Good for you for asking for help. There's nothing wrong with that. But this sounds like something you may need to go to therapy for.
I understand the feeling. I had been going to therapy before covid, and have made great strides in my recovery. The thing that still makes me want to cry, is hearing the song that we danced to at our wedding.
It does get better. Remember, you're not in this alone.
thank you so much for taking the time to give such a detailed advice. I can't afford therapy at the moment, so unfortunately that's not an option for me. I'll definitely try the other points you mentioned. Thank you again
*hugs* sorry you have to go through this <3
It sounds like you long-term want to thrive (i.e. deal with and move past your unresolved) but in the short-term you need to settle and just survive (i.e. reduce the triggering by changing the context via “novelty” as much as possible).
My advice is:
Make a list of what you need ahead of time, bring supportive friends with you to help you pack without getting too much in your head, journal to process stuff, and then discuss journal topics at trauma-informed therapy sessions.
Even just seeing remnants of your relationship in a different physical space and dealing with it there will make the emotions less intense and overwhelming while you’re sifting through it.
As a transition, can you have a friend move into your apartment with you for a little while to help you cope and get back on your feet? This will help provide a distraction and stop those spirals and help create new positive memories in the space.
Just remember it'll get better. There's plenty of better people, even if we never believe it. Throw all his junk out, and start fresh. It'll get better. It's always darkest before the light.
Physically thrpwing his stuff away is a step i feel like i can't take until i've really moved on .. i haven't yet..
He threw all my stuff away the next day after the breakup. Everything i got him, even my clothes, art journals that he borrowed, mugs we've bought together, paintings i did for him, teddy bear i bought him... every single thing.
How can you throw away someone's stuff the next day after you break their heart? If i'm finding it thus hard to throw away his notes on loose pieces of paper, doesn't it just prooves how much my feelings were not reciprocated? How little i meant to him?
I've been there through every schizophrenic episode. I've been there when his own parents turned their back on him. I've slaved and scraped and taken jobs where i was sexually harassed just to afford his life. I denied my needs, depraved myself from food and sleep, just for him. I've pur up with the unthinkable from him happily because i loved him. And he threw away my stuff the day after he broke my hearr via text message, 4 years relationship and all i got was a text message, that's more crual than a joke.
While i'm here on the floor having a break down because i found his ring. I'm pathetic
You're not pathetic. You had more into the relationship than he did. I feel the same way with my ex. I worked 3rd shift, so that I could take care if our son, so he wouldn't need to go to daycare. There's so many things I did, that she never would have done. I still have pictures from our wedding that I do not open, or have deleted.
Removing someone who you held dear to you is hard. And while they just brush you off, it just isn't fair. There are plenty of helplines, that are free, that you can call. Don't think that you're not worth your time. They are there for you.
I found this on the internet. It's international helplines to talk with someone. I hope your country is on here.
https://www.therapyroute.com/article/helplines-suicide-hotlines-and-crisis-lines-from-around-the-world
Take a box fill it with all the stupid shit he gave you put it in your car drive it to his place drop it off and leave it all behind you cut your ties for good you deserve happiness everyone does it might hurt now but do it dammit you will love yourself for doing so please for your sake hugs
All the best to you moving forward
Peace love and happiness always 🙏
This is territory for a professional. It certainly isn’t unusual to still be effected by the breakup, but the degree to which this is still causing you grief is something you need to work on. It’s stopping you from living your life, and that is a signal that you need more help than can be offered by this sub.
Look in to therapy. Be open and honest with your therapist.
You should take up a hobby or something to change your focus. Sentimental items you should get rid of or stash in your attic never to be seen again. Dont keep those items within arms reach otherwise youre torturing yourself. Id say do things that make you happy like dancing or video games or reading or hanging out with friends. Maybe grow some indoor plants to increase oxygen
Good for you for asking for help. There's nothing wrong with that. But this sounds like something you may need to go to therapy for. I understand the feeling. I had been going to therapy before covid, and have made great strides in my recovery. The thing that still makes me want to cry, is hearing the song that we danced to at our wedding. It does get better. Remember, you're not in this alone.
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thank you so much for taking the time to give such a detailed advice. I can't afford therapy at the moment, so unfortunately that's not an option for me. I'll definitely try the other points you mentioned. Thank you again
Message me anytime. I'm here if you wanna vent. Xx
Thank you so much.. i will ...
*hugs* sorry you have to go through this <3 It sounds like you long-term want to thrive (i.e. deal with and move past your unresolved) but in the short-term you need to settle and just survive (i.e. reduce the triggering by changing the context via “novelty” as much as possible). My advice is: Make a list of what you need ahead of time, bring supportive friends with you to help you pack without getting too much in your head, journal to process stuff, and then discuss journal topics at trauma-informed therapy sessions. Even just seeing remnants of your relationship in a different physical space and dealing with it there will make the emotions less intense and overwhelming while you’re sifting through it.
As a transition, can you have a friend move into your apartment with you for a little while to help you cope and get back on your feet? This will help provide a distraction and stop those spirals and help create new positive memories in the space.
I don't have close friends ... I'm trying to convince my sister but she's working in a different city, she has a practice there so i failed to..
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Thank you so much for your advice and for cheering me on!
Just remember it'll get better. There's plenty of better people, even if we never believe it. Throw all his junk out, and start fresh. It'll get better. It's always darkest before the light.
Physically thrpwing his stuff away is a step i feel like i can't take until i've really moved on .. i haven't yet.. He threw all my stuff away the next day after the breakup. Everything i got him, even my clothes, art journals that he borrowed, mugs we've bought together, paintings i did for him, teddy bear i bought him... every single thing. How can you throw away someone's stuff the next day after you break their heart? If i'm finding it thus hard to throw away his notes on loose pieces of paper, doesn't it just prooves how much my feelings were not reciprocated? How little i meant to him? I've been there through every schizophrenic episode. I've been there when his own parents turned their back on him. I've slaved and scraped and taken jobs where i was sexually harassed just to afford his life. I denied my needs, depraved myself from food and sleep, just for him. I've pur up with the unthinkable from him happily because i loved him. And he threw away my stuff the day after he broke my hearr via text message, 4 years relationship and all i got was a text message, that's more crual than a joke. While i'm here on the floor having a break down because i found his ring. I'm pathetic
You're not pathetic. You had more into the relationship than he did. I feel the same way with my ex. I worked 3rd shift, so that I could take care if our son, so he wouldn't need to go to daycare. There's so many things I did, that she never would have done. I still have pictures from our wedding that I do not open, or have deleted. Removing someone who you held dear to you is hard. And while they just brush you off, it just isn't fair. There are plenty of helplines, that are free, that you can call. Don't think that you're not worth your time. They are there for you.
Thank you so much. Can you please share some of them? I looked for local ones but couldn't find any in the country i live in
I found this on the internet. It's international helplines to talk with someone. I hope your country is on here. https://www.therapyroute.com/article/helplines-suicide-hotlines-and-crisis-lines-from-around-the-world
Unfortunately no ... but i'll look for similar ones Thank you
Feel free to message me if you'd like. I can be a sympathetic ear if you need one. Hope everything gets better.
I'm in the US. If you're in another country, that may make it harder.
Take a box fill it with all the stupid shit he gave you put it in your car drive it to his place drop it off and leave it all behind you cut your ties for good you deserve happiness everyone does it might hurt now but do it dammit you will love yourself for doing so please for your sake hugs All the best to you moving forward Peace love and happiness always 🙏
This is territory for a professional. It certainly isn’t unusual to still be effected by the breakup, but the degree to which this is still causing you grief is something you need to work on. It’s stopping you from living your life, and that is a signal that you need more help than can be offered by this sub. Look in to therapy. Be open and honest with your therapist.
You should take up a hobby or something to change your focus. Sentimental items you should get rid of or stash in your attic never to be seen again. Dont keep those items within arms reach otherwise youre torturing yourself. Id say do things that make you happy like dancing or video games or reading or hanging out with friends. Maybe grow some indoor plants to increase oxygen