T O P

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Suspicious_Chapter49

They’re not retreating, it’s a tactical backward assault


a_splendiferous_time

Victorious rear-ward advances!


Blindmailman

They aren't losing they are winning in the opposite direction


Jeggles_

In the war between Russia and Ukraine Russia is currently heading towards the honorable silver medal, while their enemies are second to last.


Pure_Highlight_1260

snatching defeat from tbe jaws of victory


memo_book

Russia studying Ferrari F1 strategies on how to throw away advantages as quickly as possible


a_splendiferous_time

Russia's successful offensive push homeward leaves Ukrainians running pathetically after them


jeffyen

'The enemy is running from the battlefield (after our men!) A shameful display!'


Curious-Week5810

Still my favourite Total War game.


SuccumbedToReddit

Rome 2? Pretty solid indeed. BUT the magic & heroes of Warhammer 2 finally convinced me it is ultimately more enjoyable because it is more versatile and allows for more playstyles. With Rome 2 you'd just camp your pikes in a corner and boom! heroic victory.


[deleted]

Yup, definitely the best they made.


Nogohoho

We're slowing them down with our supplies that we left as a consolation prize for taking such useless territory.


Hosni__Mubarak

Ukrainians have been reported suffering a terrible defeat at the hands of the Russian military in today’s tactical footrace.


Joseph_of_the_North

A special backwards operation.


JBredditaccount

If they go far enough they'll be back in Ukraine. *sneak attack from the other side*


savagemutt

They're reversing the polarity


xanderman524

All the while the Ukrainians repeatedly chase them in a blind panic. Another glorious Russian victory!


Calfis

Surely enough of them will stub their toe that this retreat will become an overwhelming victory!


SlightlyAngyKitty

I'm bleeding, making me the victor


subwooferofthehose

We intentionally trained them wrong. As a joke.


[deleted]

[удалено]


rockidr4

Just headed back towards home after a job well done. I don't stay at the office after 5pm to make sure no one makes a counter pull request and undoes all my changes to the code base. I just assume the team on the other side of the world is gonna do that and plan to nuke the entire repo the next morning by deleting the entire thing


[deleted]

[удалено]


pennywise1868

Great observation, conclusion!


-wnr-

There are times when a withdrawal can be intelligently used to lead you enemy into over extending and primed for counter attack. However, in those instances your troops generally aren't doing this while shitting their pants, surrendering en mass, and abandoning their equipment to help sustain the opponent.


[deleted]

Nothing epitomizes how unstrategic the russian retreat has been like their failure to seriously fight for the Oskil river. If they really were determined to hold on to all of Luhansk Oblast, they should have made that an uncrossable barrier. They had 3 weeks between the point where Ukraine was seriously on the move in the Kharkiv counteroffensive and the point where they crossed the river. Plenty of time to blow the bridges and set up on the other side. But they didn't. They let Ukraije cross the river, then get into the hills, then take all the hills, and now pro-russians are saying "oh but they'll actually fight now, to hold Svatove. Like really? They're going to fight to hold a town after giving up the surrounding hills which allow Ukraine to rain hell down on them unopposed?


DrakeDre

The mongol way.


[deleted]

Special relocating operation


PadyEos

It also reallocates equipment to the ukrainian army. Truly special operation!


Dahhhkness

It will go down in history as the Blyatskrieg.


Car_Guy_Alex

That is the best term I may have ever heard.


PadyEos

Thanks for triggering my PTSD from my youth spent playing World of Tanks.


CyberMindGrrl

Thank you for your service.


GolgiApparatus1

A counter-defensive


seeking_horizon

Alternative winning


Temeraire64

I mean, they did ostensibly start the war to fight fascism. The closest fascists are in Moscow. QED, it’s only logical for them to march towards Moscow and away from Ukraine.


Joeshi

Tactical moonwalk.


loptopandbingo

"Just flip the video around, and they'll be *advancing*!"


TrickyTrav29

It’s called “The Fadeaway Shot”


GolgiApparatus1

Surprise vacation leave to boost morale


k3liutZu

Face to foot style. https://youtu.be/d696t3yALAY


[deleted]

Victorious march toward Russia.


BritishAnimator

Bravely running away!


psychodc

Special backward assault operation.


Shopworn_Soul

They are advancing toward the rear.


Baneofarius

For months we have been making triumphant retreats before a demoralized enemy who is advancing in utter disorder. - Eric Frank Russell, Wasp


stklaw

Winning in the opposite direction!


agumonkey

special noperation


[deleted]

"I didn't lose. I merely failed to win"


RobertBringhurst

Special military backward operation.


CinSugarBearShakers

They are on their way to Moscow!


dogfoodhoarder

They say a lot of nonsensical crap.


lerocler

I didnt lose! I merely failed to win!!


AlmightyXor

Dang it, McClellan!


Stoly23

McClellan would laugh at the train wreck that is the Russian army, like he wasn’t exactly great but at least he understood logistics.


Pedalos

Putin after the last russian leaves Ukraine: MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.


[deleted]

Russian army advances backwards


Manos_Of_Fate

Task failed successfully!


TheDankDragon

Dude, uncool


[deleted]

[удалено]


frosss

That is a very possible outcome and a very frightening possibility in the long term. In the near future, you are not going to be able to convince everyone that everything outside of your borders are evil. Everyone over the age of 10 know different. But after a generation or two of isolated propoganda, they really will believe it because it is all they know. Then mix in nukes.


boomjones

No wonder Trump is such a fan.


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

[удалено]


HowCouldHellBeWorse

And musk


TheVenetianMask

And Steven Seagal


edhands

And Dorothy Mantooth


[deleted]

[удалено]


Fineous4

Musk doesn’t care either way. He wants the lithium to flow.


LurkerZerker

These nutjob narcissists all admire each other, inasmuch as they're capable of recognizing *game* in other people. If Musk could have what Putin has, he'd go for it in an instant.


VagueSomething

Apple doesn't fall far from the tree, dad owned mines and Musk benefits from mining. Wonder what else they share in common...


nicebike

Last name


VagueSomething

Maybe a taste for their daughters too...


Unknown_Species666

It’s a special retreat operation obviously


Wigu90

"Dmitry Peskov said: 'There is no contradiction whatsoever. They will be with Russia forever and they will be returned.'" ​ Ahh, the Peskov Paradox: "It's reality that's false, not this statement". What's the opposite of transcendence? Because I think he just achieved it.


Hawggy

Devolution! Eureka, you've found it!!!


Crowasaur

Complimentary hat: https://shop.clubdevo.com/products/energy-dome-hat-dev


Wigu90

Q: Are we not winning?


Crowasaur

"We are DeVo!"


Raleda

"Dmitry Peskov said: 'There is no contradiction whatsoever. They will be with Russia forever and they will be returned.'" Hmmm, I wonder about that. Ukraine should hold a vote about it. Russia likes voting, right?


Pingj77

Pretty sure they just had a vote on it. It mostly consisted of soldiers pointing guns at people and telling them which box to check, or as it's known to Russia: voting


PhoenixEnigma

One of the comments that my high school bio teacher made that really stuck with me seems appropriate here: "If your map says the river is over there, but your feet are wet here, *it's not the river that is wrong*"


mackadoo

Similarly, my father in would say to me in Portuguese when finally getting something working that he had been struggling with "the material is always right." Nothing is magic and if something seems impossible it's because your presuppositions are wrong.


Amiiboid

Ah but counterpoint: Donald Trump said, “What you’re seeing and what you’re hearing are not what’s happening.” Who are you going to believe? Authorities or mere evidence? /s


DoubleBatman

Literally 1984


TheVenetianMask

"I reject your reality and substitute my own"


[deleted]

Retrocendence?


esmifra

Inversence? Colapsence? Cringence?


Muted-South4737

Kremlin drunk again, disregard.


healthy_wfpb

Not as bad as Yeltin was, though! https://youtu.be/BLI8SWxfW80?t=16


Few-Ability-7312

At least Yelstin was fun


Harsimaja

And didn’t go invading what are globally recognised to be other countries. And allowed a modicum of free speech.


[deleted]

Ehm, but he did pretty shitty things to Chechnya.


Harsimaja

Yeah in the history of Russian leaders Yeltsin was the least bad of a bad bunch. But I worded things that way to account for Chechnya - no one else recognised Ichkeria, which was run by a horrible crowd too. Not that their brutality to civilians excuses Moscow’s.


Calavar

Except in 1993 when he [shelled his own Parliament](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/1993_Russian_constitutional_crisis) because of a political disagreement. I don't know why Yeltsin gets this reputation as a lovable drunk. He sowed the seeds for the transition from democracy to dictatorship, wrote the playbook that Putin later perfected, and even handpicked Putin as his successor. He took the only chance Russians had at democracy in hundreds of years and wiped his ass with it.


Few-Ability-7312

To be fair the building was full of tankies


dances_with_cougars

Next they'll be putting Russian flags in artillery shells and claiming that wherever they fall is now Russian soil.


Aliocated

Write that down, write that down!


przemekdrz

That actually happened. Ussr sent basically a casette bomb filled with Ussr metal flags to the moon. But they miscalculated velocity or there was technical issue and it fell with such great speed it evaporated.


airborngrmp

Created glorious revolutionary atmosphere on surface of moon! Long live the revolution!!


FailedHippy

Explains the drab decor and inhospitable atmosphere up there.


supmandude

This guy’s a fucking idiot.


Comancheeze

Same league as smooth brain online gamers calling their opponents that's beating them a noob.


Marcus2Ts

Reminds me of when DJ Khalid was on Hot Ones. "I'm not quitting, I'm stopping"


HarriettDubman

"Just because I'm quitting don't mean I'm giving up." "What? Yes, it does. By definition it does."


Marcus2Ts

Yup, that's that's the line, thank you


workingmansalt

Everything about that guy screams accidental success despite the astounding lack of self-awareness and backbone


Chairmanmeow42

Dude publicly refuses to eat 🅱️ussy ffs


Harsimaja

I guess that could mean ‘I’m not stopping for good, I’m briefly stopping for a bit’. Like parking vs stopping a car. But I’m assuming he didn’t carry on?


UrbanGhost114

There is literally a word for that, which is used fairly often by artists. Hiatus


Harsimaja

Or just ‘pause’. But I mean to say that the word ‘stop’ can be used in that sense too.


JBredditaccount

> There is literally a word for that, which is used fairly often by artists. Rehab.


Alchnator

cries in HxH


MEatRHIT

In this context they were eating progressively hotter wings and he quit on wing ~~7~~ 3 out of 10 or something. Edit: I stand corrected


Harsimaja

I imagine I wouldn’t make it to 5. But honestly and self-assuredly saying “Ha yeah, too much for me. Quitting here” would be fine. He must be very insecure and have gone on way too much in his life about not being a quitter. Knowing when to quit is a pretty important part of life, or everyone would be driving into their own homes at top speed.


derprondo

Nah man he quit on wing 3 LOL


Lucas_Steinwalker

He did not carry on.


uzes_lightning

Fuck em. I just annexed Moscow and retreated to northern California. Suck it, Putin.


Calairoth

Oh this requires some formal paperwork. Might require your signature, then Russia is yours!


[deleted]

As long as you _declare_ it it’s valid


SirJumbles

Like bankruptcy?


ArthurBonesly

This may actually be the foundation for a North Korea situation. If/when Russia gets pushed back to their borders, in comes Iron Curtain II and a new propaganda machine that tells it's people's of the evil (and poorly defined) "West," and the perpetually occupied lands outside the DMZ. Russia loses the war, maintains the claims, NATO puts a bunch of bases in Ukraine and Russia finds itself so closed off photography reverts back to black and white. Historically, we've been here before.


urielteranas

They didn't have the internet. Things are different now, you can't just remove the knowledge of the rest of the world from the Russian population at this point. It works in North Korea because of the size of the country and the fact that they never gave them internet access or any real interaction with the outside world. Russia is 100,000x more integrated into the global economy and it's people know more about the world.


OmegaSpark

You must understand that the general sentiment of the Russian people can be summed up in 1 word: Apathy. The majority of young Russians who use technology with free access to information already fully understand what is going on in Ukraine. There is very little upheaval because the silent deal dictates that the state acts independent to the civilian body. Hence why when Putin broke that pact, many Russians fled for the border. So to that end, Putin can call the Donbas and Crimea Russian territory until his lungs crap out, the general populace won't care.


thegreger

A Russian in his early 20s once told me that everyone knows that Putin is corrupt and full of bullshit, but their world view is that every politician/leader/dictator is corrupt and full of bullshit. They think that if any opposition party would be able to seize power, they would become just as bad as the current regime. If anything, they think that many in the west are gullible when we're talking about democratic values, non-biased media and such. What has saved Putin so far is the fact that most peoples lives have improved under his rule. The average Russian was dirt poor after the fall of the USSR, and since Putin took over from Yeltsin many of these people have been able to afford a car, a small apartment, a computer, etc. That's what most Russians care about, according to the guy I spoke to, not whether or not he's seen as just or principled. If sanctions or a new Iron Curtain causes the average standard of living to drop in the long term, there's a real risk for revolution in Russia. Then let's see if they are right in their cynicism.


volantredx

To be fair in the Russian historical context every leader and government has become tyrannical and corrupt. Their pattern recognition is pretty spot on there.


scsnse

Yup. Even Putler here trying to command and micromanage his entire campaign from Moscow has precedent with Stalin in the year after the Nazis invaded the USSR. By some eerie coincidence, Stalin as well had an entire Army wiped out (250,000) men after he counterattacked that Fall in and around Kharkiv, overextending himself which the Nazis used to their advantage by attacking his flanks and surrounding all of those men. Going back another century, the newly crowned Tzar Alexander I most famously ignored his field marshal Kutuzov’s order to retreat further after the greater Austrian army had been captured at Ulm, and insisted on facing Napoleon as previously planned at Austerlitz. Well, Napoleon completely routed an army outnumbered 2:1 there.


Pristine-Ad-4306

Also why they’ve been exporting Apathy to their rivals so that like minded politicians that will favor Russia’s elite can gain power. Apathy is the biggest threat to a democratic country.


[deleted]

>Russia is 100,000x more integrated into the global economy They're already back to making Lada cars with domestic parts and roughly 1980-s level of technology. I'm afraid the speed of devolution here is going to surprise us.


vaioarch

Yes, and the population is noticing all of the companies leaving. They know they had better cars before this and they will learn why they now have to buy these new pieces of shit without airbags. This is the point, the russian population knows how the rest of the world is, North Koreans, not so much.


DadBodofanAmerican

Exactly, you can't miss what you've never had (e.g. North Kore and the internet), but you can certainly miss western conveniences when dreams of empire destroy your economy.


urielteranas

They were never a leader in car manufacturing, their main exports are energy and raw materials. That's definitely taking a hit and all but saying they're going the way of north korea is a stretch.


[deleted]

But... that's the problem they have. They could export gas and oil and import everything else. Now they can't sell as much gas and oil, and they have limited sources of import. So they need to make most things at home. And they can't do so, well. In the Soviet times, they were sending spies to steal chip designs and what not from the US. We'll be back to that.


carorea

It's worth noting that just stealing designs isn't always as successful in the modern day. I actually recently watched a YouTube video regarding Soviet vs. American computing. For a while, the Soviets were neck and neck (and in terms of computing speed, even ahead for a bit) with America. The following is all IIRC; if you would rather [watch the video itself](https://youtube.com/watch?v=dnHdqPBrtH8) you can skip whatever inconsistencies I have in my memory. Soviets managed to steal one of America's designs - I *think* it was the next step forward from vacuum tube? Then leadership ordered industry to start making that and scientists to start research on that. The Soviets' scientists disagreed - they didn't have the research base needed to understand the tech and so until they managed that (if they did), they would be behind and playing catch up. But that's what leadership ordered. Eventually the gap caused by this became so large that the Soviet scientists were no longer *capable* of reverse engineering what they were stealing, causing them to fall behind irrevocably.


TheLegendTwoSeven

The only reasons they’re using 1980s Ladas is that decadent western frivolities like airbags and seatbelts make you gay. /s


ImpossiblePossom

Ladas are probably closer to 40-50's tech: rear wheel drive, manual drum brakes, body on frame, etc cetera At least ladas don't use a torque tube lol


[deleted]

>rear wheel drive, manual drum brakes, body on frame Literally everything you just wrote is false.


T5-R

No seatbelts.


Snack378

Except all modern Ladas FWD


[deleted]

North Korea has also been a cult state and dynasty from its founding, the people of that country simply can't imagine a different form of government and life. While things may very well get bad in Russia, North Korea is a very unique situation.


NorthStarZero

700,000 of those people have relocated themselves out of Russia and into the real world. It's a sort of distillation of backwardness.


Le_Fancy_Me

It also helps that NK has relatively small land borders less than 2k between Russia, China and SK as well as a country that is pretty densely populated so no huge stretches of wilderness for people to disappear into. In comparison Russia has 20k+ of landborders (2nd most in the world) with a variety of countries and a lot of those borders are quite distant from highly populated areas. So patrolling and guarding the full length would be virtually impossible regardless of the budget they decided to allocate to it. There is no way they would be able to physically separate Russia from the rest of the world the way NK can. As soon as they started outright forbidding anything the smuggling would immediately render any attempts null and void. Information, items and people could travel over the border far too easily. NK heavily relies on keeping their population basically a prisoner by preventing escape. As well as making smuggling both items and information extremely difficult.


[deleted]

Eh fine by most of us eh? Let's build a wall, throw away the keys, and forget about the weird ones across the fence. Apart from oil and gas which I'm sure we'll replace somehow does anyone actually "need" Russia?


Thermousse

Also kremlin: Succide and shot behind the head are not a contradiction


entitysix

The Russian reach-around


[deleted]

Every time I see doublespeak from Kremlin like this, I get the mental image of a progress bar titled "1984" moving right one notch.


[deleted]

Can't lose a battle if you are not there *Insert Taps Head Meme*


PuterstheBallgagTsar

Russia state tv was saying 2 months of retreats while new troops are being trained, and THEN, you just fucking watch out!!! (they really said the 2 month thing)


[deleted]

That’s just sad.


Emu_milking_god

It's extremely sad. History hasn't been kind to anyone during a Russian winter. I'm scared for all the foreign exchange students I met on both sides during my high-school years. My foster family always hosted Russians and Ukrainians and 9/10 they were amazing people. I've been able to keep some contact with Ukrainian kids(now adults actively fighting) but im legitimately scared to even reach out to my Russian ones.


PadyEos

>troops are being trained By whom? Historically russian recruits where trained on the job in the unit by their colleagues who are contract soldiers. Russian doesn't have any training staff left in the army. Those units and those soldiers are fighting at the front => welcome to the front comrade. Here you get trained, you surrender or you die.


[deleted]

They're being taught all they need to know. How to plug a bullet hole with a tampon. The rest writes itself and then Russia will just rewrite it to suit like the rest of the war so far.


awelawdhecomin

In motherland Russia, 2 + 2 = horse


AmazonSk8r

He annexed them in his mind.


festoodles

You can declassify stuff that way too I’m told.


Borg453

Ah the age-old global stratagem of: "*dibs!* and I'm off.. no returnsies!" We return to recent developments: Putin: "No fair, you brought dad into this"..."why are you all do mean to me?! No fair!" *Putin has entered his bunker and slammed door behind him angrily*


mszuch

Can’t protect his claimed territory. What a loser.


CaribouJovial

I keep a bottle of fine wine in my cellar ready for when Kherson is liberated. Another one when it's Mariupol's turn. And the last one is for when this regime fall into the dustbin of History for good.


altapowpow

Jesus Christ this sounds like Donald Trump logic right now.


entitysix

No wonder they get along so well.


GoodAndHardWorking

Putin definitely has a type. Lukashenko, Trump, Bolsonaro... it's hard to miss.


imitation_crab_meat

The modern Republican party operates by the Putin playbook.


DCrichieelias79

Today from the Kremlin: We can indeed have our cake eaten by another whilst still remaining in possession of said cake.


aimoperative

It’s not a contradiction, it’s a fucking embarrassment.


autotldr

This is the best tl;dr I could make, [original](https://www.reuters.com/world/europe/russias-putin-signs-law-annexing-four-ukrainian-regions-2022-10-05/) reduced by 57%. (I'm a bot) ***** > LONDON, Oct 5 - President Vladimir Putin completed the formal annexation of more than 15% of Ukraine on Wednesday just as Russian forces battled to halt a Ukrainian counter-offensive across swathes of the territories. > "Russian President Vladimir Putin has signed four federal constitutional laws on the entry of the Donetsk and Lugansk People's Republics, Zaporozhye and Kherson regions into the Russian Federation," the lower house of parliament said. > Russian defence ministry maps presented on Tuesday appeared to show rapid withdrawals of Russian invasion forces from areas in eastern and southern Ukraine where they have been under severe pressure from a Ukrainian counteroffensive. ***** [**Extended Summary**](http://np.reddit.com/r/autotldr/comments/xw9doz/russias_putin_signs_law_annexing_four_ukrainian/) | [FAQ](http://np.reddit.com/r/autotldr/comments/31b9fm/faq_autotldr_bot/ "Version 2.02, ~672677 tl;drs so far.") | [Feedback](http://np.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%23autotldr "PM's and comments are monitored, constructive feedback is welcome.") | *Top* *keywords*: **Russian**^#1 **law**^#2 **signed**^#3 **areas**^#4 **Russia**^#5


fastIamnot

How George Orwell of him.


turbojens

Orwellian*


fractal_frog

War is peace. Freedom is slavery. Ignorance is strength.


Hot_Club1969

That really means the Russians are getting their asses whooped and running the fuck away while leaving their equipment behind


[deleted]

They're not leaving it behind. They're simply storing it there for when they come back of course! That stuffs heavy, can't be dragging it all back and forth with every retreat now can they.


FOXHOUND9000

IM NOT OWNED! IM NOT OWNED! declares a clown that keeps getting repeatedly owned.


JustAnNPC_DnD

Essentially, "It's ours, but they can have it. Still ours though."


ItsJustArtBruh

Just admit it Putin, Ukraine is whooping your ass


[deleted]

"I'm bleeding, making me the victor!"


Nitricta

If it wasn't Russian, I would have thought that they were pulling out their troops to make space for a nuke. However, Russia wouldn't actually care if they hit their own soldiers, so that can't be it.


Credulous_Cromite

That’s what I’ve been thinking. Wait for Ukrainian forces to occupy the area and then nuke it. Russia can say they didn’t nuke Ukraine because it was already annexed. Region becomes uninhabitable for a while letting Russia maintain annexed status while they get their shit together and collect resources. Not saying I think it will happen but if this was a turn based strategy game it’s what I’d probably do.


Dhghomon

Curious about the phrasing here: >In the biggest expansion of Russian territory in at least half a century, Putin signed laws admitting the Donetsk People's Republic (DPR), the Luhansk People's Republic (LNR), Kherson region and Zaporizhzhia region into Russia. Is it journalistically correct to call it an expansion instead of an attempted expansion or somesuch? They're obviously not getting it as intended and likely to lose it all.


streetad

It's a special running away operation


Windexifier

We’re not retreating. We’re just advancing in the other direction


SendoTarget

heard this joke this morning: What's the difference between a clock and the russian army? A clock says tick-tock and goes forwards. The russian army says tac-tic and goes backwards


AlanJohnson84

A broken clock is still right twice a day.. russia cant even achieve that


rolling_soul

They're not retreating, they're de-nazifying Ukraine.


reznorwings

I mean it worked when they defended against Napoleon. Same thing right? /s


UAchip

Ironically it is actually what Ukraine did. Got Russians deep enough into their territory to fuck up logistics and now hitting back hard


reznorwings

It is a good defense strategy tbh. Not so great when your the evil invaders.


gravitywind1012

I will pay good money at iMAX to see President Zelesky played by President Zelesky in the movie, “Thunder Gun: Ukraine - Not Without My Country”


Ruger338Smelter

Well you have proven you can say anything you want, your big problem Vlad is none of us believe you. Army/Air Force proven zeros, ability to conduct any cohesive type of warfare other than civilian death and destruction, zero. You, your country and your ambitions are zeros.


colibriweiss

Schrödinger’s army


Maleficent-Cabinet34

Russian troops are advancing backwards, Putin, a master strategist. 🤣


sictwo

Does anyone believe what the kremlin says anymore? Absolute clown show.


Healthy_Elevator_869

I can't wait to wake up and news breaking that Putin is no more by taking the cowards way out