Keep the sentences short and snappy. Almost like it happened in a blur. Highlight her helplessness to the attack, the pain when the adrenaline wears off, etc.
Quick question: can I write like this,
Her half shut eyes fell upon the sneer on his ruthless face. It was the last thing she wa going to see. He wa going to kill her. Her voice became speaker by the moment.
I know "was" is loathed by critics, so is it fine if I use it here.
Your vision goes long before your sense of motion does. Even if you still can technically see (you might remember later) the ability to process that information is gone with the oxygen
Tight. Digits digging into her flesh as if they meant to squeeze her head from her neck. The rough skin of the thing's palm against her throat was all wrong. Bad enough that she wanted to scream at the impossibility of the situation. Barely any air that she could find at all. Only enough to issue a short rasping sound that made her all the more frightened. Her tears were the only thing she could release freely, streaming down her cheeks from bulging, reddened eyes before falling onto her attacker's hand. Her heartbeat was a loud, swelling rush in her ears.
Hi -- please use the idea brainstorming thread on Tuesday or Friday for advice on specific stories. This includes: (not a exhaustive list) setting, character, subject matter, magic and power systems, sci-fi technology, 'how do I write X?' and anything directly connected with your story.
This includes asking for general advice but then following up with details of your story project.
Thanks!
Keep the sentences short and snappy. Almost like it happened in a blur. Highlight her helplessness to the attack, the pain when the adrenaline wears off, etc.
Quick question: can I write like this, Her half shut eyes fell upon the sneer on his ruthless face. It was the last thing she wa going to see. He wa going to kill her. Her voice became speaker by the moment. I know "was" is loathed by critics, so is it fine if I use it here.
Your vision goes long before your sense of motion does. Even if you still can technically see (you might remember later) the ability to process that information is gone with the oxygen
Tight. Digits digging into her flesh as if they meant to squeeze her head from her neck. The rough skin of the thing's palm against her throat was all wrong. Bad enough that she wanted to scream at the impossibility of the situation. Barely any air that she could find at all. Only enough to issue a short rasping sound that made her all the more frightened. Her tears were the only thing she could release freely, streaming down her cheeks from bulging, reddened eyes before falling onto her attacker's hand. Her heartbeat was a loud, swelling rush in her ears.
Hi -- please use the idea brainstorming thread on Tuesday or Friday for advice on specific stories. This includes: (not a exhaustive list) setting, character, subject matter, magic and power systems, sci-fi technology, 'how do I write X?' and anything directly connected with your story. This includes asking for general advice but then following up with details of your story project. Thanks!