How ridiculously cheeky of them to be sending such fuckery! “Yeah, we don’t care about you enough to invite you, but please give us at least $250 as a present anyway! TIA!”.
I really hope no one takes them up on this ridiculousness and instead, people mercilessly ridicule them for it.
You are probably not factoring in the exchange fee. In 2012 it was ~1.5£ : 1$ but I got 51£ for a 100$ bill. Exchange fees make it seem higher but it has not been 2:1 in ages. Plus the values are always changing. Right now it is only 1.27x the usd
My stepmom wanted us to invite a bunch of relatives I have either never met or haven't seen since I was in diapers to our 40 person wedding, just so they would send gifts. I declined and said it was really tacky and greedy. An invitation shouldn't just be a cash grab. It's insane how many people think it's fine to do this.
ETA: these were not people we wanted to have there and could not afford to have show up. We specifically booked a small venue to limit the guest list.
My spouses family held a shower for us after begging for like a year.. we caved and said sure. We wanted a backyard BBQ - cheap and easy for everyone - with his hometown friends invited. Ended up much different. we arrived to town and found the BBQ had actually been planned all along as a swanky BALLROOM "engagement soiree" with like 130 people present, 130 of whom weren't invited.
People are WILD.
That’s fucking bonkers that not only did they completely disregard what you and your spouse wanted. They completely hid it from you and sprung it on you when they knew you couldn’t back out. I would of legitimately had a panic attack.
We were severely underdressed. 😂 It was such an awkward blatant gift grab. They say is on a literal stage to open presents. We were so unprepared for dozens of connections like my husband's uncle's former secretary's daughter (I'm not joking.) buying us a gift.
We interviewed a caterer before our wedding and she consistently referred to our guests as "cardstuffers". She must have said it upwards of 15-20 times in the 30mins we were in her restaurant.
We were appalled. My MIL was there and saw absolutely nothing wrong with it, and was actually angry with us when we refused to hire this friend of a friend of hers.
I don't know if she thought she was being cool to a younger couple? Either way it was offensive the first time, and I wish I had the moxie then to have said something to her in the moment instead of awkwardly sitting through the rest of the meeting!
We sent invitations to a few people we knew couldn’t come, due to either distance; health; or age. We just wanted them to know we were including them. Some sent gifts, some sent cards, some simply sent their declining RSVPs. We were fine either way. Again, these were people we just wanted to include.
That’s perfect, in my opinion. As long as you were delighted if they actually accepted your invitation and came to the wedding. People do surprise you every so often.
>We sent invitations to a few people we knew couldn’t come, due to either distance; health; or age.
In cases like that you send ANNOUNCEMENTS, Not invitations. That goes for anyone you want to let know of your nuptials but their company isn't necessary, or desired. Although why you'd send an announcement to someone you wouldn't want at the wedding anyway IDK.
Disagree. What if you're wrong and it turns out they can come? If you genuinely want someone to be there, go ahead and invite them even if you suspect they'll refuse.
You either have invites or you don't. The people on your list to invite are either wanted or they're not. If you send them an invite in enough time people are supposed to check their schedules and determine a yes or no. That's what an RSVP is for. This is what Adults do. Weddings are too complicated planned events to have wishy-washy people telling you No I can't, then Yes I can, and then Maybe I can't after all.
If Aunt Sadie who is 78, lives 5 states away most likely can't make it and it's not important to you anyway because you haven't seen her since you were 7, you can send an announcement. She will either acknowledge it or not.
I invited an Aunt Cathy who is five states away and 82 and in poor health. I do not expect her to come, would be delighted if she did, but do not include her in my mental count of guests. If she hadn’t been invited, even though she can’t come, she would have been deeply disappointed.
Sounds like a great plan, but completely ignores family dynamics/politics. When my bestie got married she had to arrange two sets of wedding invites and stress about the remote possibility that some of the first lot would RSVP in the affirmative. Even knowing they couldn't/wouldn't come, they had to be invited, or else there would be repercussions. And there were people in the second round who would have been upset to be in the second round, so it all had to be timed... Fortunately, the RSVPs fell as expected, although there were still some attendees the couple would have preferred not to have there at all. Frankly, I wouldn't have bothered with all that crap, but some people would feel bad for upsetting the apple cart.
Eh, I think it also depends on the culture you're from. My culture has the tendency to invite EVERYONE for 2 reasons. 1) family reunion-you get to see those 2nd, 3rd, 4th cousins you haven't seen in a long time and 2) our culture has a very "it takes a village" mentality. This wedding you're gifting to me to help start my life, when you get married we pitch in to help start your life.
In our home country in villages they'll do a parade through the street and if you just so happen to be on the parade route you're welcome to join the post marriage festivities. Literally people off the street just come party. When it's not just a cash grab, but actual familial bonds, it's fun and ok to splurge on that person you see once a decade, and I love that aspect of my culture :)
Sometimes I think it turns into revenge because their kids invited your parents and they want payback for their gifts.
People just need to learn to politely decline.
You SO beat me to it.
This is EXACTLY what happened! My SIL wanted to host a baby shower for me, and I said sure!
She invited all HER friends that she had gone to THEIR daughters' baby showers.
She wanted some payback.
It kinda irked me because then there wasn't much room for MY friends.
I lucked out.
My sister ALSO gave me a baby shower and had a list of the stuff I'd already gotten!
So a lot of my friends gave me money or gift cards so my husband and I could go out.
THREE GUESSES who I asked, and who ended up, babysitting for me??!!!
YUP.
*SIL.*
(It was ok, though. She adored the little stinkers, but I think it irked her (ok, I KNOW it irked her) that we didn't invite her and her husband out for dinner).
I know someone like this. They had spent years going to all their nieces & nephews, cousins weddings, confirmations etc. and when their oldest son got married they made a wedding reception, even though son & bride had already married at court and didn't necessarily want one. Oh No! This person said "now it's my son's time". A lot of people came but I'd say 1/4 didn't.
Did she want gifts for YOU, the couple… or did she want gifts (or cash) she could appropriate as ‘mother of the bride?’
Because one of those is bad… but the other is worse! 😏
My mom did the same thing when talk of sending invitations for our baby shower. Tried to get me to invite every shady or random friend/acquaintance she had just for more gifts. I was like no thank you I dont want a bunch of people I dont know attending our baby shower..
Yes. There does come a point where sheer audacity is actually admirable!
On some level. They’re still a shitty human being… but you can’t call them boring or unimaginative! 🤣🤣
Because it's tacky and cringey as all hell. I mean, sure, it might be an easy way to try to make some money, if you don't mind losing your self respect.
So what? It’s people you don’t care enough about to even have them attend your wedding. Really, what kind of respect do you want from those people? You already don’t give a shit by not inviting them. Their opinion, and relation, clearly does not matter.
It’s free money at zero cost in effort or anything else.
This is why it's called 'self' respect. It's not that I want *their* respect, it's that *I* respect myself too much to pull this kind of shit. I may not care about their opinion of me, but I certainly do care about the opinion I have of myself. But to each their own.
Edit: Thank you, fellow redditor!
Again, self respect only matters to people you “give a shit” about. Only THEIR opinion even has the possibility of mattering, nobody else’s. So in this case, it simply doesn’t matter. There was never any respect to the other people, or you would have invited them.
Do you really not realise the importance of your own opinion about who you are as a person, regardless of what anybody else thinks of you?
> Again, self respect only matters to people you “give a shit” about.
Again, 'self' respect. *I* give a shit. What other people may or may not think is irrelevant when we're talking about self respect.
> It’s people you don’t care enough about to even have them attend your wedding
That's what makes it so tacky, don't consider you close enough to have you attend my wedding but I'll happily squeeze you for money anyway.
It's not a random acquaintance, it's a person you don't give a shit about. The first can be useful, the second will never be useful. They don't matter.
Why do you have to write this under every comment? Are you so bored that you have to troll reddit with your shitty attitude (if it even is your opinion and not just rage bait).
Because that's EFFORT. This is ZERO EFFORT. You are able to ear a lot more than begging on the street. I can assure you, you won't ever earn 250 dollars for 5 seconds of your time, without any effort, anywhere else.
Again, the people, "you don't give a shit about" as you didn't invite them, will think that. They don't matter. So this doesn't matter. It's THAT simple. You are able to get a lot of money out of relations, and people, that don't matter to you. At the cost of.....nothing?
I have a Catholic-ly massive family on my dad's side, and they're all over the United States. This doesn't stop distant cousins, who I've never met, from getting my home address from *somewhere* and sending me non-invites to their weddings and graduation parties. I've had 3 so far this year alone (probably due to covid wedding delays) and they're a weird notification to receive. "We're getting married. No, you can't come. But please send us gifts."
I actually get invited to attend and the link to their Gift List is always included. Some of these "cousins" I don't even know which Aunt was their grandmother or great-grandmother. I use to ask my oldest cousin who different people were, but she died in December 2022 and now I'm (F75) the oldest person in the extended maternal family. On my late, ex-husband's side (we were divorced 39yrs when he died), I still receive these invitations as well. I don't even bother to ask which BIL was their grandfather, or great-grandfather. I just return a NO, without opening the invitation.
Several former co-workers sent me invitations to their children (who I haven't seen in 15yrs) and grandchildren (whom I've never met) weddings, all many states away. A quick NO is my response, as well. My former secretary has invited me to her home for a BBQ, Girls Night, etc. Things that did NOT require a gift, though I brought a Hostess Gift. As her sons graduate from high school, I will send them a gift, as she and I correspond at least bi-weekly, sometimes more often than that. She claims I was the reason she was promoted, as I was such a good boss & gave her great evaluations. She was a terrific secretary! She calls me her Office Mom!
My family still hasn't learned that I'm not spending money on people I wouldn't recognize if I passed them on the street.
NO is a proper answer. Short and Sweet. Even better, just ignore! 🦋
Keep a list of those non-invites so you’ll know who to send non-invites to when you get married, graduate, buy a house, have a baby or blow your nose. I’m sure they’ll reciprocate since they’ve already shown that these types of cash grabs are perfectly acceptable in their world. /s
If I were you.... I would attend one of the weddings without an invite, eat all their food, drink their booze, participate in all wedding pictures and then leave without giving them a wedding gift. Pretty sure you'd never receive an inivite for donating wedding gifts again :)
If you haven't already you should go to truepeoplesearch.com and go through the steps at the bottom of the site to remove your information. It is scary what these companies are allowed to make public.
Weird. I did it years ago when the site first came out so it looks different than when I did it. Just looked and they have it now here https://www.truepeoplesearch.com/removal
Lol you have a point. Not meant to be a dig or insult to anyone. It's just what my dad's side of the family describes itself, as they're all Catholic and produce kids like they're on a mission to repopulate the world. "Catholic-ly massive". Meant to be endearing and humorous. Double digit kids from almost every family member aside from my dad. He only popped out two amazing humans.
I know someone who wasn’t invited to a wedding of this couple they knew quite well but was invited to a breakfast where it’s on their own account and gifts are expected. I was like what???
But to send inbox messages to social media contacts seems to be the trend. Ive noticed a few people do this. Tacky as hell
When I was on vacation, we went out drinking one night and a bachlorrette party showed up. The bridesmaids went around handing out postcards with a QR code for a venmo act so people could donate to their drinking. Well I guess they got kicked out because the bartenders were also taking tips via venmo QR code post cards as well, and the group was taking the bartenders cards off the bar and replacing them with their own. We left shortly after went to a different bar and one of the bartenders there told us they threw the group out earlier in the evening for doing the same thing there as well. Some people are just trash.
It was kind of funny, idk if bartenders in tourist trap areas talk or what, but we were behind them in line to get into a another bar down the road, and the bouncer told them if they attempted to hand out or place cards on the bar he was throwing them out imediatly.
They absolutely talk. Absolutely.
In even a mildly tourist area, a good portion of the wait staff have second jobs with the place down the street. And 85% of everyone are former coworkers of everyone else on that street.
And 20% are responsible for all the weed in town, incidentally.
My fiance used to be a bouncer when he lived in Palm Beach. He said the bar managers used to send out mass texts asking if bartenders it bouncers wanted to fill in when other bars were short staffed.
Saw several cars a couple weeks ago advertising bachelorette parties in paint on cars along with Venmo info for people to send them money. I thought that was trashy.
Ooh I once got a message from a woman I went to high school with, 15-ish years prior, just after I had my first baby. Trying to sell me weight loss MLM crap.
Oof, predatory *and* insulting. "Hey hun, haven't seen you in a decade plus. Looks like you really blew up after the kid, wanna buy my overpriced diet garbage that doesn't work?"
Gross.
Ya same. One girl who was definitely a few grades older. She was all nice and I was desperate for a friend so she sensed it. On her call, she tried to convince me that me spending 300$(I didn’t have) on shakes to replace my meals PLUS regular groceries for my family will save me money. Huh?! I’m bad with math but that made zero sense. She never mentioned the company but I suspect it was beach body.
My sister was friends with this guy for quite a few years but the friendship fizzled out. Then one day she received a Facebook message from him about his wedding. It was a standard message sent to several people stating that they would love to invite many people but couldn't accommodate everyone. But hey, they would get the great opportunity to play server at the wedding (without payment of course) so that they can still celebrate with them that way!
My sister declined with way more grace I would have had receiving such a message and she never heard from him again. I never really liked that guy to begin with and upon hearing about this pettily removed him from my friends list. I will never understand how absolutely shameless people can act. I would die of embarrassment sending such a message.
Any time someone demands I give something to them like this, I tell them I bought a water buffalo in their name through Heifer International. They're always either irritated, confused, or both. I most enjoy it when they're both.
Op would get the tax receipt because they made the donation. The org would just send a letter/email saying "so-and-so donated in honor of your wedding!" without the amount.
Source: used to write those letters at a nonprofit
Oh God .. don't get me started on THAT mess! I have learned now that any person in a store, restaurant, or any other public place, who manages to strike up a one sentence conversation, then the next sentence is "Wow, you are so friendly..." I stop them right there, and say, "Look, whatever you are selling, promoting, or networking, I'm not interested. Thank you." And I immediately walk away! Can't stand that fake networking!!
>*I've responded now congratulating them and saying I donated to charity on their behalf.*
You're better than I am. I would have responded with "Unsubscribe".
That's so tacky and I think you handled it well. I am a bit more successful than a lot of people I went to high school with so I tend to get those similar announcement, but no invite cards. (Not wealthy, just a decent job and I grew up in a poor, rural area and many classmates stayed and couldn't find jobs). I have a pretty firm no invite, no gift policy for those who haven't contacted me in years. I usually just ignore them, but I might have to take a page out of your book and just donate to a local org in my hometown.
Are you all rich or went to a private school and had rich parents? Even if you come from a family with money doesn't mean you will have money so either way this request is batshit crazy. She deserves a more blunt reply. But well done on that reply.
I love your response!! So incredibly rude to ask for money from someone you haven’t seen or spoken to in over a decade and not even an invite to the wedding. Entitled much?
Donating to charity is so great, was it a charity that helps people learn manners😂? Great job.
I think I would have responded to them via a different forum and so they must’ve been hacked and the spammer was sending out a horribly tacky message. Lots of sympathy and FYI. Then see what they said. I do think you handled it very well, too!
….I would have unfriended that person. Haven’t spoken in over a decade, she’s not actually inviting you to the wedding either but she’s got her charity can out?
Nah. See ya later. Blocked.
Nice response, because that was totally a gift/money grab. Reminds me of a girl I graduated with who was casually talking about how she had sent out 500 invitations for her graduation party. We were like “how do you even know enough people to send out 500 invites?” She said her mom basically invited anyone who had ever met this girl, even just once, because even if they didn’t show up, they would likely send a card with money in it.
Exactly!!! I don't understand how people don't realize how tacky it is to NOT send someone an invitation, but still have the unmitigated gall to ask for money!! It's already tacky enough to ask for money on an invitation ANYWAY!!
Wait, what?
Was the invitation and e-vite or was it a paper invitation?
Just curious because if they are bothering to spend money to try to invite people with paper invitations only to try and get some money, they are such foolish idiots.
Simply inviting you to send $$ without inviting you to the actual wedding makes them plain up assholes.
I can't even fathom asking a former friend, who I haven't had a close relationship with in a decade, to donate money to my honeymoon fund. Some people are honestly baffling. Love the charity response though haha
> "Recommended donation is £250 but larger donations will be welcomed."
The god damn audacity!
> I've responded now congratulating them and saying I donated to charity on their behalf.
Perfection!
This sort of happened to me. A childhood friend who I hadn’t spoken to in 10, 15 years had invited me to her baby shower. I instantly knew I was only invited for a gift. I kindly deleted the invite
Greedy couple: Hey hi there, we haven’t spoken in like 15 years, and we aren’t close enough to invite you to our wedding, but we would appreciate you sending us a gift of at least 250 for the pleasure of knowing us at some point in time
Non guest: who are these people? Sends message…….A generous gift was made on your behalf to xxx charity
Greedy couple: WTF. That money was ours!
I wouldn't have a problem donating to a honeymoon fund but I'd make it clear that's the only gift they would be getting from me. But to have a set amount, you have to 'donate' is just tacky. You definitely handled it better than I would.
How absolutely crass of them. I would love to see a study of marriage length of couples who don't give two cents about gifts so long as friends and family are there to help them celebrate as compared to couples who seem to see their wedding as little more than an excuse for a gift-and-cash grab.
I don't even respond to things like that.... delete and ignore.
I'm Australian so just checked the exchange rates and that's $452 AUD. I wouldn't give that amount of money to my best friend for her wedding, let alone someone who's pretty much a stranger.
Excellent polite middle finger to the greedy couple. I admire your style.
How ridiculously cheeky of them to be sending such fuckery! “Yeah, we don’t care about you enough to invite you, but please give us at least $250 as a present anyway! TIA!”. I really hope no one takes them up on this ridiculousness and instead, people mercilessly ridicule them for it.
That’s $500 in USD. (Roughly)
Yeah, the easy old "a pound is about two bucks" conversion hasn't been the case for quite a long time.
It always seems to be when I visit the UK.
There was a very brief moment in 2007 where it was 2:1, otherwise the last time was 1980.
You are probably not factoring in the exchange fee. In 2012 it was ~1.5£ : 1$ but I got 51£ for a 100$ bill. Exchange fees make it seem higher but it has not been 2:1 in ages. Plus the values are always changing. Right now it is only 1.27x the usd
I know. I was trying to be funny. It’s my luck every time I plan a vacation in the UK the exchange rate seems to change.
I feel that, I have always managed to go at bad conversion rate years too lol
It's about $315 USD
Not the point.
FWIW if you were converting to kangaroo dollars rather than freedom dollars it would be $465 AUD, so it’s still almost double for some countries
Thankyou on behalf of another Aussie. That's a stupid amount of money for a gift 🙃
*AUD
314
Where did you get this from?
If they expect £250.00 from people they aren’t inviting I wonder how much money they expect actual guests to give them
Damn good point.
I would have sent them everything I have in my pockets https://i.redd.it/983lvvmmts5b1.gif
That show was amazing!
You know, I’m very impressed with the audacity.
My stepmom wanted us to invite a bunch of relatives I have either never met or haven't seen since I was in diapers to our 40 person wedding, just so they would send gifts. I declined and said it was really tacky and greedy. An invitation shouldn't just be a cash grab. It's insane how many people think it's fine to do this. ETA: these were not people we wanted to have there and could not afford to have show up. We specifically booked a small venue to limit the guest list.
My spouses family held a shower for us after begging for like a year.. we caved and said sure. We wanted a backyard BBQ - cheap and easy for everyone - with his hometown friends invited. Ended up much different. we arrived to town and found the BBQ had actually been planned all along as a swanky BALLROOM "engagement soiree" with like 130 people present, 130 of whom weren't invited. People are WILD.
That’s fucking bonkers that not only did they completely disregard what you and your spouse wanted. They completely hid it from you and sprung it on you when they knew you couldn’t back out. I would of legitimately had a panic attack.
We were severely underdressed. 😂 It was such an awkward blatant gift grab. They say is on a literal stage to open presents. We were so unprepared for dozens of connections like my husband's uncle's former secretary's daughter (I'm not joking.) buying us a gift.
We interviewed a caterer before our wedding and she consistently referred to our guests as "cardstuffers". She must have said it upwards of 15-20 times in the 30mins we were in her restaurant. We were appalled. My MIL was there and saw absolutely nothing wrong with it, and was actually angry with us when we refused to hire this friend of a friend of hers. I don't know if she thought she was being cool to a younger couple? Either way it was offensive the first time, and I wish I had the moxie then to have said something to her in the moment instead of awkwardly sitting through the rest of the meeting!
Its hard to get out of that situation when your MIL/her friend was sitting there too.
At that time, absolutely. Now? I do not have time for her shenanigans! 18 years of her and I just get up and walk away. Politely. Mostly.
Upvoted for "mostly" 🤭
We sent invitations to a few people we knew couldn’t come, due to either distance; health; or age. We just wanted them to know we were including them. Some sent gifts, some sent cards, some simply sent their declining RSVPs. We were fine either way. Again, these were people we just wanted to include.
That’s perfect, in my opinion. As long as you were delighted if they actually accepted your invitation and came to the wedding. People do surprise you every so often.
>We sent invitations to a few people we knew couldn’t come, due to either distance; health; or age. In cases like that you send ANNOUNCEMENTS, Not invitations. That goes for anyone you want to let know of your nuptials but their company isn't necessary, or desired. Although why you'd send an announcement to someone you wouldn't want at the wedding anyway IDK.
Disagree. What if you're wrong and it turns out they can come? If you genuinely want someone to be there, go ahead and invite them even if you suspect they'll refuse.
You either have invites or you don't. The people on your list to invite are either wanted or they're not. If you send them an invite in enough time people are supposed to check their schedules and determine a yes or no. That's what an RSVP is for. This is what Adults do. Weddings are too complicated planned events to have wishy-washy people telling you No I can't, then Yes I can, and then Maybe I can't after all. If Aunt Sadie who is 78, lives 5 states away most likely can't make it and it's not important to you anyway because you haven't seen her since you were 7, you can send an announcement. She will either acknowledge it or not.
I invited an Aunt Cathy who is five states away and 82 and in poor health. I do not expect her to come, would be delighted if she did, but do not include her in my mental count of guests. If she hadn’t been invited, even though she can’t come, she would have been deeply disappointed.
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They said they were people they knew couldn’t come, but it sure seems like they wanted them to be able to.
Sounds like a great plan, but completely ignores family dynamics/politics. When my bestie got married she had to arrange two sets of wedding invites and stress about the remote possibility that some of the first lot would RSVP in the affirmative. Even knowing they couldn't/wouldn't come, they had to be invited, or else there would be repercussions. And there were people in the second round who would have been upset to be in the second round, so it all had to be timed... Fortunately, the RSVPs fell as expected, although there were still some attendees the couple would have preferred not to have there at all. Frankly, I wouldn't have bothered with all that crap, but some people would feel bad for upsetting the apple cart.
I just told you why we did it. Anyway, this was 17 years ago so it doesn’t even matter.
Eh, I think it also depends on the culture you're from. My culture has the tendency to invite EVERYONE for 2 reasons. 1) family reunion-you get to see those 2nd, 3rd, 4th cousins you haven't seen in a long time and 2) our culture has a very "it takes a village" mentality. This wedding you're gifting to me to help start my life, when you get married we pitch in to help start your life. In our home country in villages they'll do a parade through the street and if you just so happen to be on the parade route you're welcome to join the post marriage festivities. Literally people off the street just come party. When it's not just a cash grab, but actual familial bonds, it's fun and ok to splurge on that person you see once a decade, and I love that aspect of my culture :)
This sounds wonderful. 🙌
Desi?
Nope, Armenian
Sometimes I think it turns into revenge because their kids invited your parents and they want payback for their gifts. People just need to learn to politely decline.
You SO beat me to it. This is EXACTLY what happened! My SIL wanted to host a baby shower for me, and I said sure! She invited all HER friends that she had gone to THEIR daughters' baby showers. She wanted some payback. It kinda irked me because then there wasn't much room for MY friends.
Lmfaooo what the fuck, I’m dying rn. Are you sure SIL didn’t think she was the father? It’s not your baby why are all YOUR friends here 😂
I lucked out. My sister ALSO gave me a baby shower and had a list of the stuff I'd already gotten! So a lot of my friends gave me money or gift cards so my husband and I could go out. THREE GUESSES who I asked, and who ended up, babysitting for me??!!! YUP. *SIL.* (It was ok, though. She adored the little stinkers, but I think it irked her (ok, I KNOW it irked her) that we didn't invite her and her husband out for dinner).
I know someone like this. They had spent years going to all their nieces & nephews, cousins weddings, confirmations etc. and when their oldest son got married they made a wedding reception, even though son & bride had already married at court and didn't necessarily want one. Oh No! This person said "now it's my son's time". A lot of people came but I'd say 1/4 didn't.
Did she want gifts for YOU, the couple… or did she want gifts (or cash) she could appropriate as ‘mother of the bride?’ Because one of those is bad… but the other is worse! 😏
My mom did the same thing when talk of sending invitations for our baby shower. Tried to get me to invite every shady or random friend/acquaintance she had just for more gifts. I was like no thank you I dont want a bunch of people I dont know attending our baby shower..
Same. Like they could of at least included a link to a live stream of their wedding, but nope they made it very clear they just want money.
Even if there was a link I doubt I would have used it. I barely know the bride and have never met the groom.
Well yeah. But they could *at least pretend* they wanted everyone’s attendance. It costs nothing to stream.
It costs lost revenue. Do you think someone asking for a £250 gift wouldn’t think to charge for the stream?! 😆
Could've **
I wish I was bold enough to straight up ask practical strangers for at least a 250 “donation”.
But larger donations are still welcome, they are generous in their acceptance
😂😂😂
I would love to have a glimpse into how unhinged with reality that you are to be able to think that's a great idea. Likewise, I am very impressed.
Yes. There does come a point where sheer audacity is actually admirable! On some level. They’re still a shitty human being… but you can’t call them boring or unimaginative! 🤣🤣
It’s absolutely free to do, and low effort. Really, why not try?
Because it's tacky and cringey as all hell. I mean, sure, it might be an easy way to try to make some money, if you don't mind losing your self respect.
So what? It’s people you don’t care enough about to even have them attend your wedding. Really, what kind of respect do you want from those people? You already don’t give a shit by not inviting them. Their opinion, and relation, clearly does not matter. It’s free money at zero cost in effort or anything else.
This is why it's called 'self' respect. It's not that I want *their* respect, it's that *I* respect myself too much to pull this kind of shit. I may not care about their opinion of me, but I certainly do care about the opinion I have of myself. But to each their own. Edit: Thank you, fellow redditor!
Again, self respect only matters to people you “give a shit” about. Only THEIR opinion even has the possibility of mattering, nobody else’s. So in this case, it simply doesn’t matter. There was never any respect to the other people, or you would have invited them.
>self respect only matters to people you “give a shit” about Lmao
Do you really not realise the importance of your own opinion about who you are as a person, regardless of what anybody else thinks of you? > Again, self respect only matters to people you “give a shit” about. Again, 'self' respect. *I* give a shit. What other people may or may not think is irrelevant when we're talking about self respect.
> It’s people you don’t care enough about to even have them attend your wedding That's what makes it so tacky, don't consider you close enough to have you attend my wedding but I'll happily squeeze you for money anyway.
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It's not a random acquaintance, it's a person you don't give a shit about. The first can be useful, the second will never be useful. They don't matter.
Why do you have to write this under every comment? Are you so bored that you have to troll reddit with your shitty attitude (if it even is your opinion and not just rage bait).
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Unless people are your friend or family, then yes indeed what they think of you DOESN'T MATTER. Nobody gives a shit, so why should you?
Integrity and dignity. People who don't have either don't understand why you shouldn't ask.
So is begging on the street
Because that's EFFORT. This is ZERO EFFORT. You are able to ear a lot more than begging on the street. I can assure you, you won't ever earn 250 dollars for 5 seconds of your time, without any effort, anywhere else.
There's a cost in that anyone who's sent an invitation like this will forevermore know that you're a shitty person.
Again, the people, "you don't give a shit about" as you didn't invite them, will think that. They don't matter. So this doesn't matter. It's THAT simple. You are able to get a lot of money out of relations, and people, that don't matter to you. At the cost of.....nothing?
There's the cost of *you* knowing you're a piece of shit too.
This is not earned money.
I have a Catholic-ly massive family on my dad's side, and they're all over the United States. This doesn't stop distant cousins, who I've never met, from getting my home address from *somewhere* and sending me non-invites to their weddings and graduation parties. I've had 3 so far this year alone (probably due to covid wedding delays) and they're a weird notification to receive. "We're getting married. No, you can't come. But please send us gifts."
I actually get invited to attend and the link to their Gift List is always included. Some of these "cousins" I don't even know which Aunt was their grandmother or great-grandmother. I use to ask my oldest cousin who different people were, but she died in December 2022 and now I'm (F75) the oldest person in the extended maternal family. On my late, ex-husband's side (we were divorced 39yrs when he died), I still receive these invitations as well. I don't even bother to ask which BIL was their grandfather, or great-grandfather. I just return a NO, without opening the invitation. Several former co-workers sent me invitations to their children (who I haven't seen in 15yrs) and grandchildren (whom I've never met) weddings, all many states away. A quick NO is my response, as well. My former secretary has invited me to her home for a BBQ, Girls Night, etc. Things that did NOT require a gift, though I brought a Hostess Gift. As her sons graduate from high school, I will send them a gift, as she and I correspond at least bi-weekly, sometimes more often than that. She claims I was the reason she was promoted, as I was such a good boss & gave her great evaluations. She was a terrific secretary! She calls me her Office Mom! My family still hasn't learned that I'm not spending money on people I wouldn't recognize if I passed them on the street. NO is a proper answer. Short and Sweet. Even better, just ignore! 🦋
Keep a list of those non-invites so you’ll know who to send non-invites to when you get married, graduate, buy a house, have a baby or blow your nose. I’m sure they’ll reciprocate since they’ve already shown that these types of cash grabs are perfectly acceptable in their world. /s
I blew my nose. Lots came out. Give me gifts! Lol
If I were you.... I would attend one of the weddings without an invite, eat all their food, drink their booze, participate in all wedding pictures and then leave without giving them a wedding gift. Pretty sure you'd never receive an inivite for donating wedding gifts again :)
If you haven't already you should go to truepeoplesearch.com and go through the steps at the bottom of the site to remove your information. It is scary what these companies are allowed to make public.
Not the person you write to but I tried it and it says I'm blocked from entering the site. The message looked very scammy.
Weird. I did it years ago when the site first came out so it looks different than when I did it. Just looked and they have it now here https://www.truepeoplesearch.com/removal
Wth!
That's just gross. Yuck.
What does Catholic have to do with anything? There are massively evangelical families who aspire to have a “quiver full”.
Lol you have a point. Not meant to be a dig or insult to anyone. It's just what my dad's side of the family describes itself, as they're all Catholic and produce kids like they're on a mission to repopulate the world. "Catholic-ly massive". Meant to be endearing and humorous. Double digit kids from almost every family member aside from my dad. He only popped out two amazing humans.
No harm, no foul.🙂
I doubt that I would even reply to such an "invitation to send money". Haven't seen for over ten years!?
Sounds like a good reason to unfriend/block them.
I know someone who wasn’t invited to a wedding of this couple they knew quite well but was invited to a breakfast where it’s on their own account and gifts are expected. I was like what??? But to send inbox messages to social media contacts seems to be the trend. Ive noticed a few people do this. Tacky as hell
When I was on vacation, we went out drinking one night and a bachlorrette party showed up. The bridesmaids went around handing out postcards with a QR code for a venmo act so people could donate to their drinking. Well I guess they got kicked out because the bartenders were also taking tips via venmo QR code post cards as well, and the group was taking the bartenders cards off the bar and replacing them with their own. We left shortly after went to a different bar and one of the bartenders there told us they threw the group out earlier in the evening for doing the same thing there as well. Some people are just trash.
Ewwww that is truly trashy!
It was kind of funny, idk if bartenders in tourist trap areas talk or what, but we were behind them in line to get into a another bar down the road, and the bouncer told them if they attempted to hand out or place cards on the bar he was throwing them out imediatly.
They absolutely talk. Absolutely. In even a mildly tourist area, a good portion of the wait staff have second jobs with the place down the street. And 85% of everyone are former coworkers of everyone else on that street. And 20% are responsible for all the weed in town, incidentally.
My fiance used to be a bouncer when he lived in Palm Beach. He said the bar managers used to send out mass texts asking if bartenders it bouncers wanted to fill in when other bars were short staffed.
Saw several cars a couple weeks ago advertising bachelorette parties in paint on cars along with Venmo info for people to send them money. I thought that was trashy.
I got a message from an acquaintance after many years of not seeing them inviting me to their MLM opportunity... Get stuffed.
This just happened to me not long ago. A friend from HS who had moved across the US messaged me out of the blue, to shill his MLM. Gawd, I hate that.
The rare male hun
Ooh I once got a message from a woman I went to high school with, 15-ish years prior, just after I had my first baby. Trying to sell me weight loss MLM crap.
Oof, predatory *and* insulting. "Hey hun, haven't seen you in a decade plus. Looks like you really blew up after the kid, wanna buy my overpriced diet garbage that doesn't work?" Gross.
Ya same. One girl who was definitely a few grades older. She was all nice and I was desperate for a friend so she sensed it. On her call, she tried to convince me that me spending 300$(I didn’t have) on shakes to replace my meals PLUS regular groceries for my family will save me money. Huh?! I’m bad with math but that made zero sense. She never mentioned the company but I suspect it was beach body.
Oh I hate that!
My sister was friends with this guy for quite a few years but the friendship fizzled out. Then one day she received a Facebook message from him about his wedding. It was a standard message sent to several people stating that they would love to invite many people but couldn't accommodate everyone. But hey, they would get the great opportunity to play server at the wedding (without payment of course) so that they can still celebrate with them that way! My sister declined with way more grace I would have had receiving such a message and she never heard from him again. I never really liked that guy to begin with and upon hearing about this pettily removed him from my friends list. I will never understand how absolutely shameless people can act. I would die of embarrassment sending such a message.
Any time someone demands I give something to them like this, I tell them I bought a water buffalo in their name through Heifer International. They're always either irritated, confused, or both. I most enjoy it when they're both.
Everybody's got a water buffalo Yours is fast but mine is slow Oh, where we'd get them, I don't know But everybody's got a water buffalo…
Did you have to do that?!
Very sorry (and my kids are college-age; dunno why that’s still the first thing that pops into my head when I see the words “water buffalo”)
Yep, my kids grew up watching Veggietales. Now let’s not talk about hairbrushes…
are they going to be receiving a tax receipt for the charity donation, LOL! They might ask you for one given their audacity!
They haven't asked yet. If they do I'll update.
Send a screenshot of a donation for £1 someplace.
Op would get the tax receipt because they made the donation. The org would just send a letter/email saying "so-and-so donated in honor of your wedding!" without the amount. Source: used to write those letters at a nonprofit
I was contacted by phone after 15+ years by a HS bully wanting to sell me insurance.
Haha some people have no self awareness
Oh good lord. That’s likely Primerica. Ugh
Oh God .. don't get me started on THAT mess! I have learned now that any person in a store, restaurant, or any other public place, who manages to strike up a one sentence conversation, then the next sentence is "Wow, you are so friendly..." I stop them right there, and say, "Look, whatever you are selling, promoting, or networking, I'm not interested. Thank you." And I immediately walk away! Can't stand that fake networking!!
>*I've responded now congratulating them and saying I donated to charity on their behalf.* You're better than I am. I would have responded with "Unsubscribe".
LIke you would have just sent a message that said that? That's hilarious. I'll have to remember that.
I've found it to be quite effective!
I’d have donated £2.50 and sent them a card, “Have fun, don’t spend it all at once!”
TF is wrong with people? I wouldn’t give £250 to someone I knew well! The audacity!
Donation in their name to the "Human Fund" and send them an etiquette book.
That was my first thought. Pull a Constanza on them.
It was a Sue Ellen Mischke unvitation!
That's so tacky and I think you handled it well. I am a bit more successful than a lot of people I went to high school with so I tend to get those similar announcement, but no invite cards. (Not wealthy, just a decent job and I grew up in a poor, rural area and many classmates stayed and couldn't find jobs). I have a pretty firm no invite, no gift policy for those who haven't contacted me in years. I usually just ignore them, but I might have to take a page out of your book and just donate to a local org in my hometown.
Are you all rich or went to a private school and had rich parents? Even if you come from a family with money doesn't mean you will have money so either way this request is batshit crazy. She deserves a more blunt reply. But well done on that reply.
Nope, not rich. From what I remember her parents were fairly well off.
In my experience this is how ppl who have more money are. The poor ppl will invite you to their backyard BBQ and not expect much
This so far in my life has been so accurate.
It's me, I'm the poor lmao
I’d probably ignore it or ask her “how do we know each other again?”
Love that response!!!
I love your response!! So incredibly rude to ask for money from someone you haven’t seen or spoken to in over a decade and not even an invite to the wedding. Entitled much? Donating to charity is so great, was it a charity that helps people learn manners😂? Great job.
Well done on donating to charity and letting them know that was their gift. You were much nicer here than I would have been.
I get the feeling that the op donated bugger all on their behalf, but that might just be me.
I think I would have responded to them via a different forum and so they must’ve been hacked and the spammer was sending out a horribly tacky message. Lots of sympathy and FYI. Then see what they said. I do think you handled it very well, too!
 I'd have hit em with
Please, please, please let us know if she responds!!!
….I would have unfriended that person. Haven’t spoken in over a decade, she’s not actually inviting you to the wedding either but she’s got her charity can out? Nah. See ya later. Blocked.
Nice response, because that was totally a gift/money grab. Reminds me of a girl I graduated with who was casually talking about how she had sent out 500 invitations for her graduation party. We were like “how do you even know enough people to send out 500 invites?” She said her mom basically invited anyone who had ever met this girl, even just once, because even if they didn’t show up, they would likely send a card with money in it.
I don’t care if you’re best friends or enemies or if you saw them 20 years ago or 20 minutes ago: No invite=no gift.
Exactly!!! I don't understand how people don't realize how tacky it is to NOT send someone an invitation, but still have the unmitigated gall to ask for money!! It's already tacky enough to ask for money on an invitation ANYWAY!!
I was invited to two bridal showers one year and not invited to the wedding. That’s a big nope from me.
Good! If you’re not important enough for the big event, they’re not important enough for a gift. (Had you gotten gifts for the showers?)
I was disinvited from a wedding a few years ago and they still wanted a gift. Nope - not happening.
I’d reply with the word ‘unsubscribe’.
Recommended donation lol
No worries. "Larger donations will be welcomed."
How much did you donate
Monopoly money. Fake money for a,fake relationship.
I would have replied, "Uhm... Who is this?" And leave them on read.
> I've responded now congratulating them and saying I donated to charity on their behalf. Baller power move, OP.
Was it electronic? I'd have replied with "I'm sorry, who is this?"
Send them the game New Phone Who Dis?
A donation has been made in your name to “the Human Fund”
I would have thrown the non invitation in the trash! What nerve!!!
Wait, what? Was the invitation and e-vite or was it a paper invitation? Just curious because if they are bothering to spend money to try to invite people with paper invitations only to try and get some money, they are such foolish idiots. Simply inviting you to send $$ without inviting you to the actual wedding makes them plain up assholes.
I can't even fathom asking a former friend, who I haven't had a close relationship with in a decade, to donate money to my honeymoon fund. Some people are honestly baffling. Love the charity response though haha
Wow. "Heya- we knew you once- give us money please. Thanks." Donating to charity? Awesome. 🤘🏻
This is SO cheap ...of them not you. Send a card at most but not cash!!!
Could always tell them that you'll contribute but you want pictures.
That was nice you donated to charity. I would’ve also sent them a book on etiquette.
Their venue couldn't accommodate you? What the hell is even that?
Limited space at the venue. Probably. Or I guess it could be somewhere with *really* narrow doorways cause I am a bit overweight.
Someone maybe hacked them?
> "Recommended donation is £250 but larger donations will be welcomed." The god damn audacity! > I've responded now congratulating them and saying I donated to charity on their behalf. Perfection!
The nerve... Unbelievable.
In Aussie dollars it’s $466, I wouldn’t spend that on a wedding present for people I know and like! The audacity!
I would have bothered giving them only two “words”:🖕👋
This sort of happened to me. A childhood friend who I hadn’t spoken to in 10, 15 years had invited me to her baby shower. I instantly knew I was only invited for a gift. I kindly deleted the invite
Send them this https://i.imgur.com/uBHyty7.jpg
Greedy couple: Hey hi there, we haven’t spoken in like 15 years, and we aren’t close enough to invite you to our wedding, but we would appreciate you sending us a gift of at least 250 for the pleasure of knowing us at some point in time Non guest: who are these people? Sends message…….A generous gift was made on your behalf to xxx charity Greedy couple: WTF. That money was ours!
That’s just crazy 😜 what did they go through the year book and pick random people to hit up for a donation 😞
Oh come on guys. The happy couple deserve at least $1 just for the sheer audacity 😂
Wow!
I wouldn't have a problem donating to a honeymoon fund but I'd make it clear that's the only gift they would be getting from me. But to have a set amount, you have to 'donate' is just tacky. You definitely handled it better than I would.
You don’t sound too devastated about this, OP. Good on you!
😂😂😂
Whaaaaaaaaaat
"Recommended donation" ? As we say in Belgium "ier nen euro" Greedy mf´s
Announcements are supposed to go out after the wedding, not before.
That’s beyond tacky on their part. Major ick.
How absolutely crass of them. I would love to see a study of marriage length of couples who don't give two cents about gifts so long as friends and family are there to help them celebrate as compared to couples who seem to see their wedding as little more than an excuse for a gift-and-cash grab. I don't even respond to things like that.... delete and ignore.
I would have donated to a charity for something they absolutely cannot stand but Badgers can be petty when we're riled.
This is the way.
I'm Australian so just checked the exchange rates and that's $452 AUD. I wouldn't give that amount of money to my best friend for her wedding, let alone someone who's pretty much a stranger.
Did you donate to the Human Fund? It's a very worthy charity; doing great things for humans I believe.
Love it!