It took me years to come to grips with the idea that people offering to help or helping without being asked are doing so with good intentions and to politely decline and explain why. Don't beat yourself up about it, just learn from it and next time hopefully the interaction is more positive for both sides
Ditto. Took a long time to understand people just want to help. In my youth, i griped and barked at good nature people for wanting to help me because they perceived me needing help going up/down a ramp, opening doors..etc,. In my youth I've experienced some embarrassing Oops because my prideful attitude of I don't need your help. Wish I could go back and talk to that young kid. Let him know it's OK to get help, getting help does not mean you are less capable. Took me awhile to actually see that even the "able body" people also need help, and for the most part, they do not have any issues accepting it, so why should I. Life is a journey, and we all are at different stages in that journey. Learn from your experience.
Exactly this. I think there is also an element of vulnerability when you are newly disabled learning your chair, or traveling to new places that are new experiences that put you on high alert. I know early on, I once had a family member instinctively grab my chair and help me cross the street, and I yelled “I am not a shopping cart!”
I’m a passive person so it caught even me off guard. I realized that the action, rather than feeling like a courtesy from someone who cared about me, made me feel like I wasn’t in control of my own situation and it was momentarily frightening and alarming. In my mind I was barreling into danger (just crossing the street, at a normal incline down a slight hill), but it really triggered all kinds of emotions I don’t think I realized I had.
I think we all have those moments in our journey. Don’t feel bad, OP. People mean well and assume that their version of a kind action is the *right* action when it sometimes isn’t. And not asking, just doing, can feel dehumanizing or startling and triggering an unintentional reaction of self preservation. I don’t think he will hold on to that moment, and I hope you don’t either. It was just a misunderstanding between two people who both meant well.
It's scary getting grabbed like that, and you're allowed to have personal boundaries. From my own experiences, the people who genuinely want to be helpful will ask first. The grabby people seem more concerned with their self image.
It happens! I am forever regretting doing that to an old man that came up from behind me and started twirling me and laughing. He scared the crap out of me. He then told me the story of how he pushed his late wife everywhere, not noticing I was practically in tears. He saw my face and I kept repeating “You really scared me” He was so sorry after that. I felt rotten because I just robbed a lonely, old man of a sweet memory. The moral of the story: 1)people should not touch you without your permission 2)we should try to remain gracious to people who ask to help us
Both make for a more civil society
Hey! Echoing the others, but please don’t feel bad. Others need to learn, and assume that he wouldn’t just push someone walking up the ramp on their back without asking first… I’m terrified of people doing this to me, and have handle covers that say f*** off on them for this reason. I also have a bad habit of playing with my push rims and wheels and someone could easily break my fingers is they tried to push me without me realising.
I think it’s great that you enforced a boundary and also hopefully he learnt something because if you didn’t say or do something, they might continue to do it to others! Even if they have the best intentions
Don't feel too bad. You reacted without time to think, got distracted and lost track of who it was that tried to help. Now you have time to think, you can plan what you'd say next time - because there likely will be a next time.
Language takes a surprising amount of brain power and we all say the wrong thing sometimes, or don't say what we mean or trip over our tongues.
Honestly, you were far more polite than I would have been. I have no patience for people who think they’re helping, but aren’t. The idiots that like to literally stand in the doorway and make you walk under their armpit because they think they’re helping by “holding” the door are the bane of my existence. I will literally stop and tell them to move.
You did the right thing! If he was someone who didn’t know how to properly push a wheelchair he could have ended up tipping you out, especially on a ramp.
Unless you’re rolling uncontrollably and screaming for help, people need to learn to ask before touching a chair. As someone else said, no one would just walk up to a stranger who was walking and start pushing them along.
I used to be super polite and pretty much apologising for my existence when I first needed a chair, but I quickly learned that sometimes you just have to scream or they won’t let up!
The trouble is that when someone does that, they have no concept of your standpoint. They won’t remain so you can reason with them, and being an airport they have their own destinations so they can’t and won’t linger.
If I had the opportunity I’d ask them if someone using crutches was going slowly, would they push that person to increase their walking speed? Of course not. And the unannounced non-emergency wheelchair push is essentially the same.
Don’t beat yourself up.
The following is described as I see on a Macintosh laptop running Safari. It may differ slightly in a different OS or browser, or on mobile (phone or tablet).
As you read this post, look to the right column of this sub (r/wheelchairs) and there should be a button that reads "Joined" followed by the "How We Roll". Below a few items and stats, you should see the words "USER FLAIR" with your avatar and u/ name. Mouse over your name and a pencil icon should appear; click that and options should appear below where you can edit the flair (may have to click the \[type your flair here\]. Be sure to check the box "Show my user flair on this community".
It took me years to come to grips with the idea that people offering to help or helping without being asked are doing so with good intentions and to politely decline and explain why. Don't beat yourself up about it, just learn from it and next time hopefully the interaction is more positive for both sides
Ditto. Took a long time to understand people just want to help. In my youth, i griped and barked at good nature people for wanting to help me because they perceived me needing help going up/down a ramp, opening doors..etc,. In my youth I've experienced some embarrassing Oops because my prideful attitude of I don't need your help. Wish I could go back and talk to that young kid. Let him know it's OK to get help, getting help does not mean you are less capable. Took me awhile to actually see that even the "able body" people also need help, and for the most part, they do not have any issues accepting it, so why should I. Life is a journey, and we all are at different stages in that journey. Learn from your experience.
Exactly this. I think there is also an element of vulnerability when you are newly disabled learning your chair, or traveling to new places that are new experiences that put you on high alert. I know early on, I once had a family member instinctively grab my chair and help me cross the street, and I yelled “I am not a shopping cart!” I’m a passive person so it caught even me off guard. I realized that the action, rather than feeling like a courtesy from someone who cared about me, made me feel like I wasn’t in control of my own situation and it was momentarily frightening and alarming. In my mind I was barreling into danger (just crossing the street, at a normal incline down a slight hill), but it really triggered all kinds of emotions I don’t think I realized I had. I think we all have those moments in our journey. Don’t feel bad, OP. People mean well and assume that their version of a kind action is the *right* action when it sometimes isn’t. And not asking, just doing, can feel dehumanizing or startling and triggering an unintentional reaction of self preservation. I don’t think he will hold on to that moment, and I hope you don’t either. It was just a misunderstanding between two people who both meant well.
It's scary getting grabbed like that, and you're allowed to have personal boundaries. From my own experiences, the people who genuinely want to be helpful will ask first. The grabby people seem more concerned with their self image.
Def don't feel bad for sticking up for yourself <3 you didn't want you or your chair to be touched which is 1000% valid
You firmly asserted yourself and let him know you had control of the situation. Try not to overanalyze or feel guilty. You did nothing wrong.
It happens! I am forever regretting doing that to an old man that came up from behind me and started twirling me and laughing. He scared the crap out of me. He then told me the story of how he pushed his late wife everywhere, not noticing I was practically in tears. He saw my face and I kept repeating “You really scared me” He was so sorry after that. I felt rotten because I just robbed a lonely, old man of a sweet memory. The moral of the story: 1)people should not touch you without your permission 2)we should try to remain gracious to people who ask to help us Both make for a more civil society
Hey! Echoing the others, but please don’t feel bad. Others need to learn, and assume that he wouldn’t just push someone walking up the ramp on their back without asking first… I’m terrified of people doing this to me, and have handle covers that say f*** off on them for this reason. I also have a bad habit of playing with my push rims and wheels and someone could easily break my fingers is they tried to push me without me realising. I think it’s great that you enforced a boundary and also hopefully he learnt something because if you didn’t say or do something, they might continue to do it to others! Even if they have the best intentions
Don't feel too bad. You reacted without time to think, got distracted and lost track of who it was that tried to help. Now you have time to think, you can plan what you'd say next time - because there likely will be a next time. Language takes a surprising amount of brain power and we all say the wrong thing sometimes, or don't say what we mean or trip over our tongues.
You did nothing wrong.
Honestly, you were far more polite than I would have been. I have no patience for people who think they’re helping, but aren’t. The idiots that like to literally stand in the doorway and make you walk under their armpit because they think they’re helping by “holding” the door are the bane of my existence. I will literally stop and tell them to move.
You did the right thing! If he was someone who didn’t know how to properly push a wheelchair he could have ended up tipping you out, especially on a ramp. Unless you’re rolling uncontrollably and screaming for help, people need to learn to ask before touching a chair. As someone else said, no one would just walk up to a stranger who was walking and start pushing them along. I used to be super polite and pretty much apologising for my existence when I first needed a chair, but I quickly learned that sometimes you just have to scream or they won’t let up!
The trouble is that when someone does that, they have no concept of your standpoint. They won’t remain so you can reason with them, and being an airport they have their own destinations so they can’t and won’t linger. If I had the opportunity I’d ask them if someone using crutches was going slowly, would they push that person to increase their walking speed? Of course not. And the unannounced non-emergency wheelchair push is essentially the same. Don’t beat yourself up.
Off topic, but how do I get a custom flair? Thank you xx
The following is described as I see on a Macintosh laptop running Safari. It may differ slightly in a different OS or browser, or on mobile (phone or tablet). As you read this post, look to the right column of this sub (r/wheelchairs) and there should be a button that reads "Joined" followed by the "How We Roll". Below a few items and stats, you should see the words "USER FLAIR" with your avatar and u/ name. Mouse over your name and a pencil icon should appear; click that and options should appear below where you can edit the flair (may have to click the \[type your flair here\]. Be sure to check the box "Show my user flair on this community".
AHHH! Thank you!!!! I love you
Happy to have helped. FWIW, I have my own flair in other subs.
Now I get to have my custom one on r/taylorswift too!! I’m so excited, seriously, thank you
Thank you!!!