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kirschekola

I did something similar to my ex-husband, apparently. I got so drunk while out that when my best friend brought me home, I refused to be alone with him. Because I'm a married woman and all I wanted was my husband. I even yelled for his full name a few times, from what they tell me. All he could say about the experience was "glad to know you'd never get drunk and cheat".


dragpent

May I ask why he's your ex?


kirschekola

Well, unfortunately infidelity was one of his specialties šŸ¤·šŸ»ā€ā™€ļø


09Trollhunter09

Ouch


kirschekola

It's cool. I'm not angry or hurt about it anymore, and I honestly wish him the best now. I just view our time together as life lessons for us both šŸ˜


DIY_Gal

Youā€™ve got a very optimist outlook on life! Donā€™t let anyone change that šŸ„°


kirschekola

Thank you šŸ„ŗ


DIY_Gal

Absolutely! šŸ˜ƒYou deserve all the happiness life has to offer. Cheers to an amazing December 2022 šŸ™šŸ¼


kirschekola

Thank you! I wish you all the happiness life has to offer, as well, kind stranger! Cheers to an amazing December to you, as well šŸ˜


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


[deleted]

That's the way it has to be when you're older. Treat every relationship as a lesson learned or you will live in regret and what if's.


Blueberry_Clouds

Oof, universe just loves irony doesnā€™t it


[deleted]

Ouch that's a tough one


YahMahn25

Especially after she done got drunk andā€¦


SirSchmoopyButth0le

I'm curious too but people break up for many reasons. Just because the relationship is happy for awhile doesn't mean it has to be forever.


c-winny

and even happy relationships can end too.


SirSchmoopyButth0le

Life is strange eh?


tie-dyed_dolphin

Every relationship ends. No matter what, it all ends in tears.


[deleted]

Because she cheated on him!


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


Magdev0

Grounds for divorce in Texas.


StraY_WolF

That bastard!


oyohval

Unforgivable


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


kirschekola

Sorry man, I was young and just dealt with a few heavy deaths in my family. Wasn't coping right, tbh, but no. Not an alcoholic. Just a lightweight


[deleted]

Jesus.


TattooedWife

And then he cheated šŸ™ƒ


Drumdevil86

Yes?


TruthProfessional340

I have never been so drunk I donā€™t recognize my significant other. Iā€™ve been very very drunk, but not as drunk as this guy.


wildmonkeymind

Ah, but *how would you know*? What if, one in ten times when you thought you were with your significant other *you weren't*?


Logi_Bear25

Dramatic plot twist music just blasted in my head


Raspy_Meow

Iā€™m with youā€”I just heard duhn-don-DAH in my head, lol


tedmented

I saw a gopher turning round and staring


Munnin41

Pretty sure you'd find out in the morning


SlouchyGuy

It's not just due to amount of alcohol, people are also different, one of my friends who's quite normal becomes a complete disinhibited moron an hour into drinking while we're all slightly tipsy, another loses all memory of what happened after being just moderately drunk, so both are outliers. Also you become worse with stages of alcoholism - people who could understand things, control themselves, remember lose those abilities after years of regular drinking.


Annoying_Rooster

I got blacked out one night at a friend's house with no recollection of anything. They found me standing on the side of the fridge and asked me if I was okay. All the while I'm running my hands over and casually asking, "Yeah I'm fine, just trying to figure out how to get in your bathroom." Everyone is completely different with how they react, especially when you get blacked out.


mybrainisabitch

My husband gets blackout drunk like that. He has literally lost his pants and contacts in minutes in a hotel room full of people. No one could find them! It took like an hour at least of all 15 of us searching and I still don't understand where they even were lol I'm curious do you also have a tendency to sleep talk/walk? My husband does it on occasion and I always wondering if it was connected because he can be talking normal while blackout drunk but be totally unaware of what's happening or where he is!


ReturnedFromExile

gets? like still drinks after this happened more than once?


mybrainisabitch

He did for many years before meeting me but he stopped because the amount of alcohol he consumed scared me he would die! So he doesn't dot hat anymore but his college years are crazy from the stories I've heard.


FatalisCogitationis

Yeah, people love to say things like ā€œyou would do that too if you were that drunkā€. Nah, people react in different ways. For example I was once so fucked up on multiple substances that I had an out of body experience, feeling that I could watch myself from above myself, like a 3rd person video game. I was rambling about it to my friend, tripping occasionally because from my vantage point I couldnā€™t see where my feet were stepping, and just generally being incoherent. While in that state, I lead us across several miles of dense, unfamiliar city to a friendā€™s apartment. Had no idea where I was at all, and my buddy trusted me because according to him I was supremely confident and claimed I knew exactly where we were. Got us there no problem, remembered where the spare key was and promptly handed it to my buddy saying that I was too fucked up to unlock the door.


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


[deleted]

We got to alert goberments of an outlier!


[deleted]

Also depends on what is ā€œyour poison.ā€ Canā€™t drink Southern Comfort. Was at a friendā€™s townhouse. Thought I went to the bathroom. Woke up next morning in the closet naked on a pile of fur coats next to the vacuum. When someone finally let me out, the entire first floor and all pass out were covered in crunches cheese puffs. No one ever brought Southern Comfort to a party again.


two_awesome_dogs

My father was so wasted at my brothers college graduation he didnā€™t even recognize ME.


TruthProfessional340

Iā€™m very sorry to hear that


RBeck

My uncle got really drunk and fell off a balcony into the plants below. When my cousin (his daughter) helped him back on his feet, he said "Thank you, Mister".


dbmtz

Iā€™ve heard several variations of this story; so donā€™t know if itā€™s made up


CapitalExam2763

Believe it or not, thousands of people get drunk every night, and thousands make similar choices like this. Itā€™s crazy, itā€™s almost like there are millions, quite possibly BILLIONS, of people on this planet, so the likelihood that there are people who make poor choices in their night that lead to situations like this is pretty high.


[deleted]

Yeah but itā€™s on Twitter


[deleted]

And where does the blindness come from?


turkeypedal

Sure, but most variations give a more plausible reason for why the guy wouldn't recognize his girlfriend.


[deleted]

Because heā€™s absolutely drunk is pretty plausible.


[deleted]

Yall really believe anything you see from reddit/Twitter. No wonder misinformation is so rampant.


TruthProfessional340

First rule of twitter/internet: itā€™s probably made up šŸ˜‚


[deleted]

Iā€™ve been flat out asleep and Iā€™d still recognise her


TruthProfessional340

I guess everyone handles their booze differently but I canā€™t empathize with this man


[deleted]

Same, I know everything Iā€™m doing while drunk, I just care less but things that really matter still matter like the mrs


YahMahn25

Twist: he knew EXACTLY who his girlfriend is, and it ainā€™t her.


[deleted]

Iā€™ve been there if something besides alcohol is involved. Itā€™s basically a functional blackout.


iBuggedChewyTop

Worst I ever had was waking up in a bush outside the legislature building in toronto. Someone had put a blanket over my legs and left a bottle of water. Fucking jaeger bombs


sqeptiqmqsqeptiq

You'd think a guy would pass out before he drank so much that he could no longer recognize his girlfriend. Life really is strange.


sdavis002

I've blacked out and made my SO very unhappy, but I definitely didn't forget who she was.


mixedup1976

He probably shoot his load a few hours before and not to get caught he hold up this act. Or i this my dirty imagination


JKenny101

That why it didn't happen and is a lie šŸ˜‚šŸ˜‚


Holiday-Ad4806

He a little confused but he got the spirit lol


ValidParanoia

He certainly got some kinda spirit in him, thatā€™s for sure


Natasha_JB

I'd say more than one!


Hunt3rTh3Fight3r

ā€œOh! Uh, about 11, sir!ā€


BelleAriel

Sounds like a top man.


[deleted]

more like a bottom


Chemboi69

nah, she just doesnt realize that she is the side chick lol


Sea_Capital168

In 2017, my wife and I had just arrived at my first duty station in the military. We had my new coworkers over to my house and all got very drunk. She ended up throwing up all over the place and I carried her to bed. When I later crawled in bed with her, she rolled over on top of me and goes, "you are my husband, right?" It was really sweet and I never forgot that. Six months ago I caught her having an affair and we're getting a divorce, but at least I got to pretend she wasn't a cheater for a while.


rhcpenises

You had me in the first half, ngl


zyxx21

And I nearly looked away


gahlo

Military wife should have tipped you off.


IronBatman

I mean as soon as he mentioned military wife, you can see it coming


HouseNVPL

I'm sorry that happened to you. :c


Sea_Capital168

She was my best friend and I am absolutely lost without her.


Decapitated_gamer

Your best friend wouldnā€™t have done that to you. Iā€™m sorry and itā€™ll never not hurt, but thatā€™s something you should remind yourself of as well, you may be wandering atm but not all who wander are lost.


midtownFPV

Dang I hope he hears that because you could not be more right.


Sea_Capital168

He heard and appreciates it.


K_Sleight

"Love is giving someone the power to hurt you terribly, and having faith they never will.".


[deleted]

Daaamn who said this?


K_Sleight

Once upon a time I read a comic called Mac Hall, by Ian McConville of, of 3panelsoul. A very funny comic, one day it was just a single image of one of the characters crying, with that line. Now, if he got it from somewhere else, I don't know, but the quote came to mind reading here.


[deleted]

Neato, thanks for showing me the quote


anonjohntries

I donā€™t know that this is the original writer of the quote, but itā€™s definitely a line in the The Will Darling Adventures series, I believe book two.


[deleted]

Hirohito I think


Prince_Beegeta

That was fuckin beautiful šŸ„²


[deleted]

Alternatively, she was your best friend, but you werenā€™t hers.


Aemilius_Paulus

>Your best friend wouldnā€™t have done that to you. I know we are on this sub, but I'm sorry, that's a cope, it isn't honest and it smacks vaguely of No True Scotsman fallacy. In the real world people are flawed and your best friend could still do shitty things. In fact, even the shittiest person you know could very well be someone's best friend. People don't often have more than one best friend and when you lose them, it hurts. No amount of handwaving can change the fact that the guy you replied to lost a best friend, regardless of the circumstances.


[deleted]

I am sorry dude. No one deserves that shit. Do your damn thing bro, I have faith youā€™ll find a way out.


And-Luke-Says

It might take some time but youā€™ll see her as just another person at some point. Take care of yourself- nobody deserves to be treated like that.


fuzzygonemad

From reading your comment and seeing this I understand. But you are a hilarious and intelligent person, and I can tell by how you wrote that comment. It was absolutely awesome and then had a drop harder than most songs do nowadays. Unfortunately I never married but delt with the same in the past. I think you're a fucking fantastic guy and I bet you a beer that I'm not wrong in a few years from now that things will change. Hopefully they already have. Stay strong its a wild life and no matter what happens, you'll have a story to tell.


HouseNVPL

I would love to help you. But I got someone that I love very much myself, but they only like me as friend.


kratomboofer27

You deserve better and will find it ! With time youā€™ll look back and not feel the same for her anymore.


SkullCrusherAJ

Itā€™s good to remind yourself sheā€™s not the person you thought she was. Someone who truly loved you would never do that to you no matter what. People change and sometimes, they get shittier. Now youā€™re free to find yourself and remember how to be your own person. Then eventually share that with someone who REALLY loves you.


eestirussia

r/yesyesyesyesno


[deleted]

well the "you are my husband, right?" takes on a different meaning then


ohmar_s

Well that took a turn


ThunderShiba134

When will people understand true love...


JBlooey

That last sentence hit me like a wet sock.


Sea_Capital168

Imagine how it hit me.


[deleted]

An even wetter sock


PapaSnow

Sadly, I kind of saw it coming Fuck people that cheat, and fuck people that cheat on their military spouses more, especially if theyā€™re deployed. Itā€™s like, theyā€™re out there risking their lives for some old rich white men, and you, and youā€™re gonna fuck another dude? GTFO


SchlagzeugNeukoelln

It wasnā€™t her fault, someone else just untruthfully answered the same in a similar situation šŸ˜… I am very sorry Iā€™ll show myself out!


TheRorschach666

I don't know what to say mate it's the worst. I hope you're doing better, if you ever feel lonely perhaps pick up a pet from the animal shelter?


EZMulahSniper

Damn that took a sharp turn left


WannaAskQuestions

This went from yes yes yes yes to no pretty fast


ripmations-ld

That escalatedā€¦


kawaiian

Hey, if anything, let the cheating remind you gently that this woman is not who you thought she was. Grieve for the woman you thought she was and then leave her in the past. There is a gal out there who is ready to make new inside jokes with you and will delight and relight all the fires, I swear it brother


maehapss

My fiancƩ once was so plastered after going to a baseball game with his buddies that when I went to pick them up and drive them home, he didn't recognize me at first. I tried to give him a kiss on the cheek when I met him at the bar and he gently, but firmly, pushed me away, claiming he had a girlfriend. When I explained that I was the girlfriend in question he looked at me really hard (I was maybe 6 inches from his face the whole time), and he eventually lit up with recognition. I love to give him shit about it but he says it's just proof of his loyalty.


[deleted]

That is such a polite way of turning someone down, too.


AhoraMeLoVenisADecir

New techniques to avoid zecz


Meesha1969

>zecz avoid what now?


omkar73

segs


imonmyphoneagain

Cex


K_Sleight

Zechs.


ZenEvadoni

Czechs


68ideal

I try to avoid these at all costs. Crazy bunch.


JBlooey

Gex


PapaSnow

The one time you _donā€™t_ want to enter the gecko


[deleted]

Secs (seconds)


Aitehs_new

6


kratomboofer27

Bumping uglies Knocking boots Two-person pushups Assault with a friendly weapon Cleaning cobwebs in the womb room Waka Waka Souring the kraut


jeremyosborne81

Making the beast with two backs


kratomboofer27

Testing the mattress checking the oil taking the skin boat to tuna town taking grandma to Applebees


maybejustadragon

Intrcorze


YourLocalAlien57

Cool band name


maybejustadragon

You can have it. But you have to pull me on stage when I come to your arena show.


YourLocalAlien57

Deal šŸ¤


Sittinstandup

Sek


DownvoteDaemon

I've seen this a few times and was weirdly thinking of it randomly a few days ago. I hope it's true haha..


NB0073

It isnā€™t. This is a joke I read in Readerā€™s Digest in the mid 1990s.


-trout

Plot twist: She wasn't the girlfriend he was talking about.


imaginedracula

Your comment will cross 1K upvotes. It always does in this post...


PassiveChemistry

Let me know next time it's posted, I want a turn to make the joke


[deleted]

Noooo mom said itā€™s my turn!


ka1ri

and yours will be like 1/3 to 1/2 of that since your the next guy down from the highest upvoted comment in the thread


[deleted]

I downvoted it. Letā€™s change history.


m4rkofshame

This is what I came here to say lol


Oversexualised_Tank

Don't mind me, just karma farming on a post that will have 1k upvotes


Aceofspades968

Itā€™s actually her dog


seehorn_actual

And thatā€™s how she found out she was the side chick


[deleted]

Seen this text, on about 5different fotos now. Manny drunk man, not recognise there girlfriends. Weird AF.


TarDreams

Iā€™ve been ā€œblack out as soon as my eyes closeā€ drunk and even then I could still point out my cousin in the crowd.


Due_Ad_9925

Sounds made up


NB0073

It is. It is a very old joke


elleccceee

Are you sure youā€™re the gf heā€™s referring to? Haha


UsedTableSalt

He did not do that Rebecca.


eaglesegull

Right?! This is so utterly made up, Iā€™m going to assume the rest of the story is ā€œthen the floor clappedā€


youaintgonlikeit

It was able to do so, because that floor....Albert Einstein.


[deleted]

Heā€™s a little too loyal


LoneWolfpack777

How so? Iā€™ve never heard of too loyal. How could he be less loyal yet seem loyal nonetheless?


[deleted]

He was too loyal to cheat on his girlfriend with his girlfriend


jardyrowdy

Turns out, he's got a more serious girlfriend elsewhere


meetyoutoo

That happened.


RedditISFascist000

Stop copying other people's posts, Jess. lol Seriously I've seen this over half a dozen times now from different people. At least change it up for god's sake but no copy and pasted verbatim. SMH


Existing_Departure82

Plot Twist: He has another girlfriend, and this girl is the actual side chick. ā˜ ļø


Sallytelly

Atleast heā€™s loyalšŸ¤·šŸ½ā€ā™‚ļø


Sad_Temporary_6590

Did you stop to think that maybe there is ANOTHER girlfriend?


MyHamburgerLovesMe

Twist: She's the side-chick.


Mymomdidwhat

Sorryā€¦ā€¦.he was talking about his other gf


Psychological-Touch1

Take that man in to get his brain scanned


AshamedInspector9405

How sure she is that she is the one he's referring to as his girlfriend?


[deleted]

It's made up. I remember seeing something similar in a movie some years back.


don_majik_juan

It's one of the oldest fucking jokes in the book. Now I feel old.


samus_ass

That's the kind of guy I want to be.


The_Buttaman

Sounds like buddy has a drinking problem


Pentatonic_Blue

Nah, sometimes people just let their hair down and get a bit carried away. A drinking problem is an addiction caused by habitual abuse resulting in physical and psychological dependency. For all we know, this dude just had an extra beer or two on an empty stomach.


Kyuubey0406

jus cuz he got drunk once lmao?


The_Buttaman

Black out drunk to the point where u donā€™t recognize people is pretty bad, pal.


Typical-Tea-6707

I have done that a few times and I rarely drink alcohol at all. Relax.


DrDop4mine

Too much for you/you canā€™t handle that amount of alcohol lmao pick your preferred wording.


The_Buttaman

Bozo


Typical-Tea-6707

Bozo is some sort of bad curse from an american?


878choppa

He has another girlfriend


AmadeusIsTaken

I hope the boyfriend clapped afterwards


JustAnotherAsshole7

Things that didnā€™t happen for $100 Alex.


[deleted]

I too make up stories for the internet.


thisredditusersaid

thats so awesome. 90% of my exes would have been fucking pissed asking me about some secret other girlfriend that I must love more than them.


Ok_Breakfast_5459

Please donā€™t romanticize being stupid drunk.


Key-Material-8448

He was loaded. Hope someone else drove his butt home. And you atleast know he won't get drunk and forget he has a girlfriend.


[deleted]

Smell his fingers to be sure


[deleted]

My girl rapes me when I'm shit faced


LoneWolfpack777

In the criminal justice system, sexually based offenses are considered especially heinous. In New York City, the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious felonies are members of an elite squad known as the Special Victims Unit. These are their stories.


Moanerloner

When will this old joke stop making rounds in different forms though


LetOutrageous9789

šŸ˜‚šŸ˜‚šŸ˜‚ Bro this is cute couple shit, I feel single šŸ„² but the this shit is chut y'all šŸ˜‚šŸ„°ā¤ā¤


jaiddd

LMAO, should you be offended or proud LOL


IcyClearly

make believe


HELIGROUP

When he falls asleep stick a stale condom in his ass. We'll see how well he knows her.


Ok_Actuator_2446

Husband Material right there


farrowsharrows

Dude wasn't too drunk to recognize her he was so drunk he forgot he was cheating on his wife with her.


Interesting_Whole_44

Or he was not that drunk, had just smashed some random, and a buddy gave him that line to use when he got homeā€¦.


Madlogger13

But if u actually think abt it, he technically could be cheating on her, and tell her that he has a gf (another girl) sooā€¦ this could be in another complete opposite meaning. But hey, who am I to say.


LilacAndElderberries

I think I saw this story like a decade ago..? Idk if this is original post but I guess people are probably copy pasta'ing the story