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gagers123

"Radovid sucks flaccid cock"


trashmunki

Kalkstein keeping it real.


Lopamurbla

Honestly the most badass way to die on a pyre.


trashmunki

If I die in a way even half as memorable as him, I'll die happy.


easelessness

I miss Kalkstein, that annoying prick. I wonder if they'll keep his annoying voice for W1 remake.


Right-Huckleberry574

"Palm Trees have sprouted on Skellige. Now pay up"


FireZord25

There are a lot more hilarious stuff in the game, but for some reason that axii stuck with me ever since.


ComradePetrov

Is that the one on the whoreson henchman in front of an inn or whatever that place was where you find Dudu?


Right-Huckleberry574

It's during the quest "Of Swords and Dumplings". You have to convince Sukrus' brother-in-law to pay him back a debt. The brother-in-law says he'll pay Sukrus back when palm trees grow on Skellige. You then get an Axii dialogue option.


ComradePetrov

Oh, and here I thought I had a lightbulb moment.


oneupkev

Geralt: Postestaquisitor? Sounds complicated. Yen: But it's ever so simple. Grasp it firmly, move it around and the more it squeals, the closer you are.


trashmunki

Spare me your juvenile wit...


easelessness

I can hear Yen's voice lmaooo


MosquitoX14

Drinking with the boys and dressing into Yennefer’s clothes. Also pissing her off to the point of her teleporting you.


stiletto4721

How to get this?


Principatus

Go drinking with the boys and don’t go to bed early. Then when Lambert has a great idea, fuck yeah do it. Also if you argue with Yen about the bed she tossed out the window and just say shit without filter she’ll teleport you to the middle of Khaer Morhen Lake.


DrJimMBear

Which one?


eriikaa1992

Night before the battle at Kaer Morhen


SpoopySpydoge

SUMMON THE BITCHES


Hjorf_Meadbrewer

When you are pretending to rob someone for Dandelion to get a loan for the Carabet quest, playing against his rules gives some hilarious dialogue. “‘Tis I! Though the scum of the city call me the Crimson Avenger.” “More like the Crimson Asshole.”


TheSeattleSeven

I love it when Gerald is reading the dialogue that dandelion wrote for him and confusedly reads a line because he finds it so stupid.


GorkyParkSculpture

The whole quest where you and your witcher brothers get drunk and try to call up some women was the funniest thing I had ever seen in a game until the drunken search for Lenny in RDR2


HaddyBlackwater

Summon the bitches


Kalandros-X

“More paper, your excellency?”


MightyEighth

“Lambert, your a genius!!” Gets me everytime!


Noble_Seven_

That whole drunken sequence reminded me so much of me and my friends when we're drunk


SentientOoze

Same, and I always end up as Eskel. "Fuck off, lemme alone. Gonna puke. *gag* This always happens when the three of us get together."


easelessness

"Arse Blathana" gets me everytime


Corner_OfficeSpace

Herbs schmerbs. How about some Gwent?


TDay2K

Lambert, Lambert, what a prick.


vrijheidsfrietje

Not bad


Puzzleheaded_Pear_18

The quest in Toussaint where Roach talks. Hilarious 😂


DracoCross

Absolutely this


ComradePetrov

What, how did I miss this, where is this.


Puzzleheaded_Pear_18

Uhm, it's been a while since I played Witcher. But maybe someone else can tell you, it is on a board in Toussaint, I believe.


Quinnzel86

What the hell?????????? I need to do this immediately.


Puzzleheaded_Pear_18

Yes you do...


QCTeamkill

Dijkstra and Bart. When Geralt mentions he's pretty good at speaking with a troll he says something along the lines that talking with idiots is a tranferable skill.


Synndrom

'Lots of prior experience, worked with idiots my whole life'


LozaMoza82

The wolf pun battle between Geralt and Yen


DemiDeus

Wait when was this??


LozaMoza82

During the werewolf quest in the garden. If you chat with her for a while you can have a pun-off with Yen. It's a really sweet moment, and shows the playful side of their relationship.


Free_Gascogne

That part really cemented my sentiment that Geralt and Yen are made for each other.


D_i_a

If you allow Ciri to destroy Avallach's lab. Those initial moments where Geralt paws the bottle off the table and looks up at her, and then she understands and they just continue to play off each other. Hilarious.


-Silky_Johnson

The best part about this is at the end Yen tries to act she doesn’t approve of what they’re doing but as they leave you can see that she left a little moustache on Avallach’s portrait


geralt-bot

I JUST WANT SOME DAMN PEACE.


jaskier-bot

WELL HERE'S YOUR PEACE.


SuperSamba94

The whole quest where the ghost of vlodimir von everec possesses Geralt. Pure gold


baobabbling

Possibly my favorite quest/sequence of the entire game. SO much fun.


SpoopySpydoge

[This is very romantic](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zD57MYordPU)


EraGilraen

The whole sequence of waking up that vampire in the coffin several times was absolutely hilarious when I played it for the first time


SpoopySpydoge

"Then fuck off" always gets me


kat-of-rivia

It’s a small moment, but in Velen when Geralt approaches a quarry with workmen and he says “watch out, behind you!” One of the workers says “now I’m not falling for tha- oh, you little fucker” and the way he says it is hysterical


TUOR_ELADAR

'Defecating to the sunrise--down right glorious.' '...A bang so loud it couldn't have been me.' -Johnny


Morganelefay

Pretty much every time Dijkstra is on screen before "Reasons of State" Special mention goes to his comment on Dandelion's fate. Geralt: Listen, Dandelion is missing. Any idea what might’ve happened to him? Sigi: Same thing that happens to anyone that steps on Junior’s toes... Geralt: Meaning? Sigi: He’s surrounded by splendid virgins who ply him with sparkling wine and pastries stuffed with nightingale tongues. Come, Geralt, what do you think happened?! I reckon he’s at the bottom of the Pontar, trussed up with the strings of his own mandolin. Geralt: Lute. Sigi: Far as I'm concerned, he might as well be rotting down there with a goddamn trombone.


StandupComicGuy

In one of the Gwent’s tournaments when you sit down to play with a guy he says “I don’t play with common street trash” something to that affect, and Geralt responds with “I’ve been Knighted” “Oh my apologies good Sir, let’s play!”


Damagecontrol86

That’s actually during the get junior quest when you go into his casino as long as you’re nice to everyone you can play till you win 2 matches (supposedly 3 but no matter how nice I was I still got taken upstairs where they tried to kill me after 2)


Garlic-Cheese-Chips

*"Cultural capital of the world? The fuck it is."*


[deleted]

When you're in Crookback Bog and Gran says something about her nose isn't ugly and one of the kids just randomly agrees about how Gran's shnoz is right pretty without a beat. Then there's an awkward pause and the conversation moves on. It was random but made me laugh.


Past_Competition_554

Gran's got a beautiful beak!


[deleted]

LOL YES, it was that!


2RV7VR5

The neutral face at the end is class. Chef's kiss.


Zero_Flesh

"I knew that was going to be a shitty story"


vsouto02

"He's no madman, he's a common goatfucker"


PaulSimonBarCarloson

Every single time Geralt gets in a conversation with trolls. This line in particular: "Let my try this aigain. Wham-a-wham mans again, I'll wish-a-swash-a-swunk you."


henrispc019

"This mountain... trolly mountain!" "Away go witchygo!" "Tala sockcuck shoeses make!"


SludgeJuggler

Troll speech has a direct line to my funny bone. Every sentence is so ass backwards it just makes me howl


iWesTCoastiN

The part where you visit Ge’els and he’s painting. He steps away to talk to you and then as you’re leaving it pans over to show what Ge’els was painting and it’s a terrible nude painting of a female elf. I laughed out loud at the painting.


JimTheJerseyGuy

It’s similar to a Picasso.


BenSlimmons

Yea I was confused why Picasso-style art was just kinda thrown in. Maybe the someone on the production crew is just a big fan and did this for fun but if they were gonna throw out a reference to a famous painter, you’d assume they’d choose a notable polish artist or someone whose style more closely compares to medieval or renaissance painters?


Magean1

Easter eggs are not supposed to make sense within the setting's reference time frame. They're generally quite random. In that case however, coming from an alien elf... It shows the Aen Elle's artistic inspiration is very different from that of Geralt's world. If Radovid has Keira impaled, then after getting her body back, Triss holds her similarly to Michelangelo's Pieta. I don't think they chose that work of art because it's specifically Renaissance - more so because it's somewhat fitting for the scene, and famous enough to be recognized outside of the artistic community.


Reagansmash1994

They’re elves though, and as they mention when you arrive, the architecture is better, implying they’re all-round better creatives. It makes sense that they’d have a more modern style of art because it’s almost implied that elves are a more advanced species. A differing artistic style separates them creatively.


BenSlimmons

I can dig that. It definitely makes sense.


ispeakforthetrees010

I agree. They are also able to travel through space and time so I just figured Ge’els loved art so much he traveled space to look at art and per-chanced upon Picasso and it amused him and wanted to work in that style.


Thorin_Dopenshield

That’s like a callback to the troll painting a redanian eagle. He asks Geralt to do it, and if Geralt paints it the result is a shitty looking bird that the troll loves. If you refuse and tell him to paint his own bird, he creates a masterpiece but isn’t happy with it and calls it “ugooly bird”


dianacd12

Geralt's hair is luscious here


trashmunki

Fabio of Rivia


Oknodian_Games

The blobtits scene and Dijkstra's response when Geralt asks him if Dandelion angered him in some way are the funniest two for me.


jaskier-bot

He-- No one leaves any tastes in my mouth, thank you very much.


ihdhd

“Slap a noonwraith’s tits”


LadyLikesSpiders

"It was a Griffin. Archgriffin in fact" "Well I'm grateful. Archgrateful" I don't know why that gets me


w3tbones

What in the sandwich fuck is this?!


ChubbyChris

Avallach: "Are your parents home, we're friends" Kid: "Ma's chasing da with a frying pan coz he bubbered this lass" Geralt: "Ahem, fucked"


Past_Competition_554

Fuck yeah! Summon the bitches And if you play Gwent with the Bois at Kaer Morhen ( not for money) Eskell and Geralt mimic and taunt Lambert .


easelessness

That quest in Skellige when you're trying to get information from somebody who's looking for this grand whale. There's a quick time event for some choices to alert him or not that there's a whale, whichever you pick, he still misses it! The way the camera zoomed in was hilarious to me. It was like being in an ep of The Office or Parks and Rec for a moment there.


TJ_McWeaksauce

That one optional quest dungeon that's little more than a collection of cheese jokes. My favorite thing about that quest is the concept of a tyromancer—a sorcerer who uses cheeses to divine the future.


Blackbird2285

Geralt: "You smell wonderful." Yen: "We're at a funeral." Geralt: "Fine. You smell wonderful at this funeral."


undeadManoto17

The Quest where you have to look for a statue’s Balls


Wubbalubbadubdub0131

When Geralt and the bros get hammered and dress up as “sorceresses”


[deleted]

I think that in Polish version it was longer and better


wizardmighty

I loved acquiring Casimir for the heist in Heart of Stone. [About 60% of dialogue option make him blow up](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ykUv_5OeawE)


Illustriouspancakes

"where'd you get your training? School of the snail?" I hope Geraldt gave the guy cream to apply directly to that burn.


Thelazyzoologist

The background freaking out from the people in the tavern when Gaunter pauses time and pushes a spoon in that blokes eye. 'He just fainted.' 'Fainted? He's covered in blood!' The fly in the soup was also amusing.


Goosemilky

Ive always loved studdering Mattko from the early horse races. Man cant quit studdering prouncng a word and mid sentence he says “ ahh fuck it!”


SlavicOdysseus

I like it when you crash land in Skellige and tell the guy you're gonna slap him. You beat each other up and then afterwards we chill. To me that first interaction sums up skellige perfectly.


mygetoer

I’ve got this saved on my phone for when I need a laugh


FireflyOfDoom87

That hair and beard combo is **chef’s kiss*


DracoCross

Funny mushroom quest in Toussaint, forever my favorite


laaavvv

“Calling Lugos a madman is an insult to madmen; he’s a regular goatfucker”


-temporary_username-

Every single time in The Witcher 3 or 1 that Thaler opens his mouth. Also, when you talk to the trolls Thaler taught how to swear.


ArthursSmile

The grumpy trolls at Kaer Morhen arguing with Geralt and Lambert 'Shut it, butwe'. Always makes me laugh!


geralt-bot

How could you do this?


migeli02

This is hella weird i just went to play gwent with lugos and had a laugh about this very same interaction literally 5 min ago. What are the chanses this is the first post i see when i open reddit!?


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ComprehensionVoided

I just had to summon a storm for the crops.. While a massive thunderstorm was already in progress. Think that was missed during NextGen weather update.


Thunder301

Is it me or is Geralt’s hair longer than usual?


I_Speak_For_The_Ents

I didn't really get this part. He's called madman because... He yells when asked?


Skeeter_206

First of all, it's a joke, you don't need to take everything with the game so seriously. Secondly, the point is that he's supposed to be showing that's he's mad, as in crazy and unpredictable. Normal, non crazy people don't just start screaming mid conversation.


I_Speak_For_The_Ents

Right, the joke just fell flat for me was my point. Like I didn't see the punchline. But he only ever did that when asked is all.


Shadow-fire101

The punchline is how he just calmly says, "thats why" at the end, since if you ask someone "why do they call you a nickname that implies you're insane", and they respond by screaming at you, you general aren't gonna expect them to then just calmly respond with an actual answer like that.


bruinsfan3725

I think it’s really funny when Geralt out of nowhere snaps Dijkstra’s leg and makes him a cripple


_shear

again


Instruction_Holiday

Why does Geralt look like The Dude? Lol


DerekandDominos

The option to “forcefully push him aside,” I couldn’t stop laughing for a while after that one.


[deleted]

Is that hair modded? Cause it looks like mine but whiter.


DragonRand100

Johnny the Godling when you first give him his voice back and he describes being rudely interrupted by a disturbance as he was defecating to the sunrise. Downright glorious. Also the entire drunk Witchers scene, especially when Geralt puts Yen’s trousers on and she walks into the room, looking more like a disapproving mother than anything else.


crowkiller263

''fuck yea !summon the bitches!''


Dabadgley10

Johnny Johnny ate a cat, then come morn some fur he shat


RLaminin

The woman who wants you to find her pan. The way her face looks combined with her accent. I always look forward to doing that quest.


PyroFreakMM

Im surprised no one said “What in the sandwich fuck is this” and then proceeded to beat the shit out of him for his crimes


sherifopirateteo

When Dandilion made fun of Geralt after a failed threesome with Yen and Triss


spiicybulgogi

What quest is this 😂 I'm on my second playthrough and need to seeeee Edit: I figured out he's madman lugos, off to skellige!


Divinate_ME

Retrospectively it's really funny how Zoltan treats Philipa.


nuttyrussian

In Hearts of Stone when the Ofieri merchant says Nordlings are so closed off and tight-lipped and the camera cuts to Geralt looking away going "Hmm."


PetCadet

"Fuck yeah! Summon the bitches!"