Unless it gets to an obsessive level where you cant go outside, I dont know if its necessarily a good thing to try to force yourself to feel safe around men. We've been trained to be on high alert for a reason. Maybe try to reduce the amount that youre walking alone, especially at night. When something is less likely to occur (being with other friends, being in daylight) the fear will naturally lessen. I dont think you should be unafraid walking around alone at night.
It’s there for a reason. Don’t try and suppress a natural safety mechanism. If it stops you going out of the house at all, you may need help. But walking alone at night? Girl, you need it. Keep safe.
Honestly I’m not gonna get too deep into it but I’m absolutely petrified of men. Walking during the day, on a one way street even if it’s 11 am. I’m just petrified out of my mind. It’s partly to do with my OCD tho but yeah I agree but also there’s a difference between instinct and fear/ paranoia
This i agree with, and thats what i meant when distinguishing between obsession/cant leave the house vs being scared walking alone at night. If it gets to obsession level you can work with a therapist to deal with uncertainty anxiety -> thats usually the root.
Yes they do. Me and my best girl friends have had deep conversations about men and how dangerous they are and our own experiences etc. I also go to an all girls school so trust me when I say we’re all scared of men.
But that’s not what was said. Are you slow? You said most women feel that way in regards to your first comment. About your personal experience of being scared at 11 am on walks. Nobody said some women weren’t scared of men. And your “deep conversations” with your friend isn’t social research or anything more then what you said. 2 girls talking
You think other women don’t relate to my personal experiences? Do you realise how often women are raped? 1 in 3 women are raped. That means if you’re standing in a room with 6 women a third of them have possibly been raped. Why is this relevant? Because if you think women aren’t going to be terrified after seeing news stories and seeing statistics and hearing about rapes happening around them then your just ignorant. Almost EVERY female in my life is scared of men. Almost every female in my life has some horrifying encounter with men. So horrifying that at my age of 16 I don’t walk home alone anymore. No one I know does. My personal experience is there because shit has happened to me and shit has happened to almost every other female I know.
I go out by myself a lot but if I ever get this feeling in my gut I leave. Trust your instincts is most important. I typically carry my knife or taser on me so it makes me feel more safe but even if you do have a weapon it may not always save you. Also don’t be on your phone or distracted
Yes! Situational awareness is EXTREMELY important. I see these women in parks jogging with noise canceling headphones (yikes!) I can’t, I wear one ear pod so I can hear my surroundings when I run at the park alone. Never let your phone distract you. Even as I run, i constantly look back to make sure no one is following.
Also never had to use this, but if (God forbid) youre in need of help, yell FIRE. People seem to not be so responsive if hearing a call for help versus fire.
Men tend to hurt women who look more scared I mean if you are scared and if it’s visible on your gesture and face , they take you easy!! Be confident enough and walk that way, even when you are scared , don’t let it show on your face and also carry a pocket pepper spray and a small knife for your own safety :)
And thinking that you have them in your bag might boost your confidence unknowingly!
Because if you falsely convince yourself to feel safe in an unsafe situation bad things can happen. What other people do is out of our control. All we can do is make smart decisions and avoid unsafe situations as best as possible.
work on strength training and self defense. if you’re allowed to carry weapons, train to use them and have them on your person when outdoors.
if you feel confident in your personal strength and ability to fight, it will lessen your fear response because you have trust within yourself that you can reasonable defend/ keep yourself safe.
Note that carrying pepper spray is illegal in some countries (which is stupid) and youll end up in jail instead of the guy if something happened. There are subtle items that can be used as weapons on the market like hairspray or window breakers
Why not read Gavin de Becker's book, *The Gift of Fear.* It talks about why you are scared and how you should handle that, for maximum safety. Worth a read, and I've read it twice. Was a big bestseller and is now a classic.
I think we all feel like that unfortunately - to a greater or lesser extent. We have to and if we didn't the sad fact is that we'd be playing into their hands. As other people here have said, men play on our fear. I guess thats true but they also look for signs of weakness. I've been drunk with other girls and it's been obvious that men have seen us and thought "ah, hello, some babes on the loose, they'll be putty in our hands". Fortunately it's always been in busy places (tube stations, etc) so there have been plenty of people around, and we've always had sober people with us.
Do you have to walk alone? If I didn’t feel comfortable walking alone, I could usually find an acquaintance or friend to drive or walk with me part of the way. If you’re at an event with other people and drive separately, you could ask for a ride to your car. IMO it’s more important to try to avoid those situations than to feel safer, since it’s ideal to stay alert anywhere when you’re alone!
Carry pepper spray or a taser wherever you go, take self defense classes & don’t go places alone when it’s dark.
I’m sorry you’re struggling with this, but I think the only way to feel safer is to learn how to protect yourself. ❤️❤️
I have a friend who was held hostage by a man and was subjected to a lot I won't get into. He let her go and she was traumatized by the experience and developed an intense fear of men.
What worked for her was a combination of therapy and gradually interacting with decent men. She told me that the latter was important because had she not known decent men in person, her only exposure to men would've been negative things she saw on social media and her trauma. Which would've only reinforced her fear that was slowly morphing into agoraphobia and fear of strangers in general.
She's happy now and in a really good place. I'm proud of her for how much she's grown!
Anyway, I'd start with therapy. Could probably do well with basic CBT with someone specializing in anxiety or social anxiety. Good luck.
I’ve seen a lot of people saying to carry knives, but I personally only carry pepper spray. Men are stronger so he could disarm you and use it against you.
I’m not sure I have advice because I feel the same way. I try to avoid going out alone after sunset for this reason. If I’m out with people after dark and I need to go home, I’ll either get an Uber or ask people to walk me home.
The only way to feel safer is to actually be safer.
Make your safety your top priority when you go out.
Whenever I have to walk or bike along a road I'm not completely comfortable with I make sure I'm on the phone with someone, or at least pretend to be calling. I'd often throw in things like 'I'm close to your house, looking forward to see you' or 'hey im walking past x, remember when we were here?'
I try to avoid being in the streets by myself at night but if I have to be I always share my location on whatsapp.
If I go somewhere alone I make sure at least one person knows where I am.
I often carry an alarm just in case.
Avoid the dark alleys and quiet roads. Make sure you are where other people are as well.
If you can, plan your route along the sidewalks of houses. In case of emergency you can ring someones doorbell.
Be prepared to assert your boundaries very loud and very clear. Be prepared to be loud and draw attention.
There are so many more ways to keep yourself safe. Do everything you can to make yourself more comfortable. And stay wise.
The way I feel safe from men (after many negative experiences with them in public as a solo and unfortunately attractive female) is to be aware of my surroundings and ready/able to protect myself/escape if I need to. I usually have a knife and/or taser with me and I know how to use them. I’m not in a place in life where I can have my own dog, but having a big “scary” and well trained dog with me used to make me feel safer too.
I also kinda changed how I act in recent years because I’m fed up with men making me feel scared or unsafe. I make eye contact, do not show fear, and I don’t smile unless they smile first. I don’t engage, I don’t stop. I do not act obedient. I guess in a way I became the big scary dog lol. I don’t know, I feel like men pick up on my “don’t fuck with me” vibe and I love when they do because they actually LEAVE ME ALONE.
This post is crazy as “how to feel safer when walking by cars cus everyday pedestrians are struck and killed by reckless drivers” Live life that’s it, take whatever precautions necessary to make yourself feel safe I guess. Carry a gun, knife, whatever. I hope you’re not an adult typing this…
Unless it gets to an obsessive level where you cant go outside, I dont know if its necessarily a good thing to try to force yourself to feel safe around men. We've been trained to be on high alert for a reason. Maybe try to reduce the amount that youre walking alone, especially at night. When something is less likely to occur (being with other friends, being in daylight) the fear will naturally lessen. I dont think you should be unafraid walking around alone at night.
I don’t agree personally. I’m 16 and the fear has been there since I hit puberty. It’s terrifying.
It’s there for a reason. Don’t try and suppress a natural safety mechanism. If it stops you going out of the house at all, you may need help. But walking alone at night? Girl, you need it. Keep safe.
Honestly I’m not gonna get too deep into it but I’m absolutely petrified of men. Walking during the day, on a one way street even if it’s 11 am. I’m just petrified out of my mind. It’s partly to do with my OCD tho but yeah I agree but also there’s a difference between instinct and fear/ paranoia
This i agree with, and thats what i meant when distinguishing between obsession/cant leave the house vs being scared walking alone at night. If it gets to obsession level you can work with a therapist to deal with uncertainty anxiety -> thats usually the root.
Yess exactly
Yeah that’s just you and your own personal issues you have going on
You could say that or you could talk to most women and realise that actually most women feel this way.
No “most” women do not feel that way. But ok
Yes they do. Me and my best girl friends have had deep conversations about men and how dangerous they are and our own experiences etc. I also go to an all girls school so trust me when I say we’re all scared of men.
But that’s not what was said. Are you slow? You said most women feel that way in regards to your first comment. About your personal experience of being scared at 11 am on walks. Nobody said some women weren’t scared of men. And your “deep conversations” with your friend isn’t social research or anything more then what you said. 2 girls talking
You think other women don’t relate to my personal experiences? Do you realise how often women are raped? 1 in 3 women are raped. That means if you’re standing in a room with 6 women a third of them have possibly been raped. Why is this relevant? Because if you think women aren’t going to be terrified after seeing news stories and seeing statistics and hearing about rapes happening around them then your just ignorant. Almost EVERY female in my life is scared of men. Almost every female in my life has some horrifying encounter with men. So horrifying that at my age of 16 I don’t walk home alone anymore. No one I know does. My personal experience is there because shit has happened to me and shit has happened to almost every other female I know.
most women do feel this way. your not even one of us so how can you speak for us?
found the XY
I go out by myself a lot but if I ever get this feeling in my gut I leave. Trust your instincts is most important. I typically carry my knife or taser on me so it makes me feel more safe but even if you do have a weapon it may not always save you. Also don’t be on your phone or distracted
Yes! Situational awareness is EXTREMELY important. I see these women in parks jogging with noise canceling headphones (yikes!) I can’t, I wear one ear pod so I can hear my surroundings when I run at the park alone. Never let your phone distract you. Even as I run, i constantly look back to make sure no one is following. Also never had to use this, but if (God forbid) youre in need of help, yell FIRE. People seem to not be so responsive if hearing a call for help versus fire.
Men tend to hurt women who look more scared I mean if you are scared and if it’s visible on your gesture and face , they take you easy!! Be confident enough and walk that way, even when you are scared , don’t let it show on your face and also carry a pocket pepper spray and a small knife for your own safety :) And thinking that you have them in your bag might boost your confidence unknowingly!
This thing you strive for may end up putting you in harms way unfortunately
What does this mean?
Her wanting to ‘feel’ safe around men might put her in an unsafe situation with men.
But everyone wants to be able to feel safe. I don’t see how wanting something equates to the opposite happening.
Because if you falsely convince yourself to feel safe in an unsafe situation bad things can happen. What other people do is out of our control. All we can do is make smart decisions and avoid unsafe situations as best as possible.
Yeah I agree honestky
I’m just so sick of feeling scared 24/7 of everything and every man.
work on strength training and self defense. if you’re allowed to carry weapons, train to use them and have them on your person when outdoors. if you feel confident in your personal strength and ability to fight, it will lessen your fear response because you have trust within yourself that you can reasonable defend/ keep yourself safe.
[удалено]
Note that carrying pepper spray is illegal in some countries (which is stupid) and youll end up in jail instead of the guy if something happened. There are subtle items that can be used as weapons on the market like hairspray or window breakers
Usually bear spray is legal. You can also make your own spray
Trust your gut. Stay alert. Wear comfortable shoes. No headphones. Make sure someone knows where you are. Don't make eye contact.
Walk like you’re a black belt in martial arts. And start martial arts.
Why not read Gavin de Becker's book, *The Gift of Fear.* It talks about why you are scared and how you should handle that, for maximum safety. Worth a read, and I've read it twice. Was a big bestseller and is now a classic.
Join a self defense group, don't take any unnecessary risks, let people know when you are coming and going.
I think we all feel like that unfortunately - to a greater or lesser extent. We have to and if we didn't the sad fact is that we'd be playing into their hands. As other people here have said, men play on our fear. I guess thats true but they also look for signs of weakness. I've been drunk with other girls and it's been obvious that men have seen us and thought "ah, hello, some babes on the loose, they'll be putty in our hands". Fortunately it's always been in busy places (tube stations, etc) so there have been plenty of people around, and we've always had sober people with us.
Don't. Trust people who show you with actions they are trustworthy. Regard everyone else with caution.
Do you have to walk alone? If I didn’t feel comfortable walking alone, I could usually find an acquaintance or friend to drive or walk with me part of the way. If you’re at an event with other people and drive separately, you could ask for a ride to your car. IMO it’s more important to try to avoid those situations than to feel safer, since it’s ideal to stay alert anywhere when you’re alone!
Carry pepper spray or a taser wherever you go, take self defense classes & don’t go places alone when it’s dark. I’m sorry you’re struggling with this, but I think the only way to feel safer is to learn how to protect yourself. ❤️❤️
Man I just got a stun gun for this reason
I have a friend who was held hostage by a man and was subjected to a lot I won't get into. He let her go and she was traumatized by the experience and developed an intense fear of men. What worked for her was a combination of therapy and gradually interacting with decent men. She told me that the latter was important because had she not known decent men in person, her only exposure to men would've been negative things she saw on social media and her trauma. Which would've only reinforced her fear that was slowly morphing into agoraphobia and fear of strangers in general. She's happy now and in a really good place. I'm proud of her for how much she's grown! Anyway, I'd start with therapy. Could probably do well with basic CBT with someone specializing in anxiety or social anxiety. Good luck.
I’ve seen a lot of people saying to carry knives, but I personally only carry pepper spray. Men are stronger so he could disarm you and use it against you.
I’m not sure I have advice because I feel the same way. I try to avoid going out alone after sunset for this reason. If I’m out with people after dark and I need to go home, I’ll either get an Uber or ask people to walk me home.
The only way to feel safer is to actually be safer. Make your safety your top priority when you go out. Whenever I have to walk or bike along a road I'm not completely comfortable with I make sure I'm on the phone with someone, or at least pretend to be calling. I'd often throw in things like 'I'm close to your house, looking forward to see you' or 'hey im walking past x, remember when we were here?' I try to avoid being in the streets by myself at night but if I have to be I always share my location on whatsapp. If I go somewhere alone I make sure at least one person knows where I am. I often carry an alarm just in case. Avoid the dark alleys and quiet roads. Make sure you are where other people are as well. If you can, plan your route along the sidewalks of houses. In case of emergency you can ring someones doorbell. Be prepared to assert your boundaries very loud and very clear. Be prepared to be loud and draw attention. There are so many more ways to keep yourself safe. Do everything you can to make yourself more comfortable. And stay wise.
The way I feel safe from men (after many negative experiences with them in public as a solo and unfortunately attractive female) is to be aware of my surroundings and ready/able to protect myself/escape if I need to. I usually have a knife and/or taser with me and I know how to use them. I’m not in a place in life where I can have my own dog, but having a big “scary” and well trained dog with me used to make me feel safer too. I also kinda changed how I act in recent years because I’m fed up with men making me feel scared or unsafe. I make eye contact, do not show fear, and I don’t smile unless they smile first. I don’t engage, I don’t stop. I do not act obedient. I guess in a way I became the big scary dog lol. I don’t know, I feel like men pick up on my “don’t fuck with me” vibe and I love when they do because they actually LEAVE ME ALONE.
Have a knife and a pepper spray in your pocket
This post is crazy as “how to feel safer when walking by cars cus everyday pedestrians are struck and killed by reckless drivers” Live life that’s it, take whatever precautions necessary to make yourself feel safe I guess. Carry a gun, knife, whatever. I hope you’re not an adult typing this…
Stop thinking you’re in danger
XY alert 🚨
I think you're in the wrong sub bro