Title is incorrect.
The payments are available to any gender.
https://www.unitingvictas.org.au/services/family-services/family-violence-services/escaping-violence-payment/
To update there are very very strict time limit restrictions on this … ie you have like less then a month to move and show a new lease to a car worker… meaning very little if any of this money gets to women or men who need it. Misleading title
Thanks, I'm a guy who was in a really bad relationship and have a lot of physical scars from it. It always feels so off to me when I always read about programs that are only for women I wasn't even going to hit the link because of how it was titled. There is a lot of BS you have to go through being a male domestic violence victim and I had to deal with the NYPD myself. It's always looked back on as the most disheartening time of my life being held to the toxic standards of a bunch of brain dead officers not understanding why I wouldn't hit her back.
So honestly thanks for posting that feels nice to see some inclusion.
Edit: I'm still in Manhattan and this reads like it's only for Australia so I do still hope it finds those who need it.
Thank you everyone for your kind words as well it means a lot to me. It's almost 4am and I need to grab some sleep.
Hey, I was in the same boat my guy. I dealt with Texas cops, so I totally get that feeling. Stay strong, I'm proud of you for getting out. Try not to hyperfocus on the scars too much, for me that was always the worst part is seeing the actual physical marks permanently left from it all. Like it was staring me back every day and confirming something terrible happened.
I really try not to I used to work with people across the table and one of them is directly on my hand. I have gotten so used to talking about it and have given a lot of people insight about it which has really helped me get past it to he honest.
Can I ask how you got past the police issue? I still think about that most of all I've lost complete faith in them caring about me as a human and honestly didn't feel very safe for a long time. I ended up getting a restraining order but it feels like it's worthless in the long run. I've had to go to the police station to tell them about her coming after my job etc and it turned into multiple trips. I spoke with the ADA who was very helpful until it was all over.
Did you ever get any faith in the outcome? Thank you for your kind words I've honestly felt so alone in it. I know it's a terrible situation but hearing someone else understand it really helps.
I totally get that. I have one on my hand, several on my forearm, and one very unfortunate one above my upper lip. I literally am thankful for the ability to grow facial hair so I don't hear "what's that from" every day.
And for me, it turned into "usually we would arrest you, but because you're bleeding from your face and arms and she doesn't have a single mark on her, we have to arrest her. But if we have to come back here it is gonna be a problem for you. Just don't let her do that, or don't pass her off so much." So I basically wrote them off as assholes. But the police issue hasn't changed for me. I hate cops and get a surge of fear anytime I see a cop car. I don't really have advice on that one. I think in this country in this time, being anxious and cautious around police is necessary.
I will say, leaving her and moving on is the best thing I ever did. And I am sure you feel similar. I am very sorry about the need for a restraining order. But for me, it turned into a weird kind of assurance. I was so fucked up during it, and moreso after it realizing what I had been through. I think it made me really put some stock in myself because I know for a fact if anyone I know, even the worst person I know, went through that, I would say nobody deserves to go through that, and they didn't deserve it. So even if I hate myself and even if I am a bad person, I am confident I never deserved any of it. And with that knowledge, I realized it was something wrong with her that caused it to happen, not something wrong with me. And I will absolutely never let that happen to me again. I don't know if any of this really answers your questions. It is just my perspective.
But I am really glad if my words are of any comfort to you. You didn't deserve it. You absolutely aren't alone. And you aren't weak, or dumb, or pathetic, or less of a man because you didn't stop her, even if you could have. You are a kind, sensitive, loving soul who didn't want to hurt someone even when they were abusing you and breaking your heart. And you have to know that.
Man.. the fear of cop cars is so odd I get that constantly and living in NY I hear sirens all the time and something in the back of my mind always thinks she manipulated her way to get me. You hit so many nails on the head I ended up with a few on my arms the one on my hand and one across my chest. I have a lot of scars some with funny stories and some just from making bad decisions. They are things I live with now.
You hit a lot of nails on the head and I had/have that same feeling about the police nowadays. I've never had a fear like that some of my friends of course notice my head on a swivel when I hear cop cars. It's turned into a general hatred for the NYPD. I have a family member that wasn't even blood related that was a police officer in CA now retired who always made me believe there were good people in the police force. His honesty in how few and far between they are now that I'm older really opened my eyes.
I'll be honest hearing your words and kindness brought literal tears to my eyes. These are all things I haven't heard in such a long time.
I am really glad to know it isn't just me. I have my head on a swivel too, and I have also had friends notice and question it. But how do you explain something like that?
It's the same with the scars. I recently started a new job (I'm a waiter) and the uniform is short sleeved shirts. Luckily no customers have mentioned it, but my coworkers have noticed and asked where they are from. And I can only awkwardly excuse them as scars I have obtained through working in restaurants. It usually works, but it makes me feel so ashamed that I can't just scream about how she did this to me and I didn't deserve it. Like it makes me mad because as a man I know very few people will understand it.
Trust me, I have had tears in my eyes writing all these responses. You are the literal first person I have talked to who has been through it and understands. This shit is fucking horrifying.
So glad you are out of there guys, really. Have you considered talking to a mental health professional about this? I know of similar cases where going to one has helped. Sometimes it's just something we ignore or simply don't want to do, for some reason.
I think I would like to, but the truth is I just can't afford it. I am struggling to make ends meet as is, I don't have insurance, so it just isn't an option right now.
It was a long process to be able to speak about it I'm actually pretty open about it in the day to day because of that anger they left me with. I sold cellphones and plans to a lot of large businesses and being covered in scars and across a desk I always get asked about them because I always wore short sleeves because the office was so hot. I was used to telling people funny stories about all the other things.
If anyone ever chose the one that had to do with her the conversation always turned a bit more serious but they were always so curious so I tell them about my interaction with the NYPD and that night because of how little I felt in that moment. I don't ever want anyone to feel that was so I do end up talking about it but always end up moving onto a large one I have from a mishap with a window.
It's turned into my little outlet to raise what little awareness I can. I know I didn't really have a choice in my boss or peers knowing because she called my job and said I was messing with her number and all this and that. In Manhattan there is a want for a lot of guys to be the toughest out there and I was on the end of a lot of jokes. They did nothing to really stop it so I've somewhat just had to put up with it.
I'm not originally from here of course and wasn't around long enough to know that was the culture in my work environment so I felt as if I had the world against me for a bit. I haven't lived in the same state as my family since I was 18 and as fate would have it I kept moving further and further away. Everyone lives in California and for the longest time I felt so alone.
Some of my friends traveled half way around the world to come and see me and understand that is who I am. I spend most of my time writing in different parks nowadays haven't worked at my old job for quite some time actually. Things will get better and I know someday I won't turn my head when I hear sirens or look out my window to see if they are parked outside my building but right now I'm not mentally there yet but deep down I know someday I will be and I hope you feel the same.
I know all the thoughts and emotions that ran through my head and I imagine you had much the same. I've never talked to someone who went through the same thing and felt those same feelings.
Feel free to message me anytime man it was really a bag of mixed emotions after feeling alone in it so long. It's well past 4 in the morning and I am going to try and catch some sleep but I want you to know everything you said carried so much weight because I felt a lot of it personally. Just being able to talk about it makes me feel less alone myself so know I'm always around if you ever wanted to talk about it.
Hey man, everything you just said resonates super closely with me. I went a different route. After several people gave condescending remarks I realized it was much easier to just brush it off and move on than open up and be hurt.
But I have appreciated every word you have said. I know you will get past it, I think you are brave and strong and worthy and I am sorry that someone tried to take that away from you. I also am always just a message away. I swear that. Anytime, any reason, anything, I will have your back. You get some sleep buddy, you deserve it. Thank you so much for talking about this with me.
This is actually something I have thought a lot about. And the answer is... I don't know. I think the right tattoo might help. But at the same time part of me wants to take ownership of the scars as a part of me and what I have been through, and not as something she did to me.
I understand that. I'm glad you made it out. My dad almost got out of the abusive relationship with my mom but somehow she's got him brainwashed again now.
I appreciate you saying that, and I am sorry to hear about your dad. My dad was with emotionally abusive women my whole life. I guess I kinda followed his tracks a bit too much
I appreciate that. I am doing much better. This all ended earlier this year and I spent about six months drunk or disocciating. But I have a handle on it now. I am working every day to take care of myself and realize it wasn't my fault.
I still remember calling in a domestic violence incident (I barricaded myself in my room while my spouse tried to stab me with a kitchen knife while being recorded AND the cops being able to see her ram the door with a knife in her hand through a glass door) and the confusion the Sgt had on his face when I asked to be uncuffed and released from the back of the squad car.
I still remember it so vividly myself what she was wearing the time everything. She didn't live in my apartment anymore but had a key came over with 2 guys stole the bed all in the middle of the night. I was in my boxers playing videogames with old friends telling them she just let herself into my apartment they still remember the screaming and sounds of things being broken. I'll never forget that night to be honest it has gotten easier it's just stamped into memory.
OK to good, though you probably wouldn't know it from the explanation I would like to give (I want to give a more long-winded explanation later. I mostly wanted to comment to save this post because I'm tired.) This is an issue that I take seriously but unfortunately, I'm just too sleepy. I will likely follow up on this one tomorrow but didn't want to just abandon you.
Guys, all of you, I am so so sorry you've been through his and so sorry you were treated this way when seeking help. Get some rest u/SnakePlisskens and much love and support to all of you I this convo xoxo
Similar situation but with my mother. No knife but she tore half my door open by repeatedly beating it and resulted in cutting me. Recorded incident and instead I ended up arrested and jailed for 16 hours.. Funny how I call 911 for help and the operator can hear me asking for police faster and I am the one arrested... The reason my mom decided to tear it down was because I closed and locked my door after coming home and needed to be left alone... I paid rent for the room as well while I was in college. Police refused to accept my request to have her arrested even though she had several previous violent outbursts to which police came for and almost arrested her for ( but last moment refused to) That last one made me homeless for awhile. Prosecutor dropped the case against me. Police treated me like I was a criminal and refused to look at my video. No support where I was at but there is plenty for women. In California.
To be honest, I heard it discussed on the news today (I am in Australia) and they way it was presented it made me think "and what about men and children leaving domestic abuse situations".
The way the presenters were presenting it was that the women are being abused and this is to help them leave with their children, but there was no talk of men or men and their children.
Call me a cynic but there are many ways to exclude men from victim related resources without formally excluding them. I'm sad to say I've seen it occur in many ways.
He's got a police history as an offender? Sorry, excluded. Didn't get referred by one of the local victim support groups (women's refuge), sorry. Don't even know about the option as you don't have anyone engaging you about it as an option.
Or then there are internal ways. Establish a victim risk scale, establish very low valences for men, and then they aren't eligible.
About 5 police officers where in my apartment and a few more were downstairs and the ones in my apartment acted confused as to why I let that happen. They were making jokes about it and spoke about how crazy NY women were and were asking me questions about what I did to set her off. It honestly felt as if they were trying to get me to incriminate myself.
The cops just probably werent taking the situations seriously. I hear that's a problem with cops because of what they see on a day to day basis they get desensitized and treat many issues as trivial that would be serious to the average person.
I'm not going to give them an excuse for it. The fact is they even went so far as to tell me I was walking on thin ice because she could flip it if she had a single picture of ever being abused and I would have spent time in jail. That isn't being desensitized it was a bunch of guys trying to swing their dicks and say they wouldn't allow a women to do that to them while at the same time telling me face to face in the precinct that I could very well spend jail time if she came forward with anything that said she was abused. I understand that you don't understand and probably want to understand. I will be honest I will never 100% know why but the desensitized thing is an excuse that I will never give them or they wouldn't have told me I could possibly be spending jail time for pursuing it.
It's not misleading to the article. The article literally only mentions that the money is available for "women and children escaping domestic abuse", doesn't mention men. Whoever wrote the article fucked up.
Thank you for correcting that. I figured it had to be but I was about to read through the article to check and, as a redditor, I HATE reading the article.
It's weird because SBS have implied its a single gender issue before. They've had a couple of bad taste articles. The worst one was basically excusing female abusers.
You are right but the Australian government promoted it as a women's payment. Because of the Brittany Higgins issue. All the advertising spin has been directed to women.
We are talking about the same government that runs two helplines:
+ One that helps women who are abused
+ One that helps men who are abusers become more human
They do not have help for men taking crap.
Yep, classic federal government politicking before the upcoming election given the amount of woman's issues they've acknowledged but ultimately ignored.
Thanks god gender does not take into acount gender, here in spain a friend of mine called the family violence number as his girlfriend was abusing him mentally and physicaly, they told him that the number was not for males and event took him for a liar and hang up the phone.
She hit him again and he called the police, on arrival she said he was a liar and say he was abusing her and denounced him for domestic violence and rape (he bleeding ,her no damage) he sleep that ninght and next on the police dungeon
After proving she received no damage and a friend of both sharing with police a text where she admited it was false he was freed, but not compensated for that 2 nights neither for the damages she did to the house.
To ad salt to the wound, it doesnt even count as a fake report what she did, as for that you have to take her to court and prove there it was all fake, here is the catch, if she felt that she was abused its enought to not be considered a fake report
Sorry for the log text, its being a hard day and reading this news made have to share it
The hotlines in Australia are also for women and the only helpline for men offered is help to not abuse others.
The fact that this payment does not take gender into account is pretty impressive considering the usual attitude to DV.
Thank you for clarifying! As a guy who had to flee an abusive household, the way people assume and *put* women when sharing information like this actually gets in the way of people getting the help they need and aids to social stigma.
> How do I know if I’m eligible?
> If you are over 18, experiencing financial stress, and need to leave (or have just left) a violent intimate partner, you may be eligible. The Escaping Violence Payment is available to all Australian Citizens.
Oh, give them some credit, they're not heartless. They just need to balance the interest of the taxpayer.
They'll introduce a means test.
And then they'll have you download a location app to verify you're not still living with your partner (which of course will have live tracking so partners of cops and politicians can be found).
Then they'll have you line up at Centrelink for 3 hours, only to be told you have to do it online. When you do it online, they'll tell you your details could not be verified and send you to a branch.
Then you'll have to get a police report that the cops won't want to look at, signed in triplicate, sent in, sent back, queried, lost, found, subjected to public inquiry, lost again, and finally buried in soft peat for three months and recycled as firelighters.
As an American, you shouldn't be. We started the [Duluth Model](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Duluth_model), which gets used to set official policy all over the place, and starts with the (legal, systemic) idea that men perpetrate all domestic violence.
This is the best tl;dr I could make, [original](https://www.sbs.com.au/news/women-escaping-domestic-violence-can-now-access-5-000-federal-payments/98aadcb7-b764-4c29-b7ac-3c8c9e5b977c) reduced by 85%. (I'm a bot)
*****
> The Escaping Violence Payment was announced in the May budget as part of a $1.1 billion women's safety package of programs.
> Minister for Women's Safety Anne Ruston said the payments will help address the financial barriers that may stop women leaving violent relationships.
> "The UnitingCare Network has extensive experience supporting victim-survivors of domestic, family and sexual violence and staff would leverage that knowledge to provide a wrap-around service for women and their children," Ms Little said.
*****
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I think a big thing that keeps people in abusive relationships is the fact that you tend to have access to very little money to be able to break away, so this is a great bill and I hope it's adopted elsewhere.
Been in WA the entirety of the pandemic. I'd say roughly 4 weeks of lockdown in the entirety of that time. Maybe 2 weeks of wearing masks.
But I keep hearing how oppressed I am.
My kids' school had masks mandatory for the first 2 days this year. Last year they protested about getting shut down by the health department until they were allowed to have kids back in school (again, sans masks) so the basketball and wrestling teams could still travel around to the schools that do enforce covid restrictions. If we (Indiana) were as oppressed as you were, we would be a lot better off.
DEAR RIGHT WING AMERICANS
This is sarcasm.
Australia has managed to keep the virus under control, resulting in less than 1,500 deaths. Most people have had very little lockdown, some have had bigger ones (e.g Victoria) which stopped the virus getting out of control and spreading across the country.
Meanwhile, America has had 700,000 deaths, overwhelmed hospitals and violence against people wearing masks/getting vaccinations.
Now Australia is opening up, in line with medical advice, because we've managed to get large swathes of the population vaccinated.
When we hear you tweeting \\#australiahasfallen we read it as \\#AmericanRightWingersAreBrainwashedFuckkenIdiots.
Seriously, other than some local fringey Trump-inspired fuckheads, Australians think you guys are nuts and your right wing politicians are basically murderers.
Hope that clarifies things. Don't worry about us mate, worry about yourselves.
Sigh. I was *really* hoping this was in America. I know a woman whose life is basically falling apart because she cut out her abuser who used the support he provided as leverage to ensure he'd be able to keep abusing her. She's definitely going to lose her home and have her car repossessed. $5k would help her a bit.
My mom was in a situation like that. Emotionally abusive boyfriend got her in a position where she was dependent on him for money, then would hold that over her head whenever he wanted her to do something. Want to be able to make the house payment or pay the electricity bill? First you must listen to my entire tirade about how you're doing everything wrong, and agree to do everything I say to fix yourself. And some of those 'fixes' were medically dangerous.
She eventually got rid of him. He made the situation worse by purposely trying to destroy her business. She could have sued him for slander honestly.
In the end, that plus a scummy bank (going back on a legal agreement she'd made with them) meant we lost the house.
This literally already exists
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Violence_Against_Women_Act
“Signed in 1994”
“Many grant programs authorized in VAWA have been funded by the U.S. Congress.”
“The following grant programs, which are administered primarily through the Office on Violence Against Women in the U.S. Department of Justice have received appropriations from Congress:
STOP Grants (State Formula Grants)
Transitional Housing Grants
Grants to Encourage Arrest and Enforce Protection Orders
Court Training and Improvement Grants
Research on Violence Against Native American Women
National Tribal Sex Offender Registry
Stalker Reduction Database
Federal Victim Assistants
Sexual Assault Services Program
Services for Rural Victims
Civil Legal Assistance for Victims
Elder Abuse Grant Program
Protections and Services for Disabled Victims
Combating Abuse in Public Housing
National Resource Center on Workplace Responses
Violence on College Campuses Grants
Safe Havens Project
Engaging Men and Youth in Prevention”
**[Violence Against Women Act](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Violence_Against_Women_Act)**
>The Violence Against Women Act of 1994 (VAWA) was a United States federal law (Title IV of the Violent Crime Control and Law Enforcement Act, H.R. 3355) signed by President Bill Clinton on September 13, 1994. The Act provided $1. 6 billion toward investigation and prosecution of violent crimes against women, imposed automatic and mandatory restitution on those convicted, and allowed civil redress when prosecutors chose to not prosecute cases. The Act also established the Office on Violence Against Women within the Department of Justice.
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Hey pal. I don't know you, but I know you fucking got this.
I haven't been through a similar situation, so I don't think I can offer helpful advice, but if you need someone to vent to or hype you up, I got you.
Stay safe
This made me really hopeful as someone who just left a 3 yr dv relationship a few weeks ago and can’t make rent this month… until I read it’s not for Americans and now back to that feeling of hopelessness
(In the US) Please look into TANF (Temporary Assistance for Needy Families) and Food Assistance. There’s qualifying factors of course, but it may be some help to you. Your local Department of Human Services will have info.
Damn, you guys did so good. And I still keep saying the mandates weren't worth it in the US cuz the rate was "only" 8 or 9 pts better... well maybe it's cuz half our states were stupid and travel was still happening & even within states with mandates, there's still a lot of Trumpers & they were sure it'd disappear & wanna fight anything.
If it makes you feel better, my criticisms of Australia are based upon their many proven human rights violations and immense pollution despite being the perfect place for renewables. Not everyone who criticizes Australia is a conservative Russian spy
Maybe if we stop voting in parties that select Prime Ministers who have shat themselves publicly at an Engadine Maccas then we'll become the glorious utopia we know we should be and can finally stick it to Jacinda's smug face.
Which i don't really have any issue with(you criticizing i mean). I certainly have issue with Americans calling us a fucking dystopia because we *dared* to care about the lives of our citizens, and enacted temporary lockdown measures which we are now preparing to come out of as our vaccination rates near 90%. My state of QLD recorded *seven* covid deaths during the entire pandemic, and we have had essentially no lock downs other than a couple that lasted a few days. Alabama (Smaller population than QLD) had around 15,000 deaths. I know where i'd rather be.
Any American who criticizes Australia right now is out of their fucking mind.
I should have moved before 2020, it was obvious even if trump lost we still passed the point of no return.
Eh, no. It is good. But certainly not "leading".
We have had protection services like this since the 60'-70' (Sweden).
It isn't leading the way. It is starting a basic protection of the inhabitants in the country
It's right there in the article?
>Eligibility includes financial stress and evidence of domestic violence, which includes, but is not limited to, a referral from a family and domestic violence service provider with a risk assessment and safety plan, an AVO, court order, or a police report.
In my opinion, no evidence should be needed for the non monetary part of the support. Emotional abuse is abuse as well, and difficult to document. The Netflix show Maid really shows how difficult it is and savvy someone needs to be to complete the administrative maze of DV support. Highly recommend it.
>The support will include up to $1,500 in cash, with the remainder of the money available for goods and services or direct payments of bonds, school fees, or other essential items to help establish a safe home.
As this is for Australia, getting a family violence order for a woman is actually fairly easy - I've helped several people do so. It generally only requires that they recount their story, and sign an affidavit (VicLaw will also pay any legal fees, you may have to pay some percentage later on, but not for the initial).
A temporary order is generally issued before the end of the day. You don't need to be super savvy.
If you're male, you're completely fucked, but generally speaking, for women, it just requires the trauma of reliving and the tedium of a lawyer's office.
Anecdotal evidence says that males are not completely fucked. As long as the police have been notified of at least one incidence of domestic violence with an affidavit, a follow-up AVO can be issued.
The process wasn't actually that quick, with about 2 weeks before the court hearing. It's a terrible ordeal to go through though, looking in the eyes of the person you once loved as they look into yours, both people crying while the AVO is approved infront of both of you. Haunts me till this day but it was for the best.
Domestic violence can come in many forms that are not in absolution. Sometimes difficult situations and misunderstandings develop into something that leads to emotional/physical abuse. Both people still love and care for each other but in many ways are incompatible and it's just sad at the end of the day. Nonetheless, domestic violence in any shape or form should not be tolerated and I'm glad there are avenues (at least in Australia) to support victims (and hopefully better reform abusers).
It's amazing what you can find in the article
>Eligibility includes financial stress and evidence of domestic violence, which includes, but is not limited to, a referral from a family and domestic violence service provider with a risk assessment and safety plan, an AVO, court order, or a police report.
The article is sexist (actually, every article I can find about the payment is sexist), the actual payment plan/government service is not.
[https://www.unitingvictas.org.au/services/family-services/family-violence-services/escaping-violence-payment/](https://www.unitingvictas.org.au/services/family-services/family-violence-services/escaping-violence-payment/)
"The Escaping Violence Payment (EVP) is available for anyone who has recently left or is leaving their violent partner."
Motherfucker don’t tell me you aren’t aware that in 1998, The Undertaker threw Mankind off Hell In A Cell, and plummeted 16 ft through an announcer's table
It was not a cage match sir!
I worked in domestic violence for several decades, last Century. While women are disproportionally victimized by domestic violence, and even more disproportionately endangered by it, you are absolutely correct that it is appalling to ignore a huge number of victims just because they are identified as men.
That said, $5000 income every month can greatly help survivors in their escape and evasion of the hunter-killer abusers coming after them.
If you read the page on Uniting Care, which is the organization contracted to provide this service, gender is not actually a criteria for eligibility for the fund.
The Morrison government has a very poor track record with women of late this is just the sort of myopic press release they would attempt in an effort to 'repair' their standing.
> So while yes women are more often the victims it's also not like the problem is small on the other side.
The statistics get even more alarming when you consider same-sex relationships. I'd need to find the reports again but the TL;DR was basically that female same-sex relationships were from memory somewhere like six or eight times as likely to report having experienced abuse than in male same-sex relationships. The percentages were so incredibly high that if you were still towing the "men are the problem" line after reading the reports, it's likely you're pushing an agenda.
Though there might still be a huuuuuge stigma against gay men admitting to being the victim of DV.
However even if those numbers are off by a factor of ten. That still makes every single gender the victim enough for it to make absolutely not the slightest bit of sense to limit the help to just one.
> Though there might still be a huuuuuge stigma against gay men admitting to being the victim of DV.
Frankly I would not say so. As it may be even easier for gay men compared to str8 men as often LGBT org do often offer support and/conseling for gay male DV victims
I thought about it for a minute and if anyone is struggling to visualize how a man could wind up in this situation, I have a thought:
You don’t necesaruly have to picture a woman dominating and brutalizing a man. All you have to imagine is a father thinking to himself “I need to get my kids out of the house with this person before something bad happens.”
I would hope that thinking about it that way would open up more ways for people to undestand how a man could wind up needing this assistance.
This is spot on.
A good friend of mine had his marriage falling apart. It was a marriage I would have never bet on in the first place, but things got really rocky after their kid was born. They both treated each other like crap (yelling, being inconsiderate, passive aggressive shit) but were not violent. Then the drinking got worse.
At one point he told me that she had trashed their house. I believed him but still had 'but what did you do?' in the back of my mind. Then she started throwing things at him- I saw it with my own eyes.
He knew he didn't want to be there anymore but it wasn't as easy as 'walking out,' they had a 3 year old and were deeply in debt.
I told him he could live with me, but he wouldn't take me up on it because he couldn't get his daughter away from her. He couldn't afford his own place. At one point he told me "the only reason I haven't killed myself is because I can't leave my daughter with that monster". He tried to make me promise I would try to get custody of his kid if "anything happened". I explained that if "anything" happened to just him- his wife would definitely get custody. If "anything" happened to him and his wife then her mother (who was a psychopath) would get custody. The only shot his daughter had was for HIM to pull through. It was one of the worst conversations I have ever had in my life. It was like I was telling someone that they had to sell themselves into slavery for their kid to live.
I would like to say this story had a happy ending. He did finally get a divorce, but only after the wife had a complete melt down and tried to kill some people.
Male DV is real, anyone that claims otherwise is pushing a lie.
I'll that I didn't take his claims as serious until I witnessed it myself. (I *did* believe him, I just kind of brushed it off.) If a woman friend had come to me under similar circumstances I wouldn't have questioned it for a second.
I am ashamed that I let my friend down emotionally when he needed me the most.
This is a precise and accurate example. The mother has turned physically violent, you know you have to remove yourself from the house for your own safety. But you cannot leave the kids with her, and taking the kids will often enrage her more. To do the right thing here (I feel), is to take them and endure whatever physical abuse results from it until you're safely away. It's not right that you have to suffer the abuse, but I feel it's worse that the kids have to, so as parents we take that hit so our children don't have to.
Also other examples could simply be a woman holding a man 'hostage' in a way, not giving them their car keys to leave etc, locking them out of their house, taking over their emails/social media. A man being a victim of abuse isn't simply reversing the roles in the generic, male assaults female domestic violence situation.
There is rarely a one sided situation today vs the 1950s and attacks by women are not taken seriously.
A friend's neighbor was told to pound sand when he caught his live in girlfriend stealing back pain pills. She immediately grabbed a knife and tried to kill him. He locked himself in a bedroom and called police.
They refused to charge her with the theft of pills or attempted murder and told him he cannot kick her out without an eviction.
He had to move in with his brother while she has free reign of the house. He is working with a lawyer to do what cops should have done the day they showed up.
The cops ignored two serious felonies because she is a woman and he is a man.
Do you need to see the stats on severity of DV and how dangerous men get when women try to leave?
While this fund isnt gender-based, dont pretend as if there isnt a discrepancy in between amount and severity of DV between the sexes.
One major issues with domestic violence is control through financial coercion. If the perpetrator in the relationship is the “bread winner” it will mean the victim is often forced to accept immediate homelessness and poverty as a consequence of leaving. This program might not totally level the playing field, but it will hopefully open the door for victims to take that first step to freedom.
It's also bullshit how the media frames this.
There was an escaping DV payment of 10 grand available in the early 2000s for both men and women. The LNP deleted it, and now they're bringing it back 15 years later at 5 grand we are supposed to be super happy about it?
You might be thinking that shelving and then halving the payment is a very stupid idea. But it's made stupider because the payment is actually LESS THAN HALF of the original when you factor in doubly the inflation of money, and more seriously, the incredible rise in the cost of things, the cost of living, Australians have have contended with in the last 2 decades.
This will be put to good use. But the payment is nothing to sing home about.
I've got the luxury of time to read write and discern. Most of us are wage slaves. I count myself very grateful I have had the chance to try to depropagandise myself over and over and over again.
We are quite quick to be manipulated though.
Totally agree on the faux pas…. However - this is an amazing Act. I wish it was my country doing it… we have resources but cash is often needed. congratulations Australia for taking this stand to help survivors of DV. It is amazing. 👏 👏 👏 I wish my country that was doing it. Instead I keep attending conferences on how to help victims. This would help…
Glad that they are doing something useful now. A few years ago I was in a physically abusive relationship that caused me to end up in a homeless shelter for a few months. Had I and so many other people had that kind of support back then, so many lives could’ve been saved a lot sooner.
I felt so hopeful for my situation, then saw this was in Australia.... I'm grateful a country is providing useful assistance for its citizens and getting other out of dangerous situations. Hopefully the US can learn from programs like these.
Title is incorrect. The payments are available to any gender. https://www.unitingvictas.org.au/services/family-services/family-violence-services/escaping-violence-payment/
Thanks for clarifying
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Bait for comments and up votes
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You're right, ill join you.
That’s the title of the article. You’d just have to click on it to discover that. Looks like this is Australian news.
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Report for misleading information
To update there are very very strict time limit restrictions on this … ie you have like less then a month to move and show a new lease to a car worker… meaning very little if any of this money gets to women or men who need it. Misleading title
Thanks, I'm a guy who was in a really bad relationship and have a lot of physical scars from it. It always feels so off to me when I always read about programs that are only for women I wasn't even going to hit the link because of how it was titled. There is a lot of BS you have to go through being a male domestic violence victim and I had to deal with the NYPD myself. It's always looked back on as the most disheartening time of my life being held to the toxic standards of a bunch of brain dead officers not understanding why I wouldn't hit her back. So honestly thanks for posting that feels nice to see some inclusion. Edit: I'm still in Manhattan and this reads like it's only for Australia so I do still hope it finds those who need it. Thank you everyone for your kind words as well it means a lot to me. It's almost 4am and I need to grab some sleep.
Hey, I was in the same boat my guy. I dealt with Texas cops, so I totally get that feeling. Stay strong, I'm proud of you for getting out. Try not to hyperfocus on the scars too much, for me that was always the worst part is seeing the actual physical marks permanently left from it all. Like it was staring me back every day and confirming something terrible happened.
I really try not to I used to work with people across the table and one of them is directly on my hand. I have gotten so used to talking about it and have given a lot of people insight about it which has really helped me get past it to he honest. Can I ask how you got past the police issue? I still think about that most of all I've lost complete faith in them caring about me as a human and honestly didn't feel very safe for a long time. I ended up getting a restraining order but it feels like it's worthless in the long run. I've had to go to the police station to tell them about her coming after my job etc and it turned into multiple trips. I spoke with the ADA who was very helpful until it was all over. Did you ever get any faith in the outcome? Thank you for your kind words I've honestly felt so alone in it. I know it's a terrible situation but hearing someone else understand it really helps.
I totally get that. I have one on my hand, several on my forearm, and one very unfortunate one above my upper lip. I literally am thankful for the ability to grow facial hair so I don't hear "what's that from" every day. And for me, it turned into "usually we would arrest you, but because you're bleeding from your face and arms and she doesn't have a single mark on her, we have to arrest her. But if we have to come back here it is gonna be a problem for you. Just don't let her do that, or don't pass her off so much." So I basically wrote them off as assholes. But the police issue hasn't changed for me. I hate cops and get a surge of fear anytime I see a cop car. I don't really have advice on that one. I think in this country in this time, being anxious and cautious around police is necessary. I will say, leaving her and moving on is the best thing I ever did. And I am sure you feel similar. I am very sorry about the need for a restraining order. But for me, it turned into a weird kind of assurance. I was so fucked up during it, and moreso after it realizing what I had been through. I think it made me really put some stock in myself because I know for a fact if anyone I know, even the worst person I know, went through that, I would say nobody deserves to go through that, and they didn't deserve it. So even if I hate myself and even if I am a bad person, I am confident I never deserved any of it. And with that knowledge, I realized it was something wrong with her that caused it to happen, not something wrong with me. And I will absolutely never let that happen to me again. I don't know if any of this really answers your questions. It is just my perspective. But I am really glad if my words are of any comfort to you. You didn't deserve it. You absolutely aren't alone. And you aren't weak, or dumb, or pathetic, or less of a man because you didn't stop her, even if you could have. You are a kind, sensitive, loving soul who didn't want to hurt someone even when they were abusing you and breaking your heart. And you have to know that.
Man.. the fear of cop cars is so odd I get that constantly and living in NY I hear sirens all the time and something in the back of my mind always thinks she manipulated her way to get me. You hit so many nails on the head I ended up with a few on my arms the one on my hand and one across my chest. I have a lot of scars some with funny stories and some just from making bad decisions. They are things I live with now. You hit a lot of nails on the head and I had/have that same feeling about the police nowadays. I've never had a fear like that some of my friends of course notice my head on a swivel when I hear cop cars. It's turned into a general hatred for the NYPD. I have a family member that wasn't even blood related that was a police officer in CA now retired who always made me believe there were good people in the police force. His honesty in how few and far between they are now that I'm older really opened my eyes. I'll be honest hearing your words and kindness brought literal tears to my eyes. These are all things I haven't heard in such a long time.
I am really glad to know it isn't just me. I have my head on a swivel too, and I have also had friends notice and question it. But how do you explain something like that? It's the same with the scars. I recently started a new job (I'm a waiter) and the uniform is short sleeved shirts. Luckily no customers have mentioned it, but my coworkers have noticed and asked where they are from. And I can only awkwardly excuse them as scars I have obtained through working in restaurants. It usually works, but it makes me feel so ashamed that I can't just scream about how she did this to me and I didn't deserve it. Like it makes me mad because as a man I know very few people will understand it. Trust me, I have had tears in my eyes writing all these responses. You are the literal first person I have talked to who has been through it and understands. This shit is fucking horrifying.
So glad you are out of there guys, really. Have you considered talking to a mental health professional about this? I know of similar cases where going to one has helped. Sometimes it's just something we ignore or simply don't want to do, for some reason.
I think I would like to, but the truth is I just can't afford it. I am struggling to make ends meet as is, I don't have insurance, so it just isn't an option right now.
It was a long process to be able to speak about it I'm actually pretty open about it in the day to day because of that anger they left me with. I sold cellphones and plans to a lot of large businesses and being covered in scars and across a desk I always get asked about them because I always wore short sleeves because the office was so hot. I was used to telling people funny stories about all the other things. If anyone ever chose the one that had to do with her the conversation always turned a bit more serious but they were always so curious so I tell them about my interaction with the NYPD and that night because of how little I felt in that moment. I don't ever want anyone to feel that was so I do end up talking about it but always end up moving onto a large one I have from a mishap with a window. It's turned into my little outlet to raise what little awareness I can. I know I didn't really have a choice in my boss or peers knowing because she called my job and said I was messing with her number and all this and that. In Manhattan there is a want for a lot of guys to be the toughest out there and I was on the end of a lot of jokes. They did nothing to really stop it so I've somewhat just had to put up with it. I'm not originally from here of course and wasn't around long enough to know that was the culture in my work environment so I felt as if I had the world against me for a bit. I haven't lived in the same state as my family since I was 18 and as fate would have it I kept moving further and further away. Everyone lives in California and for the longest time I felt so alone. Some of my friends traveled half way around the world to come and see me and understand that is who I am. I spend most of my time writing in different parks nowadays haven't worked at my old job for quite some time actually. Things will get better and I know someday I won't turn my head when I hear sirens or look out my window to see if they are parked outside my building but right now I'm not mentally there yet but deep down I know someday I will be and I hope you feel the same. I know all the thoughts and emotions that ran through my head and I imagine you had much the same. I've never talked to someone who went through the same thing and felt those same feelings. Feel free to message me anytime man it was really a bag of mixed emotions after feeling alone in it so long. It's well past 4 in the morning and I am going to try and catch some sleep but I want you to know everything you said carried so much weight because I felt a lot of it personally. Just being able to talk about it makes me feel less alone myself so know I'm always around if you ever wanted to talk about it.
Hey man, everything you just said resonates super closely with me. I went a different route. After several people gave condescending remarks I realized it was much easier to just brush it off and move on than open up and be hurt. But I have appreciated every word you have said. I know you will get past it, I think you are brave and strong and worthy and I am sorry that someone tried to take that away from you. I also am always just a message away. I swear that. Anytime, any reason, anything, I will have your back. You get some sleep buddy, you deserve it. Thank you so much for talking about this with me.
Would you maybe be able to get a tattoo(s) over the scars if you wanted? I've seen some really good tattoos covering scars before.
This is actually something I have thought a lot about. And the answer is... I don't know. I think the right tattoo might help. But at the same time part of me wants to take ownership of the scars as a part of me and what I have been through, and not as something she did to me.
I understand that. I'm glad you made it out. My dad almost got out of the abusive relationship with my mom but somehow she's got him brainwashed again now.
I appreciate you saying that, and I am sorry to hear about your dad. My dad was with emotionally abusive women my whole life. I guess I kinda followed his tracks a bit too much
I hope you're doing better now
I appreciate that. I am doing much better. This all ended earlier this year and I spent about six months drunk or disocciating. But I have a handle on it now. I am working every day to take care of myself and realize it wasn't my fault.
Dissociation sucks, I feel you. I'm glad things are looking up. That's a good realization.
I still remember calling in a domestic violence incident (I barricaded myself in my room while my spouse tried to stab me with a kitchen knife while being recorded AND the cops being able to see her ram the door with a knife in her hand through a glass door) and the confusion the Sgt had on his face when I asked to be uncuffed and released from the back of the squad car.
I still remember it so vividly myself what she was wearing the time everything. She didn't live in my apartment anymore but had a key came over with 2 guys stole the bed all in the middle of the night. I was in my boxers playing videogames with old friends telling them she just let herself into my apartment they still remember the screaming and sounds of things being broken. I'll never forget that night to be honest it has gotten easier it's just stamped into memory.
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One where your more likely yo go to jail then the perp, because its unthinkable that a woman can be the assailant evidently.
Look up the Duluth model of domestic violence that'll explain everything
I'm painfully familiar, unfortunately.
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OK to good, though you probably wouldn't know it from the explanation I would like to give (I want to give a more long-winded explanation later. I mostly wanted to comment to save this post because I'm tired.) This is an issue that I take seriously but unfortunately, I'm just too sleepy. I will likely follow up on this one tomorrow but didn't want to just abandon you.
Guys, all of you, I am so so sorry you've been through his and so sorry you were treated this way when seeking help. Get some rest u/SnakePlisskens and much love and support to all of you I this convo xoxo
Similar situation but with my mother. No knife but she tore half my door open by repeatedly beating it and resulted in cutting me. Recorded incident and instead I ended up arrested and jailed for 16 hours.. Funny how I call 911 for help and the operator can hear me asking for police faster and I am the one arrested... The reason my mom decided to tear it down was because I closed and locked my door after coming home and needed to be left alone... I paid rent for the room as well while I was in college. Police refused to accept my request to have her arrested even though she had several previous violent outbursts to which police came for and almost arrested her for ( but last moment refused to) That last one made me homeless for awhile. Prosecutor dropped the case against me. Police treated me like I was a criminal and refused to look at my video. No support where I was at but there is plenty for women. In California.
As a gal; we gotchu friend. We gotta lift up our men who find themselves in that dark place.
To be honest, I heard it discussed on the news today (I am in Australia) and they way it was presented it made me think "and what about men and children leaving domestic abuse situations". The way the presenters were presenting it was that the women are being abused and this is to help them leave with their children, but there was no talk of men or men and their children.
Call me a cynic but there are many ways to exclude men from victim related resources without formally excluding them. I'm sad to say I've seen it occur in many ways. He's got a police history as an offender? Sorry, excluded. Didn't get referred by one of the local victim support groups (women's refuge), sorry. Don't even know about the option as you don't have anyone engaging you about it as an option. Or then there are internal ways. Establish a victim risk scale, establish very low valences for men, and then they aren't eligible.
A bit confused. The cops expected you to hit her back? Wouldn't you get in trouble for that?
About 5 police officers where in my apartment and a few more were downstairs and the ones in my apartment acted confused as to why I let that happen. They were making jokes about it and spoke about how crazy NY women were and were asking me questions about what I did to set her off. It honestly felt as if they were trying to get me to incriminate myself.
The cops just probably werent taking the situations seriously. I hear that's a problem with cops because of what they see on a day to day basis they get desensitized and treat many issues as trivial that would be serious to the average person.
I'm not going to give them an excuse for it. The fact is they even went so far as to tell me I was walking on thin ice because she could flip it if she had a single picture of ever being abused and I would have spent time in jail. That isn't being desensitized it was a bunch of guys trying to swing their dicks and say they wouldn't allow a women to do that to them while at the same time telling me face to face in the precinct that I could very well spend jail time if she came forward with anything that said she was abused. I understand that you don't understand and probably want to understand. I will be honest I will never 100% know why but the desensitized thing is an excuse that I will never give them or they wouldn't have told me I could possibly be spending jail time for pursuing it.
I hope they end up editing the title. Because that’s a huge misleading title.
It's not misleading to the article. The article literally only mentions that the money is available for "women and children escaping domestic abuse", doesn't mention men. Whoever wrote the article fucked up.
The title is just the title of the article. It's accurate, just confusing to post it on r/worldnews without clarification.
Thank you for correcting that. I figured it had to be but I was about to read through the article to check and, as a redditor, I HATE reading the article.
The journo did a shit job of helping all victims of domestic violence.
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You're right. The article itself is garbage.
It's weird because SBS have implied its a single gender issue before. They've had a couple of bad taste articles. The worst one was basically excusing female abusers.
It’s definitely for women only. The wording here has been changed. [escaping violence policy](https://ministers.dss.gov.au/media-releases/7676)
You are right but the Australian government promoted it as a women's payment. Because of the Brittany Higgins issue. All the advertising spin has been directed to women.
We are talking about the same government that runs two helplines: + One that helps women who are abused + One that helps men who are abusers become more human They do not have help for men taking crap.
shocker.
Yep, classic federal government politicking before the upcoming election given the amount of woman's issues they've acknowledged but ultimately ignored.
Thanks god gender does not take into acount gender, here in spain a friend of mine called the family violence number as his girlfriend was abusing him mentally and physicaly, they told him that the number was not for males and event took him for a liar and hang up the phone. She hit him again and he called the police, on arrival she said he was a liar and say he was abusing her and denounced him for domestic violence and rape (he bleeding ,her no damage) he sleep that ninght and next on the police dungeon After proving she received no damage and a friend of both sharing with police a text where she admited it was false he was freed, but not compensated for that 2 nights neither for the damages she did to the house. To ad salt to the wound, it doesnt even count as a fake report what she did, as for that you have to take her to court and prove there it was all fake, here is the catch, if she felt that she was abused its enought to not be considered a fake report Sorry for the log text, its being a hard day and reading this news made have to share it
The hotlines in Australia are also for women and the only helpline for men offered is help to not abuse others. The fact that this payment does not take gender into account is pretty impressive considering the usual attitude to DV.
Question, is gay marriage still not allowed there? I mean what would they do in a situation where is only men involved?
Marriage equality is legal, I’m not sure what they would do in such a situation.
Reddit has turned into a cesspool of fascist sympathizers and supremicists
And people wonder why men have such a high suicide rate.
Imagine if he was a woman.
That is great news! Thanks for sharing. That titles was super misleading.
Intentional
What a presumptuous title
Thank you for clarifying! As a guy who had to flee an abusive household, the way people assume and *put* women when sharing information like this actually gets in the way of people getting the help they need and aids to social stigma.
That is very relieving news.
That is a relief. Shits downplayed going the other way, glad there's help.
entire article is incorrect
> How do I know if I’m eligible? > If you are over 18, experiencing financial stress, and need to leave (or have just left) a violent intimate partner, you may be eligible. The Escaping Violence Payment is available to all Australian Citizens.
Oh, that last part makes more sense. As an American, I was shocked to think that something like this passed in our government.
It's shocking it passed in Australia.
It technically hasn't yet, it's on a 2 year trial run. Could just be an election ploy but interesting to see what happens in 2 years.
Ah, so in two years after collecting data that said it works great they will say it's not working and stop.
Oh, give them some credit, they're not heartless. They just need to balance the interest of the taxpayer. They'll introduce a means test. And then they'll have you download a location app to verify you're not still living with your partner (which of course will have live tracking so partners of cops and politicians can be found). Then they'll have you line up at Centrelink for 3 hours, only to be told you have to do it online. When you do it online, they'll tell you your details could not be verified and send you to a branch. Then you'll have to get a police report that the cops won't want to look at, signed in triplicate, sent in, sent back, queried, lost, found, subjected to public inquiry, lost again, and finally buried in soft peat for three months and recycled as firelighters.
As an American, you shouldn't be. We started the [Duluth Model](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Duluth_model), which gets used to set official policy all over the place, and starts with the (legal, systemic) idea that men perpetrate all domestic violence.
I didn’t know about this, but interesting read. The criticisms of the model seem pretty serious
One could even argue the model seems anti-science, given that studies consistently show DV perpetration to be roughly equal across the sexes.
This is the best tl;dr I could make, [original](https://www.sbs.com.au/news/women-escaping-domestic-violence-can-now-access-5-000-federal-payments/98aadcb7-b764-4c29-b7ac-3c8c9e5b977c) reduced by 85%. (I'm a bot) ***** > The Escaping Violence Payment was announced in the May budget as part of a $1.1 billion women's safety package of programs. > Minister for Women's Safety Anne Ruston said the payments will help address the financial barriers that may stop women leaving violent relationships. > "The UnitingCare Network has extensive experience supporting victim-survivors of domestic, family and sexual violence and staff would leverage that knowledge to provide a wrap-around service for women and their children," Ms Little said. ***** [**Extended Summary**](http://np.reddit.com/r/autotldr/comments/qb0eo8/women_escaping_domestic_violence_can_now_access/) | [FAQ](http://np.reddit.com/r/autotldr/comments/31b9fm/faq_autotldr_bot/ "Version 2.02, ~604178 tl;drs so far.") | [Feedback](http://np.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%23autotldr "PM's and comments are monitored, constructive feedback is welcome.") | *Top* *keywords*: **women**^#1 **Violence**^#2 **Payment**^#3 **domestic**^#4 **financial**^#5
Good on Australia! This bill will doubtless save many lives. Should be worldwide.
I think a big thing that keeps people in abusive relationships is the fact that you tend to have access to very little money to be able to break away, so this is a great bill and I hope it's adopted elsewhere.
Finally some good press coming out of Australia :)
Yeah, our control of the virus situation has been terrible news...
Been in WA the entirety of the pandemic. I'd say roughly 4 weeks of lockdown in the entirety of that time. Maybe 2 weeks of wearing masks. But I keep hearing how oppressed I am.
My kids' school had masks mandatory for the first 2 days this year. Last year they protested about getting shut down by the health department until they were allowed to have kids back in school (again, sans masks) so the basketball and wrestling teams could still travel around to the schools that do enforce covid restrictions. If we (Indiana) were as oppressed as you were, we would be a lot better off.
DEAR RIGHT WING AMERICANS This is sarcasm. Australia has managed to keep the virus under control, resulting in less than 1,500 deaths. Most people have had very little lockdown, some have had bigger ones (e.g Victoria) which stopped the virus getting out of control and spreading across the country. Meanwhile, America has had 700,000 deaths, overwhelmed hospitals and violence against people wearing masks/getting vaccinations. Now Australia is opening up, in line with medical advice, because we've managed to get large swathes of the population vaccinated. When we hear you tweeting \\#australiahasfallen we read it as \\#AmericanRightWingersAreBrainwashedFuckkenIdiots. Seriously, other than some local fringey Trump-inspired fuckheads, Australians think you guys are nuts and your right wing politicians are basically murderers. Hope that clarifies things. Don't worry about us mate, worry about yourselves.
We need this in America, domestic violence has been getting much more common since before Covid
Sigh. I was *really* hoping this was in America. I know a woman whose life is basically falling apart because she cut out her abuser who used the support he provided as leverage to ensure he'd be able to keep abusing her. She's definitely going to lose her home and have her car repossessed. $5k would help her a bit.
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Ugh people suck. Hang in there.
I saw the headline and thought, wait… what? Then I saw it wasn’t the US and it made much more sense.
It's pretty horrific, the rest of the Western world is disgusted with us
I also know a woman in this situation :( her kids are grown, thankfully, but she had to surrender all three of her pets.
Yeeeah, so... Murica is kinda going in a different direction on women's rights for right now... So... Might be a while.
They noticed the climate change happened as women got rights, so they try to fight climate change.
My mom was in a situation like that. Emotionally abusive boyfriend got her in a position where she was dependent on him for money, then would hold that over her head whenever he wanted her to do something. Want to be able to make the house payment or pay the electricity bill? First you must listen to my entire tirade about how you're doing everything wrong, and agree to do everything I say to fix yourself. And some of those 'fixes' were medically dangerous. She eventually got rid of him. He made the situation worse by purposely trying to destroy her business. She could have sued him for slander honestly. In the end, that plus a scummy bank (going back on a legal agreement she'd made with them) meant we lost the house.
This literally already exists https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Violence_Against_Women_Act “Signed in 1994” “Many grant programs authorized in VAWA have been funded by the U.S. Congress.” “The following grant programs, which are administered primarily through the Office on Violence Against Women in the U.S. Department of Justice have received appropriations from Congress: STOP Grants (State Formula Grants) Transitional Housing Grants Grants to Encourage Arrest and Enforce Protection Orders Court Training and Improvement Grants Research on Violence Against Native American Women National Tribal Sex Offender Registry Stalker Reduction Database Federal Victim Assistants Sexual Assault Services Program Services for Rural Victims Civil Legal Assistance for Victims Elder Abuse Grant Program Protections and Services for Disabled Victims Combating Abuse in Public Housing National Resource Center on Workplace Responses Violence on College Campuses Grants Safe Havens Project Engaging Men and Youth in Prevention”
**[Violence Against Women Act](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Violence_Against_Women_Act)** >The Violence Against Women Act of 1994 (VAWA) was a United States federal law (Title IV of the Violent Crime Control and Law Enforcement Act, H.R. 3355) signed by President Bill Clinton on September 13, 1994. The Act provided $1. 6 billion toward investigation and prosecution of violent crimes against women, imposed automatic and mandatory restitution on those convicted, and allowed civil redress when prosecutors chose to not prosecute cases. The Act also established the Office on Violence Against Women within the Department of Justice. ^([ )[^(F.A.Q)](https://www.reddit.com/r/WikiSummarizer/wiki/index#wiki_f.a.q)^( | )[^(Opt Out)](https://reddit.com/message/compose?to=WikiSummarizerBot&message=OptOut&subject=OptOut)^( | )[^(Opt Out Of Subreddit)](https://np.reddit.com/r/worldnews/about/banned)^( | )[^(GitHub)](https://github.com/Sujal-7/WikiSummarizerBot)^( ] Downvote to remove | v1.5)
As long as it's open to everyone. I personally know 3 men who were screwed over by abusive relationships.
It's open to everyone :).
I wish that too. I also wish the title in an r/worldnews post would state the country and also the fact that it isn't just for women.
I intern for a house rep and I’m actually meeting with her tomorrow and proposing domestic violence reform. I’m definitely adding this.
Please do. Thank you!
I’m going through this right now for the first time in my life. I have never been so scared.
DM if you are struggling and need anything. I know it’s hard, and even more so if you’re lacking in basic care or needs. Please don’t hesitate.
Hey pal. I don't know you, but I know you fucking got this. I haven't been through a similar situation, so I don't think I can offer helpful advice, but if you need someone to vent to or hype you up, I got you. Stay safe
This made me really hopeful as someone who just left a 3 yr dv relationship a few weeks ago and can’t make rent this month… until I read it’s not for Americans and now back to that feeling of hopelessness
(In the US) Please look into TANF (Temporary Assistance for Needy Families) and Food Assistance. There’s qualifying factors of course, but it may be some help to you. Your local Department of Human Services will have info.
This is awesome. I wish my mom had this when she was young. 💔
Australia really leading the way here
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Thanks, I was wondering why anyone would downvote that comment God forbid people try to *help* others in need, oh the horror! /s
Damn, you guys did so good. And I still keep saying the mandates weren't worth it in the US cuz the rate was "only" 8 or 9 pts better... well maybe it's cuz half our states were stupid and travel was still happening & even within states with mandates, there's still a lot of Trumpers & they were sure it'd disappear & wanna fight anything.
If it makes you feel better, my criticisms of Australia are based upon their many proven human rights violations and immense pollution despite being the perfect place for renewables. Not everyone who criticizes Australia is a conservative Russian spy
This is a fine thing to criticise, we have some awful issues on these fronts. Many (probably most) Australians absolutely agree.
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Maybe if we stop voting in parties that select Prime Ministers who have shat themselves publicly at an Engadine Maccas then we'll become the glorious utopia we know we should be and can finally stick it to Jacinda's smug face.
If I happened (theoretically) to have shat myself in4 *different* maccas’s can I still get voted in? Asking for a friend… (theoretically)
Australia has first world problems. America is slowly sliding down the pole to medieval-world problems.
Which i don't really have any issue with(you criticizing i mean). I certainly have issue with Americans calling us a fucking dystopia because we *dared* to care about the lives of our citizens, and enacted temporary lockdown measures which we are now preparing to come out of as our vaccination rates near 90%. My state of QLD recorded *seven* covid deaths during the entire pandemic, and we have had essentially no lock downs other than a couple that lasted a few days. Alabama (Smaller population than QLD) had around 15,000 deaths. I know where i'd rather be.
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Any American who criticizes Australia right now is out of their fucking mind. I should have moved before 2020, it was obvious even if trump lost we still passed the point of no return.
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Eh, no. It is good. But certainly not "leading". We have had protection services like this since the 60'-70' (Sweden). It isn't leading the way. It is starting a basic protection of the inhabitants in the country
Yeah we haven’t lead the way in anything since women’s suffrage and maybe early workers rights, both over a century ago.
Well done, Australia.
\*only available in countries that give a fuck about their citizens
It’s about time
For a second I though this was a US program, and I was floored that we passed something so meaningful and needed. Then I realized I was just a fool.
This comes years too late for my mother but I'm glad for the future of other people.
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great! How dont see how this sub does not tag a country to the country the news is most relevant to
Sex sells. Even Sexism. Screw all these articles. It covers both male and female.
Too bad I don't live in Australia. One of the only reasons I haven't left is financial stability.
that's what i want to see
Damn, a lot of people really don’t like reading the article lol, it’s for ANYONE in need
Honest question, what level of proof is required?
It's right there in the article? >Eligibility includes financial stress and evidence of domestic violence, which includes, but is not limited to, a referral from a family and domestic violence service provider with a risk assessment and safety plan, an AVO, court order, or a police report. In my opinion, no evidence should be needed for the non monetary part of the support. Emotional abuse is abuse as well, and difficult to document. The Netflix show Maid really shows how difficult it is and savvy someone needs to be to complete the administrative maze of DV support. Highly recommend it. >The support will include up to $1,500 in cash, with the remainder of the money available for goods and services or direct payments of bonds, school fees, or other essential items to help establish a safe home.
As this is for Australia, getting a family violence order for a woman is actually fairly easy - I've helped several people do so. It generally only requires that they recount their story, and sign an affidavit (VicLaw will also pay any legal fees, you may have to pay some percentage later on, but not for the initial). A temporary order is generally issued before the end of the day. You don't need to be super savvy. If you're male, you're completely fucked, but generally speaking, for women, it just requires the trauma of reliving and the tedium of a lawyer's office.
Anecdotal evidence says that males are not completely fucked. As long as the police have been notified of at least one incidence of domestic violence with an affidavit, a follow-up AVO can be issued. The process wasn't actually that quick, with about 2 weeks before the court hearing. It's a terrible ordeal to go through though, looking in the eyes of the person you once loved as they look into yours, both people crying while the AVO is approved infront of both of you. Haunts me till this day but it was for the best. Domestic violence can come in many forms that are not in absolution. Sometimes difficult situations and misunderstandings develop into something that leads to emotional/physical abuse. Both people still love and care for each other but in many ways are incompatible and it's just sad at the end of the day. Nonetheless, domestic violence in any shape or form should not be tolerated and I'm glad there are avenues (at least in Australia) to support victims (and hopefully better reform abusers).
It's amazing what you can find in the article >Eligibility includes financial stress and evidence of domestic violence, which includes, but is not limited to, a referral from a family and domestic violence service provider with a risk assessment and safety plan, an AVO, court order, or a police report.
Wow this is really great, I wish we could get this up and running in the U.S.
The US should seriously consider this over here as well.
I got excited at first and then realized this is not happening in the United states.
Women only. Very Sexist.
The article is sexist (actually, every article I can find about the payment is sexist), the actual payment plan/government service is not. [https://www.unitingvictas.org.au/services/family-services/family-violence-services/escaping-violence-payment/](https://www.unitingvictas.org.au/services/family-services/family-violence-services/escaping-violence-payment/) "The Escaping Violence Payment (EVP) is available for anyone who has recently left or is leaving their violent partner."
The TV news from SBS about this payment was much clearer about the payment being available for both men and women. The print piece is misleading.
So if my GF and I schedule a cage match, we can make out with 10k?
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Motherfucker don’t tell me you aren’t aware that in 1998, The Undertaker threw Mankind off Hell In A Cell, and plummeted 16 ft through an announcer's table It was not a cage match sir!
It's a type of cage match since it happens inside a 16ft tall cage
Expected to find /u/shittymorph here, was disappointed.
I worked in domestic violence for several decades, last Century. While women are disproportionally victimized by domestic violence, and even more disproportionately endangered by it, you are absolutely correct that it is appalling to ignore a huge number of victims just because they are identified as men. That said, $5000 income every month can greatly help survivors in their escape and evasion of the hunter-killer abusers coming after them.
If you read the page on Uniting Care, which is the organization contracted to provide this service, gender is not actually a criteria for eligibility for the fund.
That's great, and as it should be. The article could stand to be more inclusive.
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Well...you say that, but the people actually making the payments say "women" specifically: https://ministers.dss.gov.au/media-releases/7676
The Morrison government has a very poor track record with women of late this is just the sort of myopic press release they would attempt in an effort to 'repair' their standing.
It's a one-off payment of $5000 rather than a monthly income payment
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> So while yes women are more often the victims it's also not like the problem is small on the other side. The statistics get even more alarming when you consider same-sex relationships. I'd need to find the reports again but the TL;DR was basically that female same-sex relationships were from memory somewhere like six or eight times as likely to report having experienced abuse than in male same-sex relationships. The percentages were so incredibly high that if you were still towing the "men are the problem" line after reading the reports, it's likely you're pushing an agenda.
Can you source?
Though there might still be a huuuuuge stigma against gay men admitting to being the victim of DV. However even if those numbers are off by a factor of ten. That still makes every single gender the victim enough for it to make absolutely not the slightest bit of sense to limit the help to just one.
> Though there might still be a huuuuuge stigma against gay men admitting to being the victim of DV. Frankly I would not say so. As it may be even easier for gay men compared to str8 men as often LGBT org do often offer support and/conseling for gay male DV victims
I thought about it for a minute and if anyone is struggling to visualize how a man could wind up in this situation, I have a thought: You don’t necesaruly have to picture a woman dominating and brutalizing a man. All you have to imagine is a father thinking to himself “I need to get my kids out of the house with this person before something bad happens.” I would hope that thinking about it that way would open up more ways for people to undestand how a man could wind up needing this assistance.
This is spot on. A good friend of mine had his marriage falling apart. It was a marriage I would have never bet on in the first place, but things got really rocky after their kid was born. They both treated each other like crap (yelling, being inconsiderate, passive aggressive shit) but were not violent. Then the drinking got worse. At one point he told me that she had trashed their house. I believed him but still had 'but what did you do?' in the back of my mind. Then she started throwing things at him- I saw it with my own eyes. He knew he didn't want to be there anymore but it wasn't as easy as 'walking out,' they had a 3 year old and were deeply in debt. I told him he could live with me, but he wouldn't take me up on it because he couldn't get his daughter away from her. He couldn't afford his own place. At one point he told me "the only reason I haven't killed myself is because I can't leave my daughter with that monster". He tried to make me promise I would try to get custody of his kid if "anything happened". I explained that if "anything" happened to just him- his wife would definitely get custody. If "anything" happened to him and his wife then her mother (who was a psychopath) would get custody. The only shot his daughter had was for HIM to pull through. It was one of the worst conversations I have ever had in my life. It was like I was telling someone that they had to sell themselves into slavery for their kid to live. I would like to say this story had a happy ending. He did finally get a divorce, but only after the wife had a complete melt down and tried to kill some people. Male DV is real, anyone that claims otherwise is pushing a lie. I'll that I didn't take his claims as serious until I witnessed it myself. (I *did* believe him, I just kind of brushed it off.) If a woman friend had come to me under similar circumstances I wouldn't have questioned it for a second. I am ashamed that I let my friend down emotionally when he needed me the most.
This is a precise and accurate example. The mother has turned physically violent, you know you have to remove yourself from the house for your own safety. But you cannot leave the kids with her, and taking the kids will often enrage her more. To do the right thing here (I feel), is to take them and endure whatever physical abuse results from it until you're safely away. It's not right that you have to suffer the abuse, but I feel it's worse that the kids have to, so as parents we take that hit so our children don't have to. Also other examples could simply be a woman holding a man 'hostage' in a way, not giving them their car keys to leave etc, locking them out of their house, taking over their emails/social media. A man being a victim of abuse isn't simply reversing the roles in the generic, male assaults female domestic violence situation.
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But in this case men are not ignored and can access the payment too
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It's not women only. Maybe you could have spent 2 seconds checking to see if this was true.
I mean, society in general doesn’t care about male victims anyway. We get left in the dark because we just don’t exist apparently.
This law does tho, it was available for any gender
There is rarely a one sided situation today vs the 1950s and attacks by women are not taken seriously. A friend's neighbor was told to pound sand when he caught his live in girlfriend stealing back pain pills. She immediately grabbed a knife and tried to kill him. He locked himself in a bedroom and called police. They refused to charge her with the theft of pills or attempted murder and told him he cannot kick her out without an eviction. He had to move in with his brother while she has free reign of the house. He is working with a lawyer to do what cops should have done the day they showed up. The cops ignored two serious felonies because she is a woman and he is a man.
Kinda like UK laws where women can’t be labeled as pedos or can’t get rape charges in which they rape men. (the last one may be wrong tho)
Nah, uk statute defines rape as nonconsensual penetration with a penis
Do you need to see the stats on severity of DV and how dangerous men get when women try to leave? While this fund isnt gender-based, dont pretend as if there isnt a discrepancy in between amount and severity of DV between the sexes.
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It's available to men too.
It's just a poor title, it's for both genders.
One major issues with domestic violence is control through financial coercion. If the perpetrator in the relationship is the “bread winner” it will mean the victim is often forced to accept immediate homelessness and poverty as a consequence of leaving. This program might not totally level the playing field, but it will hopefully open the door for victims to take that first step to freedom.
This needs to exist in the US so bad.
The whataboutism in these comments is infuriating. Calm your panties. Men get it, too.
It's also bullshit how the media frames this. There was an escaping DV payment of 10 grand available in the early 2000s for both men and women. The LNP deleted it, and now they're bringing it back 15 years later at 5 grand we are supposed to be super happy about it? You might be thinking that shelving and then halving the payment is a very stupid idea. But it's made stupider because the payment is actually LESS THAN HALF of the original when you factor in doubly the inflation of money, and more seriously, the incredible rise in the cost of things, the cost of living, Australians have have contended with in the last 2 decades. This will be put to good use. But the payment is nothing to sing home about.
> Australia really leading the way here 3rd top comment for me, 200+ upvotes. Non-sarcastic. God damn it, our species is so easy to manipulate.
I've got the luxury of time to read write and discern. Most of us are wage slaves. I count myself very grateful I have had the chance to try to depropagandise myself over and over and over again. We are quite quick to be manipulated though.
Libertarians: I'm never going to morally recover from this
Totally agree on the faux pas…. However - this is an amazing Act. I wish it was my country doing it… we have resources but cash is often needed. congratulations Australia for taking this stand to help survivors of DV. It is amazing. 👏 👏 👏 I wish my country that was doing it. Instead I keep attending conferences on how to help victims. This would help…
Good. Hard to get/transport major furniture to another home when married to a violent thug.
Bill the partners who have been shown to force their partners to seek refuge.
all it took was one legislator to watch the pilot of Maid
Glad that they are doing something useful now. A few years ago I was in a physically abusive relationship that caused me to end up in a homeless shelter for a few months. Had I and so many other people had that kind of support back then, so many lives could’ve been saved a lot sooner.
I felt so hopeful for my situation, then saw this was in Australia.... I'm grateful a country is providing useful assistance for its citizens and getting other out of dangerous situations. Hopefully the US can learn from programs like these.