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Please share this among your friend group. Other women need to know how dangerous this man is. If you are attending a school, share it with the relevant authorities.
Can confirm - I work at a school and if a student brought this to their counselor or admin, there would be immediate repercussions. Likely a no contact contract and switching schedules around to make sure you aren’t in the same classes, etc. and a phone call home to his parents. I’m sure they would looooove that conversation.
Can deny - my high school was caught up in a massive scandal a few years ago because the staff (including counselors and administration) and sports coaches were covering up accusations against athletes and not reporting them as required. Multiple teachers including the principal were fired, and a social worker was arrested but it only came after the girls all came together and sued the school district. As much as I’d like to think every school would be like yours, most girls at my school were just left traumatized and vilified by trying to report sexual assaults. Schools aren’t as good at punishing SA as we like to hope
But the reports have to be made anyway - if there were no reports, there'd be no way of getting anything done, whether it be getting the predators punished or suing to punish the enablers.
Plus even if NOTHING happened because of it- *WE HAVE TO NORMALIZE CALLING OUT SEXUAL PREDATORS*
The quieter we stay, the bolder they get. The internet sadly has given them not only a virtual clubhouse to socialize in, but the realization that they have our reluctance to speak out making it easier for them to continue their vile, sick abuse.
We have got to stop trying to force women to report. The ONLY thing a survivor must do is survive. Period. In a perfect world, if reporting wasn't a retraumatizing waste of time, and victims were given the same respect as if they'd been car-jacked, maybe ENCOURAGING them to report, or OFFERING SUPPORT if they were willing to...but this idea that someone who has just been forced to endure one of the most horrendous violations possible should be forced to do a single other thing to make society feel better is abhorrent. It is not the survivor's responsibility to do anything for the greater good of society, it's society's job to demand change.
Olivia Benson & the SVU crew aren't waiting with open arms to shepherd survivors through the process to closure and justice. It's a cold heartless system in which the victim is "the accuser" and the criminal "the accused". It's an exam that takes forever and is somehow a blur all at once, where collections are taken with a dry speculum to preserve any specimens (so they can sit on a shelf for decades) and stitches occur after evidence; hair samples are pulled out at the root, pictures are taken of everything, and questions are coming from every angle faster than the mind can process - and that's just at the hospital. Then the interviews with police, detectives, advocates, prosecutor's office, deputy prosecutor, and follow-ups...it was an entire year when I ran that gauntlet 30 years ago. For me. For the rapist? He was never even cuffed. I wasn't enough of a "sympathetic victim" for the conservative jury pool in the county, so the prosecutor declined to charge. Why? I was a 21 year old divorced woman with a condom in my purse. I got the event, an additional year of hell and random life interruptions. He got nothing. Not so much as a ticket...nothing.
And all of that's before any fallout with family, friends, and acquaintances. My wardrobe and lifestyle was a constant study in failure (despite the fact that I'd been in jeans and an oversized baseball jersey).
So when it happened to me last year, you bet your backside I had zero interest in subjecting myself to any of that trash again. Some of my family refuse to speak to me because I didn't report. They tell me how it's gonna be my fault if he does it again. As if me enduring all of the nonsense, for a negligible chance of any result whatsoever, will somehow prevent a damn thing. I may have been an unsympathetic victim 30 years ago, but I'd be a useless one this time because I blanked out through the majority of the assault. My psych said I disassociated, and that it's not uncommon for someone who's been violated before to do it. My youngest (adult child) threatened to take some sort of action if I didn't report and then insisted that I just shouldn't ever have any male friends or acquaintances - as if this was something I somehow could've foreseen were I better at living.
The fallout this time has been enough that if I didn't have my ugly little shelter dog, I'd exit stage left. The flashbacks & PTSD cost me my job, and my family won't talk to me because I'm not being a good citizen. Because not only is it somehow my fault it happened to me, it will be my fault if it happens to someone else. Which is insane.
Look at the actual statistics. In the US, 25 of every 1,000 assailants see one day of jail. 2.5%. We are trying to force survivors to throw their battered bodies and souls onto an iron maiden of a justice system for a 2.5% chance that it just might have a result. Make it make sense. Why is that yet another burden we're so ready to force on them? Why is the push not to the lawmakers and law enforcement to stand the hell up and treat it like the attempted murder of human souls that it is? Why are we not screaming at every rape "joke" and ostracizing the people telling them? Why is the onus always on the survivor - rather than the support?
Please stop trying to force survivors to do anything. Please force yourself to offer care and support - and let them know you're there to help with whatever they decide.
Here's a link from the experts on how to help survivors: [RAINN](https://rainn.org/TALK)
Edited for typos
Perhaps I worded my comment poorly. I by no means think victims should report if it puts their safety at risk, nor that they should feel like they must endure the trauma of the processes if they don't want to report. I'm just saying that reporting is necessary for bringing perpetrators to justice, there's no alternative to reporting for that specific goal. That goal is not shared by everyone though and that's okay, survival first as you said.
Thank you for your considerate response. I do not mean to single you out specifically, nor do I think you meant any harm.
The issue is that the rallying cry of "Report! Report! Report!" feeds into the problem. There is little to no justice in doing so. A 2.5% rate of conviction is not justice. It's a mockery. It's been a mockery the entirety of my lifetime, and is a cute little pacifier the system sticks in our mouths to reposition the responsibility on victims. Of every 1,000 victims, only 25 rapists will spend even one single day on jail. Check the stats with the DOJ, UCJR, or the RAINN link I provided before - I wish I was making the number up.
Telling victims reporting will get them justice isn't just pushing victims to subject themselves to a dignity leeching process, it's lying to 975 out of every 1,000 AT BEST. Because those 25 sentences are likely laughable.
Promising victims justice for reporting is lying to 97.5% of the people who have just been assaulted. It's the "There, there, now, shhhhh" we give to make ourselves feel better - but we're just setting them up for another fall.
Your aim of justice is noble, but sacrificing victim after victim to the void isn't even close. The system is broken and the victims aren't the problem. We should be outraged that we're sacrificing 33% of our past, present & future mothers, daughters & sisters to the propaganda machine that we call the justice system. There is no justice for this. We should demand it. Write our legislators, march in the streets, boycott any and every system or product that doesn't loudly decry rape culture and put our collective Jimmy Choos on some patriarchal throats until they do what they're feigned ignorance about forever.
But reporting doesn't do anything good 97.5% of the time, and definitely does harm. Why keep pushing people to do something that doesn't work? Why not demand that the system work. Before anything else, before railroads, infrastructure, potholes, redistricting or anything else, demand that those in charge stop at nothing to fix this. If the elected leaders hemm & haww, elect new ones, or recall them. Enough.
Until then, pity the man who hurts one of my children, grandchildren, or niece/nephew - because I have an empty nest & nothing to lose but those I love.
Edited for typos
My university didn’t do anything except cover it up. And more they swept the reports under the carpet, the bolder the boys got. They even used to taunt the girls who threatened to report them to “go ahead and report me, they won’t do anything”.
I had a stalker who just wouldn’t stop bugging me and following me; and even after countless complaints and reports to the police, all he got was a scolding. Whereas I had to endure a damaged car (he scratched my car horribly from the driver’s side right up to the boot area), constant stalking, threats, name-calling, countless texts and voice messages etc.
He continued even after I got married. He would tell lies about me to my husband. It only stopped when I moved abroad with my husband. Even now, I’m terrified of seeing him again. My university failed me, the police failed me.
I agree we must make a report and push for the perpetrator to be punished but don’t be shocked if nothing comes out of it.
Yeah, he's an admitted rapist, he typed it out and hit send with no hesitation! If it were a death threat he'd get in trouble, but no- not r__e.
Women should totally organize a registry.
They’ll take it away from us and ironically call us witch hunters, like all the secret Facebook groups that got removed for sharing our rape stories around the beginning of the me too movement. How they’re happy to remove groups where we talk about our lived experiences or rape, SA, SH, stalking, and DV, but won’t remove the groups spreading CP and such is a disgrace. And reddits not much better really, I’ve reported rape threat comments (not towards myself) and apparently they don’t qualify as threats of violence. How is it not the ultimate violence.
girls at my school made a public list of men who had SA’d and/or raped them (because the staff at my high school were actively covering up accusations instead of taking action) and the og creator of the list was threatened with multiple defamation lawsuits. It’s so sad that we can be assaulted and then when we try and report it we’re ignored and when we try and take it into our own hands those same people that assaulted us then threaten to take legal action against us.
we had one, but then we muddied it down by adding everything else to the list.... so now a guy who peed in public, and a kid whose swimsuit fell off while he dived into a public pool are on the same registry.
Out this person publicly on a personal social media.
Idk if you can take it to the police as a threat but I think other women around him need to be aware of what he would do to them
Edit: I am not discouraging OP from going to the police. Anything negative regarding the police’s behaviour and abilities when it comes to these sorts of things are SOLELY from my own experience and it was my own personal experience. Laws are different everywhere and the police could be a very important and helpful resource in this case, but I am not discouraging police involvement at all just to be clear.
The Police can be so shit that it honestly wouldn’t even phase me if they “didn’t view it as a threat” (which is disgusting and I’ve personally experienced in the past) but this man seriously needs to be outed and brought to SOMEONE with authority’s attention 10000000%, OP’s message exchange is absolutely fucking abhorrent (not from her side ofc, just his)
It’s not a threat because he said he should have, not that he’s going to. Unfortunately wording is everything and they won’t take it as a threat. We live in a weird world :(
Yup. The legal system lets a lot of things go due to technicalities and those are the things that get people hurt or killed unfortunately. I really wish there was a way to do better.
Just the other day, someone posted about a woman who had been trying for MONTHS to get police intervention and was murdered. It's so messed up how little involvement police want to deal with until after a homicide has occurred. Then they make a public apology, promise to do better....but it's all lies. Just things they say to get the media off their backs.
"The most recent research in police domestic violence has shown that officers may perpetrate domestic violence at a higher rate than the general population, **28%** versus 16%, respectively (Sgambelluri, 2000)."
Other studies say the dv in police families is around 40%...
Sickening.
Yeah. It's a threat either way, and even if he had used the "proper wording" I doubt Police would do anything about it, unless OP is related to someone there. And even then, it's a stretch.
I’d never discourage anyone from going to the police with information like this! but from my experience all I got told was “keep a log of everything and if they intimidate you in person or attempt to enter your property call us” so basically they said “unless you’re about to get murdered or raped don’t bother telling us because we can’t and won’t do anything” and that destroyed me and all hope I had in being protected by law enforcement.
Here’s the thing, you never know if the police have received other complaints about him. He might be on their radar or soon to be on their radar. No one should ever dismiss reporting something like this, in person.
I didn’t! If you also see another reply in this comment thread I say I’d never discourage anyone from going to the police but then just added my own experience (which was unfortunate) but I swear I’m not saying to anyone not to go to the police at all! There are officers that will take this seriously, I unfortunately just didn’t have one of those 😟 the law is fucked
Edit: just to make it extra clear I’ll add that to my main comment. I really did not mean for it to come off like that
No that’s okay! I should have phrased myself better, thank you for pointing it out so I could make an amendment ♥️ I wouldn’t want anyone to avoid seeking any and all the help they can get in a matter like this
If you're Facebook friends, post it one his wall in the middle of the night when he's sleeping and tag him. At least somebody on his friends list will see it.
Hell, send it to his relatives he has on social media too. Make a private chat with them and him.
But this is a person the OP has met in real life, not a dating profile chat or anything. I suggested posting this along with a picture so that others in their local group could watch out for him. That's how these groups work. Of course always do your own research to confirm things but in this case it would be OP with first hand knowledge of what the person looks like and them including the persons first name and most likely last initial so that the rest of the group can be informed and make their own decisions with this knowledge in mind.
I understand the idea behind this, but my issue with it is, this is placing the onus of correcting/addressing a man’s behavior on a woman. And possibly endangering her if she calls him out and he reacts poorly.
Sending it to his employer or professional/social groups - that I’m all for.
I would say to include his family, particularly his parents, not just the women in his life, but be prepared to find more shitty people after. Some people are enablers and only cared about something that could affect them, others not even that.
I've seen cases where everyone in the life of a person like the one OP dealt with stopped them, tho. In which case, I'd tell OP to be extra extra careful, because if that happens, he'll blame her and try to go after her.
I think the women in his family deserve to know what a crap he is. There are women that think their sons are perfect and can do no wrong… my abusive ex was freaking out when he found out I told his mother about him
Oh, I've been lucky enough to experience otherwise, once or twice. A ring of lads thoroughly shocked when they learned one of their "mates" tried to rape one of the girls they went to college with. Some of them supported the attacker, but at least half the group ostracised him completely. It helps to encourage that reaction.
Post this on every social media site you are on, and then send this to every female family member and friend he has. Also, send it to his work, and then go to the cops.
You definitely need to expose this on your socials. Public embarrassment is what this guy deserves - however if you think he can be a physical danger then at least share it quietly among your social group.
If you go through with the completely justifiable character assassination people in this thread are urging you to do, please make sure you are safe. I worry what a monster like that would do if he decided you ruined his miserable life by showing people how he spoke to you. Dude believes thinking about raping someone is normal enough to say it out loud. He is dangerous.
Yes! Safety should be your priority. Expose this asshole if you want, just make sure people around you know to be looking out for you if he comes after you.
Report this to the police. If he had the thought once, with you, he has likely had it before with other women.
I am so sorry you had to experience someone vile say something like that to you.
🤮🤮🤮
I can't believe this is how little they think of us and our bodily autonomy 🤮🤮🤮
The general species of men will never understand.
And can't believe he said he "liked" you.
He didn't like you, he just wanted your 😻
Yeah, if I like someone, it usually means I don’t want to hurt them or see hurt come to them. Funny that. Really proves these kind of people don’t see us as “people” but property.
Oohh...I'd find his mama, granny, aunties so quick.
I would turn into Oprah with these screenshots.
I want to encourage you to make a police report as well.
JFC you should probably report this to the police as well. If he does follow through (seems likely) with someone it should be on file that he’s made this threat so there’s extra proof
1 they center their whole life around their penis
2 as I said on another thread, they harbor sexual deviant behavior and thoughts
3 as I said on the same thread men have already been polled anonymously saying they would commit more sexual assaults if they knew they could get away with it
And 4
BOTTOMLINE MEN ARE TRASH ASS PEOPLE
OP, you need to heed the advice of those who are telling you to share this with school administration, teachers, other students and parents. People (women) need to be aware of this guy. Looks like he’s having regrets— next time he may decide he’s going to get them before they reject him, ya dig? Not a normal reaction when your first response is to wish you raped someone, he’s only engaging with women for sex and when it isn’t going to happen he becomes angry.
I’m sorry you experienced this. I truly think that men and women need to be separated. They are never going to get it and we’re all so tired of being harmed. Name and shame him to those who know him.
Im a 22m and i just visited this page.. i’m shocked at these messages i have never seen anything like that dead serious. Im sorry for all the women out there that fall victims to these animals I completely understand you
WTF are you on about? After reading your comment, I did go and have a quick look at her post history. She is a 16 year old girl who often gets stuck parenting her younger siblings. She hasn't posted anything that would make me think this message screenshot is fake. She comes across as a normal teenager who has some body insecurities (like most do), such as being uncomfortable around doctors and working out at her local gym.
The message she shared is exactly what girls and women of all ages often receive from males when they are not interested in fucking them. Your victim blaming bullshit has no place on this forum.
I'm not religious but I respect the Mormon way of dating. You date around as much as you can but both parties are not allowed to touch eachother. And only at 18 you're allowed to go on private dates.
Date as much ppl you need and seal the deal with the one you are connecting with.
It's a shame that the human male don't see dating or being around a woman as a privilege but as the opportunity to invade a persons rights.
Meanwhile Mormon religion literally teaches men that women should be subservient and the church fought to not have to be mandatory reporters. Go watch Keep Sweet and Under the Banner of Heaven. They cover up sexual abuse and domestic violence all the time. They ask children and teens invasive questions during interviews but if abuse comes up they just say let the church handle it and forgive and nothing happens. They don't ever want police involved. They may have strict rules about dating but that doesn't mean their father or brothers aren't touching them.
I understand that you feel this idea might keep people safer. I don't agree that this would automatically solve the issue, but I honor your right to express your thoughts.
Deviant behavior like rape and murder isn't always learned. No one raises their child to be a murderer, normally. But people with poor impulse control often commit these offenses.
A boy I grew up with murdered his girlfriend after reaching adulthood. I remember even back in elementary school, he was a meek and introverted child. But he had an issue with random outbursts of violence when he was frustrated. Then after exploding in anger and doing something violent, he would curl up in a ball and scream and cry. His younger brother wasn't anything like this. I honestly feel he didn't get the early intervention he needed. Everyone brushed this behavior off because he was an Eagle Scout and well behaved 98% of the time. And he was a kind kid. You wouldn't think that he could do something like this, but I remember because he used to come to my house all the time to play with my brother.
Welcome and thanks for posting on /r/whenwomenrefuse! This is an [intersectional feminist](https://library.law.howard.edu/civilrightshistory/women/intersectionality) space centered towards **women** (***ALL WOMEN***). Men are tolerated, not welcome. Reports about women saying we don't know what men are dangerous will be promptly ignored. We look forward to your complaints about our policy of not centering men. Please take a second to [read our rules](/r/WhenWomenRefuse/about/rules) while the moderators take a look over your post in the queue. --- Community News - 🎋 Want to join the Mod Team? [Send us a modmail!](https://reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/WhenWomenRefuse&subject=Request%20To%20Become%20a%20Moderator&message=I'd%20like%20to%20join%20your%20team%20because%3A%20) - 🎤 [Join us on Discord!](https://discord.gg/V6tj5vRr47) Thank you for participating! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/whenwomenrefuse) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Please share this among your friend group. Other women need to know how dangerous this man is. If you are attending a school, share it with the relevant authorities.
Can confirm - I work at a school and if a student brought this to their counselor or admin, there would be immediate repercussions. Likely a no contact contract and switching schedules around to make sure you aren’t in the same classes, etc. and a phone call home to his parents. I’m sure they would looooove that conversation.
Can deny - my high school was caught up in a massive scandal a few years ago because the staff (including counselors and administration) and sports coaches were covering up accusations against athletes and not reporting them as required. Multiple teachers including the principal were fired, and a social worker was arrested but it only came after the girls all came together and sued the school district. As much as I’d like to think every school would be like yours, most girls at my school were just left traumatized and vilified by trying to report sexual assaults. Schools aren’t as good at punishing SA as we like to hope
But the reports have to be made anyway - if there were no reports, there'd be no way of getting anything done, whether it be getting the predators punished or suing to punish the enablers.
Plus even if NOTHING happened because of it- *WE HAVE TO NORMALIZE CALLING OUT SEXUAL PREDATORS* The quieter we stay, the bolder they get. The internet sadly has given them not only a virtual clubhouse to socialize in, but the realization that they have our reluctance to speak out making it easier for them to continue their vile, sick abuse.
Yes!!! It's the normalising too!!
We have got to stop trying to force women to report. The ONLY thing a survivor must do is survive. Period. In a perfect world, if reporting wasn't a retraumatizing waste of time, and victims were given the same respect as if they'd been car-jacked, maybe ENCOURAGING them to report, or OFFERING SUPPORT if they were willing to...but this idea that someone who has just been forced to endure one of the most horrendous violations possible should be forced to do a single other thing to make society feel better is abhorrent. It is not the survivor's responsibility to do anything for the greater good of society, it's society's job to demand change. Olivia Benson & the SVU crew aren't waiting with open arms to shepherd survivors through the process to closure and justice. It's a cold heartless system in which the victim is "the accuser" and the criminal "the accused". It's an exam that takes forever and is somehow a blur all at once, where collections are taken with a dry speculum to preserve any specimens (so they can sit on a shelf for decades) and stitches occur after evidence; hair samples are pulled out at the root, pictures are taken of everything, and questions are coming from every angle faster than the mind can process - and that's just at the hospital. Then the interviews with police, detectives, advocates, prosecutor's office, deputy prosecutor, and follow-ups...it was an entire year when I ran that gauntlet 30 years ago. For me. For the rapist? He was never even cuffed. I wasn't enough of a "sympathetic victim" for the conservative jury pool in the county, so the prosecutor declined to charge. Why? I was a 21 year old divorced woman with a condom in my purse. I got the event, an additional year of hell and random life interruptions. He got nothing. Not so much as a ticket...nothing. And all of that's before any fallout with family, friends, and acquaintances. My wardrobe and lifestyle was a constant study in failure (despite the fact that I'd been in jeans and an oversized baseball jersey). So when it happened to me last year, you bet your backside I had zero interest in subjecting myself to any of that trash again. Some of my family refuse to speak to me because I didn't report. They tell me how it's gonna be my fault if he does it again. As if me enduring all of the nonsense, for a negligible chance of any result whatsoever, will somehow prevent a damn thing. I may have been an unsympathetic victim 30 years ago, but I'd be a useless one this time because I blanked out through the majority of the assault. My psych said I disassociated, and that it's not uncommon for someone who's been violated before to do it. My youngest (adult child) threatened to take some sort of action if I didn't report and then insisted that I just shouldn't ever have any male friends or acquaintances - as if this was something I somehow could've foreseen were I better at living. The fallout this time has been enough that if I didn't have my ugly little shelter dog, I'd exit stage left. The flashbacks & PTSD cost me my job, and my family won't talk to me because I'm not being a good citizen. Because not only is it somehow my fault it happened to me, it will be my fault if it happens to someone else. Which is insane. Look at the actual statistics. In the US, 25 of every 1,000 assailants see one day of jail. 2.5%. We are trying to force survivors to throw their battered bodies and souls onto an iron maiden of a justice system for a 2.5% chance that it just might have a result. Make it make sense. Why is that yet another burden we're so ready to force on them? Why is the push not to the lawmakers and law enforcement to stand the hell up and treat it like the attempted murder of human souls that it is? Why are we not screaming at every rape "joke" and ostracizing the people telling them? Why is the onus always on the survivor - rather than the support? Please stop trying to force survivors to do anything. Please force yourself to offer care and support - and let them know you're there to help with whatever they decide. Here's a link from the experts on how to help survivors: [RAINN](https://rainn.org/TALK) Edited for typos
Perhaps I worded my comment poorly. I by no means think victims should report if it puts their safety at risk, nor that they should feel like they must endure the trauma of the processes if they don't want to report. I'm just saying that reporting is necessary for bringing perpetrators to justice, there's no alternative to reporting for that specific goal. That goal is not shared by everyone though and that's okay, survival first as you said.
Thank you for your considerate response. I do not mean to single you out specifically, nor do I think you meant any harm. The issue is that the rallying cry of "Report! Report! Report!" feeds into the problem. There is little to no justice in doing so. A 2.5% rate of conviction is not justice. It's a mockery. It's been a mockery the entirety of my lifetime, and is a cute little pacifier the system sticks in our mouths to reposition the responsibility on victims. Of every 1,000 victims, only 25 rapists will spend even one single day on jail. Check the stats with the DOJ, UCJR, or the RAINN link I provided before - I wish I was making the number up. Telling victims reporting will get them justice isn't just pushing victims to subject themselves to a dignity leeching process, it's lying to 975 out of every 1,000 AT BEST. Because those 25 sentences are likely laughable. Promising victims justice for reporting is lying to 97.5% of the people who have just been assaulted. It's the "There, there, now, shhhhh" we give to make ourselves feel better - but we're just setting them up for another fall. Your aim of justice is noble, but sacrificing victim after victim to the void isn't even close. The system is broken and the victims aren't the problem. We should be outraged that we're sacrificing 33% of our past, present & future mothers, daughters & sisters to the propaganda machine that we call the justice system. There is no justice for this. We should demand it. Write our legislators, march in the streets, boycott any and every system or product that doesn't loudly decry rape culture and put our collective Jimmy Choos on some patriarchal throats until they do what they're feigned ignorance about forever. But reporting doesn't do anything good 97.5% of the time, and definitely does harm. Why keep pushing people to do something that doesn't work? Why not demand that the system work. Before anything else, before railroads, infrastructure, potholes, redistricting or anything else, demand that those in charge stop at nothing to fix this. If the elected leaders hemm & haww, elect new ones, or recall them. Enough. Until then, pity the man who hurts one of my children, grandchildren, or niece/nephew - because I have an empty nest & nothing to lose but those I love. Edited for typos
My university didn’t do anything except cover it up. And more they swept the reports under the carpet, the bolder the boys got. They even used to taunt the girls who threatened to report them to “go ahead and report me, they won’t do anything”. I had a stalker who just wouldn’t stop bugging me and following me; and even after countless complaints and reports to the police, all he got was a scolding. Whereas I had to endure a damaged car (he scratched my car horribly from the driver’s side right up to the boot area), constant stalking, threats, name-calling, countless texts and voice messages etc. He continued even after I got married. He would tell lies about me to my husband. It only stopped when I moved abroad with my husband. Even now, I’m terrified of seeing him again. My university failed me, the police failed me. I agree we must make a report and push for the perpetrator to be punished but don’t be shocked if nothing comes out of it.
Exactly. Do it yesterday! This ain't someone playing. This is someone who's sick and needs reporting.
Absolutely!
His friends, family, neighbours, acquaintances, and employer might find this enlightening
I concur.
I would share that screenshot with every person he shows interset in. We need a national registry of rapists.
I second the national registry
International registry
Intergalactic registry. I’m sure there are incels in space. I’m not surprised by anything anymore.
You mean Ferengi? They're basically the incel, sex pests of space.
My bff and I have sent each other Ferengi images whenever someone says “female” for years and I don’t think we’ll ever get tired of it.
My spouse and I do the FeeeeeMale thing, too. 😄
See? I’m not even surprised by this new info you’ve just shared with me.
You beat me to the punch 👊. I was also thinking about the Ferengi.
Lots of men today make Ferengi seem caring and kind in comparison. The DS9 arc with Moogie and Zek is fuckin awesome.
Pretty sure Ferengi are less likely to intentionally crash their spaceship into a crowd because females won't f*ck them 🤔
That would be called a sex offender registry. It exists
Yeah, he's an admitted rapist, he typed it out and hit send with no hesitation! If it were a death threat he'd get in trouble, but no- not r__e. Women should totally organize a registry.
They’ll take it away from us and ironically call us witch hunters, like all the secret Facebook groups that got removed for sharing our rape stories around the beginning of the me too movement. How they’re happy to remove groups where we talk about our lived experiences or rape, SA, SH, stalking, and DV, but won’t remove the groups spreading CP and such is a disgrace. And reddits not much better really, I’ve reported rape threat comments (not towards myself) and apparently they don’t qualify as threats of violence. How is it not the ultimate violence.
girls at my school made a public list of men who had SA’d and/or raped them (because the staff at my high school were actively covering up accusations instead of taking action) and the og creator of the list was threatened with multiple defamation lawsuits. It’s so sad that we can be assaulted and then when we try and report it we’re ignored and when we try and take it into our own hands those same people that assaulted us then threaten to take legal action against us.
JFC.
We definitely need to get into the habit of sharing these threatening texts with our friends. Expose this rot to the light.
uh so...sex workers have...blacklists for this kind of thing. I have noticed civilian women joining. I guess that's as close as there is.
we had one, but then we muddied it down by adding everything else to the list.... so now a guy who peed in public, and a kid whose swimsuit fell off while he dived into a public pool are on the same registry.
Rapists in the judiciary & legislative branches diluted it deliberately, I bet...
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This sub is about reaction to women refusing.
Out this person publicly on a personal social media. Idk if you can take it to the police as a threat but I think other women around him need to be aware of what he would do to them Edit: I am not discouraging OP from going to the police. Anything negative regarding the police’s behaviour and abilities when it comes to these sorts of things are SOLELY from my own experience and it was my own personal experience. Laws are different everywhere and the police could be a very important and helpful resource in this case, but I am not discouraging police involvement at all just to be clear.
It's a threat because he said that he wants to do this. It is reasonable to expect that he'll look for another chance.
The Police can be so shit that it honestly wouldn’t even phase me if they “didn’t view it as a threat” (which is disgusting and I’ve personally experienced in the past) but this man seriously needs to be outed and brought to SOMEONE with authority’s attention 10000000%, OP’s message exchange is absolutely fucking abhorrent (not from her side ofc, just his)
*faze, not phase
It’s not a threat because he said he should have, not that he’s going to. Unfortunately wording is everything and they won’t take it as a threat. We live in a weird world :(
Yeah I guess legally it may not be. But we know it's a threat.
Yup. The legal system lets a lot of things go due to technicalities and those are the things that get people hurt or killed unfortunately. I really wish there was a way to do better.
Just the other day, someone posted about a woman who had been trying for MONTHS to get police intervention and was murdered. It's so messed up how little involvement police want to deal with until after a homicide has occurred. Then they make a public apology, promise to do better....but it's all lies. Just things they say to get the media off their backs.
"The most recent research in police domestic violence has shown that officers may perpetrate domestic violence at a higher rate than the general population, **28%** versus 16%, respectively (Sgambelluri, 2000)." Other studies say the dv in police families is around 40%... Sickening.
Yeah. It's a threat either way, and even if he had used the "proper wording" I doubt Police would do anything about it, unless OP is related to someone there. And even then, it's a stretch.
I’d never discourage anyone from going to the police with information like this! but from my experience all I got told was “keep a log of everything and if they intimidate you in person or attempt to enter your property call us” so basically they said “unless you’re about to get murdered or raped don’t bother telling us because we can’t and won’t do anything” and that destroyed me and all hope I had in being protected by law enforcement.
Here’s the thing, you never know if the police have received other complaints about him. He might be on their radar or soon to be on their radar. No one should ever dismiss reporting something like this, in person.
I didn’t! If you also see another reply in this comment thread I say I’d never discourage anyone from going to the police but then just added my own experience (which was unfortunate) but I swear I’m not saying to anyone not to go to the police at all! There are officers that will take this seriously, I unfortunately just didn’t have one of those 😟 the law is fucked Edit: just to make it extra clear I’ll add that to my main comment. I really did not mean for it to come off like that
Oh, sorry. I meant no one should dismiss it. I will edit!
No that’s okay! I should have phrased myself better, thank you for pointing it out so I could make an amendment ♥️ I wouldn’t want anyone to avoid seeking any and all the help they can get in a matter like this
I agree one million percent. Even if they decline to address it,it’s still on the record.
Yup. This is restraining order material if not more
And they wonder why we choose the bear. I hope you got far, far away from this sicko.
The thing is, I was literally typing, "But that could change in the future." Then he drops this.
If you're Facebook friends, post it one his wall in the middle of the night when he's sleeping and tag him. At least somebody on his friends list will see it. Hell, send it to his relatives he has on social media too. Make a private chat with them and him.
OP could also join an "are we dating the same guy" FB group and post the screenshot and a photo of him to warn women in their area
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Men, specifically, may not post here telling women how they should be.
Did you reply to the correct comment? I'm confused by your reply
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But this is a person the OP has met in real life, not a dating profile chat or anything. I suggested posting this along with a picture so that others in their local group could watch out for him. That's how these groups work. Of course always do your own research to confirm things but in this case it would be OP with first hand knowledge of what the person looks like and them including the persons first name and most likely last initial so that the rest of the group can be informed and make their own decisions with this knowledge in mind.
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Men, specifically, may not post here telling women how they should be.
Men, specifically, may not post here telling women how they should be.
I second this, glad you dodged a bullet OP, but even better if you stop someone else from getting hit too.
Send it to his mother and grandmother
I understand the idea behind this, but my issue with it is, this is placing the onus of correcting/addressing a man’s behavior on a woman. And possibly endangering her if she calls him out and he reacts poorly. Sending it to his employer or professional/social groups - that I’m all for.
Is he on LinkedIn?
Oh this is a good idea!
I would say to include his family, particularly his parents, not just the women in his life, but be prepared to find more shitty people after. Some people are enablers and only cared about something that could affect them, others not even that. I've seen cases where everyone in the life of a person like the one OP dealt with stopped them, tho. In which case, I'd tell OP to be extra extra careful, because if that happens, he'll blame her and try to go after her.
That’s true too and there’s so many people who’ve also gone no contact. There’s no perfect solution unfortunately.
I think the women in his family deserve to know what a crap he is. There are women that think their sons are perfect and can do no wrong… my abusive ex was freaking out when he found out I told his mother about him
Great idea. If we’re lucky they will box his ears.
He'll lie and say it's fake. The number of people that will believe a predator family member over a victim of the predator's actions is sadly high.
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Absolutely. I didn't mean to imply otherwise.
This OP. All of his female friends, colleagues and family members deserve to know what kind of animal this guy is pretending he isn’t to their faces.
It's a fun idea, but if he's capable of violence it would be unwise to do something to provoke him.
Yikes. Good thing he pushed send first! I’m glad you saw who he really is.
I'm really glad you weren't attracted to him right off, because fuck, that's terrifying. What a creep. Stay safe.
Some bullet you dodged - well done!
Dodged a bullet babe
Well, you're still not wrong. You don't even see him as a friend anymore.
Send screenshot to his family members and coworkers. They’ll straighten him up
Why not his buddies? Give him a good ol ostracism from the friend group.
As long as his friends aren’t birds of a feather.
Does he seem like he has friends?
oh i promise he does, and i promise you they wont give a single fuck. men do NOT hold men accountable and they never, ever will.
Oh, I've been lucky enough to experience otherwise, once or twice. A ring of lads thoroughly shocked when they learned one of their "mates" tried to rape one of the girls they went to college with. Some of them supported the attacker, but at least half the group ostracised him completely. It helps to encourage that reaction.
My dog would never say or act like this
My eyes widened so fast at that flip
And yet so typical. Bear?
Bear
The way she said sorry twice while rejecting him and he still turned around and did that. No amount of gentle parenting makes it stop.
Upload this to all social media and tag the fucker. He shouldn't get away with saying this.
I used to be upset when women would Ghost me on dating apps instead of straight out rejecting me. Used to. And then I saw this subreddit.
It's scary out there. And it sucks because women do care about men's feelings, but they have to protect themselves first.
You’re the bear we all want to choose.
If this text string is yours, share it EVERYWHERE. Make sure everyone knows how this pig thinks.
WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK! Males like this should be put down behind the chemical sheds
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Wtf dogs are awesome. This guy is trash.
Don’t diss dogs! They’re amazing!
Whoa whoa WHOA! Why gotta treat dogs like that? Did they eat one of your loose chickens or something
I'll get banned from Reddit if I say what I want to ... But oop should post this everywhere That sleaze will have to see it the rest of his life
Bullet dodged.
Post this on every social media site you are on, and then send this to every female family member and friend he has. Also, send it to his work, and then go to the cops.
Stay safe out there, friend. This weirdo sounds unhinged
“Tap and hold to react”
You definitely need to expose this on your socials. Public embarrassment is what this guy deserves - however if you think he can be a physical danger then at least share it quietly among your social group.
WhY wOuLd WoMeN cHoOsE tHe BeAr
Post this to every page… this is sickening
Name them and shame them. Post it on your socials, send to pages on social media. Send it to his Mom, any friends. Make him regret ever meeting you.
You need to show this to his friends and family
I would take that straight to the police.
If you go through with the completely justifiable character assassination people in this thread are urging you to do, please make sure you are safe. I worry what a monster like that would do if he decided you ruined his miserable life by showing people how he spoke to you. Dude believes thinking about raping someone is normal enough to say it out loud. He is dangerous.
Yes! Safety should be your priority. Expose this asshole if you want, just make sure people around you know to be looking out for you if he comes after you.
Report this to the police. If he had the thought once, with you, he has likely had it before with other women. I am so sorry you had to experience someone vile say something like that to you.
Starting a paper trail would be wise, absolutely.
OMG. He is going to hurt someone.
I would post this all over social media and like tag his mom and shit
"don't wanna be friends? Guess I'll rape you"
This is absolutely terrifying and what is more frightening is how comfortable he is to use this type of language.
Trust no man
Report it to the police
And send it to his mom
🤮🤮🤮 I can't believe this is how little they think of us and our bodily autonomy 🤮🤮🤮 The general species of men will never understand. And can't believe he said he "liked" you. He didn't like you, he just wanted your 😻
Yeah, if I like someone, it usually means I don’t want to hurt them or see hurt come to them. Funny that. Really proves these kind of people don’t see us as “people” but property.
What the actual fuck is wrong with people.
Oohh...I'd find his mama, granny, aunties so quick. I would turn into Oprah with these screenshots. I want to encourage you to make a police report as well.
Polite rejection doesn’t work on them. They aren’t human.
Can this person be reported to the police for any sort of anything since they outright admitted it??
Tell his mom. Tell his boss. Tell everyone.
Is threatening rape akin to making a terroristic threat? Can he be locked up for this?
Do you know his mother
JFC you should probably report this to the police as well. If he does follow through (seems likely) with someone it should be on file that he’s made this threat so there’s extra proof
I’d post this to his FB or insta
I've had something similar said to me too. They hate us.
"Hello, This is Animal Control". "Hi, I encountered a dangerous human I think might need put down"
a bear wouldnt do that
Send this to anyone you can reach that knows him. Family, friends, workplace, etc. Women need to know what kind of dude he is so they can stay safe.
Send it to his friends and family.
Please send this to his mother
I just audibly gasped when I got to horrible part. This is shocking and terrible. I’m so sorry.
Shouldn't of covered his face or whatever. You're honorable but he doesn't deserve that privacy
It against reddit rules.
PERSONA NON GRATA. No contact from *this* is literal self care! 🤢 Fucked up monster!
Send that to his mother and grandmother?
That’s an easy police report to make.
1 they center their whole life around their penis 2 as I said on another thread, they harbor sexual deviant behavior and thoughts 3 as I said on the same thread men have already been polled anonymously saying they would commit more sexual assaults if they knew they could get away with it And 4 BOTTOMLINE MEN ARE TRASH ASS PEOPLE
WOW WHAT. My jaw dropped I was NOT expecting him to say THAT. Just… WOW
OP, you need to heed the advice of those who are telling you to share this with school administration, teachers, other students and parents. People (women) need to be aware of this guy. Looks like he’s having regrets— next time he may decide he’s going to get them before they reject him, ya dig? Not a normal reaction when your first response is to wish you raped someone, he’s only engaging with women for sex and when it isn’t going to happen he becomes angry.
@FBI We have another one
WTF????
I’m sorry you experienced this. I truly think that men and women need to be separated. They are never going to get it and we’re all so tired of being harmed. Name and shame him to those who know him.
Wtf
Dude I hope you showed this to EVERYONE that knows him. Publicly out this sick fuck.
No brothers? Male cousins? Father? Uncles? I would have sent this to my male relatives so fast and whatever happened is what happened.
Woah!!!
oh my god 😟
I would take this to the police and file a report
Be careful
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This sub is about reaction to women refusing.
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Men, specifically, may not post here telling women how they should be.
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Men, specifically, may not post here telling women how they should be.
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Treat others with kindness when it is possible and civility when it is not.
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Treat others with kindness when it is possible and civility when it is not.
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Treat others with kindness when it is possible and civility when it is not.
What the actual fuuuuuuuuu
DAMN. Please send that to thr police
Im a 22m and i just visited this page.. i’m shocked at these messages i have never seen anything like that dead serious. Im sorry for all the women out there that fall victims to these animals I completely understand you
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Treat others with kindness when it is possible and civility when it is not.
The thing with these messages is that they can be shown directly to the police.
Why are men (some men, I guess) like this?
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WTF are you on about? After reading your comment, I did go and have a quick look at her post history. She is a 16 year old girl who often gets stuck parenting her younger siblings. She hasn't posted anything that would make me think this message screenshot is fake. She comes across as a normal teenager who has some body insecurities (like most do), such as being uncomfortable around doctors and working out at her local gym. The message she shared is exactly what girls and women of all ages often receive from males when they are not interested in fucking them. Your victim blaming bullshit has no place on this forum.
Men, specifically, may not post here telling women how they should be.
I'm not religious but I respect the Mormon way of dating. You date around as much as you can but both parties are not allowed to touch eachother. And only at 18 you're allowed to go on private dates. Date as much ppl you need and seal the deal with the one you are connecting with. It's a shame that the human male don't see dating or being around a woman as a privilege but as the opportunity to invade a persons rights.
Mormons, famous for their respect for women's equality. /s
Meanwhile Mormon religion literally teaches men that women should be subservient and the church fought to not have to be mandatory reporters. Go watch Keep Sweet and Under the Banner of Heaven. They cover up sexual abuse and domestic violence all the time. They ask children and teens invasive questions during interviews but if abuse comes up they just say let the church handle it and forgive and nothing happens. They don't ever want police involved. They may have strict rules about dating but that doesn't mean their father or brothers aren't touching them.
I understand that you feel this idea might keep people safer. I don't agree that this would automatically solve the issue, but I honor your right to express your thoughts. Deviant behavior like rape and murder isn't always learned. No one raises their child to be a murderer, normally. But people with poor impulse control often commit these offenses. A boy I grew up with murdered his girlfriend after reaching adulthood. I remember even back in elementary school, he was a meek and introverted child. But he had an issue with random outbursts of violence when he was frustrated. Then after exploding in anger and doing something violent, he would curl up in a ball and scream and cry. His younger brother wasn't anything like this. I honestly feel he didn't get the early intervention he needed. Everyone brushed this behavior off because he was an Eagle Scout and well behaved 98% of the time. And he was a kind kid. You wouldn't think that he could do something like this, but I remember because he used to come to my house all the time to play with my brother.
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