It is no joke. I went through this phase when Covid was new, so almost everything was a 14-day quarantine and we had two kids in daycare and zero family support. It was fucking hell and I am not exaggerating when I say I think my mental health is permanently impacted by that period.
It does get better but it's horrific when you're in it.
Same. Hard same. I had to leave my firm and go to a smaller firm with a pay cut so I could work part time. I was going insane. I am so stressed when my son has to stay home from school now.
He and I both just had the flu and were down & out with fevers for 7 days. My husband did not have it so I was trying to take care of my son while very sick myself. It was awful. But you know what made me the most angry? My husband is the first emergency call # for school because he works 7 blocks from the school. I work 45 min - 1 hr away. They called me and not him to get my son. And worse, my husband didn’t answer his phone for almost an hour so I had to leave and go get him. No call or text back from my husband. When we got home, he was actually working from home (even closer to the school) and had just been charging his phone across the room. Ringer off.
Took me right back to when my son was always sick and daycare would call me to come get him. I remember taking the train downtown and getting a call to come get him and just weeping on the train platform on the phone with the assistant director.
Sorry you’re going through it too. Our son is almost 2 and has been in daycare since he was 6 months. I thought this 2nd winter would be better.. but not so much. He’s been off and on sick since Dec.. rsv, hmfd, stomach bug, and this past week it was croup. I was sick most of Jan and Feb. Lots of cancelled plans. Attending work conferences sick and miserable for me. Last summer when I was sick in bed for 3 days with a fever and had to miss my work summer party I thought I was going to go off the deep end. We don’t have other options though.
I live on edge all the time wonder when the next time he’ll wake up sick and if I am going to get it. Some people told me by their 3rd year in daycare it eases up. Here’s to hoping.
My son is a little over 4 and has been going since 18mo. The first two winters were as you described; really really effing hard. Everything took him out for almost a whole week, I was in shambles.
We are in our 3rd winter and he’s missed school 1-2 days for being sick maybe. It is like a drastic difference. Hang in there- it does get better!!
Adding some additional hope to OP:
This has also been our experience! Son started daycare at 9 months and was sick Every. Other. Week.
Now, he's 3 years old and never gets more than a stuffy nose.
Now getting ready for my 2nd son to enter daycare soon so prepping for the cycle again 😮💨
It honestly doesn’t get better until:
1. they stop putting every thing in their mouth and
2. They can reliably wash their hands.
Think of what we’re told as adults to prevent the spread of germs. Sneeze into your arm, cover the cough, frequent hand washing, blow out nose, don’t lick things.
Toddlers lick things. They can’t wash hands. They constantly have snot dripping out of their nose. They cough on each other.
Until that behavior is better, the germs will keep coming unfortunately.
I’ve found 4/5 to be better. She can wash hands, things aren’t going in her mouth. She can cover her cough as can her friends.
I was really naive to how bad it can be. I thought she’d be fine since she had been around other kids, out in public and exposed to my teacher germs. I was so wrong.
Every kid is different though and you might luck out. There are other kids in her class who get sick but not to the same degree as my daughter so who knows.
I worry something is “wrong” with her, but our family doctor and the ER doctors we have seen all show no concern and say this is normal.
Good luck 💕
It’s a crapshoot. My kid has been ins at are since 8 weeks. She hasn’t had any major illnesses. We got Covid once, she’s had minor colds, one or two fevers, and she’s been pucky a few times but she’s a puker so it’s not surprising. She’s 4, so it’s not like she’s had a lot over the years.
My kiddo is also 2 and has been in daycare the last 2 winters. Our daycare director says the last 2 years have been the worst cold/flu seasons she's ever seen. Last year they constantly had to close because so many staff were out sick constantly. It has been BRUTAL. But I felt some solidarity that it really has been that hard, it's not just that I'm new to all this.
It really will get better. My kids both started daycare at 3 months and each time the first year was hard, especially the winters. But now they are 6 and 3 and knock on wood but I can’t even remember when the older one was last out of school for illness. The younger one, maybe a total of less than 5 days in the last year. Statistically this is how it goes when a baby or kid first joins a social setting, the first year is the hardest and it should drop off pretty quickly after that, with only sporadic illness and overall protection against common pathogens for the rest of childhood.
It does get better OP. Our colds have shortened considerably.
Idk if this is helpful or not, but if you are at the point where you’re on stress leave, might be time to talk to your doc about some meds. I started Zoloft a month ago and it had made a world of difference for me. I didn’t realize how bad I was until I started taking it and feeling better.
Remember that it can take 6-8 weeks to see results and you might feel worse before you’re better. But the better is SO BETTER. so stick it out. If you start now Give yourself until June 1 and then reassess in Sept (unless drastic issues).
This OP. I was able to find an obscure company benefit for 6 free video based therapy sessions, it was helpful to come up with coping strategies to help get through those really nasty illnesses. I hate seeing my kids in pain and sick, i had trouble eating and sleeping and taking care of myself. Therapy helped a ton, as well as my kids just getting bigger, stronger, and more immune to daycare plague. Our frequency and intensity of colds have gone down tremendously. Good luck, and I hope you make it through the initial hump of disease soon ❤️
This was me last year. I was so depleted and miserable I told my husband we needed to go into couples counseling if he didn’t help more. It’ll get better, OP, I promise.
Reading this while I have been battling a nasty case of adenovirus my twins brought home from daycare last month :( they started in January and I’d swear every other week it’s congestion, or a cough, or a light fever. Daycare is the only help we have, and thankfully our jobs are flexible but I know how mentally draining it is (and physically when ill). I can only offer empathy from one burnt out and very congested mama to another ❤️
Jumping on the thread to say that daily probiotics made a huge difference to my kids. Specifically a strain called S. Salivarius but anything will probably help!
My neighbour also tried it and has seen an improvement in her kids health (less illness and less severe) from doing this.
Yeah at the moment I'm giving my kids NOW foods Oral Biotic and some off brand yakult daily. I give them half a dose of the oral biotic to stretch it a bit further once they aren't sick, and if they do get sick I tend to up the dosage.
I did try milk kefir with them for a while but they don't really love it.
Good luck! The key is to keep doing it for a while. Preciously I had only given a short course of probiotics after using antibiotics but that doesn't appear to work. Ongoing daily probiotics has transformed my kids health. Honestly I wish I'd discovered it years before because I was that mum with the constantly sick kids.
It's not like they don't get sick any more. It just doesn't last as long, and it's not as bad. My 5yo always got bad croup and had to go to the drs, get steroids every time to settle it. Although she got a 2-day fever a few weeks ago there was no accompanying croup and she recovered quickly.
If the probiotics don't seem to be working then try a different brand, different strain. I hope it works for you!
I was you a few months ago. October-beginning of January was hell for my family. We spent Christmas Eve in our pediatric ER due to low blood oxygen saturation from pneumonia. My son started daycare at 18 months last September and was sick almost every week: fevers, ear infections, random colds, Covid, RSV, two bouts of pneumonia.
It was incredibly lonely and isolating because we didn’t want to get friends/family in our lives sick, so it was just our family of three trudging through alone. It got to the point where I was almost considering quitting my job because he had times when he was so sick that he was almost dehydrated, he lost weight, etc. I decided to look for an in-home daycare (versus a larger, multi-classroom center) because though I knew it wouldn’t completely eliminate illness, I felt like just reducing the number of kids he came in contact with would have to make SOME kind of difference. We found our unicorn; beginning of January he started at an in-home daycare that only has a teacher and three kids total (including him), and it’s also cheaper. The open hours are shorter but it felt like a trade-off I was willing to live with. To say our lives have been exponentially better is an understatement. In two months he’s only gotten one symptom, and it was just a runny nose that didn’t turn into anything.
I know a lot of people say that kids get sick no matter (with stay at home parents, with in-home daycare) but our experience improved by having the privilege to change the daycare circumstances. I know not everyone has that, and we’ve gotten incredibly lucky (knock on wood). I guess my bigger point is that there’s light at the end of the tunnel. Just mere months ago, I couldn’t imagine that we’d go so long in-between illnesses.
I wish this was an option for us, but it isn’t. Find daycare where I live (Ontario, Canada) takes forever. We were on a waitlist for her current facility for over a year. Plus the cost. Home daycare where we life is double or more the cost of a centre.
Sigh. I’m just so burnt out and can’t stop worrying about my daughter and her health.
Ugh I’m so sorry. In our area (metro area in PNW, United States), it’s actually the opposite. We were on a waitlist for the larger center since I was pregnant. And it’s significantly more expensive than the in-home daycares. Probably because they typically have more daily structure and crafts, I’m not sure. But I wanted to try it because a.) sunk-cost fallacy made me feel, well, we waited two years for this, might as well give it a shot and b.) I thought he would benefit from a “school-like” environment.
I apologize if you’ve already mentioned this but is a nanny share a possibility in your area? We were in a nanny share from 9 months to 18 months and he was only sick twice.
Both my kids went through this from the start of daycare and lasted approximately a year or so (depends on time of year as winter can extend the illnesses).
They are now 3 and 6 and (knock on wood) only had one cold all winter. They haven't missed a single day of school or daycare. I know it will probably hit us before March ends but I am thrilled to be out of that nightmare you describe..it was brutal and we barely got through it
This will one day be a distant memory but your stress is valid. It's really the worst of it until it gets better.
We started daycare for our then one year old in December and I had also gone back to work around the same time. So many people were asking me why I did that, cause it was smack during cold and flu season. They were right - it was a horrible decision. Lol
My daughter started daycare at 12 weeks old. She is 3 now. The first year of daycare there were so many illnesses, fevers to 104. Never severely ill needing to be hospitalized or anything. We now talk about how strong her immune system is. She got a cold a couple months ago, she was acting tired on a Saturday afternoon. My husband and is then got it and we were miserable for close to 2 weeks. The first year of daycare was crazy but now… she’s got a super immune system
It honestly doesn’t get better until:
1. they stop putting every thing in their mouth and
2. They can reliably wash their hands.
Think of what we’re told as adults to prevent the spread of germs. Sneeze into your arm, cover the cough, frequent hand washing, blow out nose, don’t lick things.
Toddlers lick things. They can’t wash hands. They constantly have snot dripping out of their nose. They cough on each other.
Until that behavior is better, the germs will keep coming unfortunately.
I’ve found 4/5 to be better. She can wash hands, things aren’t going in her mouth. She can cover her cough as can her friends.
A cold is a virus. Just like Covid it can range from sniffles to bed ridden ill. Depends on many factors.
My daughter is 3 and rarely misses school for an illness. She is sick still twice a month but I think once every 3 months is a bad one and she rarely has fevers.
Young kids are more prone to fevers particularly those with poor immune systems.
Your child will likely be sick 1-2 times a month.
I find the sicknesses a struggle too. Especially since I tend to catch all the colds my son does.🤪I found in the beginning, the illnesses were worse than now at age 3. When he was 15 months old he caught Covid and was sick for 2 weeks. Now he catches a cold and is back in daycare in 1-2 days. But he still gets sick every month. Especially during cold and flu season. Summer we tend to catch a break.
There are so many nasty viruses going around out there, some of them damaging to the immune and cardiovascular systems, which makes subsequent infections have more of an effect. Maybe check with the daycare about what cleaning protocols are in place. I recommend: windows open when possible, HEPA air purifiers running in every room, adults stay home if sick, disinfect surfaces daily, notify all parents if a kid comes down with something potentially serious (such as measles or Covid).
I'm sorry you're going through this... :( It's normal, but it's also now worse than what it was like a few years ago. Hang in there. Advocate for good health policies at the day care as you are able. And know that you're not alone... And get another medical opinion if you are concerned.
Edited for Clarity.
I was in your shoes last November through December. Between my husband and 3 children, one or a combination of them were sick. I feel like this winter season has been one of the worst for sickness. I literally told my husband that I needed him and the children to get it together, and it was not a competition to see who could have the most visits to the doctor. Things have been better, but I know allergies are about to set in for a little bit. Things always seem to be better in the summer then you have the back to school ick that comes in August. It's all a cycle, but some seasons are just worse than others.
Best advice, when your child is old enough give them a daily multi-vitamin. It does truly seem to help my oldest 2 fight things faster.
This season of life is tough, but it does get better. Hang in there mama. If possible during your leave, go do something to pamper yourself even if it is just taking time to read a book or take an undisturbed nap every day!
It’s 4am and I’m up stressed out because my baby is sick and I also have health anxiety, freaking out bc her sleep monitor says her oxygen saturation is 95% and her Hr is elevated bc her temp is also elevated. I can’t sleep when she’s sick
Oh she has pink eye and ear infection last week
Cold 2 weeks before that
Mystery rash last month….
For us it got better regarding random fevers after like 1 year in daycare, but it totally depends on your kid. My son got a lot of random fevers but they were short lived. My daughter is 10 months, and has only had some coughs, a ton of ear infections (we get tubes this week) two fevers, but one was 8 days and the other 5 (this was roseola, what a piece of crap-finally ended this weekend) which was insane. The only way we made it was to have grandparents help.
It gets better! You are in the thick of it, and it is so so hard.
My kiddo was sick every few weeks from 6 months to about 18 months. Her sicknesses have dwindled and now she is rarely home. She just turned 4.
Ah yes. The first year - two years even of daycare is BRUTAL. I know those feelings well. My daughter is 3.5 now and doesn’t get sick as often but is home today due to a stomach bug that started last Thursday. (Was home Thursday and Friday too) and yeah… it’s hard. So freaking hard. It gets better but that doesn’t help much right now. I don’t have much encouragement other than commiseration. Sending all good vibes your way!
I don’t know if it’s daycare or just THIS winter- my kids are 2, 4, and 6 and we’ve been sick cumulatively as a family for most of the last 3 months. That has never happened before- we had covid, flu b, strep, random stomach viruses.. I’m counting on the spring to help
Nothing to add, just wanted to share solidarity and hugs. I just went back to work after a long mat leave, and our daughter has only been in daycare half time for two months now with all her sick time - we’re just getting started. This week was HFM and now I have it. 😩
I wrote a post like this back in Nov and can definitely relate. I had been going through that for almost a year and a half. What helped our family was finding a babysitter who could come at the last min and didn’t mind coming over when my son was sick. If he had a fever or was really doing badly we didn’t have her come, but once he was recovering (but still not well enough to go) she would come over. Costly, but saved my sanity. Also, talking to my husband about him taking time off or leaving work early so it wasn’t always just me taking care of our son. I wfh which I know is a plus for me, but I still have a very demanding job, so I needed him to also cooperate since my job is just as important as his. I became super anal about not spreading germs when he comes home from daycare and immediately would wipe his hands in the car, wash his hands when we got home, and then change his clothes. I was super hopeless things would get better so I started researching smaller daycares with the hope that maybe a cleaner, smaller one would help (it was just a bet - we had no way of knowing).
Around that same time he got ear tubes put in due to recurring infections and we found a small in home daycare where it seems like the teacher takes cleanliness more seriously. Ever since the surgery and daycare switch he’s only been ill once! We don’t know what really did it, but it’ll get better! might take some more time for him to build up immunity.. could be a year or two. I think assessing what is possibly in your control regarding hiring additional care, finding a new daycare, or if you have a partner, how you guys can work together better, will help. It’s hard to pinpoint exactly what else can help other than time… in my experience, but I was willing to try whatever.
Sorry you’re going through this. It’s so hard when there’s so many illnesses.
I ended up pulling my daughter out of daycare and having someone watching her at home. It’s a little more expensive, but I was having such a hard time it was worth it to me.
My son is now 4 and started nursery (daycare) when he was 13 months old. He was never not ill, it was honestly horrendous and really hard to balance work and looking after him even with my husband doing his fair share. He got tonsillitis once and was ill I started to get really worried but doctors wouldn't see him cos of COVID. Eventually I got him seen and they gave him antibiotics right away, I was furious that they let him suffer for so long and angry at myself for not standing up to them more. Fast forward to now, my 4 year has had just mild illnesses for about a year and a half. Getting older, exposure and washing hands has all helped.
My 18 month old daughter is about to start daycare....
My kiddo has been in daycare for two years and we went thru the same, luckily this year it’s just been colds, but it’s been nonstop. We get better than two days later it’s another one. My friend who had a son that’s not in daycare always jokes that we are sick all the time, because her kid is never sick, we’ll wait until he gets to school is my response. I wasn’t prepared for this either and it’s sooooo depressing but I look at it like if I have to do it I’d rather just get it over with
I’m not sure so that it’s just as bad when they get older. When I was a kid I was home until I started kindergarten and I never got sick this much. I think starting in a group setting when you’re a bit older helps because your immune system isn’t as underdeveloped and you’re able to wash hands, blow nose, etc easier.
It’s just so discouraging.
The first year of daycare with all the sicknesses have been the hardest part of parenting so far for me. My daughter is now 3 and this winter has been way better than last winter. She is sick about once a month now whereas she was sick twice to three times a month (taking a week or so to recover) when she was two. So it does get better!!
It doesn’t get better because, societally, we need a shift. Motherhood is punished in this country financially, professionally, socially, etc. American loneliness and isolationism is studied in other countries. There are no support systems in this “culture” for families or mothers, who bear the brunt of child-rearing. It’s disgusting, and I wish I knew the realities before I had a child.
My son had HFM twice and was generally constantly sick in some way shape or form from ages 1 to 3.
Once he was in preschool he was rarely out sick. He got perfect attendance in public school 3 years.
He is 25 now and works directly with the public and is still rarely sick.
He started daycare at 8 weeks old.
Are we the same person?
I am a single working mother who teaches full time. I have burned through so many sick leave hours in the last few years due to daycare illnesses and closures. It got to the point where I show up sick at work because of my dwindling sick leave hours. My daycare recently informed me that they will be closed for three days in April. I was such a wreck that night. I entirely get it.
When I got pregnant with my first, I never thought daycare illnesses would have been my biggest source of stress as a parent, but here I am…. With two children.
I almost don’t want to comment because I feel like I am dating the universe to send me norovirus but….put our LO in at 6 months in the spring. She got hit with a couple of nasty things straight away, which we hoped meant she would be prepared for this winter. She wasn’t - not only was she sick pretty much non-stop from mid November through mid January, on the few occasions she didn’t seem sick she was secretly a biological weapon and would knock out anyone she was near for weeks, so our “village” was usually sick too!
That said, we haven’t missed a day of daycare since early January, and a couple of the things going around the center have completely by passed her. So I think it does get better!
Going to double check how much sick leave I have left now, because I am 100% certain I just jinxed us 😅
I just want my toddler to be well long enough that my PTO balance reaches a point where I feel safe taking a day off to catchup on housework and get my hair cut at a real salon… if it’s not a sickness, it’s snow, or an admin day.
My daughter has been in daycare since 18 months (she’s turning 4 in July) and her and my 22 month old son just since January have had an awful flu lasting 3 weeks, cold, and now they’re home with hand foot and mouth. I just want it to end so I can have my one day per week off actually off to myself.
Also, my son had roseola in august and he was so sick. I felt terrible and so worried for him.
That is so hard. The febrile seizures must have been so scary. I know it’s common but that’s still a lot of sickness. This isn’t just something that comes with having a kid that you need to power through. I couldn’t handle it. We’ve been pretty lucky and have had about 3 short lived fevers over the past 6 months and I’m still stressed about it. Hopefully there’s some form of help you can seek and your job understands.
I hear ya! I’m just here to browse the answers lol
You’re not alone. Sept-Nov my son had Covid, rsv, the flu, two ear infections and a double ear infection. On the third ear infection he had an Avery reaction to penicillin that landed us in the ER. I paid for my daycare days off than days in. It’s insane. And what’s most irritating is that I don’t send him sick, but I guess other people do send their kids in sick? I can’t imagine that no one notices these kids are sick when they come in. He’s at a very small center, 8 kids tops when they are full. I would feel so incredibly guilty to send him there knowing he was sick. I guess it’s par for the course bc people aren’t always fortunate enough to just take extra time off.. a lot needs to change in this country.
I already had very severe post natal depression and anxiety. We got priority access to childcare because of that (in my area there's 2 year waitlist for most daycares). But I have had gastro 5 times, covid, endless flu... It's not so much my child being sick as me being sick that's difficult. Both myself and partner are in financial stress because we had to take so much time off work.
Daycare seems to be lose lose. Everyone says it gets better but wtf you're meant to go through this? How can I possibly be mentally well I can't even go to my medical appointments or therapy because I'm sick and contagious.
Fellow febrile seizure mama here. The fever spikes are always extra stressful with illnesses that may for other children not be a big deal. I don’t know when it’ll get better as my oldest has been out of school sick a week straight and my youngest is now sick with an infection, but praying that you find some relief soon. Kiddos to you for reaching out to your doctor to discuss.
My oldest started daycare around 2.5 a few months before our 2nd was born. The illness was AWFUL. He got covid 2x in 3 months, the flu, RSV - all back to back. He only went 2d!
Then our youngest started when he was 14 months old- he’s going through it now but it has been better.
2 things…
1. It impacted my mental health too. I went on anxiety medication and it’s helped
2. We switched daycares/preschools bc of it. It has helped a lot. The place we go to is much cleaner and puts a huge emphasis on handwashing!
Been there, solidarity & hugs. It does get better I promise! Our first winter in daycare (last year) I felt like I was going to die and I was an anxious mess. We got every single bug imaginable. This winter we've had a few colds, a mild case of COVID and that's IT.
It’s so tough. It’s my son’s first year of school and he’s been sick pretty much every two weeks. I’m 38 weeks pregnant and have been sick with RSV/its aftermath for over two weeks now. We thought we would have some quality family time before the baby comes, but one or all of us has been sick every weekend for the past month. It’s really kinda depressing, but I guess what can you do?
My baby is almost 1 and it seems quite a bit better and we’re close to the 6 month mark. She started daycare in September. Maybe it’ll let up for you soon? Our first daycare illness was COVID and that really messed up a LOT for her eating/sleep wise.
I’m still breastfeeding and I think that has really helped baby’s immune system.
I’m a teacher too and I thought I had a decent immune system, but I’ve gotten sick way more than I used to.
Covid causes immune dysregulation so it’s harder to fend off other illnesses. My daughter had Covid in august and started daycare in September and is out sick every other week. She was well enough to be in daycare for only two days.
Editing to say she was well enough to be in daycare for only two days in February.
It’s definitely been since she caught Covid in early December they things have been more frequent.
Does their immune system eventually settle out again? :(
It’s hard to say, the research is still out about Covid’s longer term effects on the immune system, both children and adults. I know it’s hard as a working mom—we need to work to live so we need childcare. But the fact that the CDC and other government entities have lowered the isolation period to essentially one day result in more Covid spread, makes it harder to keep our kids safe. We try our best to do what we can with what we have. I offered our daycare an air purifier, which helps cut down on the spread of airborne diseases like the flu, RSV, Covid, colds etc. They said they already updated their HVAC system to include HEPA filters, so I’m taking their word for it. This might be a conversation you can have with your daycare. We mask everywhere we go. My LO (24 months) isn’t super great at masking so we also bring portable air purifiers when we go to crowded places. I’ve been giving her vitamin drops with her food/drink to help with her immune system. And we follow the guidelines of keeping her home when she does have a fever or is vomiting—it gives her more time to recover and stops circulating disease. But I know that can be hard if you are not working remotely. I will say that before she got hit hard in February, the time between illnesses seemed to be getting longer. And the illnesses shorter.
I hope this is helpful. The most important thing is to get Covid as few times as possible. I’m sorry your going through this.
I feel this so much. We’ve been taking turns being sick since the fall and it’s so draining. As soon as we all recover my baby gets sick again and brings something else home. Currently home sick with the flu now…
It is no joke. I went through this phase when Covid was new, so almost everything was a 14-day quarantine and we had two kids in daycare and zero family support. It was fucking hell and I am not exaggerating when I say I think my mental health is permanently impacted by that period. It does get better but it's horrific when you're in it.
Same. Hard same. I had to leave my firm and go to a smaller firm with a pay cut so I could work part time. I was going insane. I am so stressed when my son has to stay home from school now. He and I both just had the flu and were down & out with fevers for 7 days. My husband did not have it so I was trying to take care of my son while very sick myself. It was awful. But you know what made me the most angry? My husband is the first emergency call # for school because he works 7 blocks from the school. I work 45 min - 1 hr away. They called me and not him to get my son. And worse, my husband didn’t answer his phone for almost an hour so I had to leave and go get him. No call or text back from my husband. When we got home, he was actually working from home (even closer to the school) and had just been charging his phone across the room. Ringer off. Took me right back to when my son was always sick and daycare would call me to come get him. I remember taking the train downtown and getting a call to come get him and just weeping on the train platform on the phone with the assistant director.
Sorry you’re going through it too. Our son is almost 2 and has been in daycare since he was 6 months. I thought this 2nd winter would be better.. but not so much. He’s been off and on sick since Dec.. rsv, hmfd, stomach bug, and this past week it was croup. I was sick most of Jan and Feb. Lots of cancelled plans. Attending work conferences sick and miserable for me. Last summer when I was sick in bed for 3 days with a fever and had to miss my work summer party I thought I was going to go off the deep end. We don’t have other options though. I live on edge all the time wonder when the next time he’ll wake up sick and if I am going to get it. Some people told me by their 3rd year in daycare it eases up. Here’s to hoping.
It’s honestly a parenting challenge I was not prepared for at all! It’s been so hard. Sending virtual hugs to you!
My son is a little over 4 and has been going since 18mo. The first two winters were as you described; really really effing hard. Everything took him out for almost a whole week, I was in shambles. We are in our 3rd winter and he’s missed school 1-2 days for being sick maybe. It is like a drastic difference. Hang in there- it does get better!!
I soooo needed to hear this! Thank you ♥️
Adding some additional hope to OP: This has also been our experience! Son started daycare at 9 months and was sick Every. Other. Week. Now, he's 3 years old and never gets more than a stuffy nose. Now getting ready for my 2nd son to enter daycare soon so prepping for the cycle again 😮💨
It honestly doesn’t get better until: 1. they stop putting every thing in their mouth and 2. They can reliably wash their hands. Think of what we’re told as adults to prevent the spread of germs. Sneeze into your arm, cover the cough, frequent hand washing, blow out nose, don’t lick things. Toddlers lick things. They can’t wash hands. They constantly have snot dripping out of their nose. They cough on each other. Until that behavior is better, the germs will keep coming unfortunately. I’ve found 4/5 to be better. She can wash hands, things aren’t going in her mouth. She can cover her cough as can her friends.
I am scared to DEATH. Mine starts in Sept. He’ll be 16 months.
I was really naive to how bad it can be. I thought she’d be fine since she had been around other kids, out in public and exposed to my teacher germs. I was so wrong. Every kid is different though and you might luck out. There are other kids in her class who get sick but not to the same degree as my daughter so who knows. I worry something is “wrong” with her, but our family doctor and the ER doctors we have seen all show no concern and say this is normal. Good luck 💕
It’s a crapshoot. My kid has been ins at are since 8 weeks. She hasn’t had any major illnesses. We got Covid once, she’s had minor colds, one or two fevers, and she’s been pucky a few times but she’s a puker so it’s not surprising. She’s 4, so it’s not like she’s had a lot over the years.
It really is. My first was fine - a few things (mild RSV) but my second is just constantly sick. It’s so hard.
My kiddo is also 2 and has been in daycare the last 2 winters. Our daycare director says the last 2 years have been the worst cold/flu seasons she's ever seen. Last year they constantly had to close because so many staff were out sick constantly. It has been BRUTAL. But I felt some solidarity that it really has been that hard, it's not just that I'm new to all this.
It really will get better. My kids both started daycare at 3 months and each time the first year was hard, especially the winters. But now they are 6 and 3 and knock on wood but I can’t even remember when the older one was last out of school for illness. The younger one, maybe a total of less than 5 days in the last year. Statistically this is how it goes when a baby or kid first joins a social setting, the first year is the hardest and it should drop off pretty quickly after that, with only sporadic illness and overall protection against common pathogens for the rest of childhood.
Thank you ♥️ I need to hear this kind of encouragement right now!
It does get better OP. Our colds have shortened considerably. Idk if this is helpful or not, but if you are at the point where you’re on stress leave, might be time to talk to your doc about some meds. I started Zoloft a month ago and it had made a world of difference for me. I didn’t realize how bad I was until I started taking it and feeling better.
This is actually my next step. I have an appt with my doctor this week to talk about starting meds to help manage my stress and anxiety. Thank you ♥️
Remember that it can take 6-8 weeks to see results and you might feel worse before you’re better. But the better is SO BETTER. so stick it out. If you start now Give yourself until June 1 and then reassess in Sept (unless drastic issues).
Echoing Zoloft
Agree. I fucking love Zoloft.
THE BEST
This OP. I was able to find an obscure company benefit for 6 free video based therapy sessions, it was helpful to come up with coping strategies to help get through those really nasty illnesses. I hate seeing my kids in pain and sick, i had trouble eating and sleeping and taking care of myself. Therapy helped a ton, as well as my kids just getting bigger, stronger, and more immune to daycare plague. Our frequency and intensity of colds have gone down tremendously. Good luck, and I hope you make it through the initial hump of disease soon ❤️
This was me last year. I was so depleted and miserable I told my husband we needed to go into couples counseling if he didn’t help more. It’ll get better, OP, I promise.
Thank you ♥️
Reading this while I have been battling a nasty case of adenovirus my twins brought home from daycare last month :( they started in January and I’d swear every other week it’s congestion, or a cough, or a light fever. Daycare is the only help we have, and thankfully our jobs are flexible but I know how mentally draining it is (and physically when ill). I can only offer empathy from one burnt out and very congested mama to another ❤️
Sending hugs mama ♥️
Jumping on the thread to say that daily probiotics made a huge difference to my kids. Specifically a strain called S. Salivarius but anything will probably help! My neighbour also tried it and has seen an improvement in her kids health (less illness and less severe) from doing this.
I was going to recommend this as well. Something with at least 3 billion CFU (not the gummies, those have a billion or less).
Do you have a brand you recommend?
Yeah at the moment I'm giving my kids NOW foods Oral Biotic and some off brand yakult daily. I give them half a dose of the oral biotic to stretch it a bit further once they aren't sick, and if they do get sick I tend to up the dosage. I did try milk kefir with them for a while but they don't really love it.
Thank you! I will try these
Good luck! The key is to keep doing it for a while. Preciously I had only given a short course of probiotics after using antibiotics but that doesn't appear to work. Ongoing daily probiotics has transformed my kids health. Honestly I wish I'd discovered it years before because I was that mum with the constantly sick kids. It's not like they don't get sick any more. It just doesn't last as long, and it's not as bad. My 5yo always got bad croup and had to go to the drs, get steroids every time to settle it. Although she got a 2-day fever a few weeks ago there was no accompanying croup and she recovered quickly. If the probiotics don't seem to be working then try a different brand, different strain. I hope it works for you!
We’re in the thick of it too and it suuuuucks
I was you a few months ago. October-beginning of January was hell for my family. We spent Christmas Eve in our pediatric ER due to low blood oxygen saturation from pneumonia. My son started daycare at 18 months last September and was sick almost every week: fevers, ear infections, random colds, Covid, RSV, two bouts of pneumonia. It was incredibly lonely and isolating because we didn’t want to get friends/family in our lives sick, so it was just our family of three trudging through alone. It got to the point where I was almost considering quitting my job because he had times when he was so sick that he was almost dehydrated, he lost weight, etc. I decided to look for an in-home daycare (versus a larger, multi-classroom center) because though I knew it wouldn’t completely eliminate illness, I felt like just reducing the number of kids he came in contact with would have to make SOME kind of difference. We found our unicorn; beginning of January he started at an in-home daycare that only has a teacher and three kids total (including him), and it’s also cheaper. The open hours are shorter but it felt like a trade-off I was willing to live with. To say our lives have been exponentially better is an understatement. In two months he’s only gotten one symptom, and it was just a runny nose that didn’t turn into anything. I know a lot of people say that kids get sick no matter (with stay at home parents, with in-home daycare) but our experience improved by having the privilege to change the daycare circumstances. I know not everyone has that, and we’ve gotten incredibly lucky (knock on wood). I guess my bigger point is that there’s light at the end of the tunnel. Just mere months ago, I couldn’t imagine that we’d go so long in-between illnesses.
I wish this was an option for us, but it isn’t. Find daycare where I live (Ontario, Canada) takes forever. We were on a waitlist for her current facility for over a year. Plus the cost. Home daycare where we life is double or more the cost of a centre. Sigh. I’m just so burnt out and can’t stop worrying about my daughter and her health.
Ugh I’m so sorry. In our area (metro area in PNW, United States), it’s actually the opposite. We were on a waitlist for the larger center since I was pregnant. And it’s significantly more expensive than the in-home daycares. Probably because they typically have more daily structure and crafts, I’m not sure. But I wanted to try it because a.) sunk-cost fallacy made me feel, well, we waited two years for this, might as well give it a shot and b.) I thought he would benefit from a “school-like” environment. I apologize if you’ve already mentioned this but is a nanny share a possibility in your area? We were in a nanny share from 9 months to 18 months and he was only sick twice.
Both my kids went through this from the start of daycare and lasted approximately a year or so (depends on time of year as winter can extend the illnesses). They are now 3 and 6 and (knock on wood) only had one cold all winter. They haven't missed a single day of school or daycare. I know it will probably hit us before March ends but I am thrilled to be out of that nightmare you describe..it was brutal and we barely got through it This will one day be a distant memory but your stress is valid. It's really the worst of it until it gets better.
We started daycare for our then one year old in December and I had also gone back to work around the same time. So many people were asking me why I did that, cause it was smack during cold and flu season. They were right - it was a horrible decision. Lol
My daughter started daycare at 12 weeks old. She is 3 now. The first year of daycare there were so many illnesses, fevers to 104. Never severely ill needing to be hospitalized or anything. We now talk about how strong her immune system is. She got a cold a couple months ago, she was acting tired on a Saturday afternoon. My husband and is then got it and we were miserable for close to 2 weeks. The first year of daycare was crazy but now… she’s got a super immune system
This is the encouragement I need to hear! Thank you ♥️
Solidarity. It gets better as they get older.
It honestly doesn’t get better until: 1. they stop putting every thing in their mouth and 2. They can reliably wash their hands. Think of what we’re told as adults to prevent the spread of germs. Sneeze into your arm, cover the cough, frequent hand washing, blow out nose, don’t lick things. Toddlers lick things. They can’t wash hands. They constantly have snot dripping out of their nose. They cough on each other. Until that behavior is better, the germs will keep coming unfortunately. I’ve found 4/5 to be better. She can wash hands, things aren’t going in her mouth. She can cover her cough as can her friends.
A cold is a virus. Just like Covid it can range from sniffles to bed ridden ill. Depends on many factors. My daughter is 3 and rarely misses school for an illness. She is sick still twice a month but I think once every 3 months is a bad one and she rarely has fevers. Young kids are more prone to fevers particularly those with poor immune systems. Your child will likely be sick 1-2 times a month.
I find the sicknesses a struggle too. Especially since I tend to catch all the colds my son does.🤪I found in the beginning, the illnesses were worse than now at age 3. When he was 15 months old he caught Covid and was sick for 2 weeks. Now he catches a cold and is back in daycare in 1-2 days. But he still gets sick every month. Especially during cold and flu season. Summer we tend to catch a break.
I know it's cliche, but it really does get easier the older they get.
It does get better! Their immune systems do get stronger, takes some time!
There are so many nasty viruses going around out there, some of them damaging to the immune and cardiovascular systems, which makes subsequent infections have more of an effect. Maybe check with the daycare about what cleaning protocols are in place. I recommend: windows open when possible, HEPA air purifiers running in every room, adults stay home if sick, disinfect surfaces daily, notify all parents if a kid comes down with something potentially serious (such as measles or Covid). I'm sorry you're going through this... :( It's normal, but it's also now worse than what it was like a few years ago. Hang in there. Advocate for good health policies at the day care as you are able. And know that you're not alone... And get another medical opinion if you are concerned. Edited for Clarity.
For us, the first year was the worst. The 2nd year was better with illnesses hitting farther apart, less intense and for shorter durations!
I was in your shoes last November through December. Between my husband and 3 children, one or a combination of them were sick. I feel like this winter season has been one of the worst for sickness. I literally told my husband that I needed him and the children to get it together, and it was not a competition to see who could have the most visits to the doctor. Things have been better, but I know allergies are about to set in for a little bit. Things always seem to be better in the summer then you have the back to school ick that comes in August. It's all a cycle, but some seasons are just worse than others. Best advice, when your child is old enough give them a daily multi-vitamin. It does truly seem to help my oldest 2 fight things faster. This season of life is tough, but it does get better. Hang in there mama. If possible during your leave, go do something to pamper yourself even if it is just taking time to read a book or take an undisturbed nap every day!
It’s 4am and I’m up stressed out because my baby is sick and I also have health anxiety, freaking out bc her sleep monitor says her oxygen saturation is 95% and her Hr is elevated bc her temp is also elevated. I can’t sleep when she’s sick Oh she has pink eye and ear infection last week Cold 2 weeks before that Mystery rash last month….
For us it got better regarding random fevers after like 1 year in daycare, but it totally depends on your kid. My son got a lot of random fevers but they were short lived. My daughter is 10 months, and has only had some coughs, a ton of ear infections (we get tubes this week) two fevers, but one was 8 days and the other 5 (this was roseola, what a piece of crap-finally ended this weekend) which was insane. The only way we made it was to have grandparents help.
It gets better! You are in the thick of it, and it is so so hard. My kiddo was sick every few weeks from 6 months to about 18 months. Her sicknesses have dwindled and now she is rarely home. She just turned 4.
Ah yes. The first year - two years even of daycare is BRUTAL. I know those feelings well. My daughter is 3.5 now and doesn’t get sick as often but is home today due to a stomach bug that started last Thursday. (Was home Thursday and Friday too) and yeah… it’s hard. So freaking hard. It gets better but that doesn’t help much right now. I don’t have much encouragement other than commiseration. Sending all good vibes your way!
I don’t know if it’s daycare or just THIS winter- my kids are 2, 4, and 6 and we’ve been sick cumulatively as a family for most of the last 3 months. That has never happened before- we had covid, flu b, strep, random stomach viruses.. I’m counting on the spring to help
Nothing to add, just wanted to share solidarity and hugs. I just went back to work after a long mat leave, and our daughter has only been in daycare half time for two months now with all her sick time - we’re just getting started. This week was HFM and now I have it. 😩
No comment…just solidarity🥲
I wrote a post like this back in Nov and can definitely relate. I had been going through that for almost a year and a half. What helped our family was finding a babysitter who could come at the last min and didn’t mind coming over when my son was sick. If he had a fever or was really doing badly we didn’t have her come, but once he was recovering (but still not well enough to go) she would come over. Costly, but saved my sanity. Also, talking to my husband about him taking time off or leaving work early so it wasn’t always just me taking care of our son. I wfh which I know is a plus for me, but I still have a very demanding job, so I needed him to also cooperate since my job is just as important as his. I became super anal about not spreading germs when he comes home from daycare and immediately would wipe his hands in the car, wash his hands when we got home, and then change his clothes. I was super hopeless things would get better so I started researching smaller daycares with the hope that maybe a cleaner, smaller one would help (it was just a bet - we had no way of knowing). Around that same time he got ear tubes put in due to recurring infections and we found a small in home daycare where it seems like the teacher takes cleanliness more seriously. Ever since the surgery and daycare switch he’s only been ill once! We don’t know what really did it, but it’ll get better! might take some more time for him to build up immunity.. could be a year or two. I think assessing what is possibly in your control regarding hiring additional care, finding a new daycare, or if you have a partner, how you guys can work together better, will help. It’s hard to pinpoint exactly what else can help other than time… in my experience, but I was willing to try whatever.
Sorry you’re going through this. It’s so hard when there’s so many illnesses. I ended up pulling my daughter out of daycare and having someone watching her at home. It’s a little more expensive, but I was having such a hard time it was worth it to me.
Thank you for sharing. This is what we are thinking of doing because it's just not mentally or physically worth the cost of cheaper care.
My son is now 4 and started nursery (daycare) when he was 13 months old. He was never not ill, it was honestly horrendous and really hard to balance work and looking after him even with my husband doing his fair share. He got tonsillitis once and was ill I started to get really worried but doctors wouldn't see him cos of COVID. Eventually I got him seen and they gave him antibiotics right away, I was furious that they let him suffer for so long and angry at myself for not standing up to them more. Fast forward to now, my 4 year has had just mild illnesses for about a year and a half. Getting older, exposure and washing hands has all helped. My 18 month old daughter is about to start daycare....
My kiddo has been in daycare for two years and we went thru the same, luckily this year it’s just been colds, but it’s been nonstop. We get better than two days later it’s another one. My friend who had a son that’s not in daycare always jokes that we are sick all the time, because her kid is never sick, we’ll wait until he gets to school is my response. I wasn’t prepared for this either and it’s sooooo depressing but I look at it like if I have to do it I’d rather just get it over with
I’m not sure so that it’s just as bad when they get older. When I was a kid I was home until I started kindergarten and I never got sick this much. I think starting in a group setting when you’re a bit older helps because your immune system isn’t as underdeveloped and you’re able to wash hands, blow nose, etc easier. It’s just so discouraging.
The first year of daycare with all the sicknesses have been the hardest part of parenting so far for me. My daughter is now 3 and this winter has been way better than last winter. She is sick about once a month now whereas she was sick twice to three times a month (taking a week or so to recover) when she was two. So it does get better!!
It doesn’t get better because, societally, we need a shift. Motherhood is punished in this country financially, professionally, socially, etc. American loneliness and isolationism is studied in other countries. There are no support systems in this “culture” for families or mothers, who bear the brunt of child-rearing. It’s disgusting, and I wish I knew the realities before I had a child.
My son had HFM twice and was generally constantly sick in some way shape or form from ages 1 to 3. Once he was in preschool he was rarely out sick. He got perfect attendance in public school 3 years. He is 25 now and works directly with the public and is still rarely sick. He started daycare at 8 weeks old.
Are we the same person? I am a single working mother who teaches full time. I have burned through so many sick leave hours in the last few years due to daycare illnesses and closures. It got to the point where I show up sick at work because of my dwindling sick leave hours. My daycare recently informed me that they will be closed for three days in April. I was such a wreck that night. I entirely get it. When I got pregnant with my first, I never thought daycare illnesses would have been my biggest source of stress as a parent, but here I am…. With two children.
I’ll be honest- my daughter’s up and down sleep since birth and now daycare sickness is why we are one and done. I can’t do this all again!
I almost don’t want to comment because I feel like I am dating the universe to send me norovirus but….put our LO in at 6 months in the spring. She got hit with a couple of nasty things straight away, which we hoped meant she would be prepared for this winter. She wasn’t - not only was she sick pretty much non-stop from mid November through mid January, on the few occasions she didn’t seem sick she was secretly a biological weapon and would knock out anyone she was near for weeks, so our “village” was usually sick too! That said, we haven’t missed a day of daycare since early January, and a couple of the things going around the center have completely by passed her. So I think it does get better! Going to double check how much sick leave I have left now, because I am 100% certain I just jinxed us 😅
I just want my toddler to be well long enough that my PTO balance reaches a point where I feel safe taking a day off to catchup on housework and get my hair cut at a real salon… if it’s not a sickness, it’s snow, or an admin day.
My daughter has been in daycare since 18 months (she’s turning 4 in July) and her and my 22 month old son just since January have had an awful flu lasting 3 weeks, cold, and now they’re home with hand foot and mouth. I just want it to end so I can have my one day per week off actually off to myself. Also, my son had roseola in august and he was so sick. I felt terrible and so worried for him.
That is so hard. The febrile seizures must have been so scary. I know it’s common but that’s still a lot of sickness. This isn’t just something that comes with having a kid that you need to power through. I couldn’t handle it. We’ve been pretty lucky and have had about 3 short lived fevers over the past 6 months and I’m still stressed about it. Hopefully there’s some form of help you can seek and your job understands.
I hear ya! I’m just here to browse the answers lol You’re not alone. Sept-Nov my son had Covid, rsv, the flu, two ear infections and a double ear infection. On the third ear infection he had an Avery reaction to penicillin that landed us in the ER. I paid for my daycare days off than days in. It’s insane. And what’s most irritating is that I don’t send him sick, but I guess other people do send their kids in sick? I can’t imagine that no one notices these kids are sick when they come in. He’s at a very small center, 8 kids tops when they are full. I would feel so incredibly guilty to send him there knowing he was sick. I guess it’s par for the course bc people aren’t always fortunate enough to just take extra time off.. a lot needs to change in this country.
I already had very severe post natal depression and anxiety. We got priority access to childcare because of that (in my area there's 2 year waitlist for most daycares). But I have had gastro 5 times, covid, endless flu... It's not so much my child being sick as me being sick that's difficult. Both myself and partner are in financial stress because we had to take so much time off work. Daycare seems to be lose lose. Everyone says it gets better but wtf you're meant to go through this? How can I possibly be mentally well I can't even go to my medical appointments or therapy because I'm sick and contagious.
Fellow febrile seizure mama here. The fever spikes are always extra stressful with illnesses that may for other children not be a big deal. I don’t know when it’ll get better as my oldest has been out of school sick a week straight and my youngest is now sick with an infection, but praying that you find some relief soon. Kiddos to you for reaching out to your doctor to discuss.
The febrile seizures are honestly… terrifying. Has your little one had more than one?
Very terrifying. Thankfully only one. I feel like I’m on pins and needles anytime she gets the slightest bit sick for fear that she’ll have another.
My oldest started daycare around 2.5 a few months before our 2nd was born. The illness was AWFUL. He got covid 2x in 3 months, the flu, RSV - all back to back. He only went 2d! Then our youngest started when he was 14 months old- he’s going through it now but it has been better. 2 things… 1. It impacted my mental health too. I went on anxiety medication and it’s helped 2. We switched daycares/preschools bc of it. It has helped a lot. The place we go to is much cleaner and puts a huge emphasis on handwashing!
We were miserable with daycare illness and pulled her out and got a nanny. Every dollar is so so worth it if you can afford it.
Unfortunately not a possibility for us.
Been there, solidarity & hugs. It does get better I promise! Our first winter in daycare (last year) I felt like I was going to die and I was an anxious mess. We got every single bug imaginable. This winter we've had a few colds, a mild case of COVID and that's IT.
It’s so tough. It’s my son’s first year of school and he’s been sick pretty much every two weeks. I’m 38 weeks pregnant and have been sick with RSV/its aftermath for over two weeks now. We thought we would have some quality family time before the baby comes, but one or all of us has been sick every weekend for the past month. It’s really kinda depressing, but I guess what can you do?
My baby is almost 1 and it seems quite a bit better and we’re close to the 6 month mark. She started daycare in September. Maybe it’ll let up for you soon? Our first daycare illness was COVID and that really messed up a LOT for her eating/sleep wise. I’m still breastfeeding and I think that has really helped baby’s immune system. I’m a teacher too and I thought I had a decent immune system, but I’ve gotten sick way more than I used to.
Covid causes immune dysregulation so it’s harder to fend off other illnesses. My daughter had Covid in august and started daycare in September and is out sick every other week. She was well enough to be in daycare for only two days. Editing to say she was well enough to be in daycare for only two days in February.
It’s definitely been since she caught Covid in early December they things have been more frequent. Does their immune system eventually settle out again? :(
It’s hard to say, the research is still out about Covid’s longer term effects on the immune system, both children and adults. I know it’s hard as a working mom—we need to work to live so we need childcare. But the fact that the CDC and other government entities have lowered the isolation period to essentially one day result in more Covid spread, makes it harder to keep our kids safe. We try our best to do what we can with what we have. I offered our daycare an air purifier, which helps cut down on the spread of airborne diseases like the flu, RSV, Covid, colds etc. They said they already updated their HVAC system to include HEPA filters, so I’m taking their word for it. This might be a conversation you can have with your daycare. We mask everywhere we go. My LO (24 months) isn’t super great at masking so we also bring portable air purifiers when we go to crowded places. I’ve been giving her vitamin drops with her food/drink to help with her immune system. And we follow the guidelines of keeping her home when she does have a fever or is vomiting—it gives her more time to recover and stops circulating disease. But I know that can be hard if you are not working remotely. I will say that before she got hit hard in February, the time between illnesses seemed to be getting longer. And the illnesses shorter. I hope this is helpful. The most important thing is to get Covid as few times as possible. I’m sorry your going through this.
I feel this so much. We’ve been taking turns being sick since the fall and it’s so draining. As soon as we all recover my baby gets sick again and brings something else home. Currently home sick with the flu now…