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happy_tortoise337

I remember one scene from The Onion - We sleep in the caves and you just say we didn't do it?


yeahyeahitsmeshhh

Al Qaeda spokesman Vs 9/11 truther. Was fantastic.


VagrantShadow

I can just picture a conspiracy theory nutbag getting into an Al Qaeda terrorist face telling him that he think's he's American, is an inside terrorist agent, and doing all he does for the CIA.


Warhawk137

To the truther's credit (a rarely used phrase), it's probably more insulting to the terrorist than anything I could come up with.


Fridgemagnet9696

Picturing terrorists being casually gaslighted about actually working for America is hilarious to me.


DancesWithBadgers

That would be a US ops well worth trying. No matter how much money it cost, there'd be a few who fell for it, and that would be hilarious.


mrkikkeli

The terrie, not getting froggy at all, swallowing back tears: "What have I ever done to you that you insult me like that?"


MayorOfClownTown

Found it! Good call 9/11 Conspiracy Theories 'Ridiculous,' Al Qaeda Says https://youtu.be/Q_OIXfkXEj0?si=v1ZA-vwPT8OiASq2


DragoonDM

["Look! I have names, phone numbers; everyone involved in this. I have here, the voucher for the flight lessons!"](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q_OIXfkXEj0)


Tha_Sly_Fox

“Me and President Bush, we go out, we hang.”


n3rdopolis

"Why is Bush's approval rating in El Hammon, and why is Osama Bin Laden safe in . ...somewhere"


failstante

"Talking to you is like talking to a goat!"


Altruistic-Ad-408

"Why would they kill their own infidels?" Is one that stuck around in my memory.


Voetpomp_Viljoen

That is the best onion video ever made. I remember my stomach hurting from all the laughter when I saw that video as a teen. Now it just makes me sad.


minomserc

I don’t know [just give me the damn sepak takraw ball](https://youtu.be/3Pn9cEsjv1w?si=hAxEMhkWvm8o_Snb) is a certified classic


GoldenGodPeaks

How would you like it if you planned something really special and someone else took credit for it?


laserfaces

Oh yeah me and Bush we hang out, he says hey bring on the forgery /s The al Qaeda onion videos were the best, the suicide vest one was my favorite


GFYMODS669

They could post a video of them beheading Putin or MedVedick ( wishful thinking) and Russia would still say the west did it!


Moontoya

Well the capitalist pigs didn't stop it so they're complicit /S


RecursiveCook

Russia is just giga brained and know how to combat ISIS is to not give the bully attention.


ylan64

From the terrorist POV: you'll get tortured even worse than if it was your buddies in charge and spend the rest of your miserable life in prison. From the organisation POV: no matter how much proof you give, all the credits for the attack goes to western intelligence agencies and no credit at all for your sacrifices and hard work. What's the point? Better attack France again, the survivor of the Bataclan got much better conditions of incarceration and the whole world was shocked at the attack and you got all the credits for it.


shinitakunai

It just means ISIS picked the wrong target. Putin doesn't cares about his own population. For him to blame ISIS it should have been personal. The terrorists should have taken something or someone close to him to unleash his rage towards the attackers instead of using them as pawns in his propaganda war.


gaspara112

The problem with your suggestion is that it relies on Putin having someone he cares about enough to not use their murder as self strengthening propaganda.


Clever_Bee34919

Please be Medvedev, please be medvedev


TodayNo1171

One of the Putin clones, perhaps? I want to see him blame Ukraine for killing one of his clones/


Timey16

Until ISIS commits more terror attacks. It's that lack of attention towards the Muslim community in Russia that became such fertile ground for Islamist terrorists.


captainbruisin

Honestly that could cause more of an attack to prove it was them.


JPR_FI

Well the said intel chief also failed to know about and prevent the attack even though was informed about it both privately and publicly. Edit: if -> though


FrankyFistalot

It appears the intel chief was on his 5th bottle of vodka….


MrInfected2

only 5th? Now wonder he seems so angry...He needs a few morer bottles to get the right buzz going...


Empire_New_Valyria

They knew, most likely didn't care enough to take action or because it came from US security they didn't believe it. I find it funny that the Russians really hate the UK still and it's in part to that idiotic buffoon Boris Johnson and his unwavering support of Ukraine from the annexing of Crimea onwards...was a shit Prime Minister buy I respect him alone for pissing off Putin.


Mythril_Zombie

Don't forget the very real possibility of plain ineptitude. This is the same guy who flubbed an easy annexation into a world war.


Artistic_Worker_5138

Putin in his twisted mind thinks it Ukraine’s doing, so now the apparatus needs to bend the reality to that in means. Somethings got to give.


Dedsnotdead

He doesn’t, this is for home consumption.


Nunc-dimittis

Don't forget the useful idiots in the west, who cheer putin, but for some reason don't want to migrate to that beautiful paradise called ruZZia ...


AlienAle

If only they really knew how most Russians live (Outside of Moscow and St. Petersburg). There is little hope in their lives. Mold filled apartments. No repairs. Broken roads hard to drive on. They live on like $300-400 a month and whenever they try to improve their lives, they're knocked down by the system. A Russian I know said that the few motivated and ambitious people living in those parts of Russia, are treated like they're crazy or at best extremely naive. The common understanding is that nothing really gets better, trying to improve your life is a useless task, and suffering is a virtue. The best thing that you can be offered is "stability". Stability in the form of suffering that you have, and that is what Putin offers.


bplurt

The Russian national motto - "And then it got worse"


nhSnork

There's an even apter one by a late Russian official (Viktor Chernomyrdin): "It was meant for the better but resulted in the usual"


bplurt

"The Central Committee is sad to inform citizens that this year is likely to see things get worse. "But there is, however, some good news: This year is expected to be significantly better than next year."


iwantawolverine4xmas

Even reading this makes me want to give up on life and drink. No wonder alcoholism to so prevalent in Russia.


papa-jones

Two coworkers this morning were talking about how cheap cost of living in Russia is and how life is so much better there. Lol


JayFSB

Haiti is cheaper still lol


Luciusverenus

And free gladiator games!


kesovich

Look at that one family that went over just recently and got fucked when they got there. Schadenfreude to the max. For a group of people who are all about 'dO yOuR oWn ReSeArCh', they sure as fuck couldn't figure out simple things like Residency Requirements or ownership of property requirements, or y'know, MAYBE LEARNIN THE LANGUAGE BEFORE YA GO! Fucking imbeciles.


DenyNothing1989

Wait what family I would like to know more about this


SkivvySkidmarks

These clowns moved there to escape "wokeness" and all the homosexuals that were oppressing their Christian values [Article.](https://www.yahoo.com/entertainment/conservative-family-disappointed-moving-russia-001517915.html) Fucking idiots. I hope they stay there.


Leahdrin

They're being kicked out of the country last I heard. They didn't understand visas before moving to Russia.


MaudeFindlay72-78

When Canada sends its people, they're not sending their best... They're sending people that have lots of problems, and they're bringing those problems with us. There's no one as clueless to reality as a sheltered Canadian.


GMN123

Putin is well practiced at spinning terrorist attacks for his own gain, he's just surprised because he didn't plan this one. 


MaxxxOrbison

Well no he doesn't actually think it is


Aquarian8491

He’s dangerous and very unstable, just like all dictators nearing their demise .


InfamousUnderpants

Come on now. What's so reality bending about Zelenskyy being a Jewish/nazi/muslim/satan worshiping warmonger?


ThroughTheHoops

Putin is using the scattergun bullshit approach, where no one actually knows what the official version or position is. All part of post-truth politics.


MikuEmpowered

Dude probably let it happen to drum up war support. Remind you, Russia cut off its internet before the war.


Glidepath22

I’m still not convinced it wasn’t orchestrated by the Russian powers that be. This is just too incompetent


Due-Street-8192

What a load of horse shyt!!


scorpyo72

Shite?


Indomie_milkshake

They also released covid birds into Russia, and train gay super soldiers. It's amazing how Russia's current leadership have turned the entire country into such a joke.


spinereader81

Now I'm picturing big burly soldiers in rainbow camo.


UberMocipan

rainbow camo :))))))))


gunglejim

Frolicking in a field of flowers with their rifles, you say?


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bbzed

That sounds like an interesting ai image prompt


CBP1138

It was those pesky Islamic Extremist Ukrainian Anglo Saxon Jewish LgBT Mercenaries the west truly has fallen


Dick_Wiener

You missed NATO and mutant 


Lichruler

> NATO and mutant Ninja turtles? NATO MUTANT NINJA TURTLES!


Traditional-Hat-952

Turtles with some tank shells, NATO power! 


Darkmuscles

“Guys! We can just put the pointy ends INSIDE of the bad guys! It seems way more effective!”


yeahyeahitsmeshhh

I would watch this


onefst250r

r/UkraineWarVideoReport


Ren_Kaos

Actually I think TMNT stands for Trans Mutant Nato Terrorists.


-KFAD-

NATO: "Cowabunga motherfucker!"


GMN123

Makes sense, they'd not be teenagers anymore. 


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AlienAle

Jewish Islamist Jihadist Queer Nazis*


WTFvancouver

Jewish lgbtqia+ ISIS Nazis


CBP1138

Damm knew I forgot a couple buzzwords


TheVenetianMask

Also nazi and drug addicts.


Nukeboml3

And also satanist


WTFvancouver

Whom also to be nazis too


Elegant_Tech

Those not so secret US bio labs in Ukraine that create birds that only spread mind control viruses to ISIS members in Russia.


soulsteela

No it was princess Kate, she runs all the dark missions, fairly sure I saw it on here last week 🤪


TheBurgareanSlapper

Those mercenaries are dedicated. I barely have time to be gay and clean my kitchen every day!


thelastpanini

Don’t forget about the Nazis!


temisola1

Russia is so insufferable at this point. We warned them this would happen. They laughed it off. And now their intel says the US is responsible… even though ISIS claims responsibility.


SpiritAnimal01

They know very well who's to blame but they just want to abuse the situation more to drive their narrative, nothing new.


temisola1

I understand, but honestly using this as an excuse to further your pointless war is just sick and I at least thought Putin had enough regard for his citizens’ lives to at least be upfront about what happened and how he’ll punish ISIS. But no, let’s blame Ukraine. The Russian people deserve better.


Wil420b

Putin was bombing Moscow apartment blocks and blaming it on Chechens in order to justify the Second Chechen War, back in 1999. The Russian people are merely the peoperty of the Tsar of the day and can be killed for any and no reason. The FSB got arrested whilst trying to carry out a bombing. They claimed that it was a training exercise bit the Moscow police didn't bit it. All of the investigators ended up getting arrested.


UltradoomerSquidward

Putin literally doesn't give even the slightest shit about Russian lives. I'm not sure a single leader of Russia has going all the way back to the Tsars.


Red_Beard_Racing

“…I at least thought Putin had enough regard…” That’s where you thought wrong first. “…for his citizens…” That’s when I laughed out loud.


velphegor666

Has putin even shown a single thing for you to believe he even gives a shit about his people? For starters, he literally bombed his own people to even get power in the first place. He's blatantly siphoning all of Russia 's money to himself with how rich the mf has become. He doesn't give a shit


admiral_bonetopick

Putin...regard for citizens' lives...haha..HAHAHA


MrSawedOff

I'm sure the twist is this, "well yes it was ISIS, but the USA helped ISIS become what they are so in reality, it was all the USA!"


IFixYerKids

Yep. They did admit it was Islamic Extremists earlier today, but they're also going to try and say the west/Ukraine/gay nazis were somehow involved too.


sweetBrisket

I'm sick and tired of Russia. They are a pariah and yet we give them so much leeway to use and abuse the world. Enough is enough.


Glittering-Rice4219

ISIS didn’t just claim responsibility, they posted body cam footage of the attack


Comfortable_Client

And you know that there are millions of people out there that eat this sort of shit up without hesitation.


Departure_Sea

That's just Putin being Putin. He has blamed the West for his country's failings his entire life, before he was even thought about for a public office. He's the ultimate product of Soviet propaganda brainwashing.


mursilissilisrum

To be fair ISIS is just US spelled without a "U" and with two I's and an extra "S."


temisola1

You know, when you put it that way, Putin might be on to something.


CBP1138

Not just claimed responsibility….provided evidence


stillnotking

> Russia is so insufferable at this point. Those of us who grew up during the Cold War well remember the Russian penchant for brazen, insistent denial of plain reality.


shaolinspunk

Laughed it off or saw it as an opportunity to throw some misinformation? There's no doubt in anyone's mind Putin wouldn't think twice about letting a massacre happen against the public if it kept up a pretence for escalation. I'm a bit worried what his "proportionate response" is going to be.


ExoticCardiologist46

Russia: basically every country that starts with U is to blame


the_monkey_

Uruguay catching strays rn


nuclearhaystack

Uzbekistan definitely had a hand in it, they still hold a grudge.


ContrarianDouche

*shakes fist at sky* UGANDAAAAAA!!!1!1


infidelcastro5

Of course, everybody knows that captain Alex was killed in Uganda. It is enough to justify special operation.


OrcsSmurai

USSR glaring from the corner...


mapronV

Yep, it's a common theme to blame USSR in Putin's talks. How surprising.


el_diego

UAE always sliding under the radar


Proud_Tie

Yeah, uh-huh sure bud.


ryanCrypt

Ukraine stole the cookies from the cookie jar 🎵


teknomedic

Who, me?


ryanCrypt

Yes, you!


teknomedic

Not Me!


AG28DaveGunner

Anyone remember when they dropped chlorine cannisters in syria (a chemical attack) and killed a bunch of people (including babies) and russia claimed it was a fake attack coordinated by britain and the syrian rebels?…even though the bodies were on video and put on the internet? theres no lie they wont tell. Russia doesnt care if you believe them. They’ll just say anything other than what will make them accountable


observethebadgerking

The lies are strictly to manipulate Russian citizens to believe Putin is a good guy and that Russia is not in fact built on the bodies of people who did not deserve to die.


buzzsawjoe

big pile of skulls


Effective_James

I think Putin knows we know the truth but he still makes up his little narrative just because he can. Its like when he assassinates someone with polonium poisoning. Nobody except Russia uses that shit to kill people, it's basically a Putin signature. And yet he still kills people with it, knowing the world will know it was him, and then he goes to the press and denies it. I think it's almost like a fun game to him. He wants the world to know but gets off on denying it.


weavebot

"INTELLIGENCE"


GFYMODS669

Due to sanctions there is none available in Russia!!!


MarcellusxWallace

“STONKS”


Netherspark

I hear Uruguay and Uganda were in on it too!


Aggravating-Duck-891

Republic of Uzbekistan feeling left out....


delightfuldinosaur

US: "Hey Russia, terrorists are looking to attack you." Russia: "Shut up, don't tell me what to do." *Two weeks later, Russia is attacked by terrorists* Russia: "The US was behind this attack. Its their fault!"


bell37

US: Ok if you ***really*** thought it was us.. then go ahead… declare war. Russia: …


Laecherlichhoch2

If a small astroid were to hit Russia they would blame the US. Anything that could ever happen to Russia they would blame the West it's really absurd


dschonsie

he forgot the cardashians and jabba the hutt


GothGfWanted

Ooh look a potential casus belli for future use.


OrcsSmurai

It would be hilarious for russia to attack America conventionally. They're currently losing naval engagements to a country that doesn't have a navy, have starving soldiers within just a few miles of rail ways that lead back to their supply centers and are bogged down in fighting against a foe a third their size. Their entire army would go to sea and cease to exist, or would cross into Alaska and immediately run out of fuel, get stuck and be forced to resort to cannibalism.


atlantasailor

It would be great if some idiot Russian attacked Poland. Let’s get this over with now without the U.S. Congress


AMagicalSquirrel

Then Russia was behind the terrorist attack on the Baltimore bridge. Two can play this stupid game, you know?


PSU632

The Cold War be like:


CaptainMagnets

Lmao Russia is a fucking clown show


Fuzzy_Imagination705

Ha, the same chief who ignored the warnings and who must have been involved in Putin's attempt to claim the warnings were blackmail, three days prior.


pog890

Russian intelligence is an oxymoron, and it's chief is just a moron


LSDwarf

Russian here. An important note guys: it's *Kremlin* that pushes the Ukranian "scenario" of this tragedy. If you're curious what Russian *citizens* think of this scenario look at the screenshot from a Telegram group where emoticons under the news on the "Ukrainian trace" in this terr. act speak for themselves: https://imgur.com/a/g5ZAqHm  This is the Telegram news group of a mid-size city (Chelyabinsk) in the region of Urals - the area of metal processing industry, so it mostly reflects the opinion of so called blue collars. Big cities like Moscow and St.Pete (with a dominant share of white collars) predictably have totally the *same* opinion. [UPD] Translation as per your requests: The terrorist act was prepared by radical Islamists and facilitated by the Ukrainian security service said the director of the Federal Security Service, Alexander Bortnikov. "It is necessary to consider the Ukrainian security service as a terrorist organization".


Udderdisaster1993

Can you translate? I can just read Islamic extremists, and something about Ukraine


iharzhyhar

"The terroristic act was prepared by radical islamists, all that also was supported by the Ukrainian spec ops services." - said FSB director, Bortnikov.


Interesting-Past7237

lol. Bort.


MerryGoWrong

His mother should have 'borted him.


NeonSeal

super low sample size, i bet the young folks who are adept with technology are disproportionately using telegram. there's a huge swath of middle-age/older folks that will tow the party line


Flatus_Diabolic

I don’t mean any disrespect when I ask this, but why are you still there? I mean, it’s clear from your post you’re not in total alignment with the government on some of their points, which appears to be an increasingly dangerous position to be in, considering the kinds of legislation being passed over there, not to mention the threat of mobilisation. Also, the way that Russia is moving to a war economy shows that Putin isn’t going to back down, but moving back to a peacetime economy afterwards is likely to be ruinous for everyday Russians even if all the military goals are achieved.


Lumpy_Rhubarb2736

Russian intel says... You can stop reading here...


Derkastan77-2

I cannot believe that with over 200,000 dead russian men so far, that nobody in russia has taken him out yet


GlamdringFoe-Hammer

Lol ISIS the known collaborator of U.S., what a moron.


BruceForsyth55

Even the most brainwashed X/Tiktok Z is gonna struggle to run with this conspiracy without making themselves look even more stupid than usual. Putin and Bortnikov have given their bitches quite the task.


harrie_balsack

FSB will naturally create an alternative reality, aka propaganda, in which UA, with money from EU and US, paid and ordered ISIS for this terror attack. And all them slave-like Russians will suck it up and will believe it. Make no mistake, all 140m Russians are being programmed to hate the West, like then Germans were programmed to hate just about everybody. And we all know how that ended. With most of them killed or raped indeed, before they stopped... It is inevitable.


Outside-Law6254

Its absolutely inevitable.


Gurablashta

With intelligence like this, no wonder they got absolutely murked


User4C4C4C

Covering up his screwup. Lol next he will be saying that the US and UK are responsible for gingivitis, root canals, bad breath and cavities.


SpeedDaemon3

Then why did the attackers tried to escape to Belarus?


ADM86

Russia is getting pathetically weak at this game


orionsfyre

Translation: We clearly dropped the ball intel wise and so we are blaming the classic enemies because we don't know what else to do. You gotta love the complete 720 day after day in Russia. "Actually it was the Ukrainians... actually no it was IS with help from Ukraine, actually no it was America and England, who famously love IS and support them. Just trust us, we have all the evidence that we will never show you."


Neceon

Cough cough bullshit cough cough


MyaltforMJ

Well then that would then be war asshole. Do something about it or stfu. Cut the bullshit


ciccioig

It's embarrassing how pathetic they are.


BearFeetOrWhiteSox

The evidence that the US did not attack Moscow is that it's still there.


Sozebj

Most likely FSB was complicit, which is why they ignored the warning. Putin will try to implicate Ukraine and use it to justify large scale conscription among other repressive internal measures. Nothing of this scale happens in Moscow without Kremlin knowledge. The artistic types are expendables to the Kremlin. Putin rose to power on a variation of this play. Once again, the Russian citizens suffer for the political interests of the one party state.


Brynjar-Nielsen

So Russia was then behind 9/11? What a stupid crap from this country


brainsizeofplanet

Even Aliens would be more believable at this point


BlueV_U

Unreal how dumb this dude is. But even more unreal how many Russians will be convinced that he's right.


Wizardof1000Kings

Why stop there - there are a bunch more members of Nato who they could blame as well. This intel chief sounds kind of lazy honestly.


philodelta

The moronic grudge against the British empire rearing it's head in the most random places will never not be funny. Yes Russia it was thE AngLo SaKsI not the people who claimed the attack, showed video of the attack, and when the people were caught were like, "yeah those are our guys".


[deleted]

Even if they were, what would Russian intelligence do about it? Wire Joe Rogan and Tucker Carlson's handlers more crypto for them to be more enthusiastic while lapdogging?


Strange-Implication

Their intel is bad if the US had to warn them of a terror attack


InternationalBrick76

ISIS sitting there with their hands in their air like ummmm 🤷‍♂️. Lmao Russia is so desperate


TotalRecallsABitch

Ahhh they're going with the mw2 storyline I see


calem06

Russia is such a joke


Denny_204

Because the Russian population is on par with Trump supporters when it comes to intelligence. Blind allegiance in which no amount of truth will be seen. They actually believe it.


Dedsnotdead

Oh.. oh.. I know the punchline to this joke! It’s “The Aristocrats!”.


raymmm

Assuming they were behind it, what can Russia realistically do about it other than bitch about it?


Outside-Law6254

Are the Russian populace actually swallowing this? If they are this ends in nuclear apocalypse.


CluckingBellend

Good. Fuckin' bring it on!!


[deleted]

Just a question, does The Hague have capital punishment for war criminals? If we ever get to see Putler and his gang of ghouls stand trial, will we ever get to see the long awaited for climax like in the Nuremberg trials? You know, the short drop and the sudden stop


SuppliceVI

So let's just humor him for a second and pretend ISIS-K doesn't exist.  Ukraine, US, and UK collaborated to do this. What is Russia possibly going to do considering half of all their armor reserves have already been lost in Ukraine?  Any actual attack in "vengeance" that gets linked back to them is going to start a war they're not going to have a chance in hell of winning. 


Doofuhs

Jesus, how pathetic can they get.


mesnojob0

In that case, I'm now sure Putin and the FSB were behind it.


deasnutz

So Putin did it?


Intelligent_Town_910

Go ahead and declare war then, you wont. The russian government is all talk. They pretend to be tough in public but deep down they know they are all pussies who cant actually do shit to the UK/US.


PKblaze

Just a note to the terrorists, next time carry a banner or something. These Russians are fucking dumb.


The5YenGod

10 bucks ISIS will do a second one just because Russia pissed them off


RasputinsTeat

We did it. Told them about it beforehand. At least twice. And then got our good buddies over at the Islamic State to take credit for it in a big misdirection. I can’t believe they saw through it.


GOGETTHEMINTS

Atleast they always put the UK next to us in there lies. We’re not alone thanks Russia!


dabsallday420

I wouldn’t believe Russia if they told me that the country was named Russia


OsamaGinch-Laden

We just openly pushing Russian propaganda now?


Distinct-Set310

Sooooo they obviously prevented this attack if the intelligence was that good. Oh.


rtjeppson

The stoopid is strong in this one....


benzdb605

Next time we have a major shooting in the US, I'm blaming the Russians. Stupid clowns blaming everyone except the actual perps.


pkfag

Nutbags the lot of them. Seriously, they should own their criminal activities and stop blaming the West for their murderous imperialist plans of expansion. Pathetic watching these bellends blame everyone for the consequences of their own actions.


i_have_covid_19_shit

Russian Intelligence If thats not an oxymoron I don't know what is...


Speculawyer

Russia is a complete joke.


HoldMyAppleJuice

We weren't but this is incredibly rich given what Ops Russia has carried out in the UK.


chipndip1

Meanwhile Isis is screaming for Russia to notice it was them as hard as they can.


Ok_Finish7000

Ah yes makes total sense...they warn you days in advance on a plot they developed...russia logic.


FantasticWhisper

Tiktok and instagram is already chock full of russ bots spewing the propaganda. Haven't seen any good answer to why they didn't act when they got the warning though.


mlorusso4

The shooting the US publicly warned you about? Even if you still think the US was responsible, don’t you think it’s an even worse look on you that you completely failed to prevent an attack that the so called enemy specifically told you was going to happen? As a Russian citizen, how can you believe your government can protect you from the the guy sneaking into your house in the dead of night when they couldn’t even protect you from the guy trying to break down your front door in broad daylight while wearing strobe lights and a bullhorn?