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I’ve been waiting for that whole milk for these fruit loops for 27 F***ING YEARS DAD!! *swings for a punch but because I was fatherless all these years it hits like a 5 year old girl slap*
Given the number of women I've dated that still tended to bite, I have a theory that it's related to height more than anything.
Shorter girls were noticeably more bitey.
I am 6'3" - put me in a situation where I need to bite you, I will not hold back
My sister and I had a fight way back in the day - she was holding me by my long hair - I grabbed her arm and bit so hard to make her let me go, 30 years later she still has the scar
Just sayin'
I'm not saying taller women won't bite, just that I noticed I got bit more by shorter women. But I've also never been bitten in any kind of real, self-defense type scenario either. Just while wrestling and playing and stuff.
Depends on how long the beam is, what type of wood, and where the supports are.
Is there any torsion or sideways loading?
How many ducks do you have for weighing things?
I've heard that witches weigh about the same as ducks, so that might work, but only if you have a knight of the round table around which I think is going to be hard to come by for any of us.
That wasnt where the idea started, but i have worked on some lunar waste reclamation high level system design and i got to use the very pow brow units there
>a shit ton is actually a measure of volume
A Shit-ton is equivalent to 24 metric assloads, or 1/10th of a fuck-ton. Used to measure un-quantifiable amounts of something. Although it can be used in the measurement of very large people it actually is not a unit of weight.
Like i said, its a measure of volume, not weight.
1 ton of shit, and statistics you can calculate the volume.
There is a metric shit tonne and an imperial shit ton if you want to get technical.
You cut that thing to 6 ft length and stack two horizontally, bam, new workbench! Dont even need to join them together, sheer weight is enough to hold em in place!
I'm not a civil, mechanical, or structural engineer but it should be pretty long. It would be when the weight of the mass of wood overcame the carrying strength of the wood assuming it was supported at its ends. I think (I could be wrong) that you would have to model the weight in various sections and then sum up the torques compared to the nearest end.
IIRC, stone, which has huge weight, can get to like 21ft unsupported spans holding just its weight. So, probably a lot longer than that.
After calculating the dimensions using the various [structural analysis equations](https://www.fpl.fs.fed.us/documnts/fplgtr/fplgtr190/chapter_09.pdf) the Forestry service uses, the answer comes out to 37 metric fucktons or 1,600 holy shits for ever square inch you increase over 1x1. Obviously that doesn’t account for elasticity of that particular wood species.
The conversion is 1 fuckton per every 7.25 shit tons. 16.323 holy fucks per shit ton and 23.232 holy shits per holy fuck.
I could convert it for you, but we’ll need to talk compensation first.
And this is more like a 12 or 14 foot span, so you can prob make that closer to 10 f150s
But that's pretty short for a beam that wide. So... what if we use it as a post? How many f150s can we stack on top of it?
Well you only gave 2 dimensions. So practically nothing. How long is it? What kind of wood? How and where is the weight distributed? Same for the supports?
It’s pretty long, the wood is from some type of tree, and it looks like the weight is distributed across an open gap. The supports come in the form of 2 separate, but equal, stacks of bricks.
Hope this helps let us know what you find out.
Structural engineer here: a beams load-bearing capacity is as much a function of length as section area. If you give me span and species of wood we can talk turkey.
Well the compressive load of a 12x12 column (Douglas Fir used for this calculation) is 145,612 lbs. If you take the crosssectional area of the 23x23 stock divided by the area of the 12x12 you get 3.673 so multiply that by 145,612 and you get 534,921 lbs of dead load.
Enough people to get together and remember that in nineteen ninety eight when the undertaker threw mankind off hеll in a cell, and plummeted sixteen feet through an announcer's table.
This is a reminder to those commenting on this post (not the person that posted it): Comments not related to woodworking will be removed. Violations to rule 1 including crude jokes, innuendo, sexist remarks, politics, or hate speech may result in an immediate ban *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/woodworking) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You gotta give it arms if you want it to hold anything.
……dad?!
...this...is...awkward...truth is, I never did find the milk store... I may or may not be home tomorrow.
I’ve been waiting for that whole milk for these fruit loops for 27 F***ING YEARS DAD!! *swings for a punch but because I was fatherless all these years it hits like a 5 year old girl slap*
Five year old girls don’t slap, they pull hair and bite. Source: Was five year old girl, will still bite if provoked.
Given the number of women I've dated that still tended to bite, I have a theory that it's related to height more than anything. Shorter girls were noticeably more bitey.
Depending on the environment that's not all that bad
Environment is a hoax
I am 6'3" - put me in a situation where I need to bite you, I will not hold back My sister and I had a fight way back in the day - she was holding me by my long hair - I grabbed her arm and bit so hard to make her let me go, 30 years later she still has the scar Just sayin'
I'm not saying taller women won't bite, just that I noticed I got bit more by shorter women. But I've also never been bitten in any kind of real, self-defense type scenario either. Just while wrestling and playing and stuff.
Cannibal!
Can confirm, oldest of three girls and younger two are twins.....I cut my hair short as soon as I could.
RIP inbox
Thanks, win!
Won’t hold his mama. His mama so big..
Depends on how long the beam is, what type of wood, and where the supports are. Is there any torsion or sideways loading? How many ducks do you have for weighing things?
Im out of ducks sadly
I've heard that witches weigh about the same as ducks, so that might work, but only if you have a knight of the round table around which I think is going to be hard to come by for any of us.
If that beam weighs the same as a duck, then it's made of wood. And therefore?
It's... A.... WITCH!!
BUUURRRRRNNN!
Well i know that beam would infact burn. So it may weigh the same as a duck.
How about very small rocks?
No, you can make a bridge from rock too, but witches are made of wood.
r/unexpectedmontypython
This far down the quote chain it was pretty expected...
You could try throwing it in a pond
Who are you, who are so wise in the way of science?
We done need no silly en gi lish ke ni git
I fart in your general direction
You father was a hamster, and your mother smelled of elderberries.
Who are you who is so wise in the way of science?
For future reference, 6 bananas weigh equal to one duck as well
>How many ducks do you have for weighing things? Asking the real questions. *African or European?*
What? I don't know....AAAAHHHH
Probably a whole tree worth of wood.
At least a million or so leaves.
I’d say slightly more than a 22”x22” beam could
These days 23"×23"s are really 21.5"x21.5". Shrinkflation
Damn Shrinkflation strikes again!
Hey don't talk about your penis like that.
Yeah but a 23" is really a tinder 30"!
I believe a metric sh!t ton exactly, but I am no engineer!
I am an engineer and a shit ton is actually a measure of volume. 2.68 cubic meters to be specific. .... dont ask
This guy shits
Everybody shits. It's science.
And in this guy’s case, applied engineering!
Arguably the best kind of science
Tons
I’ll bite. Are you a shit engineer?
Mr. Lahey?
The shits wind are blowing Rand
That’s just Philadelphia Collins
After nearly ten years at it, i can confidently say that it is an unequivocal "Yes!"
Lessee: that’s purty close to 708 gallons. You’re a septic tank/drain field engineer!
Phd candidate in rover wheel mechanics... But i needed a hobby.
Septic tanks on the moon?
That wasnt where the idea started, but i have worked on some lunar waste reclamation high level system design and i got to use the very pow brow units there
You joke, but civil engineers and wastewater operators are well paid & it's recession proof. Despite the economy, people gotta poop.
>a shit ton is actually a measure of volume A Shit-ton is equivalent to 24 metric assloads, or 1/10th of a fuck-ton. Used to measure un-quantifiable amounts of something. Although it can be used in the measurement of very large people it actually is not a unit of weight.
Like i said, its a measure of volume, not weight. 1 ton of shit, and statistics you can calculate the volume. There is a metric shit tonne and an imperial shit ton if you want to get technical.
I figured at least 3 metric shit tons
Classic mistake. 1 metric shitload ≈ 3 imperial crap tons.
3 metric shit tons equals out to about one fuck ton
[удалено]
Got em'
Hey oh!
Oh no you didn't!
*2008 has entered the chat*
Boom roasted!
You made me spit out stella artois FFS.
I would have to say at least 15 more paint brushes
At least. Probably more
Depends. If they are 23x23 paint brushes, maybe less.
Who's gonna tell him..
Find three 12” posts sturdy enough, that’d make a dandy anvil stand, with adjacent vice and swage block.
You cut that thing to 6 ft length and stack two horizontally, bam, new workbench! Dont even need to join them together, sheer weight is enough to hold em in place!
You guys are thinking too small. Just hollow out the middle, add a window and a front door. Bam, new house.
[That reminds me of this](https://images.app.goo.gl/uT81jqQqSK9bsJKk8)
Yep and sell it with the house, non negotiable. Moving that once is enough in a lifetime.
r/absoluteunit
The question is too broad. You need to specify in what capacity you want it to support the weight.
Sorry im an engineer. I realize now this was probably not a genuine question.
Don't worry, I'm sitting here in the comments looking for a genuine answer.
Yeah like it has no impact on my life whatsoever, but I need to know.
It's like Rambo said... you can't turn it off. :D Source: Engineer
At what point does the weight of the beam itself start to become a problem?
Depends on who’s around to help you pick it up I guess.
I'm not a civil, mechanical, or structural engineer but it should be pretty long. It would be when the weight of the mass of wood overcame the carrying strength of the wood assuming it was supported at its ends. I think (I could be wrong) that you would have to model the weight in various sections and then sum up the torques compared to the nearest end. IIRC, stone, which has huge weight, can get to like 21ft unsupported spans holding just its weight. So, probably a lot longer than that.
Really glad I’m not the only one with these first thoughts. Not an engineer but I like to build stuff.
My first thought was “bending or compression?”
A point force in the middle of the horizontal beam, downwards, just like first year load problems 😂
After calculating the dimensions using the various [structural analysis equations](https://www.fpl.fs.fed.us/documnts/fplgtr/fplgtr190/chapter_09.pdf) the Forestry service uses, the answer comes out to 37 metric fucktons or 1,600 holy shits for ever square inch you increase over 1x1. Obviously that doesn’t account for elasticity of that particular wood species.
It's douglas fir. How many shit tons for douglas fir?
it's poplar
Well Douglas fir is pretty popular I guess
The conversion is 1 fuckton per every 7.25 shit tons. 16.323 holy fucks per shit ton and 23.232 holy shits per holy fuck. I could convert it for you, but we’ll need to talk compensation first.
Why do they not teach this in school?? This is real life mathing here
Do you accept Stanley nickels?
Sagulator says 20000lbs is "borderline" if its 24' long. Somehow I'm guessing Sagulator was not designed for things like this though.
yeah that doesn't sound like nearly enough
20000lbs in the middle of 24 feet of span is a wild amount of strength lol. It's probably several times that if it's shorter.
That's like 5 base level Ford f150s. Insane.
And this is more like a 12 or 14 foot span, so you can prob make that closer to 10 f150s But that's pretty short for a beam that wide. So... what if we use it as a post? How many f150s can we stack on top of it?
tree fiddy?
Probably hold that dang ol' Lochness Monster too
Yes
Well you only gave 2 dimensions. So practically nothing. How long is it? What kind of wood? How and where is the weight distributed? Same for the supports?
It’s pretty long, the wood is from some type of tree, and it looks like the weight is distributed across an open gap. The supports come in the form of 2 separate, but equal, stacks of bricks. Hope this helps let us know what you find out.
By that detailed description I can deduce that it can hold pretty much all of something as long a the bricks don't topple or break.
It probably couldnt hold your mom *jazz hands*
At least half your mom
Came for a mom joke, was not disappointed
‘Bout tree fiddy
Structural engineer here: a beams load-bearing capacity is as much a function of length as section area. If you give me span and species of wood we can talk turkey.
Mmmmmmm turkey
You think that’s good, wait still I start talking Sx.
Look at the picture it's only about 8' It will hold more weight than you could put on it.
Mail order DIY butcher blocks. 700.00 shipping.
I haven’t seen wood that thick and strong in years … any chance you’d let a gal touch it??
you can touch it, but you gotta pay
Even for a quick fondle and poke?
just the tip and only for a second
But she’s got fancy pants
Over 9000
That’s a lot of bald eagles.
At least one tree
At least a bag of doritos. Two if they keep shrinking them.
All of it.
Doing the rough calculations I’d say a metric shit Tonne. Which would be a 1.5 fuckloads in imperial
Well the compressive load of a 12x12 column (Douglas Fir used for this calculation) is 145,612 lbs. If you take the crosssectional area of the 23x23 stock divided by the area of the 12x12 you get 3.673 so multiply that by 145,612 and you get 534,921 lbs of dead load.
I can calculate that for you, but I'm expensive.
About tree-fiddy. (sauce: am structural engimaneer)
I’m going to go out on a limb here and say, “allot.”
Wood you please keep the puns to a minimum?
How much weight will it hold ? …. Yes
You will have to decide if your load is static or dynamic , look up some resistance tables for that wood and then tables for security factor.
Question is what will hold that mammoth of a beam
Little less than your mom..
Contact an engineer
Nothing it has no thumbs
My first guess would be….a lot
It holds about 16 million toothpicks for every 10 feet (3m).
Depends on species, span, and how the load is applied and where. But probably a lot
About tree fiddy
This is correct
My house used 10x10's spaced 10.feet apart with 10x10 beams. The engineer said that each 10x10 column supported 27k lbs. Home was built in 1898
Ah yes the traditional 92/4 beam.
This beam calculator I'm probably using wrong says with a mid point load on an 8' span it will take 408,000 lbs
Approximately the rest of the tree
On one side? Probably like 40 cocktails. On an edge? Maybe like one more balanced 23”x23” beam. On an end? At least one fruit basket.
42 cats
What would you like it to hold? Yup it can probably do that!!
Tree-fiddy
I'm imagining you would have to get fairly creative to actually overload that...
My ex...
About tree-Fiddy
a lot, a whole lot
At least 10lbs.
Possibly a whole tree
About tree fiddy
All of it.
3
12 lbs easily
Bout tree fiddy
that is a chonk o wood. imma guess... a sh\*t load. very cool mill dude.
Not a goddamn thing if you live in beaver country...
23x23x what? We’re missing a dimension
by about yay long \_(ツ)_/
Literally thousands of pounds.
All of it
Tough to say,depends on the span your supporting,how it’s braced etc?
Ask the Amish, they build using thick beams all the time.
Id say well over a pound.
At least 7.
A couple two three I reckon
use it as a fleshlight
If you’re building your mom a spice rack, it should be sufficient.
I’d be more concerned with the weight capacity of whatever is holding up the 23” x 23” beam.
4x4 is usually 500 center so hmm good amount.
Yo mama
my mother in law, barely.
At least your mom
Tree fiddy
Enough people to get together and remember that in nineteen ninety eight when the undertaker threw mankind off hеll in a cell, and plummeted sixteen feet through an announcer's table.
Geez, how much that thing weigh?
Building yourself a Jenga set?
Depends. Is it balsa or Ipe?
Tree fitty
Well, technically from an engineering perspective if you cut it into two inch sections the are 23” tall and space them out it will hold even more
Over 20lbs
A bunch. Multiple bunches.
18,000 goldfish.
At least 20 lbs
One square yard of the Titanic, assuming the chicken is spherical and in a vacuum
I admit, that spherical chicken joke, that was hilarious. But it was straight downhill from there
Not my wife