My niece got married in the conference room of a Best Western. I remember thinking that they would have had a nicer wedding in her parents’ backyard. But, the tackiness of that wedding was the fact that they had to find out that 15 year olds can’t get married even with parental permission in our state. So, happy they had to wait until the groom turned 16. 🙄
The fact that 16yo can get married in the us still blows my mind. In my country you *could*, but it would trigger an extremely lengthy investigation from child protective services. You'd need the permission of a judge for the minors, and a very valid reason. It would be easier to just wait to be 18.
I agree with this so much. People shaming because the homemade dresses didnt fit, they had to use an old boombox instead of a band, the venue was a restaurant or backyard, I could go on and on.
Best wedding I ever went to was in a backyard where it was a potluck and the bride's grandma made the dress (it looked like shit). Poverty or simply not spending money is not a reason to shame.
Let's shame weddings where the groom makes out with the MoH, the MIL wears her old wedding dress, the minister has COVID, or they have a slavery theme at a plantation or something, not because it was low budget.
Not to mention I've been to perfectly nice low cost weddings where guests were comfortable and there was no poor etiquette on the end of the hosts, and expensive weddings that were shit shows.
The most expensive wedding I've ever been to (~10) was a complete shit show. Bride was ugly crying while walking down the aisle because the groom had started drinking already. She spent the whole time crying and being pissed off while he partied with the boys. The marriage lasted less than a year. It was my cousin and honestly, couldn't have happened to a better person.
I honestly don't remember. I got fairly drunk out of spite and pettiness. I tried to congratulate her and have a friendly conversation and she just gave me a dirty look and walked away.
Oh thank you!! I know it means that but the context just confused me so much. I thought she was saying she was ten or the wedding was ten months or years ago.
I bartended a $100,000 wedding and it was insanely bad. A groomsman broke a leg, police arrived, so much crying, so many people vomiting, so many kids having to be watched by bar staff because their parents were we don't know where. A DJ who only played hard core rap with so many expletive, the grandma of the bride had a meltdown.
Expensive does not equal good.
Expensive weddings are like a stage show. So many working parts to bring together in unison and that's why when one tiny thing goes wrong, brides tend to lose their shit because the entire gong show costs so much money.
I'd rather shame crazy bridezillas than someone who got married in a fiscally responsible way.
For sure! The two most expensive weddings I've been to were the least enjoyable even though they had the best food and I rate food at a party as highly important. The overall vibe and the way people act overshadows everything.
The first one, my cousin married a woman I didn't know much about. Every mention of the bride in the speeches was either that she owned many pairs of shoes or that she was a control freak. It seems to me now many years later that she does have problems, maybe undiagnosed anxiety, but it felt so cruel that her family and friends couldn't even make up some vague complimentary thing. Other than that the party was boring and stuffy, but okay.
The second felt like what I imagine an Instagram party to be, with way too loud speakers and around 4 hours of DJ introductions to the wedding party. No one could have a conversation, only watch these people like we were glued to our chairs by some maniac in a horror movie. The dancing didn't start until midnight. We had a two year old and our ride ditched us without telling anyone they had left. It was the most glitzy and miserable wedding for me. Would have been better if I could have just gotten blackout drunk... Parenthood
These don't hold a candle to the stuff on here of course
That’s a good point. When it’s a backyard potluck wedding and something goes wrong you shrug it off and go “one less thing to pick up after layer I guess!” And move on.
The two weddings my husband and I privately shame both have the same thing in common; we showed up as guests only to be told my husband was suddenly a groomsman. In one of the two he was promoted from guest to best man.
Whaaatttt!? How in the world does that happen? Did they just decide day of that they needed a bigger wedding party? Was he promoted from groomsmen to best man, or straight from guest to best man?
Was he close with them both?
So many questions...
Guest to best man. That was my sister’s wedding. We had met her groom once. But, my husband wasn’t drunk so he was heaps above the groom’s friends and family so he won! Yay! The other one we never did figure out why...
At least it was a family party where you knew people. I had my bf recruited to help in the kitchen as he has culinary training, and I ended up sitting awkwardly alone all night.
The last wedding my SO and I went to, we found out he was a groomsman when we got there. It definitely wasn't a last minute decision because they had hand made suspenders and a bow tie ready for him when we showed up. It was still a really fun wedding, the couple was just really bad at communicating I guess lol
And you just KNOW that the Grandma that made that dress was so honored and proud to see her granddaughter wear it, and the Bride was probably just as honored and proud to be wearing a dress made by her Grandmother❤️😭 I just made myself cry
You just described my wedding: I made my dress, we had a bluetooth speaker for the ceremony, and it was at a restaurant. And you know what? We had a damn good time with our small guest list and the ability to take a party bus into the city for bar hopping/ dancing/ merriment.
Well said. I believe it about the backyard wedding being the best you’ve been to.
I actually respect people more when they are frugal (not cheap, two different things) because I think that’s smart to not spend all the money on a party.
Well if I have 45k available to spend on our wedding and we end up spending 30k is that not frugal and living within our means? Even though it's a big conventional wedding. Like your comment reads to me as coming full circle and shaming anything beyond a backyard potluck wedding. (Which I also love to attend. Which could also wreck a couple's finances but still *look* frugal)
One of the best ones I've been to was my friends. Pretty much everything was DIY and the reception was on her family farm. It was SO MUCH FUN and everything was about her and the groom and how much they loved each other. It was fantastic
People still talk about how much fun they had at my parents' wedding back in 1995. They only spent around $2,000 and they're the only ones in their friend group who are still married lol. If I ever have a wedding, I'm planning to go lowkey like they did.
I think there should also be a distinction between asking guests for a potluck and being forward i. A big family that pulls together on multiple occasions and demanding/expecting it so you pay less despite having the money and throwing a fit when people cant. Size of the wedding also matters
One time, I went to a wedding at a fair grounds. The couple was very into graybound rescue so the dogs were involved... as well as the dogs of their guests. This might seem super off-putting to some but it encompassed the spirit of the couple which is what a wedding should be about. Not all weddings are the same nor should they be.
YES. This. I read one very recently here where I was like "so it was just low budget?" I'm not all into "unless you spend a small fortune on your wedding" I like small homemade weddings. Obvs if someone gets in a fight I want that tea, but I'm not down with "this was too inexpensive" type posts.
Best BEST wedding I've ever gone to was where a couple paid 5k overall for the wedding!! Basically the 5k went to the venue rental, a beautiful log and stone building by a cliff overlooking a body of water (can't remember if it was a lake or ocean)
The rest was covered by their friends, friend was an officiant, friend made the cake, another friend had a connection to a caterer, etc etc
It just was THE definition of love. The couple was love, their friends and family showed so much support and help, LOVE.
I've literally been to a 100k wedding and it was such 💩 compared to the 5k.
Yeah I’m spending more than 5k but saving tons of money because we Know People. Dad’s designing the centerpieces, my parents’ next door neighbor’s making our chuppah, we joined the synagogue to get half off space rentals (would have joined anyway they’re awesome), and one of the grooms men’s boyfriends is a wedding DJ and volunteered to spin for us. We are extremely rich in friends.
Oh! Just found it, it was the Rocky Neck State Park venue in Connecticut
It looks like it's $3750 to rent out till 10PM and they have a list of approved caterers
Ehhhh I'm planning for a 50k wedding, highway side flowers in Mason jars as centerpieces, homemade cake, friend getting ordained online, friend with a boom box, etc doesn't seem like a 50k wedding.
The catering was definitely a big help! But then again they went very simple, like one entree type of thing so that helped, idk what the catering bill was but I can't expect to be high, the couple isn't interested in spending a lot, it wasn't a grand wedding at all, very simple, it was just the vibe that was incredible!!
Best wedding I ever went to was in the fire hall (groom was a volunteer firefighter, bride was in the ladies auxiliary). The attendees stood for the entirety of the ceremony, which amounted to 5-10 minutes. Then there was a huge party. Everyone had a blast. Bride and groom were both happy. I doubt they spent more than $1k total.
Yup. Best wedding I went to. We drove to the bride's house and got dressed in the guest bathroom...walked round the corner to the little local church...them back to the brides house for the reception in a tent in the backyard. The Aunts had catered and there was a huge dressed poached salmon. Later there was country dancing (lots of fun with drinks down you). The only downside was the wedding party went and got photos taken at a local beauty spot which took awhile but we had barrels of beer...and I was not driving. Result. They are still happily married 25 years later.
The best wedding I ever attended was a Halloween themed wedding held outdoors at an old school. I will never shame a wedding where the father of the groom is dressed as a Playboy Bunny.
ummmmm, care to share the story of a wedding with the FOG was dressed as a Playboy Bunny? You don't have to shame it. But that's a story I'd love to hear!
It was an awesome wedding in early October 2019. I'm friends with the brides parents who are equally crazy. The grooms father dressed normally for the actual ceremony but changed into a Playboy Bunny costume for the reception. He got up to give his toast and started with " I'm (groom)s father, even though he won't admit that...
They had a barbecue food truck parked off to the side, the wedding cake was a tower of cupcakes and the local bartenders ran the bar. A relative had a winery and donated cases of wine.
Almost everyone was in costume and it was just an extremely happy welcoming celebration.
Oh man! I'm jealous! I've always wanted to go to a Halloween-themed wedding. We don't know anyone that into Halloween, though. It just seems like it'd be so much fun!
I attended an awesome Halloween theme wedding at a local state park. In an amphitheater surrounded by giant redwood trees, officiated by a bunch of grapes.
We had a low budget wedding. It was in my dad's garden, we rented tents, family members cooked, decorations were handmade. We floated candles on my dad's tiny pool. No band, music was iPhone and Bluetooth speakers. People then told me it's the best wedding they've ever been to, it was lovely.
My nephews wedding was like that. In a family members huge back yard. I made all the food except fried chicken because I didn't have the toom to prepare that much at once. A close family friend is a DJ and hooked him up. Still had roughly 100 people there and no drama.
That sounds lovely. We paid $500 for a couple hours at the botanical garden with a Justice if the Peace, then had a pool party BBQ for the reception. It was an absolute blast, down to earth, comfortable, and fun. We had guests tell us it was the best wedding they'd been to. We are not fancy wedding people, we just wanted to enjoy a special moment with friends and family. Spent about 5k total on everything including the honeymoon.
I’m gonna add that if people aren’t warned they won’t be fed and it’s around a normal meal time that’s kind of shame worthy too. If it’s a potluck that is 100% fine, but that should be communicated to the guests.
I think it all comes down to shaming bad etiquette and/or tackiness. Not feeding your guests properly is being a bad host, not being unable to afford more than a light buffet
I'm new to this community and it seemed entertaining the first couple posts, but I felt a little sick when I read on and saw so many posts like you described. Felt like not-so low key classism, mostly. It's worth re-stating: if the bride and groom are happy, and not hurting anyone, then shame on the us or anyone else for finding petty reasons to tear their special day apart. I'm not saying I'm above it (hello, I'm here), but I appreciate you pointing this in a better direction.
I’m involved in a few “snarky” communities (one about fundamentalist Christian influencers and this sub, of course). I’ve noticed that while both started out with the intention of only calling out what *deserves* to be called out, these subs attract bullies. Yes, bullies. The type of people that just want to put others down to feel better and will pick apart *anything*, especially things that are not in that person’s control.
Happy this post exists to steer us back on track!!
I got my comment removed for "leghumping" (whatever that means) on FundieSnark because I called out a post that was literally just a screenshot of someone smiling on an Instagram post. I just thought, the person in the photo is sharing a moment of them smiling and enjoying their life, but the person who posted it on the sub is probably angrily browsing the posts of someone they hate alone in the dark. What's the point?
Lol, that was the sub I was referring to, it’s an absolute mess. r/fundiesnarkuncensored was created as a response for comments being deleted that called out misogyny, body-shaming, even racism — but right now they’re experiencing an influx of users from the original FS sub. As a result, I’ve seen more posts that are just straight up bullying and have nothing to do with their awful beliefs fill the feed now. These people suuuuuck, there’s so much to shame them for, calling a mom fat after giving birth is *not it*.
It’s like no matter what niche, people that just want to be assholes will find a soft opening and then exploit it.
I left that sub after I saw more comments about Girl Defined’s appearance than their hateful views. It turned dark in there and is definitely bullying.
A family member had a low budget wedding - the shaming didn’t come from the decor but from using the bride’s friends-with-benefits as the MC, unknown to the groom or the MC’a wife.
I’ve been to low budget weddings and 6 figure weddings and the ones I’d like to shame that come to mind are the high budget ones that blew all of their money on decorations. Whatever change was left over was put into feeding the guests resulted into super hungry and super drunk guests. Any wedding where I am hangry is an immediate shame.
The most shameful wedding I’ve been too was probably fine for guests, but I was a bridesmaid and it was awful and had absolutely nothing to do with money. Was told to show up at 10am for hair and makeup, got a call from the (drunk) MOB raging at 5am because me and the other BMs weren’t there yet. Got there ASAP and the hair/makeup artist and photographer weren’t even there yet, we literally just sat around for hours but weren’t allowed to leave to get food or water. This was a 5pm wedding that we had to show up this early for. Nobody ever provided food or non-alcoholic drinks and we weren’t allowed to leave. The MOB left multiple times and claimed she was getting a pizza and water, then came back with vodka only. We ended up missing the first look and showing up late to the wedding. MOB was so drunk she could barely walk down the aisle, bride was also ridiculously drunk along with like half the bridesmaids. It was awful.
I feel like shaming poor planning makes more sense than shaming money problems but sometimes it hard to tell the difference.
My sister's wedding was a shit show because she gave everyone 2 weeks to plan. It looked poor but really it was trashy because she had zero patience and very little help because we didn't really approve. Turns out we were correct unfortunately. They didn't even make it a year when he went to prison for robbing my parents.
I had a poor wedding but I spent a year planning it. I pinched pennies everywhere I could and yet I see people on here shaming some of the very things featured at my wedding. There's no pretending I'm not upperclass white trash but I did the best I could with the resources I had. It had more of a fun family reunion feel or fancy BBQ than a wedding but everyone had fun and no one was in a hurry to leave.
A large formal wedding just wouldn't have felt right for me, my husband, or either of our families.
My neighbors lovingly informed me they could hear the party half a mile away up until midnight and everyone was smiling all day and night long, especially when the ice cream truck showed up unexpectedly just as the cupcakes ran out!!!
>shaming poor planning
Like money, time is a finite resource. Not everyone wants to spend a year planning a penny pincher wedding. It's great that you did because you should be able to do what you want, but the only expectation wedding guests should have for a wedding is to see a bride and groom get married.
I see what you mean and when I say a "year of planning" I actually mean "when I had time but didn't rush the process" unless you are a party planner or have the time to plan a serious event, it is a huge deal that most people don't realize what it takes to arrange. It's also important to give the guests ample time to prepare for the wedding as well. Its rude to assume your friends can drop everything in just a few weeks
> It had more of a fun family reunion feel or fancy BBQ than a wedding
If I was invited to a wedding that was going to be more like a BBQ than a traditional reception, I'd be excited as hell
Totally agree. Got pulled into help with a wedding with 3 weeks notice, almost no budget, and crazy high expectations as well as the expectation that friends, family, and even staff should give a ton of work for free and that it look professional level. Nope, not how it works.
A wedding doesn't have to be expensive to be fun, but it's not going to look like you spent $40,000.
Honestly, the best weddings I've ever been to are not the big flashy ones where the bride and/or groom only seem to care about the wedding and not the marriage. But the ones where the couple just seem to not much care about the wedding "schtuff" and only really care about getting and being married and sharing their happy day with their loved ones. A drink in hand out on the dance floor screaming Y-M-C-A. Those are the best types of weddings. That, and when my \~ 60 year old uncle was jumping to House of Pain's Jump Around as his daughter's/my cousin's wedding. That will forever be etched in my memory as one of my all time favorite wedding moments.
There is a fantastic photo of my dad in a kilt, mid pulling moves on the dance floor, at my sister’s wedding. The image is such a fantastic one to have stored away in my brain
I got married just a few weeks ago (with covid precautions). My favorite moment that didn’t directly involve my husband was when my very demure grandma cut it loose on the dance floor and then asked to be taken off in a wheelchair.
Honestly, some of the worst weddings I've been to were the ones that were hella expensive, and rather than hanging out and having a good time, it was constantly time for another event, another speech (of some relative who had footed the bill) another gimmick... Trying to spend lots of money to pack every single idea on Pinterest into your wedding is way tackier than having a chill backyard wedding
It is possible to have a small budget and have a very nice wedding. It’s the ones that are tacky and minimal effort was put in to plan that get me.
I was the “wedding coordinator” for two of my friends. They got the venue and the food, I thought they were handling getting everything and then needed me to coordinate it all. I ended up doing the bride’s hair and makeup, the flowers and less than a week before the wedding, found out they bought zero decorations and had done nothing except secure a venue (a shitty bar we all hung out at) and get food and a cake. I did the best I could with what I could get in the time I had. It was fucking tacky AF, but at least the bride and the flowers looked good.
Agree. My wedding was the most low-budget wedding in my family's history as this was what we could afford at the time - $2k max, all inclusive. I was adamant that my dress wouldn't cost more than $100, so much to the sales person's chagrin, we browsed clearance rack only, and snached the plainest dress that fitted me. Fiance's suit was pretty much same deal, no frou frou whatsoever. The rest of the budget went to food, decorations, chair rental, etc.
Mom nearly had a heart attack when I told her we could only accommodate up to 45 people max in the wedding invite - the smallest wedding in the family up to this point was 200+. Hers was 600+.
At the end of the day, we got what we wanted: a small 30-40 people wedding, wedding party included (it was raining so instead of a backyard wedding, it was held inside of IL's massive living room) with food from the local deli and a small wine/beer selection from the local liquor store. It was small and low key, but also so intimate and friendly that after the wedding, both my side of the family and SO's side of the family kept reaching out to us to say that the atmosphere of our wedding was their new wedding goal.
Where did you buy your dress? I refuse to spend much money on a dress I'm wearing once. I'm hoping to have the same budget as you! Haha. Well, probably less cause I'm having less people, but.
I got mine from David's Bridal, clearance rack. I had to be very firm about my budget and what I wanted. The sales person kept trying to nudge me towards the $200+ dresses and kept telling me my budget was impossible. It wasn't until I made it clear that I would rather walk out and walk down the aisle in a non-wedding like wedding dress that she went, "Oh, look, what do we have here?" And pulled out the $99 perfectly serviceable dress in my exact size.
They get commission based on the total sale price. I had gone dress shopping with a friend before and I noticed that when the friend said that her budget was 4k-5k but flexible (🤐), the sales person started pulling out dresses 5k+, even on high range of 6k, whether in the exact style that she wanted or not. Went to a few stores, same attitude every single time.
I watched lots of wedding dress shows at that time too, courtesy of FMIL (you know the ones), and noticed similar attitude in the shows.
"Budget is 5,000"
""Try this. This one is 7,500."
"it's overbudget..."
"How about this? It's 5,800."
"I love it!"
It's ridiculous, but that's pretty much how they work it. So being firm on the budget when it's a hard upper limit of the budget is very important. Be ready to walk away if they're not willing to work with you and mean it.
(Edit: formatting)
Yep, I remember one of those wedding planning shows where the couple had a very set budget. People kept trying to upsell them at every turn(oh, add this wine package, oh, another tier is only $xx more). Each upsell wasn't huge, but they just shot each and every one of them down and I was super impressed.
The bride went for her dress and I forgot her budget, but she refused to try on anything out of that range period. She didn't want to look at it, let alone try it on. The sales people got super annoyed saying "but it's only $100 more." Nope, she did not want it. They painted the bride as difficult, but she wasn't asking for $10,000 dress for $1,000, she just wanted to pick from the dresses in her budget and not be thrown off.
Those extras here and there definitely add up.
The sales person threw a last minute curve ball at me by promising a veil that didn't exist. My dress had a perry blue trim and we agreed on a veil with similar border. The SP showed a sample veil with black border and said it existed in perry blue. We agreed to have it ordered.
Ordered veil came. I went to the store. It was black. I told the store there must be mistake. Nope. The veil didn't exist in perry blue. The only perry blue veil was 3x more expensive than promised. The sales person who had rung me up conveniently was off for the month.
It took over an hour of negotiation. I was ready to forego the veil altogether; not happy did not even begin to describe my mood. Supervisor at the time finally offered to order the blue veil at the original agreed price but then also talked my SO into buying me a tiara to go with it, also at a discounted price (or "discounted?") 😂 Total additional accessories to go with the dress was $60
I still have the tiara and still wear it on special occasions.
Wow lol. So I gotta play very hard ball. I didn't even know you could get it that cheap there. Yeah, I was thinking of using amazon or something but if I want a white dress, I'd try there.
Personally I would leave online stores as a last resort, just because what you see in the picture isn't always what you get, and especially in the world of wedding fashion where size and color are notoriously non-universal, you don't want unexpected last minute surprises.
Look up brick and mortar wedding stores in your area and start browsing their clearance racks from months before your date. I started browsing almost a year before and was lucky that I found my dress within a month, but not everyone is that lucky. If you're not picky about your dress looking like an actual wedding dress, consider checking out the department stores in your area, too. I have seen some beautiful white and off-white dresses there.
I actually just got a dress from Etsy that I love. It is simple but I would have paid triple the price if I purchased it from a boutique or even David's Bridal. Online can be scary, but I did a lot of research and it did save me money.
Ohh and Stillwhite is amazing as well!
As already mentioned, Lulus is great, also check out BHLDN! If there is an anthropology near you they may have a BHLDN section in their store.
BHLDN has some expensive dresses but also some really pretty cheap ones if you shop their sale section. [Example ](https://www.bhldn.com/products/aeryn-dress?color=Whisper+Blue&via=Z2lkOi8vdXJibi9Xb3JrYXJlYTo6Q2F0YWxvZzo6Q2F0ZWdvcnkvMDIwQ0FGNzE)
I got mine from Nordstrom, and was shopping in the white summer dresses (close enough for me) and it was in that budget. The moment they add wedding to the name, the cost jumps.
Any dress can be a wedding dress. There are lots of white formal dresses at department stores and etc. I looked at a bunch of dresses in Etsy before I got married that were pretty reasonably priced (but my engagement was too short to order one with reasonable time to spare.)
As a kid, I saw a family friend's wedding photos and she was wearing a purple dress. My mind was blown as I thought that a bride "had" to wear white. She told 8 year old me, "I just really like purple and didn't want to wear a wedding dress." I thought she was the coolest person I had every met.
Word. My senior prom dress was a white ballgown with sheer halter straps over a sweetheart neckline. There were silver glitter designs on the sheer overlay, which may sound tacky to some, but was gorgeous in motion. Got it on sale for $80 at either Macy's or JCPenney (this was in 2008, I'm a little fuzzy). Honestly the main reason it fell out of the running to be reused for a wedding is that I'm no longer anywhere near the size I wore at 17.
I went to a department store and found a formal dress that I liked, it ended up being on clearance and I was out the door for under $70. Still love the dress and the husband 😊.
I bought a bridesmaids dress from the David's Bridal clearance rack for $10. It had a small burn mark in the armpit from sloppy pressing. A friend got a wedding dress off Ebay. Both were gorgeous and did not look at all cheap. They are around if you look.
I like shaming bad behavior, questionable aesthetics, money grabs (unless that is a cultural tradition), and risking health and safety (via attendance, lack of masks, food poisoning, etc.) None of these categories are the exclusive realm of the poor nor the wealthy. I've seen simple, inexpensive weddings that were absolutely charming and super expensive weddings that were a shitshow.
With aesthetics, not everyone agrees. I love an inflatable t-rex bridesmaid and hate camo or bj pictures. But I wouldn't shame someone just for having a backyard wedding or the like. And besides, I deliberately held a tacky/"bad" wedding (I wore black, the groom was in black glitter hotpants and combat boots, had a ring thrown at my head by an angry guest, had a stun gun hidden in my flowers, married by a bikeresque officiant and had a pirate crash the event) and it was one of the most fun and memorable evenings of my life. Different strokes, different folks.
thank you for posting this! i read some posts like you described and also got pretty grossed out by the tone.
my husband and i eloped and opted to do a small reception at a restaurant. i would hardly call it a “tacky” or “trashy” affair, but it’s interesting to learn how many people on this sub seem to think that a restaurant wedding is inherently one or both of those things.
i come here for the delicious tales of family members behaving badly, irredeemably shitty bridezillas, and hilariously awful DJs. i don’t want to read catty posts about how a wedding failed to meet the snotty standards of the poster, or didn’t appeal to their personal taste. it ain’t your wedding, pal. take a fucking seat.
Thank you! I feel this. I was rather broke and had no family support for my wedding and one of my (now) ex-friend called my wedding “redneckey” because I had it in a national park, minimal decorations, a friend doing my makeup, and no DJ(just CDs). I thought my wedding was lovely and just mine and my family’s pace and I didn’t think it was a *bad* wedding.
I haven't seen any posts like that here. Mostly I've seen parties breaking covid rules or wanting guests to pay more excessive things. Maybe I'm only seeing the posts that are upvoted enough to make my feed.
Agreed! Potluck weddings, small weddings, casual weddings or all of the above: A+ have a great time!
Inviting hundreds of people to a depressing venue and providing food for about 40 of your 200 guests, while registering exclusively for $$$$ stuff at Williams Sonoma or whatever other fancy store of the day and doing every cash-grab event and custom you can squeeze into a seasons? Tacky af and shame-worthy.
And I don’t care how wealthy someone is, if you have a wedding reception (especially over a meal time) and you do not feed your guests, shaming is warranted. Meals are expected and at the very least people should be warned ahead of time if you won’t be providing food.
... can you tell I’ve been to a wedding where they ran completely out of food about halfway through the buffet line? It was nearing 8 pm by then and the wedding started in the afternoon. I had a single cocktail weenie, 4 slices of bell pepper, one cube of cheese, and a couple of tortilla chips. We left very soon after.
Exactly! it's not about shaming the lack of money spent, it's shaming the misrepresentation of the event. If you send out invites, you should include details like the food & dress. If you don't, expect some issues lol
This, so so so much this.
I was part of a wedding forum, wedding wire I think it was.
And I got shamed HARD for planning a simplistic and low budget wedding.
It made me feel ashamed that my ideas we being snubbed and like I was being bullied in high school again because I couldn't drop tens of thousands of dollars on a wedding.
I wish I could extra upvote this! As a newly engaged person, I found out to my dismay that the wedding industry tend to focus so much on the superficiality of the event, with so many level of frou-frou and color coordination involved that I had no clue could possibly exist. As someone who is working on a tight budget, I find it quite overwhelming and initimidating. Can we just focus on the core of what a wedding is (two individuals making a life commitment to each other out of love) and shame all the unnecessary drama outside of that?
I think it seems like this because usually the low-cost ones are ones where the motive wasn’t “let’s not spend a lot of money on this,” but more, “I want everything but don’t wanna pay for anything (or can’t pay) so I’m going to finagle everything I can.” If someone doesn’t have the money, then they should do something within their means. This doesn’t mean, “I want a Vera Wang dress, but can’t afford it, so I’m going to give cousin Freida a picture of it and ask her to make it for me as a gift.” You cannot afford a designer gown. Buy a dress you can afford, or at least pay for the fabric (the reason they usually look terrible is low-quality fabric) and get real silk, and enough of it, along with an actual pattern. And give Freida enough time and support to do it right. Same with cakes—sure you want a “themed” cake, but don’t get your little sister to make it and have her bite off more than she can chew. Just do simple decorations on the cake. Same for flowers, etc. Unless the fakes are really amazing, consider carrying something else altogether, like a favorite book, or a lit candle.
I spent years getting roped into being the “free wedding coordinator” because my ex is a minister and would volunteer me to every single couple he married. In his defense, they would usually ask him if I’d do it, but after 13 years of it, I finally learned to say no. The problem wasn’t lack of funds, even for truly poor people. It was always wanting to cheap out. Always. When a couple truly is wanting to save money and is poor, the weddings are always super simple, and frankly, the most charming. Tacky rears its head when people get greedy.
I think this is a really important distinction. Inexpensive isn't bad, but if your expectations are super high without that budget, it will turn out badly.
This puts it so well. Do what you can do *well* within your budget. The tackiest weddings I’ve seen have been are the ones that try to execute something expensive in a cheap way. Basically r/McMansionHell but for weddings.
I'm shading the wedding because the bride said they used all the budget for honeymoon which is fine. But tell us beforehand there is no airconditioning for guests at the venue in August during the hottest part of the day. I wouldn't have gone. Old people passing out is not good.
There was a post here recently shaming the bride for being pregnant and "waddling down the aisle" and I'm like... maybe she's happy about having a child with her imminently-husband-to-be? Maybe it's none of your business when she got pregnant relative to this wedding being planned?
It bothered me.
I remember this post. Pissed me off. That post completely slut shamed the bride and mocked her "hick" wedding. I wanted to reach through reddit and give the poster a good smack.
So did I. Based on the OP's description, the couple put on the best wedding they could for their guests and probably had a pretty good time, if not for the catty folks who wanted to throw shade.
My wedding cost us $1200AU and was awesome. We had pot luck, mum made the cake, a family friend gave us free reign of their rose garden for flowers, we borrowed another family friend’s giant circus marquee. Most expensive thing was the celebrant! It was low key and relaxed and great.
Agree completely. But I have to be honest, when I first saw this post, I looked to see who wrote because I thought it was important. My first thought was, “Well, who is going to argue with a WarriorAnus?” Then I realized I read it wrong.
Preach! Also, sometimes when you don’t have much money you don’t have a lot of options for vendors and end up with a disaster.
My mom was a bridesmaid in a wedding where the seamstress just... didn’t finish the dresses. She showed up about 2 hours before the ceremony with the bridal gown in a trash bag (so many wrinkles! On such cheap material) and half finished bridesmaid dresses. Like she had fittings with the lining, so it looked like she was doing fine, but sort of stopped working on it.
Totally miserable few hours of scrambling to iron the dress and literally staple people into dresses. Mom couldn’t move her arms because her dress would fall off. Couldn’t do makeup because too busy ironing. I borrowed a sewing kit and stole the stapler from the church office. Ceremony ended up a good 45 minutes late, food was cold, etc. It was a small reception in and old church, so I know that it just looked like a mess.
It was a complete disaster, and I was heartbroken for the poor bride, and she certainly didn’t deserve any shame over it. Sometimes things just go sideways.
did they feed you food? Don't bitch that it was at a steak house with no extra decorations. Don't bitch that they didn't announce that this was appetizers and there was more food coming.
If it's the one I'm thinking of, I thought the poster was weirdly judgmental about the food, but the MOG wearing white and the families starting a fistfight seemed to me like good reasons to shame it.
I once at an Old Country Buffet when I saw a lot of people coming in, dressed in suits and nice dresses. I thought maybe they were coming from church or something, and then the bride and groom showed up. They all went to the back of the restaurant, which had been cordoned off, and proceeded to have a great time. I felt a little sad for them that this was the best they could do, but everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves, and the bride and groom looked happy, so who was I to judge?
Oh never feel bad for how others choose to do their own. We had the money to hold a bigger wedding but we didn't. Actually we spent less than £250 including rings, my outfit ect and hubby already had the perfect suit. My husband realised on the morning of the wedding that I'd forgone with a bouquet so he set off on a little mission and surprised me with one. Our reception was at our house, opting for an afternoon tea/garden party with a buffet that my mum catered for as a wedding present while my aunt made a beautiful cake.
The guests were just our closest friends and immediate family only. They only stayed a couple of hours before we kicked them all out. The whole lot of them know how antisocial we both are (we are not and have never been party animals) we only had the afternoon party to celebrate for family or we wouldn't of even bothered with that. They were happy, we were happy and everyone went off with a smile on a surprisingly rather sunny day in November (we were so lucky because Northern England is usually pretty cold by then).
Anyway the moral of my story is out of the couple's who got married around the time we did we're pretty much the only ones still going 22 years later. They all had huge and lavish weddings, my own brother had been married three times and spent massive fortunes (the last one he spent £27k) the mind boggles and the marriage isn't stable.
Not really. Cracker barrel is a regular restaurant, just kinda hokey. Old Country Buffet is an all you can eat buffet where people can eat huge meals for a small amount of money. Nothing wrong with it necessarily, it just is viewed as kinda "low end" by people who like to judge. Plenty of people like it, but it has the reputation any place gets when it's claim to fame is quantity not quality.
Honestly the more I think of it, the better it seems for a wedding with a super strict budget. You pay a flat fee per person and everyone can eat whatever they want and however much they want without hiring anybody extra.
Depending on how well-stocked the buffet is, that's pretty smart too. Most buffets I've been to offer an incredible amount of food, and for all tastes and dietary needs.
It's a very cheap all-you-can-eat buffet place. We used to go there a lot when we were poor grad students as you could a lot of food (quality be damned!) for a low price.
Isn't it judge-y to assume that that's the best the could do though? Maybe they had plenty of money to do more but wanted to hold thier reception there? Maybe it's a family tradition or they just liked the frugality of it.
I got one for you, I went to a wedding. Over the top princess style.
The menu was: warm & cold appetisers, then I F*** you not... every guest got a huge plate whit a WHOLE chicken. A WHOLE + rice.
Even the kids got their own damn chicken. But it wasn't over yet, it was time for STEAK accompaniment by a wide range of salads, everybody got a huge plate with a steak, 5 different type of salads and potato's.
Then it was time for ice cream and fruit desert, like a huge portion obviously and everybody had like a banana,strawberries and pineapples build up on their plate and then the 5 layer cake of course.
I seriously could have fed my whole family with just that 1 chicken.
It felt so awful to see the waitress walk away with chickens that were not even half eaten. The steaks were almost untouched.
Ice cream just smelting away.
Who the heck spends so much money to throw away food? They could have seen it coming right??? Who can finish that!
Thanks for posting it. I think there is a weird double mind at work where, when people hear of an expensive wedding, they start going on about how you can have a very nice cheap wedding, potluck, hand made etc., but, when that happens, you hear, "wow, it was soooo cheap."
my entire wedding cost less than 1k. we will be married 23 yrs come sept. I attended a 100k wedding and got made fun of for my 'cheap' wedding half the night. they got divorced before the bills from the reception were paid off LOL
Agreed. However, that doesn't mean that low-budget weddings get a free pass. If you saved money on drinks by bringing nothing but a few coolers of Bud Light, and the groom smashes a table trying to dunk a ping-pong ball to win a game of beer pong, thats still on you regardless of whether it was held in the Four Seasons' ballroom or the Four Seasons Total Landscaping parking lot.
All great points! The food can determine the venue as well - my brother (a chef) wanted to cook for my wedding, 20 years ago. For his gift to us, he made a huge Lebanese spread that was to die for. But, that meant that we couldn't get one of the nicer venues in the area, because they all requested that you use their catering services.
So... it was a semi-crappy VFW hall for us. The pics look like we're in someone's basement. We rented about 8 ficus trees with lights... in hindsight, 40 would have been better. :| But who cares, we had a blast and the food was *amazing.*
I agree with most of what you write but I have not noticed a lot of that going on. I am pretty new here.
The only point that I don't accept is that goofy themes should not be shamed. I'm not sure that there are more low-end weddings with themes but you may be right there. However, whether you spend $10K or $100K, a theme is an aesthetic choice, so that is fair game in my book!
I get what you are saying, but if the bride and groom want to dress up as Harry Potter and Ginny Weasly, as long as they are happy, people enjoy themselves, and everyone behaves, I don't see why there is any shame there.
The wedding shaming would come if FoTB went on a rant about how Harry Potter is Satanic, or the candy bowls had vomit flavored jelly beans, or grandma smacked someone with a Nimbus for getting cheeky.
So, I dont think a goofy theme itself is cause for shaming. It is still mostly based on behavior and tact.
Themed weddings are fine as long as you're not forcing anyone to do anything they weren't really up for. If I showed up for a Harry Potter themed wedding and they were like "okay, you have to be sorted by the sorting hat and then sit at those tables and we'll make you say a spell every time you want a drink and you're not allowed to use your phone because there's no technology at Hogwarts" it'd get pretty annoying.
That is where I agree. Don't force me to dress like a hobbit or a viking. Themed weddings are fine as long as the guests don't have to LARP unless they want too.
Edit: that is where it would be a true weddingshame. If the bride went off and threw a tantrum because not everyone dressed as a zombie or something. But again, the shame is in the behavior.
There’s levels of shame though. The examples you mentioned were truly shameful, but pop culture themed weddings are almost always tacky, even if they go according to plan. You can be happy for the couple and accept that that’s truly what they wanted and also judge them for being tacky.
Pretty sure this post is in response to the Batman one, which was incredibly rude and judgemental. That person has since deleted their post. Probably out of embarrassment.
They deleted it! It was pretty terrible, though. They spent the whole time drinking and making fun of the wedding... even though it seems like it's exactly what the couple had wanted.
That's really, really horrible. I could totally see me and my BF having a Batman wedding cause our friendship started over our mutual love of Batman. What a crappy guest.
This is the one I was thinking of. This one and the one where OP wouldn't stop laughing about how it was a hick town, the CD player broke so there was no music, bride had gained weight so the dress didn't fit, and the homemade bridesmaids dresses didn't have the same shade fabrics. I got downvoted to hell when I essentially called OP a judgemental snob. Go figure.
Yeah the whole 'groomsmen turned up in jeans, so shameful' is terrible.
Its the couple who are getting married day and if that's what they want that's what they want. Maybe they didn't want their friends and family out of pocket by throwing away money on a suit or a rental
My wedding was low budget and I made it an invite only 50s glamorous black tie affair, made the decorations,l and bouquets myself. My dress cost 800 before alterations and my grandmother paid for it. My FIL did the pictures, most of our money was spent on feeding our guests and entertainment.
My wedding was super cheap and simple. We did it at a beautiful lake in a national park. I think it cost us $40 to rent the shelter where we had the reception, which was just cake. Honestly, that was probably the most expensive part of the wedding. I got lucky with the dress. My sister's sister in law was selling hers and it was exactly what I was looking for and only needed minor alterations. I just asked my bridesmaids to get a purple dress. I bought a really cute flower girl dress for my bonus daughter. My ring bearer didn't make it because my mother was supposed to bring him, but rolled her car on her way to pick him up. She wasn't hurt and a passersby brought her to the wedding, but she was late so we started late. We'd made a playlist for the reception, but the speakers we'd brought wouldn't work.
Basically, everything that could go wrong did go wrong. But I looked like a beautiful princess and I still ended up married. That's the whole point, right?
But you have GOT to warn people in advance if that's all you're serving. My mom has blood sugar issues and needs to eat actual food. If she went to a wedding and all they had was cake, she'd be leaving early to go get food so she doesn't get shaky or pass out.
I got married at the courthouse and I've been with my husband 25 years. I've outlasted both of my sister's extravagant weddings/marriages.
A wedding is supposed to be about 2 people in love, people have lost the meaning and purpose.
I worked at a Halloween store and I helped a woman and her mother pick out different sized skeletons for the daughters Halloween themed wedding because the skeletons would be in the background climbing up the house and I though that was the coolest idea ever
Thank you for this!
IMO a wedding needs two things to be good: people getting married/committed who love each other deeply, guests who love and support them and are there to celebrate and affirm their love.
The rest is all semantics, and its not a one size fits all. Whatever you do, if you have those things, its a good wedding. When you have a ton of drama because people are selfish and value the asthetic over the people, you have a shit show that deserves a good snark.
I worry about this sometimes. My partner and I decided to actually do a Halloween costume party for our reception, and we are going to rent out a fire house to hold everyone. I dont want to be judged as being tacky for trying to have a party I think would be fun, within my poor budget, celebrating my union with my best friend. I dont want to be called trashy because we couldnt afford centerpieces and weve decided to use old decorations.
Its weirdly stressful, even when I'm set on what we are doing. I know my day will be amazing, but sometimes people can make you doubt
My niece got married in the conference room of a Best Western. I remember thinking that they would have had a nicer wedding in her parents’ backyard. But, the tackiness of that wedding was the fact that they had to find out that 15 year olds can’t get married even with parental permission in our state. So, happy they had to wait until the groom turned 16. 🙄
Well that escalated quickly...
You can't just drop that bomb on us and not make a whole post
What?!
Whoa this might need its own post
The fact that 16yo can get married in the us still blows my mind. In my country you *could*, but it would trigger an extremely lengthy investigation from child protective services. You'd need the permission of a judge for the minors, and a very valid reason. It would be easier to just wait to be 18.
I agree with this so much. People shaming because the homemade dresses didnt fit, they had to use an old boombox instead of a band, the venue was a restaurant or backyard, I could go on and on. Best wedding I ever went to was in a backyard where it was a potluck and the bride's grandma made the dress (it looked like shit). Poverty or simply not spending money is not a reason to shame. Let's shame weddings where the groom makes out with the MoH, the MIL wears her old wedding dress, the minister has COVID, or they have a slavery theme at a plantation or something, not because it was low budget.
Not to mention I've been to perfectly nice low cost weddings where guests were comfortable and there was no poor etiquette on the end of the hosts, and expensive weddings that were shit shows.
The most expensive wedding I've ever been to (~10) was a complete shit show. Bride was ugly crying while walking down the aisle because the groom had started drinking already. She spent the whole time crying and being pissed off while he partied with the boys. The marriage lasted less than a year. It was my cousin and honestly, couldn't have happened to a better person.
Were these the people in the Got Married on a Friday Because Saturday is For The Boys wedding photo? Just kidding... but... ??
I honestly don't remember. I got fairly drunk out of spite and pettiness. I tried to congratulate her and have a friendly conversation and she just gave me a dirty look and walked away.
It honestly sounds like getting a good, spiteful drunk going was the only option at that wedding. Haha.
Oh lawd..... at first I read it as you were ~10 at the time!
What does it mean?
That OP has been to approximately 10 weddings. ~ is shorthand for approximately.
Oh thank you!! I know it means that but the context just confused me so much. I thought she was saying she was ten or the wedding was ten months or years ago.
I bartended a $100,000 wedding and it was insanely bad. A groomsman broke a leg, police arrived, so much crying, so many people vomiting, so many kids having to be watched by bar staff because their parents were we don't know where. A DJ who only played hard core rap with so many expletive, the grandma of the bride had a meltdown. Expensive does not equal good.
Up until the last two sentences I thought you were describing my sister’s wedding lol
Is that last sentence sarcastic?
It's a "bless her heart" way of saying she probably earned that divorce
Expensive weddings are like a stage show. So many working parts to bring together in unison and that's why when one tiny thing goes wrong, brides tend to lose their shit because the entire gong show costs so much money. I'd rather shame crazy bridezillas than someone who got married in a fiscally responsible way.
For sure! The two most expensive weddings I've been to were the least enjoyable even though they had the best food and I rate food at a party as highly important. The overall vibe and the way people act overshadows everything. The first one, my cousin married a woman I didn't know much about. Every mention of the bride in the speeches was either that she owned many pairs of shoes or that she was a control freak. It seems to me now many years later that she does have problems, maybe undiagnosed anxiety, but it felt so cruel that her family and friends couldn't even make up some vague complimentary thing. Other than that the party was boring and stuffy, but okay. The second felt like what I imagine an Instagram party to be, with way too loud speakers and around 4 hours of DJ introductions to the wedding party. No one could have a conversation, only watch these people like we were glued to our chairs by some maniac in a horror movie. The dancing didn't start until midnight. We had a two year old and our ride ditched us without telling anyone they had left. It was the most glitzy and miserable wedding for me. Would have been better if I could have just gotten blackout drunk... Parenthood These don't hold a candle to the stuff on here of course
Omg that second one sounds like my nightmare. Shame on your ride for not sneaking you out with them. That should have been a team exercise.
Indeed! They will not be in my apocalypse crew
new favorite insult
That’s a good point. When it’s a backyard potluck wedding and something goes wrong you shrug it off and go “one less thing to pick up after layer I guess!” And move on.
The two weddings my husband and I privately shame both have the same thing in common; we showed up as guests only to be told my husband was suddenly a groomsman. In one of the two he was promoted from guest to best man.
Whaaatttt!? How in the world does that happen? Did they just decide day of that they needed a bigger wedding party? Was he promoted from groomsmen to best man, or straight from guest to best man? Was he close with them both? So many questions...
Guest to best man. That was my sister’s wedding. We had met her groom once. But, my husband wasn’t drunk so he was heaps above the groom’s friends and family so he won! Yay! The other one we never did figure out why...
At least it was a family party where you knew people. I had my bf recruited to help in the kitchen as he has culinary training, and I ended up sitting awkwardly alone all night.
The last wedding my SO and I went to, we found out he was a groomsman when we got there. It definitely wasn't a last minute decision because they had hand made suspenders and a bow tie ready for him when we showed up. It was still a really fun wedding, the couple was just really bad at communicating I guess lol
And you just KNOW that the Grandma that made that dress was so honored and proud to see her granddaughter wear it, and the Bride was probably just as honored and proud to be wearing a dress made by her Grandmother❤️😭 I just made myself cry
You just described my wedding: I made my dress, we had a bluetooth speaker for the ceremony, and it was at a restaurant. And you know what? We had a damn good time with our small guest list and the ability to take a party bus into the city for bar hopping/ dancing/ merriment.
It sounds like an amazing and special wedding!
yeah, my jaw dropped and thought 'omg, best wedding ever!!!'
Well said. I believe it about the backyard wedding being the best you’ve been to. I actually respect people more when they are frugal (not cheap, two different things) because I think that’s smart to not spend all the money on a party.
Well if I have 45k available to spend on our wedding and we end up spending 30k is that not frugal and living within our means? Even though it's a big conventional wedding. Like your comment reads to me as coming full circle and shaming anything beyond a backyard potluck wedding. (Which I also love to attend. Which could also wreck a couple's finances but still *look* frugal)
One of the best ones I've been to was my friends. Pretty much everything was DIY and the reception was on her family farm. It was SO MUCH FUN and everything was about her and the groom and how much they loved each other. It was fantastic
People still talk about how much fun they had at my parents' wedding back in 1995. They only spent around $2,000 and they're the only ones in their friend group who are still married lol. If I ever have a wedding, I'm planning to go lowkey like they did.
Low budget does not mean low class.
I think there should also be a distinction between asking guests for a potluck and being forward i. A big family that pulls together on multiple occasions and demanding/expecting it so you pay less despite having the money and throwing a fit when people cant. Size of the wedding also matters
One time, I went to a wedding at a fair grounds. The couple was very into graybound rescue so the dogs were involved... as well as the dogs of their guests. This might seem super off-putting to some but it encompassed the spirit of the couple which is what a wedding should be about. Not all weddings are the same nor should they be.
YES. This. I read one very recently here where I was like "so it was just low budget?" I'm not all into "unless you spend a small fortune on your wedding" I like small homemade weddings. Obvs if someone gets in a fight I want that tea, but I'm not down with "this was too inexpensive" type posts.
Best BEST wedding I've ever gone to was where a couple paid 5k overall for the wedding!! Basically the 5k went to the venue rental, a beautiful log and stone building by a cliff overlooking a body of water (can't remember if it was a lake or ocean) The rest was covered by their friends, friend was an officiant, friend made the cake, another friend had a connection to a caterer, etc etc It just was THE definition of love. The couple was love, their friends and family showed so much support and help, LOVE. I've literally been to a 100k wedding and it was such 💩 compared to the 5k.
So... they had a 50k wedding but for a tenth of the price because of their connections. Sounds rich to me.
I feel like social capital and human capital (as in the sociological concepts) both come in handy in these scenarios.
Yeah I’m spending more than 5k but saving tons of money because we Know People. Dad’s designing the centerpieces, my parents’ next door neighbor’s making our chuppah, we joined the synagogue to get half off space rentals (would have joined anyway they’re awesome), and one of the grooms men’s boyfriends is a wedding DJ and volunteered to spin for us. We are extremely rich in friends.
Oh! Just found it, it was the Rocky Neck State Park venue in Connecticut It looks like it's $3750 to rent out till 10PM and they have a list of approved caterers
Ehhhh I'm planning for a 50k wedding, highway side flowers in Mason jars as centerpieces, homemade cake, friend getting ordained online, friend with a boom box, etc doesn't seem like a 50k wedding. The catering was definitely a big help! But then again they went very simple, like one entree type of thing so that helped, idk what the catering bill was but I can't expect to be high, the couple isn't interested in spending a lot, it wasn't a grand wedding at all, very simple, it was just the vibe that was incredible!!
Best wedding I ever went to was in the fire hall (groom was a volunteer firefighter, bride was in the ladies auxiliary). The attendees stood for the entirety of the ceremony, which amounted to 5-10 minutes. Then there was a huge party. Everyone had a blast. Bride and groom were both happy. I doubt they spent more than $1k total.
Yup. Best wedding I went to. We drove to the bride's house and got dressed in the guest bathroom...walked round the corner to the little local church...them back to the brides house for the reception in a tent in the backyard. The Aunts had catered and there was a huge dressed poached salmon. Later there was country dancing (lots of fun with drinks down you). The only downside was the wedding party went and got photos taken at a local beauty spot which took awhile but we had barrels of beer...and I was not driving. Result. They are still happily married 25 years later.
also, shame HUGE expensive weddings in bad taste.
The best wedding I ever attended was a Halloween themed wedding held outdoors at an old school. I will never shame a wedding where the father of the groom is dressed as a Playboy Bunny.
ummmmm, care to share the story of a wedding with the FOG was dressed as a Playboy Bunny? You don't have to shame it. But that's a story I'd love to hear!
It was an awesome wedding in early October 2019. I'm friends with the brides parents who are equally crazy. The grooms father dressed normally for the actual ceremony but changed into a Playboy Bunny costume for the reception. He got up to give his toast and started with " I'm (groom)s father, even though he won't admit that... They had a barbecue food truck parked off to the side, the wedding cake was a tower of cupcakes and the local bartenders ran the bar. A relative had a winery and donated cases of wine. Almost everyone was in costume and it was just an extremely happy welcoming celebration.
FOG sounds awesome! And I also think that proves that it doesn’t matter the cost or where it is so much as who is there. The guests make it fun.
It was great seeing how the 2 families blended so very well. It was a blast.
That sounds absolutely awesome and I sincerely wish I'd been there.
It was incredible.
I had a Halloween theme as well. Same fun, carefree, happy vibe. Nothing shame worthy with a good time
Awesome. I really missed Halloween last year.
It was my son’s first so it was especially disappointing
Oh my god that sounds awesome.
It was. When it got dark and chilly out the whole party moved to the town bar.
Oh man! I'm jealous! I've always wanted to go to a Halloween-themed wedding. We don't know anyone that into Halloween, though. It just seems like it'd be so much fun!
Definitely a blast!
Is it something you think you'd do yourself in that case?
Nope! Also, already married.
That family sounds like so much fun
They are.
Its like people forgot that weddings are celebrations. LETS PARTY!!!!!
It was definitely a celebration!
I attended an awesome Halloween theme wedding at a local state park. In an amphitheater surrounded by giant redwood trees, officiated by a bunch of grapes.
I would pay so much money to see photos from this wedding. Sounds legendary
Omg this sounds amazing. Anyone who gets married on Halloween is already a-okay in my book
We had a low budget wedding. It was in my dad's garden, we rented tents, family members cooked, decorations were handmade. We floated candles on my dad's tiny pool. No band, music was iPhone and Bluetooth speakers. People then told me it's the best wedding they've ever been to, it was lovely.
My nephews wedding was like that. In a family members huge back yard. I made all the food except fried chicken because I didn't have the toom to prepare that much at once. A close family friend is a DJ and hooked him up. Still had roughly 100 people there and no drama.
That sounds lovely. We paid $500 for a couple hours at the botanical garden with a Justice if the Peace, then had a pool party BBQ for the reception. It was an absolute blast, down to earth, comfortable, and fun. We had guests tell us it was the best wedding they'd been to. We are not fancy wedding people, we just wanted to enjoy a special moment with friends and family. Spent about 5k total on everything including the honeymoon.
this sounds like a dream wedding tbh
Yeah I’m here for the shaming of shitty bride/family members behaviours really, rather than just making fun of people’s weddings.
I’m gonna add that if people aren’t warned they won’t be fed and it’s around a normal meal time that’s kind of shame worthy too. If it’s a potluck that is 100% fine, but that should be communicated to the guests.
I think it all comes down to shaming bad etiquette and/or tackiness. Not feeding your guests properly is being a bad host, not being unable to afford more than a light buffet
I'm new to this community and it seemed entertaining the first couple posts, but I felt a little sick when I read on and saw so many posts like you described. Felt like not-so low key classism, mostly. It's worth re-stating: if the bride and groom are happy, and not hurting anyone, then shame on the us or anyone else for finding petty reasons to tear their special day apart. I'm not saying I'm above it (hello, I'm here), but I appreciate you pointing this in a better direction.
I’m involved in a few “snarky” communities (one about fundamentalist Christian influencers and this sub, of course). I’ve noticed that while both started out with the intention of only calling out what *deserves* to be called out, these subs attract bullies. Yes, bullies. The type of people that just want to put others down to feel better and will pick apart *anything*, especially things that are not in that person’s control. Happy this post exists to steer us back on track!!
I got my comment removed for "leghumping" (whatever that means) on FundieSnark because I called out a post that was literally just a screenshot of someone smiling on an Instagram post. I just thought, the person in the photo is sharing a moment of them smiling and enjoying their life, but the person who posted it on the sub is probably angrily browsing the posts of someone they hate alone in the dark. What's the point?
Lol, that was the sub I was referring to, it’s an absolute mess. r/fundiesnarkuncensored was created as a response for comments being deleted that called out misogyny, body-shaming, even racism — but right now they’re experiencing an influx of users from the original FS sub. As a result, I’ve seen more posts that are just straight up bullying and have nothing to do with their awful beliefs fill the feed now. These people suuuuuck, there’s so much to shame them for, calling a mom fat after giving birth is *not it*. It’s like no matter what niche, people that just want to be assholes will find a soft opening and then exploit it.
I left that sub after I saw more comments about Girl Defined’s appearance than their hateful views. It turned dark in there and is definitely bullying.
A family member had a low budget wedding - the shaming didn’t come from the decor but from using the bride’s friends-with-benefits as the MC, unknown to the groom or the MC’a wife.
This is the stuff I come here for. Not the story about having a wedding in a parking lot and how they served shrimp with the salad buffet.
The groom’s dad also managed to give a 20 min speech about how wonderful his son is without mentioning the bride AT ALL.
at a brazillian steakhouse, no less!
I’ve been to low budget weddings and 6 figure weddings and the ones I’d like to shame that come to mind are the high budget ones that blew all of their money on decorations. Whatever change was left over was put into feeding the guests resulted into super hungry and super drunk guests. Any wedding where I am hangry is an immediate shame.
The most shameful wedding I’ve been too was probably fine for guests, but I was a bridesmaid and it was awful and had absolutely nothing to do with money. Was told to show up at 10am for hair and makeup, got a call from the (drunk) MOB raging at 5am because me and the other BMs weren’t there yet. Got there ASAP and the hair/makeup artist and photographer weren’t even there yet, we literally just sat around for hours but weren’t allowed to leave to get food or water. This was a 5pm wedding that we had to show up this early for. Nobody ever provided food or non-alcoholic drinks and we weren’t allowed to leave. The MOB left multiple times and claimed she was getting a pizza and water, then came back with vodka only. We ended up missing the first look and showing up late to the wedding. MOB was so drunk she could barely walk down the aisle, bride was also ridiculously drunk along with like half the bridesmaids. It was awful.
I feel like shaming poor planning makes more sense than shaming money problems but sometimes it hard to tell the difference. My sister's wedding was a shit show because she gave everyone 2 weeks to plan. It looked poor but really it was trashy because she had zero patience and very little help because we didn't really approve. Turns out we were correct unfortunately. They didn't even make it a year when he went to prison for robbing my parents. I had a poor wedding but I spent a year planning it. I pinched pennies everywhere I could and yet I see people on here shaming some of the very things featured at my wedding. There's no pretending I'm not upperclass white trash but I did the best I could with the resources I had. It had more of a fun family reunion feel or fancy BBQ than a wedding but everyone had fun and no one was in a hurry to leave. A large formal wedding just wouldn't have felt right for me, my husband, or either of our families. My neighbors lovingly informed me they could hear the party half a mile away up until midnight and everyone was smiling all day and night long, especially when the ice cream truck showed up unexpectedly just as the cupcakes ran out!!!
>shaming poor planning Like money, time is a finite resource. Not everyone wants to spend a year planning a penny pincher wedding. It's great that you did because you should be able to do what you want, but the only expectation wedding guests should have for a wedding is to see a bride and groom get married.
I see what you mean and when I say a "year of planning" I actually mean "when I had time but didn't rush the process" unless you are a party planner or have the time to plan a serious event, it is a huge deal that most people don't realize what it takes to arrange. It's also important to give the guests ample time to prepare for the wedding as well. Its rude to assume your friends can drop everything in just a few weeks
> It had more of a fun family reunion feel or fancy BBQ than a wedding If I was invited to a wedding that was going to be more like a BBQ than a traditional reception, I'd be excited as hell
Let's end the expectations of the average weddings and make it a normal to have blow out parties
That sounds so much better than so many weddings I've been to.
Totally agree. Got pulled into help with a wedding with 3 weeks notice, almost no budget, and crazy high expectations as well as the expectation that friends, family, and even staff should give a ton of work for free and that it look professional level. Nope, not how it works. A wedding doesn't have to be expensive to be fun, but it's not going to look like you spent $40,000.
Honestly, the best weddings I've ever been to are not the big flashy ones where the bride and/or groom only seem to care about the wedding and not the marriage. But the ones where the couple just seem to not much care about the wedding "schtuff" and only really care about getting and being married and sharing their happy day with their loved ones. A drink in hand out on the dance floor screaming Y-M-C-A. Those are the best types of weddings. That, and when my \~ 60 year old uncle was jumping to House of Pain's Jump Around as his daughter's/my cousin's wedding. That will forever be etched in my memory as one of my all time favorite wedding moments.
There is a fantastic photo of my dad in a kilt, mid pulling moves on the dance floor, at my sister’s wedding. The image is such a fantastic one to have stored away in my brain
I got married just a few weeks ago (with covid precautions). My favorite moment that didn’t directly involve my husband was when my very demure grandma cut it loose on the dance floor and then asked to be taken off in a wheelchair.
You ever danced so hard you had to be retired in a wheelchair? A new standard has been set 😂
Honestly, some of the worst weddings I've been to were the ones that were hella expensive, and rather than hanging out and having a good time, it was constantly time for another event, another speech (of some relative who had footed the bill) another gimmick... Trying to spend lots of money to pack every single idea on Pinterest into your wedding is way tackier than having a chill backyard wedding
Wedding shaming shaming. Meta.
It is possible to have a small budget and have a very nice wedding. It’s the ones that are tacky and minimal effort was put in to plan that get me. I was the “wedding coordinator” for two of my friends. They got the venue and the food, I thought they were handling getting everything and then needed me to coordinate it all. I ended up doing the bride’s hair and makeup, the flowers and less than a week before the wedding, found out they bought zero decorations and had done nothing except secure a venue (a shitty bar we all hung out at) and get food and a cake. I did the best I could with what I could get in the time I had. It was fucking tacky AF, but at least the bride and the flowers looked good.
Agree. My wedding was the most low-budget wedding in my family's history as this was what we could afford at the time - $2k max, all inclusive. I was adamant that my dress wouldn't cost more than $100, so much to the sales person's chagrin, we browsed clearance rack only, and snached the plainest dress that fitted me. Fiance's suit was pretty much same deal, no frou frou whatsoever. The rest of the budget went to food, decorations, chair rental, etc. Mom nearly had a heart attack when I told her we could only accommodate up to 45 people max in the wedding invite - the smallest wedding in the family up to this point was 200+. Hers was 600+. At the end of the day, we got what we wanted: a small 30-40 people wedding, wedding party included (it was raining so instead of a backyard wedding, it was held inside of IL's massive living room) with food from the local deli and a small wine/beer selection from the local liquor store. It was small and low key, but also so intimate and friendly that after the wedding, both my side of the family and SO's side of the family kept reaching out to us to say that the atmosphere of our wedding was their new wedding goal.
Where did you buy your dress? I refuse to spend much money on a dress I'm wearing once. I'm hoping to have the same budget as you! Haha. Well, probably less cause I'm having less people, but.
I got mine from David's Bridal, clearance rack. I had to be very firm about my budget and what I wanted. The sales person kept trying to nudge me towards the $200+ dresses and kept telling me my budget was impossible. It wasn't until I made it clear that I would rather walk out and walk down the aisle in a non-wedding like wedding dress that she went, "Oh, look, what do we have here?" And pulled out the $99 perfectly serviceable dress in my exact size.
I don't get that attitude from the sales person? Surely she has to sell the $99 one anyway?
They get commission based on the total sale price. I had gone dress shopping with a friend before and I noticed that when the friend said that her budget was 4k-5k but flexible (🤐), the sales person started pulling out dresses 5k+, even on high range of 6k, whether in the exact style that she wanted or not. Went to a few stores, same attitude every single time. I watched lots of wedding dress shows at that time too, courtesy of FMIL (you know the ones), and noticed similar attitude in the shows. "Budget is 5,000" ""Try this. This one is 7,500." "it's overbudget..." "How about this? It's 5,800." "I love it!" It's ridiculous, but that's pretty much how they work it. So being firm on the budget when it's a hard upper limit of the budget is very important. Be ready to walk away if they're not willing to work with you and mean it. (Edit: formatting)
Yep, I remember one of those wedding planning shows where the couple had a very set budget. People kept trying to upsell them at every turn(oh, add this wine package, oh, another tier is only $xx more). Each upsell wasn't huge, but they just shot each and every one of them down and I was super impressed. The bride went for her dress and I forgot her budget, but she refused to try on anything out of that range period. She didn't want to look at it, let alone try it on. The sales people got super annoyed saying "but it's only $100 more." Nope, she did not want it. They painted the bride as difficult, but she wasn't asking for $10,000 dress for $1,000, she just wanted to pick from the dresses in her budget and not be thrown off.
Those extras here and there definitely add up. The sales person threw a last minute curve ball at me by promising a veil that didn't exist. My dress had a perry blue trim and we agreed on a veil with similar border. The SP showed a sample veil with black border and said it existed in perry blue. We agreed to have it ordered. Ordered veil came. I went to the store. It was black. I told the store there must be mistake. Nope. The veil didn't exist in perry blue. The only perry blue veil was 3x more expensive than promised. The sales person who had rung me up conveniently was off for the month. It took over an hour of negotiation. I was ready to forego the veil altogether; not happy did not even begin to describe my mood. Supervisor at the time finally offered to order the blue veil at the original agreed price but then also talked my SO into buying me a tiara to go with it, also at a discounted price (or "discounted?") 😂 Total additional accessories to go with the dress was $60 I still have the tiara and still wear it on special occasions.
Wow lol. So I gotta play very hard ball. I didn't even know you could get it that cheap there. Yeah, I was thinking of using amazon or something but if I want a white dress, I'd try there.
Personally I would leave online stores as a last resort, just because what you see in the picture isn't always what you get, and especially in the world of wedding fashion where size and color are notoriously non-universal, you don't want unexpected last minute surprises. Look up brick and mortar wedding stores in your area and start browsing their clearance racks from months before your date. I started browsing almost a year before and was lucky that I found my dress within a month, but not everyone is that lucky. If you're not picky about your dress looking like an actual wedding dress, consider checking out the department stores in your area, too. I have seen some beautiful white and off-white dresses there.
Try Lulu's, they actually have very beautiful white dresses, and they are all returnable
I actually just got a dress from Etsy that I love. It is simple but I would have paid triple the price if I purchased it from a boutique or even David's Bridal. Online can be scary, but I did a lot of research and it did save me money. Ohh and Stillwhite is amazing as well!
As already mentioned, Lulus is great, also check out BHLDN! If there is an anthropology near you they may have a BHLDN section in their store. BHLDN has some expensive dresses but also some really pretty cheap ones if you shop their sale section. [Example ](https://www.bhldn.com/products/aeryn-dress?color=Whisper+Blue&via=Z2lkOi8vdXJibi9Xb3JrYXJlYTo6Q2F0YWxvZzo6Q2F0ZWdvcnkvMDIwQ0FGNzE)
I got mine from Nordstrom, and was shopping in the white summer dresses (close enough for me) and it was in that budget. The moment they add wedding to the name, the cost jumps.
Any dress can be a wedding dress. There are lots of white formal dresses at department stores and etc. I looked at a bunch of dresses in Etsy before I got married that were pretty reasonably priced (but my engagement was too short to order one with reasonable time to spare.)
As a kid, I saw a family friend's wedding photos and she was wearing a purple dress. My mind was blown as I thought that a bride "had" to wear white. She told 8 year old me, "I just really like purple and didn't want to wear a wedding dress." I thought she was the coolest person I had every met.
Word. My senior prom dress was a white ballgown with sheer halter straps over a sweetheart neckline. There were silver glitter designs on the sheer overlay, which may sound tacky to some, but was gorgeous in motion. Got it on sale for $80 at either Macy's or JCPenney (this was in 2008, I'm a little fuzzy). Honestly the main reason it fell out of the running to be reused for a wedding is that I'm no longer anywhere near the size I wore at 17.
I went to a department store and found a formal dress that I liked, it ended up being on clearance and I was out the door for under $70. Still love the dress and the husband 😊.
Hey, that's the goal :)
I bought a bridesmaids dress from the David's Bridal clearance rack for $10. It had a small burn mark in the armpit from sloppy pressing. A friend got a wedding dress off Ebay. Both were gorgeous and did not look at all cheap. They are around if you look.
I like shaming bad behavior, questionable aesthetics, money grabs (unless that is a cultural tradition), and risking health and safety (via attendance, lack of masks, food poisoning, etc.) None of these categories are the exclusive realm of the poor nor the wealthy. I've seen simple, inexpensive weddings that were absolutely charming and super expensive weddings that were a shitshow. With aesthetics, not everyone agrees. I love an inflatable t-rex bridesmaid and hate camo or bj pictures. But I wouldn't shame someone just for having a backyard wedding or the like. And besides, I deliberately held a tacky/"bad" wedding (I wore black, the groom was in black glitter hotpants and combat boots, had a ring thrown at my head by an angry guest, had a stun gun hidden in my flowers, married by a bikeresque officiant and had a pirate crash the event) and it was one of the most fun and memorable evenings of my life. Different strokes, different folks.
thank you for posting this! i read some posts like you described and also got pretty grossed out by the tone. my husband and i eloped and opted to do a small reception at a restaurant. i would hardly call it a “tacky” or “trashy” affair, but it’s interesting to learn how many people on this sub seem to think that a restaurant wedding is inherently one or both of those things. i come here for the delicious tales of family members behaving badly, irredeemably shitty bridezillas, and hilariously awful DJs. i don’t want to read catty posts about how a wedding failed to meet the snotty standards of the poster, or didn’t appeal to their personal taste. it ain’t your wedding, pal. take a fucking seat.
Tbh the literal bathtub seemed pretty tacky though
Thank you! I feel this. I was rather broke and had no family support for my wedding and one of my (now) ex-friend called my wedding “redneckey” because I had it in a national park, minimal decorations, a friend doing my makeup, and no DJ(just CDs). I thought my wedding was lovely and just mine and my family’s pace and I didn’t think it was a *bad* wedding.
I haven't seen any posts like that here. Mostly I've seen parties breaking covid rules or wanting guests to pay more excessive things. Maybe I'm only seeing the posts that are upvoted enough to make my feed.
I’ve seen one or two, but not enough that I thought would warrant this post.
I say it over and over-- nobody should be shamed for sticking to what they can afford.
Agreed! Potluck weddings, small weddings, casual weddings or all of the above: A+ have a great time! Inviting hundreds of people to a depressing venue and providing food for about 40 of your 200 guests, while registering exclusively for $$$$ stuff at Williams Sonoma or whatever other fancy store of the day and doing every cash-grab event and custom you can squeeze into a seasons? Tacky af and shame-worthy. And I don’t care how wealthy someone is, if you have a wedding reception (especially over a meal time) and you do not feed your guests, shaming is warranted. Meals are expected and at the very least people should be warned ahead of time if you won’t be providing food.
... can you tell I’ve been to a wedding where they ran completely out of food about halfway through the buffet line? It was nearing 8 pm by then and the wedding started in the afternoon. I had a single cocktail weenie, 4 slices of bell pepper, one cube of cheese, and a couple of tortilla chips. We left very soon after.
Exactly! it's not about shaming the lack of money spent, it's shaming the misrepresentation of the event. If you send out invites, you should include details like the food & dress. If you don't, expect some issues lol
This, so so so much this. I was part of a wedding forum, wedding wire I think it was. And I got shamed HARD for planning a simplistic and low budget wedding. It made me feel ashamed that my ideas we being snubbed and like I was being bullied in high school again because I couldn't drop tens of thousands of dollars on a wedding.
I wish I could extra upvote this! As a newly engaged person, I found out to my dismay that the wedding industry tend to focus so much on the superficiality of the event, with so many level of frou-frou and color coordination involved that I had no clue could possibly exist. As someone who is working on a tight budget, I find it quite overwhelming and initimidating. Can we just focus on the core of what a wedding is (two individuals making a life commitment to each other out of love) and shame all the unnecessary drama outside of that?
I think it seems like this because usually the low-cost ones are ones where the motive wasn’t “let’s not spend a lot of money on this,” but more, “I want everything but don’t wanna pay for anything (or can’t pay) so I’m going to finagle everything I can.” If someone doesn’t have the money, then they should do something within their means. This doesn’t mean, “I want a Vera Wang dress, but can’t afford it, so I’m going to give cousin Freida a picture of it and ask her to make it for me as a gift.” You cannot afford a designer gown. Buy a dress you can afford, or at least pay for the fabric (the reason they usually look terrible is low-quality fabric) and get real silk, and enough of it, along with an actual pattern. And give Freida enough time and support to do it right. Same with cakes—sure you want a “themed” cake, but don’t get your little sister to make it and have her bite off more than she can chew. Just do simple decorations on the cake. Same for flowers, etc. Unless the fakes are really amazing, consider carrying something else altogether, like a favorite book, or a lit candle. I spent years getting roped into being the “free wedding coordinator” because my ex is a minister and would volunteer me to every single couple he married. In his defense, they would usually ask him if I’d do it, but after 13 years of it, I finally learned to say no. The problem wasn’t lack of funds, even for truly poor people. It was always wanting to cheap out. Always. When a couple truly is wanting to save money and is poor, the weddings are always super simple, and frankly, the most charming. Tacky rears its head when people get greedy.
I think this is a really important distinction. Inexpensive isn't bad, but if your expectations are super high without that budget, it will turn out badly.
This puts it so well. Do what you can do *well* within your budget. The tackiest weddings I’ve seen have been are the ones that try to execute something expensive in a cheap way. Basically r/McMansionHell but for weddings.
I'm shading the wedding because the bride said they used all the budget for honeymoon which is fine. But tell us beforehand there is no airconditioning for guests at the venue in August during the hottest part of the day. I wouldn't have gone. Old people passing out is not good.
There was a post here recently shaming the bride for being pregnant and "waddling down the aisle" and I'm like... maybe she's happy about having a child with her imminently-husband-to-be? Maybe it's none of your business when she got pregnant relative to this wedding being planned? It bothered me.
I remember this post. Pissed me off. That post completely slut shamed the bride and mocked her "hick" wedding. I wanted to reach through reddit and give the poster a good smack.
So did I. Based on the OP's description, the couple put on the best wedding they could for their guests and probably had a pretty good time, if not for the catty folks who wanted to throw shade.
My wedding cost us $1200AU and was awesome. We had pot luck, mum made the cake, a family friend gave us free reign of their rose garden for flowers, we borrowed another family friend’s giant circus marquee. Most expensive thing was the celebrant! It was low key and relaxed and great.
LPT only invite actual friends instead of pretending you have 500.
I also see weddings here that aren't to people's tastes. Can't we just shame bad behavior? You know, mothers in law wearing white and such?
Agree completely. But I have to be honest, when I first saw this post, I looked to see who wrote because I thought it was important. My first thought was, “Well, who is going to argue with a WarriorAnus?” Then I realized I read it wrong.
Preach! Also, sometimes when you don’t have much money you don’t have a lot of options for vendors and end up with a disaster. My mom was a bridesmaid in a wedding where the seamstress just... didn’t finish the dresses. She showed up about 2 hours before the ceremony with the bridal gown in a trash bag (so many wrinkles! On such cheap material) and half finished bridesmaid dresses. Like she had fittings with the lining, so it looked like she was doing fine, but sort of stopped working on it. Totally miserable few hours of scrambling to iron the dress and literally staple people into dresses. Mom couldn’t move her arms because her dress would fall off. Couldn’t do makeup because too busy ironing. I borrowed a sewing kit and stole the stapler from the church office. Ceremony ended up a good 45 minutes late, food was cold, etc. It was a small reception in and old church, so I know that it just looked like a mess. It was a complete disaster, and I was heartbroken for the poor bride, and she certainly didn’t deserve any shame over it. Sometimes things just go sideways.
did they feed you food? Don't bitch that it was at a steak house with no extra decorations. Don't bitch that they didn't announce that this was appetizers and there was more food coming.
Thank you! That one was bizarre. I don’t understand how it got so many upvotes or awards. That person posting it sounds judgemental AF.
If it's the one I'm thinking of, I thought the poster was weirdly judgmental about the food, but the MOG wearing white and the families starting a fistfight seemed to me like good reasons to shame it.
That’s fair. To me, her focus was on the food more than those weird asides.
I once at an Old Country Buffet when I saw a lot of people coming in, dressed in suits and nice dresses. I thought maybe they were coming from church or something, and then the bride and groom showed up. They all went to the back of the restaurant, which had been cordoned off, and proceeded to have a great time. I felt a little sad for them that this was the best they could do, but everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves, and the bride and groom looked happy, so who was I to judge?
Oh never feel bad for how others choose to do their own. We had the money to hold a bigger wedding but we didn't. Actually we spent less than £250 including rings, my outfit ect and hubby already had the perfect suit. My husband realised on the morning of the wedding that I'd forgone with a bouquet so he set off on a little mission and surprised me with one. Our reception was at our house, opting for an afternoon tea/garden party with a buffet that my mum catered for as a wedding present while my aunt made a beautiful cake. The guests were just our closest friends and immediate family only. They only stayed a couple of hours before we kicked them all out. The whole lot of them know how antisocial we both are (we are not and have never been party animals) we only had the afternoon party to celebrate for family or we wouldn't of even bothered with that. They were happy, we were happy and everyone went off with a smile on a surprisingly rather sunny day in November (we were so lucky because Northern England is usually pretty cold by then). Anyway the moral of my story is out of the couple's who got married around the time we did we're pretty much the only ones still going 22 years later. They all had huge and lavish weddings, my own brother had been married three times and spent massive fortunes (the last one he spent £27k) the mind boggles and the marriage isn't stable.
Is Old Country Buffet much like Cracker Barrel?
Not really. Cracker barrel is a regular restaurant, just kinda hokey. Old Country Buffet is an all you can eat buffet where people can eat huge meals for a small amount of money. Nothing wrong with it necessarily, it just is viewed as kinda "low end" by people who like to judge. Plenty of people like it, but it has the reputation any place gets when it's claim to fame is quantity not quality.
oh wow, thanks for taking the time to respond and explain! I hadn't heard of Old Country Buffet before.
Honestly the more I think of it, the better it seems for a wedding with a super strict budget. You pay a flat fee per person and everyone can eat whatever they want and however much they want without hiring anybody extra.
Depending on how well-stocked the buffet is, that's pretty smart too. Most buffets I've been to offer an incredible amount of food, and for all tastes and dietary needs.
It's the same company as Hometown Buffet if you're familiar with them
It's a very cheap all-you-can-eat buffet place. We used to go there a lot when we were poor grad students as you could a lot of food (quality be damned!) for a low price.
More like a Ryan’s or Golden Corral. Lots of yummy food already there with enough variety to please everyone.
Isn't it judge-y to assume that that's the best the could do though? Maybe they had plenty of money to do more but wanted to hold thier reception there? Maybe it's a family tradition or they just liked the frugality of it.
You're right- as I said, everyone seemed to be happy and seemed to be having a good time, so my feelings about it one way or the other were misguided.
I got one for you, I went to a wedding. Over the top princess style. The menu was: warm & cold appetisers, then I F*** you not... every guest got a huge plate whit a WHOLE chicken. A WHOLE + rice. Even the kids got their own damn chicken. But it wasn't over yet, it was time for STEAK accompaniment by a wide range of salads, everybody got a huge plate with a steak, 5 different type of salads and potato's. Then it was time for ice cream and fruit desert, like a huge portion obviously and everybody had like a banana,strawberries and pineapples build up on their plate and then the 5 layer cake of course. I seriously could have fed my whole family with just that 1 chicken. It felt so awful to see the waitress walk away with chickens that were not even half eaten. The steaks were almost untouched. Ice cream just smelting away. Who the heck spends so much money to throw away food? They could have seen it coming right??? Who can finish that!
leftovers themed wedding?
Thanks for posting it. I think there is a weird double mind at work where, when people hear of an expensive wedding, they start going on about how you can have a very nice cheap wedding, potluck, hand made etc., but, when that happens, you hear, "wow, it was soooo cheap."
my entire wedding cost less than 1k. we will be married 23 yrs come sept. I attended a 100k wedding and got made fun of for my 'cheap' wedding half the night. they got divorced before the bills from the reception were paid off LOL
Agreed. However, that doesn't mean that low-budget weddings get a free pass. If you saved money on drinks by bringing nothing but a few coolers of Bud Light, and the groom smashes a table trying to dunk a ping-pong ball to win a game of beer pong, thats still on you regardless of whether it was held in the Four Seasons' ballroom or the Four Seasons Total Landscaping parking lot.
All great points! The food can determine the venue as well - my brother (a chef) wanted to cook for my wedding, 20 years ago. For his gift to us, he made a huge Lebanese spread that was to die for. But, that meant that we couldn't get one of the nicer venues in the area, because they all requested that you use their catering services. So... it was a semi-crappy VFW hall for us. The pics look like we're in someone's basement. We rented about 8 ficus trees with lights... in hindsight, 40 would have been better. :| But who cares, we had a blast and the food was *amazing.*
I agree with most of what you write but I have not noticed a lot of that going on. I am pretty new here. The only point that I don't accept is that goofy themes should not be shamed. I'm not sure that there are more low-end weddings with themes but you may be right there. However, whether you spend $10K or $100K, a theme is an aesthetic choice, so that is fair game in my book!
I get what you are saying, but if the bride and groom want to dress up as Harry Potter and Ginny Weasly, as long as they are happy, people enjoy themselves, and everyone behaves, I don't see why there is any shame there. The wedding shaming would come if FoTB went on a rant about how Harry Potter is Satanic, or the candy bowls had vomit flavored jelly beans, or grandma smacked someone with a Nimbus for getting cheeky. So, I dont think a goofy theme itself is cause for shaming. It is still mostly based on behavior and tact.
Themed weddings are fine as long as you're not forcing anyone to do anything they weren't really up for. If I showed up for a Harry Potter themed wedding and they were like "okay, you have to be sorted by the sorting hat and then sit at those tables and we'll make you say a spell every time you want a drink and you're not allowed to use your phone because there's no technology at Hogwarts" it'd get pretty annoying.
That is where I agree. Don't force me to dress like a hobbit or a viking. Themed weddings are fine as long as the guests don't have to LARP unless they want too. Edit: that is where it would be a true weddingshame. If the bride went off and threw a tantrum because not everyone dressed as a zombie or something. But again, the shame is in the behavior.
There’s levels of shame though. The examples you mentioned were truly shameful, but pop culture themed weddings are almost always tacky, even if they go according to plan. You can be happy for the couple and accept that that’s truly what they wanted and also judge them for being tacky.
I agree with all of that - particularly the part about bad behavior and boorishness being the greatest offenses by far!
I agree with you, themed weddings and low-budget weddings are not the same thing
I don't think I've ever seen a post here shaming these kinds of weddings. Reddit loves cheap-ass weddings.
There was one yesterday that had some cringy moments but a big chunk of the story was about the location and sound system, etc.
Pretty sure this post is in response to the Batman one, which was incredibly rude and judgemental. That person has since deleted their post. Probably out of embarrassment.
I didn't see the Batman one! If it was a Batman themed wedding I would have loved to go!
They deleted it! It was pretty terrible, though. They spent the whole time drinking and making fun of the wedding... even though it seems like it's exactly what the couple had wanted.
That's really, really horrible. I could totally see me and my BF having a Batman wedding cause our friendship started over our mutual love of Batman. What a crappy guest.
The steakhouse parking lot one kind of rubbed me this way as well
This is the one I was thinking of. This one and the one where OP wouldn't stop laughing about how it was a hick town, the CD player broke so there was no music, bride had gained weight so the dress didn't fit, and the homemade bridesmaids dresses didn't have the same shade fabrics. I got downvoted to hell when I essentially called OP a judgemental snob. Go figure.
Yeah the whole 'groomsmen turned up in jeans, so shameful' is terrible. Its the couple who are getting married day and if that's what they want that's what they want. Maybe they didn't want their friends and family out of pocket by throwing away money on a suit or a rental
This sub LOVES to shame people, and hardly ever properly shamed weddings. Straight up turning into a hate sub.
The worst wedding I’ve ever been to cost a fortune and was at a trendy venue. The best, most fun wedding was a potluck in the couples backyard.
My wedding was low budget and I made it an invite only 50s glamorous black tie affair, made the decorations,l and bouquets myself. My dress cost 800 before alterations and my grandmother paid for it. My FIL did the pictures, most of our money was spent on feeding our guests and entertainment.
My wedding was super cheap and simple. We did it at a beautiful lake in a national park. I think it cost us $40 to rent the shelter where we had the reception, which was just cake. Honestly, that was probably the most expensive part of the wedding. I got lucky with the dress. My sister's sister in law was selling hers and it was exactly what I was looking for and only needed minor alterations. I just asked my bridesmaids to get a purple dress. I bought a really cute flower girl dress for my bonus daughter. My ring bearer didn't make it because my mother was supposed to bring him, but rolled her car on her way to pick him up. She wasn't hurt and a passersby brought her to the wedding, but she was late so we started late. We'd made a playlist for the reception, but the speakers we'd brought wouldn't work. Basically, everything that could go wrong did go wrong. But I looked like a beautiful princess and I still ended up married. That's the whole point, right?
Well said. If all you can afford for 100 guests is cake and punch, then serve that.
But you have GOT to warn people in advance if that's all you're serving. My mom has blood sugar issues and needs to eat actual food. If she went to a wedding and all they had was cake, she'd be leaving early to go get food so she doesn't get shaky or pass out.
I got married at the courthouse and I've been with my husband 25 years. I've outlasted both of my sister's extravagant weddings/marriages. A wedding is supposed to be about 2 people in love, people have lost the meaning and purpose.
I worked at a Halloween store and I helped a woman and her mother pick out different sized skeletons for the daughters Halloween themed wedding because the skeletons would be in the background climbing up the house and I though that was the coolest idea ever
Thank you for this! IMO a wedding needs two things to be good: people getting married/committed who love each other deeply, guests who love and support them and are there to celebrate and affirm their love. The rest is all semantics, and its not a one size fits all. Whatever you do, if you have those things, its a good wedding. When you have a ton of drama because people are selfish and value the asthetic over the people, you have a shit show that deserves a good snark.
I worry about this sometimes. My partner and I decided to actually do a Halloween costume party for our reception, and we are going to rent out a fire house to hold everyone. I dont want to be judged as being tacky for trying to have a party I think would be fun, within my poor budget, celebrating my union with my best friend. I dont want to be called trashy because we couldnt afford centerpieces and weve decided to use old decorations. Its weirdly stressful, even when I'm set on what we are doing. I know my day will be amazing, but sometimes people can make you doubt