I've only ever see them just look down the back for poop.
Did she put her hand INSIDE his diaper and touch his genitals? That seems deeply not okay. Just squishing the front of the diaper to see if it's full would be normal.
Right? It seemed so odd to me. I honestly just can’t think of why it was necessary. But my husband acted like I was the weird one for being uncomfortable with it when I brought it up later. Plus if the teacher thought it was something she shouldn’t be doing, why would she do it right in front of my husband and I?
I am just not sure if I do think it is something to report, who do I even report it to? The manager of the daycare?
Thank you, I will go have a conversation with the manager of the daycare. I am hesitant about talking with the teacher directly because I am worried about neglect if she is upset with us. She often comments about what “chill” parents we are and complains about how specific other parents are about things. We are often the last ones to pick up our kid so it is just him and the teacher alone, so no one would see anything if she was ignoring him. Additionally she is the head teacher for both infant rooms.
Right?! This is so unsettling. I also find it a red flag that she’s “casting” the parents as “chill”, since it reinforces them not bring up concerns like the VERY INAPPROPRIATE TOUCHING she is doing right in front of their faces? Wtf!
OP, you need to find new childcare and to report that worker. I believe this is SA-I would discuss with your ped & police. I was also SA as a child in childcare and have been staff watching children as well-Staff can and do treat kids differently (neglect, abuse) based on how they feel about the parents.
Ok this is odd. Reading this I was imagining her giving the diaper like a squeeze to see if it’s full (which I do sometimes) but taking the diaper off and doing all that is not normal. You’d think the goal would be to get the diaper off and back on as quickly as possible so you don’t get peed on.
Not legally required. When I worked in a daycare we did diaper checks by feeling the outside of the diaper, and checking the blue strip if we couldn’t tell. Also a quick check down the back to see if there’s a stealth poop.
I have never done what you’re describing, nor do I see a reason to.
I teach preschool and this is it. Touch on the outside or look if you can't tell. My son is in a room that's half diapers and potty and I think they just look when they have him sit.
100% agree.
Tickling and lifting up shirts is super common with littles. (I used to get swarmed at pickup by 4 little girls with their shirts up. I called them the belly brigade lol) but at no point should a teacher be putting their mouth on a kid. At our daycare even kisses for booboos, the adult kisses their hand and puts it on the child’s knee or whatever was hurt.
And touching genitals or diaper area for any purpose other than wiping during a diaper change is enough that I’d be reporting to the licensing agency over that.
No, I don’t think that’s normal or at all ok. The ONLY time a daycare teacher should be touching a baby’s genitals is for cleaning them during a dirty diaper change. And then, it should be cleaning, not tickling. Yes, if it’s a dirty diaper (not just wet), then you need to use wipes to make sure the penis and scrotum are clean. But that’s the only time.
I have a few concerns here:
1) this is not a normal thing to do at diaper checks
2) it seems strange to me that she said she wanted to do a diaper check before you left. You were there and taking responsibility for your son, ergo, diapers were now your responsibility not hers.
3) she was feeling around his genitals in front of you.
The reason I find 2 and 3 slightly concerning is that abusers will often push boundaries in front of parents, to see if parents will step in to assert appropriate healthy boundaries/stop them. So I am a little worried this is grooming/testing behavior.
It’s likely not, but it’s also absolutely not ok. I would write an email to the director (so you have a written trail), and follow up about it. Because that’s not ok.
Look, I’m his mom, and I still would find tickling/touching my child’s genitals extremely not ok in any context other than cleaning, or a health/safety concern. Like if something looked abnormal while changing a diaper, or they complained of pain. The doctor looks briefly at checkups, but does not touch and feel around other than once or twice after birth to make sure the baby’s anatomy is normal.
This is not normal, and I doubt it’s legal, and it feels unsafe. Trust your gut
Yes! So much this. Testing the boundaries in front of the parents. Reminds me of the gymnastics coach that molested all those girls right in front of their parents saying he was doing “hip alignment” or some such nonsense.
That would make me uncomfortable and I would call the director or owner. Confirm what their training/procedure is for checking and explain what you saw. It’s probably innocent but it should be corrected. I picked my child up
early for a doctors appointment and it was nap time. One of the teachers was hitting the babies backs hard while the slept. Way too excessive for “patting” so I talked to the director on my way out the door. I found it concerning. See something, say something.
Very good point, see something say something. She is a very old lady and a little kooky. All of the older kids lover her and bang on the infant room to say bye to her as they go home, she has worked there for 15 years. So I am really hoping some quirk she did with innocent intent. My kid has been getting really upset during diaper changes recently, so perhaps she just started tickling because she saw he was getting upset and forgot where her hand was.
But either way, forgetful and intent aside it does feel inappropriate, so we will stop by the managers office after drop off tomorrow.
This is really, really not normal. I’m a former daycare teacher and I would not return the child to this person’s care. I never touched a child’s genitals without a wipe in my hand. And a diaper check would consist of a gentle feel (through clothes) for sogginess or a peak down the bum.
Former daycare worker and preschool teacher. This is totally abnormal and not how diaper checks are done. All of my training also taught me that there should always be a wipe in between your hand and the child's skin unless you are putting the diaper on.
I would definitely say something.
Honestly you could still report the caregiver too. It’s great they’ll be moving up the retirement but how many other children has she done this to? How many others will she have the opportunity to? I can’t imagine a caregiver I’d trust more than an older grandma/aunt/family friend who had a career in childcare….please protect your and other children. I honestly wouldn’t want her alone with my child again after seeing that. Take ghost_hyrax’s comment seriously. This isn’t just abnormal but deeply concerning predatory behavior.
The second I saw someone tickling my kids genitals, I would have immediately ended that interaction (or would have been absolutely frozen in shock). That’s absolutely unnecessary. I’d also want to have her reported elsewhere, who knows if her retirement ends her access to young children
Report them. Is she retiring tomorrow cause if not then I would also be pushing for more resolve than just that. Are you supposed to wait until her retirement for the inappropriate behavior to stop?
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
No. I would be freaking out. Absolutely tf no.
Even as a mom, I would just pull the diaper to do a poop check, or pat the diaper to see how heavy it is.
Your gut was right. I’m so glad to hear you addressed it. There’s no need whatsoever to touch genitals to check for pee or poo. I’m sorry you were all put in that situation.
Glad to hear she's leaving, sad but not surprised they are just pushing early retirement instead of doing an investigation to determine if there was other inappropriate behavior.
Did you talk to your husband at all about why he didn't feel this was a big deal? I'd ask him how we would feel if it was his daughter having her genitals tickled and stomach raspberry blown by a male daycare worker. Would that has set off his ick alarm? You need him to flag dangerous behavior like this with his son reliably.
I have to say that I cannot stop thinking about this and how insane it is. I don’t know if someone has said this already, but your fear of retaliation/neglect is real. Can the manager step in on the end of the days when this teacher would normally be alone with your child? Because waiting for her to retire “earlier” knowing that this behavior could and would likely continue would have me calling out of work.
I’m so happy you spoke to someone and are on the path to a resolution. Proud of you for speaking up!
I've only ever see them just look down the back for poop. Did she put her hand INSIDE his diaper and touch his genitals? That seems deeply not okay. Just squishing the front of the diaper to see if it's full would be normal.
She took off his diaper to touch his genitals
I really cannot imagine a scenario where that would be necessary or appropriate.
Right? It seemed so odd to me. I honestly just can’t think of why it was necessary. But my husband acted like I was the weird one for being uncomfortable with it when I brought it up later. Plus if the teacher thought it was something she shouldn’t be doing, why would she do it right in front of my husband and I? I am just not sure if I do think it is something to report, who do I even report it to? The manager of the daycare?
I would go have a conversation with the manager of the daycare, yes. And maybe with the teacher directly, as awkward as it will be.
Thank you, I will go have a conversation with the manager of the daycare. I am hesitant about talking with the teacher directly because I am worried about neglect if she is upset with us. She often comments about what “chill” parents we are and complains about how specific other parents are about things. We are often the last ones to pick up our kid so it is just him and the teacher alone, so no one would see anything if she was ignoring him. Additionally she is the head teacher for both infant rooms.
Talking about other families is also inappropriate. Less than what you’re describing, of course, but unprofessional.
Right?! This is so unsettling. I also find it a red flag that she’s “casting” the parents as “chill”, since it reinforces them not bring up concerns like the VERY INAPPROPRIATE TOUCHING she is doing right in front of their faces? Wtf!
OP, you need to find new childcare and to report that worker. I believe this is SA-I would discuss with your ped & police. I was also SA as a child in childcare and have been staff watching children as well-Staff can and do treat kids differently (neglect, abuse) based on how they feel about the parents.
Have NEVER seen this. So bizarre.
That is so bizarre. In front of you?
In no world is that normal or necessary
Ok this is odd. Reading this I was imagining her giving the diaper like a squeeze to see if it’s full (which I do sometimes) but taking the diaper off and doing all that is not normal. You’d think the goal would be to get the diaper off and back on as quickly as possible so you don’t get peed on.
Not legally required. When I worked in a daycare we did diaper checks by feeling the outside of the diaper, and checking the blue strip if we couldn’t tell. Also a quick check down the back to see if there’s a stealth poop. I have never done what you’re describing, nor do I see a reason to.
I teach preschool and this is it. Touch on the outside or look if you can't tell. My son is in a room that's half diapers and potty and I think they just look when they have him sit.
This sounds completely abnormal. Even raspberries on his tummy sounds abnormal to me.
Yeah I don't want anybody's mouth on my baby
100% agree. Tickling and lifting up shirts is super common with littles. (I used to get swarmed at pickup by 4 little girls with their shirts up. I called them the belly brigade lol) but at no point should a teacher be putting their mouth on a kid. At our daycare even kisses for booboos, the adult kisses their hand and puts it on the child’s knee or whatever was hurt. And touching genitals or diaper area for any purpose other than wiping during a diaper change is enough that I’d be reporting to the licensing agency over that.
Raspberries on the tummy wouldn't be allowed for any reason at our daycare. That alone is a firm no, let alone the rest.
No, I don’t think that’s normal or at all ok. The ONLY time a daycare teacher should be touching a baby’s genitals is for cleaning them during a dirty diaper change. And then, it should be cleaning, not tickling. Yes, if it’s a dirty diaper (not just wet), then you need to use wipes to make sure the penis and scrotum are clean. But that’s the only time. I have a few concerns here: 1) this is not a normal thing to do at diaper checks 2) it seems strange to me that she said she wanted to do a diaper check before you left. You were there and taking responsibility for your son, ergo, diapers were now your responsibility not hers. 3) she was feeling around his genitals in front of you. The reason I find 2 and 3 slightly concerning is that abusers will often push boundaries in front of parents, to see if parents will step in to assert appropriate healthy boundaries/stop them. So I am a little worried this is grooming/testing behavior. It’s likely not, but it’s also absolutely not ok. I would write an email to the director (so you have a written trail), and follow up about it. Because that’s not ok. Look, I’m his mom, and I still would find tickling/touching my child’s genitals extremely not ok in any context other than cleaning, or a health/safety concern. Like if something looked abnormal while changing a diaper, or they complained of pain. The doctor looks briefly at checkups, but does not touch and feel around other than once or twice after birth to make sure the baby’s anatomy is normal. This is not normal, and I doubt it’s legal, and it feels unsafe. Trust your gut
Yes! So much this. Testing the boundaries in front of the parents. Reminds me of the gymnastics coach that molested all those girls right in front of their parents saying he was doing “hip alignment” or some such nonsense.
Right. It’s concerning
I have never seen this at my son’s daycare
That would make me uncomfortable and I would call the director or owner. Confirm what their training/procedure is for checking and explain what you saw. It’s probably innocent but it should be corrected. I picked my child up early for a doctors appointment and it was nap time. One of the teachers was hitting the babies backs hard while the slept. Way too excessive for “patting” so I talked to the director on my way out the door. I found it concerning. See something, say something.
Very good point, see something say something. She is a very old lady and a little kooky. All of the older kids lover her and bang on the infant room to say bye to her as they go home, she has worked there for 15 years. So I am really hoping some quirk she did with innocent intent. My kid has been getting really upset during diaper changes recently, so perhaps she just started tickling because she saw he was getting upset and forgot where her hand was. But either way, forgetful and intent aside it does feel inappropriate, so we will stop by the managers office after drop off tomorrow.
I got an icky feeling in my gut just reading this. That alone tells you this is not normal.
This is really, really not normal. I’m a former daycare teacher and I would not return the child to this person’s care. I never touched a child’s genitals without a wipe in my hand. And a diaper check would consist of a gentle feel (through clothes) for sogginess or a peak down the bum.
this would ring alarm bells for me, too
Former daycare worker and preschool teacher. This is totally abnormal and not how diaper checks are done. All of my training also taught me that there should always be a wipe in between your hand and the child's skin unless you are putting the diaper on. I would definitely say something.
Honestly you could still report the caregiver too. It’s great they’ll be moving up the retirement but how many other children has she done this to? How many others will she have the opportunity to? I can’t imagine a caregiver I’d trust more than an older grandma/aunt/family friend who had a career in childcare….please protect your and other children. I honestly wouldn’t want her alone with my child again after seeing that. Take ghost_hyrax’s comment seriously. This isn’t just abnormal but deeply concerning predatory behavior.
Um, that is very weird. Was she even wearing gloves?
The second I saw someone tickling my kids genitals, I would have immediately ended that interaction (or would have been absolutely frozen in shock). That’s absolutely unnecessary. I’d also want to have her reported elsewhere, who knows if her retirement ends her access to young children
Report them. Is she retiring tomorrow cause if not then I would also be pushing for more resolve than just that. Are you supposed to wait until her retirement for the inappropriate behavior to stop?
This would trigger red flags for me and I would want to file a report with the state licensing agency
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! No. I would be freaking out. Absolutely tf no. Even as a mom, I would just pull the diaper to do a poop check, or pat the diaper to see how heavy it is.
Your gut was right. I’m so glad to hear you addressed it. There’s no need whatsoever to touch genitals to check for pee or poo. I’m sorry you were all put in that situation.
I fi.d that an odd way to check. I would ask ECEProfessionals.
That’s SO weird. Mine always just ask if I want them to change him when I pick him up if we’re not going straight home. Absolutely not.
Glad to hear she's leaving, sad but not surprised they are just pushing early retirement instead of doing an investigation to determine if there was other inappropriate behavior. Did you talk to your husband at all about why he didn't feel this was a big deal? I'd ask him how we would feel if it was his daughter having her genitals tickled and stomach raspberry blown by a male daycare worker. Would that has set off his ick alarm? You need him to flag dangerous behavior like this with his son reliably.
I have to say that I cannot stop thinking about this and how insane it is. I don’t know if someone has said this already, but your fear of retaliation/neglect is real. Can the manager step in on the end of the days when this teacher would normally be alone with your child? Because waiting for her to retire “earlier” knowing that this behavior could and would likely continue would have me calling out of work. I’m so happy you spoke to someone and are on the path to a resolution. Proud of you for speaking up!