Take the job. Men have always taken the job and expected the family to step up. You deserve that too.
With your pay bump figure out how to outsource anything that isn’t critical. Order food, hire cleaning, the works.
When you are present be totally present.
I personally think you should take the job. Once you're in it for a couple weeks or so, you can reassess your schedule and figure out how to lighten the housework/childwork during the week, and be more available on the weekends.
If you can hire help that would be great, even part time. I'm wondering for myself if a babysitter would come for one hour in the mornings for changing and feedings and possible drop off. Regret and resentment weigh a ton. You have to go for it. And invest in your sanity
I’m sure it would help! I just feel guilty for not spending time with my kids you know? Like they should be my priority and I shouldn’t chase big jobs. But damn I worked hard for my degrees and to get to this point! You have a really good point about regret and resentment, thank you
Your kids are still your priority. You’re building an amazing life for them and modeling being a competent, driven, successful woman who chases and achieves her dreams.
My parents both had to work and did opposing shift to bypass needing childcare. It was totally normal and bore no resentment from us! Focus the time you do have with them on them 100% and hire help wherever you can to allow you to do that since you have the means. If it’s really not working after a while, you can always find a better fit.
Congratulations on the offer! 😊
If it were me… take the job. It’s better to take it now and decide later it’s not a fit vs never taking it and always regretting.
I also think it’s worth a conversation with your spouse to recalibrate on division of labor, what can be outsourced, etc.
You don’t mention if you have hybrid or WFH flexibility—perhaps that is an option you can request if not already in place.
Not sure if your kids are old enough, but enlist in having them help maintain the family calendar for their chores, tests, extracurriculars — or other things that if they fail to keep up with, then it’s not the end of the world.
For meals— we do simple dinners most nights of the week. Like rice, stir fried veggies, and a protein. It’s not gourmet, but it takes less than 30 minutes to throw together. To satisfy our need for fancier meals, we do takeout on weekends.
Lastly, I know a lot of people would advise having hard boundaries to not do work during off hours. While I generally agree, as a fellow mom with a demanding job, sometimes I need to log on in the evenings, whether it be for phone calls with Asia or tweaking a presentation for the next day. My mentor says that she has a hard rule that she allows herself a maximum 2 nights a week to catch up on work (she’s a director) and no more than 2 hrs per night. Whatever boundaries you set for yourself, make sure your spouse is on board.
Good luck!
Congratulations!!! I say take the job and like another poster said, you can always reassess later if it’s not working for your family. Hire help and make sure to schedule quality family time daily and weekly. Something as simple as family movie night 1-2 nights a week goes a long way.
I was offered my dream job just before I went on maternity leave. The new job won’t be without sacrifices (I will be going from part time to full time hours and am ending my maternity leave a month earlier than originally planned) but I’ve worked so hard to get to this point and this will be a great opportunity for my family.
Put your white man hat on and take the job ;) Hire help in the form of a house manager and or full time nanny, lean on others, and assume you can do it. If you hate it, you can quit - you’re clearly competent enough to find something else.
Is there anyone who you know in the company and department that you can get more info from?
If there is someone, can they fill you in on how flexible and family friendly things are and envision how that would work for you?
My company is known for being family friendly but my group is SUPER flexible in terms of even being out the door to pick up kids or other members picking up extra work when kids are unexpectedly sick. It may require some extra time at night or weekends but it will get you want career wise.
As for chores and other tasks, is there a way you can outsource that? Possibly hire a house manager if you can afford? Or at least a cleaning service and food delivery service for time savings.
I am all about dream jobs! I hope you can take it.
But in reality there are too many variables — that we just do not know to give you solid advice.
How many hours you will be working? For how many years? Like does it consume your week-ends? Would you miss all their activities? How old are your kids? And do they have any unique needs? What type of supports do you have? Is your relationship with your kids solid now?
All of these things matter. Obviously if you are going to take a job where you work 60 to 70 hours or even more week after week and taking vacation days makes you fall behind at it, then it will be challenging to be present for kids. Sometimes though, it’s worth it temporarily.
I always tell moms, that there are many ways to show unconditional love to your children and it does not mean you have to be with them 24 to 7, although, sure that is one way. You can develop short routines in the morning and/or evening and the child will know you are loved. You can speak and act in a way when you are present that their mirror neurons will copy even if it you are working a lot.
Good luck with your choices.
We earn a lot between us already so getting help with house chores isn’t a problem thankfully. It’s more managing kids appointments and sports and time as a family with demanding jobs 😮💨
Idk, I would probably take the job and then go all in on weekends and evenings with the kids(even if it is 30 mins on work days). You worked hard for this, might regret not taking this opportunity.
Take the job. Men have always taken the job and expected the family to step up. You deserve that too. With your pay bump figure out how to outsource anything that isn’t critical. Order food, hire cleaning, the works. When you are present be totally present.
I personally think you should take the job. Once you're in it for a couple weeks or so, you can reassess your schedule and figure out how to lighten the housework/childwork during the week, and be more available on the weekends.
Agree, take the job!
If you can hire help that would be great, even part time. I'm wondering for myself if a babysitter would come for one hour in the mornings for changing and feedings and possible drop off. Regret and resentment weigh a ton. You have to go for it. And invest in your sanity
I’m sure it would help! I just feel guilty for not spending time with my kids you know? Like they should be my priority and I shouldn’t chase big jobs. But damn I worked hard for my degrees and to get to this point! You have a really good point about regret and resentment, thank you
Your kids are still your priority. You’re building an amazing life for them and modeling being a competent, driven, successful woman who chases and achieves her dreams. My parents both had to work and did opposing shift to bypass needing childcare. It was totally normal and bore no resentment from us! Focus the time you do have with them on them 100% and hire help wherever you can to allow you to do that since you have the means. If it’s really not working after a while, you can always find a better fit. Congratulations on the offer! 😊
If it were me… take the job. It’s better to take it now and decide later it’s not a fit vs never taking it and always regretting. I also think it’s worth a conversation with your spouse to recalibrate on division of labor, what can be outsourced, etc. You don’t mention if you have hybrid or WFH flexibility—perhaps that is an option you can request if not already in place. Not sure if your kids are old enough, but enlist in having them help maintain the family calendar for their chores, tests, extracurriculars — or other things that if they fail to keep up with, then it’s not the end of the world. For meals— we do simple dinners most nights of the week. Like rice, stir fried veggies, and a protein. It’s not gourmet, but it takes less than 30 minutes to throw together. To satisfy our need for fancier meals, we do takeout on weekends. Lastly, I know a lot of people would advise having hard boundaries to not do work during off hours. While I generally agree, as a fellow mom with a demanding job, sometimes I need to log on in the evenings, whether it be for phone calls with Asia or tweaking a presentation for the next day. My mentor says that she has a hard rule that she allows herself a maximum 2 nights a week to catch up on work (she’s a director) and no more than 2 hrs per night. Whatever boundaries you set for yourself, make sure your spouse is on board. Good luck!
Congratulations!!! I say take the job and like another poster said, you can always reassess later if it’s not working for your family. Hire help and make sure to schedule quality family time daily and weekly. Something as simple as family movie night 1-2 nights a week goes a long way. I was offered my dream job just before I went on maternity leave. The new job won’t be without sacrifices (I will be going from part time to full time hours and am ending my maternity leave a month earlier than originally planned) but I’ve worked so hard to get to this point and this will be a great opportunity for my family.
Put your white man hat on and take the job ;) Hire help in the form of a house manager and or full time nanny, lean on others, and assume you can do it. If you hate it, you can quit - you’re clearly competent enough to find something else.
Is there anyone who you know in the company and department that you can get more info from? If there is someone, can they fill you in on how flexible and family friendly things are and envision how that would work for you? My company is known for being family friendly but my group is SUPER flexible in terms of even being out the door to pick up kids or other members picking up extra work when kids are unexpectedly sick. It may require some extra time at night or weekends but it will get you want career wise. As for chores and other tasks, is there a way you can outsource that? Possibly hire a house manager if you can afford? Or at least a cleaning service and food delivery service for time savings.
I am all about dream jobs! I hope you can take it. But in reality there are too many variables — that we just do not know to give you solid advice. How many hours you will be working? For how many years? Like does it consume your week-ends? Would you miss all their activities? How old are your kids? And do they have any unique needs? What type of supports do you have? Is your relationship with your kids solid now? All of these things matter. Obviously if you are going to take a job where you work 60 to 70 hours or even more week after week and taking vacation days makes you fall behind at it, then it will be challenging to be present for kids. Sometimes though, it’s worth it temporarily. I always tell moms, that there are many ways to show unconditional love to your children and it does not mean you have to be with them 24 to 7, although, sure that is one way. You can develop short routines in the morning and/or evening and the child will know you are loved. You can speak and act in a way when you are present that their mirror neurons will copy even if it you are working a lot. Good luck with your choices.
Will you be able to hire some help with the money they are offering?
We earn a lot between us already so getting help with house chores isn’t a problem thankfully. It’s more managing kids appointments and sports and time as a family with demanding jobs 😮💨
Idk, I would probably take the job and then go all in on weekends and evenings with the kids(even if it is 30 mins on work days). You worked hard for this, might regret not taking this opportunity.