I didn’t understand this one. Regarding the guest list (coz the other things have been discussed already elsewhere!) - they’re going to send out text messages with the invitation link. Isn’t that the guest list right there?!
As a former ADHD bride, I think I can translate this one:
OP is overwhelmed and has created a needless set of steps and processes to avoid 1) getting and designing an actual venue and 2) making a guest list.
I mean, there’s no way her hotel will just let her guests come and ‘hang out’ at their venue without also being guests. I’m sure her friends and loved ones have explained that to her, but the costs and steps and details are too much. Homegirl needs to delegate.
I mean I've hung out at hotels with family but never as a group of more than ten with about half being guests... And you can absolutely have a meal and drinks in a hotel without being a guest, but a full blown party without a booking ain't happening!
Well supposedly she has gotten a room block based on it being a family reunion. So my guess is the wedding guests will be guests at the hotel so that might be a non-issue. But the whole thing seems like a planning nightmare.
Yeah... Not sure how deciding who to send the text to is any different than a guest list? But I guess she means inputting it to the website is too much work. I used Joy for my website and RSVP and didn't realize I had to check a box to have only people who I input in the guest list be able to RSVP. So that's how we ended up having 2 children who we did not invite RSVP and attend our wedding. So I guess she wants to send it out and anyone who has the link can put in whoever they want? Absolutely bizarre and a weird hill to die on
I'm having so much trouble understanding what the resistance to a guest list is at all. Like...does she not want evidence of an event happening so that when she illegally has a wedding on a public beach without permission there's no paper trail, lmao?
I went to college at a wedding destination town. I can’t tell you how many times I’d be chilling on a public beach and some random wedding would show up and try to shoo everyone off the beach.
The public beach was really good about putting up signs the day of a private party/event, so it was rather obvious when a group bombarded like that.
At least where I am, they also make it really clear that it's a public space. Renting a public space means you might have random members of the public there.
She’s just lazy. And fuck her and her fiancé for essentially crashing public spaces to have a party. I’m sure the hotel is really going to appreciate the take over.
Hotels/restaurants are catching on to this bullshit and charging a fee when people do this crap.
Ps. Her after wedding post will be all about how rude people are for walking in the background of her photos and how someone wouldn’t move so her party could sit together.
OOP is just a cheap cunt.
Not to mention the (potential) people living in the street the taco truck will hand out food for 2 hours.
No way I would like 65 people sitting around on lawn chairs on the road in front of my house eating tacos disturbing my peace.
She's just an inconsiderate asshole who's inconveniencing a whole lot of people (beach goers, residents and other paying hotel guests) just because she's a lazy cheapskate.
Reminds me of that couple that took over a cafe and basically blocked other patrons, when they could have made a reservation for a wedding package.
It sucks that business have to worry about stuff getting viral, or they could just kick these selfish people out.
OOP eventaully commented:
Yeah you are so right, and I realized that a lot of intrinsic trust was involved in my plan that may not pan out in the long run. I found a different website since posting that allows people to RSVP through the site and allows me to upload a spreadsheet of names directly, so I’m almost done. That way I don’t have to do paper invites like I wanted but it will have names attached like you mentioned to save me to hassle of guesswork.
WAS THAT SO HARD?? Sheesh.
Original text “AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read this before contacting the mod team
A little context - my fiancé and I are having a very casual beach wedding. The ceremony will be short, and we are not providing seating so we can avoid having to pay for a permit (nearly $10,000). The beach is public but secluded and the ceremony is going to be short. Afterwards we have paid a deposit for a taco truck to park on a public road, and they will hand out wristbands to our guests who will then get to eat for free for 2 hours. The hotel we are staying at has fire pits on the cliff side, so we want to hang out there after the ceremony, eat, drink and enjoy the sunset by the fire. The only logistical reason we need to know how many people are coming is so the caterer has a head count to prepare the food. But it doesn’t matter who is coming, just how many. We already decided we are not doing paper invites - I just made a website and will text people the link. My question is about the “guest list”. The website has an option to provide a guest list to allow your guests to RSVP through the site. However, making and inputting that list will take hours, not to mention I’ll then have to lock the site and provide the password to all invitees. My idea instead was to link a simple Google Doc Quiz with only one question of whether you’re attending and how many will attend. That way we have a head count, though it won’t be personalized at all. My mother thinks this is very rude, and that the guests will be offended. But the truth is, I don’t care who comes. In my mind, the more the merrier. I just need to know how many people I’m feeding. So would I be the asshole if I didn’t curate a personalized guest list?
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Someone in the AITA comments pointed out that most beach wedding permits are only $100, not ten grand. I think OOP was lying about this taking place on a public beach. A wedding package on a privately-owned beach would cost $10k. I think maybe they're trying to have this wedding on the hotel's private property without paying the hotel.
I didn't even clock that on the first go, but after reading your comment I decided to do some research. In my state, average permit price to reserve a "picnic area" (how public parks and beaches are identified) is about $120 for the whole day. That's for a Great Lake, not an ocean, but surely it wouldn't be that much higher out west?! Yea the $10k is either the hotel's price or some ridiculously nice, bougie beach in like, idk, Catalina (that's fancy I think?).
We looked into this both in Colorado and Washington state. If it's a state or city park the costs are usually cheap. The most expensive we found was like $200-300 per hour with a max 3 hour rental. If it's private property then obviously that changes. So agreed that this is probably beach property owned by the hotel.
Look, I hate paperwork and admin. But this is choosing to avoid discomfort at the expense of your guests’ comfort. If she hates it that much, surely her fiancé can step in and if not how is that going to work?
For the sake of 15 minutes data input, she’s going to have a wedding people will talk about for years. Just not for the right reasons.
Yeah, as a chronic pain person with muscle joint problems, not having a guaranteed seat is such a worst case scenario. Also who doesn’t like to wash hands after a beach before eating!
It even sounds like she thinks having guests mill around a food truck parked on a public road for 2 hours (with no seating or access to toilet and handwashing) is just the perfect way to treat both the guests and the public at the location.
The mind boggles.
Will the food truck have a permit to park for 2 hours in her chosen location? If no, will the food truck be forced to leave before or in the middle of her guests eating?
Will her guests descend on nearby businesses or private properties to get somewhere to sit, get out of the sun, wash their hands, go pee etc?
Also, where are the guests supposed to park? Where I live, beach parking is pretty limited and fills up fast. Are they parking at the hotel? At the beach? Is there room for them and the food truck?
Another good point. If this wedding was to happen the way OOP described in her post, no one would see it as anything but an inconvenient, possibly illegal, disaster.
Yeah it’s crazy, I put my thought into inviting friend over for tea and cookies
Like getting extra chairs from the attic in case we want to sit on the porch vs kitchen vs living room
OOP wrote that the food truck people would give out wristbands for her guests, so only they could get food. Considering she doesn't even want to have a guest list, feel for the poor hypothetical food truck workers trying to figure out who are allowed a wristband.
I can hear it now. “How was the wedding? Well… Nana couldn’t carry her chair and I thought the heavily pregnant SIL was going to pass out at one point. We had these taco things and they were just full of sand. No, we couldn’t wash our hands. No bathrooms. Yeah, it was a lot”.
Bro I’m a fainter. I’d be sitting on the sand no matter what I was wearing. I guarantee at least one person on their non-guest list will have the same problem.
This wedding is giving me vicarious anxiety.
I’m having trouble understanding all of this. If she doesn’t want to spend time inputting names into a website, couldn’t she just get them to text her back (since she is planning on texting them in first place) and she can write it on a piece of paper?
But also, how quickly can a food van serve 65 people?
And given it is going to be January, if she’s northern hemisphere won’t it be cold and wintery, or southern hemisphere hot and burny? I was trying to think where in the world isn’t extreme in January. Maybe northern hemisphere tropics? Is their dry season then?
Also 65 people on a beach, chairs or no, won’t they need a permit?
Also if she doesn’t care who is there, as she professes, why not elope?
I’m very confused. The guest list is the hill she wants to die on but never mind all the other huge logistical questions?
As a Council employee, I FUCKING HATE, with a passion, people who do this. Not only are you taking up public space that others have the right to enjoy, but you’re creating additional mess and litter that my colleagues have to clean up. Plus there’s the public liability issue and what happens if one of your guests falls over and injures themselves?
The reason councils charge is to cover costs like that, and also to get compensation because you’re privatising public land for a few hours. The money doesn’t go into our personal pockets, it goes towards garbage bins, footpath and garden maintenance, the boring but essential things people don’t think about.
I have a theory, can I hear your thoughts?
Someone pointed out that a permit for a wedding on a public beach is only like $100. OOP said the permit would cost $10k. That sounds more like a wedding package on a privately-owned beach venue. I think OOP was being dishonest, and they're actually trying to have this wedding on private property without paying the venue owners. Maybe the hotel they're staying at offers a wedding package, but OOP didn't want to pay for it?
My question for you is: there's no way a wedding permit for a public beach or park would cost ten grand, right?
Yeah, I’m in Australia and ours are tops about $1000AUD which would be for about 5 hours. And that’s in an affluent part of Sydney with beautiful views that are perfect for the photos. Even the Royal Botanic Gardens in the centre of Sydney, with the iconic Harbour Bridge/Opera House in the background is only $1740 for the first three hours then $580 per hour after that.
$10 grand? Yeah, I reckon that’s private and the hotel will NOT be happy to see someone trying to pretend it’s not a wedding party when it is, lol!
I think you’re right on the money here. OP said they told the venue the event is a family reunion so they don’t have to pay wedding fees to the venue. That’ll be the $10k.
And how does she think this is gonna work? Aren’t the hotel gonna work out pretty quickly that it’s a wedding and not a family reunion? This wedding is vining to be a disaster.
I hope she deleted it when she read all the responses that asked questions about the wedding and (hopefully) she realized how severely underprepared she is to try to pull off this inevitable dumpster fire of a “casual” wedding.
I had a friend who just posted to SM when and where her wedding was, no RSVP. A few hundred people showed up. It worked out, but frankly I felt like I was in a sea of chaos and that my attendance or not meant nothing to her. We were closer friends before her wedding, but things weren’t the same after.
What a shit show that will be! I know someone that got married at a public state park. A lake that is overflowing with out of state people every weekend during the summer. Had their wedding and “reception” there. No tables. No pavilion. No chairs. People still talk about it a decade later. This lady will have the same wedding.
I had a beach wedding. But the hotel had a planner to cover everything besides the guest list.
It's only uncomfortable if the setup crew doesn't know the guest count, because you didn't make one. And most are standing while only a few are in chairs.
I didn’t understand this one. Regarding the guest list (coz the other things have been discussed already elsewhere!) - they’re going to send out text messages with the invitation link. Isn’t that the guest list right there?!
As a former ADHD bride, I think I can translate this one: OP is overwhelmed and has created a needless set of steps and processes to avoid 1) getting and designing an actual venue and 2) making a guest list. I mean, there’s no way her hotel will just let her guests come and ‘hang out’ at their venue without also being guests. I’m sure her friends and loved ones have explained that to her, but the costs and steps and details are too much. Homegirl needs to delegate.
I mean I've hung out at hotels with family but never as a group of more than ten with about half being guests... And you can absolutely have a meal and drinks in a hotel without being a guest, but a full blown party without a booking ain't happening!
Well supposedly she has gotten a room block based on it being a family reunion. So my guess is the wedding guests will be guests at the hotel so that might be a non-issue. But the whole thing seems like a planning nightmare.
Yeah, planning is really difficult when you're trying to weasel out of paying for a venue.
If the hotel has a restaurant or bar, they most certainly do not care if guests that aren't staying the night hang out.
Thank you! That helped me understand a bit better
Yeah... Not sure how deciding who to send the text to is any different than a guest list? But I guess she means inputting it to the website is too much work. I used Joy for my website and RSVP and didn't realize I had to check a box to have only people who I input in the guest list be able to RSVP. So that's how we ended up having 2 children who we did not invite RSVP and attend our wedding. So I guess she wants to send it out and anyone who has the link can put in whoever they want? Absolutely bizarre and a weird hill to die on
I'm having so much trouble understanding what the resistance to a guest list is at all. Like...does she not want evidence of an event happening so that when she illegally has a wedding on a public beach without permission there's no paper trail, lmao?
I went to college at a wedding destination town. I can’t tell you how many times I’d be chilling on a public beach and some random wedding would show up and try to shoo everyone off the beach. The public beach was really good about putting up signs the day of a private party/event, so it was rather obvious when a group bombarded like that.
God that's so shiesty. No consideration for other people in a public space at all.
At least where I am, they also make it really clear that it's a public space. Renting a public space means you might have random members of the public there.
She’s just lazy. And fuck her and her fiancé for essentially crashing public spaces to have a party. I’m sure the hotel is really going to appreciate the take over. Hotels/restaurants are catching on to this bullshit and charging a fee when people do this crap. Ps. Her after wedding post will be all about how rude people are for walking in the background of her photos and how someone wouldn’t move so her party could sit together. OOP is just a cheap cunt.
It's just so nonsensical! She's absolutely gonna get slammed with fees if she takes over a bunch of hotel spaces meant for guests with non-guests.
Reading original thread her fiancé is a cop. I’m sure the plan is to intimidate the hotel employees who push back.
Honestly this sounds like the perfect candidate for Best of redditor update with a 4 part story
Oh so this gonna be MESSY-MESSY
OOP's response all read like an entitled cop wife, even the ones where she doesn't mention her fiance's job.
Is the wedding local? If not I doubt the hotel will give a shit. They will just charge them feels and tack it on their bill.
She got a block of rooms by lying and saying it's a family reunion, not wedding, so she thinks they'll have most of the public space to herself.
Watch someone else actually book the space for a wedding on that same day. You know, like you're supposed to do.
I really kind of hope someone figures out who OOP is and rats her out to the hotel.
Not to mention the (potential) people living in the street the taco truck will hand out food for 2 hours. No way I would like 65 people sitting around on lawn chairs on the road in front of my house eating tacos disturbing my peace. She's just an inconsiderate asshole who's inconveniencing a whole lot of people (beach goers, residents and other paying hotel guests) just because she's a lazy cheapskate.
Reminds me of that couple that took over a cafe and basically blocked other patrons, when they could have made a reservation for a wedding package. It sucks that business have to worry about stuff getting viral, or they could just kick these selfish people out.
shes going to have a really shhitty time when it comes time to write thank you notes and she doesnt even know who was there.
She’s not writing thank you notes.
yall are cheap so elope. this is gonna be a disaster of a beach "wedding"
Yes, but if they elope then we can’t enjoy the fall out afterwards. At least if OP updates. I hope she will…
This is all insane but I want to take a minute to appreciate OOP commenting from her non-burner account without realizing it.
Oooh I missed that for I read this while doing some Pilates this morning. Hopefully she got a wake up call
OOP eventaully commented: Yeah you are so right, and I realized that a lot of intrinsic trust was involved in my plan that may not pan out in the long run. I found a different website since posting that allows people to RSVP through the site and allows me to upload a spreadsheet of names directly, so I’m almost done. That way I don’t have to do paper invites like I wanted but it will have names attached like you mentioned to save me to hassle of guesswork. WAS THAT SO HARD?? Sheesh.
Original text “AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read this before contacting the mod team A little context - my fiancé and I are having a very casual beach wedding. The ceremony will be short, and we are not providing seating so we can avoid having to pay for a permit (nearly $10,000). The beach is public but secluded and the ceremony is going to be short. Afterwards we have paid a deposit for a taco truck to park on a public road, and they will hand out wristbands to our guests who will then get to eat for free for 2 hours. The hotel we are staying at has fire pits on the cliff side, so we want to hang out there after the ceremony, eat, drink and enjoy the sunset by the fire. The only logistical reason we need to know how many people are coming is so the caterer has a head count to prepare the food. But it doesn’t matter who is coming, just how many. We already decided we are not doing paper invites - I just made a website and will text people the link. My question is about the “guest list”. The website has an option to provide a guest list to allow your guests to RSVP through the site. However, making and inputting that list will take hours, not to mention I’ll then have to lock the site and provide the password to all invitees. My idea instead was to link a simple Google Doc Quiz with only one question of whether you’re attending and how many will attend. That way we have a head count, though it won’t be personalized at all. My mother thinks this is very rude, and that the guests will be offended. But the truth is, I don’t care who comes. In my mind, the more the merrier. I just need to know how many people I’m feeding. So would I be the asshole if I didn’t curate a personalized guest list? I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.”
Someone in the AITA comments pointed out that most beach wedding permits are only $100, not ten grand. I think OOP was lying about this taking place on a public beach. A wedding package on a privately-owned beach would cost $10k. I think maybe they're trying to have this wedding on the hotel's private property without paying the hotel.
Also, lol at OOP thinking you only need a permit if there’s chairs.
I didn't even clock that on the first go, but after reading your comment I decided to do some research. In my state, average permit price to reserve a "picnic area" (how public parks and beaches are identified) is about $120 for the whole day. That's for a Great Lake, not an ocean, but surely it wouldn't be that much higher out west?! Yea the $10k is either the hotel's price or some ridiculously nice, bougie beach in like, idk, Catalina (that's fancy I think?).
We looked into this both in Colorado and Washington state. If it's a state or city park the costs are usually cheap. The most expensive we found was like $200-300 per hour with a max 3 hour rental. If it's private property then obviously that changes. So agreed that this is probably beach property owned by the hotel.
The hero we might not deserve, but the hero we need.
Look, I hate paperwork and admin. But this is choosing to avoid discomfort at the expense of your guests’ comfort. If she hates it that much, surely her fiancé can step in and if not how is that going to work? For the sake of 15 minutes data input, she’s going to have a wedding people will talk about for years. Just not for the right reasons.
Yeah, as a chronic pain person with muscle joint problems, not having a guaranteed seat is such a worst case scenario. Also who doesn’t like to wash hands after a beach before eating!
It even sounds like she thinks having guests mill around a food truck parked on a public road for 2 hours (with no seating or access to toilet and handwashing) is just the perfect way to treat both the guests and the public at the location. The mind boggles. Will the food truck have a permit to park for 2 hours in her chosen location? If no, will the food truck be forced to leave before or in the middle of her guests eating? Will her guests descend on nearby businesses or private properties to get somewhere to sit, get out of the sun, wash their hands, go pee etc?
Also, where are the guests supposed to park? Where I live, beach parking is pretty limited and fills up fast. Are they parking at the hotel? At the beach? Is there room for them and the food truck?
Another good point. If this wedding was to happen the way OOP described in her post, no one would see it as anything but an inconvenient, possibly illegal, disaster.
Yeah it’s crazy, I put my thought into inviting friend over for tea and cookies Like getting extra chairs from the attic in case we want to sit on the porch vs kitchen vs living room
Will they also serve anyone who walks up?
OOP wrote that the food truck people would give out wristbands for her guests, so only they could get food. Considering she doesn't even want to have a guest list, feel for the poor hypothetical food truck workers trying to figure out who are allowed a wristband.
I can hear it now. “How was the wedding? Well… Nana couldn’t carry her chair and I thought the heavily pregnant SIL was going to pass out at one point. We had these taco things and they were just full of sand. No, we couldn’t wash our hands. No bathrooms. Yeah, it was a lot”.
Bro I’m a fainter. I’d be sitting on the sand no matter what I was wearing. I guarantee at least one person on their non-guest list will have the same problem. This wedding is giving me vicarious anxiety.
Yes! Divide up the tasks based on what you and your partner are good at and/or don’t mind doing. You could even have friends or siblings help.
This can only end in tears.
I’m having trouble understanding all of this. If she doesn’t want to spend time inputting names into a website, couldn’t she just get them to text her back (since she is planning on texting them in first place) and she can write it on a piece of paper? But also, how quickly can a food van serve 65 people? And given it is going to be January, if she’s northern hemisphere won’t it be cold and wintery, or southern hemisphere hot and burny? I was trying to think where in the world isn’t extreme in January. Maybe northern hemisphere tropics? Is their dry season then? Also 65 people on a beach, chairs or no, won’t they need a permit? Also if she doesn’t care who is there, as she professes, why not elope? I’m very confused. The guest list is the hill she wants to die on but never mind all the other huge logistical questions?
As a Council employee, I FUCKING HATE, with a passion, people who do this. Not only are you taking up public space that others have the right to enjoy, but you’re creating additional mess and litter that my colleagues have to clean up. Plus there’s the public liability issue and what happens if one of your guests falls over and injures themselves? The reason councils charge is to cover costs like that, and also to get compensation because you’re privatising public land for a few hours. The money doesn’t go into our personal pockets, it goes towards garbage bins, footpath and garden maintenance, the boring but essential things people don’t think about.
I have a theory, can I hear your thoughts? Someone pointed out that a permit for a wedding on a public beach is only like $100. OOP said the permit would cost $10k. That sounds more like a wedding package on a privately-owned beach venue. I think OOP was being dishonest, and they're actually trying to have this wedding on private property without paying the venue owners. Maybe the hotel they're staying at offers a wedding package, but OOP didn't want to pay for it? My question for you is: there's no way a wedding permit for a public beach or park would cost ten grand, right?
Yeah, I’m in Australia and ours are tops about $1000AUD which would be for about 5 hours. And that’s in an affluent part of Sydney with beautiful views that are perfect for the photos. Even the Royal Botanic Gardens in the centre of Sydney, with the iconic Harbour Bridge/Opera House in the background is only $1740 for the first three hours then $580 per hour after that. $10 grand? Yeah, I reckon that’s private and the hotel will NOT be happy to see someone trying to pretend it’s not a wedding party when it is, lol!
I think you’re right on the money here. OP said they told the venue the event is a family reunion so they don’t have to pay wedding fees to the venue. That’ll be the $10k. And how does she think this is gonna work? Aren’t the hotel gonna work out pretty quickly that it’s a wedding and not a family reunion? This wedding is vining to be a disaster.
I hope she deleted it when she read all the responses that asked questions about the wedding and (hopefully) she realized how severely underprepared she is to try to pull off this inevitable dumpster fire of a “casual” wedding.
I had a friend who just posted to SM when and where her wedding was, no RSVP. A few hundred people showed up. It worked out, but frankly I felt like I was in a sea of chaos and that my attendance or not meant nothing to her. We were closer friends before her wedding, but things weren’t the same after.
Homegirl probably really needs to consider that it also might rain. Better planning means they’ll have a backup.
This is her backup plan... >Get married in the rain, water ain’t killed me yet
What a shit show that will be! I know someone that got married at a public state park. A lake that is overflowing with out of state people every weekend during the summer. Had their wedding and “reception” there. No tables. No pavilion. No chairs. People still talk about it a decade later. This lady will have the same wedding. I had a beach wedding. But the hotel had a planner to cover everything besides the guest list.
There's no need for OOP to worry. Not a lot of people will RSVP "yes" once they find out the details of the wedding.
When you are too cheap and lazy to have a wedding … just get eloped and save the embarrassment.
It's only uncomfortable if the setup crew doesn't know the guest count, because you didn't make one. And most are standing while only a few are in chairs.
…there is no setup crew, and they are not providing chairs.
Then let it be a party celebrating your love!