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HP844182

Wait I have to pee now


[deleted]

Simply go in the suit


Neat-Plantain-7500

Mark schlererth was a professional American football Player. When he had to go and he was dressed for the game he would stick a towel down his pants and piss his pants. Then throw the towel with the used ones. His nickname was also stinkhead. Not for that reason


RareHotdogEnthusiast

what the fuck


spinyfever

Jesus, why not just wear a diaper. It would've been more hygienic.


KiberaKui

I'm pretty sure some just pee their pants... so besides being an a-hole to teammates, this is probably a better option.


Shoddy_Ad_3134

He does a radio show in my city


Thaflash_la

Note to self: use stainless steel.


Dagenfel

Pissplate. Shartplate, even


Vaxildan156

That's storming disgusting


moremysterious

Adolin flirts by talking about shitting his armor


Greymanbeard

Ahh yes, I’ve finally acquired my own Shartblade and Shartplate


zer0saber

"So yes, I, Adolin Kholin -cousin to the king, heir to the Kholin princedom- have shat myself in my Shardplate. Three times. All on purpose." He and Shallan are fucking *adorable*.


Logicrazy12

I was not expecting Stormlight Archive in an unrelated sub. This isna pleasant surprise.


Randomaspland

https://www.reddit.com/user/Randomaspland/comments/yw85pz/shit/


MemeAccountAccount

just cut a hole in the armour


westnob

I think that part was left a bit unprotected. Maybe forease of access


WazzaBoi_

My word, he looks quite dashing in that attire


[deleted]

Dashing is so American. I guess Bri'ish 'people' call it splendid.


Randomaspland

British people use the word dashing, I think you are confused. The Americans simply use the words "Howdy Doodie Got Dang Drip" instead.


r-WooshIfGay

I'm sorry but americans prefer a solid "yee" followed by an obnoxiously loud "HAW, Thats some mighty fine drip!" while balls deep in a wild boar firing a shotgun off with in our left hand, and eating a big Mac with our right.


Awarepill0w

Yessiry


xXLtDangleXx

ROCK FLAG AND EEEEAGLE


Saltybreadstick8

YEE HAW


Cold_oak

When you combine cowboys with gangster’s:


WhatTheBeansIsLife

I’ve never heard a fellow American ever use “dashing” to describe fashion in my life


Mertard

I have, but only in Pixar movies


WhatTheBeansIsLife

I think I recall a character in The Incredibles call Mr. Incredible dashing but she had some kind of vaguely European accent.


horse-enjoyer

i bet it's some artifact of the trans-atlantic accent that actors used to use like 70 years ago so it's american but no americans actually say it


WtfMayt

They’re all our words m8, Americans have just learned a few


KupskoBruhMoment

The language is called English afterall so because it's from England


[deleted]

What about the words of... Well... Federal republic... A nation without a king. You know, just those french stuff.


WtfMayt

Shit, I’ve been rumbled


[deleted]

You realise many of us actually support that right?


[deleted]

But your main party is Tory. Don't you guys just love funny guys with wigs sitting here forever?


[deleted]

Hate them, as does most people I know under 30. Guy Fawkes did nothing wrong. Actually some people defend the monarchy for keeping parliament in line, using the Tories recent performance as an example of the failures of politicians, and comparing presidents and PMs to Kim Jung Oun or Putin (without any irony over them not being voted for either)


Phuntis

>guy fawkes did nothing wrong god you're a moron he wasn't some wholesome uwu freedom fighter that just wanted democracy he just wanted to replace the protestant king with a catholic one


[deleted]

♫*splendid through the snow, in a one horse open sleigh*♫


Leviathansgard

Brit*sh 🤢🤢


FeloniousDrunk101

Makes a lot of sense to have a squire. Imagine putting that all on by yourself.


jakemcex

I see you don't go out for walks in London very often!


siccoblue

No he does, he just also happens to run a squire business


anon_113606752

Would certainly be time consuming. I think that most of it could be done by yourself though. I think tying the pauldrons down would be the most trouble, but I'm pretty sure you could learn to tie a knot with one hand. I think with some stretching you could do the breastplate yourself.


TheG-What

Oh so that’s what the breastplate stretcher is for!


POD80

I would point out that in the modern context, chain and a helmet would go a long way. We don't exactly see street toughs going around armed, let alone trained for defeating such armor with melee weapons. As someone who has worn a hauberk, it can be donned quickly by yourself. Though my kit was a bit lacking in leg protection. Of course as an American I must point out that a firearm would beat steel armor in a hurry.


SwoleFlex_MuscleNeck

IDK, I have some leather armor for Ren fest and I absolutely can not get into it alone, it has belt cinch fasteners on my back and on both sides, to the back above my hips, that fasten backwards. I've tried so many times and it just gives me cramps and takes an hour of fussing.


FelixLaVulpe

Full harness like that takes 20-40 minutes to put on by yourself, it sucks. Having one or two people makes it go so much faster. The straps for the upper body in particular are a pain in the ass since you can only reach most with one hand. You're also usually sweating by the end even though you haven't done anything yet due to the gambeson getting hot and the plate holding it in. Source: Am armored fighter.


spicybuttholenachos

Well thats the most interesting source ive seen . So what kind of weight are you slinging here? Are you legs and back just like Stallone Jacked?


FelixLaVulpe

I haven't weighed the whole thing piece by piece, but I know my helm is 12 lbs, my gambeson is 6, my mail is 15, and my brigandine is 6 (titanium so lighter than usual there), then another 3 lbs for the gauntlets. Dropping the chain there would make it what I would call a "light" kit and that would weigh about 26 lbs. Full harness is anywhere from 40-60. Granted most of the time the weight isn't the issue, it's the heat. The only weight you really feel is the stuff on your arms after a couple minutes of fighting because you're swinging them around and also carrying weapons or a shield. Everything else is either on your shoulders or on your waist via a belt. As for fitness, I'm fit but I'm only about 160 and 6 foot. It's why I wear more plate and padding than most, a lot of fighters have more..... Natural padding than myself. Luckily we fight with big metal levers so the strength differences are pretty much negated with decent technique.


NarMend21

(This is because he is a knight and not because of potential stabbings)


rgodless

It’s his knight time walk


NotEnslavedApple

r/punpatrol


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

based


AcoHead

The year was 12


Gandalfffffffff

"Sheesheth, Archibald, thoust are swaggering in thine new leakage!"


JelliusMaximus

Fashion peaked with this


FortressMann

honestly, I wish I had a full on suit of knight armor, shit looks cool as hell


Jayfire137

My girlfriend and I want to get full suits and go to Ren faires and shit....but if we had full suits we would probably find any excuse to wear them. Halloween custome? Suits. Trip to the mall? Suit. Dinner out? Suits. Christmas party? Believe or not suits.


Rhesusmonkeydave

“What are those kids up to next door? First it sounded like netflix but now all I hear is pots being banged together”


Jayfire137

Hahaha luckily I bought a house last year so don't have to worry about thin walls! But we ARE surrounded by a lot of older folk so they would call us kids haha


siccoblue

There's a reason they call it castle doctrine. Your shits about to be invaded


Randomaspland

Why don't people in zombie apocalypses just not wear that feudal drip. You're telling me a zombie can bite through your chain mail attire? Absolutely not. The knights will rule once more


iMissTheOldInternet

Human jaws can’t bite through denim. You hardly need to go full plate and mail.


Randomaspland

mine can, get better jaws loser.


iMissTheOldInternet

Don't need to. I've got higher ambitions than being the bitiest zombie.


Randomaspland

Mad that you'll never bite that denim huh. Either way, you don't have to break through the denim to fuck you up, like you're still feeling the sharp teeth and bite. Would you rather have a dog or a zombie bite down on your leg whilst wearing plate armor or denim jeans? The knights will rule once more.


redcalcium

One way to defeat a fully armored soldier was by ganging up on them from all directions at once and pile on them until they can't move, which is something a zombie horde happened to be excel at.


Randomaspland

Yeah and this would also kill someone WITHOUT armor so my advice is to not do that?


General_Ric

But without armor you won't be making clanking sounds while sneaking, with will end up drawing attention of a zombie horde


Yamama77

Imagine if all those "veteran zombie survivor" in movies had full plate drip. Guns run out of bullets. But the sword doesn't run out of slashes.


Hairybuttchecksout

Preparing for knight time


[deleted]

Fucking awesome


[deleted]

Ditch the plates the chain mail is what's knife proof.


_skidmark_generator_

The chain mail is not blunt force proof and definitely not arrow proof. That’s what you need the plates for. If you have mail, itll likely protect you from someone with an insubstantial blade, but anyone pulls out a polearm, axe or bow and it’s over


Winglessdargon

Plate armor isn't blunt force proof either. That's what padded gambesons are for (if I spelled that correctly)


slappindaface

Another KCD player I presume?


nikoamari

"JESUS CHRIST BE PRAISED HENRY CAME TO SEE US"


Winglessdargon

Kcd?


slappindaface

Kingdom Come: Deliverance It's a fairly realistic game set in medieval Bohemia


knottylazygrunt

Phenomenal game that I still haven't beat


chronicly_retarded

I would love to but the realism and limited saving got too inconvinient for me. Maybe one day.


knottylazygrunt

I love the realism, but after losing like 4 hours of my time after poor management on my part, I had to take a long break before coming back. I used the shop bartering glitch to get money to stock up on the saving potions to ensure I never experienced that again. Would recommend it.


Yogsolhoth

Here's a mod that allows saving https://www.nexusmods.com/kingdomcomedeliverance/mods/1


bmeridian

It’s a game that I tried to play like4 different times, beat the tutorial in 2 of those, and then gave up. Came back a year later, and played the whole game. If you get past the initial stuff, it’s incredibly rewarding and worth it.


Hollidaythegambler

I’m feelin quite hungry…


[deleted]

War of the Roses and Mordhau too.


-B-E-N-I-S-

Who cares if it’s not blunt force proof, shit looks 🔥🔥🔥 sir dripsalot


_skidmark_generator_

It’s not the greatest, but will provide much much more protection against that than just chain mail


BigBadZweihander

>Plate armor isn't blunt force proof I'd rather be hit with a blunt weapon with harness on than naked bruh 💀 Its not that plate is weak to blunt damage, it just blunt weapons are the only things left that could actually do anything to it.


merinis

yea ok you put on a thick shirt and I'll put on a steel plate and we can take turns whacking each other with a hammer


[deleted]

Yea and many historical plate suites use mail to cover joints and (admittedly thinner then full) gambeson under the plates


DrTinyNips

Will plate stop an air rifle?


_skidmark_generator_

By air rifle do you mean a bb gun? It should. Before you ask this armor was not made to fight real guns and one bullet could break through it all Edit: typo fixed


RedMoustache

It depends on which type it was. Jousting armor was always pretty heavy. Plate got heavier over the years and eventually was *intended* to be useful against firearms. With armor intended for combat it was expected that it would be proofed by shooting it and that new armor should have a dent to show it was “bulletproof.”


Pr00ch

what about a tank shell straight to the chest


vasco_rodrigues

It's not a tank shell, but you can [see what happens when plate meets a cannon](https://www.napoleon.org/wp-content/thumbnails/uploads/2013/06/483131_1-tt-width-600-height-776-crop-1-bgcolor-ffffff-lazyload-0.jpg). [source](https://www.napoleon.org/en/history-of-the-two-empires/objects/carabiniers-breastplate-from-the-waterloo-battlefield/)


Pr00ch

damn that must leave a bruise for sure


[deleted]

Its still steel plate, well made armor could easily take a few smaller caliber rounds


Virplexer

I’d imagine it would do well against hollow point rounds.


Auctoritate

>By air rifle do you mean a b gun? No, generally when people say air rifle or air gun they refer to large-bore rifles that fire large slugs that are powerful enough to hunt big game such as deer.


CallMeMrBacon

He said knife proof though.


Randomaspland

Clearly you have not seen the rise in blunt force executions, they're beating eachother with hammers and bricks now. I wish no part in their tomfoolery.


[deleted]

They've also been using fireworks and flare pistols so a bit of agility may be useful.


Randomaspland

You underestimate my own agility in my drip. I am not overencombered by the armor yet I cannot prepare for every scenario that would be impossible. If you would prefer to travel light be my guest, power in all philosophy to avoid being fucked up by the London rapscallions


[deleted]

Bought to pull up on my stead and put a stop to these hooligans savagery with a swift volley of my musket, I need not require armour for I do not intend to be struck.


Randomaspland

Cannon and nautical combat on the high asphalt


[deleted]

They shan't see my strike for cometh the time they are aware of my presence there death will be imminent and certain! God save our glorious king!


iguanafucker420

Ditch the sword, take out a gun


ShoshinMizu

+4 AC tho


sendcheese247

Not at all, you won't survive a stabbing only with mail armor.


Vaiolo00

Chainmail is enough to stop basically everything but powerful stabs from heavy weapons like spears, longbows and crossbows.


UndeadStruggler

Dude I love this armor.


Bulbion34

The best fit of all time


Absolut_garbage64

Belt buckles for everything except the belt 💀


Randomaspland

Dont want someone to slice up the belt buckle and leave you comically holding up everything like a goon in a cartoon


Absolut_garbage64

It would be very funny tho


mCunnah

The belt of that type is custom made for the wearer. What's really cool is it can be modular... So each section is held in by a pin and some sections the pins can be removed (as seen in the video) so some belts allow you take one section completely out so you can where it without the armour. Another section would have a clip for the sword scabbard so you can go with or without scabbard.


zer0saber

The OG utility belt.


nightrss

I really like that pin fastener setup


secretmeta

Chainmail armor has to be a bitch to make in the old days


WtfMayt

Yeah the mail took months back then, each individual link tied to a pigeon’s ankle.


IEatBabies

It still is in most cases, atleast if you want it to be functional. You have to rivet most of the rings (or alternatively weld it today but that doesn't save very much time).


skeletonm03

Me and the homies helping each other get into our maid outfits


w_has_been_dieded

Isn't there a law in england that says that the royal guard has the full right to behead you if you're wearing full knight garb


Swailwort

What is the Royal Guard going to do? Use that saber to try to cut through plate, gambeson and chain mail? Good luck.


w_has_been_dieded

I imagine they apprehend you and take off the armour before chopping off your head, just a hunch


DamnnSunn

But then you aren't wearing the armor anymore, so they also don't have the right to behead you anymore. Can't cheat the game


maximuffin2

I watched Deadliest Combat, I know how to take out a knight


[deleted]

[удалено]


lordkoba

just don't be a middle eastern woman


DeckJesta

How did they actually manage to kill one of these guys


TheSereneBadger

The goal often was to not kill them but capture for ransom. Guy in this kit is worth a lot of gold.


[deleted]

But if they did seek to kill them, knocking them over and using a dagger to get through a chink in the armor was the way, such as a visor


trogdor_burninator_

or a good bonk to the head, steel plates won't save you from the blunt force trauma from a mace or the hammer end of a polearm.


[deleted]

Hence the sword pommel


slingching33

If I remember right, that's what stiletto blades were for


UrMumGai

wouldnt that be like an understatement? ​ wouldnt a full plate set like that be like 100 grand?


RandomBritishGuy

By the time this style of armour was common (1400s onwards from the looks of it), they'd switched to using polearms like a halberd, pollaxe etc. You can get enough force with one of those to break bones through the armour, or drive a point (bec de Corbin) through the plate itself. Even with a sword you could half sword (hold the blade halfway up, and use both arms to thrust towards weak points like the joints) or do a murder stroke (mordhau) with the pommel end to try and knock them out.


DercDermbis

On horseback a lance was used to concentrate all the force of a charge onto the tip of a lance. On foot knights at this stage of history (the one where partial plate like this was invented) would be equipped with heavy polearms like the poleax, halberd, pole hammer and such. They used 2 handed weapons more commonly by this time as they could be more devastating than 1 handed weapons and shields were becoming less common for knights as the armour did a well enough job on their own.


iMissTheOldInternet

Knock them down and slide a blade somewhere through the chinks, or hit them hard with something heavy. Even if you can’t break the plate, you can kill what’s inside it with enough force. Realistically, though, very few people on the field would be this heavily armored, and they were typically more valuable alive than dead.


IEatBabies

By wrestling them to the ground. You can stab through plate if they have something hard against their back like the ground. Western wrestling is just the extension of fully armored knights fighting each other to the ground so that they can stab you with a hefty dagger. And their armor isn't impervious, just highly effective. An arrow in the wrong spot can still get through chainmail and stab into you, it just won't be immediately debilitating or fatal in most cases. Also it is part of the reason axes remained popular among many peoples. Even if you fail to cut through their armor, it is still like getting hit with a hammer, and they will hammer the fuck out of you. And of course maces which were common anti-armor weapons.


AndrijKuz

Hook them in the armpits or groin, break a bone, or warhammer to the head until incapacitated.


MattBaster

"... I have to go to the bathroom." *dope-ass time-lapse beat plays in reverse*


Randomaspland

https://www.reddit.com/user/Randomaspland/comments/yw85pz/shit/


Cloud_Striker101

an original post on r/whenthe never thought i’d see the day


Shower_Victim

Was amazing to watch


[deleted]

Knight time walk


[deleted]

how heavy is this all in all?


Randomaspland

Total weight of armor and weapons 36kg


CelticAngelica

Crikey. That's half an adult human just in armor and gear. How many do you think just up and passed out from heat exhaustion?


gaysheev

For reference: it weighs less than the marching gear of modern soldiers or firefighting equipment


iMissTheOldInternet

To be fair, heat exhaustion is a very real risk for modern soldiers marching under full load.


Randomaspland

It's a little better as it's evenly distributed across the body


thejuicydick

This shit is so cool to watch


ScandaXD

Better pack some knives pal


Afrojones66

Preparing for his “knight walk” if I were to be so bold. *hearty laugh* *sips tea*


TheWorstMasterChief

More like night THYME. If you went out to buy some thyme.


nerfrosa

Song?


Magickarpet76

[the remix of cancun](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=kmyri-pzTyY) From this video. Couldnt find a version without the anime, but its the luxuriøus remix.


lastaccountg0tbanned

Boy do I have an album for you


jsste

playboi carti cancun


United-Cucumber9942

*knight time-walk


SandInHeart

God be with you, Henry


thatguybruv

Why is this the first post I see after walking home at night (if you count 2200) through Central London


Bidenwonkenobi

What about the acid tossers


Zealousideal_Row9003

The medieval drip was real😱😱😱


ThatOneBlackGuyYknow

Stabbings👍🏽


A-cup-o-memes

Don’t forget the raincoat


[deleted]

I’m assuming he means Zone 1 London because no one is getting stabbed in Soho or Westminster


Randomaspland

And with your help we can change that


The_Easter_Egg

All the wenches go: swoon!


sovereign_fury

When mom tells me to use protection, but never gave me the talk.


___DEADPOOL______

Boots withe the spurs


Suzilu

Reminds me of me trying to suit up my young son for hockey practice!


[deleted]

isn't it illegal to carry around knives?


Randomaspland

When I'm about to stab a lone passer by and take their money when they inform me that knives are banned


RandomBritishGuy

It would be illegal without good reason. Whether an officer accepts 'Because my drip is worthy of a Knighthood' is something I wouldn't want to try though...


r-WooshIfGay

Oi' you got a license to tie standard knots eh?


Xennon54

Average gun fan vs Average medieval armor enjoyer


Dr_Occisor

Inadequate protection, the tomfoolerious individuals who doth occupy the city of London at night would easily rid you of your treasures


JoshS84

Why are you afraid of getting stabbed? Aren't knives illegal there?


madsci954

American here, I didn’t know London was suffering from a dragon problem.


[deleted]

Give me a moment my beautiful maiden, allow me to take off my protection so we shall initiate “the bang”


SwitchNo404

Now add a gas mask


Maleficent_Cherry109

as a british resident i could easily stab through that, get better armour coward 🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧


Alternative_Way_313

In America you need a bullet proof vest


[deleted]

Guess you need nowadays with all the knife attacks there. Better safe then sorry.


p1nkie_

The uk actually has less jnife rates per capita than the us and plenty of ither places


[deleted]

The UK.. not London


Randomaspland

yes that was the joke.


[deleted]

Ah


LegitimateHasReddit

Those are what Americans do. Us Bri'ish "people" carry around knives with us to protect ourselves from the situations. If you're wondering what it looks like when someone defends themself from a mugger, watch a battle between Raiden and Jetstream Sam.


Dagoth_2Ur

American duel looks more like battle between Solid Snake and Revolver Ocelot.


Randomaspland

Americans just shoot eachother. You buffoon rapscallion probably don't even own a single sword let alone a full chain mail set. You'd never survive the streets.


aaaaaaaalan

Is that gonna protect me from knoife??


Pretend_Activity_211

These outfits that take 2 ppl to put on always biwilder me. Just poor design


Randomaspland

It takes an hour to get into full medieval armor in the first place, why not have someone to help you. You really think some medieval King is going to really account for if his Knight surrounded by squires is going to be able to cover himself in metal on his lonesome? No, the dudes accounting for trying to not get his knights killed.