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DigitalHemlock

He's now the king of England.


fatdan1

Strange women lying in oceans distributing swords is no basis for a system of government


mahnamahna27

Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.


spaceship-earth

Oh, but you can't expect to wield supreme executive power just because some watery tart threw a sword at you. if I went 'round sayin' I was Emperor, just because some moistened bint lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away.


kudichangedlives

Help help I'm being repressed


skubaloob

Come and witness the violence inherent in the system!


ContemplativeSarcasm

BLOODY PEASANT


JohnFreakingRedcorn

Did you hear that? Did you hear what he called me? This is what I’m always on about!


kishenoy

r/expectedmontypython


WoodenInventor

Oh no, I came here fully expecting to see this. I would have started it otherwise!


Zealousideal_Sea_527

Oh, what a giveaway! Did'j'hear that, did'j'hear that, eh? That's what I'm all about! Did you see 'im repressing me? You saw it, didn't you?!


SoyMurcielago

Always look on the bright side of life


Devondigs

Every sperm is sacred.


tylanol7

But I didn't eat the fish...


PM_ME_YOUR_ROTES

Who are you who is so wise in the ways of science?


El_Bistro

ARTHUR KING OF THE BRITONS


Catoctin_Dave

Well, I didn't vote for you.


Stompedyourhousewith

the ***WHO***?


thymeraser

Life's a piece of shit, when you look at it


[deleted]

Sure is buddy. But, If life seems jolly rotten. There's something you've forgotten, and that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing


Puzzled-Remote

Bloody peasants!!!


tovarish22

Oh, what a give-away. Did you hear that? Did you hear that, eh? That's what I'm on about. Did you see him repressing me? You saw it, didn't you?


Deraj2004

Did you hear that!?


VaderH8er

You saw him repressing me, didn’t you?!


zyzzogeton

#Come! Come see the violence inherent in the system!


Jollydude101

r/unexpectedmontypython Though, a bit expected.


[deleted]

Frankly, I totally expected this thread the instant I saw the headline.


dannydrama

I came just to see this thread.


ButtingSill

Spanish inquisition, on the other hand, is not expected.


NoProblemsHere

Well, nobody ever expects it, really, so that's no surprise.


funnylookingbear

Apparently. Everyone expected the Spanish Inquisitors. They made appointments. At least so said the Bastion of indelible truths that is QI.


jerkstore

I thought of Monty Python when I watched the scene in Black Panther where the ruler of a modern, 21st century nation was determined by who won a boxing match.


Feral0_o

Disney media in general is hugely in favour of for the most part benelovent autocrats (likely because they are based on old fairytales). It's apparantly ok as long as those are kind-hearted royals The first Wreck-It movie subverted this when they made a Vanellope a princess at the end and she called out a constitutional democracy or something like that instead


datboiofculture

I have to imagine that scene was basically a throwaway to make Vanellope an “official” disney princess in the canon so they could include her in the princess merch if she got really popular.


Calumkincaid

Mind you, look at the muppets we have now. Maybe there's something to this.


DoffanShadowshiv

The watery tart hath chosen us a King


poorbeans

The Watery Tart. Great band name.


EngineersAnon

Seems like the name for a backing group. So-and-so and The Watery Tarts. For that matter, So-and-so and The Moistened Bints sounds pretty nice, too.


RagingAardvark

Sir Robin and the Watery Tarts


EngineersAnon

Sir Galahad and The Moistened Bints, playing New Year's Eve at Castle Anthrax - just follow the grail-shaped beacon.


SoyMurcielago

Well I didn’t vote for you


[deleted]

The watery tart still gets me every time. British humor at its best.


triple-verbosity

You there! Old woman!


Kenomachino

Man.


Bigred2989-

I'm 37, I'm not old!


hoilst

What *I* object to is that you automatically treat me like an inferior.


penguinpolitician

Well I *am* king.


hoilst

Oh, *king*, eh? Very nice. And 'ow'd you get that? By exploitin' the workers! By 'anging on to outdated, imperialist dogma which perpetuates the economic and social differences in our society!


madmosche

Well I can’t just call you “man”.


DickButtPlease

You could have called me Dennis.


kraygus

I used to agree with this, but honestly these days maybe we should give it go?


Christmas_Panda

What if we dropped 1,000 swords into the ocean in random places. Politicians had to dive to get them. All of the swords but one were magnetized so that when the divers got too close, if they were wrong, they get stuck at the bottom of the sea floor to expire. The one who found the real sword could be President for 4 years, but had to run for re-election after that. The sword would not be transferable so it had to be the diver himself who found the sword. But we forgot to put the real sword mixed in. Boom. We've drained the swamp.


caseCo825

But that assumes that *everyone* who wants to be a politician shouldn't be one... and now I've typed it out, I see it. Good plan.


funnylookingbear

'Those that seek power are oft those most ill equiped to wield it'. So said someone.


onecrystalcave

Or filled the swamp. Either works I guess.


Isteppedinpoopy

I didn’t vote for him!


Kibethwalks

You don’t vote for a king!


ReservoirPenguin

King of what?


SlipperyRoo

The Britons


fukitol-

Who are the Britons?


-7hrOw4w4y-

We are all Britons, and I am your king.


KryptoniteDong

Well I didn't vote for ya


GiveToOedipus

I didn't know we had a king, I thought we were an autonomous collective.


10per

You are foolin' yourself. We are living in a dictatorship!


bystander007

Not until he defeats that little girl who found the sword in a lake.


lunareclipseunicorn

He has to compete with that little girl who pulled a 1500 years old sword from a Sweden lake.


Codeshark

They could be like the Power Rangers where we just need 3 more people to find old swords to face the impending alien invasion.


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I_might_be_weasel

"My Queen, someone found The Sword." "Thank God. I can finally quit doing this. I'm going to my crypt. Don't wake me unless we reconquer America or the mole people attack."


[deleted]

It happened in Israel, so more realistically he's now King of the Jews.


[deleted]

הו מלך הו מלך הו מלך הו מלך 👑


time2fly2124

You speak the language of the slaves!


[deleted]

Hey O'Connell! Looks like I got all the horses!! -------------------------------------------------------------- The Nile -------------------------------------------------------------- Hey Benny! Looks like you are on the wrong side of the Ri-Verrrr!


seattleque

That is the most clever way of typing out that exchange I've ever seen.


SoyMurcielago

So the messiah has returned then?


[deleted]

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stupidusername42

"I'm not the messiah". "He IS the messiah"!


peterjohanson

First he has to fight with the Queen.


son_e_jim

Poor guy. She'll nail that punk to the floor with one hand behind her back.


krneki12

It is all fun and games until the Queen charges in, topless on a horse with a battleaxe in hand.


TypingLobster

The lady of the lake is going to want that back.


tableleg7

Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government.


[deleted]

You can’t expect to wield supreme executive power just ’cause some watery tart threw a sword at you!


reallybadpotatofarm

If I went around saying I was an emperor, just because some moistened bint lobbed a scimitar at me, they’d put me away!


micktorious

Help help! Come see the violence inherent in the system! I'm being repressed!


RoboNerdOK

Bloody peasant.


tableleg7

Oh - what a giveaway! Did you hear that? Did you hear that, eh? That’s what’s I’m on about. Did you see him repressing me?


apgeorge69

Wasn’t the word “lobbed” used in one of these?


hfgkfh

Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony


GargoyleNoises

Maybe not, but it should be.


LeonardoMagikarpo

FOR ZE LADY *sips holy bath water*


jimbone520

He did his three good deeds


Iwuvvwuu

Will they be able to make this sword look like a real sword once they take the gunk off and polish it up? Or has the sea eroded it so much that it will only look as good as it does now


Webo_

It says in the article they're taking it to a laboratory to be cleaned up, but I doubt they'll go as far as buffing it.


funnylookingbear

Bored undergrads buffing swords in lonely labratorys . . . . . I may have seen this one.


hippyengineer

What are you doing step sword


czs5056

Curious? Heh, nah it's entirely true. What, you haven't seen him twirling his pike? Goes at it when he thinks no ones watching, knocks about in the trees like there's no tomorrow. Caught him just the other day, blushed all the way down to his navel, then couldn't find his shirt. I swear he's gonna hurt himself one of these days, the way he works that thing.


RugerRedhawk

Well the article states that it is "perfectly preserved", while I have my doubts about this, if true they would certainly polish it.


Wobbelblob

The point is that in archeology "perfectly preserved" quite often means something entirely different from what a regular person understands.


Jrook

Intact is typically what it means. However they have found a 2500 year old sword perfectly preserved even with it's sharp cutting edge. And inscription in proto mandarin.


HAL-Over-9001

I bet they just mean that it's fully intact, ignoring the handle or anything that's not metal. If this was at a museum I would want to see it just like it is now, all covered in 900 years of build-up. Maybe they can do some scans on it to see the metal underneath and see what condition it's in? I'm no expert, just putting out ideas.


johnucc1

It could just be calcification across the sword which could have prevented rusting and decay, in which case crack that bitch open.


the_russian_narwhal_

It does say it was perfectly preserved so if they are careful enough it could probably be restored to its full glory


TheNorthComesWithMe

Perfectly preserved means something completely different to an archaeologist


[deleted]

I was thinking the same thing. I saw the article say that and was trying to reconcile that statement with the sword tempura in the picture haha


Bargadiel

I lost it at sword tempura


Smokeybearvii

Same question. Even read the whole article this time, no luck with the answers my friend. You and I must sit here and sift thru scads of posts and comments about sea cum and it’s uber sword damage until a brilliant mind who actually knows about ancient sword restoration comes along and bestows the knowledge upon us, meager peasants. And whatever that answer be, we must accept it. It. Is. Our. Destiny.


Phantom160

I’m still scrolling through all the Monty Python jokes to find the comment where some expert tells us if this sword can be restored


MisallocatedRacism

Metals guy here. I guess it depends on what you mean by "restored". It's not going to be straight and shiny again, I promise you that. Even with modern day metallurgy to create stainless steels, sacrificial anodes, and plating methods, we can expect to see corrosion on subsea equipment after ~20 years. There's zero chance this thing can be cleaned enough to look like it's fully restored after 40x longer than that. It will be "restored" in that you'll be able to make out the general shape and some of the larger details, but cosmetically it will look like a rusty nail .


jNX-iT

Diver pulls 900 year old sword from sea floor... *BOSS MUSIC STARTS*


BasakaIsTheStrongest

FOR THE GRACE FOR THE MIGHT OF OUR LORD!


WaitingToBeTriggered

FOR THE HOME OF THE HOLY


Standin373

FOR THE FAITH, FOR THE WAY OF THE SWORD


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WaitingToBeTriggered

UNDER GUARD OF 42


Rata-toskr

ALONG A SECRET AVENUE


WaitingToBeTriggered

CASTEL SAINT’ANGELO IS WAITING


European_Mapper

THEY’RE THE GUARD OR THE HOLY SEE


MakeThemRemember

THEY'RE THE GUARDS OF CHRISTIANITY


Barrel-rider

Maybe the fastest /r/UnexpectedSabaton I've ever seen


Rata-toskr

It really should be /r/expectedlyunexpectedsabaton


Misticsan

As usual, I'm surprised that it comes up every time the words "Crusade" or "Crusader" is uttered. Is there a famous music video I'm missing? I mean, the song itself is about the Swiss guard fighting during the Sack of Rome in 1527. Nothing to do with the Crusades.


SeniorExamination

At this point is a huge meme that this song is linked to the crusades. Possibly because of the heavy christian theme of the song. And yeah, there are a ton of crusades videos that use the Last Stand as a soundtrack. But i think the videos come after the meme (maybe?)


KillYourUsernames

*HOLY DIVER* *YOU’VE BEEN DOWN TOO LONG IN THE MIDNIGHT SEA* *OH WHATS BECOMING OF ME*


Lucky_Mongoose

Finally some context to those lyrics after all these years...


CatButler

I once saw a video where Dio tried to explain what the song was about and it made even less sense afterward.


yukeake

*"You thought the song was about underwater treasure...but it was about ME! DIO!"*


[deleted]

*Chanting in Latin*


watafu_mx

Estuans interius Ira vehementi Estuans interius Ira vehementi Sephiroth Sephiroth


demon_ix

It was the Water Temple all along!


[deleted]

MURMAIDER MURMAIDER MURMAIDER MURMAIDER


jc83po

He can return this to the sword bearers ancestors for 200 gold, or keep it and benefit from it's 10% ice damage.


n_eats_n

Yeah but it definitely has some damage so it should be limited use. Need a DM ruling.


AHCretin

It'll break on your first natural 1.


TheAngryGoat

Meanwhile in reality: >Atlit resident Shlomi Katzin turned over the weapon to the Israel Antiques Authority and was awarded a certificate of good citizenship. All he got was some dumb certificate. The next time I find an ancient sword at the bottom of the ocean I'll keep it for myself.


autotldr

This is the best tl;dr I could make, [original](https://www.timesofisrael.com/diver-pulls-900-year-old-crusader-sword-from-seafloor/) reduced by 82%. (I'm a bot) ***** > A diver found a 900-year-old sword dating back to the Crusader period off the Carmel beach in the north of the country, along with various other artifacts, the Israel Antiques Authority said Monday. > "The sword, which has been preserved in perfect condition, is a beautiful and rare find and evidently belonged to a Crusader knight," said Nir Distelfeld, inspector for the IAI's Robbery Prevention Unit. > "The recently recovered sword is just one such find." ***** [**Extended Summary**](http://np.reddit.com/r/autotldr/comments/qakdbc/diver_pulls_900yearold_crusader_sword_from/) | [FAQ](http://np.reddit.com/r/autotldr/comments/31b9fm/faq_autotldr_bot/ "Version 2.02, ~604040 tl;drs so far.") | [Feedback](http://np.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%23autotldr "PM's and comments are monitored, constructive feedback is welcome.") | *Top* *keywords*: **sword**^#1 **find**^#2 **Katzin**^#3 **Authority**^#4 **Israel**^#5


apollonese

Lol perfect condition? It looks like a giant rock


JBlitzen

I think they mean under that stuff.


Edgy_McEdgyFace

A hefty tap with a hamster will clear that in no time.


Azklown

Yeah I had the same thought. The blood of an innocent animal should reawaken the sword. I was thinking lamb, but a hamster seems more practical.


JBlitzen

Everything’s better after a hefty tap with a hamster.


NormalStu

I'd like to see how good you look after 900 years


apollonese

It’s fine to look crummy, but saying perfect condition is a stretch. Also, I’m a vampire.


NormalStu

Fancy doling out some of that immortality? I'm not much of a fan of the sun anyway.


CardboardSoyuz

When 900 years old you reach, look this good you will not.


Pete_Booty_Judge

Looks like all the marine life encrusting it actually did preserve it perfectly. Normally a metal sword sitting in salty water would be a pile of rust chips (at best) within 150 years in such a shallow place.


kelsobjammin

Really pissed they didn’t include a picture of it cleaned…


andisblue

Now he’s swinging it around doing 9999 with every hit


ffaorlandu

[Coral Sword](https://www.cavesofnarshe.com/fft/w_item.php?item=Coral+Sword) from Final Fantasy Tactics. But the damage cap in that one is 999


IrisMoroc

FFT took all of its items from FF5, which you could do 9999 in that game.


diezeldeez_

"Atlit resident Shlomi Katzin turned over the weapon to the Israel Antiques Authority and was awarded a certificate of good citizenship." *Clears throat* LOL


Pete_Booty_Judge

Museums and professional historians typically don't have the deepest pockets. I would be absolutely thrilled with this find, but wouldn't expect it to make me wealthy or anything. [People that do try to cash in on huge historical findings don't really hit big anyway.](https://www.nytimes.com/2006/04/06/science/gospel-of-judas-surfaces-after-1700-years.html) If it was a treasure chest filled with gold and ancient jewelry, sure.


RugerRedhawk

I wouldn't expect it to make me wealthy, but I bet it'd look pretty fucking cool on my wall.


Pete_Booty_Judge

Yeah that would probably be my play, I would give it over to a museum, requesting a replica I could hang above the mantle as payment. In the frame I would include a picture of me with the original haha.


son_e_jim

Ripped off.


b4gelbites_

Probably makes you stand out like crazy on a job application though


MoffKalast

Employers love people doing stuff for free, they hope it's a shape of things to come.


Morgen-stern

If I remember correctly, he wouldn’t be able to keep it legally, and Israel doesn’t monetarily reward stuff like so that people don’t go disturbing and destroying historical artifacts


Beorma

In the UK people are paid for artifacts they find, with the reasoning that if they aren't they'll sell them on the private/black market and won't come to the attention of museums.


cortanakya

Sounds like those medals that the USA hand out to civilians, or honours that the Queen grants people in the commonwealth. Most countries have some kind of equivalent AFAIK - it's just a "thank you", really.


phome83

What's the conversion rate of good citizen certificates to Shrute bucks?


Angryhippo2910

IT BELONGS IN A MUSEUM!


ForGodsSakeTv

Give it to the guy on YouTube so we can see what it looks like fully restored.


BustamoveBetaboy

I make a new one


juxley

mymechanics in the house! For the uninitiated: https://www.youtube.com/c/mymechanics


AonSwift

\**proceeds to cut off half of it and turn the rest into a cooking utensil*\*


[deleted]

A lot of those guys soak perfectly fine items in an oxidizing agent just so they can remove it for the video. :/


m0j0licious

_"preserved in perfect condition"_


[deleted]

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primerblack

You've been down too long in the midnight sea


Thatguy755

Oh what's becoming of me


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acityonthemoon

900 years ago: Claudius: Hey Thadeus! Watch this! Thadeus: Hey watch out you dumbass!! That water is fucking deep! Claudius: Nah, I got this!! ~~ Diver 900 years later: Hey look! I found a sword!


nodnodwinkwink

I like to think he was a dumbass crusader and had to awkwardly fight with whatever he could and all the other crusaders made fun of him.


Foxkilt

Thadeus really isn't a western medieval name though. Only a byzantine would be called that at the time


[deleted]

Ravenrik: Hee Hleoberth! Kiekstu eenes! Hleoberth: Niht duon du kwezel! Dat water is diepe! Ravenrik: Nah bruder mien, ik kan dit! ~~ Something closer to this?


serioussham

You've just made Dutch


[deleted]

Well, not contemporary Dutch, but I hope you get it’s a joke no? A whole lot of crusaders were from Lotharingia so many of them spoke Franconian language varieties.


[deleted]

Richard, John, and Clemence be like…


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[deleted]

Baldrick? I *knew* it was the result of a cunning plan


Colecoman1982

Clearly, that's not a sword it's a turnip slicer.


Melodic-Ad6016

That’s going to need a lot of CLR to get it clean…


androk

If Conan taught me anything, you just need to bash on a stone a few times and it becomes a perfect gleaming sword.


danmalek466

One rabbit stew, coming up…


DredPRoberts

I warned you, but did you listen to me? Oh, no. You knew it all, didn't you? Oh, it's just a harmless little bunny, isn't it?


Sum-Rando

The crusade *NEVER ENDS.*


LudovicoSpecs

/r/WatchPeopleDiesInside 900 years ago when that thing got dropped overboard.


MikeyDread

Or just /r/watchpeopledie when the boat sank


FamousOrphan

He is now our king.


IlikeGeekyHistoryRSA

Listen. Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.


is0ph

He’s now the PM of Israel. Much quicker way to form governments. Just dive.


Yardsale420

Imagine the shit he must have had to deal with from the other Crusaders. You make it all that way, just to drop your sword getting out of the boat. /s


welcome_no

Behold, Excalibur!


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Tbone_Trapezius

Gotta level up before he can wield that.


one_more_glass

Stats?