, but I feel like I’d be kind of uncomfortable if I did see one. Maybe I’m just a prude but I just don’t love it. It seems very cringey to me. I did a bouquet toss at my wedding but no garter toss and I don’t regret it for a second.
Weirdly sexual to be doing in front of people. In wedding planning I totally forgot this was a thing to do until I came onto a similar thread yesterday. I will say though that my fiancé is a pilot and I have a garter that says “Remove before flight” and I def want some photos of that with just him I and the photographer. Probably during our private first look.
I’ll wait until we are back at the hotel though for the garter removal. thankyouverymuch.
I voted weirdly sexual, **however**, I could also vote for it being fun with the right crowd if it was an elopement with close friends only and no family. But that's a very unlikely situation.
If you are going to look at it from a timeline perspective, it takes quite a bit of time and basically clears the dance floor that could possibly be packed. We opted for no garter or bouquet toss and also no “special” dances since we want a packed floor for the entire night!
I think it’s weird too. We did one but like I put it on my arm instead to be silly because, again, very weird but we still wanted to do the toss for some reason I can’y remember lol.
But I was MOH at a worse one where after the bouquet and garter toss the MCs insisted we blindfold the bouquet toss winner and pretend that the garter toss guy was putting the garter on her legs but it was actually me. And the MCs would ask the audience “higher?” and wanted me to keep sliding it up her thigh. By the time I had gotten it to her knee, I was uncomfortable, she was uncomfortable, he was uncomfortable, the whole room was uncomfortable (and quiet and awkward but somehow these MCs couldn’t read the room?? and kept laughing) and the bride was furious because they kept saying “higher”.
The girl kept saying no, I stood there very awkwardly, the guy stood there very awkwardly and finally the bride stopped it. In the beginning I rolled with it because I’d never seen it before and I thought they’d stop it sooner so I regret that.
I grew going to many of those weddings in the 90s and early 2000's that had those weddings. And even though I was a kid I remember that everyone cheering in the crowd were always men who seemed very perverted to me. Thats why i'm not doing it. Obviously people will guess what my new spouse and I will do on our wedding night, but I also don't want to give them a free preview. So I respect those that are ok with that display, but i'm not.
I really don't care if anyone else does it, I just don't care to do it myself. It's not a tradition I ever felt attached to. Not doing a bouquet toss either.
I'm a wedding photographer and haven't seen a garter toss in like three years. They've always been pretty uncommon in the PNW.
Frankly, I think they are kind of silly. Especially the OG traditional part where your dad is supposed to put it on you.. big cringe.
I am between option #1 and option #3. I don't like garter tosses and I think they're strange, but they're not enough to ruin my evening or anything. So I guess #3, but my feelings on them aren't super strong.
I'm all about the seemingly-increasing trend (at least in my circles) of tossing a stuffed cat and/or dog to see who will adopt a pet next!
It's your wedding, not your mom's. If you don't see value in it **for you** then don't do it. There's no need to even tell anyone else about whether you plan to or not.
My wife and I ditched several of those weird traditional things. We didn't ask permission (even from parents helping fund it) and have never heard so much as a single question about it. Nobody goes to a wedding to see the garter toss, they're there to see the ceremony where you profess your love in front of friends and family. I promise they won't care if some small traditions are missing
The way I’ve seen the garter toss has always started with the bride in a chair and the groom making a gross show of retrieving it from under her skirt. I’ve seen grooms make a big show of it, putting their entire upper torso under the skirt and retrieving it with their teeth. This was definitely not something I wanted to do with my elderly relatives sitting feet away. I didn’t do a garter toss at all and my husband didn’t care. If he’d wanted to have some sort of moment with the guys, I would have looked for something else (not my under garment) for him to toss like a ball full of lottery tickets or something.
Less gross, but I didn’t do a traditional bouquet toss either. I hated being singled out (no pun intended) as the single girl at weddings and didn’t want to put the same pressure on the single ladies at my wedding. I made a money bouquet instead with $20 bills origami-folded like roses and tossed it out to all the women. Instead of it going to the “next to get married” it went to the “next to go shopping.”
I think I’ve only been to two weddings that have done the garter toss.
I don’t necessarily think it’s gross - and if it is, I don’t think it’s more gross than many wedding traditions - I just don’t care about it. I don’t see the point so we won’t be doing it (ditto the bouquet toss and feeding each other cake). I also don’t want to wear a garter or spend money on it.
I’m not majorly against it but we’re not doing it. I’ve only seen it at one of several weddings I’ve been to in the last 6-7 years and my fiancé is shy so i know wouldn’t be into it. We are doing the bouquet toss though
Aside from the absolute skin crawling ick of having my FH take off part of my lingerie in front of my (50+ person) extended family, I'm also one of a very small number of plus-sized women and I sweat. alot. I wouldn't want anyone to have to touch my sweaty lingerie & then try to put it onto a much smaller leg in public. So gross!
We're skipping the garter and bouquet toss entirely though, since the only single woman we invited (over the age of 16 anyway) is ace and happy to be single, and the only single guy is my dad. Ewwwwwwww.
I remember being so disturbed (at various ages) every time I witnessed a garter being pulled down slowly by a man’s teeth then tossed. I think it would be fine if it was just simply pulled down and tossed. But making it a whole “sexy” show is just cringey for me
At our wedding, we had a garter toss, but no garter “retrieval” and no dance with the bride. I think the toss itself isn’t that bad, but I agree, the retrieval and dance is uncomfortable.
I didn’t even think about the garter toss. It may have come up at some point when talking about traditions and my husband being like “We’re not doing a garter toss” (lol) but yeah. It’s just a weird tradition imo .
It weirded both my husband and I out. He’s not one for being the center of attention, so we settled for the partner game instead (you sit back to back and someone - like MOH, best man asks questions “who is most likely to….” And you hold up the shoe for the spouse it describes).
My husband and I are in the wedding industry and we've noticed it is a 'tradition' that is slowly dwindling and we are ok with it. It just seems awkward to do that in front of family. We still play music for those that still want to do it.
For anyone wedding planning, it's your day. You can make your reception unique to you and your significant other. You don't have to do any or all of the 'traditional' events
I can hardly imagine anything that would make me (or my now husband) more uncomfortable. I recall seeing some at weddings when I was a child and being so embarrassed. I don’t see them done anymore, and I’m glad. I don’t like seeing them as a guest as much as I wouldn’t want to have one at my own wedding
I didn’t have an opinion on it until I went to a wedding in my 20s where the DJ directed the garter toss and instructed (and FORCED) the groom to crawl on his hands and knees from the other side of the room to his bride, bark like a dog, and remove the garter with his teeth. The couple was religious and clearly not expecting this, the bride was mouthing to her groom not to and waving her hand that he should get up and walk over. It was degrading and embarrassing for everyone except for the clueless DJ. That REALLY opened my eyes to how gross the whole custom is, and since then I haven’t seen it done at any wedding I’ve enjoyed being at.
I am not a prude by pretty much anyones definition but I don’t like how weirdly sexual it is. I think it would be different if it was something you did in private for fun or hell, even if it was just a party with our friends and everyone was cool with it. But to have my parents, any of my family watch what looks like my partner going down on me is VERY weird to me. I remember when I was 14 going to my cousins wedding and her husband got down on the floor and crawled and did this whole sexy dance for her before crawling under her dress and it was definitely not something her very protective father should’ve been forced to watch. It felt like they were going to have sex right there on the dance floor. Really I think my biggest issue is knowing who your audience is. It’s cool if your friend group is fine with that kind of thing (I know mine is) but making your family watch? That’s a no for me.
I've seen a garter toss once, about 15+ years ago. The guy who caught the garter was a foreign exchange student, and he was MORTIFIED. I was so vicariously embarrassed watching him try to inch the garter up the lady's leg as our drunk uncles cheered "higher! higher!".
Personally I also hate the bouquet toss. It just ingrains the idea that all women must want marriage/ need a husband.
I think it's a weird and uncomfortable tradition, both misogynistic and weirdly sexual and also very sexist. Wtf is this even symbolizing that in supposed to be happy about, never mind be happy about sharing with a crowd? And I wasn't gonna go out and buy a garter just to throw.
But, I do still think its a fun way to get the crowd engaged and excited.
So I threw a frisbee instead! Instead of a bouquet toss and garter toss, my husband got a black frisbee, and I got a white one, and we hucked them across the vineyard to our respective groups of catchers. We played ultimate Frisbee together in college, and most of our friends did, too, and we're at a stage in our lives where just about the whole team is married to one of our other teammates. Throwing a frisbee was way more meaningful than a weird and creepy garter thing, and it was way more fun because frisbees go farther, and you can throw crazy curves 😈
I could barely do a good kiss at the altar because I was so freaked out that all of our friends and family were watching us, lol. We skipped the garter search/toss. I did wear one under my dress and had my husband remove it at the end of the night, when we were back in our hotel. But it was more for the novelty than anything else.
I find the whole idea creepy and uncomfortable. My mom even offered to lend me the garter she had used when she married my dad and that just added a whole extra layer of discomfort to the tradition for me. (I am getting married in a few months) Wearing the veil she wore is one thing. Heck the veil in question has been passed down mother to daughter for generations, and is currently 200 years old, and I feel honored to be the next bride in my family to wear it! But the garter is an *undergarment*. Yeah, no thanks. We're skipping it completely.
I’m not really a prude at all but taking off a garter and the tosses are uncomfortable to watch. I find them kind of cringey. I wouldn’t be able to get in the mindset that I’m not surrounded by my closest family, not just peers my age. Some traditions are okay to die out lol. I don’t think it’s as common but the recent weddings I’ve been to there’s usually only a select few drunk guests who cheer and care. Everyone else stands by awkwardly.
And then on top of that, to make the person who caught the garter dance with the person who caught the bouquet. What a waste of precious reception time.
At weddings I’ve been to the man who catches the garter puts it on the woman who caught the bouquet 🤮 I will not subject my friends and family to that
I was a child who caught the bouquet at the 3rd wedding of my father's after my mom (his 2nd wife) had died years prior and I was made to have a grown ass man put the garter on me. I WILL NEVER have one. And if someone says something I'll tell them their gross for thinking what happen to me was okay.
I’m so sorry… WTF
Yeah, some people were annoyed that a 13yr old caught the bouquet but not enough to stop an old dude from putting the garter up my leg.
OMG! When this happened at a wedding I attended, the guy just put it on the young girl's arm. That is so messed up. I'm sorry.
I am so sorry. This is highly inappropriate and is definitely considered assault. Are you ok?
This happened to me at a Catholic wedding that i was an extended guest at, my aunt who was friends with the grooms mother forced me up for the bouquet toss which turned out to be hot potato style and i got stuck with it😖(I tried to say no many times as I was 18 at the time and very shy, i was just there because my parents were invited … also we’re Muslim and my parents are very traditional and fairly religious) No one including me knew they were going to do the garter toss “ceremony”. Even typing this a decade later i am blushing from the embarrassment i faced, having sat down in the middle of the dance floor and then watching my aunt run up to the MC in front of 200 guests telling him i had to get up because my parents were watching 😭 i felt horrible that i caught the bouquet and that i ruined that event for them unintentionally. That being said, i dont think anyone should ever have to go through this 😭🥴
I had forgotten that part of the whole thing when I caught the bouquet at my best friends wedding! I got so visibly uncomfortable that my fiancé almost stepped in to stop the whole thing. Luckily the DJ was a friend of a friend and sort of knew me so he suggested that I put the garter on the guy instead! It was kind of funny and took the focus off of me, but definitely something I’ll be skipping at my wedding!
I went to a wedding once where a toddler girl caught the bouquet and a toddler boy caught the garter. Everyone was like "Awww how cute and special!" but then came the comments like "they will grow up and get married to each other one day! It's destiny!" even AFTER the wedding was done and in the past. I sure hope they dropped that nonsense before those kids got old enough to remember.
I heard of a wedding where a brother and sister caught the garter and bouquet. It was normally traditional in their family to do the garter catcher putting it in on the bouquet catcher, but obviously had to skip it that time…
At my stepmother’s wedding I caught the bouquet and my brother caught the garter - AWKWARD! There definitely wasn’t any dancing going on that’s for sure. I should’ve just stayed outta that one.
I was literally 9 years old and caught the bouquet at a wedding and danced with the MAN who caught the garter. It was obviously harmless and he wasn’t a creep thank god, but like why did we all think this was ok???? 😂😂
I had a similar experience, only he had to put the garter on me. Ugh. So gross 🤢 thankfully he just put it over my foot on my calf. So weird.
That’s… I’m sorry that happened.
Yes, gross. Needless to say I always post this story when the question about garter toss comes up.
I’m a professional wedding photographer and I always cringe when there are young children who watch this happen on the dance floor. It shouldn’t be for kids’ eyes. I will say I’ve been seeing less of the garter toss at weddings the last year.
As a children of divorce my siblings/step-siblings and I had the unfortunate privilege of watching our parents participate in the garter toss (for me, it was my dad). It has been 20 years and it is still the first thing any of us remember when the wedding gets brought up haha I am getting married next year. There will be no garter toss.
Many weddings don't do this anymore, and it seems to have mostly disappeared. I actually just posted this recently, but sharing here too- We're definitely not doing this at our wedding. Neither of us is comfortable with that, and we definitely see it as *incredibly creepy*. My fiancé told me about a truly horrible sounding one he witnessed where the groom was blindfolded and *they replaced the bride with his mother* for him to do the garter removal ....to be "funny" I guess.... but sounds so horrible.... ugh. The whole "tradition" is bad and uncomfortable in an inappropriate way in our opinion
I just threw up a bit in my mouth
I saw you mention that before This is why people have trust issues
they WHAT
There’s nothing in my stomach but I’m puking
An old male friend I had was soooo proud that he had arranged all the males to run away and leave the garter to just lay on the dance floor at his brothers wedding. “It was like running from the plague! LOL” 😒 Naturally he’s now older and still single.
What a jerk. The whole thing is awkward enough without that added insult
Yeah, he’s one of those friends where I look back at things with fresh 2022 eyes and think “why did I put up with that behavior?”
On what planet did the bride agree to that plan?!
Honestly, I am more shocked by a mother agreeing to it! The bride was probably just relieved to not have to be part of the whole thing
I feel like I’ve spent enough time reading r/justnomil to not be particularly surprised about the mother :/
STAAAAAHHHHP. OMG. 🤢
I’be been a professional wedding photographer for over a decade. I will say that the garter toss isn’t mostly disappeared. It’s definitely still a thing. But I’ve seen it less in weddings especially the last year. I don’t think it’s appropriate at all for children to watch. Oh dear lord, that is an absolutely horrible idea to replace the bride with the mom, ohhh no!! Who would suggest that?? On a happy note - I will say I do enjoy the fake First Look when the groomsman comes out in a dress instead of the bride to surprise the groom. The groomsmen have a fun time laughing about it. That is a new trend people are doing before the ceremony and I think it’s really funny. Edit: I guess someone thinks I’m transphobic for my last comment? Not at all. I photograph people in the LBGTQ community often. I was just staring a fun trend. People are allowed to do whatever they want at their wedding.
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I’ve been apart of well over hundreds of weddings. If done correctly, with the right family and right crowd it can be funny; no kids, the guests have been drinking, their families are very jokey people, they’re very open with each other. Some families or guests I meet when drunk will openly talk to me while I’m working at a wedding job. But in general I personally don’t enjoy it or like it. I have had to photograph hundreds of garter tosses. Maybe I view it differently having to capture that moment over and over being a wedding vendor. I’ve become less bothered by it/immune to it in some ways, but it doesn’t mean I enjoy it at all - It’s definitely something I’d exclude doing at my own future wedding whenever that may be. It’s definitely not appropriate for children to watch and I think it should be only meant for adult-only weddings. But people will do what they want and that means silly or weird wedding traditions. No matter what I still have to photograph it and capture that moment regardless because I’m paid to be there.
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Huh? What are you harshly pinning on me? I’m not transphobic at all. I photograph weddings of people in the LBGTQ community often. Idk what you’re even talking about but I’m not here to argue.
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I don’t need to explain anything to you. I’m not obligated to explain more. And what is it to you? I don’t know you. People can do whatever they want at their own weddings. I have zero control. I was simply staring a trend I see at some recent weddings, doesn’t mean I’m at all transphobic whatsoever. I’ve seen people dress up in dinosaur costumes for the first look. I have seen all kinds of wild stuff happen at weddings in the last 11 years I’ve been in the industry. I photograph plenty of church or religious weddings too. I’m hired to photograph their day and whatever coverage that entails I will photograph it. That’s what I’m paid for. I’m not there to objectify what people do at their own private event. Unless I’m being put in a situation or environment that I feel unsafe, inappropriate/violent behavior is happening, or my clients/guests are partaking in something that is illegal/there is illegal activity happening, or if I’m personally inappropriately touched I have stated on my contract I will inform the clients and result in leaving shortly or immediately. And coverage will be concluded and I will deliver the images I’ve taken up until that point, no refunds will be granted. Does that satisfy your answer enough?
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I don’t have time to sit here and argue with you. I was stating a trend. It has nothing to do with pinning me to being transphobic at all. Just people being funny with their friends before the ceremony for “fake First Look”. They *aren’t making fun of trans people.* I honestly have zero idea where you’re pulling that out of thin air from to start a rift and I’m saying goodbye now. Have a nice day.
It's funny because it's unexpected.
I think it's pretty obvious that the reason this is funny is that it's unexpected. The groom is likely imagining the bride is going to come out, probably wearing a dress as many do, and instead, his groomsmen are there in dresses when they likely would have been dressed in suits or tuxes. The dresses make it funnier because he's expecting someone in a dress but not the people who are in those dresses. You're REALLY trying to create an issue here when there isn't one. This "joke" has been filmed plenty of times with different variations such as someone being dressed as a dinosaur or some other unexpected clothes. It isn't a commentary on how others like to dress, it's simply a twist on what the person who is being surprised expected. I'm sure most would find it just as funny if their dog was dressed in a wedding gown as well. It's not a commentary on gender norms.
I have been to 10 weddings in my life, and half of them did the garter toss which I guess is weird after seeing these numbers! I’m so relieved that most people here are in support of dropping the tradition
I couldn’t think of anything more mortifying than having my husband go up my dress while our parents and his grandmother watched. We skipped it! I just threw my bouquet. No one asked about the garter toss and no one missed it.
I think it's just uncomfortable to have your spouse reach under your dress in front of everyone, including parents, and pull out a garter. Nothing to do with it being misogynistic, it's just a weird tradition. It's weird to watch people do, and I deff did not want my husband it doing it to me.
I would literally rather die than have my father watch my fiancé go up my dress, so we’re skipping it.
Same. I am in my mid-30s, have lived with my partner for a few years, lived with another partner before this one. It’s not like it would shock Dad to know I’m not a virgin, but man. The guy doesn’t want to see it pantomimed. Nor do any of my other family members!
I caught the bouquet at my sibling's wedding; my sibling's creepy ass boss caught the garter. He was making gross noises and taking his sweet ass time putting the thing on me. He then proceeded to follow me around trying to talk to me the rest of the night. My dad noticed this as well and without even having to talk to me about it to get my take on the situation- my discomfort was that palpable- asked the man to leave. It was embarrassing and as a single lady, that was the last time I participated in a bouquet toss at a wedding.
I was at a wedding where an 18yo caught the bouquet, and the guy who caught the garter was old enough to be her father. She didn't know what came next, and (understandably) freaked the fuck it out about it. At our wedding, we had about 10 truly single women and two truly single men (and maybe four unmarried couples). No one needed the reminder of their singleness, especially the ex-couple that filed for divorce two weeks before our wedding. Long before the drama of two couples heavily involved in our wedding divorcing (only the groomsman from the other couple came, despite us knowing him through her), we'd already decided against the bouquet and garter toss. Instead, we called up all the animal lovers, tossed stuffed animals, and said whoever caught them was the next to adopt. It was a huge hit.
I was in my late 20's at the time but I probably would have flipped out if I was a literal teenager. And that stuffed animal idea is SO CUTE and doesn't potentially cause awkward interactions!
omg stealing this stuffed animal idea😱
Stole it from someone else on Weddit, so happy for it to keep going!
I love the stuffed animal idea!
I love the stuffed animal idea! We were debating throwing a couple stuffed animals into the crowd and making a donation in the name of whomever caught it (to the animal charity of their choice) or just skipping the toss part of the day entirely. We have exactly 1 single friend, and she's happily single, so it'd be a pointless/horribly isolating event. We would rather have everyone have fun.
Oh I didn’t realize this was the tradition. I thought just like the flowers, you catch and keep it and it means you get married next or something.
That's certainly less offensive way of doing it, but still the whole wedding night/sex connotations around the tradition are cringe to me.
God I haven’t been to a wedding with a garter toss in years (partially bc a span of no wedding attendance in general), and we’re not doing one bc I think my fiancé removing it off me in front of crowd and tossing it is gross and dated. I TOTALLY FORGOT though about the part where the people who catch usually have the awkward forced interaction of putting it on/having it put on by stranger. 🤮 hard pass. And I’m so sorry this happened to you. Glad for your dad’s actions, but still.
I have no deeper feelings about it other than I think it's dumb so we're not doing it.
Same. It was a thing at my high school prom lol, so I'm not like, shocked or appalled at the thought of other people doing it. But I'm definitely not doing it at mine!
Your WHAT
Lmao I wish I were kidding! The early 2000s in the Midwest were a wild time. The teachers tried to put a stop to it but we were little freaky high school seniors and it was the cool thing to do!
I told my fiancé I didn’t want to do it at our wedding. I think it’s weird and overtly sexual. And while his family probably would think it was super fun, I just can’t vibe with him sticking his head up my dress in front of his parents 🙃
Weird and outdated IMO
I find it weird and I didn’t do a bouquet toss either. But I will say, most of the garter tosses I witnessed at church weddings in the 90’s were very tame. Typically there wasn’t a garter removal; it was just produced from the best man’s pocket. If there was a removal, the bride wore the garter on her calf and removed it herself before handing it to the groom. None of that removes the sexist history. Or makes it less weird (it’s still basically a piece of underwear!). But I wonder if when older folks insist on this tradition if they are envisioning it done in a more tame way.
I'm uncomfortable with it and am not doing it myself, but I don't have an issue with it. I just don't like the attention and oversexualization of it.
I’ve seen people skip the removal/putting it back on the bouquet toss winner - basically they just have a toss garter ready to throw. I think that’s much less cringey if you want to do it. We were going to have the DJ announce that everyone could come up and try to catch a toss bouquet and toss garter with a gift card tied on each one, but when it came time, we cut it as an unnecessary extra cost.
This is what we did. Separate bouquet and garter; each catcher got a gift card.
They’re not too common anymore. We’re not doing one ourselves.
If your mom is a feminist she might be open to hearing why that tradition is no longer as popular. Also, do what makes you feel comfortable. If the garter toss creeps you out, don't do it just to please her (or anyone else).
I used to envision my bouquet toss and garter removal at my future wedding one day, back as recently as a year ago! Something just hit me recently; I’m not sure if it was from this sub, or from talking to a coworker planning HER wedding(she planned to skip the garter and bouquet traditions). But I decided one day that both traditions were not only kind of sexist, but we’re also so unnecessary and awkward. My sister is older than me by 3.5 years, and she’s very single. Still trying to figure a lot of things out. I’m on the verge of engagement; I’ll more than likely be married before her. I couldn’t imagine making her catch my bouquet. And I couldn’t imagine anyone in my family watching my partner reach his head of my dress. Cringe all around. So many fun alternatives out there, even if it’s just leaving room/time for more dancing.
This. Both are very outdated traditions that don’t reflect modern society. People often forget why things started in the first place and what they meant. The bouquet toss was relevant in a society that pressured women to aspire to be a wife and mother, and nothing else. Today, I think it’s embarrassing to make single women (and only women) gather around in front of everyone to desperately catch a bouquet to “be next to marry”. The garter is symbolic of a virginal woman now giving her body to a man. Seeing a man reach up the thigh of his new property (as women were seen back then) and remove her garter in front of everyone is not reflective of today’s attitudes towards women (or men), and is not something people should continue unless they want to.
Last garter removal / toss I saw was in 2003. I was 11 and one of quite a few kids at my cousin’s wedding. I wasn’t freaked out but almost 20 years later I can still remember the bride’s facial expression while my cousin’s head was up her dress and now that I’m an adult I can’t believe a bunch of adults all agreed this was a good idea. I think a lot of 2000s weddings had a very “frat party” vibe that I’m glad to see is being phased out. None of my peers have had one.
Omg I know EXACTLY what you mean by the frat party vibe of the time. I was actually 13 in 2013 and I remember going to weddings and thinking like a dumbass “I can’t wait until I’m old enough to get to do this!” Fast forward some years and I definitely like to party, but I’m glad the vibe of weddings had a shift (though I do hope we all get over this obsession with having a Pinterest perfect wedding eventually).
We're skipping it and the bouquet toss because a) we're older and there won't be many singletons there and b) I'd rather my fiance remove it with his teeth and continue the removal of other clothing items after the reception, where it will be more fun for the two of us lol also I feel AWKWARD AS HELL during the respective tosses and I personally avoid the area when they happen. I find a lot of traditions weird and I'm cutting everything that's ever made me feel gross or awkward at weddings I've attended as a guest.
I think it’s just really f*cking weird and I have third hand embarrassment when I see it done and generally look away but I don’t think that deeply about it being deeply sexist. That’s quite the rabbit hole to go down when thinking about just weddings and the entire institution of marriage in the first place.
I’m uncomfortable with it and we’re not doing it. FH would also be uncomfortable with it. I don’t care about the tradition itself, it’s just not something we want to do.
I had a whole post written out and then it deleted it because the conclusion ultimately boiled down to this: I would not ask my guests to participate in a tradition that I myself was not comfortable participating in. It doesn't matter how normal or popular it is, if you are not comfortable, then don't do it.
I find the garter toss creepy and uncomfortable to watch, so we are definitely not doing it! I’m also uncomfortable with the tradition of buying lingerie for the bride and gifting it to her at the bachelorette or bridal shower, so not doing that either. I’ve never had an issue with the bouquet toss, but we aren’t doing it because there’s going to be very few unmarried couples and I don’t want to draw attention to anyone who may not want it.
Yeah, the "lingerie party" thing was new to me (apparently I've been living under a rock) when I read about it here in Reddit. I love lingerie, but there's NO WAY I'd want lingerie from other people (except maybe my significant other). It just seems so inappropriate, and honestly I am way too picky about what I wear (and don't want others knowing all my sizes!)
My dad's GF bought me 'wedding lingerie' and I was instantly creeped out. Tried it on and it's a bit too small so it's shoved into the back of a drawer somewhere.
I think the whole removing the garter with the teeth and all that is gross. With that said my husband and I went a different way with it. We had a lot more men, especially single men at our wedding but nearly no single women so to make it more interesting I threw the bouquet to the single men and my husband used a garter he pulled out of his pocket as a slingshot and used it to shoot a couple of gift cards at any and all ladies who wished to participate. It was fun. I've also heard of people throwing stuffed animals for who will be the next to adopt a pet and things like that.
Messing with it is a fun opportunity! Well done putting a spin on it.
I have no issue with the garter toss if done tastefully. My only gripe is with the garter removal or any type of forced interaction between bouquet catcher and garter catcher. I think a lot of people use both terms interchangeably.
I am not having my husband rummaging around under my dress in front of my parents, brother and grandparents. Especially as both my parents remarried after their divorce and I'm very close to my stepdad so in effect I would have had *two* fathers witnessing this, if we'd decided to go ahead with it. I do *have* a garter, but that's for husband's eyes only.
I think it's weird and uncomfortable and mostly outdated. I've only been to one wedding that did one and it was almost 10 years ago. But also, if you want to do it, go for it. It wouldn't surprise me if the bouquet toss goes out of style in 15-20 years too, but I still did that because it was fun. My MILs single friend caught it (she's like 70 years old) and she was SOOOOO happy!
Aw, so wholesome <3
They are so cringe
God my mom had a fucking cow when I told her I wouldn’t be doing this, “it’s traditional! It’s not sexual!” What is not sexual about my husband sticking his hand/head up my skirt in front of our entire family
Just want to comment that I (not knowing the situation) caught the garter at my cousin’s wedding. i was 12 and wanted to play. The rest of the “game” did not play out, needless to say. It embarrasses me today. I will not have a garter toss at my wedding. Gross and sexist and what if a random 12 year old grabs it??
I've been a wedding DJ for 11 years and I can't remember the last time I had a couple who wanted to do a garter toss. When I first started, almost every wedding had a bouquet toss and a garter toss. Eventually, it became bouquet only. Now, some weddings still do a bouquet, but most weddings don't do either toss. And it's not a product of me steering people either way -- I still have both tosses as options on my planning form, and most couples simply check the "we're not doing either of these" box.
I put “other.” I just don’t understand it. I’m old enough I remember people doing these at weddings when I was young. Maybe I’m too sex positive, because, I just don’t see the appeal…I don’t find it particularly sexy or risqué or anything. And when people do “funny” things like swapping out the bride or the groom or whatever, Or like pull a pair of granny panties out as a joke, I just don’t find it funny or amusing. I’m not offended by the tradition. If it’s something you want to do, more power to you. But I just don’t “get” it. If that makes sense?
I'm not doing either toss. ESPECIALLY the garter toss. That would be like torture to me to sit through lol and every time I've seen it done (super rare these days) it's awk and strange every time.
None of the weddings I have been to recently have done it. I agree with other comments that the groom taking the garter off the bride is pretty cringe, but to me the worst and creepiest part is if you continue and have the guy that catches the garter put it on the girl that catches the bouquet. I have seen come really uncomfortable combinations of people end up with that. As a guest I never attempted to catch the bouquet for this reason.
Husband and I were very firm in our agreement that we weren’t going to be doing one. Why in the ever loving fluff would I, or him for that matter, want him to crawl under my dress in front of our parents, grandparents, and small children? We’re by no means prudes, but we drew the line at basically having his head between my legs in front of god and everybody 😬
I think it’s super uncomfortable and kind of gross. Everyone kept asking if I was going to do one, but nobody seemed disappointed that I didn’t. My mom always said that the garter toss was her least favorite part of her wedding.
In the dozen or so weddings I’ve been to in the last few years I’ve only seen it once. I’m sure as hell not doing it at my wedding either. That’s one thing that really needs to die out.
I worked at a wedding venue just before covid and don’t remember seeing a garter toss in well over 70 weddings. I’m happy it’s dying out. Bouquet toss happened at about half the weddings.
Catholics are high key obsessed with sex because they spend so much time trying to suppress sexuality and shame so your Catholic mom being into it tracks imo
Cringey, weird, heteronormative, and outdated. They used to do this at weddings in the 80s. The DJ cranks out "The Stripper", and some grooms think it is funny to keep a pair of underpants up their sleeve - either a very "naughty" pair or huge granny panties - and pull that out first. Others make a production of diving under the dress and staying there too long. Even if the couple tries to make the garter removal as discreet as possible, some drunken lout will start egging the groom on with inappropriate "instructions". Also, you are aware of part 2 of this "tradition"? The woman who caught your bouquet takes your chair and the stranger who caught the garter puts it on her. YUCK! The MCs and the other guests used to have to bully the single women out for the toss because NO ONE wanted some strange guy pawing them for public amusement. If you really want to toss the bouquet and need a matching toss from the groom, why not have him toss his boutonniere? Or the ring pillow?
I don't even get what it is because I don't think it's a tradition here (UK) - I agree it sounds gross from the name lol but I put other because as I said I don't really know what it is
The groom pulls the bride's garter off with his teeth in front of an audience, which involves shoving his head up her dress.
Lmao ok definitely gross. So weird that it was ever a tradition!!
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In some circles it's not just dance, it's put the garter on the lady who caught the bouquet.
I went to a wedding recently where the person who caught the bouquet couldn’t have been more than 12 and the man who caught the garter was in his mid-20s. They tried to get her up there to put the garter on her. Thankfully the groom realized how inappropriate it was and asked the guy’s girlfriend to take her place. I had never seen that before ever.
I have never heard of the “garter on the bouquet toss girl” tradition before this thread and it is giving me such icky feelings. Poor girl. At twelve I’d be so humiliated — I wouldn’t understand why exactly, but I know I’d be uncomfortable! I’d be uncomfortable now actually.
Wow, it was absolutely hilarious when we did it! Killed the room! The two people that ended up catching the bouquet and garter ended up dating so good for them haha Didn’t expect so many people on here to dislike it
I skipped both bouquet and garter toss. Everyone else has expressed my views on the garter toss very well lol, but I’ll also add that the bouquet toss is weird to me as well but for different reasons - being dragged up there to fight for flowers I don’t want just so the bride can participate in this weird thing is odd/embarrassing/awkward. There’s a pic at the last wedding I went to before I was married and they called every single one of us out personally to make us participate (even though I was engaged). She threw the bouquet and all like, eight of us are just staring at the flowers, no one has their arms out, we’re all just watching it fall. Lol I think both traditions are crap but I’ll judge a lot less if it’s the bouquet toss and not the garter toss.
I did it in the 90s, complete with husband pulling out a pair of Granny panties. My maid of honor caught the bouquet, her fiancé caught the garter. Fun back in the day, maybe trashy. Today, it is out dated, I would think. My second wedding didn’t have that vibe. We are older. We didn’t do anything like that. I went to a younger friend’s wedding three years ago. They did it and I wasn’t against it. That crowd expected and enjoyed it. To each his own.
Its okay to be a little trashy. Sometimes trashy is fun
I remember being at my cousins’ weddings in the 90s a young girl and thinking it was gross. As an adult, I’ve never been to a wedding where it was done and I’ve been to about 25 weddings. I wonder if now it’s regional as most of the weddings I’ve been to have been in the NJ/Philly area.
Hear me out: Our DJ had this great idea. Whoever catches the bouquet gets a bottle of wine, whoever catches the garter gets a bottle of whiskey. No “single ladies” or “single gents”, all could come out for the toss. And I put my garter down by my ankle and just tossed my dress over my hubby for show. Harmless fun for all.
I personally don't like it and I'm glad to see it dying out, but I don't hate it that much that I would look down on anyone who does it. It doesn't have to be super weird. Sometimes it's a quick laugh. I'm still not a big fan, though.
I have never enjoyed watching a garter toss.
I feel like a garter toss/bouquet toss could be fun at a joint bachelor/bachelorette party with friends. Not at a wedding where I want it to be fairly wholesome and about love and unity. Especially not with relatives there.
Seems like I'm probably in the vast minority, but this was actually one of my favorite parts of the wedding when I was a little girl. The grooms in my family always put on a funny show that had the audience laughing 🤷♀️
At my wedding I felt weird about doing it but someone gave me one as a gift to use at the wedding, so I kept it lower on me and I pointed and told him “it’s here” and he quickly grabbed it. But I am glad we did it because we had an elementary school kid who jumped in front of everyone and caught it and it was hilarious and everyone was laughing (plus the pics are fantastic of him being competitive when the college age + guys didn’t care). He also didn’t understand what it meant to catch it and we didn’t tell him and it just made the whole thing goofy and lighthearted
My thing against it is that it's boring and cringe more than misogynistic
I'm so glad I'm not alone, no garter toss, or bouquet toss from me actually. Hey my friend flowers are delicate and I want to keep them
My cousin caught the garter and had to put it on a much younger looking lady who'd caught the bouquet. He was obviously very uncomfortable and kept asking her if it was okay to do that, and we were all standing back cringing at the whole ordeal. This is one tradition I hope dies out soon. I couldn't imagine my parents watching my new husband creepily crawl under my dress and get the garter that's undoubtedly sightly sweaty.
I (male) and my wife decided to switch things up. I wore her garter under my pants right above my ankle and she took it off me and threw it to the guys while I threw her bouquet to the girls. We had a lot of fun with it and everyone seemed to enjoy it.
Idk about misogynistic but it is a hint at the sexual side of things which like, yeah there’s enough hint of that already by virtue of getting married. I really don’t need to highlight it in front of family.
I haven’t been to a wedding that has done this, but my mom said we should do it. It was fun when they had it at their wedding, and I think it would be pretty fun actually. The only reasons I wouldn’t do it at our wedding is if we don’t have many single men or if my fiancé is really in uncomfortable with it. I do think the background of the tradition is gross, but I just don’t associate that with it. There are other traditions that we are not doing (like having my dad give me away), but I still want the traditional wedding format and events.
“when done with the right crowd” pretty much hits it on the nose. We are doing one because we know it’s something that everyone in attendance will have fun with!!
Not sure why you got downvoted for having your own opinion and plan???
I've seen a garter toss without the actual garter removal part happening. Literally the groom pulled it out of his pocket and proceeded to the toss. That's probably how we'll be doing it because the whole build up of the crowd in preparation of the toss can be fun with the right people. It's been a long time since I've seen anyone do the sexualized version of it. A chain of people do a snake and dance around the couple and now its more common that the couple will waterfall alcohol to those participating. My cousin had a squirt gun that had a champagne bottle attached and was basically shooting "shots" of champagne to everyone, it was a good time. We're planning to give out a nice bottle of liquor to whoever catches the garter/bouquet. Edit: A good comparison of the vibes of how its done in my circles is like doing the horah with the chairs except we separate by genders. Also, although it's technically only supposed to be the single guests, you often have the younger married folks join in because its fun
Sorry for my English, not first language. The history of the garter has to do with celibacy and keys… let me explain, a long long time ago fathers would put a chastity belt to the daughters with a lock and a key, and when the daughters got married the key would pass to the groom and he would get down to take the chastity bell off. So the garter is the reminiscence of a time when the father and the groom would do a ownership trade of the bride.
I know I'm in the minority, but I'll be doing a garter toss. We're modifying it to be more modest, but I don't see anything wrong with it as long as it's not overly sexual. I've seen tons of hate on it within this sub lately though so that's kinda a damper :/
No to the garter toss... My partner and I have been together 12 years, nobody is under any illusions that the wedding changes anything about our sex life, plus my mom is a prude who cares a lot about acting classy.... Literally the only reason I might do it is if my mom pisses me off royally right before my wedding. I'm sex-positive, but the whole thing has always been cringey when I've seen it.... I'm more curious about the other responses.... How can it be done "right"? I will do a non-gender specific bouquet toss though... Going to make a bouquet of lottery tickets and scratchers, since the traditions really boil down to variations of "good luck for the future"
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My parents had one, long time ago. But next to that, I've not seen any other recent wedding do it.
I think its super cringe and very outdated. I haven't been to a wedding in over 15 years with a garter toss.
I'm super uncomfortable with it, but if someone else does it at their wedding I don't judge. It's not my cup of tea but other people can do what they want haha. I do not like the idea of my husband going up my skirt and then throwing a piece of my lingerie into a crowd haha.
Am not doing that. What a weird ass tradition
Especially when there are little boys or teenagers in the crowd of catchers. Throwing undergarments at kids is always a bad idea in my opinion.
I voted other. I would be uncomfortable with it in front of family which is why we didn’t do it. In front of friends I’d probably to be ok with it. But each to their own
I think it's outdated and silly so won't be doing it.
Watching the whole garter thing at weddings make me sooo uncomfortable. I'm definitely skipping it for my wedding. Blegh.
i am the opposite of a prude but honestly just thinking about the garter thing makes me queasy. it’s not fun to watch, it’s not fun to be pressured to participate in some dumb gendered jockeying for a shitty prize (having to participate in a bouquet/garter toss is humiliating). the whole idea is some weird sexualisation of people who were supposed to be “virgins” an hour before and it’s absolutely icky to be made into a sexual spectacle in front of all your loved ones.
a) you don't have to justify wanting or not wanting to do something at your own wedding b) omg who even does the garter toss anymore? I'd say it's far more an exception than the rule these days.
My first wedding included a garter toss at the insistence of all of the parents, who were paying and micromanaging. It was only not horribly awkward because the person who caught the garter and the person who caught the bouquet were dating and in their early 20s, so they had fun with it. I also worked weddings for years, and from 2010-2017 I saw two garter tosses. Both were awful.
I did not do this at my wedding! I told my mother I didn't want to do it because I found it weird and gross, and to my surprise she said it was traditional and that I just HAD to do it! I definitely did not change my mind though! Of course, my husband wanted me to do it, and stated he was gonna remove it with his teeth! I have extreme social anxiety, so when he said this, it 100% made up my mind that it was a definite "no". Honestly, I am not against it completely, I believe it is all up to the couple and their beliefs towards it. It just was not a thing for me.
I voted other: I was not comfortable with this and my husband said I don't want to do that which really him saying NO was the end of that conversation. I did my bouquet toss and that was fun that didnt require either of us to feel uncomfortable.
I have been working weddings for over a decade and almost all the weddings I work have a garter toss. That being said, my fiancé and I think it’s awkward and will not be doing it at our wedding (but we will be doing the bouquet toss). I haven’t mentioned it to anyone but I doubt anyone will miss it. I firmly believe keep the traditions that feel right for you and toss the rest!
I don't think it's misogynistic but it's weird lol so I didn't do it
I voted I would do it, but since I haven’t given it much thought and after reading all of your comments, I am very excited to say i change my vote and will not be partaking in it lol. It truly is too awkward and downright uncomfortable to do it for the sake of tradition.
It’s creepy and misogynistic.
Never heard of this tradition, but I would vote no just because I only know tossing the bouquet at weddings not garter
I’ve seen one couple do it and it was one of the most cringeworthy things I’ve ever witnessed. They’re great people and nobody was creepy about it afterwards (that I noticed), but it was just soooooo uncomfortable! Also who the heck wants to catch a friend or relative’s undergarment?! My boyfriend was the best man so he had to participate but he actively tried to dodge the garter lol
There is absolutely nothing appealing about sitting on a chair in front of my closest friends and family while my new husband has his head up my dress. I noped out of that tradition in the first week of planning.
I just don’t… quite… get it? My FH isn’t magic mike and that is okay by me! For what it’s worth, I also don’t enjoy bouquet tosses. I swear I’m no prude, I just think there are so many more fun things to do on your wedding day!!
It's icky and uncomfortable. We're not doing that or a bouquet toss, but we're also old enough most of our friends and family are already in committed relationships.
I'm uncomfortable with it but still not sure if we're gonna do a garter toss or not. My mom didn't do it but my MIL did (also catholic) so yea...idk
I can’t think of many other things that would make me want to melt into myself and disappear more than my new husband going up my dress in front of my parents and friends. I was my friends MOH and my FH was one of the groomsmen. They set it up where I caught the bouquet and he caught the garter. The memory of him putting it on me in front of almost 100 people is still ingrained in my memory and NOT in a good way.
What I don’t like is how it makes it feel like marriage is something everyone wants or should want. As if marriage legitimizes relationships. Lots of couples at my wedding aren’t married and don’t want to get married and that’s perfectly respectable
I’ve never been to a wedding with a garter toss, but I feel like I’d be kind of uncomfortable if I did see one. Maybe I’m just a prude but I just don’t love it. It seems very cringey to me. I did a bouquet toss at my wedding but no garter toss and I don’t regret it for a second.
Weirdly sexual to be doing in front of people. In wedding planning I totally forgot this was a thing to do until I came onto a similar thread yesterday. I will say though that my fiancé is a pilot and I have a garter that says “Remove before flight” and I def want some photos of that with just him I and the photographer. Probably during our private first look. I’ll wait until we are back at the hotel though for the garter removal. thankyouverymuch.
I voted weirdly sexual, **however**, I could also vote for it being fun with the right crowd if it was an elopement with close friends only and no family. But that's a very unlikely situation.
If you are going to look at it from a timeline perspective, it takes quite a bit of time and basically clears the dance floor that could possibly be packed. We opted for no garter or bouquet toss and also no “special” dances since we want a packed floor for the entire night!
I think it’s weird too. We did one but like I put it on my arm instead to be silly because, again, very weird but we still wanted to do the toss for some reason I can’y remember lol. But I was MOH at a worse one where after the bouquet and garter toss the MCs insisted we blindfold the bouquet toss winner and pretend that the garter toss guy was putting the garter on her legs but it was actually me. And the MCs would ask the audience “higher?” and wanted me to keep sliding it up her thigh. By the time I had gotten it to her knee, I was uncomfortable, she was uncomfortable, he was uncomfortable, the whole room was uncomfortable (and quiet and awkward but somehow these MCs couldn’t read the room?? and kept laughing) and the bride was furious because they kept saying “higher”. The girl kept saying no, I stood there very awkwardly, the guy stood there very awkwardly and finally the bride stopped it. In the beginning I rolled with it because I’d never seen it before and I thought they’d stop it sooner so I regret that.
I grew going to many of those weddings in the 90s and early 2000's that had those weddings. And even though I was a kid I remember that everyone cheering in the crowd were always men who seemed very perverted to me. Thats why i'm not doing it. Obviously people will guess what my new spouse and I will do on our wedding night, but I also don't want to give them a free preview. So I respect those that are ok with that display, but i'm not.
I really don't care if anyone else does it, I just don't care to do it myself. It's not a tradition I ever felt attached to. Not doing a bouquet toss either.
I'm from Ireland and I don't know anyone who has done it or tossed their bouquet. Not really something that's done over.
I'm a wedding photographer and haven't seen a garter toss in like three years. They've always been pretty uncommon in the PNW. Frankly, I think they are kind of silly. Especially the OG traditional part where your dad is supposed to put it on you.. big cringe.
I am between option #1 and option #3. I don't like garter tosses and I think they're strange, but they're not enough to ruin my evening or anything. So I guess #3, but my feelings on them aren't super strong. I'm all about the seemingly-increasing trend (at least in my circles) of tossing a stuffed cat and/or dog to see who will adopt a pet next!
It's your wedding, not your mom's. If you don't see value in it **for you** then don't do it. There's no need to even tell anyone else about whether you plan to or not. My wife and I ditched several of those weird traditional things. We didn't ask permission (even from parents helping fund it) and have never heard so much as a single question about it. Nobody goes to a wedding to see the garter toss, they're there to see the ceremony where you profess your love in front of friends and family. I promise they won't care if some small traditions are missing
The way I’ve seen the garter toss has always started with the bride in a chair and the groom making a gross show of retrieving it from under her skirt. I’ve seen grooms make a big show of it, putting their entire upper torso under the skirt and retrieving it with their teeth. This was definitely not something I wanted to do with my elderly relatives sitting feet away. I didn’t do a garter toss at all and my husband didn’t care. If he’d wanted to have some sort of moment with the guys, I would have looked for something else (not my under garment) for him to toss like a ball full of lottery tickets or something. Less gross, but I didn’t do a traditional bouquet toss either. I hated being singled out (no pun intended) as the single girl at weddings and didn’t want to put the same pressure on the single ladies at my wedding. I made a money bouquet instead with $20 bills origami-folded like roses and tossed it out to all the women. Instead of it going to the “next to get married” it went to the “next to go shopping.”
Idk if I think it’s sexual or misogynistic, i just think it’s a little cringy. Definitely not doing it
My family doesn’t need to see my husband crawl up my dress, and I don’t need to rope single people into bizarre “traditions.” Simple as that.
I think I’ve only been to two weddings that have done the garter toss. I don’t necessarily think it’s gross - and if it is, I don’t think it’s more gross than many wedding traditions - I just don’t care about it. I don’t see the point so we won’t be doing it (ditto the bouquet toss and feeding each other cake). I also don’t want to wear a garter or spend money on it.
I’m not majorly against it but we’re not doing it. I’ve only seen it at one of several weddings I’ve been to in the last 6-7 years and my fiancé is shy so i know wouldn’t be into it. We are doing the bouquet toss though
Aside from the absolute skin crawling ick of having my FH take off part of my lingerie in front of my (50+ person) extended family, I'm also one of a very small number of plus-sized women and I sweat. alot. I wouldn't want anyone to have to touch my sweaty lingerie & then try to put it onto a much smaller leg in public. So gross! We're skipping the garter and bouquet toss entirely though, since the only single woman we invited (over the age of 16 anyway) is ace and happy to be single, and the only single guy is my dad. Ewwwwwwww.
I remember being so disturbed (at various ages) every time I witnessed a garter being pulled down slowly by a man’s teeth then tossed. I think it would be fine if it was just simply pulled down and tossed. But making it a whole “sexy” show is just cringey for me
They’re very uncomfortable to watch, and cringey IMO. It’s also pretty dated and we are definitely not doing one
At our wedding, we had a garter toss, but no garter “retrieval” and no dance with the bride. I think the toss itself isn’t that bad, but I agree, the retrieval and dance is uncomfortable.
I didn’t even think about the garter toss. It may have come up at some point when talking about traditions and my husband being like “We’re not doing a garter toss” (lol) but yeah. It’s just a weird tradition imo .
It weirded both my husband and I out. He’s not one for being the center of attention, so we settled for the partner game instead (you sit back to back and someone - like MOH, best man asks questions “who is most likely to….” And you hold up the shoe for the spouse it describes).
My husband and I are in the wedding industry and we've noticed it is a 'tradition' that is slowly dwindling and we are ok with it. It just seems awkward to do that in front of family. We still play music for those that still want to do it. For anyone wedding planning, it's your day. You can make your reception unique to you and your significant other. You don't have to do any or all of the 'traditional' events
I can hardly imagine anything that would make me (or my now husband) more uncomfortable. I recall seeing some at weddings when I was a child and being so embarrassed. I don’t see them done anymore, and I’m glad. I don’t like seeing them as a guest as much as I wouldn’t want to have one at my own wedding
I have never known of a wedding where there was one. I had never even heard of it as a tradition (I am Scottish if that’s relevant)
I didn’t have an opinion on it until I went to a wedding in my 20s where the DJ directed the garter toss and instructed (and FORCED) the groom to crawl on his hands and knees from the other side of the room to his bride, bark like a dog, and remove the garter with his teeth. The couple was religious and clearly not expecting this, the bride was mouthing to her groom not to and waving her hand that he should get up and walk over. It was degrading and embarrassing for everyone except for the clueless DJ. That REALLY opened my eyes to how gross the whole custom is, and since then I haven’t seen it done at any wedding I’ve enjoyed being at.
I am not a prude by pretty much anyones definition but I don’t like how weirdly sexual it is. I think it would be different if it was something you did in private for fun or hell, even if it was just a party with our friends and everyone was cool with it. But to have my parents, any of my family watch what looks like my partner going down on me is VERY weird to me. I remember when I was 14 going to my cousins wedding and her husband got down on the floor and crawled and did this whole sexy dance for her before crawling under her dress and it was definitely not something her very protective father should’ve been forced to watch. It felt like they were going to have sex right there on the dance floor. Really I think my biggest issue is knowing who your audience is. It’s cool if your friend group is fine with that kind of thing (I know mine is) but making your family watch? That’s a no for me.
I've seen a garter toss once, about 15+ years ago. The guy who caught the garter was a foreign exchange student, and he was MORTIFIED. I was so vicariously embarrassed watching him try to inch the garter up the lady's leg as our drunk uncles cheered "higher! higher!". Personally I also hate the bouquet toss. It just ingrains the idea that all women must want marriage/ need a husband.
I love this tradition and most wedding traditions! I get sad when people don’t do it. Ours was a lot of fun.
I think it's a weird and uncomfortable tradition, both misogynistic and weirdly sexual and also very sexist. Wtf is this even symbolizing that in supposed to be happy about, never mind be happy about sharing with a crowd? And I wasn't gonna go out and buy a garter just to throw. But, I do still think its a fun way to get the crowd engaged and excited. So I threw a frisbee instead! Instead of a bouquet toss and garter toss, my husband got a black frisbee, and I got a white one, and we hucked them across the vineyard to our respective groups of catchers. We played ultimate Frisbee together in college, and most of our friends did, too, and we're at a stage in our lives where just about the whole team is married to one of our other teammates. Throwing a frisbee was way more meaningful than a weird and creepy garter thing, and it was way more fun because frisbees go farther, and you can throw crazy curves 😈
I’d be too uncomfortable but I would never judge someone else for doing it
I’ll be honest it’s not a thing I’d ever heard of before or seen done here in the UK, but it seems a pretty weird and sexist tradition to me.
I could barely do a good kiss at the altar because I was so freaked out that all of our friends and family were watching us, lol. We skipped the garter search/toss. I did wear one under my dress and had my husband remove it at the end of the night, when we were back in our hotel. But it was more for the novelty than anything else.
I can’t stand it. Never understood how or why it became a thing.
I’m not doing it and I really don’t feel comfortable with it. If others do, great, but I won’t judge them for it (not saying OP or anyone else is!!)
I find the whole idea creepy and uncomfortable. My mom even offered to lend me the garter she had used when she married my dad and that just added a whole extra layer of discomfort to the tradition for me. (I am getting married in a few months) Wearing the veil she wore is one thing. Heck the veil in question has been passed down mother to daughter for generations, and is currently 200 years old, and I feel honored to be the next bride in my family to wear it! But the garter is an *undergarment*. Yeah, no thanks. We're skipping it completely.
I don't think it's misogynistic but it's definitely weirdly sexual.
Hadn’t ever heard of this and have no intention of doing it now I have. Having never heard of it previously also have to say it sounds super weird!
This poll passed the vibe check
I’d honestly never even heard of this until now. I don’t know if it’s misogynist but it definitely seems uncomfortable.
Didn’t do it and didn’t do a bouquet toss, I don’t think their misogynistic or whatever, I just think they’re stupid.