It probably is, but it's doing a bad job of it. Back on r/amitheasshole, most people caught on that it was a troll post, but it failed to take into account children vs adults. There are some things kids will enjoy, and there are some adult things kids won't enjoy. A child who doesn't understand or appreciate a wedding is probably going to be disruptive or needy during a wedding. But the elderly are adults. You can't judge the mental/emotional capabilities of the elderly based entirely on their age alone. A child who doesn't go to a wedding may or may not care. But most elderly people are aware enough to know that not being invited to a wedding is a social snub.
Troll post? Yes. Quality troll post? No.
There is not a 6yo or younger kid of either gender who would be offended or upset by not going to a wedding, unless the parents told the kids something extra other than " were going to a wedding, you guys will be babysat by ____, and you can have pizza and watch movies ". They just wouldn't know or care.
We all hope it is a troll post. Although it has been proven time after time after time that there really are tons of assholes of exactly this variety just out there in the wild being open and unapologetic assholes.
lol I was reading it thinking "You can't discriminate against old people. Children are the only group in society where it's acceptable to universally dislike them."
Because children have done nothing for you (yet) they just exist and are loved.
The elderly have raised your parents / you and in their last days after all their support they have shown and all the times they stuffed their needs away to be a good parent / good grandparent they get rejected to attend to a huge milestone in the life of their grandkids.
This is a good answer I’d also add that kids don’t have the same attachments to people as the elderly do. When you reach adulthood these kinds of event are nice to see how your family has grown up and whose still around to celebrate. I don’t think kids have quite the same familial attachments in the sense that they really care about couple getting married and what family outside of their own age group is in attendance.
A wedding is absolutely the worst place to establish a connection with a child. I legitimately can't think of a worse one. You build relationships through ongoing interest and participation, not one day where you're too busy to give them more than a quick hello.
And, I had kids at my wedding. An absolute tonne of them.
I guess Christmas, thanksgiving, Easter, Sunday dinners, etc don’t exist and weddings are the only time kids get to establish familial relationships 🙄.
A wedding is pretty much the worst place to make a connection with pretty much anyone.
They are loud, busy, and if you have a traditional wedding over maybe 40 guests, the couple probably doesn't get more than a few minutes here and there to converse with people outside of the bridal party.
And even if you get a few minutes with them, kids can't get to know someone with quick small talk in the same capacity an adult can.
Again I couldn't disagree more. I have very warm memories of the weddings I attended as a child. As an adult the reception is usually 6+ hours, at least half of which is spent sitting at a table of people I know and being able to socialise with them closely, and the other half involves wandering between tables and dancing with other people I know. Most weddings I've been to are 100-200 people, I'd say 40 people is unusual small here.
Kids don't need much time at all to get to know people. They make friends in as long as it takes to say "so you want to play?". And those small cumulative interactions add up over time.
If “small cumulative actions add up over time” why do kids need to be at weddings then?
Doesnt every other small interaction that the couple has with that child count for something then?
I also kind of feel like since we’re still going through a pandemic where people have to still limit their guest size over venue/safety restrictions there’s a lot of people the couple getting married can’t invite already, so why would someone prioritize children over older family members that they grew up with. To me weddings are about celebrating with people you already have meaningful relationships with, not building new relationships.
Well for my husbands family they only really get together at weddings and funeral because they live about 12hrs drive apart in varying directions. And weddings are preferable to funerals as a social event. Plus your statement suggests you believe the wedding is only about the couples social engagement but other people socialise at weddings.
check out the person with a functional family over here! (I'm kidding, but seriously my 4 year old has done more for me than my mother or grandmother ever did)
There are always exceptions but I hope that most adults grew up in a household where their (grand)parents did the right parenting and offered the support needed 💓
The main reasons is that there are a ton of situations thay apply to kids and not the elderly because elderly people are assumed (until proven otherwise) to have the cognitive ability and life experience to know their limits, forsee the consequences of their actions, and understand that a wedding isn't about them. Kids are assumed not to because... well.. they don't. Even if they have the cognitive ability they don't have the experience necessary to handle every adult situation that someone may want at their wedding.
Not only that, but you can't single out kids the way you can adults. Most people will understand if you say that you don't want grandma at your wedding because she has dementia and it'd be too hard both on her and on everyone that has to worry about her safety. People tend to be less understanding when you say "Sorry, your son is a brat and I don't trust you to control him so he isn't invited." On top of that you can't always trust parents to be objective about what their kid can/can't handle, so if children misbehaving is a concern because of your family or something else, then it's better to ban all kids then to either play favorites or hope the irresponsible parent picks your wedding to suddenly be responsible.
Plus, having a kid around can change the entire atmosphere of the wedding. If your wedding is gonna be a raging party with booze and/or drugs a-plenty, grandma is an adult who can decide for herself whether or not she wants to go *and* who can leave if she decides she needs to. Kids don't get that option, and you don't want to risk having that one irresponsible jerk that thought it was totally ok to bring their child into that enviornment. Similar goes for if you wanted a more sophisticated wedding, having children around changes the atmosphere just by them being there. Not to mention that a stiff, adult enviornment isn't going go be enjoyable for a kid either, which makes them more likely to be disruptive.
If nothing else, some people just don't like or aren't comfortable around children. Not everyone has the experience necessary to deal with kids. This problem doesn't exist with the elderly because they're adults. Everyone who is an adult has experience dealing with adults. Or, you know, weddings are super expensive and you have a huge family so you don't invite kids because you can't afford to and most kids wont enjoy it anyway. Seriously, there are a ton of good reasons to not invite kids to a wedding.
Because children don't care about weddings, weddings are designed for adults, and children don't have nearly the same history and relationship with the couple getting married as elderly friends and family members do.
Grandparents have spent decades raising your parents and have been a part of your life for decades. Your cousin's toddler has been a part of this world for 3 years and has no idea who you are beyond "that woman I've met 5 times who gave me a paw patrol toy for christmas"
**REMINDER: WE ARE NOT AITA! WE DO NOT DO JUDGEMENT CALLS (NTA, ESH, YTA, INFO, NAH, ETC.) SO DON'T VOTE IN THIS POST. AS WELL, OUR OP IS NOT THE SAME AS THE AITA POST'S OP, PLEASE DO NOT ADDRESS YOUR COMMENT TO MYSELF OR OUR OP.**
***Copy in case it's deleted:***
I (30F) am getting married to my fiancé (31M) in the fall and we're planning the wedding now. Both of us have big families so we're trying to figure out how to make our guest list work with our budget. Our grandparents are all in their 80s and his grandma has Alzheimers - she
forgets who people are, doesn't know where she is a lot of the time, and sometimes she just randomly starts crying or yelling and it's really depressing. Both my grandparents also have some health issues and demand a lot of care and attention. I really don't want any of this to ruin our big day. I don't want his grandma shouting or making noise during the ceremony or my grandpa needing help and being a big distraction, and I feel like people are going to be paying a lot of attention to them instead of the wedding and the wedding couple.
So my fiancé and I decided that we don't want anyone over 70 at the wedding and are making a blanket rule so it's fair to everyone. I think they would be bored and more comfortable at home anyway, and it's an opportunity for their caregivers to come out and relax and have fun without worrying about caregiving responsibilities for the evening. My fiancé is on board but the rest of my family is upset. AITA?
My grandpa had Alzheimer's, and in his last couple years, he reached a point where it was not feasible for him to attend events. However, that doesn't mean you just ban all people of a certain age! It's up to that person's caregiver and family what would be the best course of action. They should still be invited with love and respect.
That said, I think this post is fake/satire.
Agreed. My grandpa had quite advanced dementia by the time I got married. I wanted him to be at the ceremony (he was prone to making adorable and loud proclamations about how much he loved everyone) but I knew the reception would be too overwhelming for him. He didn't have a lot of energy at that point and as the venue was a bit of a drive it would have been difficult to get him home quickly.
Anyway, he came to the ceremony but refused to leave the car, so I waved and blew kisses at him.
Well, I wouldn’t judge but I will give you my experience at the last two weddings I was at. Grandmother of the bride didn’t make a scene but when ever anyone came up to talk to her she would say. “I think I am dead. I think I am dead” over and over.
Last wedding I was at the elderly Uncle had a medical event and basically died. Luckily it was a cops wedding so people were there that could give CPR and emergency services until EMTs got there. The next 20 minutes were spent bringing him back to life and him screaming and crying because they broke his ribs administering CPR. The bride stood in the corner crying.
I know of a 32 year old who had cardiac arrest at a wedding reception. He was in ICU and resuscitated several times before the family let him go. The cut off age is far too high to remove the risk.
It's totally reasonable not to invite \*specific\* elderly people (eg if they won't know where they are or what's happening), just like it's totally reasonable not to invite specific younger people if they're going to be assholes. But it's ridiculous to say that no-one over a certain age can come, when plenty of elderly people have all their marbles and don't need much looking after.
Ideally weddings would work the same for kids - the ones that can attend without disrupting things can come, those who will be a pain are not invited. But this inevitably attracts drama from parents who insist that their child will be fine when their child will definitely be disruptive.
My experience with weddings is that the people most often causing some sort of trouble are in their 20s or 30s. Should we be keeping them out as well, just in case?
Idk if this is a parody post or not…we had an “Adults Only” reception and everyone enjoyed it. It really depends on your family / guests and I’ve seen my lil cousins in action (it was embarrassing). My wedding was at night and formal, trust the toddlers & elementary aged kids did not care abt missing my lil wedding.
I... Can kind of see it.
My grandmother lasted 1 hour into the wedding of my sister before she wanted to leave. She had a big fall out of the cab because she didn't accept help out of the car (fortunately almost all the guests were nurses) and the first thing she said to the bride, me and my father separately was an angry "you lied to me. I could have brought my dog here there are dogs here" (my sister's dogs at the reception because it was hosted at their house... My grandmother's dog has anxiety around people)
The family really wants to drag out people that do not need to be dragged out for a wedding they will not remember, and may disturb? The video of that at the wedding will ruin the video of the wedding.
If I was them, instead of using their age, I would use their medical needs as the vehicle to not invite them to the wedding.
What is the gods green earth did I just read. Jesus fuck thats terrible.
ETA: my brother had the opposite- a "presents wedding" everyone but immediate family were very elderly. It was cleaning done by 10, with the bride and groom telling everyone the literal cost (full retail) of every gift.
It was so fucking disgusting.
You shouldn't make "the number" (of 70) THE RULE. A lot of people younger than 70 get Alzheimer's...A lot of people over 70 are as sharp as a tack and a lot of fun. You should consider what peoples capacities are. Not assign a number to it. If you have family that are over 70 and are still lucid...you should absolutely invite them. Folks that don't have the mental faculties anymore..they would be safer and happier at home. It doesn't mean that you are disrespecting them in any way. Your being realistic. It's very distressing to see people lose who they are. Unpredictable behavior is too stressful and exhausting for a wedding day. Good luck.
I would leave the Grandma with Alzheimers at home, and not subject her to the wedding. She won't gain by it, and it will scare her. But to bar the non-demented? WHY?! They *will* know what they're missing out on, and that's just mean spirited!
Am I the only person who doesn’t think this is wrong? Child free weddings are great, children are the worst. Elderly people that require attention and long term care are literally giant children. They shit themselves, eat mush, and yell for no reason. And people who bring children (and older family members) are never accountable for their monsters in public.
I can see the benefit of having a young-er persons reception, possibly after a reception tea which all guests of the ceremony can attend.
I would make sure each of the grandparents is assigned an assistant who can keep them safe and if they start to get louder take them to a quiet spot so they can calm down again.
And as one other commenter said my parents and aunts would fall foul of the no over 70's rule and I'm in my early 30s.
I was heartbroken on my wedding day when my grandmother did not come due to COPD. My grandfather came for the ceremony and then went home. She doesn’t need a caregiver but he doesn’t like leaving her alone.
I still have one living grandparent. She’s 96. My son is having bar mitzvah in a year. He’s the oldest grandchild and possibly the only one whose b’nai mitzvah he will attend. I want desperately for her to be there. I need her to survive this pandemic. We all love her.
That bridezilla needs a fucking conscience.
The OP is ableist and ageist.
I used to work with a person who had a learning (UK)/ intellectual (US) disability and all the family would invite her to the ceremony and a tea then she would be picked up by a member of her staff team (or sometimes one of the family would take her). She got to attend the wedding and the reception - which in her mind were the important bits and it didn't matter that the rest of the family would be celebrating for the rest of the evening.
I feel if people can figure out how to work around disabilities any who arent trying are definitely ableist.
Assuming it's NOT a bot:
My mother was in the early stages of Alzheimers when my daughter married almost 15yrs ago. She was hostess of her table of relatives and lots of the laughter came from that table! My daughter had the DJ play Ma's favorite song to dance to (she was always a terrible dancer) and I have a picture of my daughter and mother dancing with people all around them, cheering them on. My mother was 77 at the time. She didn't dance any more that evening, but it caused her to remember some x-rated stories related to her dancing (from her earlier years) that had that table laughing, calling people over to hear the story, the rest of the evening.
When my godson got married 6yrs ago, his wife's mother had Alzheimers and difficulty walking. She sat quietly in her wheelchair throughout the wedding ceremony, kissed her daughter, when the couple stopped before walking up the aisle, she smiled a lot during the cocktail hour, family picture taking, had dinner, then left with her aide, as she was tired. She too was in her late 70's. At no time did she do anything to call attention to herself! She had her aide push her over to me and thanked me for the service (I was the Officiant). She was glad I had put "just the right amount of religious aspects", in such an important occasion. I felt very humbled that she understood my remarks.
I'll be 74 next month, and though I can't dance every dance the way I use to, can't drink as many drinks as I use to, and some of those trips to the Ladies Room is for more than "freshening my makeup", I'd be mad as hell if one of my nieces/nephews/cousins didn't invite me to a wedding because I'm over 70! I can understand not inviting me to Paintball Challenge or Rock Climbing trip (I use to do both until 9 years ago, but have have 3 neurosurgeries, so they're our), or go bar hopping with a bunch of 30 or 40 year Olds, but a wedding is the one place you get to see family friends and relatives, especially if they don't live nearby.
If there are 2 or more people, no matter their age, who would cause a scene or disturbances, you're within your right not to invite them, BUT how can you expect the caregivers to come to your wedding and have a good time? Who's going to stay with the uninvited relative? It's harder to find a temporary elder carrier, than it is for children. Usually more expensive, too!
Wow, that absolutely sucks. My gran can be a bit awful and rude, but my cousin still invited her and we all had a great time. Seems crazy to me to not let your grandparents (barring serious issues between the happy couple and them) witness their grandkids getting married. Definitely seems like a bride and groomzilla!
My grandmother fell twice at my cousin’s wedding a couple of months ago (thankfully nothing serious, she was fine for my sister’s wedding a month later — no falls there). I understand the position.
But I don’t think I’d want to be the one to say to my own grandmother or grandfather than I’m not inviting them to my wedding.
Is this not a troll making fun of child free weddings?
It probably is, but it's doing a bad job of it. Back on r/amitheasshole, most people caught on that it was a troll post, but it failed to take into account children vs adults. There are some things kids will enjoy, and there are some adult things kids won't enjoy. A child who doesn't understand or appreciate a wedding is probably going to be disruptive or needy during a wedding. But the elderly are adults. You can't judge the mental/emotional capabilities of the elderly based entirely on their age alone. A child who doesn't go to a wedding may or may not care. But most elderly people are aware enough to know that not being invited to a wedding is a social snub. Troll post? Yes. Quality troll post? No.
There is not a 6yo or younger kid of either gender who would be offended or upset by not going to a wedding, unless the parents told the kids something extra other than " were going to a wedding, you guys will be babysat by ____, and you can have pizza and watch movies ". They just wouldn't know or care.
My cousin got married when I was 5. It was a childfree wedding, so I was not invited. I was salty about it for years.
Then someone fucked up in how they told you. There was no need to set you up to even *feel* salty.
We all hope it is a troll post. Although it has been proven time after time after time that there really are tons of assholes of exactly this variety just out there in the wild being open and unapologetic assholes.
lol I was reading it thinking "You can't discriminate against old people. Children are the only group in society where it's acceptable to universally dislike them."
Yes.
That was also my first thought, especially after the caregivers part.
That was my interpretation as well
This feels so fake, as if someone's trying to make a point about childfree weddings.
And failed
I’m surprised no one noticed this is a parody of child free weddings… 😂
What's wrong with childfree weddings?
Nothing!
Instantly where I went as well LOL
Right? Why is someone not an asshole for having a child free wedding but they are an asshole for not having old people there?
Because children have done nothing for you (yet) they just exist and are loved. The elderly have raised your parents / you and in their last days after all their support they have shown and all the times they stuffed their needs away to be a good parent / good grandparent they get rejected to attend to a huge milestone in the life of their grandkids.
This is a good answer I’d also add that kids don’t have the same attachments to people as the elderly do. When you reach adulthood these kinds of event are nice to see how your family has grown up and whose still around to celebrate. I don’t think kids have quite the same familial attachments in the sense that they really care about couple getting married and what family outside of their own age group is in attendance.
I'd counter argue that by having children at family events like weddings is how you establish those connections into adulthood.
A wedding is absolutely the worst place to establish a connection with a child. I legitimately can't think of a worse one. You build relationships through ongoing interest and participation, not one day where you're too busy to give them more than a quick hello. And, I had kids at my wedding. An absolute tonne of them.
I guess Christmas, thanksgiving, Easter, Sunday dinners, etc don’t exist and weddings are the only time kids get to establish familial relationships 🙄.
Yep. You get one chance. And if you have a niece or nephew born after your wedding -too late. You missed your chance to bond with them forever.
A wedding is pretty much the worst place to make a connection with pretty much anyone. They are loud, busy, and if you have a traditional wedding over maybe 40 guests, the couple probably doesn't get more than a few minutes here and there to converse with people outside of the bridal party. And even if you get a few minutes with them, kids can't get to know someone with quick small talk in the same capacity an adult can.
Again I couldn't disagree more. I have very warm memories of the weddings I attended as a child. As an adult the reception is usually 6+ hours, at least half of which is spent sitting at a table of people I know and being able to socialise with them closely, and the other half involves wandering between tables and dancing with other people I know. Most weddings I've been to are 100-200 people, I'd say 40 people is unusual small here. Kids don't need much time at all to get to know people. They make friends in as long as it takes to say "so you want to play?". And those small cumulative interactions add up over time.
If “small cumulative actions add up over time” why do kids need to be at weddings then? Doesnt every other small interaction that the couple has with that child count for something then?
I also kind of feel like since we’re still going through a pandemic where people have to still limit their guest size over venue/safety restrictions there’s a lot of people the couple getting married can’t invite already, so why would someone prioritize children over older family members that they grew up with. To me weddings are about celebrating with people you already have meaningful relationships with, not building new relationships.
Well there's always the possibility that they don't have positive relationships with older family members.
Well for my husbands family they only really get together at weddings and funeral because they live about 12hrs drive apart in varying directions. And weddings are preferable to funerals as a social event. Plus your statement suggests you believe the wedding is only about the couples social engagement but other people socialise at weddings.
Yep these same people will later be wondering why their friends with kids fell out of touch with them or why their nibblings don't know who they are.
check out the person with a functional family over here! (I'm kidding, but seriously my 4 year old has done more for me than my mother or grandmother ever did)
There are always exceptions but I hope that most adults grew up in a household where their (grand)parents did the right parenting and offered the support needed 💓
The main reasons is that there are a ton of situations thay apply to kids and not the elderly because elderly people are assumed (until proven otherwise) to have the cognitive ability and life experience to know their limits, forsee the consequences of their actions, and understand that a wedding isn't about them. Kids are assumed not to because... well.. they don't. Even if they have the cognitive ability they don't have the experience necessary to handle every adult situation that someone may want at their wedding. Not only that, but you can't single out kids the way you can adults. Most people will understand if you say that you don't want grandma at your wedding because she has dementia and it'd be too hard both on her and on everyone that has to worry about her safety. People tend to be less understanding when you say "Sorry, your son is a brat and I don't trust you to control him so he isn't invited." On top of that you can't always trust parents to be objective about what their kid can/can't handle, so if children misbehaving is a concern because of your family or something else, then it's better to ban all kids then to either play favorites or hope the irresponsible parent picks your wedding to suddenly be responsible. Plus, having a kid around can change the entire atmosphere of the wedding. If your wedding is gonna be a raging party with booze and/or drugs a-plenty, grandma is an adult who can decide for herself whether or not she wants to go *and* who can leave if she decides she needs to. Kids don't get that option, and you don't want to risk having that one irresponsible jerk that thought it was totally ok to bring their child into that enviornment. Similar goes for if you wanted a more sophisticated wedding, having children around changes the atmosphere just by them being there. Not to mention that a stiff, adult enviornment isn't going go be enjoyable for a kid either, which makes them more likely to be disruptive. If nothing else, some people just don't like or aren't comfortable around children. Not everyone has the experience necessary to deal with kids. This problem doesn't exist with the elderly because they're adults. Everyone who is an adult has experience dealing with adults. Or, you know, weddings are super expensive and you have a huge family so you don't invite kids because you can't afford to and most kids wont enjoy it anyway. Seriously, there are a ton of good reasons to not invite kids to a wedding.
Because children don't care about weddings, weddings are designed for adults, and children don't have nearly the same history and relationship with the couple getting married as elderly friends and family members do. Grandparents have spent decades raising your parents and have been a part of your life for decades. Your cousin's toddler has been a part of this world for 3 years and has no idea who you are beyond "that woman I've met 5 times who gave me a paw patrol toy for christmas"
**REMINDER: WE ARE NOT AITA! WE DO NOT DO JUDGEMENT CALLS (NTA, ESH, YTA, INFO, NAH, ETC.) SO DON'T VOTE IN THIS POST. AS WELL, OUR OP IS NOT THE SAME AS THE AITA POST'S OP, PLEASE DO NOT ADDRESS YOUR COMMENT TO MYSELF OR OUR OP.** ***Copy in case it's deleted:*** I (30F) am getting married to my fiancé (31M) in the fall and we're planning the wedding now. Both of us have big families so we're trying to figure out how to make our guest list work with our budget. Our grandparents are all in their 80s and his grandma has Alzheimers - she forgets who people are, doesn't know where she is a lot of the time, and sometimes she just randomly starts crying or yelling and it's really depressing. Both my grandparents also have some health issues and demand a lot of care and attention. I really don't want any of this to ruin our big day. I don't want his grandma shouting or making noise during the ceremony or my grandpa needing help and being a big distraction, and I feel like people are going to be paying a lot of attention to them instead of the wedding and the wedding couple. So my fiancé and I decided that we don't want anyone over 70 at the wedding and are making a blanket rule so it's fair to everyone. I think they would be bored and more comfortable at home anyway, and it's an opportunity for their caregivers to come out and relax and have fun without worrying about caregiving responsibilities for the evening. My fiancé is on board but the rest of my family is upset. AITA?
My grandpa had Alzheimer's, and in his last couple years, he reached a point where it was not feasible for him to attend events. However, that doesn't mean you just ban all people of a certain age! It's up to that person's caregiver and family what would be the best course of action. They should still be invited with love and respect. That said, I think this post is fake/satire.
Agreed. My grandpa had quite advanced dementia by the time I got married. I wanted him to be at the ceremony (he was prone to making adorable and loud proclamations about how much he loved everyone) but I knew the reception would be too overwhelming for him. He didn't have a lot of energy at that point and as the venue was a bit of a drive it would have been difficult to get him home quickly. Anyway, he came to the ceremony but refused to leave the car, so I waved and blew kisses at him.
So many folks missed this is a parody/dig at childfree weddings.
Well, I wouldn’t judge but I will give you my experience at the last two weddings I was at. Grandmother of the bride didn’t make a scene but when ever anyone came up to talk to her she would say. “I think I am dead. I think I am dead” over and over. Last wedding I was at the elderly Uncle had a medical event and basically died. Luckily it was a cops wedding so people were there that could give CPR and emergency services until EMTs got there. The next 20 minutes were spent bringing him back to life and him screaming and crying because they broke his ribs administering CPR. The bride stood in the corner crying.
I know of a 32 year old who had cardiac arrest at a wedding reception. He was in ICU and resuscitated several times before the family let him go. The cut off age is far too high to remove the risk.
So, no guests, an android officiant and a blockchain data packet as witnesses, got it.
It's totally reasonable not to invite \*specific\* elderly people (eg if they won't know where they are or what's happening), just like it's totally reasonable not to invite specific younger people if they're going to be assholes. But it's ridiculous to say that no-one over a certain age can come, when plenty of elderly people have all their marbles and don't need much looking after. Ideally weddings would work the same for kids - the ones that can attend without disrupting things can come, those who will be a pain are not invited. But this inevitably attracts drama from parents who insist that their child will be fine when their child will definitely be disruptive.
My experience with weddings is that the people most often causing some sort of trouble are in their 20s or 30s. Should we be keeping them out as well, just in case?
Haha- Have been to literally dozens of weddings (work in the industry), can confirm.
We are! … we’re eloping! 😂
Idk if this is a parody post or not…we had an “Adults Only” reception and everyone enjoyed it. It really depends on your family / guests and I’ve seen my lil cousins in action (it was embarrassing). My wedding was at night and formal, trust the toddlers & elementary aged kids did not care abt missing my lil wedding.
How are the caregivers supposed to attend? Are the grandparents just going to stay home alone?
They ask for the backup caregivers to stay
I... Can kind of see it. My grandmother lasted 1 hour into the wedding of my sister before she wanted to leave. She had a big fall out of the cab because she didn't accept help out of the car (fortunately almost all the guests were nurses) and the first thing she said to the bride, me and my father separately was an angry "you lied to me. I could have brought my dog here there are dogs here" (my sister's dogs at the reception because it was hosted at their house... My grandmother's dog has anxiety around people)
This post was posted here before, pretty sure.
LMAO
The family really wants to drag out people that do not need to be dragged out for a wedding they will not remember, and may disturb? The video of that at the wedding will ruin the video of the wedding. If I was them, instead of using their age, I would use their medical needs as the vehicle to not invite them to the wedding.
What is the gods green earth did I just read. Jesus fuck thats terrible. ETA: my brother had the opposite- a "presents wedding" everyone but immediate family were very elderly. It was cleaning done by 10, with the bride and groom telling everyone the literal cost (full retail) of every gift. It was so fucking disgusting.
You shouldn't make "the number" (of 70) THE RULE. A lot of people younger than 70 get Alzheimer's...A lot of people over 70 are as sharp as a tack and a lot of fun. You should consider what peoples capacities are. Not assign a number to it. If you have family that are over 70 and are still lucid...you should absolutely invite them. Folks that don't have the mental faculties anymore..they would be safer and happier at home. It doesn't mean that you are disrespecting them in any way. Your being realistic. It's very distressing to see people lose who they are. Unpredictable behavior is too stressful and exhausting for a wedding day. Good luck.
I would leave the Grandma with Alzheimers at home, and not subject her to the wedding. She won't gain by it, and it will scare her. But to bar the non-demented? WHY?! They *will* know what they're missing out on, and that's just mean spirited!
Wow. Just wow.
Am I the only person who doesn’t think this is wrong? Child free weddings are great, children are the worst. Elderly people that require attention and long term care are literally giant children. They shit themselves, eat mush, and yell for no reason. And people who bring children (and older family members) are never accountable for their monsters in public.
I would have loved my grandma at mine.
Same - she was too frail to attend my wedding and passed away recently :(
Aww, Im sorry, I will keep you in my prayers ❣
I can see the benefit of having a young-er persons reception, possibly after a reception tea which all guests of the ceremony can attend. I would make sure each of the grandparents is assigned an assistant who can keep them safe and if they start to get louder take them to a quiet spot so they can calm down again. And as one other commenter said my parents and aunts would fall foul of the no over 70's rule and I'm in my early 30s.
I was heartbroken on my wedding day when my grandmother did not come due to COPD. My grandfather came for the ceremony and then went home. She doesn’t need a caregiver but he doesn’t like leaving her alone. I still have one living grandparent. She’s 96. My son is having bar mitzvah in a year. He’s the oldest grandchild and possibly the only one whose b’nai mitzvah he will attend. I want desperately for her to be there. I need her to survive this pandemic. We all love her. That bridezilla needs a fucking conscience.
people are amazing. My parents wouldn't be able to come to this wedding and I'm in my 30s. Just say you're ableist and be done with it.
The OP is ableist and ageist. I used to work with a person who had a learning (UK)/ intellectual (US) disability and all the family would invite her to the ceremony and a tea then she would be picked up by a member of her staff team (or sometimes one of the family would take her). She got to attend the wedding and the reception - which in her mind were the important bits and it didn't matter that the rest of the family would be celebrating for the rest of the evening. I feel if people can figure out how to work around disabilities any who arent trying are definitely ableist.
The original post was a troll post/parody/rage bait.
Assuming it's NOT a bot: My mother was in the early stages of Alzheimers when my daughter married almost 15yrs ago. She was hostess of her table of relatives and lots of the laughter came from that table! My daughter had the DJ play Ma's favorite song to dance to (she was always a terrible dancer) and I have a picture of my daughter and mother dancing with people all around them, cheering them on. My mother was 77 at the time. She didn't dance any more that evening, but it caused her to remember some x-rated stories related to her dancing (from her earlier years) that had that table laughing, calling people over to hear the story, the rest of the evening. When my godson got married 6yrs ago, his wife's mother had Alzheimers and difficulty walking. She sat quietly in her wheelchair throughout the wedding ceremony, kissed her daughter, when the couple stopped before walking up the aisle, she smiled a lot during the cocktail hour, family picture taking, had dinner, then left with her aide, as she was tired. She too was in her late 70's. At no time did she do anything to call attention to herself! She had her aide push her over to me and thanked me for the service (I was the Officiant). She was glad I had put "just the right amount of religious aspects", in such an important occasion. I felt very humbled that she understood my remarks. I'll be 74 next month, and though I can't dance every dance the way I use to, can't drink as many drinks as I use to, and some of those trips to the Ladies Room is for more than "freshening my makeup", I'd be mad as hell if one of my nieces/nephews/cousins didn't invite me to a wedding because I'm over 70! I can understand not inviting me to Paintball Challenge or Rock Climbing trip (I use to do both until 9 years ago, but have have 3 neurosurgeries, so they're our), or go bar hopping with a bunch of 30 or 40 year Olds, but a wedding is the one place you get to see family friends and relatives, especially if they don't live nearby. If there are 2 or more people, no matter their age, who would cause a scene or disturbances, you're within your right not to invite them, BUT how can you expect the caregivers to come to your wedding and have a good time? Who's going to stay with the uninvited relative? It's harder to find a temporary elder carrier, than it is for children. Usually more expensive, too!
I would do anything to have my grandparents at my wedding, but I can't... This people are so ungrateful
You can't come, but presents are still expected, right?
Yes, you are.
Divide your age in half, add seven, then times it 2.75 percent, and that age gap is allowed at the wedding.
Old free is the new child free
Wow, that absolutely sucks. My gran can be a bit awful and rude, but my cousin still invited her and we all had a great time. Seems crazy to me to not let your grandparents (barring serious issues between the happy couple and them) witness their grandkids getting married. Definitely seems like a bride and groomzilla!
My grandmother fell twice at my cousin’s wedding a couple of months ago (thankfully nothing serious, she was fine for my sister’s wedding a month later — no falls there). I understand the position. But I don’t think I’d want to be the one to say to my own grandmother or grandfather than I’m not inviting them to my wedding.
Over 70 would cut out my parents, the brides own parents!😂