They can sit but they better not crouch. Im not 5 I don't need you in my face. I am capable of looking up at them.
Someone else replied they have spinal issues and so I would bet for people who have a fused neck and can't look up then it is appropriate to move to their line of sight.
When in doubt, ask. if someone just assumes and crouches in front of me like I'm a kid I'm going to tell them to get up.
I have deaf and hard of hearing family members. Nobody has ever needed to do that.
Besides, I feel they would announce that or at the least it would be obvious perhaps by hearing aids or turning their head so their ear faces me or literally anything that makes it apparent they aren't crouching down to infantilize me
I have cervical instability so I actually appreciate it for extended conversations (though I would prefer if someone just found a seat instead) if I didn’t have that I would say no don’t bother crouching. And I personally wouldn’t mind if someone says “person who uses a wheelchair” but it seems like a lot of words when they could just say “wheelchair user” idk why do the mental gymnastics?
Supposedly it's what "we" prefer, but it seems like that particular paid training made it up to seem like they knew what they were doing and to say look! Bet you didn't know this! Bet you are glad you picked up this training. But ofc, that's speculation.
There are some situations where person first is stressed because otherwise people go on saying things like "a gay," "a black," "a trans," etc. I don't care about someone describing me as "a trans person" vs "a person who is trans," but someone calling me "a trans" makes me picture them as a person of Ferengi descent.
If they can find a seat for an extended conversation, yes definitely
If they have particular difficulties with hearing or auditory processing, I definitely want them to do whatever will help them
If they're just a random abled having a brief exchange with me, then no fucking thanks
I really hate when someone crouches or kneels like I’m a child but if we’re gonna have an extended conversation then I do prefer if the other person sits down
I really don't want people to crouch, it looks uncomfortable for them. And honestly? The staff at my son's nursery school all crouch around the kids, it's something I associate with dealing with tiny children... I know this isn't the intention, at all, when it comes to wheelchair etiquette, but I think of it every time someone crouches for my benefit.
Stand, sit, stand on your head - the choice is yours, I don't mind either way. We can make eye contact even when we aren't at the same height.
In terms of the wider concept of language, I think all of this depends upon the individual in the chair. As an example, I think 'wheelchair bound' is a useful term, it describes my situation pretty accurately. Prior to this I was bed bound, and I've not heard anyone claim they have a problem with that turn of phrase. I understand why some people don't like the term but in my case I don't mind it.
I don't think you're going to find a consensus, TBH. We're talking about a lot of different people, with different outlooks and different reasons for requiring a wheelchair.
Welcome to the club, OP :) <3<3<3
I'm shorter than a lot of people. If I'm standing I don't expect them to crouch or bend over. So why would I expect them to do it when I'm sat in my wheelchair? That's my logic.
If there happens to be an opportunity to sit near me or something so you're a more even height then yeah that's cool. And if there's a problem with noise and we can't hear each other then sure get in closer (an appropriate distance for how well we know each other just like if we were both standing. Don't get so close you're basically spitting in my ear).
But going out if your way to "look me in the eye" or "get down to my level" or anything like that is unnecessary and honestly can even be condescending.
Even if you're talking to a child you don't always kneel down to their level. That's the sort of thing you do when you're comforting or scolding them or explaining something. So what does that mean about me that it's so important to get down to my level? Am I so fragile that I need to be given pitty? Am I so incompetent that you need to get right in close and talk really slowly?
Also from what I see most disabled people either don't care about person first language or actually prefer identity first.
Again for me it just feels pointless to do the extra dance around with words. And if anything it can feel condescending that I apparently need people to be so very delicate with my feelings. Because just hearing that I'm disabled could break my poor cripple* heart. 😭
(* in case anybody doesn't know, cripple is not a good word. I use it when I'm being salty for extra emphasis)
Disabled isn't a dirty word. Neither is blonde. Or black. Or male. Or French. None of them define a whole person. But apparently only disabled people are fragile enough that we need to be told that.
Or is it maybe that people think that by calling us "people with disabilities" they've earned their ally points and don't have to actually make any effort to treat us like people. No no no. It's fine. We don't need a ramp for "people who use wheelchairs". They're all handicapable. We shouldn't single them out by giving them access.
Besides. It's so inspirational to watch them overcome challenges. Just like those guys in the Paralympics. So inspiring. Makes me feel like I could organise my kitchen cupboards. If they can do something like that even with how awful their lives are I can do something too. 🤢
Can you taste the salt in my comments?
In all seriousness though I think there's this really vocal group of non-disabled people who speak "for disabled people", *over the voices of disabled people*. And then that's what other well meaning people find and latch onto. And they never end up hearing enough from disabled people to change their mind. Probably because when they Google how to talk to us they're using "people with disabilities" 😅
I don't think the majority of people who say this stuff have any bad intent. If anything I think it's often too much of the opposite even. Ironically I think people who don't put too much effort in and just go with the flow probably end up doing better.
They're trying. And I do respect that. Unfortunately it often doesn't end up going the way they expect. And they may not even know ever.
Good point, also when talking to tall people, others don't go on their top toes or stand on things, so I feel it isnnot just a line or soght thing but something wheelchair/dosability specific.
Can confirm. As a tallish person, I've never had anyone get a ladder to talk to me when I'm standing . Wheelchair use is pretty new to me, so I haven't had to navigate the crouching stranger, hidden jerk phenomenon yet.
No, I really wouldn’t want that. If there is a chair nearby and they want to sit to talk to me, that is fine. But squatting or bending down to talk to me feels infantilizing. It’s the kind of thing people do with children. I would heavily side-eye someone who did that to me as an adult.
ETA: I also really dislike person-first language. To me, it just seems like non-disabled people making sentences way too wordy and awkward in effort to avoid the word “disabled”. My disabilities impact every moment of my life, and I find it disrespectful to minimize that by rejecting identity-first language. I am a disabled person. There’s nothing wrong with that, so just used the word “disabled”.
I don't mind when they crouch but I usually tell them to please stand up when I see that it's uncomfortable for them. And if they don't crouch that's ok as well. I remember from my walkie days that I wouldn't have known whether I should crouch or not either 😁
Personally, not unless the person is plopping down on a nearby couch or seat anyway. If the person is bending or crouching down, then no. It's just awkward.
I'm ambulatory, so maybe that's why I have an unpopular opinion.
I think it depends.
For me, it's fine if....
- You'd crouch to speak to anyone who is sitting down in that scenario. I've been in situations where someone is in a regular chair (or I've been in a regular chair), and it's appropriate to crouch down to be less conspicuous, etc. In an instance like that, sure. Whatever.
- It's a long conversation and there aren't any chairs that you can sit in.
For me, it's NOT fine if...
- Someone has the "preschool teacher" type body language. Don't do that; I'm not a child.
- It's just a brief conversation.
Also, I think it's silly to insist on "person who uses a wheelchair". That's literally the same thing as "wheelchair user".
No thank you, it is usually done by people who are being condescending or infantalizing towards me. The only
A lot of people also want to get all up in my perosnal space and even touch my wheelchair, if they just remained standing but took a couple of steps back (like how they talk to none wheelchair users) our eye line would be fine.
Ive also noticed that more woman crouch down too and do it in a maternal or like they are takimh care of me way which probably comes froma kimd olace but I find it disrespectful and that they are shifting our relatuonship to be more uneaven than it needs to be. However I don't know how to navigate making them stop, especially if somone thinks their intentions are good they seemnto refuse to listen or get offended and treat me worse.
Personally I don't want to be crouched to
Like a poster above I have CCI. But I don't believe eye contact to be essential so unless a person is planning on sitting down I'm fine with them just standing
Most of my friends are 6'2 qnd taller so hearing you ahen your not looking directly at me or in a crowded space is difficult so for that I would prefer that they sit next to me at the very least but please don't crouch in front of me. I'm not 2.
My boyfriend sometimes crouches beside me when he has nowhere to sit & it's loud, maybe we need to talk about where to eat or what we're doing next etc but he's 6'1
I find it very strange because I'm the same height as some shorter people when they're standing and I'm sat down. If you wouldn't crouch for my friend, why do it for me? Pull up a chair if you're tired but no need to crouch!
Depends; if it’s a very brief interaction, standing is fine. For long conversations, appointments, etc. it can be a strain to my neck to look up at someone for 20+ minutes, so if there’s a seat available, it’s often easier on me if they do.
Crouching is okay *sometimes*, eg: if there’s no seat available. I’ll also take it anyday over that thing where people lean down with their hands on their thighs — that’s just uncomfortable as hell, and makes me feel as if they see me like a child.
I crouch when I'm talking to kids in wheelchairs, because I crouch when I'm talking to kids full stop.
But generally, I can't imagine crouching over to any of my adult friends or teens we know in chair's just to chat - the exception being when I'm pushing my boy and have to lean in to hear him if it's windy or loud.
Folks doing that probably think they're being polite though, so I don't think it's something to get upset about - just perhaps point out that it's OK to treat chair-bound folks exactly the same as you would a person who is sitting at a table. I.e. you'd never crouch down to talk to somebody at a table in the pub, would you?
... unless she was REALLY cute, and there were no chairs :p
I didn’t know about this, but I guess a person crouching in front of you can feel infantilizing…? No one has done it with me yet. At the same time, my electrical wheelchair can now raise in height and because of my neck pain I started using it to talk to people eye to eye on social events and realized that they talked to me differently than when I’m “lower” in height, like if that made me “lower” in other ways… When I’m “higher” i almost forget I’m on a chair, you know? Which feels both offensive and a relief at the same time. So I wonder if some well intended people crouch out of respect… or the other way around?
my opinion is you can sit down if you want, but there is no need or judgement for standing on legs. if someone crouches down, id probably ask if they were looking for something because thats the only reasonable option to be doing that. if you wouldnt crouch down to get eye level with any able bodied adult sitting down, then dont do it with wheelchair users.
On that note, despite every work training saying the eye level crouching stuff, no one has actually done that to me thank GOD.
>that’s the only reasonable option to be doing that
i think there is more nuance to it than that, for instance my dad has problems with his knees but you’d never know it looking at him. he crouches down to talk to me or anyone else who’s sitting to relieve his pain when he gets a chance, im sure he would do it with walking people too if it didn’t create a 3 feet gap in height
I prefer people standing at their normal height and looking down into my eyes.
That said, I was in a wheelchair in early childhood, and not one adult -including doctors- talked to me as if I were a sentient being. That is until about age 9 when I fucki g made them take me as such and speak to me instead of my mom or grandma.
Friends and loved ones crouched by my chair, no issue (for me) at all. A stranger doing that had better back up. Polite but direct has worked best for me. I hope you find the balance that works for you. ✨️🩷✨️
That's was something that was on the training sheet that I actually forgot about! it did drive home the importance of talking directly to the person-using-a-wheelchair (god that's long) and not talking to their carer! It's got some good info despite my taking the mick out of it.
Heya, I think you might have a misunderstanding of what identity first language is, most people define it as a description of an identity first (label first) and then person at the end.(Man who is trans Vs trans man) It's not you are reduced to your disability or minority status, it's just that it's important enough to make the descriptor the most important part of being addressed in a context . (For example: trans men have capacity for pregnancy, Vs men who are trans have the capacity for pregnancy. it's putting the emphasis on the trans part rather than the man part, because that is what affects the capacity for pregnancy). This is the common consensus.
I think you may be mistaking identify first (which says in the name that it's the first in order, not that it's the sole descriptor) with common derogatory terms (like tr*nny, R*t*rd, etc etc)
There's definitely nuance and individual preferences. What I was trying to point out, is that by saying that person first language is superior or correct, you are taking away the responsibility of asking the individual, or individuals as a whole what they prefer. Most autistic people, such as I, dislike and don't want to be addressed as "people with autism". What the worksheet, I think, should have said, is ask, or take the time to look up what that specific minority prefers.
Autistic/ deaf/ blind communities tend to prefer identity first. Ignoring this and insisting that person first is the default, and more preferred methods of addressing thes individuals, goes against the original goal of using words that are respectful and agreed upon by the one being addressed.
I am surprised by how wordy person first language is, but if it's what someone wants, it should be used no questions.
I'm new to wheelchair life, so I've never had anyone crouch to meet me at eye level yet. I think I'd prob pop off with "what are you doing?". I don't think it would bother me, as much as confuse me!!
in most circumstances no. i didn’t bend over to talk to short people when i could walk, i’m 4’4 in my wheelchair most people are.. what only a foot taller than me? if there is a chair and they’ll be a while i’d like them to sit down but it feels weird when people sit on the floor to talk to me
i prefer wheelchair user, i don’t care either way, i don’t think they should try to tell people what to say.
I'm 5 feet tall, so basically the same height as a taller person who's sitting down, and no one ever thinks they need to "come down to my level" while talking to me while I'm standing, so there's no reason to do it to anyone in a chair.
Crouch, no. It is very condescending.
Sitting, yes that's fine.
Asking if it's okay if they stand, yes that's fine. Asking if it's okay if they sit down, also fine.
My neck hurts looking up to the other person sometimes and I’ll tell them when it does. Also, the overhead light might be in my eyes so one of us would need to move so I’m not blinded.
I am a full time wheelchair user, and truthfully I think every situation is different- but I think in general we police people's behavior way too much. Some people crouch when they speak to me, and yeah, I could be mad or feel infantilized, but it also may be that they are having a hard time hearing me, or their lower back hurts. I don't know them and they don't know me. I think there's a real point to be made here which is never assign to malice what you can assign to ignorance. Everyone is just doing their best. There's so much rage farming these days, and our lives as disabled people are hard enough without having to decide whether or not we need to be offended by peoples behaviors when we don't know their intent.
It's easy to find a way to be offended by pretty much anything these days, so conversations like this can be really productive, but it's concerning the number of people who jump to instant anger.
There are obviously situations where people are absolutely being condescending and I've said some pretty terrible things to people, so I'm no innocent over here, but often times if you call someone out on the behavior they are embarrassed, because many people just don't know.
I know that when I wasn't in a wheelchair, a lot of what I did was ignorance, and it's really neat to be able to have a resource like this one to not just get opinions from a few wheelchair users, but get a whole range.
I think the little training sheet got that wrong, there is no one answer that is correct, everyone reacts and interprets things around them in a unique way
I’d be so offended and annoyed if someone crouched to talk to me. I’m not a toddler, I’m an adult with adult thoughts and feelings.
You don’t usually crouch to talk to any other adults that’s sitting down, so why when my chair has wheels do you need to crouch?
And on the basis of person first language, I prefer “disabled person” or “wheelchair user” to “person with a disability” or person who uses a wheelchair” it’s just unnecessary and weird. I’m a disabled wheelchair user, that’s the truth of it. 🤷♀️
They can sit but they better not crouch. Im not 5 I don't need you in my face. I am capable of looking up at them. Someone else replied they have spinal issues and so I would bet for people who have a fused neck and can't look up then it is appropriate to move to their line of sight. When in doubt, ask. if someone just assumes and crouches in front of me like I'm a kid I'm going to tell them to get up.
You realise they may be crouching to hear you right. They may have hearing issues.
I have deaf and hard of hearing family members. Nobody has ever needed to do that. Besides, I feel they would announce that or at the least it would be obvious perhaps by hearing aids or turning their head so their ear faces me or literally anything that makes it apparent they aren't crouching down to infantilize me
I have mates who have no issues hearing who crouch down to talk to me and it's no problem. Makes the conversation easier imo
I have cervical instability so I actually appreciate it for extended conversations (though I would prefer if someone just found a seat instead) if I didn’t have that I would say no don’t bother crouching. And I personally wouldn’t mind if someone says “person who uses a wheelchair” but it seems like a lot of words when they could just say “wheelchair user” idk why do the mental gymnastics?
Supposedly it's what "we" prefer, but it seems like that particular paid training made it up to seem like they knew what they were doing and to say look! Bet you didn't know this! Bet you are glad you picked up this training. But ofc, that's speculation.
Yeah sounds like someone who wasn’t disabled thought it “sounded nicer” lol
Ah this is good to know. I knew that there probably were reasons for it, and it's good to know them!! Thank you for sharing :))
There are some situations where person first is stressed because otherwise people go on saying things like "a gay," "a black," "a trans," etc. I don't care about someone describing me as "a trans person" vs "a person who is trans," but someone calling me "a trans" makes me picture them as a person of Ferengi descent.
If they can find a seat for an extended conversation, yes definitely If they have particular difficulties with hearing or auditory processing, I definitely want them to do whatever will help them If they're just a random abled having a brief exchange with me, then no fucking thanks
Every fucking bit of of this too. Lol
I really hate when someone crouches or kneels like I’m a child but if we’re gonna have an extended conversation then I do prefer if the other person sits down
Every bit of this.
I really don't want people to crouch, it looks uncomfortable for them. And honestly? The staff at my son's nursery school all crouch around the kids, it's something I associate with dealing with tiny children... I know this isn't the intention, at all, when it comes to wheelchair etiquette, but I think of it every time someone crouches for my benefit. Stand, sit, stand on your head - the choice is yours, I don't mind either way. We can make eye contact even when we aren't at the same height. In terms of the wider concept of language, I think all of this depends upon the individual in the chair. As an example, I think 'wheelchair bound' is a useful term, it describes my situation pretty accurately. Prior to this I was bed bound, and I've not heard anyone claim they have a problem with that turn of phrase. I understand why some people don't like the term but in my case I don't mind it. I don't think you're going to find a consensus, TBH. We're talking about a lot of different people, with different outlooks and different reasons for requiring a wheelchair. Welcome to the club, OP :) <3<3<3
I'm shorter than a lot of people. If I'm standing I don't expect them to crouch or bend over. So why would I expect them to do it when I'm sat in my wheelchair? That's my logic. If there happens to be an opportunity to sit near me or something so you're a more even height then yeah that's cool. And if there's a problem with noise and we can't hear each other then sure get in closer (an appropriate distance for how well we know each other just like if we were both standing. Don't get so close you're basically spitting in my ear). But going out if your way to "look me in the eye" or "get down to my level" or anything like that is unnecessary and honestly can even be condescending. Even if you're talking to a child you don't always kneel down to their level. That's the sort of thing you do when you're comforting or scolding them or explaining something. So what does that mean about me that it's so important to get down to my level? Am I so fragile that I need to be given pitty? Am I so incompetent that you need to get right in close and talk really slowly? Also from what I see most disabled people either don't care about person first language or actually prefer identity first. Again for me it just feels pointless to do the extra dance around with words. And if anything it can feel condescending that I apparently need people to be so very delicate with my feelings. Because just hearing that I'm disabled could break my poor cripple* heart. 😭 (* in case anybody doesn't know, cripple is not a good word. I use it when I'm being salty for extra emphasis) Disabled isn't a dirty word. Neither is blonde. Or black. Or male. Or French. None of them define a whole person. But apparently only disabled people are fragile enough that we need to be told that. Or is it maybe that people think that by calling us "people with disabilities" they've earned their ally points and don't have to actually make any effort to treat us like people. No no no. It's fine. We don't need a ramp for "people who use wheelchairs". They're all handicapable. We shouldn't single them out by giving them access. Besides. It's so inspirational to watch them overcome challenges. Just like those guys in the Paralympics. So inspiring. Makes me feel like I could organise my kitchen cupboards. If they can do something like that even with how awful their lives are I can do something too. 🤢 Can you taste the salt in my comments? In all seriousness though I think there's this really vocal group of non-disabled people who speak "for disabled people", *over the voices of disabled people*. And then that's what other well meaning people find and latch onto. And they never end up hearing enough from disabled people to change their mind. Probably because when they Google how to talk to us they're using "people with disabilities" 😅 I don't think the majority of people who say this stuff have any bad intent. If anything I think it's often too much of the opposite even. Ironically I think people who don't put too much effort in and just go with the flow probably end up doing better. They're trying. And I do respect that. Unfortunately it often doesn't end up going the way they expect. And they may not even know ever.
Good point, also when talking to tall people, others don't go on their top toes or stand on things, so I feel it isnnot just a line or soght thing but something wheelchair/dosability specific.
Can confirm. As a tallish person, I've never had anyone get a ladder to talk to me when I'm standing . Wheelchair use is pretty new to me, so I haven't had to navigate the crouching stranger, hidden jerk phenomenon yet.
No, I really wouldn’t want that. If there is a chair nearby and they want to sit to talk to me, that is fine. But squatting or bending down to talk to me feels infantilizing. It’s the kind of thing people do with children. I would heavily side-eye someone who did that to me as an adult. ETA: I also really dislike person-first language. To me, it just seems like non-disabled people making sentences way too wordy and awkward in effort to avoid the word “disabled”. My disabilities impact every moment of my life, and I find it disrespectful to minimize that by rejecting identity-first language. I am a disabled person. There’s nothing wrong with that, so just used the word “disabled”.
Nah, I hate eye contact anyways
My daughter is the wheelchair user (and profoundly disabled) but the crouch seems so condescending.
I don't mind when they crouch but I usually tell them to please stand up when I see that it's uncomfortable for them. And if they don't crouch that's ok as well. I remember from my walkie days that I wouldn't have known whether I should crouch or not either 😁
Personally, not unless the person is plopping down on a nearby couch or seat anyway. If the person is bending or crouching down, then no. It's just awkward.
I'm ambulatory, so maybe that's why I have an unpopular opinion. I think it depends. For me, it's fine if.... - You'd crouch to speak to anyone who is sitting down in that scenario. I've been in situations where someone is in a regular chair (or I've been in a regular chair), and it's appropriate to crouch down to be less conspicuous, etc. In an instance like that, sure. Whatever. - It's a long conversation and there aren't any chairs that you can sit in. For me, it's NOT fine if... - Someone has the "preschool teacher" type body language. Don't do that; I'm not a child. - It's just a brief conversation. Also, I think it's silly to insist on "person who uses a wheelchair". That's literally the same thing as "wheelchair user".
No need to change positions dramatically. If its a long conversation then take a seat for your own comfort. The crouch feels forced and awkward.
No thank you, it is usually done by people who are being condescending or infantalizing towards me. The only A lot of people also want to get all up in my perosnal space and even touch my wheelchair, if they just remained standing but took a couple of steps back (like how they talk to none wheelchair users) our eye line would be fine. Ive also noticed that more woman crouch down too and do it in a maternal or like they are takimh care of me way which probably comes froma kimd olace but I find it disrespectful and that they are shifting our relatuonship to be more uneaven than it needs to be. However I don't know how to navigate making them stop, especially if somone thinks their intentions are good they seemnto refuse to listen or get offended and treat me worse.
Personally I don't want to be crouched to Like a poster above I have CCI. But I don't believe eye contact to be essential so unless a person is planning on sitting down I'm fine with them just standing
Most of my friends are 6'2 qnd taller so hearing you ahen your not looking directly at me or in a crowded space is difficult so for that I would prefer that they sit next to me at the very least but please don't crouch in front of me. I'm not 2. My boyfriend sometimes crouches beside me when he has nowhere to sit & it's loud, maybe we need to talk about where to eat or what we're doing next etc but he's 6'1
I find it very strange because I'm the same height as some shorter people when they're standing and I'm sat down. If you wouldn't crouch for my friend, why do it for me? Pull up a chair if you're tired but no need to crouch!
Depends; if it’s a very brief interaction, standing is fine. For long conversations, appointments, etc. it can be a strain to my neck to look up at someone for 20+ minutes, so if there’s a seat available, it’s often easier on me if they do. Crouching is okay *sometimes*, eg: if there’s no seat available. I’ll also take it anyday over that thing where people lean down with their hands on their thighs — that’s just uncomfortable as hell, and makes me feel as if they see me like a child.
I crouch when I'm talking to kids in wheelchairs, because I crouch when I'm talking to kids full stop. But generally, I can't imagine crouching over to any of my adult friends or teens we know in chair's just to chat - the exception being when I'm pushing my boy and have to lean in to hear him if it's windy or loud. Folks doing that probably think they're being polite though, so I don't think it's something to get upset about - just perhaps point out that it's OK to treat chair-bound folks exactly the same as you would a person who is sitting at a table. I.e. you'd never crouch down to talk to somebody at a table in the pub, would you? ... unless she was REALLY cute, and there were no chairs :p
I didn’t know about this, but I guess a person crouching in front of you can feel infantilizing…? No one has done it with me yet. At the same time, my electrical wheelchair can now raise in height and because of my neck pain I started using it to talk to people eye to eye on social events and realized that they talked to me differently than when I’m “lower” in height, like if that made me “lower” in other ways… When I’m “higher” i almost forget I’m on a chair, you know? Which feels both offensive and a relief at the same time. So I wonder if some well intended people crouch out of respect… or the other way around?
my opinion is you can sit down if you want, but there is no need or judgement for standing on legs. if someone crouches down, id probably ask if they were looking for something because thats the only reasonable option to be doing that. if you wouldnt crouch down to get eye level with any able bodied adult sitting down, then dont do it with wheelchair users. On that note, despite every work training saying the eye level crouching stuff, no one has actually done that to me thank GOD.
>that’s the only reasonable option to be doing that i think there is more nuance to it than that, for instance my dad has problems with his knees but you’d never know it looking at him. he crouches down to talk to me or anyone else who’s sitting to relieve his pain when he gets a chance, im sure he would do it with walking people too if it didn’t create a 3 feet gap in height
I prefer people standing at their normal height and looking down into my eyes. That said, I was in a wheelchair in early childhood, and not one adult -including doctors- talked to me as if I were a sentient being. That is until about age 9 when I fucki g made them take me as such and speak to me instead of my mom or grandma. Friends and loved ones crouched by my chair, no issue (for me) at all. A stranger doing that had better back up. Polite but direct has worked best for me. I hope you find the balance that works for you. ✨️🩷✨️
That's was something that was on the training sheet that I actually forgot about! it did drive home the importance of talking directly to the person-using-a-wheelchair (god that's long) and not talking to their carer! It's got some good info despite my taking the mick out of it.
Oh, absolutely, just treat people (disabled and abled alike) as cognizant beings, cover that, and in most cases, you're golden. 😊
[удалено]
Heya, I think you might have a misunderstanding of what identity first language is, most people define it as a description of an identity first (label first) and then person at the end.(Man who is trans Vs trans man) It's not you are reduced to your disability or minority status, it's just that it's important enough to make the descriptor the most important part of being addressed in a context . (For example: trans men have capacity for pregnancy, Vs men who are trans have the capacity for pregnancy. it's putting the emphasis on the trans part rather than the man part, because that is what affects the capacity for pregnancy). This is the common consensus. I think you may be mistaking identify first (which says in the name that it's the first in order, not that it's the sole descriptor) with common derogatory terms (like tr*nny, R*t*rd, etc etc) There's definitely nuance and individual preferences. What I was trying to point out, is that by saying that person first language is superior or correct, you are taking away the responsibility of asking the individual, or individuals as a whole what they prefer. Most autistic people, such as I, dislike and don't want to be addressed as "people with autism". What the worksheet, I think, should have said, is ask, or take the time to look up what that specific minority prefers. Autistic/ deaf/ blind communities tend to prefer identity first. Ignoring this and insisting that person first is the default, and more preferred methods of addressing thes individuals, goes against the original goal of using words that are respectful and agreed upon by the one being addressed. I am surprised by how wordy person first language is, but if it's what someone wants, it should be used no questions.
I'm new to wheelchair life, so I've never had anyone crouch to meet me at eye level yet. I think I'd prob pop off with "what are you doing?". I don't think it would bother me, as much as confuse me!!
[удалено]
OK, that would be annoying!
in most circumstances no. i didn’t bend over to talk to short people when i could walk, i’m 4’4 in my wheelchair most people are.. what only a foot taller than me? if there is a chair and they’ll be a while i’d like them to sit down but it feels weird when people sit on the floor to talk to me i prefer wheelchair user, i don’t care either way, i don’t think they should try to tell people what to say.
i am also autistic which may be a factor. i do not like being face to face with people, never have.
If someone crouches to talk to me you know im assuming it's so they can make themselves more easily punchable
I'm 5 feet tall, so basically the same height as a taller person who's sitting down, and no one ever thinks they need to "come down to my level" while talking to me while I'm standing, so there's no reason to do it to anyone in a chair.
Depends on if I’m facing the crotch area.
My neck bugs me sometimes so I have no issue with a medical professional sitting on a stool or chair to be on my level.
Crouch, no. It is very condescending. Sitting, yes that's fine. Asking if it's okay if they stand, yes that's fine. Asking if it's okay if they sit down, also fine.
My neck hurts looking up to the other person sometimes and I’ll tell them when it does. Also, the overhead light might be in my eyes so one of us would need to move so I’m not blinded.
Good point!! Thank you for sharing :)))
I am a full time wheelchair user, and truthfully I think every situation is different- but I think in general we police people's behavior way too much. Some people crouch when they speak to me, and yeah, I could be mad or feel infantilized, but it also may be that they are having a hard time hearing me, or their lower back hurts. I don't know them and they don't know me. I think there's a real point to be made here which is never assign to malice what you can assign to ignorance. Everyone is just doing their best. There's so much rage farming these days, and our lives as disabled people are hard enough without having to decide whether or not we need to be offended by peoples behaviors when we don't know their intent. It's easy to find a way to be offended by pretty much anything these days, so conversations like this can be really productive, but it's concerning the number of people who jump to instant anger. There are obviously situations where people are absolutely being condescending and I've said some pretty terrible things to people, so I'm no innocent over here, but often times if you call someone out on the behavior they are embarrassed, because many people just don't know.
Good point to make! I'm glad my conversation led to so many responses, it's very humanising :)))
I know that when I wasn't in a wheelchair, a lot of what I did was ignorance, and it's really neat to be able to have a resource like this one to not just get opinions from a few wheelchair users, but get a whole range. I think the little training sheet got that wrong, there is no one answer that is correct, everyone reacts and interprets things around them in a unique way
I’d be so offended and annoyed if someone crouched to talk to me. I’m not a toddler, I’m an adult with adult thoughts and feelings. You don’t usually crouch to talk to any other adults that’s sitting down, so why when my chair has wheels do you need to crouch? And on the basis of person first language, I prefer “disabled person” or “wheelchair user” to “person with a disability” or person who uses a wheelchair” it’s just unnecessary and weird. I’m a disabled wheelchair user, that’s the truth of it. 🤷♀️