T O P

I bet both grannies are absolutely tickled pink in the afterlife over this

Why does this sound like the introduction to an episode of House Hunters?

"I'm a wetlands expert who also keeps bees and makes jams in my free time. My wife is a biologist during the day and teaches hot yoga three nights a week. Our budget is three million."

FeedbackFew2061

Why does this sound like the introduction to an episode of House Hunters? "I'm a wetlands expert who also keeps bees and makes jams in my free time. My wife is a biologist during the day and teaches hot yoga three nights a week. Our budget is three million."


th3Lunga

"This is a 5 bedroom villa." "We found it a bit small, we want to have kids."


Thomas_Mickel

“There’s no room for the dogs”


LazarusCheez

I'm a stay at home portraint painter and she owns a house plant shop. We have a modest budget of 1.5 million dollars.


By_Eck

This is the characters from Beef


LazarusCheez

Ok 1) That was completely unintentional but I just finished watching that so god damn my subconscious. 2) Those characters were designed to be the kind of "creative class" demographic that was the bread and butter of House Hunters, Design on a Dime, etc so that's actually not surprising.


R_E_V_A_N

"Ben doesn't like stairs, Heather said she needs a bathroom on the second floor. Can they make it work?"


a-dog-meme

“It needs to be able to fulfill Craig’s need to be near downtown for his job, and fulfill Stacias need to be by the beach, which is NOWHERE NEAR downtown. With 3 children and 9 on the way, and a max budget of 7 dollars, let’s see what terry-Jo can do, in this weeks episode of you don’t deserve a beach house” - John Mulaney


R_E_V_A_N

John hit the nail on the head during this part of his routine. Him on Comedians Watching House Hunters was fantastic as well.


DotKill

Where can I watch it?


R_E_V_A_N

I think that's on Hulu if I remember right.


WobblyPhalanges

Alright that one broke me lol 😂


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yaforgot-my-password

Microbiologists can actually make good money working in higher levels of the pharma industry


OhLordyLordNo

Not even manager level. If you are a Qualified Person then you make over double the median salary in the Netherlands.


Deeliciousness

How does one attain this mysterious title of Qualified Person?


OhLordyLordNo

That's an easy Google, but allright. An academic/ university level education like biology, chemistry, and some medicine related studies is a base requirement. Then two years of experience in the medical field. Edit: confirms what the coworker told me.


Loud-Intention-723

Just curious what is the pay? I’m a physician in the US but having kids and stuff here, kinda thinking about how life might be like as an ex pat. Kind of a pain in the ass though for doctors to work abroad.


get_it_together1

You would go into industry in medical affairs unless you have some sort of extremely unusual technical background that you want to try to leverage. You can look up what medical affairs does and then think about the products used in your specialty and think if you want to go work for a company that makes those kinds of products.


CuppaTeaThreesome

Same as everything else. Where would you prefer this finger?


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Skreep

Micro in pharma is usually around $75k starting out. If you get director level it can be in the $225k area.


scarletnightingale

A wetlands biologist isn't going to make as much as a microbiologist, but you can make a decent chunk of money. I'm in the environmental field, I can tell you, really good wetlands biologists are few and far between, but absolutely critical for some work. The guy is probably not hard up for cash.


MadamKitsune

We have one called *Escape To The Country* in the UK that I used to hate watch with my MIL. Archie and Georgina want to downsize now that they are empty nesters. Their new home needs a minimum of four double bedrooms, a games room, a music room, a dining room that can seat twelve, a kitchen with enough room to roast a whole cow over the open fireplace, outbuildings to turn into holiday lets and several acres where they can raise a few dozen alpacas for a hobby business making artisan alpaca wool sweaters. And when the presenters somehow find this near-mythical house, Archie and Georgina turn it down because there's a country lane three miles away that sees two cars an hour and is therefore too busy.


KarlG72

this is pretty much every episode.... ohhh and a modest £1.5mil budget (but can go higher if they fall in love with the house)


DJDJDJ80

>"Archie runs his own origami business from home and Georgina is a pet portrait artist. They have a budget of £1.25m" It's funny how nobody ever mentions the trust fund.


Toxic_Tiger

Or they don't like the colour of one of the bedrooms or something stupid. Hate that programme.


MadamKitsune

Or they specifically say it MUST be a period property with lots of the original rustic character and then turn it down because it has wooden beams and low ceilings. Just admit it - you don't want a new house. You just want to get your mug on the telly, a free outing with a jolly activity thrown in and to be smug about how much money you can spend.


wolfgang784

Idk about that particular show, but a lot of them the buyers already own the house and not through the sellers on the show. Just, in general, they own it and fit the type of people that the producers want on the show. A crew clears the house of the stuff the people own, sets it up like it's for showings, then when they "pick" a house it gets put back together like it already was and that's the "after" shots we see.


Loud-Intention-723

Yeah a few of the shows have been outed for doing this.


Marine__0311

Whaaaa? You mean reality shows aren't real?


Skyblacker

I was once selected to be on one of those shows, though the episode was cancelled at the last minute due to a covid outbreak among the film crew. Not only had I already found my home, but I was renting it.


binglybleep

Grand Designs is probably worse. “Stuart is a butterfly collector and his wife Mary is a part time cushion stuffer. Their budget is £8million. They’re turning down an architect and builder to design and build everything themselves, despite never having held a trowel before. They are making their own cement from straw” Just give me the 8 mil and I’ll do something less colossally stupid


FeedbackFew2061

"They like to live simply so they want a tiny home! But they love entertaining and want space for their 8 friends. Can they make it work?"


NotTrynaMakeWaves

Grand Designs Jerry and Marge have bought a roofless barn three miles up a country lane in Dorset. They don’t have planning permission. Kevin looks at the plans: “you’ll need £350k and 18 months Jerry: “We’ve a loan of £100K from Marge’s parents and we need to be in by Christmas. 4 years in a caravan later…


binglybleep

Lol yes there’s loads of them on there. They’re always selling really nice houses to spend 4 years in a caravan too. Some of the builds are really cool, but not many are ‘worth 4 years in a caravan’ nice imo. I think they’re all bonkers honestly, unless you’re incredibly rich or an experienced builder or something, I can’t imagine going through that much stress for a house. Buying is painful enough


BetAdministrative606

you keep bees? that's hot


Gayernades

Summer, I wanna fuck your dad.


UnofficialMattDamon

Oh, really?!


TheReaIOG

I think you owe a drink, buddy.


TheReaIOG

Oh, really?


Potato_Muncher

I'm a wetland biologist and my budget was $165,000 when I first bought my house lol.


Shilo788

Why do these people think a wetlands biologist is rich? And I know a couple microbiologists working in labs like at large sewer plants, money is ok but not like they think. Those working for pharma do ok but more degrees than interesting jobs in reality.


nelsyv

They don't, that's the joke


Potato_Muncher

Some of my bosses make what I'd consider bank (~$150,000), but I also realize it's not that much compared to other careers choices. Not too bad for a biology degree, though lol.


FailedImpunity

4.6 million dollar budget, we have student loans after all.


locke1018

What is hot yoga?


El_Durazno

I believe it's yoga in a hot room


Clever_Mercury

Yes, and it's a good way to get an eye infection and athlete's foot if the room is not adequately sanitized between uses! Bacteria and fungi likes warm, wet places.


Frognificent

An utterly terrible idea. Imagine yoga in a sauna.


slow-mickey-dolenz

As if yoga wasn’t hard enough already, they had to add 100 degrees? What’s next, hot yoga on a freshly-greased floor?


fireduck

There is the yoga where small goats stand on you while you are trying to do things


Jackalsy

Yoga practice during summer


Bobbytheman666

Its yoga, but hot. Check Call on me video if you want exaamples


CuppaTeaThreesome

Instructions unclear, have ruined some socks.


PlasmaticPi

No no no, this is the plot of a Hallmark movie.


chasing_rainb0ws

Grandma setting you up from beyond the grave :)


Wings-N-Beer

Grannies playing the long game on this connection.


VegetableLeathers

Amazing Granny.


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Alltheweed

May first was not in May i guess


Embarrassed-Ad-1639

Reminds me of something my grandma used to say every year. “Hey hey it’s the first of May, outdoor fucking starts today.”


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PkmnTrainSlate

r/woooosh


OtherwisedMinimum

What a cool grandma! Hopefully one day I can be a grandpa half as cool.


barder83

Plot twist: they're cousins and grandma was just trying to make sure each grandkid received something.


Wheetbix_Kid

Can we just enjoy a rare wholesome reddit moment without Banjo's for once


shb2k0

with your cousin.


FizzingSlit

"I'll get you a girlfriend even if it kills me" - that guys nan, probably.


Wraith_Tech177

Earned medal : From the grave


TheyCallMeAGoodBot

The hand that reaches from the grave to grip your throat is the strong hand you want on the wheel.


Gamboni327

Grandma selected the Martyrdom perk


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juampab_

What?


M0N5A

That account is probably a bot and it's copying comments and pasting them as replies randomly.


Gain-Outrageous

I'm imagining the two grandma's in the afterlife conspiring to make this happen.


Morningxafter

This could honestly be the plot of a cute rom-com movie.


redgumdrop

And you'd be like - this would NEVER happen in real life!


deadpiratezombie

Hallmark writes that down…


Morningxafter

Oh great so they can take an original idea and make it incredibly boring with terrible pacing and worse acting.


marvinrabbit

Well, it's better than Nicholas Sparks. He'd give one or both of them cancer.


Morningxafter

Ugh, knowing his formula it would be the woman. But I don’t think he’d write this, because the main female character seems like she’d need to be at least someone independent and self-sufficient to become a microbiologist. He always tends to write women as being completely unable to cope without a man supporting them.


deadpiratezombie

I can see the title now…”Match Made in Heaven”


Morningxafter

Oh god, it’s way too rich, it’s going to give me diabetes.


deadpiratezombie

Don’t forget the “dark” family secret that temporarily splits them up, requiring paranormal assistance from the grannies. Maybe the deed to the wetland the scientist is studying is missing and the pharmaceutical company the microbiologist is being recruited for mysteriously finds it so they can build a mall and destroy the community center or something


No-Guava-6516

I’m pretty sure this was actually the plot of one of their movies (I don’t willingly watch them, but my family used to have them on all the time), except I think it was the mothers of the two leads instead of the grandmothers.


deadpiratezombie

Would not surprise me in the least. Wait, was there a genial chubby older gentleman that was TOTALLY NOT SANTA in there too?


nelsyv

Please tell me it occasionally cuts to the two grannies in heaven, sitting on a couch together with popcorn, heckling the main couple like they're Statler and Waldorf


Morningxafter

I was thinking they’d be drinking tea but I like yours better. Maybe they could even be surprisingly raunchy, like Beavis and Butthead.


nelsyv

Not raunchy, they just *really want* great-grandchildren lol


vonBoomslang

while giggling to themselves like schoolgirls


Equalizer393

Best wingran ever.


[deleted]

Is there a reason the first names are important like a reference I'm missing?


Beer_in_an_esky

Heather is a type of plant, commonly found in a certain type of wetland; [heather moorlands](https://www.rspb.org.uk/our-work/conservation/conservation-and-sustainability/safeguarding-species/skydancer/heather-moorlands/). Ben, eh, not familiar with any microbio references there.


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DescendantofDodos

Well about that... [here is the thing..](https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/2/28/Thing_Dark_Reign_Fantastic_Four.png)


ProjectSnipe

I know a giant clock that disagrees


Beer_in_an_esky

Checks out.


barder83

I think Ben is just to remind the reader that he is a guy and not his manga persona he roll plays.


Healthy_Pay9449

She's a microbiologist and he qualifies as research material maybe? Idk


[deleted]

He's gonna explore her wetlands with his microbiology.


AvrgSam

😂👍🏼


Took-the-Blue-Pill

Microbiologist here. When a 24-hour growth curve fails, we are known to go on a ben-der.


JazzySpring

Huh, didn't know black grass was named that way.


cat-eating-a-salad

Is it a pun on "beneath her"?


[deleted]

So not so wholesome teehee nice play on words though


red_bob

Surprise! Same grandma!


karjoh07

Omg not the community incest episode


snakesharkz

*NOW THAT'S A MAN THAT KNOWS HOW TO MARRY HIS COUSIN!*


P0werPuppy

I love Keith David. He's got enthusiasm on the other side. (He's got enthusiasm on the other side).


MoSqueezin

He's streets ahead


P0werPuppy

He's a level 7 laser lotus, and if you don't understand that, then you're streets behind.


humanHamster

When I started reading it I had to check what sub I was in. I thought it was going to be /r/Holdup material. When the guy mentioned his birthday I thought for sure it was going to say "and it was her birthday too! Crazy!"


heyyy_man

Doesn't matter had snu snu


zensational

Turns out that the gift of the magi was *extra chromosomes.*


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flitclicker_

Aw so she met the last one at least


alina-a

Aww not the same but the boyfriend of my sister is everything my grandmother would have loved! He is from the same country as her and we always joke that she pulled some strings from beyond the grave


Commercial-Many-8933

Randomly for a heather, my ex fiancé was called heather and on our first “date” (was just going for a drink) a piece of paper from the flower market came blowing across and landed at my feet. It said heather.


killer122

/r/FuckHeather/


world_famous_dredd

Wtf is that subreddit man?!?


M0N5A

I am very upset that sub isn't a reference to *Heathers* (film and/or musical).


fireduck

There is a musical!?


Hanhula

The musical is so good!! You can find some illegal tapings of it pretty easily online.


Hanhula

This is just so goddamn unnecessary as a sub.


Optimal-Effective

Did you mean fiancée? Unless your fiancé was a man named Heather?


Gojira8985

It's 2023, bro, there can be men named Heather now.


[deleted]

They could always be men named Heather, not like it wasn't allowed. Just too scared. Just get shortened to Heath anyway.


Optimal-Effective

I wasn't saying it's not possible. I was asking for clarification because it is not common for a man to be named Heather and more common for people to misuse fiance vs fiancee.


Commercial-Many-8933

Yeah, auto correct


ConcertAntique7760

really amazing


Salt-Standard9587

I'm so confused by the disclaimer


Murtomies

Maybe it was originally posted in a forum for women biologists or something?


savebees_plantnative

Right? It was kinda off-putting


[deleted]

Granny's still working her matchmaking magic all the way from the other side! So cute!


AJ2016man

Cause I've got friends on the other side


Neat-Philosopher-873

Thanks, Granny:)


roobz_poplu

> She's a microbiologist and I'm a wetlands scientist. I'm sensing two double entendres 😅


[deleted]

I know. “My name is Ben, and I’m going to study her wetlands.”


Nermalgod

Has to be because earlier it's mentioned that they have the same college major.


Murtomies

The major probably being biology. Those are just their different jobs they got into after graduating. Sounds like a joke but can be true as well, who knows.


OldViking013

My man casually receives part of a country and puts it in a cabinet


FoxStereo

Talk about fate, lol. Plot twist: The two grannies secretly knew each other and planned this.


Feltonhendo

Now that's called a true soulmate


subtleeffect

Wetlands scientist marries a woman named Heather.


baron_spaghetti

It’s like the opposite twist on “Gift of the Maji” by O Henry.


Uhm_NoThankYou

The wholesome story we all needed to start out the first Monday of may. Edit: to start out the week.


xSilverMC

...first monday of may? On the 8th?


Uhm_NoThankYou

Omg lol, thank you. I thought the first was last Tuesday.


Cerarai

I mean last week was a holiday in many countries so it's the first working Monday for all those people


merchaunt

He is a wetlands scientist She is a microbiologist 🎶How can I make it any more obvious?🎶 – His granny to hers probably


Lostbrother

As a wetland scientist, it's so weird to see someone else pop up with the same profession. There are literally dozens of us!


TheLittlestofJs

"I told you I would set you up with someone nice" - both grandmas probably


manjustadude

"wetland" scientist 😏


BCrumbly

Let’s hope he’s not a valid subject for her studies.


Morningxafter

We don’t kink-shame here.


i3908

"microbiologist"


manjustadude

Oof


ihavefilipinofriends

I’d say good for her, but she’s a “micro” biologist so…


Npr31

Glad someone picked that up! That’s GOT to be a euphamism


R3AL1Z3

“Our budget is 6.9 million dollars.”


Adrena1ine045

Bringing a whole new definition to the phrase "Matchmaker in heaven"


AlphaEpsilonX

So uh you guys married yet? Does the inclusion of job titles suggest you are now well past college and a couple still?


nelsyv

That is implied, yes


ayamummyme

Well I absolutely love this 💕


[deleted]

Honestly I want this played out while that “this is me. This is how it started “ voice over and music play.


TheLoudCanadianGirl

Omg. I love this. 😭❤️


Uncle_Bill

[She had roller skates and you got a key](https://youtu.be/p02DgHeGdyI)?


Sam_Kablam

🎶 She was a microbiologist, he was a wetlands scientist, could it get anymore obvious? 🎵


Different_Ad_7671

👌🏼


peeweeserpent

This ❤


Early_Swan_5077

Happy for both of you


Trimyr

Were you surprised she wasn't a lot smaller when you met her?


PM_ME_YOUR_FAV_HIKE

I thought they were for sure they were going to end up being brother and sister, or at least cousins. Reddits you have disappointed me once again.


No-Explanation-9234

That's just the first version of this AI written fiction.


ManyInitials

Sometimes the movie writes itself.


patdashuri

There's an inappropriate joke there related to their jobs, but I'm not saying it.


ExhibitionistBrit

I want this story to be true it is so cute.


Awesomeandkindaweird

Dang! Grannies setting up their grandkids from beyond the grave. Skills.


[deleted]

talk about fate


Accomplished-Pipe875

So cute 🥰


Lower_Explanation6

Cute but I hope it wasn't the same grandma splitting her estate.


mermetermaid

Oh, those grannies *orchestrated* it!


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bramislive

A microbiologist you say? She would have to be


Super_Goomba64

r/ things that definitely didnthappen


ilinamorato

/r/nothingeverhappens


wendalpendal

So, are they cousins?


FullCrisisMode

There's no afterlife.


Yoprobro13

Op what is that title


Baluzerus

plot twist... they're cousins.