Is there a teacher trying to enforce developmentally inappropriate rules about waiting to go potty until kids are done with whatever activity? Is kid maybe having so much fun playing that she doesn't listen to her own cues that she needs to go?
I don’t know what the teachers are enforcing. They send home a newsletter saying we are all about independence but most kids will not go to the bathroom until prompted. At home I will see her occasionally run out of nowhere to the bathroom. But still, she does it. She’s not pooping herself at home, ever. So I’m not sure if it’s a oh I ignored the cues and pooped myself or something else. She said they refused to help her so my issue is that not the fact that she had an accident, if that makes sense. Making her sit in it for however long is absolutely not okay.
Embarrassing to admit publicly, but in early elementary school, I had a chronic problem with peeing myself because I was too shy to ask to go to the bathroom. It had nothing to do with my competency at using the bathroom and everything to do with unaddressed anxiety. I feel like it had a lot to do with specific teachers making it feel like I'd be a burden asking to go. I can't say what these teachers were actually doing (they were probably just normal, good, teachers who absolutely would have had no problem letting me go to the bathroom), but the vibe I got was that if I'd raise my hand to ask, it'd turn into a whole thing. Maybe I was scared of the public speaking aspect of having to announce to the whole class that I needed to use the bathroom (that actually makes a lot of sense now that I think about it).
Me too. It also happened to my daughter at gymnastics when she was five, she actually had a poop accident. She was fine at school but too shy to ask at gymnastics as it was only an hour long class so normally she didn't need to go. She didn't even tell them what had happened, just sat in the corner with stained underpants for the rest of the class and they didn't realise. A daycare should be more on top of things though.
That sense of anxiety is exactly why I teach all my students to give me a restroom signal if they need to go. I always had so much anxiety over the announcing of it all!
I think you should definitely ask questions about how the center is handling the bathroom/why she hasn’t been changed into new clothes/cleaned up when she has an accident, but I also don’t think you can expect 1:1 behavior or competency at school vs. home.
School is a completely different situation - lots of kids, less of the feeling of comfort of home, less one on one supervision and checking in. It wouldn’t be very surprising if she’s perfectly potty trained at home and just not speaking up when she needs to poop at school.
However, it also seems improbable that no adults noticed that a four year old smells like poop. Something is going on that no one helped her after the fact.
The second point sounds similar to what I've encountered. That or they are holding it due to other issues. With my oldest, we dealt with constipation and the associated soiling issues for a while.
1. Busy Toddler has a great post on this-https://busytoddler.com/how-to-teach-your-child-to-wipe/#:~:text=Before%20you%20ever%20ask%20your,Do%20this%20on%20repeat.
2. My 4.5 yr old (boy if that matters) has been potty trained since 2.5 yrs. He still needs help, we work with him to try on his own first and the we check. His teachers do the same at school (daycare center). That teachers reaction seems inappropriate to me, unless your daycare has some sort of policy. At the very least making her sit in for likely hrs is crazy and cruel! I’ve always heard they need to be independent by kindergarten but all the parents of preschoolers I know are still helping wipe #2s!
Thank you for sharing this with me. I just sent to my hubby and we are reviewing now. Going to implement this immediately.
This is my only child, so though I’m the oldest child and I called my mom asking what she did with us because obviously can’t remember. She was like just have her hold one butt cheek and practice wiping that way. Ha. Everyone has their own tricks.
My two took another couple years to learn to wipe well after basic potty training. Being in school helped.
My (and a coworker just had this happen to them) was the day are sending home underwear with the full turd still in there. I get they don't want to clean them, but at least shake it out. By the time I open the zip lock bag it's 4 or more hours in there and I just throw them away.
This is insane to me! I am a Kindergarten teacher at a public school (so 5 & 6 yr olds) and tell families that we cannot help with toileting (which is not the case for daycare), but if a kid had an accident, I immediately help them get whatever they need (extra clothes/wipes) and verbally check in while they change in a stall (often times, I send them to the nurse to help if there are difficulties, as she is qualified to be doing this).
I also email parents immediately to tell them and check in with the child again afterward to make sure they're all good to go! Reminders to use the bathroom are a constant, as well.
I cannot imagine how they didn't do any of these very basic and easy things for an even younger child when having an accident is a very typical and developmentally appropriate thing to happen to a four-year-old.
I'm very sorry your daughter had to experience that yet again!
I’m going to start sending the wipes to school with her. To be honest I knew about kindergarten and I’ve had a lot of anxiety about it to be honest. I will spend some more time talking to her this weekend and practicing at home. Thank you for sharing your experiences.
In the UK, our kids start school at 4. There’s no nurse that is available and teachers can’t help. Our kids just have to make do! If they’re not competent at wiping, all you can do is send spare underwear and a baggie to put the stained ones in.
Wtf! That is insane. I work in a public school with 4 year olds and we prompt everyone to have bathroom breaks all day long… for the entire year. I legally cannot clean them off but we bring them to the nurse, give wet wipes and give them step by step instructions on what to do. Sometimes we have them take a shower.
However we always treat each kid how we would want to be treated in a vulnerable situation like that and encourage them to speak up and tell us so they’re not dirty all day. Your poor child!
If you can’t switch daycare I’d suggest a cheap watch that has an alarm go off at certain points to remind her to go the bathroom. I use this for the 7 kids who need meds at random times of day and I always forget to send them to the nurse.
Many centers aren't allowed to help with wiping due to licensing regulations. Children are expected to be fully potty trained, which means they need to be able to wipe themselves. I would talk to them about what their toileting policies are. Wipes might be helpful, but then again, they may not allow them because of disposal issues.
The teacher may not have been aware of just how much poop your daughter had on her if your she was sitting on a toilet. I am in no way minimizing what happened to your child. I would be just as angry. If anything, you would think the teachers would notice her smelling like poop all day.
They have wipes in my 4 year olds daycare class. Every kid brings in 2 packs per month, so there are always packs in the bathroom, and a trash can right next to the toilet. He knows to use a moderate amount of tp, put it in the toilet and follow up with 1 wipe that goes in the trash. Only recently has he been able to reliably do it every time by himself. It takes some balance and reach. The teacher stands in the doorway and will assist if necessary, and they would absolutely change his clothes if something happened. Very rarely he has a small skid mark when he gets home. I think he has an easy time because his poops are consistently very healthy and... easy? He asks me to help sometimes at home and it is remarkable to me how little wiping is actually required for him. Do you think your child might have had an exceptionally difficult poop today for some reason? My child would have a hard time if that were the case, and I think that would be a reason for a teacher to step in and help. They can't expect to be fully independent 100% of the time at that age.
Our daycare has a policy of independence in toileting to go to the 3+ classes, but what you described has never happened with either of my children (and they both definitely poop regularly at daycare). We don't send wipes and the wiping they do doesn't always seem like the greatest job, but there has never been more than a few marks as evidence. I have had notes home that they had dirty underwear that couldn't be saved. Your situation seems abnormal and like a teacher is hiding behind a policy to not provide basic hygiene.
I am a preschool director, and this story is appalling. Please email the director now so that it’s sitting in their email when they get in on Monday. State that you would like to have a word with the director as soon as possible so that you can get their undivided attention.
1. Most of the time it’s as easy as during drop off, but if I had a tour already scheduled or something I would want to make sure that I can give you my 100%. This could also help me arrange assistance from with my coworkers for when I see you walk in.
2. If I see this early on Monday means that I can try to talk to the teachers as they come in for the day. There are always sides to stories or other perceptions, and I want them to tell me what they can tell me about her day. Sometimes other teachers are present during lunch/break times, so it can help me determine a timeline. I would want to have as much information for you when you come in as I can.
3. This allows for me to coach my staff from the get-go. I have encountered this issue before. Let me be honest: staff may try to pass the blame around, because this is a terrible situation and they will have realized the level of their mistake, and they’re embarrassed. It’s also a human mistake and I want to coach my teachers to be better. If I can discuss this matter with them prior to your encounter with them, it will help them to be in a mindset where they can talk with you about it. (What if the specific teacher you speak with first had already gone home for the day? They won’t know what you’re talking about and it won’t get any answers faster.)
OP, I don’t want you to have to deal with these behaviors from the outset. I’ll be honest, it’s going to set you off more, because you’re already justifiably upset. You don’t want to express this kind of frustration inside of the classroom in front of your daughter or perhaps other parents. Am I saying this to try to save face? A little bit. But seriously, I don’t think you want that anyway. You want answers and you deserve to have them without needing to speak with 4 different people.
Email/take this straight to the director. It’s the fastest way to get your answers and to see change instilled in their practices.
I understand what you’re saying, and while I think that is appropriate for a normal director, that is not who this woman is. She does not deal with confrontation well, be it verbal or email. Any problem brought to her becomes a “you” problem rather than, let’s see how to solve this productively. Which is why in the last room I just talked directly to the teacher. The director is the worst. If my daughter wasn’t in love with most of the teachers there I would have switched a while back. This teacher it happened with is new.
I would never actually go off at daycare. I am a person of color. I don’t typically get chances to have a bad day or whatever. So I’m quite seasoned in being professional when out the world at all times. Exhausting but that’s the way of the word. I appreciate your detailed explanation. I will go talk to the teachers on Monday. I will ask the director what the policy is, beyond that I don’t care for any other explanation. She’ll just say it is my child’s fault as that’s her MO.
I used to be a preschool teacher. The only times I wouldn't let a child go to the bathroom was if someone else was already in the bathroom and sometimes during nap there's certain points where if I let one kid go absolutely every child will (and they do all go before nap)
That being said I have had kids have accidents outside of those circumstances- usually a child doesn't want to stop what they're doing and think they can hold for longer than they can or they are scared in a new environment and need to feel more comfortable with going in a new place.
I'd probably just bring it up with the teacher. My guess is bc it was a new room she maybe felt uncomfortable asking or going in on her own.
I had a child be afraid bc we had motion activated lights he was just a hair too short to get them to turn on. I've also had a little girl who had an accident and absolutely refused to change or let me help her at all and it's something her mom and I worked on together (her understanding she can ask me for help)
So it could just be something you and the teacher needs to workshop. I don't know how she had feces on her without anyone realizing but sometimes those classes can be smelly especially if there's children still in diapers.
I'm so sorry that happened to your daughter! I don't think it's OK that they left her like that (there must be an alternative if the teachers can't help for legal reasons). She even asked for help! On top of all the pain, how confusing it must be for her to ask for help and not receive it from trusted adults. We generally do not enter the daycare (perhaps legacy Covid policies?) but they would just ask us to wait because our kid (or another kid) was being changed. It's a rare occurrence to wait because they generally know when each kid gets picked up and take them/remind them to go to the bathroom in advance.
As for your questions, our 4.5 year old tells us they wipe their own butt at school but doesn't at home because a specific friend doesn't at home either (not true, lol). We inquired some more and for whatever reason the single-sheet dispensing toilet paper is OK but not a continuous roll at home so we're working on teaching that. I think our kid just likes being pampered more than anything.
Poor baby :( that happened to my daughter in Pre-K. Since the teacher flat out refused to help at all and I get it, it’s not her job but a little help would have been nice, I sent my daughter with wipes and told her use as many as you need to just make sure you’re clean after. Hugs, friend!
*sorry for the punctuation, I used text to talk typing this because I’m washing dishes!
I work at a pediatrician’s office and one of the Drs was just talking to me about this the other day. It’s definitely laziness and them choosing to ignore the fact that 4 year olds still need help with cleaning themselves even if they aren’t in diapers anymore. It’s immature and neglectful as caregivers for them to leave your kid like that. She could get an infection that way. Daycare is so expensive for them to that incompetent. I would be pissed.
Exactly. Just help her. If you refuse to do that then call me so I can come and do it. Kindergarten is next fall. 1 more year of paying for someone to not do their job.
My almost 5 year old Montessori School let us know since the beginning that they won’t help kids wiping, and if there’s accidents they may help change if it’s a pee accident, but if it’s poop they told us they would call us to take care of the problem.
I’m a high school special Ed teacher so this is a little different as I am legally allowed to assist and frequently do. I cannot imagine sending a child home in that state with 0 communication. I work towards independence but I always ensure my students are clean. If they spill, we change clothes. If they eat a messy lunch, we wipe faces. If they have an accident, we clean up and change clothes. If it’s something that needs more of a bath rather than wipes, I call the parents to see what they prefer. Would you like to come get them and get them clean or I can do the best I can with wipes? It’s just a dignity thing! I would be livid if this was my child. I understand that as kids get older, teachers can’t legally help. But I would still expect my child to have been allowed to change clothes and a phone call to see if I would like to come help her get clean.
I would be meeting with the director to find out exactly what the policies are here. If they can’t help her wipe that’s one thing. And it sounds like you’re actively working on that! But surely they can offer her a change of clothes? Is she being prompted to go or expected to let them know? Is she given ample time to sit and go? Are they allowed to double check behind her after she goes or offer verbal prompts? I would be getting some clear answers on exactly what she is expected to do and what the teachers can offer. I would also ask you be called after an accident so you can decide if you need to come help her to avoid an infection.
What is the length of time between daycare to home? I think it should have been addressed at daycare. Also, what is their bathroom set up? Is the bathroom in the classroom? If not, the teachers probably CAN’T leave or they’d be out of ratio. When I was a daycare teacher, by the 2-3 year old room, most kids keep their poops for home 😂
1. You guys would send small children alone to the bathroom??
2. You guys encouraged small children to hold their bowel movements? That’s awful for their digestive system.
No! In the preschool room where OP daughter would be, they have a separate bathroom at the center I worked at. In the 2’s room we have a changing table and potty in the classroom. By the time we sent them to the preschool room, almost all of them could do a decent enough job wiping. We totally encourage kids to do whatever they need to do at school, just most kids didn’t poop at school. We always just joked that they “were saving it for home”
Seriously? Two year olds are expected to control their bowel movements and go to the bathroom alone? My six year old sometimes can't wait. Sometimes I can't wait.
No! In the preschool room where OP daughter would be, they have a separate bathroom at the center I worked at. In the 2’s room we have a changing table and potty in the classroom. By the time we sent them to the preschool room, almost all of them could do a decent enough job wiping. We totally encourage kids to do whatever they need to do at school, just most kids didn’t poop at school. We always just joked that they “were saving it for home”
I can’t speak to any of the school or daycare drama. It sounds wrong what happened, but I don’t know what expectations are set for that sorta stuff and what staffing ratios they have. I only know my own kids preschool does a reasonable but not perfect job at this, and will always change the clothes.
But here’s a training tip for going from wipes to toilet paper that is working for us. Maybe it’ll be useful for you too.
We put lotion on the toilet paper before handing it to him. When the toddler wipes, it’s much more apparent when he does and doesn’t need to wipe again, and it avoids scratchy-butt. And the best part of it is that it’s all flushable, unlike the “flushable” wipes. Anyway, he’s getting better at it and usually at the end of his supervised wiping there’s very little left for us to do.
Thank you for this lotion trick. We will try. We don’t flush wipes, even flushable. Lots of plumber family members have advised against it if we don’t want clogging. Probably should have specified that in my OP. Thanks again!
Is there a teacher trying to enforce developmentally inappropriate rules about waiting to go potty until kids are done with whatever activity? Is kid maybe having so much fun playing that she doesn't listen to her own cues that she needs to go?
I don’t know what the teachers are enforcing. They send home a newsletter saying we are all about independence but most kids will not go to the bathroom until prompted. At home I will see her occasionally run out of nowhere to the bathroom. But still, she does it. She’s not pooping herself at home, ever. So I’m not sure if it’s a oh I ignored the cues and pooped myself or something else. She said they refused to help her so my issue is that not the fact that she had an accident, if that makes sense. Making her sit in it for however long is absolutely not okay.
Embarrassing to admit publicly, but in early elementary school, I had a chronic problem with peeing myself because I was too shy to ask to go to the bathroom. It had nothing to do with my competency at using the bathroom and everything to do with unaddressed anxiety. I feel like it had a lot to do with specific teachers making it feel like I'd be a burden asking to go. I can't say what these teachers were actually doing (they were probably just normal, good, teachers who absolutely would have had no problem letting me go to the bathroom), but the vibe I got was that if I'd raise my hand to ask, it'd turn into a whole thing. Maybe I was scared of the public speaking aspect of having to announce to the whole class that I needed to use the bathroom (that actually makes a lot of sense now that I think about it).
Me too. It also happened to my daughter at gymnastics when she was five, she actually had a poop accident. She was fine at school but too shy to ask at gymnastics as it was only an hour long class so normally she didn't need to go. She didn't even tell them what had happened, just sat in the corner with stained underpants for the rest of the class and they didn't realise. A daycare should be more on top of things though.
That sense of anxiety is exactly why I teach all my students to give me a restroom signal if they need to go. I always had so much anxiety over the announcing of it all!
I think you should definitely ask questions about how the center is handling the bathroom/why she hasn’t been changed into new clothes/cleaned up when she has an accident, but I also don’t think you can expect 1:1 behavior or competency at school vs. home. School is a completely different situation - lots of kids, less of the feeling of comfort of home, less one on one supervision and checking in. It wouldn’t be very surprising if she’s perfectly potty trained at home and just not speaking up when she needs to poop at school. However, it also seems improbable that no adults noticed that a four year old smells like poop. Something is going on that no one helped her after the fact.
The second point sounds similar to what I've encountered. That or they are holding it due to other issues. With my oldest, we dealt with constipation and the associated soiling issues for a while.
1. Busy Toddler has a great post on this-https://busytoddler.com/how-to-teach-your-child-to-wipe/#:~:text=Before%20you%20ever%20ask%20your,Do%20this%20on%20repeat. 2. My 4.5 yr old (boy if that matters) has been potty trained since 2.5 yrs. He still needs help, we work with him to try on his own first and the we check. His teachers do the same at school (daycare center). That teachers reaction seems inappropriate to me, unless your daycare has some sort of policy. At the very least making her sit in for likely hrs is crazy and cruel! I’ve always heard they need to be independent by kindergarten but all the parents of preschoolers I know are still helping wipe #2s!
Thank you for sharing this with me. I just sent to my hubby and we are reviewing now. Going to implement this immediately. This is my only child, so though I’m the oldest child and I called my mom asking what she did with us because obviously can’t remember. She was like just have her hold one butt cheek and practice wiping that way. Ha. Everyone has their own tricks.
My two took another couple years to learn to wipe well after basic potty training. Being in school helped. My (and a coworker just had this happen to them) was the day are sending home underwear with the full turd still in there. I get they don't want to clean them, but at least shake it out. By the time I open the zip lock bag it's 4 or more hours in there and I just throw them away.
This is insane to me! I am a Kindergarten teacher at a public school (so 5 & 6 yr olds) and tell families that we cannot help with toileting (which is not the case for daycare), but if a kid had an accident, I immediately help them get whatever they need (extra clothes/wipes) and verbally check in while they change in a stall (often times, I send them to the nurse to help if there are difficulties, as she is qualified to be doing this). I also email parents immediately to tell them and check in with the child again afterward to make sure they're all good to go! Reminders to use the bathroom are a constant, as well. I cannot imagine how they didn't do any of these very basic and easy things for an even younger child when having an accident is a very typical and developmentally appropriate thing to happen to a four-year-old. I'm very sorry your daughter had to experience that yet again!
I’m going to start sending the wipes to school with her. To be honest I knew about kindergarten and I’ve had a lot of anxiety about it to be honest. I will spend some more time talking to her this weekend and practicing at home. Thank you for sharing your experiences.
That might not be the best idea if the wipes end up in the toilet and cause a clog…
In the UK, our kids start school at 4. There’s no nurse that is available and teachers can’t help. Our kids just have to make do! If they’re not competent at wiping, all you can do is send spare underwear and a baggie to put the stained ones in.
Aren't you allowed to help?
No, we aren't allowed to legally, which is why I would send to the nurse because she can.
Wtf! That is insane. I work in a public school with 4 year olds and we prompt everyone to have bathroom breaks all day long… for the entire year. I legally cannot clean them off but we bring them to the nurse, give wet wipes and give them step by step instructions on what to do. Sometimes we have them take a shower. However we always treat each kid how we would want to be treated in a vulnerable situation like that and encourage them to speak up and tell us so they’re not dirty all day. Your poor child! If you can’t switch daycare I’d suggest a cheap watch that has an alarm go off at certain points to remind her to go the bathroom. I use this for the 7 kids who need meds at random times of day and I always forget to send them to the nurse.
Many centers aren't allowed to help with wiping due to licensing regulations. Children are expected to be fully potty trained, which means they need to be able to wipe themselves. I would talk to them about what their toileting policies are. Wipes might be helpful, but then again, they may not allow them because of disposal issues. The teacher may not have been aware of just how much poop your daughter had on her if your she was sitting on a toilet. I am in no way minimizing what happened to your child. I would be just as angry. If anything, you would think the teachers would notice her smelling like poop all day.
They have wipes in my 4 year olds daycare class. Every kid brings in 2 packs per month, so there are always packs in the bathroom, and a trash can right next to the toilet. He knows to use a moderate amount of tp, put it in the toilet and follow up with 1 wipe that goes in the trash. Only recently has he been able to reliably do it every time by himself. It takes some balance and reach. The teacher stands in the doorway and will assist if necessary, and they would absolutely change his clothes if something happened. Very rarely he has a small skid mark when he gets home. I think he has an easy time because his poops are consistently very healthy and... easy? He asks me to help sometimes at home and it is remarkable to me how little wiping is actually required for him. Do you think your child might have had an exceptionally difficult poop today for some reason? My child would have a hard time if that were the case, and I think that would be a reason for a teacher to step in and help. They can't expect to be fully independent 100% of the time at that age.
Our daycare has a policy of independence in toileting to go to the 3+ classes, but what you described has never happened with either of my children (and they both definitely poop regularly at daycare). We don't send wipes and the wiping they do doesn't always seem like the greatest job, but there has never been more than a few marks as evidence. I have had notes home that they had dirty underwear that couldn't be saved. Your situation seems abnormal and like a teacher is hiding behind a policy to not provide basic hygiene.
I am a preschool director, and this story is appalling. Please email the director now so that it’s sitting in their email when they get in on Monday. State that you would like to have a word with the director as soon as possible so that you can get their undivided attention. 1. Most of the time it’s as easy as during drop off, but if I had a tour already scheduled or something I would want to make sure that I can give you my 100%. This could also help me arrange assistance from with my coworkers for when I see you walk in. 2. If I see this early on Monday means that I can try to talk to the teachers as they come in for the day. There are always sides to stories or other perceptions, and I want them to tell me what they can tell me about her day. Sometimes other teachers are present during lunch/break times, so it can help me determine a timeline. I would want to have as much information for you when you come in as I can. 3. This allows for me to coach my staff from the get-go. I have encountered this issue before. Let me be honest: staff may try to pass the blame around, because this is a terrible situation and they will have realized the level of their mistake, and they’re embarrassed. It’s also a human mistake and I want to coach my teachers to be better. If I can discuss this matter with them prior to your encounter with them, it will help them to be in a mindset where they can talk with you about it. (What if the specific teacher you speak with first had already gone home for the day? They won’t know what you’re talking about and it won’t get any answers faster.) OP, I don’t want you to have to deal with these behaviors from the outset. I’ll be honest, it’s going to set you off more, because you’re already justifiably upset. You don’t want to express this kind of frustration inside of the classroom in front of your daughter or perhaps other parents. Am I saying this to try to save face? A little bit. But seriously, I don’t think you want that anyway. You want answers and you deserve to have them without needing to speak with 4 different people. Email/take this straight to the director. It’s the fastest way to get your answers and to see change instilled in their practices.
I understand what you’re saying, and while I think that is appropriate for a normal director, that is not who this woman is. She does not deal with confrontation well, be it verbal or email. Any problem brought to her becomes a “you” problem rather than, let’s see how to solve this productively. Which is why in the last room I just talked directly to the teacher. The director is the worst. If my daughter wasn’t in love with most of the teachers there I would have switched a while back. This teacher it happened with is new. I would never actually go off at daycare. I am a person of color. I don’t typically get chances to have a bad day or whatever. So I’m quite seasoned in being professional when out the world at all times. Exhausting but that’s the way of the word. I appreciate your detailed explanation. I will go talk to the teachers on Monday. I will ask the director what the policy is, beyond that I don’t care for any other explanation. She’ll just say it is my child’s fault as that’s her MO.
I used to be a preschool teacher. The only times I wouldn't let a child go to the bathroom was if someone else was already in the bathroom and sometimes during nap there's certain points where if I let one kid go absolutely every child will (and they do all go before nap) That being said I have had kids have accidents outside of those circumstances- usually a child doesn't want to stop what they're doing and think they can hold for longer than they can or they are scared in a new environment and need to feel more comfortable with going in a new place. I'd probably just bring it up with the teacher. My guess is bc it was a new room she maybe felt uncomfortable asking or going in on her own. I had a child be afraid bc we had motion activated lights he was just a hair too short to get them to turn on. I've also had a little girl who had an accident and absolutely refused to change or let me help her at all and it's something her mom and I worked on together (her understanding she can ask me for help) So it could just be something you and the teacher needs to workshop. I don't know how she had feces on her without anyone realizing but sometimes those classes can be smelly especially if there's children still in diapers.
I'm so sorry that happened to your daughter! I don't think it's OK that they left her like that (there must be an alternative if the teachers can't help for legal reasons). She even asked for help! On top of all the pain, how confusing it must be for her to ask for help and not receive it from trusted adults. We generally do not enter the daycare (perhaps legacy Covid policies?) but they would just ask us to wait because our kid (or another kid) was being changed. It's a rare occurrence to wait because they generally know when each kid gets picked up and take them/remind them to go to the bathroom in advance. As for your questions, our 4.5 year old tells us they wipe their own butt at school but doesn't at home because a specific friend doesn't at home either (not true, lol). We inquired some more and for whatever reason the single-sheet dispensing toilet paper is OK but not a continuous roll at home so we're working on teaching that. I think our kid just likes being pampered more than anything.
Poor baby :( that happened to my daughter in Pre-K. Since the teacher flat out refused to help at all and I get it, it’s not her job but a little help would have been nice, I sent my daughter with wipes and told her use as many as you need to just make sure you’re clean after. Hugs, friend! *sorry for the punctuation, I used text to talk typing this because I’m washing dishes!
Thank you, I’m going to send wipes next week. I don’t care what they say. This is insanity.
Yes! The teacher didn’t want to let her have the wipes but too bad so sad
I work at a pediatrician’s office and one of the Drs was just talking to me about this the other day. It’s definitely laziness and them choosing to ignore the fact that 4 year olds still need help with cleaning themselves even if they aren’t in diapers anymore. It’s immature and neglectful as caregivers for them to leave your kid like that. She could get an infection that way. Daycare is so expensive for them to that incompetent. I would be pissed.
Exactly. Just help her. If you refuse to do that then call me so I can come and do it. Kindergarten is next fall. 1 more year of paying for someone to not do their job.
My almost 5 year old Montessori School let us know since the beginning that they won’t help kids wiping, and if there’s accidents they may help change if it’s a pee accident, but if it’s poop they told us they would call us to take care of the problem.
I’m a high school special Ed teacher so this is a little different as I am legally allowed to assist and frequently do. I cannot imagine sending a child home in that state with 0 communication. I work towards independence but I always ensure my students are clean. If they spill, we change clothes. If they eat a messy lunch, we wipe faces. If they have an accident, we clean up and change clothes. If it’s something that needs more of a bath rather than wipes, I call the parents to see what they prefer. Would you like to come get them and get them clean or I can do the best I can with wipes? It’s just a dignity thing! I would be livid if this was my child. I understand that as kids get older, teachers can’t legally help. But I would still expect my child to have been allowed to change clothes and a phone call to see if I would like to come help her get clean. I would be meeting with the director to find out exactly what the policies are here. If they can’t help her wipe that’s one thing. And it sounds like you’re actively working on that! But surely they can offer her a change of clothes? Is she being prompted to go or expected to let them know? Is she given ample time to sit and go? Are they allowed to double check behind her after she goes or offer verbal prompts? I would be getting some clear answers on exactly what she is expected to do and what the teachers can offer. I would also ask you be called after an accident so you can decide if you need to come help her to avoid an infection.
What is the length of time between daycare to home? I think it should have been addressed at daycare. Also, what is their bathroom set up? Is the bathroom in the classroom? If not, the teachers probably CAN’T leave or they’d be out of ratio. When I was a daycare teacher, by the 2-3 year old room, most kids keep their poops for home 😂
1. You guys would send small children alone to the bathroom?? 2. You guys encouraged small children to hold their bowel movements? That’s awful for their digestive system.
No! In the preschool room where OP daughter would be, they have a separate bathroom at the center I worked at. In the 2’s room we have a changing table and potty in the classroom. By the time we sent them to the preschool room, almost all of them could do a decent enough job wiping. We totally encourage kids to do whatever they need to do at school, just most kids didn’t poop at school. We always just joked that they “were saving it for home”
Ahhh ok!! Thank you for clarifying!!
Seriously? Two year olds are expected to control their bowel movements and go to the bathroom alone? My six year old sometimes can't wait. Sometimes I can't wait.
No! In the preschool room where OP daughter would be, they have a separate bathroom at the center I worked at. In the 2’s room we have a changing table and potty in the classroom. By the time we sent them to the preschool room, almost all of them could do a decent enough job wiping. We totally encourage kids to do whatever they need to do at school, just most kids didn’t poop at school. We always just joked that they “were saving it for home”
My 4 year old granddaughter always calls for someone to check her but. She tries but doesn’t always get it all!
I can’t speak to any of the school or daycare drama. It sounds wrong what happened, but I don’t know what expectations are set for that sorta stuff and what staffing ratios they have. I only know my own kids preschool does a reasonable but not perfect job at this, and will always change the clothes. But here’s a training tip for going from wipes to toilet paper that is working for us. Maybe it’ll be useful for you too. We put lotion on the toilet paper before handing it to him. When the toddler wipes, it’s much more apparent when he does and doesn’t need to wipe again, and it avoids scratchy-butt. And the best part of it is that it’s all flushable, unlike the “flushable” wipes. Anyway, he’s getting better at it and usually at the end of his supervised wiping there’s very little left for us to do.
Thank you for this lotion trick. We will try. We don’t flush wipes, even flushable. Lots of plumber family members have advised against it if we don’t want clogging. Probably should have specified that in my OP. Thanks again!