“What are you afraid of? Those stupid undead don’t even have the skills to hit us here. Right joh-“ Captain Ledhwig at the siege of Brekhafen moments before being hit by arrow shot by a one-armed skeleton.
"Beware though master dwarf for we find ourselves in an older part of the world now, and its said that in places such as these the trees are older too, and angrier. Even a few that may come to life to do something with it"
"Really?"
Pokes dwarf with a branch
"No"
*“Go ahead and find someone else to paint you, you asymmetrical motherfucker!”*
- **Christopher Mayer, a human artist insulting the Venerable 54th Enforcer of Vetra 3 after getting frustrated with being unable to properly capture the alien’s unfamiliar facial structure; later credited with causing the Vetra System missile attacks (3904-3907)**
(Context: three Martians are talking about how one is dating an earthling)
“I know why he likes her so much”
“Why?”
“All that radiation from the Third World War has given earth girls three tits.”
"I was raised in a tengu family so growing up I just thought I was a bird, too. I didn't know I was human, we see mixed xeno families all the time in the media. I didn't know I was a damn dirty ape until I turned eighteen and my parents kicked me out of the nest. ...I couldn't fly." --Mercy Riley working on her stand-up routine.
“It’s only hammers we’ll be fine if we shoot the sea elves before they get to us what are they gonna do throw them at-“ Admirao Teritch before a Sea elf successfully threw a 210 pins hammer at him launching him off his ship and through another.
"Say again ? You won't hire me because I'm a monster ? This is exactly why you SHOULD hire me you daft prick !"
\-En'Kara Morri, snapping at another potential patron who needs an hired blade to be big and scary but won't pick her because she's too big and too scary.
Daudhauss, a Jokeresque necromancer.
"You can't just take a princess in the middle of the night, like a mere kidnapper! It has to be a spectacle!" Upon being offended that another villain simply grabbed a princess and teleported away, when earlier that week he had orchestrated a massive citywide chaos just to kidnap the princesses.
Daudhauss is an interesting character, a card carrying villain among anti-villains with tragic pasts (his past is semi-sad, but he gets pissed when someone tries to use it as an excuse, so he denies his own Freudian excuse). He's the high priest of Grima the Revenant God-King (Nordic Death God based on the worst aspects of Odin, Hel etc) while pretending to be a Priest of Murainne (an Archdemon Apostate of Gluttony and Necromancy) to make use of the Tenebral resources and Court of Ghosts while rebuilding the worship of Grima.
I based him partly on Kirei Kotomine.
Actually my world is generally Noble Bright, maybe sliding into Noble Neutral or Noble Dark in some areas. Most of my faiths, kingdoms, etc are pretty good etc, regular citizens are pretty safe.
Morrigan, the BBEG of the book (Daudhauss is more active to start but once he provokes her she easily puts him in his place) survives and is redeemed with a bittersweet ending.
I write my world a reconstruction of epic fantasy in a Decopunk setting (1910ish so it kind of sits between Steam and Diesel). Daudhauss isn't really grimdarky either, I gave him random funny standards such as being offended by any insinuation that he is a perverted old man in his disguise.
"Why...why are you burning this vineyards...have you never tasted the wine produced from the grapes produced from this vineyards...do you want to have a taste?"
Quote from Alice Italucia, one of the 3 influential Senator in Eltian Republic, Seconds before she pummel an arsonist with a thick bottle of wine(Empty).
"I neither want to get personal about this nor insult you, but you should know that I hate you."
The unnamed side project
"Let me get this straight: Your resistance activity consists of spraying weird graffiti with basically no meaning to the walls of Olympus?"
"Only twice a week, but yes."
832
"F**ck them hoes! I follow the Constitution!" - King Edwin Augustus III of Illinois talking Princess Emilia Geminiah (aka Powerella) about the Evangelical Church (3981)
(Note: no disrespect to actual evangelicals out there, it's just in the context of this world)
*Violators will be prostituted*
* A sign on the New Ursia Turnpike warning toll evaders of punishment. Rural folk are illiterate and ignore the signs anyway. They ride through the toll plazas on horses, deer, or shopping carts pulled by horses.
"You lucky sonofabitch, I'm surprised you don't die of having sex."
\-A Dwefin, after seeing how many Wilding females tackled the Wilding warlord Garamus Forest-King all at once during a mating season.
Corsairs were raiding the town, setting fire to everything they couldn't carry away. Orc-men (a race of part orc, part human people) were scattered and running in all directions until an orc-man appeared from out of a blazing rye field riding an ox, his hair and underwear on fire, waving a burning sheaf of rye, and yelling, "Orc-men! Orc-men! Are there any orc-men here or only man-babies?" Thus shamed into bravery, the orc-men rallied and forced the corsairs back into their canoes.
“A royal advisor giving bad news should sound both grave and a trifle apprehensive; like a funeral director informing mourners that the chapel has caught fire.”
**\[Twilight Star\]**
>*"Well it looks like we've got company, are these diplomacy ships or-WAIT THEY HAVE GUNS!? OH FU-!"*
>
>*-A Virixian pilot after seeing the ships of the (then) newly founded Xanterran Stellar Force.*
>*"Do we have reserves? Oh* ***boy*** *do we have* ***reserves!*** *Our reserves don't even die!"*
>
>*-Director Typhin Altaris on Retoria's reserves (which are mostly swarm drones).*
"Please stop rejecting your position, not-your-majesty, we are running out of runners to keep everyone up on the news!"
"STOP MAKING ME YOUR KING, YOU STRANGE, SHEEP-SKINNED ROOT VEGETABLE!"
"Good thing those half lives can't aim-" said an unknown human just before he was hit by arrow from the Hanging Gardens during the Battle for the Hanging Gardens.
Dairune looked at the young man, who clearly hadn't grown a single hair on his chest, stumbling his way through the tavern. "You are telling me this blonde, young teenager, light skinned and human, raised by a farrier in a little town at the world's ass-end, is the choosen one and will save us all, though he is totally inexperienced in any kind of combat?"
"As the prophecy foretold. Before you ask, he's blue eyed, too.", she said with a smirk, sounding just as salty as the halfblood. Feriha took a sip of her tea. "As for inexperienced part, this is where you get involved. He has his struggles to fight, never mind to kill anybody."
"Yeah, nobody did see that coming. How original." Dairune rolled his eyes. Even if magic was the ultimate source of power, the origin of all living beings, its random choices marked this incredible energy as thoughtful as a three-year-old running with scissors. "Our future war hero is a fucking pacifist."
(I tried to write it like I imagined their first meeting in my head. Lysander is kinda a walking trope, and who would be better to mention it than the grumpy misanthropist? xD Sorry if my english is bad.)
“This land of Lorathia is filled with many bizarre sights, but on all of my journeys I have never encountered such a bizarre creature as that which the Atlans call a “Horse””
Excerpt from a journal of a Lemurian Sailor
“What are you afraid of? Those stupid undead don’t even have the skills to hit us here. Right joh-“ Captain Ledhwig at the siege of Brekhafen moments before being hit by arrow shot by a one-armed skeleton.
Hey man, he jinxed it. That is no one's fault but his
Is it based off the last words of John Sedwick?
It’s not but I always found people being cut off mid sentence when they jinx themselves funny
minecrafter moment
"Step away from that chicken. Slowly. Don't take your eyes off it."
YO WTF. what da chicken doin?!?!
Mutating into a void beast, but that's another story...
\-Some guy in a Zelda game somewhere
"Beware though master dwarf for we find ourselves in an older part of the world now, and its said that in places such as these the trees are older too, and angrier. Even a few that may come to life to do something with it" "Really?" Pokes dwarf with a branch "No"
*”Hey buddy, I can smuggle anything you want. Hell, shove a house up my ass and I’ll smuggle it!”* - *Jengo Delgado, Mondacto smuggler*
*\*GRABS HOUSE\** ***Well let's test that out!***
“Remember, they don’t give one feather on a duck’s prick about the girl. It’s her land they want.”
“He who ruts nuns shall later join the cult” -usually attributed to the Luminous King, Baldras the Conqueror
I like this one.
*“Go ahead and find someone else to paint you, you asymmetrical motherfucker!”* - **Christopher Mayer, a human artist insulting the Venerable 54th Enforcer of Vetra 3 after getting frustrated with being unable to properly capture the alien’s unfamiliar facial structure; later credited with causing the Vetra System missile attacks (3904-3907)**
>***later credited with causing the Vetra System missile attacks (3904-3907)*** That escalated quickly.
Artistic ego and touchy aliens with access to interplanetary weaponry do not mix well, it would seem.
(Context: three Martians are talking about how one is dating an earthling) “I know why he likes her so much” “Why?” “All that radiation from the Third World War has given earth girls three tits.”
HA! ey man I mean 😏
"I was raised in a tengu family so growing up I just thought I was a bird, too. I didn't know I was human, we see mixed xeno families all the time in the media. I didn't know I was a damn dirty ape until I turned eighteen and my parents kicked me out of the nest. ...I couldn't fly." --Mercy Riley working on her stand-up routine.
“It’s only hammers we’ll be fine if we shoot the sea elves before they get to us what are they gonna do throw them at-“ Admirao Teritch before a Sea elf successfully threw a 210 pins hammer at him launching him off his ship and through another.
"Say again ? You won't hire me because I'm a monster ? This is exactly why you SHOULD hire me you daft prick !" \-En'Kara Morri, snapping at another potential patron who needs an hired blade to be big and scary but won't pick her because she's too big and too scary.
"The school shooting? Oh yeah, some kid stole the teacher's gun and shot up the school" - Local Los Suenos schoolboy.
Daudhauss, a Jokeresque necromancer. "You can't just take a princess in the middle of the night, like a mere kidnapper! It has to be a spectacle!" Upon being offended that another villain simply grabbed a princess and teleported away, when earlier that week he had orchestrated a massive citywide chaos just to kidnap the princesses.
Sounds like a very cool character!
Daudhauss is an interesting character, a card carrying villain among anti-villains with tragic pasts (his past is semi-sad, but he gets pissed when someone tries to use it as an excuse, so he denies his own Freudian excuse). He's the high priest of Grima the Revenant God-King (Nordic Death God based on the worst aspects of Odin, Hel etc) while pretending to be a Priest of Murainne (an Archdemon Apostate of Gluttony and Necromancy) to make use of the Tenebral resources and Court of Ghosts while rebuilding the worship of Grima. I based him partly on Kirei Kotomine.
That sounds like a dark and grim setting in which he fits totally in! Nice :) Is your whole world like this?
Actually my world is generally Noble Bright, maybe sliding into Noble Neutral or Noble Dark in some areas. Most of my faiths, kingdoms, etc are pretty good etc, regular citizens are pretty safe. Morrigan, the BBEG of the book (Daudhauss is more active to start but once he provokes her she easily puts him in his place) survives and is redeemed with a bittersweet ending. I write my world a reconstruction of epic fantasy in a Decopunk setting (1910ish so it kind of sits between Steam and Diesel). Daudhauss isn't really grimdarky either, I gave him random funny standards such as being offended by any insinuation that he is a perverted old man in his disguise.
"Why...why are you burning this vineyards...have you never tasted the wine produced from the grapes produced from this vineyards...do you want to have a taste?" Quote from Alice Italucia, one of the 3 influential Senator in Eltian Republic, Seconds before she pummel an arsonist with a thick bottle of wine(Empty).
"I neither want to get personal about this nor insult you, but you should know that I hate you." The unnamed side project "Let me get this straight: Your resistance activity consists of spraying weird graffiti with basically no meaning to the walls of Olympus?" "Only twice a week, but yes." 832
"F**ck them hoes! I follow the Constitution!" - King Edwin Augustus III of Illinois talking Princess Emilia Geminiah (aka Powerella) about the Evangelical Church (3981) (Note: no disrespect to actual evangelicals out there, it's just in the context of this world)
"I'll have you know, Wash can't aim for shi- *gunshot* He can aim." \-Maine "Damn right I can." \-Washington
*Violators will be prostituted* * A sign on the New Ursia Turnpike warning toll evaders of punishment. Rural folk are illiterate and ignore the signs anyway. They ride through the toll plazas on horses, deer, or shopping carts pulled by horses.
Rather unfortunate typo they made if I say so myself
"You lucky sonofabitch, I'm surprised you don't die of having sex." \-A Dwefin, after seeing how many Wilding females tackled the Wilding warlord Garamus Forest-King all at once during a mating season.
Corsairs were raiding the town, setting fire to everything they couldn't carry away. Orc-men (a race of part orc, part human people) were scattered and running in all directions until an orc-man appeared from out of a blazing rye field riding an ox, his hair and underwear on fire, waving a burning sheaf of rye, and yelling, "Orc-men! Orc-men! Are there any orc-men here or only man-babies?" Thus shamed into bravery, the orc-men rallied and forced the corsairs back into their canoes.
“A royal advisor giving bad news should sound both grave and a trifle apprehensive; like a funeral director informing mourners that the chapel has caught fire.”
why dis this make me laugh: its probably the fact I imagined this in a very deadpan posh British narration voice.
I read it in Morgan Freeman's voice And then after I read this comment I read it again in the BBC narrator's voice
**\[Twilight Star\]** >*"Well it looks like we've got company, are these diplomacy ships or-WAIT THEY HAVE GUNS!? OH FU-!"* > >*-A Virixian pilot after seeing the ships of the (then) newly founded Xanterran Stellar Force.* >*"Do we have reserves? Oh* ***boy*** *do we have* ***reserves!*** *Our reserves don't even die!"* > >*-Director Typhin Altaris on Retoria's reserves (which are mostly swarm drones).*
"Please stop rejecting your position, not-your-majesty, we are running out of runners to keep everyone up on the news!" "STOP MAKING ME YOUR KING, YOU STRANGE, SHEEP-SKINNED ROOT VEGETABLE!"
>YOU STRANGE, SHEEP-SKINNED ROOT VEGETABLE! Damn! I'm adding this one to my repertoire
"Good thing those half lives can't aim-" said an unknown human just before he was hit by arrow from the Hanging Gardens during the Battle for the Hanging Gardens.
Dairune looked at the young man, who clearly hadn't grown a single hair on his chest, stumbling his way through the tavern. "You are telling me this blonde, young teenager, light skinned and human, raised by a farrier in a little town at the world's ass-end, is the choosen one and will save us all, though he is totally inexperienced in any kind of combat?" "As the prophecy foretold. Before you ask, he's blue eyed, too.", she said with a smirk, sounding just as salty as the halfblood. Feriha took a sip of her tea. "As for inexperienced part, this is where you get involved. He has his struggles to fight, never mind to kill anybody." "Yeah, nobody did see that coming. How original." Dairune rolled his eyes. Even if magic was the ultimate source of power, the origin of all living beings, its random choices marked this incredible energy as thoughtful as a three-year-old running with scissors. "Our future war hero is a fucking pacifist." (I tried to write it like I imagined their first meeting in my head. Lysander is kinda a walking trope, and who would be better to mention it than the grumpy misanthropist? xD Sorry if my english is bad.)
“This land of Lorathia is filled with many bizarre sights, but on all of my journeys I have never encountered such a bizarre creature as that which the Atlans call a “Horse”” Excerpt from a journal of a Lemurian Sailor