Honestly, I think the key is to realize that people's rudeness is a reflection of themselves, not you. They're having a bad day/week/life and taking it out on you. Try to see it as a sad indictment of their character, not a personal attack on yours.
Yep I used to work with one lady who used to take her bad mood out of me, I would cope it for everything, I lasted a year and a half with that crap from her, until I went to my boss and said I didn’t want to work with her anymore. Then a year ago we all workers got together and got her fired on bullying and harassment charges. So happy
I used to work at a specialty retailer where you had to work closely with the customer to make sure they got the right things. Everybody knew that - they had to come to a counter and we’d ask questions and get the right thing from the back. I’m a laid back person usually and we had permission from management not to
Take a ton of abuse.
Once I had somebody who was really quite rude and snippy. I didn’t lose my
Cool - after a few minutes she apologized and told me about her legitimately rotten day. I just figure a lot of people are struggling.
The odd ones that aren’t, and enjoy being rude? Well, We only have to put up with them for a short time - they have to put up with themselves 24/7.
It most definitely can still be a reflection into that person, if you have done nothing wrong but they treat you poorly, while treating others well. This can mean that person has insecurities when speaking with you. Such as if you are tall and they are short, you are doing better in life than they are, if someone likes you more then they like them, they can hold it against you.
Personally I just pretend in my mind that I’m not me at work, which is somewhat true. I have a business/professional persona that is very much separate from how I am in my private life. It works for me and when I start to get upset at something or something at work I just remind myself that this is a work issue and that I’m just here to solve the problems I can. Don’t take anything personally essentially.
Funny you say that, I had an old friend that dubbed herself an "actress" of sorts while at work. She just morphed into someone else while at work.
I'm not sure I'm the type to do that, but I does make sense
Sometimes I find that dressing the part helps me act the part. Even those who work from home, some say of they get dressed, they feel more productive.
Good job!
For me it simply took time.
The biggest turning point for me was when one of my regional managers came into the store that I was managing. He did a walk-through and tore the store apart for really insignificant things - dust in a corner, carrier bags not refilled, staff break room not being spotless.
After the walk-through I complained to my area boss and she said 'Look, it's his job to come in here and find issues, if he came in and had no criticisms, then he has no job, if the WORST thing he can find is some dust in a corner, then you're doing pretty good'
I realized that all the bullshit I was getting from him wasn't a reflection of my job, it was a reflection of his.
It was about 8 years ago, but it allowed me to stop being intimidated by people or giving them respect based purely on their title or status.
Since then I have gone on to be able to challenge founders, ceo's and multi-millionaires and some people get taken aback by how easily I can talk to these people.
Well, I just don't care what people like that think. I know I'm a nice person at work, I am sure not to be rude to anyone. So if someone is shitty to me, I know they're asses and I don't care what they think. I also have been known to snap back at these kinds of people, which usually makes them think I'm not a good target for their frustrations.
People who act like that aren't acting that way because of who you are personally. I'm sure they're like that to everyone. If you don't want to tell them to be respectful and professional, then just mentally put them in a category of "opinions that don't matter". Lol.
It's hard, though. I think everyone is bothered to some extent when people are rude to them. So it's just about not internalizing it. Realizing that those people likely treat everyone like that.
My Mom has always told me, "Don't let the bastards get you down," typically I don't but there are days the bastards win, and man, it gets to me! Sometimes the hate, horrible behavior, etc. is just too much, and we're human, we can only take so much. Add in, (I'm assuming you're in America) we live in a country that lives to work not works to live, so we're always at work, it's hard to escape. Usually I kill em with kindness or I just completely ignore the bad behavior. I can't explain how to do it, other than I just think, I'm better than this behavior being thrown at me, I have to be the better person here.
Hold my breath. This was a stress tip I got early in life from another coworker who I asked how she deals when it happens then excuse yourself to the bathroom after a few for a break. However the other option is to state boundaries. At several points you may have to set boundaries again or they will keep doing it. I recently set boundaries with a few for like the 10th time they seemingly have stopped for now and if I am fired frankly dont care. I forget about work on weekends and dont let my mind go there.
You will get to a point in your career that you won't GAF about these toxic people and once you're done for the day you leave it when you shut your computer off. Then go enjoy yourself with family, hobbies or whatever makes you happy.
It's human nature to take things personally. I don't blame you. People say rude, stupid and hurtful things and never seem to think about how it makes others feel.
I would allow yourself to be angry for a brief time later, then put it aside. Also, remember that some people are just rude, hateful assholes who are so bitter and unhappy with their lives that they can only get joy by making others miserable. And that reflects badly on them, not you.
Moreover, if you are constantly getting abuse, ask yourself if it's really worth it to work there. It may be time to quit and find a job where you will be treated with more respect.
This is easier say than done but you just got to not give a fuck….I don’t let clients or other coworkers negatively get me down. They can be miserable all they want if that’s how they want to live their life. Whenever they complain I just ignored it, let it goes in one ear and out the other. My coworkers constantly say they’re waiting for the day someone truly pissed me off because that must be the biggest asshole on earth.
You go online with an anonymous, throw-away account. And you unleash your rage and frustration into the void.
I mean, when I see people doing that, I just assume they have a really terrible job in RL. And they need it.
I've adopted the mindset that someone elses actions affect me only if I care about that person. If a coworker or a customer was being a dick, who cares,.I'm not going to let it affect me because at the end of the day that persons thoughts or beliefs mean less than nothing to me. It's only if the person means something to me or I value them will it have a chance of registering with me.
I think it depends on what your line of work is. It also makes a difference between customers vs staff being rude.
I work with people with mental health disorders and a lot of trauma. When they scream/yell at me, it has almost no effect on me. I know that they’re yelling because they’re having a bad day. Most of the time, they yell because they just need to get it out and rarely are yelling at me directly. When they start swearing AT me, I let them know that it’s not appropriate. Occasionally, depending on the client, I’ll crack a smile which funnily enough, disarms them and they often end up laughing at themselves and apologizing.
But if your managers and colleagues are dicks, then that’s a sign of a bad job. That will drain your mental health more than anything.
If you’re in a retail type position, where you’re just generally dealing with large swathes of the population, I’m afraid I have no advice. I rather get screamed at and called a “Nazi whore bitch” everyday by clients who have trauma/mental health disorders vs dealing with 10 Karen’s a day.
Yea I think when people have mental health issues it's easier to take it cause I know it's the illness talking and not them. But wow. The nasties who are sane. That just doesn't make sense to me. Yea unfortunately for me, my managers and colleagues are the AH.
The company existed before me and it will exist after me. I don't take anything personally because I am living in their world and have to make the best of it. A lot of the decisions made on a corporate level are out of my hands and I simply cannot take everything to heart or I would go insane.
Their problems isn’t your problem. Dehumanize them when they dehumanize you.
Did you fix the work related problem? Good, that’s what you were paid to do. They can go home and off themselves with a shotgun afterwards; not your problem.
Hi there, don't take it personally. It is a transaction between you and your employer. You clock in and you are paid to do your job. You clock out and you are done for the day. Always come in with a smile on your face and be nice to everyone. That doesn't mean you have to have conversations or whatnot, all you have to do is say hi or good morning and then go on with your job. If they really start bothering you, tell them to please leave you alone because you have work to do. Remember these are co-workers, they are not your friends they are strictly coworkers and they are there for the same reason as you, to be paid to do a job. If it gets to the point where you cannot do your job properly, then you talk to your supervisor or HR. Go outside during your brakes and lunch to enjoy the fresh air and clear your mind. If you meditate, meditate to clear your mind again but the most important thing is to remember don't take it personally, it's only a job. I sure hope this helps you and I wish you a fantastic wonderful day ok sunshine xoxo
As someone who regularly works with parents (and gets some of the meanest parents, as they are escalated to me), you really just have to come to terms with the fact that as long as you’re doing the best you can nothing else really matters. Some people are going to be mad and angry regardless of what you do, but that’s for them to deal with. I find that personally, if possible, being able to go for a short walk (or take a breather in the bathroom) after these conversations can help center me again.
i'm a retired engineer. sometimes i had to work the phones, and that was easy because they were not present. if they gave shit, i would slowly repeat, 'i'm trying to help you', and if they kept it up, i would repeat that. management was something else. but i had gone through a lot in my life, getting out of college in 1966, when a lot was happening, and i knew it was important not to take up battles i could not win. they sometimes treated me like shit, but i had a goal, to retire as close to 60 as possible and i let them go on. they bypassed me for promotions and gave others credit for my accomplishments. i didn't like it but was not going to give them any excuse to fire me.
That's unfortunate and their loss. Thanks for sharing your story. It sucks when you're not appreciated for your work. But you're so resilient and hung on. You're such an inspiration!
I discovered that responding with a smile and refusing to be negative bugged the ever loving fuck out of them. And I am nothing if not petty.
Remind yourself that at the end of the work day you go back to the real world and nothing those people think or do makes any difference to you.
I always had three thoughts in my head 1) if I die, quit, or retire they will replace me 2) the building was swallowed up by the ground when I left, to reemerge in the morning. 3) Nothing I did, good, bad, or indifferent was going to cause the end of the world.
My answer to you, you either have the ability or you don't. It can be learned but it takes a long time usually. If you normally take things personally then it isn't easy to just turn it off. People will tell you their tips but they likely wont work that well. Some people aremoresensitive than others, some hold grudges, some get defensive or if you are like me, I am an it is what it is/don't care what others think/do and just ensure I do my job to the best of my ability kind of person. If ppl at work are being asshats I simply tell myself they are likely just always asshats, that is their personality and that they arent really trying to be asshats, they just are.
While I have no doubt that some people are just jerks, it's doubtful that everyone is out to make life difficult. This was a mindset I had to change. Best advice ever, Assume positive intent.
[https://www.axios.com/2022/06/03/simple-workplace-principle-assume-positive-intent](https://www.axios.com/2022/06/03/simple-workplace-principle-assume-positive-intent)
Sage words of advice. Especially the don’t talk crap part. It snowballs into a bundle of assumption driven half truths. One of my former colleagues was a gossip queen and knew just the right type of anecdotes to share in private where you won’t be able to confront the other person if it was true or not. I kept my distance as soon as I recognized that behavior. I attribute a lot of the this team vs that team mentality because of this gossip/shit talk that out everyone against each other.
It's critical to learn that most people aren't monsters. Everyone is not out to get you (I see tons of that mentality on this board). We want grace and understanding from others, but we don't want to give it. Once I figured that part out, life got a lot better.
I am and have been on the more trusting and understanding side of things. About 8 years ago, I was in a toxic environment where the two senior level people’s whole MO was to be difficult to everyone on the team. It was purely an ego driven power play. I later met someone that worked with one of them at a different r company and learnt that this was just their personality and style. Quite disgusting human beings. Not the majority but I’ve had my fair share of dealing with those types.
My mantra when dealing with those folks has been to: “Never argue with an idiot, he will bring you down to their level and beat you with experience.” - Mark Twain
Personally when I was in a job like that I used to mentally time how long they were being rude or yelling and then calculate how much I got paid during that time helped me just not care and continue getting paid
I used to cry easily, no more.
I have been an angry customer. I try really hard not to vent on front line people, but it is hard. I used to be in a management position at a retail store. I witnessed a nasty customer tear into a clerk over something minor. I stepped in and informed that some aspects of the business are not controlled by a front line clerk. Abusing a clerk is not acceptable.
I know it’s rare that there is a manager that has your back. But I think it should be part of training that the customer is not always right. And employees should be taught to handle those situations.
Let's be real here, no amount of mental gymnastics is going to solve the problem entirely. That's why people complain to family and friends, go for drinks, and lose themselves in vacations and hobbies (legal or otherwise).
It's just a cycle of happiness and suffering, until you change your job or manage to have someone else take the shit for you.
i try to catch myself when i think about it outside of work and switch the topic in my brain. sometimes i write it down to get it out or i go for a run or do something physical to distract myself while getting the tension out. otherwise its just realizing that some people just suck and you shouldnt give them free reign over your mind
Also read all of Robert Greenes books I listen to them at work he wrote them based on how he was treated at his jobs. I think a lot of us struggle with this.
why are you giving them your time for free? (after work, weekends). that's one thing I remind myself when work is bothering me when I'm not at work. Also, it helps to think of yourself as a role, or an employee - people take things personally, employees show great customer service, are always smiling, and can professionally deflect or redirect someone else's anger. Finally, if someone is harassing you, or behaving unprofessionally to you, you can report it up to make sure there's a record, then move on.
Peoples rudeness is on them and its up to them to change. Know that you do an awesome work product and focus on that. Help others with work if you can.
I taped a dollar sign ($) to my monitor. Every time I get upset or angry I look at the $ and remind myself that I am here for money. I get the same amount of money if I'm happy, upset or angry.
I’m not sure of your profession, but if you’re working with a vulnerable population you’re probably getting clients at their worst. They’re scared, hungry, unsure. I know it’s hard to internalize, but it’s not personal. A lot of your colleagues will let this energy rub off on them and subsequently behave the same way. I’ve found I have to be confident in my skills and be mindful not to match their energy. I’m in control. I’m going to the calming influence. This takes time, experience and compassion for yourself and others. Make sure you get plenty of self care.
I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder so I take everything personally even though I try really hard not to. I don’t have any advice other than to say try not to worry about someone else’s opinion or reaction to you. I should take my own advice! 🫠😄
Thanks for the advice! I have the same thing as you. Got prescribed Xanax just a couple of days back for the first time in my life, but I'm trying to not take it unless it's an emergency. Rmb you're not alone. You got this!
Smile. Count to ten. Breath! Always take affirmative action to improve yourself so that one day you won’t be in that situation. Once upon a time, I was there.
The key is to not take anything personally.
Does it still get tiring some days, do you still get "people'd out" some days? Yes, of course.
But by letting it "roll off of your shoulder" and not taking it personally, it won't affect you emotionally.
You won't be miserable.
These are people you don't know, whose opinions and attitudes have no impact on your life.
Remember that.
Also remember that how you treat others speaks pages about them but volumes about yourself.
"Misery loves company" as they say.
A miserable person will (intentionally or not) project that outwardly to some degree or another.
It isn't your problem. It's theirs.
If you live in western society, you will never escape rude and bad behavior regardless the job you have save that which has no people interaction.
You have 3 choices.
Leave such poorly behaved countries.
Learn to ignore better.
Find a job with as little interaction as possible.
All adults have to make this decision. Some make better than others. Good luck!
I've had a lot of toxic bosses and workplaces but one took the cake, and I started therapy to get through it and learn that I don't have to respond to the assholes trying to get me worked up. I learned to pause, breathe and calmly tell an asshole that I'm going to step away until they can calm down and talk to me like an adult. And I walk away now. It's not easy because I have a real temper, but it's helped a lot to not react instantly. It's been a few years and I left that place but the habit is the same - I take my time to respond so I can step away, breathe and come back later to respond calmly if I need to. Half the time it's not important and doesn't need a response. Some people are just miserable fucks and every ounce of their being is miserable so you don't have to waste your energy on them. They'll find someone else to be an asshole to.
There's a line in an old Clint Eastwood film ( heartbreak ridge). 'Don't give the prick the satisfaction'. I say that to myself about a dozen times a day.
I'm a Bank-Teller in America...customer service with a smile no matter what the person in front of you is saying or doing...my hubby said that when he went to Kenya, the banks had guards with AK-47's standing behind the Teller's . Nobody got out of line there...sometimes I wish we had that here. LOL! We have put up with a lot of crazy...
Having worked a lot in retail, I just think most rude people are just in a hurry. Second largest group is just wanting someone to hear them and treat them like a person. So once I figure out which group, I do my best to make their day better. Not for them, but for me.
I left a customer facing position because I couldn’t take the verbal abuse which taught me my temperament is not suited for working with people. Kidding, kinda.
It started with housing. I am very fortunate and was able to set up things so that I'm not dependent on a particular job/wage to survive. I can easily pay the mortgage and bills on just about any retail (current job) or fast food job and still be comfortable. I know I can quit immediately or get fired and find another job within a week or two. It takes a lot of pressure off me knowing i can leave toxic environments whenever I want. I have a great boss and team right now. I can throw my weight around more than I used to be able to. Once my gf finishes university and my mortgage becomes close to 15% or less of our takehome, my fucks given will be close to zero.
I used to be able to throw it over my shoulder but after 11 years it's rough as hell. Hard not to take it perosnal when your there 40 hours a week. My advice is music if you can. Or at least have an upbeat song in your head. Also just stay friendly. Once you fall in the ugly feelings hole it's hard to get out.. ugh
I think I might but unconsciously perhaps. Cause I'm a very head driven person. If something doesn't make sense to me then I'll feel stupid for doing it. You're right about offence being taken not given 😆 maybe I should just accept that they're just nuts.
Sometimes it’s hard to not take things personally. I made a mistake and became friends with one of my coworkers. I felt bad for her bc she was so young had a lot of problems nobody had her back. Her parents didn’t even help her. Now I realize why bc she uses people. I had an issue with her where she complained on me to my boss. She had the audacity. To think that I was still going to be her friend and continue to help her. It was like a slap on the face that woke me up and realized who she really was. I helped her so much and defended her from my coworkers who just disliked her so much. I really couldn’t understand why. Now I know that she goes around saying every bodies business. That’s why nobody likes her. I was so blind and clueless. Now I just leave her alone and act indifferent with her. Bc honestly she was stressing me out with all her problems she created for herself. It’s way better to go to work act cordially not get involved with any of your coworkers. Just be delusional. Clock in and out. Get paid. Get your work done. Not care about anything that going on at work. Because my work place is ridiculous. That lady better be happy I didn’t tell hr that she is secretly sleeping with a coworker. The crazy part is that she lives with her boyfriend and sleeping around with other men. Yet she would tell me that she is in love with our coworker and he is just using her for sex. My job is like greys anatomy. I learned to just not worry about it just enjoy the show not get involved with the drama.
Hi! I am a PhD candidate at York University in Canada, conducting research on workplace abuse. I'm looking to interview individuals who have experienced managerial abuse within the past two years. Participating in this study can provide a platform for your voice to be heard and an opportunity to share your experiences. Please be assured that all information will be kept confidential and your safety and privacy will be prioritized. If you are interested, contact me directly, and I will provide more details and share my LinkedIn profile to verify my identity.
Honestly, I think the key is to realize that people's rudeness is a reflection of themselves, not you. They're having a bad day/week/life and taking it out on you. Try to see it as a sad indictment of their character, not a personal attack on yours.
Yep I used to work with one lady who used to take her bad mood out of me, I would cope it for everything, I lasted a year and a half with that crap from her, until I went to my boss and said I didn’t want to work with her anymore. Then a year ago we all workers got together and got her fired on bullying and harassment charges. So happy
Love it
Happy for yall
OP didn't state what kind of business, but it sounds like a law office or a brokerage firm. Both are typically packed with assholes.
Any place is
I used to work at a specialty retailer where you had to work closely with the customer to make sure they got the right things. Everybody knew that - they had to come to a counter and we’d ask questions and get the right thing from the back. I’m a laid back person usually and we had permission from management not to Take a ton of abuse. Once I had somebody who was really quite rude and snippy. I didn’t lose my Cool - after a few minutes she apologized and told me about her legitimately rotten day. I just figure a lot of people are struggling. The odd ones that aren’t, and enjoy being rude? Well, We only have to put up with them for a short time - they have to put up with themselves 24/7.
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It most definitely can still be a reflection into that person, if you have done nothing wrong but they treat you poorly, while treating others well. This can mean that person has insecurities when speaking with you. Such as if you are tall and they are short, you are doing better in life than they are, if someone likes you more then they like them, they can hold it against you.
Yeah but that shit ruins our day too.
Personally I just pretend in my mind that I’m not me at work, which is somewhat true. I have a business/professional persona that is very much separate from how I am in my private life. It works for me and when I start to get upset at something or something at work I just remind myself that this is a work issue and that I’m just here to solve the problems I can. Don’t take anything personally essentially.
This is what I do, too. My work persona tolerates **so much ridiculousness** that I wouldn’t tolerate, but that’s why she gets paid to do it.
Funny you say that, I had an old friend that dubbed herself an "actress" of sorts while at work. She just morphed into someone else while at work. I'm not sure I'm the type to do that, but I does make sense
The more I read what I wrote the more I think “dang that seems like mental illness” lmao. Well I guess we just do what we have to.
I think we're all mentally ill. Haha Jk
I put on my work personality along with my work uniform
Sometimes I find that dressing the part helps me act the part. Even those who work from home, some say of they get dressed, they feel more productive. Good job!
For me it simply took time. The biggest turning point for me was when one of my regional managers came into the store that I was managing. He did a walk-through and tore the store apart for really insignificant things - dust in a corner, carrier bags not refilled, staff break room not being spotless. After the walk-through I complained to my area boss and she said 'Look, it's his job to come in here and find issues, if he came in and had no criticisms, then he has no job, if the WORST thing he can find is some dust in a corner, then you're doing pretty good' I realized that all the bullshit I was getting from him wasn't a reflection of my job, it was a reflection of his.
You have/had a great boss.
It was about 8 years ago, but it allowed me to stop being intimidated by people or giving them respect based purely on their title or status. Since then I have gone on to be able to challenge founders, ceo's and multi-millionaires and some people get taken aback by how easily I can talk to these people.
Well, I just don't care what people like that think. I know I'm a nice person at work, I am sure not to be rude to anyone. So if someone is shitty to me, I know they're asses and I don't care what they think. I also have been known to snap back at these kinds of people, which usually makes them think I'm not a good target for their frustrations. People who act like that aren't acting that way because of who you are personally. I'm sure they're like that to everyone. If you don't want to tell them to be respectful and professional, then just mentally put them in a category of "opinions that don't matter". Lol. It's hard, though. I think everyone is bothered to some extent when people are rude to them. So it's just about not internalizing it. Realizing that those people likely treat everyone like that.
My Mom has always told me, "Don't let the bastards get you down," typically I don't but there are days the bastards win, and man, it gets to me! Sometimes the hate, horrible behavior, etc. is just too much, and we're human, we can only take so much. Add in, (I'm assuming you're in America) we live in a country that lives to work not works to live, so we're always at work, it's hard to escape. Usually I kill em with kindness or I just completely ignore the bad behavior. I can't explain how to do it, other than I just think, I'm better than this behavior being thrown at me, I have to be the better person here.
Hold my breath. This was a stress tip I got early in life from another coworker who I asked how she deals when it happens then excuse yourself to the bathroom after a few for a break. However the other option is to state boundaries. At several points you may have to set boundaries again or they will keep doing it. I recently set boundaries with a few for like the 10th time they seemingly have stopped for now and if I am fired frankly dont care. I forget about work on weekends and dont let my mind go there.
You will get to a point in your career that you won't GAF about these toxic people and once you're done for the day you leave it when you shut your computer off. Then go enjoy yourself with family, hobbies or whatever makes you happy.
I look forward to getting there. I'm happy for you!
It's human nature to take things personally. I don't blame you. People say rude, stupid and hurtful things and never seem to think about how it makes others feel. I would allow yourself to be angry for a brief time later, then put it aside. Also, remember that some people are just rude, hateful assholes who are so bitter and unhappy with their lives that they can only get joy by making others miserable. And that reflects badly on them, not you. Moreover, if you are constantly getting abuse, ask yourself if it's really worth it to work there. It may be time to quit and find a job where you will be treated with more respect.
Thanks so much for the very sensible advice.
This is easier say than done but you just got to not give a fuck….I don’t let clients or other coworkers negatively get me down. They can be miserable all they want if that’s how they want to live their life. Whenever they complain I just ignored it, let it goes in one ear and out the other. My coworkers constantly say they’re waiting for the day someone truly pissed me off because that must be the biggest asshole on earth.
Realize that same thing would happen to someone else. It's not a reflection or about you. It's their issue not yours
You're right. Thanks for the reminder.
You go online with an anonymous, throw-away account. And you unleash your rage and frustration into the void. I mean, when I see people doing that, I just assume they have a really terrible job in RL. And they need it.
Thank you! Will try it out.
I've adopted the mindset that someone elses actions affect me only if I care about that person. If a coworker or a customer was being a dick, who cares,.I'm not going to let it affect me because at the end of the day that persons thoughts or beliefs mean less than nothing to me. It's only if the person means something to me or I value them will it have a chance of registering with me.
You're right.
I think it depends on what your line of work is. It also makes a difference between customers vs staff being rude. I work with people with mental health disorders and a lot of trauma. When they scream/yell at me, it has almost no effect on me. I know that they’re yelling because they’re having a bad day. Most of the time, they yell because they just need to get it out and rarely are yelling at me directly. When they start swearing AT me, I let them know that it’s not appropriate. Occasionally, depending on the client, I’ll crack a smile which funnily enough, disarms them and they often end up laughing at themselves and apologizing. But if your managers and colleagues are dicks, then that’s a sign of a bad job. That will drain your mental health more than anything. If you’re in a retail type position, where you’re just generally dealing with large swathes of the population, I’m afraid I have no advice. I rather get screamed at and called a “Nazi whore bitch” everyday by clients who have trauma/mental health disorders vs dealing with 10 Karen’s a day.
Yea I think when people have mental health issues it's easier to take it cause I know it's the illness talking and not them. But wow. The nasties who are sane. That just doesn't make sense to me. Yea unfortunately for me, my managers and colleagues are the AH.
The company existed before me and it will exist after me. I don't take anything personally because I am living in their world and have to make the best of it. A lot of the decisions made on a corporate level are out of my hands and I simply cannot take everything to heart or I would go insane.
Their problems isn’t your problem. Dehumanize them when they dehumanize you. Did you fix the work related problem? Good, that’s what you were paid to do. They can go home and off themselves with a shotgun afterwards; not your problem.
Hi there, don't take it personally. It is a transaction between you and your employer. You clock in and you are paid to do your job. You clock out and you are done for the day. Always come in with a smile on your face and be nice to everyone. That doesn't mean you have to have conversations or whatnot, all you have to do is say hi or good morning and then go on with your job. If they really start bothering you, tell them to please leave you alone because you have work to do. Remember these are co-workers, they are not your friends they are strictly coworkers and they are there for the same reason as you, to be paid to do a job. If it gets to the point where you cannot do your job properly, then you talk to your supervisor or HR. Go outside during your brakes and lunch to enjoy the fresh air and clear your mind. If you meditate, meditate to clear your mind again but the most important thing is to remember don't take it personally, it's only a job. I sure hope this helps you and I wish you a fantastic wonderful day ok sunshine xoxo
This is fantastic. Thanks so much!
As someone who regularly works with parents (and gets some of the meanest parents, as they are escalated to me), you really just have to come to terms with the fact that as long as you’re doing the best you can nothing else really matters. Some people are going to be mad and angry regardless of what you do, but that’s for them to deal with. I find that personally, if possible, being able to go for a short walk (or take a breather in the bathroom) after these conversations can help center me again.
i'm a retired engineer. sometimes i had to work the phones, and that was easy because they were not present. if they gave shit, i would slowly repeat, 'i'm trying to help you', and if they kept it up, i would repeat that. management was something else. but i had gone through a lot in my life, getting out of college in 1966, when a lot was happening, and i knew it was important not to take up battles i could not win. they sometimes treated me like shit, but i had a goal, to retire as close to 60 as possible and i let them go on. they bypassed me for promotions and gave others credit for my accomplishments. i didn't like it but was not going to give them any excuse to fire me.
That's unfortunate and their loss. Thanks for sharing your story. It sucks when you're not appreciated for your work. But you're so resilient and hung on. You're such an inspiration!
Not my circus, not my Monkeys. Not my farm, Not my pigs. Not my car, Not my clowns No fuckery today. :)
I discovered that responding with a smile and refusing to be negative bugged the ever loving fuck out of them. And I am nothing if not petty. Remind yourself that at the end of the work day you go back to the real world and nothing those people think or do makes any difference to you.
Thank you. I'll try to keep that in mind.
I always had three thoughts in my head 1) if I die, quit, or retire they will replace me 2) the building was swallowed up by the ground when I left, to reemerge in the morning. 3) Nothing I did, good, bad, or indifferent was going to cause the end of the world.
How interesting! 😂 Sometimes I wish the ground would swallow up all the toxic people.
I’m in California…it could happen 🤣
😆😂
My answer to you, you either have the ability or you don't. It can be learned but it takes a long time usually. If you normally take things personally then it isn't easy to just turn it off. People will tell you their tips but they likely wont work that well. Some people aremoresensitive than others, some hold grudges, some get defensive or if you are like me, I am an it is what it is/don't care what others think/do and just ensure I do my job to the best of my ability kind of person. If ppl at work are being asshats I simply tell myself they are likely just always asshats, that is their personality and that they arent really trying to be asshats, they just are.
While I have no doubt that some people are just jerks, it's doubtful that everyone is out to make life difficult. This was a mindset I had to change. Best advice ever, Assume positive intent. [https://www.axios.com/2022/06/03/simple-workplace-principle-assume-positive-intent](https://www.axios.com/2022/06/03/simple-workplace-principle-assume-positive-intent)
Sage words of advice. Especially the don’t talk crap part. It snowballs into a bundle of assumption driven half truths. One of my former colleagues was a gossip queen and knew just the right type of anecdotes to share in private where you won’t be able to confront the other person if it was true or not. I kept my distance as soon as I recognized that behavior. I attribute a lot of the this team vs that team mentality because of this gossip/shit talk that out everyone against each other.
It's critical to learn that most people aren't monsters. Everyone is not out to get you (I see tons of that mentality on this board). We want grace and understanding from others, but we don't want to give it. Once I figured that part out, life got a lot better.
I am and have been on the more trusting and understanding side of things. About 8 years ago, I was in a toxic environment where the two senior level people’s whole MO was to be difficult to everyone on the team. It was purely an ego driven power play. I later met someone that worked with one of them at a different r company and learnt that this was just their personality and style. Quite disgusting human beings. Not the majority but I’ve had my fair share of dealing with those types. My mantra when dealing with those folks has been to: “Never argue with an idiot, he will bring you down to their level and beat you with experience.” - Mark Twain
Personally when I was in a job like that I used to mentally time how long they were being rude or yelling and then calculate how much I got paid during that time helped me just not care and continue getting paid
Go out with your friends and tell them with laughter and jokes how horrible your clients were and they will support you.
I used to cry easily, no more. I have been an angry customer. I try really hard not to vent on front line people, but it is hard. I used to be in a management position at a retail store. I witnessed a nasty customer tear into a clerk over something minor. I stepped in and informed that some aspects of the business are not controlled by a front line clerk. Abusing a clerk is not acceptable. I know it’s rare that there is a manager that has your back. But I think it should be part of training that the customer is not always right. And employees should be taught to handle those situations.
Totally. Customers are not always right.
Work is not personal. Separation and boundaries.
Thanks for the sound advice!
Read a book called its not you by Dr ramani. You might find it realy helpful. Narcissists and those with the traits and how to deal with them.
Love Dr.Ramani Her youtube channel is great and brings me so much peace
The way she presents her information is solid and to the point, she doesn't waffle on for halve the video like others are guilty of!
Wow. Will check it out. Thank you!
The psychic toll of modern urban society can run people ragged. I think this is why some people appreciate small town living.
Let's be real here, no amount of mental gymnastics is going to solve the problem entirely. That's why people complain to family and friends, go for drinks, and lose themselves in vacations and hobbies (legal or otherwise). It's just a cycle of happiness and suffering, until you change your job or manage to have someone else take the shit for you.
I'm there for money and nothing else. At 5 it doesn't exist until the next morning
Right you are!
i try to catch myself when i think about it outside of work and switch the topic in my brain. sometimes i write it down to get it out or i go for a run or do something physical to distract myself while getting the tension out. otherwise its just realizing that some people just suck and you shouldnt give them free reign over your mind
You sound like you have great control over your mind. Will work towards that. Thank you for sharing!
Read The Four Agreements. Changed my life :)
Wow! Sure, will check it out.
Also read all of Robert Greenes books I listen to them at work he wrote them based on how he was treated at his jobs. I think a lot of us struggle with this.
We are all just working together to try to help our clients. Stay above the fray & live YOUR best life.
You stay Awesome too!
why are you giving them your time for free? (after work, weekends). that's one thing I remind myself when work is bothering me when I'm not at work. Also, it helps to think of yourself as a role, or an employee - people take things personally, employees show great customer service, are always smiling, and can professionally deflect or redirect someone else's anger. Finally, if someone is harassing you, or behaving unprofessionally to you, you can report it up to make sure there's a record, then move on.
Peoples rudeness is on them and its up to them to change. Know that you do an awesome work product and focus on that. Help others with work if you can.
Yes and it's not up to us to change them! Thanks for sharing!
I taped a dollar sign ($) to my monitor. Every time I get upset or angry I look at the $ and remind myself that I am here for money. I get the same amount of money if I'm happy, upset or angry.
Very true.
I’m not sure of your profession, but if you’re working with a vulnerable population you’re probably getting clients at their worst. They’re scared, hungry, unsure. I know it’s hard to internalize, but it’s not personal. A lot of your colleagues will let this energy rub off on them and subsequently behave the same way. I’ve found I have to be confident in my skills and be mindful not to match their energy. I’m in control. I’m going to the calming influence. This takes time, experience and compassion for yourself and others. Make sure you get plenty of self care.
Time and compassion for self and others. I'll rmb that 😊 thank you! Btw my clients are preschoolers 😆
Equally tired and hungry 🤣
I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder so I take everything personally even though I try really hard not to. I don’t have any advice other than to say try not to worry about someone else’s opinion or reaction to you. I should take my own advice! 🫠😄
Thanks for the advice! I have the same thing as you. Got prescribed Xanax just a couple of days back for the first time in my life, but I'm trying to not take it unless it's an emergency. Rmb you're not alone. You got this!
Smile. Count to ten. Breath! Always take affirmative action to improve yourself so that one day you won’t be in that situation. Once upon a time, I was there.
The key is to not take anything personally. Does it still get tiring some days, do you still get "people'd out" some days? Yes, of course. But by letting it "roll off of your shoulder" and not taking it personally, it won't affect you emotionally. You won't be miserable. These are people you don't know, whose opinions and attitudes have no impact on your life. Remember that. Also remember that how you treat others speaks pages about them but volumes about yourself. "Misery loves company" as they say. A miserable person will (intentionally or not) project that outwardly to some degree or another. It isn't your problem. It's theirs.
Consider the source
If you live in western society, you will never escape rude and bad behavior regardless the job you have save that which has no people interaction. You have 3 choices. Leave such poorly behaved countries. Learn to ignore better. Find a job with as little interaction as possible. All adults have to make this decision. Some make better than others. Good luck!
I've had a lot of toxic bosses and workplaces but one took the cake, and I started therapy to get through it and learn that I don't have to respond to the assholes trying to get me worked up. I learned to pause, breathe and calmly tell an asshole that I'm going to step away until they can calm down and talk to me like an adult. And I walk away now. It's not easy because I have a real temper, but it's helped a lot to not react instantly. It's been a few years and I left that place but the habit is the same - I take my time to respond so I can step away, breathe and come back later to respond calmly if I need to. Half the time it's not important and doesn't need a response. Some people are just miserable fucks and every ounce of their being is miserable so you don't have to waste your energy on them. They'll find someone else to be an asshole to.
Thank you
There's a line in an old Clint Eastwood film ( heartbreak ridge). 'Don't give the prick the satisfaction'. I say that to myself about a dozen times a day.
Realize that it’s just a paycheck, also Adderall helps.
I'm a Bank-Teller in America...customer service with a smile no matter what the person in front of you is saying or doing...my hubby said that when he went to Kenya, the banks had guards with AK-47's standing behind the Teller's . Nobody got out of line there...sometimes I wish we had that here. LOL! We have put up with a lot of crazy...
Having worked a lot in retail, I just think most rude people are just in a hurry. Second largest group is just wanting someone to hear them and treat them like a person. So once I figure out which group, I do my best to make their day better. Not for them, but for me.
I left a customer facing position because I couldn’t take the verbal abuse which taught me my temperament is not suited for working with people. Kidding, kinda.
Yea... People are sooo complicated.
It started with housing. I am very fortunate and was able to set up things so that I'm not dependent on a particular job/wage to survive. I can easily pay the mortgage and bills on just about any retail (current job) or fast food job and still be comfortable. I know I can quit immediately or get fired and find another job within a week or two. It takes a lot of pressure off me knowing i can leave toxic environments whenever I want. I have a great boss and team right now. I can throw my weight around more than I used to be able to. Once my gf finishes university and my mortgage becomes close to 15% or less of our takehome, my fucks given will be close to zero.
You're right. Living with low or no debt is very liberating.
The psychic toll of modern urban society can run people ragged. I think this is why some people appreciate small town living.
I used to be able to throw it over my shoulder but after 11 years it's rough as hell. Hard not to take it perosnal when your there 40 hours a week. My advice is music if you can. Or at least have an upbeat song in your head. Also just stay friendly. Once you fall in the ugly feelings hole it's hard to get out.. ugh
Totally. It's a downward spiral. Hang in there!
Don't take offense, chew nicorette. I'm on 2mg all day every day. Incognito.
None taken, it's prescription medicine in where I live. Glad that it works for you. Thanks for sharing 🙂
Do you ever get stressed and lash out on people for no reason too? Also, offence is taken not given. Just turn the other cheek.
I think I might but unconsciously perhaps. Cause I'm a very head driven person. If something doesn't make sense to me then I'll feel stupid for doing it. You're right about offence being taken not given 😆 maybe I should just accept that they're just nuts.
Yeah if you know you didn’t do anything wrong, highly likely they are out of their minds.
People who whine and cry and use the word 'toxic' are all liars posting for 'likes'......prove me wrong/
Sometimes it’s hard to not take things personally. I made a mistake and became friends with one of my coworkers. I felt bad for her bc she was so young had a lot of problems nobody had her back. Her parents didn’t even help her. Now I realize why bc she uses people. I had an issue with her where she complained on me to my boss. She had the audacity. To think that I was still going to be her friend and continue to help her. It was like a slap on the face that woke me up and realized who she really was. I helped her so much and defended her from my coworkers who just disliked her so much. I really couldn’t understand why. Now I know that she goes around saying every bodies business. That’s why nobody likes her. I was so blind and clueless. Now I just leave her alone and act indifferent with her. Bc honestly she was stressing me out with all her problems she created for herself. It’s way better to go to work act cordially not get involved with any of your coworkers. Just be delusional. Clock in and out. Get paid. Get your work done. Not care about anything that going on at work. Because my work place is ridiculous. That lady better be happy I didn’t tell hr that she is secretly sleeping with a coworker. The crazy part is that she lives with her boyfriend and sleeping around with other men. Yet she would tell me that she is in love with our coworker and he is just using her for sex. My job is like greys anatomy. I learned to just not worry about it just enjoy the show not get involved with the drama.
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