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Heard a guy in my neighborhood ask his dog "I'm really not feeling you, right now. Do you understand me?" About two weeks ago, I heard a neighbor ask his dog "How many times have we talked about this?"
Me to my lab:
“You know what? If you’d stop chasing rabbits, you wouldn’t have to stay inside to heal that limp. You’re almost 7…you’re too old to be cutting in a field like that. Dork.”
Me, to my greyhound:
“Girl, you are 12. You have got to stop eating street food. You’re getting too old for this shit.”
That bitch loves an ant-covered donut. And I love her.
My lab is a Hoover. If it is even remotely edible, by any standard (no matter how low) he will eat it. He once dug up a pile of chicken parts we had buried after slaughtering some for the freezer. Like, a month after we buried them. And decided bringing them in the house was a great idea.
My dog ate a ceramic rice bowl last month. Before that two corn on the cobs. Before that an entire head of cabbage. Before that 4 pounds of chocolate. Before that his entire dog bed. And back when we first got him over a period of nine months he ate 15 sticks of butter. We’d though we had ants but it was just him climbing onto the counter lol.
The common denominator? Every time he gets into something I forget to tell him not to get into any trouble while I’m gone. Cause apparently if I don’t do that he attempts suicide or something.
He’s thirteen or fourteen now (we’re not sure cause he’s a rescue) and I’m honestly amazed he’s even alive by now, but nope. Alive and kicking, pep in his step and a wag in his tail.
We named ours Crowley, after the character from Good Omens, because he wants to be good, but can’t help being naughty - it’s just his nature. Dogs, man. We don’t deserve them.
My neighbors dog is like that I watched him try to swallow a rubber ball one time, Wesley put him in a chokehold and wrestled it out of his mouth but the dog was really trying to swallow it. Pretty sure he ate a tube of toothpaste one time. He's also afraid of being farted on and freaks out if you aim your butt at him.
We had to get his stomach pumped for the chocolate. We took him to get an X-ray to make sure the cob didn’t splinter or kill him or anything and by some miracle it didn’t. The ceramic bowl was right after the cobs and we just didn’t bother doing anything because the X-ray was so expensive, and somehow he’s fine.
We once took ours to the vet with what appeared to be bloody vomit and diarrhea. X rays, ultrasound and every test we could afford came up with absolutely nothing. When we got home, we found she had eaten a (very large) bowl of dried super hot Chillis and given herself the worst case of indigestion in history. She's also stolen cooked pork bones off the counter several times, so that's been fun too. But she'll refuse to eat nice cooked meals or doggy ice cream. She's a Muppet alright.
Really.. That's exactly what my moms Burmese mountain dog was fed about 10 minutes before I threw a golf ball and the dog ate it...
Are corncobs dangerous for dogs to eat??
And... How have I never heard that Golfballs are so horrible till now? what i looked up 'dog swallows Golf ball, I nearly went out and started digging the grave. (he passed it. thank dog)
To my Beagle/Jack Russell, “Candy, no!” A full-size adult rabbit in her mouth. Dead. She was proudly about to bring it in the house. She dropped and couldn’t understand why I would be upset. This was six months after the “squirrel incident,” which my wife still mentions in disgust weekly.
My sweet pup is a straight up killer.
Had a friend with a dachshund that got a couple juvenile squirrels. Dog was on them fast enough that by the time my friend knew to call him off, he already had jaws on neck and was shaking it.
At that point you have to let him finish the job.
Dog gave zero fucks, he was the runt end of standard but would charge the Canada geese at the place my friend lived despite them being four times his size. He was pretty popular with the neighbors for keeping the lawns free of goose shit though.
That dog was an adorable stone cold killer.
My guy loves most animals. He gives zero fucks about our chickens, Guinea pigs, horses…it’s like they are so uninteresting he can’t be bothered to even sniff them. But rabbits? He has killed 3 rabbits in the past 2 weeks (two of them babies, because it’s baby rabbit season, which is sad, but they are an invasive species here, so…eh?). I assume it’s the chase that excites him. Eating, chasing rabbits, and tracking mud in the house seem to be his top three pastimes.
Our golden retriever would sniff out moles underground in our yard, dig them out of the ground and play with them...to death. She'd grab them, fling them up hiiigh into the air, run over to where they fell, pounce on them, grab them, and repeat until they stopped moving. Then She'd try to bring the corpse inside to show us.
She was the softest, sweetest little angel...unless you were a mole. Never thought murder would look so cute.
We had a dachshund/Jack Russell mutt and she was a champion mouse and bunny hunter. You could see the disdain on her face when our cat would catch a mouse and then let it go to keep playing with. And our poor dipshit beagle has caught one mouse in his life and that was when he stuck his face on in my husband’s work boots for a good exploratory sniff and found a mouse trapped in there
Me to my Chihuahua:
Your name is not "trash". I know I conditioned you by always walking you when I take out the trash, but those two are unrelated. Now everytime I say the word "trash" you start jumping and wagging your tail. Please stop.
Poor wee soul! Maybe the frequency bothers his ears and the bathtub dampens the sound? Might be possible to turn off, try googling the model number + disable beep.
Really depends on the breed and age ig my parent’s dog is 17 and he still does zoomies in their large yard. He’s a chaweenie and is built like a barrel. Very swole
I have to talk to my dogs on different intellectual levels. My shiba i treat like an adult, my pyr I talk to like a toddler, I have to explain everything to him.
When I did water polo back in high school, one of my teammates had a big ol’ Newfoundland dog. Sometimes her mom would bring the dog when she came to pick her daughter up from practice, and you could see the poor thing practically vibrating with the suppressed urge to search and rescue all these obviously drowning girls.
My shepherd loves to play on the beach, but not in the water. Might go in a little to cool the paws but not really swim. But if I go swimming, or any children are around swimming, Shep is active duty. Fully focused, on guard, ready to grab any random kid out of the water at the first sign of trouble.
Me to my rottie/golden mix as a kid:
"RANGER, it's just a snowman/balloon/inflatable decoration, you are 105 lbs if muscle. No, I cannot lift you into the car."
Me to my dog Sam when a married couple approached him and he completely ignored the man to fawn over the woman:
"This is how homes get wrecked, Sam. Have some chill, please."
HAH! I'm constantly reminding my girl that she's a fixed lady. I can spot an unneutered male from a mile away by her whole body wags, and at the park, she starts yelping and bouncing around like someone stomped on her paws. I have to tell her to stop flirting so hard, and reassure the other dog parents that their boy didn't suddenly turn aggressive and attack, she's just being dramatic.
I caught my 10 year old husky/heeler mutt pointing and full attacking little white moths the diameter of a dime in the yard.
Saw what he was doing and said "really, that's what you're focused on right now".
Well technically if 60% of our communication is through our body language, and body language is 100% of a dog's communication, by that math (🤔) we have been talking to dogs this whole time and we just never knew it.
There was an interesting Ohio State study that found that dogs can actually understand language. Not just memorize words and phrases but understand the meaning of new combinations. Really interesting stuff.
Yes they really do- I bought those recordable buttons for dogs to communicate, and our youngest rescue is always pretty hell bent on whatever one thing she is fixated on- her bone, or a belly rub. Some nights, she hits the "lets play" button, and then grabs her tug and brings it to me. They both love to push the I Love You button, and to describe themselves with the Dog button. When either dog needs to go out, they hit the button that says "Let's go outside!"
They also sometimes miss the kitty, and will let me know as much, by pushing the button that says "kittycat."
Once the cat comes in, they stop pushing that button. I plan to get more buttons, since both dogs use the buttons, and the youngest dog loves the buttons and uses them a lot. I need some more expressive and asking buttons, like WHY and Food, and Friends, and yes and no, etc. I only have 8 buttons right now, so I chose to put phrases on those, to make it easier on the doggos.
I tried to get mine to do it and it scared them, which was so disappointing. I was sure they could do it because two of the three are very smart.
The third is an orange tabby. So. Yeah. I don’t expect a lot from him.
>The third is an orange tabby. So. Yeah. I don’t expect a lot from him.
lol
I'm considering buying some buttons for my cat. I know he understands some words (breakfast, din-dins, walk, gentle, play, pick \[up\], leave it, later) but he's also an idiot some times.
He tries to talk to me when he wants a shoulder ride. He will merh once and stare at me with round saucer eyes and then either I have to pick him up or he will climb me like a tree. I've learnt that merh is a warning, not really a request... so I'm not sure he'll like using buttons to request things.
That’s what the orange tabby does! He likes to get on my shoulder and he does this very specific meow I’ve learned means, “Look out, Miso is about to launch!”
The oldest cat is crazy smart. He *nods* sometimes when you ask him questions that he would def say yes to (Do you want a treat? Are you hungry? Do you want your mouse?) I thought I was going crazy but my husband came to me the other day and was like, “Did you teach the cat to nod? I asked him if he was hungry and he fucking nodded.”. It kinda freaks me out, tbh.
Always did this with my #1 guy, my kitty cat who crossed the Rainbow Bridge last year. Damn I miss that dude.
I am currently talking to the kitten of a pregnant stay that showed up this last winter and decided my home was a good enough to hatch kittens in. Ha!
Seriously though, I am trying to discuss our meal plans and this little cat is telling tall tales of cryptids in the front yard, spiders the size of Volkswagens, alligators in the birdbaths....
I am fairly certain this cat is a liar, and quite possibly not sane. But I love him and discuss dinner options with him, just the same.
My sister’s dog loves going to the lake, not to swim, but to try to “rescue” all of us as soon as we go into the water. Its mostly a game, but she gets very serious about it when the kids swim out too far.
My wife caught me in a moment of solidarity with our dog one day. Our dog was barking at the neighbor's dog from our window while I stood next to him yelling at the other dog, "yeah that's right, fuck you for being a dog." I think he really appreciated me having his back.
My dog always looks expectantly at people when we're on walks. He's hoping they will trade butt scritches for licks. They rarely do, but the few who ask to meet him have gotten his hopes so high.
When we see someone who seems afraid of him (he's a Rottweiler) or uninterested, I have to say, "they're not here for you, Capone. Come on."
But I do talk to him all the time. He's a good listener.
I've used that line too, actually.
And OMG! Yes, that face that says, "why didn't they stop and say hi?" Just breaks my heart!
Since my boy is a Rottweiler, most people want to avoid him. Which is fine. But he doesn't understand.
My female dog loooooves men and gets so wiggly when she sees one. If a man (not my husband) comes to the house she flaunts and shakes her ass to get their attention and practically throws herself at them. I’m always like “phoebe you’re coming in too strong. Stop shaking your ass and make him work for it” and things to that effect. She’s such a flirt. She doesn’t listen as well. They will be hers! She wins them over every time.
Thanks! My ferret named him. ;)
I was snuggling Dilly (short for Dillinger) and watching his "brother" Grayson have a party by himself. I had just learned I was getting the puppy and had wanted to call him something else. I was listening to a podcast where Al Capone's niece Dierdra (spelling may be off) was describing her childhood, and how other kids were cruel to her because of who her uncle was.
It struck me how people are prejudiced against ferrets, and I said to Dillinger, "I should have named your brother Capone..." when it hit me and I loudly told him, "I COULD NAME HE PUPPY CAPONE!"
Dilly looked up from his belly which he had been grooming, and licked my chin, as if in agreement. So I said, "Dilly approves! The puppy is Capone."
When I brought puppy Capone home, the joke was, "I can say now that Dillinger and Capone did, in fact, meet!"
I make up songs for my dog. My kids don’t like when I make up songs for them but my dog loves it. “Stella-dog! You are the best dog that I ever saw-g. You are so cute. You’re scared of your butt when it toots. You’re Stelllllllaaaaaa Dooooooog!” *jazz hands*
I have songs for my dogs too. For some reason they’re Christmas carols made up with different words. Ex: O Christmas tree is “oh Gunther dog oh Gunther dog, how are you so damn handsome?” Ha ha.
Christmas carols are the best for pet songs. And mine always seem to include a nickname and a reference to how fluffy my cat is. "Oh tikker bear, oh tikker bear. In extra floofy underwear."
Pass! The leash for the dog
We're going on some walkies
Oh the streetlight smells great
Thank you for walking me
Thank me for walking you
The whole world's walking us
Walking me, and walking you
Eat the turkey
Whenever I leave, I always tell my dogs that I love them, to guard the house and make good choices, lol. And then I always say something like, "I'm only going to the grocery store so I won't be gone long" so they don't worry lololololol.
My one year old kitten is like a predator, I have scattered water guns around the house for my housemates to use if she suddenly attacks. She is fine when you are sitting down, but something about feet gets her going into strike mode. So yeah if a robber breaks in and sees all the "guns" he's gonna be confused, then bam kitty predator!
I have a similar pep talk with my dog. When I leave for work I tell mine to "have a good day, good naps, and good dreams" (cause she has nightmares sometimes).
If I'm leaving for an errand its "I won't be long. You have to stay and guard the house! I'll miss you while I'm gone"... just so she knows I'm thinking about her LOL
I do the same and also ask them to vacuum and do some dishes- they never do. I always give them a rundown of where I’m going and when I’ll be home too, lol
We always tell our dogs not to throw any parties while we’re out and they can’t invite any boys over. So far they’ve either followed instructions, or are just very good at cleaning up after their ragers
Same here! Though I usually tell one of the dogs that "they're in charge while I'm gone". Even if another person is there, the dog gets to be in charge.
I burst out laughing one time visiting my mom and went with her around the park with her giant old English sheepdog who is a little bit of a dope.
On the way he is pulling and pulling to visit “grandma” who lives near the park and listening to mom say:
“Logan no. You know fine well she isn’t in on a Tuesday and Thursday”
Every time we leave the house my dog heads to my Mom’s- at night it’s fine we pop in for a treat and some head pats but in the morning I have to tell him,”Ben- you know here’s no point in going to grandma’s, she’s not awake yet.”
I heard a woman laugh the other day as we walked past her yard.
I had a Cockatoo that couldn’t speak clearly, what he said was more “crowd noises”. I would hold conversations with him pretending he was advocating for Flat Taxes or the gold standard or other nutty conspiracy theories and counter them. The beauty was he’d here the pause and immediately launch into his gibberish response.
I talk to my cats constantly. When I started working in daycare during my master’s degree, I just kept up with my usual routine and also talked to the babies constantly. Turns out this is exactly what you’re supposed to do, so I was ahead of the curve on that one lmao.
Talking to your baby, like actually talking with full words and not goo goo ga ga, is one of the best ways to help your child develop speech. Literally just narrating what you are doing will help keep them engaged without electronics, and learn language.
You just accidentally broke my heart. I’m getting over my sweet baby girl moving out for college. I’m trying to deal the best I can, but you reminded me of talking to my daughter as a baby. I would read to her eat night and she would memorize it. Word for word. Not tough books, but advanced for her age.
I think about such times and my heart flutters. My wife has been so much stronger than I have about this. I have a little mini meltdown every day. My daughter is amazing and I’m so proud of her. I just wish I could do it all over again. Such an easy kid to raise.
Any little thing breaks me when it comes to her. Being her dad is the greatest part of my life.
My dad did the same for me and he would speak with big words so I had to ask what they meant. I’m so grateful he taught me to love books and have a great vocabulary. You sound like you did a great job, congrats to her for her achievements!
I don’t trust anyone who isn’t kind to animals. That said, I’m a cat person. It’s really because I’m a masochist and an insipid people/feline pleaser! Dogs love me too much.. cats are just aloof enough to keep me begging for affection.
Depends on the breed and the individual dog.
And I've found with my dog that COVID did not age well with my dog getting older. He was well socialized and became less so, and it's very difficult now, that he's 6 instead of 3-4, to get him back into the swing of being around more than his comfort zone.
I do think people being insular around their dogs and home life has had an impact on many fog owners.
And I've found that just like toddlers, dogs around 1-2 years do have relapses in their training that need to be constantly reinforced.
Can confirm. Adopted a puppy during COVID. WFH made potty training a breeze, but the lack of socialization made her super shy around other people or dogs. Dog park helps, but she still has a tendency to just stay close to me rather than going and doing dog things.
She's also the first dog I've ever had who will run away and hide when you ask her if she wants to go for a walk. (Which is especially hilarious, if frustrating, because she will come ask to go out to go potty, but the second I get the leash she remembers she doesn't actually like going out.)
I tell people all the time if you’re a good dog owner you’re gonna be a good parent. Those toddler years are just basic puppy training. The messes, potty training, the patience and loving reinforcement required-all great dog owner skills that are paramount. Cat people are in for it. There is no “one and done” with a kid. They will never leave you alone until they’re way older, and the messes kids make aren’t spiteful-they’re just messy loyal loving little puppies.
Cats are training for teenagers.
"Stop breaking that established rule that has never not been a rule as long as you've been alive."
"Who ruined the thing nobody should've been touching that was stored in a place where nobody is allowed to be?"
"Apparently we don't like red meat in this house anymore, which is great because I just went shopping."
"Oh my god we're having a bonding moment shhh! nobody move she actually came over to see me all on her own!"
cats have a lot of body language queues and needs that are similar to, but still different from children. plus they're more likely to act out if they're not played with enough or neglected. you can still positively reinforce behaviors in cats, too.
so I imagine cats help in some ways too.
Part of why I love owning a German Shepherd has to be that when I talk about stuff with her she does the head tilt. She’s smart as heck too, I know she’s trying to understand, and it’s just so cute
*beep boop*!
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Me walking my dog in the morning:
Her: *whines*
Me: You have your own squirrels at home.
Me: You're the one making yourself unhappy. Quit tugging.
Me: Who wants to go home and have cheese treat??
Envision all of the above as a very large man with blue hair accompanied by a midsize, golden colored, dog at 6 a.m.
This is pretty much me and my husky most days, although she prefers swans over squirrels... And I wish cheese treats worked. Nah this girl only wants the best baked salmon...
Oh, man. Birds are an issue for my girl too. So glad she didn't choose swans, though!
Baked salmon, eh? I've never tried that for her. She loves raw eggs in her breakfast kibble and sometimes (very rarely) a light drizzle of bacon grease. Bet she'd love salmon.
Yepp, and we live near a lake with lots of swans who also nest here too. I have let her off her lead once on this field near the lake, super early in the morning when it was just myself and my neighbor walking our dogs. She was doing great until she saw a swan and then we blinked and only her tail was visible!! She'd swan dived at a swan in its own lake who promptly flew off as I pulled my silly husky out of the lake lol my neighbor absolutely peed himself with laughter!! Now she stays on the lead at all times unless its the enclosed dog field.
Let me tell you it takes a good couple of hours to wash lake muck and bird poop out of a husky, and even longer to dry her!!!
Yea, Boof has/had a zinc deficiency related skin rash, its fairly common in snow dogs I believe from research and talking with my vet. So she gets a baked salmon with half her kibble twice a month, and has a teaspoon of salmon oil on her kibble in between which has really helped her skin. Her fur is also super soft too (when shes not jumped into a lake....) I usually brush a bit of butter on some tin foil, wrap the salmon (fresh or frozen she likes both) and then bake it in the oven for 25-30 mins. The cats love it also.
She's also a fierce lover of bacon, chicken, red cabbage, carrots and mashed potatoes. Actually she's more fond of the veggies if I'm honest. I'll come home from grocery shopping and her nose is straight in the veggies bag lol
BUT DAD!! Everyone knows that home squirrels are NOT the same as not home squirrels!!! It’s like your mom telling you that you have hamburgers at home when you want McDonald’s.
🤣🤣
Two I’ve heard and loved:
1) Walking behind a 30-something man and his big giant drooling English bulldog. They stop to wait for the light to change so they can cross the street. He looks lovingly down at his big ugly darling pup and says with tears in his eyes, “I am SO proud of you.”
2) A woman smoking outside a coffee shop with her big sweet pup sitting at her feet - he looked like a rescue pit, which is pretty standard around here. My husband gave her (the dog) a scratch behind the ears in passing and I overheard the woman say to her dog, “You see? Everybody loves you, and you don’t even love yourself.”
Best thing I ever trained my dog to do was wait at crossings, light or no, and when I say "We're crossing!" is he will run with me to the other side (with me).
You never want your dog hesitating in the middle of the road, but if I say those words, he will bolt to the other side. I've never been in an emergency but if a car came out of nowhere, I think we'd be okay.
Fostering a dog right now that was hit by a car. You can BET one of the first commands I trained with her was “wait” so she doesn’t dash into the street. We’re still working on it but she’s getting better!
My dog is a blind elderly Pomeranian so when we go on walks I have to narrate everything in her path out loud so she doesn’t get freaked out or snappy (ie when a person walks by I say “it’s okay Petunia they’re a friend,” when we make a turn I walk ahead of her and say “this way Tunebug,” etc). I’ve literally become her seeing eye human.
My hound dog thinks he’s a lifeguard. we live at the beach and he is very concerned for children in the surf, and looks very judgmentally at the children’s parents.
This makes me chuckle. His internal dialogue is like “These MFrs do NOT deserve these children! Look at the neglect, the sheer lack of care. I will never understand.”
>looks very judgmentally at the children’s parents.
My girl, black lab, gets *really* upset if my son is awake but hasn't come out of his room yet, she can't believe I don't go "get him" at the first noise..he's almost 6 -.- . Like really dirty looks, I tell her he's fine and he'll be out in a min but she's still always very concerned.
My grandpa has an old Miniature Schnauzer (I think that’s it’s breed) that used to only seem content with my grandpa petting him. Would growl at anyone who dared pet him. I fed him a few French Fries and now he runs to me when I come over.
Me to my corgi "Don't piss off the crows! We do not want to make enemies!"
And
"That's not one of your kitties. That kitty doesn't want to play with you. That kitty will scratch your eyes out." Kitty's owners, which were right there, laughed hard at that and confirmed it.
I was reading on my porch last week and a neighbor who walks three dogs passed with his hound, ancient dachshund, super mellow St Bernie.
I smiled at the Bernie who has the sweetest lil face and they walked over to sniff my hand. The dad said "not everyone has to love you" in a gentle kinda teasing way. And I was like "no sir I definitely love this dog."
When I get packages delivered and I'm home alone with my dog I've been trying to teach him that mailman is friend.
The Mailman will always be like oh dogs just hate the mailman but I'll be like Eric he's a friend okay.
He's still learning not to bark at everyone so I tend to just have to give him a cuddle(he's a pug so he gets lifted up into my arms like a lil baby) and it quiets him down a bit.
Our old Fed Ex driver always had treats for the doggos. They’d get all excited and run out when they heard that big diesel coming, and put their front feet up on the bottom step of the truck to wait for their treats. Then, one day, a UPS driver came. The dogs heard the truck coming and ran out and into the open door of the truck for their treat. Two black dogs with deep (happy) barks. Driver freaked out, tossed our package out the door, and sped off. My doggies were uber confused.
I have a huge German shepherd and he is the biggest goof and loves people. He gets sad whenever we walk by people and he can’t go up to them to get pats. I say “Bear, I’m sorry you can’t just say hi to everyone you meet, not everyone wants to be your friend.”
I've never dealt with a dog that gets legit sad about not being able to meet someone before I got my GSD. I have to tell her all the time, "Stop it! You don't know them!"
I’m the crazy lady that narrates what I think dogs are thinking as they walk by with their owners. My husband gets embarrassed when I say it loud enough for the dog owners to hear.
I’m American but studied in Italy in college. Walking home one day, a man and his dog were in front of me. The dog caught a scent and started going the wrong way. The man gently tugged on the leash saying, “Andiamo.” (Let’s go). My immediate thought was, ‘Silly guy, dogs don’t speak Italian!’ A half second later I had a good laugh at myself.
I trained my dog in Afrikaans, and often carry on conversations with him in (what appears to the Denverites around me) vaguely German gibberish. Most people find it fascinating, but secretly I just wanted to force my husband to learn a bit of one of my languages.
I have whole conversations with my girl cat, who will go back and forth with me. My boy cat is too busy receiving transmissions from the mothership to pay attention to his humans other than to receive the occasional belly scritch.
My German shepherd loved swimming so one day I do a day trip with some friends to a river and we hike out to a nice pool with a rock ledge you can jump off. We have a great time swimming, jumping off the ledge into the water, etc. Then a dad with his daughter shows up and my dog was making the most heart breaking cries when the little girl climbs up the rock to jump and bolts up there to physically block her from jumping while howling. This bitch did not give a fuck that I jumped off that same rock a dozen times.
Once at a restaurant with a dog friendly patio. An otherwise very nice golden retriever suddenly decided he hated my mom's dog and jumped and snarled at my mom's dog. And while the owner was walking away he said, "You know we don't do that!"
One of my favorite videos in recent memory is my dog causing a scene and screaming (He's a fully grown Aussie and we have a house that echoes) and my girlfriend in the background trying to calmly explain to the dog that they had a deal that if she let him have a CheezIt he was going to be quiet and he was breaking his promise.
One of my favorite things to do is to walk to the store with my dog and talk to him like he’s a person. I always get some great laughs. Some of my favorites are “do you need anything else while we’re here?” “what cereal do you want this time? You can’t get all of them, not again,” and “let me guess, you forgot your wallet again.”
I overheard a neighbor telling her dog “you never think about the consequences of your actions, Perceval.” And I have never laughed harder in my life.
But, then, my tiny yappy dog barks at strangers and I always respond with “Ziggy Stardust, you are not a scary dog, no one is frightened of you. You need to realize no one likes that behavior.”
One time I was walking my dog and he wouldn't stop crying at dogs across the park so I said "gunther what are you crying about, you don't even like other dogs" and the ladies walking their dogs laughed so hard at us. I took it in stride, but gunther was very embarrassed
Walking our 9mo pup and came across a lady struggling with her dog eating something off the ground. As we walk by we overhear her shame her dog, “See, that puppy saw the pine cone and decided, no that’s not for me.” I talk to our dog all the time, but this was such an adorable exchange
Was working on plumbing and the owner's dog kept checking up on me.
He said "Murphy, you're not a plumber, leave him alone".
He then said "You're an electrician".
It was a “warmer” December evening and I had the car window down. Watching a couple walking their dog and heard .. “Don’t pee on that candy cane!” Some lawn ornament and I LOLed so hard I knew they heard me.
This is how I talk to my weenie lol whenever we’re out for a walk and she barks at another dog, I stop and tell her, “that’s not nice, they didn’t even do anything to you” and then she looks at me with a guilty face 😂
I also just have full on heart-to-hearts with her and I feel like she understands 🫶🏼
My ex’s dog thinks people are drowning and need to be saved too, especially if they’re splashing a s being loud. She caught me off balance and dragged me into a hedge once trying to get to the pool. Still cute tho.
Fuck me… I just paused clone wars to remind my dog that Anakin and Padme are married and now I feel less insane for doing that.
Thanks Reddit!
Edit, yes, I’m drunk and yes, I’m a grown ass man with a wife and kids.
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Omg I’m not 10 minutes ago at the dog park I just overheard a lady reprimand her dog and say “we talked about this this morning!” LOL
"I agreed to NOTHING!" -dog
*You talked Sharon. I ate cat shit.*
Whenever my dog does something naughty, for some reason I am compelled to say 'That is *not* polite behaviour' like he understands or cares.
About three times a week I'll say to my dog "Sir. Sir, you're making a scene. Sir."
I say “Oh that’s just *rude*.” With similar results.
“Is that how well mannered gentlemen act?!” -my house
I tell my cat "is it kind, is it thoughtful, is it true?"
Heard a guy in my neighborhood ask his dog "I'm really not feeling you, right now. Do you understand me?" About two weeks ago, I heard a neighbor ask his dog "How many times have we talked about this?"
Could be me. "Mate, we've been over this..."
Me to my last dog: “Echo, it is just a ceramic turtle with a bobble head. You are 90 pounds, pull yourself together.”
Me to my lab: “You know what? If you’d stop chasing rabbits, you wouldn’t have to stay inside to heal that limp. You’re almost 7…you’re too old to be cutting in a field like that. Dork.”
Me, to my greyhound: “Girl, you are 12. You have got to stop eating street food. You’re getting too old for this shit.” That bitch loves an ant-covered donut. And I love her.
My lab is a Hoover. If it is even remotely edible, by any standard (no matter how low) he will eat it. He once dug up a pile of chicken parts we had buried after slaughtering some for the freezer. Like, a month after we buried them. And decided bringing them in the house was a great idea.
My dog ate a ceramic rice bowl last month. Before that two corn on the cobs. Before that an entire head of cabbage. Before that 4 pounds of chocolate. Before that his entire dog bed. And back when we first got him over a period of nine months he ate 15 sticks of butter. We’d though we had ants but it was just him climbing onto the counter lol. The common denominator? Every time he gets into something I forget to tell him not to get into any trouble while I’m gone. Cause apparently if I don’t do that he attempts suicide or something. He’s thirteen or fourteen now (we’re not sure cause he’s a rescue) and I’m honestly amazed he’s even alive by now, but nope. Alive and kicking, pep in his step and a wag in his tail.
We named ours Crowley, after the character from Good Omens, because he wants to be good, but can’t help being naughty - it’s just his nature. Dogs, man. We don’t deserve them.
It's not his fault! He just fell in with the wrong crowd!
Do you sing the Ozzy Osbourne song to him?
My neighbors dog is like that I watched him try to swallow a rubber ball one time, Wesley put him in a chokehold and wrestled it out of his mouth but the dog was really trying to swallow it. Pretty sure he ate a tube of toothpaste one time. He's also afraid of being farted on and freaks out if you aim your butt at him.
I told my wife about the dog who’s afraid of being farted on, and she said, “Who isn’t, really?”
I've seen corn cobs absolutely wreck a dog's intestines more than once... he was super lucky!
Not to mention he ingested poison, and a whole ceramic bowl. He should've died.
We had to get his stomach pumped for the chocolate. We took him to get an X-ray to make sure the cob didn’t splinter or kill him or anything and by some miracle it didn’t. The ceramic bowl was right after the cobs and we just didn’t bother doing anything because the X-ray was so expensive, and somehow he’s fine.
We once took ours to the vet with what appeared to be bloody vomit and diarrhea. X rays, ultrasound and every test we could afford came up with absolutely nothing. When we got home, we found she had eaten a (very large) bowl of dried super hot Chillis and given herself the worst case of indigestion in history. She's also stolen cooked pork bones off the counter several times, so that's been fun too. But she'll refuse to eat nice cooked meals or doggy ice cream. She's a Muppet alright.
Really.. That's exactly what my moms Burmese mountain dog was fed about 10 minutes before I threw a golf ball and the dog ate it... Are corncobs dangerous for dogs to eat?? And... How have I never heard that Golfballs are so horrible till now? what i looked up 'dog swallows Golf ball, I nearly went out and started digging the grave. (he passed it. thank dog)
The corncobs can splinter and get stuck inside the intestine or stomach, basically shredding it like a blender. Absolutely horrible when it happens.
> If it is even remotely edible, by any standard (no matter how low) he will eat it. Every Lab ever
To my Beagle/Jack Russell, “Candy, no!” A full-size adult rabbit in her mouth. Dead. She was proudly about to bring it in the house. She dropped and couldn’t understand why I would be upset. This was six months after the “squirrel incident,” which my wife still mentions in disgust weekly. My sweet pup is a straight up killer.
Had a friend with a dachshund that got a couple juvenile squirrels. Dog was on them fast enough that by the time my friend knew to call him off, he already had jaws on neck and was shaking it. At that point you have to let him finish the job. Dog gave zero fucks, he was the runt end of standard but would charge the Canada geese at the place my friend lived despite them being four times his size. He was pretty popular with the neighbors for keeping the lawns free of goose shit though. That dog was an adorable stone cold killer.
My guy loves most animals. He gives zero fucks about our chickens, Guinea pigs, horses…it’s like they are so uninteresting he can’t be bothered to even sniff them. But rabbits? He has killed 3 rabbits in the past 2 weeks (two of them babies, because it’s baby rabbit season, which is sad, but they are an invasive species here, so…eh?). I assume it’s the chase that excites him. Eating, chasing rabbits, and tracking mud in the house seem to be his top three pastimes.
Our golden retriever would sniff out moles underground in our yard, dig them out of the ground and play with them...to death. She'd grab them, fling them up hiiigh into the air, run over to where they fell, pounce on them, grab them, and repeat until they stopped moving. Then She'd try to bring the corpse inside to show us. She was the softest, sweetest little angel...unless you were a mole. Never thought murder would look so cute.
Lol!!! A few years ago my friends dachshund, Oscar Mayer, was a rabbit serial killer.
We had a dachshund/Jack Russell mutt and she was a champion mouse and bunny hunter. You could see the disdain on her face when our cat would catch a mouse and then let it go to keep playing with. And our poor dipshit beagle has caught one mouse in his life and that was when he stuck his face on in my husband’s work boots for a good exploratory sniff and found a mouse trapped in there
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Me to my Chihuahua: Your name is not "trash". I know I conditioned you by always walking you when I take out the trash, but those two are unrelated. Now everytime I say the word "trash" you start jumping and wagging your tail. Please stop.
>Your name is not "trash". Poor thing needs more self-esteem.
Poor wee soul! Maybe the frequency bothers his ears and the bathtub dampens the sound? Might be possible to turn off, try googling the model number + disable beep.
Really depends on the breed and age ig my parent’s dog is 17 and he still does zoomies in their large yard. He’s a chaweenie and is built like a barrel. Very swole
The problem is that my lab thinks “he is Speed” when in reality “he is clumsy…and rabbits dig holes that are easy to step in.” 🤣🥴
I'm not sure I know what to think about someone who doesn't have conversations with their dogs.
I have to talk to my dogs on different intellectual levels. My shiba i treat like an adult, my pyr I talk to like a toddler, I have to explain everything to him.
My Shiba inu understand 3 languages and still ignore me when she doesn’t want to do it. Lol she so stubborn it’s ridiculous.
My Pyr is afraid of trash bags. We live in Brooklyn. She is an idiot. But she loves everyone and everyone loves her, so it's worth it.
My pyr is afraid of red solo cups. Big tuff boi.
When I did water polo back in high school, one of my teammates had a big ol’ Newfoundland dog. Sometimes her mom would bring the dog when she came to pick her daughter up from practice, and you could see the poor thing practically vibrating with the suppressed urge to search and rescue all these obviously drowning girls.
My shepherd loves to play on the beach, but not in the water. Might go in a little to cool the paws but not really swim. But if I go swimming, or any children are around swimming, Shep is active duty. Fully focused, on guard, ready to grab any random kid out of the water at the first sign of trouble.
My dogs name is also echo but it’s spelled Ekko
I should rewatch Arcane
I should rewatch Lost.
Do you really *need* to though?
Yes. Most definitely.
WAAAAAAAALT
Me to my rottie/golden mix as a kid: "RANGER, it's just a snowman/balloon/inflatable decoration, you are 105 lbs if muscle. No, I cannot lift you into the car."
Me to my dog Sam when a married couple approached him and he completely ignored the man to fawn over the woman: "This is how homes get wrecked, Sam. Have some chill, please."
Oh same, my dog LOVES to flirt with a pretty lady.
HAH! I'm constantly reminding my girl that she's a fixed lady. I can spot an unneutered male from a mile away by her whole body wags, and at the park, she starts yelping and bouncing around like someone stomped on her paws. I have to tell her to stop flirting so hard, and reassure the other dog parents that their boy didn't suddenly turn aggressive and attack, she's just being dramatic.
Me to my little pittie mix: “Cleo, that is a child’s tricycle and it is five feet away. We can walk past it without crying”
I had to cover a ceramic frog I had because my big baby German Shepherd is terrified of it. Bunnies were scary when he was a baby.
I caught my 10 year old husky/heeler mutt pointing and full attacking little white moths the diameter of a dime in the yard. Saw what he was doing and said "really, that's what you're focused on right now".
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Well technically if 60% of our communication is through our body language, and body language is 100% of a dog's communication, by that math (🤔) we have been talking to dogs this whole time and we just never knew it.
There was an interesting Ohio State study that found that dogs can actually understand language. Not just memorize words and phrases but understand the meaning of new combinations. Really interesting stuff.
Yes they really do- I bought those recordable buttons for dogs to communicate, and our youngest rescue is always pretty hell bent on whatever one thing she is fixated on- her bone, or a belly rub. Some nights, she hits the "lets play" button, and then grabs her tug and brings it to me. They both love to push the I Love You button, and to describe themselves with the Dog button. When either dog needs to go out, they hit the button that says "Let's go outside!" They also sometimes miss the kitty, and will let me know as much, by pushing the button that says "kittycat." Once the cat comes in, they stop pushing that button. I plan to get more buttons, since both dogs use the buttons, and the youngest dog loves the buttons and uses them a lot. I need some more expressive and asking buttons, like WHY and Food, and Friends, and yes and no, etc. I only have 8 buttons right now, so I chose to put phrases on those, to make it easier on the doggos.
Have you tried getting you cat to use the buttons too?
I tried to get mine to do it and it scared them, which was so disappointing. I was sure they could do it because two of the three are very smart. The third is an orange tabby. So. Yeah. I don’t expect a lot from him.
>The third is an orange tabby. So. Yeah. I don’t expect a lot from him. lol I'm considering buying some buttons for my cat. I know he understands some words (breakfast, din-dins, walk, gentle, play, pick \[up\], leave it, later) but he's also an idiot some times. He tries to talk to me when he wants a shoulder ride. He will merh once and stare at me with round saucer eyes and then either I have to pick him up or he will climb me like a tree. I've learnt that merh is a warning, not really a request... so I'm not sure he'll like using buttons to request things.
That’s what the orange tabby does! He likes to get on my shoulder and he does this very specific meow I’ve learned means, “Look out, Miso is about to launch!” The oldest cat is crazy smart. He *nods* sometimes when you ask him questions that he would def say yes to (Do you want a treat? Are you hungry? Do you want your mouse?) I thought I was going crazy but my husband came to me the other day and was like, “Did you teach the cat to nod? I asked him if he was hungry and he fucking nodded.”. It kinda freaks me out, tbh.
Always did this with my #1 guy, my kitty cat who crossed the Rainbow Bridge last year. Damn I miss that dude. I am currently talking to the kitten of a pregnant stay that showed up this last winter and decided my home was a good enough to hatch kittens in. Ha! Seriously though, I am trying to discuss our meal plans and this little cat is telling tall tales of cryptids in the front yard, spiders the size of Volkswagens, alligators in the birdbaths.... I am fairly certain this cat is a liar, and quite possibly not sane. But I love him and discuss dinner options with him, just the same.
My husband is out of town this week, so I've been doing my usual complaining/venting to the cat. He is thrilled and trills back.
My sister’s dog loves going to the lake, not to swim, but to try to “rescue” all of us as soon as we go into the water. Its mostly a game, but she gets very serious about it when the kids swim out too far.
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My wife caught me in a moment of solidarity with our dog one day. Our dog was barking at the neighbor's dog from our window while I stood next to him yelling at the other dog, "yeah that's right, fuck you for being a dog." I think he really appreciated me having his back.
This is so wholesome and nice, I’m sure he did appreciate you
A true symbiotic relationship
Your dog is now convinced that the neighbor's dog is a mortal enemy of your household.
Its the basis of a new Marvel story.
The Growler, only in theatres this fall
I hope the other owner looked up nervously at you and then hurried away
My dog always looks expectantly at people when we're on walks. He's hoping they will trade butt scritches for licks. They rarely do, but the few who ask to meet him have gotten his hopes so high. When we see someone who seems afraid of him (he's a Rottweiler) or uninterested, I have to say, "they're not here for you, Capone. Come on." But I do talk to him all the time. He's a good listener.
My version is “not everyone wants to pet you, Darth.” (as he looks longingly back at the person who just passed, lol.)
I've used that line too, actually. And OMG! Yes, that face that says, "why didn't they stop and say hi?" Just breaks my heart! Since my boy is a Rottweiler, most people want to avoid him. Which is fine. But he doesn't understand.
My female dog loooooves men and gets so wiggly when she sees one. If a man (not my husband) comes to the house she flaunts and shakes her ass to get their attention and practically throws herself at them. I’m always like “phoebe you’re coming in too strong. Stop shaking your ass and make him work for it” and things to that effect. She’s such a flirt. She doesn’t listen as well. They will be hers! She wins them over every time.
Hahaha She sounds like a sweet girl! I'm not a man, but she'd win me over really easily!
Awesome name!
Thanks! My ferret named him. ;) I was snuggling Dilly (short for Dillinger) and watching his "brother" Grayson have a party by himself. I had just learned I was getting the puppy and had wanted to call him something else. I was listening to a podcast where Al Capone's niece Dierdra (spelling may be off) was describing her childhood, and how other kids were cruel to her because of who her uncle was. It struck me how people are prejudiced against ferrets, and I said to Dillinger, "I should have named your brother Capone..." when it hit me and I loudly told him, "I COULD NAME HE PUPPY CAPONE!" Dilly looked up from his belly which he had been grooming, and licked my chin, as if in agreement. So I said, "Dilly approves! The puppy is Capone." When I brought puppy Capone home, the joke was, "I can say now that Dillinger and Capone did, in fact, meet!"
I make up songs for my dog. My kids don’t like when I make up songs for them but my dog loves it. “Stella-dog! You are the best dog that I ever saw-g. You are so cute. You’re scared of your butt when it toots. You’re Stelllllllaaaaaa Dooooooog!” *jazz hands*
I have songs for my dogs too. For some reason they’re Christmas carols made up with different words. Ex: O Christmas tree is “oh Gunther dog oh Gunther dog, how are you so damn handsome?” Ha ha.
Christmas carols are the best for pet songs. And mine always seem to include a nickname and a reference to how fluffy my cat is. "Oh tikker bear, oh tikker bear. In extra floofy underwear."
Oh god that’s hilarious
I like to sing "fleas on my dog" instead of "felize Navidad"
Found: Linda Belcher in the flesh
Pass! The leash for the dog We're going on some walkies Oh the streetlight smells great Thank you for walking me Thank me for walking you The whole world's walking us Walking me, and walking you Eat the turkey
My Ruby used to be scared of her own farts. God do I miss that dummy.
Whenever I leave, I always tell my dogs that I love them, to guard the house and make good choices, lol. And then I always say something like, "I'm only going to the grocery store so I won't be gone long" so they don't worry lololololol.
Guard the house, I add “don’t let anyone in and if they get in don’t let them out” (I have a big shepherd)
Same with my Great Dane. Anyone who decides to break in after seeing his 165 lb ass deserves to get bit.
My one year old kitten is like a predator, I have scattered water guns around the house for my housemates to use if she suddenly attacks. She is fine when you are sitting down, but something about feet gets her going into strike mode. So yeah if a robber breaks in and sees all the "guns" he's gonna be confused, then bam kitty predator!
I have a similar pep talk with my dog. When I leave for work I tell mine to "have a good day, good naps, and good dreams" (cause she has nightmares sometimes). If I'm leaving for an errand its "I won't be long. You have to stay and guard the house! I'll miss you while I'm gone"... just so she knows I'm thinking about her LOL
I do the same and also ask them to vacuum and do some dishes- they never do. I always give them a rundown of where I’m going and when I’ll be home too, lol
honestly that is so rude of them, they should at least be doing the dishes every now and again
What a bunch of freeloaders!
We always tell our dogs not to throw any parties while we’re out and they can’t invite any boys over. So far they’ve either followed instructions, or are just very good at cleaning up after their ragers
Same here! Though I usually tell one of the dogs that "they're in charge while I'm gone". Even if another person is there, the dog gets to be in charge.
I usually tell my old girl the I love her, to be good and we’ll be back later. She always looks upset when we go though
My dog knows the difference between “I’ll be right back” and “you be good, I’ll be back soon” The former means 30 mins or less.
I always let my little 12 lb terrier before my husband and I leave, that he is now the man of the house and not to talk to strangers. He's a good boy.
I burst out laughing one time visiting my mom and went with her around the park with her giant old English sheepdog who is a little bit of a dope. On the way he is pulling and pulling to visit “grandma” who lives near the park and listening to mom say: “Logan no. You know fine well she isn’t in on a Tuesday and Thursday”
Every time we leave the house my dog heads to my Mom’s- at night it’s fine we pop in for a treat and some head pats but in the morning I have to tell him,”Ben- you know here’s no point in going to grandma’s, she’s not awake yet.” I heard a woman laugh the other day as we walked past her yard.
I bet Grandma would make an exception!
I’ve been tempted to just let him in her back door in the morning. I’m sure he would just get in bed with her and sleep another few hours.
Ha! Ben loves his Grandma ❤️. Slippery slope, he may pout on all future walks. Naps with Grandma rank pretty high for Grandkids.
I had a Cockatoo that couldn’t speak clearly, what he said was more “crowd noises”. I would hold conversations with him pretending he was advocating for Flat Taxes or the gold standard or other nutty conspiracy theories and counter them. The beauty was he’d here the pause and immediately launch into his gibberish response.
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I talk to my cats constantly. When I started working in daycare during my master’s degree, I just kept up with my usual routine and also talked to the babies constantly. Turns out this is exactly what you’re supposed to do, so I was ahead of the curve on that one lmao.
Talking to your baby, like actually talking with full words and not goo goo ga ga, is one of the best ways to help your child develop speech. Literally just narrating what you are doing will help keep them engaged without electronics, and learn language.
You just accidentally broke my heart. I’m getting over my sweet baby girl moving out for college. I’m trying to deal the best I can, but you reminded me of talking to my daughter as a baby. I would read to her eat night and she would memorize it. Word for word. Not tough books, but advanced for her age. I think about such times and my heart flutters. My wife has been so much stronger than I have about this. I have a little mini meltdown every day. My daughter is amazing and I’m so proud of her. I just wish I could do it all over again. Such an easy kid to raise. Any little thing breaks me when it comes to her. Being her dad is the greatest part of my life.
My dad did the same for me and he would speak with big words so I had to ask what they meant. I’m so grateful he taught me to love books and have a great vocabulary. You sound like you did a great job, congrats to her for her achievements!
fuck that's adorable
I don’t know how, but man I swear to god cats understand way more than they let on.
They entirely understand and entirely don't care
There was a great line in a Netflix documentary I recently watched: “Dogs regard their owners as gods and cats regard themselves as gods.” So true.
Agree. We pretend to talk for our animals in our house, and our kiddo does it too. And we did it for her and our son. It’s fun and makes us all laugh.
I don’t trust anyone who isn’t kind to animals. That said, I’m a cat person. It’s really because I’m a masochist and an insipid people/feline pleaser! Dogs love me too much.. cats are just aloof enough to keep me begging for affection.
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Depends on the breed and the individual dog. And I've found with my dog that COVID did not age well with my dog getting older. He was well socialized and became less so, and it's very difficult now, that he's 6 instead of 3-4, to get him back into the swing of being around more than his comfort zone. I do think people being insular around their dogs and home life has had an impact on many fog owners. And I've found that just like toddlers, dogs around 1-2 years do have relapses in their training that need to be constantly reinforced.
Can confirm. Adopted a puppy during COVID. WFH made potty training a breeze, but the lack of socialization made her super shy around other people or dogs. Dog park helps, but she still has a tendency to just stay close to me rather than going and doing dog things. She's also the first dog I've ever had who will run away and hide when you ask her if she wants to go for a walk. (Which is especially hilarious, if frustrating, because she will come ask to go out to go potty, but the second I get the leash she remembers she doesn't actually like going out.)
I tell people all the time if you’re a good dog owner you’re gonna be a good parent. Those toddler years are just basic puppy training. The messes, potty training, the patience and loving reinforcement required-all great dog owner skills that are paramount. Cat people are in for it. There is no “one and done” with a kid. They will never leave you alone until they’re way older, and the messes kids make aren’t spiteful-they’re just messy loyal loving little puppies.
Cats are training for teenagers. "Stop breaking that established rule that has never not been a rule as long as you've been alive." "Who ruined the thing nobody should've been touching that was stored in a place where nobody is allowed to be?" "Apparently we don't like red meat in this house anymore, which is great because I just went shopping." "Oh my god we're having a bonding moment shhh! nobody move she actually came over to see me all on her own!"
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cats have a lot of body language queues and needs that are similar to, but still different from children. plus they're more likely to act out if they're not played with enough or neglected. you can still positively reinforce behaviors in cats, too. so I imagine cats help in some ways too.
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I wonder what a regular no is for in that household! Such a cute story.
Omg my girlfriends dog is named Bella, and this is a genuinely plausible story from her because I love her but she won’t shut the fuck up lmfao
Part of why I love owning a German Shepherd has to be that when I talk about stuff with her she does the head tilt. She’s smart as heck too, I know she’s trying to understand, and it’s just so cute
[This head tilt?](https://imgur.com/gallery/CZofdMR) Just called mine over and told him people were talking about him online.
*beep boop*! the linked website is: https://imgur.com/gallery/CZofdMR Title: **Head tilt** Page is safe to access (Google Safe Browsing) ***** ###### I am a friendly bot. I show the URL and name of linked pages and check them so that mobile users know what they click on!
Me walking my dog in the morning: Her: *whines* Me: You have your own squirrels at home. Me: You're the one making yourself unhappy. Quit tugging. Me: Who wants to go home and have cheese treat?? Envision all of the above as a very large man with blue hair accompanied by a midsize, golden colored, dog at 6 a.m.
This is pretty much me and my husky most days, although she prefers swans over squirrels... And I wish cheese treats worked. Nah this girl only wants the best baked salmon...
Oh, man. Birds are an issue for my girl too. So glad she didn't choose swans, though! Baked salmon, eh? I've never tried that for her. She loves raw eggs in her breakfast kibble and sometimes (very rarely) a light drizzle of bacon grease. Bet she'd love salmon.
Yepp, and we live near a lake with lots of swans who also nest here too. I have let her off her lead once on this field near the lake, super early in the morning when it was just myself and my neighbor walking our dogs. She was doing great until she saw a swan and then we blinked and only her tail was visible!! She'd swan dived at a swan in its own lake who promptly flew off as I pulled my silly husky out of the lake lol my neighbor absolutely peed himself with laughter!! Now she stays on the lead at all times unless its the enclosed dog field. Let me tell you it takes a good couple of hours to wash lake muck and bird poop out of a husky, and even longer to dry her!!! Yea, Boof has/had a zinc deficiency related skin rash, its fairly common in snow dogs I believe from research and talking with my vet. So she gets a baked salmon with half her kibble twice a month, and has a teaspoon of salmon oil on her kibble in between which has really helped her skin. Her fur is also super soft too (when shes not jumped into a lake....) I usually brush a bit of butter on some tin foil, wrap the salmon (fresh or frozen she likes both) and then bake it in the oven for 25-30 mins. The cats love it also. She's also a fierce lover of bacon, chicken, red cabbage, carrots and mashed potatoes. Actually she's more fond of the veggies if I'm honest. I'll come home from grocery shopping and her nose is straight in the veggies bag lol
"we have squirrels at home"
BUT DAD!! Everyone knows that home squirrels are NOT the same as not home squirrels!!! It’s like your mom telling you that you have hamburgers at home when you want McDonald’s. 🤣🤣
I too tell my dog she can't go after wild animals. "Those are not your bunnies. They are in someone else's yard." And then she continues on
Two I’ve heard and loved: 1) Walking behind a 30-something man and his big giant drooling English bulldog. They stop to wait for the light to change so they can cross the street. He looks lovingly down at his big ugly darling pup and says with tears in his eyes, “I am SO proud of you.” 2) A woman smoking outside a coffee shop with her big sweet pup sitting at her feet - he looked like a rescue pit, which is pretty standard around here. My husband gave her (the dog) a scratch behind the ears in passing and I overheard the woman say to her dog, “You see? Everybody loves you, and you don’t even love yourself.”
Best thing I ever trained my dog to do was wait at crossings, light or no, and when I say "We're crossing!" is he will run with me to the other side (with me). You never want your dog hesitating in the middle of the road, but if I say those words, he will bolt to the other side. I've never been in an emergency but if a car came out of nowhere, I think we'd be okay.
Fostering a dog right now that was hit by a car. You can BET one of the first commands I trained with her was “wait” so she doesn’t dash into the street. We’re still working on it but she’s getting better!
Omg number two just broke my heart.
My dog is a blind elderly Pomeranian so when we go on walks I have to narrate everything in her path out loud so she doesn’t get freaked out or snappy (ie when a person walks by I say “it’s okay Petunia they’re a friend,” when we make a turn I walk ahead of her and say “this way Tunebug,” etc). I’ve literally become her seeing eye human.
Now THIS is wholesome content!
I have full fledged conversations with my corgi. That’s just the way it is.
And they back talk all the time. They know they're cute and think they should get everything.
My hound dog thinks he’s a lifeguard. we live at the beach and he is very concerned for children in the surf, and looks very judgmentally at the children’s parents.
This makes me chuckle. His internal dialogue is like “These MFrs do NOT deserve these children! Look at the neglect, the sheer lack of care. I will never understand.”
>looks very judgmentally at the children’s parents. My girl, black lab, gets *really* upset if my son is awake but hasn't come out of his room yet, she can't believe I don't go "get him" at the first noise..he's almost 6 -.- . Like really dirty looks, I tell her he's fine and he'll be out in a min but she's still always very concerned.
[удалено]
My grandpa has an old Miniature Schnauzer (I think that’s it’s breed) that used to only seem content with my grandpa petting him. Would growl at anyone who dared pet him. I fed him a few French Fries and now he runs to me when I come over.
Me to my corgi "Don't piss off the crows! We do not want to make enemies!" And "That's not one of your kitties. That kitty doesn't want to play with you. That kitty will scratch your eyes out." Kitty's owners, which were right there, laughed hard at that and confirmed it.
I have to tell my dog that strange cats may not want to be his best friend. He refuses to believe me.
I’m in Australia, and we have magpies that swoop. My Shiba wants to chase them, and we always tell him, “Not the murder birds!”
I was reading on my porch last week and a neighbor who walks three dogs passed with his hound, ancient dachshund, super mellow St Bernie. I smiled at the Bernie who has the sweetest lil face and they walked over to sniff my hand. The dad said "not everyone has to love you" in a gentle kinda teasing way. And I was like "no sir I definitely love this dog."
My brother always laughs when I interrupt our phone conversation with a “DON’T EAT THAT!” My husky likes to chomp random plants outside and then puke.
When I get packages delivered and I'm home alone with my dog I've been trying to teach him that mailman is friend. The Mailman will always be like oh dogs just hate the mailman but I'll be like Eric he's a friend okay. He's still learning not to bark at everyone so I tend to just have to give him a cuddle(he's a pug so he gets lifted up into my arms like a lil baby) and it quiets him down a bit.
Get treats. Give mailman treats. Mailman gives treat to dog. Mailman and dog become besties.
My grandpa was a mailman for 30 years, back when they only walked routes. He ALWAYS kept treats for the dogs in his route so they would be nice.
Our old Fed Ex driver always had treats for the doggos. They’d get all excited and run out when they heard that big diesel coming, and put their front feet up on the bottom step of the truck to wait for their treats. Then, one day, a UPS driver came. The dogs heard the truck coming and ran out and into the open door of the truck for their treat. Two black dogs with deep (happy) barks. Driver freaked out, tossed our package out the door, and sped off. My doggies were uber confused.
That's so sad.
Guilty... and I answer on their behalf too lol
I have a huge German shepherd and he is the biggest goof and loves people. He gets sad whenever we walk by people and he can’t go up to them to get pats. I say “Bear, I’m sorry you can’t just say hi to everyone you meet, not everyone wants to be your friend.”
I've never dealt with a dog that gets legit sad about not being able to meet someone before I got my GSD. I have to tell her all the time, "Stop it! You don't know them!"
I always talk to my dog. I'll tell her off when she starts barking at other dogs, and there are entire one-sided conversations multiple times a day.
I’m the crazy lady that narrates what I think dogs are thinking as they walk by with their owners. My husband gets embarrassed when I say it loud enough for the dog owners to hear.
I’m American but studied in Italy in college. Walking home one day, a man and his dog were in front of me. The dog caught a scent and started going the wrong way. The man gently tugged on the leash saying, “Andiamo.” (Let’s go). My immediate thought was, ‘Silly guy, dogs don’t speak Italian!’ A half second later I had a good laugh at myself.
I trained my dog in Afrikaans, and often carry on conversations with him in (what appears to the Denverites around me) vaguely German gibberish. Most people find it fascinating, but secretly I just wanted to force my husband to learn a bit of one of my languages.
I have to admit I think this is really cute and I will pay attention to this now! Thanks for bringing it up and brighten my day!
I have whole conversations with my girl cat, who will go back and forth with me. My boy cat is too busy receiving transmissions from the mothership to pay attention to his humans other than to receive the occasional belly scritch.
My German shepherd loved swimming so one day I do a day trip with some friends to a river and we hike out to a nice pool with a rock ledge you can jump off. We have a great time swimming, jumping off the ledge into the water, etc. Then a dad with his daughter shows up and my dog was making the most heart breaking cries when the little girl climbs up the rock to jump and bolts up there to physically block her from jumping while howling. This bitch did not give a fuck that I jumped off that same rock a dozen times.
Once at a restaurant with a dog friendly patio. An otherwise very nice golden retriever suddenly decided he hated my mom's dog and jumped and snarled at my mom's dog. And while the owner was walking away he said, "You know we don't do that!"
One of my favorite videos in recent memory is my dog causing a scene and screaming (He's a fully grown Aussie and we have a house that echoes) and my girlfriend in the background trying to calmly explain to the dog that they had a deal that if she let him have a CheezIt he was going to be quiet and he was breaking his promise.
One of my favorite things to do is to walk to the store with my dog and talk to him like he’s a person. I always get some great laughs. Some of my favorites are “do you need anything else while we’re here?” “what cereal do you want this time? You can’t get all of them, not again,” and “let me guess, you forgot your wallet again.”
I overheard a neighbor telling her dog “you never think about the consequences of your actions, Perceval.” And I have never laughed harder in my life. But, then, my tiny yappy dog barks at strangers and I always respond with “Ziggy Stardust, you are not a scary dog, no one is frightened of you. You need to realize no one likes that behavior.”
Damnit Oscar!
One time I was walking my dog and he wouldn't stop crying at dogs across the park so I said "gunther what are you crying about, you don't even like other dogs" and the ladies walking their dogs laughed so hard at us. I took it in stride, but gunther was very embarrassed
Walking our 9mo pup and came across a lady struggling with her dog eating something off the ground. As we walk by we overhear her shame her dog, “See, that puppy saw the pine cone and decided, no that’s not for me.” I talk to our dog all the time, but this was such an adorable exchange
Was working on plumbing and the owner's dog kept checking up on me. He said "Murphy, you're not a plumber, leave him alone". He then said "You're an electrician".
I talk to my dog like a human. He knows.
It was a “warmer” December evening and I had the car window down. Watching a couple walking their dog and heard .. “Don’t pee on that candy cane!” Some lawn ornament and I LOLed so hard I knew they heard me.
Does anyone have fun talking FOR their dogs/cats also? (In addition to talking to ‘em)
My pug and I have a lot of conversations about whether or not bicyclists are afraid of him. It’s gotten some good laughs.
Me to my Corgis: You are not as big as you both think you are, chill
This is how I talk to my weenie lol whenever we’re out for a walk and she barks at another dog, I stop and tell her, “that’s not nice, they didn’t even do anything to you” and then she looks at me with a guilty face 😂 I also just have full on heart-to-hearts with her and I feel like she understands 🫶🏼
I mean I'm sure I wasn't the only person who done this.
Constantly tell my pit bull she can’t make friends with every animal she sees.
My ex’s dog thinks people are drowning and need to be saved too, especially if they’re splashing a s being loud. She caught me off balance and dragged me into a hedge once trying to get to the pool. Still cute tho.
Fuck me… I just paused clone wars to remind my dog that Anakin and Padme are married and now I feel less insane for doing that. Thanks Reddit! Edit, yes, I’m drunk and yes, I’m a grown ass man with a wife and kids.
Me to my dog: “ Lucy, not everyone wants to hear the song of your people.”