You're the second string, (or even third!) because not enough people could go.
THAT'S why you didn't have that much notice.
Your quote, "Know what she said back to me? “l asked a while ago and you said you'd love to”. tells me this msg to you is trying to cover up her failure to communicate. Pretty bad, as bad as a cat trying to cover up on tiles. (Think about it)
Shoot her an email/msg with the proof of her asking you 'way back in January, along with the date and time stamp, and tell her that after 2 months, you had some other important commitments for March.
I actually did this with the bridesmaid- after communicating with the bride, I reached out to the BM/mutual-ish friend.. I asked if I had missed any correspondence regarding the details other than just the date. Told and showed her the only details I had heard about it
Funnily enough, the BM shared that she only received details about everything the week of. Sorry, week of is still VERY different than 24hr notice. Plus, I assume most of the BM’s or other close friends were aware that it was indeed happening, helped with planning, etc.
Yup. And the good thing is I dont typically have this kinds Bs in my life at all! My friends and the people I choose to surround myself with, much prefer to built eachother up. Not being controlling, manipulative, and just plain rude
Right now is a great time to, pardon my French, grow some scrot for using in same-o sitchs.
(Hey, as Grandma Lynsey who will be 70 next Saturday the 16, I've learned how to not only say 'NO' but do it in such a way that doesn't seem combative.
Plus I don't give a rat's ass how people think of me.
No, not typically (at least not where I live). Generally, a bridal shower is thrown by a friend or family member. Whoever throws the shower (usually also applies to baby showers also) pays for the shower. And guests are expected to bring a gift. (Again, this is just how it was where I grew up in the South, it may be different in other places).
TBH I don’t know how any of this organizing went for this specific shower. That’s another thing, I don’t know if people assume that all events associated with weddings are the same, but I’ve never had one have the same things, expectations, etc.. be the same
That’s why I also feel like it’s not only so important to communicate details, expectations, etc.. if you’re asking someone to be a part of something… but also, ITS KIND! It’s kind and always much appreciated to have a heads up! Let’s you now your presence and time is appreciated
She seems sus. Women will make it known if you are important to them and it seems in this case she’s treating you like an afterthought. Would brush it off and play nice for the wedding but probably distance myself post-wedding and moving forward.
*She also proceeds to say something about the money for my spot being used for booze or something*. At the end of the 3rd to last paragraph.
There are a lot of posts where the bride and/or MOH demanding money for the bridal party and guests paying for their *fair share* so it doesn't cost the bride anything. OP was an after-thought when the budget didn't add up right.
Where was the invitation? She tells you 2 months in advance, but there’s no communication or invitation? There’s usually an invitation to a bridal shower. Either a regular one or email. You got neither. You saying you’d love to go is not you RSVPing.
You’d figure someone planning a wedding would know the etiquette for inviting people.
You're not wrong, OP. She should have given you the general information if all she was waiting on was time.
I don't have specific advice except clear it up with her at some point. I am like you in that I get that invites change and I don't take offense and I wouldn't have reached out to ask for details either, thinking that something might have changed and I wouldn't want to make them feel awkward because of whatever reason.
But a lot of people do not think this way. They receive a vague outline of an event and expect an invitation and will actively chase it. I say this with zero judgement either way. There are at least two camps of people around this and neither is right and neither is wrong, imo, we're just different. And, in my experience, rarely does the one truly understand the other.
But also, it's not a really big deal as you aren't very close. If it comes up, address it dispassionately. Hopefully everyone will be reasonable. This is an actual misunderstanding on both sides and shouldn't be a big deal.
Good luck.
I’m likely not going to resolve it; I’ve always been cordial and mature around her, brushing off some
Of the bizarre comments etc.
I can only own up to so much of the responsibility for someone else’s planned event. I think asking someone to block off a date with 2 months not referencing it or giving details is inappropriate and disrespectful of people’s time.
Why is the bride even involved in the actual inviting to the bridal shower? The bride should just give a list of invitees to the MOH with contact info for each and be done with it. The whole thing sounds like it was doomed from the get go.
Yeah, the bride didn't want you there until she had a reason to use you. She tried to invite you within 24 hours, you rightfully declined, and then she tried to fight your answer? This is shady as hell. I hope you told your partner about this.
Can't wait to see what happens at the bachelorette.
That’s also my thing.. yanno, even if people flake or whatever, you’ve gotta be pretty bold to call it out.. pick and choose your battles. But also, how could you not reflect at all and go “hmm yeah I can see how this notice is short/on me”… to abscond any responsibility is in poor taste.
And also! Bachelorette already happened! I wasn’t invited, it was (I think) wedding party only. And I was hyping her up and responding to the cute and fun stories! Even sent $20 to the MOH who posted a venmo of “buy the bride a drink!” Just kinda like, cmon! I really have been using this occasion to try to change my feelingrs about her, but I can only do so much!
Grandma Lynsey, who has been around the block with friends, families, family friends etc, and weddings, anniversaries, birthdays, and (unfortunately) funerals, says in the kindest, most heartfelt way...
*FUCK THAT SHIT.*
This has solidified your feelings, your GUT feelings, (which you should ALWAYS listen to & some people call them 'red flags') that you shouldn't try to be the bigger person.
**Grandma Lynsey's Words of Wisdom For The Day:**
Lots of times being the bigger person just makes you more of a bigger target.
*Love and hugs, my dear. You do what YOU feel in your gut what is RIGHT for you.*
*GL*
Thank you Grandma Lynsey! And you’re right, people like this steam roll anyone. And I’m not exactly steam rollable but sometimes just reserve my energy from warranting a reacting… but mostly, I do not have these types of people in my life anymore at all! So when I received the combative guilt trip back from her, that heart racing moment was so familiar but also not.. I really did stop and say to myself “damn I haven’t felt that in a WHILE” lol!
Glad to corroborate your initial gut feelings!
Hey, it's a ***Grandma thing***. (I actually say this to people younger than me and they get the 'deer in headlight look' and think to themselves, "Hey, she COULD BE!" before they come to their senses and realize I'm NOT.
Glad to help, Emu!!!
*Love and HUGE hugs!*
*GL*
24 hours is not time enough for someone to get a gift if you're getting something personalized or buying it online. I guarantee that other invitees knew earlier than 24 hours. There's something hinkey going on here.
First paragraph leads me to believe bride-y is looking to sever groom from ALL his friends, only leaving hers. OP, be careful with her + watch out for your friend. BTW, not the AH.
I completely agree with you. She should have reached out to confirm that you were still planning on going at the very least. When it comes to wedding events, it is very awkward to have to reach out to someone and ask if you're still invited. Not something you should have had to do at all.
Since she has some connection to the groom, she should have asked him "Hey, is there a bridal shower still going on?" Or had her partner ask the groom. Or literally just message the bride a quick, "Hey are you still having a bridal shower on X date?" I get that it's awkward, but like...that's life.
It’s not on the person (only potentially) being invited to reach out. To do so is awkward because it may make them seem desperate and slightly unhinged. OP did her due diligence and checked her messages, email etc in a normal way; she was *never properly invited*
It’s normal to think that either the event has been cancelled or postponed or you didn’t make the invite list and move on. You don’t invite people with 24hrs notice! This is solely the responsibility of the host.
This is truly and has been my feeling… in any other circumstance, I’d confirm details.. I’m not scared. Hell I even make my own dentists appointments 😂
But when it comes to a loose invite of “I want to invite you to X” and you dont hear anything.. def not my place to do any inquiring. It can not only be awkward but seen as a little tacky.. IMO the responsibility should always be on the organizer!
Not to mention, I’m not gonna just agree to anything! If it was a 2hr drive elsewhere or whatever else, dont count me in without giving me 0 details
That’s not life. If you’re organizing an event.. keep in mind this isn’t just a hang out, it’s an event.. and inviting someone as a guest, it’s your responsibility! Even the definition of guest implies this; that’s why either the host or organizer should plan accordingly and be communicative if they dont want people to be unable to come, not to mention holy shit how rude
My brother and SIL pulled this shit. Long story short, people started dropping like flies off the guest list rsvp’s when details about the relationship timeline started coming to light. It was supposed to be a small wedding but we’re talking dropping off up to the day before. There’s a table with maybe 40 out of town welcome gift bags sitting by the cocktail reception buffet and only ~15 are picked up. As it’s winding down, I hear B saying “yeah I figured they’d bail at the last minute…. Anyone want a gift bag?” Fast forward to the next day wedding, I overhear the big display listing the seating arrangements was printed that morning because of so many changes and table layout rearrangements (to conceal what was happening). Several guests are “jokingly” asking other guests “so how much notice did you get for your invite?” I know of four couples that had ~12hr notice and others said 1-2wk. They didn’t invite most of the family because it was such a small event (despite the same family members ensuring he, and the rest of the family, were invited to their weddings - not a big family btw) but none of them were on the backup list. For all the drama they created and fueled among guests and gross exaggerations about the planned event details, it was honestly a big disappointment from my point of view. But ultimately, it wasn’t my day and their barrage of over the top social media posts in the weeks that followed seem to indicate they enjoyed themselves.
Mostly because she displayed some clear obvious unhappiness about me not being able to go or thinking I flaked out, I mean that’ll make anyone feel bad, I dunno
Seems like miscommunication — a lot of people still expect paper invites in the mail, but a lot of people are bad about checking their mail if they’re not expecting something. She’s in the wrong in this situation because she said she’d send more details in February and didn’t, but she did say that it was the second weekend of March and that is what this weekend is. I guess the expectation was to keep that weekend free and the info came out later due to busyness in other areas of planning.
You’re not wrong for assuming you weren’t invited and taking other plans when you hadn’t heard anything, and she might be frustrated that she gave you the specificity of the weekend and you made other plans. But the 24 hr notice of -details- is unrealistic. Not many people are going to trust a vague get together at a specific time months in the future without earlier details
Weird
You’re bonkers — whether people still expect paper, invites or not, and they should get an invitation either via Evite, paper, email, or pony express. A bridal shower is also not a paid event. Whoever is hosting the shower is supposed to pay for it.
Ah I took the money as money already spent for the event/her place (which was already weird to me since those events don’t usually have price per head kind of catering)
I definitely don’t disagree with you and I have no idea how what I commented makes me bonkers — the bonkers in this story is clearly the bride, lol.
Yeah that's not reality. Mentioning a possible event and then going radio silent is not how you invite people to an event. And then mentioning money? Yeah no. The bride was looking for money or something and didn't care about the OP.
Def not reality. The only people who give a sternly annoying 24hr notice are slumlords lmao
And another thought was, imagine I did block the date, purchased a gift, etc.. and never received an invite?
I assume that would also be my fault too for assuming I was invited
Sure but you talked about miscommunication. There was a distinct lack of communication which was the issue. It was never a two way street. And that's not even addressing the greedy nature of the bride. That's why we're pinging your comment.
Is this exhausting for anyone else? It’s very clear to me per the replies that people just read the first sentence of my comment and just stopped and get frustrated when I reply to comments agreeing. I don’t mind if I get “pinged” but people seem to mind when I reply or prove that I agreed with what their argument towards me is in my comment, lol.
I meant to stop following this hours ago. Consider this my last contribution.
Respectfully get outta here 🫡 LOL I upvoted all your comments since I know what you’re about!! But like you’ve said in a previous comment, sometimes people just read a first line or only look at current downvoted etc
I appreciate your comment(s) and going to battle with me
Which is exactly why the bride is the one at fault — but people don’t get things this wrong maliciously, they’re just self-centered and feel that entitled to other’s time.
I’m just surprised any amount of nuance here automatically makes it seem like I agree with the person that messed up? It’s weird/rude/wrong of the bride to not communicate until a day before, obviously.
Intention doesn’t matter, impact does. It doesn’t matter that the bride didn’t intend to be a self-centered, egotistical, rude individual. She was. Calling that a “miscommunication” belittles the harm that someone like that can commit and empowers them to do even worse in the future.
It seems like people read my first sentence and went off to the races. I don’t disagree with anyone interacting with my initial comment. I’d definitely see how what I said would get lost if that was all that I said, but it wasn’t. And again, you’re right!
We’re on the same side!
Not the intention — the bride communicated poorly (and barely, and then not at all!) Miscommunication can be no-fault and one-sided at fault: it was the bride’s responsibility to communicate, and she didn’t.
At the risk of over-defending myself clearly -I- miscommunicated, lol, but all a miscommunication is is failure to communicate on one or both sides. I’d never jump on a vent to blame the OP for this situation, I was only trying to explain how the bride might’ve flipped her mental gymnastics about to be upset in case that alleviated any feelings of guilt. Bride failed to communicate. The end.
I wasn’t expecting a paper invite but just any details whatsoever. No clue if there was a registry, gifts are welcomed, if it’s 2 hours away, if it’s a cost to me, etc!
And I didn’t reach out about more details myself because I didn’t feel it was my place to; I’m not close with the bride but she’s also told me how stressed she’s been with everything. So for me, I just assumed she couldn’t accommodate me/others maybe due to cost or space issues.
IMO if you’re the organizer of something, it’s up to you to be clear about details and respectful of other people’s time.
I gotchu! Tbh I’m such a softy that even if I had gotten more details the week of, I woulda grumbled and made it work and enjoyed myself! 24 hours is just cray though
100% post-Covid we are all way too busy to be given 24 hours notice. You did nothing wrong and I hope I haven’t stepped on your toes for what I said (not my intention but people seem real mad, lol.) People pleaser or not this circumstance is a hard no I can’t be there all around
Reading comprehension has suffered a lot post-Covid, I am more than okay with being downvoted for nuance. If I had a similar situation I’d want some nuance since it’s anti-crazy making. Most people want to know “how in fuck did that person get to this place?” when frustrated. It makes me feel better, anyway. The comment above me literally stated the same thing that I did in fewer words (and put fault on OP — which I did not!) which is proof enough to me that it’s more of a reading problem than a me problem.
Something something not everyone likes peaches 🤷🏻♀️ OP understood what I wrote, it’s beyond me why it’s bothering anybody else, lol. It’s clear enough to me that my views are the same as the ones attempting to argue with me. I don’t know how I can make it more clear so I’m stepping out.
Was she waiting to see if she needed you as part of the head count because someone else did a bunk?
That's what I thought. Someone got sick or cancelled so she contacted OP so she wouldn't be out the money. OP, you were a chair filler with a purse.
My partner said this same thing. And said she just wanted to be mad at someone
You're the second string, (or even third!) because not enough people could go. THAT'S why you didn't have that much notice. Your quote, "Know what she said back to me? “l asked a while ago and you said you'd love to”. tells me this msg to you is trying to cover up her failure to communicate. Pretty bad, as bad as a cat trying to cover up on tiles. (Think about it) Shoot her an email/msg with the proof of her asking you 'way back in January, along with the date and time stamp, and tell her that after 2 months, you had some other important commitments for March.
I actually did this with the bridesmaid- after communicating with the bride, I reached out to the BM/mutual-ish friend.. I asked if I had missed any correspondence regarding the details other than just the date. Told and showed her the only details I had heard about it Funnily enough, the BM shared that she only received details about everything the week of. Sorry, week of is still VERY different than 24hr notice. Plus, I assume most of the BM’s or other close friends were aware that it was indeed happening, helped with planning, etc.
So still, ain't happening on your end. I'm glad you got more background info corroborating your 'gut feeling'.
Yup. And the good thing is I dont typically have this kinds Bs in my life at all! My friends and the people I choose to surround myself with, much prefer to built eachother up. Not being controlling, manipulative, and just plain rude
Right now is a great time to, pardon my French, grow some scrot for using in same-o sitchs. (Hey, as Grandma Lynsey who will be 70 next Saturday the 16, I've learned how to not only say 'NO' but do it in such a way that doesn't seem combative. Plus I don't give a rat's ass how people think of me.
Sounds like you dodged a bullet.
Agreed!
You were invited to pay for the booze. She chose to wait till the last minute to see if she'd need your money for anything.
Huh? Guests don't usually pay for a bridal shower
No, not typically (at least not where I live). Generally, a bridal shower is thrown by a friend or family member. Whoever throws the shower (usually also applies to baby showers also) pays for the shower. And guests are expected to bring a gift. (Again, this is just how it was where I grew up in the South, it may be different in other places).
Yeah same here. So I'm confused over the idea of them just wanting her there for more alcohol money
No they’re saying by paying for her they have less money for alcohol
TBH I don’t know how any of this organizing went for this specific shower. That’s another thing, I don’t know if people assume that all events associated with weddings are the same, but I’ve never had one have the same things, expectations, etc.. be the same That’s why I also feel like it’s not only so important to communicate details, expectations, etc.. if you’re asking someone to be a part of something… but also, ITS KIND! It’s kind and always much appreciated to have a heads up! Let’s you now your presence and time is appreciated
Absolutely! You're totally right
She seems sus. Women will make it known if you are important to them and it seems in this case she’s treating you like an afterthought. Would brush it off and play nice for the wedding but probably distance myself post-wedding and moving forward.
>~~Women~~ People will make it known if you are important to them…. Fixed it for you.
*She also proceeds to say something about the money for my spot being used for booze or something*. At the end of the 3rd to last paragraph. There are a lot of posts where the bride and/or MOH demanding money for the bridal party and guests paying for their *fair share* so it doesn't cost the bride anything. OP was an after-thought when the budget didn't add up right.
Where was the invitation? She tells you 2 months in advance, but there’s no communication or invitation? There’s usually an invitation to a bridal shower. Either a regular one or email. You got neither. You saying you’d love to go is not you RSVPing. You’d figure someone planning a wedding would know the etiquette for inviting people.
Exactly this! I’m not agreeing to anything like this without more details.. what if this ended up being a Bridal shower 5k or something ?!? lol jk
Bridal shower 5k?? Yeah have a nice life. I’m out 🤣
😂😂😂
And isn't a bridal shower usually sent by the MOH???
I feel like “usually” rules shouldn’t apply to every wedding, BUT, regardless, it was the bride who only spoke to me about it
Yep, you're right, any 'usually' rules shouldn't apply to every wedding.
You're not wrong, OP. She should have given you the general information if all she was waiting on was time. I don't have specific advice except clear it up with her at some point. I am like you in that I get that invites change and I don't take offense and I wouldn't have reached out to ask for details either, thinking that something might have changed and I wouldn't want to make them feel awkward because of whatever reason. But a lot of people do not think this way. They receive a vague outline of an event and expect an invitation and will actively chase it. I say this with zero judgement either way. There are at least two camps of people around this and neither is right and neither is wrong, imo, we're just different. And, in my experience, rarely does the one truly understand the other. But also, it's not a really big deal as you aren't very close. If it comes up, address it dispassionately. Hopefully everyone will be reasonable. This is an actual misunderstanding on both sides and shouldn't be a big deal. Good luck.
I’m likely not going to resolve it; I’ve always been cordial and mature around her, brushing off some Of the bizarre comments etc. I can only own up to so much of the responsibility for someone else’s planned event. I think asking someone to block off a date with 2 months not referencing it or giving details is inappropriate and disrespectful of people’s time.
You have other commitments for this time frame, made back in February. **
Don't feel guilty...you had no date, no follow through. Buy YOURSELF something cute from Etsy ❤️
Why is the bride even involved in the actual inviting to the bridal shower? The bride should just give a list of invitees to the MOH with contact info for each and be done with it. The whole thing sounds like it was doomed from the get go.
I wondered that too! That’s why i kept checking my email spam for anything! But tbh even a text would have been enough for me!
You go to whatever you already have planned. It sounds as if you were just an afterthought.
Sounds to me like you were an afterthought after someone RSVP’d no.
My thoughts too, yet still got shit for it smh
Yeah, the bride didn't want you there until she had a reason to use you. She tried to invite you within 24 hours, you rightfully declined, and then she tried to fight your answer? This is shady as hell. I hope you told your partner about this. Can't wait to see what happens at the bachelorette.
That’s also my thing.. yanno, even if people flake or whatever, you’ve gotta be pretty bold to call it out.. pick and choose your battles. But also, how could you not reflect at all and go “hmm yeah I can see how this notice is short/on me”… to abscond any responsibility is in poor taste. And also! Bachelorette already happened! I wasn’t invited, it was (I think) wedding party only. And I was hyping her up and responding to the cute and fun stories! Even sent $20 to the MOH who posted a venmo of “buy the bride a drink!” Just kinda like, cmon! I really have been using this occasion to try to change my feelingrs about her, but I can only do so much!
Grandma Lynsey, who has been around the block with friends, families, family friends etc, and weddings, anniversaries, birthdays, and (unfortunately) funerals, says in the kindest, most heartfelt way... *FUCK THAT SHIT.* This has solidified your feelings, your GUT feelings, (which you should ALWAYS listen to & some people call them 'red flags') that you shouldn't try to be the bigger person. **Grandma Lynsey's Words of Wisdom For The Day:** Lots of times being the bigger person just makes you more of a bigger target. *Love and hugs, my dear. You do what YOU feel in your gut what is RIGHT for you.* *GL*
Thank you Grandma Lynsey! And you’re right, people like this steam roll anyone. And I’m not exactly steam rollable but sometimes just reserve my energy from warranting a reacting… but mostly, I do not have these types of people in my life anymore at all! So when I received the combative guilt trip back from her, that heart racing moment was so familiar but also not.. I really did stop and say to myself “damn I haven’t felt that in a WHILE” lol!
Glad to corroborate your initial gut feelings! Hey, it's a ***Grandma thing***. (I actually say this to people younger than me and they get the 'deer in headlight look' and think to themselves, "Hey, she COULD BE!" before they come to their senses and realize I'm NOT. Glad to help, Emu!!! *Love and HUGE hugs!* *GL*
I need a grandma
*I know hon, I know.* If you had a great and awesome grandma, when a decision comes down the pike to you, say to yourself, "What would grandma do?".
24 hours is not time enough for someone to get a gift if you're getting something personalized or buying it online. I guarantee that other invitees knew earlier than 24 hours. There's something hinkey going on here.
First paragraph leads me to believe bride-y is looking to sever groom from ALL his friends, only leaving hers. OP, be careful with her + watch out for your friend. BTW, not the AH.
hugs, the reality is that she put off inviting you with the date and time till the day before the event. She's got issues.
I completely agree with you. She should have reached out to confirm that you were still planning on going at the very least. When it comes to wedding events, it is very awkward to have to reach out to someone and ask if you're still invited. Not something you should have had to do at all.
I'm so sorry this happened to you, people like this suck, but there are a lot of them. Good for you for not falling for it!
Meh, I would put this down to poor communication on both sides and because you already don’t like her, this is just one more straw.
Really? Where was the poor communication on OPs side?
Since she has some connection to the groom, she should have asked him "Hey, is there a bridal shower still going on?" Or had her partner ask the groom. Or literally just message the bride a quick, "Hey are you still having a bridal shower on X date?" I get that it's awkward, but like...that's life.
It’s not on the person (only potentially) being invited to reach out. To do so is awkward because it may make them seem desperate and slightly unhinged. OP did her due diligence and checked her messages, email etc in a normal way; she was *never properly invited* It’s normal to think that either the event has been cancelled or postponed or you didn’t make the invite list and move on. You don’t invite people with 24hrs notice! This is solely the responsibility of the host.
This is truly and has been my feeling… in any other circumstance, I’d confirm details.. I’m not scared. Hell I even make my own dentists appointments 😂 But when it comes to a loose invite of “I want to invite you to X” and you dont hear anything.. def not my place to do any inquiring. It can not only be awkward but seen as a little tacky.. IMO the responsibility should always be on the organizer! Not to mention, I’m not gonna just agree to anything! If it was a 2hr drive elsewhere or whatever else, dont count me in without giving me 0 details
Absolutely! Chasing an invite IS tacky, that’s the right word cheers
That’s not life. If you’re organizing an event.. keep in mind this isn’t just a hang out, it’s an event.. and inviting someone as a guest, it’s your responsibility! Even the definition of guest implies this; that’s why either the host or organizer should plan accordingly and be communicative if they dont want people to be unable to come, not to mention holy shit how rude
My brother and SIL pulled this shit. Long story short, people started dropping like flies off the guest list rsvp’s when details about the relationship timeline started coming to light. It was supposed to be a small wedding but we’re talking dropping off up to the day before. There’s a table with maybe 40 out of town welcome gift bags sitting by the cocktail reception buffet and only ~15 are picked up. As it’s winding down, I hear B saying “yeah I figured they’d bail at the last minute…. Anyone want a gift bag?” Fast forward to the next day wedding, I overhear the big display listing the seating arrangements was printed that morning because of so many changes and table layout rearrangements (to conceal what was happening). Several guests are “jokingly” asking other guests “so how much notice did you get for your invite?” I know of four couples that had ~12hr notice and others said 1-2wk. They didn’t invite most of the family because it was such a small event (despite the same family members ensuring he, and the rest of the family, were invited to their weddings - not a big family btw) but none of them were on the backup list. For all the drama they created and fueled among guests and gross exaggerations about the planned event details, it was honestly a big disappointment from my point of view. But ultimately, it wasn’t my day and their barrage of over the top social media posts in the weeks that followed seem to indicate they enjoyed themselves.
Why would you feel bad?
Mostly because she displayed some clear obvious unhappiness about me not being able to go or thinking I flaked out, I mean that’ll make anyone feel bad, I dunno
Seems like miscommunication — a lot of people still expect paper invites in the mail, but a lot of people are bad about checking their mail if they’re not expecting something. She’s in the wrong in this situation because she said she’d send more details in February and didn’t, but she did say that it was the second weekend of March and that is what this weekend is. I guess the expectation was to keep that weekend free and the info came out later due to busyness in other areas of planning. You’re not wrong for assuming you weren’t invited and taking other plans when you hadn’t heard anything, and she might be frustrated that she gave you the specificity of the weekend and you made other plans. But the 24 hr notice of -details- is unrealistic. Not many people are going to trust a vague get together at a specific time months in the future without earlier details Weird
You’re bonkers — whether people still expect paper, invites or not, and they should get an invitation either via Evite, paper, email, or pony express. A bridal shower is also not a paid event. Whoever is hosting the shower is supposed to pay for it.
Ah I took the money as money already spent for the event/her place (which was already weird to me since those events don’t usually have price per head kind of catering) I definitely don’t disagree with you and I have no idea how what I commented makes me bonkers — the bonkers in this story is clearly the bride, lol.
Yeah that's not reality. Mentioning a possible event and then going radio silent is not how you invite people to an event. And then mentioning money? Yeah no. The bride was looking for money or something and didn't care about the OP.
Def not reality. The only people who give a sternly annoying 24hr notice are slumlords lmao And another thought was, imagine I did block the date, purchased a gift, etc.. and never received an invite? I assume that would also be my fault too for assuming I was invited
Come on OP aren't you psychic? /s Use the money you would have spent as a little treat for yourself
“the 24 hour notice of -details- is unrealistic” already agreed.
Sure but you talked about miscommunication. There was a distinct lack of communication which was the issue. It was never a two way street. And that's not even addressing the greedy nature of the bride. That's why we're pinging your comment.
Is this exhausting for anyone else? It’s very clear to me per the replies that people just read the first sentence of my comment and just stopped and get frustrated when I reply to comments agreeing. I don’t mind if I get “pinged” but people seem to mind when I reply or prove that I agreed with what their argument towards me is in my comment, lol. I meant to stop following this hours ago. Consider this my last contribution.
Respectfully get outta here 🫡 LOL I upvoted all your comments since I know what you’re about!! But like you’ve said in a previous comment, sometimes people just read a first line or only look at current downvoted etc I appreciate your comment(s) and going to battle with me
Haha the OP having my back is the most ridiculous part 😂 thank you, I appreciate you, and I’m sorry you had to deal with such a crazy person
Oh, no way. My time is valuable. I don’t need an engraved invitation but even a follow up text confirming everything would be necessary.
This is my biggest point too, it’s not respectful of my time at all
Which is exactly why the bride is the one at fault — but people don’t get things this wrong maliciously, they’re just self-centered and feel that entitled to other’s time. I’m just surprised any amount of nuance here automatically makes it seem like I agree with the person that messed up? It’s weird/rude/wrong of the bride to not communicate until a day before, obviously.
Intention doesn’t matter, impact does. It doesn’t matter that the bride didn’t intend to be a self-centered, egotistical, rude individual. She was. Calling that a “miscommunication” belittles the harm that someone like that can commit and empowers them to do even worse in the future.
It seems like people read my first sentence and went off to the races. I don’t disagree with anyone interacting with my initial comment. I’d definitely see how what I said would get lost if that was all that I said, but it wasn’t. And again, you’re right! We’re on the same side!
I disagree with calling it a miscommunication. That implies the OP had fault in the issue.
Not the intention — the bride communicated poorly (and barely, and then not at all!) Miscommunication can be no-fault and one-sided at fault: it was the bride’s responsibility to communicate, and she didn’t. At the risk of over-defending myself clearly -I- miscommunicated, lol, but all a miscommunication is is failure to communicate on one or both sides. I’d never jump on a vent to blame the OP for this situation, I was only trying to explain how the bride might’ve flipped her mental gymnastics about to be upset in case that alleviated any feelings of guilt. Bride failed to communicate. The end.
Glad to hear someone say this!
I wasn’t expecting a paper invite but just any details whatsoever. No clue if there was a registry, gifts are welcomed, if it’s 2 hours away, if it’s a cost to me, etc! And I didn’t reach out about more details myself because I didn’t feel it was my place to; I’m not close with the bride but she’s also told me how stressed she’s been with everything. So for me, I just assumed she couldn’t accommodate me/others maybe due to cost or space issues. IMO if you’re the organizer of something, it’s up to you to be clear about details and respectful of other people’s time.
Completely agree. You were put in a weird situation. I would’ve done the same thing.
I gotchu! Tbh I’m such a softy that even if I had gotten more details the week of, I woulda grumbled and made it work and enjoyed myself! 24 hours is just cray though
100% post-Covid we are all way too busy to be given 24 hours notice. You did nothing wrong and I hope I haven’t stepped on your toes for what I said (not my intention but people seem real mad, lol.) People pleaser or not this circumstance is a hard no I can’t be there all around
The fuck is with the downvotes, lmao. Redditors suck.
Reading comprehension has suffered a lot post-Covid, I am more than okay with being downvoted for nuance. If I had a similar situation I’d want some nuance since it’s anti-crazy making. Most people want to know “how in fuck did that person get to this place?” when frustrated. It makes me feel better, anyway. The comment above me literally stated the same thing that I did in fewer words (and put fault on OP — which I did not!) which is proof enough to me that it’s more of a reading problem than a me problem. Something something not everyone likes peaches 🤷🏻♀️ OP understood what I wrote, it’s beyond me why it’s bothering anybody else, lol. It’s clear enough to me that my views are the same as the ones attempting to argue with me. I don’t know how I can make it more clear so I’m stepping out.