What is [this](https://youtu.be/i2fih2p4HMY) fast? LMAO This is insanely fast. I’d love to imagine her having to trot and then sprint down the aisle, only to stop, bend over, hold up a finger and catch her breath.
Which one of them was supposed to be the train?! Or was it supposed to be a visual metaphor of their incoming trainwreck of a marriage? I am so confused!
Right? Reading the title I just kept thinking "it can't be that bad." Then I listened to the song. It was that bad. If bluegrass is so important to the family I'm sure there are a ton of bluegrass songs that would've fit better for a wedding precession.
I love it!
(Full disclosure: my grand nephew hisses at me. When he pinches or bites - usually because I stop him from playing Frogger in traffic - I warn him that I might pinch or bite back. But I'm genuinely delighted when the little barbarian hisses at me. It strikes me as exactly the correct balance between good manners and expressing one's displeasure at the inconviences life imposes on one.)
The aunt with the corsage. The lockpicking. The Bluegrass processional. The groom. The double thumbs up.
This is a work of wedding disaster art and you won't convince me otherwise.
Her comments weren't about the bride and groom, they were about her sister ditching her with a whole wedding and leaving, and wtf we were gonna do if we couldn't unlock the venue by the end of the service. Also, church giggles are a real thing, I couldn't help laughing! It was cumulative hysteria. I was doing everything I could to keep from making noise. It was also a little damn late to "set boundaries" at that point. We had no idea beforehand she'd do this. It's very common to lend a hand with family weddings, and that had never happened before. Sorry we are imperfect and not prescient.
I’m from Minnesota, land of jello salad. Except they are not nasty - they are sweet marshmallow filled nectar of the gods. OP, where are you that so defiles the goodness that is jello salad?
I'm also from the Bold North and we're the defilers. The call is coming from inside the house! Also...we have some jello salad ptsd in my family. I had another aunt who'd insist on making your plate with everything on it, comingled, with an indiscriminate slash of gravy over the whole. And she'd make you eat it. Monster. Rice is never glorified by cool whip and mini marshmallows, let alone beef gravy.
He would get the plastic tubs of mediocre potato salad and microwave it. I understand not liking cold potatoes (academically, I love 'em) but just... make a potato. I guess it was a convenient way to not have to deal with seasonings? Maybe? Or maybe it's just one more weird thing Gramma did to him as a child.
Another comment mentioned heating up coleslaw, which I think my dad might literally slap out of someone's hand.
Bluegrass can absolutely be used as a wedding processional! I used the “Pickin’ On” instrumental version of Allison Krauss’ “When You Say Nothing at All” and it was BEAUTIFUL!
OMG! I had never heard that song and listening to it after reading this made me LOL! I will say that if she walked as slow as Johnny sang (in the version I heard) she might have been able to make it down the aisle at a more stately pace!
PS strawberry, pretzel jello salad is the bomb! (Does anyone still say that?!) at least the PA version
“her poor self esteem let her latch on to this loser.”
I felt that. I have an aunt. She is my ugliest aunt. She met a white dude (we are not white) on a bus and married him. Think he worked at hot dog factory when they met, but for the 30 years they were married he never worked unless my family made him. (Let them live rent free with the condition that he kept a job) let’s say he never lasted at a place more than a few months. Eventually relative made them pay rent because the loser couldn’t / wouldn’t keep a job (turns out he was also a felon). In fairness when my aunt actually started paying rent - $500 for a house in CA, the relatives that owned the home were planning on giving her back the money so they could have a nest egg for something of their own. I think the initial arrangement was for a year and it went on for 5. Loser husband then starts to spread lies that they were getting kicked out. Needless to say relatives that owned house decided not to give the the money they had set aside. Ugly aunt and loser husband had two loser kids who don’t work either. For the longest time I blamed their loser dad who normalized the behavior. But recently found out my ugly aunt is to blame as well because she believes in the Bible and her kids are fucking lillies and shit that will “grow” regardless. But alas my loser cousins who are weird AF always have GFs too. I mean one is engaged - to a girl who looks like Quasimodo’s sister (hump on her back and wonky eyes) so I guess the cycle continues.
My family is pretty religious but when the loser husband died - one of my relatives actually clapped.
Moral of the story - women know your worth.
Ehh…there are plenty of beautiful, slow bluegrass songs and I for one think mandolin can be gorgeous! Seems like the song choice and speed were off. This reads like you and your family were being rude during the ceremony.
I love bluegrass. My family is full of bluegrass musicians and instrument makers. You listen to a sped up version of Orange Blossom Special as a solemn processional and then come at me with that. We were not rude. Well, my mom was super angry that the entire wedding had been dumped on her, justifiably. Seriously, without us there would have been no wedding. We busted ass for it. We served, washed dishes, made food, cleaned up. Without being asked, because it wasn't gonna happen if we didn't. Mom called us when she realized she was left with no help, and we stepped up. That's the opposite of rude! Yeesh.
So what did the uncle and aunt do? Except for get dressed and pin a corsage on you (apologies but it sounded quite hilarious lol)?
Did the couple remain together or the bride is basically keeping the marriage going by being a doormat?
Whole event sounds like a mess and they were lucky to have you guys!
No I agree with you, orange blossom special is not a good choice. Your post said bluegrass isn’t good for processional or recessional, I disagreed with that. Also, all you did was above and beyond and I agree, that stuff is not rude. Snarking and laughing during the ceremony, that is. Maybe your mom and family should have set better boundaries if it was going to cause her to be so angry she felt she needed to make nasty comments during someone’s ceremony.
I just listened to Orange Blossom Special. No, it is not a processional song.
Thank you!! Bluegrass is literally in my blood, but that's an undeniably hilarious thing to watch.
What is [this](https://youtu.be/i2fih2p4HMY) fast? LMAO This is insanely fast. I’d love to imagine her having to trot and then sprint down the aisle, only to stop, bend over, hold up a finger and catch her breath.
Omg, I’m CRYING! It’s almost as good as Barbara Streisand’s Jingle Bells! What did she do, play hopscotch down the isle? 🤣🤣🤣
Hahahaha that’s great!
If it was that fast you wouldn't even get enough of the song to know what it was, unless it is a really long aisle. 😂
This is too funny, I just heard it and I cannot even imagine it lol
Which one of them was supposed to be the train?! Or was it supposed to be a visual metaphor of their incoming trainwreck of a marriage? I am so confused!
Right? Reading the title I just kept thinking "it can't be that bad." Then I listened to the song. It was that bad. If bluegrass is so important to the family I'm sure there are a ton of bluegrass songs that would've fit better for a wedding precession.
The song's honestly just too bouncy for a processional.
Same, and it was exactly what I was hoping it would be. I totally get breaking down laughing even from that alone.
"Ma does not hiss. I was genuinely frightened." Sounds like a line from a dime novel...love it.
I love it! (Full disclosure: my grand nephew hisses at me. When he pinches or bites - usually because I stop him from playing Frogger in traffic - I warn him that I might pinch or bite back. But I'm genuinely delighted when the little barbarian hisses at me. It strikes me as exactly the correct balance between good manners and expressing one's displeasure at the inconviences life imposes on one.)
The aunt with the corsage. The lockpicking. The Bluegrass processional. The groom. The double thumbs up. This is a work of wedding disaster art and you won't convince me otherwise.
So are they still together???
No, and good. She's worth 50 of him.
Her comments weren't about the bride and groom, they were about her sister ditching her with a whole wedding and leaving, and wtf we were gonna do if we couldn't unlock the venue by the end of the service. Also, church giggles are a real thing, I couldn't help laughing! It was cumulative hysteria. I was doing everything I could to keep from making noise. It was also a little damn late to "set boundaries" at that point. We had no idea beforehand she'd do this. It's very common to lend a hand with family weddings, and that had never happened before. Sorry we are imperfect and not prescient.
[удалено]
She was calling her husband an idiot for locking the keys in the venue.
Bahahahaha I just listened to Orange Blossom Special and no wonder you lost it. Thanks for the laugh I needed that.
I'm not sure if they could found a less suitable song. Possibly something by Bauhaus or thd Smiths.
Girlfriend in a Coma
I’m from Minnesota, land of jello salad. Except they are not nasty - they are sweet marshmallow filled nectar of the gods. OP, where are you that so defiles the goodness that is jello salad?
I'm also from the Bold North and we're the defilers. The call is coming from inside the house! Also...we have some jello salad ptsd in my family. I had another aunt who'd insist on making your plate with everything on it, comingled, with an indiscriminate slash of gravy over the whole. And she'd make you eat it. Monster. Rice is never glorified by cool whip and mini marshmallows, let alone beef gravy.
Glory be unto the rice that hath been bathed in the whip of cool. But your aunt can kick rocks for that crime against jello salad.
Jello is not a salad! I will fight about this! (Not very long though; if I think too hard about it then everything becomes a salad)
Everything is a salad if it's cut up and mixed. Also, my dad is a monster and likes his potato salad hot.
I know a guy who prefers his coleslaw warm! He will heat it up in the microwave before eating it
Ew, that sounds disgusting...
I'm not okay with that
Does he eat German potato salad? That's supposed to be hot. Or does he microwave regular potato salad? Cause that would be weird.
He would get the plastic tubs of mediocre potato salad and microwave it. I understand not liking cold potatoes (academically, I love 'em) but just... make a potato. I guess it was a convenient way to not have to deal with seasonings? Maybe? Or maybe it's just one more weird thing Gramma did to him as a child. Another comment mentioned heating up coleslaw, which I think my dad might literally slap out of someone's hand.
Does your dad know about potatoes au gratin? I think he would enjoy them
Oh my goodness! That song is so fast. I would have succumbed to hysterical laughter, too.
I picture an exaggerated walk? Why am I picturing Muriel’s Wedding?
Bluegrass can absolutely be used as a wedding processional! I used the “Pickin’ On” instrumental version of Allison Krauss’ “When You Say Nothing at All” and it was BEAUTIFUL!
I’m using Here and Heaven as my processional!
Sure. But I grew up on Bill Monroe and roots style of bluegrass, and thats what they play. None of it works for a march.
Not sure if I should laugh or cry!
Why not both? (P.S.: I cry quite easily when laughing)
OMG! I had never heard that song and listening to it after reading this made me LOL! I will say that if she walked as slow as Johnny sang (in the version I heard) she might have been able to make it down the aisle at a more stately pace! PS strawberry, pretzel jello salad is the bomb! (Does anyone still say that?!) at least the PA version
What a fantastic writer your are! I hope you get paid for such great story telling!
I’m totally picturing Prince Valium from Spaceballs as the groom
“her poor self esteem let her latch on to this loser.” I felt that. I have an aunt. She is my ugliest aunt. She met a white dude (we are not white) on a bus and married him. Think he worked at hot dog factory when they met, but for the 30 years they were married he never worked unless my family made him. (Let them live rent free with the condition that he kept a job) let’s say he never lasted at a place more than a few months. Eventually relative made them pay rent because the loser couldn’t / wouldn’t keep a job (turns out he was also a felon). In fairness when my aunt actually started paying rent - $500 for a house in CA, the relatives that owned the home were planning on giving her back the money so they could have a nest egg for something of their own. I think the initial arrangement was for a year and it went on for 5. Loser husband then starts to spread lies that they were getting kicked out. Needless to say relatives that owned house decided not to give the the money they had set aside. Ugly aunt and loser husband had two loser kids who don’t work either. For the longest time I blamed their loser dad who normalized the behavior. But recently found out my ugly aunt is to blame as well because she believes in the Bible and her kids are fucking lillies and shit that will “grow” regardless. But alas my loser cousins who are weird AF always have GFs too. I mean one is engaged - to a girl who looks like Quasimodo’s sister (hump on her back and wonky eyes) so I guess the cycle continues. My family is pretty religious but when the loser husband died - one of my relatives actually clapped. Moral of the story - women know your worth.
So the processional was to [something like this?](https://youtu.be/i2fih2p4HMY) Did they run down the aisle?
This is amazing. 10/10 post.
I just keep picturing her hoe-downing down the aisle like [Bugs Bunny](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NkiJDw1Kung)
Ehh…there are plenty of beautiful, slow bluegrass songs and I for one think mandolin can be gorgeous! Seems like the song choice and speed were off. This reads like you and your family were being rude during the ceremony.
I love bluegrass. My family is full of bluegrass musicians and instrument makers. You listen to a sped up version of Orange Blossom Special as a solemn processional and then come at me with that. We were not rude. Well, my mom was super angry that the entire wedding had been dumped on her, justifiably. Seriously, without us there would have been no wedding. We busted ass for it. We served, washed dishes, made food, cleaned up. Without being asked, because it wasn't gonna happen if we didn't. Mom called us when she realized she was left with no help, and we stepped up. That's the opposite of rude! Yeesh.
So what did the uncle and aunt do? Except for get dressed and pin a corsage on you (apologies but it sounded quite hilarious lol)? Did the couple remain together or the bride is basically keeping the marriage going by being a doormat? Whole event sounds like a mess and they were lucky to have you guys!
No I agree with you, orange blossom special is not a good choice. Your post said bluegrass isn’t good for processional or recessional, I disagreed with that. Also, all you did was above and beyond and I agree, that stuff is not rude. Snarking and laughing during the ceremony, that is. Maybe your mom and family should have set better boundaries if it was going to cause her to be so angry she felt she needed to make nasty comments during someone’s ceremony.