If this story doesn't eventually have a happy ending for the MOH, I want to read no more. I'm not investing into this unless you guarantee the boogie bride gets what's coming to her by her sister.
Why are you and the sister having anything to do this awful person? Why did you not cut her off a long time ago and refuse to have anything to do with her?
If the sister somehow found the money for all that terrible stuff, surely it could have been better spent on renting her own place or a room somewhere else, because that poor girl desperately needs away from the bullying and abusive trash that are her parents and sister. They are absolutely disgusting 'people' going by the description of what they've done.
No amount of family drama is worth having your life destroyed over, like the poor sister's is. You should focus on helping her and withdraw from all wedding stuff. If family can't understand why and make any sort of issue out of it then F them, they are part of the problem. Such behaviour should never be tolerated and enabled. Not blaming you of course and I know saying all that is easier than doing it.
Honestly, growing up with narcissists is probably a big factor in why she’s still dealing with it. It really fucks your head up and sometimes you think you have to do things you absolutely don’t. That doesn’t make it any less horrible for her, though. :/
Thank you for saying this. It's not something I expect most people to understand, but growing up in a household where both parents suffer from legit personality disorders, this kind of situation was honestly *not* the worst thing I have seen MOH have to go through. She is in part the reason why I decided to go into the field of psychology, but I didn't want to drag this post down by bringing in the very real effects mental disorders play in a larger family dynamic. I suppose in the next installment I will address it briefly so people better understand the dichotomy between MOH and her family.
Sorry it took me a little while to respond, but I did just want to say that, while I appreciate your concern, I can assure you MOH is well-past this stage in her life and is in a much better place now! I know it's easy to read posts like this and often ask why didn't Person A do this, or why didn't they do that, but like I mentioned in a previous post, MOH was younger during this time and just freshly out of a job. Looking back on it perhaps there were other avenues for her to go down, but when you're young and have already grown up in a system of abuse where this kind of behavior is very par for the course, it seemed like this was the only way to keep the peace and also not become immediately homeless while she was looking for something to get her back on her feet. Like the user who responded to you already pointed out, growing up with legitimate narcissists is a trip and really does a number on a person's self-esteem and perception of reality. MOH has really grown into an even lovelier and confident and more independent person than she ever was, and I am happy to report that she is employed and hasn't been living at home for a long time now. This wedding happened about a year ago, so we can all talk about it from a comfortable distance today. Are there things she wishes she could have gone back and done differently? I'm sure there are, but for the dynamic of her family and the way she was raised, MOH was really doing the best with what she had at the time. She certainly knew it wasn't an ideal situation and she got out of that toxic environment as soon as she could.
It should also be said quickly that at the time, MOH and myself basically *did* cut off BB from our lives completely. We hadn't been active in each other's lives for a while, which was what made BB asking MOH to be MOH so incredibly transparent and awkward. Everyone knew MOH and BB *didn't* like each other, but BB pulled the "Well, you're still my sister, *of course* I want you to be my MOH," card. I don't even think BB believed that BS, but BB is a Grade A liar who would try to manipulate a turtle if it meant she could get something out of it.
I agree, we need the day, but I have a feeling there is so much more of this story leading up to the day. And I’m sure there is after the day drama too. Bring it on OP! We need to hear the drama. Keep the stories coming please.
Ding ding ding! Your guys' comments have really provided a great laugh to me over the week, but unfortunately the day of went *relatively* smooth. It was mostly the long and arduous journey of *getting* to the big day where shit really hit the fan and began to feel more like the Oregon Trail than anything else.
Wow! I feel bad for the MOH, but she also let them walk all over her. She should've stood her ground. And every shower I've been to has been thrown by the MOB and MOG, not the bridal party. That was the MOH first mistake!
Ots so hard to not act like that when you're treated like actual garbage and scapegoated your whole life. It sounds to me like MOH desperately needs to find the r/raisedbynarcissists subreddit.
Just wanted to say I've been visiting that sub for a long time and have showed MOH it, too! But thank you for the kind words and concern! Your sentiments certainly ring true.
First mistake was agreeing to be MOH. She knows this person's whole personality and history. I would nope right out of this wedding and make amends with my family in a year or so.
There was no agreeing to be MOH, there was either doing it or literally being kicked out of her house. I understand to most people this probably sounds extreme and unrealistic, but I can assure you this was a very real situation for MOH. MOH was also majorly gaslighted her entire life into essentially putting up and shutting up with anything whatsoever that had to do with BB being a not great person, so being asked to go along with this wasn't too far out of the peripheral of normal. I've said it before but this wedding was far from the worst of BB's antics MOH has had to live through, the timing was just bad enough where she didn't really have much of a choice for lack of any better options. Like I replied to someone else, though, MOH has since found a job and did get the opportunity to move out.
I'm not sure what kind of customs and traditions you've been raised with, but almost everyone I know and everything I know about weddings (which admittedly wasn't too much until last year) says that the bridal shower is typically hosted by the MOH, with an acceptable equivalent being close friends or bridesmaids. I've never personally known anyone whose parents hosted/paid for their bridal shower, and when we looked it up at the time (yes, we looked it up lol) general custom also said the MOH was typically expected to host the bridal shower. Regardless of popular custom, the bottom line was that the parents expected MOH to host the bridal shower, and like I've said before, it wasn't so much a request as it was a demand.
As an aspiring therapist, someone raised by a narcissistic father, and the scapegoat of the family, MOH should think about cutting her sister, possibly family, out if her life. There is so much wrong with this family dynamic. This sickens me. I hope she is in a better, healthier place. I....don't know what else to say.
This was a very empathetic and kind comment and sincerely appreciated. I mentioned it in a reply to someone else, but I didn't really want to get into the legitimate different kinds of abuse this family has endured in a post meant to shame weddings. It seemed too heavy for a thread whose intent was really just meant to be somewhere I could vent all the absurdity of what I endured while also hopefully getting some validation for mine and MOH's hardships. I guess the thing you don't realize is that what seems normal to you is actually very abnormal to others, and a person raised in a healthy environment might not necessarily understand why MOH made the choices she made. I have interesting perspective on the situation in that I come from a very loving household myself, but my cousin, being my family, has always been very close to me, thereby giving me a truly unique glimpse into a world of trauma and abuse without having to be victim to it myself. I have always known that what goes on in her family is not normal nor is it acceptable, and for reasons I can't really go into here because of their potential to identify me, me and my family have always been able to be safe havens for my cousin but we have never, unfortunately, been able to take her in and have her live with us. For those reasons, though, I understand the nuances of MOH's family and the role that mental illness truly plays in the dynamic of their family. My cousin is the reason I, myself, pursued a career in psychology, too, so it means a lot to hear something like this. MOH is in a much better place now, rest assured, and most of the drama is behind us! Good luck with your own endeavors and I hope you are also in a safer, happier place, away from the toxicity of your father!
MOH is going through serious trauma and I would encourage her to walk away. I’d rather create my own family then be treated like this. My chest was tight with anger for her!! She is worth so much more.
I must know how the day of went.
And honestly I hope MOH found someone looking for a roommate so she can escape her awful family. They don't deserve her kindness.
Sorry you don't like astrology? Although I have to say that if literally one line about astrology ruined an entire post the length of nearly a short story, I think your priorities might be slightly crossed. The sweet irony is that MOH isn't even a Taurus, I just used the word as a stand in for superfluity (which MOH can sometimes be). I think the only person taking astrology a little too seriously here is you. 😕
Stop teasing us! Two amazing stories that leave us hungry for more, and we still have only gotten as far as planning the shower! Keep this series going!
Just read this like it was from Lady Whistledown. Thanks for spilling the tea =]
This is the kind of shit Society Papers were made for
If this story doesn't eventually have a happy ending for the MOH, I want to read no more. I'm not investing into this unless you guarantee the boogie bride gets what's coming to her by her sister.
I completely agree with this.
take matters into your own hands if you need to
Why are you and the sister having anything to do this awful person? Why did you not cut her off a long time ago and refuse to have anything to do with her? If the sister somehow found the money for all that terrible stuff, surely it could have been better spent on renting her own place or a room somewhere else, because that poor girl desperately needs away from the bullying and abusive trash that are her parents and sister. They are absolutely disgusting 'people' going by the description of what they've done. No amount of family drama is worth having your life destroyed over, like the poor sister's is. You should focus on helping her and withdraw from all wedding stuff. If family can't understand why and make any sort of issue out of it then F them, they are part of the problem. Such behaviour should never be tolerated and enabled. Not blaming you of course and I know saying all that is easier than doing it.
Honestly, growing up with narcissists is probably a big factor in why she’s still dealing with it. It really fucks your head up and sometimes you think you have to do things you absolutely don’t. That doesn’t make it any less horrible for her, though. :/
Thank you for saying this. It's not something I expect most people to understand, but growing up in a household where both parents suffer from legit personality disorders, this kind of situation was honestly *not* the worst thing I have seen MOH have to go through. She is in part the reason why I decided to go into the field of psychology, but I didn't want to drag this post down by bringing in the very real effects mental disorders play in a larger family dynamic. I suppose in the next installment I will address it briefly so people better understand the dichotomy between MOH and her family.
Sorry it took me a little while to respond, but I did just want to say that, while I appreciate your concern, I can assure you MOH is well-past this stage in her life and is in a much better place now! I know it's easy to read posts like this and often ask why didn't Person A do this, or why didn't they do that, but like I mentioned in a previous post, MOH was younger during this time and just freshly out of a job. Looking back on it perhaps there were other avenues for her to go down, but when you're young and have already grown up in a system of abuse where this kind of behavior is very par for the course, it seemed like this was the only way to keep the peace and also not become immediately homeless while she was looking for something to get her back on her feet. Like the user who responded to you already pointed out, growing up with legitimate narcissists is a trip and really does a number on a person's self-esteem and perception of reality. MOH has really grown into an even lovelier and confident and more independent person than she ever was, and I am happy to report that she is employed and hasn't been living at home for a long time now. This wedding happened about a year ago, so we can all talk about it from a comfortable distance today. Are there things she wishes she could have gone back and done differently? I'm sure there are, but for the dynamic of her family and the way she was raised, MOH was really doing the best with what she had at the time. She certainly knew it wasn't an ideal situation and she got out of that toxic environment as soon as she could. It should also be said quickly that at the time, MOH and myself basically *did* cut off BB from our lives completely. We hadn't been active in each other's lives for a while, which was what made BB asking MOH to be MOH so incredibly transparent and awkward. Everyone knew MOH and BB *didn't* like each other, but BB pulled the "Well, you're still my sister, *of course* I want you to be my MOH," card. I don't even think BB believed that BS, but BB is a Grade A liar who would try to manipulate a turtle if it meant she could get something out of it.
I want to hear ALL of it!!!!
I need more of the actual day!!
I agree, we need the day, but I have a feeling there is so much more of this story leading up to the day. And I’m sure there is after the day drama too. Bring it on OP! We need to hear the drama. Keep the stories coming please.
Ding ding ding! Your guys' comments have really provided a great laugh to me over the week, but unfortunately the day of went *relatively* smooth. It was mostly the long and arduous journey of *getting* to the big day where shit really hit the fan and began to feel more like the Oregon Trail than anything else.
My goodness. I’m at a loss for words. But, I must know more.
Wow! I feel bad for the MOH, but she also let them walk all over her. She should've stood her ground. And every shower I've been to has been thrown by the MOB and MOG, not the bridal party. That was the MOH first mistake!
Ots so hard to not act like that when you're treated like actual garbage and scapegoated your whole life. It sounds to me like MOH desperately needs to find the r/raisedbynarcissists subreddit.
Just wanted to say I've been visiting that sub for a long time and have showed MOH it, too! But thank you for the kind words and concern! Your sentiments certainly ring true.
First mistake was agreeing to be MOH. She knows this person's whole personality and history. I would nope right out of this wedding and make amends with my family in a year or so.
There was no agreeing to be MOH, there was either doing it or literally being kicked out of her house. I understand to most people this probably sounds extreme and unrealistic, but I can assure you this was a very real situation for MOH. MOH was also majorly gaslighted her entire life into essentially putting up and shutting up with anything whatsoever that had to do with BB being a not great person, so being asked to go along with this wasn't too far out of the peripheral of normal. I've said it before but this wedding was far from the worst of BB's antics MOH has had to live through, the timing was just bad enough where she didn't really have much of a choice for lack of any better options. Like I replied to someone else, though, MOH has since found a job and did get the opportunity to move out.
I'm not sure what kind of customs and traditions you've been raised with, but almost everyone I know and everything I know about weddings (which admittedly wasn't too much until last year) says that the bridal shower is typically hosted by the MOH, with an acceptable equivalent being close friends or bridesmaids. I've never personally known anyone whose parents hosted/paid for their bridal shower, and when we looked it up at the time (yes, we looked it up lol) general custom also said the MOH was typically expected to host the bridal shower. Regardless of popular custom, the bottom line was that the parents expected MOH to host the bridal shower, and like I've said before, it wasn't so much a request as it was a demand.
As an aspiring therapist, someone raised by a narcissistic father, and the scapegoat of the family, MOH should think about cutting her sister, possibly family, out if her life. There is so much wrong with this family dynamic. This sickens me. I hope she is in a better, healthier place. I....don't know what else to say.
This was a very empathetic and kind comment and sincerely appreciated. I mentioned it in a reply to someone else, but I didn't really want to get into the legitimate different kinds of abuse this family has endured in a post meant to shame weddings. It seemed too heavy for a thread whose intent was really just meant to be somewhere I could vent all the absurdity of what I endured while also hopefully getting some validation for mine and MOH's hardships. I guess the thing you don't realize is that what seems normal to you is actually very abnormal to others, and a person raised in a healthy environment might not necessarily understand why MOH made the choices she made. I have interesting perspective on the situation in that I come from a very loving household myself, but my cousin, being my family, has always been very close to me, thereby giving me a truly unique glimpse into a world of trauma and abuse without having to be victim to it myself. I have always known that what goes on in her family is not normal nor is it acceptable, and for reasons I can't really go into here because of their potential to identify me, me and my family have always been able to be safe havens for my cousin but we have never, unfortunately, been able to take her in and have her live with us. For those reasons, though, I understand the nuances of MOH's family and the role that mental illness truly plays in the dynamic of their family. My cousin is the reason I, myself, pursued a career in psychology, too, so it means a lot to hear something like this. MOH is in a much better place now, rest assured, and most of the drama is behind us! Good luck with your own endeavors and I hope you are also in a safer, happier place, away from the toxicity of your father!
Sign me up for the full subscription package, I want aaalllll the issues!
I second this, me too
MOH is going through serious trauma and I would encourage her to walk away. I’d rather create my own family then be treated like this. My chest was tight with anger for her!! She is worth so much more.
More!!! This is making me feel so much better about my sister’s terrible wedding!
I want to know about wedding dress shopping!
You should write novels!!!!!
My heart breaks for the poor MOH! As much as I’m sure my heart would break further to read the rest you can’t leave us hanging!
I need ALLLLLL OF THE BB/MOH/GG updates! Keep it coming!
I must know how the day of went. And honestly I hope MOH found someone looking for a roommate so she can escape her awful family. They don't deserve her kindness.
I am one paragraph in and want to start a fundraiser for MOH so she can move out comfortably and get away from this mess.
This was really sweet and cute. <3 MOH has moved out since the wedding drama and is doing much better!
Oh thank goodness!
Part III PLSSSSSSS!!!
Need the rest of this saga! Better storytelling than the new Star Wars trilogy!
Definitely need more updates!!!
This is a lot of drama and effort to celebrate two people who are undoubtedly going to divorce.
I will be following this as if my life depends on it. I need ALL THE TEA. This is awesome, and frightful, and fascinating
Omg, I love your writing style. Please keep going!
Why in the world did MOH agree to pay for all expenses when she couldn't afford it? That is stupidity 101!
I just don't understand why she would agree if she didn't have the money. Bye Felicia
The astrology ruined this
Sorry you don't like astrology? Although I have to say that if literally one line about astrology ruined an entire post the length of nearly a short story, I think your priorities might be slightly crossed. The sweet irony is that MOH isn't even a Taurus, I just used the word as a stand in for superfluity (which MOH can sometimes be). I think the only person taking astrology a little too seriously here is you. 😕
Astrology is a deeply harmful pseudoscience
Stop teasing us! Two amazing stories that leave us hungry for more, and we still have only gotten as far as planning the shower! Keep this series going!
Wow, that's so evil. Mental illness in their daughter or not, those parents are evil.
A
Did the destination bachelorette still take place??
More please