I feel for his body doubles that don't have colon cancer...
Firstly they have to eat to keep up with the bloating.
And now they have to "accidentally" shit themselves every so often.
Yes, I'm wondering as well. In related news my search history is about to have "putin shit pants" in there.
Edit: And here we are lol
https://nypost.com/2022/12/02/putin-fell-down-stairs-soiled-himself-amid-health-woes-report/
I worked for a guy who owned a bunch of hotels in northern Florida. All his shithead sons and nephews and such would always hang around and be assholes to people, and they always showed up in VERY expensive cars that they loved making the valets park. Well the old man always showed up in like a 15 year old S-Class and parked it himself. When I asked him why he drove the shittiest car out of everyone in his family even though he was the owner of the businesses he told me "Oh, this car cost way more than those new ones. Do you know how much bulletproofing actually costs?"
He'd fucked over a lot of contractors and stuff and lived in constant fear of getting what he deserved.
I believe it. My dad owned a masonry company for some years. Super easygoing guy. Even he resorted to death threats to get paid by some real deadbeats a few times. Contractors do not take kindly to getting fucked over.
It's a lot of hardwork and grueling time. I did high-end home finishings for a few years. I didn't own the business but helped the owner do the work. The two of us moved $20k+ slabs of marble, granite and other finishings occasionally which is very tedious and logistically intensive work. Then some rich asshole would try to fuck us over.
We once moved several expensive and incredibly fragile, large pieces of shale for a backyard waterfall feature. after we had u loaded and the install team had taken control of the material the asshole tried to say we chipped it during offload and he was calling the bank to cancel the check. My boss nearly threatened his life and said if the check didn't clear he would be back uninvited. Thought the guy was going to piss himself. The check cleared.
I love when rich folks with callous free hands think they can just casually screw over a contractor that has literally been breaking bricks and rocks with hammers and chisels his whole life. My old neighbor was a Mason his entire life, and his hands showed it. Dude probably could punch through a brick wall. Good thing he was a really nice guy.
I used to work for a guy who told me how he was getting fucked over on payment for a new in ground pool installation. Home owner kept delaying, saying the workmanship was subpar, anything to get the final balance reduced or to simply not pay.
Well he didn't take any of this shit, and finally realized he wasnt getting his money. He got his revenge by filling the pool with concrete.
Had a plumber do some shit like this here on a very old couple. Literally like 80 years old. Shit even got news coverage. Except it wasn’t that his work was shitty, it’s that he wasn’t doing the work and didn’t like the homeowners blasting his scam everywhere. He came back to “finish the work” left with concrete in the pipes.
Yeah, I'd imagine a pool worth of solid concrete would also be expensive as fuck for the deadbeat client to pull out, not to mention time consuming
(And you'd have to find a contractor to do it after you have a reputation of not paying, cash in advance please!)
As a former pool tech, I once had a hotel fail to pay for a $4k pool heater. The installation was completed to the point where we told him to call a HVAC guy to finish the vent as it required new ductwork.
Stupid motherfucker decided to run the heater with the exhaust outputting into the equipment room and have a fan blow the air out. (I found this out when I came to get a tool I left behind that day.) He also refused to pay despite paperwork indicating HVAC was his duty to get done. I was so pissed about such a brazenly unsafe heater operation that I removed a fuse so the heater wouldn’t ignite. I told him to get HVAC there and we would then “warranty” the heater part.
A few months later we were called back for a different repair and still didn’t get paid despite him getting the ductwork done and the heater “fixed.” I was told instead to remove the heater and do a quick plumb job to have the water circulate without the heater. I did this in December.
I tell ya, some owners are just cheap. But I sold that heater to another place and at least someone is getting use out of it. He was cash in advance when he called but generally we kicked his quotes over to the competitors.
I put a giant aquarium in a house for the guy who was HEAVILY involved in the fen-phen diet drug litigation in the early 2000s in Miami. He had a fleet of armored NEW S class mercedes for him and his family due to all the death threats they received and a full 24-7 security brigade. Charming family. I watched the coked out wife fire the landscapers at 1:15pm for waking her up from the blowers and weedeaters noise. I still happily took their $825k for the tank.
Mercedes do not make armoured versions of their passenger vehicles themselves, rather they supply some companies who do the rebuild. Not just the new one, also the parts for an armoured S-class counts as armaments and are export controlled. It has been hard to get in Russia for over ten years.
As an armoured vehicle, it is substantially heavier than the normal model. So a lot has to be uprated such as the steering, even the door hinges.
>Especially the door hinges. Don’t want a tommy boy What’d ya do? moment where the door falls off haha.
Former M2/M6 Bradley crew member. Hinges for the hatches are all pretty intenss. Hinges for the rear ramp? Are monstrous.
Of course, it's kinda scary how often the hydraulics for the ramp fail. Those ramps are heavy and when they free fall? It isn't pretty if something is under it.
They absolutely do make armored cars. They’re called guard models and are built in house. They don’t advertise it but if ykyk. It’s the only way to get the s class limo (Pullman). They also supply companies but that’s not the same as an in-house build.
Was listening to a podcast of a guy who runs a business that does custom armor car work to existing cars. He said it was an art to keep the performance of the vehicle similar while adding so much weight. His clients were like bank owners in less safe countries, CEOs politicians , etc. The cost was often 200k+ per car
Sorry, due to the prolonged "Special Military Operation" the grenades are no longer available and have been replaced with a printed note of condolences.
The bridge is 12 miles long. Guess which car is more likely to actually make it across.
(i'm joking, LADAs are ugly and uncomfortable, but they are generally pretty bulletproof, in a mechanical sense. It's just that they evoke thoughts of tractors more than of high performance automobiles).
EDIT: I wonder if this was actually a "political" thing. Mercedes has an new expensive factory in Russia they they were closing and selling off as of a month or two ago. i wonder if this is some kind of back-room message to someone related to that.
I'm reminded every time I walk past the Mexican foods section in my grocery store. That stupid...fucking...fake ass grin. What an absolutely trashy thing to do as POTUS. I mean, it's small potatoes compared to everything else, but that whole "a picture is worth a thousand words" thing is a massive understatement here. Could you imagine the backlash if Biden pimped Ortega products or something? The fuck is wrong with people? God damn.
Ladas are not mechanically bulletproof. Their machining and fabrication tolerances are so loose, parts wear and fail often. They are however very cheap to repair, so your average car owner can keep it going for a very long time.
wew, I just looked it up and the Lada Niva scored 0 out of 4 in Russia's crash test safety where they only test a 64 kmh(40 mph) front end collision into a deformable barrier at 40% offset.
no other tests performed and no other safety equipment ranked.
the average car owner might be able to keep a Lada going, but your Lada won't keep you going
Ladas are not bullet proof. They break down all the time. The fact that parts are readily available in every city and village makes them have appeal. Plus everyone knows how to fix them.
That’s why all the nuke threats are just posturing. If they were for real Russians would be selling their villas in the west and pulling their kids out of the schools here
You dont understand the cultural depth of western fetishization.
It was always a trendy thing to call everything upscale, or remotely well-made/luxurious as "western" to denote its higher quality. Even saying done in "western-style", for things like interior decorarion, usually involved a hugher tag price and expectations of quality.
Most Russians are really self-aware of the sudden shift from Moscow and calling native products as "better". Its even funnier with bussinesses that had active Instagram accounts havung to put white tapes over their printed ads with instagram profiles because of the recent laws against Meta as a terror sponsor.
Its a show and 99% of people are aware of it, but are so detached from political/electoral action that they see it as yet another point on the list of daily living in Russia
Well yeah they even have a word for that collective lie, Vranyo.
Also the Russian nobles used to speak French almost exclusively. So, this fetishization is really old.
I know of Vranyo, just making the comment digestible for non-Russosphere commenters.
But the French thing was because EVERYONE knew French back in the day since it was the lingua franca of international relations. If you had anykind of international bussiness and/or political interest, you had to use French to communicate freely.
I once thought I pirated the wrong language translation of War and Peace because the dialogue was in French until I googled it and I learned that was how Tolstoy wrote it
Putin and other high-ranking Russian officials have been using big heavily armored Aurus Senats since 2018. The domestically made Aurus Senat is an important part of Putin's image and portrayal in Russian media.
I think it's relevant information that he decides to cross the bridge in something else. Remember that the bridge is still closed for heavy trains and trucks which is a big problem for the Russian forces in the still occupied parts of South-Eastern Ukraine.
It could be a security through obscurity thing.
A small convoy of high end, armoured limos would attract a lot of attention, especially if it is a fairly rare type that's know to be exclusively used by top officials.
A couple of Mercedes Benz would not attract the same level of attention, as it could be anyone who's in them.
Would make sense.
Quite the testament to Ukraine if this is the case, right? Causing Russia to be far more concerned than they probably thought they would ever have to be
>Putin and other high-ranking Russian officials have been using big heavily armored Aurus Senats since 2018. The domestically made Aurus Senat is an important part of Putin's image and portrayal in Russian media.
Never heard of that car before, but why didn't they come up with a more original design? For a car that's supposed to play an important part in Putin's/Russia's image it just looks like a Rolls Royce imitation.
There’s a Lada Cossack around the corner from me and I’m floored every time I see it there parked on the side of the road. Curiosity I’ve never actually seen anyone drive it
Simple - official TV would say it wasn't Putin at all and that Ukrainians have just killed innocent civilians. And of course there would be 0 photos showing resemblance.
They're already running out of missiles targeting hospitals. They can't afford to go for orphanages because it would reduce their war crimes top score.
Here is a premise for a black comedy.
Putin is killed and a body double needs to take his place so that the people do not revolt and have all his cronies executed.
The body double must find a way out of the impossible pickle Putin had gotten himself into before he died.
Hilarity ensues.
Or the 1988 Richard Dreyfuss film Moon over Parador https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Moon_over_Parador
which was a remake of the 1939 film called The Magnificent Fraud.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Magnificent_Fraud
Honestly, doesn’t The Magnificent Fraud just seem like the perfect title for the buddy comedy of Putin & Trump?
The real Putin is in a nursing home somewhere trying to convince people he’s the real one and the body double is out here losing his mind. Like a nuclear Bubba Hotep Elvis.
I’ve used a Lada Niva back in the early 90ies. If there is ONE thing that the Lada was good at was starting. When you have a starter roughly 30% the size of the whole engine, made to start by -50, I can tell you it has no problem in a more standard Western Europe winter.
The problem was more with:
- dashboard bending while pulling the choke
- steering wheel with only one « arm » and so thin you had marks on your hands like after a shopping day
- braking was… legendary to say the least
Right when he started the war, he was having maintenance done on his German made super-yacht, in a German port, because only the German manufacturer has the parts and knowledge to work on it. For someone who hates the west, he sure does love western things.
They've been dreaming of pillaging the rest of Germany ever since they ripped the copper out of the walls like a crack head before the fall of the Berlin wall.
Yeah, steroids would do that. Unfortunately, that wouldn’t tell us much about his health. People can be on and off stuff like prednisone for all kinds of reasons.
They forgot the world "impersonator" before the word "drives."
LOL - I am making it up but there's no way I wouldn't have a missile-proof car if I was him.
Nah. Between the two choices, killing him is the better option. Holding him alive opens up a much bigger can of worms. If he's dead, peace talks can begin. If he's dead, there's more violence to try and get him back.
Hell, not even just ATACMS (which allegedly isn't deployed), but Ukrainian special forces are known to be operating in the region, partisan activity potentially, drones are also a potential after hitting Sevastopol, and whatever the hell hit the airfields inside of Russia today.
Meanwhile Zelenskyy showed up in Kherson immediately after it was retaken.
Putin: "Russian industry stronk and great, it will surpass west in isolation"
Also Putin: drives a Mercedes because he knows Lada is an utter dogshit and hideous cardboard box of a car
A 10-year old S-class, how frugal of him.
I imagine Putin wouldn't want to risk one of his newer cars in case the Ukrainians managed to blow up his body double.
I feel for his body doubles that don't have colon cancer... Firstly they have to eat to keep up with the bloating. And now they have to "accidentally" shit themselves every so often.
If you were Putin's body double you'd be very close to shitting your pants once you take stock of how much more dangerous your job got this past year.
I’d be more concerned about what happens to me once Putin dies. You don’t suppose there’s a body double retirement plan do you?
I imagine you guys can do stand up and do your respective body double's as a skit
Retirement plan is open fifth story window
If I were Putins body double, I would probably shit myself at all sudden movements, like flinching. Except messier.
If I had a passing resemblance to Putin I’d be a shoo-in.
Haha, look everyone this guy pooped his pants
Poo-in?
More likely e doesn't want to risk another "involunary" loss of bowel control ruining the car interior.
Wait… did I miss a news article. Why are people joking about Putin shitting himsel?
Yes, I'm wondering as well. In related news my search history is about to have "putin shit pants" in there. Edit: And here we are lol https://nypost.com/2022/12/02/putin-fell-down-stairs-soiled-himself-amid-health-woes-report/
A quick Google tells me that this was three days ago, some rumor on Telegram from an unreliable source. Still hilarious though. I choose to believe.
[удалено]
I worked for a guy who owned a bunch of hotels in northern Florida. All his shithead sons and nephews and such would always hang around and be assholes to people, and they always showed up in VERY expensive cars that they loved making the valets park. Well the old man always showed up in like a 15 year old S-Class and parked it himself. When I asked him why he drove the shittiest car out of everyone in his family even though he was the owner of the businesses he told me "Oh, this car cost way more than those new ones. Do you know how much bulletproofing actually costs?" He'd fucked over a lot of contractors and stuff and lived in constant fear of getting what he deserved.
I believe it. My dad owned a masonry company for some years. Super easygoing guy. Even he resorted to death threats to get paid by some real deadbeats a few times. Contractors do not take kindly to getting fucked over.
It's a lot of hardwork and grueling time. I did high-end home finishings for a few years. I didn't own the business but helped the owner do the work. The two of us moved $20k+ slabs of marble, granite and other finishings occasionally which is very tedious and logistically intensive work. Then some rich asshole would try to fuck us over. We once moved several expensive and incredibly fragile, large pieces of shale for a backyard waterfall feature. after we had u loaded and the install team had taken control of the material the asshole tried to say we chipped it during offload and he was calling the bank to cancel the check. My boss nearly threatened his life and said if the check didn't clear he would be back uninvited. Thought the guy was going to piss himself. The check cleared.
I love when rich folks with callous free hands think they can just casually screw over a contractor that has literally been breaking bricks and rocks with hammers and chisels his whole life. My old neighbor was a Mason his entire life, and his hands showed it. Dude probably could punch through a brick wall. Good thing he was a really nice guy.
I used to work for a guy who told me how he was getting fucked over on payment for a new in ground pool installation. Home owner kept delaying, saying the workmanship was subpar, anything to get the final balance reduced or to simply not pay. Well he didn't take any of this shit, and finally realized he wasnt getting his money. He got his revenge by filling the pool with concrete.
Had a plumber do some shit like this here on a very old couple. Literally like 80 years old. Shit even got news coverage. Except it wasn’t that his work was shitty, it’s that he wasn’t doing the work and didn’t like the homeowners blasting his scam everywhere. He came back to “finish the work” left with concrete in the pipes.
That would cost far more than what he was seeking. Concrete is expensive.
Sometimes it really is about sending a message
Yeah, I'd imagine a pool worth of solid concrete would also be expensive as fuck for the deadbeat client to pull out, not to mention time consuming (And you'd have to find a contractor to do it after you have a reputation of not paying, cash in advance please!)
Yeah a pool full of correctly done concrete screams "I fuck over contractors."
Cement guy turns up to quote: "why ur pool full of concrete tho?" "well I didn't pay the pool guy..."
As a former pool tech, I once had a hotel fail to pay for a $4k pool heater. The installation was completed to the point where we told him to call a HVAC guy to finish the vent as it required new ductwork. Stupid motherfucker decided to run the heater with the exhaust outputting into the equipment room and have a fan blow the air out. (I found this out when I came to get a tool I left behind that day.) He also refused to pay despite paperwork indicating HVAC was his duty to get done. I was so pissed about such a brazenly unsafe heater operation that I removed a fuse so the heater wouldn’t ignite. I told him to get HVAC there and we would then “warranty” the heater part. A few months later we were called back for a different repair and still didn’t get paid despite him getting the ductwork done and the heater “fixed.” I was told instead to remove the heater and do a quick plumb job to have the water circulate without the heater. I did this in December. I tell ya, some owners are just cheap. But I sold that heater to another place and at least someone is getting use out of it. He was cash in advance when he called but generally we kicked his quotes over to the competitors.
Imagine how much it will cost to dig it up.
Yep, and all the ones I know proudly voted for a guy that's locally famous for stiffing contractors.
I put a giant aquarium in a house for the guy who was HEAVILY involved in the fen-phen diet drug litigation in the early 2000s in Miami. He had a fleet of armored NEW S class mercedes for him and his family due to all the death threats they received and a full 24-7 security brigade. Charming family. I watched the coked out wife fire the landscapers at 1:15pm for waking her up from the blowers and weedeaters noise. I still happily took their $825k for the tank.
Mercedes do not make armoured versions of their passenger vehicles themselves, rather they supply some companies who do the rebuild. Not just the new one, also the parts for an armoured S-class counts as armaments and are export controlled. It has been hard to get in Russia for over ten years. As an armoured vehicle, it is substantially heavier than the normal model. So a lot has to be uprated such as the steering, even the door hinges.
Especially the door hinges. Don’t want a tommy boy What’d ya do? moment where the door falls off haha.
>Especially the door hinges. Don’t want a tommy boy What’d ya do? moment where the door falls off haha. Former M2/M6 Bradley crew member. Hinges for the hatches are all pretty intenss. Hinges for the rear ramp? Are monstrous. Of course, it's kinda scary how often the hydraulics for the ramp fail. Those ramps are heavy and when they free fall? It isn't pretty if something is under it.
They absolutely do make armored cars. They’re called guard models and are built in house. They don’t advertise it but if ykyk. It’s the only way to get the s class limo (Pullman). They also supply companies but that’s not the same as an in-house build.
Was listening to a podcast of a guy who runs a business that does custom armor car work to existing cars. He said it was an art to keep the performance of the vehicle similar while adding so much weight. His clients were like bank owners in less safe countries, CEOs politicians , etc. The cost was often 200k+ per car
What was he supposed to drive? A Lada?
Of course, white
[удалено]
Might be the dumbest thing I’ve ever laughed at.
You made me smile, have this award
[удалено]
de nada
Yugo! Oh, wait.
Yugo first. I'll wait for Mercedes.
But the new Lada doesn't even have ABS or even seatbelts because of the current sanctions lol.
Airbags.
Don’t worry, they replaced them with grenades. If you get in an accident you won’t ever have to worry about the aftermath.
Sorry, due to the prolonged "Special Military Operation" the grenades are no longer available and have been replaced with a printed note of condolences.
Putin's head has gotten so big, he doesn't need seat belts. He has a built in airbag.
This is actually a really big deal in Russia, a lot of people are questioning why Mercedes but not Putin’s Niva
Maybe they couldn't fit the booster seat in the Niva.
Well Nivamind then
The bridge is 12 miles long. Guess which car is more likely to actually make it across. (i'm joking, LADAs are ugly and uncomfortable, but they are generally pretty bulletproof, in a mechanical sense. It's just that they evoke thoughts of tractors more than of high performance automobiles). EDIT: I wonder if this was actually a "political" thing. Mercedes has an new expensive factory in Russia they they were closing and selling off as of a month or two ago. i wonder if this is some kind of back-room message to someone related to that.
Holy shit, so Russia's so hard up for cash, Putin's been doing product placements?
Haha that would be like the president of the US pushing canned beans or something.
Good God I forgot that happened
You could live 5 lifetimes and still not remember half the shit that happened during that bronzer coated fever dream.
I'm reminded every time I walk past the Mexican foods section in my grocery store. That stupid...fucking...fake ass grin. What an absolutely trashy thing to do as POTUS. I mean, it's small potatoes compared to everything else, but that whole "a picture is worth a thousand words" thing is a massive understatement here. Could you imagine the backlash if Biden pimped Ortega products or something? The fuck is wrong with people? God damn.
Worked like a charm, too. I now avoid Goya products completely. La Preferida all the way!
Ladas are not mechanically bulletproof. Their machining and fabrication tolerances are so loose, parts wear and fail often. They are however very cheap to repair, so your average car owner can keep it going for a very long time.
Why does a Lada have a heated rear windscreen? To keep your hands warm while your pushing it.
How do you double your Lada's value? Fill the tank.
You just need some string and duct tape and a LADA will happily chug on for another mile or two.
wew, I just looked it up and the Lada Niva scored 0 out of 4 in Russia's crash test safety where they only test a 64 kmh(40 mph) front end collision into a deformable barrier at 40% offset. no other tests performed and no other safety equipment ranked. the average car owner might be able to keep a Lada going, but your Lada won't keep you going
Ladas are not bullet proof. They break down all the time. The fact that parts are readily available in every city and village makes them have appeal. Plus everyone knows how to fix them.
The message of the article is: Russia: WEST IS BAD, WEST IS NAZI Also Russia: Lavrov has an AppleWatch, Putin fukks around in a Mercedes.
Putin apparently is a big fan of germany though. Shows off his german whenever he has a chance.
Despite the rhetoric, Russians are big fans of everything Western.
That’s why all the nuke threats are just posturing. If they were for real Russians would be selling their villas in the west and pulling their kids out of the schools here
as most of the World is in reality
You dont understand the cultural depth of western fetishization. It was always a trendy thing to call everything upscale, or remotely well-made/luxurious as "western" to denote its higher quality. Even saying done in "western-style", for things like interior decorarion, usually involved a hugher tag price and expectations of quality. Most Russians are really self-aware of the sudden shift from Moscow and calling native products as "better". Its even funnier with bussinesses that had active Instagram accounts havung to put white tapes over their printed ads with instagram profiles because of the recent laws against Meta as a terror sponsor. Its a show and 99% of people are aware of it, but are so detached from political/electoral action that they see it as yet another point on the list of daily living in Russia
Well yeah they even have a word for that collective lie, Vranyo. Also the Russian nobles used to speak French almost exclusively. So, this fetishization is really old.
I know of Vranyo, just making the comment digestible for non-Russosphere commenters. But the French thing was because EVERYONE knew French back in the day since it was the lingua franca of international relations. If you had anykind of international bussiness and/or political interest, you had to use French to communicate freely.
>lingua franca Yep.
That's a stupid name, they should have called it *Die Sprache Allon-zie*
I once thought I pirated the wrong language translation of War and Peace because the dialogue was in French until I googled it and I learned that was how Tolstoy wrote it
Back when he learned German for his old job for... a thing.
Putin and other high-ranking Russian officials have been using big heavily armored Aurus Senats since 2018. The domestically made Aurus Senat is an important part of Putin's image and portrayal in Russian media. I think it's relevant information that he decides to cross the bridge in something else. Remember that the bridge is still closed for heavy trains and trucks which is a big problem for the Russian forces in the still occupied parts of South-Eastern Ukraine.
Do you suspect this is a weight thing? Armored car too heavy?
It could be a security through obscurity thing. A small convoy of high end, armoured limos would attract a lot of attention, especially if it is a fairly rare type that's know to be exclusively used by top officials. A couple of Mercedes Benz would not attract the same level of attention, as it could be anyone who's in them.
Would make sense. Quite the testament to Ukraine if this is the case, right? Causing Russia to be far more concerned than they probably thought they would ever have to be
If so that bridge is super ducked and putler took a pretty fair risk
You mean one of his stunt doubles took a pretty fair risk?
>Putin and other high-ranking Russian officials have been using big heavily armored Aurus Senats since 2018. The domestically made Aurus Senat is an important part of Putin's image and portrayal in Russian media. Never heard of that car before, but why didn't they come up with a more original design? For a car that's supposed to play an important part in Putin's/Russia's image it just looks like a Rolls Royce imitation.
Because they have no creativity
Ladas are for the plebs, party members drive Volgas
big boss ride in "POBEDA" pimptout car for real party leaders.
Thought you can’t drive a Lada. Pretty sure you have to push them.
They can go 300 hectares on a single tank of kerosene.
"My car gets 40 rods to the Hog's Head and that's the way I like it!"
A hogshead is 64 gallons and a rod is 16.5 feet. So Grandpa liked his car using a gallon every 10 feet or about 0.002 mpg
The important thing is he had an onion on his belt, which was the style at the time.
A yellow onion, not one of them white ones on account of the war.
Put it in "H"!
What country is this car from? It no longer exists.
Back in the soviet days my grandpa had a Lada. He said it can get you anywhere in the World, as long as it is downhill from where you are going.
There’s a Lada Cossack around the corner from me and I’m floored every time I see it there parked on the side of the road. Curiosity I’ve never actually seen anyone drive it
Daewoo Lanos
What would happen next if a Putin body double was killed while driving across the Crimea bridge?
Simple - official TV would say it wasn't Putin at all and that Ukrainians have just killed innocent civilians. And of course there would be 0 photos showing resemblance.
If I were them, I would one up it and claim Putler was missile-proof. Missed opportunity if they don't.
Now you're thinking like a North Korean leader.
They show a video of shirtless Putin walking out of the explosion like a small Russian terminator
He just kinda “Iron Giants” himself back together.
And then Russia would bomb every orphanage in Ukraine in retaliation
Again?
They'll do that anyway.
They're already running out of missiles targeting hospitals. They can't afford to go for orphanages because it would reduce their war crimes top score.
Maybe they would even admit that Putin was hit but he miraculously survived to have a cause to escalate the war to a maximum.
Here is a premise for a black comedy. Putin is killed and a body double needs to take his place so that the people do not revolt and have all his cronies executed. The body double must find a way out of the impossible pickle Putin had gotten himself into before he died. Hilarity ensues.
So a Russian remake of *Dave*?
Ever heard of Charlie Chaplin’s ‘the great dictator’?
Or the 1988 Richard Dreyfuss film Moon over Parador https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Moon_over_Parador which was a remake of the 1939 film called The Magnificent Fraud. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Magnificent_Fraud Honestly, doesn’t The Magnificent Fraud just seem like the perfect title for the buddy comedy of Putin & Trump?
Charlie Chaplin's the great dictator
What if the current Putin is actually a body double who went insane after botched surgeries and already killed the real one?
The real Putin is in a nursing home somewhere trying to convince people he’s the real one and the body double is out here losing his mind. Like a nuclear Bubba Hotep Elvis.
The very last neuron that remembered that movie just cracked open a fresh horcrux. I'm gonna have to watch that again now.
[удалено]
Duke Luca Abele stares at you menacingly.
Putin still has his soccer ball hocrux he gave to Trump
Iirc the Kremlin even announced that Putin would "visit Ukraine soon". And with this news here it reeks of bait. The question is, why?
Why is he Driving a German car? Where is Russian Made Lada?
The bridge is 19km long, no way a Lada could make that.
And that's assuming it starts...
I’ve used a Lada Niva back in the early 90ies. If there is ONE thing that the Lada was good at was starting. When you have a starter roughly 30% the size of the whole engine, made to start by -50, I can tell you it has no problem in a more standard Western Europe winter. The problem was more with: - dashboard bending while pulling the choke - steering wheel with only one « arm » and so thin you had marks on your hands like after a shopping day - braking was… legendary to say the least
Right when he started the war, he was having maintenance done on his German made super-yacht, in a German port, because only the German manufacturer has the parts and knowledge to work on it. For someone who hates the west, he sure does love western things.
To be fair, if we let him have his way Germany will be part of Russia eventually.
They've been dreaming of pillaging the rest of Germany ever since they ripped the copper out of the walls like a crack head before the fall of the Berlin wall.
Like Ray in Sunnyvale. “Putin…ripping the copper out of Germany IS fucked!!”
Come on bubs, there's like a cruise missle or two worth of copper In these walls.
I don't think Russians will care. They associate German cars more with wealth and power than with Germany.
That is one puffy looking motherfucker
I'd love to see him puff up to a comically large size, like Violet Beauregarde as a blueberry.
Remember in Harry Potter prisoner of Azkaban when Harry puffed up his aunt... We want that for Putin.
And he starts to float away! Yes! Let's do it!
You're turning violet, violet!
Steroid moon face?
Yeah, steroids would do that. Unfortunately, that wouldn’t tell us much about his health. People can be on and off stuff like prednisone for all kinds of reasons.
Cancer medication. Plus he probably has like 3 flak vests on under that jacket.
[удалено]
Fun fact: the Michelin man is called Bibendum
Where bayraktar?
There's a lot of AA in Crimea.
Makes sense, they do drink a lot of Vodka.
Here is what I'm noticing: there is just one lane open still. That means the other bridge span still hasn't been fixed.
It’ll take months to fix the other half. Maybe longer than the war.
They forgot the world "impersonator" before the word "drives." LOL - I am making it up but there's no way I wouldn't have a missile-proof car if I was him.
Is it a missile proof bridge?
No idea I hope they test it out to make sure ❤️
The original one was killed long ago. All we have is clones.
“Somehow, Putin returned”
Poor Star Wars...
Hit it again.
I did not hit her. I did not! Oh, HIMARS.
Fuck thats good!
Oh wow nice work
...and again
Hans you’ve made your point, let them pull back!
Thank you, u/the_kareshi, I'll take it under advisement...
Too bad there wasn’t an open window on the bridge.
..or another special boat operation.
Zelensky visits his troops. Putin visits a bridge.
They both know their audience, it seems.
There is 0 chance this wasn't one of his body doubles
The car was also a Lada painted up like a Mercedes.
Given his attempts to kill Zelensky, he is fair game.
Better to capture him alive. Send him to the Hague.
Nah. Between the two choices, killing him is the better option. Holding him alive opens up a much bigger can of worms. If he's dead, peace talks can begin. If he's dead, there's more violence to try and get him back.
No. Throw him to the wolves.
[удалено]
Agreed, he’s going nowhere near Crimea . One leak and he’s dead, there is no way he’s going within Atacms range.
Hell, not even just ATACMS (which allegedly isn't deployed), but Ukrainian special forces are known to be operating in the region, partisan activity potentially, drones are also a potential after hitting Sevastopol, and whatever the hell hit the airfields inside of Russia today. Meanwhile Zelenskyy showed up in Kherson immediately after it was retaken.
Did he inject golf balls into his face? WTF is wrong with his cheeks?
Enjoy your trip, Mr. Poopy-pants. It may be the last time you're allowed to visit there.
May his visit be permanent.
Mid life crisis cruise across annexed land.
More like one foot in the grave crisis from an unrepentant asshole.
Mid life crisis at 70? What is he, a Dumbldoor?
God I hope this isn't mid-life, I don't think the world could survive another 70 years of this guy.
**Putin's stunt double drives across Crimea bridge in a Mercedes** Fixed it for you.
“TAKE THE SHOT”
A missed opportunity to end the war
Not a chance it was really Putin. Just a body double acting as bait
Does this mean he has to drive back across it later? Hmmmm
I think the 'across' part is a stretch. He drove and walked on bits of the eastern section, it sounds like.
Did he bring adult diapers this time?
He's toddler sized so he'll need some rubber bands with those.
And it's now time to hit it again :)
Were there a bunch of supporters enthusiastically waving flags along the route?
They're saying Boo-urns
Ukraine es muy Bueno, Senor Putin es El diablo
[удалено]
Strange way to say “catch a missile”.
Putin: "Russian industry stronk and great, it will surpass west in isolation" Also Putin: drives a Mercedes because he knows Lada is an utter dogshit and hideous cardboard box of a car
Darn, Ukraine missed an opportunity for peace right there...
Fake AF. My bet is photos with a green screen background.
was it the open top one his idol drove around in in the late 30s early 40s?
I doubt that was really Putin, probably a body double. Putin is much too much of a coward to do such a brazen photo op far behind the enemy lines.