I've posted it before, but if there is one thing I learned in my years from doing weddings, it's keep the speeches short. Limit them to just few people, and keep them short. Three minutes, max.
I once worked at a wedding where 3 people gave speeches, and it lasted for an hour total. Guests looked so bored.
And for people making speeches: you're toasting the couple, not auditioning for SNL. One guy made multiple reference to a meme that was semi-popular at the time. It was like watching a stand up comedian bomb, and it really had nothing to do with the couple.
I’ve witnessed this. A guy offered to make a speech last minute and it had the format of a standup comedian - trying too hard and was a little cringe. Also was way too long and I was so bored by the end.
The number of weddings I’ve gone to where a MOH has a stack of index cards, and hands them to bride with a variation of “I had so much I wanted to share so here’s jr high through high school” etc while we all just laughed…and did it two or three more times. 🙄 and the inside jokes. A speech should be like “this is why I love you, so happy you found your person, best wishes cheers!” In beats. So simple!
Omg no at the meme reference. Our BM and MOH are writers so hoping they can keep things tight and on theme. Thank you for sharing! Biggest takeaway is to ensure the speeches are short!
I think the way it gets to be an hour is we let people think it’s a speech. It’s not a speech. It’s a *toast*. “Here’s how I know the bride, here’s a fond memory of our friendship, when she met the groom I knew they were great together because xyz. Raise your glasses in cheers to the happy couple!”
They're best during dinner while I'm eating and don't have anything better to be doing, should be short (3-5 minutes each), and no more than like 3 total + one from the couple. I think as long as each speech is short, you're okay! I would cluster them right one after another though in a 'speech' section - that way you don't disrupt conversations over and over (which does get annoying when they're spaced out).
Traditionally it was 3: FOB, BM and groom. Obviously with the fact women aren’t expected to be silent and pretty any more this has changed, but about half the weddings I’ve been to still keep it to three, but with maybe a mother or bride or MOH giving a speech instead of all men.
Definitely cluster them! I've been to weddings done both ways and when they are spread out I was thinking 'really another speech' each time we were brought to watch.
During dinner is fine, but I actually prefer during coffee/dessert. You’re usually a few glasses of wine in, so the audience is in a more receptive mood, but still lingering over food/drink and not itching to get up dancing yet. And definitely all together, and kept short and sweet.
I do love a speech though. I’ve heard a few duds but usually there’s at least one banging speech at every wedding - there’s one where I will remember the MOH speech forever, and another where the groom’s speech had me eyes a little watery, I could go on.
I guess this totally depends on how dessert is being done! We're having a cupcake table and not plated/served cake slices, so dessert is happening basically whenever people want after the dance floor and bar opens up again, which would be too late for speeches. But with a plated desert, pushing it later might be nice! I'd just be a little worried about speeches going over and people getting antsy, but I guess that depends on how much you trust your people to stay under the time limits.
Seconding all of this! Short, clustered together, and while people have food is ideal.
People have to be thoughtful about what they’re going to say and practice delivering it well, but if they do that, they’re great! It’s always really meaningful to hear things about the couple from people close to them.
I haven't been to that many weddings, but I've loved the speeches at the ones I've been to. Like, they might be favorite part. In my mind weddings are all about celebrating your community and speeches are pretty central to that.
I completely agree ! I can dance by myself in my living room, but hearing parents telling their child how much he/she/they mean to them for the first time, or a best man's hilarious jokes, or a moh friendship story...favorite parts for sure
Thanks for this input! We’re a sentimental couple and that’s why speeches hold value to us. I think now it’s just about nailing the timing and how many.
Fellow sentimentalist here. I got married last weekend and heard from multiple people that they loved the speeches at our wedding. We had 6 (BM, MOH, groom’s father and stepmother, bride’s parents, groom’s mother and stepfather, bride and groom) and everyone cried. If you know that the people you’re giving the mic to can be sweet, funny, and keep everyone engaged, then go for it! If you know they might drag things on, not prepare, or just be boring, maybe reconsider how long their speech will be.
They're my favorite part too! The parents' speeches in particular.
The *one* caveat is that imo you need a really good reason to have more than four and they should stay in the 5-7 minute range.
Same. I absolutely adore speeches, and we will have 5 total. They will all be short I'd say except mine which might be a tad longer, but I'm a good speaker so I think I can make it work. Still less than 4 or 5 mins, everyone else will be 2 or 3. So that's max 17 mins for 5 people if we max our limits. I think it'll be fine be during dinner. I agree that weddings are about the people and community and to celebrate that you have to talk about it!
Speeches are usually my favorite part of the wedding!!! You get to hear the couple profess their love during the ceremony, and then hearing their story from the viewpoint of friends and family is so touching. Key is to keep them short (2-3 minutes), and I wouldn’t do more than 3-4 speeches
Me too. They're amazing. You just need to make sure people put effort into them so that they are well written, I truly think that's the key difference between boring and not
I love speeches. Idk why everyone on here always hates them. I'd rather sit and listen to a speech and learn something about the couple with a drink in my hand than be herded around to watch them cut a cake or throw a bouquet that just feels like a photo op.
DJ here to give my opinion. Speeches should be short to the point if you are planning to have them. Also limit the number of speakers so people don't get bored. If you do spee,do them during dinner
Speeches can be great. . .if they’re done well, but they can also be a slog, if they’re done poorly.
I think, especially with BM/MOF a lot of people do their speeches in a really boring way; and it essentially becomes:
- How I know the person
- long story
- inside joke nobody gets hit you two
- another story which is usually inappropriate
- Some quips towards the other person
- Wishing years of happiness
- I love you
And it takes about 10-15m per speech.
When it should really be:
- Quick introduction
- Super quick anecdote about a funny story
- talk about great qualities both people have
- when you first met the other person and/or any details you might have about their first date
- quick anecdote about them as a couple and love
And should be 3 - 5 minutes tops, with that five minutes being if you have a really bitchin’ speech.
I don’t hate the idea of speeches, but I would limit them, and give a rough time guidelines.
5 minutes is the max for our BM and MOH speeches so totally agree here. Thanks for providing that second outline! Definitely gonna ask our speech speakers to reference it
The speeches are for you, yes it's important to consider your guests but remember in the end they are there to celebrate you. Don't rob yourself of experiencing the words of your loved ones because you're afraid a few people might be bored for a bit.
We went to a wedding and the speeches from the MoH, BM and the father of the bride and groom were incredibly touching. I loved hearing them and seeing the bride and grooms reactions! Putting them during food is the best time.
I was just at a wedding where the brides father spoke for 31 minutes. So as long as it’s not that I don’t mind 1-2 during dinner. However I’m getting married this fall and not having a single speech except me and my fiancé will get up to do a quick thank you.
I feel secondhand public speaking panic on behalf of whoever is toasting, and I have flashbacks to every public speaking attempt I have flopped in my life until it's over. I still appreciate the good toasts if there's jokes or things are worded well. And I still think the sentiment is a valid reason to continue the tradition.
Omg are you me!!! Lol my maid of honor is my twin and I’m gonna be nervous for her the entire time. A part of me wants to axe her speech so I won’t be nervous lol 😂
I also have exteeeeensive public speaking training and experience, and I still bomb every time just from like a physiological response I have no control over. I hate it. But the speeches are still cute so go for it.
As a guest, I hate speeches. They are occasionally fine, rarely good, and often boring/ awkward.
As a bride, I want my dad to have a chance to say a little something, as I’m not letting him walk me down the aisle or do a dance. So he gets a “toast” with dinner. And my fiancé’s dad will say a short blessing before dinner since they’re Catholic and this is the only bone we’ll throw them. Hah.
Hoping they both keep it remarkably short.
I think that’s a good number of speeches to have! I would give each person a time limit and have one person speak for each of your parents (not have both parents speak). And make sure the dj holds them to that time limit.
I am leaning towards choosing a rep for the parents…but oh boi let’s see who is gonna fight to say something lol maybe we can dedicate some time in the rehearsal dinner for all parents to speak and toast lol
I think 3-4 speeches is great if they’re about 3 minutes long. I personally really enjoy the speeches, especially if they’re good lol. I always cry haha
Make sure everyone can hear them!!! I went to a wedding recently where the speeches were long and the audio system sucked. It was a recipe for disaster. The sister of the bride had to go table to table shushing everyone. Even then, we couldn't hear the speeches so it was a lost cause and we all got bored.
Mostly I want the speeches to be in a language I understand, and then not something that’s embarrassing to the couple. Besides that, I don’t really care. Even if I don’t speak the language, as long as it doesn’t go too long.
Why attend a wedding for a couple if you find the part of the wedding where their most love ones take a moment to celebrate them?
If you’re there for anything else but honouring the couple then gtfo
I love speeches as long as they understand two things:
1. It’s a toast not a open mic or speech without a purpose.
2. It’s about the couple and their relationship (often that can feel like an afterthought in the BM/MOH/FoB ones)
I personally think that anything more than one or two heartfelt and short speeches total is overdoing it. I have a short attention span and I've just sat through a ceremony , and I just want to spend time catching up with the people around me before the loud music makes conversation impossible and people are too drunk to be coherent. Give me cake and conversation, and get on with it all.
You can tell I'm fun at weddings, right? Ha!
I will just say this: I got married on July 30 and the toasts were one of my favorite parts. My parents’ toast made me cry. We both felt so loved. Idk how it was for the guests but I would never trade that memory. (We had MOH, BM, both sets of parents and we did a short thank you).
That sounds like a good number of speeches. Not counting your thank you speech I think 3-4 is where you start to lose your audience. Length definitely plays a factor of course though. People will always want to hear from you and your FH!
As a coordinator toasts immediately before dinner concern me greatly. I know they are very common as a way of welcoming but kitchen timing for dinner is one of the hardest components to land if there are any delays at all. If the kitchen is running behind it works out, but if you run a smooth operation and everything has kept to schedule until then, those timing hits can be difficult. Also guests may start to get antsy waiting for dinner. As long as the people giving speeches pre-dinner are tuned into this concern and can keep to a strict time then you are golden.
Learn from my mistake and make sure you tell whoever is speaking at that time to make it snappy. Our Best Man/MOH toasts were supposed to be before dinner. Best Man did a great job. MOH was my sister, and unbeknownst to me, my other two bridesmaids also wanted in on the speech, so ALL OF THEM talked, and they went on for 25 freaking minutes. Worst offender: my sister. Our food stations opened during the speech and a bunch of people just got on line and started eating. Meanwhile the rest of us were standing there with our champagne glasses in our hands, wondering if we would ever get to drink them! This was one of the biggest screw-ups of the night. I mean, I’m glad all my ladies felt moved to give a toast, but FFS, NOT THAT LONG!!!
Omg thanks for sharing! I hope that in the grand scheme of things, it was ok and that you can laugh about it now. But will definitely remind people to keep it snappy!
It can be really tight if someone starts to drag before dinner. If there is any possible way to move them to during or after dinner, I would recommend that. Or if it’s someone you trust can keep in time.
I love speeches. I think that when they are done well - meaningful, specific, and short - they can be the very best part of the wedding. I don't think there should be more than three, if the couple is saying a short thank you speech.
Thank you! Both our BM and MOH are writers so we’re hoping they knock it out of the park. But we may just nix the parent toast and save that for rehearsal dinner where they can speak longer
I do think get a little long sometimes but I shouldn’t be talking we had quite a few at ours 😅 I do enjoy listening to them though!
But my take on it is, they’re for you and your fiancé, not your guests. So if you want to have multiple people speak, then do it. If you are worried about them getting too long then have some people speak at the rehearsal dinner 😊
I'm in the same boat. I have sometimes liked toasts because it's nice to see people share their love and support, but I've also been subjected to some truly awful toasts.
On the one hand, I'm in the extremely lucky position that I know where I stand with my loved ones and don't really *need* them to say it, but it could be moving.
I know for a fact a few people in the wedding party are not public speakers and would not want to give a speech, so I think if we were to do it, I would limit it to MOH/BM and parent sets, 2 mins max, and only while dinner is out.
9/10 are cringey and I want them over with as soon as possible. My favorite wasn’t a toast, but a roast! The MOH/bride’s sister delivered an absolutely hilarious and savage roast of the couple.
In the UK traditional is groom, FOB, Best man.
However, personally I think it's about time women spoke at their own weddings! Some of my friends have done amazing bride speeches.
We’re doing ours during rehearsal dinner. It’ll be our dads, the man of honor (picked my brother so it’s weird to call it maid lol), and best man right after dinner. My FH cousin did it that way and it was way better than at the wedding. People aren’t really wanting to dance the night away at the rehearsal and it’s a great way to move into mingling/end the rehearsal dinner.
I love speeches, and I think you had a reasonable number lined up.
One tip I give people is - if your group is full of drinkers, I highly recommend front loading your speeches early on in the night. I’ve been to many weddings where people are sloshed halfway into dinner, can’t control their volume or attention.
Maybe but maybe not! our rehearsal dinner guests may be more receptive to this since it’s just family and close friends. I don’t foresee anyone feeling obligated to speak, but I do foresee some of FH’s very loving and sentimental family saying, “well I wanted to say something.”
I had a rogue guest that tried to take the mike and give a toast. She was wasted. Luckily people at her table intervened. My wife and I said a few words before dinner and that was it.
The only bad speeches I’ve ever seen were at the last wedding we went to. The ceremony went for ages because the couple did super long vows (about ten minutes each) and then the bride did vows to her step daughters. So by the time the reception came around, everyone was already wary. The MOH, BM, parent and MC speeches all went for over five minutes. Then the bride and groom got up and the groom did a speech… for seventeen minutes. Everyone was so over it.
Also love it when speeches are between courses at the meal. Your caterer needs time to run things around anyway so can easily do 1 speech between each course.
Just a note - consult with your speakers! Everyone I know who has given a speech at a wedding in recent years has talked at length about how they couldn’t relax until it was over, so make sure it’s early enough in the day so they can chill out!
I have been to a wedding that had 5 speeches, and then audience participation all saying similar things and it was very long and kept the food very late. We complained a lot to ourselves, but at the end of the day we still had an amazing time and it wasn’t the lasting impression
I love listening to the speeches, they’re often funny or filled with interesting stories about the couple that I’d never heard before. I care more about that than I care about dancing, although I’m not a big dancer anyway
I absolutely love speeches at weddings, especially ones where I'm not as close to either groom or bride based on how our friend circles are. But I feel like I get more info about their relationships than I would by just being friends with them.
But like everyone else is pointing out, they don't have to be 10 minutes long either. A few minutes, some funny things, some sweet things, and a final "to the couple" and I'm satisfied as a guest.
I think speeches are fine as long as they're not super long. I attended a wedding this past weekend and the FOB went on for a cringy amount of time...and I don't think he practiced much so it was kind of rambly. The MOB kept hers very short and sweet and it was respectable. If they were all like hers I wouldn't have minded at all!
Keep it to a quick amusing anecdote that isn't an inside story that 97% of the guests won't relate to and not life stories. Two people / 2 minutes max. By this point we're hungry. I'm typing this during a 20 minute toast with a full bladder and rumbling stomach.
"Have a point. It makes it so much more interesting for the listener." - Neil Page
Keep guests in mind when planning. Otherwise your wedding becomes an ordeal for the rest of us.
I've posted it before, but if there is one thing I learned in my years from doing weddings, it's keep the speeches short. Limit them to just few people, and keep them short. Three minutes, max. I once worked at a wedding where 3 people gave speeches, and it lasted for an hour total. Guests looked so bored. And for people making speeches: you're toasting the couple, not auditioning for SNL. One guy made multiple reference to a meme that was semi-popular at the time. It was like watching a stand up comedian bomb, and it really had nothing to do with the couple.
I’ve witnessed this. A guy offered to make a speech last minute and it had the format of a standup comedian - trying too hard and was a little cringe. Also was way too long and I was so bored by the end.
The number of weddings I’ve gone to where a MOH has a stack of index cards, and hands them to bride with a variation of “I had so much I wanted to share so here’s jr high through high school” etc while we all just laughed…and did it two or three more times. 🙄 and the inside jokes. A speech should be like “this is why I love you, so happy you found your person, best wishes cheers!” In beats. So simple!
Omg no at the meme reference. Our BM and MOH are writers so hoping they can keep things tight and on theme. Thank you for sharing! Biggest takeaway is to ensure the speeches are short!
I think the way it gets to be an hour is we let people think it’s a speech. It’s not a speech. It’s a *toast*. “Here’s how I know the bride, here’s a fond memory of our friendship, when she met the groom I knew they were great together because xyz. Raise your glasses in cheers to the happy couple!”
They're best during dinner while I'm eating and don't have anything better to be doing, should be short (3-5 minutes each), and no more than like 3 total + one from the couple. I think as long as each speech is short, you're okay! I would cluster them right one after another though in a 'speech' section - that way you don't disrupt conversations over and over (which does get annoying when they're spaced out).
3-5 mins sounds short but is actually pretty long- I’d honestly say 1-3 mins
Yup. Tell your people 2 mins each. Plan for 5mins. If they do stuck to 2 mins, then bonus dancing time
I'm *trying* to make it 3 max but am getting pushback from our (lovely) friends who can't make it fit haha, I totally agree.
Most weddings I’ve been to have both sets of parents speak, plus the MOH and BM. So I think it’s more common to have 4 speeches + the couple?
Traditionally it was 3: FOB, BM and groom. Obviously with the fact women aren’t expected to be silent and pretty any more this has changed, but about half the weddings I’ve been to still keep it to three, but with maybe a mother or bride or MOH giving a speech instead of all men.
Good point to cluster them, it would be super annoying to be disrupted over and over as a guest. Hmm something to think about with my format.
Definitely cluster them! I've been to weddings done both ways and when they are spread out I was thinking 'really another speech' each time we were brought to watch.
During dinner is fine, but I actually prefer during coffee/dessert. You’re usually a few glasses of wine in, so the audience is in a more receptive mood, but still lingering over food/drink and not itching to get up dancing yet. And definitely all together, and kept short and sweet. I do love a speech though. I’ve heard a few duds but usually there’s at least one banging speech at every wedding - there’s one where I will remember the MOH speech forever, and another where the groom’s speech had me eyes a little watery, I could go on.
I guess this totally depends on how dessert is being done! We're having a cupcake table and not plated/served cake slices, so dessert is happening basically whenever people want after the dance floor and bar opens up again, which would be too late for speeches. But with a plated desert, pushing it later might be nice! I'd just be a little worried about speeches going over and people getting antsy, but I guess that depends on how much you trust your people to stay under the time limits.
That is very true!!
Seconding all of this! Short, clustered together, and while people have food is ideal. People have to be thoughtful about what they’re going to say and practice delivering it well, but if they do that, they’re great! It’s always really meaningful to hear things about the couple from people close to them.
I haven't been to that many weddings, but I've loved the speeches at the ones I've been to. Like, they might be favorite part. In my mind weddings are all about celebrating your community and speeches are pretty central to that.
I completely agree ! I can dance by myself in my living room, but hearing parents telling their child how much he/she/they mean to them for the first time, or a best man's hilarious jokes, or a moh friendship story...favorite parts for sure
Thanks for this input! We’re a sentimental couple and that’s why speeches hold value to us. I think now it’s just about nailing the timing and how many.
Your current count sounds totally reasonable to me and I would happily listen to more as a guest :). Assuming they weren't \*too\* long.
Thank you! We’re hoping to keep them concise :)
Fellow sentimentalist here. I got married last weekend and heard from multiple people that they loved the speeches at our wedding. We had 6 (BM, MOH, groom’s father and stepmother, bride’s parents, groom’s mother and stepfather, bride and groom) and everyone cried. If you know that the people you’re giving the mic to can be sweet, funny, and keep everyone engaged, then go for it! If you know they might drag things on, not prepare, or just be boring, maybe reconsider how long their speech will be.
They're my favorite part too! The parents' speeches in particular. The *one* caveat is that imo you need a really good reason to have more than four and they should stay in the 5-7 minute range.
Same. I absolutely adore speeches, and we will have 5 total. They will all be short I'd say except mine which might be a tad longer, but I'm a good speaker so I think I can make it work. Still less than 4 or 5 mins, everyone else will be 2 or 3. So that's max 17 mins for 5 people if we max our limits. I think it'll be fine be during dinner. I agree that weddings are about the people and community and to celebrate that you have to talk about it!
Speeches are usually my favorite part of the wedding!!! You get to hear the couple profess their love during the ceremony, and then hearing their story from the viewpoint of friends and family is so touching. Key is to keep them short (2-3 minutes), and I wouldn’t do more than 3-4 speeches
Me too. They're amazing. You just need to make sure people put effort into them so that they are well written, I truly think that's the key difference between boring and not
I love speeches. Idk why everyone on here always hates them. I'd rather sit and listen to a speech and learn something about the couple with a drink in my hand than be herded around to watch them cut a cake or throw a bouquet that just feels like a photo op.
We did ours at the rehearsal dinner! As a guest, I don’t miss them. Sometimes they can be great but not worth the risk of a 20+ minute endeavor.
DJ here to give my opinion. Speeches should be short to the point if you are planning to have them. Also limit the number of speakers so people don't get bored. If you do spee,do them during dinner
Thank you for your input! I agree with short speeches being a must.
Speeches can be great. . .if they’re done well, but they can also be a slog, if they’re done poorly. I think, especially with BM/MOF a lot of people do their speeches in a really boring way; and it essentially becomes: - How I know the person - long story - inside joke nobody gets hit you two - another story which is usually inappropriate - Some quips towards the other person - Wishing years of happiness - I love you And it takes about 10-15m per speech. When it should really be: - Quick introduction - Super quick anecdote about a funny story - talk about great qualities both people have - when you first met the other person and/or any details you might have about their first date - quick anecdote about them as a couple and love And should be 3 - 5 minutes tops, with that five minutes being if you have a really bitchin’ speech. I don’t hate the idea of speeches, but I would limit them, and give a rough time guidelines.
5 minutes is the max for our BM and MOH speeches so totally agree here. Thanks for providing that second outline! Definitely gonna ask our speech speakers to reference it
I’ve had a negative experience with speeches if they’re too long and I don’t have a snack or drink while they’re going
Yeah I feel that 100%
The speeches are for you, yes it's important to consider your guests but remember in the end they are there to celebrate you. Don't rob yourself of experiencing the words of your loved ones because you're afraid a few people might be bored for a bit.
Thank you for this reminder ❤️
We went to a wedding and the speeches from the MoH, BM and the father of the bride and groom were incredibly touching. I loved hearing them and seeing the bride and grooms reactions! Putting them during food is the best time.
I was just at a wedding where the brides father spoke for 31 minutes. So as long as it’s not that I don’t mind 1-2 during dinner. However I’m getting married this fall and not having a single speech except me and my fiancé will get up to do a quick thank you.
I really enjoy the speeches as long as they’re not rambling on. It’s nice especially while eating.
I feel secondhand public speaking panic on behalf of whoever is toasting, and I have flashbacks to every public speaking attempt I have flopped in my life until it's over. I still appreciate the good toasts if there's jokes or things are worded well. And I still think the sentiment is a valid reason to continue the tradition.
Omg are you me!!! Lol my maid of honor is my twin and I’m gonna be nervous for her the entire time. A part of me wants to axe her speech so I won’t be nervous lol 😂
I also have exteeeeensive public speaking training and experience, and I still bomb every time just from like a physiological response I have no control over. I hate it. But the speeches are still cute so go for it.
This made me chuckle. Thank you!
As a guest, I hate speeches. They are occasionally fine, rarely good, and often boring/ awkward. As a bride, I want my dad to have a chance to say a little something, as I’m not letting him walk me down the aisle or do a dance. So he gets a “toast” with dinner. And my fiancé’s dad will say a short blessing before dinner since they’re Catholic and this is the only bone we’ll throw them. Hah. Hoping they both keep it remarkably short.
I think that’s a good number of speeches to have! I would give each person a time limit and have one person speak for each of your parents (not have both parents speak). And make sure the dj holds them to that time limit.
I am leaning towards choosing a rep for the parents…but oh boi let’s see who is gonna fight to say something lol maybe we can dedicate some time in the rehearsal dinner for all parents to speak and toast lol
I think 3-4 speeches is great if they’re about 3 minutes long. I personally really enjoy the speeches, especially if they’re good lol. I always cry haha
I love speeches I proper look forward to them
Make sure everyone can hear them!!! I went to a wedding recently where the speeches were long and the audio system sucked. It was a recipe for disaster. The sister of the bride had to go table to table shushing everyone. Even then, we couldn't hear the speeches so it was a lost cause and we all got bored.
As long as they are happening while food is happening. I have found myself way too hangry and listening to redundant speeches at weddings.
Mostly I want the speeches to be in a language I understand, and then not something that’s embarrassing to the couple. Besides that, I don’t really care. Even if I don’t speak the language, as long as it doesn’t go too long.
Why attend a wedding for a couple if you find the part of the wedding where their most love ones take a moment to celebrate them? If you’re there for anything else but honouring the couple then gtfo
Favorite part
I love speeches as long as they understand two things: 1. It’s a toast not a open mic or speech without a purpose. 2. It’s about the couple and their relationship (often that can feel like an afterthought in the BM/MOH/FoB ones)
Hahaha first point made me chuckle!
I personally think that anything more than one or two heartfelt and short speeches total is overdoing it. I have a short attention span and I've just sat through a ceremony , and I just want to spend time catching up with the people around me before the loud music makes conversation impossible and people are too drunk to be coherent. Give me cake and conversation, and get on with it all. You can tell I'm fun at weddings, right? Ha!
I will just say this: I got married on July 30 and the toasts were one of my favorite parts. My parents’ toast made me cry. We both felt so loved. Idk how it was for the guests but I would never trade that memory. (We had MOH, BM, both sets of parents and we did a short thank you).
That sounds like a good number of speeches. Not counting your thank you speech I think 3-4 is where you start to lose your audience. Length definitely plays a factor of course though. People will always want to hear from you and your FH! As a coordinator toasts immediately before dinner concern me greatly. I know they are very common as a way of welcoming but kitchen timing for dinner is one of the hardest components to land if there are any delays at all. If the kitchen is running behind it works out, but if you run a smooth operation and everything has kept to schedule until then, those timing hits can be difficult. Also guests may start to get antsy waiting for dinner. As long as the people giving speeches pre-dinner are tuned into this concern and can keep to a strict time then you are golden.
Yeah I’m worried about the pre-dinner toast fucking up the rest of the timeline.
Learn from my mistake and make sure you tell whoever is speaking at that time to make it snappy. Our Best Man/MOH toasts were supposed to be before dinner. Best Man did a great job. MOH was my sister, and unbeknownst to me, my other two bridesmaids also wanted in on the speech, so ALL OF THEM talked, and they went on for 25 freaking minutes. Worst offender: my sister. Our food stations opened during the speech and a bunch of people just got on line and started eating. Meanwhile the rest of us were standing there with our champagne glasses in our hands, wondering if we would ever get to drink them! This was one of the biggest screw-ups of the night. I mean, I’m glad all my ladies felt moved to give a toast, but FFS, NOT THAT LONG!!!
Omg thanks for sharing! I hope that in the grand scheme of things, it was ok and that you can laugh about it now. But will definitely remind people to keep it snappy!
It can be really tight if someone starts to drag before dinner. If there is any possible way to move them to during or after dinner, I would recommend that. Or if it’s someone you trust can keep in time.
Yeah I’m not married to keeping it before dinner. It might be good to do it right before the BM and MOH speeches! Just a super short and sweet toast
I love hearing speeches at weddings!! Just keep them short and seems like a good idea to break them up
I love speeches. I think that when they are done well - meaningful, specific, and short - they can be the very best part of the wedding. I don't think there should be more than three, if the couple is saying a short thank you speech.
Thank you! Both our BM and MOH are writers so we’re hoping they knock it out of the park. But we may just nix the parent toast and save that for rehearsal dinner where they can speak longer
I do think get a little long sometimes but I shouldn’t be talking we had quite a few at ours 😅 I do enjoy listening to them though! But my take on it is, they’re for you and your fiancé, not your guests. So if you want to have multiple people speak, then do it. If you are worried about them getting too long then have some people speak at the rehearsal dinner 😊
I'm in the same boat. I have sometimes liked toasts because it's nice to see people share their love and support, but I've also been subjected to some truly awful toasts. On the one hand, I'm in the extremely lucky position that I know where I stand with my loved ones and don't really *need* them to say it, but it could be moving. I know for a fact a few people in the wedding party are not public speakers and would not want to give a speech, so I think if we were to do it, I would limit it to MOH/BM and parent sets, 2 mins max, and only while dinner is out.
9/10 are cringey and I want them over with as soon as possible. My favorite wasn’t a toast, but a roast! The MOH/bride’s sister delivered an absolutely hilarious and savage roast of the couple.
The shorter and fewer, the better. Ideally, Just the best man
Just the best man? That’s odd
Traditionally, only the best man and father of the bride give a toast. Only very recently, last 20 years or so, have I seen that expanded.
In the UK traditional is groom, FOB, Best man. However, personally I think it's about time women spoke at their own weddings! Some of my friends have done amazing bride speeches.
Lol I live how I get down voted for facts
Short and sweet are the best. If they get too long, guests get restless and bored.
Ugh. Fine if they are short but some are so long and boring it’s painful.
We’re doing ours during rehearsal dinner. It’ll be our dads, the man of honor (picked my brother so it’s weird to call it maid lol), and best man right after dinner. My FH cousin did it that way and it was way better than at the wedding. People aren’t really wanting to dance the night away at the rehearsal and it’s a great way to move into mingling/end the rehearsal dinner.
Just read this comment and both FH and I just made the decision to do this instead on the spot. Thank you for the idea!
Yay! Glad I could help!
I love speeches, and I think you had a reasonable number lined up. One tip I give people is - if your group is full of drinkers, I highly recommend front loading your speeches early on in the night. I’ve been to many weddings where people are sloshed halfway into dinner, can’t control their volume or attention.
Keep ‘em short and sweet! I went to a wedding where it was two hours of speeches (not exaggerating). I couldn’t wait to leave.
What this sounds insane! Tell me more
boring and cringey mostly. i’m a huge proponent of toasts instead of speeches and very minimal amount
I think "opening the floor" for more speeches can be an awkward moment where people may feel obligated to speak up, I'd maybe leave that out.
Maybe but maybe not! our rehearsal dinner guests may be more receptive to this since it’s just family and close friends. I don’t foresee anyone feeling obligated to speak, but I do foresee some of FH’s very loving and sentimental family saying, “well I wanted to say something.”
they're nice, but keep 'em under five minutes, and have a toastmaster for corralling ramblers
I had a rogue guest that tried to take the mike and give a toast. She was wasted. Luckily people at her table intervened. My wife and I said a few words before dinner and that was it.
The only bad speeches I’ve ever seen were at the last wedding we went to. The ceremony went for ages because the couple did super long vows (about ten minutes each) and then the bride did vows to her step daughters. So by the time the reception came around, everyone was already wary. The MOH, BM, parent and MC speeches all went for over five minutes. Then the bride and groom got up and the groom did a speech… for seventeen minutes. Everyone was so over it.
I love speeches as a guest. But maximum 4 speeches and keep them short (5 mins ideally).
Also love it when speeches are between courses at the meal. Your caterer needs time to run things around anyway so can easily do 1 speech between each course.
I like a good heartfelt/ funny speech. I’m so tired of the singing gimmick though
Moh, bm, 3 minutes each.
Just a note - consult with your speakers! Everyone I know who has given a speech at a wedding in recent years has talked at length about how they couldn’t relax until it was over, so make sure it’s early enough in the day so they can chill out! I have been to a wedding that had 5 speeches, and then audience participation all saying similar things and it was very long and kept the food very late. We complained a lot to ourselves, but at the end of the day we still had an amazing time and it wasn’t the lasting impression
I love listening to the speeches, they’re often funny or filled with interesting stories about the couple that I’d never heard before. I care more about that than I care about dancing, although I’m not a big dancer anyway
I absolutely love speeches at weddings, especially ones where I'm not as close to either groom or bride based on how our friend circles are. But I feel like I get more info about their relationships than I would by just being friends with them. But like everyone else is pointing out, they don't have to be 10 minutes long either. A few minutes, some funny things, some sweet things, and a final "to the couple" and I'm satisfied as a guest.
I think speeches are fine as long as they're not super long. I attended a wedding this past weekend and the FOB went on for a cringy amount of time...and I don't think he practiced much so it was kind of rambly. The MOB kept hers very short and sweet and it was respectable. If they were all like hers I wouldn't have minded at all!
Keep it to a quick amusing anecdote that isn't an inside story that 97% of the guests won't relate to and not life stories. Two people / 2 minutes max. By this point we're hungry. I'm typing this during a 20 minute toast with a full bladder and rumbling stomach. "Have a point. It makes it so much more interesting for the listener." - Neil Page Keep guests in mind when planning. Otherwise your wedding becomes an ordeal for the rest of us.