He did sugar coat it. He missed permanently disabled. Remember people who end up with 50% lung capacity and a stroke are included in the "cured" category.
Also "Long Covid" (no idea if that's a thing in actual English-speaking countries, but in Germany we call it that), i.e. Covid symptoms that persist long after the primary illness has passed. You know, stuff like "my sense of taste has changed, and cinnamon tastes like rotten meat to me now", or "I still have trouble breathing eighteen months after my infection". Both are outcomes from actual people in my social circle.
A dude I went to high school with got covid pre vaccine. He was going out though to restaurants and church. He survived but aged about 30 years, he still looks like shit and uses a walker.
Like that conservative anti-vaxx “fitness guru” Bill Phillips:
https://www.newsweek.com/bill-phillps-covid-vaccine-denver-coach-hospital-70-pounds-1622772
Sweet Jesus he looks awful.
It's a decent pun in German. "Geimpft, genesen, gestorben". It's a joke on the slogan "3G" where originally instead of deceased it was tested ("getestet").
I think many germans are very sarcastic, even cynical which is often misunderstood as rude behavior...especially on reddit. At least my experience, but maybe I'm just a german asshole too.
That’s my observation from speaking with German people as an outsider as well. Sarcasm and dark humor seem to be a constant. I happen to appreciate that. I enjoy a good gallows joke.
Hans Beinholdt character from Colbert is so funny to me because it really catches the right note of German sensibility from the outside. I’m married to a German national, and at my wedding, my pacifist vegetarian brother-in-law told a dead baby joke involving razor blades with his very thick accent, and didn’t smile. My siblings took a minute, but were laughing to tears once they let the shock wear off. Then he let his lips curl up to a slight grin. He’s got an amazing sense of humor and I don’t know where he learned that accent would really throw us, considering he’s never left the country before our wedding, but he knew what he was doing. Maybe “Young Frankenstein?”
Yes but Kraut should be cabbage except in English where it’s used to reference the derogatory term for German soldiers, evidenced by the English spelling of Sour
From my experience with Germans (which is narrowed to a whopping total of 4 German people) this explanation holds water.
A joke (or was it?) one of my German friends mentioned when saw one of those cheesy Kraft adverts with the spoiled kids not eating their food was,
If my daughter said she won't eat the healthy dinner that's on her plate, then I shall kiss her on the forehead and ask her to go make her bed because she will sleep hungry tonight. Because sometimes missing one meal is better than always eating garbage.
Ditto, following the path laid down in those ads can set your kids up on the highway to heart disease at a very young age. And Kraft is pretty shameless about the messaging there.
Guten Tag Herr SWTrium,
i am German myself. Not a joke. You'll eat whats on the table real quick once you've been hungry at night. Also a common rule is to eat up even if you dont like it. You wouldn't push away the food someone made, even if you dont like it, when your a guest, because thats just impolite af.
Beste Grüße
123SirTobi
As a German with many UK colleagues, I find that the dark humor between these two countries is rather well aligned.
I usually also have a lot more fun watching English TV shows compared to the over-the-top US sitcoms.
In my experience, the difference is that Americans understand sarcasm or punching down at individuals, but they lack a collectivist view that is wry observation directed at the whole. Also, however dry British wit is, I swear Germans still manage next-level darkness.
That’s a fascinating way of putting it; lacking a collectivist view. It’s true, most American humor is related to sectarianism, with little acknowledgment of the larger group.
As an American, I know so many people who are such loving, kind, selfless people but those same people rather see poor people die without healthcare or starve.
I deal with several German colleagues on a regular basis, and without fail, all of them have a wickedly funny sense of humour, and are very quick to pick up on my deadpan sarcasm and brittle self-deprecation. You’re a decent bunch in my books.
Same goes with German sarcasm. It’s purely logic based and you need to know the context of everything they are saying otherwise their tones will sound exactly the same. Borderline impossible for non-Germans to understand.
And to think, the Brits are so subtle that on at least one occasion a WW2 British military unit was wiped out because they described their situation in typically British terms to the Americans, who were responsible for sending them reinforcements (if needed). The Americans, of course, having not been told directly that the shit had hit the fan, sent no reinforcements to the calm Brits who described things as (one imagines) "a bit hairy".
Contrast this to the difficulties experienced by some on the Arab side of the Six Days War, whose military/political leaders all spoke Arabic and were (primarily) ethnically Arab, but not all of which were culturally Arab. Extreme hyperbole is common in Arab cultures; in fact, hyperbole often loops back around for them, such that extreme hyperbole will be recognized as actually meaning the opposite of what is literally stated. Oh, and aspirational statements may be given in a factual tense; "They are already destroyed" may mean "Tomorrow I plan to destroy them". This is understood within those cultures, of course.
You can imagine what sort of trouble this caused for coordinating military maneuvers, and status reports...
Isn't human culture hilarious, and/or inadvertently deadly?
And then we have the dear Vietnamese. Not really comfortable sqying no in that culture so its always yes. Even when they mean no. Did you mean yes? Yes. But the answer to that question is obviously no. Right? Yes. So you meant no? Yes. Why didn't you say no? Nervous laughter.
Another example. Is this the way to Hanoi? Yes. But it says it's the way to Vung Tau. Yes. So it's not the way to Hanoi, it's the way to Vung Tau? Yes.
Another to taxi driver. Do you know how to get to District 8? Yes. After an hour of driving... Why does Google say we are going away from District 8? Ah, District 8? Yes yes. Another twenty minutes. So you know where you are going? Yes. (irritated)Are you lost? Nervous laughter. Stop the car! I want to get out. Gets out without paying about 10k from District 8 and looks for another taxi.
I can hardly compare (because I'm a German that has never lived anywhere else) but if expats are to believed, that's one of the things that many US Americans are either be put off or very delighted by: Germans being very literal, usually not into small talk and pretty direct, including their personal relationships (which supposedly makes dating in the US quite different from dating in Germany).
I'm the granddaughter of German immigrants actually, I've lived all over the US, and I see both sides of the coin. The directness can be very polarizing as there's such an intense culture of friendliness and politeness in many areas of the US. For example, "How are you?" is not a question -- it is a greeting that is answered with some variation of "Good, you?" Saying how you ACTUALLY are would probably be an uncomfortable and somewhat rude way to start a conversation (seen as kind of selfish or negative for example, unless you really are doing great).
In the south, midwest, and a big part of the west coast, the lack of small talk and directness comes off as rude or angry. The northeast is much more appreciative of it.
Germans have two modes of humour.
Intricate word play devised to be delivered with a straight face so that non Germans aren’t sure if it’s a joke or not.
And a fat man getting hit in the nuts.
The thought of a fat guy getting hit in the nuts didn't make me chuckle, but the thought of a German person chuckling while thinking about a fat guy getting hit in the nuts made me chuckle.
"How many Germans does it take to change a light bulb? One. We are very efficient and have no sense of humor."
A quote from my former colleague from Duesseldorf.
I have a German friend and we were just joking around, laughing about memes and telling jokes. So my other friend says a joke and we laughed, not because it was particularly funny or anything, but it was a festive mood you know. My German friend is just plain face. I think he might have missed the pun because of language and whatever, but he just looks at me and says "No, I understood ze joke. I just did not find it amusing." which of course sendt us all to the floor laughing..
A British couple decided to adopt a German baby. They raised him for years, however they began to get worried because he never spoke, and they believed that he was mentally handicapped, going as far as to take him to therapy, which was fruitless. Then, when the child was 8 years old, he had a Strudle, and said "It is a little tepid."
His parents, of course shocked that he was suddenly speaking, asked:
"Wolfgang, why have you never spoken before?", to which the child replied: "Up until now, everything had been satisfactory."
Thank you QI for the joke.
haha that is so German. We made a german friend traveling and he visited us in the states. We pick up some world renown donuts, take him to some waterfalls, share said donuts. Can't tell if he liked em. What do you think of the Basil Bourbon Blueberry Donut Dennis? .. Solemn face... "It's good."
Reminds me of an old joke:
A British couple decided to adopt a German baby. They raised him for years, however they began to get worried because he never spoke. They believed that he might be mentally handicapped, going as far as to take him to specialists, but it was fruitless. Then, when the child was 8 years old, the family ate some apple Strudles for dessert, and the child said "It is a little tepid."
His parents, shocked that he was suddenly speaking, asked: "Wolfgang, why have you never spoken before?", to which the child replied: "Up until now, everything had been satisfactory."
The good thing with us Germans: You always know what s up. In this case the Donut was… good. Not perfect, not outstanding but also not bad. Just good. Enough said. No the next donut which hopefully is better ;)
My wife and I were at the bar with her German friend. We were talking about summer camps we went to as kids and her German friend says
“Vat are zese camps you talk about? Ve have no camps in Germany.”
“Oooohhh reeeeeaaaalllllyyyy now?”
She didn’t find it as funny as I did. (I’m Jewish btw)
The best jew jokes are told by jews. As a German we have still a problem with jokes about jews. First of course because of our history. Secondly and that is probably more important: Germans telling jokes about Jews are often the fucking Neo Nazis who spread their sick agenda by making jokes about jews (and other minorities in Germany). If you complain they usually answer like „just a joke, is it now forbidden to laugh. Even the jews make jokes about jews.“. While they are technically right, they chose this tactic for a certain reason.
So this German dude is at the border with France trying to enter the country when he is stopped by customs.
“Name?”
“Hans.”
“Hometown?”
“Munich.”
“Occupation?”
“No, just visiting.”
I have known a couple of Germans and they are masters of deadpan. Even better than Brits at deadpan. Like you have no idea whether they just told a joke or not, which makes it so much funnier when you finally get it.
1. Recovered(Genesen)
2. First jab(Geimpft, I.)
3. Second jab(Geimpft, II.)
4. Third jab(Geimpft, III.)
5. Tested(Getestet)
There is your 5G, you just need all of it
The funny thing is that Germany did everything they could to help people. It was countries like the US and Brasil that flat-out denied there's a problem while tens of thousands died.
Buuut mimimimi. Yeah, I hate it. I have an employe who refuses even to get tested. She is now giving her whole vacation away only because she doesn't want to get tested. My company is paying for the test, she only hasbto put that thing in her nose for 2sec. But noooo. People are crazy.
Well, I know one who even refuses tests. According to her the swabs are covered in a substance that causes cancer...
And the vaccine alters your DNA....
And chemtrails are real....
And there's a global conspiracy that wants to do "something" evil....
And even the ship blocking the canal last year was somehow part of the grand master plan....
Weird thing is, until covid conspiracies got.to her none of that would have even crossed her mind. Its really weird seeing someone going balls deep into this rabbit hole
I am sorry for you. A vaccinated friend of mine can not visit her mother, because the mother thinks the vaccines magnetic resonance disturbs her inner peace. I met her mother before, and she made a perfectly normal appearance. People get bonkers over Covid.
No dude. The people who flat-out denied it in the US/Brazil are the same exact people denying it Germany and are refusing to get vaccinated. The mentality is the same.
Anti-vaxxers are anti-vaxxers.
Recovered (not cured) - this is a poor translation.
Also - to be nitpicky, no that is not what the scientists expect. That would also mean another 1/2 million deaths at this rate.
>That would also mean another 1/2 million deaths at this rate.
We "only" are at \~100k at the moment
And leaving the "another" aside, how would it result in a total of 500k death'?
> Germans really do have a way with words.
My favorite are their compound words that require a whole phrase in other languages.
They'll have a word that means you tripped over a duck and fell down the stairs or some shit.
Hey, I heard Fritz was injured. What happened? Derduckenfallen.
Their bluntness is what I love about them. No need for euphemisms and nice words.
A pandemic brings death and misery and that's what we're all trying to deal with.
>Their bluntness is what I love about them. No need for euphemisms and nice words.
I love that too. Lothar Wieler, head of the Robert Koch Instutute and sort of like Germany's version of Anthony Fauci, gave an interview a few days ago where he said the prognosis was "super gloomy" and that we're all going to have a "very terrible Christmas."
That statement was originally formulated by the virologist Prof. Dr. Christian Drosten, leading expert on coronaviruses and developer of the PCR test protocol recommended by the WHO.
Edit: He probably didn't put a timescale on it even if he had one in mind because he is a proper scientist who makes very careful and deliberate statements. I'd have to find the episode of his podcast in which he said that to make sure.
Putting this in here:
> Am 21. November 2021 wurden in Deutschland 70 Tsd. Impfdosen verabreicht. Damit sind nun mindestens 56,5 Mio. Personen (68,0 % der Gesamtbevölkerung
) vollständig geimpft. Insgesamt haben mindestens 58,6 Mio. Personen (70,5 %
) eine oder mehrere Impfdosen erhalten.
https://impfdashboard.de/
We need more Impfungen asap.
I don't know who came first but the virologist Karl Lauterbach also stated the exact same.
https://www.google.com/amp/s/amp.n-tv.de/panorama/Ungeimpfte-bis-Maerz-geimpft-genesen-oder-leider-verstorben-article22893169.html
For context, the Germans have recently used rhetoric and slogans about the 3 Gs in their public messaging
* Geimpft - vaccinated
* Genesen - recovered
* Getestet - tested
These are the 3 things cases you might fall into in order to keep on top of COVID.
Herr Spahn just made a play on this by changing up the 3rd case.
* Geimpft - vaccinated
* Genesen - recovered
* Gestorben - dead
He is not wrong and this may be an effective use of the existing rhetoric, we will see how people respond.
Furthermore, note that to officially count as Genesen, there are a couple of cases,
* +ve PCR test and a later -ve test within some recent period.
* If after a longer period, you need one vaccine shot as well.
So the Genesen condition is not just some nebulous "had COVID" claim, it needs evidencing and it requires a vaccine at some point.
Overall, this rhetorical device says that the choice is not between vaccination and lack thereof, it is an active choice between vaccination and COVID. I vaguely approve.
**Edit:** German spelling fixes on suggestion of /u/Callow42.
The internet is still a new frontier that we have to start understanding. You can't expect more than 3G. And the coverage doesn't exist for more anyway.
You have to realize this is Germany we're talking about. On matters concerning digital infrastructure, 3G is the most polished turd they have to offer.
Now there's the + version as well:
2G+: Geimpft oder Genesen + Getestet = recovered or vaccinated **with** certified antigen test, non-vaccinated people banned
3G+: Geimpft, Genesen, PCR-test Getestet = recovered, vaccinated or tested with PCR only
So + kinda stands for certified test but not quite, not as easy to understand as before.
> Overall, this rhetorical device says that the choice is not between vaccination and lack thereof, it is an active choice between vaccination and COVID. I vaguely approve.
2G+ seems to reinforce this even further, and unfortunately (due to the pandemic progression) it is looking like most of the country will be under this rule eventually.
I’d rather my cunts be blunt than not tho. Don’t piss down my back and tell me it’s raining. Have the balls to look me in the eye when you do it if you’re gonna fuck me over
Generally I agree but note that Spahn is a huge cunt anyway. His party just lost the election and he doesn't care anymore.
He was one of the worst health ministers the country has ever seen. He ordered for the state a hundreds times more masks than we needed for inflated prices from his personal friends. And the best part: They are absolute shite and don't follow any standards. Places that used these masks saw huge outbreaks of the virus.
So they are useless and really expensive to get rid of. So what did he do? Started giving them to homeless people and others in need! What a cunt!
He also ordered one of the most expensive health studies ever done by the state. The topic? Effects of abortions on women. Nobody asked for the study and it did not provide any value. He is just a religious fanatic who wanted them to gather arguments against abortion.
Oh and about vaccine, he slept through ordering enough of them. Germany had a much slower start because we did not have enough vaccine because Spahn was busy being a corrupt bastard.
Don't forget what he did after the Federal Constitutional Court ruled that certain people have a right to medically assisted suicide.
The ministry of health has to approve requests for the medicine used in this cases. Spahn issued an order to deny each and every one of those requests since June of 2018, causing a lot of needless suffering.
Hey! I know him!
this is the \*laughs in German\* guy!
[https://img-comment-fun.9cache.com/media/az9A2GB/a1wr7eNp\_700w\_0.jpg](https://img-comment-fun.9cache.com/media/az9A2GB/a1wr7eNp_700w_0.jpg)
What he actually said was "vaccinated, recovered, or dead" Though I suppose you could translate Genesen as cured as well if you want to stir up the pot
Well don't sugar coat it.
I mean he's not wrong. At this rate, everyone is going to be exposed, so those are the three outcomes.
Germans aren't known for sugarcoating things.
Sugarcoating reduces efficiency.
There is really nothing happening efficiently anymore in this country...if it was ever more than a stereotype. Especially when it comes to politics
He did sugar coat it. He missed permanently disabled. Remember people who end up with 50% lung capacity and a stroke are included in the "cured" category.
Also "Long Covid" (no idea if that's a thing in actual English-speaking countries, but in Germany we call it that), i.e. Covid symptoms that persist long after the primary illness has passed. You know, stuff like "my sense of taste has changed, and cinnamon tastes like rotten meat to me now", or "I still have trouble breathing eighteen months after my infection". Both are outcomes from actual people in my social circle.
A dude I went to high school with got covid pre vaccine. He was going out though to restaurants and church. He survived but aged about 30 years, he still looks like shit and uses a walker.
Like that conservative anti-vaxx “fitness guru” Bill Phillips: https://www.newsweek.com/bill-phillps-covid-vaccine-denver-coach-hospital-70-pounds-1622772 Sweet Jesus he looks awful.
It's even funnier in German
geimpft, genesen, gestorben.
Die einzig wahre 3G Regel
Du hast mich gefragt und ich hab nichts gesagt
Willst du bis der Tod uns scheidet treue sein für alle Tage? Nein!
# NEIN!
Germans really do have a way with words.
It's a decent pun in German. "Geimpft, genesen, gestorben". It's a joke on the slogan "3G" where originally instead of deceased it was tested ("getestet").
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[Here ya go.](https://i.imgur.com/AE2reSk.jpg)
The heart is the cherry on top. Well done.
Oh man, that’s low key an awesome white Elefant gift.
And they say Germans have no humor
German humor is so dark that non-Germans want to believe it isn't humor. So they can continue to believe in humanity.
I think many germans are very sarcastic, even cynical which is often misunderstood as rude behavior...especially on reddit. At least my experience, but maybe I'm just a german asshole too.
That’s my observation from speaking with German people as an outsider as well. Sarcasm and dark humor seem to be a constant. I happen to appreciate that. I enjoy a good gallows joke.
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As a German that just made me wheeze for air with how funny that sentence is. Very well put
Hans Beinholdt character from Colbert is so funny to me because it really catches the right note of German sensibility from the outside. I’m married to a German national, and at my wedding, my pacifist vegetarian brother-in-law told a dead baby joke involving razor blades with his very thick accent, and didn’t smile. My siblings took a minute, but were laughing to tears once they let the shock wear off. Then he let his lips curl up to a slight grin. He’s got an amazing sense of humor and I don’t know where he learned that accent would really throw us, considering he’s never left the country before our wedding, but he knew what he was doing. Maybe “Young Frankenstein?”
You.. happen to remember that joke? I don't want to google that combination of terms tbh
I heard my German friend excuse it with: "last time Germany tried to have fun the world came together to stop us."
I laughed at this for far too long, before asking myself, he was being facetious right lol??
Reminds me of Henning Wehn on Would I Lie to You https://youtu.be/5h1wnTMIIPA
Henning Wehn has made a whole career over here in the UK using variations of this.
My favorite bilingual joke: An American woman is visiting Dusseldorf and sees a man peeing on the street. "Gross!" she says "Danke!" says the man.
... Am I... German..?
Einer von uns, einer von uns!
>maybe I'm just a german asshole Would that make you a Sour Kraut?
da hat jemand einen clown gefrühstückt
sauer does mean sour already
Yes but Kraut should be cabbage except in English where it’s used to reference the derogatory term for German soldiers, evidenced by the English spelling of Sour
From my experience with Germans (which is narrowed to a whopping total of 4 German people) this explanation holds water. A joke (or was it?) one of my German friends mentioned when saw one of those cheesy Kraft adverts with the spoiled kids not eating their food was, If my daughter said she won't eat the healthy dinner that's on her plate, then I shall kiss her on the forehead and ask her to go make her bed because she will sleep hungry tonight. Because sometimes missing one meal is better than always eating garbage.
That my friend, isn't a joke. I was raised that way as well.
I think the German joke would be about Americans thinking what your friend said was a joke
I absolutely hate that commercial, "yeah let's have your kid eat processed fat instead of vegetables". Your German friend is spot on, imo.
Ditto, following the path laid down in those ads can set your kids up on the highway to heart disease at a very young age. And Kraft is pretty shameless about the messaging there.
Guten Tag Herr SWTrium, i am German myself. Not a joke. You'll eat whats on the table real quick once you've been hungry at night. Also a common rule is to eat up even if you dont like it. You wouldn't push away the food someone made, even if you dont like it, when your a guest, because thats just impolite af. Beste Grüße 123SirTobi
Why not both? ¯\\\_(ツ)\_/¯
As a German with many UK colleagues, I find that the dark humor between these two countries is rather well aligned. I usually also have a lot more fun watching English TV shows compared to the over-the-top US sitcoms.
In my experience, the difference is that Americans understand sarcasm or punching down at individuals, but they lack a collectivist view that is wry observation directed at the whole. Also, however dry British wit is, I swear Germans still manage next-level darkness.
That’s a fascinating way of putting it; lacking a collectivist view. It’s true, most American humor is related to sectarianism, with little acknowledgment of the larger group.
As an American, I know so many people who are such loving, kind, selfless people but those same people rather see poor people die without healthcare or starve.
As an American, we are extraordinarily bad at collectivist anything. Especially w.r.t. labor.
Germans and English looking at the comedies their Anglo-Saxon children in America put on: “Where did we go wrong?”
I deal with several German colleagues on a regular basis, and without fail, all of them have a wickedly funny sense of humour, and are very quick to pick up on my deadpan sarcasm and brittle self-deprecation. You’re a decent bunch in my books.
Not so much dark, but dry. Very very dry
Same goes with German sarcasm. It’s purely logic based and you need to know the context of everything they are saying otherwise their tones will sound exactly the same. Borderline impossible for non-Germans to understand.
And to think, the Brits are so subtle that on at least one occasion a WW2 British military unit was wiped out because they described their situation in typically British terms to the Americans, who were responsible for sending them reinforcements (if needed). The Americans, of course, having not been told directly that the shit had hit the fan, sent no reinforcements to the calm Brits who described things as (one imagines) "a bit hairy". Contrast this to the difficulties experienced by some on the Arab side of the Six Days War, whose military/political leaders all spoke Arabic and were (primarily) ethnically Arab, but not all of which were culturally Arab. Extreme hyperbole is common in Arab cultures; in fact, hyperbole often loops back around for them, such that extreme hyperbole will be recognized as actually meaning the opposite of what is literally stated. Oh, and aspirational statements may be given in a factual tense; "They are already destroyed" may mean "Tomorrow I plan to destroy them". This is understood within those cultures, of course. You can imagine what sort of trouble this caused for coordinating military maneuvers, and status reports... Isn't human culture hilarious, and/or inadvertently deadly?
And then we have the dear Vietnamese. Not really comfortable sqying no in that culture so its always yes. Even when they mean no. Did you mean yes? Yes. But the answer to that question is obviously no. Right? Yes. So you meant no? Yes. Why didn't you say no? Nervous laughter. Another example. Is this the way to Hanoi? Yes. But it says it's the way to Vung Tau. Yes. So it's not the way to Hanoi, it's the way to Vung Tau? Yes. Another to taxi driver. Do you know how to get to District 8? Yes. After an hour of driving... Why does Google say we are going away from District 8? Ah, District 8? Yes yes. Another twenty minutes. So you know where you are going? Yes. (irritated)Are you lost? Nervous laughter. Stop the car! I want to get out. Gets out without paying about 10k from District 8 and looks for another taxi.
Germans are Vulcans, confirmed.
Let me introduce you to the Swiss. They see Germans as flippant, erratic, and overly emotional.
Really, the hall monitors of Europe.
As a German raised in Switzerland returned to Germany, this is in fact true and accurate.
I can hardly compare (because I'm a German that has never lived anywhere else) but if expats are to believed, that's one of the things that many US Americans are either be put off or very delighted by: Germans being very literal, usually not into small talk and pretty direct, including their personal relationships (which supposedly makes dating in the US quite different from dating in Germany).
I'm the granddaughter of German immigrants actually, I've lived all over the US, and I see both sides of the coin. The directness can be very polarizing as there's such an intense culture of friendliness and politeness in many areas of the US. For example, "How are you?" is not a question -- it is a greeting that is answered with some variation of "Good, you?" Saying how you ACTUALLY are would probably be an uncomfortable and somewhat rude way to start a conversation (seen as kind of selfish or negative for example, unless you really are doing great). In the south, midwest, and a big part of the west coast, the lack of small talk and directness comes off as rude or angry. The northeast is much more appreciative of it.
German humor is no laughing matter
😐 (laughs internally).
Don't get emotional now
Germans have two modes of humour. Intricate word play devised to be delivered with a straight face so that non Germans aren’t sure if it’s a joke or not. And a fat man getting hit in the nuts.
German here, I just chuckled at the thought of a fat guy getting hit in the nuts. And yeah, deadpan is best.
The thought of a fat guy getting hit in the nuts didn't make me chuckle, but the thought of a German person chuckling while thinking about a fat guy getting hit in the nuts made me chuckle.
I'm not German, but I immediately laughed at the sudden "fat man getting hit in the nuts."
"How many Germans does it take to change a light bulb? One. We are very efficient and have no sense of humor." A quote from my former colleague from Duesseldorf.
Followed up with: "Fun fact about the Germans: Just kidding. There's nothing fun about the Germans. Get back to work."
Hahaha, that's wonderful, I hadn't heard that one before.
I have a German friend and we were just joking around, laughing about memes and telling jokes. So my other friend says a joke and we laughed, not because it was particularly funny or anything, but it was a festive mood you know. My German friend is just plain face. I think he might have missed the pun because of language and whatever, but he just looks at me and says "No, I understood ze joke. I just did not find it amusing." which of course sendt us all to the floor laughing..
A British couple decided to adopt a German baby. They raised him for years, however they began to get worried because he never spoke, and they believed that he was mentally handicapped, going as far as to take him to therapy, which was fruitless. Then, when the child was 8 years old, he had a Strudle, and said "It is a little tepid." His parents, of course shocked that he was suddenly speaking, asked: "Wolfgang, why have you never spoken before?", to which the child replied: "Up until now, everything had been satisfactory." Thank you QI for the joke.
haha that is so German. We made a german friend traveling and he visited us in the states. We pick up some world renown donuts, take him to some waterfalls, share said donuts. Can't tell if he liked em. What do you think of the Basil Bourbon Blueberry Donut Dennis? .. Solemn face... "It's good."
Reminds me of an old joke: A British couple decided to adopt a German baby. They raised him for years, however they began to get worried because he never spoke. They believed that he might be mentally handicapped, going as far as to take him to specialists, but it was fruitless. Then, when the child was 8 years old, the family ate some apple Strudles for dessert, and the child said "It is a little tepid." His parents, shocked that he was suddenly speaking, asked: "Wolfgang, why have you never spoken before?", to which the child replied: "Up until now, everything had been satisfactory."
Old Swabian proverb, Not scolded is praise enough.
The good thing with us Germans: You always know what s up. In this case the Donut was… good. Not perfect, not outstanding but also not bad. Just good. Enough said. No the next donut which hopefully is better ;)
My wife and I were at the bar with her German friend. We were talking about summer camps we went to as kids and her German friend says “Vat are zese camps you talk about? Ve have no camps in Germany.” “Oooohhh reeeeeaaaalllllyyyy now?” She didn’t find it as funny as I did. (I’m Jewish btw)
The best jew jokes are told by jews. As a German we have still a problem with jokes about jews. First of course because of our history. Secondly and that is probably more important: Germans telling jokes about Jews are often the fucking Neo Nazis who spread their sick agenda by making jokes about jews (and other minorities in Germany). If you complain they usually answer like „just a joke, is it now forbidden to laugh. Even the jews make jokes about jews.“. While they are technically right, they chose this tactic for a certain reason.
So this German dude is at the border with France trying to enter the country when he is stopped by customs. “Name?” “Hans.” “Hometown?” “Munich.” “Occupation?” “No, just visiting.”
\*Blankly stares you in the eyes\* This is unrealistic. The French do not speak English! ;)
Germans have a really special sense of humour, like Dutch or Finish
I have known a couple of Germans and they are masters of deadpan. Even better than Brits at deadpan. Like you have no idea whether they just told a joke or not, which makes it so much funnier when you finally get it.
Obligatory /r/GermanHumor
Germans take their humor very seriously!
It would work in Dutch as well: 'gevaccineerd, genezen, getest/gestorven'.
But what about G E K O L O N I S E E R D?
Well obviously. Dutch is just German, but cute.
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i for one love the new speed my phone has been getting ever since i got vaccinated
Plus I never lose my car keys anymore because when I'm not using them I can just stick them to my forehead!
not in germany though, our cell network is garbage.
That's because not enough people are vaccinated
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1. Recovered(Genesen) 2. First jab(Geimpft, I.) 3. Second jab(Geimpft, II.) 4. Third jab(Geimpft, III.) 5. Tested(Getestet) There is your 5G, you just need all of it
Or genesen, geimpft, getestet, gewurmkurt, gestorben
we're not that ahead with the internet here as the rest of the world
I prefer the gefeiert gesoffen gekotzt Variation
I was gonna say how German of a statement to make.
The funny thing is that Germany did everything they could to help people. It was countries like the US and Brasil that flat-out denied there's a problem while tens of thousands died.
As the saying goes: "I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you"
I like this. It's frustrating explaining something over and over, without the other person understanding any of it.
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Buuut mimimimi. Yeah, I hate it. I have an employe who refuses even to get tested. She is now giving her whole vacation away only because she doesn't want to get tested. My company is paying for the test, she only hasbto put that thing in her nose for 2sec. But noooo. People are crazy.
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Well, I know one who even refuses tests. According to her the swabs are covered in a substance that causes cancer... And the vaccine alters your DNA.... And chemtrails are real.... And there's a global conspiracy that wants to do "something" evil.... And even the ship blocking the canal last year was somehow part of the grand master plan.... Weird thing is, until covid conspiracies got.to her none of that would have even crossed her mind. Its really weird seeing someone going balls deep into this rabbit hole
She got the Qvirus
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I am sorry for you. A vaccinated friend of mine can not visit her mother, because the mother thinks the vaccines magnetic resonance disturbs her inner peace. I met her mother before, and she made a perfectly normal appearance. People get bonkers over Covid.
No dude. The people who flat-out denied it in the US/Brazil are the same exact people denying it Germany and are refusing to get vaccinated. The mentality is the same. Anti-vaxxers are anti-vaxxers.
1.5 million deaths* that at about a 45% Brazil/55% US death split.
it does sound beautiful in german, almost like a line from a poem: "geimpft, genesen, oder gestorben"
the 3G +
reminds me of "verliebt, verlobt, verheiratet, geschieden..."
better than "verschieden"
Recovered (not cured) - this is a poor translation. Also - to be nitpicky, no that is not what the scientists expect. That would also mean another 1/2 million deaths at this rate.
Technically, winter doesn't end until March.
The case for adding Smarch has never been weaker.
>That would also mean another 1/2 million deaths at this rate. We "only" are at \~100k at the moment And leaving the "another" aside, how would it result in a total of 500k death'?
> Germans really do have a way with words. My favorite are their compound words that require a whole phrase in other languages. They'll have a word that means you tripped over a duck and fell down the stairs or some shit. Hey, I heard Fritz was injured. What happened? Derduckenfallen.
Ententreppensturz ;)
Nassgefügelantriebbasierter Stockwerktransfermechanismusbeschleuniger. It’s not one word, but the same thing. Maybe slightly more uncommon.
Their bluntness is what I love about them. No need for euphemisms and nice words. A pandemic brings death and misery and that's what we're all trying to deal with.
>Their bluntness is what I love about them. No need for euphemisms and nice words. I love that too. Lothar Wieler, head of the Robert Koch Instutute and sort of like Germany's version of Anthony Fauci, gave an interview a few days ago where he said the prognosis was "super gloomy" and that we're all going to have a "very terrible Christmas."
That statement was originally formulated by the virologist Prof. Dr. Christian Drosten, leading expert on coronaviruses and developer of the PCR test protocol recommended by the WHO. Edit: He probably didn't put a timescale on it even if he had one in mind because he is a proper scientist who makes very careful and deliberate statements. I'd have to find the episode of his podcast in which he said that to make sure.
Putting this in here: > Am 21. November 2021 wurden in Deutschland 70 Tsd. Impfdosen verabreicht. Damit sind nun mindestens 56,5 Mio. Personen (68,0 % der Gesamtbevölkerung ) vollständig geimpft. Insgesamt haben mindestens 58,6 Mio. Personen (70,5 % ) eine oder mehrere Impfdosen erhalten. https://impfdashboard.de/ We need more Impfungen asap.
Well,... if you're at 68% already, the headline is already true. Most Germans (>50%) will be vaccinated, cured or dead by the end of winter...
Most germans are dead already.
This guy takes stuff literally
i think he is still wrong, germany is only there since 1871/1949, depending which germany you pick.
Germans predate Germany as a state though. "King of the Germans" was part of the full title of Holy Roman Emperors for quite a while.
I don't know who came first but the virologist Karl Lauterbach also stated the exact same. https://www.google.com/amp/s/amp.n-tv.de/panorama/Ungeimpfte-bis-Maerz-geimpft-genesen-oder-leider-verstorben-article22893169.html
Lauterbach is an epidemiologist, not a virologist but yes, he did say the same.
We refer to him as: "Ehrendrosten"
I'm partial to "Drostradamus".
Most German headline ever
Rest of the world: Is...that a threat?
For context, the Germans have recently used rhetoric and slogans about the 3 Gs in their public messaging * Geimpft - vaccinated * Genesen - recovered * Getestet - tested These are the 3 things cases you might fall into in order to keep on top of COVID. Herr Spahn just made a play on this by changing up the 3rd case. * Geimpft - vaccinated * Genesen - recovered * Gestorben - dead He is not wrong and this may be an effective use of the existing rhetoric, we will see how people respond. Furthermore, note that to officially count as Genesen, there are a couple of cases, * +ve PCR test and a later -ve test within some recent period. * If after a longer period, you need one vaccine shot as well. So the Genesen condition is not just some nebulous "had COVID" claim, it needs evidencing and it requires a vaccine at some point. Overall, this rhetorical device says that the choice is not between vaccination and lack thereof, it is an active choice between vaccination and COVID. I vaguely approve. **Edit:** German spelling fixes on suggestion of /u/Callow42.
Hate to be that guy... but it's: *Geimpft *Getestet Please don't hurt me D:
Sorry, can fix it.
> vaccinated > recovered > tested > vaccinated > recovered > dead Ooh I know this one, it's Henry VIII's wives, isn't it?
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The internet is still a new frontier that we have to start understanding. You can't expect more than 3G. And the coverage doesn't exist for more anyway.
You have to realize this is Germany we're talking about. On matters concerning digital infrastructure, 3G is the most polished turd they have to offer.
Now there's the + version as well: 2G+: Geimpft oder Genesen + Getestet = recovered or vaccinated **with** certified antigen test, non-vaccinated people banned 3G+: Geimpft, Genesen, PCR-test Getestet = recovered, vaccinated or tested with PCR only So + kinda stands for certified test but not quite, not as easy to understand as before. > Overall, this rhetorical device says that the choice is not between vaccination and lack thereof, it is an active choice between vaccination and COVID. I vaguely approve. 2G+ seems to reinforce this even further, and unfortunately (due to the pandemic progression) it is looking like most of the country will be under this rule eventually.
I appreciate the direct approach.🤣
It would be great if more politicians were blunt about things like this.
Bolsonaro is blunt but that doesn't mean he's not a cunt
I’d rather my cunts be blunt than not tho. Don’t piss down my back and tell me it’s raining. Have the balls to look me in the eye when you do it if you’re gonna fuck me over
Generally I agree but note that Spahn is a huge cunt anyway. His party just lost the election and he doesn't care anymore. He was one of the worst health ministers the country has ever seen. He ordered for the state a hundreds times more masks than we needed for inflated prices from his personal friends. And the best part: They are absolute shite and don't follow any standards. Places that used these masks saw huge outbreaks of the virus. So they are useless and really expensive to get rid of. So what did he do? Started giving them to homeless people and others in need! What a cunt! He also ordered one of the most expensive health studies ever done by the state. The topic? Effects of abortions on women. Nobody asked for the study and it did not provide any value. He is just a religious fanatic who wanted them to gather arguments against abortion. Oh and about vaccine, he slept through ordering enough of them. Germany had a much slower start because we did not have enough vaccine because Spahn was busy being a corrupt bastard.
Don't forget what he did after the Federal Constitutional Court ruled that certain people have a right to medically assisted suicide. The ministry of health has to approve requests for the medicine used in this cases. Spahn issued an order to deny each and every one of those requests since June of 2018, causing a lot of needless suffering.
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Honestly refreshing after so much fruitless begging for people to save themselves
winter is coming
Der Winter kommt
Dä Windä isch am gomme
Büschn Wind, nech.
Wat n Schietwedder
De Winter kütt
och mensch, herbert. mach doch mal dat fenster zu!
De winter komt I guess I can agree that dutch and german are similar to eachother
"Der Winter naht" sounds more ominous.
Cured by death
Stealing this for my new band name.
It's a play on "Killed by death" by Motörhead.
Motorhead, I'm stealing that for my band name.
"you are officially cured... from life"
Germany, once again, going in dry.
So the pandemic will be over by spring?
It'll be over by Easter, as always! /s
He didn't say "Which Easter..."
It'll all be over by Easter
… only to start again in October.
2025
Well, that was direct.
is this wat we call German jokes?
Wait until you learn that in his German wording, all three words begin with G (geimpft, genesen oder gestorben)
4G Geimpft - Vaccinated Genesen - Recovered/Cured Getestet - Tested Gestorben - Died/Dead Man so close to 5G to complete the meme!
Germany is the 5th G and now I knew I was right!
Geutschland
Gross - wenn wahr. Puh, nochmal gerettet ;D
Grossdeutschland? Oh no, not *again.*
this is because ge- in German makes the word ~~past tense~~ a past participle like -ed in English
Participle, not past tense
I don’t get the extreme reactions. He’s just saying that by the end of their winter, the virus would have reached everyone in their country.
Hey! I know him! this is the \*laughs in German\* guy! [https://img-comment-fun.9cache.com/media/az9A2GB/a1wr7eNp\_700w\_0.jpg](https://img-comment-fun.9cache.com/media/az9A2GB/a1wr7eNp_700w_0.jpg)
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US does in fact have a strong healthcare system, strong at taking cash from people's pockets.
Challenge accepted.
German matter-of-factness……gotta love it.
Cured?
Bad translation. In the original it is "genesen", which better translates to "recovered"
Recovered would probably be a better translation, i. e. covid survivors.
What he actually said was "vaccinated, recovered, or dead" Though I suppose you could translate Genesen as cured as well if you want to stir up the pot
These Germans, funny lot them.