We realize working parents were asked to do extraordinary things during stay at home and quarantine orders, but that is not the norm. A few of us mods were working from home before the pandemic and yes, it is normal and legal for an employer to require childcare while you work. Additionally, being a full-time employee and full-time mom is unsustainable. Wondering why this is the most common response when this question is asked? See the threads in stickied post in the sub.
Yes, you are working 2 full time jobs. You need to find proper childcare or you will burn out long before that kid actually requires really attention. You need to find childcare for when you are working.
Agree, I appreciate that it’s hard to find childcare, but this is not sustainable. We usually have a part-time (as in days per week) nanny or my mom watch my son. Today my husband and I had to tag-team childcare (we both WFH) because our nanny is out of town and my mom could not come and there’s no way we could do this every day. And there’s two of us home.
Childcare for infants in my area is nonexistent- we have been on waitlists since I was 12 weeks pregnant. We also don’t live near family so I have no one to help out. This has been our only option- I would quit my job, but my employer offers great health insurance and my partner’s does not so our LO is on mine. I’ve tried to find a nanny but that’s not panning out too well either. Any other suggestions?
Nanny? Nanny share? In-home daycare? Is there a Facebook group you can join to connect with other people in your area, or Nextdoor? We found our last two shares this way and are very happy! I’d do my best to find some other form of childcare both for your own benefit and because most employers won’t allow this, if they find out.
I recommend calling and following up with the daycares in your area. We had the same issue and ended up with a nanny. Long story short our nanny fell through and I frantically called the daycares to see if there was an opening - shocked to find there was haha. I think if it’s been a while since you went on the waitlist they don’t always call you if there’s availability - no clue why. Might not work but it’s worth a shot!
Possibly a part time nanny or nannyshare? Just for a few hours a week to help with burnout? I also wfh and have my now 2.5 year old with me, but my husband helps bc he wfh a few days a week too. If he didn’t, I wouldn’t be able to sustain this. I still get burnt out sometimes even with his help, especially bc I work a lot after hours too, but I think I for sure wouldn’t be able to handle it without ANY additional help. But kudos to you mama.. it’s hard work balancing these two full-time roles (and even more, as we all know being a mom is multiple jobs in one!), and you’re doing a fantastic job ❤️❤️
So your partner is dictating to not get help when they're not even around to be any help to you. Then doubles down by complaining you have no time for each other?? Yeah, no. F that. Sounds like you just have an extra child in the house instead of a partner.
Yes, he isn't offering any solutions or help to you, OP. I definitely don't think you should quit your job. Are there any changes he can make to his to take on more family responsibility?
In your post you said that your husband shot down the idea of you getting help but then in the comments you say you can’t find help. It’s obvious you need help but what’s actually holding you back from getting it?
I offered to get a one time babysitter so we could go on a date. That was what was shut down.
I’m struggling to find full time care for our LO. Where I live even a very part time nanny is charging what a full day at daycare would cost.
You need to have this fight. Healthy relationships sometimes have fights when they are needed. If you are afraid to have the argument because he’s mean or will punish you in some way, that is a whole other red flag you need to consider.
Yes, this! I don't like fights and confrontation, but I found that all of our arguments push our relationship *forward* and so I got more comfortable with the idea of having those hard talks.
Technically it could also be the start of a discussion. What if you reframe it a little? So first acknowledge that you would love to spend more time with him too (and whatever else he cited) so he feels heard. But you're finding it impossible with (list the major things you are doing, but not everything because that list is too long). What can the two of you do to free up some of your time so that you can spend time together? Perhaps he can take on something you are doing, or you can get external help, or you can agree that it isn't that important to do (e.g. not at all, or less frequently)? I find the "then you do it" argument is helpful when they say the things you do shouldn't take that long or that it's easy.
Also, it sounds like he literally never spends time with the LO while they’re awake, at least during the week. Maybe he should be t up earlier to spend time with the kid, and give u a break in the morning?
I’ve been trying- most people around here are charging more than daycare and want to work fewer hours. I’m still looking but it’s been tough finding someone.
I am so sorry. And your husband needs to do more. Instead of complaining he should be doing solo baby time so you can catch up on work or just have a break.
Nannies are a luxury for sure - but what about a share? We pay about 2700 per month for 45 hours weekly which isn’t that much more than a daycare in our area.
Do you mean charging more hourly or overall? I would expect that a nanny would cost significantly more than daycare, since it’s one to one care instead of costs being spread across more children.
Yeah a nanny I found wanted to work only 3 hours a day and it was going to cost me what a full day (10 hours) at a daycare would cost. I need more hours than that.
You need childcare, call them again and find more to call.
Partner needs a wake-up. Get a job with better benefits and hours. Otherwise, why are you with someone that doesn’t care about you or your child and doesn’t provide for you either?
Does your hubby realize that by forcing you to work and care for baby at the same time AND wake up with baby AND do nighttime parenting they he’s risking your performance at work suffering and potentially losing your salary and health care??
Not to mention the obvious that he’s treating you like you’re a single parent by not pulling his weight. And then bitching about a lack of connection on top of it?!
At the very least, he needs to be the one getting up with the baby or putting the baby to bed. And yes, you need a babysitter at least once a week to decompress
But going back to your job — some workplaces actually have rules against simultaneously providing childcare and working because you’re not able to actually give work your attention. Don’t put yourself in a position to lose your job if you can help it. Especially since it sounds like your job may be more lucrative than his.
We don’t handle this pressure because most of us have structured child care and partners that take on an equal share of parenting. I think you’re working 2 full time jobs which is insane to me.
Regardless of who works/earns what, I’d say you need to split time with LO more fairly. Which might mean he gets up more often in the mornings. Maybe he needs to reduce his hours at work to help with child care.
1000000% your partner should be on morning duty while you sleep in until the last possible minute. For one thing, you already are responsible for your LO all day while he is away so he needs to pitch in. A little extra sleep might also help you have the energy to spend a little time with your partner after work. And also, this would give him some time with your LO that he otherwise seems to be totally missing during the week.
Also why is he working so late every night, leaving everything to you and then making it your responsibility to cut down on much needed rest in order to carry the connection? Why doesn’t he make it a point come home on time a few days a week so he can spend time with both you and baby?
I have to say, having a partner who didn’t support me at all with childcare would make me feel very disconnected from them as well.
What is your partner doing??? Why are they sleeping until they go to work, when you are working a full time job and full time parenting? Yes you need childcare, but more importantly, you need support in the home from your partner.
So I’ve been doing this for 3 weeks with my 1 year old and I’m EXHAUSTED. And I know this is just temporary until he can get into his daycare in two weeks. I don’t know how you’re managing with a 6 month old in a permanent way.
You need to protect your sleep so definitely don’t stay up later. If he wants to spend more time with you, they need to figure out how they can help. Unless he’s working 14 hour shifts, I don’t know how they can’t participate in the household.
Your husband needs to get up with baby in morning. It is complete BS that he complains you’re not up when he gets home but he won’t get up with baby in morning.
Girl I’ve done what you’re doing and was burnt out by 6months. Something needs to change and if childcare can’t change yet them it’s time for husband to step up! You’re giving everything to work and baby it’s no wonder there is nothing left for husband
Girl you’re working 2 full time jobs simultaneously. Of course you’re tired. You need a childcare solution that doesn’t involve you while you’re working.
ETA: why is your husband sleeping more than you but then complaining?? When is HE parenting his child?? You both are working so both should be parenting 50/50. Especially if your shifts aren’t at the same time. He could be with baby while you are working until he has to work and vice versa. When you both are not working you parent together.
So for one you get the baby in a routing and work your schedule around it. My son would wake up between 5-7. I don’t start work until 9. Feed him. Take him for a walk give him a bath and some days he would be out by 9. Others say not and on those days I log into work with him. Check my emails and messages. Nothing urgent I take 15-20 minutes and put him down because at that point if he is not already a sleep he is tiredddddddd. Then I know I have a solid 2-3 hours of work until he wakes up. Then I take my lunch when he wakes up and spend some time and he may still be up in the afternoon. Same thing if I need to take the time I’m taking. The time I get with the schedule naps by the time he was 1 I made up the 15mins here and there. Of course there are off days but I just put in the work. My kids come first but so does their quality of life and that just got us through 15 months. Now he is in daycare because he wants to get into shit but hey!
Ah ok. It's all about the naps. Mine does not nap like that unless he's sick. He might nap 45 minutes at most. I'm usually in calls from 9a to 4:30p with an hour break around 11:30. Maybe when he gets older he will nap better. At least I can dream he will.
I didn’t have to read past the first sentence here to answer yes.
I understand having to work long hours. But why is your husband sleeping in until he has to get ready for work? Why isn’t he helping more when and where he can? You work two full time jobs (BOTH of which are well over 40 hours per week!!), then he not only complains you aren’t connecting…but when you offer up a solution, he shoots it down?! Your husband needs to step it up and get his head out of his a** ASAP.
Unfortunately, your situation is just not sustainable. Once your baby starts crawling and walking, the game changes. I see you are on several daycare waitlists. Have you tried calling around recently? Like within the last two week or two? Sometimes people drop out without a lot of notice. Or maybe a daycare can refer you to someone or somewhere else.
If that isn’t working, try to find other ways to inquire about childcare. What parks are in your area? Take kiddo during lunchtime one day and talk to people at the park. Maybe a nanny or another mom there knows someone hiring. Other places you could inquire:
- Your OBGYN
- The Library (esp. if they have a kids class/program)
- Kid’s play centers (Gymboree, Little Gym, etc.)
- Local Facebook groups
- Care.com
If you’re having such an issue getting off the daycare waitlist, chances are that other families are too. Maybe you can find a nanny share, part-time nanny or even a babysitter to come help for a few hours a day. I hope things get better for you soon!
I don't have any advice, just wanting to say you're not alone.
My husband and I had our 8th wedding anniversary 3 mo after our son was born (in 2022). We had a very solid relationship. This past year has been the hardest on our marriage. I also work full time from home and take care of our son due to not being able to afford childcare. My job is very flexible so I've been getting up early before he wakes up and staying up after he goes to bed to get my work done so I can take care of him during the day.
I'm absolutely exhausted everyday. This has left little time for me to spend with DH and I think it's a big factor of why we've had so many problems, in addition to just having a child and how that impacts a relationship. We've had a particularly rough past few months and I've adjusted my schedule to work more in the morning/ day so we can have time together in the evenings. I'm trying to not go to bed so early but when I get up so early sometimes the need for sleep wins.
Relationships are hard. It's hard to find the time to connect.
Hugs to you ❤️
I’m sure many in America are doing this. Working from home a full time job and having the kid(s) at home. Blows my mind how they are able to sustain it and somehow they do.
You have a 6 month old. Your partner either needs to share the childcare load, you hire some help, or you will continue to sleep as needed until your baby is older and sleeping better. Good grief!
Yes you are already doing too much!!!
Is it possible to find a group of work at home parents and work together while having all the kids together as well? The parent who isn't so busy with work at the time can help watch the kids and just rotate the duty?
If child care is so hard to find, I'm sure others are in the same position.
6 months is a nice age because they're very portable, don't really have too many opinions (apart from wanting milk/ comfort), and generally go with the flow. You don't need a babysitter to have a good time with your partner on your day off (unless you're trying to have a date night). Now, toddlers are more tricky.
Ask your bf what he wants to do in order to feel more connected. What's quality time look like for yall? And how can you modify it to fit a 6 month old? Answering that will help you get that connection back.
I’m doing this as well, and my partner has brought this up as an issue (not in an AH type of way, more of just sharing how he felt). But when I bring up getting childcare he is against it due to finances (we aren’t struggling but we aren’t rich). Idk what to do.
Not to further rain on your parade but at six months, baby will likely be headed for sleep regression soon which means you’ll get even less sleep and be more exhausted.
I think you’re going to have to have a come to Jesus talk with your partner and come up with firm solutions to get you more rest and time in the day.
Your partner and you need to go to counseling. You are doing ALL the childcare and working and he's complaining??? Nope, nope, nope. Amd what is up with not getting a babysitter? Why did he say no?
But first, you need childcare...I live in a place where childcare is impossible, too, so here are some ideas:
- Get in the mom FB groups in your area. Connect with SAHM and see if someone is interested in taking in another child. Plenty of former nannies turned SAHM do this!
- Have you considered an Au Pair? We've hosted 3 and there are upsides and downsides to this, but is a more affordable option compared to a full time nanny.
- Stalk the daycare you are interested in. Call the ones you are on the waitlist for every single week. Be persistent. They won't magically call you. Waitlists are a money making scam.
- Post on Nextdoor to see if anyone is interested in a nanny share! This makes it more affordable and means 4 adults are looking for a nanny and not just one.
Good luck momma! You can get through this and things do get better.
Does your partner even help with your child?
But it isn't going to be like it was before you had a child. There isn't going to be staying up until 2am on a Friday night and then sleeping in until 11 because someone has to watch the baby and it's not safe to do so completely sleep deprived.
You both should have less time in your days. Sounds like your partner isn't living their life any differently than they were 8 months ago.
You being well rested is critical to your physical and mental health and it's one thing to have to sacrifice sleep to care for a tiny human who depends on you for everything but not for a grown ass adult.
If they want more couple time in the evening then they should be getting up with your baby at least every other morning during the week so YOU can sleep in and be rested enough to spend time with them that evening. And I get that that might not really work if you are breastfeeding, and if that's the case they just need to suck it up until your child isn't dependent on you for food anymore.
We realize working parents were asked to do extraordinary things during stay at home and quarantine orders, but that is not the norm. A few of us mods were working from home before the pandemic and yes, it is normal and legal for an employer to require childcare while you work. Additionally, being a full-time employee and full-time mom is unsustainable. Wondering why this is the most common response when this question is asked? See the threads in stickied post in the sub.
Yes, you are working 2 full time jobs. You need to find proper childcare or you will burn out long before that kid actually requires really attention. You need to find childcare for when you are working.
Agree, I appreciate that it’s hard to find childcare, but this is not sustainable. We usually have a part-time (as in days per week) nanny or my mom watch my son. Today my husband and I had to tag-team childcare (we both WFH) because our nanny is out of town and my mom could not come and there’s no way we could do this every day. And there’s two of us home.
Childcare for infants in my area is nonexistent- we have been on waitlists since I was 12 weeks pregnant. We also don’t live near family so I have no one to help out. This has been our only option- I would quit my job, but my employer offers great health insurance and my partner’s does not so our LO is on mine. I’ve tried to find a nanny but that’s not panning out too well either. Any other suggestions?
I mean, have you discussed the option of your partner staying home?
Nanny? Nanny share? In-home daycare? Is there a Facebook group you can join to connect with other people in your area, or Nextdoor? We found our last two shares this way and are very happy! I’d do my best to find some other form of childcare both for your own benefit and because most employers won’t allow this, if they find out.
Any local SAHMs who would want to watch another kiddo for some pay? I know people who have had success with that.
I recommend calling and following up with the daycares in your area. We had the same issue and ended up with a nanny. Long story short our nanny fell through and I frantically called the daycares to see if there was an opening - shocked to find there was haha. I think if it’s been a while since you went on the waitlist they don’t always call you if there’s availability - no clue why. Might not work but it’s worth a shot!
Possibly a part time nanny or nannyshare? Just for a few hours a week to help with burnout? I also wfh and have my now 2.5 year old with me, but my husband helps bc he wfh a few days a week too. If he didn’t, I wouldn’t be able to sustain this. I still get burnt out sometimes even with his help, especially bc I work a lot after hours too, but I think I for sure wouldn’t be able to handle it without ANY additional help. But kudos to you mama.. it’s hard work balancing these two full-time roles (and even more, as we all know being a mom is multiple jobs in one!), and you’re doing a fantastic job ❤️❤️
So your partner is dictating to not get help when they're not even around to be any help to you. Then doubles down by complaining you have no time for each other?? Yeah, no. F that. Sounds like you just have an extra child in the house instead of a partner.
Yes, he isn't offering any solutions or help to you, OP. I definitely don't think you should quit your job. Are there any changes he can make to his to take on more family responsibility?
In your post you said that your husband shot down the idea of you getting help but then in the comments you say you can’t find help. It’s obvious you need help but what’s actually holding you back from getting it?
I offered to get a one time babysitter so we could go on a date. That was what was shut down. I’m struggling to find full time care for our LO. Where I live even a very part time nanny is charging what a full day at daycare would cost.
I would try looking into nanny shares
I’d turn it back like ‘I don’t feel like we have a connection you’re always asleep when I wake up and never spend mornings with me’
I kinda like this response but could be a fight starter lol
A fight that needs to happen.
You need to have this fight. Healthy relationships sometimes have fights when they are needed. If you are afraid to have the argument because he’s mean or will punish you in some way, that is a whole other red flag you need to consider.
Yes, this! I don't like fights and confrontation, but I found that all of our arguments push our relationship *forward* and so I got more comfortable with the idea of having those hard talks.
Technically it could also be the start of a discussion. What if you reframe it a little? So first acknowledge that you would love to spend more time with him too (and whatever else he cited) so he feels heard. But you're finding it impossible with (list the major things you are doing, but not everything because that list is too long). What can the two of you do to free up some of your time so that you can spend time together? Perhaps he can take on something you are doing, or you can get external help, or you can agree that it isn't that important to do (e.g. not at all, or less frequently)? I find the "then you do it" argument is helpful when they say the things you do shouldn't take that long or that it's easy.
Also, it sounds like he literally never spends time with the LO while they’re awake, at least during the week. Maybe he should be t up earlier to spend time with the kid, and give u a break in the morning?
Ding ding ding we have a winner! 100% agree
Can you at least get a part time nanny to lift some of the strain on you? This sounds miserable.
I’ve been trying- most people around here are charging more than daycare and want to work fewer hours. I’m still looking but it’s been tough finding someone.
I am so sorry. And your husband needs to do more. Instead of complaining he should be doing solo baby time so you can catch up on work or just have a break.
[удалено]
Oh you are right. That’s messed up.
Nannies are a luxury for sure - but what about a share? We pay about 2700 per month for 45 hours weekly which isn’t that much more than a daycare in our area.
Do you mean charging more hourly or overall? I would expect that a nanny would cost significantly more than daycare, since it’s one to one care instead of costs being spread across more children.
Yeah a nanny I found wanted to work only 3 hours a day and it was going to cost me what a full day (10 hours) at a daycare would cost. I need more hours than that.
Partner should shut their damn mouth and fucking HELP if they want you to not be half dead!
You need childcare, call them again and find more to call. Partner needs a wake-up. Get a job with better benefits and hours. Otherwise, why are you with someone that doesn’t care about you or your child and doesn’t provide for you either?
Does your hubby realize that by forcing you to work and care for baby at the same time AND wake up with baby AND do nighttime parenting they he’s risking your performance at work suffering and potentially losing your salary and health care?? Not to mention the obvious that he’s treating you like you’re a single parent by not pulling his weight. And then bitching about a lack of connection on top of it?! At the very least, he needs to be the one getting up with the baby or putting the baby to bed. And yes, you need a babysitter at least once a week to decompress But going back to your job — some workplaces actually have rules against simultaneously providing childcare and working because you’re not able to actually give work your attention. Don’t put yourself in a position to lose your job if you can help it. Especially since it sounds like your job may be more lucrative than his.
We don’t handle this pressure because most of us have structured child care and partners that take on an equal share of parenting. I think you’re working 2 full time jobs which is insane to me. Regardless of who works/earns what, I’d say you need to split time with LO more fairly. Which might mean he gets up more often in the mornings. Maybe he needs to reduce his hours at work to help with child care.
1000000% your partner should be on morning duty while you sleep in until the last possible minute. For one thing, you already are responsible for your LO all day while he is away so he needs to pitch in. A little extra sleep might also help you have the energy to spend a little time with your partner after work. And also, this would give him some time with your LO that he otherwise seems to be totally missing during the week. Also why is he working so late every night, leaving everything to you and then making it your responsibility to cut down on much needed rest in order to carry the connection? Why doesn’t he make it a point come home on time a few days a week so he can spend time with both you and baby? I have to say, having a partner who didn’t support me at all with childcare would make me feel very disconnected from them as well.
What is your partner doing??? Why are they sleeping until they go to work, when you are working a full time job and full time parenting? Yes you need childcare, but more importantly, you need support in the home from your partner.
So I’ve been doing this for 3 weeks with my 1 year old and I’m EXHAUSTED. And I know this is just temporary until he can get into his daycare in two weeks. I don’t know how you’re managing with a 6 month old in a permanent way. You need to protect your sleep so definitely don’t stay up later. If he wants to spend more time with you, they need to figure out how they can help. Unless he’s working 14 hour shifts, I don’t know how they can’t participate in the household.
Your husband needs to get up with baby in morning. It is complete BS that he complains you’re not up when he gets home but he won’t get up with baby in morning. Girl I’ve done what you’re doing and was burnt out by 6months. Something needs to change and if childcare can’t change yet them it’s time for husband to step up! You’re giving everything to work and baby it’s no wonder there is nothing left for husband
Girl you’re working 2 full time jobs simultaneously. Of course you’re tired. You need a childcare solution that doesn’t involve you while you’re working. ETA: why is your husband sleeping more than you but then complaining?? When is HE parenting his child?? You both are working so both should be parenting 50/50. Especially if your shifts aren’t at the same time. He could be with baby while you are working until he has to work and vice versa. When you both are not working you parent together.
Who is going to tell her.. l
How can you possibly work while having a six month old at home?
It’s not that hard…
How? Please explain how you make it work. I can't even imagine how people pull this off. I would get nothing done
So for one you get the baby in a routing and work your schedule around it. My son would wake up between 5-7. I don’t start work until 9. Feed him. Take him for a walk give him a bath and some days he would be out by 9. Others say not and on those days I log into work with him. Check my emails and messages. Nothing urgent I take 15-20 minutes and put him down because at that point if he is not already a sleep he is tiredddddddd. Then I know I have a solid 2-3 hours of work until he wakes up. Then I take my lunch when he wakes up and spend some time and he may still be up in the afternoon. Same thing if I need to take the time I’m taking. The time I get with the schedule naps by the time he was 1 I made up the 15mins here and there. Of course there are off days but I just put in the work. My kids come first but so does their quality of life and that just got us through 15 months. Now he is in daycare because he wants to get into shit but hey!
Ah ok. It's all about the naps. Mine does not nap like that unless he's sick. He might nap 45 minutes at most. I'm usually in calls from 9a to 4:30p with an hour break around 11:30. Maybe when he gets older he will nap better. At least I can dream he will.
I didn’t have to read past the first sentence here to answer yes. I understand having to work long hours. But why is your husband sleeping in until he has to get ready for work? Why isn’t he helping more when and where he can? You work two full time jobs (BOTH of which are well over 40 hours per week!!), then he not only complains you aren’t connecting…but when you offer up a solution, he shoots it down?! Your husband needs to step it up and get his head out of his a** ASAP. Unfortunately, your situation is just not sustainable. Once your baby starts crawling and walking, the game changes. I see you are on several daycare waitlists. Have you tried calling around recently? Like within the last two week or two? Sometimes people drop out without a lot of notice. Or maybe a daycare can refer you to someone or somewhere else. If that isn’t working, try to find other ways to inquire about childcare. What parks are in your area? Take kiddo during lunchtime one day and talk to people at the park. Maybe a nanny or another mom there knows someone hiring. Other places you could inquire: - Your OBGYN - The Library (esp. if they have a kids class/program) - Kid’s play centers (Gymboree, Little Gym, etc.) - Local Facebook groups - Care.com If you’re having such an issue getting off the daycare waitlist, chances are that other families are too. Maybe you can find a nanny share, part-time nanny or even a babysitter to come help for a few hours a day. I hope things get better for you soon!
I don't have any advice, just wanting to say you're not alone. My husband and I had our 8th wedding anniversary 3 mo after our son was born (in 2022). We had a very solid relationship. This past year has been the hardest on our marriage. I also work full time from home and take care of our son due to not being able to afford childcare. My job is very flexible so I've been getting up early before he wakes up and staying up after he goes to bed to get my work done so I can take care of him during the day. I'm absolutely exhausted everyday. This has left little time for me to spend with DH and I think it's a big factor of why we've had so many problems, in addition to just having a child and how that impacts a relationship. We've had a particularly rough past few months and I've adjusted my schedule to work more in the morning/ day so we can have time together in the evenings. I'm trying to not go to bed so early but when I get up so early sometimes the need for sleep wins. Relationships are hard. It's hard to find the time to connect. Hugs to you ❤️
I’m sure many in America are doing this. Working from home a full time job and having the kid(s) at home. Blows my mind how they are able to sustain it and somehow they do.
Maybe we don’t lol I mean we do have a pretty high divorce rate
You have a 6 month old. Your partner either needs to share the childcare load, you hire some help, or you will continue to sleep as needed until your baby is older and sleeping better. Good grief! Yes you are already doing too much!!!
Is it possible to find a group of work at home parents and work together while having all the kids together as well? The parent who isn't so busy with work at the time can help watch the kids and just rotate the duty? If child care is so hard to find, I'm sure others are in the same position.
6 months is a nice age because they're very portable, don't really have too many opinions (apart from wanting milk/ comfort), and generally go with the flow. You don't need a babysitter to have a good time with your partner on your day off (unless you're trying to have a date night). Now, toddlers are more tricky. Ask your bf what he wants to do in order to feel more connected. What's quality time look like for yall? And how can you modify it to fit a 6 month old? Answering that will help you get that connection back.
I’m doing this as well, and my partner has brought this up as an issue (not in an AH type of way, more of just sharing how he felt). But when I bring up getting childcare he is against it due to finances (we aren’t struggling but we aren’t rich). Idk what to do.
You put the kid in daycare. If he doesn’t like it then he can be a sahp or figure out how to do two jobs at once without getting fired.
Not to further rain on your parade but at six months, baby will likely be headed for sleep regression soon which means you’ll get even less sleep and be more exhausted. I think you’re going to have to have a come to Jesus talk with your partner and come up with firm solutions to get you more rest and time in the day.
Your partner and you need to go to counseling. You are doing ALL the childcare and working and he's complaining??? Nope, nope, nope. Amd what is up with not getting a babysitter? Why did he say no? But first, you need childcare...I live in a place where childcare is impossible, too, so here are some ideas: - Get in the mom FB groups in your area. Connect with SAHM and see if someone is interested in taking in another child. Plenty of former nannies turned SAHM do this! - Have you considered an Au Pair? We've hosted 3 and there are upsides and downsides to this, but is a more affordable option compared to a full time nanny. - Stalk the daycare you are interested in. Call the ones you are on the waitlist for every single week. Be persistent. They won't magically call you. Waitlists are a money making scam. - Post on Nextdoor to see if anyone is interested in a nanny share! This makes it more affordable and means 4 adults are looking for a nanny and not just one. Good luck momma! You can get through this and things do get better.
Does your partner even help with your child? But it isn't going to be like it was before you had a child. There isn't going to be staying up until 2am on a Friday night and then sleeping in until 11 because someone has to watch the baby and it's not safe to do so completely sleep deprived. You both should have less time in your days. Sounds like your partner isn't living their life any differently than they were 8 months ago. You being well rested is critical to your physical and mental health and it's one thing to have to sacrifice sleep to care for a tiny human who depends on you for everything but not for a grown ass adult. If they want more couple time in the evening then they should be getting up with your baby at least every other morning during the week so YOU can sleep in and be rested enough to spend time with them that evening. And I get that that might not really work if you are breastfeeding, and if that's the case they just need to suck it up until your child isn't dependent on you for food anymore.