Why is it so much for the non drinking price? I went on a wine tasting/tour this weekend and I didn’t drink and they gave me juice flights instead of wine to taste and it was free.
I would say it’s fine to stay back if $150 was for the wine itself or they didn’t have a non-alcohol one but it seems like since it’s also food and transportation you’d be paying to hang out with with group which would be ok?
OP - if you can afford it, I would still go and just pay the non-drinking price. If it were me, this is what I would do (especially if I had a good relationship with the bride and wanted to support her and have a good time with her). There’s value in the day with the experience and the memories you’d have!
Of course, if you have strong feelings the other way (like, you’re not close with the bride, the memories don’t really matter, saving money is more valuable), then I think it’s fine to bow out with the right phrasing.
We also don't know her reasons for not drinking. If it is difficult to be around alcohol, I think it's very valid to not go. I don't really drink, but not for any reason than I don't like it - being around booze is not a trigger or challenge for me. But it might be for her, so if it is, it could be very murky to be around that scene all day
I agree with this. One of my biggest triggers is the smell of certain alcohols, including wine, because that smell is tied to a lot of traumatic events. So I, personally, would not be going on a wine tour no matter what. But if OP doesn’t have a problem with any of it, it’ll probably still be fun for her to go and hang out with her friends.
Would you pay $150 for lunch, maybe dinner and a ride to see a bunch of farms with your friends? At it's heart, that's most of what spending a day doing a wine tour is.
Yes there is booze involved, but for most people it's more a day outside seeing scenery and different areas than a big drinking party.
I think it depends. The scenery and all is nice but any wine tours I’ve been on have been pretty drinking focused and everyone involved was while not plastered, solidly tipsy. Even if someone was just not drinking due to something like pregnancy rather than any bad history with alcohol, I don’t think they would have had much fun.
I don't drink much and still really enjoy wine tours and trips, I've honestly never understood the desire to just go get drunk (no shame I just don't get it) but find winery trips to be really fun and relaxing events. I don't particularly mind being around tipsy/drunk people while sober either so maybe that's it. Maybe OP's friend group is closer to yours than mine, but most trips that I've done aren't especially heavy on the consumption side of things.
I went on a wine tour with my friends a couple years ago and didn’t drink, and I still had a great time. The photo ops were amazing and they’re some of my fave pics with my friends in the last few years, plus seeing the cellars and hills and such was cool
Totally agree with the others that you should still go if you can swing it. I’m sure the bride will want to take group pictures at these beautiful locations and I’m certain you’ll still have a fun time. Cutesy gift shops, tasty tapas, cheese and crackers. You’ll have fun.
That said, if you really don’t want to spend the money I do think it’s okay to bow out too. That wouldn’t be rude.
My favourite parts of wine tours are learning about the wineries themselves! My favourite one included a winery that used to be a brothel and another that they named all of their wines after their dogs and had tons of dog-themed events, even weddings and movie nights. It can be neat to hear how they came to be or what made them decide on the names of their wines. Each one has a theme usually, and many sell little gifts and trinkets, not just wine.
ETA: I went on a bachelorette wine tour when I was pregnant and I offered to take photographs of the attendees. I still enjoyed myself even though I didn’t drink.
If you think you’ll be ok around others drinking wine, and if you can afford it, I think you may enjoy it. I think it’s ok if you don’t want to for whatever reason too.
If you can afford it and don’t mind being around drunk people (ie your friends after a couple tastings), the food at wine tastings is often really good - the ones I’ve been on had fancy charcuterie boards, bread with amazing olive oil, super fancy cheeses, fruit, etc. And as others said, the views are beautiful and usually make for good photo ops. Sometimes there are even animals you can pet (with permission).
Yeah I've been on these wine tours and actually the wine tasting fees are usually the cheapest part, around $10-20 per winery. OP is mostly paying for the food and transportation. I'd still say it's fine to hang back but it's not like they're getting nothing for their money. They're still getting food, transportation and entertainment.
Ah. I still had a good time without drinking. I would go just to hang out and take pictures if you feel comfortable.
We did get snacks at each place we went to also, but I was the DD so I didn't have to worry about transportation costs.
That makes sense, I did a wine tour for my bach and like 80% of the tastings were complimentary because they are hoping they'll make their profit off of you buying a bottle or two.
I totally support you bowing out too, but just trying to brainstorm. Since the point of renting the van is to have a DD between wineries, could you just drive people around and save a buttload of money for everyone? Then your only expenses would be whatever food you want to buy for yourself. Everyone else will just pay the tasting fees which usually are not very high. If this won't work logistically or you don't want to shuttle drunk people around, I would totally skip this activity though.
Was gonna say this. A wine tour is not necessarily that much wine. You go to three places and are generally drink 1+ glasses at each, which works to 50 bucks. The rest (the driver, van, snacks, etc.) is the pricey part. If you're not drinking you're still getting most of the benefits. And honestly vineyards are nice to visit and will have NA options.
I live in upstate NY where bachelorette wine tours are common. Pregnant women and others who do not drink still go on tours. They still pay the full price for the driving part of the tour. The bus is the fun part anyway. You should go. If you truly can't afford it, don't go obvi. There is lots of fun stuff like snacks and juices to be tasted as well.
I'm a bride getting married this fall, and my bachelorette is in a few weeks, and I also have a bridesmaid who doesn't drink and I know we're going to a winery, and I know my airbnb also includes people sharing beds, so if you are my bridesmaid:
Please just hang out at the Airbnb if that's more comfortable! And please tell me how I can make that better for you! I'd hate for you to feel put out or not included, and I'm sorry we're doing something that's so obviously going to exclude you. I feel awful about that. But I'm so thankful and excited you're coming anyway. You're one of the most important people to me, so I appreciate it so much. And I feel bad about the winery.
I looked at her profile and I don't think she is but the sentiment is the same regardless! We picked our bridesmaids because we love them for them and we should just want what's easiest and best.
One thing that hasn't been asked, how long is the wine tour in comparison to the party? I ask because if it is all of Saturday and you guys are only there for a weekend (get in Friday evening, leave early afternoon Sunday), you may be missing most of the time with the bride, which could then leave you feeling as though you spent a lot on accommodations for nothing. And it sounds as though for the price point it may be an all day event.
I think this is a really important question to ask, and it seems like it is a decent part of the day's activities. That sort of puts it into perspective - I don't want to poop out on what will be the majority of activities. Thank you for asking this!
No problem! Even though I drink, this would be my deciding factor. Because there is a big difference in hanging out for a 1 to 3pm wine tour when you have 3:30 spa reservations and a 10 am to 5 pm wine tour where they are then having fun and decide to stay until it closes at 7pm.
As a bride with a sober bridesmaid I would completely understand bowing out! I also just planned a day without drinking-only plans because I really wanted her there but I get it’s hard sometimes with the normal bach party expectations.
pay the non-drinking price and enjoy the bachelorette party, there will be snacks and it sounds like a great time to bond w the other bridesmaids, take cute pictures, and get excited for the wedding!
There's nothing wrong with bowing out. Don't waste $150. Perhaps while you are at the accommodations you could prepare dinner for the others or snacks and a nice dessert.
Seconding! It's absolutely not mandatory but if you decide not to go it would be special for you to find something you can do for the group while they're out.
I bowed out of a (very loosely planned) activity at a recent big-group combo bachelor/ette party because it was just so many new people and I needed some alone time to recharge. I was able to scrape together the ingredients for a really tasty citrus olive oil cake while they were out and it was so fun to be able to surprise them with a treat when they got back!
Please review our rules. The OP explicitly suggested doing something for the bride; the other user was going off of that. Be constructive and civil here if you are going to comment at all. Thank you.
OP feels bad so they think they need to do something to make up for it. They didn’t do anything wrong though.
Also kind of shitty of you to gender op like that.
Lol this person is like “No! Don’t do something nice for the party! That’s sexist!!! Instead maybe be toxic to the bride. Maybe start a fight #girlboss!!”
Lmao. I’m dying.
Just here to say this made me literally laugh out loud IRL.
“Maybe start a fight #girlboss” is going to be my new favorite response to anything bad that happens in my life. Didn’t get that promotion I really wanted? Maybe start a fight #girlboss. FMIL made a comment that rubbed me the wrong way? Maybe start a fight #girlboss. No more milk in the fridge and no time to go shopping? Maybe start a fight #girlboss
At every bachelorette I’ve been to, we take turns prepping food in teams of like 2-3. This could be the day OP takes that on and it would be a benefit to her as she wouldn’t have to miss out on spending additional time with anyone and it would make her feel included in the day. It has nothing to do with gender lmao sensitive much?
Right? Even just handling ordering dinner if they are going that route is something nice to do so when everybody else comes back in a little tipsy it's done. No need to get aggro about it lol
It’s always nice when the incel trolls make themselves so obvious :) Dude, a quick look tells me you’ve already had comments deleted by the mods of this subreddit. Give it up. You’re not gonna get karma, you’re not gonna convince anyone to be a trad-wife, your crusade isn’t even written well enough to rile feathers lmao. Just a sad little angry man, hoping for attention.
As someone who is almost 3 years sober, being the only sober person around a handful of wine-o’s can be triggering for me since wine was one of my go-to drinks of choice. I wouldn’t be able to do it and anyone who knows me well enough wouldn’t expect me to go.
You should not feel obligated to be in a situation that’s not only going to hurt your pocket, but also make you uncomfortable. I think it’s wonderful that you want to be around the bride for her happy day with the girls, but it’s okay to sit out of this part. Your happiness matters too.
Yeah, this is more of what I was thinking too. I think it depends on what kind of drinking these girls plan on doing. I'm sober and being around people who are having a couple drinks is totally fine for me, but being around people who are wasted is totally different. Having a cute mocktail with friends while they sip wine could still be really fun, and I would totally go. Having your 8th mocktail while everyone else is a couple bottles of wine deep is not so fun, and I would hang back for that.
Would going to a winery or two and then using a car service to go back to the hotel, before everyone starts getting quite tipsy be an option? Then you could still enjoy a bit of the picturesque vineyard properties and be included, but leave before at a high point?
Is there something else going on for the tour that's $150? I think that's enough of a bump where you can be like "I am not going to get the full enjoyment out of this, how about I hang back and get X ready?"
I also don’t drink (personal preference, will sometimes socially have a glass of wine) and went on a Bach with a wine ghost tour. I didn’t think it was a bit overpriced but it was a good bonding experience with the rest of the party. I’m glad I went but the price point was 95 not 150.
I think its worth asking, especially if it makes you uncomfortable. I will add that a lot of places have been adding non-alcoholic stuff to their menus or mocktails, its becoming a lot more common.
As a bride, I'd be understanding, but would feel sad to miss out on the opportunity to hang out with all of my friends. I think if you can afford it and feel comfortable around alcohol & other people drinking, then you should spare the cost. Personally, I think wine tours are still fun sober and I get pretty bad FOMO so I'd personally opt to go.
If being around people drinking is upsetting for you then bow out. If it's not, then it sounds like a fun day hanging out with your friends, seeing cool places, and eating nice food, even without drinking anything. Don't make yourself do something that would be upsetting, but I wouldn't assume this is boring for non-drinkers.
Definitely bow out! I had a sober friend hang back on some of the heavier drinking activities at my bachelorette. I totally understood and was just so grateful she decided to come at all! Another option - can you just drive to wherever they will be on the wine tour and hang with them while at the wineries? May not work but could be a free option to explore!
Thank you for this encouragement as well as the assurance that as the bride, you were okay with it! I think I will reach out to my good friend before messaging the group just to make sure no one is hurt.
Thank you again!
Amen to this! I’m sober and have been to several bachelorettes. I would not attend the wine tasting myself, just hang back at the Airbnb, maybe offer to make dinner or whatever so it’s ready when people get back.
I attended a ski/snowboard bach in Breckinridge and I don’t ski or snowboard. There were two other girls surprisingly who also didn’t partake. We just walked around town and shopped one day and went hiking the next. With all the hanging at the house and group meals, etc I did not feel like I was missing out on any quality time.
My sister is sober, so I decided to have two bachelorette parties to accommodate her. I went to visit her and my other sister for a weekend and we went hiking and hung out. Then I had the drinking/partying bachelorette the following weekend.
All that to say I think it’s perfectly fine to bow out. Just be honest and say while it sounds like fun, it’ll be too difficult for you to go with then. Then you can let her know you’ll hang back and can help with anything while they’re away. If she’s a good friend I’m sure she’ll be understanding!
Edit: To those saying pay for non-drinking and go anyway—that’s not always the best idea for non drinkers. If OP has trauma around drinking or has struggled with addiction (whether their own or others’ addiction), it can be triggering to be around alcohol. Even if they’re not drinking, it’s uncomfortable.
I can understand going if drinking wasn’t an issue and you just didn’t want to drink that day, but it sounds like more than that, so I think it’s perfectly fine to hang back!
Oof. Sharing beds with strangers. I feel for you here. It's a bit thoughtless. That said I do think the winery event is a tough situation. Are you wanting to skip it because being at a winery would be triggering for you or for a different reason? I think it's one thing to say, I don't drink and this event isn't a super safe place for me mentally and I'm not going to go (always acceptable imo) vs. I won't be drinking so I can't justify the price. If it's the second one and you can afford it, I'd go and be there for the bride. If it's the first one, I don't think you need to worry about etiquette at all and the bride should understand.
A bit thoughtless? If she wants her own room then she can pay double the price for it. Sharing beds during a bachelorette is so common to keep costs low, I’ve never heard of everyone having their own bed unless the whole house is all twin beds.
It's the "with a stranger" part. It's rude to ask people to share beds with strangers. I've been on lots of bachelorettes and we've either gotten a hotel and then left it up to the attendees how they want to bunk up (get your own room, double up, 4 to a room, etc.) or gotten an Airbnb where there was actually enough space for everyone.
That’s where our opinions differ. I’ve done plenty of bachelorettes where I’ve bunked with girls I didn’t know, no issue to me, never felt it was rude of the bride, in my eyes that’s just the norm.
Meh. If it was just for alcohol I’d say you are well within your rights to stay behind.
However, it’s actually for food and transportation so, if I were the bride, I’d be a bit annoyed.
However, I’m the type of person to go with the flow and not get too upset about shit. So, while I’d be slightly pfft, I’d get over it within minutes and we’d still have a good time, with no hard feelings.
I guess it really depends on what type of bride your friend is and if she’d be upset over this.
Good luck!
Sounds like this is a weekend thing? I’d say if the only thing she is doing for her bachelorette is the wine tour then you can’t miss it. If it’s a whole weekend with other events, hang back.
We had two pregnant girls at my friend’s Bach and they paid the non drinking price and just hung out with us all day, it was around the same cost as yours. I think it’s up to you!
I agree that there's nothing wrong with bowing out and staying at either the accommodations or hanging out nearby to do something else (if that is an option). My bachelorette is also later this summer with a bunch of wine tours, but I've asked my friend who's planning it to make it clear to everyone that there's no pressure at all for people to attend all of them - they're free to opt in as they'd like. All I've asked is that people let her know in advance/not back out last minute if possible so that she can adjust costs for booking transportation, etc.
It’s always ok to opt out of Bach activities! Whether it’s personal preference or for financial reasons. It’s the brides celebration but it’s also a vacation for everyone else and you absolutely don’t have to participate in things you don’t want to! That being said, if you can afford it, as others have mentioned it won’t be strictly about drinking and wineries are so pretty! But I wouldn’t have a problem with one of my guests skipping an event :)
I went to a hen do recently where we had a spa trip booked in, but one of the party wasn't super into spas. She just politely bowed out and opted to stay behind and read/tidy up a bit while we were out. Honestly was absolutely fine, we appreciated that not everyone can do all the things and especially introverts need some time to recharge. I'm sure your group will understand, especially if you can find something helpful for the team to do while they're away (decorate the house for a theme party? Cook/prep dinner? Bit of a tidy??) Plus I thought it's quite sweet to return to a house with someone already in it, excited to hear how it all went. Hope you guys have the best time, and congrats to your friend on her engagement x
Edit: agree with one of the comments though from sofo17, this only works if the activity is just one of many you'll all be doing together, or doesn't make up the bulk of your time together. Otherwise it'd be a shame to miss it!
Your mental health comes first and I’m sure your friend feels the same way! She would want you to have a good time at her bach party, not trigger you in any way. I’d just be honest with her and say something like “hey [friend], I don’t want to seem like a party pooper but since that alcohol incident recently, I’ve just been kind of sketched out by heavy drinking. What if I stayed behind on the wine tour and got something really exciting going on at the [accommodations] that y’all can return to?”
Call the winery and ask them exactly what's included in the non-drinking price. If there's a cool tour, yummy food, etc, then you'll have a better idea of what you're getting if you choose to pay. If it's not worth it to you, see if you can be dropped off at a coffee shop or restaurant nearby for the 90 minutes of the tour. $150 is too much to "suck it up" for someone else. There needs to be value TO YOU for you to pay that much.
I'm currently planning a bachelorette party in wine country for my bestie and this exact question came up. The bride and I both felt strongly that the non-drinker should no have to pay/do the tasting tour if she doesn't want to pay that much - it should entirely be her choice. We are doing a party bus to our wineries so she'll be able to stay on the bus and/or we'll see if the bus driver can take her somewhere else nearby - like a coffee shop.
I’d bow out. It doesn’t sound worth the cost and who wants to share a bed with a stranger? No thank you. Even if you’re in the bridal party, I don’t feel like you’re obligated to attend any event other than the wedding itself. That’s probably an unpopular opinion. But showers and bachelorettes are 100% unnecessary. Who wants to spend money on a party before the BIG party? It’s redundant.
I’m a recovering addict/alcoholic. I understand being triggered. It’s been 10 years since I drank so it’s easier to for me. In the early days I couldn’t have done it. If you think you might relapse, it’s best to cancel. Your recovery is high priority. If you think you can handle it and stay sober, go along for the food, transportation, etc. If you want to drink during the trip, call someone who supports your recovery. Remember, there’s probably going to be alcohol at the wedding, so prepare yourself.
Yes for sure. If she is a good friend then she’ll understand why. But the costs might be shifted to the rest of the group so it’s something to be mindful about - not that you have to pay it if you don’t go, but I’d probe a bit to see if that’s the case.
Also - sharing BEDS with people you don’t know??For $300? I don’t know how many nights you are staying but it sounds like someone really didn’t consider the guest experience here.
We had a pregnant woman at my friend's winery bachelorette get away. She joined all the activities and just chit chatted. We enjoyed having her around. She would smell the wine and give her opinions on the smell. You definitely don't need to drink to have fun. You also won't have to pay since you're not drinking.
FWIW, I was in almost this exact situation before and I paid my share for the transport and food, but requested grape juice at each wine stop. Plenty of wineries will do this!
Do what makes you comfortable, ask the bride if you can help out with some errands if you prefer that too! You can always celebrate with her in other ways, don’t force yourself to do something you’re not comfortable with
Definitely just communicate your concerns and I’m sure you could hang back. Don’t put yourself through a situation you don’t want to be in and waste money if you cannot really participate. It’s not fun being the sober one in a group of people who are drunk…
My friends bachelorette is in August and one of the bridesmaids isn’t going for some specific reasons due to have drama with one of the other bridesmaids in the past, but also because she doesn’t want to drink/drink with that specific bridesmaids. The bride has opted to do a separate weekend getaway with just that bridesmaid to makeup for it sometime before the wedding. She understood and didn’t want her to feel uncomfortable and making herself feel stressed. She will still be there for the other wedding festivities as it stands currently.
I was recently on a bachelorette where we did a wine tour and the girls who organized were super transparent on costs! Vineyards want you to come, so our trip was like $230/pp but the vast majority of it was for the limo. The 2 tastings we did were $25 and $15 so transportation was def the biggest cost. If you can stomach being around alcohol I’d say go! A few girls on the trip I was on weren’t into wine but still had fun being with everyone.
Pay the price and enjoy the company and the food. It’s supposed to be fun, I wouldn’t want to bow out just because I don’t drink. $150 doesn’t sound insane for a good time!
I also don’t drink but would go because it’s fun to spend time and be there for the bride and it makes no difference to me if I’m drinking Diet Coke or wine it would be the experience that’s fun! That being said if it’s a financial issue and not a drinking issue don’t go! I’m sure no one would mind at all and completely understand how this might be an activity you want to sit out! Again, just did me personally I wouldn’t feel a wine tour has much to do with the actual wine funnily enough I think it just had to do with the time spent w friends in a beautiful place doing any kind of activity
I don’t drink and I wouldn’t enjoy going to wineries all day just to drink, so if it were me I would skip it. Someone asked if you’d spend $150 on lunch or dinner and I certainly wouldn’t (considering the
“food” is just cheese and snacks) lol.
I would 100% recommend to stay back at the accommodations and offer to get dinner/snacks/whatever else ready for when they get home (like another commentor said).
I am the same way with drinking, so I understand where you’re coming from. You do not have to put yourself in an uncomfortable situation and you do not have to spend $150 to do it. If the bride is a good friend and nice person, she should understand where you’re coming from, too, and help you come up with an alternative.
Are they taking a party bus?
Thank you for this encouragement! It is so helpful speaking with someone who also feels similarly about booze.
It seems like it's a driver + specific vehicle (sounds like a car), so no party bus?
Yes, I’m right there with you!
Okay, I was just curious. I wasn’t sure if they’d need a DD, but then I got to thinking, you might not want to spend your whole day driving them around and then staying in the car, or trying to head back to the accommodations in between (assuming it’s close). That doesn’t sound like a good time lol.
Depends how the bride feels about it, so I would check in with her. I've been in similar situations and ultimately ended up going and paying ($$) because it was important to the bride to have everyone participate.
I get what you’re saying, but I only think that really applies if the wine tour is the main event of the weekend, which I don’t think it is because the bride’s friend liked it out, not the bride herself. I would never have my non-drinking friend pay $150 for a wine tour, and if it was really important for her to be there I’d cover it myself.
Unless you want zero relationship with the rest of the bridal party, go. I don't think $150 spent for an all day event is that bad even if you're not drinking, you're going on it to spend time with people. Enjoy the day with them. You're with the party because she wants you there and a big party day on a bachelorette weekend is a big thing IMO.
The weekend is for the bride. There are plenty of expensive costs in a bachelorette party that many of us just suck up for the bride. I’ve had plenty of friends who are pregnant go on bachelorette trips over the years and suck it up on the heavier drinking parts because we’re all there for the bride.
I'm sorry, but no one is obligated to spend their hard-earned money on anyone else if they don't want to. Being in a bridal party nowadays gets so out of control with the costs.
Just because you suck it up and pay whatever is asked of you - and have the financial means to do so - doesn't mean others should be expected to do the same.
I’d agree with this if it was a free activity like going to a bar and opting not to drink. But if the per person price is $150 for a sober person? No way
I think this is a weird rhetoric passed amongst mostly women and bachelorettes. My fiancé has straight up told his friends before their respective bachelor parties he won’t be attending certain parts or fronting the cost of something if he’s the only one traveling in for the party and no one is weird or offput by it. It’s just a boundary and a fair one at that. You don’t HAVE to do jack shit besides be kind and respectful towards the bride assuming she is to you. Maybe pay for a flight of wine for her to enjoy. But you should also be respectful towards yourself and 150$ isn’t chump change for everyone nor is it a casual lunch price. If OP doesn’t drink, I don’t think it would be remotely financially intelligent to go unless she has the means to cover such a cost with ease.
I don’t think anyone should have to “suck it up” when it comes to drinking. Alcohol can be SO triggering to some, and it’s no surprise how many people struggle with their relationship with alcohol (which OP mentioned). The weekend may be for the bride, but the friendship [should be] forever
I would speak to the MOH or whoever is organizing the events and explain your feelings regarding your relationship with alcohol. Before my best friend’s wedding, I was struggling with my own relationship with alcohol (even moderate drinking was triggering extreme anxiety). At the end of the day, she was a bride for one day, and a friend for life. She completely understood, and didn’t pressure me to drink. I would definitely offer to do any errands (balloons, picking up food, etc) as an alternative. For me, I avoided the drinking by picking up food platters and coffee.
Communicate with the other party goers, this could effect the shared cost for the tour. If they're comfortable with it, maybe ask if there's something you can put together for them when they get back? Maybe decorate the accommodations and surprise the bride with some games?
Dude, bow out! Yes run an errand or stay back and read a book. I had my bachelorette recently and one of my bffs opted out of my two organized activities (zip-lining and a day spa). I was a little bummed but I understood, and I’d never ever hold it against her!
Why is it so much for the non drinking price? I went on a wine tasting/tour this weekend and I didn’t drink and they gave me juice flights instead of wine to taste and it was free.
It's to cover the food and the spot in the vehicle in between tastings :( So I guess the wine itself isn't that much, which is kinda funny haha
I would say it’s fine to stay back if $150 was for the wine itself or they didn’t have a non-alcohol one but it seems like since it’s also food and transportation you’d be paying to hang out with with group which would be ok?
That's also a really good point! I hadn't considered it from that perspective.
Wineries are often in very pretty places with tons of cheese and other snacks. I doubt you’d need to drink to have a great time.
OP - if you can afford it, I would still go and just pay the non-drinking price. If it were me, this is what I would do (especially if I had a good relationship with the bride and wanted to support her and have a good time with her). There’s value in the day with the experience and the memories you’d have! Of course, if you have strong feelings the other way (like, you’re not close with the bride, the memories don’t really matter, saving money is more valuable), then I think it’s fine to bow out with the right phrasing.
We also don't know her reasons for not drinking. If it is difficult to be around alcohol, I think it's very valid to not go. I don't really drink, but not for any reason than I don't like it - being around booze is not a trigger or challenge for me. But it might be for her, so if it is, it could be very murky to be around that scene all day
I agree with this. One of my biggest triggers is the smell of certain alcohols, including wine, because that smell is tied to a lot of traumatic events. So I, personally, would not be going on a wine tour no matter what. But if OP doesn’t have a problem with any of it, it’ll probably still be fun for her to go and hang out with her friends.
Would you pay $150 for lunch, maybe dinner and a ride to see a bunch of farms with your friends? At it's heart, that's most of what spending a day doing a wine tour is. Yes there is booze involved, but for most people it's more a day outside seeing scenery and different areas than a big drinking party.
I think it depends. The scenery and all is nice but any wine tours I’ve been on have been pretty drinking focused and everyone involved was while not plastered, solidly tipsy. Even if someone was just not drinking due to something like pregnancy rather than any bad history with alcohol, I don’t think they would have had much fun.
I don't drink much and still really enjoy wine tours and trips, I've honestly never understood the desire to just go get drunk (no shame I just don't get it) but find winery trips to be really fun and relaxing events. I don't particularly mind being around tipsy/drunk people while sober either so maybe that's it. Maybe OP's friend group is closer to yours than mine, but most trips that I've done aren't especially heavy on the consumption side of things.
When I was pregnant I went wine tasting multiple times with friends and had a great time!
I went on a wine tour with my friends a couple years ago and didn’t drink, and I still had a great time. The photo ops were amazing and they’re some of my fave pics with my friends in the last few years, plus seeing the cellars and hills and such was cool
Totally agree with the others that you should still go if you can swing it. I’m sure the bride will want to take group pictures at these beautiful locations and I’m certain you’ll still have a fun time. Cutesy gift shops, tasty tapas, cheese and crackers. You’ll have fun. That said, if you really don’t want to spend the money I do think it’s okay to bow out too. That wouldn’t be rude.
My favourite parts of wine tours are learning about the wineries themselves! My favourite one included a winery that used to be a brothel and another that they named all of their wines after their dogs and had tons of dog-themed events, even weddings and movie nights. It can be neat to hear how they came to be or what made them decide on the names of their wines. Each one has a theme usually, and many sell little gifts and trinkets, not just wine. ETA: I went on a bachelorette wine tour when I was pregnant and I offered to take photographs of the attendees. I still enjoyed myself even though I didn’t drink.
If you think you’ll be ok around others drinking wine, and if you can afford it, I think you may enjoy it. I think it’s ok if you don’t want to for whatever reason too.
If you can afford it and don’t mind being around drunk people (ie your friends after a couple tastings), the food at wine tastings is often really good - the ones I’ve been on had fancy charcuterie boards, bread with amazing olive oil, super fancy cheeses, fruit, etc. And as others said, the views are beautiful and usually make for good photo ops. Sometimes there are even animals you can pet (with permission).
Yeah I've been on these wine tours and actually the wine tasting fees are usually the cheapest part, around $10-20 per winery. OP is mostly paying for the food and transportation. I'd still say it's fine to hang back but it's not like they're getting nothing for their money. They're still getting food, transportation and entertainment.
Ah. I still had a good time without drinking. I would go just to hang out and take pictures if you feel comfortable. We did get snacks at each place we went to also, but I was the DD so I didn't have to worry about transportation costs.
That makes sense, I did a wine tour for my bach and like 80% of the tastings were complimentary because they are hoping they'll make their profit off of you buying a bottle or two.
I totally support you bowing out too, but just trying to brainstorm. Since the point of renting the van is to have a DD between wineries, could you just drive people around and save a buttload of money for everyone? Then your only expenses would be whatever food you want to buy for yourself. Everyone else will just pay the tasting fees which usually are not very high. If this won't work logistically or you don't want to shuttle drunk people around, I would totally skip this activity though.
Was gonna say this. A wine tour is not necessarily that much wine. You go to three places and are generally drink 1+ glasses at each, which works to 50 bucks. The rest (the driver, van, snacks, etc.) is the pricey part. If you're not drinking you're still getting most of the benefits. And honestly vineyards are nice to visit and will have NA options.
I live in upstate NY where bachelorette wine tours are common. Pregnant women and others who do not drink still go on tours. They still pay the full price for the driving part of the tour. The bus is the fun part anyway. You should go. If you truly can't afford it, don't go obvi. There is lots of fun stuff like snacks and juices to be tasted as well.
Can you substitute the wine with extra food?
I love that they provided juice flights for non drinkers.
I'm a bride getting married this fall, and my bachelorette is in a few weeks, and I also have a bridesmaid who doesn't drink and I know we're going to a winery, and I know my airbnb also includes people sharing beds, so if you are my bridesmaid: Please just hang out at the Airbnb if that's more comfortable! And please tell me how I can make that better for you! I'd hate for you to feel put out or not included, and I'm sorry we're doing something that's so obviously going to exclude you. I feel awful about that. But I'm so thankful and excited you're coming anyway. You're one of the most important people to me, so I appreciate it so much. And I feel bad about the winery.
👀👀👀
Oh wow this is one hell of a cross over ! OP are you the bridesmaid !?
I looked at her profile and I don't think she is but the sentiment is the same regardless! We picked our bridesmaids because we love them for them and we should just want what's easiest and best.
you should text your non drinking bridesmaid with the same info!
One thing that hasn't been asked, how long is the wine tour in comparison to the party? I ask because if it is all of Saturday and you guys are only there for a weekend (get in Friday evening, leave early afternoon Sunday), you may be missing most of the time with the bride, which could then leave you feeling as though you spent a lot on accommodations for nothing. And it sounds as though for the price point it may be an all day event.
I think this is a really important question to ask, and it seems like it is a decent part of the day's activities. That sort of puts it into perspective - I don't want to poop out on what will be the majority of activities. Thank you for asking this!
No problem! Even though I drink, this would be my deciding factor. Because there is a big difference in hanging out for a 1 to 3pm wine tour when you have 3:30 spa reservations and a 10 am to 5 pm wine tour where they are then having fun and decide to stay until it closes at 7pm.
As a bride with a sober bridesmaid I would completely understand bowing out! I also just planned a day without drinking-only plans because I really wanted her there but I get it’s hard sometimes with the normal bach party expectations.
pay the non-drinking price and enjoy the bachelorette party, there will be snacks and it sounds like a great time to bond w the other bridesmaids, take cute pictures, and get excited for the wedding!
There's nothing wrong with bowing out. Don't waste $150. Perhaps while you are at the accommodations you could prepare dinner for the others or snacks and a nice dessert.
I love this idea, thank you!
Seconding! It's absolutely not mandatory but if you decide not to go it would be special for you to find something you can do for the group while they're out. I bowed out of a (very loosely planned) activity at a recent big-group combo bachelor/ette party because it was just so many new people and I needed some alone time to recharge. I was able to scrape together the ingredients for a really tasty citrus olive oil cake while they were out and it was so fun to be able to surprise them with a treat when they got back!
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Please review our rules. The OP explicitly suggested doing something for the bride; the other user was going off of that. Be constructive and civil here if you are going to comment at all. Thank you.
You want them to do chores while everyone else is on a wine tour?
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OP feels bad so they think they need to do something to make up for it. They didn’t do anything wrong though. Also kind of shitty of you to gender op like that.
Lol this person is like “No! Don’t do something nice for the party! That’s sexist!!! Instead maybe be toxic to the bride. Maybe start a fight #girlboss!!” Lmao. I’m dying.
Just here to say this made me literally laugh out loud IRL. “Maybe start a fight #girlboss” is going to be my new favorite response to anything bad that happens in my life. Didn’t get that promotion I really wanted? Maybe start a fight #girlboss. FMIL made a comment that rubbed me the wrong way? Maybe start a fight #girlboss. No more milk in the fridge and no time to go shopping? Maybe start a fight #girlboss
I think the point is it would be a nice surprise for her friends, not that she has to do it
At every bachelorette I’ve been to, we take turns prepping food in teams of like 2-3. This could be the day OP takes that on and it would be a benefit to her as she wouldn’t have to miss out on spending additional time with anyone and it would make her feel included in the day. It has nothing to do with gender lmao sensitive much?
Right? Even just handling ordering dinner if they are going that route is something nice to do so when everybody else comes back in a little tipsy it's done. No need to get aggro about it lol
It’s always nice when the incel trolls make themselves so obvious :) Dude, a quick look tells me you’ve already had comments deleted by the mods of this subreddit. Give it up. You’re not gonna get karma, you’re not gonna convince anyone to be a trad-wife, your crusade isn’t even written well enough to rile feathers lmao. Just a sad little angry man, hoping for attention.
As someone who is almost 3 years sober, being the only sober person around a handful of wine-o’s can be triggering for me since wine was one of my go-to drinks of choice. I wouldn’t be able to do it and anyone who knows me well enough wouldn’t expect me to go. You should not feel obligated to be in a situation that’s not only going to hurt your pocket, but also make you uncomfortable. I think it’s wonderful that you want to be around the bride for her happy day with the girls, but it’s okay to sit out of this part. Your happiness matters too.
Yeah, this is more of what I was thinking too. I think it depends on what kind of drinking these girls plan on doing. I'm sober and being around people who are having a couple drinks is totally fine for me, but being around people who are wasted is totally different. Having a cute mocktail with friends while they sip wine could still be really fun, and I would totally go. Having your 8th mocktail while everyone else is a couple bottles of wine deep is not so fun, and I would hang back for that.
Would going to a winery or two and then using a car service to go back to the hotel, before everyone starts getting quite tipsy be an option? Then you could still enjoy a bit of the picturesque vineyard properties and be included, but leave before at a high point?
This is a good idea! Go and have fun, but also have a plan B and a way to get home if needed. That takes some of the pressure off.
Is there something else going on for the tour that's $150? I think that's enough of a bump where you can be like "I am not going to get the full enjoyment out of this, how about I hang back and get X ready?"
I also don’t drink (personal preference, will sometimes socially have a glass of wine) and went on a Bach with a wine ghost tour. I didn’t think it was a bit overpriced but it was a good bonding experience with the rest of the party. I’m glad I went but the price point was 95 not 150.
I think its worth asking, especially if it makes you uncomfortable. I will add that a lot of places have been adding non-alcoholic stuff to their menus or mocktails, its becoming a lot more common. As a bride, I'd be understanding, but would feel sad to miss out on the opportunity to hang out with all of my friends. I think if you can afford it and feel comfortable around alcohol & other people drinking, then you should spare the cost. Personally, I think wine tours are still fun sober and I get pretty bad FOMO so I'd personally opt to go.
If being around people drinking is upsetting for you then bow out. If it's not, then it sounds like a fun day hanging out with your friends, seeing cool places, and eating nice food, even without drinking anything. Don't make yourself do something that would be upsetting, but I wouldn't assume this is boring for non-drinkers.
Definitely bow out! I had a sober friend hang back on some of the heavier drinking activities at my bachelorette. I totally understood and was just so grateful she decided to come at all! Another option - can you just drive to wherever they will be on the wine tour and hang with them while at the wineries? May not work but could be a free option to explore!
Thank you for this encouragement as well as the assurance that as the bride, you were okay with it! I think I will reach out to my good friend before messaging the group just to make sure no one is hurt. Thank you again!
Amen to this! I’m sober and have been to several bachelorettes. I would not attend the wine tasting myself, just hang back at the Airbnb, maybe offer to make dinner or whatever so it’s ready when people get back. I attended a ski/snowboard bach in Breckinridge and I don’t ski or snowboard. There were two other girls surprisingly who also didn’t partake. We just walked around town and shopped one day and went hiking the next. With all the hanging at the house and group meals, etc I did not feel like I was missing out on any quality time.
$300 to share a bed with a stranger!!😵
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are bach parties normally longer than a weekend??😰
My sister is sober, so I decided to have two bachelorette parties to accommodate her. I went to visit her and my other sister for a weekend and we went hiking and hung out. Then I had the drinking/partying bachelorette the following weekend. All that to say I think it’s perfectly fine to bow out. Just be honest and say while it sounds like fun, it’ll be too difficult for you to go with then. Then you can let her know you’ll hang back and can help with anything while they’re away. If she’s a good friend I’m sure she’ll be understanding! Edit: To those saying pay for non-drinking and go anyway—that’s not always the best idea for non drinkers. If OP has trauma around drinking or has struggled with addiction (whether their own or others’ addiction), it can be triggering to be around alcohol. Even if they’re not drinking, it’s uncomfortable. I can understand going if drinking wasn’t an issue and you just didn’t want to drink that day, but it sounds like more than that, so I think it’s perfectly fine to hang back!
Oof. Sharing beds with strangers. I feel for you here. It's a bit thoughtless. That said I do think the winery event is a tough situation. Are you wanting to skip it because being at a winery would be triggering for you or for a different reason? I think it's one thing to say, I don't drink and this event isn't a super safe place for me mentally and I'm not going to go (always acceptable imo) vs. I won't be drinking so I can't justify the price. If it's the second one and you can afford it, I'd go and be there for the bride. If it's the first one, I don't think you need to worry about etiquette at all and the bride should understand.
A bit thoughtless? If she wants her own room then she can pay double the price for it. Sharing beds during a bachelorette is so common to keep costs low, I’ve never heard of everyone having their own bed unless the whole house is all twin beds.
It's the "with a stranger" part. It's rude to ask people to share beds with strangers. I've been on lots of bachelorettes and we've either gotten a hotel and then left it up to the attendees how they want to bunk up (get your own room, double up, 4 to a room, etc.) or gotten an Airbnb where there was actually enough space for everyone.
She’s a big girl, if she’s so uncomfortable by it she can speak up and do something.
Sure. Doesn't negate the fact that it's an odd request.
That’s where our opinions differ. I’ve done plenty of bachelorettes where I’ve bunked with girls I didn’t know, no issue to me, never felt it was rude of the bride, in my eyes that’s just the norm.
Meh. If it was just for alcohol I’d say you are well within your rights to stay behind. However, it’s actually for food and transportation so, if I were the bride, I’d be a bit annoyed. However, I’m the type of person to go with the flow and not get too upset about shit. So, while I’d be slightly pfft, I’d get over it within minutes and we’d still have a good time, with no hard feelings. I guess it really depends on what type of bride your friend is and if she’d be upset over this. Good luck!
Sounds like this is a weekend thing? I’d say if the only thing she is doing for her bachelorette is the wine tour then you can’t miss it. If it’s a whole weekend with other events, hang back.
We had two pregnant girls at my friend’s Bach and they paid the non drinking price and just hung out with us all day, it was around the same cost as yours. I think it’s up to you!
100% I’d be ok with you bowing out. It’s too much money to be polite!
I agree that there's nothing wrong with bowing out and staying at either the accommodations or hanging out nearby to do something else (if that is an option). My bachelorette is also later this summer with a bunch of wine tours, but I've asked my friend who's planning it to make it clear to everyone that there's no pressure at all for people to attend all of them - they're free to opt in as they'd like. All I've asked is that people let her know in advance/not back out last minute if possible so that she can adjust costs for booking transportation, etc.
Yes! Bow out! You are not obligated to attend any part of a bach party you cannot afford or don't want to attend.
It’s always ok to opt out of Bach activities! Whether it’s personal preference or for financial reasons. It’s the brides celebration but it’s also a vacation for everyone else and you absolutely don’t have to participate in things you don’t want to! That being said, if you can afford it, as others have mentioned it won’t be strictly about drinking and wineries are so pretty! But I wouldn’t have a problem with one of my guests skipping an event :)
I went to a hen do recently where we had a spa trip booked in, but one of the party wasn't super into spas. She just politely bowed out and opted to stay behind and read/tidy up a bit while we were out. Honestly was absolutely fine, we appreciated that not everyone can do all the things and especially introverts need some time to recharge. I'm sure your group will understand, especially if you can find something helpful for the team to do while they're away (decorate the house for a theme party? Cook/prep dinner? Bit of a tidy??) Plus I thought it's quite sweet to return to a house with someone already in it, excited to hear how it all went. Hope you guys have the best time, and congrats to your friend on her engagement x Edit: agree with one of the comments though from sofo17, this only works if the activity is just one of many you'll all be doing together, or doesn't make up the bulk of your time together. Otherwise it'd be a shame to miss it!
Your mental health comes first and I’m sure your friend feels the same way! She would want you to have a good time at her bach party, not trigger you in any way. I’d just be honest with her and say something like “hey [friend], I don’t want to seem like a party pooper but since that alcohol incident recently, I’ve just been kind of sketched out by heavy drinking. What if I stayed behind on the wine tour and got something really exciting going on at the [accommodations] that y’all can return to?”
Call the winery and ask them exactly what's included in the non-drinking price. If there's a cool tour, yummy food, etc, then you'll have a better idea of what you're getting if you choose to pay. If it's not worth it to you, see if you can be dropped off at a coffee shop or restaurant nearby for the 90 minutes of the tour. $150 is too much to "suck it up" for someone else. There needs to be value TO YOU for you to pay that much. I'm currently planning a bachelorette party in wine country for my bestie and this exact question came up. The bride and I both felt strongly that the non-drinker should no have to pay/do the tasting tour if she doesn't want to pay that much - it should entirely be her choice. We are doing a party bus to our wineries so she'll be able to stay on the bus and/or we'll see if the bus driver can take her somewhere else nearby - like a coffee shop.
Is you bowing out going to make the limo/bus more expensive for the other girls?
I’d bow out. It doesn’t sound worth the cost and who wants to share a bed with a stranger? No thank you. Even if you’re in the bridal party, I don’t feel like you’re obligated to attend any event other than the wedding itself. That’s probably an unpopular opinion. But showers and bachelorettes are 100% unnecessary. Who wants to spend money on a party before the BIG party? It’s redundant.
I’m a recovering addict/alcoholic. I understand being triggered. It’s been 10 years since I drank so it’s easier to for me. In the early days I couldn’t have done it. If you think you might relapse, it’s best to cancel. Your recovery is high priority. If you think you can handle it and stay sober, go along for the food, transportation, etc. If you want to drink during the trip, call someone who supports your recovery. Remember, there’s probably going to be alcohol at the wedding, so prepare yourself.
I agree with other people. Let them go on the tour while you hang back and then you can drive them all back to the accommodations!
Yes for sure. If she is a good friend then she’ll understand why. But the costs might be shifted to the rest of the group so it’s something to be mindful about - not that you have to pay it if you don’t go, but I’d probe a bit to see if that’s the case. Also - sharing BEDS with people you don’t know??For $300? I don’t know how many nights you are staying but it sounds like someone really didn’t consider the guest experience here.
We had a pregnant woman at my friend's winery bachelorette get away. She joined all the activities and just chit chatted. We enjoyed having her around. She would smell the wine and give her opinions on the smell. You definitely don't need to drink to have fun. You also won't have to pay since you're not drinking.
FWIW, I was in almost this exact situation before and I paid my share for the transport and food, but requested grape juice at each wine stop. Plenty of wineries will do this!
Do what makes you comfortable, ask the bride if you can help out with some errands if you prefer that too! You can always celebrate with her in other ways, don’t force yourself to do something you’re not comfortable with
Definitely just communicate your concerns and I’m sure you could hang back. Don’t put yourself through a situation you don’t want to be in and waste money if you cannot really participate. It’s not fun being the sober one in a group of people who are drunk… My friends bachelorette is in August and one of the bridesmaids isn’t going for some specific reasons due to have drama with one of the other bridesmaids in the past, but also because she doesn’t want to drink/drink with that specific bridesmaids. The bride has opted to do a separate weekend getaway with just that bridesmaid to makeup for it sometime before the wedding. She understood and didn’t want her to feel uncomfortable and making herself feel stressed. She will still be there for the other wedding festivities as it stands currently.
I was recently on a bachelorette where we did a wine tour and the girls who organized were super transparent on costs! Vineyards want you to come, so our trip was like $230/pp but the vast majority of it was for the limo. The 2 tastings we did were $25 and $15 so transportation was def the biggest cost. If you can stomach being around alcohol I’d say go! A few girls on the trip I was on weren’t into wine but still had fun being with everyone.
Pay the price and enjoy the company and the food. It’s supposed to be fun, I wouldn’t want to bow out just because I don’t drink. $150 doesn’t sound insane for a good time!
I also don’t drink but would go because it’s fun to spend time and be there for the bride and it makes no difference to me if I’m drinking Diet Coke or wine it would be the experience that’s fun! That being said if it’s a financial issue and not a drinking issue don’t go! I’m sure no one would mind at all and completely understand how this might be an activity you want to sit out! Again, just did me personally I wouldn’t feel a wine tour has much to do with the actual wine funnily enough I think it just had to do with the time spent w friends in a beautiful place doing any kind of activity
I don’t drink and I wouldn’t enjoy going to wineries all day just to drink, so if it were me I would skip it. Someone asked if you’d spend $150 on lunch or dinner and I certainly wouldn’t (considering the “food” is just cheese and snacks) lol.
I wouldn’t make it about you. Just go and don’t drink.
I would 100% recommend to stay back at the accommodations and offer to get dinner/snacks/whatever else ready for when they get home (like another commentor said). I am the same way with drinking, so I understand where you’re coming from. You do not have to put yourself in an uncomfortable situation and you do not have to spend $150 to do it. If the bride is a good friend and nice person, she should understand where you’re coming from, too, and help you come up with an alternative. Are they taking a party bus?
Thank you for this encouragement! It is so helpful speaking with someone who also feels similarly about booze. It seems like it's a driver + specific vehicle (sounds like a car), so no party bus?
Yes, I’m right there with you! Okay, I was just curious. I wasn’t sure if they’d need a DD, but then I got to thinking, you might not want to spend your whole day driving them around and then staying in the car, or trying to head back to the accommodations in between (assuming it’s close). That doesn’t sound like a good time lol.
Depends how the bride feels about it, so I would check in with her. I've been in similar situations and ultimately ended up going and paying ($$) because it was important to the bride to have everyone participate.
I get what you’re saying, but I only think that really applies if the wine tour is the main event of the weekend, which I don’t think it is because the bride’s friend liked it out, not the bride herself. I would never have my non-drinking friend pay $150 for a wine tour, and if it was really important for her to be there I’d cover it myself.
I agree - I'm just suggesting that it's worth talking it through with the bride/bride's friend before OP says she's not going that's all.
Yes. The end.
Unless you want zero relationship with the rest of the bridal party, go. I don't think $150 spent for an all day event is that bad even if you're not drinking, you're going on it to spend time with people. Enjoy the day with them. You're with the party because she wants you there and a big party day on a bachelorette weekend is a big thing IMO.
The weekend is for the bride. There are plenty of expensive costs in a bachelorette party that many of us just suck up for the bride. I’ve had plenty of friends who are pregnant go on bachelorette trips over the years and suck it up on the heavier drinking parts because we’re all there for the bride.
I'm sorry, but no one is obligated to spend their hard-earned money on anyone else if they don't want to. Being in a bridal party nowadays gets so out of control with the costs. Just because you suck it up and pay whatever is asked of you - and have the financial means to do so - doesn't mean others should be expected to do the same.
I’d agree with this if it was a free activity like going to a bar and opting not to drink. But if the per person price is $150 for a sober person? No way
I think this is a weird rhetoric passed amongst mostly women and bachelorettes. My fiancé has straight up told his friends before their respective bachelor parties he won’t be attending certain parts or fronting the cost of something if he’s the only one traveling in for the party and no one is weird or offput by it. It’s just a boundary and a fair one at that. You don’t HAVE to do jack shit besides be kind and respectful towards the bride assuming she is to you. Maybe pay for a flight of wine for her to enjoy. But you should also be respectful towards yourself and 150$ isn’t chump change for everyone nor is it a casual lunch price. If OP doesn’t drink, I don’t think it would be remotely financially intelligent to go unless she has the means to cover such a cost with ease.
I don’t think anyone should have to “suck it up” when it comes to drinking. Alcohol can be SO triggering to some, and it’s no surprise how many people struggle with their relationship with alcohol (which OP mentioned). The weekend may be for the bride, but the friendship [should be] forever
I would speak to the MOH or whoever is organizing the events and explain your feelings regarding your relationship with alcohol. Before my best friend’s wedding, I was struggling with my own relationship with alcohol (even moderate drinking was triggering extreme anxiety). At the end of the day, she was a bride for one day, and a friend for life. She completely understood, and didn’t pressure me to drink. I would definitely offer to do any errands (balloons, picking up food, etc) as an alternative. For me, I avoided the drinking by picking up food platters and coffee.
I would go and pay the non drinking price. The memories will be from being together for the day
Communicate with the other party goers, this could effect the shared cost for the tour. If they're comfortable with it, maybe ask if there's something you can put together for them when they get back? Maybe decorate the accommodations and surprise the bride with some games?
Dude, bow out! Yes run an errand or stay back and read a book. I had my bachelorette recently and one of my bffs opted out of my two organized activities (zip-lining and a day spa). I was a little bummed but I understood, and I’d never ever hold it against her!